Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - To Be A GOAT...

Episode Date: August 27, 2019

This week Andrew, Akaash, and Alexx discuss: Andrew’s new comedy special: The Crowd Work Special, electric shocking your girlfriend, cruise ship suicide, Andrew Luck quitting football, how a bathroom is a man’s sanctuary and much more. INDULGE!!! Want to hear an additional episode every week? Become a Patron! www.Patreon.com/Flagrant2

What's up everybody? Welcome to another episode of Flagrant 2 No Easy Buckets Analysis by Assholes Water cooler commentary for your sports needs I'm Andrew Schultz I'm here with Akash Singh I'm here with Alex Media Eden is not here right now

There's probably a turkey joke that we could make But I don't have it I really don't I don't have it I didn't don't. I don't have it. I didn't have the turkey joke in the moment. I'm all out of jokes. Why? Because I released them all on YouTube.

Yeah, you did. Okay? New special alert. Young king in the building. If you don't know, now you know. Yo, my man. Marlo in this bitch, dog. I want my corners, dog.

Yo. I want my motherfucking. Even though that's Avon who said it, I don't care. Avon never got his corners, but it don't matter. We recreating the wire. Y'all going to get me spicy out here, though. Y'all going to get me turnt the fuck up. That's that talk I like.

Man, I got to say, I got to do a huge thank you to Alex Media right here. The fucking legend, the workhorse. For those of you guys who don't know, I'll preface. We dropped last night, 8 p.m., my new special. It's 35 minutes long, no written material whatsoever, all off the dome, freestyle, crowd work. And we recorded it in Washington, D.C. It's up on my YouTube right now. DC it's up on my YouTube right now and

Alex Media and Mark Gagnon shout out to Alex Media and Mark Gagnon and myself but mostly them gotta give credit to them for sure for sure don't undermine yourself though no no no I'm not undermining the

performance I'm saying what it took to get it out on what day we release it Monday what it took to get it out on what day we released it? Monday. What it took to get it out yesterday. We did a 30-hour straight edit. That's insane. That shit felt like a college when you're cramming for a test.

Son, it was 30 hours. We were in Alex's apartment, which Alex is by far the nicest apartment of anybody on this podcast. I just want to point out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Unfucking real. Anyway, I'm paying way too much. So that's coming down. That's coming down.

Okay? So it was a 30-hour straight edit. I mean, we took a three-hour nap or two-hour nap at about 6 in the morning, Monday morning. I just walked into his room delusionally. Yeah. And I laid in his bed. And this is how tired we all were. Alex walks into his room after me,

maybe like 45 minutes later. And he goes, son, you in my bed? And I go, yeah. And he goes, I ain't. I got it. He didn't even have a get the fuck out my bed. Like, he just rolled up in that bitch's neck. I thought it was going to be screwed over.

Yeah, that's it. So, Flaker 2 listeners, Alex and I have finally slept together. I just want to point that out. It's a big, it's a big. That's the real news, not the special. Oh, man. So. Alex still sweating from working so hard. It's a pig It's a pig It's a pig That's the real news Not the special Oh man So Alex still sweating From working so hard

I think He's motherfucking sweaty right now No that was from the bed Oh So So we We grind We get this thing out

I mean real Alex and Mark Un-fucking-real Alex and Mark Shot it In Washington D.C. And I mean, the turnaround on this special

is pretty amazing. Like, we shot it a week ago. Dude, fucking insane. Insane. With a three-person team, including the comedian. You know how crazy that is? Netflix got squads.

Hundreds of people. There's billions of dollars behind that. Yeah. And we just fucking did it you got you got an intern and a guy that you act like you overpaid

cause you gave him health insurance how do you still get no health insurance I know I don't we gotta talk about that you spending that on your view

you know what I mean he wants some health insurance he's not spending all that money on this beautiful ass view suddenly he got floor to ceiling windows. Oh, I've been. I've been.

Oh, you've been there? Yeah, it's a joint. I was telling him, I was like, that's why we slept together. It was the apartment effect. That shit rubbed off on me. So I let you rub off on me. I had to hit up Akash and his people for medical advice and shit. Oh, that's true.

I put him in touch with cousins and stuff. Recently? Yeah. Son, worth it. That health insurance is overrated, B. Like, when you have a view like that,

the mental health benefits. Every day. That's why I'm never in a bad mood. Oh, my God. Yeah, that's true. It's hard to be in a bad mood when you're looking

at water every day. I'm not looking at water every day. And I'm about to get one of these scooters. It's over. You can't tell me nothing. I'm going to have

the wind in my hair. Like, fuck y'all. Yo, he said this. We were working hard. He goes, you guys want to go out to the roof for a second? I was like, you got a roof? He's like, yeah. And we go into the elevator, and he pushes down to the 14th floor.

And I was like, you live above the roof? I was like, nah, I'm not paying you no more if you're living above the roof, bro. That defeats the whole purpose. Yo, it defeats the purpose. Nobody knows where Alex lives, Long Island City. Nobody knows that. Edit point. Edit point.

So, anyway, we in there. We fucking grinded away, man. It's an amazing thing. So fucking impressive, dude. What? So fucking impressive. What people can away, man. It's an amazing thing. So fucking impressive, dude. So fucking impressive. What people can do, man. It's an amazing thing what the three of us can do.

And it's great to have Mark on a journey. But yeah, so we put out this special. It's 35 minutes all off the dome. Crazy. It is. It was. It was. It's an interesting thing that's happening because yesterday or now it's tuesday

so monday yeah so we're recording the same day so we'll come out a little bit late but um monday was a great day for for comedy obviously chapelle dropped his new special and you know that was the impetus for us dropping on the same day as well and you know we were watching a little bit of the chapelle special and people hearing the feedback. It makes me so happy that we've created an environment and we've changed the comedy environment so that now the GOATs and the greats like Chappelle are able to be flagrant again. We've opened up flagrancy. They're able to be edgy. If you guys listen to this podcast If you listen to Brilliant Idiots

I told you before Views from the sis dropped I said If this is successful Like I think it's gonna be You will start to see The greats Like Chappelle

And Rock And all these guys Really pushing the limits again Because they'll feel safe to do it Like I dropped Views Because I felt the energy Of the comedy environment right I felt like the PC shit just strangling the funny yeah out of comedy right like there was just everybody was getting

canceled everybody was afraid and I put it on YouTube because I got nothing to lose you can't cancel me only I could cancel me right right so it's like and I knew that the the environment needed it right I knew it right and that shit. And that shit does, you know, six million views. That sends a message throughout the industry. Real quick. Yeah, yeah. Gas my homie real quick. What other special do you think got six million views?

Only Chappelle if he dropped. That's it? Yeah. Maybe like a Gaffigan or something like that. So for you to drop on the same day as Chappelle ain't even that bold, to be honest. If we just look at that number, numbers never lie

to use a rap bar, that ain't even that fucking crazy. Right, right. I mean, he's still a GOAT. Don't get me wrong. I love, yo, we'll never knock Chappelle.

That's the fucking, man, I'm in awe of him pretty much always. I'm going to loosen that belt off his waist one of these days. Hey,

let me tell you something I learned, man. let me tell you something I've learned, man. Let me tell you something. I wish we had a gunshot there. Let me tell you something for real I've learned from Andrew, and I think that little two-week ask you and y'all gave me two weeks ago helped. Andrew, you always hear these people say, like, don't be afraid to dream big. I have learned that seeing Andrew.

Don't be afraid to dream big and say the thing. You have to say it. Andrew always said, I want to be the greatest ever and for the longest i was like that's wild to think that you could it's not none of it is wild the audacity of hope man that's that obama shit but it's like it's an audacious thing it's a truly audacious thing to to hope something or to believe something but it gives you such a competitive advantage when you can hope it because it opens up your mind. That's the real superpower. In my belief, the real superpower is believing it's possible

because once you believe it's possible, you start solving the problems to get you there. Like going, why can't we go to the moon? The second you say, why can't we? Your brain starts going, well, let's put some oxygen tanks and a rocket. We already got these things, da-da-da-da, right? So for me, I want to wear that. I absolutely want to wear the belt.

That is the goal, right? So it's like the reason why we drop with the goat Chappelle. Chappelle's a goat. Don't get me wrong. But we drop because you have to be in the conversation. You want to be there. You have to be in the conversation. And this is one thing I'll say.

I don't know if it's Indian stuff or what, but I was raised with be humble in what you say. And a lot of people, I think, used to find you arrogant. And hopefully they don't anymore. And what I would say to anybody who feels like this guy's arrogant, you should be inspired by this guy. Because there is that party that thinks he's arrogant is that party that thinks you can't be great right it's a reflection it's a mirror you can't and you you don't like this guy saying like maybe you on some level resent he feels like he can but fuck that he feels like he can so he's going after it and for me it's like

i want to be the greatest he's just this is beautiful you're just giving everybody else more to catch up to. Yeah, 100%. So keep putting it out there. 100%. And keep saying it and keep thinking it. Don't ever be afraid to say the thing or think the thing. Yo, just go for it, man. Like, I hope that's what inspires.

This is inspiring. No bullshit. Friend to friend. This is inspiring, and I hope anybody can take that from it. That's the way I look at it. We really fucking Robin Hood, man. We the little podcast that could in every way. No, but it's like, so Al, real quick. It's like, when I look at it. We really fucking Robin Hood, man. We the little podcast that could in every way.

This is what I love. So Al, real quick. It's like when I look at this shit, it's like Robin Hood was stealing from the rich, giving to the poor. I don't know who the rich is. I don't know who the poor is. All I know is we are creating content that's at the level of what Netflix and all these other things can do. And we're giving it to the people on YouTube for free. Right? It's like, I don't even notice that that's what we're doing on some level,

but it's some comedy Robin Hood shit, right? It's like, you know, you get in the gang together, we're going out, we're going to take it all down. It's Ocean's Eleven. It's like, eleven motherfuckers, it's Ocean's Three, but it's like, three of us are going to go against but it's like three of us are gonna go against the biggest casino in the world and find a way to take the money out of it and we fucking doing it so i love the fact that i'm not like classically trained in production yeah because i don't know

the rules yeah so it's like i approach this like oh shit like all right that's how netflix that's how tv looks like let me make my shit look like that there's no reason why it can't be like that and then it's funny this happened to me maybe about a week ago somebody hit me up about the video they were bigging me up and then they started saying like how many people's on your team and i'm like what are you talking about you're on your team i'm like nah it's me it's like get the disbelief. I'm so fucking impressed by Alex. They were in disbelief. Y'all killed it, man. And I'm like, it's inspiring to work with Drew because he feels that same way about everything.

Like, look at this whole situation. Like, big shit is happening soon, come next month. Like, we're just doing this. Let's just do this shit by ourselves. We don't need no cosigns. We don't need backup. Let's do it. Why not drop on the same day as Chappelle?

Why not? Why not? Why not? That's it. There's no void in comedy. And don't actually find the reasons why not. That's a rhetorical question. No, no, no. I understand what you're saying. But Alex had a great point because in his mind, he's coming from the rap world.

And he's like, you know, there's the beefs and all this kind of shit like that. And I say, ain't no beef. Like, it's comedy. We're having fun. Like, I think I want everybody to go watch Chappelle. Go watch Chappelle. Nobody not Chappelle. Yeah, like, go watch Chappelle.

But, like, what he said was really interesting. He's like, there's a reason albums all drop on the same day. And I'm like, why? He goes, because once you're in the music listening mood you're like okay i'll check this next one and i want i'm a fan of chapelle so like and i know way less people did this but there are people that saw that ours dropped and they were like and it references chapelle's and so they were like oh shit there's a chapelle special too right now i know way less people know that i have something that didn't know the chapelle drop but at least some people got to find it as well that's good for comedy yeah do you mean that's the whole like

when i see chapelle go out there and like really be edgy right like like way edger than he's been in past specials like he's edgy again i I'm like, oh shit, we made that possible. That's a win for us. When I see that, now, I don't think it's Chappelle going, oh, there's views from the system. Now I can be. I think it's us changing culture, getting into the ecosystem enough, getting into the matrix.

