Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - U.S. Coronavirus Quarantine Coming Soon!

Episode Date: March 14, 2020

What up people. I just got off the phone with some folks that are currently in Italy. They broke down to me whats happening and what WILL happen in the U.S. very soon. Prepare yourselves and spread the word so your friends and family will be ready.

What's up friends, enemies, family, people. It's your boy Schultz. I'm here at Alex Media. Alex, say hi to the people. Yer. And earlier today I got on the phone with a few friends that are in Italy currently. I had like one of those group calls. You ever do like a Google Hangout before? I have. Yeah. That was kind of cool.

Yeah, it was cool. So there was about like nine or ten of us on and they are currently in italy uh why is this important to uh this emergency pod another emergency pod that we're doing because uh italy is on complete lockdown and the entire country is shut down and quarantined for the next 14 days and why is this important to you if you're in America right now or if you're in another country because they say that America's situation is most similar to Italy's we're just a few weeks back so before we get into that and you know all the information that they shared with me what's actually happening over there you know clear up some misinformation that's been said about Italy but also bring some truth to it i just want to address a couple things that have happened here in america one is this uh insane obsession with toilet paper alex did you buy toilet paper no i don't understand i still

had some rolls and that's going to be suffice for it it makes no sense here's the thing people are buying toilet paper instead of food if you don't have food you don't need toilet paper you have to shit to use toilet paper it makes no sense whatsoever i i don't i can't i can't fathom why toilet paper is so important let's say you don't have toilet paper you just hop in the shower you just wash your ass that's how people wash their ass. That's disgusting? Yeah. You really think? I'm not touching shit.

Like, just straight on shit. Well, push. Maybe you just bidet it. Yeah, that's what I do. Well, in the bath. The bathtub, you could create a bidet. Just go right next to the faucet. Whatever.

It doesn't matter. There's a lot of things going on. Is the shit running down your leg? Nah. I'm not needing to squat in front of it, bro. Get real Asian. We're talking about Corona. So there's a lot going on right now in the States especially that doesn't make any sense.

And I want to get to the Italy thing. But there's a few things that are just really hilarious that are about to happen and maybe people don't realize it. One of my favorite ones is this, is that every politician right now is saying stay home isolate isolate isolate right tuesday is is a voting day so all these motherfuckers that are telling us to stay home for our safety and be careful they're gonna start tweeting probably monday or maybe sunday, make sure you get out and vote Tuesday. Probably going to get corona and kill your grandparents. But make sure you get out and vote for it. At least Bernie is saying, I'm going to cover the cost of your corona treatment.

Right? He's saying that? I mean, he wants to give healthcare. Oh, okay. He'll give away anything because it's not his. Like, he's really, he's like on ultimate dreams. He's like, yo, I'm paying for you to come out and vote not his. He's really on ultimate dreams. He's like, yo, I'm paying for you to come out and vote for me. He's not Andrew Yang.

Dude, imagine we had Yang. We could use that fucking $1,000 right about now. So that thing was hilarious to me. Also, I heard a good take. Mark had a funny take about Mexico basically said that they're going to close off the borders from the U.S. So they're not going to allow any U.S. travel. And Mark was like, Trump finally got what he wanted. Closed borders officially.

It was a weird way of going about it, but I thought it was a good take. And then finally, I was talking to Noam from the Comedy Cellar. He had a good take about why we shouldn't listen to trump when it comes to like infectious diseases and i was like why he goes this guy fucks stormy daniels without a condom oh wow of course he's not taking coronavirus seriously so uh yeah there's been some good takes some funny takes so back to italy and uh back to this this call so what's happening in italy right now whole country on lockdown. Nobody can leave the house unless you're going to work.

But not all work is allowed, okay? Basically, the only places open are grocery stores, a newsstand, and hospitals. So if you don't work in one of those three, tough, you're not leaving the house. When I asked them if there's any preparation that we should have, anything we should do now, because literally what's happening in Italy now is going to be the U.S. in a couple

weeks. Now, they won't say this because they don't want mass hysteria, but I am very certain. I don't want to say 100%, but I really truly feel that is what the U.S. is going to be like, what we're describing in Italy. And I'm saying this right now so you guys can prepare. And that's why I called them. I want to get as much information from them as I possibly could so I can share with you guys so you guys are ready for the inevitable. Right? But Italians are very touchy people, though. Bro, it was a tough conversation.

