Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - Tucker Carlson JOKES Roy Wood Jr. SHOULD have said @ Correspondents' Dinner

Episode Date: May 2, 2023

We got the President Roaster Roy Wood Jr in the studio, fresh off his performance at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner. We talk about the jokes he didn’t use, the ones he should have, Trump, Netflix’s Cleopatra and how The Jerry Springer show might look funny in the light. Indulge! 00:00 Roy Wood Jr squirming 01:40 Andrew got the Nation of Islam plug 03:43 Farrakhan the best orator alive? 05:08 Correspondents’ Dinner background & insight 07:11 They didn’t know Roy was nice at stand-up 08:59 Getting selected for the gig - G.S. Warriors involved 10:44 Roy Wood Jr one of less than 15 + style of comedy 11:56 How long to prepare? Changing it up 16:31 Trump was p***y for not turning up 17:26 The School Sh**ting joke + being strategic 20:56 Roy didn’t get the Epstein invitation + no-one policed the jokes 22:28 Roy’s meanest jokes that didn’t make it 26:52 Flagrant’s jokes for Roy - Disney +, Stormy Daniels, Gaping holes 36:48 Roy’s appearance on “Inside Jokes” 38:11 Roy’s scientific style of stand-up - precision 41:55 Roy’s father - Vietnam, South Africa and CSPAN Crackas 43:25 Local reporters first to go + Civil Rights era PTSD 46:32 Kamala got them soft hands + speaking to the attendees 49:27 Feelings at the start and end + Diana Ross is important 53:08 Roy Wood Jr new Inside Joke 54:27 Roy pissing off Industrial Kool-Aid Complex 55:28 Grandma’s heavies + Peanut Butter & Choc chip cookies are BLACK 01:06:17 Egyptians upset about Netflix Cleopatra 01:08:26 White Jesus and untrustworthy White Pastors 01:11:18 2 girls 1 c**k 01:13:11 Jerry Springer looks funny in the light BUT we loved it 01:20:07 NBA - TV dictated the south’s fav. teams 01:22:28 Alabama ain’t that bad, guys! 01:25:05 Responsibility of giving back + Roy’s criminal past 01:37:19 Akaash’s competing identities + repping your set

We also have a couple that we thought we might like. Oh, Jesus. And you can read them. And it won't affect your career opportunities at all. It's always a f***ing ride when I come to the Flayton. Okay, ready? Here's a good one. Um...

Florida's gay policies are incredibly strict. You're not allowed to say gay. Matter of fact, if you're HIV positive, Ron DeSantis calls you Disney Plus. Okay, what about this one? How demented are you motherfuckers? Ugh. Let's take a moment to recognize the hardworking Americans

that have endured trains dumping toxic loads all over them. We're thinking about you you Stormy Daniels. I love that! Okay here you go, this one's a sweet one. Jesus! I'll read it if you don't like it. Tucker Carlson's been fired. His absence at Fox News is actually the only gaping hole that Don Lemon wouldn't fill.

We're talking. I should have had y'all writing for me because it's easier to tone down than punch up. Like, I know how to take those jokes and go, okay, I know how to pay my son's college. What's up, everybody? Welcome to Flagrant. And today we have incredibly special guests, okay,

fresh off of the White House Correspondents' Dinner, ready to go to the Met Gala. Look at this outfit. Oh, let's go. Okay, we have the legend, Roy Woods Jr. Let's go, Roy! Yeah! I'm telling you, Roy, you deserve to be there.

Let me get you flowers off the top. Okay. Your word, Josh. This is a story a lot of motherfuckers don't know. First year of The Daily Show, I've been here two months. 20th anniversary of the Million Man March. They're doing the Justice or Else March down in D.C. I wanted to interview Minister Louis Farrakhan to find out about the march and all of that.

I have no plug into the Muslim world. Like, I'm black, I'm southern black, I just don't know no Muslims like that. I didn't know a black Muslim ever until I moved here. I didn't know nothing but regular blacks till college. Like, I didn't need a Dominican till, literally, it's Alabama, it's just regular blacks. There's no Jamaicans and no shit like that.

So I'm trying to get it in with the Nation of Islam. I know Charlemagne knows some folks in the Nation of Islam, but I also don't know Charlemagne. And there's only one person in this city that I know.

Andrew, bro. Andrew the ally. And I don't even know him like that. I just know him just as a comic around a little bit, whatever. I email him very hard. Hey, man,

could you ask Charlemagne to ask the Muslims to ask? And he just replies back didn't give me no promises goes I'll see what I can do and Then we got the brother Nuri Muhammad on The Daily Show then they reached out to us I don't know what you did. I don't know what Charlemagne did I don't know how they found my email, but they reached out to me. It wasn't like you brought back the contact information. Yeah. Just some mysterious shit happened, man. That's how Islam works, bro. Yo, but I was able to talk with some brothers

from the nation on the Daily Show of all shows. Like them worlds don't normally mix. And that was the second piece I did on the Daily Show. It's because of this motherfucker right here. Wow, there you go. Alhamdulillah. Look at you. Is that how you say it. Alhamdulillah. Look at you. Is that how you say it?

Alhamdulillah. Now, if they come for you and try and cancel you, just pull this clip and then just post that. I tried to get you to minister. I asked Charlamagne. Yeah, yeah. But no, but you know, the minister, they're not going to give access to him just on a regular basis all the time. But Nuri Mohammed represented what they were trying to do. Okay, hot take. Is Minister Farrakhan the best public speaker alive?

Oration? Oration, yeah. Obviously, content, he's the best, but just off of- Subject matter's a given. Subject matter, you can't even compare, but just off of oration, is he number one? I don't know. Or is it Chappelle? Chappelle might be the guy.

No, it's obviously Dr. Uma. Yo. Come on. Oration. Is he number one? I don't know. Or is it Chappelle? Chappelle might be the guy. No, it's obviously Dr. Umar. Yo. Hi. Yo. Honestly. Honestly. The way he drops bars, bro.

Yeah, Dr. Umar's fire, but he's not fucking with the minister, bro. Umar's different, though, because he paces real shit with jokes. He sneaks shit in here and there. He oscillates. Yeah. I think Obama, if you close your eyes, who would you want to listen to read you a book? Minister Farrakhan.

That would be a 14-hour book. Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. The Jews pushed him off. You wouldn't want to read every nursery rhyme as Minister Farrakhan. Farrakhan be going on them diagrams, Humpty Dumpty. Now, before we get into it

We must talk about Humps It's like Motherfucker You're adding stuff That's not in the book That's why he's the goat man Turkey Dumpty was on the wall

Because the Jews took his land Why did the Jews build the wall In the first place Why is there Israel In Palestine It was It was a wailing wall That's why he was crying

And that audio book Would be five days long And you can't read it But no man It's a pleasure to be here With you why he was crying. And that audio book would be five days long and you can't read it. But no, man, it's a pleasure to be here with you. We're so stoked that you're here. I have a lot of questions. You're just fresh off the White House Correspondents, obviously. Okay.

First of all, we want to get some jokes that maybe they said no to. Okay? We want to hear some of the things that you have. Let's start with context. Okay. They didn't police none of their material. that's why they were nervous as shit. Wow. They didn't police a black man, that's amazing.

They did not. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love that. They probably were like, we can't, we need him to live for the speech, so let's not police him. No, I gotta give it up to the Correspondence Association, man. They did not ask to see a single thing. The only time they saw that script was when I sent it to the dude that was running the prompter. Wow.

Okay. That was it. Now, of course, you're wondering which way you're gonna go and you go to some function the night before. Hi, I'm with the president. Do you know what you're gonna talk about? Let's back up real quick, cuz there's a lot of people who watch internationally. They might not know how important this night is. What is this night? Can you explain to them what you just hosted? So every year, all of the press that cover Washington, D.C. politics, they all get together with the politicians from both sides of the aisle. And this is some shit that would never happen in most countries. No.

And they have a night of drinking and joking. They give out scholarships to young journalism students. The tickets that they sell for this, the money goes into a pot to give scholarships to students who are trying to be the next wave of journalists. And the president is there. The president is there. The president is six feet from you. Yeah. Literally. The most powerful people in the world are there.

And then all the most powerful- Senators, representatives, too. State reps, they're all in there. And the media. So everybody who's talking shit about each other nonstop is in a room, and they're forced to interact with one another. And I think it's a really cool thing, one, because everybody has to have a sense of humor. But two, when you write an article about somebody, you know that later that year you're going to see them. You're going to have to look them in the eyes.

And I think it adds – it should add a little bit of empathy to the discourse. I don't know if it does, but I think that that's the idea, which is let's not just write and talk shit about each other if I'm going to have to see you. But see, I think that's where we're starting to get back to, though, because the thing that they didn't really talk about, or at least I haven't seen in the articles yet, is that Kellyanne Conway pulled up. Caitlyn Jenner pulled up. There were a couple of people from the right-wing side of the game who have not come the last couple of years. I think that just being in a room with people you don't fuck with is an eventuality that maybe you'll start fucking with them. I think it's the reason why we get good at comedy is because when we start, people don't fuck with us on stage because we're bad. So then to the point of the jokes that I chose not to do, that's what I was up against.

So then to the point of the jokes that I chose not to do, that's what I was up against. Because as a comedian, nobody in that room, for the most part, knows me as a stand-up. You know me as a Daily Show correspondent. You know the shit I do on the Daily Show is like 20% of what I do on stage. And ain't nobody in that room seen my comedy because I know they ain't got Paramount+. Talk that shit, Daily Show, not on AV3. Talk that shit. I'm just saying, they ain't seen me because my first two specials was on the Comedy Central app. Ain't nobody in that room got the Comedy Central app.

So, I'm on stage. All the good journalism's behind the paywall. That's what that was about. That was a sub. That was a sub. So, I'm up there and I gotta do jokes that help

you understand who I am as a person and honor the tradition. Because that's the other thing with this for the people who don't know. You kind of gotta throw jabs and call out what's been happening in the last year. And you can't come on stage, especially not as a comedian, you can't come on stage leaning to one side of the issues. I tried not to. I'm sure somebody is right in whatever. Everybody's gonna be upset no matter what. Yeah, it is what it is. But that's the spirit of the night, is that we can all laugh about

the mistakes we've made and the things we're doing wrong, and hopefully we can get them right. And they hire a comedian to literally come out and roast everybody there. Correct. It is a roast, and it's been this for years. Now, you go up, I wanna know what's the call. Does your agent call you and say you're in the running for it? Like, how does one get selected for it? Were you friends with, I don't know, I said Kamala just because of obviously similarities. Wait, what? Oh, because black?

What? Because black? You think it's just black? You think Kamala said black? No, you're dressed like her Indian grandmother's house. What are you talking about? Fuck you. Fuck you.

Wait, you thought maybe you were about? Fuck you. Fuck you. Wait, you thought maybe you were good. I'm not kidding. You don't look like my 90s bathroom wallpaper. That shit is so good. Okay, okay. That's one of them jokes that make you question putting the clothes on. That shit is fine. Don't let them shame you, bro.

Nah, they called. They called my people. They're like, does Roy want to freaking do this shit? So your agent calls you and says, hey, the White House just called. Yeah. Or the Correspondents Association, whatever it is. Let's connect the dots. So January, the Warriors are at the White House to do the trophy jersey, whatever the fuck.

I get an invite to come and talk to the Warriors. So I can talk to Steve Kerr, talk to Steph, talk to Draymond. While there, I got to sit in on the press briefing. And so we ended up doing a little skit with Kareem Jean-Pierre that it was funny enough, but they were also very, what are you going to do? What is it? Are you going to make us look crazy? Yeah.

