Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - The REAL Reason Elon Musk Needs Twitter

Episode Date: April 21, 2022

Elon Musk needs Twitter so the Saudi's don't STEAL IT... and then Deric Posten delivers the most FLAGRANT Episode Ever? Flagrant 2 is a comedy podcast that delivers unfiltered, unapologetic, and unruly hot takes directly to your dome piece. In an era dictated by political correctness, hosts Andrew Schulz and Akaash Singh, along with AlexxMedia and Mark Gagnon, could care less about sensitivities. If it’s funny and flagrant it flies. If you are sensitive this podcast is not for you. But if you miss the days of comedians actually being funny instead of preaching to a quire then welcome to The Flagrancy. #TrendingNow New York native and internationally touring stand-up, Andrew Schulz is known for his hilarious and unsafe comedy. He has starred in the sitcom BENDERS (now available on Netflix), can be seen in Amazon’s SNEAKY PETE, HBO’s CRASHING, and on MTV including GUY CODE and GIRL CODE. In the podcast realm, Schulz can be heard on the wildly popular THE BRILLIANT IDIOTS — co-hosted by nationally syndicated radio and television personality Charlamagne tha God — the hilarious sports commentary podcast FLAGRANT 2, and the film and TV analysis podcast WESTERBROS. He has made major appearances on The Joe Rogan Experience, Bert Kreischer’s BERTCAST, Joey “coco” Diaz The Chuch of What’s Happening Now, and Theo Von’s This Past Weekend. He has even done solo interviews with the likes of Lil Duval and many others. Andrew’s online presence has touched hundreds of millions of people across the globe and his unconventionally funny approach to the comedy world has launched him into stardome. His shows Dropping In and Inside Jokes will rack of hundreds of thousands of views weekly. Nothing is off limits for Schulz, from sex to race, and even the occasional audience heckler roast, Andrew is hungry to be the best. He can be seen in New York City performing regularly at New York Comedy Club and the Comedy Cellar.

Elon Musk, richest man in the world and our favorite lesbian stepdad, needs to run Twitter and not the Saudi royal family, and here's why. First of all, Elon is the GOAT, which is clearly why the Saudis are trying to fuck him. I mean, do we really want Weekend at Burning Yemen calling the shots at Twitter? This Saudi prince that looks like Wario just sniffed a little girl's bicycle seat rejected Elon's offer to buy Twitter. This Saudi prince that looks like Wario just sniffed a little girl's bicycle seat rejected Elon's offer to buy Twitter. He said Elon's offer, which was 38% above the stock price, was too little.

What? This guy must be dropping acid, and I'm not talking about on women trying to drive. Also, of course Saudi Arabia doesn't want Elon owning it, okay? They're furious at him. Self-driving is a loophole to put women behind the wheel. We cannot let the Saudis control Twitter.

It won't last. They have a history of crashing things after hijacking them. Now, we need Elon to buy Twitter. It's something we can all agree with. A rich South African is trying to own something that's not a person. That is progress. Speaking of progress, woke people should want this. Okay?

We need more African American businesses. Not to mention, we should support marginalized groups. And right now, autistic African Americans are under attack. Obviously, proud boys are on board. They'll be able to say the N-word without posing as a black teenager. That's right, Proud Boys. You can type it the way you vote, with a hard R. Listen, Elon's the bot for the job, okay?

He's a diamond in the rough. And I'm not talking about what he mined as a child. I mean, the guy married a woman from another planet and had kids with her. He can do anything. Now, unfortunately, they broke up, so technically she's... I can't say it. Come on.

I need to hear this. I love corny. Do it. Technically, she's his space ex. Hey! Trainee porn, the greatest thing to ever happen. Okay, let me explain. This is Derek Poston, a hilarious stand-up comedian that opens up for Schultz on the road.

And as you can see, he's got some pretty wild taste. Denzel Washington is not that great of an actor. But before we get to that, this is why he hates New York. No, there's no black people in New York. I did. Wait, there's no what? There's no black people in New York. I did. Wait, I did. There's no black people in New York, bro. There's no fat people in New York and there's no black people in New York. That's what I noticed. I seen Alex.

That's it. I've been all over this bitch, bro. There's no black people here. There's people that look like, Dove is everywhere. I've seen Dove five trillion times. Did you just not leave Chelsea the whole time? We was at radio. No, he's in Soho.

He's in Soho. I hit Astoria up. Oh, yeah. You hit all the black areas. Soho. Astoria. No, I see it. Go to Williamsburg. Go to Williamsburg.

I went to Williamsburg. No, niggas. No, black niggas. Yeah, there's no black people here. And there's no fat people. There's only a couple things I didn't like about this place. Now, is that surprising that there's no black people, given all the great black art that's come out of New York City? I thought it was all Marcy Projects.

I thought the whole New York was Marcy Projects where Chris Rock and Jay-Z came from. Were you disappointed or relieved? You're scared to ride the subway. I can't imagine you're walking through Marcy like, I got this. Yeah, because I was more scared of the subway because of like all the stories like jamil was like oh nigga they push people on the third rail and don't pee down there you'll get electrocuted and he was saying a bunch of they walk up and walk up and go what time is it and they cut your face and i was that's what he was saying he was talking about the 90s with andrew

now when we were growing up it was was wild. Like, it was wild. Like, I remember being in middle school, and then the principal getting on the thing and going, Hey, everybody, if anybody comes up to you and asks you for the time, do not tell them the time and just walk away. And then we were like, why, why, why, why, why? And the teacher had to find out why. And then the principal came back. Right now, there are people asking you for the time and then slashingashing your face as you look at your watch so just don't do that why do they know why gang initiation the blood gang initiation yeah we don't we don't do the

gang shit right out here yeah i do it much better yeah just shoot a motherfucker don't get too close it's also why we're rude to strangers sometimes. Because it's like, are you going to do something bad to me? Or do you want my money? You either want my money or you're going to do something bad to me. Yeah. Every time a person talked to us, like a little old lady asked for help. I was like, bro, did this bitch get too close?

Here's the thing. In New York, you can't. She was like 90 in age. And I was like, it's about to be another video, bro. It's about to be another video, It's about to be another video This bitch is saying something else She wanted like I don't know what she wanted The way you get help in New York

Is you look lost If you look lost New Yorkers will just come up to you And help you So if you're like looking like this You got a map Or your phone You just look confused

But if you start walking up to New Yorkers We'll just ignore you Or just walk away Don't be in my space If you look lost it's also the way to get robbed you know what i'm saying we'll help you support the residents of new york city you know mark was in chicago and he's like this with his phone he's like i need direction anthropologists every time he's going to hood hood. What do you mean? Trying to best friends with every person he meets. Learn about their fucking day and their culture.

This guy was two seconds away from taking his iPhone, bro. We had to get him away from him. I didn't want to be racist. He was pulling Mark's jeans. He was like, oh, what kind of jeans are these? He's like, seeing how tight they are. And Mark was like, oh, bro, this is Carhartt. I didn't want to be racist.

He came up to me, asked me if I could get directions. I gave him directions. And he didn't rob me. What did he ask for directions to? He said, how do I get to the bus stop? I said, go up here, go around the corner. I pulled out my phone. You're being racist thinking that he was going to steal my phone.

Somebody tried to do that to me in New York. And I was like, he had a phone. I was like, use your phone. And this guy could have beat the shit out of me. But I was like, I'd rather get my ass kicked than get my phone took. You've got to make that calculation in a second. But why do you think he was going to take my phone? That was racist that you guys thought he was going to take it. he was going to take my phone? That was racist of you guys.

He was going to take your shit. He was definitely going to take your shit. Why didn't he? He saw me. He saw me. He saw me. He saw me pull up. He saw Alex hold me back.

He saw Alex hold me back. He saw Andrew pull up. He's like, I can't rob this kid in front of his dad. Humiliate him on taking the kid to work day. Are you kidding me? No, no no that was that was one of the stupidest things it was also like the week of the popeye spicy chicken sandwich which has nothing to do with it that people were focused that motherfucking needed 750 for that and you was about to give him his line he He didn't ask where the bus stop was. He asked where Popeye's was.

