Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - Tom Segura on Surviving Joey Diaz Megadose, Discovering Andrew Tate & “Exposing” Garth Brooks Secret | #701

Episode Date: April 22, 2026

YERRR – Tom Segura pulled up and it’s chaos: - Bert's weight loss, marathon delusion & megadoses - DMT, addictions, edibles riskiness, & Andrew Tate's infancy All that and more on this week’s episode of FLAGRANT. INDULGE. 0:00 Tom Segura is here! 00:40 Natty weight loss + 5k Run 2:43 Andrew can do a marathon now! 4:59 Addicted to DMT 11:37 Joey Diaz, HIGH + W33d Experiences 25:46 P0rn0 sessions 27:24 Akaash sold out Radio City 29:53 Old school edibles + ODing at 19 36:08 Traumitizing Moms, Helicopters + Birds 44:49 Mortality, Nascar + F1 57:12 Flagrant health results 1:03:51 Thrill Seeking, Daniel Ricciardo + Competitiveness 1:17:01 D3 Football, College + America's Most Wanted 1:26:56 Garth Brooks - ALLEGEDLY 1:36:14 Deep into internet + Sam's Tailor 1:49:55 Knicks in 5 or 6 or 7 1:53:47 Butter up the refs + Garnett & Pierce 1:59:07 Discovering Andrew Tate + Weird ones 2:06:15 Touring, Door deals & The Biz 2:13:14 Taking on any YTs + Fights 2:18:17 Bad Thoughts, 1 take + Acting This episode is sponsored by Kalshi. This episode is sponsored by Sesh. Follow us on Patreon for bonus episodes - Patreon.com/Flagrant Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What's up everybody? Welcome to Flagrant. Today we are joined. This is our first time. It's crazy. Yeah. This is wild. Tom's the girl's on the pod today. Tom is a wildly successful stand-of-comedia, podcaster, Italian bakery owner now. Very true. Okay? Which we'll get to this origin story. He first exposed Garth Brooks as a serial killer. I think is very important that we know. There's no sarcasm right there. That's an allegedly so we don't get sued. So you don't either. He literally created the Manosphere by propping up Andrew Tate. That's confirmed. You know, that 100% he has a massive podcasting studio business.

There are all these things that he's managing. And he lost weight in the worst time in history because nobody believes that it was an honest thing. I know. And you did it honestly. And not only that, my buddy Bert went on tour and on tour in arenas. He would be like, Tom Jabbeno Zempik. And I'm like,

Oh, he's spreading. Yeah. Good job. He was like, I never would. I would never do that. I was like, yeah, but you're fat. And then this year he lost like 50 pounds. Yeah.

With Manjaro, with the jet. With the shot. Yeah. And people think it's because he was running two and a half miles. It's crazy he's alive, dude. There's a, first of all, I love the 5K stuff that you guys are doing. But it's funny. my buddy said my buddy Tim that I'll leave his last name out he goes uh he goes my I have a

buddy of mine who just you know he just wants to get out of the house that's his thing so he started running 10Ks and he tells his wife he's like yeah you know I'm into these 10ks that's my thing I got to go to South Paolo and run 10k yeah yeah yeah it's crazy how much of a like I prepare every year to do the 5k which is three miles right like I have to like like, no, and then I meet people. How do you prepare? Start running. But I'm saying like, I don't normally run.

So when it comes to running, I'm like, I hate this, but I do it. Can you just knock that out three miles? Not out of, I mean. It's like running a midtown. If it's like a, if you want to actually like not walk at all for me, no. I have to like actually do some prep, but I meet people who are like, what? And I go, they go. they go, that's like a warm up.

I go, not to me, dude. I think the whole point is anyone can do it. I think a mile? Yes. For me, once I get into like two and three, I can't just do it. I can't. I can't. How much you running?

Nah, but like I can do that. Like, I honestly believe that I could do a marathon. No, no, no, no, no. In what time frame? I think on a slow, I think on a slow jog. Downhill. I could get, yeah, I'm not like, with a bike.

No, no wheels, no wheels. I could do it honest. But I think I could do it. You could do the three miles. 15 minute mile? Like what? I think I could do the three miles. I could average it in eight minute a mile.

Really? Right now. That means you have really good cardio then. I think I could do an eight minute a mile. Right now. But eight minute is not, I mean, it's not elite, but it's not casual, dude. Like, that's a pretty good pace. When I was like younger, I could do like a long amount an average in the sevens.

Really? I ran a five minute mile. once. Really? Not 5-0, but within five minutes. But that's why the three-mile things laughable to you. If you had a five-minute mile, I mean... Wait, wait. Why would I lie about that? If I'm going to lie, I would say that I read a marathon

in like two hours. You rate a five-minute bump? I read like 559? 558. Oh, okay. Okay. That's right now. That's okay. It's a fine-law. How were you? That distinction. I was probably like 25 years old. I was like 17 years ago. No, no. No, I was in my 30s. I was in my 30s.

Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's pretty fast, man. Yeah, got run on her legs, man. Okay. Look at these things as I stretch them out. Were you good sprint or two? Okay. Not like incredible top speed, but like I could... I could go.

Yeah, you can't go. Yeah. You caught up to that homeless guy pretty fast. Oh, yeah, there was a homeless guy that called me in San Francisco. We'll bleep that. And then, yeah, we had a... You know, you can't call me that in San Francisco. No. I also think, too, when I... People might believe it.

Exactly. It's like anywhere else. You catch up to them? Yeah, I caught up to him. Uphill. Uphill. What'd you say? I fucking walked away.

I got homeless. I got my senses to me. And also uphill is hard, so by the time you get up there, you're like, I'm winded. Yeah. There's nothing like going on a run, though, and seeing like you're running, and then either like an old person or like an older, fatter woman goes past you, and you're like, nah, dude. And you just have to, like, you have to dial in.

like I can't let this happen. Just get them rinsed. Okay, listen, Tom, there's been a really important development. The reason I started about, you know, all of your successes is because I wanted to let people know that despite all your successes, you have a crippling addiction to DMT. I actually had to put that thing away. So I'd heard about it for years. Did you know what this? I did not.

This is not even fake. I heard about it for years. And then one of my buddies was like, like, last year was like, you want to try it. And I go, yeah, I want to try it. Yeah. So there's two ways you can do this, at least that I know of. One is you get like the real thing, sort of like you can get weed or you can get like a vape pen.

Got it. But DMT, both are also an option. You can get like the real crystallized whatever it is. Yeah. Or a vape pen. So the first time I do it, I do the real thing with him. And the experience that I have is like auditory and some visuals. And it is like a few minutes thing that then you're, it's over.

I go, yeah, that was cool. I don't have like some profound revelation, but I'm like, that was a cool experience. Somebody else, no, sorry, same guy goes, hey, do you want, I have a DMT vape pen. Do you want to do that? And I go, yeah. So he gives me one.

I'm on the road. And I do it, and I have the same kind of thing where it's like there's colors and there's some things. And then he tells me, he's like, you know, you really got to do a pool. Like you really got to pull it if you want to like go there. And I'm like, I mean, I am. I'm like, no.

That's a, that was bait pen. You do a hard roll out of your fucking. This is the one was terrifying things that ever happened to me. I had had two or three times with it where I was having that. I'll just call it like a mild experience. Okay. Where I go, there's colors, there's things, but it's like, it's over.

I'm like, yeah, it's pretty cool. I'm in some hotel on the road. and I do, I'm alone in my room and I just, I go like one, two, and like the third pull is like, like as deep as I can go. My eyes are closed and I'm like, I'm cold.

I feel cold. So I'm going to change, I'm going to get up and change the temperature. And my eyes were closed. I open my eyes and the whole room is sketched drawn. Right? Like it's white. Black and white.

Black and white. I stick my hand out, it's black and white. And I'm like, no. And I get up and I'm looking, everything, and I see a mirror. And I go, I get so scared because I'm a sketch in the mirror. Sketch in the mirror. Everything's black and white.

Dude, I go up to the thermostat and I reach out to it. I'm like, there's no way. And I just, I jump under the sheets, get in the fetal position. And I'm in a level 10 panic. Absolute panic. I cannot believe that I've. broken through to like what people are talking about yeah i don't know it can't last that long maybe 10 to 15 minutes yeah once you get over like the i don't want to open my eyes because i don't want to

see the sketch thing so you start actually thinking about other things and then slowly open your eyes and you're like holy shit it's starting to fade off and i was like that was the wildest experience i've ever had with how long are we talking i think this whole thing lasts about 15 minutes. Okay. Wow. But the sketch thing is not imagined. It's really what I'm seeing.

I'm like, that is terrifying. And then I do it again the next day. I do it the next day. Same hotel room alone? Yeah. And I'm like, I want to see if that happens again.

And it does. The same thing. It's just that everything in the room is sketched. What is in your subconscious thing? I don't know. Some people see God. Some people see heaven. And then I start to go like with this pen of,

I'm like, all right, I wait, I wait a few days. I do it again. I go, I wonder if I do it with not as deep a pool, what will happen. And it does become two different things. Like a mild experience or the, I started doing and doing it. And then I tell the guy, I was like, yeah, I'm like, did it like four times last week. He's like, you really shouldn't do that. I go, what?

He goes, yeah, you can get like, I think it's like serotonin poisoning, basically of your, or you're releasing too much of it. Right, right, right, right. So I have to like take the pen apart and I put one piece here and one piece at home so that I don't have it with me. It's like nuclear coverage. Yeah. But I at least got to the point where you could have an experience where you actually feel like you're you have it. You know, your mind works where you shelf things and then sometimes you come to light.

Yeah. And so I was able to have some experience like that. But it became, I wouldn't say addictive, but like... How regularly? I mean, I haven't done it in months and months and months. But when you were on it? I was probably doing it like three or four times a week. Jesus Christ.

Did you have shows that night? The next day. And you were cool. I was like, I hope I can remember it tomorrow. Yeah, yeah. Hold on. So, all right. And you're relegated to your only DMT experience is,

seeing sketch? Well, that and then having, once you get over the visual aspect of it, you feel you can have more profound thoughts. Did you have any interesting revelations? You know, I thought about, like, there was just like people, you thought about, like, my dad who died and things like,

you thought about things like that, relationships with people, and having, like, almost like truth serum to yourself about it. That felt more profound. Kind of honest moments about that that way. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. And did you, like, talk to any of those people?

No, I don't think, no, I didn't talk to them. It was really more about, like, um... I'm saying afterwards. No, no, no. It was, for me, it was more like facing those fears or realities in yourself. Right. And just for you. Just for me.

And you didn't want to, like, go apologize to somebody. Oh, fuck them. It's just restorative for you and no connection to those people at all. Well, I don't think it's so much that is, as, as, as much as you go, like, this is something that I haven't really processed and I'm processing this thing now.

Yeah. And it took this moment that was definitely enhanced to have that revelation from myself. The experience on DMT versus getting dosed by Joey Diaz. And the real version, not what you... Oh my God. Because there's the stand-up debt.

Yeah. And then there's what actually happened. He's such a fucking animal, dude. Can you tell us the actual? The actual thing. They know the stand-up bit. This fucking guy. So everybody was making fun of me because I like a mild edible.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And, you know, people who partake a lot are always like. Yeah, so, like, oh, that's like, what are you, bitch? You're like, but I like this. You know, it's like somebody being like, you don't. Why don't you eat your food? He runs 5K. Hotter.

I don't want it. I don't want to burn my mouth. What's wrong with you? I don't know. It's what I like. So I was telling everybody I like 10 milligrams. Okay. It's like 10 milit tom.

They call 10 mili tom. So I'm in Miami and I have a show. And I see that Joey's also in Miami. I go, you're in Miami. I go, I have a show. I want to come see you. He's like, well, come over. I have a late show.

Come see me. here so i go over to see him and place is packed my sister comes she's like i want to go i want to see joey and i'm like yeah we come hang out we're hanging out backstage in his green room and he's like he's like hey i know you 10 millie tom i got you some 10 millies i go really he's like yeah he has a jar and he pours him in his hand he goes here you go i go because i know i know the joey stories why would he even have a 10 millie knowing what you know about joey exactly And I'm like, I know he doses people. So I go, no.

And he's about to go on stage. So he has like five of these in his hand. And he goes, and he eats them. And I'm like, well, they can't be that much if he had five. You got to perform. Yeah. I go, all right. I'll take one.

So I take one. And literally, as I go down, he goes, oh. I go, what? He goes, nothing. I go. I go, come on, man. So now I'm in a, because he's not telling me anything. Oh, that's even worse.

Yeah, so I'm like, what is it? He goes, it's 10. I told you, I told you it's 10. I go, all right. So I go out there, and I'm with my sister, and she's like, what's wrong? I go, I don't think I just ate 10. I think I'm going to be fucked here in a minute. And she's like, really?

I go, yeah, there's no way. Well, he comes out, and he does a show, and he is, murdering and on point and doing all his thing and about 45 minutes in i'm like this isn't 10 right this is not 10 and so as it's people are leaving we're waiting to sit to talk to him more and i and then it starts to really hit me that i'm fuck like this i'm comatose and i'm like yo dude and i'm like what did I take? He's like, 10. He keeps saying, I'm like, this isn't 10, man. And it starts, I don't even realize this until later. Later on, I keep processing that he had five. And that with five, you can do a show, like how insane that is to me. Because I used to do,

on the road, I would go on the road with Rogan back in the day. Yeah. And he would always be like, hit this joint. I'm like, I don't want to hit a joint and get on stage. Like, I don't want it. He's like, do it, bitch. I'm fine All right One time Your pressure Your 30 year old

Is really funny Yeah Also you sound easy To peer pressure So I mean Or you're a bitch You got yourself Addicted to TMT

I don't know I don't blame I'm I think we gotta hear These stories from Joey and Rogan Where they're like Tom was banging me

Yeah I'm gonna No I definitely did not I remember in Vancouver I was with Joe And I I did

We did like the Vogue theater Yeah yeah And at one point I'm on state, high as high as hell, and I hate it. And I'm like, every time I hear something, I'm like, turn my head. And I get off and I was like, that was awful. I was like, that was off. He's like, what are you talking about?

I go, the people were like, he goes, those were applause breaks. You were fucking killing. I was like, I didn't like that. He was raided in there. And then he went to Columbus and I fucking bomb. Bad. Bad. Like worst bomb?

one of the five worst bombs how long he was it was when he would bring it would bring like ari diaz my like a bunch of us so it probably not that long it felt like six years it felt like the longest set in my life but it was also that's the club that um stoop owned called this money bone yes yeah yeah yeah so that for people that don't know this guy owns a piece of a bunch of these clubs but he was also the person that would book you into all of this He booked like 20 of them. So they're like, you're going to showcase for Stroop. I ate fucking shit in front of him.

Like so bad. And later on, I was like, because when you're high, you don't, I was like, how bad was it? He was like, it was really, really bad. He was like, I was like, what the fuck is this guy doing him? It's one of the worst sets I've seen somebody. I was like, oh, thank you for the honesty. He was like, yeah, he didn't, he didn't like save it at all. He was like, it was terrible, man.

I really wondered what was wrong with you. Did you power through or are you on stage, like trying to save? it like referencing it i was here's the worst part is that i'm trying to save it trying to get going and i get off and i remember i had seen i think arie bomb right before me yeah yeah yeah and i was like how was that he's like it was great and i was like that didn't look great you know when like you're oh so now when you're bombing you're like i guess i'm doing great like arri said this was good this doesn't feel good i mean i didn't think what he did was good either okay so i was like this is a disaster Sure. But I'm at that thing with Joey.

