Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - We're Getting White Slaves

Episode Date: August 20, 2019

This week Andrew, Akaash, and Alexx discuss: newly-engaged Akaash, how the Chinese don’t change, Andrew having a meltdown during a show, Jay-Z buying an NFL Team, Cousins being out of the NBA Season, Indian lawyers vs Jewish lawyers, finally getting white slaves, and much more. INDULGE!!! Want to hear an additional episode every week? Become a Patron! www.Patreon.com/Flagrant2

What's up everybody, welcome to Flay or Two No Easy Buckets Analysis by Assholes Water Cooler Commentary for your sports needs. I'm Andrew Schultz. I'm here with the newly engaged, young almost married, young elephants at the wedding, young twist your wrist when you dance and jump up and down, young Akash Singh in the building. your wrists when you dance and jump up and down. Young Akash Singh in the building. Shout out to Wifey or Almost Wifey. We got Alex Media and Eden Gonzalez, whatever your fucking name is. I'm never going to remember your name, bro. I convinced myself that you were Costa Rican, and then a guy in the DC show came up, and he was like, yo, you got to stop playing with our Nicaraguans because you're actually Nicaraguan,

right? So he had your back. Oh, wow. Shout out to him. For sure, man. So he had your back. Oh, wow. Shout out to him. For sure, man. Wetbacks got each other's backs, man. Got each other's wetbacks. Exactly, bro.

Starting hot. We coming in hot. We coming in caliente. Obviously, prayers going out to Kaz. Everybody's got Kaz back. Man, we've been constant contacts and all the people that have come up to us after the show telling us to give our prayers to Kaz. We've been doing back. Man, we've been in constant contact and all the people that have been coming up to us after the show telling us to give our prayers to Kaz. We've been doing that and Kaz has been feeling them.

We told Kaz whenever he's ready to come back, he's going to come back. But until then, we're going to keep his thoughts and heart in ours and the flagrancy continues. I felt like I let Kaz down and my brothers down. Why? I still haven't had this Popeye sandwich. Oh. Why? I still haven't had this Popeye's sandwich.

Oh, shit. I still haven't had this sandwich. Popeye's new chicken sandwich that Kaz was eating the first time Kaz left the house was to eat the new Popeye's chicken sandwich. Chicken sandwich? Yeah, man. That's when he got hugged on the street. Wait, wait. Is it the blackest shit ever?

It's a specific. Everybody's saying it's the most amazing chicken sandwich. It's just a chicken sandwich. Son. Come on. You hear the lady in the commercial. I don't. I haven't heard the lady in the commercial. Hey, honey! Just get her to really southern, black it up.

Yeah, you know it's good. Wow. Okay. I have no interest in this sandwich. I think you sold me. I'm gonna be honest. Really? I sold me. He left the house be honest. Really? Are you going for it? Kaz sold me. He left the house for it. Yeah.

He left his girl for that shit. That's right. Oh, baby. We need to hop off this conversation immediately because I don't want any flagrancy to happen around Kaz's situation. Right. And you know it's hard for us to help ourselves. But okay, so we'll check out this Popeye's chicken sandwich.

But fuck all that. I think it's time to talk about newly engaged Akash. Yeah. Making grown man moves in your life this is a big grown man move yo got on one knee

the biggest got on one knee now is this your first time not getting on two knees you fucking I shouldn't have taken that from you you really shouldn't

I shouldn't have taken that this is my bad Akash has this thing where like if he sees it coming he's like get it out first I know I know just gotta let it flow bro

y'all let it flow just like last week you right I don't know what's is. You're right, bro. Just like last week. You're right. I don't know what's going on. I think I want to hear about what happened. Obviously, Alex and I were in D.C., so we didn't get to experience the proposal. No, it FaceTimed

right after, though, which is very sweet of y'all. We did. We did. We called you. We made sure that we checked in and everything. So you proposed you want to walk us through it. I know we have a video. What does the video show? Maybe you've set up the video a little bit. The video is just, so Ed and filmed it.

So after the podcast Monday, Ed was super helpful. I wanted to propose the Empire State Building because that's where we went when we first made it official. I took her there that night. By the way, New Yorkers, y'all don't ever fuck with the Empire State Building. Take a shorty there at night, like midnight.

It's open till two. There's no line. It's dumb romantic. Ed and I act like we weren't feeling each other up there. Literally we were, if you look at the space.

Look at us. That's me and Ed taking a dry run to the Empire State Building. Now that's the actual background? No, that's like a green screen that puts you in front of it before you go up there

to try to get you to buy the picture or whatever. Ah. So, and I went after the podcast Monday night. We went to the comedy club, checked out the brownish space. We filmed that show. But, like, we checked it out early. Then we went to Empire State, figured out everything.

So, before the show, you went for the proposal? After the show, I went for the proposal. But Monday, before everything, we went to the comedy club just to see how we're Going to set up cameras Which you helped us with Gotcha And then right after that We went to the Empire State Building For how are we going to Do all this

Because there's There's like a choreography To this proposal Yeah A lot of people involved Yeah A lot of moving parts Take us to the night of

Take us to the night of So night of We have the Brownish show Sold out Shouts to everybody Came through Mad assholes were there Appreciate you

Yeah yeah And then right afterward I told my girl To meet me at the empire state building okay so she knows it's coming she has her friends are sending me screenshots she sent her screenshot a friend uh texas said today's the day in all caps and then three wedding ring emojis okay so i'm like yo i gotta throw her off somehow yeah so i'm not gonna propose at the top right i'm gonna almost propose mad times and then not propose that's a funny sentence with the top of the empire stamp being like i gotta throw her off somehow so i was thinking lift her up by the feet just throw her over hey babe check out the chrysler building uh so she comes meets me 10 30 um we go up to the top You can tell she knows

She's getting proposed to She's got on White dress Beautiful Brand new white dress Yeah White nails White nails

Just got done that day Dropped loot on them She texted me I'm so happy about my nails You know they get the nails Done for the picture Yeah yeah yeah Shoes

Really expensive shoes Mad uncomfortable She don't give a fuck She's getting proposed to 100% so we go to the top and it's real romantic and real quiet

and we're looking out there and then I make this like real like mushy speech about how far we've come and everything we've overcome and that's a perfect place to propose right there

and then I just don't say anything I'm like I'm just really proud of us and then I just stop talking right and you can tell

she's a little bit like huh so she it's just quiet for like a good And you can tell she's a little bit like, huh? So it's just quiet for like a good, not even lying, like minute and a half, two minutes. And then she goes, you're being awfully quiet. And I was like, yeah, it's just so peaceful up here. You know, I just feel like I want to take a nap. So she's like, okay, that's a little weird.

So we hang out another five minutes staring at that side. Then we go to another side and we're looking out the window and i'm like oh shit i forgot and i reach into my vest pocket of my jacket yeah and i pull out the lav mic that i filmed the comedy show with the brownish show and i'm like yo it's a black box look exactly like a wedding i'm like yo i took the lav mic from the show and he's gonna be so pissed this poor guy i don't know he's gonna do and then my girl is like bro okay again those for those of you guys are listening right get a lav mic from the show, and it's going to be so pissed. This poor guy. I don't know what he's going to do. And then my girl is like, okay, again. For those of you guys who are listening right now, the lav mic box actually opens like a mouth in the way that a wedding ring opens.

And this is great. Okay, this is really good. That was a good one. You're putting her through it. And I've been trying to figure out ways to fuck with her. Everybody was like, tie her shoe. Do you have this video? No, I couldn't because there's nobody that could film it without her recognizing it.

Dude, I would whack off to this. Almost proposals, dude, where the girl's just getting pump faked over and over again. We got to do that. Let's make that a thing. Almost propose to your girl. If you propose to your girl, fake a few times and film it. Bro, the fake proposal is so fucking good. You do that to a black girl, you get killed.

That's her sister. Ain't nobody proposing to them. She might get pregnant. Bro, there's a guy. Remember the guy in the Front Row to DC show? Remember who was like, we taking it slow. He was with this girl for like four years or something like that. We're just taking it slow.

We're figuring things out. And then later in the show, I'm like, does anybody have any kids here? They're like, yeah, us. And I was like, what? You guys can commit to a kid, but not to each other? Oh, my God, it's so funny. Anyway, go on. I thought I would be super nervous trying to fake it, but I was weirdly calm the whole time. I was like, whatever, it's going to. Anyway, go on. I thought I would be super nervous trying to fake it,

but I was weirdly calm the whole time. I was like, whatever, it's going to happen. We're good. And I thought she'd be so tight that it would make me uncomfortable, or I'd be laughing at it so hard I couldn't hide it. But you stayed in character. But I was good with it. I acted like I had no idea something else was supposed to happen.

Right. And so then we go to the other side, and I'm like, oh, I do have something for you in this pocket, and then I pull out a pack of chewing gum, and I'm like, yo, it's Orbit,

it's your favorite flavor. You want a piece? And she's like, no, I don't. She's getting upset or what? You can tell, you can tell.

She's not, you can tell she's trying to be patient, but you can tell it's getting to her. Dude, I am loving this, bro. I am loving this.

This is even better. I try to pull out a piece, and then organically, I drop it on the ground. And I've been trying to think of a way to drop to one knee without giving it away. And I thought tying my shoelace was too obvious. I thought about dropping money and being like, hey, $5. And that's too obvious and hard to pull off. So I'm like, ah, fuck, I dropped that piece of gum. And she's like, well, go get it.

So I get down on one knee, pick up the gum. And as I'm getting down, $ dropped that piece of gum and she's like well go get it so I get down on one knee pick up the gum and as I'm getting down five dollars falls out of my jacket pocket so I stay down there for a second and then I hop up

and I go hey five dollars there we go to the other side and now she's getting irritated and I'm like I'm like hey I want a picture

of this moment so I ask a random passerby excuse me miss can you take a picture and now she's sure it's gonna happen cause no dude ever asked to take a picture

like I've never done that excuse me miss can you take a picture so she's like okay it's definitely happening here and then the lady takes a picture

and I look at her and I'm like thank you so much you wanna go to the other side boo and then how many sides there's four

so maybe this is the last side there's four every view is different it's all dope but maybe that Boo. Yeah. And then she's like, how many sides are there? There's four. So maybe this is the last side. There's four. Every view is different. It's all dope. But maybe that was the last side. And then she was like, maybe we should just go.

So I'm like, all right, cool. And then you walk inside, there's a little waiting type area and there's somebody playing like jazz music out there, like live, like a live musician.

So I'm like, hey baby, let's dance. And she's like, no, I don't really want to. I'm like, no,

please just give me 15 seconds. So I danced with her for like 10, 15 seconds. I'm like, all right, let's go and she's like no i don't really want to i'm like no please just give me 15 seconds so i danced with her for like 10 15 seconds i'm like all right let's go and so now she's like she's complaining about how her feet hurt these shoes aren't comfortable it's late she's tired we get downstairs and then i run to the bathroom turn on my mic and i'd also set up with ed and i said ed and send me a text about the show and then I will hit a thumbs up and that means we're coming down

in 10 minutes so I'll buy us 10 minutes after that you get all my I texted all her family and friends and all my family and friends

like here's where we're gonna be and Ed will help you out so we on the way down I'm like I run into the bathroom to buy a couple more minutes

I text her family and I said something like hey I'm in the bathroom she's definitely not happy. And then I think her sister said, like, you're lucky she didn't throw you off. Or maybe she said that in person. I don't know. But then we go outside, and then she sees everybody.

And then I made a proposal speech that was way too long in retrospect. But then I had her brother-in-law toss me the ring, caught it like a G. Like, instead of handing it to me, I said, yo, toss it. I got it. Tossed it. Got down on one knee knee creased the Jordans that were already creased on the wire bodies

reacting so harshly to that and then I proposed okay can we see the video so Ed and shot a little one minute video of it this is just us walking out yeah let me get the just you walking out

I mean this is good quality what did you use the Canon oh and because Ed had such a nice camera people thought like they were taking paparazzi film of celebrities. So mad people gather around on both sides.

And then she starts crying at some point. Oh, look at that. It's me catching the ring. Caught the ring. Oh, my God. He goes down on one knee. Yeah. She's got a big applause. This is very good. one knee. Yeah. She's got the hand over the face.

This is very good. There's no video? There's no audio? It's all like copyrighted music. Oh, you put music on. Oh, dude. And then I, because I forgot, the one mistake I made is I forgot to hook up the lapel. So the audio is bad.

That doesn't matter. This is a, oh, my God, bro. Bam! Yo, Army Provides dog Patreon asshole Got me the hook up That's what's up man I would give his name out

But I don't think I think too many of y'all Would harass him For a ring hook up Ain't buying no rings man Yo When I got down on one knee And she saw the ring

I was like I don't think this bitch Knows how big it is So I put it on her finger You see me take it out the box And put it on her finger Like she needs to know What time it is Yeah yeah Oh boy So wait Do you on her finger. You see me take it out the box and put it on her finger. Like, she needs to know what time it is.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, boy. So wait, do you ask her? Where do you ask her? Yeah, I say, this is where I ask her, will you marry me? Let me see. Hold on. I want to see you say it with your mouth.

Hold on. I think I said, will you be Mrs. Singh? And then she doesn't. She just starts crying. So I get up. I'm like, wait, that's a yes, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have to make sure I cut that out.

