Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - The Most Flagrant Moments of 2021

Episode Date: December 28, 2021

Flagrant 2 is a comedy podcast that delivers unfiltered, unapologetic, and unruly hot takes directly to your dome piece. In an era dictated by political correctness, hosts Andrew Schulz and Akaash Singh, along with AlexxMedia and Mark Gagnon, could care less about sensitivities. If it’s funny and flagrant it flies. If you are sensitive this podcast is not for you. But if you miss the days of comedians actually being funny instead of preaching to a quire then welcome to The Flagrancy. Join the Patreon Asshole Army: http://bit.ly/2xQwHYf #Flagrant2 #AndrewSchulz #AkaashSingh #AlexxMedia

You have five seconds to get up. Five, four, three, two, one. You still got it. Hey! I felt that. This is in the wardrobe. This is in the wardrobe. Uh, this is in the wardrobe.

So basically, basically to let everybody know, Akash has been telling us about this farm situation that's going on in India. Farmers apparently are, you know, there's a new bill that's getting passed that's going to, I guess, you know, decrease wages even further, potentially. Word, RIP to the farmers. RIP to the farmers.

I'm sure there's, I'm sure there's two sides to every story. You know, Mr. Two Sides to Every Story Mark coming in. You know, when we were talking about this before the podcast, Mr. Two Sides to Every Story Mark comes in. He goes, do you even know what they farm? They're not farming slaves, Mark. I'm pretty sure whenever they're farming, we can support them, Mark. It could be a bad thing. What could they possibly be farming?

Soy. Whoa, dude. I'd be okay with that. I like a little soy. Come on, soy sauce? What, I'm supposed to dip my sushi in, bro? You ain't never had no edamame? It gives you titties.

No, it's not. I'll tell you what gives you titties. Work on a Netflix for three months. Pass your titties for titties. Your boy was looking like a beluga on the beach, bro. I posted one picture of my girl who's been working out for the last three months and me next to each other on the beach

from a distance because the close-up would have been too crazy. And I looked fucking horrendous, dude. My body went to shit. First of all, you're 37. Second of all, Netflix. That shit don't come back. I used to take two shits i had a six-pack again now bro it is bad news for me your boy is sloppy hey bro i started in bad shape

i'm i'm coasting now yo y'all catching up to me you started fat yeah so anything not fat it's a win it's a win i'm winning y. I'm beating genetics. You're like the Browns. I am the Browns. We made it to the playoffs, y'all. No. My motherfucker doesn't gain weight over Thanksgiving. He's like, we did it. I'm the Browns. That's perfect.

Oh. All right. Before we catch up, I want to catch up with everybody. I do have to tell y'all a funny, not a funny story, a fucked up story. Okay. Because I didn't tell you guys this when when i was on vacation because i didn't want to you know rattle you guys but uh real talk i'm lucky to be here right now really i almost drowned in hawaii

100 i thought it was like a hit on you or something. No, I almost drowned, bro. The water, bro. I was in the water. I don't know if that's where you drowned. The ocean? The ocean. I'm in Lanai, Hawaii, right?

Small island in Hawaii. Remember I told you that was the one island that doesn't have surf, right? Yeah. And I was like, fuck, how I picked the vacation on the one place that doesn't have surf. I love surfing. Right? I mean, I love surfing so much. I went to the fucking this surf park in Waco, Texas, instead of seeing Chappelle and Joe

Rogan perform. I drove two hours to go surfing. Waco is a wild place. Waco, Texas. That's where the cult was. Yeah, that's where the cult was. Yeah. They all be raping everybody.

Son. But outside of that part of it, this surf pool is is absolutely amazing i got to surf with these guys they were incredible and uh but what not real they were amazing bro outside of the cult outside of the cult and like the shooting or whatever happened there the bsr surf camp bro you guys got to go that shit is absolutely amazing perfect swell thank y'all so much for having me, it was unbelievable. I'm at Lanai, okay? I go surf the first day, historic waves, they never get waves like this. Nobody, they've never seen waves like this.

For years, you go look on YouTube right now, surfing Lanai, the videos are from 2012, 2013. There's no waves. They've never seen waves like this. They've never seen waves like this. Five years ago. Five years ago. This is two sides of every story. Five years is a lot for Hawaii to go without waves. We're not talking about like when it snows in Florida. We're talking about the surf capital of the world. Okay. So I'm there, right? I surfed the first day. I get aboard, somehow I finagle aboard.

Just to let you guys know, everything was stopping me from surfing there. I called the hotel in advance. I was like, hey, can I surf there? They're like, no, it's illegal to bring a board just to let you guys know everything was stopping me from surfing there i called the hotel in advance i was like hey can i surf there they're like no it's illegal to bring a board into the ocean it's a marine wildlife preserve and we don't allow surfing i go that's weird i started asking different people on how do i get a board finally i find a way to get a board board meets me at the hotel hang out my girl i can't ditch her the second i get to the island so we fake go to the pool for a minute you know I mean 30 minutes she we get the fill in I go take the board in I surf this wave it's the softest easiest wave in the world after the takeoff the takeoff is right over reef and rocks so once you get up you're good and it's the easiest ride but getting up you're right on you see the coral

heads bubbling in front of you as you're paddling into the wave first day surf the way you're talking to me is the way you probably felt when i was talking about the india farmer thing you're just like i knew everything i said yeah i don't know absolutely everything about it and those are my people when you come to hawaii when the waves start fucking with the farmers. That's it, bro. I'm coming to you, Indiana, once we start treating farmers with respect. I stand with Schultz, yo. What do they farm out there? Yeah. That's what I'm talking about.

We're going to take them iPads and let you farm over there. China. Anyway, so first day surf, fine, I survived. Second day surf, fine, I survived. Second day surf, fine, I survived. Yeah. I've started to have this weird fear. Yeah. And I think this fear is somewhat a function of like,

there's almost like a function of like guilt in success. Where am I biting off too much? Right. Like I took a small plane to get to the Lanai thing. And I'm like, am I biting off too much right like I took a small plane to get to the lanai thing I'm like am I asking for too much is God gonna smite me because I couldn't just stay on home a small you mean private I did unflex for us didn't even make sense shitty plane I was like am I doing too much it wasn't completely private.

There was someone else staying at the resort that I was really bummed about. But it is what it is. And the resort provides it. I didn't have to pay for anything at all. But I made it look like that on the gram. You know what I mean? Shouts to the farmers. I make shit look like I know what I'm talking about.

So it was the shuttle plane. It was the shuttle, son. It was the shuttle, son. It was the shuttle, son. Yo, can I rent you the hotel? Can I buy a lot? Can I buy a lot?

This is a shuttle plane. Can I buy a lot? Nah, you look fly, though. Can I buy a lot? You look fly, though. I saw you look fly, though. Hey, what kind of resort got a private plane shuttle?

Yo, get us, though. This ain't no Hilton. Get us, though. I made the other people on the plane say out the picture. Yeah. I was trying to go on the plane.

I was like, hold on, let me flex let me flex and god was like oh where you go surf we'll go see about that so third day i go in the water and i'm starting i've had this feeling a couple times even on the trip like we were on a cliff and i was looking over the cliff and i'm like yo do you should you chill out a little bit like why are you pushing it like you've been given so much like god or universe whatever it is has been so great to you why do you need to go extra what are you doing like that's disrespectful i don't know why i'm having these feelings you do this all the time but lately it's been happening a lot now i get it

right does that make sense a little bit right throughout the whole like the last all these months anytime some bad shit would happen you just look at the ground like kick some shit on the ground go what does it mean yeah what's the meaning of all this what do you mean like i have a book mark okay i'm still searching for the book some bad shit happens ah what's the point yeah they don't talk about private planes and corinthians okay i'm still trying to figure it all out okay so third day that's that white boy shit Al, third day we go back in the water, right? Yeah. This is historic surf.

But here's the amazing thing. People are so unprepared for surf on the island. It's not a big surf island. I'm surfing historic Hawaiian surf. How long? Five people tops. So what I was doing was I was waiting for the locals. Shouts to the locals that were able there took me out.

Ben, Brian, they were great. I would watch them. They were on the takeoff spot and i would stay a little bit to the right away from the rocks so i was like they really know how to take off in a crazy spot if i'm a little away from them obviously take off is what do you start the surf exactly yeah when you paddle into the wave okay right so i go the third day it's literally one person out and me and the other guy's a tourist as well. He's at the hotel. So neither of us know where the takeoff spot is. So we're just guessing. A huge set comes in, right? I go to paddle for the wave. I pop up. I get to my feet. The board's a little wobbly. The wave really jacks up and I fall.

And since I know the rocks are beneath me, I pancake. Instead of going straight in, I go out as much as I can. I start tumbling. Everything's fine, right? All right. The wave washes me around. I paddle up to the surface. As my hands breach the surface, I blow out my air. Natural reaction, right? You know you're about to breach. These are hands are above the water. I blow out my air and then I stop. the fuck i paddle again i stopped my leash will not let me go the leash had wrapped around the coral and the board had me locked under the water i'm paddling i'm fucking kicking i'm kicking you saw my foot was all black and blue i posted that picture i'm kicking the reef the reef is scraping up the bottom of my feet. I'm literally in that moment going, holy shit.

Is this it? Keep in mind, I blew out the air. Yeah, you're oxygenless. I take a breath because I have no more air left of water. I thought that's when you die. I thought it's you take the breath of water and then you're dead. I swear to God in this moment, I went from panic to like game time and everything calmed down and it got pinpoint. There was one thing that I had to do and focus on. And I remember when I was surfing in Waco, one of the guys there,

all this is happening in like a fraction of a second. This guy, Eric Geiselman, shout to him, said once he was surfing in Tahiti, he got slammed and his board got wrapped around the coral and he tried to grab his leash by bending at the waist down to get it, but he couldn't. So what he did is he bent his knees up to him to grab the leash.

Like for whatever reason it was easier or stronger. Oh, that's the part I was missing. You couldn't, I was like, why can't you just, I thought you were just trying to kick the board for you. No, I was trying to just get up. I didn't even realize it was there. But you can't even bend down to take the leash off. Exactly, right?

Why couldn't you do that? At first, I didn't know. I just heard it tug. I felt it tug. And then, in that moment, I was like, oh, fuck. So I'm about to go, how do I get this leash off? And then I remembered the story he was telling me where he bent the legs up.

And in that moment, no air, I just breathed water. Everything gets pinpoint, like there's one thing, it's game time, that's the only way I can describe it. Like it was weirdly the most terrifying and empowering thing that's ever happened in my life. That like when your life's about to turn off, that in that moment, you actually have some calm to get it done.

Like you have a couple more seconds to like get yourself out of this predicament. And I remember I bent my legs up and as I bent my legs up, I grabbed the leash. The leash and the board pop up and I breached the surface. Bro, terrifying.

That's wild. Terrifying. And what do you do after that? You just float on in i went back out it's certain more yeah because if i didn't go back out i have a fear for the rest of my life so i went back out bleeding out of my fucking foot and i got like you know a few more waves and then i went back in that was so funny it's just like he's telling me the story And I just it's just in my head White people shit

Like the moment you saw the reef And the dangerousness Go surfing another time No no no It was stupid It was historic It's been a half a decade I'm so glad you're here because I call you stupid now

Because if you weren't here I couldn't say it verbally But I would glad you're here because I call you stupid now. Because if you weren't here, I couldn't say it verbally, but I would think you're stupid for surfing. Why was that dumb? For chasing my dream. You know what I'm saying? All these farmers want to farm, bro. That's all they want is to farm and make a living. All I want to do is surf on private islands. You don't make no living surfing.

You don't make no living surfing. You don't make no living surfing. That's true. You can't have that many dreams. I make almost as much as they do surfing. I'm going to be honest. Honestly, the amount of money a farmer makes in India, I probably make about as much. I know. That's why you need some minimum support surf pricing.

We'll talk. That's what I'm saying. Come on, Modi. Is that his name? Yo, your boy had to get that wiki on, bro. I had to get that wiki on bro i had to get that wiki i'm glad you're here me too i'm gonna be honest at the beginning that story you said you almost drowned i was like everybody almost drowned at some point but that shit was real when i breathed in the water that shit was crazy. That was a crazy ass feeling, bro.

And then you're just stuck down there. That's when I was like, oh shit, the board is just holding you down. I pull up like this and I go to take the breath because I'm just timing. I'm not assuming my leg is caught. And as I blow the air out and as I go to take the breath in, I'm still under the water. I go, oh shit. So how many breaths do you think you get? You only get one water breath.

I don't know. Maybe some people get zero. I must've had a little bit more oxygen in my lungs or else I'd be dead. But, uh, I mean, I was crazy. I didn't take the water breath,

like underwater breath. You're swallowing water. That's a water breath. That's a water. That's what happens, bro. But I mean that you call it a water breath. It's called that.

Yeah. Why don't you just say, yo, I swallowed water. No, it's just pay the swallowed water no it's why they just pay the farmers more there's a lot of questions bro why are you asking dumb questions so when you drink your coffee you take your coffee breath oh that's drinking coffee that's drinking yeah bro you did that. He wasn't trying to drink

his way out of the ocean, bro. I thought about declining for that, but you can breathe through your nose no matter how much you drink. Yo, I did try to do this. I did try to tilt my nose up and thought I could

reach the surface with my nose just like a dorsal fin. Fucking periscope is out there. Ah! Dang it. Just one more deep breath.

Yo, maybe that's how I did it. Oh, you breathe? I tried to go snorkeling and they're just like they hand you the goggles and they're like, maybe that's how I did it. Oh, you reached? You ever try to go snorkeling and they're just like, they hand you the goggles and they're like, hey, you're good on this. That's really fucked up. That's really fucked. I did go snorkeling, though. That shit is mad hard.

She was hard, yo. I tried that shit. That shit is mad hard, bro. I tried that shit, yo. It's hard. So hard, dude. How do you know that the water ain't going to get into the hose? I think you got to do like a tour.

I just tried to go out there. I can't really swim that well. Yeah. I ain't seen nothing, bro. And I ain't get a into the hose i think you gotta do like a tour i just tried to go out there i can't really swim that well yeah i ain't seen nothing bro and i ain't getting floaties or no shit i guess what the fuck is wrong what do you talk about oh now you do white people shit white people shit snorkeling now black people could do snorkeling because you wear a fucking life vest no we didn't i't have one. They just handed me goggles like gold. You're an idiot. You're an idiot. Then you go do that type of shit.

You're supposed to float right on the top. They didn't hand me no life jacket. I was like, am I tripping? I got nothing. You got to do a tour for that kind of thing. Anyway, man, shouts to the hotel, man. And the farmers. And the farmers. And the farmers, but the hotel did try to protect me. They were right when they didn't want me to serve at all.

What's up, everybody? We're moving. Now, we decided to have this conversation on the podcast because there's so many layers of hilarity to this. But where does it all begin? Okay, I'm depressed until I got a text from you now he knows you're depressed he's way happier I'm gonna take you up with him but he also gonna take you up with them but y'all's gonna take you down with them hold on grace anyway so um yeah you know let's hey let's let's i never see it it is what it is you know what i mean we out of here we're moving we're moving all right okay okay let's lay out the timeline of events

okay timeline of events uh we have this uh we work our asses off on netflix we have this amazing uh reception to the netflix special everything's awesome. I go to Hawaii. I go on this amazing vacation. Everything's great. I know the depression is going to come. Oh, you're aware of it. Oh, yeah. Every time there's like you have this like, you know, monumental achievement in your life.

It could be here in high school and you're training for a marathon or something like that or a race. And then you finally win the race afterwards. You're like, yeah, down for a little bit. You know, just part of it it there's ups and downs you like um your happiness all the happiness you're feeling in that moment it's almost like drugs right it's like taking like a lease on that happiness for you know from tomorrow whatever so i gobbled up all that happiness and now i gotta pay the piper and that's fine is what it is doing my best you know my girl said that we had a whole conversation.

I was asking her about like real deep stuff that happened to her and like her family, her life. And she said, I've never seen anybody less expressionless during a traumatic conversation. That's expression. It's just like this word that horrible thing happened. It's like, Oh gosh, when you said you don't whoa that's wild that's wild i was like everybody almost drowned my fucker i almost drowned let's see what this story's about then when he said it i was like son you almost drowned no you said

that's wild bro no the first time you didn't care yeah i didn't give a fuck yeah schultz almost died don't that sound like some shit he would say on the way here? Yo, I almost died. Fucking truck honked its horn at me. So, you know what I mean? That's wild. Let's hear the story before I give him emotion. Then afterward, I was like,

yo, this motherfucker really almost died, yo. And then you had no emotion to give. I was out, bro. I was out. Let me tell you something. After this week, I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy I gave you nothing. I wish I did pay for the gift so I could return it. You needed it.

Yo, you know what's funny? What was he just saying about gifts in Indian culture? Oh, yeah. So he was saying that when you give gifts to someone in money, you don't give them, you only give them in odd values. Ah. Is zero odd in India? I think if you had to guess, it would be odd. It would be odd? Okay. Just making sure. You only give them an odd values. Ah. Is zero odd in India?

I think if you had to guess, it would be odd. It would be odd? Okay. Just making sure. Just making sure you're being consistent. Okay, man. I am who I am. Fuck.

Okay. So, look. I went out to dinner. What? How do you give socks? Socks? I think it's monetary value. I don't think you give someone three socks, if that's what you're saying.

Oh, all right. Just making sure. You go. I thought any... Hold on. socks I think is I need some monetary value only you give someone three socks Oh. You could be right. Yeah. You can't possibly give socks. That's a good-ass point. Whoa. We figured it out. How do you give sandals? That's why all their kids are born with extra limbs and shit. That'd be odd.

Oh, my Lord. That's why Akon got one pair of jeans. Yeah. 100%. Oh, he's up to three now. He went from one to three. Do you want to let him just tear you apart like this when we're moving? Why would I get four pairs of jeans?

He's right. But how are you going to let him talk shit when we're obviously moving? Because he's going through it, too. I'm going through it with me. I'm nervous. I'm nervous. No, I saw as soon as you said we're moving. I saw Al's eyes.

I'm just normalizing it. I'm just slowly throwing it in just a little bit. I'm like Trump storming the Capitol. I'm like, we have to make a power move. Okay, New York is shut down. There's nothing we can do. We have to be powerful. We have to show strength.

We're going to demonstrate on the beaches of Miami. We out of here. All right. Finish your stupid fucking story, you fucking piece of shit loser. So I I know. Okay, I finish your stupid fucking story. You fucking piece of shit loser. So we go. I go out to dinner, right? First of all, you can't find any place at dinner. It is barbarian.

It's barbarians. People are is barbaric. They're barbarians, bro. I was biking. I'm biking on my motorcycle, right? My huck motorcycle, this electric and got pedals. But it's a motorcycle. Okay. It's fire as fuck.

On first and second gear. I don't even fuck with the third gear. This shit is way too quick. Turbo. That shit at turbo is crazy. You don't want to burn the street? When I released the gov, if I got to pass somebody and I hit that no governor button, the S.

The city makes you repave the roads and you fucking tear up. Torn up, bro. Torn up. It's like Gone in 60 Seconds where he hits the nitro nitro out we out of here Eleanor I call her Eleanor Eleanor Shelby this four-burst Ferrari I got this. They said, all right. All right. Ready?

Just pile on one fucking suicidal. That's wild. Oh, killing yourself, bro. We're having too much fun. Maybe we should stay. OK, so we're riding around. I'm seeing people that are eating out in the cold. It's 30 degrees. Yeah. This was during the day.

We were just riding around seeing like, where are people eating breakfast? Like, what's going on? They're eating out in the cold. People are getting soup. Their soup is getting cold on the way. Not gazpacho, right? They're actually eating like hot soup, tortilla soup. It's getting cold on the way to the table.

They're sitting out there freezing, right? I'm like, what the fuck? This is barbaric. Go home. I'm literally just telling people, go home while I'm on the bike because I can go. This is Saturday, right? This there freezing, right? I'm like, what the fuck? This is barbaric. Go home. I'm literally just telling people go home while I'm on the bike because I can go. This is Saturday, right? This is Saturday, right? We decided to go out to dinner and I'm asking my boy Laurent, who got all these connects, he's got like this concierge service, you know, shot.

Laurent, I should remember the name of your service. But I'm going to figure that out. Check out board group. The UD group as my boy Laurent. So and usually can do a connect, you know, i'm like where can we eat outside and like everything was booked they had like a decent outside we ended up going to las kina you know that mexican spot las kina maybe we went there back in there they did their best but you're still freezing they're eating like 40 50 degrees right they got a little fucking heat lamp on top of you like you're still freezing. You're eating like 40, 50 degrees. They got a little fucking heat lamp on top of you like you're a lizard,

and you're just sitting there freezing your fucking ass off eating tacos. I'm like, what is going on? I'm like, the no indoor dining. If anybody's listening, there's no indoor dining in New York. It stole the soul of the city, especially in the winter. In the summer, we're fine. In the fall, we're fine. In the fall, we're fine. In the spring, we're fine. You can walk around. You can go to parks. You can do things.

New York, when it gets cold, cold is uninhabitable. It's uninhabitable. It gets too cold to survive outside. You will die if you're outside. You can't just walk around. You will die. You need a heavy ass jacket. If you're homeless, you need to go into the subway. Like if you are outside in the street, it gets that cold. So what do we do? We would have these amazing bars, restaurants, nightclubs. There'd be all these things we could go to where we could communicate with each other. We could be around each other. We could feel that like that cultural, I don't even like calling it a melting pot.