Us and y'all fans. That's what I mean by us. I mean Flavor 2. I mean Brilliant Idiots. I mean comedy fans around the world proving that we like this type of comedy and that it's possible and we're getting to cancel shit the fuck out of here. Right. Facts. And it's just like, that's why, what were you saying?

Can I ask you a question about cancel culture? You know what I would love to see somebody say whenever people are like, cancel this guy. I want to go, when did you ever subscribe to me for you to cancel me you would never subscribe go ahead you're just leaving some shit you never even cared about go ahead well that's so that's the thing right it's like that's a brilliant take and that's the thing that like sometimes i don't want to like say you know like the the like the subversive shit in a special. You know, it was like more obvious with views, right? Views was like, I'm going to specifically target the topics you're not supposed to talk about.

Yeah. And I'm going to talk about them in a comedic way. I'm going to say the words you're not supposed to say. I'm going to do everything that they're telling us not to do. Right. And then I'm going to prove that if it's funny enough, it's okay. Right. Because at the end of the day, it's not about comedy or about comedy or jokes it's about the level that you're doing that and if it's funny it rise right and

that's what the culture needed in the moment and then we created that platform for other people to go out and feel brave and do their edgy shit and bring comedy back right we like sparked we sparked a flame so many other people need to support that. The Rogans need to support that. The Charlemains need to support that. All the people that supported made that happen, right? But we sparked that fucking flame. And then what happens is once you can have an opinion

and you can tell those jokes, then it becomes everything's a think piece, right? It's like, this is a think piece, and there's a million podcasts where they're going to give you your hot takes on this, that, the other, and there's a million different, you know, even comedy specials. Everybody's thinking, thinking, so much thinking, thinking, thinking. So what I want to do with this special, right, is I can't do what everyone's doing.

If everyone's doing the think piece, I just want to bring you funny, raw, funny, right? So it's like we first, it's one thing to have a think piece where you tell people how to feel and you tell them how they should be and tell audiences what they should, how they should react.

It's another thing to show it. And if you watch the special, and I would never market it like this and i'll just talk about like this because you know i fuck with the family and army but like i have the most diverse crowd in comedy that's not even question right and if you watch the special you see every race of people gender and religion in the crowd all being made fun of yeah and laughing at themselves right and to me what i want to show is one jokes don't divide us they bring us together right two this narrative out here like we're so sensitive we can't take a joke who who's we that's y'all that's not me that's not people to listen to our podcast that's not that's i don't know who the fuck that is that's a lie that's a

myth that's 10 people on twitter that's loud people that's that's 10 loud people on twitter right americans indians english puerto rico the people that we put our content out to in the world, love the flagrancy. They got a sense of humor. They could laugh. And that's what I wanted to show. I wanted to show that that's a bullshit narrative about sensitivity. That's five fat girls with short hair at a liberal arts college in New Hampshire. That's not America.

Friendless fat girls. Boom. Not even friends with each other. That's why you need a march so you can see people. That's why you're so sensitive because you never had friends. That's all friendship is is shitting on each other. Yo, that's a great point. You fucking dorks.

You didn't learn this growing up. Great fucking point. Because nobody liked you. Sitting alone with your fucking apple for the teacher like a fucking bitch that you are. First of all, it was a brownie. But the idea was like, so the idea to show it like we have to show it and that's why i want to release it it this way i just want to show no it's not that sensitive people are not that sensitive this is comedy and we enjoy jokes and we enjoy having fucking fun

and if there's one thing i'm most proud of about the special, and I'm really proud of Alex for this and Mark for this, is that the way that it's shot and the way that it's distributed is like, you feel the audience's joy. Like we specifically shot it different than any other special because we wanted you to feel what they felt. Like there's all these shots where you get to see them reacting and laughing. You get to see joy. You get to see people who look nothing like each other laughing at the same shit.

Nothing like each other. And everybody is going to get their hit. The Indian dude is going to get his shit. The black chicks from Nigeria are going to get their shit. Everybody is going to get their shit. Indian dude's going to get his shit. The black chicks from Nigeria are going to get their shit. Everybody's going to get their shit.

And for me, I don't know. That's what I hope on some level subconsciously it resonates with people, even if they don't know. I just hope on some level they're watching and they're just like, see? It's jokes, man. It's just jokes. Right. You know?

So thank you all for everybody who watched it. I really appreciate y'all. I love both y'all, man. watched it i really appreciate y'all and thank you so much uh you know keep on watching supporting sharing man that's the only way that we could change the game but al i love you man you're the fucking man it's so great to be on this fucking journey with you and and mark shouts to you mark i appreciate you that young buck mark doing all right huh son he he doing all right he's a beast and he's funny he's funny he's gonna be a star man he's gonna be fucking nice he's gonna be a star man he's not gonna get health insurance either but he goes i'm walmart out here

it's so it's so funny like when you have employees and when news stories come out where they're like how could walmart not pay it's people's fault and then you just be mad quiet i don't know how that should be happening bro what else going on y'all see the game anyway we don't got a devilness any anything Anything more from you, Alex, experience-wise that you felt like? So one thing not to bring down the mood, do we want to talk about, because I watched Chappelle's special, and I noticed that he had a bit kind of similar to yours.

Yeah, there's a, it's really annoying. He has a Michael Jackson joke that is similar. We have similar takes. And the sucky thing about that is Chappelle's never seen me perform that joke. I've never seen Chappelle perform that joke. This happens in comedy. Right. And, I mean, he had a Jussie Smollett take that I said on Brilliant Idiots,

and I did a Question of the Day thing a long time ago. But, like, because that sometimes happens yes right like like i put that question today about about like he doesn't watch it like how could the person uh you you can't be racist and homophobic and watch empire yeah yeah right but that was so that i wasn't the only person on twitter that thought about that or instagram thought about that and sometimes this happens in comedy where like the thing I, he had a thing where he said about assault, my flagrant thought from the Patreon episode. Yeah. He had that exact, like, it's not assault if you didn't touch him, whatever.

It's like this happens. And think about it. Think about how many times you're with your friends and like you both notice something and somebody just beats the other to the joke and you're like, fuck, you just took the words out of my mouth. So that's going to happen. That's just natural. Exactly.

There's no, like, I think when you get to, like, the upper echelons of this game, you start to realize that people are going to have similar thinking. Right. Right? You know, like, because you have to, in order to be outside the box, you have to think a different way about something. Right? And, you know, there will be times where Akash and I will have the same idea about something without ever even talking to each other about it.

This just happens in the game. The issue is when you're the biggest comic in the game, right, is like when you put it out, the rule just happens to be that's it. That is the joke. It's like you patent the zipper and then someone in turkey also was like well i too would like to close my jacket right and then some guy from like

nebraska's like nope we're the only ones that allow closed jackets and you're like i never even went to nebraska right it is but for whatever reason that's the thing so there's a michael jackson joke that uh that he has and the the thing that bums me out the most about it is like it to him it's like a few throwaway lines they're like a couple like tweets to get him into like his r kelly thing yeah for me it's a fully arced bit bit it is like son i know you never say it publicly but your joke joke is better, son. I'm going to be straight up with you. And it's not just your boy. I'm just saying I've seen both, and I'm a huge Chappelle fan.

Yeah. Your joke is better. And it sucks you got to retire that shit. That fucking sucks. Really? I think he can't keep performing it. His is better? No.

I'm not saying in disbelief. I'm just asking for double confirmation. You think Schultz is better? I think. Unbiased. Unbiased? I think it's funnier. Like, Chappelle's is quick.

He has some quick hits, and then he's out. Like, his is like a long bit. The problem is a couple of those hits are the same idea as mine. It's not the same wording, but it's the same concept as mine. And I have so much respect for Chappelle and just comedy. Do you know what I mean? It just sucks because then there's a whole different part of the joke that I would love to continue sharing with people on the road.

It just sucks, man. So now what's the rule? I mean, the rule is you just retire i mean the rule is you just retire it you know the rule is you just retire it's it's it's i don't know maybe there's a different maybe there's a different world where it's like honestly maybe there's a different world where it's like it's acknowledged i mean we have such an intimate relationship with our audience and our fans where maybe there's a different world where it's like, listen, y'all saw Chappelle's special. We had the same idea about something. Y'all want to hear mine?

I don't know. Look, I don't know. I haven't figured it out yet. All I know is that if I did do it, what were you thinking, Al? I'm thinking that you shouldn't take the risk. If you keep performing it, people might think that you were biting. Right, right, right. And so just the fans who've been to your show.

It's like fashion merch. They're the last ones who got the pleasure of seeing that amazing fucking joke. Yeah, you might be right, dog. You might be right, bro. Unfortunately, you might be right, dog. You might be right, bro. Unfortunately. You might be right. Wow. And that's the crazy thing.

So it just goes away and it just like evaporates into the ether. Sucks. And there's a whole other chunk that he doesn't touch upon as well, which I think is the funniest part of the joke. That's when shit gets set off. It's like, but you can't get there without the initial thing

that we have a couple, the initial setup is to get to the other, well, whatever. We don't have to spend too long. But if y'all came to a live show, y'all know what we're talking about. Y'all have seen it. And I hope that you enjoyed it.

I hope that you loved the bit. And that's the cool thing about coming to the live show is like, is that you're going to have these kind of one-off experiences. I'm curious to see what the fans think. Like the ones who've been to the live show and the ones who've seen your bit and seen Chappelle's bit. I'm just curious what they say. Interesting.

I wonder if they agree with me because I honestly think it's better, but, you know, maybe I could be biased, but I think it's better. Yo, man, you about to get

healthcare, bro. I'm telling you something, bro. How you feeling, dog? You want some Blue Cross Blue Shields? I brought it back to the crib. Made the bed and shit. I even changed the sheets.

You know I don't change the sheets for everybody. Son, this dude got the most powerful bidet I've ever been to in my entire life. Son. I should cut my gooch, son. Did he hit the hemi? Son, it penetrated me so far. It penetrated me. It didn't just clean it.

It entered me. That's what's up. It felt amazing. I was going like this. I didn't even realize it. I was rocking back and forth on it. Oh, wow. You got a little too happy. I was doing that shit like I was at the Hesi Sutra, bro.

I was like a girl getting I was At the Hezzy Sutra bro I was Like a girl Getting a Hezzy Sutra So It was I was rocking back and forth And then it went so far Inside me Wow

I started shitting again It was like It knocked off The next shit Like it It was like It was like Knocked on the door

The next shit Like it's your turn you know alex not getting his ass eaten he's cleaning it for a ton he did he like fingers bro no i never said fingers stop lying you like fingers bro you said that every time you try to add your dream no no with the tongue nah you said you like you like fingers, dog. Hey, the bidet feels great, and the tongue feels great. Got it. You got a colonic machine at home, son. I know. This is the one Samari Poseidon.

He had a colonic. Think about it. The water went up his ass, and he started shitting more. That shit went up my ass, and I sat down further. You know, I literally said to your bidet, deeper. Son, that shit was amazing. Anyway. If any gay asshole, Alex, you got to let them know what kind of bidet they got.

That's like a dude's vibrator. What, a bidet? What's a gay? You know, faster, deeper, stronger, harder. You got all the controls right there. Oh, shit. It is. Damn, son. stronger harder you can just you got all the controls right there oh shit it is damn son gay dudes do we include that shit in the special no no no no we didn't there's other parts that we just didn't include but there was a wild ass gay dude at one of the shows bro a wild ass because that dude was funny this motherfucker was

wild bro like he trough up yeah but like not too crazy but like just he was just yelling and a bidet say what he told him you got a girl and a bidet i got everything i need what have you done for me lately nah he was just son he was just like open and mad gay and like talking about eating kids like

swallowing cum and getting fucked in the ass wow yeah dude it was it was real it was fucking hard maybe we should release extras from it

yeah why not yeah we'll see EF is hot yeah anyway alright

thank y'all so much for supporting as always man i hope y'all enjoy this but i hope y'all also i really hope you guys realize like the instrumental role you've played in like pushing comedy forward you know i look at ourselves like the spear the tip of the spear of comedy you know and it's like we might not be as big as you know that the the widest part of the arrow or we might not be as noticeable as the part of the spear that you hold but you cannot penetrate without the tip you know and that's what we are we're that little dot in the beginning and the dots getting bigger and bigger and bigger but with that down the band pushing comedy and in what i believe is is the right direction and yeah man

it's just so fucking cool to be part of it and it's not possible without y'all simple as that if y'all don't fuck with it it's not possible we just talking to avoid so i'm i'm mad grateful this guy's a fucking rock star out here stage stage diving and shit. That was ill as fuck, bro. I thought that's what we were going to talk about today. Yo, son, let me tell you something. We were going to do a legit stage dive for the fashion video. This is for Chicago. We were going to do a legit stage dive

for the fashion video. Right before I'm about to go on stage, we recorded that fashion after the second show. So I did the whole show, and if I bombed, it would have been very awkward to ask them to catch me so uh we did the whole show and then i asked him right before i'm about to go on the stage manager for thalia hall the theater in chicago comes downstairs and she goes so i would like to talk to you guys about uh this potential stage dive into the audience and i

was like oh it's a wrap it ain't happening right, right? For some reason, I think of the idea. I'm like, yo, how about one person, Alex, who's my guy, just stays in the audience, surrounded by the other people, but I just jump into his arms so we don't have to worry about anybody else getting hurt. She's like, you know what? I think we could do that. Yeah, I wasn't around when he made that call.

