Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - The Roast of AlexxMedia | Patreon Clip

Episode Date: March 20, 2020

This week we celebrate our guy, AlexxMedia in the only way we know how, A ROAST! Andrew and Akaash are joined by special guest, Charlamagne tha God, Weezy from Whoreible Decision, Mark, Mouse Jones and more. INDULGE Liked this clip? Become a Patron! www.Patreon.com/Flagrant2

I didn't know we started guys what's up everybody welcome to another episode of a flagrant to the patreon episode what up asshole army what up family uh listen I know a lot of us have been anxious we've been a little bit nervous there's been a lot of change going on we're worried about our our parents we're worried about the economy worried about our well-being there's a lot of worry going on out there well well what we've decided is uh for the next however long this podcast is we're not going to worry we're going to have complete and total distraction and the way we're going to do that it was a brilliant idea uh by a man named alex media i don't know if you've heard of him uh you probably haven't seen him unless you follow him on instagram uh then you've seen too much. But we have – it's Alex Media's birthday, right?

Two days ago because this is coming out Friday. It's Alex Media's birthday. Now, Alex had this brilliant idea. He goes, yo, why don't you guys roast me for my birthday, right? That's like literally choosing your own nickname. It is the worst thing that you should ever do. That being said, it was such a great idea, we decided to do it. So let the roast of Alex Media begin!

Hey! Okay, so Alex has been wearing gloves and a face mask because he doesn't want to spread the virus and potentially kill someone. And just imagine that. Alex, we're in protection, so he doesn't want to spread the virus and potentially kill someone. And just imagine that. You know, Alex, we're in protection, so he doesn't have to kill something. Alex, you're actually the opposite of the coronavirus because you do kill kids.

Oh, shit. Alex left the police force to become Andrew's cameraman so he could finally shoot a white man. But instead, he keeps getting abortions and killing innocent black kids. Sorry. Sorry. Half black kids. Yeah, half black.

Alex never fucks black girls, ever. Only white girls. The only N-word they're allowed to yell is, No. Don't nod in agreement? What's wrong with you, bro? I don't know. What do I do?

He's like, no, that one was good. You got that one. It was a good song. Relatable. It's funny because it's true. It had to be there. Not in agreement. Something they're not doing.

Someone had to be. Okay. Alex was briefly a cop, briefly a nurse, briefly a father multiple times. It's important to note that Alex is black and Puerto Rican. From the waist up, he's black, strong, muscular, athletic. And from the waist down, he looks like he hasn't had electricity for months those legs are starving hurricane on those legs no seriously Alex all jokes aside I think you're inspirational I know you had a rough childhood and I think it's dope that you vowed that when you have kids,

you would never let them live a life. I'll never let you go through what I went through. Those kids are grateful. Those kids are grateful, bro. They'd rather be dead than have Alex as a dad. Bro, Alex spells Alex. Bro, what did you think was gonna happen, bro?

You realize who you asked to roast you? You asked to roast savage individuals. We just made a dance parody about people having coronavirus. Alright, go Mark. Alex spells his name with two X's for every fetus he's killed.

Shouldn't it be three? Honestly? Are we sure that's it? It should be Alex. Alex with three X's. We should call you Vin, your legs aren't diesel. Okay, Alex.

Alex got more X's than Brazzers.'ll take that out okay uh alex uh you look like you're training for the paralympics big biceps roll around a wheelchair too bad they can't roll back a condom you have so much unprotected sex you you should change your name to Alex Chlamydia. Alex is top heavy. Alex is a top heavy dude. He is so dense that if he got lynched, he'd be punishing the tree. He's the type you drag behind a truck. That tree is looking like this.

You make those willows weep. That tree is looking like this. Holy shit. You make those willows weep. Alex would be pissed if he got lynched. Not because he's dead, but because it's over 18. The tree in years. Oh, man.

Alex, I was actually going to write some more really good abortion jokes, but in honor of you, I'm going to kill them before they can reach the threshold. Damn, bro. I fucked it up. Damn, bro. I fucked it up. I was a banger, too. Fuck. All right, Mark, go. honor of you i'm gonna kill them before they can reach it all right mark go all right yeah you know alex is puerto rican because he's so good at cleaning he cleans everything his apartment his car his girlfriend's womb she cleans your room you clean her room. Alright. Alex's girl is vegan. She loves animals. Obviously, she's dating a Puerto Rican.

