Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - White Boy Fun

Episode Date: October 25, 2019

This week Andrew, Akaash, and Kaz discuss: Kaz's pants being too tight, the craziness of Woodstock 99, switching time zones, what makes you gay, Lakers vs Clippers, the GOAT's opinion on Steph Curry, the flagrant thoughts of the week, and much more. INDULGE!!! Want the full episode? Become a Patron! www.Patreon.com/FLAGRANT2

Let's go flagrant thought of the week, Kaz. Okay, yeah, flagrant thought of the week. We were just talking about it before we went on the air. Tank was on lip service with Angela Yee, and I don't know how this discussion got to where it was, but it ended up with him saying, if you suck two dicks, you're not gay. My flagrant thought of the week

is more like a flagrant question of the week. What's the statue of limitations, I guess, or the limit? How many dicks make you gay? It's a Tootsie Pop. If two dicks don't make you gay. My question is, how many dicks has Tank sucked that he's like, you can suck dicks, plural, you gay My question is How many dicks has Tank sucked That he's like You can suck dicks

Plural And not be gay Listen I think Yo how many dicks Can you suck Before you're gay Before I'm gay

At least eight I'm like That's so It's a good number it's a nice round number you know it's not ten no no that's funny that's like that's funny way

to look at it it's like the cum erodes your straightness like you're so confident in your heterosexuality

you could be sucking these dicks down like Slim Jims be like nothing gonna make me gay but eventually I'm so heterosexuality, you could be sucking these dicks down like Slim Jims. Like, nothing gonna make me gay. But eventually. I'm so heterosexual that I put seven dicks in my mouth. Yeah.

That ninth one, I'm like, oh no. Like seafood. I think I like it. It is like seafood. It's like shrimp. The first time you eat a shrimp, you're like, what the fuck is this? And then, all of a sudden. Odd texture, a little slimy. I don't like putting this. Odd texture, a little slimy. I don't like putting this shit in my mouth.

That's dick. So that's the thing about suck. Okay. We would assume, let's say this. Let's give one dick. You can suck one dick before knowing certainly that you're gay. Whose dick do you suck? You have a bit about this, don't you?

No, I used to have a thing about like, how do you know that you don't like it? Because you haven't tried it. Right, right, right. Like tomatoes or radishes or any of these types of things. Like how do you know that you don't like dick if you truly haven't tried it, right? I mean, I've never eaten a shit sandwich. I know I'm not going to want to eat it. Well, you don't know. Maybe you do.

I think I'm good. You don't know what type of shit. The context clues, the smell, the... Do you know how many horrible smelling foods we eat? Like what? Sushi? I had some Brussels sprouts last night. It was rocking.

Yeah, Brussels sprouts. Sushi we smell like fish. Cauliflower smell like butt. Cauliflower smell like butt. Chitlins look disgusting. I've never ate chitlins before, but I assume they're delicious. All I'm saying is there are certain things that look absolutely awful, but we still do it. Now, if you're interested in doing it, you already know the answer to that question.

Yeah. But we're not talking about interest. We're just talking about it as a physical activity. Got to test the gay. Okay, you go, you suck the dick. Okay. You're like, nah, do not like that, just like I thought. Not gay.

But I have a dick. I have a dick. And I've had women suck my dick. For the rest of your life. Say what? Or rip your bi for the rest of your life. And we don't even really accept bi with dudes. We're like,

nah, you're gay. I don't think there's such thing as bi dudes. But if you just do it one time and never again, I'll let you say your bi for the rest of your life. What about this? Suck your own dick.

Nah, yo. Suck your own dick or you gay. You already jerk off. Suck your own dick or you gay. Didn't Marilyn Manson do that shit? Nah, that was a rumor. Suck your own dick or you're gay. Go. Wait, off. Suck your own dick. Are you gay? No, that was a rumor. Suck your own dick or you're gay. Go.

Wait, what? Suck your own dick. If you suck your own dick, are you gay or are you just jerking off with your mouth? That's a hell of a question. I'm serious. Hell of a question. I mean, we jerk. I'm thinking.

Bro, because if you jerk off another dude. I've got to answer that now. If you jerk off another dude, that's gay. That's what I'm trying to get at. If you jerk off another dude, that's gay. If you jerk off another dude, that's gay, but if you jerk yourself off, you're straight.

So if you suck your own dick, is that gay? It's not gay. It's odd. It's your dick. It's an odd choice. It's something to do with your mouth and your throat. It's honestly impressive.

I emotionally agree with you, Alex. Logically, he's right. Now, real quick. Real quick question. He felt so defeated. Iically, he's right. Now, real quick. Real quick question. If I'm so defeated. Yo, I'm just talking straight logic. If you're sucking your own dick, right, do you swallow the nut or do you pull out and bust on your chest? Oh, my God.

