Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - THROWBACK: Who’s Got the Fattest A$$ On Flagrant? | Andrew Schulz & Akaash Singh

Episode Date: December 31, 2021

Throwback Thursday: wanted to recap a wild moment from 2021 and answer, who has the biggest a$$? Happy New Year, see y'all in 2022, thanks for rocking with us all year! Flagrant 2 is a comedy podcast that delivers unfiltered, unapologetic, and unruly hot takes directly to your dome piece. In an era dictated by political correctness, hosts Andrew Schulz and Akaash Singh, along with AlexxMedia and Mark Gagnon, could care less about sensitivities. If it’s funny and flagrant it flies. If you are sensitive this podcast is not for you. But if you miss the days of comedians actually being funny instead of preaching to a quire then welcome to The Flagrancy. Join the Patreon Asshole Army: http://bit.ly/2xQwHYf

What up people? Shultzy here and you guys are about to listen to a clip from our weekly Patreon episode. If you want to sign up to our Patreon, support the flagrancy, support what we are doing, completely uncensored, flagrant content, you go to patreon.com slash flagrant2. With no more interruptions, here is the exclusive clip. I met Trey Songz. I was doing the last ever spring break for MTV. It was in Cancun. As big as the video?

I didn't notice his dick being that big. In the trunks? In the trunks. And I feel like a dick that big, I would have definitely seen. It's like the Mark's ass of dicks there's a moment in the next brilliant idiots episode which came out yesterday where mark walks past the camera and charlemagne who is on zoom stops the podcast because all he saw was mark's hair in a bun and then an ass and goes, hi, Schultz. I see what you got working over there.

Okay. The Miami studio is full, huh? Bro literally stops the podcast to comment on Mark's ass. And then Mark walks back in full beard. And then Charlotte has to realize. Yeah. Hey, yo. Hey, yo. Gay rumors might be true.

It's real out there. But you got to stop a podcast. Black people just have an affinity for large asses. That was one of the first things I noticed about Mark. Is that he had a fatty? I just noticed. He got that soccer ass, bro. Yeah, I got the thickums, bro.

Yeah, you got thickums and high set. You got high set. Yeah, I got high ass. That's the thing, bro. I got a little ass on me, but I have. I do have a little ass on me. Al, don't talk. Al, don't talk. You got the concave. Al, son, stop it. He got Hank Hill thing, bro. I got a little ass on me, but I have- I do have a little ass on me. Al, don't talk. Al, don't talk.

Al, son, stop it. He got Hank Hill ass, bro. Al, stop it. You built like courtside Karen. I got the lips, though. Someone said, so this bitch built like a deep breath. That shit is so good. That shit is so good. Yo, but for real, dude.

Al, don't talk. My ass, there is something I've noticed about my ass. I don't know if I've shared this about you guys, but I have a high set asshole. How would we notice that? I have a high set asshole. Whenever I shit, I always hit the back of the toilet wall. Bank shot every single time.

Old school. Tim Duncan. That's what I'm doing. This is a picture of Andrew's ass right here. Nah, bro. That's Andrew's ass, bro. That's literally Al. That's my balls, bro. Is that front or back? That's Andrew's ass right there. Nah, dude. I got the fatty, bro. I got a fatty. I got a fatter ass than you, Al. My ass way fatter. Twerk it out right now, yo. It's not even close. Twerk it out.

I bet you $20,000 my ass fatter than you. How do we prove it? I'll take my ass out right now. I'll take my whole ass out right now. And I'll put it right next to your ass. And then we see who got more volume. But how are we judging them? But if he shaves his ass, 75% of it is gone.

That's also true, but we're including hair. It's like an afro. We're not including hair, son. No, we are. I'm not a hairy man. His ass is like Questlove. All right, fine.

Fine, fair enough. Even without the hair, I definitely got fatter ass than you 100%. 100%. You don't. I'm telling you. I know this for a fact.

I've seen your ass. I've seen you walk around. You don't. You don't have a great ass. You don't. For a black dude in particular? Your ass looks like you're holding in a shit.

That's what your ass looks like. Literally, bro. I definitely have a fatter ass than you. We'll figure out a way to judge this. Dove can judge it, bro. His mouth is watering right now. You got nicer chest. Okay?