Double kiss on the cheek. Boom. Oh, exactly. 100%. Yeah. So it was like, so boom. So we have a situation in Italy italy right so you can't go out what what i said i said uh what should we get is there anything we should get anything we

should do to prepare they said get a dog i go why so you have something to do when you're inside they say no if you have a dog you can walk it so you can leave the apartment and walk down the streets if you have a dog now it was quite interesting so if you do have a dog you have a pet i don't put a leash on a fucking cat on your fish i don't know whatever you want to do but if you want to do that so you can get out there and get some fresh air that's good i listen i don't i'm no fucking doctor okay neither is al he was closer he was almost a nurse, but still. I was. You were a nurse official?

Yeah. Oh, I didn't know. Yeah, I graduated and everything. Oh, okay. Well, shit. So Al was a nurse, but the issue isn't being outside as much as it is being around big groups of people because that's how it's spread. Okay. Granted, if you quarantine everybody, it works out a lot better. So nobody's working. Everybody's inside. Grocery stores are open. Basically, Italy, from what I've been reading and talking to these folks is that they're running out of hospital beds. When they run out of hospital

beds, people start dying and they just start dying because they can't put them on respirators and do all this other kind of stuff. So why do we quarantine? We quarantine because we want to stop the virus. We were saying on the last quarantine because we want to stop the virus we were saying on the last episode we want to stop that virus uh the spread of the virus so that more people don't get it and they don't need to put more people in these hospital beds and they don't use up all the hospital beds and that's probably what the u.s is going to have to do even though we're taking our fucking sweet time with it i don't understand people aren't taking it serious like have you been outside people are going out to bars you were at a fucking bar last night i saw you on Instagram.

I was like, did you not listen to anything that we talked about? I stayed far away from everybody. It doesn't matter where you stayed. I stayed mad far from everybody. You think you're the only person sat in that seat that day? All right. We probably got corona right now because Alex wanted to go have a fucking mocktail by himself. I had the people watch, man.

Man, get out of here. Son, it's so boring in the house, man. What people watch are you going to do? There's three people there. The three retards that will go out during corona. That's true. I'm going to watch, man. Man, get out of here. Son, it's so boring in the house, man. What people watch you going to do? There's three people there. The three retards that will go out during Corona. That's true. I'm going to get a dog. Listen, if you have a one-night stand during Corona,

you are dealing with the bottom of the barrel IQ. So be very careful. You're dealing with some chick that doesn't realize there's a global pandemic going on. If you think that she's at all concerned about giving you the herpes that she has, think again, buddy. Think again. All right? People are telling me my Tinder bio has been helping them out.

Why? What did it say? If you just put Tinder bio corona free, it makes them laugh. They always respond to it. Really? Yeah. So you haven't randoms come over during corona vibes? No, no. I'm not.

Right. I just put it on my Instagram picture. People actually use that in their Tinder bio. Ah, so they take it. They've been telling me it's been working for them. That's funny. Yeah. So basically, Italy on complete shutdown right now.

What I've been told is that there were these, like, red zones in northern Italy where there was, like, extreme transmission of the virus. And they quarantined them. transmission of the virus and they quarantined them. And since the complete shutdown and quarantine, there haven't been any new cases of people with it. So it does work. Quarantine does work at least to slow it down. Again, we're not trying to stop it. We're trying to slow it down so we don't run out of hospital beds. We spoke about that yesterday. Other countries are also hopping on board. France is going to shut down Israel. I think shut down all restaurants, cafes, any kind of like social gathering spot. Uh, Denmark, I think the similar thing with like bars, et cetera, basically all of Europe is going to do

this and we have the opportunity to prepare right now. So, uh, is this doomsday? No, it's not doomsday, but if you know what's going to happen, you can be prepared for when it happens. Okay. This is something very important. And I want to like express this to everybody listening right now. Think about what's closing. Okay. Restaurants.

And let me clarify about clothing, closing. Restaurants and that kind of stuff. Taco Bell released this thing saying that they're not going to have people in the restaurants anymore, but they are still going to do delivery and like Uber Eats and that kind of shit. Okay. What about drive-thru? Drive-thru, et cetera. Drive-thru, yes.

So you can get shit. You can get food. Food isn't going to be scarce. You'll be able to get food. Okay. All you stoners, you can get your munchies. Get your munchie on. Here's the thing.