It's like fucking pinball. You know, you see these different cultures smashing into each other and create these amazing places. And it's just just like it makes the most amazing city in the world the second you take away indoor anything you killed it you kill the soul of city we should storm the Blasio we should storm there it's unbelievable you killed it you took away the soul yeah there's no pinball cuz we're not out exactly what it's all inside well we went for a pinball machine there's no exactly what no pinball because we're not out. Exactly. We're just all inside. Bro, we went for a walk. We're just looking at the pinball machine. Exactly. What is pinball

without the whatever? It's those stupid kids. They played it. Jacks. Marbles. Marbles. Yeah. We don't want to play marbles. The point is, we're out here and I'm literally just going like, oh my God, we went for a walk. My girl and I went for a walk. We're like, when we get cold, we'll pop into

a store. Nothing. Bro, in for a walk. We're like, when we get cold, we'll pop into a store. Nothing. Bro, in order to go into fucking North Face, there's a 20 person line because everything's socially distant inside. You've crippled being able to be outside. Now you're locked into, you're essentially, now we're back in quarantine. It's no different in terms of our ability to operate.

We can go out to go to the supermarket, but then we're back inside and being outside is too fucking cold to do anything. You've killed the city. So we're moving to Miami, baby. So I got this idea. I was like, why don't we look into... When can I tell my side?

For the listeners also, this is the first time we've ever heard this plan. yeah this is the first time everybody's heard this we decided to talk about here so I start going what if we just went for January February March right we're gonna start I guess we should tell people now we're gonna start hitting the road again doing stand up again in March it'll be cool we'll announce those dates and that kind of stuff get that back going but we would January February March we went down south to places that are actually open where we could live life and we could enjoy obviously nicer weather. And by the time April comes around, it's warm enough to live with these unrealistic expectations that the bullshit fucking politicians of New York City have put on us. April, we can eat. April, we can do this.

So I tell the guys, I text you all, what do you think? You know, Austin or Florida? And then, Akash, you text me. Well, let's start on Friday. Okay. Friday, Andrew's still complaining about, let's start on Friday. Okay. Friday, Andrew's still complaining about all the tax money he paid. Yeah. He's like, why do we do this?

We should go to Florida. We should go to Texas. That might be part of it. No state tax. Who knows about that? No state tax. And I'm like, yo, I'm a Southern boy. Mark is a Southern boy.

This is an exciting idea. I asked him Friday, I said, how serious are you about this? What did I say? I'm not. That's not true not true i said we have to wait a couple years at least he said we had to wait a couple years no i never said that let's go to the text i never said anything in person it's right here right here i never said a couple years yeah my girl got to finish business school i might have said that i might have said that couple years one more year this is before you had to cry outside of north face yeah he legit says it's not that serious it wasn't that serious at that point i've been looking

at apartments i'm coming back to the city for months let's go we finalize a deal on saturday because i'm like we're not going nowhere let's go fire the torpedoes. We in this, bitch. Sign the lease. I get a text from Andrew an hour later. Boys, we're going down south. Yeah. I'm like, this gotta be a fucking joke, right? This gotta be a joke. He keeps texting. So then I text him.

The apartment is beautiful. It's a beautiful place. No point in moving anything in, but it's fucking beautiful, bro. It's absolutely gorgeous. Yeah, is that the one with the skate park in it? No, no, no, no, no. I'll be for that expensive ass storage bro for you yeah you have a storage so i text him how serious are you about this yeah what i say 50 50. and then what else i say i don't know i said i'm going out to dinner tonight it could bump up no oh oh you said that

yesterday then sunday he texts he texts. We're going down south text. Nobody responds. Yeah, nobody responds. There was a lot of enthusiasm in his group text. Okay, well, we don't know. It's real. After six hours. Pieces of shit.

Who's going to respond to you? What the fuck does that mean? I'm the boss. You're supposed to respond to me. What's happening? There's an insurrection. We're four weeks. We storm in.

Censor him. Censor him. Censor him. We know you, son. When have I said a crazy idea and it hasn't happened? Name one. Name one. Friday.

I'm not going anywhere. on how about every just about everything you say oh i could be an alignment oh i could do heart surgery oh i could be like like everything that comes out of your mouth that's i could if i say we then we do it i don't put that on y'all y'all can't do that but but when i say we i have to take things seriously yeah do you know what i mean lowest common denominator exactly whatever he said math nerd talking about denominators no but all seriousness mark was on board immediately of course he was yeah okay guys just gonna go home. He gets to go home. This guy lives in squalor in New York.

This motherfucker gets one apartment in Manhattan. What are you talking about? I'm shitting on all of you. You lived in Jersey for six years. You know the real reason I can't do it? I can't let Akash have a nicer apartment in New York. I can't let this happen. We got to go down south.

We got to go down south We gotta go down south So we can live somewhere else So I can search for a new partner in New York And then we'll be good I felt like a fucking Like I was a prisoner in Secaucus for years He's been working to get to New York And I did my bid

I did my bid and now let's get the fuck out of here And the second I'm ready to get free They add years to my sentence I'm not ready get free, they add years to my sentence. I'm not ready. I want to go home. Can you see? Firestorms early light. What so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming.

Systemic racism. I feel it. I feel it. I feel it now. All right, guys. We're going to take a break from this best of episode because i gotta tell you how to be the man that you used to be the man that had a full head of hair you don't have to be bald it is a choice nowadays ladies and gentlemen and the

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Let us know where we're trying to go. I'm going to make one more phone call, and then we're out of here. Who are you calling? I don't like when he does this. You guys will see. This makes me nervous. This might be the deciding factor. Oh, no.

You should have gave me the number. I could have called it on the computer. Hello? Oh, hello, Truffle. What up? Truffle, you're on the Flagrant 2 podcast right now. Jesus Christ. Now, are you sniffing out some locations for us to live currently yeah with you it's deep two hours outside of uh come on bro

stop it have you stopped have you said the location stop doing stop doing it you're doing it again stop doing it continue are we going to are we going to florida are we going to texas i want to go to florida let's go baby let's go yo so you just got here yo yo dumb dumb so i we're looking to maybe lean towards Florida in the current moment. Obviously, the guys are haters. They say that I'm a hypocrite because I gave Seinfeld so much shit for leaving New York, but acting like New York was the best. And that's exactly what I'm doing right now. So I got to apologize to Seinfeld if we end up going to Florida.

You should. But, you know, what's more important than apologizing is you're getting a tan on that pasty skin. So Florida needs you. New York was sketched, too, from this L.A. guy. I say you guys have work to do. Austin, Texas, has work to do. Florida is it. That's so Jewish, dog.

They sent us all to Florida in the winter. That is true. Yeah, this call was rigged. You guys can design a set and we can all make it Florida-ized with palm trees, birds of Now he's going. Confederate flags. Keep going. Keep going.

Keep going, you fucking truffle. Keep going. This is what I like. Guys, it's it. It's two hours from you yeah east coast same timing yeah same time is not as important all right dove you're really flopping yeah you're so much more fun in person so much more fun in person yeah double probably end up yo dove shouts are being edited out of this podcast yeah we're gonna talk this whole

shit well if you called me an hour ago, I was on 90s hip-hop Peloton, so I thought that that would have been That would have been kind of fire. That would have been absolutely fire, bro. We would have loved that. That fat fucking body of yours. I'm still searching. Are all the guys coming? Yeah, I think we're all going.

What's my travel stipend? I hate you. Bye. Wow. Welcome to flagrant dos baby. We in Miami. Hey bro. What's our theme song Akash? Welcome to Miami. And we back, okay? We started the podcast about two hours ago, but your boy got a little drunk. I was on that Terra Mana.

I don't know what the fuck happened. I started explaining AMC, GameStop, short this. I'll give you something short. What? My dick. Oh, thank you dick oh thank you for saving me dude legend hey hit that wide so they can see this studio out it is so fire dog hey bro are we top two no we ain't we ain't no no are we top two yeah like we wanted yeah yeah of course oh one and two oh we want to end two this is one and two don's even in the building yeah new Taylor Doug lined it up bro he really did Taylor

do we have Taylor too do we have Taylor Jew point oh we got Taylor Jew point oh yeah doesn't take notes just sits down truffles yeah you even got a mic bro Miles been working for us for half a year did a Netflix special he don't even get a mic. He's like, get the USB cam. You took my little sister to prom. I get the mic. That's all. That's all I did. Step to the prom.

That's a shitty trade bro. Nothing else bro. That trade is not worth it. You don't think so? I was a gentleman with your sister. Probably cause you look like dumb. Ain't nobody trying to fuck dumb. Put my sister on screen when this podcast lands

you can't be angry at that because then it insults you but i'm a good brother seen her put my sister on screen right now she looks like you no don't put her out there for the family she She's married, bro. She got kids. Does she have kids? They love the attention. It's okay. Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. We're playing The Bachelor with all Dove's family. Let's go. Oh, that actually is not a bad idea, bro.

You got some pieces in your family, dude. Thank you. That's disrespectful because he's seeing your family. It's not disrespectful. Your mom's a beautiful woman. Beautiful. Beautiful woman. Oh, shit.

Let's pull up a picture. Stop it, yo. Ever since we got to Miami Akash got crazy bro you got something in your loins down here dog hey bro you've been a horny kid I've been a horny you've been horny ever since we got down here man horny I think it's the climate I think in this climate yo your girl getting preg no I can't wait dog guarantee before we leave here she pregnant oh i can't wait you out you where are you living again when in rome you know i mean went around the latins do as the latins get girls pregnant two billion indians yeah hey chill chill chill there's like a hundred thousand puerto ricas out there there's two billion indians

in puerto ricas out there there's two billion indians don't bring up good points all right welcome to flagrant those you know we're out here and i'm like oh that's clint eastwood you know it's like oh that's nice with like russian i didn't stop and like fanboy on him because i would definitely fanboy on clint eastwood yeah so he's a piece dude objectively speaking i mean he was a handsome guy i'm not gay but i have sex with them dude. Objectively speaking, I mean he was a handsome guy. I'm not gay, but I have sex with Mel Gibson. You know what's funny? That's what I want is Mel Gibson and

Clint Eastwood. I asked about Clint Eastwood and you just suggested Mel Gibson. I'm going to have sex with Mel Gibson. I was like, Clint Eastwood's hot. You're like, I would have sex with Mel Gibson. Exactly. No one brought up Mel Gibson. He was just thinking about it. Anyway, so I'm in there.

Here's the reason I raised this. Here's the reason I raised this. You're probably following Danny Glover to find Mel Gibson. Actually, Danny Glover fucked me that night. I'm joking. Let's stop. Let's get serious.

Come on. I was right. That's a joke. How, let's get serious. Yo. Come on, man. Actually, I was right. My clinics wouldn't have known. That's a joke. You're joking. How dark is Danny Glover's desk? Like this. I was like, Danny, it's so big.

India banned the Pfizer mRNA vaccine. Because we made our own, bro. That's what we do. No, but it wasn't. Yeah, it wasn't the special one. We got our money, bro. Yeah, I know. That's what we do. Let me tell you something.

You look at my jeans, tell me they couldn't be changed. I would love to change my DNA. This shit is the most trash DNA. Indians should all take the vaccine, quite frankly. We got the worst genes. Indians and Chinese? Listen, you're actually a smart, good-looking guy, man. You got nice, sparkly green eyes.

Stop saying you fucking suck. Hey, okay. It ain't about color. It's about spirit, man. Have you taken down some chocolate bombs? I've had a few chocolate bombs. I was bad. I was bad in Dallas.

What happened? I would go down and like, they were well-to-do black folks in my neighborhood, but they were just like all state, like all the white people. But I would go down basketball courts in Dallas. Yeah. And when I was like 12, 13,

I was banging some of that black pussy. Because it's all pink in the middle. There you go. Let's get serious. Okay. I know all about everything. Yeah. No, but let's get serious. Channel about everything Yeah No but let's get serious What was the question?

I have been critical of you in the past And then I realized If we brought you onto this podcast It would make me more money So I was cool with it Sit on my lap I don't know if you got space I don't know if you got space

Get on over here Get on over here What I don't know if he got space. I don't know if he got space. Get on over here. Get on over here. What do you want for Christmas, Alcon? What do you want for Christmas? If you break the chair. Come on. Get over here, boy. It's my girl.

You ever seen a grown man naked? Oh, my God. This is terrifying. Yeah, these smell good. He looks like... I know you weren't just hanging out at Bohemian parties. He looks like a puppet on his lap. He looks like a ventriloquist, bro. He's a finger puppet.

Do the ventriloquism act. Go, do it. Jeff Dunham's puppet. I killed you. I know. We're getting married. It's okay. You don't want to go.

I got trying so hard to be comfy, bro. He's trying so hard. I'm trying so hard. He's just smiling, laughing, but he's done. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. This is too good. It's just upset both our fan base, Alex.

Do you think the election was stolen from Biden? Yes. Yes. It was stolen from Biden yes it was stolen from Biden it was stolen from Biden how is it stolen from Biden well Biden really won and then Trump fucking asshole racist that fucking white supremacist he fucking stole he stole the election. He stole the election. What?

He's looking at you this time. I'm super drunk right now. Not the old, old Flaker 2. This is like the first revision of flagrant two yeah yeah right just the second draft exactly second draft flagrant two is your boy schultz the akash say alex media the ogs you know what i'm saying squad we're looking a little lean today if you come to miami you gotta be ready for that rona it's a guarantee Corona busy feasting on the rest of the crew. If you come to Miami, you got to be ready for that Rona.

It's a guarantee. Guarantee. But you know what? Now we know we got antibodies and that shit works. Yo, we got antibodies. That shit work. But Corona is feasting on Mark's flabby ass. Bro, because you know what it is? Mark is doing that one meal a day shit.

What's it called? Oh, man. Oh, mad. Oh, mad. He was, oh, he mad. He real mad right now. Let me tell you. That one meal a day shit got his immune system trashed. Yep.

I bet you. 100%. Real man do two meals a day. I be drinking oat milk three times a day. I got a ginger shot, bro. I got everything. Oh, you doing it, boy. Get boy out here, bro.

Oh, you doing it. get boy out here bro you're doing it i be swimming in my pool nothing making me happier than texas being frozen oh son yo but for real before we get to that we just gotta say did uh you know we gotta wish best of luck to the people in our crew that are going through the Rona. Fucking Rona running it back on Mark's ass right now. Rona was like, I ain't got enough. Daddy wants seconds. Bro, you know how Mark eats everybody's leftovers? That's how Rona treated Mark.

Rona came over to Mark like this. I'm hungry. Oh, my God. Bro, I'm telling you. Yeah, it's so great. I'm so happy it wasn't me this time. Oh, so good. I'm so happy.

It's so nice. So good. I'm so happy because I got Rona the worst. You did. Fuck, I got the worst immune system but this got it twice you get rona twice bro you got antibodies and your anybody's like no go away son imagine mark got like some real up come shit come on don't do that no he got aids or something like that bro maybe that's why he only had sex with one person his whole

life because he knew if he got aids that shit would be ravaging his body right now miles yeah poor miles bro just broke into the crew you know what i'm saying just came on I can't take that, bro. Miles? Yeah. Poor Miles, bro. Just broke into the crew. You know what I'm saying? Just came on the first shoot. The crew broke him in too. So fast, bro. That's what it is.

If you want to work for us, you got to get Rona, bro. That's what it is, bro. Simple as that. Now you can enjoy Miami unless you mark and you get that shit twice. Guaranteed mark yesterday for the third time. 100% guaranteed. Guaranteed. Mark gets it a third time. 100% guaranteed. A little flamingo ass. We're going to make his little flamingo ass walk around with one of these little things.

A little dainty ass immune system. Paper mache having an immune system, bro. Come on. Come on. We were all in all the same places. We all went to the same places. Same dinner. same everything. Oh, boy.

He got got, huh? Yep. And Rona made a choice. Duck, duck, Mark. That's what it was. Happy Valentine's. Happy Valentine's, baby. Oh, my God.

But in all seriousness, it is too funny bro it's so good it's too funny because i don't know if we've properly explained how cavalier people are here about corona like people just accept that you're gonna get corona it's crazy like i went to a gym today yeah and uh we put on a mask as we were walking into the gym and the guy goes oh no we don't do that what he didn't he didn't say he didn't say you don't have to he was like no we don't do that so wild like their policy was no mask all right guys we're gonna take a break from this best stuff episode because i gotta make sure that you're going into the new year with a trimmed down bush just like your boy right now I'm probably relaxing on the beaches of Brazil and my bush is trimmed the fuck down and how did I do it I did it with manscaped okay I

busted out their new lawnmower and I started trimming and to save me so much fucking time that it's worth it that's what this is about it's about time okay if you got a big bush and hairy balls and hairy gooch like your boy over here and you get in there with a razor and you're taking scissors, you're going to be there all night. It's a half hour. If you're going to do it properly, press all the cleanup and everything. It's ridiculous. If you got the manscape, you're in and out of there under five minutes, maybe under three. It's that quick. It's that beautiful. It's that trimmed up. It matter of fact, it looks absolutely perfect. Your it's that trimmed up it matter of fact it looks absolutely perfect your girl's gonna love it your guy's gonna love it whoever is sucking on your dick is gonna love

it and that's what you should do manscape and you know what else is gonna happen you're gonna get 20 off you're gonna get 20 off and free shipping by going to manscape.com flagrant that's right 20 off and free shipping by going to manscapeped.com for a clean Trinity and beyond. Your space balls will thank you. Now let's get back to this best of episode. Mark comes to me the other day. He goes, listen, I found white people's N-word. I go, isn't that the N-word?

I go, that was the N-word. He goes, no, no, no. Like a word they're offended by. Like the N-word. I was like, what is it? word. He goes, no, no, no, no. Like a word they're offended by. Like the N word. I was like, what is it? He goes, liberal cuck, bro. If you just call a white person a liberal cuck, the more conservative they are, the more it infuriates them.

And Marcus, he went back to like his family reunion. Whoa, Easter or something. I don't know what the fuck it is. Family reunion, yeah. Family reunion. He was just going, he was just going, his and he's like bro have you been like reading more like having him post or something like that lately like i don't know you just see him yeah dude just seem a little more liberal or whatever under his under his skin and i got just spinning right

now i got a liberal my gosh is furious because you were being you were being very mean bro i was being mean akash said you bent over at the waist to tie your shoes he's like what kind of liberal shit is that bro yo come on you bend over at the waist to tie your shoes bro i just don't see a more efficient way you know so you get two for one yeah i get a nice little hammy stretch and i get to tie my shoes and you know i mean people get to check out the goods i wish mark would tie his shoes like that with that fucking dude there would be assaults every day bro by the way no i'm ready for new york and i do feel new york's gonna be back and miami's starting to get hot like i almost i caught a heat stroke i was working outside i was i was working out outside so i almost caught a heat stroke bro y'all ever had

heat stroke it's crazy yeah i was no dude i almost caught a heat stroke which one is the jewish person here i literally was i was working out and i'm fucking stroking he caught me bro i literally almost caught a heat stroke bro i was i was doing the pads and then i i literally i took one hand i went oh i put my pad up on my forehead like that. And the heat stroke got me. While the Jewish guy was inside in the AC. That's how you know he still isn't. Yeah, I was out there, dog.

I was out there hitting them pads, bro. Because someone need to check Jake. Someone needs to. It ain't going to be me, but someone need to check Jake. I think you could do it. Nah, Jake, Jake, Jake. I get knocked out by Jake, but for 50 million. Yo, 50 million?

Is that guaranteed? Let's go. We dancing. We dancing. That would be a fun fight. If you trained at a gym, put on low weight, you could take it. He trained for 17 years. My ankles don't even work no more, bro.

Nah, you could take it. Now, Jake a big boy. When we saw him, I was like, this motherfucker big. Logan, I think, is bigger yeah yeah i don't think he's like taller but jake i was like oh he for his height is a big dude yeah so are you over miami or what no you're getting heat stroked out i timed this perfectly right i started getting heat stroke end of april yeah if we left may 1st and went back i'd be like man i, I still miss Miami. Yeah. You want a little stroke. I want to be ready to go back.

I want to be like mid-May. We're like now we're ready for New York. It's like, boom. Yeah. Yes. You see me. You feel what I'm saying? It's going to be good. We're going to go back to New York. We're like, ah, beautiful. City's going to be ready to go. Fucking great Gatsby shit. We're going to roll in, go right to the Waldorf bitches in the Waldorf not bitches but our loved ones our wives but bitches in the Waldorf bitches in the Waldorf you know what I mean pay the picture for them I got bitches in the Waldorf put my fur over the couch wait a minute different season different season bitches in the waldorf okay that's cool bugatti bugatti in the driveway don't even park it leave

that in front of the wall door yeah uh-huh all right cute ass valet guy what what cute ass valet with the hips yeah with the hips what size waist to you uh-huh that's what i said what size waist you he's like what i say don't park it leave it right there yeah all right little schmuckers jelly spread you on son yeah you get spread you get spread schmuckers yeah yeah he's confused i don't care i got bubbly in the bathtub back to bitches in the wall door bitches in the wall door in the wall okay i'm back okay i'm back in the wall door bubbly in the bathtub uh bugatti bugatti downstairs i called yo can you bring your car psych it's already there uh yeah i get the markers room service room service cute ass little mexican dude what's he bringing you huh what's he bringing you more grab them ankles that's what you don't bring me you know what i mean but he

but he what else he was i didn't left it came back to his party like three times already we got in the wall we got mexican go. Come on. We got bitches in the Waldorf. Bitches in the Waldorf. We got Mexie and Guy bringing a little silver shit with the ice in it. Yeah, with the nice lips. Ice in it with the fat lips and a nice little mustache just perfectly trimmed so you can focus on the lips. Yeah.