Also true. No, not after. You got a lot of faith in Alex's strength. Oh, no, son. Come on. He tightens my microphone every single day this is the most vulnerable thing i've ever had to do every single day before this podcast is ask alex to tighten the screws on the mic because my thumbs ain't working so but uh so here's the thing she was okay with me jumping into one person's arms but not 20 not 600 because he would be liable and then

you would be like sure i understand the math of it but like it is way safer for me to just jump into everybody's arms no she don't give a fuck about your well-being i found that abundantly like when she came in on some we're worried about you shit and i was like well it's okay if i just jump on the ground head first she's like like, yeah, is nobody going to be? Nobody can sue. It's going to be there, right? And you will sign a waiver? But that's what we're doing, and that's what.

Dude, it was so funny. And it was like right there where we realized that right now, people were saying it was on some rock star shit. And we were like, yo, that's what comics are now. It's like, what did rock stars do back in the day? They didn't give a fuck. They said what the fuck was on their mind. They acted however they wanted to act. They fucking woke up late.

They went out throughout the night. They did. It's like, who's doing that now? Rappers? No, rappers are singing to each other. Do you know what I mean? They've got the drug part, but that's it. And the drugs they take are like, let me take a nap.

Yeah. Let me take Prozac so I can feel positive today yeah right so i can love everybody actually i love burning man but yeah we should be there and we sacrifice this year so we could do this man i think i think it'll be a worthy sacrifice we're gonna get up there and i hope everybody has a great burn but but so so that's. It's like, Akash, we're the fucking, I think we have taken on the rock star role. We are willing to risk it all. We're willing to say whatever. We're the ones getting silenced for what we're doing.

You know what I mean? Rappers aren't getting their music taken down. You had your joke taken down. Bro, I got throttled down on Instagram. I got shulzed out this bitch. That's what I'm saying. Think about that. That's the rock star shit.

We're doing the things that the rock stars did we are operating in that space because every time in culture or history uh there's always a necessity for pushback and that pushback isn't happening in music yeah it's happening in comedy because the pushback isn't about an energy it's about um isn't about just like an energy that like music provided. Like Nirvana provided that energy and like those rock bands provide that energy. Right now, we needed motherfuckers

with some sense. Yeah. And we needed some joy. We need to like cut through and all I'm saying is, you're in the fucking middle of it. Recognize it and just know it.

Like how cool is it? It's dope. We, yo, comics with attitude, dog. Bruce had to go through, right? CWA. World Talk. Comics with attitude.

Comics for life. Didn't I call you NWA and Nilla with attitude? Yeah, Nilla with attitude. Anyway, man, so it's cool, bro. It's fucking cool, man. It's just, yeah, it's cool. But yeah, any counterculture shit has spoken to a group of people that have been quieted. Mm-hmm. And the people who aren group of people that have been quieted.

And the people who aren't offended by everything have been quieted. And now we're speaking to them. There we go. We're tapping into that energy. We talking. We talking. All right. So we had a big week this week, Akash.

Some deportitos. Andrew Luck. Let's start with that. Can you explain? Okay. I heard a crazy theory. I think, Al, did you bring this up to me? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was going to be my favorite take, but it's fine. So Al brought this up to me.

So you know Andrew Luck's dad? Oliver Luck, XFL. Is part of the XFL. Yeah. Interesting. XFL is not around this next year. Yeah. But it is going to around this next year. Yeah. But it is going to be around two years from now.

It is entirely plausible that Andrew Luck takes a year off, rests his weary body, but then after that year of traveling with his wife, which I could definitely see wearing on him. Wait. which I could definitely see wearing on him. That's what he's fitting to do, this fucking idiot. You think football is exhausting? Imagine listening to this bitch for a year. Son, a year of traveling?

You ain't been on vacation with your bitch enough. My girl and I be beefing after three days. Tired of each other. Son. I can't, bro. That's why I don't understand cruises. Yo.

Like, you know, every once in a while you hear in the news, you be like, someone jumped off a cruise. I was like, just one? You just have one guy jump off?

Yo. Bro, that's why them windows are so small. Yo. Do you notice in the cruises them windows are just a little circle? That shit just a little bit too skinny to fit your shoulders out. If that shit just

came up like a window in your apartment, swan diving out that shit. I'll take my chances with the fishes. Right? Son, you know how many dudes got caught just like like webbing in a net trying to jump out the carnival cruise factory son i gotta get out of here you gotta catch him with a net son i don't understand it son i truly do that's why alcohol is free you ever noticed it like on a cruise they don't charge

you for no alcohol everything's included because it gotta be because if it's not i'll jump right the fuck off this boat instead of listening my girl bitch about some shit what could you bitch about we on a boat like how you find a way to bitch about shit we on a boat we gotta go over here why we don't gotta go nowhere we're already there we are already on the boat we can't be late for nothing we can't possibly what could you possibly be upset about i'll meet you there how do i know you're gonna come because we're on the boat and if i don't come you know where to find me we're on the boat as simple as that. What are you upset about? Oh, my God. What the fuck were we talking about? Oh, Andrew Luck.

Andrew Luck. Entirely possible. Takes a year off. Comes back a year after that and joins the XFL. What's a dumber idea? And X stands for ex-wife. I was just going to ask, what's a dumber idea, joining the XFL or traveling for a year with your wife? Both cause CTE.

Both of them cause incredibly traumatic brain injuries. Both of them result in you killing your wife. Or yourself. Or yourself. That's one or the other. That's one or the other. It's one or the other. Yo, one fucking year, son. That's crazy.

Dude, I start hyperventilating just thinking about that. That's crazy. Yeah. Bro. Bro. Bro. Like what? Like what?

My girl and I spent the whole weekend together And she was like I had enough of you Thank God When they say it first Right? You know when they say it first And you get the front Like you don't agree You be like

Really babe? Really? What you need some time? You need a little few minutes? Why don't you take some time? I'll just take an hour long shit To get my teeth in quiet My girl really thinks

I can't shit fast She really believes In her heart She be like It takes him so long to shit I'll be like You believe that? You believe I can't

Just get it out? I'm giving myself hemorrhoids For some motherfucking Piss in quiet Why do you think I got a bidet? I used to camp out in there. I might as well

have some fun while I'm here. I used to camp out in the bathroom for hours. I had to lie about being constipated the whole time I was in Japan just to get an extra hour

on the toilet. No, I'm still trying to push, man. Yo, you got to, to prevent the hemi though, you got to shit and then close the lid and just sit on the lid and be on your foot. Oh, that's smart.

He created a bench. That's smart. My legs be falling asleep and shit. Hey, real talk, if you could build a lazy boy and a toilet, son, I'd never fucking leave. There's no point. I get it. Now you get like all that old man shit, like a fucking TV in the bathroom. Like, you understand what a bathroom is to an old man.

Sanctuary. It's a sanctuary. Like think about how much we want to get away from our wives, right? There's a thing called a man cave, right? Like the man who works and pays the rent for the apartment is willing to take the shittiest part of the house just to have some solitude. Like, you pay for the house. You could have the bedroom be in the basement.

What's she going to do? Start paying for the house? No. Right? You could say, no, my man cave is actually the man penthouse, and it's on the top floor of the house. You know how we work to get what we want? You know how a woman gets what she wants?

Her job is just nagging you. That's her job. What is it? Grinding you away? What were you saying? Didn't you have a bit about that? Like she just grinds you away like erosion? Basically.

I don't remember. Yeah, something like that. But just like that's her job. It's just nagging you. We're like, yo, I want this. I'm going to work to get it. She's like, I want this. I'm going to nag my husband until he gets it for me.

You know who we are? This is what we are. We start as like a shard of a beer bottle on an ocean seabed, right? And they grind us into beach glass. They look at us like this sharp, crystallized Heineken bottle. And they're just like, oh, I'm going to make you a beach glass. We're going to add some opacity or whatever that word, opaque. We're going to make you opaque.

I'm going to grind you away until you turn into something I can take home. All the edge you had, fuck all that. I'm going to just grind it out of you. It's so true. They just want us to be another fixture. They want us to be a piece of furniture, right? It's just like, yo, be there. Be there when I need you to support me.

Be there when I need you to sit on. Be there when I need you. Do you need anything? It don't matter if you need anything. Why would it matter? That's not your purpose. Your purpose is to provide me comfort when I need it, and when I don't need the comfort, you fucking sit there

and you do nothing. I still need you here, though. Don't go nowhere. Don't think you got freedom, couch. Every once in a while, I'm gonna let my dog sit on you. You could be nice To the dog too

But besides that Oh son I got How's engagement It was great To be honest It was great It was great

You know Have you Have you used the Have you used the Shut the fuck up No no no Like the I got you to ring

In an argument yet I haven't said In an argument Nah but I mean When the argument's Like Son I can't wait For you to ring in an argument yet? I haven't said in an argument, no. But I mean, when the argument's like... Son, I can't wait for you to drop that. I dropped that immediately. I don't feel like pasta for dinner. Look at your ring!

Look what I did for you! You're not even going to fit in your wedding dress if we get pasta! Oh, man. I'll be bringing it up in them playful moments so when things are a little tense, I'm going to be like, I'll just look at their finger,

I'll be like, shh, shh, shh. You're talking a lot for somebody that just got that. Oh, that's so good. Oh, shit. Yo, now when my girl gets mad

I'm scared for real but in the playful moments I hey just just yeah and then I'll just do this at my finger

that's it we should have you know those like you know remember like you know the dog things where like no no not

where like when they run past a certain you know like it's not a fence but it's like No, no, not where like when they run past a certain. You know, like it's not a fence, but it's like an electrical one. Right. So when they run past a certain distance. Oh, gosh.

They run. What did you mean they get too close? Run, bitch. But like they run past a certain distance, right? You could zap the dog and the dog knows not to go there, right? It's like electroshock therapy, right? Shock collar. So many women would get a ring earlier if the ring itself had like an electric shock mechanism where the second they started nagging or being ungrateful or complaining about anything or making your life difficult for no reason,

we could just zap them and it would send a zap. Not an abusive. I'm not talking about abusive. Just discomfort. Yeah. Like just discomfort. Just as much discomfort as you're giving me. Exactly.

Equal discomfort. And there was some biochemical way to quantify my discomfort and then put it in your finger. And what it did and what it did is trying to fry bitches fingers. 100 percent. And I'll be honest, I think it should work on a delay. I think that it doesn't hit you right now because that's how women work. Right. Like you fuck up right now, but you're not going to feel it right now. Oh, yeah. You're going to feel it later. Right. So. So it's one of those things where

it's like right white women shit yo brother will be letting you know in the moment in the moment fair enough but like you know white girl gonna hold on to that a little bit and then hit you back later with it you know so um the interest bill exactly he's goldman sachs ass bitches bodying you. Old Bank of America ass bitches. So what I'm saying is they have that thing and you hit it

but it doesn't hit them just right there. And then right when they're going to get their manicure and right when they're on that fucking nail, right, and they want some palm tree

or some shit designed on the nail, zap! Now your manicure fucked up. Next time you should think about that when you're giving me a hard time for no! Now your manicure fucked up. Next time you should think about that when you give me a hard time for no reason

when I'll try to provide. Right when you try to take a moment for yourself. Zap! That's when you get zapped. Hell yeah. You try to finger yourself, zap!