And I think that went well enough that maybe I guess whoever was there and peaked game then like, and then yes, offer it to the Negro who came. Offer it to him, I enjoyed his skit with Tamarick. So yeah, we got a call and then at that point, you can't say no. Of course not. Yeah. And it's a huge honor just for everybody who's not from america i don't know if you realize it but there's only only a handful of comedians have done this less than 15 are you the first full black no larry willmore wanda sykes said the entertainer oh wow yeah i did like i literally do a little research yeah yeah yeah

yeah yeah yeah yeah but his was wow said was the one i ended up trying to model my shit after because said ain't a roast comic either my stand-up ain't roasty yeah i talk about issues but i don't roast folks but the way said was doing it i was like okay if i try to do something like that yeah all he did was kind of do his stand-up in a more casual form. That's what I felt like you did when you got into the Dominion joke. I was like, Roy's doing his stand-up now. That's a stand-up bit. I knew it.

That's a stand-up bit. You can tell when someone is being their stand-up self because also, that shit was ripping. Yeah. That Dominion joke was ripping. That's my favorite voting machine. Dominion, they ain't suing me. And the callback was great.

But see, that's enough that like, okay, he's funny for real. Now he gives me the right to go right behind that and do the school shooting. Buddy! Hold on, hold on. I want to get into that. Because I came right behind that. So you have how many months to prepare for this? And how long do they tell you that it should be?

Guys, tour alert. I'm hyped. Finally getting back out there on the road. Thank you guys for going out there and grabbing those tickets, man. Gary, Indiana, we just sold out. Pechanga sold out. Reno, we added a second show, Reno, Nevada. Man, thank you guys so much for getting that.

And also, we just added Phoenix, Arizona. We're coming out there as well very soon, May 12th and 13th. So make sure you get Reno, Nevada. Make sure you get Phoenix and then also Calgary. Still some tickets left for Calgary. Great Outdoors Fest. That's going to be nuts. Theandrewschultz.com. We'll be adding more dates coming up. And yeah, I'm just very excited. Thank you guys so much for just going and gobbling up those tickets so fast. So go get them, dandrashowls.com. Peace. How many months to prepare for this?

And how long do they tell you that it should be? I got the call in February. They said do 15 minutes. I started trying to structure what I wanted to do first before I got writers involved. And then the news kept changing. And then March comes, right? So it's beginning of March. I got my guest hosting week

at the Daily Show, top of April. So I got to start thinking about topics for that. And my problem was that anything I want to do for the dinner, well, should I do it on the Daily Show? Maybe let's put that on the dinner. That's a better place. So I just didn't think about it at all

until after my guest week, which gave me a three-week runway. Which kind of works, because the biggest stories broke the week of, five days before the dinner, Tucker Carlson and Don Lemon get fired. Ron DeSantis joke. The Ron DeSantis run is the only thing that survived from February till the night. One joke. Every other joke just got remixed.

We had Fox News jokes, but then Tucker took over that whole run, so the Fox News run became mostly about Tucker. Then the Clarence Thomas stuff. I had a CRT joke, and then the Clarence Thomas stuff leaks about him taking the unpaid vacations. The NFT joke was so fucking good. Merges well together. Yeah, that was a phenomenal joke. Great joke, the NFT joke. Thanks, bro.

Yeah. And so, like, just as news kept breaking, we just kept, I mean, like the first draft, bro, we had Chinese spy balloon jokes. Yeah. You had a little tag. But it was drive-by. You can't sit in it no more and talk about how the media obsessed over these balloons. Exactly, because people don't care no more. Yeah, also, there's a Cat Williams spy balloon joke.

Like, you know, I'm, like, obsessed with, like, well, what are other comedians saying about the thing? And I had to find... Somebody posted some cell phone footage of Cat Williams from a set earlier this year. Talking shit. But his spy balloon material? Yeah.

Y'all don't even need to address that topic. He got it. He got it. He owns that topic. And not only that, his joke works in an evergreen way and i couldn't figure out how to tell because that's the other thing with the correspondence it's just timely it's topical you got to be about what's happening right now and i couldn't figure out a way to do the spy balloon in that way but then you know we start huddling up all the writers and

we're like okay here's a way to just sneak it in. Yeah. So when was the set finalized? Bro, we was texting from the table on the night. Wow. Motherfuckers was at the podium and they're texting and they're going,

Fauci's in here. You got anything about Fauci? I'm like, oh, I think I can come up with something about Fauci. And is that coming onto the teleprompter?

No. So you just got to put that in the notes. I got to drop it in just at some point. The Brittany Griner joke, like just that little quick pass, I didn't know she was going to be there until I saw her on the red carpet. Oh, she was there. She was there.

She didn't know she was going to be there until probably December. Yeah, that red carpet was flashback. She was like, God damn it These Soviets again You motherfuckers So That Biden nap run Where you know Biden gets work done

Between Why didn't they Show your face During that Did you notice that I don't know I don't know They must have known

What I'm assuming is Once you send them The prompter They know And they're like I'm not gonna going to let him act out Joe. So let's just cut to some cowboy in the audience who's like, yeah, yeah, that motherfucker is sleeping. Also, they don't need audience cutaways in this shit. I'm so confused why they do that.

Like, why audience cutaways? For stand-up specials, I get it. But for this specifically, it's like that audience- There's always someone on camera that's not doing what the other people are doing. Yeah. Yeah, the cut shot is always like, well, what the fuck is he doing? What is he talking about? Well, the one time when they showed Trump like four years ago or five years ago, remember, when he's just stone facing?

Oh, killing shit. Yeah, that's a great time to do that. Okay, they should keep the cutaways. Just for Trump. Just for Trump. Trump is there, you just cut away from him for every single joke. I was praying he pulled up, bro. Yeah, he's not going to.

I thought that was so pussy that he didn't come. Yeah. I was praying he pulled up. You see, that's why you figure somebody like Kellyanne Conway will go back to Trump. It was a good time. You should go. Yeah. And then it'd be your ass up there next year.

It'd be a whole different game. I mean, imagine that. So did you have some jokes for people that didn't show up that you pulled out? No, because that's the one thing I don't subscribe to. Just because you ain't here don't mean I ain't going to talk about your ass. If you've been wilding out, I'm supposed to not talk about Clarence Thomas because he didn't show up? Yeah. I just think if you've got jokes about people that you have to do jokes about some of the people that are there, I think, to earn the right to do the other jokes.

The only joke I was really nervous about was the school shooting joke. What happened with the school shooting joke? It was fine to me. I don't care. Was that the intention of the joke? Yeah, just to just say pass gun laws without getting into, yeah, gun laws. Like, you don blah, blah. Like, you don't want to.

I thought that was the ballsiest joke. To do that three and a half minutes in, you could lose not just the room, the entire country. Because they don't have crazy trust in you. You know what I mean? You got one Dominion voting booth shit that hit. That's a joke you put, You tucked 30 minutes into a special. You're doing it three minutes in to a speech for the entire world. It could have cost you, and it hit, which was amazing. I have to kick you in the teeth, or else I don't earn the right to let's fail.

The Biden joke off the top. What comedy club? So good. You saw me at the cellar what was that the dark Brandon I didn't get that what is that

that's a mean thing that was a joke back from if you watch it online you don't it's a callback to what Biden said earlier oh

is it a let's go Brandon reference it's Biden leaning into people calling him Brandon he goes I'm dark Brandon basically I'm a tough guy oh

so he says a thing to Roy where he's like I'm ready for your jokes but I don't know about dark Brandon. And then he puts on the glasses. He's leaning into the Brandon stuff. There was a joke at the top

and you saw me coming to the Comedy Cellar running it every night. Certain jokes you can't do in the club. All you can do is guess the main punch lines. But like that, the first joke is me handing Biden back his classified documents.

If that doesn't work, how fucked am I? Your first joke at a corporate gig. We've been there. They don't know who you are. It's just people in there like, oh, so they got a prop comment.

So we got Black Carrot Time. It's just people in there like, oh, so they got a prop comment. So we got black character. That's what we got. They just want to trash you from the stage. Yeah, but they laughed. And so then it's like, okay, let me do one joke on myself. So, hey, I look like Kenan Thompson. Giggle, giggle, giggle. Okay, let's do a quick Santos joke.

Giggle, giggle, giggle. School shootings, motherfucker. Like that's where you have to go. okay let's do a quick Santos joke giggle giggle giggle school shootings motherfucker like that's where you have to go but you knew when you said it that they were going to groan and then you had that line at the end which I thought was so good don't groan at me pass legislation which is such a good like

fuck you you're not going to sit here and moral high ground me you're groaning because it's true so if you got a problem, way to change it. Do something about it. So from there, then you can get into the people and all of that stuff. I just think you gotta,

I gotta come on stage and in two minutes, I gotta prove to you that I'm funny and worth paying attention to. Then we have to establish where the line is. And so the school shooting joke

is to establish the line. Like it's, I mean, you know, this shit is sociology, bro. It's just manipulating people in a certain way so that they stay with you long enough to get to the next joke, to the next joke, to the next joke.

And then once you have kind of people in a pocket, then you can do the Clarence Thomas joke. The original intention was to do the Clarence Thomas joke higher in the set. But then I'm like, if they don't know where I'm coming from- They gotta trust you.

Yeah, trust me. That one, you're taking them on a journey. It's a long walk. Yeah. I didn't earn that walk yet. Okay, now speaking of jokes that may or may not be in this roast, we asked if there were certain jokes

that you did not include. Now, you're saying nobody edited your shit. No one edited my shit. Did you have anybody pull you aside and invite you to an island to fuck teenagers if you didn't say any jokes about them? No, they did not. I did not get the invitation. Not at all? No.

So I guess I wasn't funny enough. What about Pryor? Pryor probably been there. Yeah, he probably did. So I guess I wasn't funny enough I can say with all honesty man. Nobody policed me It was people who were in those particular camps who knew that I was gonna have something fun like I did seeing in Friday morning before Before the shit the week of the Don Lemon firing and like some of the producers are seeing it Yeah, I have to say something about what the hell happened here like it's yeah, it's pictures still on the wall something about what the hell happened here.

Like, his picture is still on the wall. You haven't even taken him down off the decoration yet. Yes, I have to bring that up. So it was more people who knew that they were targets. It was the same thing a couple years ago when I did the congressional correspondence dinner, which is like the AAA ball version of this shit.

And it was the same time when Megyn Kelly got fired or whatever from NBC. And NBC people were all up in my face like, are you going to say anything about Megyn? Let's get to some of these jokes. Yeah. I got a couple of,

now understanding all of that. Just the meanest ones, by the way. Just the meanest ones, you don't want all the shit? No. Okay, so to me, the issue was this, bro.

Some of the jokes were so mean that it would jeopardize the structural integrity of jokes that came after it. Okay. I love that. So when you understand what I'm saying. I love the way you break down comedy. It's just like inside baseball. But you don't know me. These people don't know me.

So I cannot just be this vile out the gate because you don't know me. And then if I'm too vile near the end of the joke run, it undermines the sincerity mom and dad shit that I put at the end because I didn't love my mom. Which was a great original choice. I haven't seen a lot of this. And is it true that that woman wasn't actually your mom? You actually hired an actor?

That was my mom. Wait a minute, are you? Wait, don't start no shit. No, I'm just laughing. mom. Wait a minute. Wait, don't start no shit. They just cut to some random way. You guys stand in. You're like, what? Who's that lady?

You could have given her a better seat, bro. Okay, only the mean ones. Now, some of these are cut for tone because they would break up the cadence of the act in the way I wanted to do-si-do between left, right wing jokes. Some of these will cut for time, all right? So this is coming off of the joke about Kamala Harris and Dick Cheney. Dick Cheney had a documentary and if you're a vice president and you got a documentary,

that mean you vice president it wrong. Ain't no other vice president had a documentary. And if you're a vice president and you got a documentary, that means you vice presidented wrong. Yeah. Ain't no other vice president had a documentary. Well, Al Gore had a documentary, but it wasn't about being vice president.