I have way better lower half. You got nicer upper. I got way better lower. It's not even close. Ow, ow, ow. The legs? The the legs it's daddy long legs over here it's gazelle time you could enter special olympics right now we put him in a wheelchair as a little person if i was in a wheelchair And someone just noticed him Like go like

Nobody would question Nobody would question that So Al Don't ever put your ass Up against mine bro Yo right Yo literally Let's have an ass off

Right here in front of the camera Stand in front of the cam And then let's see Who got the better answer This is an audio podcast How to keep delivering Oh let's go Let's go Let's got the better air in his eyes. This is an audio podcast. We've got to keep delivering. Oh, let's go.

Let's go. Let's go. Al looking scared in his eyes. Al is... All right. All right, let's go. I don't like what's happening here. Come on, yo. I don't like what's happening here.

Yo, Dove, you judge for us, bro. I can't look at Andrew's balls like this. Oh, shit. This shit is making me uncomfortable. Wow. Okay. So, hey, Al. Andrews is out. It's only going to help you to pull down your pants.

Al refuses to take out his ass. Yeah. Oh, my God. Wait. Al, take out your shirt. I'm trying to help you here. Wait. Wait. Hold on. He's trying to help you here. Wait. Wait, hold on.

Andrew is in pole position right now. I'm just trying to make the underwear tighter to pull up his ass. Yo, who winning? That's Andrew by a mile. Oh my God, I'm sorry. Al, wait. Al, show us your front. Show us your front because you got that. You got the front. No, show us your front. Al, show us your front because you got that. You got the front.

No, I mean the chest. Dubs, I'm trying to make this game, son. Did I get to? Son, stop it, bro. Did I hit 49? Hold on. I'm just saying, right now, your boy undefeated. Not against Mark, though.

Honestly, I got a feeling about Mark. Mark, I think if he takes the pants off, ass falls apart. Saggy. Saggy. He like them bitches. He's a shower off, ass falls apart. Saggy. Saggy. He like them bitches. He's a shower, not a grower? Exactly. A grower.

That's it. If I take this shit off, hold on. Yo, Al, you're not even close to the kid, bro. Your boy got hang time, bro. Bro, your ass look like dried ham. You look like the Spanish ham, bro. Look at this shit. This shit is non-existent. Yo, Andrew Spanish ham, bro Look at this shit This shit is non-existent

Yo, Andrew got you, bro I'm packing Andrew got a little dog on him I'm sorry, OnlyFans, bro I'm sorry, OnlyFans Nah, y'all lying I'm about to start hitting these squats, bro Hell yeah

He's been doing the squats He doesn't have to do them right I haven't, I haven't You gotta do the squats, bro. We about to get out of the body. He's been doing the squats. He doesn't have to do them right. I haven't. I haven't. You got to do the squats with your legs. I haven't hit the... Yo. Yo.

Al, what you doing the squats with, bro? You really didn't have the right underwear for the day. I didn't have the right underwear. You guys wearing fucking tighty-whities and shit. Hey, you want to run it back next week? You was wearing white. Nah, I'll run it back. White underwear.

Black is slimming. You put the white on. We running his back. No, no, no. You might have only one ass cheek, bro. You might have just a single ass cheek. wearing white now white underwear black is slimming you put the white on it we running his back no no no you have you might have only one ass cheek bro you might have just a he don't have it your is a dorsal fin how do you shut up bro you guys yeah that's what you look like you got cone heads yeah your ass cheeks looks like two cone heads bro that's what it is honestly neither do i know the movie dan akroyd i don't know no no no no okay that came to a point it stuck out very far yeah what is that no but it doesn't matter point is you got no ass

and we need to have a conversation about that yeah this is an intervention we're gonna have an intervention bro word you can't have a black owned business and claim puerto rican you got no ass that's crazy actually that's a wheezy don't have ain't got no ass whoa what the fuck yo yeah studio i'm telling you this is a problem bro yeah if i see you i wouldn't want you to run my studio bro if you had an ass like that bro because you're half-assed if i see you half-assed did you see that joke mark mark out here with the fortune cookie bar i know right i'm a laffy taffy today bro i got it i'm just gonna have all the dad jokes yo can we see yo can we see who got more hip fat, you or Akash? Oh, that's me for sure. That's me for sure. I got that hourglass finger, bro.