It's so weird right yeah yeah yeah well yeah he didn't want to let her forget oh and that looks beautiful man yeah all right so what happens after something like that that's great what you do oh that's oh then a limo driver pulled up and was like hey i'll get you and all your family and friends in a limo for like seven bucks ahead and there was like 11 12 people left they didn't have to go so I was like bet let's just instead of taking three ubers let's just all take a limo and then we went to Max and Brenner and had like food and we just celebrated everybody was dope I wish y'all could have been there but I appreciated the face time yeah man okay so that that's what that's what happened so you go to have food at Max Brenner yeah and then like what happens later that night do you guys bone like

what like we went is there an expectation for night? Do you guys bone? Is there an expectation for sex or are you guys still tired? I'm super tired. Her mom is coming back with us in the car. Her mom is staying with us. She went back to India yesterday and she's been staying with us

so it's like I'm not going to sit here and have me to you with my mom in the car next to us. Then we got home at like 3 a.m. and it was just a wrap. Wait, wait, wait. I don't understand.

We just went to bed. Oh, okay. We got home at like 3 a.m. and we're just a wrap. Wait, wait, wait. I don't understand. We just went to bed. Oh, okay. We got home at like 3 a.m. We're both asleep. I was like, with her mom there, dog? Like, what? No, we're done. We're done for the night.

So you guys pass out. Okay. Now, have things changed since then? We don't have to talk. I'm happy, dog. I thought, and I'm ready to be corny. That's fine. I thought this whole thing was for her.

And it is. But I was like, man, I'm happy. I'm so happy. This is my fiance. It's fun to say. Right. I felt ready for this. And it is. But I was like, man, I'm happy. I'm so happy. This is my fiance. It's fun to say. I felt ready for this. Everybody's asking if I was nervous. I was like, nah, I actually feel ready.

Really? This was my Joe Rogan, where everybody thought I'd be nervous. And I was like, nah, I'm ready. Let's go. And then what is her reaction to it? Is she acting different? Is she cool? She loves it, dude.

She loves it. She's fine. I can tell she's going to be a bridezilla already. Really? I can tell. Why? I can just see a little like, we got to look at venues next week. Oh, wait.

You guys are getting married soon. No, we got like a year. But you got to book it well in advance. And then with the wedding, is it like in white culture, it's the woman's father's responsibility? It's like that, but it's also like it shifted.

You know what I mean? Like now it's not as much the woman's responsibility in white culture. Same with Indians. It's like a lot of them will share. We're going to try to share. My parents ain't got money, though. So if anybody else got hookups out there, holler at your boy.

Yeah, yeah. Because we got motherfucking wildlife coming through. This is safari. Wait, really? You're going to have wildlife there? I don't know if I'm going to, but Indians do. Yeah, yeah. Horses or elephants.

You know Rajiv and Neithu had elephants. Right. So like. Right. Got to get that. Oh, shit. I thought that was a joke when but Indians do. Yeah, yeah. Horses or elephants. You know Rajiv and Neetu had elephants. Right. So, like, it's a thing. Oh, shit, I thought that was a joke when you said that. No, bro. No. Have you never been to, like, an Indian wedding? No, I can't say that.

Really? Like, it's just something that doesn't go on and on. You've probably broken up a couple. I've actually never been to one either. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I know about them. Yeah.

And I haven't decided if I'm going to yours. To be honest with you. I haven't decided. The only thing I know is the episode of The Office I know about them. Yeah. And I haven't decided if I'm going to yours, to be honest with you. I haven't decided. The only thing I know is the episode of The Office. That's it. Yeah. What happened in the episode of The Office? There was an Indian wedding.

I thought it was Diwali night or something. Oh, Diwali night. Same shit. Anyway. So, yeah, when do you think it's going to be? What date do you think? Like a year from now. But like a, which weekend are we talking here?

She wants Labor Day weekend. No, no, no, no, no. I'm a burning man. Is it Labor Day every year? Yeah. Every year. And I'm only taking this year off potentially. I might go for a few days, but I might have to take this year off because, why?

If you go, I want to go. I thought you're not going this year. If you go. I'm not going if you don't go. You decided to not go first, and then you said to me Things have changed for the man. I needed to. Okay, fair enough.

So, there's a chance, a wild chance I'll maybe do like four days very but it's slim because we obviously have some projects

that we're working on diligently to get out by the fall that being said if you have the wedding on Labor Day right

we gotta move the wedding you gotta move the wedding we gotta move the wedding I'm in the good graces On Labor Day. Right. We gotta move the wedding. You gotta move the wedding. We gotta move the wedding. I'm in the good graces of the fiance. I know, I'm saying. I'll push for it. Yeah, and who wants to take Labor Day from people? It's a three-day weekend.

Don't take it from people. Here's the thing. That's when the festival ends, right? Yeah. I think we left before Labor Day. Yeah, but no, but yeah, but yeah. But yeah, but yeah,

but yeah. But yeah. But yeah. We could come in hot with our Burning Man outfits. You want to go right from Burning Man to the wedding, dude?

Molly'd up? So I stopped grabbing your crotch. Why? Why should I stop grabbing it? Son, sometimes I like to, if I got tight pants on, can you get it sometimes I like to If I got tight pants on Can you get it?

I like to create a pussy out of my balls Y'all see that right there, bro? That's my ball Yo, son Can I tell you a completely separate thing? And then we're gonna get back to whether or not We're all going to the wedding Because if I'm not going

Ed is not allowed to go Neither is Alex I don't think we're going Oh, shit'm not going, Ed is not allowed to go, neither is Alex. I don't think we're going. Oh, shit. Alex not going. No, I don't think you got permission to hold us to go. No, you're good.

You're a groomsman. Yo. Oh, okay. Yo, shut the fuck up, bro. Come on. You thought you're not in the family, bro? Son. I don't know about you as a groomsman,

but you a groomsman. You invited. I'm in the bridal party now. Not the, what is it called? The bride party. The bridal party,. You invited. I'm in the bridal party now. What is it called? The bride party. I'm in the bridal party now. I was out the wedding. Think about this. I was out the wedding and I worked my way. I grinded my way. And we both

grinded for this one. Did we? That's what's up, man. You know what I'm saying? These chicks can't keep us down. It's the city boy summer. You know what I mean? We out here, bro. We out here bro We out here Pump the brakes You're right

My bad My bad I'm not trying to disrespect No disrespect But don't do that Labor Day shit We don't want Labor Day Pick another weekend

Early August Nobody want to do Nothing early August It's just mad hot And it's outside A lot of shit is outside In your wedding Indians got a lot of shit outside

It's high in India It's like Columbus Day or something. Y'all should try to be authentic. Make it authentic. For real, bro. Stop trying to be so American about this. Indoor venue, no AC. Authentic.

Indoor venue, no AC. No toilets in that bitch. That's it. Put some saffron on the table. Let's get this shit popping. I mean that. Put some rice down with like four orange rice things. You know what I want to do?

I'm going to do a wedding in India. That's what I want to do. And bring y'all out. I'm out, fam. I ain't going to India, bro. You going to India? I just got over Asia. Yeah, you're right about that.

Yo, but India might be different. People are as obnoxious, but we got culture. Yeah, you got some whiteness. English came in there, set shit straight. You know what I mean? They're just like, this is how you act. All right, guys? They did it in China, too.

Hong Kong. They did it in Hong Kong. The rest of China, they shitting on the ground, bro. The rest of China is... I mean, I haven't been to China, so I can't say. We've seen Chinese people in Singapore. Shitting on the ground. The only dirty people in Singapore are the Chinese ones.

You know what? You heard it here first. The only dirty place in Singapore is Chinatown. Andrew and I stayed there. That shit was unbelievable. Tell them about Chinatown.

The Singapore is pristine, right? Singapore looks like an Apple store. It is modern, beautiful, clean, nothing. We went to Chinatown. It's still fish in buckets. It's Canal Street.

How the fuck can you not act like the Chinese refuse to not be Chinese? You know how everybody else goes to a country and they figure it out a little bit, right? The Indians, they come to America and they learn how to speak English and one generation got an accent and the next generation

ain't got no accent. Chinese go where the fuck they are and they're like, fish bucket, fish bucket. You want fish bucket? Hey bro, I was just wondering if I could get some orange. Fish bucket.

Fish bucket. You want to keep the fish in like an aquarium? Bucket fee. Fish a bogey! You gotta keep the vision like an aquarium Bogey feet! We have a bogey feet! Why is he Mexican? Hey, what's that? Tell me about the head Chinese busboy real quick Do the head busboy at a Chinese restaurant I have been busboy for so long.

It is great honor. It is great honor. It is great honor for me for being busboy. No, that's more like Philippine. Let it rock. We don't know the difference. One day I will meet a busboy.

Now I just sound like I got a speech impediment. One day I will meet A. Bob Moulton. I just sound like I got a speech impediment. Mark Wahlberg, that's a Filipino head bus player. But why would that be in Philippines? That's a lot of layers. It's too many. It's too many.

It's too many. Anyway, shout out to the Chinese. Y'all really doing it, man. Yo, it's about to get poppin'. Have you seen the Hong Kong videos? No, what's going on? It's like, they're like protesting. What we were talking about when they were singing the national anthem and shit like that. Oh, yeah.

But like, you could do that protesting shit in America. Yo, they don't give a fuck, bro. They already done ran over people with tanks. That's what I'm saying So it's like That didn't change nothing Motherfucker got run over By a tank

So basically Mainland China Is watching it Like Come on yo Like This ain't Portland

You know what I mean Like We don't do a milkshake You know what I'm saying We don't have a muke What You know what I'm saying? We don't have a muke. What? You know they throw the milkshakes on each other in Portland? Oh, okay.

But they don't have milk in their culture. That's true. You know, we just got the shake. So, like Akon said, they just going to run motherfuckers over. Like, it's about to go down in Hong Kong, dude. They're going to die singing that national anthem. Real talk. Oh, say can you see.

Thank you. America. They're going to put the ah in America. Yo, son. Son. Son. Yo, son. Son. Son. Yo, if I was mainland China, I would dress them tanks up like Godzilla, bro. Just kill two birds with one stone.

Oh, y'all want to play around? Two. I can't do Asian accent. You want to pray? You want to pray? Do you want to pray? I can't do Asian accent. You want to pray? You want to pray? Do want to pray? I can't do Asian anymore. Someone do Asian accent.

I can't do one, son. You used to have a joke with it. Did you have a joke with Chinese accent? I do, I do, but we can't give it up. We can't give it up. No, I'm doing something now. Oh, fuck. We can't give it up, though.

Can't give it up. They got to pay money for that. Yeah. They got to pay money for that. Yeah, they got to pay money for that. We got flagrant thoughts of the week. Flagrant thoughts. Yo, Al, you good, bro? Yeah, I'm good. Yo, what happened to your fucking tongue just right there, dog?

Huh? I had a long weekend. You had a long weekend? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yo. Yo, Al, you want to talk about this? No. weekend yo i got a shout out to dc man we did eight shows we sold out eight shows dc improv it was it was crazy because when these things happen i try to stay in the moment of it because like when you're coming up in stand-up you see you i at least remember like seeing when bill burr started pop and like yeah when he would go to carolines and add shows yeah

or even like kevin hart it was like we're adding shows yeah i remember that so right and it's like oh man that's gonna be crazy and this is like it's crazy to be in that you're adding the shows you're the one adding shows it's fucking nuts so it was it was just cool to be there and like i got a shout out dc man it was crazy we had a good we had a good time we went around we had a good time alex had a good time i think how was the dc crowd yeah oh dude what what what so there was one you could talk about the girl you threw out yeah we could talk about that i guess so you ever saw him like sort of kind of have a meltdown? Nah. Like when somebody pisses him off to the point where it's like-

It's not a meltdown. It's not a meltdown, but it's just- I don't realize it in the moment. I just react in the moment. I'll say this. If you drop checks on Andrew- Oh, I don't like checks. He doesn't.

It's a very different Andrew. I don't like that. I don't like waitresses raising their voice. So dropping checks, for those of you who haven't been to comedy clubs, when you have to pay your bill, they drop all the bills at the same time. Usually you're still on stage

and then every, it doesn't seem like a big deal but everybody gets distracted because they're trying to figure out how much you pay, how much do I pay. Fine, you gotta do that

but then you miss part of the joke and if you miss a part of the joke you miss the whole fucking thing. The most asinine part of comedy is the fact that they do checks during the show.

It makes absolutely no sense. It's the fact that they do checks during the show. It makes absolutely no sense. It's the only thing that you pay during the show. Can you imagine anything else that you pay during? And there's nothing else where you need to hear every word like a joke. Especially mine, where I have longer bits. So if you miss something in the beginning, you're going to miss the end. Like the one-liner guys do fine with checks, because it's barely anything to pay attention to. Anyway, it's fine.

Some of the really good clubs stagger it so they'll do section by section so the whole thing doesn't go. I'm just doing a show and there's this drunk table up front. Second row. I give them a warning. I go, ladies, you got to calm down.

Alex. I give them a warning. I go, ladies, you got to calm down. Alex. I give him a warning. Listen, I give him a little warning. Now, before that, I had probably done maybe 30 minutes of just off the dome crowd work. Yeah. It was like one thing flowing into the night. It was special, right? I'm not trying to toot my own horn.

I'm just saying it was like it was good i told i i addressed this one drunk table and i say you're gonna have to get kicked out if you keep talking this at the other i'm addressing them so that nobody else's night is ruined we i take maybe a 30 second lull to address this table and some girl in the back goes, just tell another joke. And apparently, I don't remember it because I blacked out, but apparently I just go, shut the fuck up, bitch. Are you fucking retarded? Are you fucking retarded?

Are you a quiet ass root, but you hear, Ha! Who's that laughing? You or someone else? That was the funniest moment. Son, in my mind, I'm like, what they're witnessing is the most magical thing in comedy, right? It's like...