And then I'm like, bro, I can't even keep it together. We have to catch a flight. And I have a guy with me who has to carry. He carries me. Like my arm over his shoulder. And he's like, walking me to the plane like this. And I'm like, bro, Joey's on the flight with us. And he's like, you know what you need right now?

I don't want fucking anything from you, dude. He's like, you need a little Xanax. It evens you out. I take it. I take it. Tom. Tom. Tom has, do you have no ability to say no, dude?

Well, I'm all the idea. Just try it. Without a doubt. Just try it. You can talk, you can walk me into some shit for sure. But I'm also in such a pain. I'm comatose, but my paranoia and my anxiety is at like a 12. So I think like Xanax, I'm like, all right.

Like maybe this will dissipate how fucking anxious you are. It does nothing. It does absolutely nothing. Yeah. I sort of fall asleep and I wake up out of nowhere and I start talking about love on this plane. Okay. I'm like, that's what we're all here to do. Like, give him.

Who are you sitting next to this way? This guy that works with me, Sean. Okay. He's like, he's like, yeah, buddy. Yeah. And I'm like, right? And he's trying to talk. I go, shut the, you don't understand?

It's like Bill Murray. and Scrooge where he's like, you've got to feel it. He's like, you know it's there. I'm like giving the speech about love. And every time I look at Joey, he just goes, ha, ha, ha, ha, he just starts laughing. Which makes it worse, because I think I'm kind of getting somewhere. And he thinks that you're acting.

He's hilarious. He's, and he's loving that he did this to me. Yeah. So I get home and, like, Christina's like, as I walk in the door, she goes, are you high? And I'm like, fuck, yeah. So what happened? It's how it happened.

I go to bed. I wake up. I'm high. Like, I'm fully high. The rest of that day, I'm high. I go to bed high. And then the next day, I feel like it's weaning off as I wake up on the second, now, almost third day. Dude.

So I finally, I call him, and I'm calling him to also be like, hey, man, like, that wasn't cool, right? Like, you feel like, I got to say something to you. That was not fucking cool. So I call him, I go, dude, how much did I take? For real? He's like, you took a 200. That was a 200 milligram. So he took a thousand.

And he did a show. Holy shit. Does he just have a slow metabolism or something? It's funny because years ago, he gave me like a 20, like a 25. We were also traveling to do a show. together. And I was like, that was horrific. Like, that was horrific. And I asked him, I was like, so do you

like, do you not feel that that doesn't affect you the same? He goes, what are you talking about? I almost had three panic attacks on that flight. And I go, so you also feel that? He's like, yeah. He goes, I like going there, like seeing the devil, you know? Why? Why?

So he's not, like, I thought he's chasing the anxiety. He wants it. Yeah, yeah. He feels that. Yeah. And I go, bro. A life of crime will get you used to that. To him it's like invigorating. So it's not that he doesn't feel it. He like misses the case.

That's kind of interesting. Imagine I miss chaos. Yeah. Exactly right. Yeah. And at the end I go, hey man, I go, she give me 200. I go, oh, that was one of the worst 48 hours I've had. Yeah.

And he goes, yeah. I go, so like kind of like what do you have to say? He goes, you needed it. I go, what? Yeah. He goes, you needed a reset. And I gave you one. And I go, why did I need a reset?

Yeah, I was doing great. He was like, no, it's good for you. Now, you start over. I go, this is just fucking. This is just like criminal talk. You need to learn a lesson. You need a lesson. I can see.

What are you fucking talking? This has nothing to do with anything. Being high for like multiple days, though. Like, I remember in college, and I'm going to date myself huge here because back in the day to have an edible, you had to bake it. Yeah, yeah. Like, you couldn't just buy edibles. Like, you had to, like, make butter out of weed. Yeah.

And then you would put it. I used to make the brownies. Okay, yeah. So then you'd make brownies, right? And I didn't even know that. Like I thought you just cooked the weed with the brownies and it consumed it. It's like there was this whole thing where you're like. Like oregano?

Like you sprinkling? I had no clue what it was. And I didn't even smoke weed really that much. I remember we were in college and then we made the weed butter and we really like squeeze the juice and we put it in and we mix the brownies. And I don't know if like the tray was lopsided or something like that. But I remember having like a piece and barely any. And I was high. for three days.

And the first one I got so high that I was about three seconds behind myself. So like something would happen. I'd be aware that it happened, but then it would register a few seconds afterwards. And I was like watching a FIFA, I was watching buddies play FIFA. And like they would score a goal and I would see them get up and then I would see the goal score. Yeah, yeah. And then I would realize what happened. And I'm in my friend's room and I go, oh, fuck, I got to throw up.

And then I go, that was three seconds ago. And I ran to the bathroom and I just project how vomit, ramen ramen noodles into the bat, like, just made it. And the entire floor of the bathroom was just ramen noodles. Couldn't eat fucking ramen for like years. It was just like baked into my subconscious. I think my worst drug experience had been weed. What about the Molly?

Well, that was after. Was that worse? You had a rough one on Molly. But that was after. during was the best it was the after part i thought during you were stressed no during was fine was after because of like the come down like the from the molly yeah yeah yeah i got like a week where i was uh i feel like i was in a dream yeah i would just like walk around i'd be like oh i'm not here right now we had to go we went to awesome we did shows of the mothership and i'm on stage watching myself

do comedy i think that's that serotonin yeah right depersonization de-realization is what they call a dpdr and i was just like tweaking out moreks so analytical though it was so adorable that was so adorable like he was feeling all these good feelings. Oh, I always do that. And maybe it's because he's so Catholic too. He's like, why do I feel good? This is not allowed. And he's having these feelings and he's like in real time going,

I'm aware that this is just the chemicals in my brain that are making me feel this. And we're just in there like, just feel it. I can't. I had a journal. I would journal every minute. So like, okay, I take a a bigger dose of like 12.05. And like I would jot it down. The whole time? Yeah, yeah. Journaling. I still have the notes. And I was like

log how it felt. And I would go up to him and be like, hey, I know I'm on drugs, but I do love you. That's the best part. That's the best part. But weed, though, no. I would smoke weed and then start thinking about like planets. And I would start being like, oh, we're just monkeys.

And then we're walking around. We're all monkeys. And I had to go home to my wife and be like, hey, can you take care of me? And then she's, like, brushing my hair and like plucking stuff out of my hair. And I'm like, oh, we are monkeys. I mean, other than overdosing, the worst stuff I've had was the worst experience of I'd have been with wheat. Dude, weed is the worst.

The worst. It's the worst. When it's bad. I remember once I had another one of those like multiple day highs. I was visiting a friend who was going to USC. And I got so high off edibles like the floor was lava. Yeah. And I spent like a day in a dorm room.

Yeah. Just like on a couch. Because I didn't want to touch the ground. And I was like, I know this is stupid. But why risk it? why we're a skis. We can't play those games. It was a dangerous fucking games. You would feel so embarrassed if your leg got molten off by law.

Exactly. It'd be so humiliating. Old school edibles, too, like you're talking about. I'm sorry. When I... The guy that I went to visit, his roommate had downloaded all the porn from the internet, and I'm not being hyperballer. All of it. This guy,

Neil, I won't say his last name. He fucking loved porn. Yeah. And he had files and fired. This was at a point of time. There wasn't that much porn. Like, the internet was new. Like, and he had hard drives and hard drives. And I was trying to look up something on his computer, right?

I was trying, and I got on his mouse, and I clicked the mouse, and it was like, not it. It was a PC. So I clicked the mouse. Remember, I had those two things. Yeah. And I clicked it with my pointer finger. And all of a sudden, like, that little box opened up. Right click.

Yeah. And I was like, yo, Neil, I think your mouse is fucked up. The right click keeps popping. I'm like, this guy switched the mouse so he could jerk off with his right hand and he made the mouse lefty. That's amazing. The dedication.

That's such commitment. The dedication is unbelievable. Yeah, it's amazing. Yeah. To plan for a stroke such as great. That's supposed to be something like overtakes you like a demon. You know, remember like old school CD cases? Yes, of course.

Yeah. I knew a guy who had one of those of just porn DVDs and he would travel with them. I'm going to Phoenix this weekend and he would have it in the airport like walk through with a full like CDKs of like a hundred DVD you're like you need this for the weekend that's how committed he was

all right guys we're going to do dates real quick but first we got a shout out the boy Akash Singh did it man Radio City sold the fuck out not a single single killed that shit.

Really awesome set and like address the things that he's been going through in like a fucking hilarious way. And like I hadn't seen his set in a while and like introspective. And it was very, very, very awesome to see. So make sure you guys go continue to check out Akash, but he sold that shit out. The entire internet came for him and he sold it out. And none of his critics could be able to handle that type of onslaught and then push through and sell out Radio City. Absolutely not.

No fucking way, not a chance. So he just shut them all up, and as he should, and shout out him, and that was fucking amazing to see. It was beautiful. Shout out of you. Love you, dog. Great fucking job. Salutes to Akash Singh in the building.

We got some shows coming up. This week on Tampa. So, that thank you guys so much, Tampa. Denver is sold out. Thank you, Denver. We got the Greek theater. I think there might be a couple seats at the Greek left for the Netflix as a joke festival

with Jelly Roll. and we just announced some more comics. I think they just announced on the lineup, so go check that out. That's May 8th, May 15th, Salt Lake, sold out. And then we added Virginia Beach, June 5th and 6th, have been added at the Funny Bone Comedy Club, Virginia Beach. So get that.

And then Halifax, Nova Scotia. We're going to be up there. Me, Mark, Cam Patterson, Lucas Zelnick, and we're going to be out there in Halifax, running it up. Amazing. You know. Shout RIP to go.

Pat stay, man. We need to do like a Pat State tribute when we're out there. Wait, what happened to pass away? I didn't know this. Oh my God, yeah. The Roast legend, man. The rap roast legend.

Yeah. Anyway, Halifax, Nova Scotia. Okay, Mark, let him know. I'm going to be the Comedy Connection in Providence, Rhode Island. Great club. And then at the end of the year, I'm doing a bunch of dates.

Plano, Texas, Chandler, Arizona, Pasadena, California, San Diego, and Detroit. I would love to see you guys all there. Thank you so much. And guys, I'm throwing tennis events this summer, three dates, May 16th, July 25th, and August 29th. Just head over to All Love Racquet Club on Instagram.

The link in the bio, these tennis events are going to be dope, music, food, giveaways, all that stuff. See you there. And far. Ever feel like car shopping is designed to make you second guess yourself? Is this a good price? Am I making the right choice? I've been there.

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and I was like yeah I love that it gives me it's one of those giant chocolate chip cookies and I go how much did I eat and he goes eat the whole thing I was like all right I remember I told someone else and they're like eat half and see how it goes so I'm just home alone

like on a Friday night or Saturday night and I eat half I'm just like watching TV I don't know half an hour later I was like, I feel nothing. I'll just finish this cookie. Dude, within an hour, tears, tears, crying.

And I'm like, I'm a bad brother. Just crying. And it stays like that for like six hours. Is there any drug that like you enjoy? It seems like every experience it just brings out like the worst parts. I think the weed ones were too much weed is just always a disaster. Like when I OD, I OD'd on GHB and a bunch of stuff, right? What do you mean you OD'd?

I was like in a coma when I was like 19 when I took a bunch of GHB and drank and mixed it up. GHB is the date rape. Yeah. You took it volunteer? Oh, we all did then, yeah. Who's we all did? I mean, that girls got, I mean, it's just Florida in like the late 90s, early 2000s. That was like very popular.

You put it in a bottle cap. So like the way you took it. What the fuck is that? This is how you would do GHP. God is for real. It was just like this. You'd go like this. This was a dose.

So you'd go that much. It tastes like ocean water. It tastes like salt water. Okay. It's almost immediate. Like immediately, your whole body,

you'd be like, we'd call it like permigrin because you'd be like, just chill it, okay. Yeah. Someone would be like, fuck you bitch. And you'd be like, that's right.

Nothing bothered you. Everything felt good. Okay. So I was doing that regularly. And everyone in the high school click was, and I went to college, and I brought some to college. And then I ran out. Uh-oh. So I came back, and I saw the dude.

I was like, yo, let me get some more of that Georgia homeboy, man. Let me get some of that shit. George's a home boy. And so that's how we would get in water bottles. It looked yellow. And he hadn't dispensed. it yet into the water bottles. He had it in a

gallon jug. So he's like, here you go. And literally, I'm like, well, how do you take the right dough? If you're used to the literal water bottle cap. So I have a full gallon jug, which is, you know, wait to it. Right?

And you're like, okay, so you put it up. Ooh, yeah, it's over. And what happened was I just went like this. And I realized I have like 10 doses in my mouth. And now I don't want to be rude. Yeah. And I don't know like...

It's like a wine taste. You're like, do I spit this out? Yeah. There's like a split second decision. You do, bet you do. You do. But at the time, I just went... Yeah.

And I just put the thing down, thanks, dude. I love how you're framing me says, I didn't want to be rude. I didn't want to be rude. I'm a guest. I'm a guest. I'm a guest. I have to eat it. Yeah.

I will overdose. in front of it. But the real thing, the reason I ended up in a coma was because the big rule with it always was don't drink on it. That's right. And I had drank already a bunch. So it's in the system. I was already cooked. Yeah. And then I just was out, woke up in ICU fucking, you know, tubes and all this shit. Chance you would have died? Oh, I was going to die. There was without, in a moment. The only reason I didn't die was my sister was at the same place. She called 911. Get out of here. I would have definitely died. Yeah. definitely died. How long was the coma? Not that long. Eight, ten hours or something before I came to. Damn.

But the thing was, she was like, yeah, everybody there was like, just let him chill. She's like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's not. That is the way you kind of deal with it. You hope that it just like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you're also in Jesus speed.

You're like grinning. You're like, oh, he's feeling. Yeah, he's good, man. I'm telling you, he's good. Yeah, she called, she called. How pissed are your parents? Bro. So, wait, so you gave her a bakery?

Is that why you started to bake her? No. I can tell you this. When you wake up, right? You don't know what's going on. Obviously, I have no idea what's going. All I do is like, I wake up, I'm in a hospital. So I wake up and I'm looking at lights.

And also they have my arm strapped down because they don't want you to pull tubes out. Yes. because that's a knee-jerk reaction. I have a breathing tube, I also have a tube sending a liquid charcoal into my stomach. Yeah, to have everything coagulate. And so I'm looking at these lights. And I'm like, and then I see a doctor that I know come into frame.

Like literally like, and I know her. And I'm like, I'm like, that's Dr. Cassano. And she's like, you're, she goes, you're in the hospital. She goes, you overdosed. But, you know, here's where you are. This is what's happening. And I can't talk, so I'm just like, okay? And in my head, I'm like, I hope my parents don't know.

Like, that's all, that's my thought. And then they come into frame. Oh, shit. And they hand me a piece of paper because you can only like scribble. And I'm like, I'm 19. But I still write, I go, are you mad? Right? And they show that, and my dad looks and he goes, no, buddy, just disappointed.