It was about something far more boring, saving the Earth. That's good. We don't care about the Earth. We all gonna get killed at a shopping mall. I just don't wanna die on expenses gifts.

Here we go. You gonna kill me at a Nordstrom's, baby? That's what,. Here we go. You're gonna kill me at a Nordstrom's baby? That's what, yeah, if you want to kill me, kill me at a Nordstrom's. But we cut it because we already had school shooting jokes, so we didn't need to do double shoot jokes. Is it me or is Donald Trump the most snitched on president of all time? Nobody Epstein had Jelaine Maxwell. Oh. For obvious reasons. I need you to do that. I need you to do that.

Okay. Our media works hard. They uncover a lot of horrors in this country, like migrant child workers, or as Republicans call it, the solution to childhood obesity. Was that part of Michelle Obama's Let's Move initiative? Let's move those pallets until three in the morning. As an alt to that,

I had, the food was delicious tonight. Yes, it was picked by migrant child workers. It's good, right? Exactly. That's why I didn't do it. See? Could have been

a good opening, though. Mike Pence was good at playing hide and seek on January 6th. Oh, yeah, here we go. Now, you'll know why I cut this one. The only time I ever heard about Mike Pence doing anything as vice president is when he was playing hide and go seek with Trump supporters on January 6th. And Mr. President Biden, the only thing I remember about your time as vice president

is that you cussed a lot. And honestly, I don't think that was that big of a fucking deal. You were the fucking vice president and now you're the fucking president, you should be able to say what the fuck you want. And then off Biden's reaction. Oh, you're not cussing anymore? Go Biden. Always flip-flopping on the issues. Long, though.

Wordy. Long, long, long fucking long. It's fun to curse at a sitting president. But on C-SPAN, it's like, ah, fucking no. Now, while you still look for some, we also have a couple that we thought that you might like. Oh, Jesus. Here we go. We prepared just a few, okay?

And you can read them. We actually printed them out so that you can read them however you'd like. Oh, that's so nice of you. Yeah, you know what I mean? And it won't affect your career opportunities at all. It's always a fucking ride when I come to the Flaming. Always a ride. Okay, ready?

So what would we like to start with? Do we want to start with... I'm sure these are better than anything. Here you go. Here you go. Here you go. Here's a good one. This is about...

Your career. Let's close the book. This is about your career. Let's close the book. Okay. Okay. Here's your single. Okay. Oh, I can't wait for that. You got it.

You got it. Here we go. Some major shakeups in journalism lately. We'll limit out and tucker out network news acts more members than a medieval transgender clinic. I'm just so low medieval transgender clinic. Okay, hold on, hold on. All acts in medieval, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, member penis, yeah. All right. Okay, okay, okay, here we go, okay. Okay, we'll stay on the news, we'll stay on the news.

No. I'll read it. on the news. Oh. I'll read it. Or Alex will read it as Roy. Alex can't read it, actually. Never mind. Jesus! You got it. Whoa! Okay.

Tucker Carlson's been fired. His absence at Fox News is actually the only gaping hole that Don Lemon wouldn't fill. Now we're talking. Okay. What about this one? This is a good one about Florida. Yeah. Let's see.

What about... Florida's gay policies Florida's gay policies are incredibly strict You're not allowed to say gay Matter of fact if you're HIV positive Ron DeSantis calls you Disney Plus That's a great joke That's a great joke

That's good Okay What about this one That's a great joke. That's a great joke. That's good. That's a great one. That's good. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. What about this one? What about this one? How demented are you motherfuckers?

It feels like that. Sidebar before I read this one, and I'm going to read it. Sidebar before I read this one, and I'm gonna read it. I only did, the only woman I did a joke against was Kamala, just because of the weird, because the thing I was really concerned about is, my friend is trying to take a joke and then we're gonna use it in the wrong way against you on Sunday morning. The shit I said about Don Lemon, myuckers is weaponizing against him right now. And I'm like- Really? Yeah, but I also said that they hired Charles Barkley, which to me isn't the equivalent

to Don Lemon. Charles talked that shit, but Don also, regardless of whatever he did off camera, the motherfucker get on camera and hold motherfuckers accountable and ask him, I ain't never seen Charles Barkley like ask a pushback question. And that's what's going to be missing. And so I just think that if I did a Nikki Haley joke or if I did a fucking Dianne Feinstein or any of those topics, it's a thin line of getting that joke right without somebody going, you're just a man picking on a woman. Well, this definitely is not that. No. somebody going, you're just a man picking on a woman.

Well, this definitely is not that. No. Let's take a moment to recognize the hardworking Americans that have endured trains dumping toxic loads all over them. We're thinking about you, Stormy Daniels. I love that! I love that!

But why'd you pick on that poor girl? Come on. Come on, Roy. Do you understand the groans that would have come from the room if I had read this? It would have sounded like Stormy Daniels. Oh, yeah. Come on, Roy. Because Roy, because they thought you were going to say East Palestine, but it's really a whore.

Oh, wait, that's the same one. Oh, yeah, okay's the same one. Oh, yeah, okay. Okay, okay. This is, okay, here you go. This one is sweet. Something tame. This one's sweet. This one's a sweet one.

Okay. Joe Biden is here, but he doesn't know that. Joe's such a lifeless, brainless corpse, I'm surprised Trump hasn't already fucked him. Damn. That's good. That's a good joke. Joke-wise, that's good. You're saying right then, Joe Biden's up, and he walks out of there. That is good. That's a good joke. Joke-wise, that's good. You're saying right then Joe Biden's up and he walks out of there. That is true.

But imagine he walked Biden. Oh, that's amazing. Fire. It would prove he's alive if nothing else. This one you could say. This one definitely is fine. I haven't picked one of the few yet. All right. I'll give you this one. I haven't picked one of the few that I- Okay, sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, all right, I'll give you this one.

Mr. President, you did a great job with your jokes. You know the problem with this joke, is that I have to do this one at the top? Yeah, immediately. Which I'm done for the rest of the act. Probably. If I open with this joke, my documents joke much safer. Yes, yes. Mr. President, you did a great job with

your jokes. You got those lines down so perfect. Hunter tried to snort them. Nice. Hey, everybody, there's a few here, just pick one, just pick one. Imagine him looking at you with his lifeless smile. Yeah, where were they cut for that joke? Hunter? They should have had a cam for him. Yeah, where would they cut for that joke? Hunter? They should have had a cam for him. They cut to bite him one time.

It looked like he was lost. He was facing the wrong way. I'll vote for him again off that fucking reaction. I didn't vote for him the first time, but I'll vote this time. Shit, I should have had y'all writing for me because it's easier to tone down than punch up. Like, I know how to take those jokes and go, okay, I know how to fucking pay my son's fucking college tuition.

I know how to rework that one and still pay some bills. Joe Biden is so old that he thinks Kamala and I are sitting on the same side of the room for legal reasons. Nice little segregation action. of the room for legal reasons. Nice little segregation action. Every CNN anchor is gone. All that's left is Blitzer and Tapper, which is what Cuomo used to do to the female interns. That's good. Thank you. Blitzer and Tapper is fire. That's solid. All right, guys, we're gonna take a break for a second because, honestly, your hair needs more tender love and care.

It really does. Geology is already taking care of our skin, right? We're on the routine, that personalized routine from taking that quick little test so we get our own personalized skin care set. And you know what? They're doing the same thing for your hair. Simple as that. If it works on your face, why would it not work on your hair? Said every woman ever. The reality is geology have launched their hair and body products in a brand

new custom control hair care system. Just like their skincare quiz, they created a quiz that asks you a handful of questions. And just like that, you have your very own personalized hair care routine. You know what that means? No more bad hair days. Most people are out there washing their hair every single day. Stop doing that shit. You don't need to. Shampoos strip your hair of the oils that it actually needs. Imagine that, a company that's selling a product actively telling you you don't need to use it that much. That's how you know you can trust them. The custom control hair care routine comes with a truly personalized routine. For a limited time, they're hooking you up with an absolutely insane offer.

Right now, if you use the code FLAGRANT, they will give you 70% off your first purchase of a personalized hair care routine or their award-winning skincare trial set. On top of that, they're giving you an additional bonus offer on their brand new body care line of super clean body wash and deodorant. They're going to take care of all your bathroom needs. So head over to geology.com, that is G-E-O-L-O-G-I-E.com and take the hair care quiz, use the code flagrant and start living that good hair life. Now let's get back to the show. All right, guys, let's take a break for a second because you know what time it is. You see the lights. You sense the aura. It's hard dick time, okay? Every week on this podcast, we come to a section where it's hard dick time, okay?

And maybe some of you out there, you had a little situation where you weren't delivering as hard dick as you possibly could. And now we are going to alleviate that. That is no longer a problem that you will have in your life, okay? Blue Chew has got your back. Same active ingredients inside Cialis or Viagra, but you never got to worry about the stiffy. Again, get deep into the abdomen. Guts moved around.

Interior decorated. Blue Chew has got your back. Blue Chew is also giving you first month free. All you got to do is pay $5 shipping. Best dick of your life for free, $5 shipping. You go to bluechew.com, use the promo code flagrant. That's it. Ship right to your door. No big issue at all. I'm done talking about it. Go do it. Let's get back to the show. Also, Bumass City's tour still going strong. East Providence on May 3rd. Tickets are sold out. If you didn't buy them, that's on you. May 10th,

St. Louis. There are tickets still available. And last time I was there, I almost got killed. So, even if you don't like me, you should buy tickets and see what the fuck happens there. Then, May 11th, Kansas City, Missouri. I'm at the Improv. May 31st, Cleveland, Ohio. June 1st, Columbus, Ohio. Hurry up and buy your tickets. These shows will sell

out. All those dates and more at akashsingh.com. Now let's get back to the show. Remember when you did Inside Jokes? Yes. This is what this feels like. Yeah, but you know what, though? To credit to Inside Jokes, I've tried working. This is the other thing I discovered about me.

I tried working that military cop joke. Yeah. Still ain't got it right. Really? Wow. I tried part of it for my last special. I don't know what it is. I feel like, I don't know if it's some round face

black man bullshit, but people are predisposed to liking me. So if I'm too mean in my set, well why would you do that, Roy? But I'm still, it gets the groan, but I can't yo-yo it back to the laugh. That grenade part, remember? Yeah. Oh, my God. That's still up.

Go watch that. I mean, that was a fun. I was dying this weekend. It was the three of us and Verzi. Oh, dude, that was awesome. It's so good. We got to bring that shit back. But his buddy, he was trying to do like a somewhat like social conscious joke about the vets.

And then you guys just started punching it up and made it crazy. It's crazy. And he's just like, my career's over. Same feeling you feel right now. No, but I did it then. I'm back now, man. That's why I like rocking with y'all, man. Motherfuckers know I like fucking laughs. I like jokes. I just can't do all the That's why I like rocking with y'all, man. Motherfuckers know I like fucking laughs.

I like jokes. I just can't do all the jokes in the same fucking places that you're laughing. Now, do you ever consider that? Is that one of those things where, like, on stage, I assume you are completely liberated? I've never watched you on stage and felt like you were holding a single thing back. Matter of fact, one of my favorite things about you on stage is that like your style of joke telling is very, it's like shaking up seltzer. You know what I mean? Like it's like once that opens, it is spring.