Yo, when you catch a pocket, that shit is beautiful. And it's like... It's pitching a no-hitter. You're pitching a perfect game. You're pitching a perfect game, but it's like you know when you catch a pocket that shit is beautiful and it's like it's pitching a no-hitter you're pitching a perfect game but it's like and it's like what I'm doing I'm not like folding a crowd work thing into a bit that I have I'm talking about you say something to me yeah and I'm saying witty punchline response in the moment yeah connecting different people in the crowd I mean we're having like some real magic a 30 second fucking delay and this

twat in the background tell another joke if she was in the front row I would have punted her head off of her fucking neck I would have put my foot into her mouth I swear I think part of me would have taken my foot and just went,

shh, and covered her mouth with my whole foot. That's what I would have done. I really believe I would have done that. He was just so enraged after that. Now I'm already on one. Now I'm like, how can you guys not have printed? Listen, I credit most of the audience. The second I say it, people are fucking standing up going, woo!

Because they get it. They understand what they're witnessing and some bitch is ruining it, right? So I'm not putting that on the whole audience. But the girl... Remember the initial couple that was drunk? Yeah. There were four of them. Two girls, two guys, right?

The initial table that was drunk, I go, i go guys they're gonna kick you out this is your last warning you're cut off there's no more drinks they're like oh we're still drinking i go you really don't understand you really don't understand what's about to come down on you right now there's there is about to fucking come down on you right now and they go he goes we're gonna keep drinking right and i go all right just it's You're about to get kicked the fuck out, okay? I go on, and I start to do another bit, right? I maybe say one line, and I just hear two glasses clink, and then they go, cheers. Out.

What do I say? I go, I stop and I go, who the fuck needs a cheers? Dude, I am so enraged, bro. Because, like, it's fucking, it's like I'm not even there, bro. Like, cheersing is when you have nothing to do and there's no conversation, nothing around. Drunk women at comedy shows, man. Drunk white women at comedy shows.

It was a white and a black woman. Oh, boy. Yeah, it was, So they were friends. Bro. In the middle of the set. Who the fuck needs to cheers? Dude, it was. Think about it.

Cheersing is the ultimate there's nothing else happening. Yes. Right? You're right. You're not wrong. When I have an awkward moment with someone at a bar and there's nothing to say, I just hit him with a cheers, bro. Well, I'm even saying like it is our moment when we

cheers. You don't need a cheers. You don't need a drink. I'll cheers a water when the whole thing is about us. Hey, whole conversation stops. This is all about this cheers. So it's like the fact that you could not know that there's, the fact that you can have no respect for what's going on on the

stage and... You should have said cheers and then dumped your water on them. She was second row. I couldn't do anything to... I couldn't physically do anything to her. But she immediately got kicked out afterwards. But it was just so disrespectful because it was like, you have no fucking... Right?

You know what I'm saying? You're right. It's so disrespectful. It's actually worse than heckling because heckling acknowledges that I exist. Cheers is like, hey, that dancing monkey won't know anything about when I just cheers my friend. And I'm like, what do you need to cheers about? You're already here. What could you possibly cheers about?

Another drink that you had? What is there to cheers about? You're cheersing something I said. What is there to cheers about? Drunk to sloppy. That's the transition they're cheersing. But is that? Someone tell me what they're cheersing something I said. What is there to cheers about? Drunk to sloppy. That's the transition they're cheersing. But is that?

Someone tell me what they're cheersing about. You should ask. There's nothing. Sometimes people are just happy and they cheers. Yo, son,

you know that table? No, that's idiotic, Doug. I know what I'm saying. If he wasn't upset. You know that table is going crazy? See if you can bring up the DC Improv's Yelp.

Apparently that table is going nuts on the DC Improv. They're starting a shitstorm online about it to the point where the owner of the club asked if she can use our footage to prove that these people were being disrespectful. Holy shit. Let's go. And that's where we end up winning because when motherfuckers want to act crazy, we could ... Hey, go to the tape.

Yeah. Cut the tape. Cut the tape. We got them in 4K this week. That's it. Yo, you know, shut the fuck up, bitch. To you,

you didn't pay no attention. You busy cheersing. You could have got a shut the fuck up, bitch, too. We might want to keep that one out.

That was a hard bitch. It was enraging. Like, you know how you give the hard bitch, it was hard. I don't know if I do, to be honest with you. I feel like it's pretty melodic.

Okay, okay. Here it is. Here it is. Here it is. Oh, oh. She already got a typo, this stupid cunt. Yeah, yeah. Oh, I could only give them zero stars?

My husband and our cousins got kicked out for no reason. The manager said it was the comedian who kicked us out, but yet still didn't give us a whole reason why. I felt like because my answer to why whatever the fuck no she got my name wrong anyway question didn't uh andrew schultz question didn't fit his joke so long run we needed to go he asked if we were related yes i said she's my cousin i didn't ask if they were related at all remember it was a white girl and a black girl out of nowhere she just goes where are sisters oh yeah do you know like when a white girl and a black girl. Out of nowhere she just goes, we're sisters. Oh yeah.

When a white person has a black friend and that's important to them for some reason and they gotta let everybody know. It's like, here's my black friend. So that's what she was trying to do. We share a bottle of wine. If anyone know, it's literally four glasses in a bottle. If we was sherry, I can't

even read anymore of this fucking country bumpkin idiot. She probably wrote the shit right after she left that she was still fucking drunk. All you got to do is just show her this. Just to clarify, this isn't the girl I said shut the fuck up bitch to. I know it's not. But this whole table of four got kicked the fuck out. Wow.

I said whatever out loud because first off, i didn't drink enough to get cut off and i just wanted his attention off of us you wanted my attention off of you that's why you cheers in the fucking second row after i told you to stop talking and you're not gonna have any alcohol i can't deal with these people um i quit class with my cousin i was trying to get some water and ignore the comedian why would you do Ignore the reason you came to the show. These people are crazy. Do you want to keep going? I'm done already.

Wait, let me see. Go to the bottom of it. Let me see what the reactions are. Yeah. What's the shitstorm? People are reacting to that? These people are obviously idiots. I don't know.

But that's what... Maybe they... I mean, the improv might be trying to get out ahead of it and being like, look, I don't want people to think this is a reflection of us. Oh, you don't want bad reviews at your comedy club or any establishment. People actually care about that shit. But we also got to question the people

who write reviews on Yelp, dude. I was at a restaurant once and there was a woman who reviews things at Yelp. And it's white Yelp reviewers are... Sorry. Yelp reviewers are the white version of Beyonce fans. So if The Weehive. Yeah, it's like

the Weehive. So it's like if Beyonce fans are fat ugly black chicks with short hair that can't make a ponytail out of their hair because it's so short, right? Then fat, ugly, white chicks are

Yelp reviewers. You just described Nell Carter. He has no Nell Carter. No, who's that? The principal on Hangover, Mr. Cooper. I don't know. That made me laugh. That's the first person I pictured. What? I don't know that one. Okay. Anyway, that's just how I feel. That's just how I feel. I did a joke. I'm riled up. I did a show for...

I'm riled up right now, dude. You got me riled up. I can't wait till we put that shit out. Do you remember when that half Asian girl said some shit and I just had to go fucking nuts? I need to see this footage. Remember the Thai chick? Dude, there's this Thai chick that opened her mouth about some shit and I gave her a chance to not talk.

I gave her a chance to shut up and she kept going. I was like, listen- Oh, you want attention? I was a little condescending. But then she kept going, bro, and I was like, how are you even talking? I was like, the hottest chicks in your country are dudes. Dude, I fucking laid. Dude, you know, I haven't worked out in a while.

I was a little testy. I think I was a little worked out in a while. I was a little testy. I think I was a little testy. You were. I got a little testy. I didn't realize how bad it was until I got off stage and Alex comes up to me, or was it Mark? Mark was like, bro, when you just told that girl, when you said, shut the fuck up, bitch, I got this all caps text from Alex, hey, come here, meltdown happening. I felt it bubble it up oh yeah every once in a while it was so good perfect storm oh god but besides that it

was really good yeah we had a lot of fun we had a lot of fun guys We had a lot of fun Alex won't talk about his fun at all But we had a lot of fun Stop it bro Come on We just went to D.C. We saw monuments Went to D.C. bro Done

We just checking out the monuments Celebrated history That's it Man I had a good joke We might have to release this joke Yo hold on That fashion video

I was upset at how good it was Good huh That was so fucking good Can we show you the gayest part of the whole video That's Mark's head Yeah so here fucking good. Can we show you the gayest part of the whole video? That's Mark's head? Yeah, so here's the thing. Can you bring up the video?

Play the video right here. I knew off jump. Mark is a team player, though. But hold on, hold on. This is why it's so funny. I'll show you specifically. Press play. Now, you're not hearing any audio,

but this is the start of the fashion video for all of you guys who have seen it. Now, once we go over here under the desk when we go over to the trump when we go over to the president's desk under the desk is mark now you see mark's head and mark's head gets pushed back down to allude for the fact that he's given a blow job right then for some fucking reason that i don't, he willingly starts bobbing his head up and down to the beat. That wasn't asked of him at all. He could have just hid under the desk

and then clap his hands, right? He's in character, son. You gotta respect that. I was baffled. I even felt uncomfortable after watching it. The opener is opening, son. Gotta earn your place, bro. That's a true opener.

Yeah, you thought Louie was rough. All right, that's enough. Take it up. The fashion penmanship is perfect. Who wrote that shit out? I did, I did. I wrote it. I wrote it.

Shout to B. Carps, man. Brandon was there. Oh, word? He shot the video because we were all in it. I'm not down Can we tell you something The shorty that is under the desk So there's a little girl

That comes out on the desk Not a little girl A grown woman Oh yes a grown woman Sorry no Epstein No Epstein No Epstein So we asked her to clap

We asked her to clap on beat to be the final clap, right? We might have given this girl about four attempts to clap on beat, maybe five attempts to clap on beat. Yo, you got the video of all the mess ups? You don't got the video? Son, son, if you notice in the final version, she doesn't clap because she messed up the clap every single time. So that means Mark is bobbing his head above my genitals time after time again.

And this girl, literally all five of us clapping on beat and then she would go out and it would just sound like this. It'd be like fashion. And then you hear. She white? Yeah. I'm white. Mark's white. Yeah, but you grew up in a dance studio and Mark gay.

Yeah, you're right. He's proving it. Anyway, D.C. was fun, man. We had a good time in D.C. Anything else happen in D.C. that was fun, Alex? Can you remember? We got any reads? Oh, yeah, I think we do.C. Anything else happen in D.C. that was fun, Alex? Can you remember? We got any reads? Oh, yeah. I think we do.

Perfect. Let me hit that. Let me hit the baby bladder. Reads, man. You think you out of this? Son, Akash can't make it 30 minutes without peeing, bro. You know, he didn't go through one bottle, actually. He didn't even go through one bottle.

He didn't pee during that fucking engagement, did he? No, he was shaking a lot, though. I'll tell you that. He was't even go through one bottle. He didn't pee during that fucking engagement, did he? No, he was shaking a lot though. I'll tell you that. He was? Yeah, he was excited. He was really nervous? Yeah.

I mean, wouldn't you be nervous if you were proposing to your girl? I mean, nah. No? I'd be nervous buying a ring. There has to be something that makes you nervous though. I mean, things make me nervous. Don't get me wrong.

But I got to make sure that we have that. What's the date today? Today is the 19th. Okay. Well, guys, this episode right here has been brought to you. It has been brought to you by The Athletic. The Athletic is really popping. I don't know if y'all have noticed, but The Athletic is really popping.

They're really scooping up all the best writers out there. They're putting out the best written content. I think we got to get Kaz writing for The Athletic is really popping. They're really scooping up all the best writers out there. They're putting out the best written content. I think we've got to get Kaz writing for The Athletic. I think he'd be a good addition over there. But I've gotten my subscription. I've been really enjoying it, man. And I'll tell you one thing. I'm not going to mention competitors, but there are other sports websites out there.

Maybe the biggest sports website has been quite boring me with coverage. It's been boring me with coverage. It's been boring me with coverage. You need people who are willing to get out there, grind, create interesting narratives, and run with them. And that's what The Athletic is doing. I notice a lot of the asshole army has been scooping up subscriptions to that. So that's beautiful. We love to hear that. The Athletic, by the way, guys, is a subscription-based publisher

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Slash flagrant2, guys. Theathletic.com slash flagrant2. Man, I'm telling telling you I'm reading it I have my subscription it's going down I enjoy it how do you like The Athletic

I love it dude I love it shouts to Bob Sturm shouts to Jake Kemp those are your guys but yeah both guys win the ticket actually but they write for The Athletic

they put out great shit follow the Mavericks I follow the Cowboys and I usually just follow whatever team LeBron is on and they got dedicated guys for that. I love it. They're making moves. It's kind of a brilliant thing. This is the new

business model, it seems. Subscribing for content? No. Buying up market share and then monetization. This is what Uber's done. Uber hasn't made any money yet. buying up market share and then monetization. Right? Like this is what Uber's done, right? Uber hasn't made any money yet.

But Uber is just throwing money until it becomes ubiquitous with just taking a taxi. And then once it becomes so big that that's how everybody gets around, they're like, okay, this is how we'll profit. That's what Amazon did. Amazon didn't make money from Madeline. That is the model for business the old model for business was prove that you're profitable yeah and then you can scale up and get more investments right and now the model is just colonize and consume and that's what the athletic has done is they just bought up they must have big

investors because they bought up all the biggest writers and they're basically like people want to read what these guys write we'll invest in the fact that they're interested in that and we'll just charge a premium and they're good articles and there's no like

you know you go to the other articles they are like they have mad pop-ups or they got shit like read the 20 blah blah blah you'll never believe

who did this none of that just good articles and that's it yeah well anyway guys we gotta salute Jay-Z You'll never believe who did this. It's none of that. Just good articles, and that's it. Yeah. Well, anyway, guys, we got to salute Jay-Z. Shouts to my man Jay-Z.

