Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - The ONE Way to get American's to Stay Inside | Patreon Clip

Episode Date: March 27, 2020

What up people, in this Patreon sneak peek we discuss how to capture light and air, and how to get Americans to stay inside during quarantine. INDULGE.

Yeah, we're ready to go. We didn't do showers until, like, the Muslims invented it. I think they did. I think we're hygiene or something. Apparently, like, when the Muslims raided Spain, they were like, yo, you white people stink! And it's funny how times change. It's like, we appropriated all of that.

Yeah, let it never be said that you culturally appropriate. You know what I mean? You're not that guy. You respect minority traditions and everything they started. That's what white people do. We just appropriate the best cultures. Like, we should be honored if we steal your shit. You know?

Mark out here with his avocado toast. Yo, Mark has avocado. Mark brought, I'm sorry to start the episode just trashing Mark. But two days in a row, Mark has brought in glass Tupperware to work, in glass Tupperware to work, a single slice of avocado toast. Your girl do that for you? She makes it, yeah. So here's the thing.

Hold on. When he asked you that question, what did you think? Because did your girl do that? She makes it. Well, I put it in the Tupperware well I put it in the tupperware you put it in the tupperware that's half the battle bro everybody's gotta chip in during times of corona they're just gonna pull

in your weight off 50-50 household I make the money she spends it 50-50 yeah that's what she just did oh fuck but now Mark mark girl the sweetest girl yeah but she is unmistakably

white like there's just she's not even white what dude you're getting soft bro what is she black the fuck out of here she's not black she's not's not black. What is she? She's Hispanic. Yeah, she's half Costa Rican and some Italian and some German. Okay. Costa Rican, bro. That's fucking... Half, yo. Half, half... Her grandma didn't speak English.

The only thing powerful enough to overtake white with its halves is black. What about Indian? Half Indian, half white is white. Really? Yeah. What about...? Half Indian, half white is white. Really? Yeah. What about, you're coming across very 2%.

What is that? There's like 2% drops of blood or something like that. Oh, 1%. 1% is if you're 1% black, you're black. 1%, wow. How the term 1% has changed.

Real talk. He's a 1%er. back in the day that conversation we gotta get these one percenters out of here it was like huh yeah and the two percenters and the three percenters but yeah man it is um yeah she's a hispanic woman bro she's not Hispanic, yo. That's a Hispanic woman, bro. She's from Florida. Half Italian and German. Florida. Italian and German, yo.

Yo, you know who else? Half Hispanic? George Zimmerman? You don't see that motherfucker as Latino? Yo, is he famous enough to get Corona? Bruh. This was terrifying about Corona, yo. What's up?

Famous people are getting it. That's a thing, dude. I'm starting to be a little skeptical of this because, I mean, we were talking about in the pod about how it's like the new blue check, but it's like, it seems like everybody, this is what I'm starting to believe. I'm starting to believe there's a lot of different strains of this Corona. That's possible, right? And I think, and I think and i think this is fuck mark it's your fucking avocado toast mark so i've started to think that there's way different straight do you hear the crunch on that could you have brought a louder item what kind of bread is

that just throw some doritos on there would you so but here's the thing. If you put hot Cheetos on an avocado toast, I believe she's Latina. Now, here's the thing. If there's multiple types of, if there's multiple strains, there's a possibility that we all have like the weak strain or the majority of us have the weak strain. You and I maybe have already had it. We're still susceptible to that strong shit. Doesn't mean we can't get it. But this way, when all the famous people get tested they got of course they got it right yes okay that's

that's potentially valid valid listen i'm not a scientist you know i've said that many times right i said i've said that many times okay yesterday i had to explain to mark about how oxygen gets into oxygen tank that's actually a fascinating-ass question. Thank you, Akash! Do you want to know how? Mark was being all fucking smug and smug about it yesterday. Mark is smug, yo! That's a smug man!