You're not going to have a job if you work in the service industry. Remember that. Okay? If you're looking for a job right now, go to Uber Eats, go to Postmates, go to any of those kind of delivery services

because that's how everybody's going to get their shit for the next couple of months. OK, if you're a server and you're ready to leave your job, just leave and get one of those other jobs. Because restaurants, bars, all these types of like service industry jobs are going to close down. OK, you probably have two weeks. If you're working right now, save all your fucking money. OK, I know a lot of people probably listen or watching right now. they make their money on tips only and they probably don't even report it to the government. I know a lot of these restaurants, they just have people working under the table.

If you at least report your tips, the government is going to do some sort of stimulus package where, like, people are going to get some sort of, like, minimum wage check every week. Okay? No, for real. I think this is going to happen. I know that. But if you report your tips, you also got to pay taxes on them. Okay? Nah, for real. I think this is going to happen. No, no, no. I know that, but if you report your tips, you also got to pay taxes on them and so it cuts into that.

So a lot of people don't report their tips and a lot of restaurants are cool with it. So you technically aren't working. So you can't call the government and be like, yo, my job closed down.

They'll be like, what job? That job you weren't paying taxes for last year? And you'll be like, uh, so you have two weeks. What I'm recommending to you is save your fucking money for the next couple weeks.

Literally every penny that comes in tipping, and I'm telling you, everybody that's out there buying stuff, I said it yesterday as well, just tip extra to these folks. Every time I get coffee, if you can afford it, I'm tipping $10. That's what it is. Whoa. Honestly, these people could not have a job in two weeks by government mandate, not by the place. Yeah. You know? Honestly, these people could not have a job in two weeks by government mandate, not by the place. I was talking to one comedy club owner. He's like, listen, we're losing money, but I don't want to close.

I'm like, have you thought about closing? You should probably close because you don't want gatherings of people. He goes, I would close, but I don't want, one, these comics to lose out on their spot pay, which keeps them alive. out on their spot pay, which keeps them alive. And two, I don't want the waiters and waitresses to lose out because the owner can't afford to pay them all through this period, right? So it's a tricky time. If you're in the service industry, make sure that you're saving every bit of money over the next couple of weeks before it shuts down. I think in two weeks, everything's getting shut down for a minimum two-week quarantine period. So I think in two weeks, everything is getting shut down for a minimum two week quarantine period. So I think we'll in two weeks, we'll be locked down for two weeks. It might even be sooner. It might even be this week.

But save your fucking money so that you have something, a little nest egg, something comfortable. It's serious, man. This is fucking serious. You know, also just other things that are shut down parks are gonna shut down you know any kind of social gathering spot you know is gonna shut down there's really gonna just be like nothing to do you're gonna be locked in your apartment for a couple weeks obviously grocery stores will be there you'll be able to get food you don't have to freak out about that kind of shit and there'll be toilet paper you weirdos they're using 14 roll how are you wiping are you just stuffing your hand in the middle of the toilet paper and then just wiping your pussy after you pee i i do not understand how much toilet paper people in the

u.s are doing but maybe that's why we eat ass so much because we know it's clean we're like yo these girls are going through charming whole rolls per shit i'll dig in um i found a helpful thing if you live in the new york area you can text the word covid c-o-v-i-d if you see an asian every time you see an asian now you text covid text that to 692 692 and that will give you um updates in in the New York area that keep you up to date on everything that's happening. Boom. And again, as we get more information, we're going to keep you guys updated. You know, we want to guide you through this the best we can. And, you know, we're talking to our friends in Europe and we're talking to people in the finance world and then people in the medical world. I mean, those are the three those are the three groups you want to talk

to. You want to talk to the people that are going through it currently. That's Europe. You want to talk to the finance suits because they don't give a fuck about a single person. They're literally just trying to predict exactly what happens to avoid global economic collapse. And you want to talk to the people in the medical field because they're the ones that are on the cusp of what could happen. So if you can focus on those three groups and get an expert in those three groups in your circle, that would be absolutely fantastic. Let's scroll down a little bit more, Al. So here it is. Everybody's freaked out. We're not saying this to freak you out. I'm actually saying that this is an amazing opportunity. I know that sounds crazy, but this is an amazing once in a lifetime opportunity, okay? The government most likely

is going to force you to stay home for a two-week period probably, maybe longer. It could absolutely be longer. Force you to stay home. Fucking use it, okay? Use it to do all the things that you've wanted to do but you haven't had time for. Do you want to try writing a comedy sketch? Do it. You thought that TikTok app was cool? Fucking do it. OK, you want to write a book.

You want to read a book. Is there something on Netflix you've always wanted to watch? You didn't have the time. Remember that show Lost? What was it? Lost? Yeah. So Lost.