And I was like, man, couldn't pick another thing. We're happy or alive. Give me a beat at least a little. Just wait. Yeah, that was fucking... What does the mom say? She's just traumatized. She's not really saying much.

You haven't stopped traumatizing her. No. That's kind of the biggest joy, I think. I think you really enjoy it. In life. Do you ever see the helicopter thing I took her on? Yeah, I think I did see this. That's one of the hardest I've ever laughed.

Because I couldn't believe she would go up with me. Do you have a... See if you can find this clip. It's fucking amazing. Because I started taking flying. lessons. Okay. And I went up with this guy. Helicopter flying. Helicopter flying. Why helicopter? I just always liked them. Why? It's just, I don't know. Before after Kobe? After. Wow. Yeah. You're, wow boy, bro. But I remembered that one of the things you learn is just like with, you know.

I never want to get an helicopter. I love helicopter. It is the most convenient way to get from Manhattan to JFK. Yeah. You're there in five minutes. Yeah. Okay. it is and like now when you get like a car service and something in traffic yeah it's like unbelievably expensive it's not that much crazier to take the helicopter when i come here you do it i take the helicopter to newark i take it to long island i take it everywhere it's amazing it's five minutes the thing that i'm terrified about is every single time and i had to stop once i had kids i just stopped doing it is that i don't like at least with a plane maybe this makes no sense but i'm like all right If the propellers go out, the wings are there.

Yeah. Land on the Hudson. Land on the Hudson. Sully. What do we do with the helicopter if the spinny things? Auto rotation. And you just fucking... You just go down with that.

So you believe, at the height... Yeah. You believe, knowing everything you know about things falling, that at the height the helicopter is, that it would just slowly... Well, we do it. We do it when we're training. We shut the engine off and actually just...

But at what height? I mean, we start for probably the first time you do that. It's several hundred feet, you know, you shut it off. Higher than when you're going from Newark to the city or JFK to the city? From JFK to the city, you probably find, most of probably 1,200 feet and then... You think we're 1,200 feet up to you know. I've done it. You're not flying at 5,000 feet.

I thought we're like 500 feet or 300 feet. Oh, sometimes you're at 500 feet. So you're toast at 500? No, no, you're not toast, man. You're toast if you fly into the side of a fucking building. Dad, I think we could avoid. Yeah, I'm never worried about that. Yeah, because you can see the engine turn off.

Well, we take the waterways. Birds can fuck you pretty bad, you know? Yeah. Birds are a real problem. And there's this thing, too. Why are you smithing? This is reframing everything. Every story he's ever told.

There's this funny thing, too. When you're flying, they go, just so you know, we're always about two seconds from dying in this thing. They say that too. Yeah, because when you fly a plane, like I've flown planes for lessons too, you basically, once you take off and you're cruising, you could read a fucking book.

Yeah. Right? In a helicopter, you have, there's zero time off. In other words, like, you are, you're just engaged the entire time. Why? Because you have to be. You have to have your, the cyclic, You have to have control of all times because you can't, if you'd let go,

aircraft would go down. Like in a plane, you can just be like, you're saying you have to hold it up manually? Yeah, you have to hold that and you have to keep your elevation the whole time and you're looking at the horizon the whole time. Oh, so there's no like just autopilot? There's none of that. Oh, shit. You're always, but here's the thing.

There's like an upside and the downside of that. You're fully engaged. You're hyperware. you're not really think of anything else. You're just looking and you're making inputs all the time constantly. There's never a point where you're not giving some type of direction to the aircraft. That's not more reassuring at all. Yeah, I trust me less.

I like to read a book option. I mean, sometimes I do too. Sometimes I do too. But also, I'm not going up there alone. I'm up there with like an instructor. Have you guys ever gotten into some? Well, I'll tell you this. So there's different

There's different types There's different types There's different capacities Just like with a car Yeah A Honda Civic and a GT3RS Are different So with helicopters

There's a big difference One of the ones that I learned about was this MD 500 Which has fully articulating blades And it's like Coast Guard uses it So this means that blades on top Can actually rotate this way You're not changing direction with the back thing.

Well, you... Totally. The thing still operates the way... That's this one? I don't know if that's an MD, is it? This is the one that looks like they take to JFK. Well, this thing... Yeah, MD 500E?

Yeah, it has... It has maneuverability options that you wouldn't get in a Robinson 44. Got it. Right? So the guy that takes me up in this is like... a super experienced pilot and he's like you want to see some shit and i was like yeah so he's doing some crazy shit in the aircraft like sideways fucking up down and i go i want to try to get my mom in this and do this to her you know because she's scared of air travel anyway yeah so it's a good reason

i go i go tell her i've been taking lessons yeah i want to take you up and do like a city tour and she's like i'm expecting her to be like not a fucking chance and she goes i'd love to see that And I go, really? Which city? In Austin. I go just like, I'll fly you around Lake Austin and take you the city. Yeah. Maybe the most boring city tour.

You're in fucking Hawaii. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're going to see the top of these three-story buildings. She's like, I will do it. And then I tell him. So I, like, we take off. I do some flying. And then I just give him a signal.

And I go, like, let it rain. It's like just fucking go nuts. And I had these. And she, I mean, I've never heard her. Playlist, give us a little buildup, Joey. Make sure that we're at, like, she's calm, at least in the beginning. Okay, good.

Is this right? Okay, here we go. I mean, you can't see externally what he's doing, but we're like sideways to the ground. She's so scared. And I can hear her laughing. I can hear her laughing, dude. Yeah.

This is your mom Dude He flies vertically He sends us into nose dives Oh my god And you can hear her on the intercourse Yeah She's making me cry

When Oh my god It's one of the hardest I've ever laughed Dude You're going to hell I know Like this is your mom He was so mad

I want to see her coming out. Do we have her coming out? Yeah, oh, yeah. I don't think a human being is capable of doing stuff like that. He's as bad as I can. It's a mean song. And he tried to kill him. He didn't work out for him.

I thought you would enjoy it. I would show you some of the coolest maneuvers. I cry. I prayed. I got petrified. And now you're like, and now you get to go, it's my birthday. I'm shaking.

I have completely nauseated, by the way. Isn't that cool, though? No, Tommy, Tommy, what, Tomi, what, Coole. like we are just crashing and we are going to the future. You were going out to the guy to go down. It was everything that can kill a human being. That's all the stuff that I've been trying to master.

You came in with the intention of destroying your mother. And now we go home? No. We're going to the mall. To the mall. You are going to the mall and for a long time. Don't forget to mention how cruel is my son. Maybe I'm going to get the I watch 15.

Oh, Jesus. I'm getting both. That wasn't even the advanced stuff. How can you allowed him to do this? that. How much did he pay you to say that? She, uh, at one point, this was after my dad died. And in her chaos, I heard her screaming, think about your father.

Was there any moment that you were like, oh, maybe we should chill. No, definitely not. No. Do you have no fear of death? Are you not like a big? what happens in the future guy no i i think uh i definitely have a you know i don't walk around like scared to death all the time right right but no i think about mortality for sure but this is also just so much fun like sometimes the fun outweighs that supersedes it sometimes even when you had kids was

there not this part of you it's like all right i got to turn down some stuff yeah some of it some of it i mean i used to go to the track more like in austin we have coda circuit of the americas yeah yeah I have been since we've had kids, but there's a couple times where... I thought it was running. Oh, my God. There's a couple times when you're doing laps, and especially when you start to build up. That track is sick, by the way.

The track's amazing. That, like, incline before that first in-day turn? Oh, my God. It's crazy. And there's this back straight that I had been in... What are you driving on it? I've taken out a couple of GT3s. Yeah, this is a Porsche.

Porsche, yeah. But then my neighbor, I had a neighbor there with a, so those are, the ones I were driving manual. Okay. My neighbor was out there with a Ferrari F8, and he was like, you want to take mine? And I was like, yeah, it's automatic. But doesn't have the, it does. Yeah, if you want.

But even with these paddles, which you're using, you can never mimic how fast this is compared to this. Right. And bro, when I was on that fax trait, I was. like, oh, that's one of those times where I was like, oh, I could, I could die doing this. You really felt it. Because it was significant speed compared to what I had been drive. I think in the manuals, you know, you hit like maybe 145, 150 on the back and on his like 177. And I was like, Jesus.

You feel that more of like, the margin for error feels like much, much smaller there. I did, not even close to that speed, but I was on, I was on that track with Yuki Sonoda, you know the F1 driver. Yeah. Small Asian guy. Yeah, yeah. And he took me out in a, I think it was like a Ford, I forget what the fuck it was. That's somewhere.

Ford GT. The GT. Yeah, I think it was the GT. That was bad ass car. It's a baddest car. They soup it up. Obviously, it's not some like F, you know, formula, three or whatever. The thing that I noticed the most was the car wanting to just turn over on the turns.

So, like, you actually feel the tires, like, pulling. Yeah. And I was like, can you give me an example of what this is compared to what you're feeling in the formula cars? Yeah. And he was like, this is the equivalent of, like, taking a golf card on the track. Wow. Yeah.

I mean, crazy. This is the F1 track, the Cota track? Yeah. Yeah. I remember I did the... You're like Spanish Latino, right? Uh-huh. You don't have to do white people.

Yeah. We got a shit is crazy. I know. You're right. That's your mom. You can't do that to your mom. Were you like this as a kid? Did you like dirt bikes and shit?

No, no. Just CHB, dude. I always like cars. I was like fast cars. Yeah. I never had any, but I still liked them. Right. But you were thrill-seeking in some way.

You know, I never did bungee jumping. I never did the parachuting stuff. You know, so me it was always like something, with an injit. Yeah, yeah, that's always what was it. I like boats, like going fast. Yeah, I like going fast. Yeah.

But she, um, I went to that Dallas motor speed and I got in a NASCAR there. And I would, because I was like, how fun could that be? The, the loop. Amazing. Amazing. Is it because of the, uh, yes. So break that down.

What is that even called? Bank. The bank, the gradient. Right. Yeah, dude. Can you even stand on that at its highest point? I don't, I think you, I don't know if you could. It's tough to run up.

Yeah, it's difficult to get up there. So what happens? If a homeless guy causes that, you can get up there. But it's tough. But like, is it at 45 degrees towards the top? Is it at? Might be. That's what it feels like.

I'm not sure. But what was fascinating to me was they were like, all right, you have to keep the speed. Because if not, the car just would fall over. Oh, wow. You know, and like you realize. It's a carnival ride. There was a guy in a radio, like telling me, like, where to go, what speed to keep, when to push then and then to maintain he was just like now just hold it here and you're alone in the car

yeah yeah what do you have to hold on that huh 33 degrees 303 degrees and what do you have to hold on that speedwise well so they they had this thing where they were like we don't want to be liable for your death right so yeah they start you off and then what when you complete a lap at a slower rate you come in and they would manually change the limiter there's a governor on the car yeah yeah yeah and then So every time I would do a couple laps, I would have to pit, and they would, like, ramp it up a little more. And then I was like, let it go all the way. And they're like, not a fucking chance. But it was super.

I think the highest we hit on that was like in the one 50s or 60s. There's a clip of this guy, I'm sure you've seen it, where it's like he's talking to his, what is the captain or who's the guy who's basically. Crew chief or pit chief? Yeah, your pit chief. And he's like, I'm just going to push my foot down. and either see a checker flag or see God. Have you seen that? You see that one?

Yeah. And he just push, we should bring it up. He pushes his foot down on the gas and then he rides the wall. So he doesn't even try to maneuver. It's like, fucking Lightning McQueen. Literally, it's something outside of cars, from cars. And he just basically scrapes the whole side of his car and uses the bank or the wall as his own protection. So he doesn't fly out.

And then I think he wins the race. Yeah, they made it illegal after that, I'm pretty sure. Probably a good idea. Like the wall ride. See the checker flag or see gods pretty well. Ross Chastain. What is his name? His name's Ross Chastain.

You got it up, Joe? You guys are fucking crazy. You need audio on this one just to see this guy. You guys said I'm nuts, bro. I'm just got to put my photo on the floor and I'm not listening to like the God or a checker flag. My man. You look at this. They always play, I'm going to play, I'm going to.

Oh, me. ever gone through three and four of Marchville that fast ever. He went from Jim to pick place. I've never seen anything like that. Wow. Wow. That's strategy. Holy hell of time.

That's pretty nuts. The next day? Why would they ban it? That's kind of sick. It's a grand teresa. You can't do that. Have you been to a NASCAR race? Not NASCAR.

I'd like to go to NASCAR because it was a much different experience. It's awesome. I had the same thing where I was like, I'm just not interested. Yeah. And I went there. First, I went to the Daytona 500. Yeah. First of all, just the atmosphere.

Sort of like, the first time I went to UFC, I wasn't that interested in you. I was like, yeah, I'll go. And then you go to an actual fight. And you're like, holy shit, the energy. So the energy, Daytona in particular, is just, it is electric. I mean, really takes over. Then you're in there. We were able to walk around with like the different teams.

and you see like the caliber of people, the conversations they're having, the studying, and you're like, holy shit, there's so much strategy going into this and like so much commitment the whole way through about this. And then the skill itself, when you hear the engine start and they take off, you're like the, it's like this visceral reaction.

Yeah, the sound. And you just being there changed the way that I looked at the sport. I mean, the flyover. The flyover is the best. You need that at everything. The flyover is unbelievable. They had the, what's it called?

Not the Blue Angels, but the Air Force one. The Thunder... I don't know. But holy shit, I thought we were getting bombed. I was like, oh, my God. It's just the Thunderbursts. Yeah, just them flying over it. Yeah, the whole atmosphere, you walk out of there being like,

that was all fucking unbelievable. There is something about the races, which is like, I didn't grow up with car culture at all. Like, I grew up in New York City. Yeah. Nobody had a fucking car. Yeah. And I went to a Formula One, and the sound of the cars made me feel like this childhood nostalgia. And I'd never had cars.

But it was something about just like this loud motor. You just feel like a kid. Yeah. And they zoom by, and every time I just find myself going zoom. Yeah. Have you been to have one man? Yeah. They're fun too.

Did Miami. We did, and then Austin. And I don't know if we were there for, no, we weren't there for the, in the, in, in, Abu Dhabi, but there is a hotel on the property. I think I drove on that track too. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was fun. So fun. So fun.

I would say, there's something about NASCAR that makes you feel all-American. Like, I haven't been to an F-Hod race that I imagine it's like a little a little higher class. Oh, you definitely but there's something about NASCAR where it's like, you see like pristine like engineers working on shit. You see like former D-1 athletes in the crew. But then also just like a dude with a

shirt off getting sunburned and you're like this is great it's very america yeah yes it's worth going at the at that track in abu dhabi i thought that the markers on the side before the turns were the speed you were supposed to go not the distance to the turn yeah so i was like trying to i have to go 220 right now so i was like i don't even understand yeah the point of this really but that was sick it's so cool they were so such gracious hosts too. They were so like, yeah. The best. All right, guys, just take a break for a second.

I've realized something over the last couple years, definitely since having kids, that sleep is the most precious resource on the planet. It is more valuable than oil, gold, other things.

Diamonds? Diamonds. Like, none of these things matter, really, to be honest with you. If your sleep is your whole life is off, your mood, your energy, how you think, all of it. And I didn't really take it seriously. And then I did little things that could incrementally change how well I was sleeping. And one of those was I switched to Brooklyn bedding.