And that was true. We was out like Easter Sunday. That was our best, bro. Just waiting on line. Chicago too? Yeah. It was crazy. Another thing I noticed about New York is,

this I notice is, everyone's dirty. Yo, chill out. Everything's, no, like, not in a bad way. You literally have shit on your face right now what I noticed, is everyone's dirty. Yo, chill out. No, like, not in a bad way. I like it. What do I got on my face? What do I have on my face? Was it foam?

I have foam in there. Because we walk around so old, and I'm like, everybody here is clearly rich, but nigga, everybody's ankles is dirty, and like, there's nobody fully clean, bro. When you get out of the shower, you dirty a little bit. Oh, you definitely didn't see white people. Bro, New York is dirty.

You definitely didn't see black people. You definitely didn't see black people. No, yeah. We'll be in lotion ankles. That's one word fucked up, just for the record. Everybody was a little bit of filth out here. I like it though. It's grimy.

Grimy. That's what I mean. Everybody, even the rich people that looked like bougie was like nah but this nigga look his fingernails look dirty everybody look dirty here people want to look cool here not rich yes whereas coming from LA everybody want to look rich

clean crystal clean that was the difference you also don't walk as much so it's just not as dirty on the streets you can just be crisp park the car go to the thing you're good you're not out here everybody's out you're walking everywhere you're on no black people you didn't see anybody i didn't see i i have a hard time believing you didn't see you're at the radio city person at andrew look in the mirror I was like, what did this have? You a vampire, bro?

I don't understand. Yeah, Astoria. Why were you in Astoria? Sam, my girl's friends live there from college. And so we stayed with them. And they had a nice spot. They had like a really nice spot. Oh, I thought you got set up in Soho.

We did. But I mean, you know, it's like $5 million a night for the rooms. Is it? You didn't get the Dove special? No, it was a busy week. Oh, my gosh. It was a busy week. Dove, I hit you up like four months ago, dog, and we played it, and you were like, the rooms

are 150. You took away my special. A busy week. A busy week. A lot of people coming from Radio City for the show Radio City. Is that why? Is that why it's so busy? Are you blaming our show?

What did I do for you last night? You did everything. I'm not just saying like in this instance, that is what happened. Hold on. What did he do? What did I do for you last night? You did everything. I'm not just saying like in this instance, that is what happened. What did he do? What did he do? I hit him up like two months ago and I was like. No, no. What did he do last night?

What did he do last night? Oh, he took me to the cellar. That shit was awesome. And he came out to the show in New York Comedy Club. He took you to a comedy club? He took you to a comedy club? What a hero. You took him to the fucking comedy club.

You can't go there without a comic. You just fucking radio city, bro. I don comic. You just fucking in Radio City, bro. I could be going like that, bro. First off, the Uber's here is expensive as fuck. He paid. Yeah.

He took me to the comedy club, bro. Probably on my fucking car. It was a business expense. We going to comedy clubs. God damn it, Dove. That's it? There's no denial from him. No, no.

Nothing in the way of an offer. I tried. I let you have the joke, but no, I paid for that he had the wings the wings are fire the wings are fire

I'm just saying he had to see the cellar he and Sam had sets at New York Comedy Club crushed it both of them hey thank you

shout out to New York Comedy Club seeing him do big theaters for this year and then you see him in this intimate room and he just that instant engagement off of the audience was just fire. Oh, yeah?

He crushed. And then they had to see the temple. He got to see the spot. That was your first time going to the cellar. It was a lot to me, bro. Anybody pop in? I mean, we were sitting in the kitchen area. And just to see Dave Attell walk in was just like, that's all I needed.

Did you get to watch him? No, we couldn't get down there to watch the show. You could take him down. You couldn't get it. It was between shows. It's on Dove today. Come on, Dove. It's on Dove today.

Come on, Dove. Oh my gosh. Come on, Dove. Why do you work so hard? Dove is such a housewife. Oh, everyone's ganging up on me today. No one helps me around the house ever. No one helps clean up ever.

Especially you. Dude, ever. Especially you. Dude, shit. Especially you. We have company coming. He said that one fast. Yeah. Mark hasn't responded to a text in a week. Let me just say that.

What are you looking at, Miles? You're scaring me. Right? Everything's good? Okay. Mark, what do we got going on today? Okay, just real quick feelings, no facts. The mask mandate on airlines has been officially

overturned by a judge in florida people are celebrating people are celebrating all over the country can i ask you a question about it why is it that a judge in florida is able to do that and what's interesting is that i have no idea i have no idea why i just spoke to mark i just spoke to mark i'm like bro i don't know a lot about any of the stories today so you're gonna have to do it he's like i, I'm good. I research everything. Come on, boy. Why does this one judge in Florida have all to say what that bitch has been doing for the last two years? Because Florida's the best.

We run the whole shit. We know it's the best. We run the whole shit. You don't run the whole shit. Stop talking out your mouth like that. My judge is the best. My judge in New York overturned it, and then the whole country said, nah, fuck it. No, no. Miami's dope.

The rest of y'all fuck animals, bro. The rest of y'all fuck animals, bro. The rest of y'all fuck animals, bro. Animals and cousins, bro. Animals. Yeah. How did Florida not get caught up in the Alabama shit? They got some of that. They do got some of that.

The women are bad. What are you talking about? Who? Florida's. Are they? Yeah. But you fucking that cousin. It's like, I ain't got much to say, though.

You know how far your cousin has to be to nut in her, bro? A Miami bitch. Also, I don't take any of this shit because I'm pretty sure incest is legal in New Jersey. Like, it's like up here where you guys have incest. You making a case for incest, dog? You guys have incest being legal and in Florida it's not even legal. It just happens. They're not incest.

They're Italian. He don't know about the Florida judge judge but he knows about incest yeah how'd you even google that that quick what the incest rules it's my home page he needs to look out for you that's why he couldn't resource the topics you gotta try to get a marriage through i have one of my boys come to the show man i haven't seen him for so long and i won't say his name because he got friends to listen to the podcast you know but uh and it was so funny he was like you know how people think you're gonna talk about them on stage i'm sure you guys see this right and we don't but like it would be ridiculous i would talk about my friend from high school that i haven't seen in

a decade but but at the same time you're worried and he goes man i thought you were gonna tell that story and i was like what story he goes, man, I thought you were going to tell that story. And I was like, what story? He goes, remember when I told you I lost my virginity to my second cousin and it didn't count? And I go, what? He goes, well, yeah, it didn't count, bro. We was keeping it in the family.

Yo. He came back one summer. It was high school. And he comes back. He walks into my room. He goes, son, I ain't no virgin no more, son. And I was like, oh, shit. Who you doing?

He goes, yo, my second cousin. I was like, what? And he didn't even know it was wrong until I told him, bro. Oh, my God. Jeez. What number is it not wrong no more? Third. Third is negotiable.

My boy said one more time. Second is like, what's a third cousin? Come on. What does that mean? I don't know the numbers. How does that work? Yeah, come on now.

Third is... How far away is that? That's not even family at that point. Genetically, I think first cousin is like 15%. What is first cousin? That's just your cousin. Yeah. Second cousin is like 15%. What is first cousin? That's just your cousin. Yeah.

Second cousin is your cousin's children. Children. Third cousin is your cousin's children. You're a fucking great-great-granddaddy, bud. Or like your cousin, me, my cousin, or our kids are cousins. If we're cousins. Does that make sense? That would make sense.

Yeah. You got a lot of that. Your cousin's cousins. Does that make sense? That would make sense. Yeah. Cousins that you're not related to. If you're not at the family reunion, I'm fucking done. Get out of here. You got to leave. They are. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. What if they're plus one, though?

Yeah. Oh, yeah. What do you mean? Hey, can we be honest? Family reunion, mad inclusive. It's a very inclusive event. Oh, my gosh. You invite your whole family to an Indian wedding

my wife went to the family reunion you know what I mean she came and hung out wait your family reunion yeah she came to our family reunion okay well you married bro yeah I know

that's my point by your rule it disqualifies we're trying to talk about fucking cousins stop bringing up wives you're making it weird his rule is that if they go to the family reunion

you can't fuck but it's like yo your girl's gonna go to the family reunion yeah that's it Andrew's question is the plus one but I'm talking about yeah the plus ones obviously because that's not blood yeah but what would you smash if you had a little of the same blood i think third cousin is a good third cousin right i think that's fair al third cousin how much of

the same blood is that third cousin can we can we look that up can you bring up your 23 and me and just tell us can you just tell us really quickly how you're related to everybody in Morocco? We might have to cut this. Oh, man. My grandfather's. Oh, here we go. Here we go. Al got to explain his autism.