You know what I'm saying? Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Go give me that choo-choo roll. Little little boost to the legend. To squeeze it out. Yeah, squeeze it out. But no bitches of the wall door door. Oh, you know, we write our next song. The second song is something. You know, give me a beat out. Bitches in the wall door. Oh, oh, jelly.

Taking the church. Oh, yeah. Hey, we need jelly, bro. I guess it's hard when it jelly broke. It's all. When it's us is fucking what rhymes with Waldorf. Waldo Waldorf salad. What more is Whitaker? Open it up. Well, open it up.

Okay. What rhymes with Waldorf? Come on, you're good at this tall horse. Oh, bitches in the Waldorf. Hey, only got. Tall horse. Oh, bitches in the Waldorf. Only got the tall horse. Roast pork. Oh, bitches in the Waldorf.

Only got the tall horse eating on the roast pork. With the... We waited out the snowstorms. Oh my god! Yeah, I mean... Showtime! Showtime! Yo, we in I know. Showtime! Showtime! Yo, we in the subway.

Showtime! What's up, ladies and gentlemen? Showtime! Showtime! Bitches in the Waldorf! Bringing out the tall horse! What's the next one? Brunch with some roast pork? Brunch with some roast pork!

Avoided all the snow storms. You know what I mean? Grab a chick by her long finger. Only place you can grab a chick by her long finger. That means you're going to marry her. Grab a chick by her long finger.

I might as well put a ring on her. Or put a ring in her or put a ring in her nuva more angrier another hung dinger yes uh bubbly on the bubbly yeah you know sparklers on the boot sparkles on the boot goddie uh look at the ceiling see the constellations Look at the constellation Dude, you bought the fucking tray of appetizers to the old south. Probably got to undo his belt, too. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Seen a Big Dipper.

Big Dipper, yeah. Yeah. That's what my IQ was like after taking that vaccine. That shit hit the Big Dipper. Your boy down to 77. Take the Wonderlic right now. Probably lick it. That was bars, bro.

Yo, bitches in the Waldorf. Here we go. Come on. Now I'm back. And we back. We back. Yeah, we back. Ah, you got stallions.

I got tall horse. Ugh. Yeah, yeah. Tall horse, tall horse. You don't know which one it is? Pop that ace cork. Oh, pop that ace cork. Uh, uh.

Uh. Come on. We a bunch of big dorks. Damn, why you so good at writing fucking lyrics, bro? They count ourselves. Mad reluctantly, lean in, dog. Go, go, dog, you got you got it what's that what's the name of that you guys people that wrote all the plays back in the day jew harlow over here

we do know the the rap bars of jews simon schuster what's the other guy publisher what yeah simon schuster the publisher yo all right ready let's do it is in the ball door oh we back let's go all right let's get off of waldorf that's this yeah that's hard yeah that's another one dude peter luger got the bugatti and his orange oh mark god damn it's not hard to wrap orange yeah my bad okay bad. Okay, okay. Ready? Ready? Ready? Ready? Hold on. We got this. Let's go. Let's hit this. You ready for this? No, we hitting this.

All right. All right. All right. All right. Peter Luger, see your bits of Mike Steeler. Yeah. I'm with two real dudes. Hopper and Nikila.

Okay. Okay. I'm with you. Right? Yeah. We was doing it, bro. That was hard. That was hard.

We was doing it. All right. All right. All right. We was it, bro. That was hard, that was hard. We was doing it. All right, all right, all right. We was doing it. All right, all right. We was doing it. All right, all right. Ready? All right.

Wait, what was it again? What was I doing? Peter Luger? Peter Luger. Okay. Who was with you? Hava. Hava and the Gila.

Hava and the Gila. Put that truffle on that matzah. Oh. You want to make it all Jewish I got no yeah yeah yeah put some dory chicken on it bro oh right now we're taking the next level yeah Al can you just just recenter us please because you're the tesseract here from for rap we have to draw all of our energy What y'all do tonight what are we doing

People like, yo, what y'all doing tonight? What are we doing tonight, Al? What's going down tonight, Al? I think we might have some bitches in the world. Now, you know you got to hit it strong. Why you say it so mean? Yo, yo, yo. R.I.P. Black Rob. How would Black Rob say it, bro?

DMX. Give me the DMX. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. How does he talk? How does he talk? I'll be that Rob Marciano. Yeah. I got bitches in the Waldorf.

Bitches in the Waldorf. I felt that in my loins. Riding on a tall horse. Oh, the Trojans. Uh. Uh. Yeah. Leave sperm on abdomens.

Only chicks and no guys. Never guys. Yeah, that's gross. Not even maybe one time we made a mistake, but it's fine. Yeah, only girls and straight porn. What about this rap? I want to talk about some soccer bullshit, right? This is the biggest story in the world.

Mark, take it away. Let's talk about the biggest story in the world. Biggest story in the world. We coming in with bitches in the world. That's what the fuck I'm talking about. Yo, son, you can't say that bar don't hit you. That's a hit, yo. That's a bar.

I wish you chose a different hotel, to be honest. Nah, because Waldorf hits. It hits. It's just don't what rhymes with it. And now you're going to say we're bringing Ronaldo and Neymar and Messi to. The Waldorf? Waldorf. Nah, keep the pretty motherfuckers in the plans at home.

Even the way from our bitches at the Waldorf. They don't have a Waldorf in Miami yet, I don't think. Fuck. Nah, they building one though. I know this. Asshole Army, what's up? The Kings have returned to the city. We are here back in New York.

If you're watching on YouTube, please check out the new studio. Hit that wide shot. Hit that wide shot. Hit that wide shot. Okay. Al, do what you were doing earlier. Show off your fucking sneakers. Al got a six-inch space to show off how his sneakers match his hat. Oh, you meant these?

These old things? No. I just put these out of the closet. Stay in the watch. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Hey.

Fuck around. Knock that shit over. Enjoy your bacon egg and cheese. We're here, baby. It's your boy, Schultz. We got Aakash Singh, Alex Media, Mark Gagnon, The Truffle. Shit, even Miles and Vala are watching in. Oh.

And it's time to begin this episode. I know there's a lot that we have to talk about. Technically we didn't miss a week, but we were kind of off a week. We pre-taped some episodes. So we didn't talk about a lot of dope shit. But one important thing that we have to do, and we have to have this discussion right now and it might tank the rest of the episode, but I'm very

excited for it, is somehow the truffle managed to truffle the untruffleable. Oh. Somehow. Oh, okay. Somehow. I like it. He's on the ropes. I like it.

He's on the ropes. He's on the ropes. Hit the wide. If we see Dove's legs shaking in the wide, you know for a fact he's on the ropes. Okay? The truffle, I don't know how this is possible because the untruffle-able is Akash. He's Indian. You can't beat him in any negotiation.

Dove somehow brought a Tesla all the way out to Miami. I said we're ready to go out. You know how Homer Simpson disappears into the bushes? That's how

this is how I get out of every conversation. Just like... Okay. So, Dub, while he's doing a million fucking things, I don't know how this guy does it. His multitasking game is on a million. This guy brought a Tesla out to Miami from Los Angeles.

He just bought a Tesla, right? He lugged it out there, bro. He made all this money from the Netflix. He just bought a Tesla, right? He lugged it out there, bro. Made all this. He lugged it. He made all this money from the Netflix. Amazing amounts of money. Some would say paid too much for his role in Netflix, right? Some might say that. Maybe not me, but some might, right? Many people have said it. Maybe I mentioned it, but it has been said before. And he used that money and bought a spanking new Tesla.

I mean, unbelievable, right? Didn't pay for the auto drive, but that's fine. Yeah, that's what I mean with Tesla. He got a Honda. That's a Honda, right? That's a Nissan. He got a quiet Honda. I think you used that brand deliberately.

I'm going to be honest. I'm going to be honest. I didn't use Honda deliberately. So if you don't pay for the auto drive in your Tesla, do you have a Honda? No, but you guys can also add that shit later. Tell him what you were doing. Tell him what you were doing. When he was driving girls around Miami,

she was mad, but he'd hit the screen like it was auto drive and then drive with his knee, bro. So this guy's on another level. These bitches had no clue, bro. They had no clue he's driving around just with his knee and thigh the entire time. Like, oh yeah, this auto drive is amazing. It's autop clue, bro. They had no clue he's driving around just with his knee and thigh the entire time. Like, oh, yeah, this auto driver's amazing.

But it doesn't have drive by itself because you weren't going to pay for that. Cruise control? Every car has cruise control. What are you talking about? It's got power windows. It has power windows. It has windshield wipers. It got a roof.

It's crazy. That can sound fire. So the headlights just turn on okay so so dove had this Tesla which he got I'm gonna say how you got it out there this is amazing truffle unbelievable amounts of trouble didn't he ship it oh he did ship it with the Armenian Express he can ship it out with the Armenian Express okay how did you get it out there, Truffle? He turkeyed the situation. The hard... He turkeyed the situation. Someone's going to pick it up

and ship it out. He's like, Dov, I'd really love to drive... His mom's boyfriend. He wanted to drive it out. He got his mom's boyfriend to drive the car out himself.

Yeah. Wait, what? Keep in mind, this is a... This is a Tesla. No, no, but this is a Tesla. You know he didn't splurge for the big battery. Oh, yeah.

He drove from L.A.? From L.A. to Miami with the standard battery. You stop at every two hours. He stopped every two hours in America. Across the whole continent? It took him two months. It took him longer to get from L.A. to Miami than it took him to get from Hungary to Los Angeles. The guy spent more time immigrating his ass to Miami for no reason to get from Hungary to Los Angeles I spent

more time immigrating his ass to Miami did he have a Tesla in Hungary no I gave him the country I don't know what's cool I don't know if he loves your mom or things are rock I don't know what I don't know what two months you know the house away from your mom's that's amazing or I love your mom so much that i'll do anything for a son so okay i got still going where are we going he's just like how the fuck i got trouble i didn't even know okay get to it cut the fat cut the fat okay okay you tried to blame me you said there's a dent in the tesla and you tried to blame me not even there's a dent in the Tesla and you tried to blame So the Tesla pulls up right after the whole journey across. So the car that you're getting is going across the whole United States of America.

Of course. Very long. That's fine. Very long trip. That's fine. Okay. So, uh, it comes with a ding. It comes with a ding on the side of it.

Right. Just dinged up. Baby ding. Baby ding. That marked it. That marked it. Be honest. I thought you shipped it and I was like, oh, maybe I did do it. If I had known a fucking cab driver was pulling it across the country.

That's how you know he don't love your mom. He's like, fuck the side of this car. I'm not using a blink of a shit. Mark crashed a U-Haul the day one of Miami. You've been in the car with him. That was true. You're an idiot for that. But you're deflecting.

He's doing hot potato. We got to stay on topic because Akash are sweating right now. It's not because of the performance fleece, okay He's about to get fleece my dog Off white fleece probably got the debt in it cuz the guy thought it had to auto-drive you put Yeah. Yo, what the fuck? You're going into the wall. You cheap bastard. You sent that motherfucker across America with no auto drive. You tried to kill him.

The only reason he agreed to drive it across America is because he thought he was going to use auto drive. Oh, yeah, just for a while. And you're not going to pay $10 a month? Wow. He gets autopilot. It does the same thing. It does it.

It does. Oh, I'm already sweating. I love this. Okay. So, so, so. Yeah. Dude's driving 94 miles per hour. I don't think auto drive works in 90. I love this. Okay. So, so, so. Yeah. Dude's driving 94 miles per hour. I don't think auto drive works at 90.

He was racing. Trying to earn my love. It tops at 90. You wouldn't know if he had it. It tops at 90. But tops at 90. Damn. All right.

So, so. The car gets across. He's there for one month with the car. He finds out we're moving back to New York. Yeah. Yeah. We're moving back. He's moving to New York for the first time. Oh, yeah.'re moving back. He's moving to New York for the first time.

Oh, yeah, that's right. He's moving to New York for the first time. Right. He's still got an apartment in L.A. Yeah. OK. He guilt to me. He's my father.

He has to say somewhere. Your father got to go back tomorrow. I don't know what to tell you, but it's a very nice house. How many thousands of square feet? It's too much. It's too much. OK, so love him. It's too much. Okay? So, love him. Shouts to Michel.

Shouts to Michel. This poor Hungarian man flies back. He drives a car for a month. He goes, how do I get rid of this car? I need to get someone to take over my lease. He's trying to get someone to take over. He's asking all his family members. All of them say no because they already know the truffle.

They know the game. It's like something's wrong with this car. There's some kind of situation here. I'm not taking over your lease i'm not gonna help you out you try to get everybody to do it right obviously obviously everybody everybody right somehow he convinced matthew at ampersand studios to let him just store the car there right the cars is being stored at the ampersand studio shout out matthew shout out matthew it's unbelievable in the parking lot in the parking lot. This is why no deals are being done. Okay?

This is why we got no fucking deals being done. Cause this guy's working nine to five on figuring out this car. And then one day you come and you tell me that Akash is gonna take over the lease. Yeah. How in the fuck? This is remarkable to watch.

Oh, it was me and Mark. Oh, you were there? Yeah, we saw the whole thing. Oh my God. There was an audience. There was an audience. Fill it in, y'all hit it. Tell me. Hit it. All right,all hate it. Y'all hate it. Tell me.

Hit it. Hit it. So I think the way you start off is, oh gosh, you want a Tesla? And oh gosh, immediately it was like, yeah, I would love a Tesla. I think that's how you started, right? Is that fair to say?

I don't think that's true. But keep going. No, no, no, no, no. He's like, yo, Akash, you would be stupid not to take this. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Stupid. First knocks him. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. It was so masterful. Then he pulled back a little once Oshkosh gave some resistance. What'd you say? Because Oshkosh knows that something's up. He goes, hold on, there's a truffle. Deal's too good to be true.

I was like, don't do that to me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't do that to me. Don't do that to me. Don't do that to me. I get it. I'm stupid to not take it. Fine.

I don't care. Get to the numbers. And then you said, if you can't afford the payments, that's fine. fine no problem but i just need to know now because i have someone no you didn't you hit him in the pockets you hit him in the pockets that's crazy i took advantage of like he was talking about this gorgeous new apartment that he has in new york and i'm like apartment is beautiful you're already out of pocket that much on this stunning place i'm like unbelievable this is how it was. Let's say you know the apartment's good when she's posting moving day.

That's usually people's most stressful day. She was posting that shit with pride. It just didn't make sense he had that apartment with the car that he currently has. He was like, chill on the Honda Slander, bro. But let's be honest, he did say you're going to put your girl in this beautiful apartment with a MetroCard. Yeah, yeah. And then with that that what happened? Yeah Well, I also said like your new high-end apartment must have a Tesla charger there, too Where I got it knows that I can get a deal so basically you're taking over a lease that's fine

But I'm also but I got it. I work for that I almost got roped in. I was believing it was a story, but it's still trouble. You're picking up on a little bit more. This is the real, you're really getting this. It was the fairest exchange I can imagine. If any Dove got screwed. Yeah, how did you get work? I'm telling you clearly, if I wasn't in this fucking city that charges for everything.

We have to go over a bridge. We have to pay $20 to park for a coffee. You don't got a pay going over. What bridge? One of the bridges. The tunnel. Jersey? Is the tunnel a bridge?

The tunnel's a tunnel. You want to go underneath the water for free? How much does it cost? How much does it cost to park a car in New York? Would you go underneath water for free? No. What type of baboon would go underneath the water for free? I don't want to pay to go underneath the water.

Say what? I got to pay to go underneath the water? I don't trust you if I'm not paying. I'm not trusting if I don't pay. You should pay me to go underneath the water. Anyway, get to the point. I'm just saying. I didn't need the car here.

Actually, no. You guys go ahead and read the story. Your girl drives to Ph point. I'm just saying, I didn't need the car here. Actually, no, you guys go ahead and read the story. Your girl drives to Philly. You drive everywhere for shows. Oh yeah, yeah, you got the Philly. The next round is he came around with the numbers. So he broke down the numbers and like how much you could sell a car for.

And then Akka got a calculator out. That was me. Once he got the calculator out, it was over. It was over, it was over. He knew it. He sold himself on it. No. That was a Jewish Indian combo that I liked. Yeah knew it. He sold himself on it. No.

That was a Jewish-Indian combo that I liked. Yeah, so here's what I do think. Just out of curiosity, did you have a hunch that it was going to be a good one? No, I did numbers this time. I didn't have a hunch it was in that shitty Tesla, bro. I crunched numbers. Okay. I crunched numbers. I wish we did some crunching of numbers before.

That would be pretty nice if we weren't going on hunches back in the day, motherfucker. Hey, man. Remember when you bought a Mic with studio for six figures? Do you remember? The hunch? The hunch that we're changing the future podcast. Can I tell you how much cheaper that was? I can't even go.

That's a fraction of a Bitcoin, that mic with studio. A fraction of a Bitcoin. You, and after I did it, I didn't go, let's buy more. That's what you did. You bought a mic with studio, and then you say you and after i did it i didn't go let's buy more that's what you did you bought a micless studio and then you say oh it's not working buy two micless things buy three buy four buy five you know what this is i'm doing the waiter hands keep buying more raise the level that's it i've never wanted crypto to plunge more in my entire fucking life i've never wanted it i would gladly lose all the money just to see you sweat okay go back to this go go go go go go so do i have dove give me the payments yeah and i do the

calculation yeah i'm like all right it's gonna cost about like 13k to have it for these years yeah then i realized i could sell my car for probably like 11 so i'm like i could wait a few years and then sell it down the road and then get a tesla or i could just have a Tesla for like $2,500, $3,000. I got an instant offer for $10,300 from CarMax. So I'm like, I could just take that, have a Tesla for 3Gs for three years. Why don't we just do that? Let's just live a little bit. I didn't think it was the sharpest financial move, but I was like, it's three pay essentially for a Tesla for three years.

Let's do that. And then Dove said that he had to sign a $2,000 like lease signing thing that he's not he's going to lose out on. Right. And then basically he told our guy, she's like, I'm basically that I don't. I don't know when you make $2,000. I paid the down payment on a car and he's not absorbing that. He's just paying a clean zero. You're giving him to low monthly.

I can rape in you right now. I'm just wondering, you've got six months till your Porsche comes. Why didn't you want to take the Tesla? Because he didn't trust the truck. You didn't trust me? That's a good point. I don't want a Tesla. You trust me with everything else.

I'm trying to get older cars. I'm not trying to get the new fancy shit. I want to go old. You already got a down payment on a Tesla. What you talking about? I got a down payment on a Tesla? Yeah, you do. You own the Cybertruck.

That's true. That's a truck. That's true. That's different. That's true. That's also a camping vehicle. If I want to start camping in the future, that's where I'm going to truck. That's true. That's true. That's different. That's true. That's also a camping vehicle. If I want to start camping in the future, that's where I'm going to take the camp. That's for me being in touch with nature, bro.

Don't try to act like I'm not nature. He's an environmentalist. I'm an environmentalist, bro. I'm going mad heights. You know what I'm saying? And also, I need a car that's safe for my girl. Yep. My girl needs a truck. She needs a truck that's safe.

She needs a truck, bro. That's it She don't want that truck She hates that truck They really hate that truck Buy yourself one day Cut that part Anyway so who do we think has won this truffle i think it's perfectly fair thank you

you think it's a fair trade i was just a little jealous because he has a tesla that with the trump button that doesn't close automatically oh you saw me do that bro you got the old one you gotta get out you gotta get out the OG Jordan. This motherfucker got retro. Oh, my God. Don't let me find out you got the old Tesla. I can't believe I got in that car. I've been in that car. That's so humiliating.

Why would you get in that car? Do you know how that feels for me? What if someone saw me? Son, and you want a 2021? I'll let you drive it because nobody else can. It can't drive itself. So I'll let you drive it because nobody else can. He can't drive himself. So I'll let you drive it. Now, did Dove tell you the thing about how you can't get the monthly drive by himself?

Yeah, he told me that. I got to pay for that up front. And I was like, that's fine. I don't have to have that. My next Tesla, I'll get it. You guys fucking retarded? This motherfucker bought a Tesla where you can't even drive it. That's the point of the car.

I'm telling you. It's unbelievable, bro. Your girl's going to be taking trips. Nah, it would be ill, but it's not worth 10K for three years because i'm not gonna keep it for three years to me it's just 3k for three years i'll save essentially that much in gas so you're paying just for the t in the front so get a leaf now it's a newer version like it's a newer car too that's got 5 000 my car gets 75 000 but what's new about it? It's got the same amount of wheels. It's electric, baby. It's mad fast.

That shit dumb fast. There's a lot of electric cars, bro. Get an electric F-150. What are you talking about? You know what I'm saying? You get in the shit that's supposed to drive by itself, and it don't even drive by itself. If you go on the L train, you have to drive that, too.

