Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - Trump Anti-Vaxx’s Cuomo’s New York (Feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas of History Hyenas)

Episode Date: November 17, 2020

This week Akaash and AlexxMedia were joined by Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas of History Hyenas to discuss why getting canceled makes you rich, AOC's naughty list is wild, slaves were supposed to be white, Kama Sutra is just Indian MMA, British Colonization was a blessing, Cubans are the proudest boys, and much more. INDULGE! Want an extra episode a week? Join the Flagrant Army www.Patreon.com/FLAGRANT2 Flagrant 2 is a comedy podcast that delivers unfiltered, unapologetic, and unruly hot takes directly to your dome piece. In an era dictated by political correctness, hosts Andrew Schulz and Akaash Singh, along with AlexxMedia and Mark Gagnon, could care less about sensitivities. If it’s funny and flagrant it flies. If you are sensitive this podcast is not for you. But if you miss the days of comedians actually being funny instead of preaching to a choir then welcome to The Flagrancy.

what's up everybody welcome to flagrant 2 obviously i'm doing this intro because andrew schultz and mark gagnon are not in the building that's not true at all they're in the building they are right here but they're not in the podcast so iaka sing along with alex media brought on maybe the most popular guests that we have maybe the best guests that we have the most popular guests that we have. Maybe the best guests that we have. The wildest guests that we have. The History Hyenas, a.k.a. the On Notice Boys. Chris DiStefano. Giannis Pappas. We also got F.A. doing notes.

He's not going to talk much because that shit is too sexy. Yeah, because I'm only fucking American speaking here. I'm American. That's mad progressive of you. I don't want to hear your dumb British accent because then I'm going to get horny on the podcast. When you met him, did he ask you for your curry recipe? Because that's like British cuisine, right? He's Turkish Muslim.

Wow. My enemy is sitting over there. Yeah, he looked like me. Your parents might have raped my ancestors. Because it's what it is. Just admit you don't like Jewish people. Just admit you don't like Greeks. Just say it. I can feel it.

Free. Full. Free. If Elon Omar would just come out and say, listen, I don't like Jewish people. Elon Omar? What's her name? Elon Omar?

What's the girl's name? Elon Omar. What's the one from the squad? No, it's Elon Omar and Ilan Musk. Sorry. People have been making that mistake for a long time. That's how you pronounce it. Yo, and how do you pronounce Gandhi again?

Muhammad S. Gandhi. Muhammad S. Gandhi. Muhammad S. Gandhi. Yo, how funny of a character. How funny of a character. I see how he got there, though. At first, I was offended, and then I was like, I see how that's funny. That's our accent. That would be like me discriminating against you for calling three free.

Free-fro. Let me tell you something right now. Muhammad. No, we just did an episode on Muhammad S. Gandhi. There's an N in there, yo. It's Mohandas. Mohandas. Mohandas Gandhi. We did a an episode on Muhammad S. Gandhi. There's an N in there, yo. It's Mohandas. Which is right. Mohandas Gandhi.

We did a fucking episode on this kid. He's got an uncomfortable- It's a fucking disrespective. I'm not even here to disrespect me. Listen, cuz, you got to check out our episode. We did one. We found out some uncomfortable truths. The kid was a sick puppy.

He was a sick puppy. Nonsense, yo. He slept with 13-year-olds, and he also dressed like he was sleepwalking in his sheet. It's what it is. I mean, get that kid a fucking shirt. Who sleepwalks and wraps a sheet around themselves? Somebody who's cold. He made his own clothes, yo.

Look, you say Andrew Schultz isn't here, but I think if you were to split Andrew Schultz into two, open him up, this is what you would find. Honestly? You might be right. Yeah, where Andrew Schultz opened up. You might be right. Yeah, you might be right. What a gag-non.

Imagine you're a guy and you're just gagging in the first part of your last name. What's worse is his personality kind of fits a gag-non. Right? He a gag-non, right? Yeah. That's the kind of guy that would gag-non. F.A., what's your last name? Can you say it?

Or you got to protect your stupid identity? Oh, shit. F.A. don't give a fuck about his job. Hello. F.A. F.A. F.A. F.A.

F.A. F.A. F.A. F.A. F.A. F.A. F.A. F.A.

F.A. F.A. F.A. F.A. F.A. F.A. F.A. F.A. F.A. F.A. F.A. F.A. F.A. F.A. F.A. F.A. F.A. F.A. F.A. F.A. F.A. F.A. F.A. F.A. F.A. F.A. F.A. F.A. don't give a fuck about his job. Hello, Gavna. Free fall, Gavna. Hello, lady. You guys couldn't, you tried to step up in 1776, you got fucking squashed. You got fucking smacked. How did we get here so fast? Try to fucking invade again, see what happens. The only thing that'll happen is Chrissy will first take a second and he'll say cute coat and then he'll start killing you. The only reason you guys even won a few battles is because my ancestors, as soon as we saw those red coats coming,

we got on our knees and we're ready to suck cock. But if you didn't come in with red coats, it would have been over, as you say, fucking all the time. Do you have a war? Can I have a war, please? Because you're a fuzzy fucking British fuck. You're like a werewolf everyone should go get water

in the Stefano after talking about home mortgages like a fucking mobster it's like cuz we got we got the fucking refi we gotta worry about it

hangs up and goes where's the werewolf that's the first fucking thing he says son I've never seen a more successful not illegal activity

Italian in my life oh yeah yeah cuz I'm doing it but listen there's always a little bit of criminality like we couldn't get a mortgage i'm buying a house cuz i put a house on the market sold it now i'm buying another fucking house that's how i roll i'm christy chaos and i uh one lender wouldn't give me a mortgage so we got a little criminality

we dug a little deep we called the italians and we got approved for a mortgage for a hundred thousand more so if you're listening babe we're getting that house is this sally guzon who yeah it's fucking Sally Guzon from Bay Ridge. Sally Guzon gave him the loan. You say babe? You living with somebody in that house?

Me and my kid's mom back together. It's what it is. Yo, you're getting more Puerto Rican by the day. You got baby mama drama. Yes, I realize that it's not safe out here

to be all white in 2020, 2021, moving into entertainment that we are not well liked. So I figured I got a Puerto Rican by my side. I'm safe. It's like an insurance policy. That's what y'all are doing with the on-notice boys.

It keeps you safe on cancel culture, but it does leave you in danger for a couple of shots to the ribs. It's what it is. I'm safe. I'm digitally. I'm safe in my career. I'm not safe at home.

Physically, physically not safe. Physically, it's not safe. Physically not safe, but we got a couple extra cell phones. We're good. Yeah, but for every yang, there's a yang. She doesn't know. Yo, Chris, you're getting more Puerto Rican every day. Alex got three cell phones, we're good. Yeah, but for every yang, there's a yang. She doesn't know. Yo, Chrissy getting more Puerto Rican every day.

Alex got three cell phones. He got one. He's got one that only goes to the abortion clinic. Yeah, it's what it is. All right, so both you guys have kids now. Yanni Papi, new father. I'm a new father, yeah. To a baby girl.

You got a baby girl. I got a five-year-old little baby girl. And we're not going to let her pick her gender. I'm not even going to let her see her genitalia she'll see five nice we're gonna we're just put a little curtain here and you want to say you pick whatever feels like you have is what you have yeah that's important i mean listen my advice to yanni was just like look dude i mean raise it conservative that was the first thing that's what i said i said take that thing down to the fucking Republican the local office yeah register

what did I say I said we need more Republicans I said tell her to do what's right November 3rd she was two weeks old yeah but it's never too early to get that little fucking nub of a hand and press the right button yeah I mean yeah I mean you don't even check ID in New York your baby can vote if you hold your baby's finger and just check off Donnie T did y'all vote yes no I don't vote I voted um yeah why, why not? I never voted. I feel like it's actually part of my job description to not vote. You are a guy who wouldn't vote,

and I want to hear your reason that's going to make us all feel stupid and make me lash out at you, so I want to hear this reason real quick. I just feel like, as a comedian, it's my responsibility to be outside and just take it to wherever everyone can get it to whoever, everyone can get it. Like, everyone can get it.

And that's what I like doing. I hate, once you start forming an opinion and following what you think your followers want you to say, you've kind of, you've ceased being a comedian and now you're a pundit.

You're just more of a pundit. Can't you vote and still shit on people? No, because then it's like, it skews my, it skews my biases. You know? Plus, I'm in New York. I mean, who are we kidding? I could vote for fucking, I could vote, No, because then it skews my biases. Plus, I'm in New York. I mean, who are we kidding?

I could vote for fucking... Your vote doesn't matter. I could have fraud voted for Donny T ten times. It wasn't going to work. This state goes blue. That's what it is. I voted, but I genuinely don't think that everybody should vote. I mean, the simple fact of the matter is, even me, how the fuck do I know if it's a better deal to go on the Iran fucking nuclear deal or the Paris Climate Accord? I don't fucking know.

Yeah, I know. You don't deserve it because you said nuclear. Yeah. Yeah. The nuclear. Yeah. I don't know. I just voted for, you know, I was just making choices.

I did what Lil Wayne told me to do. Yeah. Not only Lil Wayne, Lil Xan. I mean, there was a lot of Lils on the Trump trade. You like Trump. Yeah. there was a lot of Lils on the Trump trade you're like Trump yeah it became a lot of Lils on the Trump chain

I'm 5'7 I thought about it yeah but yeah but I mean it's true with the Electoral College I mean the votes in New York if they wanted more people to vote

then they would get rid of the Electoral College but then I understand that you know on one side would win all the time but I don't know dude we're kind of just all

and they can't even like hand out a lollipop at the polls people hand it they're standing in line for four hours you get a sticker you go to the bank they give you a fucking lollipop at the polls. People hand it. They're standing in line for four hours. You get a sticker. You go to the bank.

They give you a fucking lollipop. They don't want you to vote. And a pen. Can I get a pen, a pen, something, a sticker? Why not just make voting a national holiday? See how many people can't vote? They don't want you to vote. They want to put obstacles up in front of you.

But I mean, I found a way. Yeah. You know, I know I shouldn't vote. Democracy doesn't work anyway. Let's get a dictatorship going now. Yes. That's it. Socrates said democracy doesn't work 2,000 years ago.

Yeah. I mean, it's just mob rule. I mean, it's just- Read the Republic, son. Yeah. Let the people rule. Have you met the people? I don't want them to rule.

Yeah. Socrates said the fatal flaw in democracy is you let the people vote. I was like, I thought that's what a democracy was. He said, yeah, it's stupid. I mean, you know what we need? We need like a legion, like X-Men. Like our society's backwards. All of the donkey.

We need, we know. We need a philosopher. We need philosopher kings, but we look a philosopher, we need philosopher kings, but we look in the wrong places for philosopher kings. You can't go to Harvard for them. You gotta get like a Rain Man type autistic kid. Yeah. Who can fucking count.

Or if we had Rain Man, there would be no need for a recount. Right. He would fucking look at the ballots and tell you how many toothpicks were in there. You're right, you're right. We need one of those. Then you need like Siamese twins. Okay.

You need like a council of presidents. One autistic, one Siamese twins with you need like a council of presidents one autistic one siamese twins with two heads so one's conservative one's republican and then they can argue with each other and figure it out and find a compromise your empire is very inclusive i got absolutely wait until you see joe biden's cabinet are you fucking kidding me it's going to look like a community college yeah there's gonna be everybody i mean you can't wait. You're going to see fucking trans. I mean, every single thing that needs to be represented. Turbids, fucking Jews. I mean, it's going to be unbelievable.

There'll be one straight white guy who doesn't get to do anything. That's Biden. He's like the Department of Agriculture, some gay shit. Yeah. Yeah, Biden is the one straight white male who likes kids, and everything else, and then everybody else is not going to go to whites. But I guess that's better. How do you, I mean, you're on the map now.

Yeah. Kamala. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Your people's are on the map. She's the first African American in Jamaica and an Indian. She didn't seem proud to be an Indian until she ran. Yeah. I get why it's important.

So I'm not going to say too much publicly, but I did peep. You got proud when our vote could help you win the election. Let me ask you this, Akash, and what do you guys, what do you think of this? Why do, why is it always the same story? Why is it always, you know, Kamala Harris, Ocasio-Cortez, Elon Omar? Why do they always date white guys? I knew you'd know. You know what?

Why is it always white guys? You know what I think it is? What is it? You know what I think it is? You are overcompensating for your guilt that you have dating this other person, marrying this other person that doesn't look like you. Yeah. So you can't handle, you're like, yo, I'm proud of who I am, but I this other person that doesn't look like you. So you can't handle, you're like,

I'm proud of who I am, but I love this person who doesn't look like me. So I overcompensate with pride, and this is offensive to me, and that's offensive to me. And you're raising a fist in the air because you have to overcompensate. I think that's what it is. I think that's accurate.

Yo, I got a brown woman at home. She a pain in the ass. I love her with all my heart, but I'm not gonna fight for all brown people. I get it. I mean, you can't offend me.

You can't, there's nothing, I'm good here. I'm comfy with my brownness. So, you know, Chris can say whatever the fuck he says.

I'm happy that you're comfy with saying the word comfy. I like that about you. Because I love saying comfy, wumpy. Did you hop on elephants? Did you get married yet? Nah,

we couldn't. Are you guys getting on elephants? I actually got pushed because of the corona. Because of COVID, covid yeah you guys getting on elephants in the whole thing you know i don't want to do animals you know why because we could get a horse yeah but my girl is a pita and i'm like i'm cheap so i was thinking i don't want to get a horse because then everybody would know i'm too poor to have an elephant got it and i don't need that am i waiting you know what i mean i think i'm fucking lance a lot walking in there right and everybody's like look at this middle class

motherfucker can't even get an elephant right so i think i'm gonna just go animalist are you guys gonna get married in the motherland we're thinking about it actually right i'm dead oh fuck you Jackson Heights or Edison yeah don't disrespect me like that or the valley I mean let's be let's you know cuz there's Indians everywhere they're fucking everywhere

yeah I mean you guys are fucking everywhere you can go to Sunnyvale and that's also kind of the mud land have you ever done Sunnyvale or like going to the valley oh Rooster Teeth Feathers

no it's all Indians the first show I sold out was Rooster Teeth Feathers and that's how I knew there was a lot of Indians here actually there was no lot of Indians here. Yeah.

Actually, there was no room anywhere. Yeah. Yo, I love Indian people, cuz. Or you could, the motherland could be a fucking hospital. I mean, it's all Indian doctors. They're everywhere. Babe, you know. When's the last time you had a white doctor in New York City? I don't want a white doctor.

No, I wouldn't trust it. The guy that just, uh, is coming out with the vaccine, I believe for Pfizer is an Indian cat. Yeah. They're all, I mean, which is. That's why we first. Indians are fucking crushing it, dude. The Turkish.