You try to put on one of them little dainty necklaces that takes like every little bit of dexterity with your fingers to open the class, zap! You try to put your eyeliner on, one of them little dainty necklaces that takes like every little bit of dexterity with your fingers to open the clasp.

Zap! You're trying to put your eyeliner on. Zap! You're trying to get that part of the hoop earring in your ear, but it's difficult. You just got to poke around. Zap! Real talk about the wipe they add. That's what, yeah.

Zap! Should have had a bidet bitch Now you need another manicure Oh man Son See That's why we all need girls bro I love relationships

Y'all suck Cause I take my angst out On the airwaves Yeah same You know Same bro That's where it gotta be I've never been more at peace

Yo Alex can't have it Alex can't have a girl son Alex can't have a girl that airwaves. Yeah, same. You know? Same. That's where it gotta be at. I've never been more at peace. Yo, Alex can't have it. Alex can't have a girl, son. Alex can't have a girl. It's too much. It's too stressful for Alex. Alex is good single. I think you're better single.

Yeah, yeah, I think so. Like, just out there in the world. What's wrong with you in a relationship? I just prioritize the work more. So it creates a big stressor in a relationship. Like, you could cancel on a girl that you're not in a relationship with because you got to work. Right, right, right.

You know? That's that shit. Say what? No, that was it. Right? Yeah. Now this, me, I might be better in a relationship. I don't know.

I think so. Because it brings out that heart in me and empathy. It does. Yeah. Yo, you know what's mad fun? Y'all ever do this? Y'all ever do this? Y'all ever go up to your girl and be like, oh, we letting our unibrowes grow?

Like, you involve yourself in it, too? Like, be like, oh, we got to do a little plucking together? Like, I let my shit grow out for some encase. Like you involve yourself in it too Like Be like Oh we gotta do a little plucking together Like I let my shit grow out For some in case So Do you know what I'm saying

Just in case her shit grows I could be like Oh we gotta We gotta take care of this We gotta I guess we should do it together Relationship shows is better Let's have a group activity

He'll do all the condescending shit And let it out We got a group activity, babe. You want to do things together? You want to, you know? Yo, I don't know which means better because I forgot what freedom is like. This motherfucker institutionalized. This is Andy Dufresne over here, son.

I'm red out this bitch. Nah, you Andy. You got hopes still, son. I'm red. These walls got comfy for me. I'm Brooks. You let me out. I'm liable to hang my fucking cell phone.

Nah, son. I'm going to see you on the beach in Mexico, bro. We got this shit. We got this shit, bro. We're going to be living on the beach in Mexico, son. That's what a relationship is. You know, you're here at first. These walls feel confining.

Then you get used to them. Soon enough, you don't know what to do without them. That's a relationship. Son, that might be, bro. That's love, dog. It might be, right? They feed you three times a day. You be like, I think I'm happy.

I think this life is good. Oh, man. What a fucking life. Word. Word. What a life. It's a good life. It's a good life, bro. It's a good life. I mean, there's complications, but it's a good life, bro.

I mean, there's complications, but it's a good life. It's a good life, you know? I don't want to get yelled at when I get home live. No, no, no. That happens already. Man. Yo, you know what's mad funny, son? This is mad funny. I was in a fight with my shorty

she raised her voice at me and that shit cracked me up bro she was like because she was trying to like you know how they be making bullshit ass points like thinking they're saying something but they're not because they're wrong but they can't admit they're wrong so and she was like and i was and I was like, I'm trying to operate on this hypothetical to understand. She's like, I understand. But what I was like, no, no, but just take this hypothetical situation that we got here. I understand. But if you would just let me finish.

No, no, no. Before we even get there, let's just agree on what the terms of on a hypothetical. I will if we just let me. Babe, can we just. Let me fucking finish just Let me fucking finish Let me fucking finish She just raised her voice mad loud And there's a beat and I just went

Wow, that sounded like you dated a Spanish girl Shout out to you You didn't throw a big number at her What does that mean? Oh, yeah. Babe, one million. Oh, I forgot about that. I got to try that shit.

The number, right? I got to try that shit. Yeah, bro. But these girls can't find out about bop, bop, bop. Yo, lady assholes, don't tell no other girls about bop, bop, bop. You're involved in bop, bop, bop. You could use that against your man, too. You could bop, bop, bop.

Yo, what would you do if your girl bop bop bop'd you? I respect it That would include her stop talking Cause if you're bop bop bop'ing You're not talking So we're good I respect that shit It's a win

It's a win Why? Does your girl bop bop bop you? No no no no I was trying to think if she did How would I respond I felt the mild rage. I was like, are you crazy?

Bop up on me? Like, I didn't bring that to you, bitch! Nah, I mean, I think... Go. Go. That's where I go. Go. When you try to take some power back when someone's talking to you.

You know what I mean? Like, when somebody's giving you a talk, and you got to act like you allowing them. Oh, yeah. Let me say, Linda, I have to say what I need to say. And then you be like, go. I heard him do that to both of us. I know. Yep.

Yep. Go. That's what I'm saying. Him in a relationship now, he's going to take all that. You got to take your power back when you have no power. Right? That's all that is. Go.

All right, go. Say your piece. You know you're going to say your's all that is. Go. Alright, go. Say your piece. You know you're going to say your piece. I got to sit here and take it. I might as well front like I'm allowing it. Say your little point. Say your little point. It's therapy. We're getting it all out right now. Do your little nagging. Get your way.

Do that little thing you do. We're getting it all out. Act. Do your little nagging. Get your way. Do that little thing you do. We're getting it all out. Act like you empowering all that shit. I'll be catching myself when I do the, woof. I get why wives kill their husbands, bro, because sometimes I find myself doing this shit where I'll be like,

you know, this voice, where you're trying to get them to understand your point, and for some reason you think it would be better to do that if you talk to them like they're your point and for some reason you think will be better do that if you talk to them like they're four What I'm trying to say is if you see my eyebrows go up like Do you know like clown I brought you know, like clowns eyebrows always way up here like what I'm trying to say How can I make you understand this?

So, like. Baby. That's not. Baby. And then she's like, don't condescend. I'm like, well, you don't hear me talking normal, son. I'm trying to be nice right now. Baby.

I'm trying to be patient. Baby. You can't let me be patient. I can't even be patient without being condescending. Oh, this is so good. Yo, you cannot win. This is so good. This is my favorite thing They say

Why do you always blame Why do you always blame Everything on me Because Cause I don't do nothing wrong What y'all want How am I gonna blame shit on me When I don't do nothing wrong

What I do Pay for too much shit Is that what I did Is it Is it a problem for too much shit? Is that what I did? Is it a problem how fast I put my credit card down at the dinner table? Is that what upsets you? Shit.

Oh, shit. And you know what it is? When you fuck up as a dude, once you realize it, at least for me, once I realize I fucked up, it ain't even a fight. Because it's just like, you know, you're right. You should feel this way. And I agree with you.

And then it's over. Yeah. So when they go, when they're like, why is it that when we fight, it's always my fault? It's because I don't fight when I'm wrong. Yeah. We don't remember it. When I'm wrong, I say I'm wrong. When you're wrong, we fight

because you don't realize you're wrong. Right? It's like the fight is never about the issue. It's about you not realizing you're wrong. And I got to fight you until you realize you're wrong. Yo, this is so true. Right? I got to beach glass you.

You won't refuse to be beach glass. The second I realize that I'm beach glass, I'm like, put me in a cup on a mantle. I'm ready. When she's wrong, it's just for her to be right, her thing is a war of attrition. I'm going to just argue until you say I'm right, even though I'm not. Yes. That's how I'm going to win. I'm going to just wear you down.

I can nag forever and I know you can't take me and nag forever. But you know what you were wrong about? I like to argue. You got the wrong one, honey. You got the wrong one because I got all day for this

my line is like i hate arguing but i love debating we call it debate that's my shit. Oh, fuck. Son. Oh, my God, son. Yo. You know what you really can flex with, bro?

What's that? You know what that guy said? I think this might have been a Patreon thing. Some asshole said, if you're arguing with your girl, just say a big number. Yeah, yeah. It was great. Just say a big number. Be like, 3,462,000. She's like, what the fuck is that? Be like, the number of views

I got in a video last week. Let me be great, bitch. Tired of this shit. The amount of times I thought of you this week, that's what that was. Drowning you. No, I'm just joking. I'm just checking I'm just checking I'm just checking I'd have to take you to a beach for that

Nah man Why girl be drowning motherfuckers in a bathtub That's true If they're related Son Fuck man Love y'all man That was the best I don't know how we got here True, if they're related. Son. Fuck, man. Love y'all, man.

That was the best. I don't know how we got here with Andrew Luck, but God bless you, Andrew Luck. He traveled with his wife like a fucking idiot, man. That's true. This bitch can show a missing, son. Son, real talk. That guy got too many teeth. You ever see him talk and you're like, man, get a couple of them out of here because it feels like your mouth is crazy, bro.

Doesn't it? He looks like Wolverine sort of condom. He looks like Down Syndrome Wolverine, bro. Yeah, Down Syndrome Wolverine. Doesn't he? Yeah. Like he goes like this, but like only like one of them comes out. Be gentle.

Happy Wolverine. Hey, you guys. Be gentle. Happy Wolverine. Hey, you guys! Hey, Storm! What are you guys doing today? Hi, Phoenix!

Hey, Phoenix! What the heck? Whoa, tight claps! Your eyes are really red and hot. He just falls on the ground. It's okay, guys. I recover quick. Yo, how strong is Retard Wolverine, son? Oh, shit.

That's Superman strength right there, son. Holy shit. My man is the Incredible Hulk. He don't feel no pain. Every time you hit him, he just absorbs the energy. Oh, my God. Oh, God. Maybe that's all Hulk is.

Yo! Yo! Oh, because real talk, we've never seen a retard angry. So we don't know how strong they get, right? Retards are always happy. But imagine a retard looked at you like you took his ice cream and he was like, You don't want to see what happened. We're not getting angry. You know how the whole thing works so well?

Because the way he talks is a little tardy, son. It's tardy, son. Oh, my God. His pants don't come down to his ankles. Shits are all ripped. Motherfucker got no shoes on. You can't figure out why. The guy.

What if it's not Hulk? What if it's just Hank? That sounds like a retard name, right? That's exactly how I was saying. Hank smash. Hank smash. Hank smash! Hank angry! That's the dude from Green Bottle,

son. He just tried to kill us. He didn't even mean to kill him. Take my hand. Flagrancy is alive and well, guys. The flagrancy is live and well, guys. The flagrancy is live and well. Oh, my God. Oh, fuck.

Oh, my God. Jesus Christ. Okay, so. What's more retard to Andrew Luck? I'm sorry. The Incredible Hulk are taking your girlfriend on vacation for a year, son. Dude. Dude.

Dude. A year. It's just. She don't want that. Dude. Fucking year. You guys about to find out. dude dude dude a year it's just she don't want that dude fucking year you guys about to find out you guys about to

meet each other for real for real dog you gon' meet each other dog you gon' meet travel's a different level man that's like we are all we got hey

do you think Andrew Luck uh reacts the same way with his wife in arguments as he does when players sack him? Oh, yeah. Hey, bring it. Hey, that was a great point, babe.

Great point. Really good idea. Good job. Oh, fuck. Anyway, shall we talk some Deportitos? Yeah. Well, how did y'all feel about the fans booing him? I thought his shit was whack.

I didn't want to grandstand as much as everybody else was. That was kind of corny. What were they booing, though? Because he retired, and then they heard about it, and then he's just leaving the stadium, and they happen to see him, and they just start booing for him retiring. But it was like, did they... I respect it.

The fans? Yeah. Okay, go on that. Ooh, you guys might have to talk about this while I go poopoo. I gotta pee also, always. I gotta shit too. Should we take a pause and then come back okay okay we back uh what we're gonna do is uh pay some bills because we gotta do that um and after that we're gonna hear alex's theory about andrew luck but it's a good thing that we're talking about football because what football season is upon us no it is

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Let's get back. Alex, tell us about Andrew Locke, your theory. So before I do that, it's kind of funny how, you know, when a bunch of women are together, like they work in the office and their cycles synced up. Yeah. We spend one night in a bed and now our shit schedule synced. Yo, that is so true. All of us.