You saved his autism. Tell him where the tism come from, Al. Let's go, baby. I never did. I never did. I never did. But it was my grandfather's funeral. And so just family started coming out the woodwork. I think this motherfucker had a family that I just didn't know about.

And there was just a baddie there. Me and all my first cousins were just wondering, how related are we? What's your last name? We were asking a lot of questions. Wow. Bro, it's not that much blood. Anybody smash? Al, anybody smash?

Nah. Nah? You bagged her number? Nah. So a parent and a sibling got 50% of the same genetics. Okay. Right? Yeah.

A first cousin's only 12.5. That's what I'm saying. Okay, so then second cousin is? Second cousin's 3.2. Third cousin, that's a stranger. 0.78. Third cousin, you're clear, dog. That's less. That's what I'm saying. Second cousin is? Third cousin, that's a stranger. Third cousin, you're clear. That's 1%. What's the difference between us and chimpanzees?

1%, right? I don't know what point you're making here. I was like, keep going. I'm having fun though. I'm just saying, if you fuck your third cousin, you make a chimpanzee? Yeah. Is that how we made them? That's how evolution works.

That's how evolution works? You have sex with your third cousin and you make a chimpanzee. It's like donkeys. A donkey is like a horse and a mule or something like that, right? Yeah, exactly. That's chimpanzees. Second cousin, not that crazy. 3.5%.

You're wild. 12.5% ain't a lot, bro. It's 97% different. So wait, what is 12.5%? Yo, you wild. You're wild. You're wild. 3.5%? 3.5% ain't a lot, bro. It's 97% different. So wait, what is 12.5%? That's the percent that it becomes retarded? Like, that's the chance of the kid being retarded? I don't think so. No, no.

If that 12.5% meets the kid is retarded or no? Yeah. I think the chances are actually lower than we're led to believe, to be honest with you. No. It sounds like I want to fuck all my cousins. But I'm not wrong. But also, you call everyone cousins. It was different for you guys.

That's true. Yeah, everyone's a cousin. Everybody related to Indians. Yeah, exactly. There's a billion of us, so we're just incesting out here. What can you do? So cousins mean nothing to you. No, I wouldn't have sex with a cousin.

Say what? I'm just saying, I think, I saw this in Rami. The apparent, like, the science that you're going to have a retard with first cousins is blown out of proportion. Or maybe it's in his special. But blame Rami Youssef. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. What was he saying? That, like, it's not that bad.

Yeah. The chances are not as high as we're led to believe. That's most of human history, right? You had to, like, smash your cousin. That was just life. But do you also think that's Islam trying to take over by reducing our iq by making us fuck our family until our iq is low you're saying a reverse crusade yeah do you think that's what rami's really trying to do maybe he's just trying to get white people to fuck each other and black people to just fuck each other

so the judge of florida is not a Floridian judge this guy's crazy bro I was doing some googling please do it usually before the podcast what the fuck I forgot we were talking about masks we were talking about important social issues

we were talking about policy so she's a federal judge that is in Florida not a Florida judge a federal judge that is in Florida, not a Florida judge. A federal judge that's in Florida. Yeah, appointed by Trump. How many of them do we get?

How many federal judges are there? Talk about incest a little longer. You got districts all over the country. Why does this one judge have so much power? Are there 50 judges

and it's got to be 51-49 in order to pass some shit? No, it's because someone filed a lawsuit against the government for like a health freedom act, something like that. She's the district judge. She reviews it. I'm sorry, in order to pass some shit? No, it's because someone filed a lawsuit against the government. Okay. Like a Health Freedom Act, something like that.

She's the district judge. She reviews it. I'm sorry, you knew this the whole time? Where were you, bro? Why are you giving us incest facts? I'm just a smarter Googler. That's an insult. I'm not going to feel good about that.

Ask me to Google anything. I'll do it right now. Go. Oh, maybe now I can confess. Remember that time I solved that riddle? Wait, what? What riddle? Remember when we were doing riddles?

Mark's stupid riddles? Oh, you cheated? Yeah, I absolutely cheated. Wow. That's fucked up. What riddle? You were giving it up to him, too. What riddle?

What riddle? It was some riddle. I don't even remember. We were doing it on the pod? It was some gay shit that he was doing about riddles. My riddle's gay. It's not gay. It's just that it's clear

you didn't fuck girls. That's what I meant to say. Virgin. Virgin. You did that virgin shit. I just had to confess at some point. There you go.

Gays get assed. Gays don't got time for riddles. You sucking or not. That's the riddle. The ridin or not wow you really deceived us so so mark so this judge shot it down so that means that we don't have any more masks on the planes you're not required to but a lot of people still can't which is fine but you can't give me any shit yeah but private airlines and airports can still require it oh fuck me no no every airport every airline basically is like no you don't give me any shit. Yeah, but private airlines and airports can still require it. Oh, fuck me. No, no, no. Every airport, every airline basically is like,

no, you don't need to. I think they were just dying for this to happen. Airports are at the mercy of the local government, I think. So LaGuardia and JFK, you're still supposed to? I don't. Oh, so you don't even got to do that shit at the airport? Most airports. LaGuardia, JFK, you do.

Yeah. And New York City Public Transit, you do. Because New York has not overturned it yet. They said they're waiting to see if Biden appeals. And if they do, then whatever. They're some cucks. But pretty much everywhere else, you're mask-free in the airport and on the plane. Delta dropped it. United dropped it. Uber dropped it. Lyft dropped it.

We're free, baby. And pilots came on the intercom and told everyone. And people were dancing in the aisles and throwing their masks away. And the flight attendant was coming down. Yeah. But imagine if they were singing Easter song. End of the world. Yeah.

What a tirade some people would have. Yeah. If they believe in the Lord and Savior. Jesus Christ. Yo, Jesus Christ is so lit, dude. Wow. When did you? Jesus Christ is so lit, isn't it? it dude wow when'd you believe in god just have an annoying atheist around him yeah and he'll be at church tomorrow

if you want to believe anything just have an annoying opposite person that's it it's that simple it's really that simple yeah yeah i'm easily manipulated yeah yeah like the opposite way whatever person's trying to manipulate you into you're like now like if somebody cares like deeply about something yeah right like why you care so much bro like if you just cared a little less then i'd be like oh that's fire yeah but when they care so much it's tough especially it's about something that doesn't like relate to them in any way that's the worst yeah when people care so much, especially it's about something that doesn't like relate to them in any way. That's the worst. Yeah.

When people care about just some stupid, like at least with religion, you're like, you get to go to heaven. Salvation. There's salvation. Like I get that. You're like, all right, you get some shit at the end. Yeah. But like fucking socialism.

Do you know what I mean? What a fucking loser. Right? Like wealth and quality right like you've got your whole life fam you're gonna give it up for that go get a job bro why don't you get a job a little bit do you know what i'm saying you talking about jayden smith right now bro who you going is that what he does that's what he said in the interview oh yeah oh the social political problems of the world. Can we talk about that?

Yeah, we were dying laughing at that fucking video. Can we talk about Tupac's dick going so far in your mom's pussy? No, he says vagina. Oh, my God. For real, though. That is another thing that annoys me. Passionate kids, bro. Just enjoy toys and candy.

Yeah, I agree. Fuck out of here, bro. I agree. Greta Thunberg? Greta Thunberg. Bitch could be right about everything, but you're too young. All right, guys. We're going to take a break real quick because I need to tell you about Xter.