You fucking smug, yo! So, look, yesterday... He's smug right now! So, listen, because I was thinking yesterday, I'm like, how the fuck... You just unscrew it and then screw that shit back on! That's it! Thank you! Son, it's how it's not in there already.

That's what I'm saying. Like, wait, wait. Like, we're paying people to fill it with oxygen. Go like that! You got the oxygen, bro. Like, how does it not have it? That's what I don't understand. I don't know, yo.

I also feel that way about light. I'm sorry. But like, I feel I should be able to bottle it. Like, I feel, I literally do feel, I feel like, look, like if light is just, if light is just waves, right? No! No! No!

Light! Why are we paying for light bulbs should we just be able to scoop up some sun like that bottle that shit up put that on your dresser and then we're good then we're good bro if it's traveling here listen if it's just mark's about to walk out of the park if we're traveling if the light is traveling right hey bro the light is traveling okay oh yo okay yo okay what i actually have another question mark you smug motherfucker thank you when they say traveling at the speed of light do they mean light bulb light or do they mean sunlight light or starlight light bro it's the same the same light, dog. It's the same light, you stupid motherfucker. No, it's not the same light.

One of them is electricity, yo. Oh, you think electrical light is less? Yeah, I mean, I assume. Bro, photon's a photon, dog. Nah, dude. You think it's retarded light? No, no, no, no. There is a difference because sometimes you turn on a light

and it goes, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, and then it goes on. You gave it a retarded list when you did it son the sun when it rises never go and then the sunrise the sun is also always going always sometimes you turn off a light mark let me tell you something bro i think these scientists are lying to us i really do think i really sincerely yeah and i understand it's a stupid question i understand people watching right now are like wow this guy's a fucking idiot that being said are you though bro i don't think any of our questions are dumb

that's what how is it how is it if i take some light and there's light inside the glass yeah and i just and i close it Why is the light not in there still? Why is the light not in there still? Can someone explain that to me? Why? Or here's a better question. If I could close it at the speed of light, would it stay in there? If I could take a jar, let the light go in there, and if I could hypothetically close that jar at the speed of light,

meaning the ability to close it would trap whatever was in there, would it stay lit? I don't think that works because light's not an element. It's not like out in the atmosphere. It's just something that shines. Can I just say one thing? Can I just say one thing? I know you didn't hear me at all. I just thought of one thing.

I just thought of one thing. You know how they're like, Shakespeare wrote King Lear when he was in quarantine, da-da-da-da. Yeah. We figured out light. We figured out light. Now, explain what you're saying. Light's not an element, right? Yeah.

It's not just in the, it's just a thing that shines. Yeah. That's all it is. It's not like a thing. It's like the byproduct of a thing. You know what I mean? No. Like the sun is just so fucking bright.

That's how we get sunlight. Are we going to have a is water wet conversation right now? No, because water wet as fuck. That's indisputable. Not water. It's not wet. You've heard that conversation on the internet, right? No.

Water's water. Something dry goes in water, gets wet. Water itself is not wet. That's nonsense, yo. That's nonsense. Mark, smugugs be smug for a second did you know that's what smug sounds like if you listen you go is there a smug out there you hear that's what smug is no but light oxygen's in the air that's why i think when you trap the bottle you're trapping air and not oxygen. And air is not pure oxygen.

I could breathe air, clearly. It's like nitrogen and all this other shit. I don't need pure oxygen. Yeah, but your body like filters out the other stuff. Okay, so we'll do it. I'm just saying light and oxygen. The tank is pure oxygen. It's a hustle, dog.

