Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - “Tom Cruise Top Gun Is OVERRATED” - Mark Normand

Episode Date: June 9, 2022

Mark Normand trashes Andrew Schulz’s favorite movie Top Gun: Maverick and the outcome is… COMEDY!

Top Gun Maverick is a Mac-10 breath of fresh air. Grossing $156 million. Tom Cruise delivered us a perfect film. It's cheese all day long, let's be honest. Cheese is good or bad? Cheese is bad. It's like cheesy. It's like there's a lot of cheese on it.

A lot of like ripping the sunglasses off, a lot of smirks. Kill it, kill it, kill it. That's retarded. All cheese. It was provolone, it was Swiss, it was mozzarella. Let's go. I enjoyed it, I enjoyed was Swiss, it was mozzarella. Let's go. I enjoyed it, but it's cheese. You have to sit there and go, this is a Hollywood movie, this is a blockbuster, this is a summer flick.

But it's cheese. It's all cheese. Do you want to know what he said after he saw it? He came into the room, he was dead silent, he puts his helmet down and he goes, guys, we need to make a movie like that. We need to. I say we are going to. It is literally perfect. The movie is literally perfect.

It's really not perfect, but it's good. I enjoyed it. I loved it. What is your favorite movie? First of all, what is your favorite movie? I like Goodfellas. I like Cool Hand Luke. Cool Hand Luke?

It's a great movie. One best picture, I believe. There you go. Man of Culture. Yes. I love White Men Can't Jump. I mean, I got a... You can't knock that one.

He's spinning. I went to film school. He's spinning. Put went to film school. He's spinning. Put the spin cycle back on. Why They Can't Jump was an absolutely amazing movie. Don't remake it. Can't wait. I'm joking, I'm joking.

The remake will be even better, okay? And you can watch that in the coming months. I'll see you. And support it. Okay? And you can watch that in the coming months. I'll see you. And support it. Okay? Support it. Because they've got some great actors in that movie. There you go.

Okay? Okay, so White Man Can't Jump. I love it. I'll be honest. White Man Can't Jump is no fucking Top Gun. And I was fucking in it. There's no Top Gun. There's no way.

Top Gun is unbelievable. Look, people were fist pumping in the theater. And it was a beautiful thing. It felt like the country came together. It wasn't about this and that. It was just like fun, patriotism. It was a good time. Where did you see it? Did you see it in New York? I saw it in Midtown.

42nd Street. I went all in. Got the reclining seat, the popcorn, brought the lady, did it up. But there's a couple quirks. Okay. Okay, the Jennifer, first of all, the Jennifer Connelly character, I'm like,

why are you bartending? You're still here. Who is she? Was she in the movie? I don't even know if she's in the original. No. She's mentioned in the original. Guys, you're such losers.

She's mentioned in the original. She was like're such losers. He's mentioned in the original. She was like the daughter of the person that owned the bar or something like that. Okay. Yeah, like, what did you guys, did you guys do anything wrong with that? He's a loser. Did you guys get any pussy? Did you guys get any pussy at all? I didn't see it.

Did you Wikipedia the movie after you saw it? No, I just, I watched the King Ben Shapiro's take on it. Okay, okay, listen. Okay, listen. No, no. So, yeah, so I read some articles. I was like, why the fuck is she? Is she the girl she's supposed to replace the other Kelly McGinnis? Yeah.

But Kelly looks so bad now. She didn't age well. That they just were like, she died. Yeah. Yeah. And a lesbian, by the way. Is she? Yeah, fun fact.

Really? You know what? Looking at the picture, I believe you. What, the new one? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, by the way. Is she? Yeah, fun fact. Really? You know what? Looking at the picture, I believe you. What, the new one? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so you think cheese, but you like the fact that America was all in and blah, blah, blah. It's a great movie.

It's fun. It's just also cheesy. Yeah, we didn't dissect it. It was just fun, loving, good time, escape. That's all you want in a movie theater. You're describing a perfect movie right now. Wow. What is not perfect about it? First of all, the mission. Cheese is perfect. escape. That's all you want in a movie theater. You're describing a perfect movie right now. Well... What is not perfect about it? Yes, there's

cheese. The mission. Cheese is perfect. We know the mission is going to work out, obviously. I didn't. It was such a ridiculous mission. You have to shoot this. They're pulling 10 G's, dude. I get it. Those are real G's. Those are real G's, dude. If it ended 15 minutes earlier...

It could morph the whole frame of the plane. I think they did their... Mark, it could morph the frame of thes, dude. If it ended 15 minutes earlier... It could morph the whole frame of the plane. Mark, it could morph the frame of the plane, Mark. It's 10 Gs on the incline. It's a vertical dive. You guys are going to get it over. Jon Hamm was over the top, angry and cunty for no reason. I don't know. I didn't mind that.

Jon was kind of mid, I'll be honest with you. I like that he made choices. What choices? He was an asshole. Choice. I don't know if that's a choice. It's good for comedy. Coming from a thespian, I don't know if that's a real choice, just being mad.

But, okay. I liked it. I enjoyed it. There's a moment. A choice to be mad. There's much better choices than that. There's a moment early on when Tom Cruise is flying the plane and then the guy goes,

he's the fastest man on the planet. It's like, yo, come on. That was delivered beautifully. A black guy saying that about a white guy, that's not beautiful? That's not a gorgeous scene? We can't come together on that? He's the fastest man on the planet. And then he went over. He went for 10 and then more.

I don't like that look, Maver planet. And then he went over. He went for 10 and then more. I don't like that look, Maverick. You have to be realistic. I don't like that look, Maverick. You have to be realistic. Was there one thing about the movie that you didn't like? Yes. What was it?

That we weren't going after China. That? The only thing. It was pussy. The only problem I had with the movie is that like. It was vague. The enemy was very vague. But on purpose.

Of course. This is like the capitalism thing. Like why capitalism is kind of good. Is that like once we can make money off everybody, we can't really piss them off. But back in the day, when they were making diehards and shit, we weren't selling them to Russia. So we were like, well, fuck the Russians. That's true. If we're beefing with Korea or beefing with whoever the fuck we're beefing with, they're the bad guys. We don't care.

But now Hollywood's like, well, we can get some money off Russia. We can get some money off of China. We can get some money off whoever. So just make the country we're fighting neutral. Like, you thought it was going to be Middle East because it was, you know, I don't know why, because I'm racist. And then there was snow. And you're like, well, what Middle East is this? The flag was vague. That's the good part about airplanes, too, is that there's no race of an airplane.

You know what I mean? Bro. You can't see in there and be like, ah, exactly. This would piss me off about the airplanes. How pussy John Hamill, where you're going into fifth generation fighter. Yeah. Like, he kept acting like their technology was better than ours. Right.

They don't got aliens, bro. They never found aliens over there. We got aliens. You don't think China? But that's the whole, that's part of the cheesiness of it. It's about the pilot, not the plane. It's the pilot in the box, you losers. You know what I mean?

It's about, what are you guys, stick jockeys or something? You guys are such stick jockeys, bro. Come on. I don't like that face you're making. It's the only face I got. It's the only face he's got. Come on. He's been in Scientology 30 years.

He don't got more than one face, Mark. By the way, Rogan pulled a full Tom Cruise on Oprah. He was jumping up and down. That's what I'm talking about. We're going to get two on the couch when we keep talking about fucking Tom what is it called? Top Gun? Tom Gun, that's what I call that. He's the greatest action superhero

ever. He joined Scientology after the movie. I would. No, you did. Can I ask you this question? Is Scientology that crazy? Well, Will Smith went a little cuckoo with the you this question? Is Scientology that crazy? Well, Will Smith went a little cuckoo with the slapping. Yeah. Was that Scientology? I think they killed a lot of people. A lot of people disappeared because of Scientology.

Ooh. Should we talk about those Catholic schools in Canada? Why are you doing that? Why are you doing that? What happened to those native kids with those Catholic schools in Canada, Mark? I had nothing to do with that. I'm just saying. Should we talk about people getting disappeared, Mark?

Are we spinning? That was not the same at all, okay? I'm just saying. The Catholics killed way more, okay? Don't insult us. All I'm saying is, imagine your Tom Cruise. I'm trying to understand Scientology. You're Tom Cruise. You've achieved

everything that you've ever thought of in your life. Every dream you ever had, you're like, one day I'm going to grow up and I'm going to be the greatest action superhero ever. And then it happens. You are the number one, arguably the top five most famous people in the universe at one point. Yes. In history. Like, there's presidents and then there was Tom fucking Cruz. And it's banger after banger.

Like, every mission impossible. Great. Literally. There's a new one coming, too. And it's gonna be fucking amazing. Yes. Top Gun, you do. You're the guy who is in the fucking NASCAR movie or whatever. It doesn't matter what the movie is. You're the fastest, coolest motherfucking dude. And he's 5'7". And you're 5'7". I know.

And a motherfucker, think about it, and a motherfucker comes to you and they go, yo, do you want to start a religion? Now, I know it started, but they're like, we kind of need you to be the guy. Why do you not think that you could be Jesus? Travolta was already that, though. And Brooke Shields.

They already had big names. They've been had big names. You don't even dare compare Travolta to Tom Cruise. Travolta can't fly. I know he can fly planes, but he can't. He can't even get know he can fly planes, but he can't. He literally has a landing He can't even get handjobs from guys.

There's no way you're comparing Travolta to Tom Cruise. Not as an action star, but he's a director. Pure movie star? Yeah, Travolta was fucking massive.

He was fucking massive. Dove, Dove, I mean, please. Comparing it to Tom Cruise? I can, please. He's got some, he's not that big. He's as big.

But to act like he's laughable? Name one movie. What? Grease is a laughable movie. You're comparing Grease? I said not as an action, but in terms of his sheer, I'm a star.

His Top Gun was Broken Arrow. No, I didn't say he's action hero. I said just in terms of fame. Yo, just say you're wrong, bro, and I'll move on. But this shit is bothering me right now, bro. He's super famous.

You acting like Tom. If John Travolta wasn't super famous. You have like Tom. John Travolta wasn't super famous? You have a soft spot for ***. I truly do believe him. I'm sorry, you think Tom Cruise is straight? That motherfucker right there is whatever he wants to be. Keep going on.

That motherfucker is whatever he wants to be. You think Tom Cruise is straight? He got kids. He got more kids than you. Nicole Kidman on deck. Left him. Nah. No, no, no. That's debatable. It's debatable, bro. It's debatable, dude. It was on deck. Left him. Nah. No, no, no.

That's debatable. That's debatable, bro. It's debatable, dude. It was amicable. It was amicable. It was amicable. She said he only got one look. Capital T.

How are you going to be with one guy with one look for the whole life? One look? What does that mean? You didn't watch the movie, though. It's the line from the movie. It's the only one I've got. Oh, that one. Yeah, yeah.

I just said that line. I thought Nicole Kidman said he had one one. Yeah, yeah. I just said that line. I thought you said Nicole. I thought Nicole Skidman said he had one book. Yeah, we're doing comedy. Doing a little comedy podcast. Oh, I just got it. I just got it. Sorry, I've been drinking.

All I'm saying, look at that. Scientology doesn't look. No, that makes Scientology look appealing. Wow, look at that. Look at that. White don't crack. That might be a big reason why this movie's successful because look at him.

He looks amazing. He looks great. He's the greatest. Is this unnatural, though? Yes. No. Yeah, yeah. He got wrinkles, bro.

Stop hating, bro. Why are you hating? It's not unnatural. Come on. Why are you hating right now? Are you serious right now? A white man can't age that well? When you see Angela Bassett,

she looks that good. Yeah. Why can't a white guy age like that? Let me ask you this. Better action star. Say it. Say it. Say it. If you say Travolta,

I'll fucking throw a bottle with it. Tom Cruise or Nick Cage? Nick Cage? Nick Cage has become a punchline. I mean, he's in a movie. Not to this guy.

Nick Cage is one of the greatest American actors ever. Not one of, huh? I'm backed off. After I saw Top Gun Maverick, bro. Honestly, Tom Cruise is probably the greatest American actor ever. I don't know saw Top Gun Maverick, bro. Honestly, Tom Cruise is probably the greatest American actor ever.

I don't know if he's the greatest actor. Action, action star. Maybe action star. I don't know about actor. If, who runs faster? Fastest man in the world. If Tom Cruise

goes like this. What does running have to do with acting? Usain Bolt is a great actor. I don't think Usain Bolt could beat Tom Cruise. That's what I believe in Tom Cruise. When you see him run in a movie, goes like this. What does running have to do with acting? Usain Bolt isn't a great actor either. I don't think Usain Bolt could beat Tom Cruise. That's what I believe

in Tom Cruise. When you see him run in a movie, he might be the fastest runner. That's true. I'll give you that. He ran like a motherfucker

in The Firm. Oh, yeah. He runs in every movie. Yeah, every movie. Every movie he runs. Jerry Maguire, he runs through the airport. Great run.

Don't you think doing your own stunts is selfish, though? Why? Because you got all these people, you got all this money on the line,

you're going to be like, oh, I want to do my own thing, and then ruin the whole production? But what if it makes the production better that we know he's in there taking them Gs, bro? How does that make it better that he's taking Gs? Dude, he was taking them Gs, bro. There's an intro video in the beginning. That was the smartest part of the movie. Okay, go, go, go.

The smartest part of the movie is Tom Cruise. Son, grow up, dude. Can you live a little, Al? Can you go see Top Gun Maverick? You really want to fuck this guy, bro. You do, son. Whatever, bro. You fucking have your hair like a...

I don't want to fuck him. I want to play... You dress like him, bro. I don't like Tom fucking Cruise, bro. What's wrong with that? I'm supposed to. He's a hero. He was mad there was no volleyball scene.

Yeah. I have some trauma. My dad wasn't a fire pilot. If my dad was't a fire pilot. If my dad was only a fire pilot, then maybe I'd be able to get through this. Difficult time in my life. Okay? You didn't see the fucking movies, so you don't know what's going on.

I'm glad I did now. You like trash movies, bro. You're making this sound horrible, bro. You like trash movies, dude. Yeah, what do you like? Everything Everywhere All at Once. Amazing movie. I heard that was amazing. I haven't seen it.

That's a good movie. Wild Gay. Wild Gay. The whole movie's wild gay. Oh, it's so sad. Life is so sad. I'm a donor. I'm a donor. I'm a donor. He loved the movie so much.

Everybody raving. I haven't heard one of that review. That's a movie. What's a movie? It had depth. It had a meaning. It's not just this bullshit. Hey, what was the depth in it, bro? Shut the fuck up. Explain the depth.

This is just bullshit. You told me you fell asleep. Yeah, I have to watch it again. What are you talking about? You're a piece of shit. It was so deep, you couldn't handle it, yo. You couldn't handle it.

Your brain got tired. Were you laughing at the Asian accents? Be honest. And be honest right now because you laugh at ethnic accents. Were you laughing when they would speak? Be honest. And be honest right now, because you laugh at ethnic accents. Were you laughing when they would speak?

Nah. Because they were kind of fake. You could tell? Yeah. You could tell if someone's actually suffering through the accent? Yeah. It's only funny if you're laughing at who they really are. Yeah.

You know. This guy. This guy. This guy. I mean this sincerely. If a guy with an accent that is brown

is sincerely talking to him yeah like if he's like it could be a funeral a eulogy anything it could be

a funeral actually he would laugh harder because it's important but if it was something innocuous if it was a funeral if he was like

if he was if he's just up there and he's like dibble dabble dabble dabble dibble dabbleble dabble, dibble dabble, dabble dabble, dibble dabble. That's funny. How did he not laugh that time? He would be fucking crying.

But to their face. He'll laugh right to their face. He doesn't care. I turn away. He laughed at his mom's face. You did. You were talking about his tits. So, I mean.

I wasn't talking about his tits. That's respectful. In front of her. Not in front of her. So, I mean. I wasn't talking about her tits. That's respectful. In front of her. Not in front of her. Yes, you were. Right in front of her. Where else would they be now? Right in front of her.

What did you say? No, I didn't, dude. Yes, you did. Dude. You made me laugh. That's why I had to walk away. This is bullshit. I swear to God.