No, Dove and Akash go hip fat for hip fat. Oh, yeah. I got that too, bro. You know my killies. I need y'all to wear your tightest pair of underwear, and then I want to see what folds over on the sides. Oh, do you know the muffin man? Oh, we do.

We're about to have a little muffin off, baby. This motherfucker's built like scones out here. It's a Panera Bread. Let's go. Hey. Come on, let's do it. Nah, bro. My shit, I won, dog. You got some hang right here? Oh, I got hang. Can we see it? I got hang, bro.

Come on. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Dub is stretching, bro. Stop it. And he still got that. I got you, Dub. Both of you stand up next to each other and turn your back to the camera and then just pull up your shirts and we want to see who goes.

Oh my god, bro. I'm the single one here. Nope. Come on, bro. You out here smashing? I just showed my no ass. That is true. We got the most vulnerable.

But you thought it was the ass. But you thought if Al knew he had no ass from the jump. He knew he don't have no ass, bro. I know I don't have ass. I just thought it was bigger than his. Honestly, I feel disrespected that we've known each other for multiple years and you haven't noticed that I'm packing fat. The reason you're disrespected by me is that I haven't looked at your ass.

I feel real disrespected. You haven't noticed that I've been packing fat back here, dog. This is typical Al, though. Remember when I broke the fence and literally the whole pole is bent over? And he walks up and goes, oh, I'll fix it. And thinks that he can go and bend the pole back. I didn't bend it. And put it.

You didn't bend it. I bent it. You didn't come close to bend it. He thinks that he can do everything. Al. And I bent it. Al. You didn't bend it. He thinks he can beat come close He thinks that he can do everything Al And I bent it Al You didn't

He thinks he can beat White people in anything That's what it is Oh that's what it is He thinks he can beat White people in anything So if a black person Bent that pole

You don't think that he would Try to beat the black person No Yeah you got that Of course not But the fact that you tried And you weren't strong enough He thought he could do it

Yep Wow Who do you think could win in a snap a dick off with your butt cheeks challenge? Between you and me. Bro. What do you think?

What do you think? I got that, bro. I got that shit, bro. Yeah, but Alex is sharper. Nah, nah, nah. You got like bumpers in bowling. Uh-uh. That's what you look like.

Now, my ass is a cigar cutter. You kidding me, bro? You slide that shit in there Clip, clip Prove it Prove it Prove it Let's make this podcast

To the next level Yeah Nah, for real I gotta fake hunt it For whoever's trying to Cut this cigar, dog I gotta fake hunt it Hey, did you button your pants?

It's been unbuttoned Your shit is still bound Ah oh man it's just so much more comfy like you hit 30 70 skinny jeans ain't with it duh stop googling lipo you and Akash are going to have a competition okay and it's who got more hip fat okay what do we call hip fat what's another name built like handles love him love handles yeah yeah yeah whoa yeah i got that hourglass bro do you like scarlett johansson out this yeah you might have more than an hour yeah that's a day i got a lunar calendar it's diwali every day around my fucking stomach. Is Diwali on the lunar calendar? Yeah.

All Indian holidays. All Hindu holidays. Are around the lunar calendar? Aren't you guys smart? Why are you going off the moon, son? The sun is right there. You gotta be doing bad math to know the lunar calendar. Shit is always different days.

What? They don't line up. Diwali's not going to be the same day on this calendar next year. I hate that. I hate that. I hate that move around shit, bro. Yo, it's fun, though. You don't know when it's coming.

I don't like it. It's hard to plan. You're a big planner? Big. Y'all figured out what you're going to do with your girl for Valentine's yet? Nope. I didn't know Valentine's was coming up until you brought it up yesterday. Son. We got it? I don't know.