It's a hustle. Motherfuckers have been selling this shit that's free. How are you going to tell me it costs me a certain amount of money to fill up a tank when i go and it's free every time i take a deep breath of it how is a how is a tank of oxygen i can understand paying for the tank you know yeah but you can't charge me to fill it because it's free you know what are you charging me for for the tank to go no but i'm saying that's pure oxygen i didn't ask for pure oxygen i'll take whatever we got but some people need pure oxygen for to breathe yeah if you got emphysema and shit like that yeah yeah you got the carones i'm talking about for scuba diving in the atlantic

oh that's a good ass point oh you thought that I was you thought I was referring to like people on ventilators but I think if you get nitrogen in your in like if you yeah what the fuck yo thank you bro this whole shit is a hustle and we didn't realize it because we weren't quarantined long enough once you're quarantined you start to see all the bullshit that's out there light Edison hack Thomas Edison is he the guy who did light or is that Alexander Graham Bell nah that's the phone phone is the belt

Edison is light but Edison did that shit on demand how much did he regret that when his wife was calling him all the time like before that she'd be writing letters

and shit she couldn't write all her fucking probably was illiterate women couldn't fucking write the thing is why men cheated

so much back in the day they just forgot they had somebody letters took three weeks it's like oh I forgot it, bitch. Bitch, I'm in Maine. It's going to take a year

to get back to Virginia. I got to get some pussy. I got to get some pussy out here. Now this bitch is calling him. He got to jam some shit into his fucking ear the whole time. I'm trying to get this gold

to buy you shit. I'm on the other side of the country. Come on, it's a Boolean. Isn't that what they call a gold, a Boolean? Boolean. Isn't it?

A Boolean, right? Isn't that the shit that you put in soup? No, a gold bullion. What's the shit you put in soup? The cube you put in soup? Chicken bouillon, I think. I told you to reuse this shit, bro. It's a farce, dog.

This whole shit is a farce. Oxygen's free. They charging us for oxygen. But if you get nitrogen in your lungs or some shit, isn't that something when you scuba dive and you can die? Nitrogen makes it go quicker. You don't watch Fast and Furious? You never seen that before?

Nitrogen is when, hey, bro, nitrogen? If you scuba dive with nitrogen, bro, you coming back. You coming back up guaranteed, dude. Bro, you launching out of the water like a whale, bro. That's it, dude. You're fine. Sharks can't dude. Bro, you're launching out of the water like a whale, bro. That's it, dude. You're fine. Sharks can't catch you with a gnaw. Can't they make a tank where you inhale and then breathe out nitrogen,

and then they store that in the tank, and then when you're ready to pop back up, press a little button, zoom. Oh, gosh. Zoom, zoom, zoom. If they did that, they would be admitting that their whole thing is a farce. Just like electricity is a farce, okay? What is electricity? It's,

I don't know. Say it. You don't know, right? Yeah. No one even knows. Do you know what it is? They figured out how to put the light

in the jar. That's all electricity is. Is they figured out how to put the light But it's artificial light because it looks different. It's not. It's not.

You think some fucking loser with a kite is going to figure this shit out by himself? Yeah. He had to throw the scent off the trail. Some loser with a kite. Didn't he do it with a kite? Didn't that some fucking dork? First of all, what man is a kite, you fucking nerd?

If I saw a man by himself with no kids with a kite, there's a dead child somewhere around there, right? That should be an episode of The Outsiders. You just murdered a kid. You murdered a kid. Oh, my God. And they caught you, and you're like, oh, no, no, no. There's an experiment.

And then you just have to keep kiting. And then you look a little petty. Son. Who did the kite thing? Benjamin Franklin? Benjamin Franklin, yo. He looked like the king of the petties hold on so ben franklin not only is on the hundred dollar bill was president

also discovers electricity illuminati son illuminati yo son bruh that's how you get away with that shit fucking all the kids he wants taking kites and they're just like he's fucking kids we got to give him something electricity that's it holy shit no that's real dude you probably just have bifocals so you could focus on them small ass dicks nobody talks about that if you're hard of seeing what is it nobody talks about that if you don't have good vision and you're into kids it's actually tougher because they're so small yeah but if you're old and you need the foresight for everything else but you need a little sight for them dicks some little undeveloped dicks from them dangling legs from them dings not even the whole day you gotta do something fine Oh, God bless that this is Patreon.