Xter is the world's largest smart wallet brand, and I'm going to tell you why it's the greatest wallet on earth. First of all, quick access to all your cards. You see that? Bang. Look at that. All the cards pop out. Grab the one I need. I'm not fumbling through my wallet like a fucking idiot holding up the line behind me right there. Bah. Done. Which card do I need? Also, it has key tracker features, which means your wallet is trackable worldwide. This is the one wallet you will not lose. And it's voice activated. If you lose your wallet, you can just call it. It works with Google Home, Alexa, and Siri. Hey Siri, where did my dumb ass put my wallet? Because I lose it all the time. Oh, there it is. Also, this offers RFID protection, which means it protects you against identity theft and skimming. That thing that Andrew always talks about, the boop boop,

where people just walk up behind you, take your fucking identity like that. Not with the Ekster. So if you want to get an Ekster and improve your life, go to Ekster.com and use the code FLAGRANT at checkout, and you will get 20% off your order. We always look out for you at the Asshole Army. So go to Ekster, that's E-K-S-T-e-r.com and use the promo code flagrant to get 20 off site wide yo infamous tour okay atlantic city sold out vancouver is the last place that you

can come see us that's it that's the last place there are two shows they might be sold out for all i know just go check that shit but that's the last time you can see the infamous tour and then it's done never be done again kind of crazy to even say that the last two shows that are potentially available those tickets might be sold out i'm not sure that are potentially available will be in vancouver canada crazy dandrashills.com akash what you got first of all i forgot to thank you guys before but toronto thank you guys for selling out four shows my first theater so fucking hype can't wait to Thank you guys for selling out. Four shows. My first theater. So fucking hype. Can't wait to see you guys this weekend. April 28th through 30th, I'm going to be at the Stress Factory in Connecticut. The Stress

Factory of Fairfield. May 12th through 14th, I'm going to be in Tacoma, Washington at the Tacoma Comedy Club. And May 19th through 21st, we're going to be in Holland, Muskegon, and Grand Rapids, Michigan. We also added a second show to Grand Rapids. Thank you guys for buying up so many tickets on the Saturday show.

Get those tickets and tickets for every other date I have at akashsingh.com. Now let's get back to the show. I think it's good we're talking about this because Derek is an expert at a few things. Expert at comedy, expert at sports, expert at music, and an expert at movies. And that's the shit y'all know, bro. I'm great at everything. He does claim to be great at everything, and far it it has worked out that way but but what why do you bring this up mark because derrick has some of the most insane movie takes i've ever heard in my life for example bro you ready yeah number one denzel washington oh relax

is not that great of an actor wow he went there what you gonna do this is one of the dumbest things this is one of the dumbest things. This is one of the dumbest things I've ever heard. This is why kids can't talk, bro. This is why kids can't talk, because they say stupid bullshit. I wish you was Helen Keller right now. I wish you were Helen Keller right now, bro.

Mute. Mute. He can't act, bro. Back it up. Bro, he is a good actor. He picks great movies. He makes movies better, but the skill of acting,

the skill is range. I don't, I don't agree with that. Range is the whole game, bro. If you got to be able to, the skill is acting. Don't agree.

Bro, he's always an angry black man. No matter what. Yeah. That's why. Are they happy? What is there to be happy about? That was a better way to say it.

What is there to be happy about that was a better way to say it what is there to be happy about there's racism in the world bro why you bringing that let me be in Gotham let me be in another world let me be in fucking middle earth I gotta be a black I wanna see you I wanna see this nigga be retarded

I wanna see him be I am Sam that's what I'm saying that shit was crazy that shit was crazy bro I want to see him be... I am Sam. That's what I'm saying. You remember I am Sam? Yes. That shit was crazy. Fire. That shit was crazy, bro. What's the guy's name?

He's in New Brain? Sean Penn. Yeah. That was crazy, that movie. Yeah, it's crazy. Wasn't that crazy? That was crazy. That was crazy.

What are you about to say? What are you talking about? But it wasn't... They were actually going to trial to see whether a fucking retard could be the owner of a kid. Yeah. You don't need to go to court for that. Why?

You just go, oh, look, he's fucking retarded and maybe he can't raise his daughter. Right? Like the whole movie was like, should we or should he not? Well, you got to check, though. Yeah, but Britney still got her kids. Say again? Britney Spears still got her kids, though. I don't think she does, to be honest with you. Yeah, she don't got her kids, bro. Well, she's to check, though. Yeah, but Britney still got her kids. Say again? Britney Spears still got her kids, though. I don't think she does, to be honest with you.

Yeah, she still got her kids, bro. Well, she's allowed to have them. She's making another. They're going to take that one away, too, bro. I mean, they gave it to her. K-Fed? He's not much more. Yeah.

Nah, K-Fed is brilliant, bro. Wait, they're going to take her new kids? K-Fed a real one. They got to take her new kids. Like, off rip? They must, right? No. She's crazy.

I don't think they're going to. She's not in a conservatorship anymore. They got no grounds. Oh. So I think she gets to raise this kid and fuck it up. And then we all just get to watch it happen. This is really sad, man. I know.

We made the podcast sad. I know. Jeez. But Derek was also saying that Malcolm X was a trash movie. What? No, no, no. Bro. He's at Malcolm X for a trash movie.

That's wild. There's no way that's a trash movie, bro. Yo, you don't like black people, yo. And Training Day was trash. Yo, I don't like that. movie, bro. Yo, you don't like black people, yo. And Training Day was trash. I'm like, that's where we live in New York. You don't like black people, bro. Training Day, fire. Malcolm X, fire.

Bro, I'm not kidding. No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Training Day, not even close to Denzel's best work. That's not that hot of a take.

Not even close. If you're a real Denzel fan, not even close. Then what is? I like Malcolm X. Man on fire, bro. Man on fire is so good. I would hire Denzel to babysit my white kid so fast, bro, after that

movie, bro. Like, there's nobody on this earth that will protect your child like Denzel would. Facts. Man on fire. Book of Eli. Crimson Tide. American Gangster. Oh, good movie. American Gangster. Remember the movies. American Gangster. Remember the Titans.

Oh, my God. Remember the Titans. Oh, John Q. John Q. Keep proving my point, dog. He wasn't angry at John Q. Yes, he is. Yeah, he was angry.

He was mad angry. He was desperate. Pursuit of happiness, bro. Will Smith. Will Smith. That was Will Smith. Dang. You remember when he slapped

The shit out of his son Bro what do you mean He wasn't angry at Fences Bro he's literally Looking at his son Going look at me little nigga I don't even like you I didn't see the movie

That's what it says Fences That was the trailer I'm not gonna lie That shit made me feel Uncomfortable bro Really Cause he was so unlikable

And I love him And the son was like Do you even like me And then he was like I don't have to like you Oof Angry Philadelphia Angry I love him. And the son was like, do you even like me? And then he was like, I don't have to like you. Angry. Philadelphia.

Angry. Great, but angry. I didn't watch that shit, bro. The range in that is Tom. I don't do that shit. You're crazy, bro. I'm talking about the skill, bro. You're crazy. Y'all talk about movies.

You would come in here with a Lakers hat, bro. Just a losing team. Just a losing team. Was he angry in glory? Yeah. You remember him fucking getting whipped and he's like, wait, glory. He's a slave. Yeah.

Yeah. No, he's in the army. He's a slave. They literally. Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo. That's crazy. You think that he's literally in the army. Sl He's literally in the army, bro. Slaves can be in the army, bro.

Can they, though? Yeah. But they talk about how in like, they were like, because they always say like, man, people, you know, stand up for the flag. Remember that whole Colin Kaepernick shit?

They were like, I fought for this country. And it's like, bro, plenty black people fought for this country, even during slavery time. Yeah, but then they got their freedom. But he was freed, but they still punished him. That's what the Buffalo Soldiers were. Using a whip. Then they got their freedom. But he was freed, but they still punished him

in that film using a whip. He wasn't that free. That was the Buffalo Soldiers, the black, what is it called, the black, not cadets, the black battalions. The black battalions, they basically sent out west.

No, I know who you're talking about. My uncle's one of them. Really? Yeah. He's an actual Buffalo Soldier? Yeah, he's still like, so on the Rose Bowl Parade, bro, he still rides, he like rides with them. They do the,'s still like, so on the Rose Bowl parade, bro, he still rides,

he like rides with them. They do the, the Buffalo soldiers ride through the Rose Bowl parade every year. He does that shit. He got his own Buffalo fucking horse and everything, bro.

Is he like, is he like 150 years old? Yeah. If I showed you a picture of him, I would be like, Derek, that's just Morgan Freeman. That's how old this motherfucker is, bro.