Oh, the Turkish? Oh, I thought it was an Indian cat. Shut the fuck up, F. fucking crushing it, dude. Oh, the Turkish? Shut the fuck up, F.A. Why is it the first time you talk? So now are you going to take it that we just got info that the vaccine is made by the Turks?

Yeah, but the CEO is Greek. So yeah, work for me, bitch. It's what it is. Yeah, CEO Pfizer is Greek. It was the German woman and a Turkish guy and they're a couple. And those are two

fucking people that enslaved us. So work for us, bitch. You know what's interesting about you as a Greek is you get really upset that everybody that conquered you meanwhile you conquered the entire fucking Europe and you're just like yeah you know we did good things there

but the Turks fuck them. Yeah well Macedonians would say that he was Macedonian he wasn't Greek but Greeks would say that he was Greek he was obviously Greek, Hellenic culture but he was kind of like Alexander the Great was one you know he, he conquered, but then his philosophy was like to intermarry and he wanted to like spread the values and lift the people up.

That's some white shit, to be honest with you. Yeah, it's called colonialism. To conquer and then be like, hey, we're all McDonald's here. Yeah, yeah. That's some white shit. Stop eating hummus. Here's ketchup. Babe, you know what's something we learned about the Gandhi episode we just did on History

Hyenas is that- Hyenas is great. History Hyenas, baby. At the end of Gandhi's life, more than 50% of the country didn't like him. Did you know that? We always think of Gandhi as the peaceful, the savior, but at the end of his life, right when he got killed, most of the country was like, fuck you, because he was telling everyone Pakistan will not, it will not secede.

It will be one wholesome India. Trust me. Trust the guidance. And then when Pakistan got its way in its own Muslim country, the Indian people were like, you told us to listen to you and now this. So I didn't realize that. He was also – he wanted to get rid of England obviously and so he could liberate his people and have independence. And then when the British left, it left that power vacuum and that's when the Hindus and the Muslims really started killing each other. And Hinduvat.

Bloodbath. You know Hinduvat? Know about what Hinduvat? I'm going to be honest. I don't like what's happening right now. I'm just going to tell you. We're schooling you on your history. I'm just going to tell you.

Okay, now I'm with it. Now go ahead. I just want to tell you because people are always first to, you know, yell and look at me and say, oh, look at you, you fucking Hitler youth head. Hinduvat, a humongous section of India in the late 1930s, early 40s, supported fascism, supported Hitler. Just FYI. Just there you go.

Bang. Yeah. So I'm not, you know, my people didn't. Just a little uncomfortable truth. We love uncomfortable truths on History Aenis. He fucked his 17-year-old niece. It's what it is. Yeah.

Well, we don't know that he fucked her. But he would lay butt naked with her and not let anyone else and he would get hard any of the fathers in the ashram they couldn't they weren't allowed to lay with their wives

only Gandhi could because he knew he was the only one that wouldn't fuck him no he influenced a lot of people man likes sleeping naked you don't want to sleep

in a sheet you're already wearing a sheet all day that's just two sheets who wants to do that that's double bed linens he had a bed full of 13 year old children

he influenced a lot of people he influenced martin luther king and it looks like he also influenced michael jackson a little bit it's what his ideas definitely kept going they outlived him he was a great man from yeah everybody from martin luther king to the subway tell me that ain't prolific though it's prolific no. We're not hating, but what we like to do on Hyenas is just try to be the truth. It's where it's just like, not everybody you think is a saint is a saint, and that's okay. Everybody's got good and bad parts. It's like, because when you go back through history and you want to cancel everyone, it's like, you know, like, for example, we just were talking about this a couple weeks ago. They want to take down Ulysses S. Grant's statue because he—

And that's his name too, Ulysses. Ulysses S. Grant. They want to take down his statues. Now these fucking Antifa fucking Democrat fucks want to take down his statue because he was anti-Semitic at one point in his life because his father was killed by a Jewish person. father was killed by a Jewish person. But then towards the end of his life, when he became presidency, he still to this day elected the most Jewish members to a presidential cabinet because he, you know, atoned for his sins and said, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have acted that way. And then all he did was try to make his life better and say, I now support the Jews and accept the Jews, but yet still the statue goes down. Let me say two things. One, I don't know anybody that knows

more than you and then sounds like they know less than you exactly because when he became the presidency is what you said yeah and Ulysses Grant yeah also you know what he needs he needs a movie

yeah they need Ulysses Schindler you can say the same thing about Schindler oh he wasn't doing anything early in the war to save Jews

to save his people he only atoned later yeah he just needs a movie that's actually funny like yeah in order for America to know what's going on

you need a movie the person needs a movie you need an hour and a half three dimensional view Ulysses S. Grant needs a movie. You need an hour and a half three-dimensional view. Ulysses S. Grant has a three-hour documentary that's awesome. Not a documentary. But he needs a fucking movie. He needs a rock playing.

We need McConaughey to get in there. Exactly. Yeah, he'd be a great Ulysses. But then it's just interesting how Grant, they want to cancel him, or they want to cancel George Washington. But then somebody like Gandhi is like, all these things are fine and great, but then you turn the blind eye to sleeping with kids you know what I mean

I do do that it's just one part of him he way outnumbered the great and Gandhi should be celebrated I don't want to cancel Gandhi you know what sucks is I could try to defend Gandhi but there's no way to do that in today's society without sounding like a fucking maniac in his defense we don't know what happened in the bed.

He did admit that he got hard. So that's the creepy thing. He said, I got hard, and he was laying with 13-year-olds. And also that he chose 13-year-olds because what he was doing is he was trying to tempt himself to see if he could keep his resolve. Can I say it? I'm going to say it. You know what? Fuck it.

I'm going to say it. Say it. I get it.'m gonna say it you know what fuck it I'm gonna say it say it I get it whoa yeah you sure the censor's sitting in here for us no no no let me

I said I get it a little too quick yeah you said I get it quick I thought he was gonna say something else yeah but that's what's dangerous that's what's dangerous about you is because

you're like a quarter listening to everything so whenever I do a podcast with him if like anyone can come on and just say something and you'll just go, yeah.

I don't think he slept with anybody and there's no actual, we're probably gonna edit this, there's no actual way to defend it without sounding like you're enabling pedophilia,

which I would never. I just think back then, pedophilia wasn't the same age as it is now. Right. Right. Do you know a Kama Sutra? Are you good at it?

I'm gonna be honest, I'm worse at sex than anything I'm bad at. Yeah. Of all the things I can't do that's like a fucking waste of height that's like when you see a tall guy and you ask him

if he plays basketball and he says no you ask an Indian kid do you know Kama Sutra and he says no it's like what's the fucking point of being an Indian if you don't know

how to fuck good you know how you know Indians aren't good at fuck you ever seen the Kama Sutra them positions ain't happening dude they know they know how to fuck dude they do yoga

and fuck they don't even fucking stroke they vibrate like this they just hold each other and fucking vibrate I'm telling you I've been doing yoga

by Adrian on YouTube and you fucked your yoga instructor it's what it is edit that part out and so but since I've been doing yoga by Adrian

cuz you just like to fuck a lot of things it's what it is cuz I'm a horned up kid but I haven't had sex with anyone but my kid's mom in eight months this is old it's what it is I Because I'm a horned up kid, but I haven't had sex with anyone but my kid's mom in eight months. This is old.

Yeah. It's what it is. I got a couple of blowjobs, but it's not sex. It's what it is. Those are the rules. Those are the fucking rules. If it hits the ground for a couple seconds, it's not dirty. Okay, let him start the yoga by 8.0 without.

No, you don't have to edit it. I'm kidding. Keep it all in. I'm Chrissy. I'm all in. We're just joking. Nothing we say is true. We don't know. I got greaseball lawyers, greaseball mortgage guys.

Get out of trouble. All right, guys. Let's take a break. And I'm going to make a confession during this time. People, you probably know this by looking. My balls smell. I mean, like, it's a problem. You know why my balls smell?

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Nothing's true. But you can edit it if you want. Nothing's true. I mean, that's the fucking world we live in now. We're comedians. We got to watch what I say. Fucking, I went to watch

an old video of mine yesterday. It had a sanction on it by YouTube. And then I scrolled and watched a beheading video with a fucking Colgate commercial in front of it. That's the fucking world we live in. This is the 10-year anniversary of Mauricio yesterday. It is a 10-year anniversary. It is to this day. If you guys haven't seen Giannis Papas' Mauricio, just look it up.

It's to this day one of the funniest sketches I've ever seen in my life. But do you think I could ever, I couldn't even put that on the internet today you know they would take it you can't even get it on the internet i wouldn't even be able to get it on i think if you were our age or like near that you will watch that and still think it's funny i think if you grew up with cancel culture you won't understand 10 years ago things were right right because there's going to be there's going to be eventually what's going to have to happen is you're going to have to have one thing like a Netflix, you know, whatever for everybody else and Disney Plus and Hulu and all that. And then one for the canceled people. Like a comedy dark web.

It's going to just have to exist. We're going to have to exist on the comedy dark web. We're going to have to. Because there's no way. Patreon is a step in that direction. And it's too popular. Yeah. I mean, it's like it's just too popular.

I'm not going to get political, but let's just say you look at it by the voting. 70 million people voted the other way. And I bet you a lot of them don't even like Trump. You mean the right way? Yeah, to the right. Right wing is what he means. That's what I mean. The right wing way?

Yeah, yeah. So it's like, somebody has to serve those people. How do you point to the right? You go like that? Nobody serves those people. What it is. I mean, when Roseanne came on, it was like, it was doing like pre-cable, pre-internet numbers.

Yeah. And it was a very funny show. She's very funny, but it was serving those people. That's why I got 12 million viewers. The numbers were bananas. They were bananas. 12, 15, 20 million people watching.

It's like pre-cable numbers. So whether you like it or not, this country, money talks. At some point, somebody's going to serve those people besides Andrew Schultz and us. 20 million people watching it's like pre-cable numbers so whether you like it or not this country money talks at some point somebody's going to serve those people besides andrew schultz and us yeah that's what it is yeah yeah i mean they don't need to we're doing all right without them getting in our market we're cornering this pretty well oh no dude i'm telling you i wouldn't want to have it any other way like i mean the success you guys have on patreon and doing your own thing it's like what better way to have it where it's like, you're only known to your fans.

You guys are making money hand over fist. You can say and do whatever you want. I mean, what would you give that up for? For a sitcom on NBC? No way. First of all, and I also- You lose money. And it's this fucking thing.

It's like, if you have a podcast, all of a sudden you're Republican or like you're fucking alt-right because you make your own fucking money. What is a fucking Republican comedian? That's why I don't vote. It's like, why am I a Republican comedian? You know, why am I a Republican comedian? You know,

why am I, I mean, when did that, when did this become like there was these fucking left, I'm a left-wing comedian? Then you're not a fucking comedian. If you're a left-wing comedian, you're not a fucking comedian.

Put on a fucking suit, hand out some pamphlets, and fucking run for office, you bitch. If you are always on the morally correct side, you're not a comedian. You're not a fucking comedian. You're an activist.

What class clown do you remember who said the right things in class to make you laugh the reason we watched Hannah Gadsby I'm gonna be honest the new one wasn't bad

but the old one I couldn't get through it was just not I just did a corny joke I've never seen anything she did but I would love to watch her and she seems like a nice guy

that's what it is he put his finger up I mean we're putting that fucking kid to work oh yeah yeah the license flicker they've been doing that we're putting you to work

I'm kidding around but see I should be able to say that and not have anybody be upset and she should be able to I'm just kidding around I don't know the guy

by the way she yeah by the way she looks and dresses I would think she would think that was a compliment it's a fucking compliment mission accomplished yeah thank you

mission accomplished she can hit me all she wants she doesn't care about me I'm a pe compliment. She'd be like, yeah, thank you, mission accomplished. So I'm just going for it. She can hit me all she wants. She doesn't care about me. I'm a peon. I mean, I don't know what she's going for, but it definitely looks like she's going for Guy.

Whatever, dude. You know what I've noticed is liberal people will love anything offensive or like uncomfortable if it's like they know it's scripted like The Office.

Sure. Liberals love The Office. It's wildly offensive, but because it's fake, it's scripted, they're okay with it. The second it's a stand-up, it becomes real to them.

That's why I think they can't handle stand-ups. Right. I think they're just like, no, this is real. But for me... They can't separate themselves from comedy.

Right. But that's what I'm saying. And they also are retroactively making rules and changing goal lines constantly, so I don't like that at all. That's why I think this space, we control every aspect of it, which is the best. Yeah, if you don't like that at all. That's why I think this space, we control every aspect of it,

which is the best. Yeah, if you don't like it, don't listen. Like, dude, we talk about it all the time. Like a guy like a Shane Gillis, him getting canceled and getting into his own podcast patron space did more for his career than SNL would have done. If he was an SNL cast member,

you wouldn't even know his name. It would have just came and went. Best thing that happened to him. I don't even know any cast members' names. No, I mean, look, I understand SNL, it serves a purpose for its people. I get the people that like it like it. I totally get that.

But it's just like if you want to sell tickets and make money and be on the internet, then it's like, yeah, that's just not the speed of it. It's just not what's going to – you're not going to sell tickets off that show anymore. It's just not going to happen. Let me ask you guys a question. When do you – because it's the 10 – Because your baby is beautiful. Thank you. She's a cute –

She's a cute kid. I got a cute kid. Thank God my baby Because your baby's beautiful. Thank you. She's a cute- She's a cute kid. I got a cute kid. Thank God my baby's not a dog show. Thank God. Thank God. And she's got two eyes because Yanni only has one eye, so we're nervous. Yeah, and my only job- She's got two separated beautiful eyes.

She's got two eyes. She looks like your wife, thank God. Yes, thank God. Because, I mean, what would you do if your baby came out and looked like Maurice? I think I- Yeah, I might have to just shove it back up there and say, go back to being capable. Yeah, you shove it up it back up there. Yeah. Go back to being capable. I think my only job, I think, is to hug my baby little girl just as many times as I can so she doesn't come out as a lesbian.

Is that sick? No, because it's a joke. I don't mean it. Honestly, let me give you some fatherly advice. I'm doing the opposite. I'm hoping and praying my kid's a fat lesbian. Because as a father, it just takes a little pressure off if she's just fat and just goes a little gay. You don't got to worry about some you know fucking guy coming in

like and just gonna you know treat her like shit so i think you want to go fat lady no i'm just i'm saying that was a joke i want my baby to be whatever the first thing we're gonna do is sit her down tell her about tolerance and tell her yeah her to choose it's up to her i support it it's just i put myself on notice for saying that. On notice. On notice. I apologize. Perfect segue. I accept my appearance. I'm sorry.

Did you watch the On Notice Boys video, Alex? No, I didn't. He's too fucking busy. Schultz got him editing five times. He doesn't have time. He's... Yeah. It was there.