So Americans have this rebellious spirit. It's like built into our culture. It's built into our DNA. All of our heroes are rebellious in some way, shape, or form. All of our cartoon characters are rebellious. I mean, Bugs Bunny is fucking rebellious. Rebellion is part of our culture. So the way that you can trick Americans into doing shit is make it seem like it's an act of rebellion, right?

And Mark was talking just about, like, a little bit like your philosophy in life. Like, you don't buy into the – well, also suck a dick. But let's suck a dick. Suck a dick. Suck a dick. But, like, the – so so capitalism they have a really brilliant way like american capitalism has a brilliant way of making you think consumption is rebellious right so they sell you the fucking che guevera tea right so you put on that che guevera tea because you're

like yeah i'm about fucking rebellion pushing back against and it's like well did you buy it well yeah from where urban outfitters okay you're it? Well, yeah. From where? Urban Outfitters? Okay, you're super rebellious, buddy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right? So what we've done is brilliantly tapped into rebellion to get people to do the least rebellious thing, right? Which is consume.

Isn't there a company? Was it Apple that's like, think different? Son, look up. Oh, there it is. Can you go to the wide? Yeah, yeah. I think i've seen that somewhere i thought i've seen that a podcast called flagrant something long live the flagrant there's a podcast that's all about not letting you get easy buckets i don't know what the fuck

it's about but anyway that's rebellion in there right there ingrained in the fuck think different think different so you's part of us. So you can get someone to do what you want to do. Matter of fact, you can get someone to conform, which is the opposite of rebellion, by tricking them into thinking it's rebellious. Yeah. Right? And maybe that's what we need to do with quarantine.

Maybe we need to turn quarantine or shelter in place, if we really want to market this right, into rebellion. Right? Right. I don't know exactly how to position it. How would you guys position it? Maybe they've already done it. Go. Where there's so many people being like, oh, these idiots on spring break at the beach.

Like, fuck them. I'm going to rebel against what everyone's doing. I'm going to stay inside. But the real matter of fact is that everyone's already staying inside does that make sense like a little bit I don't think that going out to spring break is like ubiquitous to the point where we're rebelling against it but I I do think that they really promoted that myself included that spring break clip and seeing all the people in Florida on the beach I think the people that are really uh that are like so fervent about the idea of staying aside think they're in the minority i think see i i'm social distancing we all are and i assume most

people are in new york like i assume where we live you go outside there's fucking nobody yeah i mean i live kind of in the middle of nowhere but like the cars the highways are empty yeah there's no nothing when i'm driving i'm doing i am doing absolutely nothing different in my social interactions besides when i take a picture of somebody we jokingly keep six feet because it's funny that's literally nothing different has happened in my life because i've always been six feet from people i'm never close to people right i don't hover around people when i'm waiting a line at CVS to pay for something I'm not two feet behind you I give you a fucking space there's no big deal matter of fact I don't really wait on a lot of lines and I'm not saying that on some like bougie shit but like in my life there's not a lot of lines

don't have lines like that that's it people max walk in grab your fucking kind bar walk out yeah it doesn't change that much. Right. But if you want to get Americans to do anything, you have to tap into the rebellious spirit. What the fuck are we rebelling against? Who is the force working against us that we can push back on? Yeah. Is it the people in Florida?

I don't know. We need a force. Who is the bad guy? Maybe you rebel against the other countries that are making their citizens stay in. Like by force, you could be like, yo, Americans don't need that. We'll do it by choice we're not like you we're different than fucking china you gotta force people at gunpoint you don't need that we'll prove to you you don't need that we'll stay in by choice we will social distance with our freedom that's what we'll use our freedom for i got the freedom to socially distance yeah maybe i doubt this but maybe that's what cuomo was saying

and maybe the Governor Calley is saying on some level. He's like, I'm not going to tell you guys you have to stay inside. You know, you still have the right to go outside

just at the other. Maybe they know that the second they say that it's mandatory, that rebellious spirit that is inside of them is like, fuck you, motherfucker.