Okay, okay, okay. More trash movie takes because there's no way, that's just Morgan Freeman. That's how old this motherfucker is, bro. Okay, okay, okay. More trash movie takes because there's no way that that's off. By trash, you mean absolutely correct and 100% accurate? Okay, okay, okay. Go, go, go. I fuck with all Judd Apatow's comedies. I do like them. But that is what ruined comedy movies.

And that is why there are no more. I want to hear this. I'm in so far. Go on this take because next time I bump into Judd at the cellar, I'm going to have to bring this out to him. So go on this take. You made great movies, Judd.

You made some of the best. But you ruined comedy movies because you made it about identity and a coming of age tale. And comedy movies should be like seeing someone grow into this kind of whatever better person, whatever kind of person they're gonna be fuck that a comedy movie is it's just like a sitcom it's yo this a pet detective go you know what i mean a guy with a crazy golf swing

go it's a fucking it should be simple four guys go to vegas they forget everything go you build out you don't build like let's go with the story like let's go with this person and grow with them and that's all his movies are and they're funny you know what i mean the last one what he did was like 40 year old virgin was exactly what it should have been a 40 year old virgin let's go from here that's a great that's a great premise and then it was like knocked up like oh what happens if you get a person knocked up but let's see the guy grow with the girl and the girl grow with the guy and it's like okay it's still funny and then it kept going like train wreck let's see or king of staten island or you know what i'm saying like all these movies now and that's why there's no comedy movies now because

that's all they want they're like oh well this works we want to see identity we want to see someone become themselves or whatever the fuck and it's like no i want to see retarded dude who can who go like a really who like you know what i mean like that's a comedy movie and that's why judd ruined comedy movies so you really think it they he ruined them yeah everybody's trying to copy him yes and you're like okay he can do it good yes but other people can't do it good but everybody's modeling off of him yes it's like right now comedy in the net she did it the best or like with john stewart yes it's like john stewart was amazing at it then other people tried to replicate what john stewart did without the nuance they're just like i'm gonna be left wing about everything or i'm

gonna be right wing about everything and then the the comedy was no longer surprising yes but john was actually out there doing the work yeah i see what you're saying uh well i don't think he would disagree with that take to be honest with you yeah because it takes a special skill to go on that that journey that being said i do like the idea that there's nothing redeeming about this character like i think that's kind of funny like the pet detective thing it's kind of fun like you solve the you solve the problem but you don't really change the guy that's what i don't want to grow with him yeah that's what i'm saying yeah saying i want to see the four guys figure out what the fuck they did in vegas last night and then still be that way even happy gilmore grew

but it didn't matter that he grew he like learned to control his temper a bit bro that's not growing the whole big montage he's like learn how to butt and it's literally about learning how to putt now but he don't fuck people up anymore and all that shit so he's a little bit about the growth yeah it's not about that it's aboutt. No, but he don't fuck people up anymore and all that shit. So he's a little bit of a troll. But it's not about the growth. Yeah, it's not about that. It's about this crazy swing. It's a byproduct of the script just getting to its end place. So that's why you'll never see another comedy movie.

It's over. Hang on, Hang On was the last great comedy movie we'll ever see. We'll never see another one. We'll ever see? We will never see another one. In 20 years? No. Oh, it's right, it's going to be funny?

Bro, we're leaning more into identity. And identity's not funny. No, no, that's not true the i am sam 2 is coming out he's in bobsledder and he didn't even use the bobsled they just they roll them and it is crazy bro it is wild dude you guys gotta tell you i am sam too coming to theaters jeez i also wonder if like tiktok and other like external content has made like funny movies less interesting yeah why you know i mean like you're able just to get your fix as far as like laughter and it's like if i'm gonna go to a movie i want like big multi-million dollar cinematics like theatrics i want cgi and the whole deal and that's what you're paying for it and i think a lot of the

talent is going that way and they're like i'll just make my own shit, make a ton of money and have complete control over everything. Yeah. So now it's cultivated in this. I will say one funny comedy surprising surprised me was Girl Strip. Tiffany Haddish is so fucking funny in that movie that it carries the whole thing. Every line. Bang, bang, bang.

But she is the only part of it that's like that. The rest of the movie, the girls are all like growing to be better. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But Tiffany Haddish carries it over the top she does so fuck if you haven't seen it it's your i'm so impressed every line she makes funny every fucking line yeah she made that movie a hit no no question you might be right because i'm looking at this list top five or the top comedy movies the last five years number one is personal history of davidfield. Kill yourself. Love, Simon. Into the Spider-Verse. What is this, NPR?

Screenrant.com. The funniest comedy films for the last five years. I can't find... What are the highest grossing? Let's look up highest grossing. That'll tell you something. Because the people speak louder than the critics. So far, you're one for one. No, I'm two for one. You guys changed the Denzel argument in the middle of the argument.

One and one. One and one. Not one for one. I'm too. You guys changed the argument in the middle of the argument one you can want anyone one and one Yeah, not one for one Do what the fuck I was talking about Mark next what are we talking? You got another we got a movie take Oh Okay. We're definitely 2-0. Mark, next. What are we talking about? Hold on.

You got another movie take? Oh, bro. I can go all day. This guy, this is him. Marvel Infinity War is the greatest movie ever made. Not superhero movie. Not fucking any... Put it up against anything.

It's the number one movie. And it's the peak of cinema. And they will never make anything better. There will never be a better movie experience. There will never be a better overall story. There will never be a better overall story. There will never be a better anything. This is the one before Endgame or are you including Endgame? No, I do not include Endgame. Endgame is just a superhero movie. Infinity War is a movie

and it's better than Shawshank. It's better than fucking name a movie, bro. The prequel to I Am Sam. Literally one of the best movies. I'm going to be Sam. I'm going to be Sam. That's an awesome movie. And when you see that retarded sperm swim back

in his dick and you're like what are you doing it is pretty fucking special that movie you gotta see that shit that is nice is that the horn of the two cousins fucking yeah yeah it's 12 and a half percent yeah yeah yeah okay but uh Infinity War is the first part of the the avengers the

final avengers which is infinity war in game and the reason it's the best movie of all time start start the end they lose that's what makes it already top top notch oh that's why it's already up there with the departed or other things you know reservoir dogs and movies like that pulp fiction where it's like, there's no winner. Nobody wins. The best movie, you can't win. You can't walk out feeling good. You gotta walk out feeling, you gotta walk out thinking. You know what I'm saying? In Infinity War, you cry.

It starts amazing. There is no breaks. They exactly pace it. It's the most, it's the best pace movie I've ever seen in my life. First five seconds of the movie, the Hulk is getting his ass beat. The Hulk. So you're already like, whether you know anything about superheroes or not, you know like, oh, that's the Hulk.

The beginning is fire. That's the Hulk. I know he's the strongest. When Thanos gets fucked up a little bit and then a guy's going to step in, he goes, no, no, let him have his fun. That's what I'm saying. That line. Infinity War is so fire. There's never been a better movie and there never will be. Two for three. Three for three. You're convinced now? Best movie ever? Wait, I'm trying to think best movie ever. Is that better a better movie and there never will be two for three three for three but yeah you just you're

convinced now best movie ever wait i'm trying to think best movie ever is that better than shawshank redemption absolutely he wins does he though his whole life he spends getting yeah he got fucked by dudes many times yeah that's a tough one and then his his like his gritty some would say like the final outcome is like he's gotta live in mexico on a boat and he swam through actual doo-doo to get there yeah yeah all that all that's great but you don't cry you didn't cry you don't cry you don't cry yeah you're um bro who when he reveals that he broke out you're not like like you're not crying you're just like this is awesome i stood up and watching the fucking room about the movie by myself like a loser stood up raise my arms

Like a biggest dork. That's not crying. That's the same feeling that Rudy get you that's winning Celebratory I was like yo, I'm not having sex for a long time What part when you when he gets free and you see how it all happened, you're like, oh, this motherfucker. Were you just excited that he was swimming through shit? Like it was something relatable to you? Slumdog baby! Slumdog orphan!