I'm glad you said it and not me. The joke was there. So, you know, the time is marked. The joke was there. Sorry. No, I was going to talk about... No, I'm just kidding. No, the joke was there. You can make and not me. The joke was there. So, you know, the time is marked. The joke was there. Sorry. No, I was going to talk about it. No, the joke was there. You can make jokes without it.

Yeah, you can do it. He doesn't care. It's a Schultz joke. But you were joking. He's making fucking more money than us. Yeah, he's joking. He's on notice. He's putting on notice.

I'm just kidding around. It's a joke. We're comedians. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I love you, AOC.

Yeah. So the on-notice boys. So the on-notice boys is it's a backlash against PC culture, right? It is and it isn't. It's just we're making a joke at one side. We'll also come out with a sketch next week that's making fun of the other side. Yeah, we do that. That's what you got to do.

We're just down that we're not like we're just being silly. But the problem is, is when we've made plenty of jokes about the other side, there that we're just down that we're not like we're just being silly but the problem is is when we've made plenty of jokes about the other side there's no backlash it's just either like it or don't like it anytime you attack that side it's all backlash if you don't like it they can't just keep their mouth shut where it's like either favorite it and like it or move on yeah that side you're talking about people who want politically correct things yes like they have to what do you the whole country wasn't boarded up because of Trump supporters. I'm going to push back a little bit because I used to love Republican audiences.

They didn't give a fuck. Just don't talk about Jesus. That's easy for me. I'm religious. I respect your religion. We're good. You don't talk about Jesus, you're good. Now, anything you say, anything that they perceive as anti-Trump, fuck this guy.

He doesn't know anything. He's so stupid. Trump has actually created some right-wing't know anything. He's so stupid. Trump has actually created some right-wing snowflakes too. That's true too. As funny as he is on Twitter and as funny as it is when he shits on PC culture,

he also has created some snowflake culture with the right wing. You want a moderate audience. Having the centrist, that's the best. The best. Best audience.

Which I genuinely believe makes up the majority of our country. I think the majority of our country is down the middle. Like, you know, we're all down there. I mean, Yanni's liberal, but he has a gun. You know, like I'm more conservative, but, you know, I believe that there should be tighter border security.

It's like so, it's what it is. I got a fucking, you know, I got a house and a kid. But, you know, I believe in a woman's right to choose. I think I don't want children in cages, you know, but it's like, listen, if you don't got your right papers, you got to get thrown over the wall. That's just what it is. And Yanni's a snowflake with a shotgun. But he's got property.

Everyone's trying to put us into these monoliths, into these groups. We're all complicated people that have opinions that run the gamut. I think as a comedian, I think for me and our podcast, History Hyenas. Hyenas. History Hyenas. Hyenas. Hyenas. History Hyenas. Patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys, fuckers. Patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys.

Yep. We're either trying to make you laugh no matter what you believe, or we're trying to piss you off for the right reasons. Yeah. I mean, pissing someone off for the right reasons is a lot of times just as fulfilling as making them laugh. The On Notice Boys sketch, if you guys watch it or if you... Check it out. It's very funny. There's a moment, I'm sorry to interrupt, but there's a moment where

Giannis, I'm not giving anything away, but he whistles. He kills that sketch. Holy... I saw Chris almost break. That made me laugh harder. Yeah. That shit killed me. You saw it? Yeah. Yeah. I saw it three times. Yeah. I saw it three... It was three minutes, and I saw it for three.

Three times. Thanks, Kavanaugh. Thanks, Kavanaugh. I saw it free it was free minutes and I saw it for free free times thanks Kavanaugh thanks Kavanaugh yeah so what kind of fucking shoes are you wearing guy I mean those things are wild they look like

whipped cream or something these are the studio shoes Andrew bought a pair for everybody oh god okay so the Fury Boy looks like a baby's fucking winter jacket on his foot

yeah so but with the AOC sketch all we were trying to point out is we have no problem with AOC or the we're just like silly we understand some good things are bad you know like we said before we understand both sides but the thing that we're

making fun of which was scary is that she tweeted out that any Trump that we were going to be on some kind of yeah sycophant yeah he's got a doctor. Yeah. Any Trump. He's got a doctorate in physical therapy,

but here's the thing about a physical therapy doctorate. You don't really got to learn how to read to know how to massage people. No, it's what it is. Yeah, I just get in there. It's just about making them come. So I, the sketch was about just calling that lunacy out,

how anybody would be on a list because of something they tweeted when the whole point of America is to have freedom of speech and be in democracy and agree to disagree. So we just thought that tweet was wild. So we went off that. If you're going to just write off almost half the country, that's insane.

For any one reason, that's insane. Yeah. And I think you got to understand some people might not be extreme right and they still voted for the guy. Why? Instead of saying, fuck you. Hey, maybe if you ask why you voted that way and then i understand you and then i'm like all right but here's my point of view look we can actually meet somewhere in the middle one i bet you one of the

because some members of my family did this one of their amazing one issue voters one issue well just how the republicans and democrats have chose you know either the pro-choice pro-life religion thing that makes people have to choose like Like people in my family are very Catholic, very religious, great people. They believe that a baby's a miracle and you can't kill a life, so they will always vote Republican, always, just because of pro-choice.

So it's like, does that make them a horrible person? No. But there should be separation of church and state. That's what I'm saying. There should be, but there's not. Yeah, it's not a religion. It's more of a, you know. But it's like, you know.

That ties back into Chris's point that not everybody should be able to vote i think yeah i think so too i understand you're religious any one issue that trumps everything else probably yeah i don't think i should be able to vote you made a good point though dude it's like yeah i mean we go the left has become uh such an easy target because there's so a lot of the far left has kind of hijacked them a little bit they've gotten so zany yeah but the right is still there's still meat on that bone because those motherfuckers will believe anything

true you get on the internet and you're like hey you're like hey there's kids I saw some kids getting touched in the basement

of a Walmart at 23rd and 2nd there's like 15 guys gonna show up in military garb and shotgun saying where's fucking Hillary Clinton

how did she turn into a demon and how is she fucking kids there's still to this day people that think Hillary Clinton like flavors her Pepsi with aborted demon and how is she fucking kids? There's still to this day people that think Hillary Clinton like flavors her Pepsi with aborted fetuses. Yeah, I mean,

you get a fucking parking ticket there like George Soros did this. George Soros is like the fucking all-knowing evil devil can do anything. Let me ask you guys a question.

I think, and I've said this before, I think... You gotta get more political, Akash. I think, I don't know anything. I didn't even know

every state got two senators. Here's what I think. I think, Rush Limbaugh said this, politics is not a a spectrum it's a circle and the extremes are the same and tell me if i'm wrong i think it's almost like you know kids like don't feel like they belong anywhere and sometimes that's how they fall into a gang like they just feel love from this group of people so that's their family do you think it's the same thing politically like what makes a person go extreme one way or the other i think there's a little little bit of like, yeah, a little comfort in the group for sure.

It's like a group. Hey, I belong somewhere. Yeah. Comfort in the group. It's the same, I think, for when like a woke mob comes after you. I think if they didn't know that there was others backing them up when those pylons happen online, they wouldn't do it. They would be quiet.

They'd be scared to go at you if they didn't know that they had like a whole group that would also pile on and like it and retweet it and yeah yeah i mean we're we're our species is shit yeah we're shit speech well it's based in tribalism our species that's that's the whole point of surviving this is a tribe and people always want to go right to oh that's race just no it's not about race it's about like what you said like you find your tribe you find the woke tribe or you find the conservative tribe or sometimes people do it on race or teens well the freedom of being a minority is my tribe is right there i don't have to look for it that's what's tough about me not in pakistan for sure absolutely not no they said right there you should be pointing they want a space for their own tribe

how's that going guys anyway i think it's easy if you're a minority in the sense that like oh this is my tribe i'm with them let's roll whereas for a white straight guy in america there is no hey this is what your identity is i remember andrew as a comic would always be like what do i open with i don't know how the fuck to open right to address the audience hey this is who i am for me i looked up we went back and like studied old comics every minority comic from chappelle greer barnes like i looked at special after special after special patrice i think they pretty much always open with in some way I am this race

let's acknowledge that I'm different than most people the majority of the country that's it white people don't have that thing to just latch on to so I think you guys

are more it's easier for you guys to fall into political extremes because it's like oh that's something I can latch on to that's my tribe you know what

white people are not a monolith absolutely not no group of people is a monolith but it's easier to be monolithic if there's 3 million Indians in a country of 300 million. Right. That's what I was going to say. It's easier for you to find comfort in the group.

Like Greeks. Greeks are very insular. They stick together and Greeks stay together. They make themselves a tribe. But white people, I think, especially now, has become sort of like when you see that white people phrase, it's become like a boogeyman. It's like white people don't know each other or care about each other at all. More people marched, in all honesty, more people marched for George Floyd than they did for Tony Timpa, who died the exact same way, and he was a white kid.

We talked about this on Patreon. No white people marched for that guy, and he was white. It's like we have had – we're a're systematically racist country but nowadays you can make an argument we've made a lot of progress we've had a black president and now we got the first african-american vice president i don't care if you tell me she's indian she's black yeah because she says she is because she said she is and that but that's the whole thing too where it's like okay i understand what people say america's such a racist place but then the evidence really go to europe yeah like never never in net not one european country has ever elected a black prime minister nobody when when a black player scores a goal in europe they'll still throw

bananas on the field yeah but wait a second you're forgetting one country that did who canada for one night there was a black president justin trudeau. Yeah, Justin Trudeau. For one night at one party, it was the first black president of Canada. Trudeau. Yeah. So my point is sometimes this narrative gets hijacked like anything else where we're so systemically racist of a country when the facts don't genuinely back that up. But for me, dealing with facts and emotions, there's two separate parts of the brain. When I'm talking to someone who's emotional about things, you cannot come at them with facts.

They don't care. You have to try to just match their emotions. So I would never get into an argument with someone who's not being factual because I try to lead as much as I can with just facts where I'm like, I think you have to. I think people just want them to they want to feel acknowledged. So if a black person is saying, yo, this country's fucked up blah blah there is racist yo there is absolutely racism sure if you're gonna say there's not progress i can't agree with that because there has been progress do we still have a long way to go sure yeah but you also can't and barack obama said the exact same thing on the maron podcast when he was great you can't you absolutely cannot say progress has not been made there is just evidence that has been made. Do we have work to do? Absolutely.

Relatively speaking, so do a lot of countries. I'll give you evidence that it's changed. Like, for example, like it used to be if you said, hey, I can't catch a cab because I'm black. I catch cabs so fucking easily, dog. It would be true. You'd be like, you know what? That's probably racist. Can I tell you something, though? Let me just say this.

Let me just say this. Let me finish this. You say you can't catch a cab probably used to be true, right? But now in 2020, if you're black and you can't catch a cab, let's be honest. When's the last time you saw a white taxi driver? It's not going to happen. 1973. It was a movie directed by Martin Scorsese.

I don't think they exist. If you're not getting a cab, you got to take that up with the South Asian community. If you're black right now and you can't get an Uber, you got to take that up with Metro PCS. Yeah, you got to take that up with fucking Hassan. Yeah, you got to take that up with fucking Hassan that's got nothing to do with Colby or Carter. And that's where Kamala Harris might make the most progress

is we might get less anti-black. What do you think of it? Do you have trouble getting a cab, Alex? No, but I do Ubers. Kid's got a Tesla. He don't fucking take cabs. But the thing is, yeah, it's like, to me, it's like...

Yo, if you're black, you got to get a Tesla so the cab driver can't be racist. It's like, yo, I got artificial intelligence doing this. Yeah, but I'm saying if the cab driver is racist- It don't know I'm not going to tip, huh? It's probably, if the cab driver is racist, it's probably not a white guy who's being racist.

That's my point. Yeah. The thing is- But I think if you're black, you don't care that they're not. Whatever race they are, that still feels racist to you. But there's racism, but there's racism but there's racism in every single race right i mean every race doesn't like another race for some reason even within their own race that's how travel we are even even even yana sitting here right next

to me again i am in no way shape or form diluting american slavery and how brutal it was to the african-american population it was horrible it's no way shape or form but yannis's fam yannis actually had someone who was enslaved in his family because when the Greeks were enslaved by the Ottomans up until the early 1900s. So you actually have people

walking around today who can look at someone who was enslaved. But if I said that to someone in black America, they'd be like, fuck you, we had it the worst.

And they had it horrible. But my point is that so many groups of people were enslaved. as jan has said before are just inevitably shitty people and will do things to fucking subjugate other groups and it's just gross yeah but so but to say you know white people are systemically racist and destroying america in 2020 is it's tough it's getting tougher and tougher to swallow but But I agree with you where I'm like, hey, if this person had, you know, things go on, fine. But we're all walking bags of chemicals. Dude, I have billions and billions of neurons in my head having different chemical reactions than you every second of the day.

So I may see things a little different than you, but it doesn't mean we're bad people if we're leading with love. If you've got to lead with love. And also, I mean, you just look at the word slave. It comes from the word Slav. It was when the Ottomans were enslaving people of the caucasus and in slav they were white and um even even to this day right now there's uh saudi arabia still has some they're the most enslaved people ever existed right now i mean uh abu what's it called ali dali what's the problem with abu dubai was built yeah dubi babi dubi babi was built by um south asian quote unquoteunquote slaves i mean they

were indentured servants but slavery yeah by arab fucking i'm amazed we did that well there because we also went to trinidad and you see how we built that shit that is shoddy work bro you guys are slaves you know but i'm sure you spoke about this i'm sure you've spoken about this on flagrant 2 before where you know racism it's it's monetized now there is no incentive at all for news networks to get rid of racism. They would lose money. They have to keep it alive. They have to look for every story

that might have the slightest hint of racism in it because if they don't, who's gonna, people hate watch more than anything. They need to keep that alive. We talked about this, I think this, maybe not that thing specifically, but 24-hour news is dangerous. Sure.

Because you need to constantly feed a beast. Sure. Like, motherfucker, who watching news for 24 hours a day? 3 a.m. you got news on? We need something that makes you stick in front, stick to that channel in front of the TV. Back in the day when it was 30 minutes, hey, this guy got murdered,

that guy got murdered. In local politics, all right, done. Even now, and I don't know what the story is, so I may be speaking prematurely, but there's a boy who just died in Louisiana and it's horrible

and he was found in a river and I think his face face was like, um, it looks a little bit like Emmett Till and they have it. So Emmett Till, of course, was a racist, horrible thing that happened where the people got away and that's brutal. And I would never stand for that. But this boy, nobody knows what happened to him. Nobody knows how it happened yet. There's no, the police are still investigating. They don't know know but yet already the narrative is look how much he looks like emmett teal which is fueling people to be like racism somebody did that somebody did that when none of that stuff is true yet but it's already getting in people's minds for him why because he looked like emmett teal they put it up and because they're trying to have this

subconscious racial narrative going on and a divide to jump up their numbers on the media that's what i believe yeah i mean there's racism i mean of course there is black people know i think but the media just goes like you can have when you see some shit like that where you are reminded you're like okay i want to see what the fuck is going on because i think i know how this looks yeah and there's a difference between that there's a gray space between that and this is automatically racist i don't need the facts fuck it i also understand the skepticism because cops have covered up so much of course for the past 200 years that they're like i'm not gonna believe this shit you don't need the facts. Fuck it. I also understand the skepticism because cops have covered up so much for the past 200 years that they're like, I'm not going to believe this shit.