I'm going out. Yeah. It's like, when I was a kid, the second my parents gave me a curfew, you know what time I came in? One minute after? One minute before. Right. Oh, okay.

Like, I'm going to 11. Oh, okay. I got you. You know what I mean? Like, if you say what I can't do, that's what I'm going to do right up until then. Yeah. Now I'm an adult. I don't have a curfew.

I'll be in the crib at nine. It's the best. It's fucking amazing. Yeah. It's the best. So fucking amazing yeah it's the best so how do you trick americans what do we do we're in this we're in this think tank right now trying to manipulate americans into quarantining right how will we do it i mean you got to trick them into thinking that's what it means to be an american

okay that's one way that's like that's like some eddie bernays shit where he's like uh like the american breakfast eggs and sausage and he was working for the sausage company to like boost sausage sales yeah but it's like if you can trick him into thinking that patriotism is like it's protecting your fellow citizens and protect your fellow fellow citizens and i think tapping into the war mentality like war i was just about to say that. We're at war. We're at war with an enemy that's not a human being. It is a virus.

The only way we win this war is by keeping apart together. You know what that virus wants you to do? Go outside. That virus wants you to hang out with your friends. That virus wants you to go to work. That virus wants you to hug your loved ones so that it can use you to jump from body to body. You know what it's like? Killing your family.

Killing your family. Yo. Attacking your kids. Do you remember letting the terrorists win? If you do this, you're letting the terrorists win. In reality,

to your Eddie Bernays point, all that was was, hey man, people gotta keep buying shit. People gotta keep going out to bars. People gotta keep going out to clubs

or the economy is fucked. We need transactions or the economy is fucked. You know what? If you don't go spend money, you're letting the terrorists win. You don't go to that football game, you're letting the terrorists win. Don't let the virus win. Don't let the virus win.

You go out there and you play your little soccer game outside, you're letting the virus win. Stop positioning things as we have to save old people. You go out there and you play your little soccer game outside, you're letting the virus win. Don't let the virus. Fuck. Stop positioning things as we have to save old people. No one cares about old people. If we cared about old people, we wouldn't shove them into these fucking prisons.

That's true. Where they're getting beaten the shit out of by some half nurse that's taking care of them. Right? Yeah. Don't let the virus win. Yeah. The virus wants you to do this. The virus is preying off your need for social contact.

It's preying off your need for connectivity. Nobody wants you to be around the people you love more than the virus so it can infect all of them. Really position that fucking button. The virus wants you at the bar getting drunk with your friends. The virus thinks you can't function without that. It knows you can't function without that it knows you can't function without that it knows i like that challenge it knows i'm challenging fall apart

as a society we can't go out to happy hour with our friends it knows how weak you get yeah when you don't have that connectivity it knows you don't have the strength i even hearing that i'm like fuck you virus bitch fuck you suck my dick yeah do you know what i mean but if if that's the difference about culture because i'm in china they're like, fuck you, virus. Fuck you, bitch. Fuck you, yo. Suck my dick. Do you know what I mean? But that's the difference about culture. Because in China, they're like, it knows you can't exist with other people. They're like, oh, that's right. How did it know it about me? How does the virus know these things?

Is the virus the government? Oh, President Xi, I'm so sorry. Did you make the virus? Oh, no. Dude, that that's it we figured out the virus wants you to infect your friends like let's go outside that's what the virus wants just tell me what to do stop it confuse you

tell me how to handle yo what's up this is Akash that was a preview of our patreon episode if you want the full thing go to www.patreon.com slash flagrant to join the illest community on earth unless you're a social justice warrior then you're just gonna ruin the fun