That's too much. That's too much, bro. Do you? You're nasty. Do you? Those are the options. Yo, you're sucking your dick. You could do no cleanup, gobble, gobble, right?

Or you pull out and then you just beat it right down on your chest. Maybe put a little towel over yourself. It's like a lobster bib. It's like you're eating at the boil. It's going to be a messy one. I got the spicy this time. So that's the tricky thing. We see the act of sucking dick as gay or women do it.

So no matter who does the dick sucking, be it you or you do something else, it's automatically gay in our minds. I think it's automatically gay. Now, here's a question. Jerk off a dude. If you do that, is it gay? Yes. Yes. Jokingly, jerk off a dude.

Yes. Yes, it's still gay. Not even if you're like, ah, ha, ha. Ah, crazy. That is so crazy. You gotta ask that question. If you're white, is it gay? Because that's how you guys have fun sometimes.

That's true. If you're black and you share socks with your friend, you're gay. Yeah, that's it. That's facts. If our knuckles touch. Yeah, so you want to wear my socks, bro? Pause, bro. If our knuckles touch, that's gay.

I get flies. Okay, so jerk off. White. White standard of what is gay and what's not gay. Jerk off. Jokingly jerk off. Here we go. Have you done this before? gay and what's not gay. Jerk off. Jokingly jerk off. Have you done this before? No, that's mad gay.

No, but I'm just saying white, I can totally see frat boys doing that shit. I can totally see like, we had a couple of comic buddies. Frat boys do gay shit all the time. Lewis and Big Jay Ogerson straight up made out. There's a video of it. They made out with each other,

tongued each other down at a photo shoot. Did they do that shit just so people can't call them homophobic? And is that gay? If you just want to get out ahead of the PC police. Oh my God. You just got to make out with a dude or jerk off a dude. Nah, you can't just jerk off a dude. You got to suck a dick. Sucking a dick for money.

Is that gay? Yes. Gay for pay. I a question. You gotta suck a dick. Sucking a dick for money. Is that gay? Yes. Gay for pay. I'm sorry. You're gay? No, the act is gay, but are you gay? Yes. Yes.

$100 million to suck dick. Yes. Yeah, I wouldn't be able to live with myself. You're still gay. What do you mean you wouldn't be able to live with yourself? Because it's still very good. They're just the way, like, nah. Damn.

Hold on. This is my favorite thing. Look at the standards. I would never be able to live with myself. $10 billion. Stop it. I'm not playing this game. I'm not justified.

All of a sudden, you can live. All of a sudden, when it gets to the billions, you can live with yourself, right? First of all, when people ask that question, it's like, who's out here giving out $10 billion blowjobs anyway? No, we're not saying it's worth it. What we're saying is there could be somebody. I mean, if I was like one of these. This guy looking at it from the buyer's point of view. I'm like, you know, like, why would you?

I'm saying, I've had blowjobs most of my life. I want you to be gay. So bad. That's how you know none of these billionaires got a sense of humor because the first thing I'd do if I was a multi-billionaire is I would test someone's gangster. I'd be like, yo, remember that game we was playing back in the day? What would you do for a billion dollars? I'm gonna pay up.

Fucking let's see. Let's see what you would do. Drop that chin. You gotta bring it out in cash, though, so he can really see what it's about. You know what I mean? 10 million cash, bro? Briefcases of cash? It's different.

It's a different thing, bro. That's life-changing money. Facts, bro. For one dick, yo. I'm just not looking. 10 billion. Tax-free. One shot in the mouth.

You already admitted. Oh, that's my favorite thing. Yo, that's my favorite thing. One shot in the mouth. When you do this game with people, and then they go, tax-free? You know they already agreed in their head. They're just trying to see exactly how much money they're going to walk away with. And then they got to get that alibi straight.

So when somebody asks them how they got that money, it's like, listen, man, those dicks here. They didn't even tax it, bro. Those girls are tax-free. What am I supposed to say? Nope. I get it. Point is, you would do it. Everybody has a number for dick.

Everybody has a number for dick. You just have a high number. So you're a heterosexual. Akash, your number. Bro, I wouldn't accept money for something I already love. That's a good way to play it, bro. Good way to play it. I'd desecrate a beautiful thing like that.

Bring money into it. You know what I mean? It cheapens it. It's beautiful. It's what it once was. Alright, fair enough. Have you guys ever tried to suck your own dick? Yeah! No. I don't trust

my own flexibility enough. I can't even touch my fucking ankles. It's as far down as I can get. No, I'm talking about when you were a kid. What? When you were a kid. Why are you talking about this young shit? Why everything underage, son? I'm trying to get a job, motherfucker. Everything underage, bro. When you're a kid So you like sucking young

Stop sucking dick once you turn 18 You like that veal So you stop sucking dick once you turn 18. Isn't that interesting? Isn't that interesting? You like that veal. Yo, you think pedophiles like veal? You think, like, everything that they fuck with got to be young? Nah. I don't know if they like eating, but I bet they, like, jerk off to videos of the veal, like, being fed. You know what I mean?