I was saying hello to her. I didn't do that in front of her. Yo. Yeah, yeah. I would be honest if she asked. That's what I would expect from you. I would be honest if she asked. Don't speak in code. I'm not speaking in code. But I didn't say anything. I didn't say anything about asked. That's what I would expect from you. I would be honest if she asked. Don't speak in code.

I'm not speaking in code, but I didn't say anything about that. Yes, you did. Did I say something about that? You said heavy right in front of her because she didn't know what heavy was. Okay, I might have said that because I thought that would make you laugh. I might have done that, but it was no disrespect. You're a piece of shit. I am a piece of shit.

Pull her up. You're a piece of shit. See this thing, Mrs. Singh. We have big-tip moms on this show. Does your mom have big tits? She does, but she's a big lady. Like New Orleans big? Yeah, you know. Rascal. No, I'm joking.

She rides around the wall? No, no. Doing jokes. She's a big gal. Rascal, I was like, is that a name for kids? That's not bad. Okay was like, is that a name for him? You call him Rascal? That's not bad.

Okay, no, but she's a big lady. She's a big lady. She's a cook. She's like a chef lady. So she's got an ample bosom. That's what's up. Same, yo. Same to same.

Yeah. All three of us. All three of us. All right. Yeah, the heavies. Big old, what about the brown nips? We know your mom's got brown nips there. She got dark titties.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sicilian. Oh, you're Italian? Oh, half. And then the other half? French. Gay? Yeah.

Wait a minute, I didn't know that you were Italian, bro. Half. I don't claim it. I don't know. I don't like to dive into it. Wait, but Sicilian? Half, yeah. My niggas. What's up, brother?

What's up? Come on, man. All right. I can only say half the word. Which half? Grr. The back half. No, that's dope that your mom got fat tits, bro.

Yeah. That is dope, bro. Yeah. That is dope, though. I walked in on one. She was bathing, and it was an eyeful. Really? I was like, oh, jeez, you know. What was she in? Naked, taking a bath.

I'm just trying to set the tone up. Was she in a shower? Sitting in a tub, like an old school, with the feet. With the paws. I imagine the paws. Yeah, big paws. Oh, that's fire, dude. Yeah.

But it wasn't during Katrina or anything like that. No, I was young. I was young. Okay. It was when seeing a tit was jarring. You're like, oh my God. Because tits, I think we're used to tits now. They're everywhere.

This was a face-to-face first tit I've ever saw. How old were you, Mark? I was probably 31. I don't know. I was probably like eight, nine, seven, something like that. But they left an imprint. And my dad, huge piece. Peace.

Huge. Same. I got nothing. Same. I don't have nothing. Yeah. Same. I got nothing. I don't have nothing. Yeah. No, you have nothing. I don't believe that, Mark. I mean, I'm okay, but it's nothing to write home about.

But you're not like, it's not. No, no, no. I wouldn't say I'm small, but I've never had any complaints or whatever the hell. Yeah. Which I never got when people say. Yeah, who's complaining? I'm going to write a comment card. Like, yeah, this was weak.

But yeah, I just, I think got when people say. Yeah, who's complaining? I'm going to write a comment card. Like, yeah, this was weak. But, yeah, I just, I think I'm a solid medium. Like, I'm not a showstopper, but I'm not a night ruiner. I'm 5'10". I'm skinny. A base hit. I'm a base hit. There you go. That doesn't matter.

You're married almost now. Yeah, exactly. You're fiancé'd up. She's fine with it. Oh, you're engaged. Congrats. Yes, thank you. That's grown man shit right there. I'm trying. We're trying to get Al to do that as well. It's scary. Don fiancee, duh. She's fine with it. Oh, you're engaged. Congrats. Yes, thank you. That's grown man shit right there.

I'm trying. We're trying to get Al to do that as well. It's scary. Don't get me wrong. When are you getting married? November. Ooh. Yeah, it's coming up.

Where? New Orleans. Oh, good for you. Yeah, you got to go hometown. Is she from New Orleans too? No, she's Cape Codder. How did you win that? Oh, Cape Cod, that explains it.

Yeah, there's nothing there. Yeah, go get married in New Orleans over Cape Cod. that explains it. Yeah, there's nothing there. Yeah, go get married in New Orleans over Cape Cod. Yeah, yeah. Exactly. It's almost like a destination wedding, but half his family's there. You know what I mean? Perfectly put. You get the food, we're gonna do the second line, the whole thing. You guys wanna come? Yeah, I'm there.

I mean, it's open invite. You know what? I hated going, this is the most narcissistic thing in the world. I hated going to weddings until I had a wedding. And now I fucking love the wedding. I was talking to Mark about this. You don't get it. It is, you don't get it.

And then it happens and you like, you get to kind of like reenact like those moments for you. And then you get to see that kind of like pure love. And even weddings that I'd went to in the past, now I remember much better. I love them. I've always loved them. Really?

Well, just, I was such a booze bag growing up. But like this, you got a suit, everybody else is getting drunk. So it felt like I was doing something instead of just blacking out on a Tuesday. Yeah. There was a band there. We're cutting a rug.

You might meet a lady. Can't believe that you hated Top Gun, man. No, I enjoyed it. I'm just saying, it was definitely a Hollywood cheese. But isn't it interesting that... Isn't it interesting that... I love cheese, dude. Cheese is fun. I love cheese, bro. We love cheese in this country.

But we have an American cheese. But it is fucked up. There's something going on where we have to farm out a lot of our entertainment now. Have you noticed like Squid Game, Parasite, everything else or whatever that movie's called? Crazy Poor Asians. Crazy Poor Asians, yeah. We got to branch out now.

Because we are so scared of making content, especially Hollywood and the big studios, that I feel like there's a lot of—we're taking on a lot of foreign films these days. Worst Woman in the World or Worst Person in the World, great movie out of Norway, just saw that. I think we're painting ourselves in a corner art-wise. So we're not willing to piss people off, and we're so concerned about—so the creativity is limited a bit. Yes. And you know what's weird? Like, this is kind of annoying.

I don't know how to exactly say this, but like, you know how there's the push for diversity, which is great. Sure, sure. And like,

in a cool way, it's kind of fun being like a white guy now. Like, when I get offered these roles, like all the roles are badass. I'm like a drug dealer. I'm like,

I'm doing something that I shouldn't be doing. And it's like, this is what white people usually just cast black people as. And it's like, this is what white people usually just cast black people as. They're like, oh, we can't do that anymore. So now we get the cool shit.

Exactly. But, which is awesome. And in 50 years, black people are going to be nerds and white people are going to be really cool and it's your fault.

We already got the alarm commercials. You know, it's just a bunch of white guys with hoodies. And we come in and break into the car. Yeah, yeah.

And nobody believes him. Yeah. I think he lost his keys. We need help. I like the Gillette one. The catcalling one, that was my favorite one. What was that?

It's just like a bunch of guys catcalling, but it's always a white dude like, hey, miss. Oh, yeah. And now it's going to help the brand, you know what I mean? Right.

Because if you're going to catcall. Yeah, because now like the white guys are like the suave ones catcalling on the street. You know what I mean? Finally. Because if you're going to catcall. Yeah, because now the white guys are like the suave ones catcalling the street. You know what I mean? Finally. We've got a good catcall.

I mean, honestly, white dudes have catcalled what? The construction worker is a white guy. It's a whoppy Guido thing. It's a Guido guy. It's a fucking Irish guy. We call white guys a different kind of white guy. That is very true. True.

That is very true. But, so this is the thing that I don't like that's happening. There's the push for diversity, which is great, right? But what happens now is when I see diversity, go. You think, was that a hire? It's forced.

It's forced. Instead of when I'm a kid, I watched Aladdin and I didn't go, they're trying to make some stuff for the Middle Eastern people because we're bombing them all the time. Right? And maybe that was the reason, but I never thought about it. You didn't think it.

With any, like, Pixar movie, like with Mulan, I didn't think it was like, oh, this is trying to make Asian relations better. But now it's in my head. Of course. So I'm like, what is the best way to go about it? Just make the fire shit without being so. Well, look at this podcast. Look at this. You got an Indian, a black guy, a bi, you know, you got a Jew over there.

I don't know what that guy is. But you weren't trying to do that, were you? That's why it's good. That's why it's good. Look at UFC. There's nothing more diverse than UFC. It's a Nigerian versus a British guy versus a Brazilian guy versus a Korean guy. But they weren't trying to do that.

It's just the best of the best. And we never worry. We never go, oh, is that a Dagestani guy in there because there's a diversity play? No. I like that. And that's a great point. It's easy to prove merit in UFC, though, because you just have to beat the shit out of it. That's true. You get knocked out. Art is, what do you call it? It's tough to say

who's good and who's not. I don't know. It bums me out a little bit when I have that knee-jerk reaction. Of course. Look at Oscars. You go, oh, no wonder he won. And that's terrible because this guy could be or gal could be an amazing actor or best movie, whatever. So it's kind of a curse you put on them. Sorry to interrupt, but I think it's the celebration of it.

I think you can actually push it, but don't try to be like, we need these voices or whatever. We're doing this because we want to amplify these voices because then it almost undercuts the achievement when you can make these amazing, profound movies that we all fucking love and enjoy. And they can feature diversity as they should because we find that interesting. You know what I mean?

Like, I was watching Blade as a kid, not because it was a black vampire. I was like, that's the Daywalker. I didn't give a fuck what he was. So I wonder if, like, the overcorrection actually hurts the influence of it. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, of course. I completely agree. What were you saying?

Yeah, I also think there's a thing where you don't really, you put them a bunch of different faces on the show, but they don't tell their stories. Like Top Gun, I'm not even knocking the movie, there's two black guys. Their stories are basically useless. Like they do nothing. Do you, can you tell who did what? I know Jay Ellis because I know Insecure,

so I knew one of the guys because he played Lawrence in Insecure. But I also like, my wife was asking me, she was like, yo, so there was really just- I didn't know that was

Lawrence from Insecure, dog. Oh yeah, I knew that. You don't watch Insecure. Say what? You don't watch Insecure. Says who, bro? You don't watch Insecure. Says what? You don't watch Insecure. Says who, bro? You don't watch Insecure. Says who, dude?

Who makes Insecure? It was fucked up. It's a ray. That's a bad question. Come on, dude. I know all about it. It was fucked up how she cheated on Lawrence

like that Lawrence Hive. Okay. Come on, now. Okay, okay. Come on. Who she dating now? You know who you learned this from? Charlemagne's Instagram.

Shut the fuck up, bro. Come on. Who she dating now now? You know who he learned this from? Charlemagne's Instagram. Shut the fuck up, bro. Come on. Who's she dating now? Who's who? Who's she dating now? Who? Issa Rae? Yeah.

Jacob. Jacob the Jeweler. Jacob the Jeweler, bro. No, but you were saying? My wife was watching Friends with me, and she was like, so there are really just no black people on this show. And I was like, yeah, but in the 90s, it was like there was white shows

and black shows. They didn't force everyone on one show and then just tell the white guy's story. You had Friends, but you also had at the same time on Fox,

Martin, same time slot. Yeah. You had Fresh Prince. You had Living Single. So you had black shows where they told black stories and you had white shows where they told white stories.

Which was kind of reflective of the time. Like we want to act like it wasn't, but like, in New York we had groups that would intermingle, but that's New York. Right. This is not, we're not the example of the world. This is not what's happening in most suburban towns

or the people that are watching this. So, yeah, I don't know if it's necessarily racist to have an all-black show if that's what life was have an all-black show. If that's what life was like for those people. It's reflected. Did you ever feel watching Martin, you're like, you know what? There's not enough diversity in this show.

There's no Asian. I also, as a minority, I would rather you let me tell my story than put me on the show as like some... It's just I'm there as a mascot. But that's the thing that they don't think that people are going to watch it. And now I think they're coming around to it a little bit more and now there's a mascot. But that's the thing that they don't think that people are going to watch. And now I think they're coming around to it a little bit more and now there's more support. But initially the concern was, yo, make Matt Damon the Indian because nobody's going to watch if the Indian is Indian.

And I get that when it comes to the person who's cutting the check. Because if I'm giving you $20 million for something and I could have random Indian guy or Matt Damon paint that motherfucker up, bro. Exactly. It's $20 million on the line.

What would you do? No, I'm going to get an India guy. But that's going to flop. What if you get a Bollywood guy? You can get the biggest Indian guy because Indian people would know that person. That's a good point. But is that enough? But is it enough? Indian people would know that person. That's a good point. But is that enough? But is it enough?

Just Indian people knowing. But again, I think we've proven, look at Squid Game. Yeah. There's zero diversity. It's all Korean. There's one Indian. There's one Indian guy. Pakistani.

And he's Pakistani guy. He's noble. It's almost like their version of it. He's the only noble person throughout the entire show. You know what's wild to me? To this day, I don't understand when people are bilingual and English isn't the second language. Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, I went into a—

Deadass, you're like, yeah, but you know three languages. Yeah, like, what are you, like, bypass English? You speak Urdu, and then you speak Korean. Urdu and an Asian language and no English is wild. When I was in, I lived in Spain, bro. And I would go to this bodega and I'd walk in and it was Asians running a bodega. And I just walked in and I just started speaking English. Yeah.

Because I'm like, well, you're a fucking Asian, bro. Like, you know English. And you're in this country. It don't matter what country. Like, every Asians come with the operating system that's English and Asian. It's like an iPhone. You can pick the language, bro. And they were busting that.

It was just Spanish. And then they were Chinese and it was just Spanish and Chinese. And it was like a moment where I had to readjust. And the same thing happened with school game. What does that mean? Interesting. I'm like positive racist. Like I assume you're bilingual. Yes.

But with my shit. Right. So I'm saying you're smart. Yeah, you're smart. But I'm also selfish. But be able to talk to me. Right. So I'm saying you're smart. Yeah, you're smart. But I'm also selfish. But be able to talk to me. Right. Like when the Pakistani dude was speaking Korean in the thing, I was like, this is the smartest guy I've ever seen in my life.

I've never seen anybody smarter than this Pakistani guy. Right? Like how the fuck does he speak all these goddamn languages? That's true. And he can't hold a job. Right. But yeah, the Squid Game shit. Right. But yeah, the Squid Game shit,

that's what the Squid Game shit tells me and like a lot of these other movies tells me is that like whoever's ahead of scripted at Netflix needs to get fired and never hired again. Because if the biggest shows are coming from not you, the million dollar acquisition or whatever you throw at the Squid Game thing in Korea, like that's the bottom of the barrel. If the biggest show in America is a Korean show,

that's a problem. I agree. They're spending hundreds of millions of dollars making The Witcher. Who at Netflix do you want to keep it? I know. Whoever does documentaries, because that shit is absolutely fucking amazing. Whoever does reality, that shit is absolutely fucking amazing. True Crime, they do well. True Crime, and then

Cell and Sunset. I love it. I jerk off to that. Whoever's ahead of that department that's doing reality, which is, I guess, you would consider Selling Sunset or The Autistic Show. That's a big show. They are murdering. What about The Cake? Is it cake? That's when I

was like, this is getting bad. But they're trying to do British Bake Off. That's a TikTok trend. Oh, is that right? Okay. What's up, everybody? Welcome to Flagrant. Today we have an amazing guest. It's a long time coming. This guy's absolutely hilarious.

You all know him. You all love him. If you don't love him already, you most likely will, over the next hour, develop some affection for him. He is the great, the hilarious Mark Norman, everybody. He's in the building. Mark! What's up, Norman? Hey, all right. What's up, man?

Thanks for having me. Wow, look at this. Hey, beautiful place you got here. Good diversity. You got an Indian, a black, a trans. We got Kevin. Hey, all right. You gotta be close. Everybody's by Hart. Hey, all right. Now, you got to be close. Everybody's bi now.

Doesn't it seem like that? Yes. Every single human being is bi. No. All right, all right. You got gag in the name. Yes, exactly. But, yeah, good to be here.

This is a beautiful place. Thank you, man. Thanks for having me. We appreciate you coming on, dude. It took too long. Oh, hey, you got big guy. I mean, you're slumming after Rosen. You're number two. We appreciate you coming on, dude. It took too long. Oh, hey, you got big guy. I mean, you're slumming after Rosen. You're number two. I'll take it.