Like the Dominion joke is a perfect example of it. It's like you don't even know when the punchlines are starting and ending because the concept is funny and every line afterward is a punch on that concept. Thanks. Right? And I feel like that is stylistically very similar to the other stuff that you do. For me, if I'm trying to say something or I'm trying to make a point, I need you to hear me. So for me, certain types of jokes, people clam up and they immediately just go, well, I'm not going to listen to nothing else you got to say. So now if I go hard in the paint off the top, then I'm only undermining my ability for you to understand what the fuck I'm trying to say to you. So if I can lull you in a little bit, maybe use a word or two that you like and that you hear and that you prefer, then come around on the backside of that and hit you with a punchline.

and that you prefer, then come around on the backside of that and hit you with a punchline. To me, that's a punch that connects better than me just being a straight joke brawler and just hitting you with joke, joke, joke, haymaker, haymaker, haymaker, versus, yes, I understand what you're saying. A joke that didn't get shit that I love to this day was the Ron DeSantis joke of, Ron's trying to pass laws. Yeah, that was great. But he doesn't understand that this is America, we don't pass laws.

We promise we're gonna pass a law and then we don't do it. And that's what all the great leaders in this room understand. So that's why you're here, because you're the best at making things not happen. That's better than going, politicians ain't shit, and y'all at the sex island for me

that's a better, that's a more effective way of getting you to listen and then me it's also a funnier angle, compliment something that people do horribly you know what I mean, like that's to me more comedically palatable to compliment the worst things.

But you are the best at being obese or you're the best at being fat because now we're in silly land. You can't be the best at a worst thing or at a horrible thing. So, yeah, yeah. It was a sentiment that we all feel like we're like nothing gets done in politics. Nothing gets done. So it's like it's perfect. What's the best way for me to say that in a way that I know you heard me

because if you're still mad about about a Stormy Daniels joke I did four minutes earlier you ain't even listening no more and I still need you to hear me and so to me that's kind of where I'm what I'm always trying to bank on I do think audiences have amnesia once they get hit with a

really strong bit. Like, you know, that you could offend them and then push them away. But if the next joke is really solid and strong, and I do think that they'll forget about that fucked up thing you said. Patrice is good at that. Yeah. Bill Maher, Ricky Gervais.

But they also, every joke is super strong. And every joke, every premise. And mine is kind of more up and down and up and down. And if I fuck up one part of the journey, then I'm stumbling through the next two bits to get the equity to get back to zero to get you to laugh at the next fucking thing. So you feel like you need that momentum with the crowd.

You need them on your side. I'm saying to lull you in and then counterpunch you, yes, that's what I prefer to do because otherwise, if you're a brawler like that, if you're a brawler like Patrice, then you've got to,

every punch has to be a pain maker. Yeah. And I feel like with you and your comedy, and I felt this in the speech too, there's like, it's almost like a whole story. The hour is kind of a journey

we're going on together. Yeah. And then I felt like you did that with the speech too, with the scandals that tie us together was kind of the premise. And I'm also curious if you had that, if you knew you were going to do that, if you were just like, I need something to make this a journey. I need something to make it a journey. Because I knew I wanted to tie in my pops and like all of the war reporting he did and like talk a little bit about just from an angle of, and it's not even kissing ass.

I know what the fuck y'all go through my pops never talked about covering vietnam and being embedded in south africa during riots and zimbabwe like african civil war like that's some hostage shit where you wouldn't talk about journalists that's locked up in fucking africa yeah it's always european and eastern bloc and all of that And what's impressive is if he talked about struggling in South Africa, they would just let him host a daily show. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Really?

Yeah, why didn't he host a daily show? You know what I mean? My dad is too angry for comedy. He had a custom white folks on. My pops used to watch C-Span every night and he'd go, let me see what these crackers up to. That's literally how my pops would turn on C-SPAN. These lying motherfuckers.

So, yeah, I wanted to tie in my pops and his journey through journalism and just how the thing that I missed, though, and we just, you ain't got, but they told me to do 15. I did 25. It's too long. you ain't got, but they told me to do 15. I did 25. It's too long. But like the scandal, the other scandal in media is not just y'all put everything behind a paywall because y'all broke, but also the first people you fire is all

the reporters that's covering all the important shit. They're not covering, like it's all the local reporters that go and just, like that Oklahoma. That was a great point. Oh, you mean by fire, like lose their jobs because the companies aren't making enough money. Correct. So when they have layoffs, when you have layoffs and you find all these local reporters, the local reporters are the ones that's got every national story is a local

story first. Right. And it's some local story, it's some local reporter had to do it. And then a national reporter come in and go get the fuck out the way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you wouldn't even known about it if it wasn't a local reporter. And so that's why I tried to tie in with my mom's and what's going through. But I couldn't even really get deep

into that. My mom's was protesting at a white Mississippi college trying to help integrate it, and they get in their ass whooped. Wait, really? Yeah, this is 60s shit. And so- Poses and stuff?

Yeah, just to go to- Has she spoken about that? No. Cuz it's a lot. I always want to know what that is like. It's two types of black people from the civil rights movement.

You got the ones. From which side? Feels good. Feel the power. Feel the power in that hole. Why would you assume I'm in the hole, bro? Ask a fireman about that. I'm talking about getting hit with the hose.

That's got to be awful. Is that a German shepherd, my fucking ears? Oh, my God. They got the German shepherds out there, too. Yeah, yeah. It's two types of black folks from the Civil Rights Movement. You got the ones that's vocal now and the owls sharp. I was just thinking that, bro.

What is that? German everything. They gave us chocolate cake, though, so that made up for it. They did. They're like, get that shit out of here. We're gonna take these vanilla cakes. But then you got black folks that just don't say shit. They don't talk about it, just on some PTSD shit. So my mom would just stay in college and make sure black kids get education. She worked at a black college the last 30, 35 years now.

So that's how she tries to be part of the solution. But my mom don't talk about that shit. But you know it was a local reporter. But most of the civil rights movement was local reporters. Before all them national motherfuckers came down and started embarrassing the country. So that's why I was trying to tie it all in to y'all are laying off the people that were the bedrock of all of this change that you keep saying we need to make in this country. But I couldn't figure out a funny way to say it.

So I ain't gonna say it. But I love that you ended on a sentimental note, cuz most of the time it's jokes straight through. You got them with the jokes and then you ended on a sentimental note, because most of the time it's jokes straight through. You got them with the jokes, and then you ended very thoughtfully and beautifully, and shouted out your parents in a way that most people wouldn't do. When else are you going to get a fucking chance in front of America to fucking say something meaningful? You can be funny, but I've been funny enough.

At this point, 10, 15 minutes in. Yeah, but that was on Viacom, so people could actually see you being funny. That brings up a very good point. The Paramount Plus app is a very useful app and I would hope that everyone would subscribe to Paramount Plus. My favorite app. My favorite stream. My favorite app is the Paramount Plus app.

When I'm streaming from my Dominion voting machine. Dominion gotta give you something, bro. They got to give you a little piece of that 750. They ain't got no money. Oh, well, they got some money now. Yeah, I think they're doing all right. What about being in the room? Did anyone come up and talk to you afterwards?

Did you talk to Biden at all? Anything like that? I mean, it's just usual quick chop it up before the security is dragging them out. Yeah, the president? Did the president say anything? Me and Biden had quick chop it up. You know how it goes.

We don't. I mean, but what y'all expect him to say? I was moving. I will now pass reparations. And then walk off. That would have been fine. You got reparations done? Oh my God. That would be... I'm curious if Biden shook your hand or if he knew what's up

and he reached back and gave you, you know what I mean? No, it was just a straight up. It was just from down to up. He didn't like coming from back here. He's about to start cussing again. It was just from down the up. He didn't have a hose. He's about to start cussing again. They're everywhere. It's like, get the dogs. Who the fuck is he?

Nah, Kamala was real nice. What did she, her hands soft? Yeah. Okay. Why are you asking about a woman's hands? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I'm a male.

What? Now you got me feeling creepy for saying yeah. Why did you remember that so quick? That was the wrong answer. Damn, you know. Got me tripped up on the plate. Does she have open toe heels on? Okay, you don't have to answer that. You don't have to answer that.

Nah, nah, nah. I didn't give her a hug. I took a deep inhale like a creep. What do you want me to say? Like Biden. Biden looked at you like, hey. Learned from the best. I like that sniff, my man. Would I shave better?

So Kamala was looking good. Anybody else there? Everybody was chill, man. What about the North Dakota governor? Was she there? I don't know. Fine one? You know the fine one?

No, I've not seen. Are there any fine politicians? We got a fine politician who's from North Dakota one, you know the fine one? I didn't see it. No, I've not seen it. Are there any fine politicians? We got like a fine politician who's like from North Dakota. You talking about the trans one? No, what? You talking about going to North Dakota? In North Dakota?

You talking about traveling all the way to North Dakota? I'm not gonna travel there, but- You wanna move to North Dakota? You saying it like you'd move to North Dakota. She came to you. She was in D.C. She's right there.

She got the Nancy Pelosi? I think she's kind of. Did you have any jokes about Pelosi's upper chest? No. Upper chest. Just upper chest. I mean, if you dropped heavies during the speech, it would be iconic. I'm trying to think.

No, there was. No, we just had a conversation about the Tucker stuff and the Pelosi picture. But, like, too many people need to know the backstory on that to get that joke because the Pelosi thing is like one of them remember the thing so it was too much backstory

so we didn't do that did you know that Tucker Carlson is Don Lemon's drag name no I did not fuck you that's not true no like there's Don that's not true.

No, like there's just so much going on and so much, like you just see everybody just in passing. Like the only person I really got to chop it up with for a minute was Gayle King and Lester Holt. Like I'm just like, I'm trying to find OG journalists to talk to. Because like the journalist, like, you know, journalism degree in me, it's like, oh my god, it's you. I fucking respect your coverage. Quick question. Immediately before the speech and immediately after the speech, what are your feelings? Immediately, they call your name, you're going up. Are you thinking anything?

Is it pure panic? Is it once I get the first laugh, everything is easy? And then once it's done and it goes well, what's that feeling like? First thought walking on stage is I should have gone to grad school. Like, fuck, what am I doing? But you can't not do it. You can't not do it.

We're legit fucking lunatics for just trying the most dangerous fucking shit, stand-ups. Hasan Minhaj gave me a gang of advice But then he also told me Take a water up there Your mouth's gonna get dry And I forgot And I was fucking up there choking A lot of them pauses It's just me waiting on slobber to come back It's not comedic time

And I'm fucking waiting on mouth juice To fucking lubricate And then after It's just one big exhale man Just one big fucking exhale. And I posted a picture on my IG of just me just sitting in the chair. Everybody had left the stage and the room was this person. And I'm just like, on some Thanos, watch the sunrise on a great fool, whatever the fuck, just fucking exhale.

What'd your mom say when you saw her afterwards? She was cool. She was cool about it. We spoke briefly. My mom, we'll talk about that. You know, black mamas,

they don't say shit until like months later. Thank you for what you did. It'll be months later, but she got the fuck out of there. They had a Diana Ross concert and I keep forgetting. That's like,

oh, black women's Beyonce. Yeah. She left early? No, as soon as, she didn't stay just like say good job to go see diana ross how many more chances you're gonna get to see diana ross yeah that's a good point how many chances she saw her son to the correspondent i'll be at

the hotel in the morning fuck him i gotta tell him he did a good job at the thing I was at. Yeah, my mom bounced. I would have bounced too. Because the traffic was going crazy. And they knew Diana Ross. Diana Ross go on stage on time. She ain't one of them black artists where they say 11.30.

And then it's one in the morning before they go. You can't talk to artists and just say people. Artists. This guy's a racist. Racist, bro. He's trying to say a black people are late. Do you think the reason she was on time is because she was disciplined so much earlier in her career?