This mattress is different. I'm not just like crashing anymore. I'm actually recovering. You want recovery. You want a mattress so comfortable you're sleeping through the night. Not waking up at 2.30. Then again, at 4.30. tossing and turning because you're on some

horrible mattress that doesn't allow you to get that recovery that you need. Okay? I reset. That's what I do. I recommend getting yourself a mattress from Brooklyn Bedding. They're not just throwing together some random mattress.

They've designed and built everything themselves in their own factory in Arizona. No middlemen, no gimmicks, just quality. Yes, it's Brooklyn mattress that's designed in Arizona. Maybe there's a part of Arizona called Brooklyn, but we're not looking into it. The reality is you're going to sleep. They got options for everybody. Whatever your sleep style is, they got something for you.

If you sleep hot, personally, kind of sleep hot. They actually have batches that stay cool at night so they can cool you down. You want your temperature to be a few degrees colder so you get that nice deep sleep. Also, this is big. They're endorsed by the American Chiropractic Association. So if you believe in fake medicine, you will appreciate that. You don't have to stress trying it either. They're going to give you a 120-night trial. Think about that. That's four months. If you don't love it, you can swap it out.

Simple. So do yourself a favor. Go to brooklynbedding.com. Use the promo code flagrant at checkout and get 30% off site wide. That's Brooklynbetting.com. Promo go flagrant for 30% off. Get your sleep right. Everything else gets easier.

Also, before we go back in, we've gotten some very interesting results, some health results. All of us on the podcast. Got some health results. Yeah, I don't know why we did this. It's just a full-on body scan of all of our markers. All of our markers. We're going to find our biological age.

And we know what our biological ages are. And before we tell each other what they are, I just want to know how confident you guys are. And who is the youngest? Well, this is where it's tricky. Because I have the youngest biological age for sure. I mean sure about that 100% I don't know I don't know if I have the biggest I don't know if I have the biggest

Delta no no forget that okay no there's no what you have a younger biological age landed do you have you the fact you haven't pulled your phone up makes me think that you're lying I only have to remember two numbers no I need to see it I know what mine is I need to see it I have my age you have your age I got my age okay so we got this whole like body scan and they looked at all these different markers it's Shout out to function health that did it for us.

And, you know, it really just bestowed bragging rights on us. It's not even about living forever or like understanding like how your body's becoming decrepit. This is just another bragging tool that we have on the pod. Why don't we start with Alex? Black don't crack. Yep. Let's see. Definitely don't crack.

Let's see if black doesn't crack. I'm going to blow you out the water. Just let's see. Let's see. Well, should we start with his actual age? Yeah. What is your actual age? I don't know that.

It's in the 30s. You're 38 years old. You're a 38-year-old man. My biological age. I might be extraterrestrial because it's 23.4. Oh, shit. Balsh, y'all ass.

Oh, sure. That is health. I don't know if function health is... That is... I don't know how accurate, but it'll make it feel good. It makes you feel really, really good. That is motherfucking healthy. 15 years off of your age.

Dang. What was out? Can you tell me what was out? Super human. You're mad because I beat church shit. No. What is yours again? 23.4.

This is crazy. You beat Mark. Yeah. You beat Mark. I didn't say I would be you. I said somebody else would beat you. Did you know? You are younger than Mark is biologically.

Look at them. No, this is what. You can see you. You're not even married, it didn't count. Yeah, exactly. You get married and have kids. You don't have a kid. It's not even...

Yeah, I'm shocked. Yours is as low as it is. I saw it. Yeah, I'm coming in at a 23.8. All right. But he has a child. That's three months. He has a child and a wife.

That's barely younger than his actual age. No, but when did you take yours? What's your delta? He did his three months. What is my age? Yeah, what is yours? I think I'm older. I think I might be a

few years older, who's got mine? I'm 35. I'm 35. Yes, you're healthier than Mark. Because you have a bigger delta on yours than Mark the. Ha! I don't know that's true. Dumbass! You got to divide it. You brought out your delta. Dumbass. But you said, why are you trying to talk about Delta? I never even wanted to talk about deltas. I know. He brought out. Delta. You brought it out. You brought it out. Now you're in the third place. Get some sleep. No. Yep. I'm 23 over 29. I hope you enjoyed it. Divide his. Now you know what Siki is. Now you know all these religions in the world All this shit.

All the breathing shit, you do the You do the, yo, I don't do that. I don't do that. I don't do that. I don't do that. He does all that breathing shit.

I don't even know what you're happening. Thank you for bailing me out. You go upstate. You do your little breathing exercises. That shit ain't working. You do take some time off, B. Now the outfits and the nails make perfect sense. See, I dress my age.

I know. Yeah. Yo, what is your hairline on your, on the function help? Can we get that? That must have had a couple of Decades in that shit. No. What is my?

I'm 35. 35. Damn. Take seven years off. Damn. That's how old I am. I'm still old. Even with my biological age, I'm old as shit.

Yeah. Golly. What do I take it? Anyway. You can fix it probably. Look. How would I fix it? I mean, I don't know why he looks so tired when you said that.

I know. I'm tired. I try to shame you into. you know, taking care of yourself. No, I look good now. That'll make crazy. When you sit down, you know your stomach goes up and your belly just like flops over.

That's what I'm supposed to do. No, the whole interview, you're like... Is that your pubic kid coming in so high? Why are you sweating? I don't think you're 23, man. I don't think you're 23. Hey, numbers don't lie, man. But you do.

We do not the number. You do lie, though. You are a liar. I can't lie. The numbers don't. Were you honest on the intake form? Do you say your actual age? Oh, that's right.

What are you talking about? How tall do you say you were? That's a good-ass point. I think, no, you have to show them your IDs. You're built like a child, bro. For real shit. You got a young body. You got short height.

Fuck, I'm fucking decided. Yeah, thank you. Thank you. I try to get out of it. I think what much is I say. Old-ass brain. It's just backfired. No, honestly.

The synapses weren't fired right there. What I think Mark's trying to say is like, there's still hope you can still be growing. That's what I meant is there. You might be able to get a couple more inches on you. There you go. It's a chance. There is hope. Highly unlikely.

Come on, man. Gotta be optimistic. Yeah, I guess you're right. Anyway, look, you can own your health for a dollar a day. Think about that. $365 a year. That's a dollar a day. You learn more and join function.

Using our link, visit functionhealth.com slash flagrant. Use the gift code flagrant for a $25 credit towards your membership. Get your real age up, okay? You should do it, not tell your girlfriend or wife end up being younger than her. Oh, yeah. Deal with that existential crisis. They love that. They love that.

Also, my wife is still like shedding baby weight. I'm supposed to get shredded while she's going through her. Yeah, it's disrespectful. Shed and baby weight? Yeah. Look at this guy. I'm trying. And how much is he aging?

Oh, yeah, that is true. stressing me out. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, let's get back to the show. Amazon presents Jeff versus Taco Truck Salsa, whether it's Verde, Roja, or the orange one. For Jeff, trying any salsa is like playing Russian roulette with a flamethrower.

Luckily, Jeff saved with Amazon and stocked up on antacids, ginger tea, and milk. Habaniero, more like Habinier, yes. Save the Everyday with Amazon. I didn't realize you were such a thrill seeker. This is news to me. I mean, I think it's pretty much, like, there's people who are like, it's 24-7, all these things.

Yeah. I feel like I just like fast cars. What does Wifi feel about this? Could you fucking take it easy, please? That makes sense. Yeah. Could you not do something stupid and crazy? Yeah.

And then you continue doing it. And then what's that? Well, I just, I feel like I, like I said, I haven't done the track thing in a while. Right. It wasn't like a, I don't want you to go anymore. It was just kind of like natural fall off thing. The flying, she's like, yeah. She prefers fixed wing.

She prefers a plane. Yeah. She's like, yeah, learn to fly a plane. Yeah. Yeah. So. Yeah. But I haven't gone up in.

Motorcycle? No. I did it one time. I did it one time and I was like, never again. Not doing it. Just is one of those things where it's like when you know your limits thing where you're like, this ain't for me, you know, this ain't for me.

The bike shit is crazy. It ain't for me, dude. There's people I know that like, the other thing is I think there's a, like in a lot of ways, if you start your motorcycle driving at 16 and you're 40 now, like I make sense. Yeah. But if you're like, I'm going to pick this up. Nope. It feels crazy.

You're a motorcycle guy? Yeah. That's what you ride around? No, I mean, not anymore. Not I have just an electric bike like a dad. Really? No, but he had a proper motorcycle in New York City for years. Still haven't.

It's awesome. It's the best. I mean, I imagine in a city like this that's... That's also not that dangerous because you're in the city. You're going like 25 miles over tops. But then you go out of the city and just go through like little winding roads. I was never like a fast like, you know, like motorbike guy. My last experience, sorry, I did the motorcycle once.

and then I was in Australia and I went to Daniel Ricardo's ranch. Oh, in Perth? In Perth. And he was like, yeah, like, I got all these toys. He's got the dirt bikes out there, right? Exactly.

Yeah, yeah. So he's like, let's ride these dirt bikes over the other part of the ranch. And I was like, yeah, I don't know, man. He's like, it's a fucking like, whatever. 10 C.C. I don't remember the, he was like, there's nothing.

I was like, I just, I don't trust me. He was like, these are fucking nothing I go all right so he's like I go just tell me the the basics right I can't wait until we hear this story

from Daniel and he's like yeah Tom just wouldn't stop begging me to get on the fucking dirt every time he just wouldn't stop pestering me about this fucking dirt he just acts at one time he says

this was so clear I have friends like you by the way who like everything happens to them yeah you know what I have a buddy I won't say his name but it's just like, yeah, this girl is like fucking banging me to come back to her room. Like just fucking banging me to stuff my dick in her mouth.

And I was like, all right, fine. I got to do it. I do it for you. For her? What I should be so insecure if I don't even like coming. It's just like, okay, go, go. So we fill it up in this one garage and then I go, just tell me, I don't, I go, I'm not an experienced rider. I know this is a mini bike, but like, what do I need to know?

And he's basically like, this is your gas. I think, you know, up, up for like, there's like three, it's like three years. And he's like, and then these are your brakes. Your brakes are right here, like on the, let's say the right side. I'm like, all right. So we're going up this hill. And then we start like cruising. And we cruising is say, let's say like 30.

It's like it's up this dirt path. And I'm like, this feels good. It's fun. And then you're like, man, this is fucking rat. I like this. And as this thing comes up to the top, you see that there's a turn to the left. So I'm cruising I'm like, all right, well,

now it's time to slow down for this turn. So all I know is ease off here and pull this break. So I start to do that and I turn, slide out, fall off, right? And it takes me a second

to just check. Like, is everything okay? So I'm checking. There's blood coming out of here. There's blood here. But nothing's, like, broken. And I turn you down. And he's laughing so hard that he can't even say words. Like, he's just in tears laughing.

And then he's like, ha. He's like, you okay? And I go, yeah, what's... I mean, I did what you said. He goes, I forgot to tell you that, like, the left side is, like, the rear brakes. So you threw the front front wheel. Yeah, locked up the front wheel. Yeah.

That would have been cool from someone who said, I don't know how to do this. Yeah. And then he just like patched me up. Like we had to clean everything and patch me up. I was like, bro, like you could have said. He goes, yeah, I just, I forgot. He's like, I need to have fun too.

I need to have fun to watch people eat shit. Ricardo's the man, by the way. He's the fucking man. He's the coolest dude I know. Yeah. For sure. Did that? He did it right. Oh, my God. Like he maintained a positive. Daniel Ricardo.

So if you watch, like, do you watch Drive to Survive the Formula One the show? Do you remember when that documentary came out It was like a documentary about four milwomen This is white people shit for sure It's super white people shit Um But yeah

He's a coach or a driver Driver He's a driver He's a driver But like he just maintained positive vibes The entire time Always The most hyper competitive

There's 20 spots Yeah There's 20 people on the planet They get to drive the car Yeah And your teammate wants to take your fucking head off Nobody is your friends

No one likes you Everybody's jockeing for another seat at a different car if you're you know what is it your contract's about to go up and the guy won races and fucking made crazy money and he's got his life oh yeah

it's awesome standard issue Australian is yeah awesome dude the ranch is sick amazing yeah amazing yeah he is and he's this is him this smile is this guy like all the time yeah yeah he's handsome like retired at 35 yeah just having the best time ever like what he's been doing like so far in life well

for like 15 years. I was a professional race since I was like 21. You're like, oh, and you have this great disposition. Yeah, he's great, dude. Yeah, he's the man. But it is a crazy, like, think about that there are 20 spots. How many jobs are like that? No, I know.

That's like just 20. Even when you think about like pro sports where it's like the elite of the elite, the NBA, there's 400 and some NBA players, you know, NFL 53-man roster. You're still super elite, but this is like 20. Yeah, that's it.

And it's kind of hard to conceptualize because you're like, well, what makes you good at just driving? I know. And they're so young, like when they get in. Now I feel like they're much younger than they used to be. I feel like back in the day, the guys would have like longer careers. Some of them last long, you know, but for the most part, these are like, yeah, they're like 20. And they go from driving a go-kart to driving the fastest cars on the planet. It's wild.

It is weird that there isn't this intermediary. I know. It's GoCar, then it's like Formula 3. Formula 3. Yeah, yeah. But why is Go Kart the best comparison? I think it's the only thing that can be accessible to somebody who goes, I want to race. Like, what could you possibly get into?

That's right, because all the other cars is just fucking millions of dollars to make sense. And even like, you hear these stories of like Lewis Hamilton and I'm sure a bunch of other guys where they're like, I wanted to race. Even that go-carting was expensive for us. and the people had to sell things and work second jobs just to let their kid go car. Yeah. Yeah. But we got to, like, talk to one of these guys and ask them, like, what the actual competitive advantages?

Because they're not engineers, right? It's not like, yes, they understand the cars and, like, some of them know how to, like, fix them, et cetera. But, like, what do they know that we don't know? Well, the one thing that I learned, because I thought, you know, you see about these, like, how the budgets are crazy for, like, Mercedes, Ferrari, McLaren, and how these other ones have like a fraction of the budget. And also get some money from the...

But here's the thing. That money goes into, like, even though you think you see like 20 F1 cars, these ain't the same cars. Oh, that is... They're not driving the same shit. Yeah, this is like capitalism in its most pure form. Yeah.

And here's another thing. Even the cars on the team are not the same car. Not the same. And that's the thing that they try to pretend isn't the truth. Yeah. But, like, Max's car might have 20 engineers working on it. Yeah. And the second car at Red Bull might have three.

And you could be a driver who's top tier, and you get into one of those. And you go, this car, like, they know, they're like, this car's bullshit, you know. Like, the way it handles, the, whatever, like, everything about it, they go, this feels like I'm driving a truck. Yeah. And you realize, like, oh, I thought it was the same. Like, it's not the same. If they're on the same team, they make the car just as good.

So they say they do, and it's the same engine and the same parts, but the amount of people working on it to tweak it, basically what a team like Red Bull has to decide is, hey, we got to keep Max happy. And if the car is not that good, we have to deploy way more people to working on that car to get the most out of it.