Not bad. No fanny pack and no N-word scandal. That we know of yet. That's true. That's true, yeah. We might start on this show. We might start right now. Speaking of which, Al, would you like to bring up the video?

Oh, no. No, I'm just joking. It's like, oh, fuck. I mean, look, we all grew up in the 90s. Yeah, Norman. Things happen. Norman, yeah, Al, you were nervous as fuck. Yeah, I was like, fuck, I got to pretend to like him now?

I had a Biggie record, you know? We all sang along. Different time. Norman, I was doing some research on you because I'm like, all right, I've known Norman for fucking years. We've probably known each other for like 10 years maybe. Yeah, jumping around. I didn't realize what a degenerate you were. I had no clue.

I'm a fun-loving guy. No, no, you're fun-loving and you're a guy. Yeah. But you have these insane—I'm stumbling across this YouTube video where you're talking about having sex with this homeless girl. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's quite a thing.

How? Wow. She didn't tell me she was homeless till far in. Okay. But basically, you know, it was a single guy. Break down the story. Lovely lady. And I took her.

I was broke. I was an open mic-er in New York. This was years and years ago. And I took her to this bar broke. I was an open mic-er in New York. This was years and years ago. And I took her to this bar called Alligator Lounge where you get a free pizza with every drink. Is it Williamsburg? Yeah. Yeah, there's one on Houston. No, 14th.

Okay. Yeah, Crocodile Lounge. There's two. And I didn't have any money, so I was like, I'll get her a drink and a pizza. And she wolfed that fucking pizza down like you wouldn't believe. She was pounding booze. I mean, she must have eaten three pizzas. We jump in a cab,

and she tells the cabbie where to go. We're making out in the cab. She smelled terrible. And we go all the way out to way out Brooklyn. We get to some giant building, and it's like a government building. Yeah. And she snuck me in,

and I could hear women crying, and there was shit everywhere, and babies screaming, and that's when I got hard. Yeah. And she snuck me in and I could hear women crying and there was shit everywhere and babies screaming and that's when I got hard. Yeah. So she was staying basically in a woman's shelter. She was a drug addict

and a whole thing and it was great. It was great, like hobo boxcar sex. So you had sex in the woman's shelter? Yes. Were you even allowed

in the woman's shelter? No, no, no way But I had to pee at one point She was like, you can't go out there They'll kill you, you know You go out there, you're not allowed to be here So I had to sneak into the women's bathroom And then women are coming in

And like brushing their teeth and shit So I had to like tuck my feet up, you know On the stall It was brutal But I got out of there And you know, she's dead How did you sneak in in the first place? She got me in It was brutal. But I got out of there. And, you know, she's dead. Yeah. How did you sneak in in the first place?

She got me in. She got me in. She knew the guy at the gate. And she put makeup on me. That was the whole thing. I forgot about that. Yeah. What?

Yeah. Is that true? Yeah, yeah. It's all in the story. These women were so beaten and battered. They're not going to question me. Yeah. So Amber herded me up and put some makeup on me and I got in there.

Yeah. That's the most insulting part of this whole thing. What? That you pass for a chick? Yeah. A battered chick. Yeah. You can't really, you know, you can't question that shit anymore. Yeah. This is before all that. Yeah, I guess you're right. They just didn't. They didn't.

Oh, that's right. Now you can sneak into a woman's shelter no problem. Yeah. Oh, you can sneak into the Olympics. Oh, boy. I don't know about that. That's the breaking story. No, what? Leah Thomas is now going to the Olympics.

No. Oh, wow. Oh, I thought we were talking about the cheerleader. Oh, I thought about the cheerleader. Yeah, the cheerleader. There's a... Carolina Panthers. Yeah, the Carolina Panthers cheerleader is trans.

Really? Yeah. Wow, that's exciting. Have you ever done anything with a trans? No, I'm not against it. Actually, I got blown in Mexico by, I believe, a man. I don't ask questions. Did you sneak him into the shelter?

No, no. Me and my friends went to Tijuana, as you do. We were like 18. And they were all getting whores. And I was like, I don't want to do that. That feels weird. Mexican whore. You don't know what's what.

And eventually I was like, you know what? Fuck it. And I went to this bar and I got blown. And I remember the guy had rock hard tits. And I touched his hair. And he was like, don't do that. Because it would move. And I was like, and I remember the guy had rock-hard tits, and I touched his hair, and he was like, don't do that, because it would move. Yeah. And I was like, okay.

And then I walked out, and I was feeling pretty good, and my friends were all standing outside like, you didn't go in that bar, did you? I was like, yeah. And they're like all busted out laughing. So it was a quiet drive home. Yeah. So you definitely got blown by a trans woman. Yeah, I think it was just a dude in a wig. In a wig, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, so not even trying. Yeah, but amazing BJ. I mean, they know the equipment. Yeah. It was unbelievable. I had a condom on. Is it better? Oh, yeah, way better.

Way better. They knew, she knew what to do and all that. It was amazing. Everybody is bi. Apparently. I guess you're right. You should be able to say all the jokes, man, if you've been there. Oh, good point.

For real. I'll take it. N-word? I fucked a couple of, you know. Black guys? Black ladies. Very intimidating. I know you like the white gal, the white coos.

Okay. Everybody, everybody. Yeah, the black gals. You've been with a few. Uh-huh. Not yet, not yet. Hopefully. They're intimidating?

Why are they intimidating? Well, you just assume the Lakers have been in there and, you know, just all the giant, giant men. Tough follow-up. Yes, exactly, exactly. The Lakers have been in there. I'm not saying I'm small, but I'm not huge. You're not LeBron.

Yeah, I'm no LeBron. I'm more Curry. I'm Bugsy Bogues. But I got good veinage. I'm all vein. That's what girls like, for sure. You think? No. Yeah, yeah.

Okay, so it's tough to follow the black chicks. Now, I did, this is another thing that I was looking up. Lost your virginity. Yes. Prostitute. Didn't charge me. Oh, that's nice. But I think clearly a prostitute.

She had a thing for younger dudes. I was 16. Apparently, I'm a survivor, which I didn't know until somebody pointed that out. But she was probably 55. Looked like Jennifer Aniston after a fist fight. I mean, she was weathered. Right. She'd seen some winters.

And just had a great night. It was crazy. It was the night before the millennium. So it was New Year's Eve Eve. So Y2K was buzzing. Yeah. And me and my friends were on Bourbon Street from New Orleans, and we're walking around, and this lady is flashing everybody,

leather jacket, no shirt on, and this is pre-internet porn. So I was like, all right, we're just gonna post up here for about three hours. And you're drinking, whatever, and she eventually caught wind of us, and she was like, you guys wanna come up? And we're like, ah!

And we couldn't get in the hotel, we weren't guests. So she came down and my friend goes, she was like, you guys want to throw some beads? Very mom-like. And I was like, ah, fuck this. My friend's like elbowing me. Just say something. And I go, look, I don't want to go in a 2000, a virgin. And she goes, well, I won't let you. And that was it. She brought us upstairs, swung her hotel door open. There was an old guy with a white beard and a Harley Davidson hat on sitting at the door, staring at the door. And he goes, which one is it? She goes, him. And he took my other friends on the balcony.

Crazy. So you and her in the room. Me and her in the room. And I was freaking out. I'm 16. I'm wearing a leather jacket, a sweater, a button down. And she goes, why don't you get comfortable a sweater, a button down. And she goes, why don't you get comfortable?

I took off the jacket. And she goes, how do you want to do this? And I go, well, I'll take a blowjob first. Yeah, you know, cocky kid going for it, swinging for the fences.

And she goes, I don't give blowjobs. And I said, you fuck kids off the street, you don't give blowjobs? You're white. And yeah, you know, just two hours later, it was just crazy.

She talked me through it. It was super hot. Two hours you were in there? Oh, yeah. I was, you know, I was a champ. What were you doing for two hours? Well, you know, you can get it right back up. Oh, so it was multiple rounds.

Multiple rounds, yeah. Condom? Oh, yeah. Kissing? Yeah, barely. She had the worst breath I've ever smelt in my life. And I've been with a homeless. I think you had sex with a second homeless person.

Yeah. Sorry, what's that? I think you had sex with a second homeless person. Yeah, you might be right. They looked a little rough. If you're a battered woman, you love Mark Norman. That's what I'm thinking of. They had a biker vibe, for sure.

But it was a wild, wild romp. This was in New Orleans. Yeah, I was the king of high school for like two months after that. Cavaliers. I love New Orleans. We were talking about this outside, but I think that the Netflix comedy festival should have been in New Orleans. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know if I agree.

Okay. There's only 300,000 people there. There's only 300,000 people there. The audio dropped when I was asking you about New Orleans, but then we got into a far more interesting conversation, which is comedy specials, where we're putting them out. You've had immense success online. 10 million views.

10 million views. Crushed it on YouTube. 10.1 yesterday. Hey! There you go. Don't move my hair. I'm sorry. Okay.

Now, some of our colleagues are putting shit up. They're still doing Netflix. You did a Netflix one after doing YouTube and having success. I did a half hour. I did a Netflix one after having success on YouTube. Yes. After trashing Netflix. After trashing Netflix.

Which, why did you do it? I did it because I felt like the YouTube is cooking. It's still going up. And I feel like I got the YouTube people. And I said, let me just see what this Netflix thing is all about. It's only a half hour. It's like my pandemic material. Yeah.

And let me just see if there is a bigger bump or a different bump. Maybe I'm getting a new audience. It's only a half hour. If it goes well, I'll go all the way with them if it doesn't I'll go back to YouTube and? it went as well as it could go I think but I don't know I like YouTube I like owning it, I like controlling it

so I'll probably be back to YouTube feels like that's the future and who knows where Netflix will be dead, I think I don't know about dead but it it's just like, it's just a tricky, yeah, it's a tricky thing. Yep. I mean, I said dead before. That's what I said.

That's the only reason I'm, I don't know who would ever say dead. Why are you saying dead? No, no. It's like Artie Lang. It won't die. Keep stabbing it. I don't see why. I think Netflix will exist for institutional fame so like if if for example like if i was on snl i would definitely do a netflix special or if i was

like a famous person like from movies that want to get back if i'm like rosanna might be interesting but like if i'm somebody who doesn't have a podcast and doesn't have communal fame in other words like people built a community they don't necessarily need the institution if you have your fans that fuck with you burt kreischer or tom saguro do not need to do netflix specials yes and i think that people who need the institution are people who don't have a platform to develop, like, direct connection. Because they can't go, hey, you want to come and rock with my special? Because people might go, I love you, but I don't know if you do that thing. And that's what's happening right now with fame.

It's like, Miles Teller in Top Gun is way more famous than me. But Miles Teller in Top Gun is more famous than Tyler, the creator. Okay. Tyler, the creator, can sell way more famous than me, but Miles Teller in Top Gun is more famous than Tyler, the creator. Okay. Tyler, the creator, can sell way more merch. Because it's not fame, it's connectivity and community. Right. So I think the people that actually have, like, community and connectivity, I think they will go

a different route with it. I think they'll go YouTube, and I think there's one more, I think there's one more level to that. Oh, yeah? That I was kind of talking to you about before, but I will hold off on that for a few weeks. Well, Netflix feels kind of like the Oscars, where it used to mean a lot more, and now we're like, the Oscars is on?

Oh, shit, I didn't even know about that. Oh, you know, if Will Smith didn't slap a guy, would we be talking about it at all? I don't think so. Isn't it crazy how fast it happened, though? Yeah. Three, four years ago, it was like, yo, Netflix is all you want.

That's everything. Crazy. And now every comic is straight to YouTube. Because we saw people that went on Netflix and they blew the fuck up right afterwards. So it's like, I would like to blow the fuck up. It wasn't like we just love Netflix. We like blowing the fuck up. Yeah.

Yes. And I think what happened now is like, I even, listen, we did Netflix for a specific reason, which was we thought that we needed, like, the blue check. Mm-hmm. You know, because boomers still organize the world in terms of, like, brands and shit. Totally. Like, old people go, whoa, are you on Netflix? Are you on HBO?

Like, what is your thing? Yes. Whereas, like, young people, they don't even know what the fuck is on Netflix. Young people are watching YouTube. Mm-hmm. They don't care. Like, you're validated by the creativity that you have. Not the brand that's putting out the creativity. Yeah, are watching YouTube. They don't care. You're validated by the creativity that you have. Not the brand that's putting out the creativity.

Yeah, which I love. It's great for us because we create it. 100%. I'm very curious to see what happens, but I think if you have a community, you might be able to... You're Comedy Central. I would have given my left tit to be on

Comedy Central six years ago, seven years ago. And then HBO, too. HBO was the spot. It was huge. It was like the most prestigious comedy. George Carlin, Chris Rock, all the shit. And now HBO. I'm like, I don't know if people are going to that for.

Not for comedy. Not for comedy. If they're scripted, they're fucking undefeated. They're the best. There's not even a question. State of the art or whatever. And then Netflix hired all the Comedy Central people. That's right.

And now Netflix is... Ooh, interesting. I'm just saying. Because basically what happens is like, with Comedy Central, it's like, I mean, technology changed. They didn't change with it. But you lose confidence. I think right now what's happening with Netflix is people are losing confidence

in Netflix's suggestions. And once I lose confidence in what you suggest me, you have no power to push content to me. Right, right. But, YouTube worries me because sometimes they get a little choosy with like, well, we don't agree with this belief or this

ideology, so we'll just pull that. 100%. And that scares the shit out of me. We act like we're these renegades and these independent queefs, but we're actually very in need of these platforms. 100%. We need them.

Absolutely. And we should play by the rules. What'd you say? We're always going to be a slave to something. Yeah. Yeah, I guess so. But it's like... Put it on your own site.

That's the thing. Like, Louie's model. But even with them, they could come for the credit card machines. There's always a way to get you if they don't want to support you, they can get you out of here. To unplug completely, you've got to be so fucking rich. And that's what all those Russian billionaires thought. They're like, nobody can touch me. And then we go to war and everybody's like, we'll take your yacht.

Imagine you just had a yacht in the water and then somebody was like, well, that's our yacht now. Right. And you just had to take that. Right? So it's like there's no true independence. I guess it's like what allows me to put out the content I want to put out. And I love Louie's model. I do too.

I think the future is a combination. Fuck it. I think you sell it on your own and then you put it out later on YouTube at some date. I think that's what we will eventually do. And once you can make more money doing that, nobody will ever do a special with a network again. Because why would you? Why would you? Right now, with Netflix or HBO or these places, you've got to pay me more for the people that won't see it.

Yes, exactly. It used to be, pay me nothing because everybody's going to see it. Right. But now that we know that less people see it, I got to get more for each of those people that won't. Totally. They can't afford that. Because once you tasted the road money, you're like, oh. Yes, exactly.

But you ever shot? I shot a game show like two weeks ago. It's so archaic. You know, like you got to wait. How's it going back there the crew and all this shit and then like there's all these union rules

where you gotta like oh you gotta sit down for 20 minutes or else you can sue us and you're like what are we doing we could've knocked this out in 20 minutes

on an iPhone but we got the crew and we got unions and we got grips and gaffers it's so behind they got a crowd there they're like please stay

we need you and they're doing the warm up bullshit with the clapping ah stinks we could've just made this in 20 minutes what game show? got a crowd there. They're like, please stay. We need you. And they're doing the warm-up bullshit with the clapping. Ah, stinks. We could have just made this in 20 minutes. What game show?

I'm scared to say. It was called To Catch a Predator. No. That's an awesome game show. A way better game show. No, it was just something. I was in London

shooting a game show and it was cheesy. It was kind of like an at-midnight thing where they make you as little funny as you can be. Anything funny about you, they take away. You know, you make like a side joke.

Like, don't say that. That's off color. And you're like, but that's me. That's what's funny. Is that an issue? You've done stand-up on a network. Having the material out of your own hands a little bit. Yeah, that sucks.

That was an issue? Yeah. I mean, I've done The Tonight Show four times. And I had to fight to get boner on. I had to fight to get the word piss. Piss is so much funnier than pee. Yeah. You know?