You know what I think the problem is, dude? But it's dangerous when you just jump to that conclusion and then you go. I think the problem is like when news became content and when journalists got Twitter and they were trying to get followers and stuff like that, they didn't really adapt to the internet and they started using the same model, that advertiser model where we got to get clicks to get paid. started using the same model that advertiser model where we got to get clicks to get paid yeah and so as soon as news stopped being subscription-based news and started being like more it's a talk show now yeah it's a talk show yeah and like i work my show and why is jerry the

number one why was jerry springer the number one talk show in the 90s controversy fights yeah fights jerry yeah it's fucking it's car crashes. Even Schultz's YouTube numbers when they were big jumping a lot. If you looked at the comments a lot of it was fighting in between about stances he was taking.

If you got people fighting in the comments that's the key to the algorithm. I know. Fuck you tech companies and then you lecture us about morality when you've set

the fucking algorithm up for people to fight. Go fuck yourself. You do the same thing that cable news does you've turned us all into fucking rubberneckers that are pulling over to look at a car crash on the side of the fucking road go fuck yourself silicon valley you pieces of fucking dog shit from the east coast with love bitch recount the vote you know i had a on Fusion, which was owned by ABC News, and it was a new show.

Yeah. It was like we were trying to be like a millennial good morning in America show. How happy are you that you're done with that shit? I wanted to. That sounded so miserable. Oh, it was brutal. You had to explain to me what Fusion was. Cuz, but let's be honest.

Let's be honest. Cuz, but let's be honest. You were living in Miami. You were skinny mean, and you had some pieces passing through. I had a couple of pieces passing through the apartment. I had floor-to-ceiling windows. Every month you stay in Miami, one more button comes down. That's what it is.

You were a skinny fucking mini too, cuz. You can tell how long someone's been in Miami by how many every month the button comes down. But here's the thing. This was their motto. I'm pulling the curtain back a little bit so people know this is the truth. The truth is ABC News,

best in the business, Good Morning America, Kelly and Michael, whoever's sitting with her now, you know, the motto really is pick a fight. Pick a fight. That's what gets the most attention.

That's what gets rating. That's what they would tell us. Pick a fight. Yeah. So that's what they're doing. That's what they're doing. They're picking fights. So that's what they're doing. That's what they're doing. They're picking fights. So the problem is, you know, people see that and somehow, something happened around 2012

where people started to think that it was real, that like Ann Coulter really cares. It's fucking theater. You sit, Ann Coulter came to the stand and was laughing at fucking Joe. I mean, it's theater. And then she goes and writes a fucking book and says we're losing this country there's fucking Mexicans crawling in my soup

no there's not probably both sides do this but the biggest mistake I see the left make with this kind of shit is they always fuel that fire I didn't know

who Tommy Lahren was until liberals were offended so she was a piece and wanted to fuck her I would clean her out oh my god my wife doesn't watch Flagrant 2 right

I mean she's a fucking piece she's got no fumes, no fumade. No fumade. If she's got a hot husband, I'm in. You know what else, too? Social media, obviously, we know this, but it's almost like now, I think maybe in years from now, we may see this on a grander scale but i genuinely believe like russian bots and and you cannot just you cannot count them out that they might be fueling a healthy majority of the actual race

baiting going on the country i saw somebody get a black guy i think it was stanley from the office the man who played stanley from the office he posted dms that he got that were racist saying the n-word and horrible things right and he posted this is the type of stuff I live with and all those things. And then all the comments, race, race, race. I wouldn't put it past Russia that they created some bot to send those messages. I know that people do do that. I know there's disgusting racist people and all that. I know that.

But because of how easy it is to manipulate that algorithm and how easy it is for the Russians to make these bots to fuel racism and divide us from within. from what you can tell when you get hate fake comments because it's always the first name and then 10 numbers yeah i wouldn't discredit them at all where and but some of them look like so real where i'm like unless it's i've made a choice as a human being unless i physically see it happen in my actual physical realm if i see it on the news or on twitter instagram i just i discard it i don't let it get into my system because i'm like you just can't tell what's been manipulated who's telling the truth who's not or Instagram. I discard it. I don't let it get into my system because I'm like, you just can't tell what's been manipulated, who's telling the truth, who's not. There's too much of it. So I try to make my life small. If I see something that's

horrible, I try to act on it there. Or if I see something catch my attention, I act on it there. I'm not worried about what's going on all over the world because too much of our data is manipulated and I just think it's too risky now. It's a total Enron, Bernie Madoff pyramid scheme where the tech companies inflate engagement by allowing these bots and these fake accounts to increase engagement. They're drug dealers. To increase engagement so they can tell their shareholders and their public owners, look at how many users are on here. When really there's about a fraction of those users that are real and the rest of them are just digital bots or fake accounts that are there to sow discord.

And they look the other way with that because they profit off that. And then if you say a certain thing, they fucking flag you. So it's like, just like a sociopath who pretends to be the opposite of what he is to cajole you, that's exactly what the tech companies are doing that's exactly what social justice warriors do they're hiding and obfuscating the

fact that they're shit people and they're all about themselves by putting up the scopes the smoke screen saying i am here for all victims because nobody questions you if you say hey donate to this charity if you retweet a charity that says donate to this charity i'm a good person or if you point out somebody else's flaws nobody's going to question you because they're looking at the person it's a fucking tactic

it's transparent and we should be on to it now especially since that kid Tristan is now talking to the media yeah it's what it is Tristan he's pulling the curtain back of the Wizard of Oz

and the Wizard of Oz is a little Chinese kid that works at TikTok that's trying to destroy us they named it TikTok because they know the end is near they know America's almost over and the Wizard of Oz and a little Chinese kid that works at TikTok that's trying to destroy us. They named it TikTok because they know the end is near. They know America's almost over and they're just sitting there

going TikTok but they're saying it in Chinese. That fucking, yeah. That piece of shit fucking app is full of pedophiles and devil worshipers. That little Chinese kid

whoever made TikTok and the same petri dish they made TikTok to Wuhan Weezer and Yao Ming. All right, guys. We're going to take a break and we're gonna tell you about blue chew i know no andrew is normally the guy doing it but let me tell you something as a guy who is terrible at fucking blue chew is incredible what it is a little pill it's got all the same active ingredients as all these other medicines but it's chewable so it works much faster and you fuck much better.

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all, thank you to everybody who came out in Atlantic City. We had so much fun. Everybody was responsible. Everybody was distanced properly. Great audience. Y'all are what a quarantine audience should be. And I have one more show in December. Lungs were all good, and it's healthy to do the show.

We will proceed. If it's not, we won't. But December 12th and 13th, I'm going to be at the Comedy Connection in Providence, Rhode Island. Guys, go to akashsingh.com for tickets. Hurry up. Buy the tickets. You'll get your money back if it's not safe. We will take care of you.

Come have some fun. Now, let's get back to the show. Have you fucking perused TikTok? Yeah. Yeah. What do you think I jerk off to? You're not perused. No, no.

I'm kidding. No. It's so evil. I actually just got on TikTok. You had to get a new fucking screen protector. It's like 12-year-old girls fucking thotting out and kids with fucking face tattoos. America is over.

The fucking show's over, baby. Learn Chinese, and that's what it is. It's what it is. It's au revoir. What can you do? Understand nobody cares about you. The quicker you realize

that anybody from Sean King to Governor Cuomo to President Trump to Barack Obama, none of them care. They just want you to buy Obama. None of them care. They just want you to buy their books. That's right.

That's a perfect way to end that segment, I think. Yeah. All right. You see Trump's tweet? What is it? We're talking about Twitter. The only guy

who really does Twitter right, to be honest with you, is Donald Trump. This guy's the greatest. So you guys heard about the Moderna vaccine? Do you believe? Yeah, that's 95%

and the other one, Pfizer's 90%, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. Al actually suggested we buy stocks in other vaccine companies. I would do that. And I was looking at AstraZeneca like a fucking retard and then Moderna came. Who's Moderna owned by?

I'm only doing things from Indians. Is this Indian owned? We might probably have a CEO that's Indian. Okay. We don't be owning, but we be CEOs like a motherfucker. Okay. You guys are really good at stock trading. You guys crush that shit, sitting all day fucking day trading.

Because the best Indians, the smartest Indians come to America because it's the hardest country to get into and there's the most opportunity. So I went to England and did some shows with a bunch of Indians and I couldn't understand why they couldn't understand my jokes. And I was like, oh, you're the ones that were too dumb to come to America. So we got a lot of dumb Indians too, I realized sadly. It's just they're all the smart ones are here. So you grow up thinking we're the smartest people.

No, the geniuses are here. Yeah. I mean, we're the smartest people no the geniuses are here yeah i mean we're i mean yeah i mean you're here i mean you're not fucking you're not doing you're not doing math or science you're sitting here with fucking kids making more money than all these kids yeah but we're dumb i mean yeah i'm just saying like one slip through you yeah that's true yeah that's true the dumb one still made more than the hyphenic come on johnny's on steroids you know it's funny too it's not just the indians i mean that kid got juiced up that kid found the guidos and who's your juice dealer yeah you know what's funny too? It's not just the Indians. He's totally a fucking stellar. I mean, that kid got juiced up. That kid found the guidos. Who's your juice dealer? Yeah.

You know what? Nigeria. It's so unnecessary. Nigeria is also crushed. He's put that in. I don't even understand. Where did it come from? Why was it said? It's clearly just a thing you've been harboring.

We're talking about Indian kids. Yeah, he's jacked. He got jacked. Kid's jacked and I eat too many carbs. Yo, do you know Nigerians also outperform white people in America? Nigerians are great, dog. They outperform all white people. America? Nigerians are great, dog. They outperform all white people.

Yeah. So it's like... The only thing they're worse at is scamming. Their scams are mad like, what, you getting a fucking couple thousand for a fake pool table? Get out of here. Grow up.

It sucks. But you know what? That first round of Nigerian print scams worked. It did work. Yeah. A couple of grannies got hit. Yeah, a couple of grannies got hit hard. Send the money to the royalty

in some made-up African country. Okay. Here we go. Alex, can you read this Trump tweet? No. So Trump was just announcing that Moderna has another vaccine. But did you see when he said they're not sending it to New York? Right.

Because of Cuomo. Yeah. Because, I mean. Because he's the president of the United States. It's funny. He's just got to send. I mean, here's the truth though, Donnie T. If you don't send it to New York, I'll take my fucking car and drive to New Jersey.

And I'll just get it in Jersey. He acted like we ain't right there. Yeah. I'm in Jersey. It's right there. Give me an hour to drive in with traffic. I'm good. Yeah, I'll go to Jersey.

I'll go to PA. I'll get it, cuz. So Donnie T., you're going to give it to New York. We have to close. We got to close these gates out can you imagine if New Jersey started closing the borders

how pissed would you be if the border if you were on the wrong side of the border wall for once in your life here's the thing about New Jersey though if they decided to do that everybody would have a guy

that could get you through the border because New Jersey has fucking greasy dirt banks that's true if you just got cash cuz if you got cash you could do anything in New Jersey yeah

there's no way they could shut down the Verrazano we'll get to it yeah I mean the Verrazano's king. From Bay Ridge, you can fucking swim. You can swim to Staten Island, which is basically the way you get to Jersey. Yeah. Because, yeah, it's what it is.

I mean, I think that there's no way that it's going to happen. I do think, see, here's the thing, though, too. Here's what it is. We're down the middle guys. It's like, I think Cuomo's as big of an idiot as Trump. I think they're both equally disturbingly bad for our country, just in different ways. What did Cuomo do that you don't like? I mean, peddling a book in the middle of a pandemic where his choices killed thousands of elderly people. Here's the difference still between him and Trump. Yeah. I mean,

it's more of a politician about it, but he's still gross. But let's be honest. Here's the difference. Trump's a wasp, right? So Trump could do a lot of things I hate. And if Trump invited me over for dinner,'s not gonna change my mind About me not liking him But Cuomo I could hate the guy If he invites me over On a Sunday

And he makes a good sauce Oh a Sunday dinner With really Fucking Sunday dinner Yeah with fresh tomatoes Yeah If that kid comes up With some fresh regat

I'll take back Everything I ever said Yeah it just could change The whole thing If he comes over And the kid makes A mean lasagna Spaghet It's over Yeah I mean I'd whole thing if he comes over and the kid makes a mean lasagna spaghet.

It's over. Yeah, I mean, I'd like to punch his brother right in the face, though. I mean, Chris- Why, because you're jealous of that body? You've seen Andrew Cuomo's body?

Yeah. Or Chris, Chris, you ever want the fuck? Yeah, Chris Cuomo. That motherfucker got the body. That's why I'm upset. Chris Cuomo,

you're a fucking hero for getting Corona and crawling out of your basement like Anne Frank and walking into your multi-million dollar Hamptons house. You're so brave.

You are so brave. Are you mad because he looks like Miami Giannis? No, I just was mad that he looks like Miami Giannis. He does, yeah.

He's a joint. Yo, let me ask you a question. Do you think when white people walk into an Indian restaurant, the waiter just shouts at the chef, chicken tikka masala?

Yo, that's so funny. I had an Indian friend that told me that was his favorite meal, and I couldn't respect him ever again. Yeah. I was like, you ain't Indian. Get the fuck out of here. That's the white people's version of Indian food. I've never in my life had Indian food.

You know, it's not Indian. You've never in your life had Indian food? Never, not once in my life. I'm going to be honest. I would like to do it, though. No, don't bother. Really? It's so good.

I would do it. I hate being- You're a horrible ambassador for India. I hate being that guy. I hate bridging gaps. You guys stay over there. I'm good over here. We eat what we eat.

We'll go to your shit, eat what y'all eat if you want. You can come, but I don't need you. I only eat food that you could put on pizza. You know what I mean? I just want pizza

and Giannis says, Giannis coined me, I only eat food that's on the other side of a menu in a pizzeria. I'll go tortellinis, you know, like chicken rolls.