And we can only really do that with one guy. Oh, no, I'd be pissed. If you're the second guy, there'd be 14 missing scientists. And there's, But that's the shit where That's the shit where basically You've got to be a politician in that game

Because you could be Have a stank attitude about it And then people don't want to work with you Or you could be lobbying the team constantly To get them to support Yeah Like there's all this behind the scenes drama That's kind of interesting

That again There's 20 spots So if you're a fucking pain in the ass And you're not winning every race They're gonna go I can get another guy to lose You forget to how sensitive those guys are to the mechanics of like on a lap what they sense so that's that's the competitive advantage right

i feel like it is because the same way that like you and i anyone who works a microphone we can feel a crowd yeah but you also go like yeah this is tinny or this feedback is here those guys they're like this understeer this is it's it doesn't feel right something that like i feel like most people would just be like this just how this car moves yeah they're so dialed in on things that they know I can't win in this car. And you've got to have a good neck. You've got to have a strength. You've got to have a good neck.

I think Ricardo told me, I was like, how much do you guys think about weight? Like how much you weigh? Oh. And it's because like every, you know. Everything counts. And he's like the heavy in F1 is I think 160 pounds. Wow. You want to be under that. You can't get dwarves doing that?

But you can't get little people? Maybe. They have midget racing. Yeah, you're right. That's the car is technically. Maybe that's the secret to it all. We need. right like I don't know why not a top tier little man driver would that not be a benefit

I mean there's people like try to cut their legs off to compete in like Paralympics you ever Jesus Christ yes there's like dudes that are like cut them off so like they'll have like disabled body people well get the fuck out of that that maybe that's another level of people that have like a spinal cord injury they'll have disabled legs so their legs don't work so you might as well hack them off so you might as well chop them off so you can roll around faster and the guys to roll around with no legs go a little faster than the guys with the legs So the dude will go to the dog to be like, can I get my legs back?

He's like, no, you're never getting her legs back. He goes, all right, job them off. Because I'm getting the gold. All right, I'm competing for America. I'm making the team. But they're, like, think about, like, whatever it takes. I was thinking about it.

Without a doubt. Like, the level of competitiveness. Yeah. Yeah. George never cut off his legs. No. No, but he's got Ronnie Lott story. You know, the finger.

Yeah. I respect that. What is that? What is that? Ronnie Lod got his, like, finger caught in, like, a face mask. And it was the kind of thing where anybody would be like, like, what are we going to do? And they're like, well, you're out of this game.

And we'll, whatever, we'll go to the hospital and do whatever. He was just like, just take it off. Yeah. Right back in the game. And they did? Yeah. Who's the trainer? Who's the team?

This is, we live in a new era where like the teams have to pretend they care about the athletes. Yeah, yeah. Like they put you in that little tent. They're like, we have to see if you got a concussion. And it's really just a guy in there like, so are you gay? Yeah. That's 100%. Are you a fucking bitch?

Yeah. You don't remember your fucking birthday. Go what? Get out there and take the guy. Do you remember what a nickel defense is? Yeah, go ahead. Get out there. This man, he's fingers broken.

It is a little, uh, it is a weird time for sports where they have to pretend a little bit more. They have to pretend. And football more than, like, that whole thing is like a big pretend thing. Like, we know what's happening. They don't give a fuck about you. They literally treat them like cattle. Yeah. Like, that's the way they, you usually.

people get like they're like they just take away your key card to work to walk and that's how they cut people you know for you oh to get into the facility like your shit doesn't work and yeah like they don't give a fuck about you almost play college ball right no i played high school football and i almost played i almost played like small d3 d2 ball but i was like i'm definitely done and i also they told me not excited enough was that not exciting enough but well the thing was when i the one I was going to go to, the admissions office called me in June, or like end of May.

And they were like, I was like planning on going. And they're like, your math scores are so bad from high school. You got to take a math class this summer in order to come to school here. And I just was like, I'm not doing that. And it was just like, okay, goodbye. It was like that. Like, that was it. And then in August, like two days before camp,

the line coach called me. He's like, we're excited to have you, son. He's going to be like, you know, the whole speech. And I was like, oh, I'm not coming to school there. He was like, what? Like, yeah, you guys said I had to take a math course. I didn't do that shit. And he was like, what the fuck?

He's like, no one told me that. I mean, I didn't have your number. Like, you guys told me that. And it was just like, all right. And he was like, bye. And he just hung on. I was like, yeah, I'm just not doing that. So it was just a disinterest in having to do math.

And also being like, I'm not. Once I got in college and I saw how hard the guys worked that were on the team. And like what I was doing, I was like, there's no fucking way I would do this. Also for like D2D3 football. Yeah. D2D3 basketball, even if you're riding the bench, it's fun. Your whole body isn't destroyed for the rest of your life.

D3, you were playing the line? Yeah. Yeah. Like your brain is going to be different. Oh, yeah. From practice? For nothing. For the love of the game.

We won a championship, D3. Yeah, no. No, you're totally right. And I saw that these guys, their off-season conditioning, they were getting up at, like, five. And, like, you know, it was just, like, so much work. And it really is, like, the truth is, if you really, really love it that much,

I could see, like, I did it. I played D2, D3, and I loved it. But I knew that I didn't love it like that. You know? Like I loved it when it was like Fun and I got to play all the time and like you know it wasn't it wasn't that type of commitment Yeah, and when I saw like how I was living in college I was like there's no way Where'd you go to school? I went to a tiny school in North Carolina called Lenore Rhine like a small small school What is it?

Lenore Rhine Lenore Rhine yeah yeah it's the only school I got into I didn't think I was gonna get in anywhere and the high school guy that's counselor like I went into the office I went to a small prep school and he was like

football? No no it's just like We moved I was in Milwaukee at a big public high school and we moved to Florida went to the small private school I was a terrible student and I went in to see that counselor and he was like

you know you don't have a lot of options and I was like really? He was like no he's like your grades are terrible man I was like okay and then he like he left the room and there was a piece of paper on the desk that had my classes GPA of everybody in descending order so you could see like all the way down and I'm looking at it and I'm like

probably in the middle right and I'm like flip the and I'm second to last above a guy named Rocky I was like fuck and what was Rocky like? Dumber than shit I mean, if you met Rocky, you'd be like, bro, this guy. He's living up to the name. Rocky's a box of hammers. Like, he could barely fucking spit a sentence out. And I was like, holy shit, I'm almost as dumb as Rocky. And then he was like, where do you want to go to school?

And I was like, for some reason I got locked in about, I love Denver. I visited once. And I was like, I want to go to Denver University. Yeah. He was like, good fucking luck, man. I was like, okay. So I sent them an application, and they denied me. Okay.

And then I was like, shit. And I go, I don't know where to go. Like, he's like, I mean, he's like, and I don't know why he pulled this school up. He was like, this is a school. It's in North Carolina. It's in the foothills of the Appalachians. It's like a small picturesque kind of college town. And I was like, all right.

I went on a visit. And I was like, I don't want to go to school here. Like, I don't want to go school here. And they were basically like, well, like, Well, like, tell us where you want to go. I remember that even though I had the fantasy of the big college experience, I didn't want to stay in Florida.

Like, I probably could have gotten into, like, some big university, but I was like, I don't really want to be in a state anymore. And so I applied, and they let me in. They let me in. And I just went super small, really small college. But as soon as I left, I was like, all right, I need to go to like a bigger.

I went to Boston. I did real estate for a summer and I went to D.C. and I worked for America's Most Wanted and then I went to L.A. I was a researcher. I would research stories for them to do profiles on. Isn't it, don't we know who's most wanted? Well, but they have to...

What's the research? There's so many fugitives. But they needed to be a good story because it's television. So you had to discern if this most wanted person was also wanted by the American public. Basically, it's like, who is this person? What's the story behind it?

And would this be a compelling story to produce? But also, like, is the person, like, worthy of a profile on America's multiple? People get caught from that show all the time. Hundreds. Oh, so it was good. The show was a show at one point, they and Fox was like, we're canceling the show. And the backlash was so severe that they're like, we put it back on. No way.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Did you discover any cases that got solved later? I did. The funny thing is I had a, so I interned there. I got an internship when I was in college, so one summer I interned there. And that's how they offered me a job after I graduated. And at one point, I was only there. My first day was September 10th, 2001, okay? So what happened soon after? Tuesday was kind of wild. There was some people who's wanted thing. We just started profiling terrorists. That's a fun pitch on the 12th. I got an idea.

Yeah, story of a lifetime. Just hear me out. We're going to Toro Gorin. It was real crazy, but I did pitch. I had, like, they would, you know, they would give you, like, these research documents. You know, I was like, how about this guy? And it was this guy who had been convicted of some horrible crimes in Costa Rica, American guy.

And then he, like, bribed his way out. And they were like, this guy is a nightmare. So I pitched the story in, like, in the pit there. and they take it into consideration. Then I had an offer to re-up my contract and I said, no, I'm moving to L.A. I want to pursue entertainment. So I moved to L.A., but like a month later they're like, hey, we're going to do that piece that you pitched.

Do you want to go on location for it as like an associate producer on it? And I was like, yeah, for sure. So I was able to go to Costa Rica and do the piece with them. But it was a really chaotic kind of world to dive into these stories. You know, like you see the eight-minute version of it. When you're like reading this stuff every day, I mean, it's... Narnly dudes. And they caught the guy?

That guy, I don't remember actually if they caught that guy. We caught a number of people, even the short time I was there. Is there anybody you caught that you were like, this guy's not that bad. Like he read his stuff and you're like, ah, he's just robbing banks. Like, who cares?

There would be things where you were just like, this is not that exciting. Yeah. You're looking for like exciting. And then, I mean, the show's credited with with Whitey Bulger, you know. But wasn't Whitey kind of an inside? Well, there's that whole story.

But I'm saying him getting caught. Yeah. It's credited to somebody watching the show. Because they featured him all the time. All the time. Yeah, but like everybody knew. Whitey in Boston. Yeah.

It's not like... Called the FBI director. Yeah. He's like, he's only one of our guys. Whitey was like working at a flower show. Yeah. Yeah. They look similar, though.

I thought they caught him outside of Boston. They got him in L.A. Yeah, I'm sure. Yeah. They got him in Santa Monica. Yeah. Was it a little sketchy doing these pieces, though? Because these guys have a vested interest in not being caught.

Yeah. You know? And then you are like a young kid doing like these investigative pieces. Like, was there ever an internal conversation? Like, hey, don't let people. people know you're working on this? Like, not really. I mean, the thing is,

law enforcement would treat you like you were celebrities. Anytime, you know, I got pulled over in D.C. And they saw, like, my hat. And they were like, you've been drinking. I was like, mm-mm. And they're like, is that America's most wanted?

I was like, yeah, I work. They're like, oh, man, can I get that hat? I was like, yeah, here you go, man. That's crazy. They love, they loved the show. Yeah. I mean, he did uncover also a serial killer. Oh, that's right.

Part partially his time during working on the show. This gives you way more credence when you think about it. He's a journalist. You're a journalist, especially an investigative journalist, with people who do violent crime, kill people. Yeah. And one of the things that, one of your side quests in life, as you have many side quests,

is there is a serial killer on the loose that happens to be tracking Garth Brooks. Yeah, I mean, allegedly. Allegedly. We've got to put that out because apparently, he's quite litigious this guy. Fink, his guy's got deep pockets, too, you got to remember.

Yeah, yeah. You know what's crazy is that, like, talking about G.B. G.B. He, uh, we talked about just how weird his social media is. That's how this all started. Like, you saw his Facebook. Yeah. He's doing like Ross.

You remember that. With him and his wife that thing? No, no, the, when he joins Facebook. Cool stuff. Can you get that up when he joins me? This is, this is how this all started. was just commentary on this guy's

hey I just decided to join Facebook you've seen it it's one of the weirdest things that I've ever seen he's like so I'm just doing Facebook and what he says in it you're like this is like an alien fucking talking Are you familiar with Garth Brooks contextually?

Just that he's a country singer I don't know what he looks like right now iconic I know he's big yes so big that he didn't put his music on Spotify he's like you gotta buy the albums still. I don't know if that's changed. So he was like, he's like, you can't get Apple music. They're like,

you can't find Garth here. He's like, my shit's on Amazon and at Walmart. And Facebook. Yeah. And he was he the one who didn't want to put his name on when we No, no, different one. So this, just so you know, is like this is what, the first thing I ever commented on. And this

was what he put out. I just thought it was weird, dude. I can play. Well, I guess it's official. We're now on Facebook. I really wasn't sure about this at the start. But then a friend of mine said something that just made all kinds of sense. She said, think of it more as a conversation. I like that.

But I'm already finding out on my own. It says it's wiping the walls out between you and me. And I really like that. It allows us into each other's worlds, or I guess in my case, the hotel room. When I think about things I want to post, I want to post cool stuff, slick stuff, neat stuff. Oh, my God. The most of the stuff I'm going to post is going to

raw stuff like this. This is just who I am. Yeah. So if this is truly a conversation, then I say, let the conversation begin. All right, that was it. This is how we think all white people are.

Yeah. Really? This is how you think you guys talk at home. I mean, it's so weird. Like, split stuff, cool stuff. But it's like, like the voice stuff is like, I like that. Like he drops into a different

Yeah. It's like, it's just like it's awkward. Yeah. All I did was, like, say how awkward it was. I was like this fucking first person at time ever seeing a video. Like, it's so strange, you know. We just talked about it. Then he did another, like, press conference for something.

I was like, that was weird of shit, too. Like, I was like, this guy's kind of, there's a thing where somebody gets to a level of fame. Like, you might not realize how famous he is. Oh, he's number one. The highest, the highest. And also selling country owners fault. And unbelievably talented. So talented.

Like, the shows are incredible. shows are amazing and literally he'll put a stadium on like a legit like where the fucking giants play and it sells like you're selling out a club like they're like oh it's sold out so it's out like that okay so so so famous and i think when you're so so famous for so long socially you've seen it all at madonna brinkle jackson but yeah you just get it's tom cruise dancing on the couch it's weird yeah yes so i just kind of was like this guy's fucking weird man you know and i jose jokingly said that like there's missing people and I don't know they kind of line up with places he's been but was that a joke or has that actually happened I mean I completely just said it as like

an alleged silly thing right okay and the funny thing is you know from being in the space that that like as people start to give that legs the easiest way out of it is if you're the person and you want like because they started to like take over his social media is just to like lean into it or say acknowledge just say something be like yeah chopped up somebody like I'm not a killer whatever pick some angle yeah but like the full ignore makes people get louder and louder yeah so they just got louder and louder they took over he would do a post there'd be like 5800 comments all about I want my grandmother back. Like crazy.

People were just like, I want to see my family again. They just went crazy with it. And this lasted a while. He shut out. No more comments. You can't comment on his Instagram, on his Facebook.

You just shut it down. And then I was like, and I wasn't like hitting this up every day. It was just something he just kind of threw out there and it took off. eventually i met somebody who whose family member worked closely with him and they were like i was like does he know and they're like oh he yeah he fucking knows dude he knows you he knows what you said i'm like is you mad he goes when guard doesn't hate his got the family said guard doesn't hate anybody

and i was like okay and then they said that he uh he said what that garth saw my basketball injury video and said, karma. I'm right there. But then, like, earlier this year, I get a... Just Garth watching the video.

Somebody on his team sending it to him. You're going to love this. Cords got some slicks up. They got this... This begins, this book at the studio. And I'm like, this isn't real. And I flip through it. And then they're like, I see clips of this guy.