It was like, how do I start this thing? Where will I get the time? Sopranos. How do I start this thing? will i get the time sopranos how do i start this thing where would i get the time you have the fucking time if you cannot change the situation change the way that you react to it okay shouts of duvall man he put that in my head you can't change the situation there's nothing we can do that's going to change it if you get quarantined you get quarantined how are you going to use that fucking time create create create create put out some dope shit you have the internet they're not taking away your internet not taking away your electricity not taking away your food not taking away your water they're basically putting you in

creative jail and sometimes when you are forced right to create or you have absolutely nothing to do you get the most creative i have the my best idea is when i'm in the shower or when i'm on a plane with no internet i got no distraction i'm just sitting there right that's that's how i know that there's been no internet on a plane when we get off the plane and al has three ideas for me yeah right i was thinking why don't we do that that's what's gonna happen to you so we can look at this like some doomsday shit or we can look at this like oh my god i'm gonna create my masterpiece out of this i'm going to i think they said uh who was it uh there was a quarantine in europe during the black plague and then uh isaac newton developed algebra after it i could be fucking up that i don't think that's the case no maybe maybe google

see if you can if you can get it up but like for real greatness can come from these moments right so like one way to look at it is go oh oh, my God, it's doomsday. We should cry. We should be upset, and we should bitch, and we should complain. I'm not saying that we got to enjoy it, but fucking enjoy it. Why not? Use this opportunity. Enjoy it responsibly because in December and January, we do not need a coronavirus baby boom.

What's that baby? Oh, yeah, use the condoms. Use the condoms. You're buying all that toilet paper so you can wipe cum off bellies. Get a condom. Yes. Okay? Because that's what I can see happening.

Watch, we're going to have a lot of December, January babies because people. That's a great point. That's a great point. Everybody in Italy is singing on their balcony, we're stroking dick. Okay? We're laying down pipe here in america we don't give a fuck coughing and fucking corona babies yeah they're gonna be a lot of babies yo you gotta name your your baby and lime you know corona and lime Your baby and Lyme. And Lyme. You know, Corona and Lyme. But for real, man, I think it's an amazing opportunity, man.

Start that podcast you always wanted to start. How many people hit us up on a regular basis like, yo, I'm about to do something? You know what I mean? Like, for real. I'm about to do this or I want to do this or I want to do it. Dude, put a fucking song out on SoundCloud. You know what I mean? Start a Corona podcast. start a corona podcast start a corona podcast

for real man no but i mean this 100 sincerely dude it's like any information that we get we're going to share with you guys man that's that's important to us and i feel like we got a responsibility man you guys held us down you you important to us, and I feel like we've got a responsibility, man. You guys held us down. You enabled us to have this beautiful space and take our careers to the next level. So any information I get, we're going to get to you immediately. Any information Al gets, we're going to get to you immediately, and hopefully you can share that with your friends

and put your friends in a better situation to handle this. That's what's most important to us. And we could wait till Tuesday and Friday every single week, or we could not. That's really what it comes down to. We're still going to do Flagrant 2 on Tuesdays. We're going to still have Patreon on Fridays. But any information we get, we're going to share with y'all.

And I truly believe they're shutting everything down in the next couple weeks, at least in specific cities, New York being one of them, and some form of quarantine, and I think it's a smart thing to do, and I just want you guys to be 100% prepared for it, you will be able to get your food delivered, that's going to happen, restaurants are not going to be open for you to eat there, but they are going to get you your food, but if you're in the service industry, make sure you take care of yourself, and if you have the opportunity to do Uber Eats or one of these other delivery services, I think it's a great option because those are going to be blowing the fuck up. What was that thing about mouthwash?

Oh, also, yeah, I just got a message from – we have an asshole army member. His wife is a dentist, and she said that if you get a specific mouthwash, it's with 1% hydrogen peroxide. It has to have at least 1% hydrogen peroxide. That kills the coronavirus if it gets in your mouth. Now, I know a lot of you are saying, yo, if the corona got in your mouth, it's a wrap already. Possibly, but they're saying all dentists have to use that now to be safe. If you're going to get mouthwash, how about you just get that one yeah if you already are gonna buy mouthwash get that one get some gloves oh that was another thing gloves mask

if you can get the good masks get them but gloves also because gloves one you're not gonna do shit that i do like touch my fucking face all the time i was watching that video all i do i was telling people hey don't touch your face i'm just sucking on my fucking wrist i've got my whole hand in my mouth okay i get whatever i do on this podcast yes don't do it's very simple whatever i do to myself you can listen to my words but if you see me picking my nose and just licking my fingers probably don't do that during corona oh my god what dude what dude picking your nose licking your fingers that's what dude what bro it's all good man it's corona dude don't be alex and looking at your fingers. That's disgusting. What, bro? It's all good, man. It's Corona, dude.

