Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - WHAT’S GAYER?! 2 Dads or 2 Moms? | Exclusive Patreon Clip

Episode Date: December 24, 2021

This week's exclusive Patreon clip comes from our episodes where Patrons were able to send in questions and get them answered during an episode! Join the Flagrant 2 Patreon and receive a free episode per week! Join the Patreon Asshole Army: http://bit.ly/2xQwHYf Flagrant 2 is a comedy podcast that delivers unfiltered, unapologetic, and unruly hot takes directly to your dome piece. In an era dictated by political correctness, hosts Andrew Schulz and Akaash Singh, along with AlexxMedia and Mark Gagnon, could care less about sensitivities. If it’s funny and flagrant it flies. If you are sensitive this podcast is not for you. But if you miss the days of comedians actually being funny instead of preaching to a quire then welcome to The Flagrancy. #AndrewSchulz #AkaashSingh

What up people, Shultzy here and you guys are about to listen to a clip from our weekly Patreon episode. If you want to sign up to our Patreon, support the flagrancy, support what we are doing, completely uncensored, flagrant content, you go to patreon.com slash flagrant2. With no more interruptions, here is the exclusive clip. Let's keep it short and sweet. What's gayer? Two moms or two dads? Two dads.

Two dads. Not even close. Yeah, yeah. Girls aren't gay. Yeah. Unless, what if it's two butch moms? Not gay. Cargo shorts.

Not gay. Two butch moms versus two flamboyant gay dudes. I think women trade gay for company. Wait, what? Like I said,. I think women trade gay for company. Wait, what? Like I said, I think sometimes women trade gay for company. Like they'll just be like, or trade in their heterosexuality just for company. Okay. You know, it's like the majority of your day is not fucking. Yeah.

But it might be, you know, hanging out with somebody, being with them, enjoying that time. And then the commitment to fuck a girl. Yeah. It's not that much investment, right? Yeah. When does it end? Whenever. Yeah.

Like, it's just like the whole thing is for the girls already doing the foreplay. Yeah. I can do sex on a timer. Just be like, yo, let's do five minutes of sex. Let's do three minutes of sex. Who cares? That's fine. It is what it is yo it's not invasive let's do three minutes of sex who cares that's fine it is what it is it's not invasive like you have to deal with family scrutiny maybe but like

maybe you're already dealing with this you're like who gives a fuck now with that being said yeah which would you rather have two moms or two dads oh wow that's tricky honestly be please do please butch moms Two moms yo I might go two dads Cause I'm thinking Two lesbian moms Raising me I'm like

I don't know I feel like As a guy I want two dads I would want one butch mom Because she's gonna Overcompensate And be like

Big on me Watching sports with me And all that other dad shit Yeah And then play catch with me Cause she's gonna Overcompensate As what a woman thinks a man is.

Fire? I'd rather get raised by a man, even if he's super flamboyant. I'm like, all right. At least he's still a dude. You know what I mean? I disagree. Butch mom, regular lesbian. Yeah, I'm thinking two moms.

Yeah, thinking two moms. It'd be so loving. It'd be so loving. It'd be so loving at home, dude. So caring. Two butch lesbians? You think that's going to be more loving than two flamboyant dads? Yeah, absolutely. Babies will break the toughest dyke.

They'll be breaking them, bro. Also, two dads, they adopted that kid. They picked one out. They wanted him. Yeah. Whereas two moms, one was a surrogate. They had to pick which one. It's a whole thing. Yeah, but gay dudes don't want to raise kids they want to be doing meth and

sucking cock fucking dungeons and shit you know what i mean like that's where their brains are whereas like lesbians just want to like they do that's their passion that's their passion dude if there's an underground space where they could suck cocks and do meth or ketamine, that's where they would do it. But lesbians, they want to cohabitate. They want to be around each other. They're cohabitators. Watch fucking shows together. Just grow old together.