All right, guys. I'll buy the self-driving. I'll buy the self-driving. Fuck. What do we want? You have to buy the self-driving. That's a no-brainer. All right, I'll buy it. It's done. Done. Hit him. buy the self-driving that's a no-brainer all right i'll buy it it's done hit him hit it he looks so cute but here's the

thing you can't wait hang on no i can buy it i can pay 10 000 all at once what yeah what you talking about anything yeah this is what happened this is why this is why we in debt this is why we in debt this is why we in debt right now we we is in debt we are in crypto debt i'm looking my crypto i'm like fuck wait hang on was like how come when we were up it was you that was up and then now that we're down is we that's down i'm i've never afraid of y'all we are in debt right here y'all are fine because it is uh woman's empowerment month i believe it's woman's empowerment month we bring on maybe the most powerful woman in the galaxy. Some might say I'm incredibly excited.

Everybody right now. I wonder who it is for gal. Good dough. Everybody wonder woman is wonder woman. Thank you so much for coming. Wow. Wow. Have a seat, Wonder Woman.

Wow. Okay. It's good to be a woman. Oh, man, I bet it is. It is so nice to have you here. First of all, I mean, thank you for making the time during this month, especially. You've got to be booked up. Oh, it is all about women empowerment.

It absolutely is. You are even more beautiful in person, I must say. Yeah. It's a natural beauty. It is a natural beauty. Well, I am a i am a princess diana the amazon beauty you are yeah i just i just pulse out feminine energy non-stop i mean is that what look at that oh god oh god don't use the weapons out here

this is a little crazy yeah it's one of them Woman's lap? Now that clip's sticking out of your belt. Wait a bit. Oh, you know women have penises. They do. That's what they say on the news. Listen, you are so woke, Wonder Woman. You are so woke to notice that. Yeah, that's...

What? That's not tinfoil or anything? No. What is that? I'm Wonder Woman. I'm Wonder Woman. I'm Wonder Woman. Here, let's just hide that for a minute. Just push that down here.

It is weird. Hey, Jen, reassign. I got a little surgery. Yeah, you're not a woke Wonder Woman unless you're like, maybe I'm not going to get rid of you yet. Yeah, you got to have a little of both. You're special. You're super powerful.

I'm Wonder Woman. You also have a little bit more facial hair than I've seen in the movies. I don't know what's that. Well, that's the thing with the cameras. They soften my voice up a little bit. I don't want to trim my face hair. That's what a woman has. Yeah.

It's natural. But then they use the CGI to take it out. Yeah. We're CGI free. I don't look as good as I look on TV? No, I'm not making. You see how big my movie was? I did.

I'm not objectifying you in any way. Oh, I saved the world in 1984? Yes, you did. You saved it in 1984. I'll identify as a woman if you'd like. Absolutely. So your parents will accept me. You're actually getting married.

I am actually getting married. He wanted you to do the vows if you were available. I will do it. Yeah. Yeah. I've stalked you guys online. I know about your girlfriend. Okay.

That's disconcerting. You can take that shirt off if you want, Alex. Yo, just go, dog. You can go for it if you want. I see you sweating. Just go. Just go. Take it off. Take it off.

Take it off. You guys want to see this woman's beautiful body? Yeah. Show them fucking heavies. Heavies. Heavies. Heavies. Heavies. Heavies. Heavies. Heavies.

Heavies. Hey. Let's go, bro. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, guys. Give it up for Bert Kreischer. I'm a woman. Did you call him Bert Kreischer?

Bert Kreischer. I wish I said Bert Kreischer. Bert Kreischer would have been so good. We out here, Alex. Hey, they got to edit some of that in later when you were you wrapping me in the tip. Oh, we got the whole thing. I gave you a beautiful bikini. Yeah. Bro, you got a nice little bowl, Joe.

Dude, you got a nice pecker, bro. I have the largest micro penis in North America. Now women get blown away by it. It looks like a grub worm with ear muscles. But you've seen like, seriously, those little balloons you buy at the store that get really big? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's me.

So you're a grower? Man, women go, they go, this is a trick dick. And then like, this hurts. I got a trick dick and then like this hurts so it starts out small and then surprises them later on it was like a turtle head it goes in yeah yeah she goes in yeah so I thought you know it comes out uh-huh like an alien you know mouth yeah a little mouth inside the mouth yeah are you circumcised huh are you circumcised I am yes my boy the PP out no don't pull it out we've already we've already identified he's not circumcised that guy right there the ladies like that do they do they um they like it i don't know i guess you know here's the deal though i like put down some of those cultures that like mutilate their girls

stuff and i think that's wrong so the people say hey what about you i i think it really how do you your dick has been mutilated how do you make the choice for a boy to have a large portion of their ding-a-ling cut off i think yeah i think it's kind of wrong it is wrong and we never get any sympathy for it matter of fact we get criticized if our dicks aren't circumcised some women are upset they think it's gross let's talk about this but we're shamed for our bodies alex it's all because of Dove because of Dove Dove's people yeah Dove's people decided what dicks look like how about this why do we call it Alex why do we call it uncircumcised why don't we just call it circumcised penis uncut no just penis it's like the uncut version of a film yeah but you just called that the director's cut penis there's the film and i didn't think about that oh my god it's anti-semitic if i criticize oh okay hold on

hold on now i'm all for circumstances at least before i'm on it yeah yeah you're all for circumcision of boys not girls but what's up with the middle east trying to cut stuff off you know we don't ever want to lower the age below 18. No. Are these hand pads not supposed to hit? I mean, if you want to beat up. Is Rocky supposed to get mad? I think Rocky might be mad.

Oh, no. Oh, no. He's getting angry. Hold on. He's getting angry. Hold on. Oh, no. Oh, no.

Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no.

Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no.

Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no.

Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no.

Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, Paul! I challenge Logan Paul right now. I'm going to tell you. Hold on.

You challenge Logan? Yeah. You challenge Logan and Jake together? Would you beat them up together? And Mike Tyson at the same time. Okay. I'll beat all their asses. Oh, my gosh.

Get the mic out to him. Hold on, hold on a second. Hold on. So right now, I just want to make sure we have this on video. You're declaring that you would take out both of the Paul brothers. I'm telling both the Paul brothers, if you don't get in the ring with me at the same time, you're with Jeffrey Epstein. And I'm going to steal your hat.

Let me see what you do. Take this, Logan Paul. Ah, Jeffrey Epstein. Fuck you. No, I'm staying! And I'm gonna steal your hat! Hit this, Logan Paul! Ah! Fucking a**hole! Oh, shit! Oh, sorry. Show them the mitts. Show them the mitts.

No, I no hurt! Fuck you! I'm gonna go out! Damn! The chair is broken Damn! Nah, he can kick like a mule, I'm sorry You have five seconds to get up. Five, four, three, two.

Oh, he's still going. He can't be stopped. He can't be stopped. He can't be stopped. Get in there. Take those gloves off him. He's getting too riled up. He can't be stopped. Get in there. Take those gloves off him. He's getting too riled up. Oh, no, no.

He looks good with the gloves. I'm a BJ Paul and Logan Paul. I'm the world champion. Yeah. Woo. That right there. That right there is Alex Jones, the future world champion of boxing and the conqueror of all paddles.

I think I just proved it. Dude. Buddy. Adrenochrome works. That dude buddy adrenochrome works that's what i get that's what it is the guy came up to volley yesterday uh no two days ago while we were in uh glorious denver and he goes vala are you vala avala goes yeah he goes you're the guy that gets way more than duh so you're known for getting second most pussy. That's actually pretty good. It is pretty good. I just want quality now.

Of what I really think. Man, that sounds like second place, bro. Yeah, but more than just looks. What do you care about now? Someone can bring the Shabbat. Oh, you want Jew. He's been fake wanting to date Jews. I know.

I've been saying that since I met him. I've seen Jews everywhere. We were in Miami, dawg. You're in New York. You kind of insult a Jewish woman also. Just walk up the block. Roll a penny down the street. What did he say?

Roll a penny down the street. Roll a penny down the street. Roll a penny down the street. Roll a penny down the street. Roll a penny down the street. Roll a penny down the street. Roll a penny down the street. Roll a penny down the street.

Roll a penny down the street. Roll a penny down the street. Roll a penny down the street. Roll a penny down the street. Roll a penny down the street. Roll a penny down the street. There'll be a fucking stampede of them chasing after Looking up 5th Avenue like is Simba's dad about to die or is that a fucking nickel roll should have been a new pass over

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promo code flagrant if you remember when we did that episode with uh shop yep we're out in the west coast we were getting them dips in and we were getting a little saucy i'm just saying we was having some fun with it i could recommend it canadipscbd wants you to be a better man and to start the new years off right. So enjoy their richest discount yet. If you haven't noticed, Cannadip CBD is used by hundreds of pro athletes from inside the octagon to the baseball field. Guys are realizing this cutting edge delivery system works and tastes great. great so choose to be a better man in 2022 and head to canadipcbd.com and use the code flagrant for 30 off site wide heading into the new year now let's get back to this best of episode no but you're about to be married bro are you nervous at all i'm just ready for it to be done man really

it's just too much i'm sure i'll enjoy the day but yeah all the little shit that goes into it especially indian wedding is this function, that function, that function. It's too much. I'll be honest with you, bro. I have this newfound respect for what Indians go through. I want to see these dancers. I got to see him doing it. He's nice, dog.

I think he's a better dancer than you. I'm a way better dancer than you. I'm fairly positive. Shut up. I'm a way better dancer. I'm fairly positive. I might not even come now. Dance right now.

Dance right now. Why are you threatening me with a good time? What fairly positive. I might not even come now. Dance right now. Dance right now. What is that? Why are you threatening me with a good time? What is that? I might not even come now. Oh, no. We don't got to pay for you anymore. What are we going to do?

That plate is paid for already. You fucked up. No, it ain't, bro. No, it ain't. Yeah. We've also all sunk too much money on this shit, bro. I had to order the outfits. Oh, yeah.

Did you get the shit? Yeah. How much? 300 bucks or something. Did you rent or buy rent you could rent yeah you could rent you know you could rent your outfits i got yours made for the ceremony and then you just wear suits for the other two no i'm wearing the whole shit the whole time i bet is it gonna be other people dressed stupid yeah yeah me yeah but all three i don't

want to take attention away is there a color i can't wear like no no no okay because is there a color i can't wear yeah right he's wearing no. Okay, because white weddings. Oh, yeah. Is there a color I can't wear? Yeah. Ryan is wearing red. That's tradition, but I think if I'm- I'm dressing like Justin Trudeau. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Red you can't wear? I mean, don't come like head to toe red. If you got a little red on the way, good stuff.

Pink? Can my girl wear pink? Yeah, yeah. Pink is fine. What about like a reddish orange? Yeah, you understand those are two different colors. His eyes are going, bro. His eyes are going.

I got astigmatism, bro. Yo, yo, yo, yo. Hold on going I got astigmatism Yo yo yo Hold on I got an American wedding Can I wear silver Can I wear gray What's going on Gray is close

You gotta be careful You don't wanna be the person Wearing the same color As the bride Also I'm gonna be Coming through fly I don't wanna pull attention Away from your girl

Cause nobody gonna be Looking at it That's true The way I look Nobody gonna be They're gonna think I'm Aishwarya Rai What did you say You never got that Sandwich think I'm Aishwarya Rai.

What is it? You never got that sandwich at Katz, the Aishwarya Rai? You actually pronounced it really well. Aishwarya Rai. That's really good. That's the greatest Bollywood actress of all time. She's the baddest, dog. She's the baddest. Super bad.

She's so pretty. She's getting her shit split by some guy with stank armpits. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jeez. Yo, so we're going to rent outfits for the rest of the time if I want to go full cloak and shit. Right. Okay? But I just want to make sure.

I want to make sure. Mark said they dress like AI on draft day with the oversized tee. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tall tee. Why are those so long? I don't know. Because Soulja Boy. Soulja Boy is the first Indian.

That's a good point. No, Soulja Boy appropriated. He appropriated. He appropriated. I think Soulja Boy is the first person to wear an Indian wedding. He invented Indian weddings. He did invent Indian weddings, bro.

He was the first person. But do we, can we wear that for the other days as well? Or do we go suit? No, you can wear whatever you want. I mean, not whatever you want. I don't want to be the only person dressed like that. I'm going to be wearing Indian clothes every time.

What? I'm going to be wearing Indian clothes every time. But how many others will be dressed like that? I don't know. I can't answer that. But it'd be other people there for sure. 10, 20. I got you.

Sure. Okay. Mark, are you dressing in the stupid outfit too? Okay. Hold on. And I'm wearing a pug. Oh, really? Hold on. How do you give us that? Do you guys in the stupid outfit too? Hold on. And I'm wearing a pug. Oh, really? Hold on.

I thought you'd give us that. Do you guys want to get them tied Saturday morning? Son, it's a 6 a.m. Oh, wait, I got to come in early for that? 6 a.m., he said. Between 6 and 7. Don't get me between. You wake up at 6 every day anyway.

8 a.m., Finn. What? You wake up at 6 a.m. every day. 7 a.m. I wake up. Oh, so I can bring my own. If I don't come to this. They don't got a clip-on pug, son. They don't got some shit I can just boom, seven and three quarters.

Yeah, bring your own. Go ahead and try to tie that. You can't get a pug in New Era? How long it take you to tie that shit? Somebody's tying it for us. Yeah, how long? Why don't they tie it beforehand and we just put it on? So right before I walk in, man.

You gotta fit it to your fucking stupid head. It's seven and a quarter. I've had a tie and you take it off. And then you put it right back on and tie it up. Or you could just ratchet it at the back like I do with my bike helmet. Click, in, man. You've got to fit it to your fucking stupid head. I've had a tie. Seven and a quarter. I've had a tie and you take it off. And then you put it back on. And then you put it right back on and tie it up. Or you could just ratchet it at the back like I do with my bike helmet. Click, click, click. Click, click.

Yeah. Just make it a little loose so you can just pop it right off and pop it on. Son, why do we not do this? You're going to be dancing. That shit's going to fall off your head. You're going to look fucking stupid. Nick Cannon gets a tie every day. Thank you.

Every day. I don't know what Nick Cannon does. Thank you. Zipper. He's got a zipper in the back. I'm going to just YouTube that shit right before. Can we use our own material? Not really.

I guess cloth. Do we have to wear it for the whole time? No. Cloth. Cloth. I'm not a trash bag. It's unbelievable. It's unbelievable.

The fact that he can make fun of me about these mistakes. Cloth. You don't even know the material. I guess you can't use cloth. And he thought about it too. Yeah, yeah. Cloth. Cloth. You don't even know the material. I guess you could use cloth. I thought about it. Yeah, yeah, cloth. I guess you just get through it. Cloth ain't even a material.

Right? Cloth is a thing. It's not a material. What's not a material? That's not a material. Cloth is a material. You don't got a shit made out of cloth. There's silk cloth.

There's wool cloth. There's cotton cloth. Cloth is an object. Use any of them. Say what? Any of them cloths. I just don't understand why you're so upset at us embracing your culture. What if I come in with an animal?

What if I bring an animal? Which animal? What if I bring a really exciting one? Like what? Orangutan. He also has that one. He's going to be in a hot thing and everything. If I bring an orangutan.

Yeah. Speaking sign language and all that shit. That'd be fire. That'd be good. That'd be fire. Bring an orangutan. Yeah. You know, speaking sign language and all that shit. That'd be fire. That'd be good. That'd be fire. Bring an orangutan. We're not going to say anything offensive. We're not going to do anything offensive.

Because they're orange and you guys will dye your beards and shit orange and shit like that. So he's going to fit in perfectly. Yeah. He's going to be drawing mashed potatoes like holy. That'd be sick. Yo, why can't we bring animals to the wedding? Why is this concerning you?

Bring an animal. Say what? Bring an animal. Can I bring more than one? Sure. All right. What do you got? I'm going to bring another animal too.

Which one? Hawk. With a glove? I bet. Bring a hawk. Hawk is fire. Bring a hawk. I am going to bring a hawk.

I prefer a hawk to orangutan if I had to choose. I'm bringing an orangutan. I'm going to bring a hawk. Holding one in one hand. One hand in one hand. One hand in the other. And I'm showing up to that weddingk. I prefer a hawk to orangutan if I had to choose. No, I'm bringing an orangutan. I'm going to bring a hawk. Holding one in one hand. One hand in one hand. One hand in the other. And I'm showing up to that wedding. All right.

Okay. And it's going to be really good. I like these. And we're going to put a turban on the hawk. It's only respectful. Say what? It's only respectful. It is.

And my orangutan will be Hindu and my hawk will be Punjabi. And heels and a bindi. And they're both. And it's going to be that. Heels and a bindi, I believe, for Mark. 100%. Mark is going to have. Can Iels and a bindi, I believe, for Mark. A hundred percent. Mark is going to have- Can I wear the nose ring with the chain? Yes.

Which I actually like that way you never lose the nose ring. Oh my God, that is such a fucking great idea because we should come dressed as 300. Yes. We should dress as the Persians from 300 and that would be a phenomenal way to make our entrance to your wedding. Yeah, yeah. And I think that people would appreciate it and a little gallivant how would you gallivant how people do how people a mild gallivant you can't gallivant mildly no more traditional I would say

it's more traditional what's a traditional gallivant look like orthodox yeah it's orthodox brother like come on on, dude. You know we're going to modernize it a little bit. It's a modern-orthanized gallivant, pretty much. What does that look like? Listen, I can describe things that are obvious, but two plus two equals four. You know what a modern-orthodox gallivant is going to look like. All I'm trying to say is that we're going to go to your wedding.

With the nose ring, with the chain attached to my wallet. No. Your wedding. With the nose ring, with the chain attached to my wallet. No. I look like Big J. Yeah, you're going to look like Hot Topic. We're going to go there.

Chain attached to the nose and to the wallet. Okay. We're all going to be dressed up in outfits. Can I pretend to steal bread and then they chase me through the way? One jump. Head of the bread. One jump. One jump, head of the bread die. Can he jump through an awning? The awning will save me.

I'll jump down. The awning will save me. I'll jump down. The awning will save me and then'll jump down. I'll jump down. The audience will save me. And then Alex and Mark will be running after me like super angry and like, oh, where do you go? And then I'll like hide inside a pot and then I'll like pop out.

And then, yeah, you guys run into each other. Yeah, yeah, that's good. Keep going on that one. You guys run into each other, bang each other's heads. And then you're going to jump on and you're going to jump to another one and jump on another one and do a backflip. I'm singing riffraff. Street rat.

Scoundrel. Take that. Try it. Just a little snack, guys. Rip it open. Take it back, guys. Gotta take an inch. Gotta take a chance. Tell you all about it

when I got the time. This motherfucker knows every word in his shit. This song's fire. How's it go? Keep going. This motherfucker know every word That's the song's far How's it go? Oh is that Aladdin's at the bottom He's the number one I'm rising high

That's the whistle right? Gotta eat to live Gotta feel to eat Tell you all about it when I got the time I was really asking legitimate questions. These guys are just assholes. No, we're not. We're all legitimate questions.

We all got to be respectful. We all got to be respectful. All legitimate questions. I think that that's legitimate. Yeah. I think that we should play that. I think that's a game we should play. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, Thank you. Oh my god. Asshole army.

What's up everybody? Welcome. You thought you were going to miss the wedding of the century. You thought you were gonna miss the celebration of the century. You thought that you weren't gonna be here for it but we brought it to you. We always got your back. Oh my god I'm out of breath. Akash Singh officially married Akash Singh over the weekend. Oh my god Navdeep was the drummer at your wedding. Yeah, the whole player.

What's it called? Dough player. Dough player. He was the dough player at the wedding. I'm fucking exhausted. Son, I'm wiped out. Holy shit. I couldn't believe I had to do that again.

Holy shit. So if you were wondering who won the Flagrant Editor Contest, it's Miles. That being said, we do have Vala from the same time from the same competition right and shifty it well well well well we'll get there we'll get there right so we have followed from the same we have we evolved from the same competition of all is one of the people that was a submitting and absolutely amazing content so now we picked a ball follows on the team right now, right? We're looking for someone to help us out this summer. We obviously got the big tour this summer. So we're like,

who else was submitting for the video contest, for the editing contest? There was this kid, Shifty, right? That we thought was absolutely amazing. Okay. And we're like, let's see what he's doing this summer. Okay. He was already doing some videos for us. He was always doing some videos for WTF Media Studios. We were always sending him Brilliant Idiots clips and that kind of stuff. Maybe he'll move out here this summer. So we hit him up.

We're like, the kid, you're fucking great. How old are you? He's like, I'm 18 years old. I just graduated high school. Amazing. Tells me this story that I thought was really cool. He's working at fucking Home Depot. Right?

Says to his boss at home deeply goes what do you want out of this what are you trying to do what are you going to do he goes well honestly i'd really love to work for schultz studios that's like my dream and his boss at home depot goes uh yeah there's no way that'll ever happen uh a little more realistic like out of a high school movie yeah right yeah um? Yeah. And then last week, he gets to walk into his boss's office and quit saying he's going to work for Schultz Studios. Moves across the country.