Dude. With dogs? That's way worse than what I said. That's way worse than what I said. Who's more racist? Who's more racist? That's not racist. I think all guys do that. You think all guys do that?

Or what? My mama got shot with that fire hose, and then she's like, well, let me start being on time. In case them police out there tripping. The protests are supposed to start at four. I'm going to leave at three so I can miss the protest. Was it the police that did the fire hosing? No, it was the fire department. The police called the fire department. Yeah, a fire department gets off easy on that.

Yeah, defund the firemen. One, we have to discuss that. The fire department playing like a really... Because everybody puts it on the police and everybody thinks the firemen are heroes because they are. They ran into the building and stuff like that. Or the buildings, 9-11. But they were hosing you guys

down. Yeah, but then they, 9-11. But they were hosing you guys down. Yeah, but then they stopped. They did. The police keep fucking up. That is true, but there's also something ironic about people who definitely didn't go to college stopping black people from going to college. Maybe if they were allowed to go to that school, they wouldn't be upset

But they were turned down and then they had to become firemen You want an inside joke right now? Here you go motherfucker I had a joke about something similar in my special About how firefighters got off the hook And the same thing with the National Guard Like the National Guard straight murdered protesters Back in the day

Kent State That was the National Guard who did that But like over time murdered protesters back in the day. Kent State, they pulled up. Oh, that's right, that's right. That was the National Guard who did that. But over time, we love the National Guard again. Now the National Guard showed up. We're like, all right, you're here to bring snacks and maybe help. But at no point did we bring up the mistake they made because at some point the National Guard was like,

all right, maybe we should stop shooting motherfuckers. And let's just bring snacks and maybe that's what the police need to do. We love snacks though, dude. I couldn't figure out a way to tie it all together. Cuz like the police do everything. Instead of water, it was Kool-Aid. See that, that part is, that's- That's where it goes.

Watermelon? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. That would be, then you could make an argument like we were trying to help. We just wanted everybody to have their electrolytes. I couldn't figure it out. That part of it. We're a workshop now. Yeah, it's too angry. That is messed up. I feel like we're being excluded from their workshop.

I feel like he's intentionally saying we can't work on that. You guys are doing outside jokes right now. And we're doing inside jokes we gotta work on that that was the maddest I ever made anybody on twitter black people for sure I called I said

I tweeted one time that that Kool-Aid ain't shit but flavored city water and motherfuckers were furious like I had insulted their whole childhood but flavored city water. And motherfuckers were furious. Like I had insulted their whole childhood. But that's what it is.

I mean, yeah, but it's still delicious. But stop acting like it was the greatest thing. You don't, most people don't make Kool-Aid as an adult. Talk that shit. If Kool-Aid is available, you might have it. But no one, as a fucking adult. Chooses Kool-Aid is available You might have it But no one as a fucking adult Chooses Kool-Aid first If you went over a motherfucker house And they offered you Kool-Aid

You would judge them That's when I learned about You start talking about motherfuckers food You're just insulting their childhood Because their dead grandmama gave them Kool-Aid And they made it together And it's not the Kool-Aid that you miss It's the warm hug and bosom of your

fucking grandmother. Dude, I never got grandma tits, man. All my grandmas were dead and their tits were dead, so I never got that. You know what? I thought about that just to get that feeling, that bosom, you know?

There you are, me ma. But that must be nice. Like your grandma. Did you know your grandma? Y'all only have one living grandparent. Oh, wow. Mississippi. And we would walk to the National Guard Armory.

Let me look at him when I say. We used to go to the National Guard Armory all the time. He's going to be like, white t-shirt contest from the hose. You see what he did? You see what he did? That's what he's going to say. He was going to say that. That's a Puerto Rican shit.

Let me look at him. Okay? Puerto Ricans love playing in fire hoses. That's how we do it. We do. I love the fire hoses. They're like, how is this a party? This is a summer's day.

Okay, come on. Let's be serious with the story. Okay. They're like, how is this a fire hydrant? This is a summer's day. Okay, come on. Let's be serious with this story. Okay, you and your grandma. I had a grandmama, and my fondest memory of my grandmother. Did you just say your fond list? My best memory. Did you say your best memory? Dude, this guy is crazy, bro.

The most grandest memory. The grandest memory? Roy, you got to stop, dude. Roy. This is a problem, Roy. You bitch. No, we used to walk. We used to walk every month to the National Guard armory to pick up our government cheese and peanut butter.

That's what you called him? That's not what I called him. I'm telling you a good memory I had of a woman I loved. This is why you don't treat about Kool-Aid, Roy. Now you get a taste of your own medicine. Get a taste of your own government cheese, Roy. Okay, so she gets the government cheese and peanut butter. I'm just saying, yes, I had a grandma, and I remember walking with her,

and that's when I used to get the wisdom from her. It was like on the long walks in Mississippi to go get free shit from the government. And what would she say on some of those long walks? That is the blackest story ever told on this podcast. Right there. Listen up, Alan. You don't have any stories like that. The long walk in Mississippi

with my grandma. To go get government cheese. I didn't want to say that part, but that's part of it. Do they still have government cheese? They have government cheese, but I don't know about government peanut butter. Also, in the South, do you guys feel like an entitlement with peanut butter? Do you feel like that's yours? No, but barbecue motherfuckers be all claiming that shit.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Barbecue is the South. Claiming barbecue or claiming peanut butter? Barbecue. Barbecue. So black people have no historical attachments to the invention of peanut butter we fuck with george washington carver i mean legend but i think white people like peanut butter more than black people that's why i think y'all love it so much black people are like i don't even want it we don't have a lot of peanut butter

we don't have a lot of peanut butter recipes but that's what i don't understand. Like, I mean, this is like groundbreaking technology. I mean, it's cool, but it's not like what we fuck with. Like, George Washington Carver's like, name a black EDM DJ. It's like, we like what you do. DJ Ruckus. Okay. We love DJ Ruckus, and we respect him, but

also some of what he does isn't traditionally, I guess, in a black space. I don't, I can't remember any black person just rolling out peanut butter cookies or peanut brittle or any of the fucking peanut snacks. Is that like a self-loathing thing? Like, where do you think that comes from? Why don't you give us a— That's a great question. That is an excellent question.

Why do your people not embrace the creations of your people? That was the most sincere question he's ever asked. That was Barbara Walters Andrew about fucking peanut butter. Bro, that shit be bothering me, man, because George Washington Carver was a goat. How about chocolate chip cookies? Yeah, famous, famous. As a black dude. I know that. Yeah, y'all took both recipes.

Give it back to us. Give us the bread. First of all, first of all, first of all. Y'all. You right. You right. We did take that. I didn't take that. We did take that. Hold on. Can I just ask one question? Are you saying white

people stole chocolate chip cookies from black people? They didn't steal. My man sold the recipe and they lowballed him. Yeah, they fucked him. He was on Shark Tank begging for a deal. It was so fucking sad. Famous Amos had another thing and then the motherfucker didn't get no money. But wait a minute. No investors.

Nothing. Hold on a second. But he didn't invent the chocolate chip cookie, did he really? I think it was the first chocolate chip cookie sold, Famous Amos. Black people invented chocolate chip cookies, peanut butter. That's like saying you invented toast. Everybody will go, well, I also put bread in a stove. That's what the people in the Middle East do with their pita and hummus. It's like, yeah, we know how to mash a chickpea. It's not yours.

I don't know if he invented it, but I know he had one that was really dope that everybody fucked with, and then somebody said, give me your recipe. I'll make it big and national, and then they just bought it from him. Fuck, dude. So it might have just been on some 11 herbs and spices type shit where this is how I do a chocolate chip cookie.

And then they took it and fucking ran with it. That's disgusting. Got no bread. I've never believed in reparations until today. Wow. So nothing else before that. I'm telling you, dude. Stealing chocolate chip cookies, bro.

Dude, do you realize what that could have done for the black community? You got to get some of that Keebler money, bro. Bro, you've been fucking elves. But that's the shit you can't prove, though. Because it's such a gray area thing. It's like, well, did he invent it? Well, I don't know. Well, there's also, like, in the ancient Greeks,

used to put chocolate in a fucking sand. No, they used to put dick in chocolate. No, that's kids. Oh, kids, sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're thinking of kids. Yeah, yeah, yeah, kids. They used to do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're thinking of kids. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kids, they used to do that.

Yeah, yeah. But so that they could figure out their math formulas, you know? Yeah. They needed it, right? Because they couldn't do math without dick and butts, you know? Dude.

They needed muses. Yeah, they invented division. I don't know. Dividing them. I don't know why we don't do more with, like, peanut butter. Like, I don't know. How did't do more with peanut butter. I don't know. How did y'all steal the peanuts from us?

That's very slick. What's interesting is when I asked the question, you guys were judging me. Now you're ruminating on it, and you're going, holy shit. We changed the world. George Washington Carver came up with hundreds of ways. Can I tell you about God? White people love peanut butter, took all the credit. Who was allergic to peanuts?

White people. I never met a minority with peanut allergy in my fucking life. Do you think that that was by design? Do you think that George Washington Carver put that in? There was payback? It was carbon? Like that damn Brown book, Dante's Inferno or whatever? Boom.

You got a virus that hits like 20 years later? Take that. Holy shit. George Washington Carver. We got to ask the minister. We got to ask the minister. Email Charlemagne. I'm going to email Charlemagne right now.

We're going to get to the bottom of this. Because I love peanut butter, but will my kids not? He's going to ask that shit, and then he's going to get a random email, shut the fuck up about our mission. Get some peanut butter stuck to your mouth and shut up. Nah, but they got us back with milk, though. I'm so lactose intolerant. Yo, why would George Washington Carver invent something that you can't...

You can't really enjoy it without milk. You can't enjoy it without the milk. Son, he wasn't for y'all. George Washington Carver was not for y'all. I don't want to say that, but like... He was for himself. He was for GWC. That's the George Washington part.

Yeah. And then the PM butter, that's the Carver. GW's doing the heavy lifting, dude. Yeah, yeah. himself. He was for GWC. That's the George Washington part. Yeah. And then the PM butter, that's the Carver. GW's doing the heavy lifting, dude. Yeah, yeah. Oh, man. What a shame. Why y'all trying to CRT George Washington Carver? I don't like this shit. This is critical race theory, what we're doing right now. Why y'all trying to erase him? Yeah, yeah. This is critical.

Critical race theory. It's definitely a theory because ain't none of this shit proven that we're talking about right now. All right, guys. Let's take a break for a second. Listen. Getting all your nutrients was a pain in the ass until now. OK, you can get everything that you need from AG1. Athletic Greens has got your back. OK, this is literally the best option. Optimize your nutrition right here. You take one scoop of AG1 and you're absorbing 75 high quality vitamins, minerals, whole food source superfoods, probiotics, and adaptogens to start your day off right.

Listen, sustainable routines are key. AG1, that's my daily micro habit. That makes it easy to absorb key nutrients, lead a healthy lifestyle, and feel my best no matter what the day holds. One scoop, one minute, once a day, every day. And right now, it's time to reclaim your health and arm your immune system, mind you, with convenient daily nutrition. It's just one scoop and a cup of water every day. That's it. No need for a million different pills and supplements to look out for your health.

So what you're going to do right now, we're going to make it very easy for you. Athletic Greens is going to give you a free one-year supply of immune-supporting vitamin D and five free travel packs with your first purchase. All you have to do is visit athleticgreens.com slash flagrant. Again, that is athleticgreens.com slash flagrant to take ownership over your health and pick up the ultimate daily nutritional insurance. Now let's get back to the show. All right, guys, we're gonna take a break for a second because listen, not everything in a bad habit is wrong. So instead of a drastic, uncomfortable change, why not just remove the bad from your habit?