I think it would work better. I do think it would work better. Yeah, I agree. I don't know if they'll make it. I don't know. I think that lesbians, I think they could be like Fast lovers And then like break up quick But if it was like

A real strong lesbian couple Like one of them Old timey lesbian couples Like forever Like maybe they start Old timey lesbian couples Yeah like they started A time where they had

To just be homies And then it became Okay to be gay But before that They were just homies Yeah they made it Through all that Oprah and Gayle

You want an Oprah and Gayle There we go That's what you want I honestly think so I think the household stable with more stable to do what your dad's going out date night come back fucking like all these different color lipsticks on her dick Fucking rainbow Fucking yeah

And that neither of those dicks are you you're adopted yeah Dad's dick, dog? You don't see double dad dick, dude. That's crazy. Yo, that's crazy. And neither of those dicks are you. You're adopted. Yeah. So now you're just seeing stranger dicks. That's just me and my homies kicking it. Like, that's just me and two guys. The locker room. I guess.

Yeah, we're just hanging out. Nah. I don't know, B. Whereas you got to be the man of the house. It's not even close. Dove, Miles, what do you think? You don't got to worry about your parents fucking you, neither, if you're lesbians. What? Because they don't like guys. But dudes, Miles, what do you think? You don't gotta worry about your parents fucking you neither if you're lesbians. Because they don't like guys.

But dudes, they like guys. And they just raised the perfect one. You know what I mean? They groomed you. Yo, they done groomed you. Hey, I don't think it would happen. And I'm not saying this is what gay people do. Matter of fact, I don't think gay people do this, but it could happen. It can't happen with the gays.

But what do lesbians have sex with? Dildos? And they're like, hey, there's a real dildo in our house. They got 10 dildos right here. You know what I mean? Get to Spider-Man in. I don't think they need you. It's not as bad of a dildo.

It's not as bad as what you can get your dick sucked by a girl. Imagine this. You in some fucking ketamine. What is that shit called? Ketamine? Kettlehole. You're in a K-hole. You're in a K-hole.

Imagine your dad's come home there in some deep, dark K-hole, and they just stuff in your mouth with dicks. That could happen with lesbians. No, they don't have dicks to stuff your mouth with. What if they come back from the farmer's market, and they're like, man, we got to just get a dick in here, and you have one. Yeah, but then it's gone inside of them.

That's possible. Big deal. You're fucking a lady. Yeah, but that's your mom that actually gave birth to you surrogate style. That's way weirder. Nah, that is weirder,

but she would never do that. But then you just back to where you were. That's not even sex. That's just rewind. Yo, if you fuck your mom, that's rewind. It's birthright. It's birthright.

It's birthright. We going home, baby. I've been to this place before. Going back to the promise rewind. It's birthright. It's birthright. That's birthright. We going home, baby. I've been to this place before. Going back to the province. Like a Native American. Hell yeah. Gotta find you a shit you left there. You're like, I love that shit.

Let's go. Fuck your mom. Run it back. You never want to run it back. Feet first. What's that thing called when you come out feet first breach breach all right guys we're gonna take a break from this exclusive patreon clip you can get the whole episode at patreon.com slash flagrant too but i gotta tell you how to get your mental health

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Okay, so whether you're struggling with anxiety, depression, self-doubt, anything else, Talkspace gives you access to the help you need to move forward. Okay, so you can join Talkspace today and start moving forward with a single message. Just visit Talkspace.com and get $100 off your first month when you use the promo code flagrant at the signup. That's $100 off at Talkspace when you use the promo code flagrant at the sign up. That's $100 off at Talkspace.com with the promo code flagrant. Now let's get back to this exclusive Patreon. Hey, what do we got? What up, flagrant 2-ish? Just wondering, what is the hardest drug you've ever taken?

And when and what was the best high or trip you've ever had? Ooh, I know your answer unless it was Burning Man. The hardest drug I did was, oh God, what is the prescription painkiller that they give you? Vicodin, Oxycontin,

Ketamine. Propofol. No, no, no, no, no. It's similar to maybe Propofol, but it's like Fentanyl. No, no, no.

Like you're basically on your deathbed they give it to you so morphine morphine milk of the poppy milk of the poppy yeah no morphine i did i'm pretty sure i was put on morphine when i had extreme back pain in college oh shit i like pulled my back do you remember i used to pull my back and i'd be fucked up for like weeks at a time do you remember this at all? How'd you get a back pain? I just pulled my back. Getting it blown out? Just got your back blown out?

Getting that shit blown out? I had my back blown out. Wait, how'd you hurt your back? This happens to me all the time. You guys have probably seen me fucked up like this. There's something with the left side of my back. The muscles are tight or something like that. I don't know what the fuck it is.