Did you get that autograph? Yeah, you did get that autograph. So the Godfather is not better than the Godfather? No, the Godfather's great, but Infinity War is the greatest movie of all time. Because you cry, bro. Spider spider-man dies you start crying for everyone in the theater also i include theater experience mr stark mr stark i don't feel so good yeah i should hit me don't do it you see robert downey like oh look i can't save him yeah spoiler alert yeah spoiler alert i didn't read that we could be yeah

also bro yeah your movie doesn't even count bro if there's fucking like oh there was 13 people in the theater shut the fuck up sold out five seven weeks in a row every seat filled everybody reacting the same way that is an experience that was a fucking movement bro like infinity war and in games only ever is like oh in game that's only because of infinity war that's that that was a fucking movement bro like infinity war and in games only ever is like oh in game that's only because of infinity war that's that that was just you you are you had to like you came and you already have to like you know or actually no infinity war is all the fucking in games coming the best part is i mean it actually depends what you like but i like the fucking part i like the fuck you know what i mean and it's over yeah you know what I'm saying

so that's why Infinity War it's just pound for pound the greatest movie ever made okay okay acting cast the cast is insane I mean bro

it's perfect do you think it has good representation for minorities and disabled people dude Black Panther's in it Captain Marvel's in it one black dude

a retarded bitch that's come on come on she shouldn't be in it but I'll let her be in it I'll let her in this wait why is she retarded i don't think she's gonna tell endgame right oh actually you're right she's not in infinity war yeah that's why it's so good that's why it's a perfect fucking movie though

okay mark what else you got oh there was one more movie thing we were arguing about in pittsburgh i forgot what it was is that brad pitt was hotter than, who was the other person? Do you remember? Miles. Oh, Leo. You ranked Leo way too high. Well, Leo's the greatest actor of all time. And it's not even close.

Guys, I'm four from Oregon. Not even close. Wait, wait, wait. What's his range? This will be the last one. No, Leo is right. Leo's the definition of range. Okay, he does have range.

Let's start going. What's eating Gilbert Grape? Retard. Yeah, but he's a child retard. It's the same thing. That's even harder. And he was an adult in real life. Oh, that doesn't. Let's start going. What's eating Gilbert Grape? Retard. Yeah, but he's a child retard. It's the same thing. That's even harder. And he was an adult in real life. Oh, that's pretty good.

Gilbert. Gilbert. Gilbert. Range. This is all he did to be retarded. He just found that retarded people flick their fingers like that. That's not hard.

Gilbert. But they do. Gilbert, can you count Mom Don'ts too? Hey, Gilbert. That's pretty good. That's really good. Hey, Gilbert. Hey, Gilbert. You've been a great actor this down the stairs? Hey, Gilbo. That's pretty good. That's really good.

Hey, Gilbo. Hey, Gilbo. You've been a great actor this whole time. Yeah, I actually know how to act retarded.

You can only do one role, though. Hey, Gilbo, Mom became part of the band. Hey, Gilbo, I'm trying to peel Mom off the bed, but

she don't come off the bed. It's like trying to get a fruit roll-up over the stickles. Gilbo? Gilbo? Gilbo? You're going to typecast this down switch?

Yeah, I have to do that. That'd be fire. Yeah, okay, okay. So then why is he the best actor? That was so easy when I just did. That, he's a slave owner, which is the greatest slave owner of all time. He made slave owning cool. He made it cool.

Bro, you watch Django. I'm not rooting for nobody but Calvin, dog. I root for Calvin. Calvin Candy. Derek, for Calvin Calvin Candy Derek please Calvin Candy dog Come on bro You don't tell me bro Don't be like

Oh he black I guess not niggas I like Calvin You watch Don't tell me you watch Django And when The first hour and a half Of the movie is great

When he comes on screen That's when you're tuned in That's when you Black or white That's when you lock The fuck in dog That's when he comes on screen that's when you're tuned in that's when you like black or white that's when you lock the fucking door that's when calvin got on stage it was but it wasn't the stakes got real when that motherfucking red coat showed up boy you see him turn around and look at the camera and he's fucking like you know what i mean and there's two niggas just fighting and he's like bro out of here out of here. Out of here. This is old Ben. Like, all of it's fire.

Okay. Damn. He's been the wolf. The wolf of Wall Street. And he was the wolf. You know what I'm saying? Departed his range, bro. You believe he's a fucking undercover cop? Once upon a time in Hollywood, he's great. Oh my God. Just a fucking failed

actor? I mean, come on. Denzel could never. I love you, Den. I love you, bro. But you're going to have to be a retard getting eaten by a bear slave on him, bro, before I put you up here with him. Before I put you up here with him. That would be a fire movie. Maybe.

They don't give those roles to black people. Oh, shit. That's a different argument. I'm not talking about the system. I'm talking about what it is. We don't know what Denzel is capable of we don't know what he's also i disagree because denzel you're denzel washington you have the fucking prowess to pick all these roles over a lot of these fucking white dudes who get there are some movies for sure denzel could get before

christian bale if he wanted i think denzel knows nigga i don't know how to be a crackhead boxer i just think i think denzel knows his way. You think Denzel could have played the fucking brother in that movie? No, I'm saying he couldn't. You think Denzel could have played Mark Wahlberg's sibling if he wanted to? Yeah, he could have. They're going to take the meat.

It's still a true story. It's 50% genetics. It could happen. You never know. Denzel ain't picking nothing out of his range box, which is smart. But that's why I'm sorry, bro. You got to be up there with fucking Leo.

It goes Leo, Christian Bale, Daniel Day. You can switch Daniel Day and Christian Bale depending on how you feel. But that's the three. Daniel Day got range. That is, yeah. Inside man, Denzel not angry. Yo, inside man, he's a smart guy.

He is smart. Yo, Denzel's the man, dude. I'm sorry. I think Denzel not angry. Yo, inside man, he's a smart racing guy. He is smart. Yo, Denzel's the man, dude. I'm sorry. I think Denzel got it. He's the man. He's the greatest of all time? Because what he does is so great. Because what he does, it's like Steph Curry can't really get to the basket that well.

Right? He can't dunk. He shoots the best. Yes. He doesn't defend that well, but he shoots the best. And then because he shoots the best, he uses that to make well but he shoots the best and then because he shoots the best he uses that to make everything else he does that much better so he can get to the basket because he can get guys to bite for the jump tom brady he elevates everything around him no we're

wrong he just does one thing incredibly well exactly he can't scramble he got no pocket movement denzel aaron robbins like no tom brady hit. No, you say that diversity in skill is what makes someone a good actor. Yes. Well, Tom Brady ain't got that. He got the one skill. No, Tom Brady's skill is I am the best football player ever. But Aaron Rodgers can run. He can throw.

He can do it all. Aaron Rodgers can pick you up 12 yards on 3rd and 11. No problem. Tom Brady not doing that. Football and acting is different, right? Definitely not. I'm going to live in this. I'm going to live in this. I'm going to live in this and still win it.

I'm still going to win it. What the fuck is that? What the fuck is he doing? I'm just saying, right? It's not that different, though. Shut up. It's not that different. It's not that different.

I guess it's the same. I'm sorry, bro. Leo's the GOAT. Mm-hmm. This guy. Dale Day and Christian Bale. And it's simple. And it's because of range.

And GOAT is Tom Brady. That's what I'm saying. Because you're like, oh, he's Steph. And it's simple. And it's because of range. And Goat is Tom Brady. That's what I'm saying. Because you're like, oh, he's Stefan. It's like, I'll give you that. Denzel is Stefan. But LeBron or Michael LeBron is Leo. Daniel Day is not in my top five, bro. He's just doing this to be controversial.

Because I don't like. No, no. I'll be honest. I like actors that I can see them in the role. That's why I like Denzel. Because I think it's Denzel. I don't think he's playing a character. That is Denzel. Like, Denzel Denzel. I don't think he's playing a character. That is Denzel.

Denzel is that guy. So you like bad actors? He likes bad actors. He can't act, so he likes actors who don't act. Who else is in your top five? Nicolas Cage. Wait a minute. That's your top two, baby.

Nicolas Cage is probably the greatest American actor alive right now. Number three, Michael Jordan in Space Jam. And then also Bugs Bunny number four Samuel L. Jackson Samuel L. Jackson not that good bro I don't like

Samuel L. Jackson Tarantino said he's maybe the best actor he's ever worked with I think about Samuel L. Jackson at what? I don't know

Tarantino said that shit though he be saying shit I don't disagree with you to be honest he just be saying shit you're not wrong whatever black guy lets me say the N-word a lot. Yeah, he's the best actor ever.