You see, fume right here is an innovative, award-nominated device that does just that. Instead of the electronics, fume is completely natural. Instead of the vapor, fume uses flavored air. And instead of harmful chemicals, fume uses all natural, delicious flavors, okay? You get it? Instead of bad, fume is good. delicious flavors. Okay, you get it? Instead of bad,

fume is good. It's a habit you are free to enjoy and makes replacing your bad habit easy. It comes with an adjustable airflow dial and is designed with movable parts and magnets for fidgeting, giving your fingers a lot to do, which is helpful for anxiety you may feel while you're breaking your habit. So I'm telling you, this right here is absolutely phenomenal, phenomenal, phenomenal, phenomenal to break a bad habit, which we are legally not allowed to say what that habit is, but I think that you can tell what it might be if you do this with it. I can't legally say what the habit is, but I think you get it. And those habits are bad.

Those habits are bad. And this has none of the bad stuff. It's just air. Add a little mint on it. If you put the mint cartridge in, that's it. Okay? Not that bad stuff that those other things that will kill you have. This is going to help you get off those murder things, which we won't say exactly what they are for legal reasons,

but they will kill you and maybe killed a lot of your family members. Definitely some of mine. So this is really good that it doesn't do that. So join Fume in accelerating humanity's breakup from destructive habits by picking up the Journey Pack today. Head to tryfume.com and use the code flagrant to save 10% off when you get the Journey Pack today. Head to tryfume.com and use the code FLAGRANT to save 10% off when you get the Journey Pack today.

That's T-R-Y-F-U-M.com and use the code FLAGRANT to save an additional 10% off your order. Now let's get back to the show. Okay, listen, listen, before you go, because I know you have a very busy day, you work on a very serious news show where you have to worry about the facts. On this show right here, we have a little segment that we like to call Feelings, No Facts. So your feelings here are the only thing that's important. No facts are important right now at all with the topics that we're about to talk about. So let's start it out.

Cleopatra, cultural appropriation. Have you heard about this? No, but I'm sure I can guess it. A bunch of white folks dressing up like Queen Cleopatra and freaking putting on Egyptian stuff. It gets even crazier. It's crazy. They flipped it on us, bro. We did flip it on y'all.

Y'all didn't even know. Mark, can you please explain? Basically, Jada Pinkett-Swith is producing a show for Netflix that is effectively a documentary about Queen Cleopatra of Egypt. And they cast this beautiful black woman. Now, the Egyptian council and all of the politicians in Egypt are saying that this is racist because Cleopatra was historically Greek. Greek. Ptolemaic Greek. And so they're saying you can't be cast on a black woman in a Greek woman's role and effectively wiping out what Egyptians look like.

Yeah, it's erasure. When does acting just come down to just the person? Yo, thank you, bro. Who has to do it? We've been saying that. I mean, where's the line? I understand representation, but then where does acting- I think this is the line. Once it starts coming back to bite us in the ass, now let's just make it about the person. Yeah, let's make it about the skill, the talent. I mean, so they're saying what? Cast someone of a nationality that is closer to the genetic lineage. Yeah, either someone that is true Egyptian or some Egyptian Greek hybrid.

To be fair, this is a documentary. It's not a movie. It's not like Jake Gyllenhaal doing Prince of Persia, which is fucked, but that's a movie. This is a documentary. Well, Persians were white. They're from the Caucasus Mountains. They weren't that Caucasus. They weren't.

They weren't Jake Gyllenhaal Caucasus. I think they were white, and then I think that Islam spread, and then— Yeah, but now we're getting into melanin percentages and all of that shit. Listen. You know? I get it. Now people are saying, well, no one was mad about white Jesus. Jesus wasn't white.

We all know that. But every movie with Jesus in it, he's white, and you don't have the, you know. I assure you, black people are mad about white Jesus. Nobody hears us. So what is, because you grew up in a church, right? Yeah, yeah, Baptist. So do you guys talk about Jesus being not white? Or are you like, he's probably more Middle Eastern looking?

It depends. A lot of the black megachurches roll with white Jesus. They really don't. Can I ask you a serious question? Like, they're indoctrinated from. This is for real. Because I've been going to church a little bit. There's no fire hoses in church.

No, no, I know, I know. It's called baptism, technically. They wouldn't reach. That's why they're baptized. No, but do I know. I checked. They wouldn't reach. That's why they're baptists. No, but do you trust white Christian pastors? Ooh.

I don't want to see him. I think I only trust black pastors, and then a random Asian pops up, and I'm like, yeah, they believe it. I don't know if I trust pastors. Whoa. I'm not trying to all lives matter, but the religion, man, there's just a lot of manipulation in the church and a lot of it is selfish and like to be raised in the church and then become

spiritual. And I believe that there's a God but any dude would have been trying to tell me how to meet God I just said something off with you. Small church pastors are the ones. That's not black. Because you're broke. Small church for sure. I know you got to believe in this shit too. Yup. Because you're trying to not

be broke too. That's why they're taking laps around the church. That's their gym too. They can't afford membership. Nah, I don't default to any pastor being truly full of morals. That's how they turn into the Joel Olsteins

and the Creflo Dollars. That's the thing with Joel. He got bars. I'm not going to lie. He does have bars, but I don't buy it. And I wonder if he was black. I believe Creflo. The problem is that you're trying to make these passes out to me. I do believe. I believe Creflo believes it. Creflo told them people

that God told me to tell you to give me the money to get the jet so I can go to Africa because I don't want to fly United. Have you flown United to fucking Africa, bro? It's tough. Have you done that? It's tough. I'm United and it's tough. It's tough. I'm a United guy. You gonna put Creflo through that? Yes. Jesus got you? He did tough. I'm a United guy. You can put Creflo through that? Yes.

Jesus got you. He did. He got him a private jet. You know what I'm saying? That's why we believe, bro. That's why we believe in Creflo. Nah. Here's the problem on the studio side.

They'll go, well, we can't find a talented Greek or Egyptian. Are you better off just finding the person who can't do the job just so it checks a box? A worse actress that's Egyptian, hypothetically. Yeah, I'm sure there's some good ones. But this is good. This is good that you're getting pushback. Yeah. Okay, what about this? Siamese sisters, they're sharing a vagina.

Oh, I heard this one. One of them has a boyfriend. Oh, yes. But they're Siamese from the top. They look like a Y, right? But they have one vagina. Oh, I heard this one. One of them has a boyfriend. Oh, yes. But they're Siamese from the top. They look like a Y, right? But they have one vagina. They look like a village person. I know.

They like YMCA. Look at it. But if you zoom, they do. They do. But if you zoom in really close. How close? How close? Well, don't do that.

Okay. So what do we think about this? I mean, yeah. Wow. Listen. I feel like there's a better way to wear the bra. Like just one big one. Stop hating.

Love is love. My question is more rooted in what does the other one do while the other one is fucking? That's my question. What do you think? Do you turn your head? or do you look at each other in the eyes like I mean

look at your sister while you're getting does this count as a threesome I have questions I think it's a two and a half it's a two and a half for sure but even what if like one of them

is horny and the other's not and they just want to masturbate that's a good question too it's a group discussion you gotta think about this. But aren't a lot of twins like have synergy and thought? They can feel what the other one's doing?

Yeah, like they all kind of want the same thing. If your twin jerks off, you have a wet dream. Listen, y'all talked to the wrong person about this. Y'all need to... That is crazy. Go get the Lucas Brothers. Ask them. I'm not the right person for this. Ask them. I'm not the right person for this.

Ask Kenny and Keith. Can you feel what he's doing? He's called the stranger. He's your sub-duner. That would be crazy. Okay. All right. All right.

Last one. Okay. This is a big one. This is a really fucking big one here. Okay. Okay. You didn't even know what it was. No, I'm still looking for it.

Okay. Okay. Jerry Springer died. What did he mean to you growing up? It was good entertainment. Jerry Springer, Richard Bay, which was like the bootleg Jerry Springer. I don't know how many people remember the Richard Bay show but like

that might have been some regional south shit yeah I think so I never heard of it Google Richard Bay that motherfucker is Jerry Springer without the production team

I saw a post that like some revisionist history on Jerry Springer maybe that's why Richard Bay didn't pop Jerry Springer. Maybe that's why Richard Bay didn't pop. Jerry Springer took all his money. Motherfucker looked too much alike.

It's like Billy Blanks and Wesley Snipes. They couldn't both exist in the same Hollywood. There can only be one. Yeah. My nigga told me a terrible story. I know it's not true, but it makes me laugh. That Billy Blanks and Wesley Snipes were both up for Passenger 57. And Wesley called Billy and told him the wrong location for the audition.

Nice. For real. That's funny. And that's how Wesley Snipes became a loser. He's like, you know it's not true, but if that's true, that's one of the most fucking hilarious sabotages in Hollywood. And then Billy Blanks did Ty Bo. Yeah. Ended up doing Ty Bo.

Billy Blanks, he was like the straight-to-DVD muscle action movie guy. Him and Wesley at one point were neck and neck. We're the muscle black guy star if you want one. Billy couldn't have done white man can't jump. That's the drama side of it, I'm sure, is where Wesley's like, we're being real. Wait, what's the revisionist history with this? That Jerry Springer exploited poor people and black people for entertainment and showed a lot of people at their worst. And I never thought about it like that until I got older

because you don't know you're eating junk food when you're getting junk food. You don't realize it's just flavored city water. Yeah. As a kid, that's your grandma's

but when he was a mayor in Cincinnati, you know, Jerry Springer was 100. He had a lot of policies in place that were trying to help people. I think just the show,

his show was just trying to be an alternative to the more buttoned down Sally Jesse Raphael Jenny Jones era of talk shows. It was chaos. He was really, I would almost say in a way

Maury Povich stole his flow bar for bar. 100% yo! 100% I was thinking that. Because when Springer first popped, Maury Povich was still We're gonna get to the bottom of it And we're gonna investigate it He had the show A Current Affair

And then when he left A Current Affair And started his talk show His talk show was way more buttoned down On some Geraldo Rivera shit And then Oh what's that Jerry Springer guy doing Okay well let's do that in daytime Cause Springer came on at night

In Birmingham That wasn't even like a daytime chaotic show what's that Jerry Springer guy doing? Okay, well let's do that in daytime because Springer came on at night in Birmingham. That wasn't even like a daytime chaotic show. That you are not the father shit hit and then- Maternity test, yeah. Yeah.

That was all he did. I'm sad he died, but I do agree with a lot of people that say that Jerry Springer was just putting broke motherfuckers on the air

for a couple hundred dollars and let them argue out some shit that they could've took on Judge Judy. Isn't that the same shit though, Judge Judy? Judge Judy, what's the other one? It's a boring version. It's a, yeah.

The best thing is, have you seen the, do you know what bum fights are? Bro. I remember that. So bum fights were this like viral sensation where this dude would just watch bums fight and videotape them and put them up on YouTube. It was like early YouTube.

He would pay them. He'd pay them and then bums would fight. Sometimes they'd tattoo crazy shit on their forehead. Then the kid was outside of like San Diego. And it would just go crazy viral. And he went on Dr. Phil once. Dr. Phil brought him on and brought him on and accused him of taking advantage of mentally ill people and enriching himself.

But look at how he went on Dr. Phil. Yeah. Why not? That's despicable. I don't want to talk to you. You can go. What? Look at him.

If you think I exploit people, every time you bring a guest on this show, you exploit them and spread whatever problems they have to the whole world. You think that's helping them? Yeah, keep telling yourself that. You can go. Sorry, but I just watched that footage, and that is absolutely despicable, and I refuse to publicize that. What?