A guy wrote a book about Is Garth Brooks a serial killer? No. He did a full... Bodies in Low Places, which is a play on friends in low places. That's his son. That's the only country song I know.

That's all that's on most people. Great job. Yeah. Yeah. But this guy does a full examination. Two brave journalists. Yeah. There to expose the music industry's darkest secret. Yeah, it's so strange. Tom Sagar and Birdcracher.

Two detectives. That's awesome. It's just so silly that something that literally started as a commentary on that video I showed you. Wait, Matt Cox? Is that, do you know this guy, Matthew Cox? He's like, I think, yeah, this guy right here. I don't know. He's a big podcaster.

He goes on a bunch of podcasts. Yeah, okay. And I forget exactly what he did before. He had some type of criminal past and then got out of prison, like, talks about, like, his life and climate. There's a few guys like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a good lane. He's one of those.

He's actually really entertaining on pods. I've never met him before, but he's a, that's shocking. He turned into this shit, dude, yeah. Bro. You can't have him on the pod. You know, that would just give him more fodder. I mean, I don't know. But, yeah.

It could be fun. Yeah, it could be fun. I've always, we tried, I tried to get Garth on. Because at one point, they reached out and they said, Garth's going to do some interviews. Would you like him to be on the podcast? I go, of course. Of course.

So they were like, write something. that we can show to this to one of his people. And that's where the book can. I just write this whole thing about how I would love to have him on. I'm just very much interested in having him on and interested in his career and all this and that.

And then the person that I'm talking to says, oh, I had a conversation with their guy. And this is how lazy, like, agents and shit are. The agent told my guy, instead of, like, confirming he goes didn't he say something crazy about Gar like instead of like

looking at he was like I feel like that could go wrong for him like I feel like that guy has said something like you just fucking Google it but eventually they're like yeah he's not he's not coming on not happening no I think we need to make that happen yeah that would be awesome how do we get

Garth you have Garth on here and then you just have me walk out oh hey partner America's most wanted I can get John Walsh here We've been looking for you You are weirdly tuned into internet culture I remember when I was doing your pod

But is there any credence to that? Yeah so if somebody writes a whole book on it There's got to be someone I haven't read the book But it's also it's like Hey man Weren't you on tour in Lafayette You know there's a missing person there

You're like yeah a lot of people If you tour the country People are missing around the country So you could put that time for sure. Allegedly. Also, it's very reasonable to assume that if you have a stadium full of people,

there's a hero killer in there. Sure. Someone's going to die after the show, man. It's not crazy. They're going to follow you around the country. There's 85,000 people. They showed them. Yeah, something went wrong. Definitely killed somebody. No, but what I was saying was,

when I was in your pod, like, I remember watching this guy, oh my, I'm going to fucking, I forget his name, but like, I'd always seen you, like, connected to like internet-y stuff like that for guys our age is kind of odd to know like deep internet shit

yeah even when I come into the office and like the young folks in the office like I'll say certain things they'll kind of laugh at me like how the fuck do you know about it and I'm scrolling while I take a shit and then I'll see something but it was uh it was it was this

tailor in Singapore Hong Kong that would or Hong Kong yeah I thought it was Singapore they would like sexually harassed the guys that he was making suits for. He messaged me yesterday, yeah. Okay, after I did your pot and we talked about it, he hit me up. And he's like, dude, we got to do a suit or something like that.

And I was like, I don't know about that. But it's, the guy is hilarious. He's hilarious. Yeah. And I think you know more, like his father was a very famous tailor or something like that. The place is called Sam's Taylor. And in Hong Kong, Hong Kong has this really interesting history of, well, for many things, but there was obviously a lot of Indian immigrants that came.

And one of the trades they brought with them was suitmaking, like actually, you know, the clothing. And so there's parts in Hong Kong that it's just like Taylor after Taylor. And a lot of them are Indian, right? Like Indian immigrants who ended up there. And his father's place, where he is now, Sam's Taylor, is like they've dressed

I think the last six U.S. presidents have gotten suits there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The walls are adorned, like a lot of this place with like just famous soccer players, actors. I mean, like, a lot of people have gone to this place. It's like super legit.

I saw his videos and I was just like, they're hilarious. Like, same kind of thing. I'm just like, you've got to get up a video. Playing them. So this is the... Give an example of it. Scroll, scroll, scroll, scroll, scroll, scroll.

We'll find a good one. how you get into Illuminati, right? Get him with like... A mail. Grab you. A male and then like... In his... In his office?

Yeah, in like the fitting room. Yeah, keep going. Keep going, keep going, keep going, keep going, keep going. Has he stopped doing this kind of content as much? No. Okay. Keep going. Just have him standing next to like...

Is this his personal account? Or is this Sam... That's Sam's Taylor. It is surprising that there's not more of him. Like that, scroll up. That guy on the left there. That's what he does. Go.

Young American boy. How old are you? What are you on? That young? Yeah. Are you sure? Yeah. This young American boy is actually Polish.

His parents are born in Poland. They emigrated the United States. And this bastard sold out fucking Levendoski and Europe to be part of fucking Trump's ICE regime. Oh, shit. Fucking cuntzky. fucking sold out to Trump, you know what I don't even understand who does this in this world you know Trump is bombing Iran destroying fucking everybody bastard you have levin doffsky you know who is levin doffsky who's levin doffsky who's levin jriker us he has a world cup bastard doesn't know who is levin doffsky

you pay for this shit i son it's insanity i would hate this shit the smells like a yang disgusting fucking bombing a pig No accent maybe accent girl Cannot decide accent color cannot decide USA or Poland But kid a breast pocket with a curving kick There is the peak of my pocket Yeah the kid's like what the fuck now Fully line your face is burning

Overlapping buttons on a fully functioned Even pokey pick here Jesus fucking fuckie pig is absolutely Giff is absolutely gift wrap in my 4D fit Let me give you one thing He may be pokey but he's got his own fucking Chinese Gim here

Fonofar fucking Ficked up a Chinese Gip as well Okay let's see Let's open him up Oh That jaw is swollen Dude

The glory of the inside Lovely I'm meeting the shirt Sioux wow Look at the spongeness And let's sit him around The spongeness And as you can see

No matter how porky you are No matter how he's shivering now No matter how non-pole you are, whoever you are, I will absolutely give-rap you, absolutely gift-rapping. How would you do at that, do you think? No matter how hard I go, this guy's so strong in the glutes. This is nuts. Yeah.

Pause. Yeah. How would you react to this type of Taylor? I mean, it wouldn't get that far. Yeah. You pay for this? Well, no. Well, sort of.

You, give me $1,000. I'll insult you and smack the shit. He doesn't do it the same to everybody. It's not the same treatment to everybody. So some of them, he just sexually harasses. You got to get the little Asian. Find him with a little Asian. He goes there.

He was really aggressive with that. He's always has aggressive energy. It's not like always face smacks and like insults. Sometimes he's just like overly effusive with like compliments. But he's just like really. So he does custom work. You know what I mean? Whoever you are.

You're getting a custom treatment. Yeah, that was pretty, that was a lot. That was a lot. That was insane. Yeah, that was really great. It's crazy. Right here. Let's see it.

You said, what you've got, brother, I'll start. Single button, a glorious pearl button, a deep breast ditch on a Pete Lapelle. Check out. What has he got? He's got my Richie Platsman, the Imagine Dragons. Packed pockets, one, two, three. Last time he said, I was a coffee cat. Nonsense.

I think this is his son. Oh, okay. So it's not going to happen. energy a little bit. Yeah, yeah. Different energy for his son. Thank God. I see you.

I know. Yeah. But I see you like finding these like weird characters on the internet. Yeah, I mean, that's been like my fascination for, you know, we started our podcast in 2010. Wow. Wow. So like it really did become from like you see a weird or funny or crazy thing and being like, yes, I want to talk about that. You want to play that.

I want to dissect that. And sometimes I want to find that. Because that became what it became was like first we would just laugh, talk about it, have people like you where you go let's comment on this. And then this whole thing became like, oh, can we find this person? It became big enough where. Yeah, you could be like they want to come on. Yeah, yeah. And that became a fun thing.

It's like we've found numerous people that a lot of times you see a video and you're like, I don't know. This isn't like this person has a business and everything. But sometimes it's like just some random dude in the video has like eight views. And you start talking about it. And then all of a sudden, one of your fans is like, you know, that guy's in Highland Park. I know that guy. You're like, what? And then you kind of try to connect.

And sometimes you've Zoom. Sometimes we've had people come in. But it's always been like an exciting thing to break down, like who these people are. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you kind of discovered Andrew Tate that way. Yeah. Infamously.

Yeah, you really put Tate on, dude. That's so funny. People have been saying that to me since. But he was for us. Hold on. Can I pee real quick? We're talking about. So you're responsible for the management?

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Speaking of bricks. Yo, yo, don't do that. Don't fucking do that. Speaking of the Hawks, bro. Nah, you're talking crazy shit right now. The Atlanta Hawks, bro. Nah, nah, shout out my boy, McCall Bridges. Listen, I thought it was a good shot.

I thought he had a good shot. I thought it was pretty good. He tried his best And that's all he can ask for He was the best on his team What type of shot he took? Free throw Why are your sneakers so red

Why you got the Atlanta Hawks sneakers Oh shit? Oh, wow I'm not a Hawks man I like Tray Young But that's the extent Does he play for luck? No

Fuck Isn't this happen to you You are getting soft, Till You would never tolerate shit like this Back in the day He got a nice fit So that's why he did He gets up to ask today.

He actually put it together really nice. No, no, no, no. I'm not giving him shit. No, no, no, no. I'm not giving him shit. He's wearing the nighttime version of my fit. That's all it is. See, why you got to mess it up?

What? You're biting my whole neck. See, fuck this thing. I tried, I tried. So what happened with your Knicks, bro? What happened? You know, Nicks are taking it. Yeah.

Nix and five. Doing it. That's it. And I don't want to hear anything about it. What's the odds we got right now in Calcee for Nixon five? Hmm. 66% and going down. Damn.

There's a million dollars in volume put on this right now. Nixon 5. I'm being honest at you. That's easy. If I'm being completely honest with you, I'm probably going Nixon 6. Come on. I want to have delusional confidence,

but it's eroded, you know, after years of torments. Okay. So I'm going to be safe and go Nixon 6. What do we at Nixon 6? This is just the whole Is that your tummy that just did that sound? Yo!

Yo! That was insane. I thought your cell phone was bugged in. Did you pick that up? I got a train station. I was like, yo, the subway was coming through. I never heard nobody's stomach. What was that?

That was the first time I ever heard anyone's stomach besides my wife with the children. I'm being dead serious. I always thought hearing your stomach is only you could do it. No, anyone can do it. Nah. That's how you know Mark's fasting again.

Oh, you're back to fasting? I had three eggs this morning. Yeah, I don't know what's going on. How'd you have them done? Scramble. I always go scrambled. With a little butter mixed in. Cottage cheese, you ever do that?

Beside the point. I don't know what's going on. Hickson seven. Fuck it. Yo, chill. No, no, Nick's six. What are we at? It's the same.

This is a series. 65%. This is just that they win. Oh, it's just they win? Yeah, series. Oh, well, shit. Well, Nick's definitely winning. Did it just go down while we were talking about?

Yeah, well, you would. Yeah, because you got bad, the Oracle in here. Something happened, bro. I've never heard of stomach make that sound. No bullshit. I would do that. I'm worried about what's going to come out. Oh, you'll see.

That sound going to come out of your mouth and your ass. That sound doesn't stay. Yeah, I don't know what that was. It's got to be some sort of like cancer. Must be. My biological age just went up a little bit from that. Every rumble, it goes up the time. loudest stomach I've ever heard.

Can we see what the magic odds are? I bet you the magic got it. I bet you the magic are going to win the whole series. Here we go. Magic in versus Detroit. Let's go. Okay. It's a minor step back for a major comeback.

Orlando's leading one nothing. Damn. That's all I'm saying. Bro? You, they won and they still. What was it before the game? Zero. That's great.

What the hell? $650,000 worth of volleyball. a little broke-ass cities. Tell them put their money up, yeah. Tell them put their fucking money up. You put money up on the next. How much are you all putting on the next?

I'll put it up. How much? I put it up. Did you guys just hear my tummy? Well, should we can hear it, right? I don't think that my stomach sound goes out to everyone out of the tummy. Did you hear my tummy? I got two kids.

You got a tummy, you little child. I just farted. And that, I literally heard. heard it here and then it came out. It went all the way through. Guys, I don't think you can hear my stomach sound. I heard a little. Have you, has anybody ever heard your stomach? No. Really?

No. Nixon six, but in all serious, Nixon six. Al, in all serious, Nixon six. Okay? Shout out you in your stomach. Thank you. We know what's in there. Nixon's... Your stomach's got so many. It looks like the chair from Game of Thrones but made out of Dix in your stomach. Game of bones.

There you go. Yeah, that's what it looks like, Al. It got so many relics. a dicks in there. We all shoot. You don't do that. You to who. All right, let's get back to the show. Local news is in decline across Canada,

and this is bad news for all of us. With less local news, noise, rumors, and misinformation fill the void, and it gets harder to separate truth from fiction. That's why CBC News is putting more journalists in more places across Canada, reporting on the ground from where you live, telling the stories that matter to all of us

because local news is big news choose news not noise CBC News I'm all about like cheering and like booing and that call sucks but like when you start like yelling crazy shit to somebody personal stuff you're like fucking doing man my favorite thing to do is just

is butter up the refs you talk to the refs oh all day that's a great call they got numbers and I'm like yo fantastic call ref And I butter them up. Look at this American boy. Beautiful strike. Do they give you a look?

Oh, of course. Yeah. Yeah, like, you know, that was a charge. That was a good charge. It was. And not a lot of guys saw it. Those other two guys didn't see it. You're seeing everything.

I'm leaning. That's hilarious, dude. He's feeling himself. Yeah, it's okay. You can miss one. Everybody misses one. But I butter up hard. Like, that's how I feel like I'm helping the Knicks.

Yeah, yeah. I saw that, that, um, because, Nobody is more entertaining than Garnett in this post-playing world. Like his storytelling, everything is just fucking unbelievable. But he was doing, it was a montage about he was saying what the old refs were like. I don't know if you've seen it. It's unbelievable. He's talking about how today's reps versus the other.

Like Dick Bavetta or not? Yeah. He's like, those refs would be like, you fucking bitch. And like he would, they would like literally call the players out, call them names. Yeah. Like just, he's like, it's a completely different world. But like in his style and story, I mean, he's so fucking entertaining. Him and Paul Pierce.

It's, the dynamic is just. They kind of were podcasters. Yeah. Like, they have this, like, they're way too famous to be talking and sharing the opinions. You saw his JR writer, MJ story? No. Kevin Garnett's? Oh, my God, dude.

That is about when he talked shit to MJ. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I have seen. I've heard different version of this. Which, some of this could be completely. fabrication. But that story it lines up with the video. Like everything about

that story is about... You'll see it. You see that he says some shit. Get that one up as well. Wait, should we watch that one or this? Do the old school rest one first and then look up the other one while you get that. So this is Kevin going to talk about Jerry Randen but play this one. Man, old school wrestlers talk crazy to you.