Tied up. Like, that's, like, that's, like, their move. That shit probably on the black web somewhere. Son, that'd be so funny if they only ate baby foods as well. Like baby carrots. They eat baby carrots. They eat like Cornish game hens, you know, like the little chickens. Do you know what I mean? I love a good hen.

Nice and tender. They chew chiclets. Say what? Eggs. My eggs aren't even born yet, though. It's the next level. Yeah. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay. All right. What else we got? What else we got? Let's hop off these dicks. What's worse?

Eating ass or eating a girl out on a period, but she's plugged up? Dog. I eat ass all the time. Hold on. I got one. Hold on. I got one. Hold on. This is good that you brought this up. Is eating a girl's ass different from eating a guy's ass?

It's very different. How so? Have you seen a guy's ass? No, no. They're awful. Stop, stop. Stop, stop. Everything is boarded up.

All it is is the ass comes out through the glory hole, right? It's the ass and some cheeks. It comes out, and the cheeks are waxed. It's completely waxed. Everything. You don't know if it's a girl's ass or a guy's ass or a girl's ass

or a guy's ass there's literally no way to tell that's like saying make it out with a girl versus make it out with a dude eyes closed

like that's the same like it's just so gay no no no but you don't even know right would you rather do that

or suck the dick? Now, here's one little thing. One little difference is this. One little difference is this. That's interesting. Hold on, hold on. Now, look. Wait, could it be either?

Just a question. Just a question. So just the butt cheeks are sticking out through this hole, right? Wait for it. But when you're done eating the ass, right, all of a sudden, he hops up and sticks his ball sack out the hole as well. So the ball sack just hangs out like a turkey neck. So it's just ass cheeks.

It's ass cheeks and ball sack hanging out to prove that you actually hit a dude's ass. But up until then, you didn't know it was a dude's ass. So it's not gay because when you did it, you didn't know it was a dude's ass. It falls like the end of a play. Gobble, gobble. Oh, my God. That's the other thing about eating a dude's ass. It's like making out with a tranny at a club.

That's not gay because you didn't know that it was a tranny. You really thought it was a girl. It's about intent. You know what the thing is. If it's eating the ass and it could be a girl or a guy, or is it just definitively a guy? What? What are you talking about right now?

You are fucking wild, son. I sound like he was trying to work something out of this hair because it is a 50 50 I mean there's no question yeah I got one time I'm going to have a good point a dick is always a guy's dick is a guy's dick you don't know A dick is a God's dick. A dick is a dick.

You don't know. So look. Boom. Period. One million dollars. You got two asses to eat. You got to choose the ass. I'll tell you.

If it's the dude's ass at the end, then balls plop plop and just plop out afterwards. Would you do it? One million. It could be. The price is right where you don't know. You don't know until after. Yeah. It could be a woman's ass. It could be a woman's ass. No could be woman is a woman one is a man

Immaculately clean they look exactly the same right Asian girls ass Asian dudes ass. They look no different from each other For 10 million, I'ma be honest Lego 150,000. No chance. No chance. No chance. It could be a girl's ass. It could be a girl's ass.

No chance. It could be a girl's ass. That's too big a risk. Risk now or reward, bro. It could be a girl's ass, though, dude. That's not it. That's not it. Just don't ask me that.

Yo, yo, yo, yo. Alex Media. Alex Media. Oh, fuck. You had to say that yo Alex Media Alex Media oh fuck you had to say that half a million dollars it's 50-50 yep

yes cause for some or you gay if it's the dude when the balls come out for some reason it's not like eating ass is not as bad

as sucking a dick I don't know why yeah because girls and guys have the same ass it's just an ass at the end of the day. And if you don't know it, it's like kissing a hand. You know what I think it is? It's the act of penetration.

Like, if you're sucking a dick, like, that dick is getting put in your mouth. If you're getting fucked, you're getting fucked. I mean, dicks are just inherently, like, invasive. Yo, Kaz, what's your number, son? You ain't staying out of this. Yo, yeah. My number? Yeah.

Ass cheeks? Minimum. I could roll the dice on 1.5. 1.5 mil? I'm a cheapo. I don't care. I was thinking 2.5, and I was like, nah, that's not quite enough. But at 2.5, I mean, you bring me 2.5 million.

Yeah. Come on. What are you talking about? What are you talking about? He's like, dick. I'm just right in front of your face. I mean, you bring me 2.5 million. Yeah. Come on. What are you talking about? What are you talking about? He's like, dick. I'm just right in front of your face. What are you talking about here? What are you really talking about here?

Put the balls on my forehead. Nothing. Yo, what's up? This is Akash. That was a preview of our Patreon episode. If you want the full thing, go to www.patreon.com slash flagrant2. Join the illest community on earth

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