That's the same thing. Okay, go. Every time my back hurts, it's the left side and my lower back. Along your spine? It's like on the inside left side me too guys in lower lower yeah i'm upper oh okay but problem is for me and i'm sure you do the same movement and whatever the movement is it exacerbates that issue that you have so i

have like this tight left side so when i would play basketball if i jump up to block a shot or jump to get a rebound really quick, it stretches the muscle. The muscle already doesn't stretch that much. And then it contracts more. Boom. And then the next day you feel off. I'm done for a week to two weeks. Yeah.

Cannot do anything. Can't even move. First time it happened, I was fucked up. And I was on that morphine, boy. That shit was fire, man. It was the best feeling I've ever had in my life. Really? Yeah.

It felt like, I think someone described it. I don't want to take credit for it, but it was just like the best hug you've ever gotten. I think people said heroin. And it's basically heroin. I felt so warm, so cozy. It was just unbelievable. That's so great. Yeah, I'm thinking about it even right now.

Yeah. Yeah. So that was the hardest drug I ever did. Yeah. Akash? CBD. No, I did propofol. I was in the hospital one time.

They put me on propofol. You did the Michael Jackson shit? Son, that shit was amazing, dude. Really so happy i was texting everybody i knew how much i loved them but like also in an honest way like uh i texted the wild and out thread that i was on like god you guys are so talented i love y'all so much they don't pay y'all shit man y'all deserve better and i was like i texted my wife at the girlfriend at the time you're so sweet i love you so much you annoy me sometimes but you're the best dude i love you i was telling everybody i loved him but also like shitting on him a little bit you're lucky you didn't get those

you didn't text your girl like girl you don't get paid enough you deserve better she's like yeah you're right you are right i was so happy dude it was why i missed the flagrant episode and i wanted to call in but i think when I called, you guys didn't answer at the time. Y'all were like recording. Right. And I wanted to just fucking be high on the podcast.

It was so funny. That would be fire. All right, Mark, what about you? I guess... I don't know what hardest means. Like... Come on. I mean, like,

I smoked weed, drank alcohol, and then did Molly one time. Yeah, yeah. You did Molly one time. Mushrooms? You did mushrooms? Oh, yeah.

I did half a little chocolate but i didn't feel that at all they don't really do anything molly is pretty hard yeah what counts as hardness though molly to me it's illegal uh well it's how illegal is molly illegal legal so i mean so it's a stage what is it like actual one schedule one well isn't weed also scheduling i don't know but yeah yeah Molly's harder Can you die from it Can you die from weed Alcohol I guess you could die from That's hard

Yeah But I get weird Because in my mind Hardness is like intensity So like Yeah Like you do like

Coke It's like super intense Like your heart's beating crazy Like Have you done coke No But like that's what it looks like You're like sweating

It's like anxious Yeah I don't know Like you do other drugs Like you trip you just aren't even on earth anymore DMT and shit. I'm like I don't know to me. That's hard Yeah, I remember I watched one of my childhood like one of my best friends growing up He got more and more drugs he did coke in front of me and he's like dude You got to try it. It's like instant coffee, and I was like buddy. I'll just drink coffee like what are you talking about?

You know we have instant coffee But yeah, I just don't feel like me being like yo i love all my friends was like i wouldn't describe that experience as hard being like i love everyone why is there war like that wasn't a very uh hard experience dove mushrooms at my wedding no mushrooms and molly those are happy drugs it doesn't feel hard right i i tried acid once jeez brazil that's good never thought i'd ever try it and i did it but i did a super dose because my friends did the same dose but they had done it before and when you know what to expect you can handle it i didn't know that you truly

leave planet earth and i went to it's like you're in reality and then all of a sudden you're in the upside down and it's just it's either everyone's against you or it's amazing visuals are insane so if you try to like close your eyes it's like get out of what you're seeing in the real world you're just on this like you know that cat meme that throws up like a rainbow you're just on that and it lasts it's not a two-hour trip it's like 10 to 12 hours like you get exhausted from there but then when i'd come back in reality like most insane visuals ever but just uh i would never do that again unless it was smaller dose and guided or something but that duration sounds too long other than that sounds lit shrooms sound lit i'm interested in

shrooms i almost did them at your wedding when they had the little capsule yeah i was like yeah i don't know if i'm ready yet but i was was like, that seems fun. Yeah, he means my bachelor party. Yeah, but it might happen at the wedding, too. So it wasn't my bad. Yeah, I don't know if I would do Molly again anytime soon, though. Really? I'm doing it at the wedding. What are you talking about? Why?