Shouts. About to be the first black NFL team owner. I know he's gotten a lot of criticism right now, but I think you got to, in my personal opinion, In my personal opinion, you have to understand how the game works if you want to play the game. It's easy to be – how do I explain this? It's easy to point out what's wrong with everybody, right? It's hard to do what's right and create the upward mobility and in upward mobility in anything any field i don't care what the fuck it is if you get a certain job there's going to be certain restrictions everybody's got to sell out a little bit right that's the whole

point of being paid when you're not making any money it's easy to keep it real you keep real broke that's how you're going to keep it real talk It's like it's so easy to say what everybody is doing to sell out when you're not making any money. Right. But when you are making money, there is some people might call it a little bit of a sellout. But the problem with calling a sellout instead of buying in is the fact that what these people are doing is potentially putting you, potentially putting themselves and their people, quote unquote, underneath them in a position at the table. Which team is he about to own?

I thought he was working with the NFLPA on some shit. So the first thing that came up is he's going to run their entertainment division. Right. And now what's also coming up afterwards is he's going to be a minority owner in a team. We don't know which team. He's going to be the first minority owner. Is J-Lo kind of on the Dolphins like a minority shareholder knows who knows but i guess the um maybe the first black guy to do it i'm not i'm not exactly sure but point being is he's getting all this criticism like he's sold

out kaepernick and it's just the weirdest argument i don't get it well here's what i don't get about it is like kaepernick still wants to play in the nfl. So are you the only one that can make money off the NFL? Like, so you want to play in the league, but if Jay-Z wants to own a team in the league, he's selling you down a river? And if you're blacklisted and nobody wants to sign you, how does Jay-Z investing in a team further blacklist you? First of all, you would want Jay-Z on a team ownership committee. Maybe you get a job.

You get a job. Yeah. Right? You would want, if you think there's a committee. Maybe you get a job. You get a job. Yeah. Right? You would want, if you think there's a problem with the NFL and how it treats black people, wouldn't you want one of the owners to be black so he could talk to these other owners and tell them how to better treat black people? You want people to have a seat on the table. If you truly want upward mobility, not just to complain and get retweets, if you truly

want to see the betterment of your people, you have to have your people in power positions. Right? Just look at, you got to look at how certain countries and certain people operate, right? Like Israel, wildly, you know, hated in the region it's in. You know, they're doing deals with Egypt. They're doing deals with countries that don't even acknowledge them as a country, right? Because they understand the importance of doing business and understand the importance of putting that business ahead of maybe perception or ahead of hate or ahead of all these other things. Everybody can get on Twitter and tweet all this nonsense. But at the end of the day, it's who has power and who has influence. And if you are the owner of an NFL team, you have power and you have influence in the NFL. And if you want changes happening in the NFL, they don't happen through Twitter.

I mean, let's keep it 100. What changes has Colin Kaepernick created in the NFL? None. None. Just tell me. Maybe I don't know. Just tell me. All right.

Actually, that's a good question. In the NFL, maybe not. But that wasn't his point of the protest. Well, I know his. So if his point wasn't. So this is my second part of that question. If his point of the protest wasn't to change anything in the NFL, which it wasn't, was to raise awareness for police brutality. Yeah.

Why the fuck does Jay-Z owning a football team somehow sell out Colin Kaepernick? If your protest had nothing to do with the NFL, if Jay-Z buys a police precinct, I could see it being an issue. Honestly, I would want that. I would want Jay-Z to, you know. But you understand my point. I'm adding to your point. I'm agreeing to that.

If Jay-Z starts selling batons that police guys are using to beat black people with, I could see it as an issue. Do you know? But the reality of the matter flashback i'm sweet and shit so my point being my point being arkash is that i i find it a little bit selfish of of cap and i i need to speak to cap or i need to speak to ness i need to speak to someone who really understands their side better and maybe some of the assholes listening you can help explain those sides where maybe we get ness on here but like i just need to understand that argument because it seems quite convoluted if the argument is hey nobody could like the nfl until kaepernick plays in it then this ain't about police brutality. Right? It's about Cap.

For the record, we all like, just to be clear, but yeah, I don't see how... We've supported Cap the whole time. So I just don't see. I read an article from a comedian friend of mine. I just didn't agree with her, but she was saying like, Colin Kaepernick was getting things done, and now Jay-Z chooses to buy a team, and it underlies the... Undermines it.

What was he getting done? That's my point. NFL ratings were down for one year. Now they're all the way back up. Oh, they're back. They're back up. The players that have all sat out or been blacklisted or whatever- Eric Reid, all back on teams.

Most of them aren't kneeling anymore. Eric Reid is still kneeling. Yep. Kudos to him. Most people are done kneeling. And guess what? You're allowed to kneel, Eric. Yeah. Eric Reid is still kneeling. Yep. Kudos to him. And guess what? You're allowed to kneel, Eric. Yeah. You're allowed to kneel.

The thing I don't like is how people are framing it. You guys keep saying, oh, he's buying a team, he's buying a team. That hasn't been confirmed yet. That's a rumor. Right. The things that have been confirmed is that he's going to lead the league's live music entertainment strategy and also direct the NFL's Inspire Change, which is actually the division that the NFL implemented to calm all these racial issues that are going on in the NFL.

So isn't that the perfect place to implement someone like Jay-Z who's been striving, making all these changes, doing so many social. I'm sorry. You cannot question Jay-Z's record on social justice. The dude is paying for, the dude was like paying bail for all the protesters that got arrested. On the low. He put out on the low without even like publicizing it. The Khalif Browder documentary that he put out.

Even having Beyonce, which isn't his decision, but i'm sure they make decisions as a couple when beyonce did the super bowl she came out on the black panther yeah shit like that's the formation which is her most militant song that i know boom so it's like to send a message yeah so it's like if if you support those things don't you want that type of influence in the NFL? And the fact that you could give any pushback at all means you're addicted to this. And this is a problem with our generation. You're addicted to this victimology shit because there's so much currency in it. It's like you get so much value from pointing out how someone else is a sellout or someone else is an oppressor because you get all these retweets. You get a bunch of listens on your podcast.

Hey, guess what? People are going to listen. And the shitty thing is you're not wrong because race is involved in every single interaction that we have. Every single one, there is an element of racism. What we're describing is what percentage of that element of racism is influential here. And in my opinion, having a guy like Jay-Z be any part of the NFL makes the NFL better for black people. Yep. Hundred

fucking fifty percent. And I don't get how anyone can't see that. Son, it is mind-boggling to me. I knew as soon as I saw the headline, I knew there was going to be some blowback, but I couldn't see where. I couldn't see how they were going to do it, but they were going to do it. It's just what it is. But yeah, I hope you do speak to Cap because, like,

he kind of is the one spearhead of this thing because, well, his girl. Cap don't speak to nobody. Nessa kind of did. Nessa will talk on it. Cap don't speak to anybody. He won't do an interview. He won't do anything like that. Because apparently Jay said that, oh, he spoke with them,

and then Nessa tweeted that he never spoke with us. So that's what created this divide, and that's what's making people choose size. And I'm like, I just don't get you guys just want no one to be a part of the NFL until you get back in it. Except Cap. So I thought this was about police brutality. All I'm saying is Cap got to be very careful right now about his legacy because his legacy prior to this little snafu was good.

It was, wow, this man sacrificed everything this super world quarterback sacrificed everything so that he could get attention for a real issue in america that we need to adjust and we need to address in a real fucking way and any pushback about jay-z being the first black owner in the nfl is is starting to seem like, I want a little attention. I want to be in the league. I want something for me. And then that goes back to the critics of Cap in the first place. Do you remember when Cap wore those socks with the police as pigs,

with the pigs with the police hats? Remember when Cap, there was a couple things early on which did not seem to i want to address police brutality and seemed very kind of anti-cop right there's a few things that were said and done boom right so it's like eddie just put a picture on all i'm saying is he needs to be very careful about how he plays this because they can use this to switch his legacy, which is wildly positive and undeniably important. Don't let your ego get in the way of how history paints you. That's what I would say.

I think you're absolutely right. And I haven't spoke to, I mean, nobody spoke to Cab, but I do remember meeting him before all this and being like, this is the nicest dude I think I've ever met. Sweet guy. Just so nice. So I don't know where this is coming from. I don't know if it's him or if it's his people. I don't know.

Yeah. Because the guy I saw, Nessa was filming Guy Code. She brought him. He hung back. Didn't ask for a single thing. Hey, can we meet? No, I'm good. I'm here.

I'm hanging out. Watching his girl filming, like, captivated by it like truly a fan like i don't know him to be an attention seeking guy in my one interaction with him yeah so i don't know this is coming from him or whoever is helping put out his message yep and if it's them i hope they're not fucking it up yeah i agree with you it's gotta be stressful dating an activist bro Because you can't break up with an activist. You know what I mean? Like, you're breaking up with the cause. I mean.

Right? Like, if you guys are working towards something. Also, active is in the title, son. I don't want to be that active when I'm dating nobody. Let me just hang back and watch a movie sometimes, bruh. Got to be active. Well, I mean, like, Colin got lots of time to watch movies He need to watch The Replacements

Shout out to that movie Who was in that, Keanu Reeves? Yo, shout out to the goat Yo, he's the goat, bro He don't put out bad movies I remember my roommates in college Everybody's a shit on his acting, and they'd be like, no, name a bad Keanu Reeves movie.

And he would struggle. Also, why is he bad at acting? I think he's great at acting. Yeah, he is. I think he's good. People act like he's bad. He plays this aloof kind of weirdo incredibly well. He also plays out of breath well.

He plays tired from running very well and beat up very well. He plays a huge portion of action very well. Yeah, that's it. What? I mean, that's all he does very well. Yeah, the action. But y'all, you're not like motherfuckers. And not everybody got to be Daniel Day-Lewis out here.

That's true. Just stay in your lane. You know? Bruh, hold on. I feel like he's been in some good... Bill and Ted, son! Oh, great movie. That's fantastic.

Devil's Advocate. Fire. You know what I mean? I don't know that shit. Yeah, but never any roles that invoke emotion or blew you away and shit like that. Something's got to give, son. That's a great ass movie. Yeah, he's not out there blowing you away and shit like that. Something's got to give, son. That's a great-ass movie. Yeah, he's not out there blowing you away.

Yeah, so that means you can't say he's a great actor. Why not? Look at all the bangers all the way across the list. Hard knocks or whatever that shit was called. I think he's great at what he does. Like, this motherfucker has a specific niche role, and he's excellent at it. Plain as that.

Bro, that's that fucking list. So would you say Samuel L. Jackson's a great actor? Yes. Yes. Specific niche thing he does, but he does exceptionally well. Okay. But I like typecasts. My favorite actors are not the ones that show diversity. My favorite actors are the ones that

I want to see play themselves. Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. You know what I'm saying? I love Vince Vaughn. When he was in every movie, I wanted him to be Vince Vaughn. He's the best. He was the best. Now he might be a little bit washy, washy. But I remember when he was in the remake of Psycho. Remember that?

I was so fucking disappointed that he was trying to act like Norman Bates. Like, just be Vince Vaughn, dog. Just be Vince Vaughn. Do whatever you got to do, but just be you. That's why I'm here. Honey, baby, mommy, you're acting a little weird right now. Yeah, charm him up. Yo, Samuel L. Jackson in Django Unchained is one of the funniest fucking roles of all time.

He's a wild boy right there, man. That shit is so funny, dog. That was a good movie, man. Dude, how useless is Captain Marvel, man? Yo, this bitch is getting a sequel probably, huh? Did any of us watch that movie? Yeah, I've seen it. How was it? It was all right. Yo, is Waterman, man. Yo, this bitch is getting a sequel probably, huh? Did any of us watch that movie? Yeah, I've seen it. How was it?

It was alright. Yo, is Waterman, what is it, Aquaman good? I don't know the name of these movies. Is Aquaman good? I didn't like it. You didn't like it at all?

Not really. I don't fuck with DC movies. They just never somehow Batman slaps, bro. Batman was the whole trilogy. And this new Joker about to slap too.

Who's in it? Joaquin Phoenix. Oh, shit. Oh, yeah. He's like a stand-up comedian, isn't he? Or he tries it. He like tries it, I think. Okay.

Yeah, this is a wild thing. Anyway, I just wanted to at least talk, have that conversation. Assholes, if there's something we're missing, holler at us. See if there's another perspective we don't know, holler us you know that we want to unpack these things that's just from what i've can you know glean is that the word yeah from what i can glean it seems pretty cut and dry you know uh what else we got akash boogie cousins tore his acl this guy man poor guy i i mean it's his body's really given up on him. It's done.

It's over now. He's going to keep trying to play, but it's over, over. It is over. So what do you think it was? You think it was overcompensation? Usually that's what happens, right? Yeah, I think he probably came back from every injury too fast. And can you look this up, Bennett?

Is it the opposite leg from the quad rupture and Achilles? I don't even know if those are the same leg. Were those the same leg? I'm not sure, but usually what happens is, like what happened with D. Rose, is I overcompensate with the other leg because this knee's fucked up, and now I just shatter this knee. Shouts to Tom Thibodeau. Yeah.

Yeah, I don't know, but it's just now I think he came back from a quad injury in like four weeks or whatever the fuck it was. Yeah. And he played playoff minutes, bro. Playoff minutes are a lot. Yeah. Intense minutes. Finals minutes.