We hang out too much. Okay, Al, so you were talking about Andrew Luck. So I just respect the fans for booing because I'm sure he's been thinking about this for a long time and to wait until right now before the season's about to start to retire I think was a dick move. So that was my question, right? It was does his timing hurt his team? My take is he's been hurt this whole time and he's probably been trying to come back and he's probably in the last like month maybe or maybe it was a thought gnawing away at him like maybe this ain't right maybe this is too much but like he was going to be hurt regardless he didn't

just retire he had a high ankle injury that wasn't getting really better i was reading you were reading little reports here and there that like it's not really getting better and this is coming off his crazy shoulder shit right where he got comeback player of the year last year and i think that's why he was like man fuck my body i just don't think i can take this anymore how much of this is the fault of the colts oh i put it squarely on jim arce explain that so jim arce when and this is to payton manning's credit when Peyton Manning was there Jim Marseille is the owner of the Colts not the coach

he hires GMs but he's pretty involved and he's kind of a fuckhead and he's got arrested on drug charges and all that but when Peyton Manning

was the Colts quarterback he said a lot maybe to the overall detriment of the team wins but he was like I want this weapon I want that weapon I want this weapon

my understanding is he had a lot of say so Andrew Luck seemed like he was a lot of say-so. Andrew Luck seemed like he was just kind of like, I'll trust you guys to build the best team. The Colts never invested in an offensive line until last year. Right. Last year, Andrew Luck comes back healthy, plays great, but before that, he would get the shit kicked out of him every year.

And if you don't protect your quarterback, why are you paying him all this money? Here's my question to you. Is Andrew Luck an idiot for being the good employee and go with what the organization says? To a degree, you're fucking up if you do that. At a certain point, you've got to speak up. It seems like, and I'm not going to say Kevin Durant is the exact same situation,

but it seems like when you put the team ahead of yourself, which is what we want from all of our athletes, right? Yeah. Which is what we admire about them. We admire about Tom Brady. Tom Brady. Hey, you took less money. You did all these things. That being said, I don't think you can reward an organization that doesn't protect you.

Yes. I think if you have an organization that protects you, like, for example, Tom Brady, I'll take less money. You know why? Because you guys, every year, have invested in the best protection possible for me. Yeah. So I've been able to play until I'm 42. Yep.

You earn this discount. Yep. Because you actually gave me 10 more years of productivity. My health is better. My health. Like, think about that. If you do a 10-year career and you're making $20 million a year, that's $200 million. If you have a 20-year career at

$20 million, that's $400 million. You paid me an extra. You allowed me to make an extra $200 million because you protected me. You deserve a discount. You invested in my health. I'm investing in backing you. Symbiotic relationship. It's beautiful. When an organization makes absolutely no effort whatsoever to invest in your health,

and it's kind of public, right? Yeah. You know they're not drafting offensive linemen. You watch every draft and you're like, why do they keep drafting receivers? That's not going to stop my ankle from being sprained or that's not going to stop my shoulder from being fucked. Yeah. At a certain point in time, I think you have to hold Andrew Luck accountable.

I think you have to say, this isn't the Colts' fault. This is Andrew Luck's fault. He didn't demand, he didn't demand what he needed from his organization. Yeah, the fuck stops with you.

At the end of the day, we always accept responsibility for whatever goes wrong in our life. That's how it has to be. Like, if you bomb a show, you have to put the blame on you. Yes.

But, like, the Cols are also i remember they traded a second round draft pick for some cornerback vante davis who wasn't even that good you traded a second round draft pick that's a great place to get like a good guard matter of fact they got a great guard in the second round last year i'm pretty sure guard is an offensive line who protects you guards you literally what the term yeah yeah um so you're they just yeah fucked around in the draft every year it seemed like they didn't have a good line until last year yeah last year's

comeback player of the year if you did this five years ago do you have the best quarterback still playing yeah and he's the best quarterback you have the best you might outside of brady's up there he's he's in that class brady breeze rogers wilson i think if he's healthy for this whole time i think he's in that conversation. It's really mind-boggling to me, man. It's not like you... It'd be one thing if you're part of an organization that never had an elite quarterback with tons of potential. It'd be one thing if you were part of an organization

that never invested in a quarterback and saw what an elite quarterback can do for you and how it can help you win a Super Bowl. But you literally— Saw it. 15 years. Just had Peyton Manning. And the only reason Peyton Manning left, injury.

Neck injury. So why not keep investing in protecting the quarterback? Because if he's healthy, he's good to go. It is an odd thing. And look, the Colts could go on and win three Super Bowls, and then I'll shut the fuck up forever, and we were wrong about Andrew Luck. My suspicion is that that doesn't happen. I think they're done.

Kobe Brissett or whatever, I'm not impressed by. I'm not saying he's going to be bad, but I was impressed by Andrew Luck. He can do everything. It is an interesting, there are a few things you can control in life, but you can't control the way people treat you. Yeah.

Meaning you, not the way people treat you, but you can allow them to treat you a certain way or not. Yeah. You can dictate how they treat you. For example, if you let someone treat you a way that you don't like and don't do anything about it, they will continue to treat you that way. If you don't allow that, and that doesn't mean you're punching them in the face, that just means that you are making a statement on how you would like to be treated in a certain situation. That dictates how you are treated after that.

Is that a way you can negotiate a contract? Like, look, I don't have to be the highest paid quarterback in the league, but I need to know, damn near in writing, if not verbally, with this money you save, you are getting this like a top dollar lineman. I would not be surprised if you saw contracts extended past personal

gain. In other words, I would, hey, especially because there's a, is there a salary cap? Yes, hard salary cap. Like the NBA. No, no, no, no. I mean like per player no so that's no max contract so that's tricky because there's no max contract in football you can just keep on asking for more money and you know to fill the void of inconvenience yeah let's say that the max a player could be paid was 20 million dollars right right you know that like lebron you're worth more than 20 million to the franchise right right um so you have to get other

things in your contract to justify the discount that the organization is getting on your value right so what i would ask for if i'm andrew luck or any player i'd be like listen you're getting me for 2020 million. You know if there was a free market, I'm $40 million. You get $20 million off. So what you're going to do with that other $20 million, I'm going to dictate how you spend that, meaning next year's draft, you have to, with your third pick,

draft a blah, blah, blah. Now, that could be looked at as bossy and this, that, the other, Now, that could be looked at as bossy and this, that, the other. But you could make the argument that you need a pro bowl lineman or something. You could find ways where you need your protection. Because clearly the organization, or you just dip from the organization. That organization did not give a fuck about Andrew Luck's health. So fuck them.

Stop being this smiley, goody-two-shoes fucking guy. That's your life. Everything you work for, you're just going to smile away? Yeah. Fuck that. Yeah. Stand up, dog.

Fuck that, dude. I don't think that's wrong. And I, so here's the thing with, because there's no max salaries, quarterback salaries are taking a huge percentage of the overall cap. Yeah.

Like, it's a hard cap in the NFL. Yeah. So there is no exception in which you can go above the cap. Right. There's no Larry Bird rule, blah, blah, blah. Right. But also quarterbacks, like Russell Wilson's a hard cap in the NFL. Yeah. So there is no exception in which you can go above the cap. Right. There's no Larry Bird rule, blah, blah, blah. Right. But also quarterbacks, like Russell Wilson's getting $35 million a year.

And I think the cap is like $160 million for the whole team. So you're getting- So you got 53 roster spots. 25%? And 25% or whatever is going to you directly. Wow. So you could say, look, I'll take $28 million a year, but I need to know this extra $7 million is going toward protecting me.

And that will pay off for both of us. And isn't that what Brady did? I think so. And maybe it wasn't written into the contract, but maybe it was understood. And a guy like Brady has such great communication with the organization, has such great trust. If you're Brady, you don't even need to say anything to Belichick. You can say, listen, I'm going to take less.

I trust you to do the right thing with that money. And Belichick is going to go, all I do is the right thing with money. That's what I do. They don't even like each other, but I'm sure Belichick is like, you just need a good offensive line to protect your quarterback to win. Because I like winning, and you help me win when you're protected. 100%. So it's like,

don't be an Andrew Luck. Yeah. Do not be an Andrew Luck. Yeah. Be a fucking dick, because history will remember the wins. Yeah. Nobody remembers

the shit talker that Larry Bird was. Nobody remembers the pain in the ass, pesky, foul you hard, elbow you. Nobody remembers when Matty Johnson got a coach fired. Nobody remembers the pain in the ass, pesky, foul you hard, elbow you. Nobody remembers when Matty Johnson got a coach fired. Nobody remembers when he got a championship winning coach fired. Yeah.

They won a championship. You're right. And then he got the coach fired immediately afterwards. That is the biggest douche. That's why he got AIDS. No, but that's the biggest douchebag move in the fucking world. Yeah.

But he won. He won. I think that is the move, but you can only do that move with organizations you trust. You cannot do that move with organizations which are going to have a new GM every two years, a new fucking head coach every three years.

I can't put my faith in this GM if it's not here next year, and my contract is already... Now I got this cheap-ass contract that I got to live up to, and the GM that I agreed to the shit with ain't even there still? The sad thing is they just got a good GM for Andrew Luck last year. Then he got a great offensive line. Now he's hurt. That's some shitty luck this guy had.

If they got this guy Doug Ballard four or five years ago ago he'd be fucking i think he could man he can do everything he's like aaron rogers but he's actually built more stocky than andrew rod yeah i mean he must have taken a real he must have taken a real punishment because he actually is built more similarly to russell wilson yeah than he is to like a matt ryan or any of these like of these slim, lanky guys that you could see. Yeah, he looks like he's built for it. Yeah. Just makes me sad.

Real sad. Anyway, what else we got? Last football story I was thinking is there's more Antonio Bryan helmet drama if we want to keep talking about it. Well, I want to know about the Big Ben thing. Did you hear about that? No. Oh, I just want to point out that I was thing did you hear about that no oh i just want

to point out that i was right about that helmet that he did try to paint his old helmet yo yeah he said it as a joke do you remember this he's like why don't you just paint the old one but he said why don't you just bring your pittsburgh helmet yeah and we thought that he meant literally wear the colors yeah but you meant like change the yeah just bring the old one that you like and just paint over it because it was grandfathered in. And you guys called me fucking a retard for that shit. Here's the thing. If he was smart,

he wouldn't have done that in practice. Just practice with the helmet they want and then game day, you wear your old helmet and it's not a big deal. He's a fucking idiot. He created this big marketing hoopla about it. The news went now,

they're going to look at every detail of his fucking helmet on game day to make sure he did it. If I would say that, I'd be like, yes, absolutely. I think that's a great idea. Thank you guys for helping us. Hey, paint that helmet just like the game day helmet. We should 100% do this. Hey, the buckles are a little bit different.

Just put the new buckles on it. Make it look as close to similar as we possibly can. I love this helmet. Thank you, NFL. You're the best. We could do the whole season. Nobody fucking knows. Oh, I love this helmet. Thank you, NFL. You're the best. We'll do the whole season. Nobody fucking knows. Yeah, you're speaking logically,

but if you see his hair, I don't think he's a logical person. Yeah, I don't. You know what? To that point, if you see his hair, I think he just wants attention. Can't you just go to Shutt or whatever the company is

and be like, hey, guys, make a helmet for me that I like that fits these standards. You don't think the Raiders would throw massive money behind that? Yeah. Guys, make a helmet for me that I like that fits these standards. You don't think the Raiders would throw massive money behind that? Yeah. You are a marquee player on a team that is moving cities. Yep.

That needs marquee players. Yeah, he has all the leverage. He has all the leverage, but he don't use it. Because I think he just wants the attention. Why? Yeah, attention is a fucking drug, man. Why the fuck? why yeah attention is a fucking drug man why the fuck why the fuck has he allowed the media narrative about him to be he's a dick and why has he leaned into that i i don't did pittsburgh put that out there did didn't deon sanders kind of have that same shit no but we love deon deon at

least had like so let's say deon had like the negative, well, you probably know more intimately because you were with the Cowboys. Deion, my recollection of Deion is it's all about me, but never at the expense of the team. When Deion didn't play for a long stretch with the Cowboys, he had turf toe, which we didn't realize at the time was like a fucking nasty injury. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's bad. Like, that was it.