Just be saying that shit, right? Like, come on. No, I think Daniel Day-Lewis, I don't know who he is, which I'm sure you like. I don't like that. So I don't need to see the Daniel Day-Lewis movie. But if Denzel's in some shit, I'm like, ooh, we got two hours of Denzel into it. I kind of feel that way about Leo a little bit. I'm like, okay, I like this.

Yo, George Clooney, love it. Yeah, he's fire. He's great. He's got some range. I like the man, bro. Ocean's Eleven? You like a motherfucker, dude. He's the man.

Every movie. I like the man, bro. Give me the hero. I want to see a hero the next movie. He's a bitch. That's what I like. Oh, look at this bitch ass motherfucker. I can't.

Also, another reason, Denzel, not funny. Leo's funny. And to be funny, Denzel, not funny. Leo's funny. And to be funny, to me, is the hardest kind of acting there is. Comedic acting is by far the hardest. That's why none of them can do it. And the motherfuckers that can be funny. You can't pretend to be funny. You can pretend to do everything else.

You can pretend to be sad. You can pretend to be happy. You can pretend to be funny. You can't pretend good timing, bro. Yeah, you're either funny or you're not funny. Yep. Simple as that. Dude, there are guys like, how do you feel about jack black as a comedic

actor top five like he's unbelievably funny yes like he just is funny he knows how to be funny he oozes funny like and maybe it's you know career choices these types of things but he has almost like that um jim carrey thing where he can make things that aren't funny, funny, just by either physicality or delivery or all these things. That is fucking hard, bro. No lines. Ten minutes in a scene, no lines, be funny. And have the house dying.

He could do it. Impossible. And that's what makes it so, that's incredible, though. Yeah. That's incredible. Okay. Mark, what else we got?

There's one other movie genre that Derek likes. What is it? That we talked about before before if you're cool Oh the greatest genre in film Kind of what's your second? He's like our men done. It's like no men will never be done women You're out of here. Why is there replaceable? Why cuz tranny porn Oh Tranny porn oh tranny porn trannies the greatest thing to ever happen derrick's favorite genre of film is

trans porn tranny porn i call it but yeah tranny porn i call it yeah that's the greatest thing ever and you can say that because you're into it love Love it. I love it, bro. I watch that shit. Why do you like, you know, explain what the... Kiss my girl on the mouth, nigga. Right after I cum, I kiss Sam right on the mouth, dog. Short time. Derek's girl is here, by the way. So we got to get her perspective. Is that why you don't want to call her Samantha?

You want to call her Sam? Hey, you. Sometimes I call her Samson, nigga. Hey, Samuel. Get over here. sometimes i call it samson no way i love training point i fuck with that shit the long way the strong way the long way really okay okay now why why now we've talked about this before but why why do you love training point so much it is we all watch porn and it's the best of both worlds it is the reason we don't use your hands like it's art well because i don't want to hate speech like no i thought about this i wrote it down okay this is all scientific go go go uh

why do y'all watch porn look at al's face bro al do you watch Son, this is worse than you did. That's right. That's right. I'm sorry. I'm right all the time. My nigga's right. Okay, go, go. Okay, go. We all watch porn.

Two reasons for both genders. Basic. With the guy, he's got to be in shape, and he's got to have a leg of a dick. Period. You don't want to see no meat. Nobody wants to see no jiggling, and you don't want to see no small dick. Period. Point blank.

With the woman, she's got to be a bad bitch fat ass nice titties and tranny porn has found a way to like dragon ball z go tanks that shit and and fuse the best of both worlds okay so you got so you got a big titties good shape but also big dick huge uh a small small dick, that's gay. I don't watch that. If she's got a small dick, I'm like, get this little dick nigga out of here, bro. You're not even a woman. You're not even a fucking woman, dude. You call yourself a woman with that dick? You call yourself a woman, bro, with your soft ass?

Nah, bro. You gotta be hard dick, leg though, titties out, and a bad bitch. And I'm all in. Men are done, bro. So if there's a guy, for example, that's into training porn, but it's with smaller dicks, what do you think about them?

That's fucking gay, bro. You wanna see small, who wants to watch porn and see a flaccid small dick a flaccid small dick is kind of disgusting yeah when you see it on camera it's fucking disgusting and you see it like getting fucked and it's flopping it's like i'm already gross now you make that shit this a little different and it looked like this now i'm like wow this is artistic this is kind of beautiful it's like when you Now I'm like, wow. This is artistic. This is kind of beautiful. It's like when you see those paintings in front, you know what I mean? Like of naked people.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is beautiful. Now, how did you break this down to your girl? I told her, hey, I like training porn. Actually, no. She saw me go on stage once. And it was like 30 minutes of me talking about how great it was. And she was just like, oh, that's what you're doing in there?

Sam, that's when you found out? Yeah. She saw Sam one night and was like, that's what he's doing. Because she knows I'm in that bathroom, bro, but that's my time. I let her watch her shows. When she's watching Bridgerton, I don't say shit, nigga. I don't say a

fucking word. She doesn't watch Bridgerton. That's her. Well, at least the shit I watch is good. The shit I watch gets views. I mean, Bridgerton gets views, at least the shit I watch is good. The shit I watch gets views. I mean, Bridgerton gets views, but not the views I'm talking about. Wait, what kind of numbers are you putting up? I'm talking, nigga, 25 mil. Every vid.

He's watching Mrs. Beast. No. Yo. No. That's what I'm saying. I believe I've watched a trans woman fuck a woman that's what he likes I think I like that too no no no no no two women that's lesbian I need another man and this woman I believe them bro

I believe in trans I believe them they're women I have to believe them you can't get mad at me bro I have to believe them, bro. I believe in trans. I believe them. They're women. I have to believe them. You can't get married to me, bro. I have to believe them. I have to believe them. Okay, good, good. So, so, so, so, look at Akash.

Akash, I see you're trying to, wow, wow. Akash trying to put it all together. It's so funny. It's so funny. That's why, that's why I need to clarify. That's why I need to clarify because I know what Akash thought. I know what Akash thought. I know what Akash thought. He thought it was

a trans woman fucking a woman. So he was like, oh yeah, I guess that's just like the old joke. That's just more tits. It's the same shit, more tits. Yeah, I thought it was the whole time. No, no.

He likes... I've never struggled with mental math so much in my life. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go, go, go, go, go. So tell me what it is. Yeah, yeah. What are all the parts?

What are all the parts? It's who's... Yeah. I like... A male that is not trans. A man, a porn star, go, go, go. So tell me what it is. Yeah, yeah. What are all the parts? What are all the parts? It's who's, yeah. I like. A male that is not trans. A man, a porn star, a dude. Yeah. In shape, huge dick.

Fucking a beautiful woman. With a vagina resting on top, or with a dick resting on top. With a big titties and also a huge dick. And that is the kind of porn that I start my day with. Wait, so there's two dicks in this scene? Yeah. A man and a woman. Son, no.

Look at y'all, bro. Y'all niggas in the pad, bro. Y'all playing Nintendo. I'm on. Fuck, I got an Oculus on. You might be right about this. Explain it to Al to really get Al to understand the joy of it. No, because you're not getting it.

Explain the joy of it. Because you're thinking're not getting it. Explain the joy of it. Because you're thinking it's gross. It's not gross. If you're thinking about a nigga that looks like me with a wig on, that is gross and gay. There has to be a beautiful woman. Just like all porn. There has to be a beautiful woman. She also has to have a gigantic

penis. But why? Because I believe in women. I believe in their rights. To have fun. Oh, I'm believe in women. I believe in their rights. To have fun. Oh, I'm sorry. Al doesn't believe in human rights. No, I don't. Apparently I don't.

What do you mean? You can come on up and be that way. If it's a beautiful woman, right? Everything about her is a woman. Everything's beautiful. And then you get down to the pussy, but instead of a pussy, it's a baton. That's weird to you? But you got so many options though on like to pull yeah there's white ones and black ones and asian ones all kinds of options you said huge dick asians out the window

i've seen it yeah they're up so wait al that would be weird for you it's just not my cup of tea of porn have you watched it ever let, for example, you're seeing a straight porn star male suck a beautiful woman's huge dick. I'm cool. That's kind of hot. It ain't gay.