We're working on it right now. By we, I mean Dev and I are working on it. You guys want to hire me to produce your Valentine's Day? Honestly, you could do that. Do you want to take my girl on Valentine's Day, Dev? Because this might be easier, bro. Holy shit, that's a brilliant idea. That's what I'm saying. He's like a dog walker. And I have to pay? Bro. You just come at the end of the night you could you could offer

a professional service yeah that's the best date you hire a gay to take your girl out he's like a dog walker oh yeah yo they're less stressed more yo come on son we can't call our wives that that's crazy i love my dog say what I love my dog. Say what? I love my dog. Mark, you a crazy-ass boy. Wow. Jesus, bro. Nah, I ain't getting cut out either. No, we keeping that one in.

Who said you cut it out? Wow, motherfucker. That's the thing. White people let dogs kiss our mouths. So I'm fine with that. I'll double down. That's the one thing I can't. He's trying.

He's trying to get it back, but he can't get it back. You got to take that one, bro. Take what? You got to take that one the one thing he's trying he's trying to get it back but he can't get it back you got it you got to take that one bro take one you got to take that one doc that's fast you will do that on valentine's it's not about she's literally gonna listen to this podcast friday and then you got one full day to get her back on her good side for when do you think valentine's is yeah ain't it this weekend no No, son. You need a lunar calendar, bro. You don't be knowing no way. Is Valentine's on lunar? Yeah, it is.

I think of what? Is Valentine's on lunar? Why is that shit be moving around? I don't think it is. Oh, it just moves around the day, not the date.

It's the same date. That's how solar calendars work, dog. Oh, shit. Yeah, fucking solar calendar having ass. Yeah, fuck. I'm a dumbass for that one. moves around the day not the date it's the same date that's how solar calendars work dog oh shit yeah fucking solar calendar having us yeah fuck i'm a dumbass for that one i just know my girl holds birthday is the same day as it oh that's so lit it is lit but it's not why because i gotta spend hella extra to do things because yeah but it's the efficiency of it yeah yeah but it's not exactly we can knock it out do you have to do do two dates? No, but I got to go for

it. I got to go for it. Extra, extra, extra. Do you think... But it's still one day. Is she big on her birthday? I got to go. I'm going to have to do both days. Do you have to do both or could you do like 1.75? You know what I mean? You don't have to go double. I could do 1.75, but I think... That's the thing. You can slide on 1.75, I think. Yeah. What we usually

would do is like we'd go away or something like that, but we just went away. Yeah. We're away we're away yeah so we gotta find something that's here yeah also corona and all that kind of shit but it is nice in that regard because you do one care about corona oh you know we gotta be careful and shit we gotta take this seriously it's a global pandemic it's a global pandemic out it's highly contagious mutated strains there's mutated strains it's a global pandemic. It's a global pandemic. It's highly contagious. Mutated strains. There's mutated strains. It's very difficult to do, bro.

Okay, we have to take this very seriously. We do, we do. Okay? No, I mean, it's just hard to travel. These motherfuckers don't want to let you in their goddamn countries. St. Bart's closed. Damn.

I think. It is wild that America not let in anywhere. That shit feels away. Yo, but you know how arrogant we are? When we find out that news, we're like, what? We can't go? Why wouldn't you want us? It is crazy. And then it's us, fuck you, shit.

You can't come here. We like the Knicks. We're like, wait, you don't want to? We're not good enough for you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That hurt, bro. That hurt when you said that. I think we might have to keep that same energy with countries that don't let us in. Yeah. Like, no bullshit.

Even after it's done. Canada can't come back here no more, yo. Done. Done. Nah, uh-uh. No. I don't think about the hoods. Hold the line.

Come on, bro. I understand the hoes. I like those white bitches that speak patois or pidgin or whatever. You got to build the wall. I like the nice people, son. I like the nice people. Fair enough. Canada changed him. When he found out there were white girls that could wind. white bitches to speak patois or build a wall you gotta build the wall like he is always and i like the nice people yo canada changed him when he found out there were white girls that could wind oh yeah yeah that's he said that exact sentence multiple times i just didn't know there were white women that could find like he's got nice people man just nice people yeah it's a good culture

yeah there's a good culture strong people nice. Nice people. Kind people. I agree. They should be banned for 10 years. Yes. Build the wall. A decade. Just put a little bit of fear.