That's fine. Comes here. Now, we know he's coming. Right. A week before he comes, fucking idiot Miles, Miles Gosling, goes,

hey guys, I just want to give you some useless piece of information. Guys, have I given you some useless information yet? Hey guys So guys Are you familiar with Shifty's sexuality? We go

No Why would we be familiar with sexuality? He goes well I think he might be gay Why would you think he's gay? You talk to him or something like that? He goes, no, he posted something on his story. There was like an image of like a pro-LGBT bi.

It was like pro-bi. Like, I've never seen anybody pro-bi, but he was like pro-bi. Right. Or something like that. And we're like, well, fuck. Well, if he's pro-bi, he's got to be gay, I guess. Okay. So he goes, well, I just wanted to let you guys know that and make sure everything's good.

And we're like, yeah, well, we don't care. But, you know, whatever. We were some wild boys. We say a lot of words. And, you know, we'll just make sure he's comfy with it. So all of a sudden, the fucking avalanche begins. Miles brings me aside. He goes, bro, he's young.

It's a new generation. Like, they're a little bit more sensitive with, like, words and ideas. Maybe you want to, like, pull him aside and kind of, like kind of like talk to him and like just make sure that he's comfortable when he comes here. And I'm like, hey, I guess. I mean like he's just going to hear it and then get comfortable here.

He's not going to get comfortable. Dove comes up and he goes, I think we should have him sign an NDA. If anything goes south here, I don't want it to get back on us. You know, he's a young kid. It's a new generation. They don't like any words.

He probably doesn't even have his pronouns or in his body. You know, everybody's fucking spiraling, right? Come back on us. You know, he's a young kid. It's a new generation. They don't like any words. He probably doesn't even have his pronouns. They're in his body. You know, everybody's fucking spiraling, right? Come back to Miles. Miles is like, I'm going to pick him up at the airport just in case there's any gay hate out there or something like that. We just want to make sure that he gets home safe. He thought the Proud Boys were going to come and move him up or something.

He literally thought they were waiting for Shifty at the, another gay movement in New York. We'll put a stop to it now. Yeah. Right? So meanwhile, the whole time, Al's just like, can we still say the word we like to say? That's a fact. How do we get around this, right?

So that's a fact? 90s Al was having a problem. 90s Al was in the house. It was Spiral. We're sitting around. The kid comes in. Super sweet kid, right? Sits down, right?

We're all hanging out, right? All of us are around the table waiting for me to ask also doing the gayest activity ever watching soccer we're watching soccer if he was really into it right wasn't falling for the bait yeah so we're sitting there and we're just trying to have a conversation and we're like yeah so what's up like how's everything going and like mark's got the in my head where I need to like make sure he's okay with bad words and shit like that, right? So I'm like, yo, I just wanna let you know,

we're some wild boys over here, right? And I realize now like, that sounds super gay. That sounds gay. Yeah. No, we some wild boys, like you might get your dick sucked working out here, you know what I mean? Tell your cousin though but um so we're like no i'm just like yo we're some wild boys like you know we say like crazy like you listen to a podcast he's like yeah yeah yeah and then he says this to me he goes

i noticed there's like one word you don't say and then we're like oh like what do you mean he goes well yeah you bleep the you know maggot with it with an f yeah and i go well yeah you know we don't you know yeah we don't like saying yeah I mean like you think he's being like what's that about so I'm he's like is there but like you don't believe the n-word and like only Al says it he's allowed to say it and then he goes well if there was a gay person here like would you feel more comfortable saying that word? We were all licking our lips. I'm facing away, but the moment he brings this up,

I go, I'm just staring at Andrew. Just, Oh yeah, it's coming. I'm locked in, right? I don't know where to go.

I'm like, is he fucking with me right now? Is he trying to go over the top? Like, is he going over the top? And then like, as a way to get me super comfortable because he's going to prove how comfortable he is with it right you know some kind of crazy i don't know what's going on but it's next level psychological warfare that gen z is aware of

us boomers are not okay so i'm like all right how do i handle it i'm like like nah you know we just kind of wow how's the wildest you know i just want to let you know i was racist right so i'm starting to get into the area of hate like i was racist like so he make might make fun of your ass like what are you he's like I'm like a quarter Mexican I was like oh he gonna make fun of you haha start piling on with the racism to get us easy and then we tease him well hold on you're Mexican you worked at Home Depot inside and and I was kind of leaning in and we're trying to get there. We're trying to get there and it just nothing's getting close.

So I just go, yo, it's going to be a crazy summer. You know what I mean? Girls about to go wild. New York. You got a girl and shit. Oh, no. We start teasing. We start teasing Mark. We go like, oh, Mark, you're not the youngest anymore. Yeah. And we're like, we're like, yeah, you know, you're about to steal all Mark's hose because Mark can't get laid anymore.

And he goes, man, I just lost my virginity like three months ago. And we're like, and then he goes, well, it depends what you count as virginity. And I'm like, yeah, we're back. Because remember, we're thinking bye. Yeah, I mean, so maybe you were pushing some pussies when you were younger, but now you get your shit pushed in. We don't know what the fuck is going on. Right. some when you were younger but now you're getting your pushed in at 18. right we don't know what the is going on right so so so so so we're looking so i just go it bro i just go so so what you got a girl or whatever and he goes he goes yeah yeah yeah yeah i'm like how long you had your girl years i've been with her for four years so I just go hold on so you're not gay and then I double down cuz it still

wasn't a good enough answer for me I was was like, yo, did you lose your virginity to a guy or a girl? I was being super explicit. I was like, make that shit clear, bro. Ain't all that good. Like, what was it? Be honest. And he's looking at us, mad perplexed. He's like, what the fuck?

So this whole time, by the way, Dove is in the Brilliant Idiot studio on a business call, on a Zoom call, right? So he had no clue what's going on, right? He don't know that Chifty came out the closet, went back in in the same half right three or four times right so we're not gay we're miles why the you think he's gay and then miles was like the most woke sweet like liberal like everybody all love he's like why was he posting that gay on his instagram on his Instagram. Immediately, right?

Cut that homo shit out, son. Why is you being all homo for no reason on your Instagram story? So we go, you sure you're not, yeah, yeah, bro. I don't know what the fuck you guys are talking about, right?

All right. So he's not gay, bro. Tear up the NDA. You know, good. Dove pops his head out because he wants me to come on this business call with this guy that's trying to do some business. Very important. I think the call is done, right?

So I just go, Dove, Chifty's not a. All of a sudden, the door just slams shut. Oh, my God. So, officially, we welcome Vala and Shifty to the team. There's a hilarious video, y'all, in Amsterdam. And Andrew got high. My God. And it's so fucking funny.

The highest I've ever been was with Ricky. That was crazy. I don't even smoke weed. Do you remember the name of the place? You're mentally ill. The Wolf Cop was what I started saying. Oh my god, that's right, dude. We're in Amsterdam for what?

Three hours? Why are you in amsterdam okay we're doing it we got put on a tour through caroline okay yeah so let's set this whole thing up so basically let me get the lighter basically what happens is this right got it we we basically do this new york comedy tour in europe so we get to perform in do you remember getting into the fight with all the kids from England, like day two? And they were like, there was no women on your tour.

And you're like, we didn't book it. Oh, yeah. And it's actually a very famous comedian now that like... Is he successful? Yeah, yeah. It's who the only English guy everybody knows that's young.

Oh, really? Yeah, it was him. You really not gonna say his name? I don't know it Oh alright How does he the only one? Because he's the only He's popping right now

He's popping right now Really? Yep Bro Ricky doesn't snitch I like that shit Anyway I remember Whatever that guy's a loser That guy's a snitch

Dude fuck that guy Dude he was such a fucking loser right? He was standing up for women Say what? He was standing up for women Was he? No he was attacking us Because our, right? He was standing up for women, it seems like. Say what? He was standing up for women. Was he? No, he was attacking us because our show was stronger.

That's what was really happening. We were definitely the crazy, like, a part of the tour. If you don't know Ricky, he's a fucking murderer. Thank you. A fucking murderer on stage. On stage. So we get to Europe for three hours. I thought you were going to say in general. Okay, go on. We get to Europe for three hours. Okay, go on.

We get to Europe for three hours, and I'm somebody that's like, I don't like to miss shit, but Andrew likes to just go and do shit without even talking to anybody. He's just like, we're leaving the airport. We find a cab driver. We're not doing the show in Amsterdam, by the way. No, we're not. We just stopped in Amsterdam, and then we're going to another city.

We were doing five different cities, right? Yeah. Which ones were they? Do you remember? I know we went was wild. So sick. Oh man that's you were in Norway soldier boy came out No, that wasn't always that was where your boy was from in fucking Sweden, bro. It was Stockholm. I ate my dick in Stockholm. I knew there was something wrong with Stockholm. My homies always get fucked up in Stockholm. I feel you.

And he had his homie with us. And I got off stage and he's like, yo, you don't talk about drugs here. I opened up being like, yo, I'm high. And they're like, no, no, no, no they were like they don't fuck with that in public it was like Andrew on a prom show I just remembered I didn't see your set I walked past you we ate bear that night

you think we're playing we ate bear that night that's a real fucking story dude they served us bear of course it wasn't going to be a good show I had a belly full of bear, dude. Bro, when you walk

by me, dude, you know the scene in the movie where you're a ghost and the person doesn't see you, but you see them? That's what, I felt like the ghost. This guy that we've been living together for the last week, and he just walks right by me, and I goicky is everything okay he goes fuck sweden

so first stop we we're true we land in amsterdam to go onto another plane and andrew's like let's go let's go we find a cab driver right and the guy's just down to kick it with us for all three hours. We just say, take us to the closest coffee shop, to the weed spot. Which is a mistake because every airport's in a bad neighborhood. Yeah. So we just end up hooked. I've been to Amsterdam. I've seen like two black people the whole time I've ever been there.

We went to a place that was strictly black. Only black people. Just Moroccans. They weren't speaking any language we recognized. It was impressive. Dude, then they're telling me to take hash and put it behind my belt to bring it for the rest of the tour. I'm like, dude, you guys are like, I'm not smuggling for you. So we're like, give us your strongest shit.

No, no, no. I said weakest. You said strongest. I said weakest. I don strongest. I said weakest. I don't smoke weed. So he gives us the sweet. Andrew don't smoke weed, but Andrew rolls the illest joints in the world. That's really crazy.

I do roll a good joint. So they give us White Lotus. Remember this? Is that the name of it? White Lotus. Before that was hot. That was the one. And you smoked it.

You were fine. More than fine. I smoked it. And I i thought i was gonna be able to bring you back to the airport you did think that was gonna happen oh no do you remember what happened when we got back to the airport so this dude's wiling bro he's screaming yo a leather jacket do you remember the leather jacket jacket first of all i see i see a wolf poster right and then all of a sudden i hear a cop siren right oh your high brain so my high brain connects to and i go i go ricky the wolf cops are coming by the way we've left our suitcases in this car with a man that we've never met before. I'm on that White Lotus, bro. I'm on the White Lotus. So the video I saw is you laughing hysterically talking about Wolf Cop.

Bro, I'm doing crazy. And then the guy pulls up somewhere. We just stop at a light. And Andrew turns to his right and there's a leather coat sitting on on top of like a mailbox a mailbox but like place there like the mailbox has shoulders put over it and i just look at it and you know the wolf cops are chasing us and like yeah just look and i go there's a leather jacket for no reason do you still have that video I gotta find it it's so funny dude you sent it to me one day it's so funny

that was unbelievably funny oh it's so much fun then we get back to the airport and I'm worried about him so I'm not even paying attention to myself like I can control myself but I don't know how Andrew's gonna get back oh no this is great

this is great this is great I'm the high one right i'm the one that's gonna fuck shit up at the airport i'm super high okay go so i'm like paying attention to andrew and not myself and we start going through security and i just forgot to take everything out of my pockets so i'm looking at andrew he walks through smooth then me they don't just do it like pat you down on the floor bro they put you basically like in the air so everybody can watch you be

like now I'm standing on like two milk crates doing the milk crate challenge in the middle of a stop in airport this is back when Ricky used to dress like Chris Angel like everything on him everything on him was metal he had like three to be honest you had like three necklaces,

you had like bracelets and all this kind of shit. And you're in the machine. It wasn't like a beeping thing. It was like the machine where you throw the triangle up, right? So he's in the machine and they're looking at him crazy

when he walks in the machine because he's got so much obvious metal. He's in there. That shit just starts going and literally the TSA is like, yo, what the fuck is wrong with you? They're almost like...

They put me up on this pedestal thing and fucking started searching me. And he's now on the other side, clear, laughing his fuck off on the floor, laughing at me. Dying. Dying, bro. Unbelievable trip. Oh, so good. We recognize Taiwan, though. I'm going to go do a show in fucking Taiwan.

I don't care if you guys aren't going to come. I don't care. I'm not performing in china i'm performing in taiwan or home might not come back maybe hong kong maybe i'll even go to where's that macau that's how you pronounce it yeah oh sure it's like vegas it was uh portuguese sure it's like vegas it was uh portuguese yeah i mean if you say barcelona i don't know why it's okay see if you pronounce it like that then it's fine yeah so if you pronounce the city with the accent it's okay it really isn't done that way but it sounds better oh oh dude come on bro oh you gotta chill out you can't just laugh at the sound of perfectly pronounced mandarin you're just laughing at the sound of perfectly pronounced

mandarin i don't think it's perfect it is there is a casino that is come on al al al you're laughing at perfectly pronounced. I pronounce that perfectly. It might be Cantonese. I'm not exactly sure. But I pronounce it with perfect pronunciation. I am respecting culture as much as I possibly can. This is not going to be good.

Why is it not going to be good? I don't think it's going to be good. But let's go. All right, guys. We're going to take a break for a second. Ernest. Got it in there. Got it in there before. Fast forward, gang.forward gang yeah we talking about earnest okay what's that

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California. It's low license number 605 or seven. Visit Ernest.com for that lots of science. For a full list of lots of science. Now what? Unforgivable. Now let's get back to the show, please. Now let's get back to the show, yo. If it was a black woman that died

in the woods, would black people blame her? Would they have the same attitude you have? We wouldn't know. Would you be like, why were you in the woods with that white boy anyway? Oh yeah, absolutely. Like absolutely.

This is what happens when you with these white boys in the motherfucking woods. Why you think you brought them into the woods? Yeah, we don't do that stupid shit. Fuck out of here. Mark, your thoughts on this controversial take that could probably ruin the future of your career and life? About Gabby Petito? I think it's tragic.

What happened to her? What if she was black? That's also tragic. Just being black. Wow. She was no longer white. she was no longer white she became no longer white that is a big tragedy yeah i mean it's a tougher life you know what i mean it's racial discrimination she's got to deal with all that redlining throwing redlining yeah red redlining throw that in yeah what else what else redlining throwing redlining also uh, Thompson Forbes Act. Yeah. Thompson Forbes Act. Okay.

Segregation. Segregation. Also, 3-6 Mafia. No, 3-5 Compromise. Yeah. And the 3-6. 3-6 Mafia or 3-5 Compromise? 3-5 Mafia.

3-5 Mafia. Yeah. Yes. That's also very important, too. So, shout out to all of them. And also, it's. Okay. Nat Turner.

What's happening? What's happening? Nat Turner. Old Nat King Turner. Nat Turner. Old Nat King Turner. That's kind of fire. Old Nat King Turner was coming through with the bat. You know what I'm saying? He got that big stick.

You know? What does bat stand for? Nothing. The bat hit a bat. Actually, I don't think baseball was even a bat. Yeah. I didn't know. Yeah. Actually, I don't think baseball was even invented yet. Yeah. I don't know.

What's up, Miles? We just said Nat Turner and Miles Walker in the room. Like, is he coming again? I need to build my people. Miles looks fly, bro. Yeah. You're out here killing it, dog. Yeah.

Is that a new hat? Nah. Oh. He don't even talk. He's like. He don't even get words. Yeah. Miles freshly shaved. Yeah. Yeah. Miles Reynolds over here. Yo, you don't even talk. He's like, you don't even get words. This guy is mild, freshly shaved.

Damn. Miles Reynolds over here. Yo, you really are Miles Reynolds. How much pussy you got since we were gone? Look at too much to count. I know. Too much to count. Genghis Khan over here, bro.

Yo, real talk. This guy is tearing it up. Is it true that Genghis Khan had a child with every single woman in his tribe? I don't think that's true. No, it's true. I heard that was true. I heard that like if you're Asian, there's like a 99% chance you can trace your lineage to Genghis Khan. Oh, I've actually heard that.

I've heard there's like a disordered amount of like a genetic coding that comes from Genghis Khan, especially if you're from the East. Is that why they all look? I'm not gonna even finish. I'm not gonna finish this. I'm not gonna finish this. It would make sense. It's unexcusable what you're about to say. It would make sense if you could all come from one person of course.

It's just racist. It's just, no, that's just offensive. Why would that be racist? How about they don't look similar? They all look like Genghis Khan there. No, you're speaking in an offensive way. You all look like your fucking great-great-great-grandfather. Yeah. I think that makes sense.

I'm uncomfortable with conversations. I feel like you're just, you know, you're looking for ways to say that. But that makes sense. That, I'm on board now. He's making a good point even if he doesn't know. I'm on board now. If I was on board. There we go.

How was your guys' weekend? It was good, man. How was Paris? Yeah, we didn't go to Paris, though. weekend? It was good, man. How was Paris? Yeah, we didn't go to Paris though. Why are you asking us? You were in Georgia, you were in Orlando, you were in the Keys. Y'all did cool shit. Yeah, I tried.

Domestic shit. Al went to the Keys. Al forgot it was hurricane season. He was like, I think I'm going scuba diving this weekend. Went to the epicenter of the fucking hurricanes to Florida to see if you can go scuba diving. 007 Hey, sometimes you get lucky. You got rolling ducks sometimes.

008 I know Al fucked up because he was down at Keys. He was posting something. And then I saw a little bit later he's at a Rogan show. And I was like, oh yeah, I didn't go exactly. I didn't go exactly as planned. I know Al has a lot of love for Rogan, especially everything he's done for us. But I don't know if he's flying to Florida

to go to a Rogan show, especially when Rogan's coming to Madison Square Garden. So I hit him, I was like, yo, what's going on? And then he's like, yeah, the scuba diving didn't really work out. This bitch Hurricane Ida fucking all my shit up. Yeah, she fucked shit up, bro. I'm just glad it didn't hit the keys, so that's good. So the weather was still good. It was just it fucks up the water, and it makes it murky and it's no point.

You should be able to scuba dive though. You're under the water. Like hurricanes above the water. Nah, but for some reason the wind affects the murkiness of the water. And I don't want murkiness when I'm scuba diving. You're going down and you can't see shit. Yeah, some sharks. That's the most terrifying.

It's one thing to see a shark from far, but imagine like you just turn around and the shark comes right out of the murkiness. But you said you never scuba dive. Nah. I don't believe in it really. Nah. I don't believe in it really. Nah. I don't believe in it. You need to. It's amazing.

I know. I believe it's amazing. The experience is amazing. It's better than skydiving. I believe it's amazing, but I don't believe in it. In what sense? Because being underwater longer than you're supposed to. That's not how God ordained us.

Oh, no. No. You know what I'm saying? that's not how god ordained us oh no no especially like I could maybe do that shit like in the same way that you do snorkeling where it's like basically I'll snorkel but I could just pop up if I need it that's mad

let me just say this you didn't scuba in a hurricane that's pussy let me say this though I don't believe in that scuba diving where you can't come up. You got to, like, chill for 30 minutes. Oh, yeah, yeah. The elevator, yeah. The bends or whatever.

You got to get the fucking bends, they call it. But no, but no. That's deep, sis. So you don't have the bends, right? So if you go, like, 100 feet, you can't just go straight up if you need to. You got to depressurize. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Depressurize, yeah.

That's terrifying, yo. Son, no! That's terrifying. You wouldn't even qualify to go that far down you're not there yet you're not there you gotta work you gotta work your way up you sound so white right now go back to gym class like get the fuck out of here you gotta work your way up to that. You went to the fucking zoo, bro. That's the whitest shit.

You went to the zoo? I went to the aquarium. Water zoo, whatever. Protected from the water. It's the same shit, but I'm not. Hey, I can breathe. Which one of us are black here, son? I'm going to swim and you just hiding from the water.

Black people, they love the aquarium or what? They did in Atlanta. They also love Atlanta, so I don't know. That's true. I don't know. There's just something about being in the water and not being able to be in control of my destiny. I do not like that shit. I got to just sit here for 30 minutes, hope I don't run out of fucking oxygen so I don't get a headache.

That's scary, bro. Bro, you think it's just random amounts of air in there? Say what? You think it's just a random amount of air? I think it's a tank come out. Yeah, look at your watch, you go, oh, I got this amount. Yeah, but what if my watch is wrong?

You know what I mean? You know what I mean? I have those super-weighted ones filling up all the way. It's mad variables, dog. It's mad variables. It's so many variables. What happens if there's a little leak?

I bumped into some coral that caused puncture on my tank. And then you just go, you'll see bubbles. You can't go up. Yeah, you should. you get the bends what's going to happen your lungs explode you breathe out on the way your lungs explode the beds is in your the beds are in your blood the bends is in your blood i look it up no you just feel mad sick if you know your lungs explode do your lungs explode no no i'm sc I'm Scooby certified. Are you really? Yeah, I'm open water certified. Come on.