He was hurt if he wasn't playing. And then like, it was never, hey, I'm holding out because you don't, a fucking helmet restriction is like and it's here's the thing if it was not safe enough people would publicly get behind you but it's the nfl is it's bullshit but they're trying to quote unquote make it safer right so the perception is okay i get that you're trying to make this helmet isn't safe enough but i want it right so we can't even get behind you on a fuck the nfl for safety issues thing you know what i mean it's literally you want the less safe helmet yeah i can't get behind this dion was i'm a score i'm i'm dancing i'm whatever but i also shut down the entire field and then i

don't distract the team like this not negatively you know what i mean yeah it's never the it's it's me and the team are equal but it's never me over the team. The perception of it. Right. And I imagine you were okay with the off-the-field antics because you knew once the whistle blew, it's prime time. Which you can say for AB too, but he's not going to cause dissension in the locker room. But can you say that that's the case? Because remember, didn't he get into some tiff with Ben Roethlisberger?

Yes. And then they sat him down. And he didn't like the Juju Smith Schuster was voted team leader or whatever the fuck. And so he sat out the last game. Dion didn't do that shit. Exactly right. So like Dion had his off the field antics. But when he was on the field, it's game time.

Yes. Why don't athletes get this? All you have to do is show up and do your fucking job. And we don't even care if you're murdering people. Alex, whatever his name, Ray Lewis, Ray Lewis,

Alex Hernandez, Hernandez, Aaron Hernandez. Like they're just out there murdering people. But when they showed up and they practice hard, do you mean you're out all night murdering and you come in there early, you're doing your suicides, you're doing your drills, you know what you're prepared to play, and we look the other way about it. AB practices hard, too.

Apparently, he practices the hardest. It's just at the—why are you causing a dissension? T.O., same shit. T.O. was a fucking fanatic when it came to nutrition, when it came to work. He was a beast. Yeah. But he always caused dissension in the locker room.

It's always me at the expense of the team. Dion would apparently go into meetings, team meetings, with his headphones on. He'd show up late and he would just be like,

point to the screen and be like, I'm taking care of that side of the field. And then he wouldn't listen to anything. But it's never leaking out to the media.

It's never him in interviews calling out teammates. It's never him in interviews calling out teammates. It's never him fucking – it never feels like it's at the expense of the team. I didn't know that until years later. It just felt like, yeah, Deion loves himself, but that's it. He still loves the team. When it's game time, he's not causing any problems. We're good.

I mean, like, it's just so shocking to me. It's so shocking to me that there's not some – I guess what happens is you get to a certain level where you don't have people that can check you and be honest with you and like tell you you know he it's just like he's being rewarded for it to a large he's fucking being we're talking about him they want this fucking attention dog it's like you can't just wait for the season to start when we're gonna say you're the best wide receiver in the league hands down every week that's all the conversation is during the dude during the week wait a minute hold on no no ab was getting touchdowns it was julio jones that wasn't getting touchdowns yeah okay i was trying to say like maybe that's caused the anxiety

that's why he needs to be spoken about what's tough about you ever played did y'all play like just football out in the yard or whatever the fuck in new york on the streets yeah if you're not getting the ball or a receiver it's so fucking frustrating it drives you insane a huge game for a receiver he touched the ball eight times eight times eight times is a big game it's a big game and you're running plays dog plays I'm blocking I'm out here and that's it it's a it's a position where you want attention you score yeah you like attention so not getting the ball and wanting attention is a bad mix and not getting the ball and wanting attention is a bad mix. And not getting the ball.

And they don't have less competitiveness. No. But imagine you're equally competitive, but you can't control whether you'll be able to contribute. Yeah. Like, that would drive me fucking nuts. That's why I like playing point guard in basketball. Because I felt like I could dictate the game and help the team win even if i wasn't scoring at least i know i'm part of the play you're involved you're touching the ball

and who else has these fucking big attitudes often outside of football biggs shack had a big fucking attitude yeah if he wasn't getting his touches yeah it was a problem yeah if i don't get the ball if you weren't delivering me to rock in the post it's a problem yeah and there is a vulnerability not being in control of your fucking destiny i guess yeah and imagine having to deal with that shit as a quarterback imagine looking at your wide receiver like you know i want you to catch the ball right like do you think i'm purposely avoiding throwing the best guy on the team to ball? Yeah. I made the best decision I could before I got a concussion.

Yeah. Like, I am sacrificing my relationship with my family to get you to ball. And I'm a little bit off with my throw as a 300 pound man is charging at my chest to permanently change the way that I walk for the rest of my life trying to get to the ball and it's a little off and you got to come back and bark at me with a blonde mustache you're lucky I don't punch you in your fucking mouth you are lucky I don't punch you in your fucking mouth. You are lucky I don't punch you in your fucking mouth. Bruh. So frustrating. I get both sides.

Even as a cornerback, you can be a prima donna or whatever, but like, if I don't see any action, that's a sign of respect. So I still feel rewarded. They didn't even

throw the ball at this motherfucker. You know better. Yeah. You know better. That is, like you said, ultimate. If you have

five blocks in a game, that means they don't respect your ass. That was trying you. But you're still involved. You still did your job, whatever. But as a cornerback, you can even not see the no action and that's a sign. That's the ultimate respect. They won't even look at me. That's the thing about interceptions being a misleading stat.

If you got tons of interceptions, they was trying you, dog. They was trying you, dog. You know what misleading stat. If you got tons of interceptions, they was trying you, dog. They was trying you, dog. You know what I mean? If you got, yo, if you look at the elites, elite guys, they might not have that many interceptions. The zone guys, I think, do, right? Like the, what is it, Sherman?

Richard Sherman. Like, because if you're playing zone, you can actually, like in certain coverages, you can jump the ball. There's different ways. Obviously, I don't know as much about football, but there's different ways to impact the play when you're in a zone because you can leave your guy. That makes sense.

I don't know enough about zone defense, but I think you're just covering an area. Yeah, you're in an area. So you can jump a route knowing full well you got a little coverage in the back where if it's revis island it's one-on-one i can't jump that yeah because who's got that's touchdown city yeah right so it's like it's just i'm a young fan i didn't get that because deon when he signed to the cowboys big money he wouldn't get interceptions like that no this guy sucks yep and then people to me, no, they're not even looking at this guy.

That's how good he is. It's not even an option to throw over there. You throw it over there, you're taking a big chance. Don't do it. Dude, it's like a great counterpunch for him boxing. It's like, why is there no action in this Floyd fight? Because every time they try to throw, Floyd crushes them with a fucking overhand right. So they get hesitant.

So there's no action. And Floyd's just waiting on the throw. Hey, throw, baby. I'm here. I'm not running. I'm literally right in front of you waiting for you to throw. Yeah. So anyway, interesting.

Interesting. What else? What else we got? Actually, let's pay one more deal. And then we knock out another one. You want to hit this one up, man? Because I saw you had the headphones in today. Oh, shit. You had them headphones in today. Oh, shit.

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You got more dates going. I got more dates, son. Talk about it. Talk about it. Shouts to TJ. He knows who he is. We got a date coming up, and I'm going to get the exact date soon, but I'm going to be in Philly in February at Helium Comedy Club. I'm going to be back in San Francisco. We're doing a small joint soon, but I'm going to be back in San Francisco.

We're doing a small joint soon, but I'm going to be back there in January for two shows. San Jose, actually. And then I'm doing Sacramento. I'm doing a one-nighter also. And there is... Do we have links for this? Yeah, we're going to have to take the links up soon. Good.

So this is... And shout out to TJ, man. That's our agent. And he's the best, man. Come on man always bro you know you part of this team man so it's like we gotta build we gotta build things that are different and um but it's just so cool to see you doing these things man because when we start you know like when we started comedy i think it's so important to like reflect. And this is no matter what business you're in. I don't give a fuck if you work at your,

you know, consulting firm job or whatever like that. Like when you start it, you imagine what life is going to be like in the future. Right. And you don't stop imagining what life will be like in the future as you progress. Right.

Yeah. You always keep that vision ahead of you so oftentimes you miss the shit that you're in yeah right yeah yeah so it's like it's like you're driving on the highway you see some big mountain range and you're like oh man i bet that's just gonna be beautiful when we get there and then you get right in the mountain range but you're still looking forward and you're like yo you see that lake over there? I bet that shit's gonna be beautiful when we get there. And you keep driving

and you forget to notice how fucking beautiful shit is. Good way of putting it, yeah. Right? So it's like, when we started comedy and we're both thinking, oh man, it's gonna be so sick

when we're out here playing the clubs and just hitting the fucking road and being comics, you know what I mean? It's cool. It was cool for me when I started that and I'm excited for you to... Dude, it's exciting. was cool for me when i started that and i'm excited for you

to do this for you to do that and like just see that happen and like the fact that we could build that putting up the clips clips are getting numbers the uh i have a video trying to teach white people how to say namaste it got 300 000 views on twitter in like two days it's at 300 000 oh gosh man i'm telling you're going to be that guy because I think like India is just such a massive market because all these people got the internet

but they don't have shit to make content with in the same way that we do. Whereas like an American will buy a DSLR camera and then just, you know, or even their iPhone that got 4K on it and post shit. In India, motherfuckers are still poor.

They ain't got $1,500 to buy camera gear and shit. That is dumb cheap and that's it. Right? So it's like, but they still want this distraction. Yep. So you got 2 billion people, whatever percentage of have cell phones now, and they're looking to be reflected in their art. And who's a cooler Indian? You're the coolest indian yeah i might be you are who's cooler i don't know i honestly you

cool it in aziz for sure yeah you know what i mean who else is there so it's like in terms of cool there are guys that are really good but in terms of cool, so it's like, you want to be reflected in that. Yeah. And then once they see the art, once they see what you fucking do, I think it's going to be big, man. And shouts to the assholes

for always commenting. That shit has helped so much with the algorithm and IG and everything. And they, I don't think they try to take my post down and throttle it down if it's not for the love that it's getting

and the assholes supporting. If there's nobody watching, they don't give a fuck. It's like, you don't got to take a post down if nobody if it's not for the love that it's getting and the ass supporting if there's nobody watching they don't give a fuck yeah it's like you don't gotta you don't gotta take a post down if nobody knows is there yeah you only gotta take pose down that are poppin oh that's so so good appreciate the assholes please keep it up I'm gonna keep posting videos every Thursday and just keep doing it man also matador tour man thank y'all so much Chicago that was fucking unreal man thank you Abhi Sanchez who was the host

Mark Gagnon obviously featuring and then Toby McMullen shot some cool videos that video was so fucking sick it was sick man Toby we might have to do some things

with Toby man so but thank you everybody in Chicago for coming out that was magical you know what's cool about that video is it captures

how big it's all getting you know what's cool about that video is it captures how big it's all getting you know what i mean like you you talk about on the podcast and you can try to visualize it but the chicago video was the one that i was like oh this is what it's different now now i see it's different you know what's interesting is the fashion video really showed that to a lot of people because it just exposed – it's so easy to be like, I'm at this show or I'm at this theater. But people don't recognize – they don't correlate a show or a theater to an actual theater for whatever reason. They're just like, oh, he's in Chicago. Oh, he's in Memphis. But fashion is this thing that's just popular, right?

For whatever reason, people watch it. You know what I mean? Right. just popular right like for whatever reason is people watch it you know what i mean right and it's like having the jump in the crowd thing as part of fashion fashion brings them in and then they see what we're doing they're like oh shit right you know what i mean like like rogan texted me about the fashion video he's like bro those fashion videos are are incredible fucking greatest man that's the most fun thing to make son it's so fucking good and we got another one that we already shot we can't tell y'all about but it's hot anyway um so mad or tour man we're gonna be in russia hopefully we make it back from that alive and then we're gonna go to australia that's gonna

be fun we'll be there for a couple weeks man and uh then we're coming back and you know we got more shows we keep adding theandresholes.com go get them tickets. I think New York is almost sold out. Only a few left, so get that. Boston, same thing. Go get them shits right now, and don't wait, because it always happens, man. Y'all wait, and then there's nothing we could do. Same. Yeah, the coolest thing about Chicago was after we sold out both of the theater shows, we did a pop-up show.