It ain't gay, bro. You sucking a woman's dick? That's the straightest you can do it. That's the straightest Way to suck dick I think Maybe I'm crazy Maybe I'm crazy But thinking of Straight ways to do it

Is this a bit though No I'm alive Bro I'm always right I said it I'm always right I'm good at everything Now has this created

Any issues in your guys Relationship Is there Do you ever worry Sam About Not being able to fulfill his desire? Yeah, you don't have enough dick for this guy. No, no, no. I hope I can't fulfill his desires. I'd rather him, you know, wear himself out in the morning.

Oh, you need it too much. So you need it too much. Yes. You need a nut every single day. I nut twice a day minimum. Minimum. Bare minimum. And then the other days depending on the day. How much time I have and how much fun the day has been. Y'all comics bro.

Wow. And I support that. Yeah. And you support. What do you mean by you support that? Like You keep nutting. Bro I come out the bathroom. Relax. Chill. I hug out the bathroom, relax, chill. I hug her. I don't attack her.

So he's been... Question, question, question. There's no attacks in the morning, dog. She knows what it is. Question, this might be a little too much, but then would you prefer if she wears a strap on? No, that's gay, yeah. Why are you making it gay?

Why are you making it so gay? That's gay. You're recreating this homosexual role. I'm recreating, bro. I'm not going to lie, dude. I'm recreating this. You're fucking gay You're a gay This is homosexual I'm recreating Nah bro I'm not gonna lie dude I'm recreating You're fucking gay Yo

Yo the way you ask questions Is wild gay Finally Finally you guys Finally Thank you I've been trying to come out All this time

Derrick I feel you dog I feel you dog I knew he was gonna get My eye on the day bro Okay go go go Ask your question Ask your gay ass question

That was the question Because it recreates that scene What oh the strap on No but he He doesn't wanna get No I'm fucking No I'm not saying the day bro okay go go go go ask your question that's your gay ass that's the question because it recreates that scene what oh the strap on nobody he doesn't want to get no i'm fucking no i'm not saying he he's getting fucked but just she just wears it just for the heck of it that's weird that's like a blue light saber in the room you can get a black i want flesh what if sam said i want to get a surgery so that I can have a penis? Yeah. Yeah. And you got to help her pick out the penis.

Ooh. It would at least be a discussion. No, I got to have. No, because I got to have a baby. This is the problem. This is the real problem. Yeah. Ladies, the moment we really learn how to impregnate these nigga bitches, you're out.

You're out. You're extinct. Dinosaurs.ate these nigga bitches. You're out. You're extinct. Dinosaurs. Dinosaur bitches. All of you, bro. You think I'm not putting a baby in that fucking thing? The fucking hand-eye coordination he'll have and the balance. You're saying vaginas are like flip phones. We're just waiting for the technology to catch up.

Bro, Elon, fuck Twitter, nigga. Figure out how we can put a baby in these nigga bitches so so what you're saying is if sam could have a penis and still produce a child. Oh my god You know what's that Rolling Stones you can't always get what you want My video honestly bro Miles can we pull up a video can we watch one can y'all just see it and understand

understand what I'm proposing I got some fire ones bro I'll pull up I'll pull up a bitch and you'll be like that's Doja Cat I'm like I told you

it's not Doja Cat but imagine if Doja Cat had the biggest dick you've ever seen how many inches are we talking about I would feel differently about Doja Cat we talking biggest dick you've ever seen. How many inches are we talking about? I would feel differently about Doja Cat. Eight, ten inches.

Porn dick. Eight, nine up. Porn is eight. Eight and a half up. That's porn. But it just doesn't get any use. It just swings there. Like, why do you want to see it?

It's exciting. It's a sword in the room. It's something else deadly in the room. You know what I mean? It's something else that can cause problems. Whoa. You know what I mean? There's something else that can cause problems. Whoa. This shit, you know what I mean? Two. Two is better than one. That's why. I like, yeah, more.

I like more everything. More everything on earth. I can't believe y'all don't like it. Stop fucking crying. I don't know what to even say. I don't know what to even say. I don't know what to even say. You know what?

Miles, go ahead and pull that video out. I think we can wrap. Put that little baby dick right there, dog. That's not what I'm talking about. But you see the body? Now put a huge dick on that where it's out the screen, and you're like, whoa. See it? Just look at him.

Just look at him. That's Daisy Taylor. I know her. You're like Daisy bro. Shout out Daisy. Daisy's also asshole. I bet. Vala's into it. Yeah Vala's into it

yeah Vala's into it Vala you in bro don't let these niggas shame you look at this girl women I support women bro I love them they do look like women

it's like the Kree in Marvel, bro. You don't know what's what anymore. Everybody could be anybody at this point. Y'all niggas better get in the future, dog. I'm here. I'm here. I'm in the future, bro. Oh, wow.

You think Elon Musk is watching this? I'm trying to analyze something here. Nah. You watch porn. You're watching a guy with a dick. Straight porn. So you are watching a dick. You're watching a girl with pussy and tits.

Is it no more gay to watch that? You're just watching it together. Yeah. You ever watch it you remember back in the oh but there's no pussy yeah yes there is that's what makes it gay okay let me explain to you a science okay once a woman yeah has a penis her vagina is now her butthole Her vagina is now her butthole. So she poops out of her vagina?

Yeah. They're just different. It's like a new being. It's like a new animal. It's like a butterfly. Yeah, it's a new thing that y'all aren't ready for. I'm not ready. Okay, so another question I'm curious about is,

do you have any interest in living out these fantasies? Like, if you were not in a committed relationship, would you be able to transform, no, I'm scared. It's like the subway, it's like, nigga, once it gets real, it's like, oh, this is real now. You know what I mean? Once you see that long, you know what I mean? That's when it's real.

So no, I'm good. What would be the safest environment? Would you do like, I don't know, some activities with one? You do jujitsu or something like that? Like, what is jujitsu? Get my ass beat, you see these motherfuck. I'm going to choke you out twice. Go out there and put a red light on both your balls, bro. That'd be great.

No, but would you do that? Is there like baby steps into this? Bro, because I'm marrying that little motherfucker over there. So if I was single, I would probably... I couldn't... Everything else would be too scary. I mean, if one of them were to suck my dick, and while she's sucking my dick, she pulled out her huge dick, I'd probably be like, wow.

Wow. This is not gay. This is a woman. And I'd probably... I'd look at her and I'd go, I respect you. And kiss her on the forehead. Yep. I'd be like, I look at her and I go, I respect you. And kiss her on the forehead. Yep. Witch head, yeah.

I'd be like, I think you deserve more money. I thought you meant witch like, W-I-T-C-H. I was like, you. Witch head? Okay, Al, any final thoughts?

Have you been turned? No. I'm good. You're not even gonna watch it? I'm just not, I'm like, I'm a dinosaur, you know, I like that old fashioned shit,

you know. Why don't you want this to be real?'t you like something that maybe he's not into possibly like DMX and shit that's the equivalent yep yeah what is something that maybe Al would be into that you'd be like no that's crazy you know that disgusting straight porn? That shit is... Well, no, you like straight porn too. I like straight porn too. You can't just watch tranny porn. Then it's not, you know, it's just like anything. It's like food. It's like dessert. It's like dessert, bro. I'm not gonna eat ice, just ice cream.

So you don't start with that? You work up to it? No, he starts at the morning. Is that the first thing you look at or are you like, oh, I'm gonna look at... Oh, no, it just depends on what I feel like jerking off to. It's like, do I wanna just come or do I wanna cum? If I wanna cum, come nigga i know what point i'm cutting off you know but if i want to just right now you want to enjoy yourself if you're trying to spin the whole block bro i'm trying to if i'm trying to shoot the bathroom up you know what i'm saying the bathroom is a massacre

you know like who was in here then yeah then i'm cutting guys make sure you find him listen to his podcast spoil the beans great podcast and also find him on all social media you can see him on the infamous tour and i'm sure you guys will see a lot more of him thank you guys so much for listening. Thank you for coming on, Derek. Thanks for having me. Peace.