I'm just laughing at the Lakers. Wait a minute, because he was signed, huh? Yeah. Wow. And now there's like nobody available for them to pick up. Well, now they got Dwight Howard. Is that done? I think it's done.

They're talking. Are they talking? They didn't finish it? I mean, Dwight Howard would do well in L.A., right? Cities for Dwight Howard, I think, are Atlanta got Dwight Howard. Is that done? I think it's done. They're talking. Are they talking? They didn't finish it? I mean, Dwight Howard would do well in L.A., right? Cities for Dwight Howard, I think, are Atlanta, L.A. If New York put a Basel team in, like, Chelsea, I think would be good. I mean, Basel Square Garden close enough to Chelsea. It's got the word garden in it.

I'm sure you can figure that out. And Hell's Kitchen is, I didn't realize how... Yo, there was a comic named Alex Anderson, which is who I thought you were when you first tweeted me. Yeah. Shout out to Alex. Because your Twitter was Alex Anderson. Yeah. And the only reason I'd respond to your DM is

because I thought it was Alex. Oh, shit. Look at that. Talking to me. Faked? No, it is faked in a lot of ways. He had this joke. I think it was Alex. I think it was Alex. About how New York is the only city with multiple gay neighborhoods. Right?

Like every other city has a gay neighborhood, right? New York has Chelsea. Hell's Kitchen. Hell's Kitchen. Soho. Village. The village. The West Village. The village people were from Soho. Village. The village. The West Village.

The village people were from the village, son. The village. What else? All the West Side pretty much gay. Harlem now. Well, no. Harlem's not gay. Kidding.

Yeah. But they're trying to shake that gay off. That's where the dance comes from. It's like someone put a finger in their butt. Stop sagging your pants. Dude, if you could catch gay, black people would catch it first, bro. It would sneak right up your buttholes because your pants are so sagged. Yo, that's how Cosby should have got black people to pull their pants up?

You see, the thing is, the guy sneaks up in your butt cracks in between your boxer briefs, so if you don't keep your pants up, someone's going to sneak in there. I know a thing or two about sneaking things in. That's a good bit. Thank you, guys. That's a good bit. Thank you, guys.

Boogie done. Boogie's fucking done, man. What are the Lakers going to do? They get Dwight Howard, but now it's their squad. They got AD. Can you... How does it work with the CBA? They've signed Boogie.

Yeah. So Boogie's on the books for the year. On the books. But can they do one of those injury exclusion things where well i don't know i don't know all the loopholes but it seems like that your money's tied up and now you're you can't sign people for over the luxury tax unless it's like the larry bird except there's so many fucking there's these little exceptions all right we gotta talk about people leave holler at them see what they can do yeah what's left? They got LeBron and AD. LeBron and AD.

Rondo. Rondo. Kyle Kuzma. Kuz. They still have to fill out the roster a little bit. I don't think JaVale's still there. Yeah, I think he is. Really?

I think they re-signed him, I think. Look, you have LeBron and AD. Let's be honest. You have LeBron and AD. Danny Green. We are underestimating how fucking danny green we are underestimating how fucking valuable lebron and ad is by itself we're acting like we're in this super team world who do they really have to compete with clippers it's the clippers and we don't even know if pg

and they should but we don't even know if pg and ki are going to play well. PG had a shoulder injury last year. Is that going to need surgery? In his shooting arm, are you going to be able to recover? If PG can't shoot, what are you? Just another, what are you? What are you? You're a stretch three that can't shoot. But you can still defend fucking everyone.

That's fair. It's not going to be bad. All I'm saying is I'll take LeBron and AD over Kawhi and no shooting PG, and I'll take LeBron and AD over Kawhi and PG. I don't know about that one. You would rather Kawhi and PG over LeBron and AD? The way Kawhi played?

Yeah. I'm sorry. You would rather Kawhi and PG over LeBron and AD? I think I'd take LeBron and AD, but I don't think it's as open and shut as that. And I think positions 3 through 12 or whatever are so much stronger with the Clippers. Who else do they have? They got Patrick Beverly playing point guard. Okay, Rondo, Patrick Beverly.

Cancel each other out in terms of effectiveness. Yeah, but Beverly can hit an open three. Yeah, but I think Rondo does certain intangibles offensively. He's a genius. Rondo is a basketball genius. Yeah, but also him and LeBron, every time he

has the ball, LeBron doesn't. Sure. That being said, you still have genius level IQ. Can you pull up the Clippers roster, by the way? And then also. Real quick. You have genius level IQ, and you also have someone who can run the offense when LeBron is on the bench. I don't even care if Rondo and LeBron don't ever play a minute together.

At least you have a situation where good shots will get up when LeBron is on the bench. And what was the issue on every LeBron team? What was the issue on every LeBron team that we've seen outside of Miami? When LeBron went to the bench, there was nothing. Shut down. There was no even offensive flow whatsoever. But you realize Rondo was on the Lakers last year. Sure.

It didn't matter. What didn't matter? When LeBron was out, they were still done. Son, I'm not saying LeBron cannot play I'm saying for the six minute stretch let me finish the six minute stretch when LeBron is on the bench the offense can at least function do you remember what the Cavaliers look like when LeBron hit the bench yeah the best they could get was a contested three that was the best that Kyrie Irving could produce with LeBron on the bench contested three-point jumper I will actually say I think LeBron and AD you're right are

definitively better than Kawhi and Paul George but I still think Patrick Beverly Lou Williams go down Montrezl Harrell Moe Harkless Wilson Chandler I mean this is a fucking squad dude I mean Wilson Chandler eh that's a great Lou a fucking squad, dude. I mean, Wilson Chandler, eh. That's a great piece off the bench. Lou Williams, love. Moe Harkless, a great defender. I like Montrezl Harrell. Montrezl Harrell, good defender.

Like, this team defensively is insane. Landry Schammett or whatever the fuck his name is can hit an open three. I don't know if it's that much better, guys. To me, it's definitively better. I think expectations are low, and when expectations are low, we are easily impressed. But let's think about it.

AD, LeBron, Kyle Kuzma, just those three. Do they have a third player that's as effective as Kyle Kuzma? Yeah, Lou Williams. You think Lou is better than Kyle? I think Lou is better. Okay, I'll give you that. I'll give you that. Danny Green, I'd say Danny Green is more effective than Wilson Chandler.

I would say Danny Green is more effective than Moe Harkless. But I would take Danny, I would take Moe Harkless, Montrezl Harrell, and whoever the fuck else. Well, I would take Kyle over Montrezl Harrell. Right. I'm just going position by position. Yeah, but here's what I'm saying. The Raptors won the finals with some kind of depth. The Clippers have some kind of depth.

The Lakers have zero kind of depth. Like, even one through five, you're already like close. Totally, totally. But let's just go position by position, right? So we go LeBron versus Paul George. LeBron. Right. AD versus, I guess, Montrezl Harrell.

Sure. So AD, right? Kawhi versus Kyle? Yeah. Kawhi. Yeah. Or Paul George versus Kyle? Yeah, sure.

Paul George, we'll give you that. LeBron and Kawhi, though. It's a wash. It might be a wash. I agree with you. Yeah. I wouldn't even be mad if you said Kawhi over LeBron. I say Kawhi over LeBron.

And look, I'm not mad at that. I'm not mad at that. I just feel like there is a drop-off, a real drop-off after Kawhi. Because Paul George couldn't do what Kawhi did. Kawhi took an okay Raptors team to the finals and won it. Paul George couldn't take what we thought was a pretty good OKC team. Paul George is a good second banana. That's what Paul George is.

He's a really good second banana. But what we learned is not good enough is a second banana. Right? How good is the Lakers team if they didn't have LeBron? I mean, like, how good are the Clippers without Kawhi? No, but I'm just saying Kawhi can shut down LeBron. He can shut him down. Kawhi still made it to the playoffs and took two off the board.

LeBron can't shut down Kawhi. I'm a Clippers fan. Don't get me wrong. I'm a Clippers fan, and I think the Clippers are great, and they outperformed their ability. Don't get me wrong. I'm just saying we're underestimating the power of having... When LeBron played on the Lakers last year, they were a playoff team. Let's not act like they weren't. If LeBron doesn't get injured,

they're in the playoffs. If LeBron doesn't get injured, the Clippers don't make the playoffs. So LeBron gets injured. He loses out on 15, 16 games or something like that, and the Clippers sneak in and the Lakers don't. But, like, you see what I'm saying here? No, I get that. I'm just saying. And the Clippers don't make the playoffs? The second the Clippers don't make the playoffs, we stop going, oh, my God, the Clippers are so good and they took two games and da-da-da-da.

I'm just saying we might be overestimating them a little, myself included, might be overestimating how good they are a little bit and underestimating how good the Lakers could potentially be. I just feel the difference is going to be defense. Yeah, they're defensive. It's undeniably better. That's going to be the difference. Undeniably better.

And maybe, and I think that Doc is a good defensive coach. Doc, this might be the best defensive team ever. Really? In an era of all offense, this might end up being. Kawhi Leonard is an all-time great defender. Yes. Paul George is a not all-time great. Perennial all-time great. Perennial all-star defender. One of the better

defenders in the league. Yep. Patrick Beverly made his name on defense. Moe Harkless is also a 3 and D guy. Yep. And I'm leaving out somebody. Lou Williams doesn't really offer much defense, but there's another... Oh, Montrose Harrell's another good defender. They got five, like, hellacious defenders. Nope.

Not denying. Not denying. But you still got to put up points. And they got guys that can put up, give you buckets. Lou can give you buckets. I think Chandler can hit open shots. I think this guy, Shamit, can hit open shots. I think Chandler's useless.

Shamit maybe gets knocked down some open shots. I think that you're looking at Kawhi. And Kawhi went there like, Paul George better be able to carry this load. And if Paul George's shoulder is fucked, I think Kawhi's going to wish he never left Toronto. I think Kawhi went to the Clippers because he was like, I carry too much weight,

and my body can't control. I can't do that. I had to literally carry this whole fucking team on my back. There was nobody else who could score outside of Pascal. Yeah. You know, was it Lowry? You can't count on him for a bucket. Sometimes he plays great.

Sometimes he doesn't. I think if he stayed, the Raptors would have been better next year. I think Pascal's a year better. I think Lowry, when he got that playoff monkey off his back, now he, I don't know when he's going to make it back to the playoffs, but if he did, I bet he'd be so free. 100%. So free. Especially with the security blanket of Kawhi but if he did, I bet he'd be so free. 100%. So free.

Especially with the security blanket of Kawhi. Yeah. Hey, I can miss this shot. You know why? Because Kawhi's going to play some tough defense. We're going to get it back. I think the Clippers are really fucking good. I still would have loved to have seen the Raptors run it back once.

And I think they do. I don't know who's better, to be honest. I think these Clippers could be better than those Raptors, but I would love to have seen them run it back. Yeah. And then the next year, they'd have had everybody off the books. Gasol is off the books. Gasol is off the books. Lowry is off the books.

They'd have had crazy cap room. With Pascal still getting better, with Kawhi still at his peak, it would have been crazy. Yeah. Yeah, man. Look, it's an interesting time. It's a very, very interesting time. I just know for certain that my Knicks will be horrible. And there's nothing that we can do about that. There's absolutely

nothing we can do. There never will be. We're making the playoffs. You think the Knicks are making the playoffs? You actually think that or are you just saying it? Half and half. At least he's honest. Now we can't even be like fake braggadocious. That's how demoralizing things are. I used to start every season going, we're winning a

championship in three. That was my joke. Knicks in three. Maybe we'll make the playoffs, and even sarcastically, we can't get behind it. The Brooklyn Nets? That's where I'll be watching all my games. This year?

No KD? Yeah. If I want to watch basketball. I love basketball. So if I want to watch a basketball game, I'll watch the Nets play the team, not the Knicks, because I cannot support the Knicks. No, absolutely not. I want to watch basketball. I love basketball. So if I want to watch a basketball game, I'll watch the Nets play the team, not the Knicks. Because I cannot support the Knicks. No, absolutely not.

Oh yeah, what was that report that only four Knicks games are going to be nationally televised? Oh, only three Knicks games will be nationally televised this year. Can I be honest with you? Yeah. Three too many. Oh, I'm not denying that at all. I'm saying at some point, that's got to affect the team's bottom line, or is there an equal distribution of pay?

It affects a good degree. I know they spread the money out a little bit. They must spread it out. But it's got to affect you also. They do spread it out, but it's got to affect you the most if you're not. But you don't think that it's just an even spread and you just choose games based on how you choose them. It's like, hey, sometimes teams are are good sometimes teams are bad maybe i would think you should keep the lion's share of the money that

your team makes and then you distribute the rest yes that's how i think that's the nfl cowboys yeah theory right right but i'm under the impression and like the braves for example the braves are owned by turner right so they would always be on TBS and shit like that. But I was under the impression, I could be completely wrong, that they would be, there's a revenue share based on the TV deals. Yeah, there's a revenue share,

but I think, I don't know. I assume if you're on national TV the most, you get the, you know. Well, then this is good. If the Knicks keep on sucking. That's what you hope for, yeah. Yeah, and we keep on not having any national exposure,

his money, his bottom line gets hurt, his dollar gets fucked, and then that's the only way we could possibly... You guys are New Yorkers. You've got to organize some kind of boycott. I've boycotted. I mean, you've got to organize a mass boycott. Like, imagine one game

where like 100 people are in the stands. Son, I would be so down to do it. Just one game. These fucking tourists. Here's the problem when you come with a big city in New York. If you're in Oklahoma City, right? You can do it. Just one game. Fucking tourists. Here's the problem when you come with a big city in New York. If you're in Oklahoma City, you can do it

because they need the people that live in Oklahoma to show up to every fucking game. New York, a New Yorker, not a single New Yorker should show up to a Knicks game and it could be packed. It's like comedy clubs. Not a single New Yorker could show up to a comedy club and the club

will be packed with fucking swedish people australians anybody who's just in town they want to do something what you got to do is stay outside of the arena and rob motherfuckers as they're harassed for real we maybe we should we should get real new york about it just bully up some people honestly well i had a plan and if i end up doing this, you'll hear it. You've heard it here on the podcast. Do that shit. But so I was in Montreal, and I was talking to Michael Rappaport about it. You guys know Michael Rappaport. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And Michael Rappaport and I were on this gala together, and we were – I was like, bro, you know, Michael Rappaport hates the Dolan, hates James Dolan. Right, right, right. And he might even be banned from the Garden or something like that. I don't think he gets the good seats anymore or whatever. And I was like, Rap, what we need to do is find out when his band is playing, the jazz band.