And they were like, I don't know, man. Piss. And I'm like, what are we doing here? We're adults. Yeah. You know? It's crazy, but that's... You did a Comedy Central half hour, too, right?

I did, yeah. You've done everything. I did it all, and none of it mattered. Yeah. Except YouTube. When was the moment you realized this is going to be different than everything else? With YouTube, you mean? Yeah.

Yeah, well, here's what got me, actually. Good question there, Hassan. This is what got me. I just learned it's Hassan, by the way. Nobody told me. But neither here nor there. But good question. I've done 12 late nights, Conan, all this shit.

None of it mattered. That's not true, but we'll go on that. We'll go on that in a second. Some of it, it's fun. It's traditional. It's a tightrope. Ooh, I got to kill this for five minutes. I can't flub, whatever.

People are watching me. I did a fucking morning show at Cleveland. Cleveland morning show, 8 in the morning. I'm hungover. That popped, and that did more for me than any late night. I saw that. See? I saw that recently because I bombed on local news, and I wanted to make sure I wasn't the only one.

No, you were so funny, and then that reminded me of a clip you have with Bert Kreischer, where you call Bert Kreischer's wife a whore. Yeah, that's right. And a skank. And I'm like, how the fuck did this kid get away with this? Well, it'll come back to bite me. Don't get me wrong. It's coming.

Don't worry. There's a clip of her saying she thought it was so funny. She's the coolest. I only did it because I knew how cool she was. I wouldn't just say that to Hillary Clinton or something. I knew what I was up against. But yeah, yeah, that shit popped off and that got shared and retweeted and all that shit. And it just goes to show the Internet just they want authentic, they want real shit.

Yeah, they want real. So that was a big wake-up call. It's like, I was talking to Chrissy D the other day. And we were talking about his special and what he was going to put out. And I was like, what is your 9-11 story from your special? That went viral. And that's, I don't know, that's always been my strategy

is like how many different versions of that can I put out? Ah, that's good. And how many different communities can I tap? Yeah. So it's like with you who's the morning show,

but here's the thing, and I always tell people like go, they're going to go on like Rogan, they're like, oh, I have my YouTube special, I'm going to go on Rogan, people are going to watch it. And it's like when I went on Rogan

and I had the YouTube special, I already had like 50 clips on the internet. Ah, yeah. That's what helps. You want one to hit and then everybody consumes everything else. So your late nights, as useless as they were for the people who saw it. Got the clips. Crushed. Yes.

So now they watch your one thing and they go, oh my God, this guy's really funny. Right. Oh, this is another access point to Mark Normand. Uh-huh. And it's like, how many of those can you have? Right. And whoever has the most, like, Bert Kreischer's was the machine. And now a million different other things.

Yeah, yeah. And if you really look at the people selling tickets, which is all we give a fuck about, and anybody that knows, watching this podcast knows that, anybody who is selling tickets right now that is not named Dave Chappelle, it's through YouTube content. Yeah, unless you're like an older Bill Burr type.

Or like Alan Wong. Even Bill Burr, what is the first thing that popped for Bill Burr? Think about it. Think about it. And where was that? Was that on Netflix? Was that on HBO? That was on motherfucking YouTube. I'm just saying, like... There's exceptions, but I think for the most... And where was that? Was that on Netflix? Was that on HBO? That was on motherfucking YouTube. There you go. I'm just saying, like...

There's exceptions, but you're... I think for the most... Give me the exception. Ali Wong was a no-name, and then she did Netflix when Netflix was Netflix. You're right. And it popped. You're right. Hassan, you're right.

Yeah. You're right. Now they're also serving niche communities that are underserved in stand-up. True, true. The Asians. Like, Ali, also Ali's so goddamn fucking funny. So funny. And a lot of people think it's only Asians.

It's moms. Like, Ali came out there, then like every one of my boys, like Charlamagne's wife was like, this is the funniest woman I've ever met. We had just started dating. My wife now laughs so hard at Ali Wong's special, I was like, yo, shut the fuck up. You're shitting on her. You're like, you know she got that aborted. But yeah, that's it. That's when I kind of look at it and I go, wow. I go, it's not even

a question. It's not even a debate. When I'm talking to somebody about it, it's not whether you should do this or this. It's how much are they going to pay you to do the thing that hurts you? Right? Like I took, we took, we did the, when we did the Netflix thing, it was literally like, we're going to lose relevance and lose money. But this check mark will help get the mayor on. Right. Because these motherfuckers care. I don't care. You need a resume. When Dove goes, oh yeah, the Netflix special,

they go, oh, he must be a real human being. If he's the YouTube guy, they just go, oh, everybody can throw anything on YouTube. For the older folks. Which helped build the whole thing. Exactly. Part of why I did Netflix. Part of why you do these Conan's East Night shows, because you can call a club and go, he's done this, this, and this.

But you know what validates you now is when that bitch is sold out. Right. Now they don't ask how many late nights you did. You got that right. Right. Nobody cares. Rogan also validated, because I, before, I was taking whatever gig I could get. And then the second Rogan, and then I guess Bring Back Apu was back to back.

But then my agent was like, yo, we have a lot of offers coming in. We need to sit down and have a meeting about this. So I think it is, Rogan is just a kingmaker. And then if you have any YouTube stuff that hits, it's like, all right, this guy can sell tickets. Yeah, that's all that matters. So he's become an institution in and of himself. Yeah, that's the wild thing. That's the value in trust.

You know what I mean? Like if you trust a guy to tell you about like what works health wise, you'll trust him with comedy. Like if I'm trusting you with what I'm ingesting in my body

and how I'm going to work out and if he goes, no, this guy's a really, he's a good comic, he's pure. It's very few people that Rogan has given like the stamp,

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Let's get back to the show. Do you subscribe to this like you need to be fucked up to be a comic theory? I don't only because there's so many fucked up people that are not funny at all. I grew up with the fucking scariest mooks on the planet. They're all

firemen now. Yeah. You know, and these guys are all twisted. They're on all kinds of pills, all kinds of meds. They cry all the time. You know, they beat people up at bars. But they're not funny. Yeah. You know? So I think we're cry all the time. You know, they beat people up at bars. But they're not funny. Yeah. You know? So I think we're all

just fucked up. You're a big therapy guy. You think you're funnier before therapy, after therapy? You think it made a difference? I think it helped. Yeah.

I think it makes you funnier because you can kind of set the bullshit aside and focus more on the act. Because with therapy, your emotions, it's like garbage that piles up.

And therapy gets that garbage out. So when you're writing, you're not thinking, oh, my dad, my dad. You know, you can focus more. Right. Yeah. I had some shit with my dad. But yeah.

Is therapy helping you find bits? Oh, yeah. Working through shit with a therapist and you're like, write that down. Definitely. Really? Definitely. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

I got a whole therapy chunk. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. Oh, specifically about therapy. Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah. I got a whole therapy chunk. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. Oh, specifically about therapy. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I feel like it just helps me organize my thoughts and, like, be honest with my reasoning. Because I can find a rationale for it. Exactly, exactly.

But someone else is going, no, this is the real reason why. And I have to accept that. And often that reason's funnier. I'm just embarrassed of being like that vulnerable. Yeah. Right? Like I don't want to admit I'm insecure about this thing. But then I actually talk it out.

I'm like, oh, this is kind of funny that I'm insecure about this thing. And then boom. So it's like I kind of, do I have to credit them? Yeah. Nah. Do we have to credit them? No, no. Fuck that. I think it helped me add dimensions to my jokes. Really we have to credit them? No, no. Fuck that.

I think it helped me add dimensions to my jokes. Really? Before you're just coming from this point of view, but then you're like looking at all the other points. It's just every joke

becomes more three-dimensional. I agree. Male therapist or female therapist? I got an old Jew, which I think is, that's, it's like, I didn't answer the question,

but I was like, old male, sorry, old Jewish guy, sorry. But that's like the goat, you know, it's like, if I'm going to NBA, I'm going to lie. Did anyone think woman, though? Yeah. Old Jew, sorry Old Jewish guy, sorry But that's like the goat If I'm going to NBA, I'm going to liar Did anyone think woman though? Yeah Old Jew bro

I think old Jews are only meant Jews is a male term? Yeah I don't know if I'd call a woman a Jew Yeah, I would Would you? I'd get her out of my neighborhood Yeah, exactly

Or if you're dirt talking, maybe. Oh, yeah. You still go to that therapist that all the comics go to? Yeah. Oh, did you go to him? That's fucking weird, yo. I know, that's weird. That's weird.

Yo, that's the most vulnerable thing in the world is coming out of the therapist's office. Imagine you're looking at fucking Gary Goldman. He's been there. Damn, yo. I mean, Bobby Kelly's like, you took too long. I'm like, what the fuck? I just got out of here talking about my dad, and he's yelling at me in the hallway. Do you ever hear them dying laughing before you, and you're like, oh, boy.

Yes, yes. Wait, really? Definitely. Sometimes you hear Alan. Alan. I just gave his name away. But he's dying laughing. Everybody knows his fucking name.

Yeah. And it's awkward. And you're sitting there. It's like a green room. I'm sitting there with Vecchione. Like, oh, I thought I was on next. He's like, no, I'm next. I'm like, ah, shit.

Have you asked him about this? Chris Rock bumps you? Yeah. He's got some trauma to work Like, oh, I thought I was on next. He's like, no, I'm next. I'm like, ah, shit. Have you asked him about this? Chris Rock bumps you? Yeah. He's got some trauma to work through, actually, Chris Rock. Well, the reason we all go is because, A,

if you're shitting on your friends and you're like, my friend does this, that fucking drives me, he knows who you're talking about. So that kind of helps.

And two, if you go, I got a Netflix half hour, he knows what you mean. You know, he knows about opener, feature, middle act, headliner. You don't have to extra explain. So that part's good.

I don't think it takes that long to explain what Netflix means. Five minutes? He knows about agents, managers. He gets it. I don't know. Subtitles? He knows about subtitles? Captions? Yeah, yeah. He even knows about clips. That's pretty good. Oh, my captions guy is such a pain in the ass.

The guy don't get it. He's on it, this guy. Just be honest. You didn't want to look for a therapist. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Well, how do you look for a therapist? I'm trying to look for a therapist right now. Yeah.

And I don't know what the criteria is. I'll connect you to a guy that will connect you to somebody. I don't know if I want a guy, though. I was going to do the same. Say again? I don't know if I want a guy. Tell him you want a girl. I'm saying he's going to be the starting point. I'm not going to connect you to my guy because I go to my guy that will connect you to somebody. I don't know if I want a guy, though. I was going to do the same. Say again? I don't know if I want a guy. Tell him you want a girl. I'm saying he's going to be the starting point.

I'm not going to connect you to my guy because I go to my guy. Why can't I go to your guy? Go Craigslist. I don't want you to go to my guy. That'll work. I want Mark to go to your guy. No, no, no, no, no.

My guy is my guy. He understands who you are. He knows everything about this. No, I'm not going to do all that. I'm not going to do it. You don't want him going into that because I'm probably complaining about you and then you come in,

you show up late. He's like, he does. The guy doesn't fucking show up into that because I've been probably complaining about you and then you come in and you show up late and he's like, he does. And the guy doesn't fucking show up on time. And then maybe he can help you and be like, yeah, you know, maybe he's busy, you know? And then he'll even out.

I think we all need to go to the same one. No, we're not going to do another one. Yeah, that's the stupidest idea. I wonder if they brand themselves like that. I wonder if he's funny.

Oh, dude, he's got newspaper clippings of Jerry Lewis and all, I mean, I don't know. So he's the comedy guy. He's the guy. For years, for decades. Yeah, but why would you keep... Look how fucked up every comic is.

But no, we're not even close to people who need therapy. That's the thing. Like, our fucked upness, like, it's really that... You need therapy. Yeah, we all need therapy. We all need therapy. No, there are people out there who are, like, dealing with real traumatic, horrible shit. Abusive fucking relationships.

Of course. Like, these, like, bad things. Yes. What are we really dealing with? Like, oh, I didn't get booked this week. It's mostly horrible shit. Abusive fucking relationships. Like bad things. Yes. What are we really dealing with? Like, oh, I didn't get booked this week. It's mostly childhood shit. It is. Grow up.

Grow up. There's your therapy lesson right there. Grow up. Free service. Grow up. Get over it. But why is, did the childhood shit not stick in the 50s or something like that?

Is this a new fucking thing? No, everyone's traumatized. Everyone's fucked up. But if you look at that old shit, these guys from the 50s, they died when they were like 61. They just dropped dead. Yeah. They all got heart shit and they bottled. It's all, it's bottled.

Yeah. We're getting it out. We're going to live long. Yeah. I don't know if that's what, it's modern technology is making us live long. I don't think it's because my dad didn't love us. Like the day your dad was hunting buffalo all fucking day. You didn't have a relationship with your dad.

The brain, the emotion. You have no idea how this is everything. I think it's comparative. I think it's like you see someone who has a deep relationship with their dad more often now, and you're like, eh, I wish I had that. But if every one of your friends' dad died in World War II, you guys wouldn't be fucking going, oh, I have it so bad. No.

Sure. I think they're all fucked up. I think everybody was fucked up, they just didn't deal with it. That's it. That's all it was. They called themselves the silent generation. They're like, yeah, we don't talk about our feelings. They figured it out, bro. Everybody's happy in the 50s, bro.

I think these were the shit, right? Right now, you guys are happy in the 50s? In your own place, You know what I mean? Like in your own communities. It was great. Separate but also equal. Yeah.

What is it? We didn't like it there either. When was Tulsa? When was the bombing or whatever it was? Was that Black Wall Street you talked about? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that was a great time.

That was the 30s? I think so. I think it was a while ago. Al, when was Black Wall Street? I don't remember. I don't remember. 1921. He blocked out the 20s.

Because he blocked out the trauma. Ah. The generational, bro. Yeah. You're going to love this. There's some people that say you carry on trauma from your ancestors. Oh, that's crazy. That I don't love.

People that say like, Jews, thank you. Thank you. That's fucking... People ask me, like... Jews. Thank you. Oh, good point. That's just because they've been nagging the fuck out of you generation to generation. It's passed down through you guys. It's passed down through your mom and your dad.

They say you can be adopted and still carry that same trauma. Those people are idiots. That's crazy. Because then you'd have their yields, too. You'd believe you'd get reborn into somebody else, bro.

I can have my own trauma. I can have my own trauma. Good point. I can have your trauma. I can have my own trauma from my past life. What about the elephant with eight arms? else, bro. I can't have my own trauma. I can't have my own trauma. I can't have your trauma. I got my own trauma from my past life. What about the elephant with eight arms?

Yeah, exactly. He don't got no trauma. That's God. That's God? Yeah, that's God. You don't think God has trauma? No, dude. What are you kidding?

God is super-therapized. He sees all the rape and pedophilia. Yeah. He understands. He might have created it. I'm just saying. He knows what's going on He accepts it

At bare minimum he accepts it And yours forgives it Yours forgives it If you ask for forgiveness Wild relationship Wild You can just rape and diddle kids And then be like, no, forgive me.

And then be like, my bad, yo? My bad? That's mercenary. My bad? You ruined someone's whole rest of their life and generations for my bad? You go to purgatory. But where do they go? They might go to hell because of the things they did because you diddled them.

Why are they going to hell? Because they didn't ask for forgiveness. They don't feel like there's forgiveness in the world. You don't ask for forgiveness if you get diddled. No, they do things like kill somebody because they were diddled or diddle someone else. Hurt people hurt people, like we were just saying five minutes ago. Pass on the diddling. Okay, so they pass

on the diddling, but those people didn't ask forgiveness because they didn't know the rules. They were like, fuck the church. Why are they going to ask forgiveness from the guy who fucked them? You think they're asking forgiveness from the guy who fucked them? They're like, I'm done with this dude. Now they're in hell. You guys are still in business. You guys were in the lock market years ago.

Exactly. That is a spin. How is that a spin? I'm just saying there is something wrong with that. A priest can molest a kid. That's a great point. A priest molests a kid. The kid is like, I don't want nothing to do with God.