You got it. That's only like 10 feet. That's like 10, 12 feet. That's the pussy shit. That's 50. That's not deep diving. I'm open water certified. Nobody care about that shit. I can go 50 feet.

I can go 10 feet. I don't even give you flippers, son. You're not even certified. That's why this guy. Yes, I am. Yes, I am. Chill out, man. It's like Wiki or some shit like that. No, that's not even certified. That's why this guy... Yes, I am. It's like Wiki or some shit like that.

No, that's not even one. It's only one fucking certified... That's open water. And then the next is rescue diver. I'm not deep. I don't go deep. You can go 50. You can go 50 feet down. You could go 50 feet? With open water, yeah.

Can I come up in a breath on that one or no? You got to breathe out. Yes. How am I supposed to breathe out if I need to have the air? Y'all trying to kill me. Y'all trying to kill me. This is your advice? This is your advice for me?

You got to take it. But with that depth, you don't have to pressurize on your way up. You do a little bit on your ears, but not like for the rest of your body. You're good. I don't know if I believe that. I think you got pressurized once. Yeah, just like one time. We were scuba diving, not scuba diving,

snorkel diving, right? Snorkel diving? Don't call it diving. That's not diving. If the back of your head is getting sunburned, hold your breath. That's snorkel diving. That's snorkel diving.

The back of your head is getting sunburned, bro. If it's getting sunburned, it's not diving. I was snorkel diving. I was snorkel diving. Snorkel floating? I was snorkel diving. That's like your motorcycle. But I went in motorcycle. I was snorkeling down. I took my electric bike to work and I was snorkeling down. That's a Harley Davidson right there. That's a fucking electric bike. No, what we call it, a Pete Davidson.

That's the best name for it. So I was snorkeling down and I went down to go touch the coral and maybe it was like 20 feet or some shit like that. Bro, I couldn't. My head was going to explode just going down. I had to clear my ears like you're in the plane on the way down just to get that depth. Does it make sense? Yes, it does. Because especially that thing, it has your nose and your eyes.

So you feel that pressure and then you start to panic a little Bit yeah, you just breathe in and because you panic you go. Yeah, so now you just made it tighter And you feel like your heads about the fuck am I supposed to it's way Way different when you have the fucking Tank on you. Yes, now it's just constant air going in and out so you don't even feel the pressure on your eyes We're not supposed to go that deep As deep as you can go until it hurts and then you're supposed to come up that's your body going trespassing now this is too far one day we gotta go and you're gonna love it now you're gonna

love it so much you're gonna wanna go all the time you're gonna wanna go to the keys during hurricane season just to not scuba dive that's how much you're gonna see there i can see it it's so beautiful i'm telling you that's just an aquarium but you in it i've seen fish fishes are whack fish are whack you can find treasure now the treasure thing is kind of lit yes i maybe if there was some treasure attached but now i'm doing that for financial gain i'm not doing it just enjoying nature yeah i don't know i think it's dangerous and I don't know. I think it's dangerous. I don't think you should do it. I'm glad you didn't do it this weekend.

Okay. I saved your life, bro. Nah, man. I missed out. I missed out, son. It sucks. I didn't really do save your life, bro. Mark, we all go back down.

Yeah, let's run it. Okay. Akash. And you? Nah, I'm never going back. The fact that he hasn't talked about Paris at all makes me suspicious. Hell yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, you? Nah, I'm never going to answer that. The fact that he hasn't talked about Paris at all makes me suspicious. Oh yeah. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Yeah. Come on. Come on. Fuck it on. We always let him slide with that shit. Why does he ever let us talk as long about ourselves? That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. Mark, I should have caught that. What if he asked about my parents? Oh, shit.

Woo. So anyway. No, you guys did cool shit. You went to Georgia? You went to Atlanta congrats to Jake Paul man that's all I got to say back on topic

let's go what's up talk about it I shit the bed in my sleep bro what what I shit the bed in my sleep bro I shit the bed in my sleep, bro. Wait, what? What? I shit the bed in my sleep, bro. I shit the bed in my sleep. Figure it out.

I shit the bed in my sleep. Is that a metaphor? No, I shit the bed in my sleep. Nah, you're lying. I swear to God in my life, we're going to have the most romantic night of our lives. I shit the bed in my sleep. Shout out Colford Underwear. I shit the bed in my sleep, bro. I shit the bed of my sleep Shout out Colford Underwear I shit the bed of my sleep I shit the bed of my sleep

I'm eating fucking bread and cheese All for three days straight I had a super romantic night I haven't slept, I'm all jet lagged My shit cycles all fucked up This guy goes from no bread For months No bread, no cheese, no sugar

I'm just eating fucking patisseries, tartsines, everything like that. I'm eating bread, cheese, non-stop. OD on the bread and cheese. I'm hyped. That's so funny. He even stripped. He didn't come over. He's in the window, bro. He's like, no way. Literally, we go out for the most romantic night.

Let me tell you the whole thing. The whole day is crazy. The whole day is crazy. I can't believe I shit the bed. Okay. So look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look. I'm so upset at myself, son. I'm so upset. Okay.

So we do the whole fucking day. She loves you, dog. Say what? She loves you, dog. I thought it was her. She loves you, dog. I never shit the bed before, son. I thought it was her.

I got up. I saw a little stain on her bed. I'm like, yo, it must be her period. Oh, my God. I thought she got her period. I was like, oh, this girl is going to get her period and not wake up and do nothing about it. I started walking down the stairs like, why am I asshole cold? Oh, my God.

You sleep naked? Why is my asshole cold? No. It was in my culprit. It went through, bro. It was in my culprit. It went through. Oh, let me tell you something.

How do you not wake up? I might have shit my bed and slept through it for six to eight hours. I might have shit my bed and slept through it for six to eight hours minimum. I'm walking down the stairs in our hotel room, and I felt About like the third stair I was like Man why my asshole Cold and wet And I was like what is going on here And then I put a two and two together

I was like I just saw Yeah literally number two and number two I saw her period stain on the fucking bed I was like maybe that wasn't a period stain Because it was on my side Why would she get on my fucking bed. I was like, maybe that wasn't a period stain because it was on my side. Why would it be? Why would she get on my side? And then I went to the bathroom.

I took off my fucking undies. Wow. Oh, my God. Like a fire log. Like, no, no, no, no, no. Like a log. Those knees. Yes. It's a little crumb.

Relay like a little crumb. Relay. A little. Pumpernickel. It's just a poche. Thatulee. Like a Jackson. Like a little creme brulee. Like a Jackson Paul. It's just a ponchacola. It's just a ponchacola. That's all it is, bro. Okay, so now. We had the most romantic fucking day.

It was absolutely beautiful. Your boy was pulling out all the stops. I had the fucking vintage. Yeah, I know. Who booked this? There's no shot you booked this. Great vacation, Duff. No, no, no.

Give it up to Duff, yo. It's my idea. It's my idea. Duff did a great job. He helped me out. He was the one who found a car spot. But I also had Laurent helping Dub, yo. It's my idea. Give it up to Dub. It's my idea. Dub did a great job. He helped me out. He was the one who found a car spot. But I also had Laurent helping out, bro. Hey, well, shouts to jerking me, by the way.

Yeah, so give it up to everybody else, bro. Yo, I had a lot of people helping me, son. You just showed up and shit your pants. No, no. That's all you did, son. That's all you did. That was your whole vacation. I show up, I look fly, and I shit the bed.

I'm talking to a French rental car owner while I'm in a bathrobe in Italy. I was having my trip, too. I'm an ideas guy. I'm an ideas guy, bro. I come up with the ideas. Management. It's called upper management, bro. I'm Kanye, son.

Someone learn how to make my childhood house there. This is the idea you execute. Build an apartment building in Paris, please. That's it. I'm at the top. I'm at the highest fucking thing looking at the Eiffel Tower. I pull out all the stops. I call Dove.

I call the run. And the ideas. I thought about the idea. You couldn't even stop your colon. So can I be honest? I think I remember the heart. I do. I remember the. That's the word.

I remember the four things I push hella hard. Yeah, but I was just so tired, bro. And I remember I just I push hella hard yeah but i was just so tired bro and i remember i just yeah i pushed hella hard and i just fucking punctured through dude i literally yeah anyway so yeah so we had a really romantic wait so did you have to wake her up yeah did you try to hide it son i didn't know due to morning i didn't y'all didn't understand i know she already where was she no i said on the way down i was like damn i think I shit the bed. I thought I was trying to throw it on her,

but I thought, yo, babe, you shit the bed? You didn't even try? Say what? You didn't even try? No, I didn't fucking try. I shit the bed and then went and bought her a fucking purse at Hermes a few hours later. We got to cover this thing up. Somebody needs a Kelly bag. We got to cover this thing up we got somebody needs a Kelly man we gotta

cover this thing up we went shopping women be shopping in Paris I'm not a hold, you taking shit in a bed in Paris? You know what I mean? I don't know how to hold in bread. I haven't eaten bread in a year and a half. It's the same way you hold in all shit. No. Ain't no shit different.

No. No. And I'll be honest, I haven't had confidence in my farts for 48 hours minimum. Oh, no. I've been farting and just letting a little bit out. I've been farting like it's Call of Duty when you like see if someone around the corner Every time I part is just like super delicate a lot of focus on the lips damn So did you buy yourself anything like no I didn't buy myself depends

Really brought a diaper to nah we went to this fucking store I should have really brought a diaper or two. Nah. We went to this fucking store. Couldn't get a goddamn appointment. She was so excited. We go into the store and I'm like, I got to do something, boy. Like, I got to make this fucking happen.

So we go in there and I'm just like, yo, what's good? I shit the bed, yo. You know how people say it as an expression? He's probably like, oh, yeah, what'd you do? He's like, I shit the bed. Does it feel like the expression? Like when people say it? No, no. It's actually, it actually an understatement.

People really misuse that expression. It's much different. It's much different when it happens in real life to you. And you're sitting there looking at your underwear as you take the rest of your shit. Oh my God, Dad. You're just lucky it was at a hotel. Because if this was at your house, the whole bed is gone. You gotta throw out the whole bed.

Oh, you're a piece of shit shit we gotta buy him a liner did you strip the sheets when the maid came or you just let her handle it i don't know i don't know if we changed i know she wouldn't like she wouldn't like that there's no way she would let that happen. We went shopping, bro. My parents have a dance studio, bro. They do? No, that's what they did growing up. I'm a faggot. Yes!

We've been trying to tell it. Girls. Take that, Akash! Take that! Okay? More gay points for me today. All right. Look at you drinking your water.

I got a waifu. Do you know what a waifu is? Is it like drink this much water in a day kind of thing? No, no. It's like, what is a waifu again? Where's Shifty? It's some, like, gaming thing. Like, it's like a Japanese anime chick.

That just seems hot. Yeah. It's like lonely guys that will buy, like, they'll fall in love with, like, these anime characters. Oh, yeah, yeah. And then they'll buy, like, they'll buy in love with like these anime characters oh yeah yeah and then they'll buy like they'll buy pillows i don't i'm such a bad game i mean i'm i'm not like i can barely understand technology like on twitch i just i what did you just bring are you douching what is that that's a cbd pipe we're gonna get lit here buddy it's the freeze pipe we're gonna get some smoke some cdv got weed we'll do that and we'll get fucked up and have a good time.

I got to go to the gym after this. So gay voice. One thing I was always curious about gay voice is my voice is obviously influenced by the people I'm around. And people think that I'm faking it at times. They'll be like,

you sound black or you sound Italian. But when I grew up, I grew up sound black, or oh, you sound Italian, or all these. But when I grew up, I grew up around black people. I grew up around Irish, Italian people. So it affected the way that I spoke. Sure. But at a certain point, it's a choice. When I was in Spain, I didn't speak with a New York accent.

I spoke Spanish with a Spanish accent, or at least as close as I could get. So how much of the quote-unquote gay voice is a choice, and how much of the quote unquote gay voice is a choice and how much of it is just like natural? Because these are the people I'm around. Like when Madonna was was with Guy Ritchie and then she started speaking with English. Yeah. Look at it this way. In my mind, I sound like, yeah, like in my mind, I sound like Gaston. I sound like it's true.

Like I sound so manly. And then I hear my voice and I'm like, well, I missed the mark. But I think that's the thing, too. Most gay people you talk to, we just don't know. We just think we sound... Until you hear yourself.

I don't know if I have an answer for you. But do you think it's a genetic thing or do you think it's a choice? Well, it's not a choice when you're seven. You just don't know what you're seven. You know what I mean? Like, you just don't know what you're doing. So, I don't think I really realized I sounded like a complete homosexual until I was in middle school.

What? How are you born that way? Or is it, let's get to the fucking bottom of this. No, I know you're born gay. Well, actually, do you think you're born gay? Yeah. 100%. Of course. Now, do you think any people are, like, diddled into bi? Diddled. You know what I mean do you think any people are like diddled into bi? Diddled. You know what I mean?

Like, like they had like some fucked up sexual experiences when they're young and it kind of warps their idea of what sexuality is. No, I think the same way. Like, I would. Okay. Like. Diddled into bi. Not diddled into a full gay, but diddled into bi.

Are you trying to convert? Is that what it is? Say what? Are you trying to convert? I'm fucking ready, dude. I'll start slapping my man pussy right now. You're a man, but diddled into bi Are you trying to convert? I'm fucking ready dude. I'll start slapping my man pussy right now. You're a man but you're a pussy. My pussy.

I made it of age. It's not a boy pussy bro. It's man. Sure. I don't know. I just think it's the same way as like you know when did you know you were straight? That's the thing that okay this is a whole different, but like that's the thing of understanding identity. You know, like there's so much conversation about like gender and stuff with identity.

And I'm like, when do you know what you are? And how do you know what you are? We're seeing this surgence of people who are really young coming out as non-binary or gay or trans. And I think straight people are viewing that as like, this is too much. And this is like, no, we just finally have, people can finally see themselves at a young age and,

and can relate to that, which I, I had C3PO. I mean, I had like nothing. I had like, that was it. I had,

I had Jafar. I had Jafar. These are gay icons. That's the gay people I saw on TV. Always some kind of C3PO on TV. See, 3PO is gay. Yes. Why is 3PO gay? No, it makes so much sense.

Okay, break it down. Please break it down. Well, first of all, he's gay, right? I've done this as a bit because he got gayer in each Star Wars movie. The first one, he's very subtle. He's just like, oh, my. But then by Return of the Jedi, at one point he's literally like, dear lord!

And R2-D2's a lesbian. She's a full-blown lesbian. Why? Why is that? She's smart, people need her, and she came with a tool belt. Also, like most lesbians, she gets shit done. With the Millennium Falcon break sound, they're not calling 3PO. They're like, R2, get in here! 3PO just acts like me. She got the ladder at the nightclub.

Yes, she did. Yes, that is right. But then, you know, J2, get in here! She got the ladder at the nightclub. Yes, she did. She did. Yes, that is right. But then, you know, Jafar, who's like very gay. Nah, Jafar gay, I see it. Is Jafar gay? Man, was he pretty? Prince of boo-boo, sure.

You said boo-boo. Scar, Ursula. Ursula's lesbian? Drag. Oh. She was based after a real drag queen named Divine. I've heard of Divine. Of course. She was very popular in the 80s. Yeah, yeah, drag. Oh. She was based after a real drag queen named Divine. I've heard of Divine. Of course.

She was very popular in the 80s. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, this is, okay, keep going on this, because then I want to talk about RuPaul's Drag Race, because you said the most interesting thing about drag race I've ever heard. Oh, what did I say? You were like, it's the first time

a gay show was made for gay people. Yes, I would say, you know. It wasn't trying to, like, create this idea of homosexuality for straight people. Right. Queer eye or something. Yeah. Queer eyes. Like exactly.

Like what is queer eye? Um, it's a, it's a television series. You gotta be polite. And they're offering me a role. And I wish, are you kidding?

I would be so horrible on that show though. Cause they're so nice and they want to like be together and work together. They are. I've met, I've met a lot of them. The first part of the show, though, this fucks with me. They just go through the guy's stuff and just shit on all of it. They just bully this guy. Who would wear such a thing? But that is the role for gay people in television for the last 50 years.

Yeah, and also, too, the first iteration of the show was the first time you saw gay people in living rooms that weren't like you know Philadelphia you know what I mean like it was like something cause people that you know what I mean it was like something nice kind of even though we were like middle America's like where's the bruises right I don't even recognize these guys but we were a little like Captain Planet of gays like at that you know

remember Captain Planet they had like all their ring like earth fire they were like purse you know but but it was good I love cars that was a it was a great show but then you know as time moved on it's like I think they've adapted the show so that it's not just like you know queer

people walking and being like this sucks but it does feel like we've done gay people have done everything for you people and it's like it's enough already we've done your weddings your hair your your makeup, your movies. And we're, you know, we show up in the middle

of Indiana and this lady's like, my husband can't put his pants on. Like, why is that our problem? You've had years to know how to do this. Like, you figure it out. That show should be five gay men on an island

smoking being like, we hate you. Like, that should be the show. But you go to a gay bar, everybody's welcome. But you're only welcome if we're not your fucking petting zoo. The worst thing I would hate to hear when I was 21 is you go to a gay bar, which anyone's welcome, of any gender, of any orientation. You are all welcome to have fun.

But when you go in there and you see these bachelorette parties and the first thing they would say is, like, we just didn't want to be around any men tonight. And we're like. Like, I don't know what you, like. You know what I mean? You don't think that women were running shit in Scotland? That's good. Dress like us, you. You're not gonna wear a skirt if we tell ya, okay?

You just go out there and guess at freedom. And then you just come back here and put a fucking skirt and lick my fanny. Okay? That's a good way to say it. Lick my fanny. That'd be a more polite way. To say get your dicks out? Yeah, yeah.

Lick my fanny? Dude, that'd be crazy, dude. If you want to be polite nah dude i don't say that i just go turtle time revenge of the ooze what is it what is the second one revenge of the ooze what is it this is gonna be ooze oh no you don't have enough drinks that are caffeinated i'm just drinking coffee and an energy drink yeah yeah this episode is a little disjointed you know i mean all right so what do we do the carmine should we go protest or what i think that we should go to carmines and

i think that we should do a black lives matter protest yes let's go now you guys are talking yeah i would like to i think it's the right thing to do. Okay. How would you like to protest it? Signs. Signs are good. I think signs would be a good place to start. We could chant and say, no justice, no peace. Yes. No justice, no peace is a great thing to say because it's true.

Yeah. And then we could get a lasagna. Okay. And then give it a bad rating. Then we could give it a bad rating. Don't want to support the business. Yeah. On blistered peppers. Okay. We're going to give it a a bad rating. Then we could give it a bad rating. Don't want to support the business. On blistered peppers. We're going to give it a very bad rating.

It was kind of dry, but it had good flavor. And I think that'd be a biting insult. The service was shit. We say the service was shit. Yeah, yeah. Okay. I like that. Now, just out of curiosity.

Maybe we do a White Lives Matter protest also. Well, if we show up to the Black Lives Matter, is it wrong if we're just like, show time, and we just start doing flips and Lives Matter, is it wrong if we're just like, show time? We just start doing flips and stuff like that? What are the rules on that? I think that passes. That's okay. That's okay. Show time.

You can do anything you want as long as it's solidarity also. You gotta execute it. Can we take our hats and then flip it in the air with our foot and then catch it with our head and then protest with that and then are you gonna do like a little murder dance after and shit like that i will do a money dance after there you go but as art can art be a protest is art a form of protest 100 yes it is

yeah if you say i'm on a high school basketball team we're just trying to raise money for some jerseys that's it yeah do you want to buy some m&ms yeah yeah okay if i show up and i go do you want to buy a flower for your girl you love your girl you want to buy a rose flowers for the lady if i do that is that is that a sign if it's a solidarity the migrant yeah yes are we supporting migrants yeah yeah okay yeah it's all lives matter protest do you want to support all you support kids in cages? No? Buy roses to no support kids in cages. Yeah, so if we do that outside of car mines, I think it could be.

Do you think that's cool? Yeah. What if we climb down from the roof dressed in all black? Yep. Oh, my God. How does that get me to crack something? Is that? Is that? Is that? is that a thing or is that not a thing i mean it all sounds i think if we're in solidarity with all people that are oppressed that's important i just want to say right now this is our second time recording the intro uh because i didn't go hard in the paint enough Acting sucks

I miss a few podcasts because I was acting That will never happen again It is not worth it I asked to be in this movie I asked to be in this movie because my comedy hero is in the movie Eddie Murphy is in the movie I know I said on a Patreon episode Here comes Hippocrates

I said acting is the worst fucking thing You should never do it I was right 100% But I started comedy because. I was right. A hundred percent. I was right. But I started comedy because when I was a fucking child, I listened to Eddie Murphy on a cassette tape with my father. We were sitting on a bed and he was doing his like, you know, who'd be a funny F word. You know what I mean? You just bleep it.

Yeah. Yeah. The Ralph. I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to. Right. And it was the funniest thing in the fucking world. Mr. T was gay. Yeah.

You know, clench my butt cheek, snap your dick off. Yeah. Like, and I saw my dad crying, laughing. And I was like, oh my God, comedy is the shit. I got to be funny. I want my dad to laugh when I say things. And I promise you from that moment on, I valued humor in a different way. Yeah.