He thinks we're in a restaurant when we go to a pizza shop, he has to see the menu. That's how fucking trashy this kid is from Ridgewood. He walks in, he sits down, he says, can I see your menu, please? And what are the specials? And the guy goes, what are you talking about? The slices are right there.

He says, no, I want the other side. You want the calzone. I'm here for the pasta. I'm here for the specials. That's a nice, a fine dining. I take Yanni to Joe and John's Pizzeria in Ridgewood. Yeah, we went to a fucking 99-cent pizza store. The kid asked if he could have linguine with clams.

It's funny because these fucking burrowed trash. The Indian guy behind said, no, no, no. Not today. I mean, Indian kids love making pizza for 99 cents.

They do. Because we love value, yo. We know. It's actually pretty good pizza. It is. It's decent. It's great. We be owning the 99 cent pizza.

People are awesome. Yeah. Hot women. Yeah. I like a chunky Indian woman. And underrated. You know, you told me that the first time we met. I told you that before. Yeah. Very into chunky Indian women. Yeah, yeah. So if you're are awesome. Yeah. Hot women. Yeah. I like a chunky Indian woman. And underrated. You know, you told me that the first time we met.

I told you that before. Yeah. Very into chunky Indian women. Yeah. Yeah. So if you're out there. Yeah. And Kama Sutra's underrated.

I feel like you're gonna, your DM's about to blow the fuck up. Dude, what is up with, Kama Sutra's like martial arts. It's like fucking Brazilian jujitsu fucking people. I mean, it's. Open it up, it's mad, it's mad hard. Them positions are mad impossible. Yeah, but you gotta earn your belt. They had nothing to do back then except yoga. They didn't have bills mad impossible. Yeah, but you got to earn your belt. They had nothing to do back then except yoga.

They didn't have bills to pay. They were just doing stretches. They could do all this crazy shit. It's the martial arts of fucking though. Really. Does karma sutra, is it fertility based too? Karma sutra is very funny. Oh, I put an R in there?

Karma? Keep it. Credit karma sutra? Kamal sutra? Keep it that way I like it Does it lead to Like is it higher fertility too Is that what it's about

Multiple orgasms Multiple Okay so it doesn't do it Having children Also there's a billion of us So probably Right I mean we out there

Fucking Who is More people in India or China Who's number one In population We number one India's number one They out there

Chatting like babies That's like the fucking Rafa Nadal and Roger Federer of making too many people. If you ain't making iPhones in China, you could go as a kid. We'll get rid of you.

If you're making iPhones, we got a net there. We'll throw you back in the factory. Do you hold hand with guys when you go to India? I don't, but I seen it.

Yeah. I seen it. That's some fucking manly shit to do over there. Are you allowed to wear socks in India or it's all open-toe sandals all day, every day? No.

No, if it's cold, you're wearing socks in the house. It gets cold in India? We just don't have heat or insulation in the house, typically. So it's just cold as fuck. Because how wild is it in India if we walk down the street and we're not holding hands and they look at us like we're gay? It's what it is. Yeah.

Yeah. I know. I love it. But that's the thing. Every culture is so different. I like it. I want to go to India. How come you haven't had Indian food?

How do you jump from I've never had Indian food to I want to go to India? I legit want to. Because he's lying. No, not lying. 100%. No, I like this kid wants to go to India. I'd like to have a layover in India. Hey, let me tell you something.

When you're on layover, don't eat the food. Don't drink the water. No, I'm being dead serious. Once my daughter is like maybe 11 12 years old i want to if i'm hopefully in a financial place where people are poorer than puerto rican i want yes i want to get her out of you know because i took her you know i her mother her mother you know is your puerto rican from sunset park and you know i mean she never really saw the world i mean the first time i took her to preta manger she told her in paris you know is that the alpha towel over there in bay ridge i should know it's just pretty mangera and

severed they have because when she grew up in sunset park was she looking at like two shiny cities on a hill with park slope and bay ridge on either side she was like one day i'm gonna get to one of them one day i'm going to make it i'm telling you if i just keep i'm going to find me somebody classy. I'm just going to go to those bars and pretend to be interested in Dave Matthews

and then that's it. I got him. That's right. That's what it is. Yeah, so I want my daughter, you know, because all my whole family go out there.

So I would love to take them to India, China, do all that stuff, you know, in a few years. So if I go shopping for your family, should I just go to Mandy's? Yeah, just go to,

because if you come in with an outfit from Mandy's, that's what it is. What about Rainbow? Ain't Rainbow – Rainbow, big time Rainbow. I got your baby some Skechers sneakers that light up. Is that going to work? That's all it is. That's what we need, yeah.

Rainbow and Queen Helene hair gel. Do you think maybe we could help Puerto Rico if we just sent them a bunch of Skechers to give the lights and footwear? The babies love it. They got electricity now. They love it. You get enough light-up shoes, you can see. Cause, yeah.

And you know what? A lot of Puerto Ricans voted Trump. That's just, that's the cold hard truth. Yeah, it's just- A lot of Puerto Ricanos I know, at least in New York, voted Donnie T.

A lot of people are trying to play that off like it's not a big deal, but we're talking about- Al said that's not true. Al is not Puerto Rican. Is that true? No, it's not.

I'm telling you, I think, well, not a lot. Definitely majority voted Biden, but I would say a higher percentage- Growing percentage? Growing percentage, for sure. More people say a higher percentage of Puerto Ricans. More Puerto Ricans voted for Trump this time than last time.

Every group. We're talking from like 5% to like 8%. I don't know if it's that low because Hispanic is 37. Well, apparently that's why Trump won Florida is because in Miami-Dade, Cubans flipped over to Trump. Cubans are conservative kids. Cub The Cubans are an conservative case. Cubans would vote for fucking, yeah. If you got a business, they'll vote for you.

Yeah, that's the thing. As soon as you say the word socialism, they're traumatized by Castro. 100%. Of course. Which I understand. You can't fucking split a check with a Cuban. You ever try to sit down and say,

hey, we should all just split this? They're like, fuck you. You had six fries. I had five. I come from a communist country. I'm paying for mine. You pay for yours. And then they just pull a gun out at you and say, get away from me split this they're like fuck you you had six fries i had five i come from a communist country i'm paying for mine you pay for yours and then they just pull a gun out of you and say get away from me you commie bastard yeah these are don't touch my empanadas yeah don't touch my fucking traumatized all right yeah yeah so so i mean

you know to each their own that's what i'm about but the numbers went up the numbers went up for trump for trump i think what is it if we google, it's like the black vote. Everybody went up except white people. Black went to like eight. I think white men to actually be more specific. More black people voted for Trump than any Republican

since like, since Nixon or something, since they flipped. Al, why is that? Why'd you vote for Trump? Let us know. I didn't vote. Just give us some insight on why.

He has a Tesla. Yeah. If you got money, you're going to. How funny was that when 50 Cent finally saw what the tax was going to be if he made 400 and over. He was like, what the fuck? That's what flipped Al's vote. Al're going to. How funny was that when 50 Cent finally saw what the tax was going to be if he made 400 and over?

He was like, what the fuck? That's what flipped Al's vote. Al was going to vote for Biden, and then he saw what 50 Cent tweeted. Dude, how many people do you think are liberal for the gram and then in private? I mean, what are the fucking chances? I know one. I'm trying to tell you guys. Fiscally conservative.

Yeah, you want to pretend because all the people that buy your shit would benefit the most if Bernie comes into power. So on the gram, you say we need this. But then you get in your accountant's office and you're like, how do we hide all this fucking money from the government? Guys, if I hired Edward Snowden to get into Sean King's laptop, I bet you he voted Trump because he makes money. This is what I was going to say. If you think electing a liberal is not going to benefit you tax-wise, a Democrat at least,

you're fine. They're going to have so many loopholes for rich people and people to vote for them i think no matter who's in office like i'm gonna get taxed more because of biden but i was like i don't i guarantee you because be honest we saw your patreon you guys are rich so that's why you're gonna get taxed you know what i mean not trying to flex too hard but number one you know what it is y'all there though y'all catching up y'all made steady progress on your patreon yeah we keep going yeah we're not here because we love you guys. I mean, we do, but we're here because, you know, we're trying to steal a few more black hits to come to our Patreon. That's what it is.

No, no, well, Patreon, much like yours, well, you guys do it even more on your just public podcast, but like we just, it's completely uncensored. We're just going wild, but it's all comedy first. Like we don't, everything that we do as comedians is just with the intention of the joke first. Like we don't take any stances without a joke do you do you realize how what kind of trouble our society's in when people are like screaming at comics like we're in trouble that was like the first sign that like we're in deep trouble and now you can see

it's kind of come to fruition how backwards everything is. I mean, you're screaming at comics for what they say? You know what people don't understand? This is a big adjustment I've had to make. And they're kind of finally seeing my point of view. People, like as I get older, my family, conservative Indian family, in-laws, whatever. It's like funny is the value. I value funny more than almost anything. Not everything.

You're more important. But funny is really fucking high on my list of values. So I weigh what's funnier. That's probably the stance I'm going to take. The funny is my value, not the value.

Not pro-life, pro-choice. I literally look at issues and I'm like, what's the funnier thing? That's what I'll say publicly. And then privately, I vote how I vote. But we can separate,

like the government separates church and state. We separate funny from emotions and values yeah funny is the thing that matters I blame Hillary I think cancel culture

started with Hillary that's when we all started that's when this whole pretend thing started we all had to pretend like she was a strong self-made woman and we had to pretend

like she wasn't a piece of shit like you know she was accomplished she was the wife of fucking Bill Clinton and she that's how we learned her name and her Medicare fucking she tried to get Medicare she tried to do what Obama did She was the wife of fucking Bill Clinton. And that's how we learned her name.

And her Medicare fucking, she tried to get Medicare. She tried to do what Obama did. She failed. She failed at fucking everything. Epstein. She stunk in Syria. She stinks. And then everyone started celebrating her.

So that's where the pretend started. And then we had to pretend that women made less than men because of something other than their choices. We had to pretend that comedians were fucking Nazis. We had to pretend. That's where the world started. It's all Hillary's fault. Lock her up. Lock her up.

Lock her up. Yeah. Yo, you were supposed to join that chat. Yo, he left him hanging. Yeah, I know. He laughs at all the racist shit you say.

No, I won't. Why, why? He just couldn't believe I was doing it. Yeah, I was like, oh boy. He was just so happy on the inside. Yeah, he got so happy. I was like, that's one that could get clipped he just couldn't believe i was doing it yeah i was like oh boy he was just so happy on the inside you guys so happy i was like that's one that could get clipped and i won't get in trouble for it i think it started before that though and we talked

about this a bit i moved here in 08 for comedy from la which is also liberal but i was shocked here like i would do like these open mics or whatever and if i brought up race the comics would get uncomfortable sure and i was I was like, what is happening? I think the PC culture started here the second I moved here, I saw in 2008. I think it's been a building thing. And then it kind of infected both sides where Republicans want to cancel you for shit,

liberals want to cancel you for shit, everybody's taking screenshots of everything you said. Yeah. At a certain point. You can't cancel comics now. Now it's like if you're a comic, you used to be worried,

oh, I'd get canceled by a network. Now you'll get canceled by your peers. We had, we just, yeah. We just fucking had this. I mean, it was crazy, dude. So we posted that unnoticed sketch. And then some kid that was in his promo. I hired to do my promo for my special on Comedy Central, Size 38 Waste, started calling us dumb motherfuckers and going at us. It was crazy.

I mean, he was in the sketch. And he goes, Chris DiStefano is the dumbest motherfucker I ever met. And I just want to call him and be like hey bro you know how easy it is to see that you're just upset

because you're broke you're broke you're just you're broke you're bitter because you're broke I mean is Chris DiStefano

the kid who's got a doctorate in physical therapy and who's doing really good in comedy is he really the dumbest motherfucker you ever met or are you just upset

because the alt scene crumbled and you're just, the ship went down and you got a life vest on and you're just bobbing in the water all pissy. Can you see how somebody would think Chris is the dumbest motherfucker? Yeah. He texts, he texts, I got cast, I got cast.

He retweets the AOC sketch, which thank you by the way. Thank you for the views. He goes, I got cast at hipster number one in the opening sketch of this guy's comedy central stand-up special and he's maybe one of the dumbest motherfuckers i've ever met in my life then he goes probably the other dumbest asshole i've ever met is this guy yannis then he goes these were the hipster jokes in the script they wrote in the year 2018 and he shows the script and he goes but then they decided to go off script and improv improv lines like i bet you cried about kavanaugh and i can't tell which

one is the boy and the girl funny Funny. Yeah, funny. We were ripping these fucking idiots. And by the way, he's so fucking stupid, the script that he posted was actually what Comedy Central wrote. Yeah, so he just cost himself a job fucking delivering mail for Comedy Central. Listen to her. Listen to me, her or they.

Again, I'm going to defend this guy. Comedy Central doesn't have jobs like that, so he's fine. Don't worry about it. But to Giannis' point, it's like there's a lot of angry people because you got to understand something too. Something that I think is like, yes, Trump is extremely, there's being an elite and that's entitlement and elitism is entitlement. But so is being a victim. Being a victim is also entitlement.

You're hijacked. This kid's victimhood is entitlement. There's currency in victimhood. Did we really do anything to you? I mean, the kids screamed at us and we did also we did something we call it cloutivism where it's like you're an activist for clout you're a cloutivist so i but also i'm starting to realize as we go further into this we're kind of winning this battle so like yeah i don't want to even give this kid the energy anymore no i don't do it we if you're offended there's people

in our comments offended all the time okay i don't care. You're a small percentage of it. You're not as worth my energy. I still get insecure, but you're not as worth my energy. Yeah, but now I'm going to start engaging in all of them once I learn that the algorithm is all about hate. Yeah, it's all about hate and people arguing with each other. I'm arguing with everybody. I tweeted back at this kid. I tweeted back at this kid.

You're on notice. And then I muted him. Good for you. Good for you. And I just gave him a piece of my mind because I care about truth. No, I have a mental illness and I get paid for it. You invited him on the podcast. Yeah, I invited him on the podcast.

I have a mental illness. So when you see me fucking on Twitter, I'm not fighting for anything except my mental illness. Literally? I am mentally ill. I can't handle Giannis' tweets, yo. Because every single day of my life when I'm with Giannis, my only goal for the day is somehow try to secretly get his lithium into the air conditioner so it

calms down that's what i try to do is i just try to squirt a little lithium in there yeah pull the mic a little bit closer the kid always he's got a problem with the mic he's yanni alzheimer's he's yanni biden early onsets yeah we call him yanni biden i mean the kid is getting old fast he's 45 years old with a fucking newborn i mean when his daughter's his daughter's gonna be going out of diapers and he's going to be going into them. I mean, cuz,

just save the diapers because you're going to need them. Yeah. Old fat, fat, fat fuck. Yeah.