Then goes up to God and God's like, you didn't say I'm sorry. Or you didn't say I forgive you or whatever the fuck it is. Now he can't get in. It wasn't even his fault in the first place. Why can't the kid go to heaven? You tell me. You tell me. There's no reason the diddle kid can't go to heaven.

The diddle kid doesn't want anything to do with God, so he's not asking for forgiveness. Then he doesn't go to heaven because he didn't ask for forgiveness. You don't think God in all his mercy and powerful knowledge knows that? Bro, does the book say it? Do I not have to ask for forgiveness? Because that's what's up. You've got to ask for forgiveness. You just said that God's mercy shows me that I don't have to do it.

Yeah. You spit in there. I'm just going off the rules of the book. I told you. I told you. He's so good. I'm just going off the rules of the book. Oh, we got a light cycle, but spit in there.

I'm just going off the rules of the book. I agree. I think God doesn't need you to ask forgiveness. I think God goes, listen, I saw what that motherfucker did to you. It's foul what he did to you. And I'm not going to let him in heaven. And I'm going to let you in because, you know, you just did some fucked up shit. You might not need to ask for forgiveness, but if you ask for forgiveness, then you'll be forgiven.

Do you think he looks at you and he's like, you got to ask? Yeah. Oh, that's crazy. He'd get up there and be like, yo. Who is God? Andrew? Yeah. Exactly. Like, what asshole would do that, bro? You get up there and be like, you sorry? And you're like, yeah, I'm sorry. And then you're good. And is

heaven full of diddled kids? It must be. Yeah. Yikes. I don't want to hang out with them. You just said they're great. Oprah, Tyler Perry. Oh, good point. You do want to hang out with them. You want to do business with them. Hollywood moguls.

I guess you're right. All right. None of your friends got dilled? Not that I know of, but who knows? No comics? You never heard of Fyndor Story at Allen's? What is that? Something comes through the door.

You're out there in the waiting room. Never heard the dill. I mean, I feel like comics, if they got dill, they'd have a bit about it. Or would they bottle it? Molesting our ears with that bit. A lot of that now. That is another thing. It's like, people think that, yeah, if you talk about the tragic thing, it doesn't have to be as funny. I hate that. It has to be

more funny. That's a trend, yes. It has to be more funny because of how awful it is for everybody else. That's what made Pryor so remarkable. Exactly. He made all the molestation fun. And it never felt painful when you were listening. Right. It never felt like he was in pain.

Like, he was just like, hey, man, this is what happened. It's okay. Let's laugh about it. I lit myself on fire. I shot my car. We're dying. It was great. So true.

Those are funny, though. But getting raped. I hate to say it, but getting diddled doesn't, it's not an accomplishment. It doesn't make you interesting. Yeah. You have to make it interesting. Yeah. And that's the key.

But I think people go, hey, I got diddled. Bring out the red carpet. You're like, well, wait, it's still got to be entertainment. It's also like. I know that's harsh, but. Now he's right, though. At a comedy show. But the thing is that, like, if you say something tragic, you get silence and attention.

Of course. Right? If you bring up your Uber joke, it doesn't automatically get silence and attention. People might go like, ah, next. They might even heckle you. But if you say, listen, when I was six, this thing happened, nobody's going to say anything. No. Unless they're the funniest person in the audience.

Yeah, it's true. And that would absolutely level the room. Yeah. When I was six, I was touched. Say it. I'm trying to think of a good heckle. Was he desperate? I mean, he could have done better.

I don't know. You'd think. I heard molested people were funny. You know, you'd say something. But I saw a guy. My friend has this great story. This guy in Ireland. Somebody was on stage doing a bit like that, not getting any laughs.

And he goes, you're not funny. You're not likable. And I've had enough. He said that like an Irish brogue. And it was like, oh, that was perfect. Because they don't fuck around with that over there. What do you mean? No, no. In Ireland and UK, they're like, you gotta be funny.

Yeah, everybody's molested. Yeah, it's a whole priesthood over there. Stiff upper lip. Yeah. Comedy show. The guy's like, I paid a ticket. Like, I want to laugh. That's the uniquely American thing, the trauma comedy. I think so. You think? Probably

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Also, guys, the Big Dasty Energy Tour, the tour that I started before the pandemic, and we were just starting to sell out shows until that fucking COVID ruined everything. Well, we're going to finish it up. We're going to pick it back up. We're in a bunch of fire clubs, bunch of fire cities.

We sold out Austin this weekend. It was a fucking movie. Shouts, by the way, to Craig Robinson for coming through and doing a guest set. It was a fucking great weekend. Thank you guys, everybody in Austin. In the meantime,

June 16th and 17th, I'm at Zany's in Chicago. June 18th, I'm going to be at Zany's in Rosemont. I am adding a pop-up show June 23rd in Dallas, Texas at Hyena's Comedy Club and June 24th and 25th,

this was already scheduled, I'm going to be at Hyena's in Fort Worth. June 26th, I am also doing a one-nighter in Charlotte, North Carolina. Guys, get your tickets at akashsingh.com. We're hitting every city. We're hitting San Francisco, Vancouver, Minneapolis, Tempe, San Diego, Orlando, Niagara. We're going to be everywhere.

Go to akashsingh.com. Start buying tickets. These shows are selling out now, y'all. You cannot fuck around. So buy your tickets right now, and let's get back to the show. You think Seinfeld's the best? I don't think he's the best comic, but I think he's— Hall of Fame?

Hall of Famer, killer, just pro. Absolute pro, dude. Consummate professional. Consummate. I remember when he shouted you out. And you retweeted that, which I appreciated Absolute pro. Consummate professional. Consummate. I remember when he shouted you out. And you retweeted that, which I appreciated. I did. Yeah.

Thank you. I support. I forgot and I support. And I don't even like Seinfeld. Exactly. That's why I meant the lot. But, yeah, that was huge for me. And that's something you can show the parents.

Do you and him still talk? Yeah, we text every now and then. Like, Norm died and we talked a little bit about that. I need these big events to happen, so I have a reason to text. Kill some more motherfuckers. Bob Saget. Yes, exactly.

Yeah, my only whatever with him is just unsavory interaction. Oh, you had one? Yeah, it was just kind of annoying. He's a giant megastar. He can't really be canoodling with everybody.

Here's the thing. Except Mark. True. Here's the thing. This is what bothers me. What bothers me about it. He was basically, I was doing a show at Gotham

and it was like, you know, it was a sold out show. I was really excited. It was your show? It was my show. And they were popping in. they the club asked me if they could pop in like of course they are you fucking kidding me this is the best thing ever like yeah it looks good george wallace was the nicest guy ever walked up watch your fucking clips you were fucking wow you're

really funny and everything i'm like dude thank you so much for even being here and i walked up and i was like i just want to say thank you for coming down. And he looked at me and then just looked away and walked away. Wow. Right? And then every time- He must have seen your clips.

He saw the clips. He saw the clips. I'm shocked. He saw the clips. Sweet guy. But then I've heard like mixed reviews, mostly not mixed, mostly similar stories. But one thing

that I respect about him is that, I don't know if it was from you or somebody told me that like, he will dictate, he will make sure

that you treat him like a normal person. Mm-hmm. Was it you that told me the story like where he goes, now it's time for you to call me to hang out?

No, that wasn't me. I wish he would do that. Somebody told me, somebody told me he like called somebody and he's like, hey, let's go get some coffee. And then that wasn't the way I wish he would do that. Somebody told me he called somebody and he's like, hey, let's go get some coffee. And then a week went by and then he was like, and he called them, he was like, hey, listen,

I called you last time to go get some coffee. Now it's time for you to call me to go get coffee. Oh, wow. Now what I respect about that is as you get more famous and successful and powerful, people start acting inauthentically with you. Yes. And he is taking an active role

in making sure the people that he wants to bond with treat him like a human being. Yes. Which is important for your psyche, and I fucking respect that. Totally. He's very conscious of that. Except when he has to do it to other human beings.

That's the only part that annoys me. It's like you want that humanity, which you should not fucking admire because most people, it's hard for them to do that. But you fucking stomach through that interaction so which you should not fucking admire because most people, it's hard for them to do that. Yeah. But you fucking stomach through that interaction so that you can live normally. Yeah.

But then there's something uncomfortable for you. Well, I wonder, did he know it was your show? Did he know it was you or did he think you were just an audience member? I've asked every question.

Because he's very... I was wearing a Seinfeld shirt. Well, that doesn't help. You're like, now there's anything wrong with that. You're like doing all the time. No, no, I wasn't No, no, it wasn't I mean, it's just kind of like fun to like

Sure, I get it I get it He'll come on here Really? Oh, yeah We gotta get Seinfeld on and then hash it out That would be amazing We gotta get Seinfeld on and hash it out

You have a reason to text him, buddy That's right Let's go He has never not responded to a text I texted him once By the way, Chris D's got a funny story about Seinfeld, by the way. But I texted him once. Tell it.

All right, I will. Was it during 9-11? It was about that. No. It was about that story. All right, I'll tell that one. The other one sucks. So Chris D does that 9-11 story.

Amazing story. Go check it out on YouTube. Unbelievable. Not him telling it on Rogan. Yes. Yeah, that stunk. Just the original one that's available. He had like two beers Not him telling it on Rogan. Yes. Yeah, that's dumb. Just the original one that's available. He had like two beers in him.

He was just in the zone. Yeah. And he tells his 9-11 story. It goes viral on YouTube. So good. Seinfeld sees it, and he calls Quinn. He goes, who the fuck is this guy? And Quinn's like, oh, that's my buddy.

That's Chris D. And he goes, give me his number. Text Chris D. He goes, I just saw the thing. I'm a huge fan. That was amazing. Anything you want to do, you want to do work, you have ideas, you have some bits, I want to hear them. I want to be in the Chris D. business.

So Chris D. is like, oh, my God, this is crazy. So he starts texting him bits. But they're Chris D. bits. So he's like, Biden's a cuck. AOC's a cunt. Fuck the vaccine. And Seifel never wrote back. No!

Because he's like the biggest liberal on the planet. Is he really? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Really? New York Jew liberal guy. Yeah, for sure. But New York Jews are mixing it up, man.

That's true. That's true. That's true with Israel. Yeah. No, his wife is a big supporter. I don't know about him. Wifey. Really?

Big fan. Oh, respect. Get him on the show. Text him right now. That's so interesting. We sat in a green room for an hour. I was shitting blood for the first five minutes because it's Seinfeld. And then he's a car guy.

He's a baseball guy. And he's a comedy guy. And he's the most normal dude. That makes me happy. Now I feel bad. No, no, no. Now I feel bad. He gave me his number and I was like, I'll never use this.

He goes, use it, use it. Wow. Now I feel bad, dude. What a dick, dude. What a dick, dude. Seinfeld is dead. We always said this. You guys would link up and you would have the best time. You'd be like, I love this guy. I think so. I really think that.

There are parts of him that I absolutely appreciate. And, like, even just watching the Comedians in Cars show, there are parts that you see like, there's not a lot of room for bullshit. No, he's very direct, very blunt. And I respect that about Joe, too. Like, Rogan, there's just not a lot of room for it.

And I get it. I imagine you get to a certain point in your life and your career where you don't have to tolerate it. Right. So it's like, why am I going to do this fake thing that is fake? Yeah. Like, we had a thing on the podcast with Joe. We were doing fake conspiracy theories.

And then he goes, I think we're being bullshit. And he just called out what we were doing because we felt guilty. Right. And I like that. Oh, yeah. A lot of people won't do that because they want to be liked or whatever it is. We all have that in us. I think that's why he's so A lot of people won't do that because they want to be liked or whatever it is. We all have that in us. I think that's why he's so successful is because people can see that about him.

Like, every comic goes, I'm going on Joe's show. And you go, congrats, but he doesn't laugh. So buckle up. But that sucks. But then you look at the opposite of that, and it's Fallon going, get the fuck out of here. You got socks and sandals. What are you doing? You're half gay.

You're trans. You're shit. And everybody's you're trans. Oh, shit. You know? And everybody's like, what the fuck is this? This guy's dying laughing for no reason. And then you watch Joe and it's just, you know, let's do 20 minutes on monkey pox and where that shit came from. And that's what people want. Yeah.

Have you had monkey pox? Not yet. I'm hoping. I heard it's a gay thing. Oh, yeah. That's true. That is true, actually. That's what I heard.

This is my favorite thing about it. Is it like they did the same AIDS thing without even knowing it? I know. I know. Has somebody done a bit about that? No, that's all yours. But isn't there, like, you know how first with AIDS, we're like, I think it's like these gay sex parties.

Everything's going crazy. Like, these gay people got to hold on. And then the first thing with monkeypox, they're like, definitely gay sex parties. Berlin, these gay guys are fucking monkeys. Absolutely. I just, I don't know. We make the same mistakes over and over again.

I know. Well, we're the same people. We act like we're all, everybody's entitled now. In the words of Michael Che, we're all coming eggs. You know, it's just the same shit. There's a guy,

there's a philosopher in ancient Greece going, these kids today, I'll tell you. And then we do it. And then we think we're so different. I mean, there is the internet now, so that changes things. But we're all the same. I wonder if we're on...

That's the reason we can watch Squid Game and get it. They're Korean. I don't know any of those fucking weirdos, but we're the same. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I understand. But you know how, like, there's, like, you know how everybody talks about, like, there's, like, this social credit score

in, like, China or whatever like that? Like, I wonder if we have that in social media. Totally have that. Like, we don't really have it. But, like, you saying something fucked up in the past is going to affect your opportunities. That's China. Yeah. Right?

Like, you criticize the CCP or whatever it is. You're not going to get that job with the government. Right. We have that here, but we think we're, like, so free and everything. Right. We're not forgiving shit that happened 10 years ago. That's a great point. So we have this free version of a social credit score.

Oh, you did some off-color bit? Ah, Mark, I don't know if we can do something with you on NBC anymore. Yeah, right. But I think this is why comedy is so popular right now. Because we go, ah, yeah, Rogan had an N--word whatever scandal but he's still going yeah so it's kind of like there's people going what the hell he should be taken down he did that and you go yeah we don't care so we still have the we don't care especially with comedy with if you have enough of a community yes you need the community you need the community which is what we're all trying to

build and that's what happened with sh Shane is he got famous before community. If Shane was like a standout fucking star on SNL and then this thing came up, I don't think he gets canned. Because I think SNL goes, we know who he is. Look at all this material. Look at all these sketches. This is who he really is. Now, like we look at Shane now. We look at Shane now and we go, ah, that was a gross mischaracterization of Shane.

Look how funny this guy is, and he is not that at all because we have all the material. Back then, that was the only thing that existed from Shane. That's all we knew about him. It was like a Rolling Stone article saying he's in SNL,

and then the best Asian accent ever. Right? You're a fan. But that's what it is, right? It's like, how do you... It actually worked out better this way, that he got canned. Don't say that to him. Wait, really?

He doesn't like hearing that. I think that he likes where he is now. He does, but he doesn't like that whole getting canceled helped you. Ah, yeah, yeah. I'm just saying. It empowered him, I think, in the sense of he had to take things in his own hands. And that's how you found out how funny Shane was. Because if Shane is on SNL, I don't think he's putting out that special at the creek.

And I don't think you're seeing – I don't think he gets to put – Son, I watched Isis Toyota. I texted him like a month ago for the first time. I was fucking howling. I airplayed it, made my wife rewatch it with me. Like he's not going to put that on SNL. No. And they could use it, by the way.

Yeah, they could. But it empowered him to be like, alright, well, let me just do this on my own. And then you got to see what Shane really was. Yeah. SNL would have held on too tight. I agree with you 100%. I also understand where Shane's coming from, which is like, because I'm sure he's going, maybe I

would have done great there, too. Yeah, that's what sure he's going, well, maybe I would have done great there too. And that's what he says. Like, and why, honestly, when I see someone succeed independently, I go, there's no reason to show why you wouldn't do well as part of an institution, right? There's no reason why, because you've proven you could do it yourself. As long as you were given that same opportunity over there, you would. The only way you wouldn't is if you you were given that same opportunity over there you would. The only way you wouldn't is if you weren't given that same opportunity.