Get in where you fit in. Don't be Alex and go out people watching. Yeah, don't people watch. Okay? Fuck. Also, I want to send out a message to the waitstaff and comedy clubs and also the comics that are making their money off of spot pay we're gonna find a way where we can you know do some sort of like charity event um i don't know exactly

how we'll do our charity events because you know what we used to do is throw a comedy show so maybe we'll find some digital way to do that i'm not exactly sure but we're gonna look out for y'all and we're gonna find the best way to um to support you through this time. And that's it, man. That's it. One other thing. I saw our friend, Mr. Koa from Toronto. Oh, yeah. He posted something about like, oh, freelancers are freaking out because they're losing all this work and they're going broke and they're panicking. And even though this was like tough love, he's like, yo, if you're a freelancer, you work for yourself pretty much. You're an entrepreneur. You need to handle your finances better.

You need to prepare for a rainy day. That's the purpose of this. You should not be check to check and work for yourself. Yeah. So, guys, freelancers, entrepreneurs, be a little bit better with your finance. Learn from this situation and have money for a rainy day you were real asshole to give tough love during a fucking global pandemic yo how nigerian is mr he's nigerian yeah he is

why did you not prepare why were you not ready why were you not ready for global pandemic do you not read Chinese news? No, I don't know how to read Chinese, bro. Dog, it's okay to have a little empathy for motherfuckers during a global pandemic. But that's another point. All the freelance workers out there, you know, it is a tough time. And if you got to take another job, there's nothing wrong with that. Like, dude, I understand we have this pride thing where like, I'm just doing my art for a living. That's great when times are good.

When there's a global pandemic and you got to deliver some fucking sandwiches for Uber Eats, hop in the Honda Accord and deliver the sandwiches. Nobody's looking down on you. Nobody's going to see you deliver the sandwich and go, oh, my God. He used to make music videos. Now he's delivering sandwiches. They know exactly what the fuck is going on. Okay? Just get through it.

Just get through it. We will get through it. 100% guarantee we will get through it. And as long as we take precautions, prepare accordingly. And let this be a reminder. Shit ain't sweet always. We grew up in the cushiest generation in the history of the world. We grew up with literally nothing to worry about we had

zika a couple years ago right a few chicks got pregnant their baby heads came out like edamame it was fucked up but nobody but nobody really cared right nobody really cared right okay that's a fact should look like raisinets remember little baby heads looking like raisinets so now That's a fact. Should look like Raisinets. Remember them little baby heads looking like Raisinets? So now it's a different ballgame. Okay? Now it's hit you, it hit home, it hit your family, it hit all these people, and you're going to see what survival really is. You know what I mean?

I'm horrible with money and good with money at the same time. Horrible in that I don't know how to invest. I don't know that kind of shit. Good in that I don't really spend it that much. Y'all clown me all the time on this show. Does he have more than one shirt? No. But I got that money in the bank.

Yeah, there we go. Right? And for real, one of the reasons is to make sure that I can take care of the people that are with me. You know what I mean? The guys that rely on me. And I hope you guys are playing the same thing. are, that are, that are with me. You know what I mean? The guys that rely on me, you know? And, um, I hope you guys are playing the same thing. If you're in a situation like that, you got people that rely on you. Hey man, step up as much as you can. You need to do that.

It's real. It's going to get very real. People outside the streets in New York, we were walking around today outside, right? I could not believe how cavalier motherfuckers were online at brunch. Online. I can understand if you went to brunch and there's nobody there and you're like, okay, I'll have brunch. Actively waiting in a group. Hey, just wait over there with all those people. Oh, all those people getting corona? Yeah.

Okay. Waiting in a group to go into a more packed place to get even more corona. It was mind-boggling to me. I hope y'all wake up. I hope y'all wake up i hope y'all wake up because it's going to be serious and if you don't believe it just call your friend in europe because they will tell you exactly what the fuck is going on um we wish you a best of luck and we'll be back with more of these i hope they've been informative i hope they've been fun and i hope they've

you know shed some light on on the world that um that we're living in and we're definitely about to live in man i really hope you guys are the most prepared and spread the word, man. If this helps anybody just fucking spread the word. Peace. Love. Be safe. Alex.

You're okay. There you go. Peace.