I get the opportunity to be in a movie with Eddie Murphy. I was cool enough. I had a cool enough relationship with Kenya Barris, who's the director. I hit him up and I was like, yo, put me in this movie. And he was like, bet. Right? Yeah. And I'm in it.

And fuck, man. Thank you, Kenya, so much. I really appreciate the opportunity. Kenya seems great. I wish he said no. I wish you rejected me. I wish you said you're not right for this movie because I'm not. I'm not right for it.

Why are you not right for it? I'm not good at movie because I'm not. I'm not right for it. Why are you not right for it? I'm not good at acting. This is gross. I'm not good at acting. This is gross. I'm not good at acting. Wait, wait, wait. And let me just say.

Can we talk about what happened? Can you tell us what happened? Oh, I'm going to say everything. I'm going all in. Okay? I'm not invited back to set. Listen, not only is it Eddie Murphy, right? Eddie Murphy's enough.

Yeah. This is the movie that I just asked to be in and then they said yes, stupidly. They just said yes. Yeah, right. Itdie murphy jonah hill's the star julia louis dreyfus elaine elaine yeah that show was that show the best show and uh i got a great elaine show a story oh my god uh mike epps who's a legend yeah yeah mike epps is the fucking man yeah dude mike epps is the fucking man. Dude, Mike Epps turned the whole set around. He came in, his trailer, he's got music blasting, weed smoke coming out of it. It's a nightclub, his fucking trailer. We're all in this dinner scene.

I'm sitting next to Elliot Gould, the old guy from Ocean's Eleven, 12, 13, legendary actor. I'm sitting next to him. He's talking to me about life, going deep about life. I'm trying to memorize this thing that I got to say. The most important thing is being present. I'm like, motherfucker, I'm thinking about to him He's talking to me about life Like going deep about life I'm trying to memorize This thing that I gotta say And he's like You know the most important thing Is being present I'm like motherfucker I'm thinking about 15 minutes

For now I gotta focus Shit needs to get done So I don't get thrown off This goddamn movie Mike Epps comes down He's so loose So chill

Cracking jokes He's making Eddie laugh Nobody is engaged with Eddie Because everybody's so terrified Of Eddie right And myself included And but Mike Epps Is busting balls, making jokes. Eddie's in the middle of his fucking monologue that he's taking very seriously.

And he's just popping one-liners in. Like, cutting off the fucking goat. It was unbelievable. And being funny about it, right? At one point when we stopped down this big dinner scene, Epps is sitting across from Elaine, from Julia Louis-Dreyfus, and he goes, she goes,

he goes, hey, so, ah, hey, hey, ah, ah,

so, what's it like working with Tracy Morgan? Wait, what? What? Because it's obvious who she worked with. No. Oh. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. because it's obvious who she worked with no oh yes yes yes he thought she was tina fey bro i fucking lost it fam i lost it i lost it bro

i thought he was doing some shit you would do i'm not gonna give seinfeld no credit no oh my god i thought it was tina fe God. No. He thought he saw the 30 Rock. Deadass thought it was Tina Fey. Deadass. He probably thought she wrote the movie. 100%. It was unbelievable how like-

What did she say? I get to be on a 30 Rock project. She kind of started to realize it and then was just like- She didn't say nothing. I haven't actually worked with him in a while or something like that.

She was like very polite and professional about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's a hawk, bro. She's a beast. You can see who's a beast and who's not. Anybody who's on the greatest bro. She's a beast. You can see who's a beast. Anybody who's on the greatest show of all time, Seinfeld, has to be a beast. Is that what bothers you about Seinfeld?

David Ducan fucking X-Files was there, boy. What bothers you about Seinfeld is he makes acting look so easy, and then you go in there and stumble through a scene like a fucking retard? Dude, I did stumble through a scene. I fucked up a scene with Eddie. I had a scene with Eddie. And Kenny, I think I've told you this. First of all, I'll tell you why I was completely shell-shocked. stumbled through a scene i fucked up a scene with eddie i had a scene with eddie yeah yeah and kenny i think i've told you this okay and first of all okay i'll tell you why i was completely shell

shocked i probably told a couple of this already but i'm gonna tell the people at home you guys deserve to to understand okay you guys know my pain i'm so so anxious i'm so fucking excited to even see eddie murphy okay i saw his stunt double and i got excited because the stunt double looks like him obviously but like even in the face down to the goatee Right and I and I was like getting nervous on how to approach the stunt double He was just sitting across from me This is like an hour and I finally said something to him and then he like what's it like looking like Eddie Murphy? No, I thought it was Eddie!

You Mike Ebsed him! Yes! And that's something you cannot fuck up. Yeah, like cuz that's the one time you're it's like you do look alike Yeah Right cause that's the one time It's like you do look alike Yeah Right It's the one time It's okay You're fine right So

I'm in this Basically First day We're all seated Across from one another And Yo Shout out to Jonah Hill

Cause Jonah Hill is like He's the star of the movie And like He's just kicking it with us We're the guys in his bachelor party Right And he's just kicking it with us like He don't have to yeah you know what i mean like he don't have to and he was kicking us and like creating a vibe and trying to make people comfortable and i appreciate that

like that for sure you don't have to do that yeah you got lines you got to memorize you got you were carrying the movie you could be in your head a lot of stress yes so but we're all kicking his fun keep my it was a walking scene there's no line it was a walking scene it was buddy gotta make choices when you walk out you know what right what's the deal with so so so we're all sitting is like four of us on this side for those in this Sam Jays in the movie love Sam Jay young taco you know Travis yeah yeah yeah yeah funny kid good kid he's in but there's like a really great cast you are so Hollywood my boy BG Brian Greenberg how to make it in America how to make it America he's great Jordan first but like dude there's people who are really talented far more talented than me in this movie okay and that sucks when

you're sitting there knowing it yeah and your lines coming up like oh boy I'm about to tank this scene ruin it for everyone when you bomb on stage by yourself it's on you yeah yeah when you bring a scene to a screeching halt in front of eddie murphy dog like it's crazy okay so anyway first time i meet eddie murphy we're sitting down four people on this side four people in this sorry three people on this side one empty chair all of a sudden the goat walks in eddie murphy walks in fuck yo sits down okay now before he comes in i'm trying to rile everybody up i know i'm with like hollywood folks so i'm asking them things like you know do you uh recognize taiwan like i'm just trying to get everybody uncomfortable because that's just how i know how to you know socialize really exactly yeah actors socialize differently they socialize through

acting like so they'll like make a fake scenario and then like play in it so they'll be like uh oh yeah actually like i lost my leg in the war oh yeah which war was it and they'll do like the improv games but like for fun that's so awful it's odd it's super peculiar but it really helps like in terms of when you got to do the act I mean comics do the same thing right but do that if you hang with comics But I mean like they're just making jokes and like tagging up Joe, but I don't like that That's just how comics are no no I don't like that. I always feel weird with that I'm like what are we doing like I like making fun of somebody or justifying something awful

Yeah, but the thing where we like play the game. We're like I'm a pilot It's just weird for me. I don't know how to do it something awful. Yeah. But the thing where we like play the game, we're like, I'm a pilot. Oh, yeah, you are. You're a pilot. It's just weird for me. I don't know how to do it. I don't know how to do it. But it helps them be better actors. They're practicing.

They're warming up. And it must work. OK. Right. I'm trying to do it. I don't know how to do it. Yep. Do you know what I mean?

They're setting up these little scenarios. Yeah. So New York, you know, you grew up like, what was it like? Like seeing crack addicts

all the time. And I'm like, Taiwan. I don't know what to say. Right. You recognize Taiwan not trans people how do you feel about them right so this is what i i get the group discussing uh chapelle's the closer and asking what their opinions on it yeah okay we're discussing it everybody's discussing we're having this conversation it's cool everything's interesting boom everything's. All of a sudden, Eddie comes in, everybody silent. I mean, Voldemort entered the motherfucking room. I mean, there is not a single fucking noise.

That's fire. It's a casino. I don't even think the slot machines was working. You didn't hear nothing when this guy walked in. It was unbelievable. And he sits down and I'm like, okay, I got to break the ice. So I lock in the sentence in my head, right? I go, I'm going, hey, Eddie, what do you think about trainees?

That was what I was going to say, okay? That's what I was going to say. Eddie, what do you think about trainees? I'm like, it's going to break the ice. He's going to know we're comedians. He's going to laugh a little bit and then give his opinion on the Chappelle thing because he knows what's going on, right? And the second before, the sentence is locked in my head, right?

Ready to go. Ready to go The second before I say it I remember that a few decades ago He picked up a trans prostitute And the trans prostitute Got arrested When he was out for a ride in West Hollywood Back before it was acceptable to do that

And he got fucking dragged for it He got dragged for it Yes I got that like the pun intended And so I don't say that Because that would have obviously ruined it Yeah, he got fucking dragged for it. He got dragged for it. Dragged, get it? Yes, I got that like the pun intended. All right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so I don't say that because that would have obviously ruined it. But once you lock in a sentence and then you can't say it,

you got nothing left. I haven't said anything since. I haven't said anything since. I just look at him. I stare at him like a baby. I'm like a newborn baby. I've heard that's Eddie's, I've heard that about Eddie

and Michael Jordan. When they sit anywhere, even if there's other famous people, everything stops and everybody looks at them. You just stop. You look at him. I was listening to him have a conversation. He's not even talking to me.

Yeah. Whenever he said something kind of funny, I would laugh. I'm not even in the conversation. He's having a private conversation. And he's like, yeah, it's just like when the motor turns on and then he starts acting out the motor. And I'm like, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Just sitting across from him like laughing

awkwardly at this so i'm i'm like frozen out from that and that i didn't know what the fuck to do that was kind of wild experience and then um after that bro we had one scene and i had one line and it was a little bit i didn't know how to get it out i didn't even know what it meant i didn't even know what the line meant i didn't know how to get it out. This is on me. I should have found a way to fucking deliver it. I'm saying the line to Eddie. I said the line to him once. He tried to like improv back with me once, but it was so weird. He was like.

Wait, improv back? So you improvised? No, the line was like kind of like. The director was really great. He gave me a line in a scene that I didn't have a line. He's been really awesome. Kenny has been awesome. And I said the line to your Eddie and I said the line to you. right and uh let's say the line is well i'm gonna go get some

paper you wanna go get some paper let's get some paper like let's say that's a line and he just looks at me he goes yeah uh bro bro yo i asked jonah i asked jonah right i'm struggling I'm fucking feeling hot I got sweat dripping down my body there's fucking sluts everywhere dude I'm wheezing we're in a strip club there's there's strippers everywhere this girl's tits ass ass is clopping everywhere it's already an anxious scene you know what I mean fuck I'm like I'm getting married in a few weeks you know what I mean? Oh, fuck. I'm like, I'm getting married in a few weeks. You know what I mean? I got surrounded by sluts. There's fucking Eddie Murphy right across from me, right?

I'm bombing this fucking line. He just said, yeah. And then just stopped and nothing else. And then, cut. Can you try it again? You know what I mean? They're never like, they don't tell you. Nobody's ever nice to you.

No one's ever like real with you on a set. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They always go, great, great. But can you try it? That means horrible. Right? Great, great. But can you just try like a. You sound like Dove. That's a Dove move right there. Bro, it is. Dove is great, great. But can you try it? That means horrible. Great, great. But can you just try it?

You sound like Dove. That's a Dove move right there. Dove is LA, baby. Dove is Hollywood. He gets it. 24 hours before this, Andrew was in his head. Eddie Murphy was joining the infamous tour. We're going on vacation with Eddie. This is what he did the movie for. 100%.

24 hours before this. 100%. I was thinking it was going to be a pop-in. Guaranteed. Radio City Music Hall, Eddie Murphy is going to be a pop in, guaranteed. Radio City Music Hall, Eddie Murphy's going to be there. He's going to do stand up for the first time. There's no chance. There's no chance. There's no... Dude, the way that I delivered this line, I think he was like, comedy's dead.

I think he felt in that moment, I asked Jonah for help. I asked Jonah Hill for help with the line. I was like, dude, do you have any advice on this line? I'm kind of struggling. He goes, he goes, yeah, just don't say it so people turn off the movie immediately he's like I go he goes he goes could you try to say it in a way where they just don't stop streaming the movie immediately like see the way you're saying it now like the way you're saying it now they'll just stop the movie and then he just he's dude he's on a run so you didn you didn't bully by Jonah Hill. I said I was getting bullied by him, bro.

I was getting bullied by him. And I don't even know what's going on because it doesn't click at first because I'm like, he's not going to bully me, right? I'm body slamming this kid, right? And then he kept on going in. He's like, yeah, so you just say it so it doesn't suck. Like, you know how you were saying it where it sucks? Try not doing that. I mean, like, hammer after hammer.

There's sluts everywhere. They're like, stop twerking. They're just seeing me get fucking bullied. Right? Like, I honestly didn't know how to talk for like 24 hours after that.

I was super nervous, bro. You should have slapped Jonah just to get you back. Just to get you back. I almost had to. I almost had to. If you go back there, you got to slap him in the mouth.

I had a couple things In front of Eddie. In front of Eddie. Just to get the respect back. Just to get the respect back comedy's not dead you're the king is here yo it's game of thrones you did the walk of shame cersei like the that you are cersei and now you got to get your back dog slap that in his mouth but that was day one sonny ain't been back since ain't no day two i was broken after day one absolute fever guys a four-minute patreon question the next day Still needed to text yourself in the mirror good good to try it again

Bro it is a heart You just sitting there you have no clue if it's good if it's bad like I knew was bad But like you just have no clue if it's good, if it's bad. I knew it was bad, but you just have no clue. They knew it was bad. Remember? Eddie let you know. Eddie let you know. Jonah let you know.

I did one take with him while he was there. And then the next take. Then he had the stunt double? He just left. I didn't even have the stunt double. I had a chair. They were just like, look here for Eyeline. And I was like, all right.

At least his chair don't look disappointed. His chair don't look at me like there's no point in him being there. Am I wasting his time? That's a, I mean, whatever. Acting sucks. Is this how you imagine meeting your childhood hero? Acting sucks when you suck at acting, dude. Oh my God.

You probably dreamed of meeting your childhood hero a lot, right? Say what? You probably dreamed of meeting your childhood hero a lot, right? How did you think it was going to go? You just thought. No, I thought it was going to go different. Don't ever meet your heroes. You know what I say?

Never meet your heroes. Really, it's don't let them meet you. Don't let them meet you because they'll be disappointed. Because this was a big deal for him. Oh, yeah. Yeah, this was a big deal for him. I'm sure he's probably heard of you.

He probably heard of you. No. You don't think he heard of Andrew Schultz? It's the Andrew Schultz of theandrewschultz.com, of Andrew Schultz's flag and two. That's a fact. Let me tell you something Hollywood don't even know anything exists outside of Hollywood Yeah I can believe that

Hollywood doesn't know anything exists outside of Hollywood That is the most important thing in the world And once you're in that world You realize why They act this way You know team doing well See the hype Team doing poorly And it's been realize why they act this way. You know, team doing well, see the hype,

spend a lot of money. Team doing poorly, sit it down, ain't spending no money. And it's been, you know, we've had some times in Dallas, and I say, dang, man, God ain't gonna let y'all see, you shoulda just left me alone. I wouldn't bother nobody in that hotel room. There's nothing there alone, cause they don't mind that thing.

Got you a couple of new rooms. How many ladies in the hotel room? Uh, CTE? CTE. CTE. I can't recall. CTE. This is where you can use certain things to your advantage. This is what you do.

Right there. That's what I'm saying. It's so funny. I meet people all the time. Michael, we met, we do remember we met, we met, we met, I said, met where? It was at one of those, I said, CTE. I don't remember none of that shit. I don't remember none of that. No, no, no, no. What's your name?

You put me in a dollar, you know, what's your name? Put a dollar in, no. What's your name? You put me in a dollar. You know, what's your name? Put a dollar in his head. What's your name? I said CTE. I don't remember my mother's name. I don't remember my mother's name. I took two minute hits.

And then he hit me. That's it. Oh, man. Okay, so no hotel memories. No. No, not hotel memories. He had his own house. It wasn't a hotel.

It was his own house. Well, it started out as a hotel. It started as a hotel, but that got expensive. expensive it got expensive i appreciate somebody who's a bargain like it was all the time thing when i say it got expensive yeah yeah yeah expensive enough to buy a house that's it yeah yeah please i think i can tell you this why it got expensive it's not that it was all the time thing but it was i'm a hundred-time thing, but it was, I'm 100%-er. Yes, yes, I'm aware. That's what I am. Best way to explain is I'm 100%-er.

And when you got me focused on one thing, I can go hard at it. When I was on something else, I can go hard at it. Yeah, 100%. 100%. So I had to leave the hotel because what happened was, yeah, yeah, yeah, I wouldn't just stay in one room. Oh, right, right, right, right.

So I would have 101, 201, 301 right by the elevator. Right, right. So I'm up in 101, 201, and I'm in the elevator. Can I tell you where I lose a little respect? I said this. Just put him in one room. No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, because there are different people in the game.

Different people in the game now. And I would say this in my young years, these are my young years folks, don't take it now. My young years, I would come off the football field where I was double teamed. I said, well, wait a minute. come off the football field. Yeah. Where I was double teamed. I said, well, wait a minute. You can't go to single coverage in the hotel. Double team me on the football field. Yeah, yeah. Who are you?

And now these bitches playing zone? So, so, right. So, so, when, you know, I was like, hey, man, go. I said, go find your corner. Go find your safety. And you get double teamed and come on back. I'm just joking. I'm just joking. I'm just joking.

I'm just joking. Come on. It's comedy. It's comedy. It's comedy. It's a comedy podcast. I get bullshit, but I ain't lying. I ain't lying.

You are not lying. Not one lie has been told. That's true. I've been diving into Rome a little bit, the Roman Empire. I saw you tweet about this. I was wondering where this came from. My mind was blown. Because I'm starting to bit the Roman Empire I saw you tweet about this I was one of others came from my mind was blown because I'm trying to research the Roman Empire and you always hear about like these the things that are happening in

the the big stadium what the fuck was it called the Coliseum Coliseum okay things are happening to come not even researching that much apparently all these things the Barclays of Rome what is it called again exactly and then they make it don't ever say the Barclays of ever again the disrespected it wasn't that nice this is the Coliseum wasn't that nice the only one there was it was open air You know I mean if there's the garden of war we want nicer People are getting massacred in the Coliseum Nick's getting massacred in the garden So yeah the visitors were massacred like the animals would come in they're playing

away games tigers just bawling these romance yeah the romans are the nicks so i'm looking up this roman empire right and you always see this big thing and they make such a big deal about like oh they had these like waterways under there and they could have these uh these ships floating and all that other stuff and they make that seem like it's the biggest invention that's ever happened in history pretty wild it's kind of wild right it's kind of wild it's like pretty wild it's the biggest invention that's ever happened in history it's kind of wild right it's kind of wild it's like pretty wild it's impressive but but let's just back up for one more second right i got cousins don't got aqueducts now yeah yeah yeah no you're pathetic your people are pathetic there's no question yeah yeah the cousins here in america we smelled them okay so yes it's obviously impressive for the time the aqueducts 100 but when i'm looking at these

they make a big deal the ships they make a big deal about for the time, the aqueducts, 100%. But what I'm looking at these and they make a big deal, the ships, they make a big deal about like the humans fighting the tigers and humans fighting these elephants and all the things that would happen inside the Coliseum. Right. And then I'm looking at these videos and it dawned on me, I'm like, how the fuck did they get these animals to roam? I'm going, you have a rhinoceros. They had a rhinoceros.

This is one of the most dangerous animals on the planet now. 2,000 years ago, some Romans transported a rhinoceros. This is before I just shoot you with some tranquilizer, you pass out for a fucking month, and then now you're in Rome.

Like this is what they do with King Kong, right? They shoot him with the trank to get the guy over there and this is him now in fake right back in the day it's not like they had fucking Hummers or nothing like that you are hauling a rhinoceros an elephant tigers lions from other parts of the world to Rome that's the most fucking impressive thing I mean it's mind-boggling. Yeah. This is how crazy it is.

At one point, at one festival, 2,000 gladiators, 70 lions, 40 wild horses, 30 elephants, 30 leopards, 20 wild donkeys, 19 giraffes, 10 antelopes, 10 hyenas, and 10 tigers, one hippo, and one rhino. Son, it's so crazy. Noah put all that on one ship, dog. Come on.

You a Bible boy. You know what it is. This shit ain't impressive. That's what they did. Yeah. That they scooped up so many animals from around the world. The animals start to go extinct. Yeah. Now animals go extinct.

And we're like, all right, well, we got all these machines. You're scooping up all the fish from the water. You see seaspiracy. You see all the poach. And they said, we're like, all right, well, we got all these machines. You're scooping up all the fish from the water. You see seaspiracy. You see all the poach and this and that. We're talking about dudes in sandals and the skirts with the pointy bottoms running around getting fucking dangerous lions gone from Greece. You know what I mean? Like, I'm like, holy shit.