And I was going to do this because he has a San Diego show. And they play these small venues. It's like $10 a ticket. James Dolan, the owner of the Knicks, is in a jazz band. And they play these small little venues. $10 a ticket. James Dolan, the owner of the Knicks, is in a jazz band. And they play these small little venues. 10 bucks a ticket. Fucking door.

Yeah. Low key, I respect it. You know what I mean? Like having a hobby when you're a billionaire and just doing it, but it's fine. The point is, what we could do is find out when they're going to play a show. They have a website. We could post. And then I would buy out every seat in the venue.

And I'd fill it with Knicks fans. And we'd go in there and listen to a song and be into it. And then song two, we'd just start fucking booing. Sell the Knicks. Sell the Knicks. And I think public shit. Now, here's the thing. If I do this, I'll never play the garden as a comedian.

So I have to sacrifice the garden. Barclays easy to get to. Barclays we can do and also New York legend for life. Yeah, for sure. For life. Now, here's the thing. People are going to get suspicious. He's going to get suspicious the second a human being buys a ticket to one of his shows.

Beforehand. He's going to be like, what's going on? I have never sold one of these. Sold out? I'm not coming. Something's up. I'm being punked. Something's going on.

It's a good idea though, right? Yeah, it was a great idea. We should fucking do it. All right, we're going to take a break real quick. Pay some bills. How do you say bills in Spanish? Pay some Cuenta

That's like the check But bills are different I don't know but anyway we gonna pay them shits You know what I mean Guys everyone knows about the risks of driving drunk You could get in a crash People could get hurt or killed Yo real talk Alex and I

And Mark saved a life in D.C. What? Oh, yeah. We did. There was a dude that was parked, parallel parked, in between two cars. Okay? He was trying to pull out. The dude slammed into the car in front of him, which had people in the car, slammed

into the car behind him. Jesus. And then he tries to pull out, and the dude just stands in front so he can't drive. Yeah. Alex was a great person, man. He was like, nah, we got to help him. We'll go help this guy. We stop.

We get him out the car. No, we get him to actually pilot park his car. We call his boy. He was driving his boy's car. Alex called him an Uber from Alex's phone's phone Called him an Uber Sent it home Not only do we save a life Which his You save multiple

We save multiple lives man That's some good karma fam I think we really built up Some shit right there I wanna Anyway Point is Let me tell you

Some surprising statistics Because there's not always Saviors like us Out there in these streets Almost 29 people In the United States Die every day in alcohol-impaired vehicle crashes.

That's one person every 50 minutes. Think about that. Even though drunk driving fatalities have fallen by a third in the last three decades, drunk driving crashes still claim more than 10,000 lives each year. You could get arrested and incur huge legal expenses. You can possibly even lose your job so what can you do to prevent drunk driving plan a safe ride home before you start drinking designate

a sober driver or call a taxi an uber something it's the easiest time in history to get a ride home there is no easier time don't drive drunk it's inexcusable inexcusable and not call a fucking uber it's just shocking that you fuck. You're being a cheap fuck. If someone you know has been drinking, take their keys and arrange for them to get a sober ride home. Now, look, we all know the consequences of driving drunk, but one thing for sure is you're wrong if you think it's no big deal. Drive sober or get pulled over.

Those are bars. That's bars. Okay? This has been brought to you by the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration. Not playing around, guys. Don't drive drunk. Now let's get back to the show. Hey, guys. I just want to let you guys know some Matador Tour dates. Thank y'all so much again for coming

out to D.C. That was incredible. Chicago. We're going to be in Chicago. The Thalia Hall Theater. Two shows this Friday. Early shows sold out. I think there's some tickets left for the late show, but they're going quick, so get on that shit. It's going to be in chicago the thalia hall theater two shows this friday early show sold out i think there's some tickets left for the late show but they're going quick so get on that shit it's going to sell out um i'm very excited to play this theater got a lot of great history in this theater man chapelle would always play it when he played chicago so excited to go down there then we got moscow uh we'll be out there to seventh uh moscow russia and then after that we are going to australia

we'll be the 20th through the 29th we're adding more shows i think we're adding another show in brisbane we release more tickets to both shows in sydney um and any other show that sells out man we're gonna try to add some more shows because you know we don't know how often we're gonna be out there man to be honest this is your shot you This is your shot. You want to come see me? You want to come see me do stand-up? You're going to have to do it this time, man. It's a long fucking trip. Y'all know it. It's a long-ass trip.

But then we're going to come back to the States. Matador Tour continues, man. Theandrewstiles.com for tickets. We got new cities, new sets. Make sure you get those tickets early. I can't stress that enough. Every time I come into a market, I got people telling me, Hey, man, how do we get tickets? How do we get tickets? How do we get tickets? There tickets early I can't stress that enough every time I come into a market I got people telling me hey man how do we get tickets

how do we get tickets how do we get tickets there's nothing I can do I can only tell you this early so make sure you get those tickets now Akash what you got cooking baby first of all shout out to everybody

who came out to the brownish comedy show we sold it out it was fire second thank you to everybody I appreciate y'all's tough love last episode I think it made the assholes go check me out I put up a clip Thursday the assholes kept commenting

I don't know how y'all played the algorithm but in four days it's got like 150,000 views it's Monday that was Thursday so please keep supporting please keep commenting when I put up videos Andrew's shadow banned so just take all that love to me for a second commenting all the videos

Rogan got you back god damn the god but anyway in the meantime come to Houston Secret Group 8pm on September 6th September 7th I'm in Austin at the Fallout Theater at 7pm I'm back there September 8th at 8.30pm September 13th San Francisco

two shows at Piano Fight 8 and 10.30 September 19th LA The two shows at Piano Fight 8 and 10 30 this uh September 19th LA the Belly Room at 8 p.m. the tickets are finally up on their website so shout out to everybody who harassed the comedy store into getting that done September 20th I'm at Portland a curious comedy at 7 30 and October 11th we got two shows in Minneapolis at Sisyphus Brewing 8 and 10 30 check it out uh all tickets are available at my website, akashsingh.com. Perfect, man.

All right, guys, let's get back to this show. What did you hear about the Jerry Jones negotiation with, not Dak. Zeke? Zeke, yes. I haven't heard anything new. I've heard Zeke wants to set the market for running backs. So I heard they offered him a deal. This is rumors.

But I've heard they offered him basically first or second highest paid running back. And he's like, no, I want beyond that. I want to create the market for running backs. Cool, that's your right to do that. But you're under contract for two more years. Go fuck yourself. Yeah, we could just not play you and then you won't make any money and we'll see what happens. Hold on. You could not play, and then you won't make any money, and we'll see what happens. Hold on.

You could not play him, and then he wouldn't make any money? I think he's got his guaranteed money, but if you don't show up, I'm sure you have to give that up, because that's what people were saying when Antonio Brown was going to retire. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Not play you means you could just not show up. You just don't show up, and then you continue holding out, and you don't get paid. Ah. We're just not going to pay you. I might have said play you i'm gonna say pay you okay or you come play for a number that's still top of the market but so apparently they've offered they got three big contracts coming up deck amari cooper the wide receiver and ezekiel elliott

and they offered them all positions that were at least top five at their position or they offer them all contracts or top five of their position all They offered them all contracts that were top five at their position. All of them said no. And so they're just like, no. Reasonable that they said no? I think for Zeke, you want to be maybe number one, number two, whatever. Zeke deserves it. You think he's a premier running back.

I don't know. A lot of people say don't pay running backs. But he's probably the best running back in the league. Okay, let's say you are going to pay a running back. Is he the best running back in the league? Pam, Saquon, it's like that group. They're the best running back in the league okay let's say you do pay you are going to pay a running back is he the best running back in the league ham saquon it's like that group they're the best okay it's like the best receiver could be odell or antonio brown or julio jones or whoever or hopkins at houston yeah zeke same thing he's in that conversation okay amari amari no he's just outside the second tier dac third tier who i like but. Dak, third tier, who I like, but you're third tier.

And to me, it's like- You're a game manager that the team can get behind. And he could get good. He's got a crazy work ethic and good leadership skills, and he could get better. But right now, top five is overpaying you and understanding I'm overpaying you. And they were willing to give him top five, and he's trying to- Apparently, he said no to $30 million a year. That's right.

And you were saying, I think, last podcast that- The rumor is he said he wanted $40. So that they'll settle at $35. The idea is to get them to settle at $35. I don't know if that's true or not. That's what the rumor is. But if he said no to $30, cool, man. Good luck.

Good luck getting $30 from— Because all it takes is one team to pay a dumbass contract, and I get that. And Le'Veon Bell— As a matter of fact, the guy who gave Le'Veon Bell his money got fired already money got fired already the general manager who signed levy on bell i'm pretty sure it got fired already so like this is not the winning move and i don't know what team is going to look at dac and say we are one dac prescott away from a super bowl wow i just don't know who's going to do that and it just takes and they're all stupid it takes one stupid team but i don't see it at what point right because here's the thing that we had to realize about these about these players is you

and i are 35 years old yeah right we've been dealing with contracts for a third of our lives yeah and at least for me just now i'm getting to the point where i can walk away from shit where i'm reading every contract really negotiating and and saying my sticking points and this kind of shit. You're a 24-year-old kid that enjoys the finer things in life because you can. You don't want to sit down and read a fucking contract, bro. Dude, I was reading a contract today on the train here. They do not pay lawyers enough. Nobody is more underpaid than lawyers.

The fact that you read this shit for a living, bro. We have to get a lawyer on here who really loves his job so they can explain to me what the fuck is exactly going on. Like why you love your job. Because I was reading it trying. I never met a lawyer who loved his job. Okay, thank God. Because I was on another call with a lawyer today and they were like, I really love what I do.

And immediately I was like, I can't hire you. Because you have to go, I love making money. And this is the best way for me to make money. This horrible thing that I do. Be honest with me. When you say you love what you do, you are a crazy person.

Like, you must be a crazy person. Do you understand what love is and doing? Like, let me take you to a water park. That's fun. We could go to a water park. And then after the water park, we'll go right to do a contract. And then you tell me if you can distinguish between-

Which one did you really have more fun doing? Log flume or legalese? You tell me which is more exciting. Because, bro, I was trying to put a dollar amount on what it would take me to go through this contract that I was going through today. That took me literally four hours to read four pages. Hereby, irrevocably. That's four hours to read four pages hereby irrevocably that's a lot

I gotta say hereby you know what they do they split the page in half like a fucking bible and they do really small prints yeah so it's like double on each it's a war of attrition

yeah they're trying to wear you down yeah they're trying to grind you down and I felt them doing it to me, and you know what? You did it. I was grinding, bro. Oh, fuck.

I had my little highlighter out. I had my little pen. That was cute. I'm making my notes. In the beginning, you'll see all these meticulous notes. Mad enthusiasm. This little line highlighted a question about this little line. You look at five pages in, I just question about this little line. You look at like five pages in.

I just question mark the whole section. I just do a highlighter question mark. The pen, I threw that out the window. We're just doing highlighter question mark. I'm just going to lawyer. What the fuck is article six? The whole article. Because I don't understand what irrevocably means.

You either revoke it or you don't. But I don't know how you irrevoke it. It means you can't revoke it. Just don't. But I don't know how you irrevoke it. It means you can't revoke it. Just say that. What the fuck? That is how you say it though, irrevocably. Don't revoke it. I just don't, here's the, I don't understand hereby

because it just means now. So why you got to say all these extra letters and make it sound like motherfucking the town squire? Hereby means now. I think so, right? But that's what lawyers are for. They're just trying to fuck each other using these big ass flowery words.

You know when you have a 10 page book report and you had one page of shit to say? Yeah, that's the lawyer. Hereby, Huck Finn has irrevocably been changed by the end of this novel. Here to for, from here on after. Just put it in Helvetica. I don't got time for all these herebyes irrevocably.

Courier News, the real joint. Courier News. That's his square. Why aren't there more Indian lawyers? You guys are the best at the spelling bee. You would kill in that shit. Spelling isn't the hard part about law, Alex. No, but they understand the word.

Use it in a meaning, a sentence or something. Oh! Yeah! They know every word. They would understand the documents. That's true. I'm performing September 28th, Dallas for a group of Indian lawyers.

If you want to buy tickets, though, assholes, and just mob out, I think it'd be the funniest shit ever if just a bunch of assholes flooded the show. That would be funny. Go do that. Go support. S-A-B-A dot org probably.

Look it up. Saba Dallas. Dude, there's something that's really scaring me and your prejudice shows when things are on the line. You got a black lawyer firing you? No, it's a- Hey, come on, sir. No, no.