And then immediately publicize it. That's funny. going to do it. What? And then immediately publicize it. That's funny. I mean, it's kind of a good point. I mean, yeah, that's all Dr. Phil is, right? That's all most daytime TV is. I mean, but how do y'all feel, though, when y'all see, like, broke white folks on TV arguing and shit and barefoot and dirty feet? I don't think they care because there's enough white people that it doesn't matter. It's not going to affect the way you view white people.

White people don't look at other white people as white people i know it sounds crazy yeah like i've lived abroad in spain and i looked at all americans as americans okay right because we were the minority there right so every american there was like representative of me and if there was some American acting goofy at the bar, I'm like, how are you doing it? Like, you fucking idiots.

Why are you making us look bad? But like in America, we don't look at white, like, so when we see these white people that are on these shows, we're just like, oh,

you fucking goofy idiots. Oh, those are the poor whites. Those are the meth head whites. We don't even think of them as white. The beauty of being white in America is you're not a white person. You're just a person.

Yeah. Fuck. Yeah. Yeah. I don't want to fuck're just a person. Yeah. Fuck. Yeah. I don't want to fuck your whole shit up, bro. Must be nice. Yeah, nah, I think, I don't know, I think Jerry Springer's show looked funny in the light now,

but that shit was entertaining as fuck. It was pretty funny in the dark, too. And you got to- We're just talking term, funny, objective. Yeah, you got to- Hilarious. But I think now, today- You got to own what you laughed at.

Yeah, I just, what I don't want to do is be all revisionist and act like I would have never no I laughed it was hilarious I enjoyed it and then now you go

oh my god why is that black person on TV with no bra I think in like 10 years time we're going to be looking back at

reality TV the same way oh yeah like all these shows Love is Blind all this shit is just like exploiting them a, yeah. Yeah, like all these shows, Love is Blind, all this shit is just like exploiting them. A lot of people

are committing suicide from these shows. Really? There's like three contestants that committed suicide. From which show? Like different shows, but just a lot of these

reality TV shows. Hell of a Kitchen article people kill themselves. Really? Gordon Ramsay yelled at him to kill himself. No way. More than one person

that happens? I think it's more than one. I know one. All-time best roaster, huh? Yeah. No one better. Goat. Goat.

That's amazing. They should have just added some peanut butter to it. Yeah. That's what they were missing. Apparently, Jerry Springer felt bad about the show, too, at the end. Oh, really? Apparently, yeah. When he started getting more involved in politics and stuff, he was kind of like, yeah, some of the way that the old show was, was kind of...

He got involved with politics first. Yeah, he got, he was a disgraced politician. No, it was politics. But then on the other side, he started talking about it. Yeah. But that's what happens

when you want to go to heaven. Like, all these old people are just like, you ain't giving no rules and shit. they see the pearly gates calling. It's easy to be moral

when you got $50 million and the show's over. Hey, you know what? That's kind of fucked up. What you doing with that money? You keeping it, right? Yeah. Okay, NBA playoffs. You a basketball fan at all? Yeah, but I'm a

Hornets fan, so I don't really talk basketball. Wait, why are you a Hornets fan? Regional coverage in Alabama. Everything I root for is the shit that came on TV. Cubs, Dolphins, Hornets. Late 80s, early 90s. Regional coverage. So what is it? New Orleans Pelicans?

Because there's no Hornets anymore. No, in 88, 89, when they first came in, it was Charlotte. Yeah, that was a crazy team. You had LJ, Muggsy. They were black as fuck. Yeah, yeah. So it was like, yes. But who do you root for now? Because the Charlotte Hornets are now in New Orleans, and they're the Pelicans.

No, when they went back to Charlotte, I just kept it Charlotte. Charlotte Bobcats. Yeah, yeah. Okay. I stayed with the Bobcats, which was a mistake as well, when they went back to Charlotte I just kept it Charlotte. Charlotte Bobcats. Yeah, yeah. Okay. I stayed with the Bobcats which was a mistake as well but I'm trying to support black business.

Yeah, yeah. Because what is it? We're Bob Johnson. It's Bob Johnson then it was Michael Jordan so I'm like I support I feel like every black person should be rooting for the Hornets.

Yeah. You know, but you sell out sell out ass niggas you'll be You don't even buy peanut butter, bro. Don't talk about that shit. Yeah, why don't you buy peanut butter? He's called MJ's Sellout, bro.

No. He's called MJ and Sellout. He's calling out black people for not supporting black people. Any black person that's not a Charlotte Hornets fan is a sellout ass motherfucker. Fucking NFTS. Yeah. You're owned by the white sports ownership. Yo.

Cubs came on TV. And then, you know, back in the day, in the 90s, you got the TV game of the NFL team closest to you that was good. And in Birmingham in the 90s, it was the Dolphins. Falcons were trash. Buccaneers were trash. Saints were trash. Oilers were so-so. Marino was the man.

So you just watched it. It's even Rufo on this other shit, but it ain't coming on TV. There was no fucking Sunday ticket in 92. What about College Bowl? Were you an Alabama fan? Casually. Alabama fans are just, they're a lot.

Why? They're intense. Like, it's like, you ever met somebody that's a little too proud to be white? No. What are you talking about? Not quite white supremacist.

Not quite. The guyist. Not quite. The guy's got his hair. Not like you will not replace us white, but like on the edge, I'm just like Alabama fans. I used to sell sodas at the games growing up, and I'm just like, I'm going to figure this out.

But they ask for water, and they just throw it in your face. You're like, would you like a cup with that? How about a hose? Let's see. I support Alabama football because they keep you off from talking about racism in Alabama for a couple months. Yeah. They're like the best ambassador for the state.

It's just whooping up on all the other fucking schools. Yeah. So I support that. It's just a lightning rod for racism. It's got to redirect it a little bit. True what people think of Alabama Like these coastal elites Like is there any truth to it?

No, it's good folks down there, man No, we don't think that they're not good We just think that they're Slow, dumb No Yeah, that's what you meant No, we don't ever think that they're slow or dumb So what do you think?

Just have some super fine cousin pussy There are certain pockets of the South Where there are things going on So what do you think? Just have some super fine cousin pussy? There are certain pockets of the South where there are things going on. They're not even people. And the rest of the South will condone. So you look at them. I ain't never had no cousin pussy. Is that what you're trying to ask me? I'm not asking you.

I thought that was a Caucasian thing. I thought it was Caucasian people were the cousin fuckers. I didn't know that black people were involved in that. No, that's not. That's right. It's a third cousin. A third cousin people were the cousin fuckers. I didn't know that black people were involved in that. No, that's not. I'll try. It's a third cousin. A third cousin is not a cousin. Yeah, a third cousin, fair game.

Take that family reunion t-shirt off. Wait, are you saying they're not a cousin because they're like three-fifths of a cousin? Is that what you're trying to say? Wow. That's a racial joke. Wow, dude. Nah, Huntsville's banging, bro. You know what's wild about Space Force is that it built jobs.

Well, that's right, because Space Force is in Huntsville, Alabama. Huntsville been had mad Indians, because there's a space center down there for like 20 years. Dushar from Huntsville. Yeah. More jobs, the fastest growing city, one of the fastest growing cities in the South is Huntsville. Yes.

Faster than Birmingham, faster than Montgomery, all that shit. So, I mean, it's good folks down there. We got decent industries and shit. Are you annoyed about the perception of it all? A little bit. Also, why third cousin? No, I am curious about the third cousin thing. Listen, Diane Sawyer, which question?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so break this down. The first time you fuck a cousin, it's wrong. The second time you fuck a cousin. No, that's not what they mean. But the third cousin you fuck is it's okay that's not what they mean no explain it to me how to see yeah how does it it depends on which side of the family okay first off let's start there oh i didn't know that i'm listening bro that's true you can't fuck

your dad's niece it can't be on the dick side mean, unless your daddy ain't in the game, then you might be like, maybe. Oh, I never even knew that guy. Yeah. I don't even know anybody in this side of the family. A lot of people think this is a real fucking conversation. No, no, no. This is not real. You're making it real right now.

You get the hard part out the way. They met the fam already and shit like that. Like, oh, man, it's great. You started day four. I think, though, like, the South is just... I mean, same thing with Atlanta, Memphis, Nashville. It's good parts down there,

but all the shit that make the national news is all the country ignorant shit, man. But that's the thing that's kind of annoying because the cool thing about traveling and doing shows

is you get to go to these places and the country is shockingly similar, almost painfully similar. And I think that's a function of the internet too. I think when we were younger, it wasn't that way. But like a college in Alabama is not dissimilar to a college in fucking California, et cetera. It's crazy.

Maybe you have like a little bit more liberal shit in certain places for like the small liberal arts colleges. But like the big state universities are fucking the same. State universities are fucking the same. So, and then we get to go to these places and it's like, yeah, it's just amazing growing up in New York and you have all these stupid prejudices. And then you go and you like, I listened to country music for the first time as an adult. And I'm like, holy shit, this slaps. Why was I one of these people that was like these, I was like a hacky coastal elite where I'd be like, I listen to all music except country without ever even trying country. Nah, that shit goes hard, bro. I think when hip hop, when the South started taking over hip hop in the late 90s, I think that helped create a turn culturally.

Because it's almost like you have to be seen as cool before people will see you as smart. That's fucking great. So they go, oh, they know how to party. Okay, well, what else are y'all doing on there? Like, Killer Mike wouldn't be able to run around and be talking all this political shit if people didn't respect his music first. Oh, interesting. So he had to do that to run the jewels. And then you can branch out into everything else.

And then Mike is the person that will turn around and go, here are all the other people. He could make the vouch for all the other people in the South that are trying to do something different or trying to shift gears. He's a kingmaker. Yeah, low key. And so every city has those pockets of people that can do shit like that. I'm trying to

think about New Orleans and who would be that person. Who was the kingmaker? You're saying that's the P? Yeah, I mean, who was the kingmaker? You say Master P? Yeah, I mean, P was a perfect example of what you're saying. Because when they blew up... Cash Money was New Orleans. New Orleans was the fucking spot.

But I mean on that community shit, like on some Uncle Luke shit in Miami, where like, all right, you started with the music, but then you took on the Supreme Court, you won. Probably Master P. You changed music. I don't think Master P gets enough credit for being the rapper who started rappers having their own businesses.

He had the clothing line. He had the fucking movies. And then you start seeing rappers have clothing lines and liquor companies and all this other shit. Yeah, all that extra branching out. I think Master P is the one that got diddy to be like, I should start a vodka. And then put that money back into the community. Yeah. That's where you see guys.

What's the guy? Is it Slim Thug in Houston? that's a lot of them in Houston Bun B, Trey the Truth yeah, maybe it was Trey they do a lot of stuff where they show up to community events hurricane relief

also development stuff, they're like building homes they're known as much now for what they do on trying to better the South than just what they was rapping about. Like fucking Uncle Luke got a whole ass football league down there and is sending kids to the pros out of Liberty City.

Where the fuck you think Snoop got his idea to start his football? That is doing the exact same thing I think, is it in Long Beach? Long Beach. Yeah. So that type of stuff is where a guy like Luke, who at one point was a scourge of the fucking, and all that ignorant bass booty music. Yeah, yeah.

And now you're like, oh, wow, that dude is doing shit to make shit change and help him get fucking senators elected. But isn't that kind of the American way? It's like you make it on some illegal shit, build up tons of money, and then you just become part of Congress or become a politician, and then you try to act like you could do good and buy your sainthood. That's what every American royal family, if you will, has done. But do you rather not do that and just sit back? Would you rather – you would respect them more if they just sit back and just spin bread and don't give a fuck? No, I like the fact they're doing it. Joe Kennedy was a gangster, and then his family is known now as tragic president who has died and politician who has died, not as a guy who was selling illegal drugs at the time.