Right. So it's like if they said hey Shane run it do these. And he probably feels like dog that was one of the worst experiences in my life. Don't brush it off and say hey it's all good it worked out for the best. It sucked. But it did work out for the best. Right. I mean like I'm not brushing it off

like it wasn't awful to go through or you would have done poorly on SNL. But whatever happened, you did do the best. I think it was the best thing in terms of, like, getting to showcase your talents. But it also worked out that he's hilarious. Yeah. You know, the special is good. Like, he could have gotten fired and then just been pushed off into the ether. Funny wins, bro.

Funny wins. Thank God. I look at fucking, like, every time you see a George Bush clip. Oh, yeah. And it's like, every time it's funny. The same thing happened with Trump. It's like, every time it's funny. I know.

And it's hard to, like, hate somebody who makes you laugh. You can hate somebody who makes you think. Like, there's, like, you know, Jordan Peterson is like a very thoughtful guy, and he says these things that are really interesting. You like read the book, you're like, oh, I should clean my fucking house or whatever. And that's great. But if he does one thing to annoy you, you're like, oh, fuck this guy telling me to clean my fucking room. You can be too smart.

You can be too – You can't be too funny, bro. You can't be too funny. You can be too almost everything. That's great. Except funny. That's great. Yeah.

No one's like, Mr. Bean's a dick. Yeah. He's just a funny weirdo. Because all he's been is funny. That's great. Except funny. That's great. Yeah. No one's like, Mr. Bean's a dick. Yeah. He's just a funny weirdo. Because all he's been is funny. That's it. Yeah. Yeah, it's like, when you venture out into,

I don't know, I want to say like, not being a provocateur, but being like an ideologue, like then you can kind of run people the wrong way. Yeah. And that's the tricky thing

I think about people like, Because the funny gets lost. Because the funny gets lost. Because the funny gets lost. Like, I think Carlin was so appreciated maybe by us and the people before us because we knew how funny he was. And I think new people that find the end of Carlin, they're like, but he's not saying jokes or whatever. Yeah, yeah.

It's like your funniest friend saying something thoughtful in conversation. Right, right. It's almost more profound because you're like, yo, I'm just used to this guy being funny. That's true. And now he's being really interesting. Yeah. You know what's interesting about it? I'm a huge Carlin nut, but I love that the

left and the right both claim him. And I'm like, he hated both of you motherfuckers. Yeah, yeah. But they all claim it. I'm like, he said the N-word in a bunch in a bunch of jokes. Wild N-word joke. Wild N-word. Yeah, like called black people the N-word in a bunch, in a bunch of jokes. Wild N-word joke. Wild N-word. Yeah, like called black people the N-word in the joke. In the joke. Yeah.

And it kills. It's a great joke. And then he has a joke about it, like I call feminists cum catchers. Whenever I go to these feminist meetings, I go, suck my dick and cook me dinner, sweetheart, all this shit. And the left is like, woo, this guy's awesome. He's great. He's all about this and that. And then he also attacked climate change.

He's like, climate change is bullshit. The planet will be fine. Really? Yeah. And then he was a big free speech guy. And he was a big like, hey, you guys are fucking up the language. They trick you with the language. They tell me what I can't say. So he was all over the place. But everybody tried to claim him. Now, why do you think they want to claim him? Well, I think he's a good guy. I think he's a hero kind of at the end of the day. And he had great points. So if you find a great point that fits your narrative, you want to put it out there. And I think, yeah, yeah.

It's like we just need one sound bite. Exactly, exactly. He's got 14-hour specials. We take that three-minute bit. This abortion joke is brilliant. And right now we're dealing with abortion. And this guy said it in the best, most potent, funny way. And he does go out the three-minute bit. This abortion joke is brilliant, and right now we're dealing with abortion, and this guy said it in the best, most potent, funny way. And he does go out the right in that bit,

so he's left-wing. He's every guy. Right, exactly. Yeah, we just want motherfuckers to agree with us. I know. I feel that way about my wife, bro. Sometimes I'll be riding home, I'll be like, I hope we agree tonight, bro.

Oh, so true, so true. Right? Like, that would be a great night of just agreeing. And then you'll fake agreeance just to get through it. Just to get to agree. Yeah, bro. So true. So true. Like, that would be a great night of just agreeing. And then you'll fake agreeance just to get through it. Just to get to agree. Yeah, exactly. But why don't you just choose to agree? Say again?

Just choose to agree. Because she'd be wrong, bro. She ate a Top Gun. I thought she was into that, but I was looking over to see if she was a fucking traitor like you, bro. I liked it. I'm just saying. It was cheese.

Maybe it was a little cheese, Norman, but still. I'm okay with cheese. You're young, and you're not on mic, but say it loud. What did you think about Top Gun? Don't be afraid of your job. Yeah, you don't get fired no matter what. I think it was cool. I mean, I thought it was like.

I'm already heartbroken. 80s Americana was really sick, but also like. It's America. Can I tell you something? This kid is 19 years old. He's brilliant. He's awesome. He looks at Top Gun like a fucking Norman Rockwell painting.

It's pretty. It is pretty. I love the Americana aspect of it. Can I tell you something that drives me fucking crazy this kid does? I'll just be having normal conversation. I'll be literally... I'll be really trying to communicate, bro. I'm talking to people from all different age groups here and I'll be trying to communicate.

And I'll just hear him snicker. Like that. He'll just start laughing at me at me being serious. That enrages me, bro. I'm like, did I use a word wrong? Am I using slang incorrectly? What the fuck is going on? And it's just

non-stop snickering. You're the boomer. What the fuck, bro? It's like the little kids laughing at their stepdad. You didn't see that coming when you walked out of Top Gun saying,

that's the perfect movie? No, no, no. I didn't say, I first said, that was cinema. That was cinema, bro. Because it was cinema. It was absolutely beautiful.

What about movies? Is that done for you guys? Like, my girl's younger than me, and she can't even get through a fucking movie. What do you mean? Like, she's... How old is she? I'm trying to get you to tell me. I'm 38 now.

She's 30. Okay. So it's like... Decent. It's just phone, TikTok all day, and I'm like, oh, you got to see it. And she's like, what happened? I'm like, this is an amazing movie. It's like a classic.

Can't get through it. That shit don't work, bro. Doesn't work. It's generational. But then there's certain things that they could watch for a fucking hour. Like she could probably watch TikTok for two fucking hours straight.

Blows my fucking mind. Yep. All day long. 90 Day Fiance, five hours. Oh, forever. Yeah, yeah. Crazy. Any documentary like The Staircase

or something like that. She's watching nonstop. Yeah. But you try to bring her to like Shawshank Redcase or something like that, she's watching nonstop. But you try to bring her to Shawshank Redemption or something like that? Yes. I'm a big fan of Shawshank Redemption. I'm not going to lie. She liked it. But still, an older movie that we fucked with, have you tried to get her to watch old stand-up?

She likes stand-up, I'm assuming, because she likes you. I didn't even try because I knew it would not work. Yeah, watch Delirious with your wife who's in her 20s. Oh, mind explode, ears bleed. Bro, the first thing, he's like, he's looking at my ass. Yeah. It's not even a joke. Right.

He's just going, stop looking at my ass. Also in the gayest outfit ever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's on SNL. He's like the star of SNL. Shane Gillspunch watched that and be like, oh, things are. What the fuck? Yeah, what the fuck? Yeah.

Now, do you think that's an age thing or is that just a woman thing? Like, were women going to see Top Gun in the 80s in the theater being like, I love this movie? That's a good question. Yes. You think so? I do think so.

You had to see it to talk. I do think so. You don't know. I think Top Gun is a bad example because it's the perfect movie. And it's rare that they make the perfect movie twice. That's a great point. They got back into an F-14.

That shit was so fire, bro. Because they suddenly put in the beginning, they got some old relics out there, even an F-14. And I remember seeing that part and I was like, I bet you're going to drive that fucking F-14. And I told my wife, too,

it's just me and her, we got in a nice little fight right before the movie. So that's how you know it was good because it was like I started being friends with her again. What was she saying? I don't want to see this fucking movie. Some dumb shit, probably. And then I went listening. Yeah.

And I remember I remember like I remember something happened. They landed on that like base. You guys don't know. You didn't see it. But I remember doing this fucking corny thing in the movie. This is how you know I was being a fucking child. I was like, he's going for the F-14. Are you the dude that tries to stay the fly every time the movie's happening? He's going for the F-14.

If I know it. I'm that guy. I want my girl to think I'm brilliant, bro. I want my girl to think I'm brilliant. Every movie you go, I bet you he actually dies with that. That's me. You're that guy, too, yeah. Yeah, I do that.

You want to impress her any way you can. No, I want her to think I'm That's me. You're that guy, right? Yeah. You want to impress her any way you can. I want her to think I'm smart. What do you think she's thinking? She's watching the movie like, wow, this guy gets writing. Yo, you know what? I'm going to fuck him tonight.

I didn't think about it like that. I did not think about it like that. And it is absolutely pathetic that I care that much. But I do care. I want my wife to think I'm cool. I want somebody to like my writing. Yeah.

That's a good point. Wait, you don't try to impress your wife, bro? I don't know what the fuck's happening until I watch a movie, bro. No, but you guys do like P90X or whatever. Like you try to do, what is this shit he does? You're huge, man. You're ripped.

Come on, dude. But what does he do? You do P90X. Yeah. So don't you try to like, if there's another dude killing you in the class, you don't try to do that?

I don't try to foreshadow the class. Like I think at the end, we're going to be tired. Like I don't you try to like, if there's another dude killing you in the class, you don't try to do that? I don't try to foreshadow the class. Like, I think at the end, we're going to be tired. I don't spoil the ending of the class. Not spoil the ending, but don't you want her to think that you're great is what I'm trying to say. Yeah, but what about watching a movie is spoiling it means you're great. Because you called it out. And now she thinks you're smart. You said something she couldn't think of.

Nostradamus wasn't impressive? You never thought about this? Good point. Well, like I have. You did magic. You did magic as a kid. Why? So people could think you're interesting.

So they could think you're cool. Yes, I was the youngest of the kids. You never tried no magic with your girl? I do. Never? What did you do? I do magic. What is it?

Oh, man. Yeah, I make my boner disappear sometimes. I do magic. What is it? Oh, man. Yeah, I make my boner disappear sometimes. I do that. With your girl? Yeah, yeah, that's true. How do you do that? How do you do that? Come on.

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It's free shit on the internet. Let's get back to the show. Let's get back to the show I do get why shifty laughs at you for the record Why because you do generationally get a lot of things wrong like what for example the ick first off, you know Do I know about the egg? I've tried to rehash and they go off you already icked For weeks I don't believe in this.

This is prior to your success? Oh, yeah. This is standard. This is a female thing. Yeah, but this is before your success. This is when you're not successful. The ick exists. Yes.

The real ick is you're not successful, and she's looking for a justification. Success can overcome ick. I think so, too. 100%. Well, what kind of success are you talking about? Well, like if you're, a successful salesman. You're, like, sick of P90X

and you just go into the closet. I bet you're one of the best magicians in America. Just get laid. Yeah, thank you. They fuck boys. Make the... Make the little boys.

Make the pee-pee appear. It's a different trip. The pee-pee's going off. That's a small wand. Okay, go, go, go, go. But like, most people are like insurance salesmen, or like they do like a job where it's just kind of regular, you know what I mean? Not everyone's like a world famous comedian.

Oh, so they're, yeah, I'm saying the ick applies to them, yeah. They're not not successful, they just have a regular job. But maybe they're very successful in that job. Yeah. If you're like a finance bro, I don't think the ick applies. No, no, it still applies. I think it applies. These girls be shitting on finance bros all the time and then dating them.

Think about women. They always go, he's a frat guy. He's a douche. These guys get laid constantly. Married. Married. To someone. Every single time.

Yeah, that girl. That girl. The biggest douche in high school, the bully, always had the hottest girl every time. Come on. So something's going on there with the ladies. Yeah. But I do think the ick exists. Okay, why?

Who icked you? I've been icked. I mean, girl, because here's what happens. What'd you do? You blow them off, you ghost them. What was the ick? And they go, what was I thinking with that guy? And they have to, like, do this biological thing.

It's internal. It's like lady shit, you know, nature shit, where they're like, I have to be turned off by that guy now, because I can't let him fuck me again. But that's not the ick, dog. You icked her. You ghosted her. They can ick on my ick, because then if I come back, they're like, no, I've already icked you. No, they're just smart. Maybe, but then they find me gross.

The ick Mark is talking about, we talked about a couple weeks ago, is like, guy can be really hot or you're really into him, but then he does one thing. And like a subtle thing. Yes. Like he puts Splenda in his coffee. Yes. Ick. I'm out. Oh, that's an ick too.

Yeah, yeah. All these kinds of things. Not necessarily you treat them poorly. Just like you do things like that. I thought it was a girl fucks you and then later realized that was a huge mistake. What was I thinking fucking that guy?

He's so ugly and gross. No, it's one little thing. He flushes the toilet with his foot. That's regret. That's just regret. I got a lot of those. But ick is real too.

Back in your dating days, you ever bring a girl to a show and then bomb at the show? Yes. Brutal. Then she would leave with fucking Dave Attell. But yeah, definitely had that. And every now and then it at the show? Yes. Brutal. Then she would leave with fucking Dave Attell. But yeah,

definitely had that. And you know, every now and then it would go well. It was like, doing well in front of a lady was like, you got a huge 80% boost. Like if getting laid is, you gotta get to 100%, you got an 80% boost and just had to not fuck it up. Yeah, it's very rare on a date for a random person that like

300 people just clap for them. Exactly. And if you did, you'd probably get up. Yeah, it's very rare on a date for a random person that like 300 people just clap for them. Exactly. And if you did, you'd probably get late. Yeah, it was huge. Yeah. And you got the free drinks. You give them to her. And then what happens when you bomb?

You come off stage and you're like, normally goes better. Yeah. I would never bring girls to shows. Yeah, it seems crazy. I couldn't imagine. Really? I never bring girls. I never bring friends.

Like, that's work. Like, you come out when it's like I'm bring friends. That's work. You come out when I'm headlining or something like that, but I don't even bring my wife. Maybe if we're going to dinner or something like that, whatever, but that's work. I want to fucking say the thing that might bomb,

and I don't want to be thinking in the back of my head, this person that I really admire is here. And they don't know the situation. They don't want to be thinking in the back of my head, this person that I really admire is here. And they don't know. They don't know the situation. They don't know anything. They don't know that a bomb is going to happen. You're just due for a bomb at a certain point.

They see you that night and it happens to be your night. They just walk out being like, I guess this guy sucks. Right. Yep. And it's like saying every NBA player has an off night. This is what it is. You never have somebody come to your show and they might talk about the host in a way. And you have to explain.

You have to understand. The audience is cold. Right. It's harder to warm them up. They don't know. They're like, that person made me laugh. That person didn't make me laugh. Yeah.

But I'm not doing it every night. I mean, you do it once every three months. You bring a gal to a show. And it was a fun event. But you picked that show. That's true. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I'm doing it at a fun event. But you picked that show. That's true. Handcrafted. Saturday night, it's 10pm

at the Village Underground. Exactly. You got a nice cushy spot. A third. Following a broad. There you go. Yeah, man. That's the move. Yeah, I guess it does. Are you single? I'm not married. You're married? Everybody here is married, Mark. That's the move. Yeah, I guess it does. I guess it does. Are you single? I'm not married. You're married?

Everybody here's married, Mark. Holy, well, not a... Yeah. He's basically married. Yeah, pretty much. Oh, well, okay. Me too, basically. Did you pick out the ring with her?

I had help. From her friends? Yes. Hating asses? Yeah. But she liked the ring? Loves the ring. Because sometimes her friends are haters,

and they don't want her to get a better ring On purpose? That's fucked up That's diabolic I thought she would just tell her friends what ring she wanted Yeah, but then her friends are like She don't really want that shit She want that little pear-shaped one or something

You know what I mean? I don't know I don't trust that I don't trust that There's a little infighting and stuff, you know? There's a lot of infighting Yeah Women are like comics.