They used to talk to guys like they could fight. Like Mike Mathis would be like, hey, it ain't a file. And I said, you know what, man? It's a file. Don't keep talking to you want to play tonight like you be like oh shit Straight up man Steve Johnny will look at you and be like I wish you were looking at me Gary I'm looking at you

I'm looking at you And then the real cast in the lead like Charles Barkley Carl Malone Hey Michael Jordan Talk bad man They should talk crazy back to these motherfuck yeah bitch I'm looking at you Right what you're looking at too I'm looking at too I'm like damn Javi you you good yeah I'm good

I throw that motherfucker out I'm like that guy I'm trying to some real shit Oh it got real out here Yeah plus It's a different world Wow I think there's too many cameras now

Yeah You pick up everything You could pick up everything Players and mic down All this shit they have to do all the time Yeah Yeah We're back in the day

I don't remember a single Like lip reading video It never came up Yeah Nobody ever brought that shit up Yeah That's a fucking action Yeah

You almost kind of You want a little bit Of the anonymity Yeah You want a little bit of the mystery Like, maybe we don't need all these fucking cameras. Cameras are fucking... It's fucking it up.

Because you want them to act in a way where they're not being observed. And they're all miced up too. So it's like cameras and mics. Yeah. I don't know if this... Just to give... If it's not set up correctly...

Give me the context. Garnett is on the Timberwolves. And J.R. Rider is too. Mike has like a... Like an okay, let's say... First half. A game or third quarter. Yeah, yeah. And Garnet is...

And that says to him, I guess it ain't dropping today, Mike. Like, yeah, JR, keep doing your shit. Like, keep on him. And there's like a break and act, like a timeout. And JR is like, shut the fuck up. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, you don't do that. And even JR goes over to Mike.

He's like, hey, man. He's a rookie man. He don't know better. He don't know. And like, I just don't know how much of a setup is in this. Jay's story. We in Chicago. It was my rookie year.

J.R. is having a good game. So as we come out the time out, just, I was just like, yo, keep, you keep killing that, y'all. Killing that, dude. Right here. Mike can hear me. Nipa about 15 seconds, though. So now MJ on the back leg joint, you know,

in Beijing. I can't even really describe the next, like, six to seven minutes to play, though. We get two, not one, two, ten-second calls. We down 25 now. It was just at two. Mike had 18. He had, like, 40.

And y'all, myself, we ain't scored in, like, about four minutes. And I sub, like, three of the starters. I was like, Jay, I'm in my back. It's cool, man. I told you, just shut your own shit. It got bad quack. There's also a little backstory here

because when J.R. Rider was coming in the league, there was talks about him being like the next next. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And MJ don't like that. It doesn't like any of that. Ain't old next MJ. No, no. What happened to all the next MJs, man?

Yeah. I mean, he had a good kid, a good career. Sure. He had a good career. But yeah, no one's the next MJ. No. Damn. Okay, can you tell us a Tate story?

Oh, yeah. Yeah. So the way, it's like the same we were looking at those Sam's Taylor videos. Yeah. Of, what is it, Roshan, I think is his name? Tate, the way that Tate actually first became a thing was like these clips where he was sort of misogynistic and rude, but it felt very performative. Yeah, like he would say.

Yeah. And you could see it. He was like, when a woman, like, brings me coffee in the morning, she should bring me two cups of coffee. Like, if one isn't warm enough for, like, if I finish it, I want my second one there. And we were like, this is fucking ridiculous. You know, when they say, like, do you want still or sparkling water? I always drink sparkling water.

Still water's for poor people. So we would play this and, like, comment the same way we comment on the Taylor clips, you know. I remember he had one and he was like something about paying. and he was like, yeah, I always, I bring out my card because it never gets denied. And then people were like, you mean overdraft protection? We would just kind of roast him and play this very silly thing that I was like, yeah, this guy's saying this thing

that has like his, an angle to it, but this feels like, deliberate. Yeah, there's a performative aspect to it. So somehow some way, I don't remember, like, the thing, it was like he was coming to the States and he was like agreed to come on. I was like, that guy? Dude, that's amazing.

So we came on and he was an A-level guest. Yeah, yeah. I remember even Christina being kind of charmed by it. Dude, we were, like, I remember at one point he was, because he was saying all this

stuff, he was like, this one thing he said, people were like, wouldn't you get bored of a woman that just does everything you say? He asked, he was a rhetorical question. He was like, he was like, like, I'm like, bitch.

Of course I'm not going to give fun. I had a coffee, but I spent my coffee. And she was laughing hysterically. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we left there, first of all, he was like, such a gentleman. Yeah, and you're like, oh, like, you're a smart guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And this is your thing. Yeah, you're also looking at through comedian lenses where we've seen archetypes like this pass through. A thousand percent. And it's like, okay, this is another internet personality. And there's a little schick there. And you actually go, like, I've seen this archetype, and this is a very refined version of this,

because he actually would dance between exaggeration and, like, pure, like, well-formed logic. Yeah, very philosophical, very articulate. Yeah. We're like, this guy's a great guest. Several months later, whereas, like, his name and everything starts, like, getting bigger, and then people are saying all these things about him. You make him a star. I make him a star.

It's my birthday, and I'm doing this. this show in Chicago, and it's on my birthday. And I did not know that they had put together a montage of people saying happy. So I finished my show, they wheel out of cake, and they have the screen, and it's just like comedians. It's just like, you know, Bird and Sebastian and Joe. Like, everyone would be like, happy birthday, happy birthday. And it just cuts to fucking him. And he's saying happy.

birthday and it's the day after he's accused of like trafficking and i'm i'm again drinking i think i'm drinking like a beer and i'm like guys like he's fucking he's wanted and then and everybody after then was like yes you put him on you platformed them and i was like yeah we had him on as like a entertaining guest yeah yeah he was super nice and like he was very funny on sometimes he goes wrong when of entertaining guests on the pod. Yeah. I mean, we would know nothing about that at all, but... No, you've never had somebody come on that something happened later.

Has he reached out, too? Has he, like, have you talked to him at all? We emailed a couple times. He was like doing... He was like, I'm coming to do another American tour or whatever. It was well after, but that just... I don't think he ever came or anything. But it was a perfectly polite...

Exchange. Yeah. It was totally normal. What? Yeah, it was, it was crazy. Was there anybody that you saw that you were like, this guy's so entertaining, but I don't know, something's weird and then.

All the time. Well, I mean, just like a lot of times, huh? And G.B. Yeah, GB. Well, there's just times where you go, because you learn this thing of like, I'll play a video of somebody. Yeah.

And then you go like, should I have this person in studio? You know? Like, even the ones. that you go, how, I just, like, is this person

is stable? Right. You know? That's, like, we had this one guy who was, he always, he had,

he was just like, you know, sucking on your friend's nipples isn't gay. It's what the Spartans used to do. And we're like, what? And he had like,

all these just crazy things. Like, you should cup your friend's balls. Like, that's actually the straightest thing you can do. Like, all these types of things were like, what?

And so we were like, should we have men? We had them in. He was like, can I just be nude during this interview? And I was like, no. I was like, there's women here. Like, you can't know.

So he did it in his underwear, you know? Like one of those things. But then you kind of go, you're talking to him. You're like, this is perfectly nice guy. Yeah. You know, he's a little out there. But some of them you go like, I don't know if this is like an unhinged person. Yeah.

So you start to develop a sense of like who can fall apart like in the DM. Like he responded to a funny video and some guy hits you up like angry or he's like, pissed, he wants money, like all the time. Really? How do you deal with that? I mean, I've just had, there's, the one thing is like, I don't know, like, we just played these clips. And it's like, someone's like, you played my clip. I made that clip. And you're like, all right.

It's a weird thing because you're reacting to the internet. And we do it here too, because it's just a fascinating thing on the internet. Yeah. And then some of these people on the internet are absolutely fucking bad shit crazy. Crazy. Yeah. And crazy. Yeah.

They're crazy. And I think most of the time you ignore. Yeah. I mean, some people have gone so far as to like send documents, you know, wanting something. And I'm just like, yeah, yeah.

And I'm like, fucking whatever, dude, I'll give the document to my lawyer. Go ahead. Yeah. I mean, I'm not, you know, they make their case of like why we shouldn't play it. I'm like, we won't play it again. You're not that fucking fascinating, dude.

Yeah. It's like, there's a funny clip, you know. Yeah. But most of the time, people are, usually people are excited like you played me yeah yeah and it probably makes their whole life

right like some like small creator always thinks you're on a huge show I think they get yeah most of them see the upside to it of like oh you widened my fan base you know you got more eyeballs on me yeah you stretched out this moment you know what I ask you

you I because every time I go on tour I feel like I learn from the last tour and I want to compress reduce what I do you don't do a crazy amount of dates right it depends like i i don't do like the long stretch so i do like a weekend warrior thing right yeah but do you you don't extend that like forever i did the last one probably i don't know we did like two years maybe oh you did yeah but it was thursday to sunday kind of friday saturday

friday only maybe a sunday is like pretty yeah that's better for life that's the thing like i just had a kid and like my wife got pregnant again so we just had another one and it was like yeah yeah yeah So it's, I wanted to, I wanted to be home as much as possible. Okay. You know, but also like get out there and do it. But that's the tricky, that's the balance. And did you road dog it a lot in the early days or no? All the time.

You did? Yeah. Because I didn't know if you were just like New York, New York. No, like I pretty early started getting out on the road. Oh, you did? Yeah, I was out on the road pretty early. Opening for people? I never got that experience.

What? I never got that opportunity, yeah. Really? Yeah. Yeah. So like I kind of just kind of went out. I got some MTV, you know, luck. and then did some shows there

and then like I would do the weekends. I would do the club weekends. You're headlining? Headlining, yeah. Out of the gate. Not out of the gate. I mean, years in, I developed an hour and did like the shitty,

you know, one-nighter type of things. And then once I got to the, once I got to be able to do the clubs where they could kind of paper the room. Yeah. Like I was on TV and I couldn't really draw, but it was enough where you could paper it. Yeah.

And like, paper the room for anybody watching is basically like the club will give out free tickets. Yeah. And like, basically they were to sell drinking. And they're like, it wasn't you. Exactly. But maybe you get to a point where like there's a little of you. Exactly.

It's a slow kind of, yeah. And I remember doing that. And then I remember once I started putting out some stand-up, I was able to like fill the rooms now. And then I did another round where I filled them and they were paying. Yeah. And then I think I did another round where they were paying. But I was still on like the shitty door deal, not even door deal,

the shitty like guarantee guarantee you get $200 bonus you sold it out yeah it's like yeah yeah you sell out yeah I remember there was clubs that would give me more than the bonus sometimes and I was so stoked I was like what I get more of the bonus and it was like they felt so bad yeah that I was getting $1,500 a weekend or $2,000 a weekend and it was like five sold out shows yeah they're like we got to give them something yeah I would I would muscle them for more tell me I would go into that thing and I was like I sold this shit out and they're like I know but your deal is this and I was like do me to come back here. Oh, how that's they were like, yeah, I'm like, do you know what to do, man?

That is fucking walsy. I was always so like grateful to have the weekend. And it wasn't until like the second time around where I sold them out where I was like, let's do a door deal. And that got aggressive. Yeah. Then I was like, hey, if we're bringing it all in. There's a guy who even gave me, he goes, this is not so like, there's, it's all

it's a process. Yeah. I was like set like when it was clear that I was selling them out. Yeah. this guy was like, I'll offer you X amount, which was a good amount of money, guaranteed. And I was like, I don't want the guarantee. I want the door.

Yeah. And he was like, but this guarantee is awesome. I go, yeah, it's not as much as the door. Yeah. And he was like, right. But the guarantee's pretty solid. And I was like, what are we missing here? I'm telling you, I want the fucking deal of the door.

I think I can get those people in. And he's just like, this is fucking crazy. I was like, no, it's not. And then eventually, Early? You were asking for the... Well, once, like, I just understood the business so well, so early. I knew exactly how things worked.

But was that not how comics were doing it back in the day? Would they just taking guarantees? Well, it really depended on the power of your draw. So, like, there was people who, like, there's, I don't want to tell anyone's business, but there's comics who are pretty good draws that don't want to have to worry about the degree of it. So they'll just go, I'll take, I want the guarantee. Give me that. I can just, I don't have to think about it.

You fucking do the. work and once you're selling tickets you kind of just figure out what works if you're like i know like with almost certainty i know this is going to sell let's take the door percentage deals are just better yeah they're just better so i would just like be like no i want that dude i know it's better i had to like push an agent of mine back in the day for it and fame yeah and he was a amazing agent love him and like he was actually yeah he was great and uh but part of the of what made him so great was that he had these amazing relationships with the clubs so he could get a no-name comedian into a club I know exactly what you mean yeah but the problem is that like when you get to a point where you're like okay like I've gone two times in the club and they've made tons of money and we we drew I think it's time that you know now I get whatever my fair share is here and it took me kind of like muscling him

it does it does yeah the clubs try to be sneaky I had a friend just recently you know that had a sell-out bonus structure and it was a substantial bonus and he gets to the payout and like they're doing the settle up and they're like yeah you were two tickets short short yeah that's a cool move and he was like two tickets short you said it was sold out they said yeah right before you know two people have refunded their tickets like at minutes before the show and he was like this is insane and he had to call his agent up to be like what are you guys doing yeah what are you doing but stiffing him out of like a substantial amount of money for like a young comic i had a guy who goes uh he would he owned the club he was a knucklehead He was a dog.

But sweetheart, but he was a total fucking mess. Can you give me a state? And he's like, he goes, hey, uh, we had 100% door deal. It was 100% of the door. Yeah. He was like, great weekend. It's at the end of the week. He's like, it's great weekend.

He goes, can you guess how much you made? And I go, no, I could tell you what I made. He's like, what do you mean? I go, well, there's no guessing. Yeah, I know how many seats are. I go, the seats multiplied by the ticket sale. It's this. And he goes,

pretty close. And I was like, it's not close. It's exact. And he goes, really? I go, yeah, man. I just did what I just told you.

And he goes, hold on a second. He's like, let me get Donna in here. Oh, no. And he goes, he's saying it's this. Yeah.

But I think it's this, which his number was less. Yeah. She was like, it's his number. And he was like, well, goddamn. And I was like,

yeah, man. It's not a guess. I mean, you heard the stories back in the day where like your opener would take a counter oh yeah and they would they they would while you're on stage count each person that was in the club because the rumor has it some clubs would say that it sat 300 that was a big thing but it sat 340 yeah and then that was i remember when i was out with charlie murphy he had um he had his cousin with him click click click click click click Charlie Charlie took me to dinner one time

I'll never forget this is the funniest sentence anyone's ever said to me he goes You think Oscar De La Jolla could whoop your ass And I was like, what? I was like Oscar De La Jolla I go fuck yeah Of course he's a world class boxer And he was like Keith Sweat thinks he could whip Aca Delahoy's ass

What? I was like why he goes because he thinks he's too pretty I was like Key Sweat would not know it started It'd be the fucking craziest knockout of his life. He's like, he swears that he could kick Oxnoy. Oscar is a dog. Man. I don't care

what he wore. I don't care what his shenanigans were. That motherfucker was a dog. When you see in person a pro boxer just hit Mitz. Oh, it's crazy. There's a whole other thing, man. Alex has said this exact thing

10 times in this podcast. Yeah, Alex doesn't think white guys can beat him up. White guys? He doesn't think white guys can be like. Like you versus McGregor? No, not fighters. Regular white guys. Regular white guys. All of them?