Why? You were the worst on Molly. Fucking buzzkill Mark over here on Molly. Well, I know this is just a series of interactions in my brain right now making me feel good. Overanalyzing the joy and love he was feeling. That's how I am with everything. The first time I ever drank alcohol, I did it with milliliter droplets

to measure how much alcohol I was drinking to know how I was feeling per milliliter of alcohol. You just gotta let it go. I know there's just my synapses firing in my brain. I don't want to be out of control. I want it to be measurable. It freaks me out. Just let the feelings feel, bro. Where was it that he did Molly? At the bachelor party.

Yeah. That's not good, Molly, bro. What did I do? If you're going to do Molly, let it hit you on the grass. You really need to feel it. That shit hit me on my ass. I was out. Yeah, eating lasers.

Yeah, I was eating lasers, dog. Yeah. And he didn't eat it. He tasted it. He told me after. He's like, bro, that laser was fire. Cherry, dude. Cherry. Cherry laser. Yeah. And he didn't eat it. He tasted it. He told me after. He's like, bro, that laser was fire. Cherry, dude. Cherry.

Cherry laser. Cherry laser, dude. It was sick. Halls. It was a cherry hall. I remember the next morning, he just said, I feel my brain recovering. Yeah. It was bad.

If there was ever an idea for an NFT. Oh, did I tell you about this? That I bumped into the drum player? Yeah. I told you. No, somebody else told me. You didn't tell me. I bumped into Navdeep, I think his name is. Yeah, Navdeep, yeah. Yeah. No, somebody else told me. You didn't tell me. Navdeep, I think his name is.

Yeah, Navdeep, yeah. Yeah, Navdeep. I bumped into him at the Amex lounge in Mexico City Airport. Yeah, that's so wild, dude. And I was so fucking emotionally and mentally depleted

from the drugs that we've been doing. I didn't know how to hold a conversation. So I walked up to him and I was like, hey, man, what's going on? And I'm looking for a

drum i don't even see the drum i'm like i'm like please let this guy be the fucking dude they had no bottles of water in the amex lounge and i'm like i'm not about to get sick drinking fucking tap water right before i leave mexico fuck that i'm on a flight for five hours it's the worst amex lounge that makes the shit was. I'm sweating. Yeah, I'm sweating. I walk up. I say hello. And him and his boy who are like really sweet, like start a conversation. They're like so nice.

And they like stand up. Now, I'm not in the position to have a conversation with any human in this moment. Like I'm literally falling apart. Like, like seriously. And at one point in the middle of him talking, I just go, yeah. I just take my head and I bend it down to avoid eye contact. Are you trying to retreat in the turtle shell? Say what? I'm sorry, I just retreated.

Yeah. I go, yeah, I got to sit back down. I don't have to sit back down. That's the least necessary thing that you ever do in life is sit down. And I just left the conversation. I go, do you guys think I have water here? And then I just went and I sat. And we haven't spoken since.

You said it was your bachelor party, though, right? Yeah, did I say wedding? If you told them it was your bachelor party, they knew what was happening. They're like, ah, he fucked up. Is he coming to your wedding? Yeah, yeah, he's gonna come

to the wedding. Hell yeah, dog. I'll fly him out, bro. Definitely not. Not at all. He's my plus one. I'm not gonna lie, that'd be fire.

That'd be so fire. That would be so fucking fire. I'd be fucked up. It's not gonna be traditional. I mean, it will be traditional, it. I'm not going to lie. That'd be fire. It'd be so fire. That would be so fucking fire. I fucked up. It's not going to be traditional. I mean, it will be traditional. It's just a different tradition. Yeah. That'd be sick.

You should absolutely come in your garb, though. I'm doing it. That's so cool. I just got to get, find a new outfit, and that takes, I got to find time to do that. Bro, it could be the same outfit, dog. I don't remember what you wore. Yeah. I promise, dude.