All women? Yeah, all women. They're insufferable. Okay, so November wedding, you lock it down. Bachelor party? Yeah, we're going to Florida. What part? We're going to go, well, we're doing Tampa.

I'll be a side splitter. I knew it. I knew it was a fucking weekend. It's been paid for the whole weekend. We got jet skis. So you're performing that night? We're performing the first night. We're getting there, making a boatload of money.

We charge crazy tickets. Sold out already. Taking that moolah, going right to this giant. We got a villa. We got jet skis. We got donkeys. Oh, that'll be fun. We got a magician. It's going to this giant. We got a villa. We got jet skis. We got donkeys. We got a magician. It's going to be wild.

This is how white people do bachelor parties. You just need one foreign sounding thing. Villa. It's house, dog. It ain't nothing different. It's a house. It's an Airbnb. But it's going to be nuts.

Tampa. I don't know what you want. What do you want? Dolphins at a petting zoo? I mean, it's an Airbnb. But it's going to be nuts. Tampa. I don't know what you want. What do you want? Dolphins at a petting zoo? I mean, it's going to be... Al, what do you want for your bachelor party? Yeah, like, what's that movie in Vegas? Hangover?

Yeah, something like that. I can do that on a Tuesday. Yeah. I go to Vegas all the time. That's a flex. You want your people there. No phones, no video. What about Columbia?

You ever tried the food in Columbia? I feel bad making a bunch of guys go over to Columbia. They got great food there. The cuisine is phenomenal. Is this a cocaine bit? It's a choose-your-own-adventure. You can insert anything in there. I wasn't thinking cocaine.

Oh, I got it. Stay with me. The kids. Got it. I'll have thinking cocaine. Oh, I got it. Stay with me. The kids. Got it, yeah. I'll F on a 14. I'll F a 14. Top Gun callback. That's your Tomcat.

Yo, come on, bro. Shifty, did you see that? Exactly, bro. These kids don't know nothing, dude. They can't keep up. They can't fucking keep up. They call us old and boomer. Come on, man. You don't know nothing dude they can't keep up they can't fucking keep up call us old and boomer come on man you don't have a pube i'm just kidding i will say the drug use with children is uh not children staggering yeah i feel like you guys aren't fucking statistic wise you're not fucking and you're not doing drugs and

the drug choice is really interesting with them well it's Adderall it's all the prescription shit also uh disassociative drugs like ketamine oh is that big now

so in other words just like separate me from this thing mmm interesting that I have to live like Adderall kind of like locks you in even more

and I think that they do that all the time going to fucking school it's just like so normalized it's not even like a drug. But just this like, create a barrier between life and me. And I think that could be... I was talking

to Che about this on Idiots. Che was on Brilliant Idiots. Podcast I do with Charlemagne. Yeah, yeah. And then like and he was saying something about like, even like all these people that shot up the, you know, these mass shootings and that kind of stuff. He's like, I just think it's the internet. I'm like, what are you talking about? He's like, it's just, would any of these people shootings and that kind of stuff he's like i just think it's the internet we're like what are you talking about he's like it's just when any of these people do it if they didn't see it on the internet he's like this is

this is people trying to one-up each other i think that's i completely agree it's like copy how do crazy people one-up yeah we know how comics one-up we know how baseball players one-up we know how basketball players one-up oh you drop 40 i drop 50. Like, what is the crazy version of that? Right. That's great. Drop 40, I'm going to drop 50. Yeah. Look at Tony Hawk with a 900.

I used to skateboard. That was like everything. That was the biggest deal. I watched it live when it happened. And now 10-year-olds are doing 900s in their driveway. There's a, what is the,

oh, fuck, there's a term for this. Like, the guy that broke the 400 mile. Yeah. What is it about? And it's a, uh, what is the, oh, fuck, there's a term for this. Like, the guy that broke the four-minute mile. What is it about? And it's like, he did it, everybody did it. There is a term, yeah. What is it, Mark? I don't know what the term is. Hey, four-minute mile, right? But we got on this topic from

school shootings. Yeah, I don't know why we're talking about it. Let's get back to school shootings. It's a four-minute mile of school shootings. Okay, go. I have a way to solve school shootings, or at least an idea. Okay, here we go. All right, now feel free to kick me in the balls here, Shifty. But these guys, I don't think

you should be able to buy, like, I'm not a gun guy, but I get it. You have a gun. You live in Montana, you need a rifle to shoot a bear coming towards you, whatever it is. But these AR whatevers and these AK-47s, I don't think anybody really needs that. And if you buy one, you should have to post about it. You should have to post about it almost like a wedding where you go,

if anyone has any problems, object now. So some guy posts about it. He goes, I got to do this to buy the gun. I have to post about it online, social media. And then everybody in the neighborhood goes, nah, that motherfucker can't have an AR-15. Yes, that guy fucked my dog in 88 or whatever it is. And you go, no, no, don't give him a gun. He fucked my dog.

So now we got a thing. That's great. That's an idea. You should have to post about it. Okay, pushback mark. Please. What if you don't have a community or any friends on the internet? Ooh, so now you're posting about it.

Then you shouldn't have a gun because you're a fucking murderer in the making. That's my point. Joe, do you—what if this is the rule to getting a gun? You just need three friends that can co-sign. Yeah, you need a reference. You can't get into the comedy cellar without somebody vouching for you. Right. Why? You just need a vouch.

You can't get a job without references, dude. If your dad says you can't get a gun, if your mom says— even if it's a friend who also has a gun who is 18 years old, if you had two vouchers—because if you have two friends, you ain't shooting that shit up. Yeah. Well, what about Columbine? How many were they? Three or four.

Oh, that's three on three and a half, Cole. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And all six of them shot that thing up? I think so, yeah. Well, that was the difference with your generation. Only two. Only two shot up.

Oh, only two. But the Trenchcoat Mafia may have been. That's the rock bit. I saw the Euro picture. There were six of them. Yeah. That's three on three and a half. But it was two that actually did the workcoat Mafia may have been. That's the rock band. I saw the Europe picture. There were six of them. Yeah. That's three on the left. But it was two that actually did the work.

Klebold and someone else. All right, so what I'm saying, you have three friends that vouch for you. Now, granted, you can probably pay people on the internet to come vouch for you, but their name is also on it. So now your name is on these bodies. That's good. I'm just saying some sort of system where people can start. You basically want a system where people go,

that guy might be crazy. Yes. We want to out the crazy before it happens. Yes. You got to go public. I don't think that's that wrong. Yeah, you got to go public. You want one of these assault rifles or whatever.

But even if it's a 9mm, you can still get the job done. That's true. That's true. Right? That's the thing. I read some crazy statistic. Maybe it's like suicides are incorporated in this, but the majority of shootings are not the AR-15s.

It's handguns. And I think suicides are included, so that starts to skew it. I think mass shootings, I think, tend to be AR-15s. Mass shootings, AR-15s. Still, I don't know. I'm just like, I don't know what the fuck to do, man. But it keeps happening because it keeps happening. Yeah.

You know? Maybe we need to unplug. I think that was Che's point. It's like, maybe there needs to be—he's like, back in the day, you read the newspaper and then you just looked outside. And it was like, maybe that was better. Maybe just having less to consume. Because I don't know if it's anxiety. I think my consumption might be a little different than the average fucking kid.

Like, I'm not consuming anxiety all day. And if I am, I'm trying to remove it because I don't want to feel that. Yeah. But maybe these kids that don't fucking know anything, we're in our 30s, bro. These fucking kids are 19 years old and every single tweet that comes up or news headline is like the world's ending. That might be difficult. Of course. They have to be on their phone.

They live on their phones. Their whole social life is on their phones. Yeah. So they can't get away from it. And then it's news, news, news. And then, like like Mulaney just had Chappelle open. You see that? Yeah. The news is to blame

because they'll take three tweets from three angry people and go, this is a story now. It's not a fucking story. Three queefs got upset. We gotta cater to them. You know how many people saw that and went, oh shit, Chappelle's coming out. Most. Most. Yeah, that's the difference between what gets clicks,

because we'll even talk about that. And whoever's reporting on that knows that that shit gets clicks. Exactly. And that's pretty gross. Before we get out of here, Mark, we got some feelings, no facts? Oh, yeah.

Yeah, we can bust these out, okay? This happened in Fort Worth, Texas. Oh, shit. This girl gets cheated on, and then this is her retaliation against her boyfriend. Oh, shit. This girl gets cheated on and then this is her retaliation against her boyfriend. Oh, I saw this. She got arrested for this shit. Good.

What's the charge? Littering? I mean... Theft, maybe? I think it's just destruction of property and theft. Yeah. Dumps it in the river. Justified for cheating? Yes or no? I mean, who videotaped it? That's the wild thing. She got a friend. Like, she wanted the clout.

Yeah. No, she posted it. She posted it. Oh, she posted it herself. He cheated, so I threw his mom's ashes in the river. Yo, do you know what this is? Maybe he was Indian and it was the Ganges. Exactly.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. How do we know? Do it properly. Go to India. Don't do it in Fort Worth, fucking Texas. Just saying. That'd be funny if the guy was home like, this is my fucking ashtray.

What do you think? Justified or no? Nah, not justified, but I think this goes back to what we were saying before about the mass shootings is like, there's a trend

to do fucked up shit to the guy that cheats on you. Oh, I keyed his car. Oh, that's the John Tucker mustache shit. John Tucker, they made a whole movie out of it.

That's the movie he read the Wikipedia. Yeah, exactly. This girl cheats on a guy. Fucking guy. But like, I'm going to cut up his sneakers. I'm going to ruin his clothes

or whatever like that. You see all these things and then it goes viral and then girls go, okay, what would I do in that? Yeah, man, maybe that's it. Maybe we're all trying to get attention

by one-upping each other. Yes. And this is the next level. I mean, that's foul. That's your grandma. Yeah, she didn't do anything. I'll kill you. That's his mom. That's my that's foul. That's your grandma? Yeah, she didn't do anything. I'll kill you. That's his mom.

That's my mom's ashtray. That's his straight-up mom. What, you would kill her? I would kill her. No, you wouldn't. Allegedly, you would allegedly kill her? I would kill her. But can we just think about how big the ashtray would have to be for Akash's mom, bro?

Bro, that shit would be crazy, dog. No, you would need one of them pots, bro, that Aladdin hid in, bro. You would need one of them crazy fucking things. Another reason you deserve to die, yo. She could have lifted. She couldn't be able to lift that. It would have had to be planted. No way, bro.

They're called heavies. They could have lifted. Exactly. Two urns. What else we got, Mark? So this is an interesting one. This is related to the ick. So basically, there's a new challenge of toxic femininity that's out in the world.

I love this. And we talked about the ick last time. We talked about toxic femininity all the time. This is another one. That's my favorite thing that women do is toxic femininity. So we can go through a couple of these. Some of them are good. Some of them are bad.

We can edit out the bad ones. Okay, we're running. But basically, this is a rating and then an issue that they have with the guy and how much that drops his rating Oh, this is fascinating So I'll play it we can play the rating and then what the issue is and you guys judge how much you think that does Go ready. Here we go All right, since you guys love the game so much. Here's round three Okay, he's a 10 but he clapped after the Top Gun movie

ended. He's 10.5. He's 11. He's 11. He's an 11. It's a man's man. It's a patriot. It's someone who loves his country. Someone who loves Tom Cruise. Someone who loves airplanes. Agreed. You think he goes up? He goes up. Don't you want a man that's

passionate? A man that will sacrifice for you and sacrifice for country? Let's see. This is what the woman said. I bet you give a stand in O at the man that will sacrifice for you And sacrifice for country I bet you give a stand in O at the fucking movie I literally, I'm not gonna lie to you I went like, and I swear to God in my life The first time I watched it, I swear to God in my life It wasn't even a packed theater I went like this, when they came up the mound

I went, what the fuck I swear to God in my life I did that fist What did you wear, Did you dress up? Say again? You dressed up? Yeah, yeah. What'd you wear?

Say again? What'd you wear? You know what I wore. I wore the shit that Tom Cruise slid into the room with. I just wore the button-down shirt and socks, bro.

I wore a button-down shirt and socks. That's fine. Risky business. All right, so this is what they said. Clap to the end of Tom Cruise. How does it affect your rating?

Still a 10. Still a 10. Almost to 11. Thank you, ladies. Thank you, ladies. Thank you, ladies. Y'all get it? Okay, here's another one. Okay, he's a five, but he smells delicious.

Five. That adds so much. I'm going to go seven. Eight. Maybe. Eight. Damn. Damn, Mark's soul just left his body.

Look at how hard this man is. Who says I smell bad? Wow. Who says I smell bad? That, that's good, right? He just went up to a two. Thank you. Man, that smells, what is that? It's musk, okay?

No, that's cologne. Yeah, it's an old spice, you know what I'm saying? My issue is I wore natural deodorant forever. That shit just didn't really match your excuse. Yes. What about the no showering one? Yeah, yeah. Who has time to shower?

How do you guys shower all the time? I barely shower too. Thank you, right? I'm such an idiot when you said I thought Elon Musk had a cologne. I was like, oh shit, damn, what is this? Yeah, dude. All right. He's a seven, but he loves Hallmark movies.

Oh, that's a six. Ten. Goes back down. You think he goes up? Four. Ten. Down. Four. Six. These bitches ain't watching nothing. They're lying. Two point deduction.

Six. Down. He's an eight, but he will occasionally throw temper tantrums. Ten. That's kind of hot. Ten. Ten. Ten.

Yeah, you love the passion. Shorty loves the passion on the right. Five. Five. Four. Yeah. She's been hit. Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah.

He's a six, but he can dance oh come on now eight nine black i mean it could be square dancing but he runs up the stairs on all fours that's fun nine stairs wow okay luna reversing it. He's a nine, but he thinks it's a gourmet meal when he cooks, like, rice, chicken, and broccoli. And that's, like, what he'll do every time.

I mean, you're hating right now. Good rice chicken. What's wrong with... I mean, Asians don't stay alive off of rice, chicken, and broccoli. Yes, BTS. He can stay a nine. Oh.

Like, that's all he can cook. I mean, he thinks that, like, that's his skill level. Does your generation cook, Shifty? Maybe seven. Six, seven. This is fascinating because they haven't mentioned looks once. This is what's interesting about women. They don't care about that shit.

They really don't care. But now they're saying the looks are, he's a nine, but that's based on looks. They don't care about that shit. I don't, yeah, all right, I guess you're's a nine, but that's based on looks. They don't care about that. Yeah, all right. I guess you're right. Oh, okay, okay. Yeah. But they still are, everything, you know, guys will be like, put on some weight.

Yeah, true. You want one more? Let's go through a few more, and then we can cut these if we need to. See, women, this is a great thing about your generation, is women never, everything was a secret back in the day. Like, I used to read those Playboy things where they're like, I like a guy who doesn't smoke and works out. I was like, oh, this is fucking good information. But it was all a secret. Women kept everything close to the vest back in the day.

You didn't know that they liked guys who worked out and didn't smoke? Well, I'm just saying, I needed anything. Anything I could get. Apparently, you need a Playboy phone. Exactly. Some girls are like, I like a guy with a sandbar. You got to check out this Playboy magazine. It's got some great information in it.

I read everything. You wouldn't buy Playboy for the info. I bought Cosmo for the info. Really? They would talk about guys, what they like in a guy. I used to watch porn called CFNM. Did you have friends, bro? Clothes, female, naked male.

Wait, what is clothes, female, naked male? That's where a guy walks out naked, and all the women have clothes on, and they would just be like, all right, his dick's not bad, his balls are a little saggy. I like the abs, though. That's porn? It's hot, because you learn, and they're like— Masochistic. It's the comedy of porn, really, right? Like, you walk in front of a bunch of people, you're like, do you like me?

But you learn. Women know everything about us. We don't know shit about them. It's not that hard, bro. All right, all right. You'd be surprised. No. The shit women will tell you where you're like, damn. None of that shit matters,

dude. It doesn't matter. The genius... No, I'm being honest. The fucking amazing ability that women have to fall in love with whoever you are.

That's incredible. We don't have that. They have that. So that's why I don't believe when they're like, oh, I need a guy to be this height and I need a guy to be into this music and you don't need any of that. It doesn't hurt.