I don't have to, I don't have to worry about defending my daughter at all because if a fight happens, she's like, nobody's going to hit me. I mean,

it's just going to be like, we're not going to hit your granddad. You're a grandpa with glasses. I'm her dad and her granddad at the same time.

At the same damn time. Yeah. What it is. It's what's going on. It's what it is. Itdad at the same time. At the same damn time. Yeah. What it is. It's what's going on. It's what it is. It's what's going on. He's Yanni Biden. Yeah.

What's your favorite Indian dish? Do you go with saag? I love saag when it's made at home. Lamb? Teak and masala? I'm a fog for saag. Yeah. Cuz, can we make content

where we go to an Indian restaurant and we watch you pretend to not want to crawl out of your skin to eat it? No, let's do a thing where we go to Indian restaurants and then we have a timer on and we see how long it takes me

before I pull out a fucking bottle of grated Parmesan cheese and start putting it on everything. Yo, you're gonna look at it. I had a black homie, Shouts to Real Battle, text me after the first time he had Indian food and he said, I couldn't eat it for a long time because going to look at it. I had a black homie, Shalstarell Battle, text me after the first time he had Indian food

and he said, I couldn't eat it for a long time because it should look like vomit. I can't even front. Right. And then he said it tasted great,

but I was like, you know what? I get it. Yeah. I get where you're coming from. I don't, I'm down to try it. I just never,

you know, I was just raised that anytime an Indian restaurant opens, you throw a Molotov cocktail to the window. That's the way it was raised. That's the neighborhood

I grew up in. It's not my fault. That's his culture. Don't discriminate. Don't discriminate. No kidding. I've just never eaten it. I would love to the window. That's the way it was raised. That's the neighborhood I grew up in. It's not my fault. That's his culture. Don't discriminate. Don't discriminate. I'm kidding. I've just never eaten it. I would love to try it.

I love that you have to say you're kidding. You think I wasn't sure. Well, the flagrant two fans fucking know, right? Flagrancy's on fleek. I would say Indians, a good Indian,

like a good Indian is up there, dude. It's up there. We're the greatest. I mean, it's great cuisine. What's number one? Is Italian is number one? Can we just admit that from everybody in here the turks say no what do you say you think mediterranean is number one oh shut the fuck up i'm not better than italian not better

than italian what's so great about it it's just dry ass chicken everything you gotta eat with fucking hummus if you don't say italian i'll shoot a silver bullet through your heart italian what's wrong with italian oh I get it now. Fucking bombed. I get it. It's all good. I just missed it. What was it? I suck.

Nobody bats a thousand. No, I suck. You're batting 999. It's all good. Yeah. Italian food is the best. It's just melted cheese and pasta. Who don't like that?

Every dish. Melted cheese and bread. I would say. No, I would say to you, my friend, my British friend, I would say Italian's one. Mediterranean is two. I give Mediterranean two. Yeah. Mexican three.

What we do know is English food is way down on the list. Which one? English food is way down on the list. British food, yeah. I mean, blood pudding. What are you, fucking vampire? What are you guys doing? Baked beans and toast?

Get the fuck out of here. I'm one of my team, Edward. I mean, what the fuck? I mean, is your fucking cuisine based on whatever's left in the pantry from three years ago? When we went to Germany, it was a Zagat fucking Zagat rated. Fucking Zagat, you fucking Zagats. Why don't we just start going Zagat? That's what I said.

When we say Agat, we drop the F. Yeah. So this Zagat rated restaurant in Germany. Remember, they gave us cut up hot dogs. I was like, what is this, for my daughter? Dude, we went to a, we were in Germany, prancing us cut up hot dogs I was like what is this for my daughter dude we went to a we were in Germany prancing around

like a couple of zagets I felt great in Germany yeah it was zaget heaven yeah we were just in zaget heaven we went to Austria we were freaking we weren't holding hands

because we're not Indian but we were having a good time and we went to a zaget rated restaurant they said it's the top you know how trashy you guys are that you think

like a zaget rating is like a big fucking deal we're trash they rate mad restaurants it's not like a Michelin star havey you guys are that you think like a Zagat rating is like a big fucking deal? We're trash. They rate mad restaurants. It's not like a Michelin star. Have you been to Ridgewood Queens? They're in a book with all the restaurants in the city. Yeah.

I mean, I'm from Ridgewood because I think Chick-fil-A is Zagat rated. Yeah. I mean, he brought his passport to the Brooklyn Bridge the first time he went there. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. No, it must be good. It's on Yelp. Yeah.

It's got to be great. So we went in there and we were like, what's the best thing on the menu? They said, well, bring it. It was a hot dog with sauerkraut and applesauce that they put on the plate. Literally, my daughter is in kindergarten and has this same lunch right now. German food might be the worst. German food is bad. They're good at other things.

They're good at a few other things they're pretty good at. Yeah. Germans can do something else. If you've got a restaurant, I would say have the Italians be the cooks and have the Germans be the cleaners. Yeah.

They should. Yeah. Can we get away with that? I'm sorry. I'm kidding. I'm just joking. Patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys. Yeah.

They definitely know how to keep it moving so how long's that table been waiting for you so you see what just went in the oven if that table doesn't get it's food something else is going into the oven let me tell you something if you don't like that joke but you like Borat

you're a fucking hypocrite you fucking hypocrite fuck you and fuck Trump. You guys sound like two old guys. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Watch it, fucking Zagat. You guys are becoming

two old men on recliners just yelling at the TV. Yeah, just yelling at the TV. You're becoming your grandfathers. Every time you're on this show, you're more and more like your grandfather. Yeah, we're just yelling

about the crowd. We're a couple of fucking Zagat reviews. We're a couple of Zagat, because the truth is, yeah, but then here's the thing with us is then we'll go on our own podcast and we'll go the total opposite way. We're just in the middle. We're chameleons. No, is, yeah. But then here's the thing with us is then we'll go on our own podcast and we'll go the total opposite way.

We're just in the middle. We're chameleons. No, no. I'm not talking about your view. I'm just saying just the yelling. Oh, just the yelling. Just the yelling at everybody and anybody. We're white.

We're white. We have a lot of anger. We're angry. It's our problem. It's sorry. It's not about you. It's us. We'll work on it.

We'll work on it. All right, guys. Let's take a break. And I'm very excited about this next sponsor. It is Whoop. Now, I've been hearing about Whoop for a long time. I finally put one on yesterday. I'm not going to lie.

I had to have Alex open the clasp for me because I'm not that strong. And that's my point. I have always been in bad shape. Quarantine has made it even worse. But I'm committed to getting in less shitty shape as good as my body will allow. Still not great. But Whoop is what's going to help me get there. What whoop does, it's whatever your Fitbit does times a thousand.

It is incredibly personalized. It measures your sleep, tells you about the slow wave cycles, the REM cycles, all of that. It can also tell you how your performance is. It measures your strain. Let me do that again. It measures your strain every day, meaning how hard did you work. Then, how well did you sleep? How well did you recover?

And they send you monthly reports that are incredibly detailed. So if alcohol fucks up your sleep, whoop is going to let you know. If melatonin improves your sleep, whoop is going to let you know. Alex, you've been using this for a while. Do you have any input? I enjoyed it. I do keep track of my sleep schedule when I use it. I'll see how many times I wake up in the night and stuff like that and it gets interrupted. I love that. The hardest thing in the world about for me getting in any

kind of good shape is just like keeping track of what I'm doing every day. This does it for you. It personalizes everything. I'm so excited about using this and you're not going to see a difference because I never get any stronger, but that's my body's fault. That's not whoops fault. Alex looks way better than he did two months ago. So guys go to whoopop.com, W-H-O-O-P, and you will get 15% off your order with the promo code flagrant. Whoop.com, promo code flagrant, sleep better, recover faster, be smarter about being fit in this quarantine, guys.

You're welcome, and let's get back to the show. You know what's fun? We're infected with white. I'm not even gonna get into it. Just do it, come on. Yeah, I mean, you know what's fun? It's like when your friend who's like a multimillionaire who's like, you know, and she's a minority and she tells you, she calls you like white.

She's like, that's because you're white. Oh, yeah. You know? No, I believe in American privilege superseding. I believe other privilege exists. But if you're in America, you have some level of privilege. Yeah. And you can acknowledge that.

Yeah. Like, I'm pretty lucky to be in this country. Yeah. Yeah. Who sees skin more than, let's this country yeah who sees skin more than let's be honest who sees skin more than progressives

they're always talking about it yeah it's like the I'm Jew you know when you meet a Jew and they always like throw in like they just let you know

like by the way I'm Jew you know it's like I didn't ask you hear the disgust in Chris's voice yeah because it's just

the transparency I just don't like people like you just don't like knowing someone's a Jew yeah it's like why are we no not even

no I don't care about that I didn't even I didn't even I fucking got an N95 yeah oh my god oh my god oh my god

that's so good that's so good holy fuck holy fuck oh my god yeah that's the best joke all episode.

Holy fuck. Patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys. Yeah. Give me a second. Holy shit. Yeah. Oh my God.

Oh my God. I'm kidding. Just kidding. Yeah. We're just joking. So Chicago is your stay at home, huh? Yeah. Did they really issue a stay at home? Well, there goes my shows in fucking Illinois. I'm kidding just kidding so Chicago issued a stay at home huh

did they really issue a stay at home well there goes my shows in fucking Illinois I got my shows in Philly cancelled and now those shows I think it's like a request

it's like a stay at home request you know like that's the thing that's conservatives they're always like they don't believe anything you could show them facts and you could be like

hey this virus is coming and they're like fuck it that's not the fucking virus you know it's fucking that's Hillary changing forms George Soros I was trying's fucking, that's the only change of forms. I was trying to get it off politics, but boy, he just,

he was right back. But the voice is so funny, just run with it. Huh? The voice is great. Do it. Yeah, no, I'm just saying, that's the conservatives,

like, they don't believe the virus is real still. Their grandmother could be choking in front of them, be saying, I can't breathe. Be like, fucking get out of here. Get out of here. You're a crisis actor.

That's a cold. You got the flu. People die of the flu. It's the same shit. He conceded now? I concede? No, he didn't. He said,

Trump said, he only won. Is this new? He only won because that's how voting works. I lack evidence to support my claims and accusations,

so my followers will protest because they'll listen to my disputed claims before doing research while I keep going to the golf course. Whenever I lose, I say it's rigged.

I concede. Oh, you gotta have been hacked. This is fake. It's either a fake tweet or it's hacked. It's fake I lose, I say it's rigged. I concede. Oh, you've got to have been hacked. This is fake. It's either a fake tweet or it's hacked. It's fake, yeah. Oh, it's at Donald. How is he verified? No, but I think that's probably fake.

That's a fake tweet. That's funny. He's going to have to concede. Even if he voted for him, he's going to have to concede and just do the right thing. I don't think he's ever going to say, I lost. I just wish he would because it's like, look, for me, I'm an American first. Like you said, the president's the president, and we just deal with deal with that you got respect for the commander-in-chief and just move on like i mean kamala won just let it go how much anger he had to swallow one kamala harrison

michelle obama will be our president and vice president in about by march of 2021 and that's whatever i like how we're supposed to pretend like joe biden wasn't a trojan horse yeah kamala in there i mean he's on the runway. He's almost dead. Really? He'd be looking vivacious, though, when he ran down that fucking ramp. He'd look great. Oh, my God. I couldn't believe it.

What did they pump this guy full of before the speech? About 2024, 2028, whenever AOC gets elected, then it's going to be Gulag time. Yeah. Then it's going to be bread lines. Then just get ready because then it's really over. Don't worry. Everyone worries about Biden. No, no, no, no no it's when aoc gets her fucking nut job she's got that thing that every crazy latina woman i've ever dated has where when you're looking at her i'm pretty sure that's only

about one crazy latina woman i just did it an hour ago i know what we're doing i know what we're doing i fucking she's got that thing my kids want all the girls latina women i didn't have it when they're looking at you and talking to you one of their eyes goes lazy for a second then comes back and aoc did it in the speech i saw one of her eyes drift and come back i said there's your son jeff foxworthy voice what does that mean when one eye goes i don't know dude it's just something i've noticed in a lot of puerto rican women i've dated that it goes back and then next thing you know the kitchen knife's out to your throat and you're giving her your phone yeah plus you know what they test athletes they're not testing politicians these guys are on like they're taking stuff they're taking steroids

performing enhancement I mean because they gotta start testing politicians right he's he's 80 years old he's running down what do you want they were all on meth yeah your Biden might be on a little juice yeah I mean all the Nazis were high on crystal meth. Panser chocolate. Crystal meth been around that long? Yeah, they invented it. It's really white crack, dude. It's white crack. As a matter of fact,

we did an episode about the Nazis being wild months ago, but a lot of the Nazi soldiers committed suicide after the war. One, because of the side effects

and after effects of being on crystal meth so long. And two, their vision was so clouded and they were in such like a hyper aggressive state. They couldn't believe what they did to these people. Every single SS officer in the Holocaust camps, they all were pumping them with crystal meth.

They called it ponder chocolate, which is like, so it was like a, you know, they called, they put in a little chocolate, but they were all fucking, you watch,

if you watch Hitler, his, his, his hands are always like this. Yeah. So, but with German chocolate, you get that coconut in it,

so you couldn't tell the difference between coconut and crystal meth. You just thought it was delicious-ass coconut. Germans make good chocolate. They do. Well, Swiss. Swiss. They're German-Swiss, right? Germans are weird because some of them speak French, some of them speak...

It's weird. It's weird. Germans, they have decent desserts and coffees. Dece. I didn't even know what a Linzitar was until I met you. Linzitar. Shout-out Rudy's Bakery Ridgewood Queens but let me ask you a question

could I just take two vanilla cookies and put Welch grape Welch grape jelly between them and squeeze them together and that's a Linzatar yeah I mean I guess you fucking could why the hell not dude I don't know how to make a Linzatar strudel's good too apple strudel's good

you guys are 65 years old you know how fucking old you guys are right now fucking linzatar not bad huh yeah fucking linzy's good fucking yeah giant the giants are in time for first place they have three wins yeah i'm a cowboy fan so it's the worst i mean could you imagine being the i certs i think steven a smith said this the nfc east is the worst division in sports history yeah it. It's probably true. Easily football history. It's comical. It's comical how bad they are that the Giants literally have three wins

and are now like one game out of first. Yeah. Because the Eagles have a tie. That happened for a while in basketball with the East. Yeah. It was like whoever they were sending to the playoffs, they were just like lambs to the slaughter. Thank God LeBron.

We make fun of LeBron. The West was like the Harlem Globetrotters, and the East was like the Generals. The Generals, yeah. We make fun of LeBron because he was in the East. That's how he always went to the finals. If he wasn't in the East, you know how bad those finals would be?