And nobody at my wedding remembers. I could wear the shit I wore at Robbie's wedding, for sure. Yeah, but no sneakers though, son. Come here with some fucking Jordans and shit. Come on, bro. I guess you could do that. I want people to express themselves. Yeah, dude.

It's Burning Man for a wedding, right? Kind of, but fancy. Okay. Christopher Poi. It's Bougie Man. Bougie Man, exactly. Anyway, yeah, that's a good question. What's up, asshole?

And I got one question for y'all. Yeah, exactly. Anyway, yeah, that's a good question. What's up, asshole? And I got one question for y'all. If you had to cut off your meat to gain one superpower of your choosing, what would it be? To grow a dick back. For sure. To grow a bigger dick.

For sure. To grow a bigger dick. If I could grow a five-inch dick, that'd be fire. Yo, that's a great answer, bro. Five-point superpower if you grow a dick back. 100%. Oh, shit. That's a great answer bro And shit One superpower If you grow a dick 100% Oh shit That's funny

One Wait It's One superpower But you gotta cut off your dick You know what's funny Is you could just say If you could have a superpower

What would you want But this guy's like You gotta cut your dick off To get it Nah You gotta What is that That's gotta make it worth it

Yeah Yeah It's like a life for a life Remember when he needed that life stone And he dropped his bitch From the balcony He dropped his daughter It wasn't even his daughter

Everybody made a big deal about that He stole that bitch when he killed half her family On her earth or whatever Her planet So it's like Just kill her I don't understand why that was such a big deal I was super emotional about that was such a big deal.

Like, I was super emotional about that. I was like, yo, this crazy about to kill his daughter, but it's not his daughter. He just stole her. Green bitch. Yeah. Right? And then he did. Right?

He stole her and then he killed her so he could get what he wanted. Yeah. Fucked him up. Y'all never stolen some shit? And then killed it? The life for a life thing? Yeah, life for a life. You said that to me in like a serious moment. It's like you killing Sabi. What? it's like you killing sabi what it's like you killing sabi you stole her from her family you wouldn't kill her can i be honest with you though

what would you don't be honest no no no can we talk about what would you kill your dog that's a great question oh no no no dog in order to get moment of silence from your wife? Would you do that? Not having to walk the dog one time? Nah, it'd be too much crying. I couldn't even get that. That's facts. That's facts. Now, what would you kill your daughter, daughter? What would you kill your dog in order to get? Yo, nothing, dog.

Nothing? What would you kill your dog? I watched a really fucked up video yesterday on Reddit of a dog attacking another dog. Just like walking down the street of Santa Monica. They're walking by each other crime one dog crazy and the one dog just fucking latches onto this golden retriever and will not let go and there's 20 people standing around all like just sort of doing that bystander effect of not helping i ain't helping and but the guy who's got the golden retriever is just like yo get your dog off and the woman's holding her

other dog just it won't let go it's's just fucking in. It's mangled. It's awful. I would kill the other dog. If I own the golden, I'm absolutely murking your dog. Son, that's why I'm getting a gun, bro. Somebody lunges at Happy. Let's go. Dude, I'm killing your dog if your dog's hurting mine.

I want you little chicken wing ass dog, bro. Come on. There's bigger dogs out there. I don't trust that couchcouch with a blaster. Yeah. You with a blaster might be crazy. Remember when you wanted to do steroids? You still had to do work in order for them to shit. But now you're going to have the gun.

That's the ultimate steroid. First of all, I got the steroids. They got confiscated at the border. Thank you. But you never ran it back. You never got it again. Nah. Somebody talked me out of it.

You let the border stop you? Nah. Another. Yo, a bigger guy than Jordan talked me out of it. Nah, another... Yo, a bigger guy than Jordan talked me out of it. Really? Yeah. The Indian wrestler,

Jinder Mahal. That's how you do advice? Like a babushka talk? Yeah, 100%. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, 100%. He said, don't do it. Whatever.

As soon as you get off, you'll lose whatever gains you make. He's like, I've done it. A jacked Indian told you not to get jacked? Yeah. It seemed like it worked out for him. That's what I'm saying.

This guy's mad jealous. He's a motherfucking WWE champion. Yeah. He didn't want competition He was very convincing when he said it He was like, don't, I'm telling you Everything good that happened to him in his life happened because of steroids He's got nice titties and abs Yeah, like, hello?

No brainer