I can take all you guys. Probably say, uh, damn. Probably. Maybe you look like you're in shape. But we did this. I did,

Tom. Okay. I can barely run two and a half miles. But he needs to train to run two and a half miles. First of all, I'm mostly with you. I mean,

you know there's these sleeper white guys that are fucking savage. Yeah, the game has changed now with like jiu-jitsu and stuff. He said Jake Paul. He said he could take Jake. Paul. That was a while ago.

Is he less late now? Did he get a little black person? He's been actually taking the sport seriously now. When they first started. Yeah, yeah. Come on. No way. But there's also like this like not even trains.

You're just like in some town and fucking, you know what I mean? Like big old Greg just walks in. You're like, this guy will put someone's head through. Oh, yeah. Drunk guy with a call flower ears? I'm leaving the ball. Crazy. I'm gone.

You don't play around. Keep sweat confidence. I'm with you, dude. I'm with you for most of it. Yeah. For most of it. Have you been in a couple fights? No.

I mean, there was one college bar fight, but that was, I don't really, that wasn't like, what happened? It was chaos. Just fucking melee. Everybody swinging? It was a melee, yeah. And the thing that is one of the things where I was, I just lucked out that the guy I was with, he had his footsteps on by this one of the guy.

he was like hey man like you stepped in my foot you know so it was kind of like all right my bad and the guy did it again but the second time was definitely on purpose yeah yeah and the guy was with was a big dude like he was six five probably two 60s big five and he grabbed the guy and he just was like boop and you can say they go hot like the guy's whole face fucking and that guy had a couple guys with him so as they start swinging we're in this booth we get up but i didn't even know that I was at that small college that like the whole offensive defense line was hanging out back here behind I didn't know they were in this part of the bar so as we grabbed this guy they come I mean this is all like D2 big fucks dude and they come and then it's just

you moor melee but it was like now it's like 15 on three you know and then those bouncers were like just everybody let them Just everybody. Yeah. But that was like, I didn't get into like a lot of fights. Yeah. I got jumped in fifth grade. Damn.

That was, that sucked. What did they get? It was just like, no, it's just like at school. I moved a lot. So I went to a lot of different schools. I'm just walking in the parking like going to recess or something. And these three kids just come around the corner. It's like knee punch, pap, pap, just like leave you on the ground.

I was like, you know, just left for dead. And the worst part is like, it's like, it's. fifth grade yeah so they have like the teachers have to tell the parents and then my parents were like yeah we talked to his parents i was like oh fuck and like what what now they're like well we we talked and we think you guys should hang out i was like yeah yeah they're like you know like make a minute like i was like i don't want to fucking hang out with the dude to just need me in the stomach yeah so i just just go to his place and just sit there and just sit there there yeah and just sit and like his parents i remember his parents both smoked and the place was like full

smoke he started to understand why he was so angry yeah he felt bad for him i kind of did yeah and then i was like all right it was good hang man i'll see tomorrow um but that that was like the extent it wasn't like a violent upbringing damn yeah were you and that kid cool after that yeah we actually were actually yeah it kind of did work yeah he sold me some j b yeah yeah um tell me about the because i know that we probably have limited time here. Tell me about this show. You have a second season of a show coming out. Yeah, bad thoughts. Yes. I don't understand how you're able to do all

these things and manage all these things, first of all. But like, the second season, how many episodes are we at? We're at six episodes. Okay, six episodes. 17 sketches or stories, whatever, yeah. Oh, so they're, okay, so you're going to put multiple within the episodes. Yeah, so every episode usually has three. Got it. In them. And these are,

these are like vignettes, sketches. But they're shot not like a sketch. It's shot like each one is its own movie. It's exactly right. Yeah. So I did a pilot. I did the pilot of this. You funded it yourself.

Myself several years ago. The idea was once we had filmed a few of them, we were like, oh, this is like a show. And I had only used, I have a pay-per-view platform that we kind of developed during the pandemic where you could sell tickets for like special ticketed. Yeah. we would do like live podcasts it was just a way to like try to do a podcast that was elevated right i remember that had like yeah that had like a little more to it and also no rules no restrictions so when we did those we would film sketches to be part of that live experience and we had sold a bunch of tickets doing that

so we learn like oh there's a there is a market for that and so then what happened was i was like you know we've never done like a just like an entertainment based narrative thing i one day one if we did that and put it on there, if people would buy tickets. Because if they would, it would inform us to the point, like, maybe you can make, like, a movie and put it on. That was, like, the concept. But when I had that pilot, I showed it to my... They were like, what have you, and I go, I made this?

They were like, you have to shop this. You absolutely have to shop this. And so it was, like, weighing, do I try the ticket? Because that's what I was planning on. Right. Or shopping it. Well, basically, the first place we took it to was a net. relationship there we showed it to them first and they bought it so that's what led to it being a series and then the first one came out last year in may in the season two we just were delivering now it airs in

may also but it's all new like characters all new stories but that one of the big emphasis of the show is that like i like i like i like i like is how they look so i was like i want these to feel more like short films you know yeah and so we like our dp neko weistnet is like a brilliant guy and every single one of them has like a very distinct look and looks very cinematic some of them look just absolutely stunning but that's deliberate it's like it's fun to i i think it's funny to take like a premise that's ridiculous but shoot it beautifully you know so it's kind of like i think it's one of like the characters of the show yeah is having that be throughout yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah that's yeah that's

really interesting I guess that is I'm trying to think of like sketch where they've done that where like feels very elevated and real like the early key and peel stuff for what it was seeing it on YouTube in like 2010 you're like oh this is a TV show but it's for free on YouTube then I feel like if you went back

maybe like Monty Python was probably shot on film right 100% and then some of the SNL what's it called like their yes yeah digital short Digital shorts will sometimes have like a real look to them. I always like those. I think it helps the comedy. I think so too.

Because if you're not presenting something as fake immediately, I can get lost in the reality. Because sometimes it just feels so flat. Yeah. 100%. Here's one set and everything's operating right here and it has that like a multi-cam look. Yeah. Whereas like, yeah, if you get people lost in a world. Yeah, the formula for us, I feel like is like make it really cinematic.

Also play everything like it's. yeah this is Shakespeare or whatever like this is really serious stuff and then make it absurd yeah and push it yeah are there any this season that uh can you give us any of the premises oh my god this comes out of may by the way on Netflix but well one of them tease tease a tease a fun one of them is that i i'm a middle-aged dad that drops off his daughter at college and then i decide to go to college and I'm really intrigued by the black fraternity. That one's very fun. There's one where I'm a 19 year old girl and I get back from my semester abroad with very suggestive

tattoos. Okay. Some of which you could say are extremely offensive. I rationalize them. Okay. Where are you abroad? I was in Paris. Got it. Okay. Try to think without the...

Oh, there's one where I'm at a fertility clinic. Nice. Yes. And while I'm making the deposit, I get a FaceTime call from a family member. I feel like that call pollutes the deposit so then I fight to get it back. There's all types of things like that.

It's not exactly incest, but it can't be thinking about your family. You can't. And the nurses try to explain to me that that's not how it works and I'm like, I think it is. It is. Yeah. Can you share any that you had to cut?

Were there any of them so close and you're like, we just can't do it? Well, the whole process is like you start obviously and you build out in the room, in the writer's room, you end up with like 50. And you realize, like, we're doing six episodes, and you got to have it at most 18. So you end up cutting so many. Like, ones that you're on the fence about constantly.

I'm trying to think my brain is so rattled from being so in post with this. Our post schedule was fucking wild. Last year we shot in October and delivered in May. This year we shot in February. We deliver in May. Wow. So, like, all I've been is just thinking about what we're doing. And there's, you know, there's the notes and the edits and the music.

And thankfully, like, that really is managed by, like, Jeremy Connor, Rami Hashash, Tyler Kornak. And I just weigh in. But those guys are in it. They know what it is. They know the tone of the show. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And they're in the bay every day.

Yeah. Editing is grueling, dude. I flew out a couple times to get in the bay. And like I get... They're in L.A. right now? They're in L.A. I get links to like watch and then comment on them. But there's no substitute for being in there

because when you're in there, you literally watch it and you're like, didn't we do this take? And then they literally pull it up and they're like, oh, here it is. Dude, the way that they organize footage now is like, unbelievable. I was talking to a couple guys on the movie that I was doing. And it's like, we were doing reshoots. And I was like, how is, like, what did you guys do when it was just actual footage? Yeah.

And so like Tarantino shot like once upon a time in Hollywood, I think on actual like 30, is it called 39 millimeter, 36, 35 millimeter. So I go, so what are they doing? They're taping things together. And he goes, well, what they do is they have digital versions of that footage. They do all the edits on the digital versions. And then they match it to the tape. I didn't know that. Otherwise you're cutting.

Like that's how they made movies back in the day. It had spools of tape. Splice. Organize them per scene and then are cutting and patching together. So how many times realistic, like the movies that we saw back in the day on tape? That wasn't the best take of every scene.

Definitely not. It might have been the only take. One might have been the only tape because the tape is expensive. But also you're like, am I really going to cut this? Insert another thing. Tape it together. Watch it. No, give me back that other one. Like, how much shit is on the cutting room floor from back in the day?

Literally. That's so much. Do you ever hear, by the way, how Eastwood shoots? Do you know about this? Oh, you get one take, my boy. One take. And if you try to push back, he's like, do you want to go home? Yeah, he's like a ref in the way.

Yeah. And then he doesn't say action, you know? Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah, he says, whenever you're ready. Go. Because when he came up in those westerns, action would scare the horses. Wow. Right?

So he never, because it would startle them. So he's like, whenever you're ready. And you just do it, cut, print, let's go. And everyone's like, can I? No, you can't. I saw there was a guy I'm forgetting his name. Really funny character actor.

I think he had like some wrestling background too. He's kind of like bigger guy. Hallhouser? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. I'm pretty sure that's it. Yeah.

He's hilarious, but he's also like an amazing actor. Amazing. And he was talking about how he did a movie with Clint where he was the lead. And basically he was, people said he was the only guy they got to do more takes. Yeah. And I think he had told Clint

hey, I'm not used to doing this. There might be some times where I need to find it a little bit, do you mind? And then Clint was like, yeah, sure. It's crazy. Matt Damon said, like, you get two takes. And this is it. That's it. Yeah.

And I'm working on a South African accent. Dial in for six months. Can I get another? Nope. No. That's it. We're going to waste of fucking time. No.

I'm 90. Let's go. It is like once you've been on any set, the idea of... Do you like it? Being on set? Yeah. Sitting around all day?

No. But the actual acting itself. Acting is fun. What I like is building the scene. Mm-hmm. So I like if we have a scene, I'm like, you're with the director and you're with the actors.

Like, I want to know what the director wants from the scene and what his vision is for the funny. Yeah. Because it could be completely different than what I'm trying to add to it. And then I want to be able to pitch some stuff and like have it kind of... Like, whenever we're doing,

run-throughs if we get the opportunity, I'm throwing things out. Yeah. I'm kind of like feeling things out. And if it sticks, then we go. That part, even if I'm not in a scene and I'm kind of watching it and be like, ooh, what if this happened? I like that part of it. Yeah.

Sitting around all day, coming in, doing one line and like, the other actor isn't even there for your coverage. Not fun at all. No, no, no. Making something fun. Very fun. I agree. Feels kind of like joke writing.

Yeah. Oh, what if I set him up for this? And it's, yeah, that to me is cool. It's cool. The whole script, like, there's no character arc here. What if we put this here? And that type of stuff is exciting. I think so, too. Yeah. Why, what about you? You like the acting? I love it. I love it. And I love, you know, stand-up's such a singular solo kind of endeavor. The idea that, like, we're all trying to make this work together, especially if you have that, that collaborative feel, the idea of, like, what would make. And also when you go, there's this time, too, where sometimes you're like, all right, this is what it is. Like, this is the scene. And somebody suggests something and you realize that it elevates everything.

That's very exciting, fun thing to be a part of it. Like finding what the funny in the scene is. Yeah. And to me, in my experience, it's not, doesn't happen on the day when you press record. It's before. It's like, oh, what are we trying to get out of these? Like, what is the tension in this? Yeah.

What are we trying to do and where does this go? And I will be honest, when we did the, movie and we did street fighter in australia because it's like impossible to film anything in america especially l.A it's just so fucking expensive yes um there is something and i would hear boxers talk about it all the time like don't put your fight camp in your home city because you have too many people that want you to do things and you'll end up doing them doing a movie in a foreign country where you don't really know anybody and nobody on the crew really knows anybody you just have a singular focus yeah like are you free saturday yeah yeah

I'm not doing anything for two months. I'm always free. And in a way, as much as I want, like, I have my fan out there, but as much as I would love to film, like, if I want to film shit in New York because I just love New York and I want to do everything in New York and that's important, yes. If it's an action movie or some, like, wild movie

that doesn't need to be in a city where the city's a character, take us away. Yeah. Because then everybody's on the same page with one goal. You're totally right. You're totally right. Yeah. Being away is key.

leaving the country's even better. If you're in Austin, think about the amount of things that you're going to be pulled to do, odds or a meeting or dinner with the family. It's everything. Yeah. Being away is key. That's why White Lotus was the greatest show of all time. Inventing a show, you're like, yeah, we're going to go to Italy for everyone.

And then they just fucking hang out. Or the Oceans movies. Oh, yeah. I heard that that was partially like how they got them to do like the second and third. They're like, okay, you can all live at Georgia's house in Lake Como. Okay. Yeah. Sounds good. I saw that clip of Liam Neeson

talking about when he got taken, he was like, I'll be honest. I thought this was like a straight to DVD movie. But I saw that it shot in Paris and I was like, I'll spend six weeks in Paris. He's like, that's why I did the movie. Yeah. Sandler's that way.

Stanley puts his in really cool locations. Hawaii. Always Hawaii. It's like every time Hawaii. Yeah. That's the move, though. Like, that's the goal. Yeah.

Definitely. To pick awesome locations, that is the goal. Go with all your boys, make something awesome, bring the family out. Yeah. No, I'm always just like, I think this makes a lot more sense in Italy if we would do this. Bad thoughts. I only have them in Amsterdam for some reason. Yeah, it should all happen there. Anyway, dude, I want everybody go check it out and make sure, are you going to be doing the road anytime soon? I'm not going to go on tour until 27. Good for you, man.

Yeah. Yeah. It's been a lot of touring, man. It's been a lot of touring. Yeah, I get it. But I also think time off is valuable, dude. It's been a lesson. I think it helps a lot. I think it makes you live.

And then you have something to talk about? To talk about. We're talking for helicopters. Time for choppers. Fucking 1,700 horsepower cars. And then, like, yeah, it just gives you a chance to, like, enjoy life, have some balance, experience some things, talk about it. And it is good to, like, pull back from the incessant.

road schedule. I love that. That's kind of been the way that I've gone about it. Because I find I don't have anything to talk about that's different than the last time if I just keep touring. And then I'm telling you different versions of the same jokes. Exactly. And I feel guilty because I kind of want to give them. I want them to come and be like, what the

fuck was that? Yeah. And that happened if you... Take a little time off. Yeah, I think so. Yeah. Anyway, Tom Seguero, thank you so much. Thank you very much. Frozen lasagna, medium power. 15 minutes. It sounds like Ojo time. Let's play.

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