Cochran. It's a white. It's a white. Oh, like an Anglo white? It's an Anglo white. Dude, no. Cochran. It's a white. It's a white. Oh, like an Anglo white? It's an Anglo white. Dude, I was looking at his last name. When my agent sent me the guy's last name, I almost pulled my hair out of my fucking head.

I'm like, Hooper? Hooper is somebody you want to play basketball with. Hooper? What the fuck is Hooper going to do with my document? Hooper? You don't get me a Goldenstein right this fucking second. Hooper? What am I going to do with Hooper?

Hooper is somebody that goes to Costco to get lots of ketchup and mayonnaise so he doesn't have to make multiple trips throughout the year. Hooper. Right? Hooper, someone who went on a jog with his golden retriever this morning, is really excited to get in the outdoors because it clears his head.

Hooper. I need a Jew that hasn't had hair on the top of his head since high school. That's who I need. Okay? Oh, my God. Hooper. You got to look at the picture, though.

If he got the douchebag haircut, the slick joint. Nah, fuck that. Bro. Jew, Jew, Jew, Jew, Jew. Jew, Jew, Jew, Jew, Jew. You need to. There's certain things you don't play around. Jewish, you have to do it. You have to do.

I don't know why I trust with these things listen you have to go to doctor that's us that's us what's up i go indian i go indian with doctor i go indian with doctor jews too i go jews too no i do well i go jews too that's you say what too. Landscapers? Landscapers. Anybody hiring a fucking... Let's be honest. Y'all are closer to the grant. If you're more effective at... It's landscaping. Who's the closest to the land?

Who can get in there? It's not treescaping. Right? It's not balconiescaping right it's not balcony scaping it's land scaping you want the people that barely got to bend down to take care of them hedges bro we fuck it up you do you probably had to dig a little trench to sneak under the shit to get to america that's it that's it you know about the nooks and crannies. But this, I got paranoid. I got a little bit. Son, did I tell you when I had to fire my Greek accountant?

No. I didn't tell you this. I had a Greek accountant. I had a Greek accountant for a year. I had a Greek accountant for a year taking my fucking money and investing in yogurt companies and shit like that. I had a greek accountant i had i had a hundred thousand dollars worth of fucking fayet whatever that that greek yogurt company is don't put my money in dannon i had a greek accountant oh fuck okay

i had to stop it i had to stop it i had to go get a business, fuck. Okay? I had to stop it. I had to stop it. I had to go get a business manager. I had to come correct. And now I have a deal on the line with Uber. What is this guy going to do? I don't need him to be like, listen, we should be Christians about, no. No, we're not gonna be Christians about this.

How'd that work out for Jesus, bro? He was trying to be reasonable. Do you know what I mean? He was trying to cut a deal. And the other side was like, nah. We like things this way. We not negotiated. Anyway, pray for me.

All I'm saying is, Dak and them, they're not reading the fine print of these fucking deals. Yeah. I forgot what I was going to say about Dak. My point is they're not reading the fine print of these fucking deals, Akash. Right. So if you're not reading the fine print of these fucking deals, I honestly feel a lot of these guys, they just trust their agent. Their agent just goes out there and says things

that they don't even care about. I think most of these players would play for less than the max. Yeah. And all you have to do is fucking give it to them. Yeah. The agent is creating all this pushback. Just fucking offer it to them.

Yeah, but you can't trust a lot of these guys with their own money, so you need them to have the agent. Like, the agent will get them a better deal than they would get on their own ever. You're 100% right. So he's got to trust his agent. But at a certain point, it's like, look, man, $30 million a year for you is plenty. And I would let you go out in the open market and really see what you would get.

100%. Really see. 100%. Because you might get $30, but then even if you get there, you're not going to get the sponsorship you might get 30, but then even if you get there, you're not going to get the sponsorship you would get being the Cowboy quarterback, which is what they tell these guys. They don't really want to buy it,

but it's true. You're the starting quarterback for the Cowboys. You get a Campbell's Chunky Soup ad. You get Pepsi sponsorship. You're the starting quarterback for the Bengals. Don't nobody give a fuck. Son, you are 100%. Bro, you can't even get a zoo deal out there, bitch.

That's a Cincinnati joke. Yo, for real, that's a great fucking point. You are the starting quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys. You can underpay by a minimum of, let's say, $5 million. Yeah. Because you can assume you'll get, I don't know if it's $5 million, whatever that number is, you can assume you'll get, I don't know if it's five million, whatever that number is, you can assume you're going to get that in advertisements a year.

If I was Jerry Jones, I would be walking up and I'd be pitching that immediately. Oh, they do. They do. They should. Players aren't buying it, but it's true. Buy it. Go play somewhere else and see what happens. Or you say this, hey, we'll give you the 30.

We'll give you the 30. But guess what? You have to pay us anything. Oh, here we go. This is what we say. We go, where's 30. But guess what? You have to pay us anything. Oh, here we go. This is what we say. We go, where's your other offer coming from? Our offer is coming from Cincinnati. Okay, here's the deal.

We will pay you what Cincinnati offers you, but you have to pay us back any money that you get in sponsorship that is over what the Cincinnati quarterback last year got in sponsorship. The problem is that wouldn't go back to the salary cap. But yeah, if you're just looking at money, absolutely. And then they'd be like, oh. Because Jerry Jones is like, listen, I got you part of this conglomerate right here. You're going to get all these fucking deals?

I'm not going to take none of that from the deals. Those deals don't help me win. It doesn't help at all. Nah. Nah, bro. I think that's reasonable. Dude, 100%. It's a shitty thing to tell a player

because owners already fuck the player so much, but like 30 million a year, son, you good. If you said no to 30, that's on you. How do they fuck the player so much? I'm tired of this narrative. Well, if a player has a career-ending injury because his game, whatever, then they pay your guarantee and that's on you how do they fuck the players so much I'm tired of this narrative like well if a player has a career ending injury because his game whatever

then they pay your guarantee and that's it you don't get your contract right NBA you get your contract you have a career ending injury you still get paid

cool that's how it should be but NFL they don't so I understand why the players are fighting but like 30 million dog

you Dak it's a lot of money you Dak Prescott you don't need a fucking 30 million you don't need it and their you got breast got you only have fucking 30 million you don't need it and their people are all saying because they always just compare it to whatever the most recent guy get paid yeah so they'll say russell wilson makes 35 million here if you think you're anywhere near russell wilson jump out of a fucking window just go dog you're an idiot get

out of here russ might be the uh most underappreciated quarterback he's so fucking good man yeah in in the nfl right he's one, man. Yeah, in the NFL right now. He's one of the best quarterbacks in the league. I've been saying this since last year. Yeah, you have. He's in that top tier. You've been singing his praises. You've been singing his praises.

He is that good. And I don't know why we don't give him any fucking credit for it. I think because the first Super Bowl was mainly the defense, so we just decided he wasn't good anymore. But he's great. Yes. Yeah, we always... That is one of the things, what is one of the downfalls

of having a uh a dominant defense is it comes at the cost of the quarterback's rep yeah reputation yeah right like the steelers remember that old steelers team where the guy terry bradshaw terry bradshaw yeah terry bradshaw will never get the credit that maybe he deserves as a quarterback who won four fucking Super Bowls mind you four and oh because of the steel curtain yeah he is undefeated in Super Bowls and you know what maybe he was a regular quarterback or maybe they could be way more conservative with their quarterback play yeah because they had this amazing defense they weren't worried about turning the ball over because they'd get it back, so let's be conservative.

Maybe if he was on a team without such a good defense, he would have to throw that pill, and we would find out who he really was. Yeah, that's what people say about Aikman in the 90s. He didn't throw that much. They're just trying to win. We've got the best running back in the league. We've got the best defense in the league. Just get the job done.

And Aikman was like, I don't give a fuck. I just want to win. Let's do what it takes to win. Wait a minute. So Aikman, I remember Aikman as being the poster't give a fuck I just want to win let's do what it takes to win wait a minute so Aikman I remember Aikman as being you know the poster boy of he was great concussions but the NFL yeah he was a little great but like his stats aren't crazy if you look back at the statistics you're like this is unimpressive like 200 some yards a game whatever but like really yeah you got Emmitt Smith you're giving him 20 carries a game you got a great defense

make the plays when you need to make them he was good for sure and he put up good numbers also we pass away more now pass right the game has changed the game has changed so you look back and people will look back at his numbers and be like yeah whatever he wasn't that good nah he was fucking great yeah but he also knew what we need to do to win is not just i sling it everywhere we got a great defense we got a great running back. We can control the clock. Let's go. Yeah, and you're going to get time to throw too. It's not like he's crazy under pressure.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Did the Cowboys innovate football in that regard? Tom Landry's Cowboys did more innovating than... Like the Cowboys... Explain the Tom Landry Cowboys. So Tom Landry, the 1970s Cowboys, Tom Landry was their first coach. He had all these crazy things.

He had a flex defense. Keep going. He had all these things. The GM, I think his name was Tech Schramm. I think that was a GM. He had all these other game interventions, playing on Thanksgiving, having the sidelines be white so you could see where out of bounds was, like that big white.

All these little things the Cowboys did then. In the 90s, Cowboys didn't change the game as much. They were all about speed on defense. I think that was the first. I just started watching football. Right. Apparently, they were the first ones that were like, that's all we care about. Right.

And they did all these little drafting early on, all these computers helping them figure out which player to draft and all that. But that's, again, the 70s Cowboys. I love, it reminds me of a conversation we were having when we were in uh in dc just innovation but um but i love specialization because i think specialization leads to innovation like if you're not the head coach right but you are the punt return coat whatever it is right you get to sit there and analyze every aspect of the game to give yourself a competitive advantage. When you're not wearing so many hats, you literally sit down and you're just like, okay, punt returns.

What is the major issue on punt returns? It is catching the football with enough room to blah, blah, blah. How do we create it? Whatever it is, you just get to sit there. Because you only got one thing on your plate. One thing on your plate. And you get to figure out the best way to essentially do that. And innovation always strikes me.

It's something I'm always thinking about. How can we change the game? How can we make other things obsolete? What can we do to get competitive advantage? And we're in D.C., right? And Mark and I, Mark is a guy who opens for me on the road. He works with us. He cuts some content with us.

And he comes in my bathtub. You guys know Mark, right? So Mark and I went to the Air and Space Museum in D.C. Have you been to that? Yes. I mean, this place is phenomenal. Yeah. Yeah.

It is. Alex went prior. Yeah. But it was so cool to me it was one of those things where I was like man in another life because you're really looking at the last frontier right like

there's nothing else to be discovered what is left to be discovered is space much like the conquistadors what was left to be discovered was America right or what was left to be discovered was India or what was left to be discovered was America, right? Or what was left to be discovered was India. What was left to be discovered was the rest of this world, right? And we're sitting there and we're trying to understand space and just understand time. We're just kind of walking.

And it kind of came to me this idea of time travel and how time travel hasn't always been how do I go back in time, right? Right. Time travel, we've been getting closer and closer to back in time through technology

and innovation, right? So initially it was, hey, I can only get from A to B by walking or running, okay? If you can increase my speed I can only get from A to B by walking or running. Okay? If you can increase my speed of getting from A to B,

that's essentially time travel. Okay. Right? Not time travel in terms of traveling back, but what you're doing is you're getting closer to traveling back because you're getting closer to being still. Okay. Right?

So let's just look at it on like a graph almost. Like here I am going zero to being still. Okay. Right? So let's just look at it on a graph almost. Here I am going zero miles per hour. Okay. Right? Here I am going 10 miles per hour. Here I am going 20 miles per hour. Right. Right?

If I'm going 30 miles per hour, less time has transpired before I get to B. Okay. From A. Right. Right? So back in the day, to get from New York to California by walking Yeah. Months. A year? Like how do you like Oregon Trail

that shit took like a fucking year. Right. The plane gets invented. Right. That dumbass musician that's walking across the country. Oh yeah. What's his name? Mike Posner. Mike Posner. Yeah. And so like if you fly from New York to California, you're there in the same day.

Right. That's time travel. Imagine telling that to someone back in the day. Right, yeah. Who had spent a year, right? Yeah, yeah. There's a machine and I will get you somewhere that used to take a year in the same day. That is the same way we speak about teleporting.

Like tell someone on the Oregon Trail that you could get them there in six hours. That's teleportation. Yeah. Right? So what we're doing is we're just getting closer and closer to teleportation. Right.

Not time travel, teleportation. Sure. Okay. And basically on the other side of teleportation is time travel. Okay. I got you. Right? So it's like we first have to stop time before we can go back.

Oh, shit. That's what I'm trying to say, right? So you think we're getting closer. Yes. And if you look at every movie, right, movies often show the ideas that we have but we can't explain. So I don't know how to time travel, but what I'll do is freeze somebody like Cap in Marvel or like Demolition Man. I'll freeze someone and then they'll exist in the future. So that's how I'll be there.

Because I can't time travel yet. What are the ways I can get around that system? Oh, yeah. What are the ways I can get around that system? Right. So, like, when you do the teleportation thing, or at least when you get closer and closer to it, planes have gotten faster, so we're getting closer. Eventually, we're going to have teleportation. And the closest thing we have to that is that fucking monorail shit that Musk was building.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was like a magnetic strip that allowed you to go, like, thousands of miles per hour or something like that. Like, how late? And you were working, like, 90 minutes or something crazy like that? And, like, yeah, yeah. It was like a magnetic strip that allowed you to go like thousands of miles per hour or something like that. Like, how late in New York? Like 90 minutes or something crazy like that? Like, think about that. That's insane. Like, if you describe that to me and you.

Yeah. In our childhood, we would say that's virtually time travel. Yeah, or teleportation. Or teleportation. And then time travel is just on the other side. Right? So it's like we're getting close to that. On the other side.