I saw that, too. That was some rock star shit. That was so cool, man. And really, to be honest, the inspiration for that is Chappelle. I always loved that Chappelle would just be in the city and be like, I want to do a show tonight. And then in a day, the shit is sold out. And that's what we did. We're like, hey, we're going to be there Thursday.

Should we do a show? Yeah. It was just, anyway, so cool. Anyway, but go on. Yo, real quick. I got Houston September 6th, Austin September 7th and 8th. Anybody who's a shooter, asshole, camera people, sound people, holler at me. I think we know some people in Austin or Houston.

We'll connect, y'all. Appreciate you. Yeah, yeah. In the city I'm in. Yeah, man. But, yeah, let's talk about some more teams before we get out of here. We got to get this episode up because we're already a little late today. Sorry about that, man.

We were doing things yesterday. Team USA lost, which you said they wouldn't. They lost a scrimmage. Not a real game. First loss in 78 games, though. But it's a scrimmage. Have you seen the squad? There's motherfuckers I swear to God I've never heard of.

Like who? Can you pull up the Team USA roster, Alex, please? Literally, I don't even remember their name. They're so fucking, it just sounds like some generic-ass white guy. This team is not even a four seed in the West. It's like, it's not a good team. Interesting. The best players are Kemba Walker and Chris Middleton.

Yeah, that's not a good look. And I'm not disrespecting them, but like. That's not a good look. That's not an international John H.U. squad. That's not a good look. And I'm not disrespecting them, but like... That's not a good look. That's not an international John H.U. squad. That's not a good look. And on some level, I understand completely who we got here. All right, Jalen Brown, Chris Middleton, Brooke Lopez, Kyle Kuzma. Kyle Kuzma's out.

Who's out because he's hurt. Joe Harris? I don't know who that is. White boy. Nice at threes. There should be no white dude on Team USA. If not Larry Bird, be out. This is the Christian Layton on the roster.

First of all, I think that's absolutely hilarious. I guarantee the only reason he's there, I think he was the guy who won the three-point contest this year. Okay. And I think the only reason he's here is because the FIBA 3 is closer, and you could play zone in international. So they're like, yo, we need to surround this shit with some shooters. Give me some white boys.

Also, you're playing against non-Americans. So white boys can guard them. Oh, interesting. Right? Interesting. I think that's the reasoning. That being said, I 100% support you're no white guys on Team USA. It's a real problem.

It is a real problem. I'd rather win. Fanny Seagong was on the team. Wasn't miles turner he good but like come on yeah yeah no it's it is um yeah it feels like a dc movie yeah right you're like like the avengers came as it comes out right and that's what we're used to and all of a sudden you're like well we got suicide squad and it's like well commit, commit suicide already, dog. We don't got a deal about none of this shit. Yo, joker yourself, fam. No, you start rooting for the Joker.

That's how shitty DC characters are, is that you root for them to die. Yo. You root for the bad guy in DC to kill the superheroes. 100%. That being said, I still don't think we lose. I truly don't think we lose. I truly don't think we lose. No, you're not, dog. I'm impressed by this team, though.

And you know what? If you're a player on Team USA right now, you're one of these, like, bums that's on our team, this is your time to get a contract. Meaning, if you show up. Show out, and somebody will notice. Remember, like, every World Cup, there's some random star from some African squad, World Cup of Soccer, that like kills. And then all of a sudden, or like it's from a Costa Rican squad or some shit like that.

There was like, I think Chicharito was one of the guys from Mexico. And like people knew he was nice. But when he bodied motherfuckers on the international stage, I think Manchester United was like, yo, we need that. Cough up the bread. This is why we kept thinking Melo was still good.

That's true. That's a great fucking point. He would go out there and show out. He's like, oh, he still got it. Yo, real talk, Melo should be on,

if I'm Melo, you really want to play? Ooh. You really want to play? You want to prove that you can play? That's hot. This is the perfect system for you. First of all, You really want to play? You really want to play? You want to prove that you can play? This is the perfect system for you.

First of all, zone so you can shoot over it. The three-point line is shorter because the NBA is out of your range, but the FIBA one is right in your range. They're not athletic, so you can play defense. You're not athletic. You're playing against Lithuanians and shit like that. You're going to be fine. This is the perfect.

If you really want to say, I still still got it and you want to showcase that to world check your ego play here you'll be the og you'll be the only four time i think this will be his fourth yeah fourth olympic gold right son how are you not even there that's a no-brainer bro you could get in over joe harris i think i'm not saying you're as useful but you could get in over Joe Harris, I think. I'm not saying you're as useful, but you could get in there. I remember Melo balling out in one Team USA. Yeah, it was when he scored like 37 points on like 17 shots or something. He just didn't miss. It was just three after three after three.

It was 2008. Olympic Melo. That's where that— That's Olympic Melo came from 11, 12 years ago. We're still holding on to this. One summer, he was, 12 years ago. We're still holding on to this. One summer he died. He was incredible. 11 years ago.

And that was the whole thing. It's like, if he's a catch and shoot guy, the whole conversation we were having was, oh, when he's on a team with LeBron, he has to play a role. And I think Kobe was on that team too. He has to be. Kobe was the alpha of that team. Yes. Kobe's the alpha. And LeBron was on that team too. He has to be. Kobe was the alpha of that team. Yes, Kobe's the alpha,

and LeBron was just so physically superior, he had to show some respect. So he just played his role, came off picks, and just splashed. And he was the most dominant player on that team. He was the best, he was the most effective player on that team.

And this fucking idiot couldn't just come into the NBA and replicate it. That's all you would have to do.. That's all you would have to do. That's literally all you would have to do. What a fucking idiot. Now you're working out in Chris Brickley's gym, posting Instagram clips like me. You're trying to get into the NBA with the Schultz blueprint.

I got new three-pointers every week on my Instagram. Hey, any teams want to sign me? Well, what happens with me? You don't get signed. You keep doing it yourself. Let me ask you a question about Chris Brickley. Who's the guy he really developed? Who is his, like Tim Grover.

Jordan. Kobe. Dwayne Wade. That's a fucking squat. Interesting. Work with Barkley. Interesting. Work with LeBron a bit.

What is your theory? We've really bought into this guy. And I'm not saying he's trash. I'm curious. I'm actually asking, who's the guy that, for me, proves what everybody else is saying? Is it possible, and I'm just throwing this out here, is it possible that he could be innovative in his approach to the offensive game in the same way that D'Antoni is innovative,

yet they don't have the ring or pedigree to justify it? Because I follow him on Instagram. I want to be proven. I don't know enough to say. But I just watch his clips and I'm like, oh, I'm working with this guy. We need to have him on here and I can arrange that. I would love it.

Yeah, let's have him on air. Let's have him on air because I guarantee you if players are going to that gym, which is a small gym on the west side of New York that is kind of like open to the public

to watch a little bit, it's very one inconvenient to get there. They all play there. They all play there. I saw a canter here. Yeah, they're all there. It is the pickup gym. But here's the thing.

It's not a good gym. It's too small. They have to play four on four. There's a lot of issues with this. So there's a reason everybody's going. It has to be outside of marketing. There's a lot of issues with this. So there's a reason everybody's going. It has to be outside of marketing. We have to figure out what his contribution is. I just need to know what it is.

I'm going to ask Carl Lentz. Carl knows him. Okay. I mean, look, I'm sure the kid, listen, looks, race, all these things play into everything. I'm not trying to blame shit. I'm just saying it's to what degree do they play into it. The guy's interesting looking, right?

He has the leg sleeve tattoos. He looks like a cool white boy. So you're like, okay, what? It's this cool looking kind of white boy who's working with these famous shooters. If I'm some young white kid who likes basketball, I'm curious. I'm like, well, what does he know?

I assume he's dope because he works with all these guys. And he looks kind of cool. He's swagged out. So I'm like, well, what does he know? I assume he's dope because he works with all these guys. And he looks kind of cool. He's swagged out. So I'm like, yo, there must be something to him if these huge ass black dudes

buy into this white dude with leg tattoos basketball theory. Right. So maybe there's something there. Maybe it's a perfect storm. Who knows?

He doesn't even look like a basketball player to me. He looks like a fucking basis for Green Day. Yeah, he looks like he works at Supreme. Yeah.

You know what I mean? Really, so I'm like, yo, for all these guys to buy in, there's got to be something. No, no, we're going to figure that out. We're going to figure that out. We're going to figure that out real quick. All right, let's talk about a couple more things, and then we've got to run at it. You see James Harden working on his one-legged three-pointer? So Harden had an interesting thing where he said he wants his like step back to be the

equivalent of michael jordan fade away yeah uh kareem skyhook like people who have had legendary influence on the game i love that and it is a fucking great move and it is it has become ubiquitous for shooting yeah right this is what people do they'll do these little side steps it is unguardable it is unguardable as long as they don't call it a travel, which I don't believe it is. No. So I think that's awesome. I don't understand the competitive advantage of the one-legged three.

I don't understand what that offers. I think it's like a fadeaway three essentially. I saw him shoot it. Yeah, I saw him shoot it. I think it looked like almost the Drew League gym or some shit like that. Yeah. But he's like running. I didn't understand why it was so important to shoot that off of one leg. Maybe it allows you to be in motion so you don't have to stop and collect.

These guys are going to notice so much shit we don't notice. Like us with comedy. I noticed the minutia of it. So maybe there's something like, maybe a step back, you need such a big step back, this you can do quicker. Like the one-legged three. You don't have to pop all the way back

and take an exit. It saves you fractions of a second maybe. And you don't have to stop and give the defense a chance to catch up. You're still moving away from the defender as you're shooting. If he can shoot it at a high clip, I mean, I'm excited'm excited yeah i'm very

excited what did you think of harden's uh argument that the media created a narrative that it wasn't going to be him that won the mvp and that's why he didn't win it that he had an historic season he should have won the mvp i don't know man whatever you get bounced in the was first second round second round at the end of the day like you could complain, but you got to win. Yeah. What, you want two MVPs and no finals appearances? Cool. Why do you care about the MVP so much, dog?

Maybe that's your problem. Yeah. What I remember, if you have two MVPs to me as a guy who's not, I don't really want to love James Harden, I'll look at him and I'll be like, okay, well, you got two MVPs. And then in game seven of the conference finals against the Dynasty, you bricked every three at home. And in game six, you were up 3-2. Chris Paul went out, who's not nearly the player you are,

and you couldn't carry the team to a win. One win in two tries. That's a great point. So you get your second MVP. I'm going to still remember that. Does James Hard harden have some mellow in him he might any player who doesn't sell out on defense it's you can you can kind of throw a little mellow thing at him where it's like he got enough videos of him playing a horrible defense

yeah there's you can you can craft a mellow narrative about him pretty easily he's a better player for sure yeah no doubt he's better but remember when chauncey said that shit about mellow yeah i'm wondering if james i'm wondering if if an mvp season for james is good enough right like i'm wondering if that might be unfair but i think a couple more seasons where it seems like he's putting up crazy numbers and they don't win and he seems to like i think there's there's got to be something else to do besides another offensive move this offseason right couldn't you theoretically be like i've dedicated this offseason to defense or distributing and i don't mean that like an asshole i mean like i would buy if james harden i heard saying that i'd be like oh shit james wants to win yeah yeah yeah that's up. But when you're like, oh, I'm working on a one-legged three,

it's like, bro, you're already one of the greatest offense players ever. We need this one. I've dedicated this offseason to a one-legged three. Wait, that's what you thought your game was missing? You thought you were shooting off too many legs? That's what you thought needed to be changed, is one-legged three. That's what's keeping you from a to be changed is his one leg.

That's what's keeping you from a ring, huh? Two feet. Guys, I swear to God, if I was able to shoot off a one leg last year in those playoffs, I mean, I know I'm so exhausted I can't shoot off two, but why don't I bring all my weight on one? It doesn't make offense harder, so I'm more tired on not trying for defense.