And stole the election. Yeah, rigging elections like a wild boy, and now we just look at the Kennedy family like, oh, God, what happened to them? It's so tragic. They died in their private plane. But look at them. He was taking on the mob. He caused the mob. He was just selling out his people.

But who better to take on the mob? I just want, I'm like, you show me like, you show me a prominent American family that didn't start out doing illegal business. If you can show me that, I won't do anything, but it would be really nice. Yeah, but no, I think it's like, I think a lot of it though with the South is that in each of these cities, you just got motherfuckers who feel indebted to the crib to do something back at the crib. feel indebted to the crib to do something back at the crib. Even when I guest hosted The Daily Show, two to three shout outs for the charities were Alabama based charities. The third one was for a group that fights to get felons in Florida their right to vote back.

And we talked about that before, I got arrested when I was still in credit cards when I was a teenager. So- I didn't know that. Yeah, so that's how I got into stand up. I thought I was going to prison, so I started telling jokes. Get out of here. Yeah. And then got probation.

Wait, so what's this story? I didn't know. You were stealing credit cards? Yeah, I was a mail sorter at the post office in college. And you know, back in the 90s, credit cards came pre-approved. There was no number to call to enter your social security number so we can activate. The card was hot out the envelope. And bitch, I took that thing to Dillard's and had and had a ball so how much you think you got away with like versus what we got caught with

yeah like if this whole room if this if we were sitting represent what we were doing me and my boys i got caught for that straw wow how'd you even get caught and that straw. Wow. How'd you even get caught? And that straw is what got me three years of federal probation. Whoa. And so, you avoid all of this.

You go, I gotta get my shit together. I gotta fucking act right. And so, that's when I got into stand-up. That's when everything started falling into place because you'd be on

your straight and narrow. The girl that rung us up, she did something wrong with the ring up and then her boss double checked the receipts and saw it was the bullshit. Oh, she snitched on you so she would know she just fucked up.

And then someone checked. She did what she had to do. I ain't finna go to jail with these niggas, I don't know. But she had to say, oh, that wasn't the guy. Yeah. Yeah, 100%. So you had them in on it and were you giving them a little piece too? Yeah, everybody's a piece,

because we were just trying to, this is the thing, we weren't, you know what's fucked up about getting arrested too in this world? Why are you pointing it at that? This guy's the ops, bro. I've been arrested.

He's a CO. Hey, you know what's funny? About being arrested. I'm sorry for the ER So the hard arms Of a black person It hurts Southern one

Yeah That's a great The load of Mason Dixon That ER That was great Sorry about that Yes sir Yes sir

The police try to pin Everything on you When they catch you So it's like Oh we got you for this credit card. Well, we're going to assume you've done every credit card and checking every finance crime we're currently investigating in the city of Tallahassee. How do you get out of that? Because they want to close the bank. So it's fucking luck.

Like in terms of you just tell the truth, and then they eventually realize it wasn't you. But the first thing they're trying to do from the jump before you even get a lawyer, before you even get a mugshot, they're trying to find out everything else you've ever done. So you go through that and then you become a convicted felon. You got to work to get that shit off your record. And that's a fucking pain in the ass. So the third group, there's a group that's run by a gentleman named Desmond Meade out of Florida where they work to get convicted felons their right to vote back. So I fucked with him hard because I didn't walk that walk. So on some South giving back to the South shit, I think that everybody that's from the South puts a little bit on their back to go back and try and give back to the South and do something good.

I see Charlemagne doing that too. Yeah, he stayed down in South Carolina. Yeah, it's really important to him. He stayed down there, because if we don't, who the fuck else, because if you're from the South and you make it out in any capacity, it's like fuck. Yeah, yeah. I don't know who gonna come after me, so let me go back home.

If I can trick Facebook into giving me a bunch of VR headsets, I'm taking them straight to my high school, and that's what we did. So here, learn about Web 3, because I don't know when the city schools are. I'm a city school kid. When are they going to have money for a fucking headset? That is an interesting thing that we obviously don't really, I guess, fixate on at all. When you grow up in New York or California, the biggest hurdle oftentimes to making a career in these places is getting here.

I was born and raised in the East Village of New York. I would go to the comedy clubs as a kid. So to me, the idea of getting on stage there was like, all right, well, one day instead of walking and being the audience, I'll just walk over there and be on stage. I imagine you coming up, you're looking at the great clubs in LA and New York, and you're just like, how the fuck is this going to happen? I didn't even know.

When I wanted to do comedy. I started when I was 14. I thought about it when I was 14. I didn't start until college. I didn't even know my city had a comedy club. What is it? The Stardome. Fucking legendary. But the Stardome Great club. Stardome is on the white side of town. You only go to the white side

of town. Is it called Hoover? Hoover. The little suburb. The suburb where they're cutting off CRT like black authors can't come speak at the schools in Hoover. Like, it's white like that. So growing up, that's a whole nother fucking world. Like, bro, you go to Hoover when you have a baseball game out there and Christmas shop. There's no other reason for you to be on that side of town. Like how they say it's niggas in Miami who've never seen the ocean,

who grew up there. You just don't go to the fun thing. You just don't be over there. Do you all not have like that? Do you have this desire to like, I don't want to say you don't give back because I know you do a lot of that shit. But that sense of, fuck

my neighborhood. How can I help? Fuck this reading or illiteracy helps kids and I get arrested. I got to go back and do the reading function. Because I feel like that's the burden of being from the South too. I have that feeling, but I'm from Far Rockaway, which is a really small town in Queens. And so it's almost, I used to look at Manhattan the same way that people from outside New York look at New York. Because I'm like, oh, one day I want to make it there where all the big buildings and all the business is happening. It's like I was just so far from that.

So in the way you say. It feels impossible. I want to get back to far out. In like the way you say Miami, there are people who grew up in Miami, haven't seen the ocean. There are people that grow up in like Brooklyn, Queens that like maybe have never been to Manhattan. I've heard that too. Or maybe have been a handful of times, right? Yeah. So I think that that's quite normal. When I was growing up, so I grew up in Manhattan,

my public school that I would go to wasn't necessarily in my neighborhood. So like if I was living downtown and I went to a public school on the Upper East Side, like my neighborhood is kind of my identity, you know what I mean? And then my public school is on the Upper East Side and it's like, well, they look good. You know what I mean? And then my public school is on the Upper East Side, and it's like, well, they look good. You know what I mean? They don't look like they need to be looked out for. So for me, it's always been like represent. I always felt a responsibility to represent the greatness of New York.

So how can I do that? But at the same time, we don't have the same feeling as I imagine as someone who is coming up from a city that is not really thought of that much. No. And you don't really have the opportunities in that city to learn what would get you to New York. And then that's also why I'd be trying to put black colleges on my back too, because if we're going to keep it 100, what I did in college, every other school on earth would have expelled me for. Florida A&M did not. And I went back and got my degree. Dean's was the rest of the way. Yeah, I got suspended for that shit. Were you like, catching me if you can? Did they ask you how to?

No, they caught me fast. Same day, the tags were still on the shit. You couldn't even flex it? I didn't wear the shit. Those were so fucked up. I wear the South proudly, but I don't feel like I have to represent the South. I feel like I have to represent India.

But then I go there and they're like, you're not Indian. So now I'm literally trying to learn Hindi, do a comedy special in India and be like, look, I'm one of you. And then if I give back, maybe you won't fucking resent me for it. And be like, you sold the fuck out. Bilingual shit, bro. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm literally like with a tutor every week trying to learn Hindi to be like, yo, just accept me. And then maybe if I try to help you, I won't be some condescending fuck. I'll do free shows out there, whatever we got to do. Why does that acceptance matter? There's a weird thing. Cause I wasn't, this sounds so what I'm

not trying to make it too much about me, but you're never accepted as an American if you're Indian here. So you feel like I'm Indian. Then you go to India and they're like, you're American, bro. We don't, you're, you're as American as this guy. So you never feel like accepted. So you're like, well, let me, I have a better chance of getting accepted there than I do here, I think. Shit, you're right. And then you flip that and then they go, oh, okay, he fucking does.

And I don't want to be like some condescending savior shit either. So I'm like really trying to do it right and learn it and like do a special out there in Hindi. Be like, yo, I'm not trying to make money off y'all shows are free I don't give a fuck but I need you to see me as me as one of us because I feel like it's us and you don't so let me make it feel like it's us what about the what about the Indians here do you feel like you I think we share a thing yeah there's just not as many of us here right

and we all have this shared thing we're, you hear this all the time from Indians. I'm American in India and then I'm Indian in America. So I never really know it. And I feel like I'm trying to put on for them too. Like, let's make it

a little fucking bridge here. Yeah. And that's like, what, third of the population or some shit like this. A lot of y'all motherfuckers so y'all got to

fucking ride together. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't feel that as much from black people. Like, black people, you're black for as long as you, yeah, yeah. I don't feel that as much from black people. Like, black people, you're black for as long as you, like, like the white power joke from the Correspondents Dinner and the Clarence Thomas joke. Like, if you got one or two things where they go, okay, we know what side of the line you're on.

Or, are you up there for us? Or are you one of them? You know what I mean? Like that type of shit. So I've always tried to, you know, be pro-black, as pro-black as I can on issues and things and try and bring resources and attention to issues. I feel like that's my job.

Like I can't do every single thing. I can't solve every fucking problem. But I can take a camera to a million man march that no other mainstream, and nobody covered that shit. And I felt like you did a good job in the White House Correspondents and give you some flowers. I think you're legitimately one of the funniest comics on earth, but

it was very clear what you believe, but you put the medicine in the candy. So it never felt like he's preaching. It felt like here's what he believes, but it's also fucking funny. It's a good joke. CRT joke is great. Yeah, that is a segue into Clarence Thomas.

Great. That is a tricky thing, man. That is definitely a huge privilege, like being a white dude in comedy that I don't ever feel like I have to put on for white people, or I don't ever feel like I can't do a joke because I'm like letting down white folks. You know what I mean? Like, what will they think of me if I take this opinion? I also don't have like a very one-sided political identity and I'm not, I wasn't raised religious. So there's like this great freedom that I have to just kind of create without feeling like I'm letting down a group of people that I guess identify with me. I do though understand why, I understand where you're coming from, but I also

see like as people get more successful, why they seek shelter and refuge in a group because there's protection in that. If you get to a certain point and you're having your opinion, if you're being a unique individual, that opinion is going to always piss off certain people. And if your opinion just becomes one of the left or one of the right or one of the people who care about the environment or one of the people who care about black issues or whatever it is, you can never face scrutiny from your in-group. And I think, you know what I'm saying? I think, and I think it's very rare as people get big, big, big, that they maintain that

almost like individuality. Yeah. I think that's the tough thing about being a comedian though, is that at some point, if you don't criticize your own group, then what are you? And I think that's the hard part is you almost end up on an island to a degree as a comedian. And you have to be one of y'all,

but also if you don't criticize, you're not being fair. But then when you do criticize, some people are going to be like, yo, what a fucking sellout. How dare he? And then wearing that for me, that's maybe because I'm insecure in my identity. That's the worst shit.

You call me a sellout, that shit beats away at me so fucking hard. You guys got to wrestle between being comedian first or being Indian first or black first. Yes. You know? Figuring it out.

Yeah. I'm gay, bro. Man, let me get my ass up. Just rambling. Guys, we have Roy Wood Jr. in the building. Thank you so much. Thank you, man. Thank you, Roy.

We appreciate you. Great job, man. Huge accomplishment. Make sure you go check out Roy. Tell them where they can check you out, my man. Man, my name is Roy Wood Jr. Send a description, put an at sign in front of it. That's enough.

Done, done, done. Take care. Congrats, man.