No, it doesn't even matter. What do you think's attracting them in the first place? Exactly. What's attracting them in the first place? If you asked your wife originally, if you were like, do you want a guy that doesn't shower that often, right, and smells like himself multiple days out of the week, before she was ever married, she wouldn't be like, that's my ideal guy.

I wouldn't lead with that, though. Now she's like, I kind of like the way he smells. And I kind of like looking after him, and I kind of like telling him to go take a shower. like looking after him and I kind of like telling him to go take a shower. The genius of women is that once they fall in love, the things about you they also fall in love with. We're not

fucking built that way. Unfortunately, I wish we were built that way. I wish. You got a point. I mean, look at Chris Brown. Rihanna went back. She's like, I like the way he hits me. I like the way he gives me a break. But she went back. No, she didn't. I'll give me a break. But she went back. No, she didn't. I'll give that a go.

Tina Turner went back. No, they went jet skiing. Remember? They went to Diddy's house and they were jet skiing afterwards. You know Jet, the magazine? He did grow up in the womb. No, but I do think that that is the thing that I'm most envious about with women is that when they really fall in love with somebody, they're able to fall in love with all these things about them that they might not exactly like. And they start to talk about it.

They say like, yeah, he's fat, but I like a guy who's cuddly. He's like a teddy bear. Yeah, exactly. Like we don't do that. We have a thing that we like and it fucking sucks. And we have to find the person that we actually emotionally connect with. It's true. We have to find the thing we

emotionally connect with. It's true. It also is built the way that we like. Think about it. You found your wife who's beautiful and looks the way that you want a human being to look. I'm on board. I don't know what they're laughing at. Women are equally as shallow. Al, when I said...

You had enough. There was a woman who was married to Stephen Hawking, and then another woman married him. There was a guy married to Helen Keller. Shallow what? A guy married Helen Keller. Say what? Yeah.

Perfect. I made that up, but I'm assuming. Perfect. For this argument. And you don't know if she was bad with the stupid, dumb, fat tits. Maybe she had a crazy dumper. How do you know? Exactly.

I don't know. What I'm trying to say is that there might have been a guy. You don't think there's a guy out there that could deal with her just all fucking day if she was beautiful? Honey Boo Boo's mom got fucking married. Like, guys do the same shit. No, no. What are you talking about? You're shallow.

Come on. Women are shallow, too. You just had enough of the things that check good and then make it annoying. They're shallow out of the gate. They're shallow. They're shallow about different things. Out the gate, we're shallow. We're shallow about looks. They're shallow about security. And I don't mean this in like

women need money. They're shallow about looks, too. I hear the way women talk about dudes. They are shallow as fuck. Let me clarify what I'm saying. Once you're over six feet, it doesn't matter. I didn't clarify that before. Once you're over six feet, none of that other shit I just, let me clarify. I didn't clarify that before. Once you're over six feet, none of that other shit matters, bro.

It's for the birds. Under six feet, like good luck, little kids. You know what I'm saying? Little children. It's not going well. Little children, you know what I'm saying? But you found one, you know what I'm saying? But-

Beautiful eyes. No, but I do feel like they have much more malleability with what they're shallow about. Whereas us, we don't. And it sucks. And it is what it is. And we're not bad people. It's just how we're wired. And I think that's why when we find someone that has all those things and we get along with, like connect with we're like literally we say we're

like this is the most amazing person ever it's like they're built the way that i just happen to want women to be built which sucks i didn't choose this it sucks that i feel this way yep i have no control over it and they're awesome right marry me take half of all my shit right they don't have to say that part ever yeah Yeah. But we will because it's so rare. We're like, this is so rare that I found a person that looks the way I want and then just happens to I get along with and is the most amazing person. Yes. I think that they can work around. Yeah.

Security. Once they're in, once they are in love with you, it's like. Yeah. Were you this way when you were 18 though? What do you mean? Like if you got married hypothetically when you were 18 or 19 I wasn't ready to get married

that's a great point because you're a different guy then that's what I'm saying did I feel this did I think women felt this way? no like did you have the exact checkbox that you needed

when you were 18 like let's say you got an arranged marriage when you were 18 could you have were you more malleable could you have worked around it? no

like physically I had the same I was into the same things. You weren't. Yes, I was. You were dating different types of women then. Well, you date who says yes. That's what I'm saying.

So stop it with the bullshit. I mean, yeah, we don't get our choice. But that's why marriage is scary because who knows when you're 58 if you're into something else. But that's how my is scary, because who knows when you're 58 if you're into something else. But that's how my wife knows I love her, because I have a choice now. Do you know what I'm saying? You have a choice?

You have no choice. You're married. No, like, I have a choice. If I was 18, I wasn't fucking successful. I had nothing, and I was like, let's get married. I might think this is the best I could get. Oh, I see. I see. I have a choice. I see. I'm successful. I was like, let's get married. I might think this is the best I could get. Oh, I see. I see.

I have a choice. I see. I'm successful. I have opportunity. But I'm going, you're the best. Right. You are the best. I don't think that there's anything better out there than you and I want to be with you forever.

It's the biggest compliment. It is. You got married straight out of high school. You don't know nothing. You ain't even got no pussy yet. Right. Do you know what I'm saying? It was after college.

It was after college, yeah. You know, 31, 22, same thing. But do you know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get that book. I think eventually, because we're very open-minded now sexually. You know, it's very fluid. Everything's different now.

But I think eventually— Shout out to Mexico. I think open mindedness and what do you call it? Open marriages will be more normal. I think that's going to become a thing. Somebody's going to make a hard stance on that.

Like, hey, this should be a thing now. You sound like you're making a soft stance right now. I'm saying that's going to open up. Have you brought it up yet? Like, hey, this should be a thing now. You sound like me saying Netflix is dead. You're making a soft stance right now. I'm saying that's going to open up. Have you brought it up yet? No, no. But I'll wait until the public does it. The shifty's of the world are going to open that door for the older people. Hey, babe, we get Cosmo today.

It's crazy what they're talking about. Baby, we shouldn't be such bigots. You know what I mean? Exactly. With these traditional marriages. I think a lot of stuff is going to open up. I would never do that shit that well. What?

I don't want my wife fucking nobody, dude. I want a semi-open relationship. What do you mean? It's open with you? It's closed on her end. Sure. It's wild. But would you let your wife have sex with other guys?

Of course. It's tough. But, you know. The perks. The perks. It might just become the norm. But you can also make it not the norm. True.

But I think things open up. The world changes. I mean, 10 years ago, you would have never said, hey, that guy with a dick is a woman. I say that shit before I let someone fuck my wife. Are you crazy? Like, come on, dude. I'm going to tell you. You never know.

You never know. I know. I'm trying to put it out you never know. You never know. I know. I'm trying to work. Yo, Will Smith tried that shit. It didn't work. No, it doesn't. Everybody was fucking his wife, and it drove him crazy. He slapped Chris Rock because of it.

I don't think that we're built to have people fuck our wives, man. Probably not. I don't think it's in our DNA. I think you might want to, you know, see what's out there. Well, I'm just saying I think the world will open up. I think things will change. I'm not saying I'm trying to do it. I'm just saying I think it could happen.

I think incest will open up as well. That I don't see. Talk to me. I'm just saying. You guys are very close-minded. The future is vast and different and it could happen. Do you got a cousin you always want to take down? An uncle.

Incest was already popping back in the day. It was popping, but I think it'll be accepted eventually. I'm not saying tomorrow, but you know, 10, 20 years. How close? I give it 15 years. No, no, meaning like how close related. Oh, I think it'll be wide open. Meaning like... Look at the number one porn in America, his sister. No, no, meaning like how close related. Oh, I think it'll be wide open.

Sister. Look at the number one porn in America is sister. No. Step sister. But different. We're already creeping. We're creeping. Yeah, that is true.

I mean, that's a Jonathan Haidt thing. He's like, if you, your sister, birth control, no kids could come out of it, no marriage, whatever, is it unethical? Yes. Whoa, did he say that? Yeah, I'm pretty sure it was him. It was like a thought problem. He's good. I like that guy. Yeah, he's interesting.

I like this guy. That's a cool stuff. This guy is... I don't... I'm from Louisiana. Yeah. You know. I don't know about all that, man.

I'm not saying I'm for it or whatever or I want it to happen or it's a good idea. I'm just saying things will open up. But don't you think we have like a biological disposition and not fuck our brothers and sisters? Tell that to the heebs. But no, I'm just saying. Oh, that's cousins. Cousins. Cousins might be different.

I don't know how it is. It'll probably start with cousins and then who knows. But you think it will get closer? I think so. I'm not pushing for it. I'm just saying. You can see it happen. I can see it happen.

Okay, fine. Ready? Ready? Pedophilia's already making a push with maps. Have you seen maps? Yeah. What's that? Minor attracted person.

They already have a name now. No, get out of here. What? Pull it up, shifty. You're too plugged into these things, bro. Are you there, gaggy? Mine, what? That's a thing.

Somebody tried to make it a thing, but I think it was pretty roundly like, no. Yeah, yeah. Hopefully. Well, I think the idea is that you destigmatize it. That way, if you are a pedophile, you can come out about it, blah, blah, blah, and say, hey, someone help me. We should do that. We should use that as like a trick, and then we just shoot them.

Yeah, that's a great idea. We normalize it. We're like, yeah, you're just a minor attractive person, and then we just line them up. What if they haven't done anything wrong yet, though? Say again? What if they haven't done anything? Just the risk of it. Just to be safe. We don't give the

pedophiles, not the pedophiles, we don't give the little crazy people the guns. That's true. They got a gun. Right. In some states they do. Professor who said pedophiles should be called minor attractive person agrees to resign. Oh shit. Well that's good news. These people are getting pushed out a little bit.

Old Dominion, that's funny. But then there was a whole Twitter argument about the same thing. They were like, oh, we could curb all the pedophiles if we just come up with like AI-generated porn for them. Oh, interesting. That way, like, I mean, it's bullshit because no one's ever watched porn and been like, oh yeah, I'm good, I'll stop

right there. That's true. You know what I mean? It just like feeds the... They say kids are not having sex as much because they watch so much porn. So maybe seeing all the sex makes them want to have it less. You think it's porn

that's making them not have sex? I don't think it's porn. What do you think it is? Being losers? That too. I think it's the social disconnection.

Like if most of your life is virtual, like you're not necessarily around people in the same way. That's a good point. If you're doing, like, Fortnite. But then to that end, porn is essentially virtual sex.

That's great. Mm-hmm. So it does kind of work. But no one's like, oh, I watch porn. I'm never going to have sex again. You're saying most of your life is virtual, meaning most of your life is spent, like, scrolling on Instagram. Or like, oh, I'm going to have a LAN party instead of, like, going out and having an actual party. Mm. And so, like, there's this disconnect. to have a LAN party instead of going out and having an actual party.

And so there's this disconnect. Metaverse. Yeah, exactly. And so those interactions were, oh, yeah, we're drinking, there's a girl here. Metaverse. No, a LAN party? Yeah, LAN. What's that?

That's a LAN line. I don't know what that is. He's just like, hmm. That sounded like some internet shit, bro. We got a landline, bro. We got a landline. You got Wi-Fi, you got a landline. Yeah, exactly.

That's where they play computer games and shit. Oh, okay. Is that LARPing? What is LARPing? No, that's when you do it in real life. Live action role play. Oh, okay, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm learning. But yeah, like, if you're doing that. You knew what that was, Al? Yeah. How'd you know? LARPing? No, LAN. I don't know, but I just knew. I knew it, too.

And I knew it in the way you knew it. I knew it was the internet hangout, bro. What is this game? I knew it was the internet hangout, bro. Really? I knew that's what it was. Yeah? Yeah.

It's sort of an internet hangout. Miles, did anybody ask you if you're playing on the internet? Yeah, it's not really like only internet. It's like you bring all your consoles to someone's house and then you like kick it. Wait, what? Man, they're an alert. You hang out with your consoles at someone's house? And then you all play together but all on different screens all in someone's room.

At least they're together. Okay, Norman, tell them where they can find you. Tell them where they can see you. Did you always speak like that? Yeah, it's a problem. Your voice is very unique. It's a problem. And I'm from Louisiana, where everybody has an

accent. I just didn't have it. So you didn't come up with a comedy voice? No. I wish. This is a detriment. I relate to you a little because I get that too. People are like, oh, you talk like you're black or whatever like that. So like people think I'm faking a voice. Yeah, but you grew up in New York.

But people who aren't from here don't get it. Right. Yeah, but he doesn't sound like people. I know he doesn't sound like people. So I guess I understand like the confusion of people that see you and then they go, oh, this person is doing something that I haven't seen before. Right, right. Yeah, no, but I got fucked with on

West 3rd last week. Some guy was like trying to, like a homeless guy. And I was like going back and forth with him. And my friend walked up and the guy started pushing me and I started pushing him. And my friend walked up and he was like, oh, I thought you were doing a bit. Like I thought that was a joke with the guy. And I was like, no, I think I was trying to fight me.

He was fighting for my life. But he's like, with your voice, you sound like you're doing a bit. I was like, no. I was like, fuck you, bitch. I'll kill you. You know? But it wasn't like that. Doesn't even sound serious.

What did a homeless guy do to you that you got in a fight with him? He called me a bitch. You slept with my girlfriend. He was saying incest wouldn't be a thing. I said, no, it will. No, but he just called me a bitch. You slept with my girlfriend. He was saying incest wouldn't be a thing. I said, no, it will. He just called me a bitch. He was calling everybody a bitch. I just snapped.

Where do you live? Dude, the village is getting crazy. He had the same story. I snapped on my neighbor, bro, because he was violating me. Calling him a bitch. Really? I had my headphones on because I didn't know he? Calling me a bitch, but I had my headphones on because I didn't know

he was calling me a bitch and then I asked him about it. He asked me what time it was and then the second I put my fucking headphones on, he called me a bitch again. He told you what time it was. Yeah, he really did.

He told me what time it was. Yeah. That's great. So I charged at him with my golden doodle. I didn't, when the whole thing was happening,

I didn't realize what a bitch I look like holding a golden doodle and now like I almost like understand him way more you agree in a way when he was calling me

I was like yo this is a psychopath like living among us yeah I was like there's no way he could possibly living among us

yeah like I was like this is what these are the people who shoot up places but you got home and you're like I'm wearing a blazer with a dog

bro I had a blazer and a golden doodle on a leash leaningodle on a leash leaning up on a curb talking on my headphones at night. Half of my calf. It was like he described me appropriately. It wasn't that

crazy. It was a compliment in a way. I wouldn't say it was a compliment. You're a bad bitch. If he called me a bad bitch, if he called me a bad bitch if he called me a bad bitch Mark calling you a bad bitch is hilarious I'm not gonna lie if he was like

what'd you say? no I'm saying you're a bad bitch I'd be like alright I wouldn't be offended but I'd be like alright talking to the dog that's a bitch she is a bitch even though you describe her as a male. Yeah, that's a good point. That's a bitch. She is a bitch. She's a female dog, technically.

Even though you describe her as a male every day. Yeah, that's a male, bro. We don't know what that dog is, dude. Do dogs have fluidity? When doves around my dog gets it popping with doves. Yeah, it's fucking orange is the new black. That's how much women love dove, yo. Yeah.

Even female dogs trying to fuck this guy. Yeah. Anyway, Norman. Norman, tell them where they can find you. Tell them everything. Check out my YouTube special, Out to Lunch. I got Tuesdays of Stories, We Might Be Drunk, and MarkNormanComedy.com for dates.

I'm all over the road. I'm gone every weekend. Where are you coming? This is going to come out Thursday, so where are you going to be out this weekend or the next weekend I'm at McGoobies in Baltimore

Baltimore then Irvine yes and then all kinds of Chicago at the Vic Pantages Theater in Minneapolis

you name it it's all on the website get tickets praise Allah comedy yes this has been flagrant

it's been a pleasure to have Kevin Hart Kevin Hart there we go comedy comedy. Yes. This has been flagrant. It's been a pleasure to have Kevin Hart. Kevin Hart. There we go. Comedy. Thank you for having me. It was an honor. Have a great night, guys.

Peace.