That's, right? So it's like, we're getting close to that. I would not be surprised if in our fucking lifetime, you will see not teleportation, but a way of transporting something so fast that it didn't disappear and reappear, but it traveled on track or something. Yeah. But it traveled so fast that it just almost was disappear, reappear. I know that sounds crazy. Could be.

Right? The speed at which shit is going is mind-blowing right now. Right? Yeah. Look how fast internet has changed. Remember when we would first upload something two years ago?

Imagine upload speed on YouTube two years ago, Alex. To upload speed from your crib right now with your super... Yeah. It's not shocking to me that we'll be in time travel or at least hold time still mode. Right. Crazy shit, right?

Oh, I'm telling you it's all going at a speed that's like alarmingly fast. So it's like knowing that we got to start thinking beyond this this basic shit that we're operating in. I think that's the only way to innovate is we have to think beyond where we're going. Instead of improving the things that we have right now, we have to think about what is past the things we have right now. I think that's the only way to innovate in the industry. What is past it? Like when we talked about what Al Tucker was talking about, but when he talked about Philly,

like they monitored everybody's heart rate and everything like that, and they found the best play to call when everybody was this tired and all that kind of data crunching shit like that. That's how we got to be thinking. That's what we think about podcasting, stand-up up that's what we got to think about every single thing how what are we doing that is isn't even done yet right how do we make shit obsolete how do we make how do we make you look at a

podcast the way we're doing it right now and be like oh y'all are still doing it i say oh speaking of aisle tucker um we were in a taxi me and mark what the fuck was that so he has an ad that pops up in new york city taxis it's just a picture of him he's like should i change my profile picture yes or no and then it says text this number yes or no data collection so he's just doing straight data mining. Straight data mining in every cab in New York City. Yeah, he's not stupid. Crazy. He's not stupid.

And it's like a big picture of his face. Like it's a little silly. So it's like most people, like it caught my attention. Yeah. And I'm like, smart. Smart. But then again, you have a data list of a bunch of fucking idiots that are willing to comment on a picture. Still.

Still. Still. It's valuable. It's valuable. They say now data is more valuable than oil. I don't know how the fuck you measure that, but. Because we're going to run out of oil. We're not going to run out of people.

That's true. Or we're going to transition from oil to some other shit. We ain't going to transition out of people. Yo, did y'all hear that uh trump is trying to buy greenland no that'd be so lit that's the most boss move son that's not the most boss move son that's so stupid i fucking love it dude and i was telling alex like it's been a long time since like white people we bought people so we're like getting antsy. You know what I mean? So it's like, and I think that's the move.

He's like, where are there people that no one gives a fuck about that are like insignificant, Greenland, 50,000 people. 50,000? And you're buying whites, bro? Pure whites. Pure whites. Full grown white stuff? Pure blood whites.

Pure blooded white. That's like a? Pure blood white. Pure blooded white. That's like a blue nose pit bull in the hood, bro. Dog. You guys, as a black man in America, you don't want your tax dollars to go to buying white people? Let's be honest. That'd be ill, dog. Wouldn't that be reparations? What if we let black people do whatever they want with the Greenlanders?

That's your slave. Now you're talking. Now you're talking. We buy Greenland and instead of 50 acres and a mule, you get 50,000 whites to do whatever you want. That's alright. You get your own personal white slave to make you fucking lattes or whatever it is they do.

Bro, you could bring them wherever y'all want, make them milly rock against each other, laughing them, put them up on Worldstar. Tell you about all the good brunch spots. Dog! We would just make Greenland Atlanta, and they would be our Mexicans. What? Wait, you're going to go all the way to Greenland to be gay?

Ha! To be gay. But just make it Africa. Just be like, ah, we over there. Y'all can't handle the cold, bro. Let's be honest with you. You're not going to go over there with that cold shit. We're trying to bring you pure white blood slaves for all black people in America.

That's a wild sentence right there. What? It's like having your own Targaryen, son. You have a Targaryen, bro. Real talk, bro. Think about this, Al. Think about this. So stupid.

What would you have a white slave do, Alex? He's so good at just pivoting the fucking rules. Dude, what would you do? You get your own white slave. Okay. Okay? What would you name it? Yeah, you get to name it.

There's going to be a lot of mixed kids running around in future generations blaming Alex. What would you name? You get a name it. There's going to be a lot of mixed kids running around in future generations blaming Alex. What would you name? You get a white slave. We deliver. We deliver you a white slave. Oh, my God. They're delivered by white people, too. It's an apology.

It comes with, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Here you go. I'm sorry. They come in a beautiful wooden box. Okay? Why wooden? Huh?

Why wooden? Well, while we're fucking up the environment we might as well just fuck it all up you know what i'm saying so we deliver your white in a box open it up you upon opening up you get to name it first name you got one of these like he or she it could be male or female stupid ass european name and you're like nah i can't pronounce it yeah bjordiken-Bordiken? We don't want none of that shit. Give it a name. What do you want it to? Oh, man. It is a man.

What about Wango? It's white Django. Spell with a J. You live him on the front. Okay, go. What are you thinking? Amistad. Amistad?

Yeah. Yo, you know what I would call my white slave if I was black? What? I would call it pay black. Like payback, but it's pay black. Payback is a bitch. It would be the whole sentence. Payback is a bitch. It would be the whole sentence. Payback is a bitch.

Come over here and tie my Timberlands. Dude, I'm so supportive of this. Make Greenland white slaves. Give them to black people. That'd be making America great again. Would that not make America great again? Think about the people who want to make America great again. What do they really just want?

What do they want? Slaves. Wait, is that what they want? Yeah. Well, then why are they kicking out the Mexicans? Bro, that got the best thing. Isn't it way better to just have minimum wage and then you don't have to feel like a slave owner? That's way better than slavery.

You get to feel like a good person and you're paying almost a slave wage. This is a best case scenario for everybody. It's none of the business owners that have those minimum wage people that want to kick them out. Fact. It's none of them. You're right. Yeah. Okay.

Back to this slave proposition. White slaves. You get your own white slave. would you buy more than one or just you get one for free and then there's going to be an open market for purchase so i'm thinking how much a white woman would go for on the fucking auctions oh my god are you kidding every ugly minority on earth to be trampling each other to go pay top dollars for a nice purebred white slave. Unblogged. She has not written a blog in her fucking life, dog. She don't mind GMOs?

No Twitter. Nothing. They don't get access to shit. No opinions. You get them early. You can't pay for them in U.S. dollars, though, because that is illegal. You can't buy slaves on the U.S. So you got to pay for them in black cultural things. Like four Popeye's chicken sandwiches for one penelope that's how it goes that's steep that's a steep price right there

nah you give it you give him at least 12 dallas bbqs margaritas At least Son of Alex Alex Alex really considering this You might have convinced me Can I get one Pop-Pot Chicken Sandwich One Pop-Pot Chicken Sandwich One Pop-Pot Chicken Sandwich

Go once, go twice I got two Pop-Pot Chicken Sandwich Two Pop-Pot Chicken Sandwich Four Jordan's on layaway I got four on layaway right now Four Jordan's on layaway Give me four Jordan's on layaway Four Jordan's on layaway! I got four on layaway right now! Four Jordans on layaway, give me four Jordans on layaway, four Jordans on layaway, does anybody have, does anybody have a white Toyota Corolla?

Does anybody have a white Toyota Corolla? Does anybody have a white Toyota Corolla? Missing one hubcap, does anybody have a white Toyota Corolla? Missing one hubcap, going once, going once, going twice, I got a white Toyota Corolla twice, does anybody have it? Does anybody have it? I have a closet full of throwbacks! Closet full of throwbacks!

Haven't been in one since 2006! Closet full of throwbacks, it? I have a closet full of throwbacks. Closet full of throwbacks. I've been doing it since 2006. Closet full of throwbacks. I got closet full of throwbacks. Every bootleg DVD you want. I got a bootleg DVD. I got a bootleg DVD. Go in once.

Can anybody be in a bootleg DVD? Can anybody be in a bootleg DVD? Can anybody be in a bootleg DVD? Can anybody be in a bootleg DVD? Can anybody? I can go in once. Go in twice. Can anybody be in a bootleg DVD?

Can anybody be in a bootleg DVD? I got nothing to believe me? Going once, going twice. Can anybody be able to believe me? Can anybody be able to believe me? I got nothing. I'm out. Going once, going twice. Somebody else contribute. Can anybody be able to believe me? Can anybody be able to believe me? Going once, going twice.

Going three times. Can anybody be able to believe me? Can anybody be able to believe me? Can anybody be able to believe me? I got a mistake collection. Going once Going Twice

Going Three Times I got Off-White Jordans That's more of a Caucasian thing I'm gonna be honest You got Off-White Jordans I thought we were gonna come up with more

Are you trying to say black people can't afford Off-White Jordans? I didn't go there. I just think they don't care about it as much. That's a hipster sneaker. I said mixtapes. I was out. Nah, we were fucking so close. Wait, so Alex, how many slaves would you own?

I'd be cool with one. Or maybe two. Like two guys and I'd force them to buttfuck each other. Wait, what? Like two guys and I'd like force them to fuck each other He's sitting there in his Birkenstocks on Chuckling is some sunflower seeds is going no Yo pause The strawberry lemonade Bro we needed that

Damn change Alright, what would you make the white slaves grow for you? Grow? Yeah, like if you were having white slaves work a plantation What would they be growing for you? Son They can't grow shit Like kale maybe

What do you guys eat? What do you got? No, but you guys need us to grow shit They can grow anything you want They can have a chicken farm White people, we can grow things What can you grow? They, but you guys need us to grow shit. They can grow anything you want. They can have a chicken farm. White people, we can grow things. What can you grow? They can grow vegetables for vegetable oil that you fry the chickens in.

We could grow resentment for upward mobility of minorities in America. We could grow that real good, yo. That's good Damn son Y'all so lucky Y'all about to get Your white slaves Damn

That's nice Yo I feel like Akash is actually mad That he's not gonna get His white slaves Nah bro I'm good I would be happy To see Black people

Voting for Trump So they can have More white slaves Imagine Oh my god If you were to have A slave Akash They see black people voting for Trump so they can have more white slaves. Imagine. Oh, my God. If you were to have a slave, Akash. Go on.

Funny you ask. If you were to have a slave, Akash. Pakistani. I was going Akash Pakistani I was gonna I was gonna ask How Pakistani would he be? Oh the most dog The most The most

You think that they would make the best? No I think they'd make my favorite Shit Oh man They'd actually be terrible slaves Oh, man. They'd actually be terrible slaves, always having to fucking pray seven times a day, crouching in a corner.

God, that's an excellent point. Wearing all them hot-ass clothes, bruh. Get out of here, son. That's an excellent point. Nice-ass haircuts, though. Okay, I would like to know, Eden, what? cuts though okay i would like to know edin um what no you don't get to have slaves bro you're not legal here bro you need to be an american before you can have some slaves dog come on now come on

what messians got mad because slaves were taking all their jobs kicking her drool other jobs. Kicking her through. Today is a very depressing day for me. I love my job as a headbutt boy

because the pinches left the green line coming to take my job. I was a headbutt boy for so long and then the fucking climate change coming and making melting all the green rain. And now they hear a headbutt boy working for free.

How you working for free? I wish the world didn't melting. The world melting and now I have no job, now I no head butt boy, now I no regular butt boy, now I no bod. I walking all the way to this country for nothing now. I wish I could be a slave like him. A slave taking

all his good job. Now what I'm going to do? What I'm going to do? I'm just going to sit outside a bodega drinking Corona. Oh my man. Guys, are we off the rails yet or what? Oh, man.

We're off the rails. How long we been doing, Ed? About two hours. Oh, my goodness. We have to wrap this up, Akash. Oh, my God. I have to also pay another bill. Oh, my God.

So many things are happening. Oh, man. I think I'd make my slave go to the hood and just walk up to people saying the N-word. Oh wow. Alex is ready for this. Alex is the most ready. Whoa.

Right? That'd be good. You like Leonardo DiCaprio and Django, son. Yo, all you got to do is ask somebody what they would do with their slave to completely understand slave wars. Like, it took Alex one minute before he was just trying to get his slave's ass kicked. But then you got to pay for your slave to be better so he could do your slave shit.

Nah. Why? Well, you don't want your slave to be injured because then he can't do your slave stuff. Oh, yeah, that's right. You actually want your slave to be healthy. That's right. I didn't think that far. You know, you got to pay your slaves health care.

They're slaves. Yeah. You want to get work out of your slave, right? Your slave isn't just like your buddy, right? You want them working. That's where walking off came from. What? That was the first health care for black people.

That's so funny. That's the flagrant thought of the week. Oh, my God, son. Walk It Off was the first health care. Oh, shit. Anyway, y'all, we're going to insert that ad earlier. You guys will notice it Cause there'll be a little You know

Interruption In this lovely dialogue But um We're also gonna talk about Some dates and stuff earlier But uh Well you already know that Because you've reached

The end of this episode It got really crazy It got off the rails It got flagrant Because that's exactly What the fuck we do But we appreciate y'all So much man

Obviously thoughts and prayers Out to the man Kaz. Congratulations out to the man Akash and Wifey, or soon to be Wifey. Things are happening. Good things in the air. I'm very excited. We're all very excited. Can't wait to share some news with y'all.

But just know good things are cooking out in the atmosphere's flagrancy. Let's just put it that way. Just put it that way. There's been another episode. I can't speak at the end of this shit, man. There's been another episode of Flagrant 2. No easy buckets.

Make sure you keep it tight. God bless. Peace.