Totally. Oh, my God. Thank God for LeBron. The fucking Celtics with a rookie, Jason Tatum, going up against the Warriors. That's not even fun. It's not even fair. It was barely fun the other way.

It's not fun at all with these fucking dorks. Yeah. Steven's coaching them. Yeah, buddy. Do you think the former teammate of LeBron fucked his mom? Delonte West. I think it's pretty proven that he had sex with Delonte. I believe it.

Which is fine. It happens. Delonte West struggles with bipolarity a lot. Yeah. So I think he could do some crazy shit and not really be accountable. And those dudes with bipolar, they get really charming when they're on a manic episode. And that's when you can really seduce someone's mom to fuck her when you come and you really bring the heat. So that's when he probably seduced her.

Probably banged on his mom. I mean, what can you do? Good for LeBron's mom. He deserves some NBAD. I don't know if he can do that, dude. What's worse, banging a guy's wife or his mom? I would say bang. In your case, I would say your mom

because she's in a wheelchair. Yeah. So there'd be a double whammy. But she doesn't know where she is, so no harm, no foul. That's a good point, too. That's a good point. And I'm almost as old as your mom, so maybe I could date her. That's what it is. Yeah.

I'm kind of hoping for that. Because imagine you weren't my fucking stepdad. That would make things interesante. That's what I call a banging podcast. That would be a fucking banging podcast, me and my stepdad. Yeah. Yeah, I would definitely rather me and my stepdad. Yeah. Yeah, I would definitely rather fuck one of your moms. Yeah.

They wouldn't even remember how bad the dick was. I'm fine. Right. I got to waste God free. Yeah. Yeah. When I was a kid, when I was 15, in my core group of friends, one of my friend's dad started dating my mom, and it was brutal.

Being 15 years old, because the dad, it was funny. Who cares? But the mom, every time there was a l lull in the conversation somebody's like what do you think brian's dad's doing and somebody else like banging princess mom and there was just fucking fistfights in the back of the garage when they were passing around the weed so many fistfights because it's like but i got it as i got older it's like that's it's a great joke now when indians get divorced do they get on the elephants and just go the opposite direction that's how we don't get divorced, do they get on the elephants and just go the opposite direction?

That's why we don't get divorced because it's too expensive to get the elephant again. That shit is mad expensive. And then we go away from each other. That's why we don't get divorced. I believe this. The wedding is so expensive. We're like, we're not throwing this money.

You guys need a whole fucking zoo at your reception hall. Son, it's two of the four Disney kingdoms in one hotel venue. It's the fucking animal kingdom outside. It's magic kingdom inside. It's just too much. And then there's the dude

who dances around the fire, right? Yeah. It's a good show. It's Magic Kingdom inside it's just too much and then there's the dude who danced around the fire right it's a good show it's a great show we don't dance but it's still fire but there's still fire

being lit on the floor it's pretty awesome we got the best wedding it's not even close what is a Greek wedding you break the glass break a plate what did we do

you were at a Greek wedding I was there you gotta cut that part out yeah she still has my sweatshirt. Yo, Giannis' mom, give back Chris' sweatshirt. How did you do that? Schultz was at the wedding, and he wore a Don Johnson Miami suit at a black tie event.

As soon as that's when I knew the monster Andrew Schultz was going to become. I'm not talking about career-wise. I'm talking about just a fucking monster emotionally. It was a black, clearly on the invitation, black and white affair. Black and white affair. Which meant the blacks were sitting over there and the whites were sitting over there. And he showed up in a Don Johnson checkerboard suit. I said, this kid's an animal.

We've lost him. Someone needs to contain this fucking virus. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He needs to contain this virus. yeah yeah yeah he needs to contain this virus but he looked beautiful he looked sexy and sleek

and I was just like god damn it Andrew I'm in room 421 the Greeks the Greeks dance we do a lot of dancing we throw money here's the thing

a lot of people don't know making it rain is a Greek thing Indians will do that too you guys throw money too right what are the chances we get invited to

Schultz's wedding you think high or low? I think I'm going to go low because it's probably going to be like fucking lit lit. Like it's going to be like, let's try to imagine Schultz's wedding. First of all,

I think it's taking place in Sweden at one of those ice hotels under the water, right? Alex definitely is going to be working the wedding. 100%. The wedding will be subtitled.

That's a guarantee. Yeah, I mean, there's going to be points where Akash is going to be working the wedding. 100%. The wedding will be subtitled. That's a guarantee. I mean, there's going to be points where Akash is going to be sitting down. They're going to be like podcasting the wedding while they do it. 1000%. It's going to be fucking litty-litty. The Rock's going to be there apparently now. Mark Gagnon's going to be a bridesmaid. Yeah, Mark Gagnon going to fucking throw that Florida monkey in a suit.

Yeah. I mean, what fucking Florida trash done good is that fucking kid? Yeah, and here's the thing... He got off a fucking fishing boat and hit the lottery meeting Schultz. Here's the thing is, as I guarantee you,

Andrew would put us on the... I want that fucking kid to get me a grouper right now out of the water. Here's the thing. Much like what's going on in Florida and Georgia and where they're ripping up the votes, Andrew is going to put us on the list and his fiance is going to rip that up. He's going to in Florida and Georgia and where they're ripping up the votes Andrew is going to put us on the list and his fiance

is going to rip that up she is not going to let us make she's going to listen to one minute podcast and say no I'm not having these construction workers

I don't know if he'll be at the wedding I think I'll be at the wedding and not at the bachelor party and maybe you guys will get my invite why don't you go to the bachelor party

I will be no fun on the bachelor party I think he knows that so I think he's going to be like don't come if you're going to ruin it because be no fun on the bachelor party. I think he knows that. So I think he's going to be like, don't come if you're going to ruin it. Because you can't go outside. You should hide. Because your wife is a fucking four-room piece.

And if I catch her outside, I'm throwing her in my harem. I'm fucking catching her. I'm the lookout. I'm fucking getting one of my girl's towels thrown on my head and proposing. I mean, your wife is a fucking stone cold. When she comes around, I fucking grab the peace guns and I just go.

Other times she would be official property of the British Empire. They would take her for London. You're just not big enough to protect her. I'm sorry to say. Get a weapon. When you said get a fucking weapon.'m sorry to say. That's why I got a gun. Get a weapon. When you said get a fucking weapon. When you said you were going to get a gun, did you see me raise my finger?

I need that gun. Me and Chrissy are trying to figure out where you live. I need to get her in my harem procto. What's the deal with Indian guys? Because you're, what, 30? 36. 36. You're 36.

So if you're not married by, in Indian culture, if you're a guy and you're not married by 40, are you gay? Is that what happens? No, no, no. If you're a girl, it's a problem. If you're married by 40 are you gay is that what happens no no no if you're a girl it's a problem if you're a girl do they kill you

or what no no no you just look mad pathetic got it I wasn't sure the actual rules like Giannis' wedding because it was a girl

I didn't know like if they discard the first one as a girl because they just have to have boys and warriors I don't know the fucking rules he tried to send me a goat as a present

he thought that's what freaks he should send a goat to the house yeah son that's a great gift imagine I got him an actual goat he would love. You should send a goat to the house. Yeah. Yeah. Son, that's a great gift. Yeah. Imagine I got him an actual goat.

Yeah. Oh, he would love that. He would love it. He's got the property. Your proposal was fucking sweet. No, it was beautiful. Yeah. Who cut that?

Alex isn't available for fucking proposals. That kid's cutting real cotton. Andrew is just cutthroat. What it is. It's what it is because that's how you get to the top.

That's how you get to the top. Yeah, that's why we're going to stay right below the top. Yeah, we're fucking, we're just, we're you get to the top. Yeah, that's why we're going to stay right below the top. Yeah, we're fucking, we're just, we're cutting mid-sized kids. Yeah, we're 55th floor

of a 100-story building type of kids. Why do you keep forgetting to put the mic close to your face? Because I'm a f***er. Because he's got, you're a zaggot and he's early onset.

I told you, he's Yanni Sundowns, which is Alzheimer's disease. Yes. Yanni Bidens. I'm Greek, so I'm not gay, but if I went to jail,

I'd be good. Literally the same thing. Just sit right here. I'm trying to get comfortable. Alex has got it. Don't worry. Just lean it on your gut. All right, my bad. I'm an asshole. but if I went to jail, I'd be good. You're doing literally the same thing. Just sit right here. I'm trying to get comfortable. Alex has got it. Don't worry. Just lean it on your gut. All right, my bad.

I'm an asshole. Yeah, I can put it on my gut. Okay. This is maternity weight. Oh, Jemele Hill, yeah. Oh, let's check in with her. She's tweeting the NFL Combine. Oh, what's not slavery but feels like slavery to you.

Somebody tweeted, what's not slavery but feels like slavery to you. Jemele Hill quote tweeted. There we go. The NFL Combine. Reggie Bush responded, they feels like slavery to you. Jameel Hill quote tweeted. There we go. The NFL combine. Reggie Bush responded. They not ready for this conversation. Oh, boy. Here's the thing.

Boy. I would have. I would agree with you, Jameel, if they weren't multimillionaires at the end. That's the issue I have. You can't say that, but then of have millions of dollars circulating through the but it does if you were to just wake up out of a coma if you were to wake up out of a coma or if they reanimated like a kid

from the 1800s brain or whatever like Walt Disney came back to life and you just showed them footage of the Columbine you would just go like oh so the South won the war that's true I've never defended a Jameel Hill tweet on this podcast. I hope the people at home got how good a joke that was.

That was a good one. And if you want to edit out the part I said before. But Akash hates me, so he's not listening. I left. What are you talking about, the Columbine? You just became Jerry Seinfeld. I left. What happened?

I left. I left. Mark Norman. What's the deal with me? Okay, yeah, Giannis is right. I normally never defend Jameel Hill. I find her, I think she does this a lot, whatever. I see what she's saying here because the tweet is, it's not, but it kind of feels like it.

No, but feels like it. You're right. Sorry about that. She's acknowledging it's not at all. But if you're watching the NFL Combine, they're getting paid millions of dollars, probably. But it does feel odd when they're measuring fucking hand size and how broad are the shoulders. That's a good point. It's just, I don't want to see that part.

I'll watch them running the drills and shit. That part's a little uncomfortable. They're doing basically everything they used to do except for counting teeth. Yeah. You see one guy go counting teeth and that's the only difference. I mean, everything else is sort of like they're checking out your speed, your prowess. It's uncomfortable. I take back what I said.

Yeah. No, it's true. It does. It feels like it. You're right. It's not. It feels like it. You're right.

But I get how somebody feels that way. So I might actually defend Jameel Hill on this tweet where normally I fucking hate the fake outrage. With this one, I do think she might also be stirring shit to feed her followers. But I do get where she's coming from. And normally, I think her shit is so fucking annoying. It's also like, it's also kind of black people's fault for being so fucking good at football. I mean, if there was more white guys, you'd be like, Jesus, this is a very woke slavery going on right there.

But I mean, it's just black people crush fucking football. White people are always linemen or linebackers, and they're not even quarterbacks anymore. Those are the two. That's it. No, you don't want a white quarterback anymore. I mean, I'd rather have Lamar Jackson over anybody. Patty Mahomes, half white. Patty Mahomes, yeah.

It's either a tight end. There's always a tight end or fullback. But there's a lot of guys that break the stereotype. I mean, Edelman is fast. Dude, the giant, what's his name? The giant quarterback is fast. Danny Jones. Danny Jones can run. I refuse to learn his name when the season record is like this. It's still

Eli to me. I just call him Eli. Yeah, just call him Eli. Eli 2.0. Yeah. I agree. But it's weird whenever it's still Eli to me. I just call him Eli. Yeah, just call him Eli. So we get a winning record in Eli. Yeah. I agree. But it's weird whenever it's a receiver. It's a white receiver. You already know he's going in the slot. He's going to be super quick,

great route runner, or a fullback. If you're white on offense and you're not a lineman, you're a fullback or you're a slot receiver. You're never on the outside. Right.

You're never some giant-ass Calvin Johnson target. Now, Indians. Are there any Indian athletes at all anywhere? Cricket. We'd be killing cricket. Yeah, Indians, are there any Indian athletes at all anywhere? Cricket. We'd be killing cricket. Yeah, what's his name?

Sanduka. What's the guy? Sachin Tendulkar. We'll fucking kill you. We'll fucking kill you at cricket. The Pirates drafted two Indian kids. They made a movie about it.

They were like throwing rocks like 100 miles an hour. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they were cricket players. And they were bended by Beckham Girl. They bended like Beckham Girl. Bended like Beckham. We killed that. We killed that.

She killed that. She killed that. She was good. She went to college for soccer. Has there ever been an Indian professional athlete? There are some that almost made it to the NBA.

They play in like the NBA DL. There's one right now, Seth Namsing. And then there's a couple of Ballard brothers who are fucking massive just Punjabi freaks. Yeah.

And that's it. Who else do we know, F.A.? You're saying yes. This is one soccer player. There's some tennis players. Leander Pais. How come every time you talk, I feel like I'm listening to a tennis match? I was about to say.

Go ahead. Go, go, go. I can see what the ball. It's a soccer player for France. What set is it? Who's winning? Why do I feel like I'm listening to fucking Wimbledon? Yeah.

I mean, no. The kid's just got, he's got a great British voice. Yeah. I mean, they sound educated, but he's not. When he says free, I know he's trans from Liverpool. But see, that's the thing, though, with you guys. Because people a lot of times question, how did this little small island country like England take over the world?

Because of your voice. Yeah. Like, if you came into my land and you was like, oh, hello, we're just here to rape your women and children and take over your life for the next 300 years, I would say, okay. He seems charming. Yeah, he sounds like a nice kid. They sound like they know what they're talking about. Yeah.

They sound professional. You sound professional. Must be what's best. Yeah. If you came and be like, hey, look, what we're talking about. They sound professional. You sound professional. Must be what's best, yeah. If you came and be like, hey, look, we're going to do a little rearrange. I'd be like, this guy doesn't have organization skills. Yeah, no, he doesn't know what I'm doing. I don't trust him. Yeah, he could be like, I want to give you all my money, you know what I mean?

Let you build a bridge, you know? No. He'd be like, get the fuck out of here. Yeah. I don't trust this union-ass bridge you're going to build. Yeah. No, I'm fucking, I'm following Schultz though. Let's talk, like, what conqueror would you follow?