She loves vegetables and that's great because Alex is built like a carrot. He looks like he uses a wheelchair. Oh, fuck. No, I just am extra focused on mine because I fucked up the last one. Andrew owes you more than you'll ever know, Alex. You work tirelessly to help him build his empire.

I don't know what he pays you, but I'm assuming it's 40 acres and a mule. Yo, that's actually, that's true, bro. Alex has gotten so much more light skin in the past, like, two or three years from always standing in Andrew's shadow. Mark, he is my shadow. Seriously, though. That's what my mom calls him. Is your shadow coming tonight?

He's your little shadow friend. I mean, but really, though, you are like the little fish that hangs behind the big shark. You know what I mean? You would be that if you could swim. It's good. Now you feel it? So you get used to it. At first it hurts.

A little painful, but then you get over it. it you know isn't that all you've said before yeah i'll just bite the pillow bro alex if you didn't want to do this what would your plan be Oh, man. Alex, you have carried guns to Philly, ended relationships, and gone to jail for Andrew. I haven't seen a friend like you since Samuel L. Jackson and Django. Damn. Damn, man.

Mark. All right. Akash is Hindu, so he worships cows. And Alex is black, so he just fucks them. Alex, they weren't saying no. They were saying moo. That's not really fair. I feel like Alex does actually offer a lot to his girlfriends, right?

Like, he offers, like like protection and comfort and citizenship. To say he does nothing, I don't think is fair. I don't think that's fair to say. Yeah, I got you, bro. Who's Alex like, Mark? What? Who's Alex like? Like if you had to compare him to a leader, who would he be like?

Oh, no, bro. I mean, I thought you meant like anything. No, no. I was going to say an ostrich Is what he looks like But isn't he like Trump though? Oh yeah No you are like Trump He is exactly like Trump

I mean you probably fuck more refugees Than Trump has That's true What else? He gives the white refugees citizenship Yeah that's true Dates them 100% What else do I mean, he gives the white refugees citizenship. Yeah, that's true. You know, dates them, 100%. What else do you think?

I mean, you separate mothers from their children. Yeah, that's true. Oh, man. Oh, man. Call his bedroom the cage, bro. That's what it is Oh man Oh man

Alright any other ones? No I know at the end They roast but at the end It's always friendship You dude Well no no we're not doing that yet Okay We got more roasting to go

Alright Mark Yeah hold on let me see Man whenever we travel Alex always tries doing The blackest shit Everywhere we go Like he tries to go Into Obama's favorite restaurant.

We try to go roller skating or he gets arrested. Everywhere. Everywhere we go. I think there's one more. Mark has a good one. Do you have more? Do you know the one that I'm talking about? Yeah, I got one.

All right. Maybe you dropped that one. Oh, man. Hold on. I'm trying to. No, that's the one. You know the one i'm not gonna say the other ones that i had like how alex's autobiography is gonna be called around the world in 80 rapes um yo be more like alex man no one to abort something i'm having too much fun this is so pent up i had to

share a room with this motherfucker for a year dude this has been building i was like yo andrew's like write some jokes i was like i have them this shit's already written yo okay yo uh alex is he has that's true Because I remember when he went... Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh shit! I thought that wasn't the bitch. Oh, you didn't hear it.

Oh, no. I thought it was different. Oh, my God. No. Not yet. We're going to need to do a little trimming on that. You know what I mean? Okay, now listen.

We're not done yet. There are other roasts. Okay. Yeah. We have some of Alex's famous friends. Let's start with Charlemagne the God. Are they doing a roast of you and they wanted me to participate in the roast? Now we got, we have Wheezy.

Al, everybody is always confused at how we are such close friends, but we've never slept together. Yo, what's up? This is Akash. That was a preview of our Patreon episode. If you want the full thing, go to www.patreon.com slash flagrant2. Join the illest community on Earth unless you're a social justice warrior.

Then you're just going to ruin the fun.