How the fuck did they do this? So I'm watching this video. You know how they would get the tigers? This is the ballsiest shit in the world. How the fuck do we not have movies made about this? Morpheus? So what was the guy that calls him? Light work the Maximus shit this what they would do you want Tigers you're in Africa, right? You're going to get these Tigers. Okay okay you are on a horse what's faster than a horse a fucking tiger you got to get the cubs so what you do is when the mom walks away from

the cubs you scoop up all the fucking cubs right you start rolling on a horse right the tiger mom starts to catch up you drop one cub the mom instinctually grabs the cub takes it back to the nest then runs after you again you keep moving you drop another cup you keep dropping cubs until eventually you're far enough away or she runs out of energy and maybe you got one or two and then you bring those back oh son how many motherfuckers had to die how many motherfuckers had to die in order for them to lose you is this what you're doing? This is your thing? Really?

You're fucked up, yo. You're just kidnapping little cubs, yo. Is this your stick today? I'm going to be unimpressed by the most impressive things? This is your comedic stick? This is not that impressive, yo. The Coliseum's crazy impressive. Indoor plumbing back then is crazy impressive. You're talking about stealing babies.

The fucking pyramids. They stole children and animals. Indoor plumbing is the easiest thing. The reason why they didn't invent it is because people were terrified of water. Not because it was hard. You take the water, you put it in shit. Water killed people back in the day. So you're like, why would I put it in things?

They had clean water. No, they didn't have clean water. All water killed people. Water's not killing people. So the aqueducts were just killing everybody? The aqueducts were just killing everybody? Water killed people back in the day. People would drink water.

Babies would drink cider. They'd drink alcoholic cider. You'd give it to a baby because water would fucking kill you. No, motherfucker. You had to move the ships on something. But having water is easy. So the aqueducts were giving them water that wasn't drinkable.

They weren't drinking water. Nobody drank water? No, they drank alcohol. People drank alcohol until the 1500s or some shit like that. Dude, once they start, literally water. From when until when? Because it wasn't from the dawn of time until 1500. I do believe there was a time period where people thought water could kill you.

It did kill you. But I also think having indoor plumbing is pretty fucking crazy. They just gamed the fucking mom lion. The end of the Sun King. After the Sun king in france they started they started going all right maybe we could drink some water and then they would do like tea and coffee and that kind of stuff because it was heated up but they had this huge distrust of water couldn't do it and then i looked this up who was the first culture to really fuck with tea

the muzzies i assume muzzies have their intellectual breakthrough after coffee. Oh. Son, if you look at, this is the crazy thing. I'm like getting into my YouTube conspiracy shit again. Bro, imagine this. Imagine your society, right? And you're just drinking alcohol all day. That's all you do is drink alcohol. And then you switch from alcohol to coffee.

Think of the productivity. Yeah. You go from being drunk all day. Through the roof. Through the roof. And that's where you have these breakthroughs of intelligentsia. of the productivity yeah you go from being drunk all day through the roof through the roof and that's where you have these like uh you know there's breakthroughs of intelligentsia you have these french people thinking of ideas all of a sudden yeah right well they're not just letting

food just rot because they're drunk all day like oh i guess it's cheese yeah that's marvelous i can't believe you think cheese is more impressive than bringing a rhinoceros from south to rome coffee you know why because they're just gaming the mother lion instincts. You just take advantage of her instincts. That's all. I was with you until you said people never drink water. You're like, that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Nah, you weren't with him before that.

You and I looked at each other. I wasn't, but then he was like, ah. So I was like, ah. He didn't drink water? He's already doing that. Yeah, he's been winning with it. The end of the day, all he is is. Can I be honest with you?

The 60s. People didn't drink water. People didn't drink water until the Industrial Revolution. This has to be one of the dumbest takes you've ever had. People didn't drink water. People didn't drink water. You said you could do brain surgery. I just can't believe that you are

going to take the position of it's not impressive to take a rhinoceros anywhere, even now. They just stole cubs, yo. I thought they were taking grown-ass animals on there. That's where I was like, hold on, I want to hear where this is going. So I just felt a bit let down. I thought, how are they going to game this fucking fast-ass lion onto a boat? Or just shoot the parents and steal the cubs.

They didn't have bullets back then. Arrows. Say what you just said again. Arrows. Say what you just said again. Shoot the mother and steal the cubs. Yeah. With arrows? Yeah. Shoot an arrow into an elephant. have bullets back arrows i'll say what you just said arrows say what you just said shoot the mother and steal the cup yeah when arrows yeah shoot an arrow into an elephant shoot an arrow into a rhinoceros no a lion we're talking we're talking about rhinoceros i was talking i just said

now you're moving to go i just said lion also how do you know you're gonna hit that what if you hit it and then just comes at you you got the reload. You're not fucking Achilles out here, dog. They are mauling your ass. And think about it, you can't even go away on the Jeep Wrangler. You got a horse and a horse looking at you like, fam, I'm not faster than a fucking lion. It's over, you're dead. Now you guys are getting on board.

Now you guys are seeing it. I'm not still seeing it. I thought we were gonna get fucking adult animals onto this boat. I can't entertain. They stole babies. That's not that impressive. Your lack of entertainment.

No, they're fucking Jamie Spears with animals. That's all they are. They're just taking a bunch of animals and then fucking holding them captive. That's it. Bunch of babies. This is, I cannot even, I can't play along. I can't even play along. I can't play along.

It's an interesting comedic approach. It's not a comedic approach. Fuck you. play along. It's an interesting comedic approach. It's not a comedic approach. Fuck you. Fuck you. It's an interesting comedic approach. It's the story of the greatest empire in the world. Because of the fucking animals? Yes.

Not the Colosseum? Nothing else is important. Building things. Building things. Architectural marvels that lasted for 2,000 years. Building things is nothing. Who gives a fuck? Rocks are heavy.

They don't go anywhere. Rocks are heavy. They don't go anywhere. Oh, my God. Rocks are heavy, they don't go anywhere. Rocks are heavy, they don't go anywhere. Rocks are heavy, they don't go anywhere. How'd they build it? Rhinoceri? They can move. If you built the fucking pyramids out of rhinoceri, that's respect. How'd they build the Coliseum?

There's no construction equipment. Just a couple of slaves doing the damn thing. Italians are still building things in New York. It's what they do. They're standing on the side of the road,. Italians are still building things in New York. It's what they do. Yeah, but they got equipment now. They're standing on the side of the road, building shit, harassing women, walk by. Same thing has been happening for the last 2,000 years.

That's impressive? Yes. No. Yes, they had no equipment. Italians are fucking union workers now. What do you need? This is it. You need equipment for that? You need equipment to lift a fucking rock

and put it somewhere? What? Are we crazy? What the hell are you talking about right now? Now you care about equipment. They didn't have equipment. You don't care about the you talking about right now now you care about equipment same argument against you you don't care about the you build a fucking Coliseum without equipment or you steal a baby animal without equipment the rocks don't fight back the rocks are at least happy

at least happy you should pick up a couple of us heavy how you my father to the monstrous not happy one see a girl you like don't look like a rhinoceros you know like a rock from the Coliseum and it did that's up me and market grab a baby rhinoceros right now and then what happens when the mom come through the

audio take that motherfucking down throw some rocks out of the sun yeah see you could throw the rocks see I'm saying you losing the rocks as weapons Oh baby rhinoceros you know wrong way ahead well baby rhinoceri is a very funny way to say it. Oh, baby rhinoceri is a very funny way to say it. But I'm with it. It's just babies.

That is easy to take. You see what he's doing? You got his back, and he's still shitting on you. I know. I said it was funny. You got his back with his fake argument, and he's still shitting on you. That's what he's been doing, bro.

It's not a fake argument. Yours is a fake argument. No, mine is real. It's impressive to get a rhinoceros from Sudan to fucking What do you feed it? What do you feed it? What do you feed it? we get a rhinoceros from sudan what do you feed it what do you feed it you know a rhinoceros eat who gives a fuck feed him what you're eating it's spaghetti you feed a spaghetti akash do you know what's happening it's the year negative 27 yeah thank you the rhinoceros drink the water you 27 out here okay yeah they went to the sudan yeah okay sudan isn't even sudan it's just desert sudan

still barely Sudan. Exactly. So imagine back then. You got to deal with all that Sudanese shit. Times 10. Okay. Now it's crazy to go to Sudan. Imagine you went to Sudan right now to get a rhinoceros.

Motherfuckers go crazy. Back then. Okay. The fact that you're giving pushback on this is mind boggling. They might have got the runouts drunk. If I said it was anything the Indians did, oh, my God, it'd be the most amazing thing ever. I'd be lying to myself. I would be lying to me.

I'd be with you. Well, now you're lying to me. I'd be with you, but I'd be like, this ain't really that impressive, huh? What's something impressive? Building a fucking circle out of stones? The pyramids. Even English people could do that. White people did that shit.

Yeah, y'all did that shit. That's how easy that shit is. Romans are white people. Say what? Romans are white people. Everything you're guessing... I'm talking about British white people. Real white people. Stonehenge. Oh yeah. Italians. They're so fucking not white. They're the least white of the whites. Sicilians maybe. They just became white

in like 1930. Sicilians maybe. These fucking Italians we got now. These espresso drinking fucks up in Florence, those are white people. We don't know. Jersey Shore whites are white. Jersey Shore whites are white. We didn't consider Irish people white. Yeah they were late converts.

And that's where white is from. Yeah. Yeah like white, not everybody gets to be white. Y'all are gonna get there. Y'all gonna get there. I'm good. I'm good. Let me tell you something, if these Mexicans keep making babies, y'all gonna gonna get there. Y'all are gonna get there. I'm good. I'm good. Let me tell you something.

If these Mexicans keep making babies, y'all are gonna be white very quickly. No, they just started with Latinos. They started making Latinos. Latinos, we gotta separate, divide and conquer. They started getting- Divide and conquer. White, they have non, they have white and non-white

Hispanic on the census. I want you to know, I like that. I wanted to be with you. I did. I was hyped, dog. I was hyped. I'm serious. I'm an honest man.

You have no respect for animals. You want me to give you the- You have no respect for animals. You want me to give you the- You have no respect for animals. The solution to catching animals. No, I love animals. Don't steal my children, yo. Please, please. Should dig into Roman literature

while we're waiting for this 20 minute discussion. But for the elephants, guys on horseback would basically lead and charge them into pre-dugout pits. Yeah, this is it. And the elephants would end up in the pits and then they wouldn't feed it or give them water. But I guess no one drank back then.

So they would get physically depleted. Elephants drink champagne. And then they would capture it. And then with bears, they would go into like. Bears. Okay, the way they do bear hunts. There's light work. The bear would be in the bear den.

I just dug a hole. I'm listening for bears. They would fire off some trumpets. The bear would be disoriented, then they'd lead them into a predetermined net, catch them, and then take the limbs and tie them to wooden planks. Now you got a bear with little boards, light work. That is so impressive. Did you see what a bear did to Leo in the Revenant?

Did you see what a bear did to Leo in the Revenant? Leo should have dug a hole. This is 2,000 years before Revenant. Not even close. It's definitely more impressive. 2,000 years before Revenant? Leo could have dug a hole. That impressed me more. This is 2,000 years before Revenant. Is that even close? That's definitely more impressive.

2,000 years before Revenant? Leo couldn't do shit. He's a fucking hunter. They dug a hole and starved the animal, son. That is not that impressive. You never done that to a girlfriend who was gaining little weights. More pits than got the elephants. You never got a girl back into competition shape.

The bear shit is impressive. You never had a girl had to drop weight because you had a big party coming up or something like that. Yo, get me something in the basement, please. And lock the door. I'll give you bears. Bears is impressive.

Lions, they do the pits. How is bears more impressive than a rhinoceros? Do you know what a rhinoceros is? I think giraffes are most impressive. Okay, go. You got to build a super big cage. Thank you. The rhinoceros. Do you know what a rhinoceros is? I think giraffes are most impressive. Okay, go. You got to build a super big cage. Thank you. The tallest cage ever.

Thank you. Like, literally? Just let it. I'm with him on this. Think about how tall that cage is. That cage is so tall. Like, it's crazy tall. Who's building a cage that tall?

It is really thin. It's skinny and tall. You never build a cage? They don't even fight back. Oh, they don't? No. You've never seen a bull giraffe fight? You've never seen a bull giraffe fight? You've never seen a bull giraffe fight.

That shit is like fucking Will Smith's daughter. It's just whip your hair back and forth, dog. Seriously, that's how they fight. They head butt. That long neck. Yeah. Yeah. They got to get pretty far down.

They do it. The golf, bro. That's fucking top golf. They're dangerous animals, bro. You don't respect animals. You don't respect nature. No, I sure don't. Fuck all the other Roman accomplishments. This is the one one nothing they've done is nothing impressive outside of animals

they steal cubs the bear shit they're playing music distracting a fucking growing ass bear it's just kind of like hey that's cool you figured that out yeah what song is this like disorient the bear with motherfucking saints go marching in or whatever that's impressive to me it's a grown-ass bear Elephant, you starve it. It's kind of fucked up. But that's, I see how it's impressive. You still got to pick the motherfucker up. I see how that's impressive.

You got to get him on the bus. You got to pick up the elephant. You got to pick up the elephant. Yeah. That's why I was saying, why did you leave the cubs? You just took cubs. Because the mom would chase after the cubs. Yeah, and then you drop one.

You drop one. You just constantly fail. To come up with the idea. That's not smart. Somebody has to fail first. They didn't have the internet, so they have mad time to think about shit. Oh, my God. I hate you all.

What about Roman numerals? How could you figure? How could you find a way to make? I know you're going to have bad time, son. You get nothing but time. Yo, cut your phone off for one flight. The ideas you're going to come up with during that one flight will be better than any roman idea you guys have no respect for history or culture this sucks what did your people do just sat around and fucking fucked and wrote it down congrats yeah your grades

and consequences are doing nothing yeah but i'm not bringing him to the podcast i just can't believe he's watching i hope his mind is just below he's like yo i can't wait i dropped this heat on the box you waited to drop that heat on the box it's like i'm gonna kill these tickets I killed you today, boy. Oh, my God, yo. Y'all don't respect greatness, yo. Y'all don't respect greatness.

I can't believe it. That was so high. What inspires y'all? What inspires y'all? You're not fucking stealing children, yo. But what inspires you? That's some QAnon-ass shit, bro. And then if they don't believe that, yo, they didn't even drink water before the romance began.

That's when I knew he was in trouble. I was actually, I thought it was cool. They didn't drink water. They didn't drink water. Making no crazy lies. They didn't drink no water. They wasn't drinking water. Fuck yeah.

I was so excited. Just peered up. Yeah, when you told me this more impressive than the Coliseum, I was like, yo, they did get animals. How'd they get these animals? Why than the coliseum i was like yo they did get animals how'd they get these animals why is it impressive stealing children up today that's impressive bro and i know we help we help it's just rocks it stays there it's like any all the buildings we build are going to be here forever too son when you saw the pyramid you were blown away yeah because it's heavy yeah the weight of it impressed me and the fact that they could do it 4 000 years ago impressive if i knew they were weight of it impressed me. And the fact that they could do it 4,000 years ago.

Impressive. If I knew that they were putting rhinoceri on top of the pyramid, that'd be way more impressive. That'd be way more impressive. If they put a rhinoceros on the top of the pyramid, if they got that, I'd be way more impressed. Anything with rhinoceros, I'm impressed. Remember when Ace Ventura came out the back of a rhinoceros?

Greatest thing he's ever done in his career, Jim Carrey. That's the greatest thing Jim Carrey ever done in his whole career. Thateros yeah greatest thing he's ever done in his career jim carrey that's the greatest thing jim carrey ever done in his whole career that's the greatest thing he ever did and i'll be honest i'm pretty sure it was a hippopotamus he came out of still one of the greatest things he's ever done his entire career it was a rhino do you see that oh wow do you see that yeah that was impressive he came out the rhino's ass y'all need better. Y'all need better inspiration in your lives. Inspired by bullshit. I hate all of y'all.

I hate all of y'all. I don't ever want to share anything motivational again. Why does he like rhinos so much? I think it's because they got big noses. He's like, brother? Brother! I feel attacked! Okay? Brother. I feel attacked. Oh, my God, dude.

Okay? I can't believe it. That's why he's not impressed by the pyramids. The Sphinx lost its nose. Yeah, that's a good point. That's why he didn't. That's why he don't like it. So apparently they did have water back in the day.

I Googled it. No, they had water, Mark. But could they drink it? Of course they had water. You said nobody drank it. But they're not drinking it. Water existed. So why are you trying to be like such an idiot in 1920. could they drink the water this is an important thing they weren't

drinking the water they weren't drinking the water rich people weren't drinking the water just what it was rich people don't drink water now they people would die. That's just what it was. Rich people don't drink water now. They drink wine. It still doesn't mean you can't drink it. No, no. Rich people drink water. So they would drink it from like the natural springs and then aqueduct it down. Or if there was like a cholera outbreak, then they would boil the water.

And in some cases, they would use beer as a substitute. Exactly. They would drink beer. They didn't drink water. They didn't drink water. They didn't drink water. Oh, please believe by the end of this podcast, the Roman Empire is the most impressive thing

anybody's ever seen. Please believe. They invented television. Is that really? They had television. They were the first ones that had television. Did you know they had iPhones? No, they didn't have iPhones.

Guys, I don't ever want to share anything exciting with you guys ever again. I just want to let you know. Chifty, Chifty, I want to talk to you later about the Roman Empire. You're going to be really impressed. This is why people have kids. This is why people have kids. I realize now.

My man was yelling at us because we weren't impressed. He thought I made a decision not to be impressed. I've never wanted to be violent to you. When I told you about the fact that they put an elephant in the thing and you looked at me like I said, my girl's really funny or just something like that. And you gave me the same look like it was equally impressive. I wanted to punch you in your fuck.

I want to take your head. I want to slam into the corner of the table. That's what I wanted to do. Yeah, 100 percent. 100 percent. I wanted that. I wanted that. I can't believe you guys couldn't 100%. I wanted that. I wanted that. I can't believe you guys couldn't find anything impressive in that.

I cannot. I cannot. I will remember this for the rest of my life. I will remember this for the rest of my life. When you guys are, like, faking interest in some, like, famous person's story, you're like, oh, that was so hilarious. I'm like, oh, is it? Oh, is that hilarious?

Oh, that's pretty goddamn funny, isn't it? You just led with the wrong thing. That's all. If you told us how they got the fucking Wrong thing why no never fails What With Tiger King all documentary just was enthralled over tigers that were in a cage. Not tigers in the fucking forest. I wasn't impressed by him.

I was watching it like a fucking circus. But I wasn't like, how is Joe Exotic get these tigers in their cages? Oh, man. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. This is the least impressive take in history, right?

Roman Empire is pretty cool. And then you're like, what is it? What is it called? You guys couldn't catch a house cat. I don't think either of you could catch a house cat. I don't need to. I'll catch a house cat right now. I don't need to.

I'll catch a house cat right now. I don't need to fly a fucking B-52 bomber. It's still impressive that you could do it. That's impressive. I catch one, bang, caught. Bro, you can't go without guns. Just give me the American flag. I'll catch a house cat right now.

No problem. Wait, how do you do that? Just catch that motherfucker. Hold it out. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, fuck. That was impressive to you all? No, it wasn't.

That was impressive. It was impressive to you? That was impressive. Catching the cat? Yeah, dog. They didn't even move. What was more impressive after they caught the shit and that cat was scratching the shit out of that motherfucker

and they still held onto it? That was the impressive one. Yeah, that's respect. Oh, look at the cat. The cat is scratching the shit out of that motherfucker. And they still held on to it. That was the impressive one. Yeah, that's respect. Oh, look at the cat. The cat is bugging out, like biting and scratching his motherfucker. He's like holding it by its head. And then one other person grabs it and the cat's like mauling him apart. Yeah. Impressive.

The catch, eh, mid. It's actually a good catch. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Big ass flag. Hold on, hold on, hold on. I just said they took a rhinoceros from South Sudan to Rome. Okay? I feel the tide's turning.

And you said it wasn't a plastic. Hold on. Hold the fuck on. Get the nerve going. I just said it wasn't a rhinoceros. They took a rhinoceros from South Sudan. Not North Sudan. South Sudan to Rome.

Okay? 2000 years ago. Where they had a baseball game, though. they had a baseball game though. Nah. Alex, you just puffed your chest and you said the guy held the cat while he scratched his forearms. Yes. That was impressive. Yeah. You said that. The Romans dug a hole and starved it. Oh

my God. How do you get out of the hole? How do you get out of the hole? So you take a bunch of motherfucking slaves. A bunch of slaves gonna get one rhinoceros out the hole. Gotcha. I hope you get a nosebleed today i want that for you but what i want you to spontaneously start bleeding out of your nose yeah and i want to drip on your stupid shirt and i want you to oh fuck and then my nose is bleeding and i want that to happen to you today after what you put me through you gave me an aneurysm

you took a year off my life you took a year off my life just me what about this guy he will he he will get his punishment okay okay he will get his punishment one day maybe not this life maybe the next life you're gonna come back as a roman emperor oh that's why i would love it yeah i have a very easy job oh no because you have to drink alcohol I hope you like drinking our kash. I love it and you're gonna have to eat beef too. I'm gonna love that too. Whoa Whoa, I'm just doing all the fun shit. I can't do now I'm sorry. You're gonna come back as a Muslim Emperor With a harem of women. Yup. Yeah conquering India Making Indians build things. Yes, I really want to punish him. I'll have him catch baby tigers We'll be right back. Thanks for watching!