Because I know I would get derailed with, I would have a because I know I would get derailed I would have a harem and I would get derailed I would do bad things you would just want to take the women you're too gullible you would want to smell their feet

you'd have to feed big time yeah Schultz like feet Akash likes feet it's a food podcast I would

I would go I would let Akash I would trust Akash's rule I would trust Akash's rule I think Schultz dangerous here's the thing it's gonna get dangerous here's I would trust Akash's rule I think Schultz dangerous here's the thing it's gonna get dangerous

here's what we know you need to get further with Schultz here's no I'm gonna trust you I'm gonna trust you I think I think because

you're not a small guy but all the good leaders are a little Napoleon tall great leaders George Washington is the only one he wasn't really that great though

it's more of a myth you brought me you woke me up to that I did bring you up to that I hate to talk about my own country but it is the truth he was kind of more of a myth. You brought me, you woke me up to that. I did bring you up to that. I hate to talk about my own country, but it is the truth. He was kind of more of a myth. He wasn't that great.

Hey, we shit on Gandhi, we shit on George Washington real quick. Yeah, I mean, he wasn't that great. This ass bridge. So Washington, what his peers said, you know, the Benjamin Franklins,

the Thomas Jeffersons, the Samuel Adams of the time said, Washington's actual commander skills weren't that great. He actually did a lot of things that cost American, that cost the Revolutionary War lives. They lost battles because of his ineptitude and certain things on the battlefield. What he was excellent at is doing, is seeing things as they were, not as he wishes

they were. So he would be able to retreat when the whole rally cry of the revolution was, no, advance, advance. We're going to show the British how high and mighty we are. He would say, no, no, we're going to get crushed British how high and mighty we are. He would say, no, we're going to get crushed. Let's retreat, save our soldiers. Even if we look like little bitches, we'll win to fight the next day. And that's what he was excellent at. And that's eventually how they won. But his actual military strategy was no bueno.

That's great, though. That's a huge skill. Right. To be a realist. But no, but they're saying that's where, as Ulysses S. Grant— No, he wasn't a realist, is what he's saying. George Washington didn't see things the way they were. He saw them more how he wanted them to be.

No, no, Washington— No, Washington— Other generals at the time would just want to go because he would wish— But Washington would see things as they are and say, hey, we can't advance. Exactly. We're going to get crushed. Oh, he saw them as they are?

Washington saw them as they are. Washington said, we're going to lose, where his commanding generals would say, no, no, no, we can win. He would say, no, no, no. You used to tell me it was the opposite. No, no, no. I'm 100% of that.

No, he sees things as they are, not as he wishes they were. And you used to call him Martha Washington. I used to call him Martha Washington, yeah. Yeah, I want to grow my hair out like Martha Washington. She had a nice head and hair. Yeah, where, you know, fucking what can you do though, babe?

I mean, everybody's flawed. But you listen, you're measured, you're kind of, I would trust you. I would trust him and here's what's actually going to happen is Schultz is going to get to happen I'll never fuck anybody's girls you won't fuck anybody's girls you got enough of a piece

you're not looking for anything else and here's the thing here's the thing I'm reading a book right now called The 48 Laws of Power so watch out German kids should not

be allowed to read that The 48 Laws of Power and what Akash what's law number one Akash is I forgot I gotta reread a few pages but Akash what's law number one akash is i forgot um i gotta reread a few pages but akash he's very good at at at luring he's very good at being kind of playing with the

leader and saying i'll do whatever you want whatever it takes with really so he's dangling a fruit here but the main goal is going the other way so what's going to happen eventually yes schultz schultz is going to get to the zenith, have TV shows and podcasts and be worth millions and millions of dollars. And Akash is going to come out at the moment. And poison him and kill him. No. Well, even worse.

He's going to come out. He's going to come out with screenshotted text from the early days. When Schultz said things he wasn't supposed to say. Either you give me half of the kingdom or I tweet this. You're fucking smart. That's what it is. So Akash knows. He says, Abraham Lincoln said of the kingdom or I tweet this. You're fucking smart. That's what it is. So Akash knows. He says, Abraham Lincoln said this.

I take exception to this. He said, Abraham Lincoln. I take exception. If I'm waiting for so long, how am I here right now? You don't think that's already happened? Yeah, I think it is. Abraham Lincoln said the only way to truly crush your enemies is to make them friends.

Yes. And Voltaire said. Voltaire, by the way. Voltaire. Voltaire. Harry Potter bad guy. friends. Yes. And Voltaire said – Voltaire, by the way. Voltaire. Voltaire. Voltaire. Is that the Harry Potter mad guy? No, his name is Voltaire, but let's just call him Voltaire.

Voltaire said – and Voltaire said God – Sounds like he's one of the Decepticons. Voltaire said God – Voltaire. Yeah. He said, God, please give me the strength to deal with my friends for I know how to deal with my enemies. Was you sure that was Volitaire

or was that Ruzio? Who? Ruzio. Or Rizzo? What is Rousseau? How do you pronounce Rousseau? No, this was Volitaire. It's Volitaire?

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Napoleon Bonaparte. Nothing scares me more than when underbite Sure it wasn't a When Chris hits the underbite

I'm like, oh fuck, there we go. When the jaw pops out, yeah, it's bad. I'm too close to you when you do the underbite I'm like, oh boy. Yeah, it's bad when the fucking too close to you when you do the underbite I'm like oh boy

it's bad when the fucking underwear jaw comes out yeah it's bad so what can you yeah I just sleep like that now because I'm having fucking wild dreams

but you're that's what you need in a leader somebody who's not always like you know fucking Schultz is a great leader but the kid's fucking standing on Egyptian pyramids

talking about we're going to change the internet you know he's making too much of a spectacle of himself yeah and he's got the phone he's wearing the multicolored suit he You know, he's making too much of a spectacle of himself. Yeah, and he's got the phone

and he's wearing the multicolored suit. Yeah, he's like, I mean the kid, he makes a spectacle of himself. Whereas you're fucking quiet, you're waiting, you're waiting,

and then boom, he's done. Then he's going to come out and then that's what it's going to be. So, you know, we align ourselves with you. Yeah,

we're waiting on you. We're betting on you. Okay, fair enough. All right, well, I'm betting on Schultz. So,

hey, we're all going to win. No, we're betting on Schultz. We're just joking. No, we're just kidding, Emperor Schultz. Yeah, yeah. All right, let's take a break, well, I'm betting on Schultz. So, hey, we're all going to win. No, we're betting on Schultz. We're just joking. No, we're just kidding, Emperor Schultz. Yeah, yeah.

All right, let's take a break, guys. And I'm going to tell you about a product we've been telling you about, but I'm also going to tell you something else. I, on important days, am done with coffee. I love the ritual of drinking a cup of coffee, but honestly, I have found something that is better for keeping me alert, keeping me focused. You know how exhausting this podcast would have been? Chris and Giannis, if I didn't have this product, you know what the

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If not, send me a message, but I know you're not going to. Now, let's get back to the show. Yeah, Mark Gagne, he's pirating the front.

you should be fucking standing outside of a 7-Eleven smoking a menthol cigarette in Florida. From the back, that looks like Julia Roberts. We have so much editing to do. I've never had more editing to do.

I mean, because who's got more? I mean, that kid's fucking curly. His kid's hair's curly. I mean, you told him his hair looked like Rhea Perlman's. Yeah, it's Rhea Perlman. I mean, the kid's a fucking new age pirate. What can you do? Yeah, he's a handsome, handsome fucking kid, though.

No, he's a handsome. If you gave that kid's look with this kid's accent Yeah It'd be over That'd be another thing It'd be another fucking thing Yeah no Mark Gagnon Good kid Alright guys Oh we gotta go

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Come to. It's going to be legal in New York, too. Yeah, apparently they need the money, so by April it's going to be legal. It's going to be a fucking party. The East Coast is about to get so much less cutthroat. Right. When weed is legal, y'all, it's going to be so much more relaxed. We're not going outside.

It's cold. All right. Let's just enjoy life. That's what's missing here. You're right. That's why the West Coast is a lot more laid back. Chilled out. It needs to be legal on the East Coast.

Y'all need that shit. Yeah. Right. So you can walk at a normal pace without yelling at everybody who's in your way. I get it. Yeah. Both of y'all left New York. We did. Y'all Seinfelded it.

No, I didn't leave New York. What are you talking about? You're in Staten Island. Come on. No, I live in Bay Ridge, Brooklyn. Where are you buying a home? Staten Island, but it's still a borough. I mean that you're buying a house in Staten Island. That's Jersey,, I live in Bay Ridge, Brooklyn. Where are you buying a home? Staten Island, but it's still a bar. I mean that you're buying a house in Staten Island.

That's Jersey, yo. Is a fulfillment of, it's just where you set, that's where you wanted to go, right? That's where I wanted to go. I needed to go. I was going to move up by Yanni in New Hampshire. I mean, I don't know why it's so funny to me that you lived in Staten Island. He needed to conquer something Pete Davidson's for once. But I mean, he needed to.

Oh, no, no. Put more time in this bitch. That was a good one. No, no, no. No, Pete. No, no, no. That kid always wins I reckon we'll find a way to win

I fucking How about this My shows in Philly Got cancelled for this weekend And because of COVID Like the weekend coming up They got cancelled because of COVID And I said

Oh how about let's do the shows At 4 and 6 We'll do them outside And they said We just booked Pete Davidson You can't do it I said Perfect

Oh man Hey you can be the prince of Staten Island That's not bad That's not a bad position What are you gonna do It's me Fucking Pete San Volcano We the prince of Staten Island that's not bad that's not a bad position what are you gonna do it's me fucking Pete San Volcano

we all live on Staten Island yeah yeah I left fair enough no Staten Island is leaving New York really no it's a fucking borough

it's part of New Jersey it votes red listen here's the truth with all the unrest in New York and the East Coast I just wanted to move where the police live

so I went to Staten Island I said I'm going to move where the police live. I went to Staten Island. I said, I'm going to the Blue Wall. Yeah. You know what's funny? Staten Island actually tried to secede from New York

at one point. Really? I didn't know this. They actually wanted to be part of Jersey. Everybody who wants to secede, just secede. That's what I say.

Texas wants to secede, let's go. That's what I've been saying, dude. Portland, Oregon. If you think it's so bad, then fucking secede. I don't know why people want to secede on it.

Different states have different laws. It's kind of like that as it is already. Let's not do that. Because Florida is wide open right now. Florida is open season. It's a different world in Florida. Our boy Debo, who's a friend of the podcast, he says, when I go fly down to Florida, it's like I'm going back in time to 2019.

We're in New York and Philly and the East Coast is closed. So we already have states rights. It already is different. Yo, get out of here. Succeed. Are y'all Nets fans, by the way? Or y'all Knicks fans? Knicks.

Yeah. How y'all feel? Well, there's talk they could get Westbrook. Yeah. There's talk of that. You guys are so broken that you're happy about a guy who never wins. It's been a long time, dude. I mean, it's crazy to think about the fact it's 21 years since they were gone.

Knicks fans will love Russell Westbrook. I love Russell Westbrook. I don't want him on my team. But y'all are going to love him. Is Harden on the Nets now? That's the top trade destination right now is the Nets. I mean, that would be what Durant, Harden, Kyrie. I honestly think you've got to trade Kyrie if you get James Harden

because there's too many ball-dominant people. So you've got to get rid of Kyrie. And you could probably flip him to Houston just so Houston can save some face in a trade. But I'm curious to know how you guys feel about Brooklyn just really just taking over. You're a Brooklyn guy. Are you a Nets fan? No, I'm a Knicks fan.

What, because that's just what you grew up with? Yeah. How y'all feel about the Nets just bullying y'all? It's brutal, man. The Knicks, it's been brutal. It's 99 really was the last team to really get excited about was like LJ. Latrell Sprewell.

That was it that that era and that's 21 years that's actually kind of wild that there's a kid walking around who's 21 years a full-grown adult who hasn't really had a team in new york the biggest market besides la to get excited about it's nuts you're the cowboys of basketball dallas cowboys nfl same thing biggest team in america yeah haven't been good in 25 years it's what it is it's crazy it's crazy I know it's cause shit rolls downhill

and Dolan is the worst it's really Dolan is the worst he's almost like the statue of liberty of GM's he's like give me your tired

your sick your injured I mean he'll take fucking anything if your career's over you'll get a contract from fucking that kid. Do y'all watch other sports?

His heart's too big. Do y'all watch soccer? Can I fart on this podcast? Of course, yeah. That's Andrew's chair. Fart all you want. Yeah, I don't watch soccer, but I would. You know what they do in soccer?

If you're not good, they relegate you to like a shittier league. They should do that. They need that. You got to hold owners accountable somehow. If you're a sports owner and you suck, you get relegated to a shittier league. That's your punishment. You know what the problem is? The problem is that the seats are just full.

Like he's got no reason. He's got no incentive to get good because the Garden's sold out no matter what. You're not going to be as willing to watch if they're playing fucking G leaguers. Yeah. You know what I mean? LeBron not coming to your city anymore. I think but Madison Square Garden is such a tourist destination that the people just buy the tickets and come.

You know? With the Nets, you can't fill the Barclays unless you have a good product. That's true. The Islanders are leaving though. I was a big Islanders fan. They're leaving Barclays. Are they going back to Long Island? Yeah, they're building an arena in Elmont. I heard those are one of the most fun sporting events to go to.

Long Island trash, sport they love, just fucking yelling. You've never seen, we have the ugliest fan base in sports. I mean the holes in Suffolk County these people would crawl out of to come to the game. I was like, are you even human, dude? You look like a fucking gargoyle with an Islanders jersey on. I mean, disgusting. Look like orcs from Lord of the Rings.

I mean, the ugliest, you can't imagine. I mean, gross. And you know, it's like those are usually the most racist people too which is hilarious yeah like you go to the south and it's some dude with three teeth who's being like

why people are superior you're like dude you're the worst representative of the philosophy that you're espousing just like the militant person

dating the white dude overcompensating yeah you know what you are deep down inside so you gotta believe you're superior because you're embarrassed

about who you are that's what it is. 100%. That's as true a thing as anyone could say. Yeah. Yeah. That's great.

It's a right answer just like an Indian kid would do. That's what we do. That's what you do. That's what we do. Give you guys a problem, you fucking solve it. We're problem solvers.

That's what we do. Thank you guys so much for coming on. Thank you. Plug everything you want to plug real quick. Guys, you know the history hyenas, but plug away, please.

Support these guys. Yeah. Just go to yannispappascomedy.com historyhyenas.com go to our channel if you want bonus content if you're a fan of the podcast we appreciate it we love fragrant too love akash love fucking shows love everybody patreon.com slash bay ridge boys patreon.com slash bay ridge boys the second episode every week uh we do we do uh we do a bonus episode you get early access on patreon.com slash bayridgeboys.

You get a lot of 14, which is the firefighters. You get Weppo Wednesdays, which is our morning show every Wednesday. Live. Live every Wednesday. You get a bunch of shit there.

You get conspiracy cuties where we talk about conspiracies. We do a lot on our Patreon, so it's worth the money. For me, you could see me at chrisdcomedy.com and also at YouTube

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for listening my name is Akash Singh Chris DiStefano Giannis Pappas F.A.U. and Alex Media God bless