It's like you couldn't get elevation off of two legs because you were so exhausted. Right now, now you're focusing on one. What do you think D'Antoni even, what do you think is going through his head when he comes back

from his Italian vacation and he finds out his star player the entire summer was working on one leg fadeaway threes? D'Antoni seems to only care about offense too.

He probably thinks he's brilliant. Fair enough. Fair enough. Fair enough. But yeah, if you're a coach like Popovich, if Duncan was like,

hey man, I've been working on fucking half court shots. He'd be like, I don't, or like the old, the slow ass birds if Duncan was like,

I've really been trying to extend my range to the three. He'd be like, get your fucking mind. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got Bruce Bowen planted in a

corner i got manu i got well tony can't really get threes but like we don't need you we need you in the paint yeah that was conventional wisdom and now it's changed i get that but like bro don't dedicate yourself to defense right now or even if it's i'm trying to figure out the best way to get everybody else involved even if it's bullshit i'd buy it i'd go that's great that's yeah sell me a dream dude yeah. Yeah. Sell me a fucking dream. Like, he's being honest about it. He's like, I don't give a fuck about anything but scoring.

Yeah. I don't care. KD dedicated himself to defense. KD wasn't a strong defender when he came into the league. Oh, really? I thought that was his shit. I remember him being one of the greatest offensive players in college history. High school, high school. College, too.

Oh, my God. I thought you were talking about KG. No. Kevin Garnett. Yeah, yeah. Kevin Durant. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, yeah.

He was not a defender. He was not a defender. Now Kevin Durant's a fucking defender. Yep. Great help defender, too. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And that's something he built up.

And I remember him, the first time he played in Team USA without a bunch, when he was like, this is your time to be the alpha, I remember his defense, they were like calling for him to be a better defender. And he did. Harden, we've been calling for that. Not happening. And you won a second MVP for historic offensive numbers and your team got worse. That's interesting. The, uh, yeah, there's no

accountability for Harden and he doesn't seem to have his own personal accountability. Like, you don't need to score anymore, dog. You score enough. You are undeniably the best at scoring for your team. Maybe the best at scoring in the league. I'll give you that.

Sure. But that's not the difference maker, and you've got to eventually realize that, and you've got to go, maybe I'll score five less points a game but i'll lock the fuck up yeah because that is going to take 10 points away from the other team and now we have a five point plus right what helps you win the game what is most effective go out there and take guard their best but go out there and guard steph

go out there and guard these motherfuckers yo yo. All the goats that we look at as goats, there was a time when they were like, I'm locking down the defense. Kobe. Kobe. Jordan. Jordan. LeBron. All of these guys. Jordan won a fucking defensive MVP.

LeBron could have guarded one through five in Miami. Kobe was a great defender. I remember Kobe guarding the Kings when they had that conference finals, just marking up Bibby. Wouldn't let him get past half court, bumping him everywhere. Kobe would fucking, I'm locking down, let's go. And Kobe's a guy that we know loved to score, but he still said, let's go on D. How old is Harden?

28, I want to say. So he is beyond the age where you realize what it takes. He is himself. Maybe. Because in my mind, I think you can make changes on the type of player you are. He's 30. He's 30. It's too late.

It's too late. You can make changes on the type of player you are early. That means you can add things to your game and shift the focus in your game. Kawhi is a perfect example of that. Came to the league as like this real athlete and then defensive stopper, learned how to shoot. And then learned how to be an elite scorer. But I don't think you can change your mentality

about the game after a certain age. Like Melo couldn't change his mentality about the game. You don't change your mentality about the game after a certain age. And 30, this is what harden is you need to put something somebody on that team that actually i don't even know maybe the problem i mean as much as chris paul's annoying the problem is hardened man yeah i mean you could also say the problem is the warriors right like if there's no warriors the rock is probably win yeah fair win it all right you say

that about so many teams exactly so right that the warriors one of those teams every year every year and the warriors are there so what are you going to do to get over that right and now it's not the warriors it's the cl And you know where the Clippers are going to make their name? Defense. You know who would be the perfect teammate? And we say this for everybody. You know who would be

the perfect teammate for Harden? LeBron? It's Kawhi. I'll lock down whoever, fam. Yeah. I'll do it. Hey, all I need you to do is go out there and get buckets.

Because all Kawhi wants with Paul George is James Harden. Yeah, take the burden off me. Yo, can you get some buckets so I don't got to carry these fucking teams? My knees hurt. Yeah. Like, all I need you to do, I'm going to do everything. I'm going to lock the best player.

I'm going to carry this fucking team. I'm going to do whatever we need to do. I just need, when I'm tired, just get me some buckets. Get me some buckets. Give me some buckets. That might be the most important aspect of a championship team. Is? Is having an excellent defensive player who can also score. 100%. Pippen, Klay Thompson.

Oh, fuck. Great point, yeah. Jordan, Kobe, Duncan. As a sidekick. As a sidekick, that. Jordan, Kobe, Duncan. But I'm just saying like as a sidekick, that is probably like the most important asset. If you have it as a sidekick. A defensive shooter.

If you have it as a sidekick, it's through the roof. Usually your alpha player is that. But if you all, I mean like Pippen couldn't shoot, but Pippen could score. But that's a lockdown. They could also score. They could score, yeah. You know, so that's a lockdown. They could also score. So it's like

100%. And James Harden needs to acquire that. LeBron. That's a part of what my argument is for LeBron maybe being the GOAT. I'd put it to rest when he went to LA temporarily. But he never had a Pippen. He never had

a guy to... Nah, but Kobe didn't have it. Nah, he had Shaq, dog. He never had a guy to... Nah, but Kobe didn't have it. Nah, he had Shaq, dog. He had Shaq. The second two. The second two were fucking earned. The second two were really earned. I also think that we underestimated Pau's skill.

Pau was a really elite... Pau was incredible. I want to say it, but I didn't want to. I thought I was going to get dogfought. Really? Nah, Pau was an elite big. For his touch, his passing, his like... He wasn't Shaq.

Kobe's the alpha of that team. Kobe's the defensive alpha. Andrew Bynum helped him hit. Every big man was walking. So I give Kobe his two for sure, those last ones. The other thing Kobe had that LeBron didn't have

was a fill. And maybe you could say LeBron won't allow a fill. But all those other guys, all the GOATs had great coaches. All the GOATs had GO coaches, except LeBron. Kobe and Jordan. Magic.

Riley. Yeah. Who's Shaq? Who's the other guy I was just thinking of? Tim Duncan. Duncan. Like, name all your Goats. They all had a great coach.

LeBron's best coach ever was... Yeah. Maybe Hakeem Olajuwon didn't have a GOAT coach. Who was that? Rudy Tomjanovvic or something like that but still Tomjanovic is very well respected he's well respected

and Spolster is now but he was brand new when he got LeBron this might be this might be crazy to say but like I think we overestimate how great Dwayne Wade was

I don't think Dwayne Wade Pete Dwayne Wade individual Dwayne Wade was crazy he got the championship too with a washed up Shaq yeah and I mean he did that to my team just destroyed us Individual Dwyane Wade was crazy. He got the championship, too, with a washed-up Shaq.

Yeah. And, I mean, he did that to my team. Just destroyed us. Couldn't stop us. Oh, yeah. So, LeBron did have it for two of his— He had, but then Dwyane was always hurt in the playoffs. I just don't think— That first year LeBron choked away—

Sorry. That first year LeBron choked away, that's on him. Because Dwyane Wade was healthy and good. Right. When he won the championship the next year, Dwyane Wade was hurt in the playoffs. When he won it again the next year, Dwyane Wade was hurting the playoffs. When he won it again the next year, Dwayne Wade was hurting the playoffs. They played, but he was like gimpy. He wasn't 100%. He wasn't

fucking D-Wade. I know there's times where D-Wade was just destructive and unstoppable. I'm not trying to take away from that. I just... I never saw Dwayne Wade play and went, wow, this is one of the best to do it. I just never had that feeling. There were games before LeBron where I was like, holy fuck.

Dude, there's games where I've seen, you know, what is it, Dion Waiters play really well. Right? Do you know what I mean? Like, I also, there was back in the day, like, if we remember Ray Allen, like, Ray Allen was a force of nature as a two guard. Dude, Ray Allen could yam, too.

He would dunk on people. It was unbelievable. And then he, as his career progressed, just kind of turned into this amazing three-point shooter. But I don't put Ray up there. And he was doing things Dwayne wasn't doing. So I don't know. But that's just me.

Maybe I didn't see enough Dwayne to say. There were games when I like was duane way better than reggie miller i think so nah son reggie reggie's in an all-time reggie ain't have no shack bro like reggie had luke fucking and that hurts lucifer or whatever rick smith's right to say as a nick fan but not reggie, Reggie got that. Son, Reggie was unstoppable, man. 8 points in 8 seconds made me an NBA fan. I kind of liked it before that, but I watched that live. Oh, we got to watch this now.

And that's when I was like, oh, this is a fucking sport. Oh, my God. I guess what I was trying to do is assist your LeBron argument. No, for sure, for sure. And I think I'm saying Dwayne Wood is great, but we forget LeBron had peak D-Wade, healthy D-Wade for one full season, and after that it was always touch and go. Injury prone.

Guys, who knows, man. It's a tough one. I love y'all. We love y'all. We're so grateful. We had an amazing week, man. I'm excited to see what else continues for this week. I'm excited to see what this video does.

And it will do whatever it's supposed to do. We did our job to put it out there. If y'all like it and y'all fuck with it, y'all going to spread it like a virus. And yeah, man, I'm just super grateful right now. Al, how are you feeling? Good. I'm happy. Great.

Great fucking work, y'all. So impressive. Thank you, man. Anyway, guys guys thank you so much man the flagrancy is spreading we are doing our job y'all should feel so intimately involved in this man because without y'all none of this is possible i'm 100 mean that that's not lip service for me i don't believe in lip service so thank y'all for this and you know we got some very cool things cooking man we almost can tell y'all for this and you know we got some very cool things cooking man we almost can tell y'all about it it will be in the near future we will start to you know we'll start to let y'all know in the near future and uh i'm very excited to share it um

obviously always thoughts go out to kaz love you brother you're a brother for for life um akash anything else before we get out of here I'm going to plug my dates real quick because we got dates coming up in the next week but before I do that also

I thought you did already I didn't plug the dates that are coming up just do the next two Houston September 6th Secret Group 8pm Austin September 7th and September 8th

the Fallout Theater 7 o'clock on the 7th 8.30 on the 8th buy tickets at akashs singh.com also guys we try to promote comedy and you know help the culture uh i got a friend named mike albinese has a very funny comedy festival in atlanta called the red clay comedy festival have you done it yet no but uh this is a great thing uh i am gonna try to stop by this year it is a

comedy festival in atlanta i believe it is october 2nd through 6th i'll double check the day red clay red clay comedy festivals run by comics it is it's such a it's a great time this guy he's a comic he does it all himself puts it together flew us out last year the best great fucking time comedy festivals run by comics are the best man it is it's the reason why Skank Fest in New York is so fucking incredible. You know, shouts to the Legion of Skanks guys, Louis J. Gomez, Dave Smith, Big J. Oakerson, and that Christine, that whole crew.

And then Red Clay Comedy Festival, Mike Alvarez. October 4th, 5th, and 6th. You know, if you guys are in the area, check it out. Support comedy. They know how to put on a festival. The festival is not to... You have to understand, when comics throw a festival, they don't make money at it

because comics are so bad at business, they don't understand. They care about the comedy. And so the shows are going to be great. The experience is going to be great. Nobody's going to profit off it. They're doing this because they love the fucking art, man. you're in atlanta check that out obviously if you're in new york you know check out the uh skank fest i'm going to do a big promo for that next year when

it comes around because i think it's a fucking new york institution we need to support but akash wanted to talk about red clay last week and we had we had finished recording and he forgot but um i think it's awesome that you want to give them some some shine man i think that's really cool man it's like i think it's i'll be honest i think it's a testament to like anybody in a creative field like once you get a platform if you use that platform to help other people is you're you're built to have that platform if you use that platform only to help yourself then in my in my mind you're not doing the right work we'll talk so that's great man we love y'all thank you so much al i love you man such great work this week man so fucking great

akash love you asshole army keep it tight this is flagrant too peace