Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - White Cartel Dealer Explains How To SURVIVE Prison

Episode Date: February 21, 2023

Whats up people, today we have Johnny Mitchell to discuss how he got linked up with the Sinaloa cartel, how he eventually got caught, and how he survived 3 years in federal prison. INDULGE! 00:00 Intro 00:43 Johnny didn’t snitch 01:55 Johnny freelanced for the cartel 03:44 Did anyone try to climb Johnny’s tree? 05:53 Johnny’s first fight in prison 07:35 Different types of jail 08:28 Swedish jail is like summer camp 10:08 Schulz obeys the law because he’s scared of a booty bandits 14:07 Scariest person he met in jail is a dude with a tiny pecker 20:11 Scariest thing about prison is male pattern baldness 22:07 How Johnny became a professional dealer 26:30 Coke is where the money is 29:31 Johnny got robbed while playing Mario kart 35:20 Sinaloa - home of Weed + Speaking Spanish is worse 41:30 Johnny was making $80k a month 46:19 How CNN taught Johnny to traffick drugs 56:31 Everybody wants to be seen, including the cartel 01:01:08 Nobody wants to be the boss anymore 01:03:36 How freelancing led to Fentanyl 01:08:05 Comedy is like drug dealing 01:09:11 Dealing with mafia nepo-babies 01:13:20 Johnny is 0/1 with bribes 01:21:35 Johnny made $1 million selling 01:23:48 Where do you hide that much money? 01:30:33 Laundering money though gifts 01:32:20 Middlemen drug dealers + Business acumen 01:38:51 Embracing your past 01:41:40 How Johnny would start again… 01:46:31 Paying US Border agents + Legalisation 01:55:18 Portland Whites are weird 02:00:09 European Mafias + Bootlegging created Presidents 02:09:13 Crack + crime + overcorrection 02:13:45 Moving guns + Cartels wanted the wall 02:19:17 Narco-states built around Tourism 02:21:36 This is a lonely life + adjusting to civilian life 02:25:45 Moving drugs in prison + Racial lines aren’t as strict 02:33:00 Solitary confinement is torture + time flies in prison 02:40:02 Working in the kitchen + Real camaraderie 02:43:38 Difference between Snitch and Rat 02:45:26 Family impact - mom, dad and Jimmy 02:50:44 Comedy in prison is the best 02:54:53 Every prisoner has a gf 02:56:30 Taliban contacted Johnny for consulting 02:57:41 Being the last bootlegger - “no regrets” 02:59:26 Smashing out Cartel’s girl + Risk taking

What's up everybody, welcome to Flagrant and today we are joined by a nice and charming white kid from Portland that threw it all away to become a drug kingpin, moving weight for the Sinaloa cartel, pushing that shit for the Italian mafia, got locked up, didn't snitch, got out, snitching on everybody. Hell yeah. Give it up for Johnny Mitchell, everybody. Okay, so that is the thing that I was most curious, because obviously I'm seeing all your stuff. We were talking earlier about it, you know, on Shorts,

and I'm watching the YouTube videos, and I'm like, you didn't snitch. You took the time. No, no, they offered me a deal. They came back, like, multiple didn't snitch. You took the time. No, no, they offered me a deal. They came back like multiple times. Like I was in the county jail, locked up, you know, in solitary, and they just send dudes down every week. Like, hey, did you change your mind?

Did you change your mind? There's still time. Like all the way up to the date of my sentencing. And did they know exactly who they were going for? They knew your connect? They knew everything? No, no, no, no. They knew almost nothing.

Okay, that's why. So that's the reason. If they come and arrest you and say nothing, you're fucked. What do you mean? When they just say, come with me, we've got a warrant out, like, you're done. It means they already have an indictment. They have you on a wiretap. They don't need anything from you.

Exactly. But when I got, the day I got arrested, they spent hours interrogating me. That means they don't really know anything. It's like poker. When you have a good hand, you're quiet. And when you're bluffing, you're blustery and loud and talking a lot of shit. Correct. So criminals forget that too, right?

It's like they stumble over themselves trying to talk their way out of it. If they keep asking you questions, it means they've got a nugget. But yeah, like they're trying to get you to spill the beans. So I just clammed up, you know. So you had enough separation between you and the cartels and the mafia. Well, here's the thing. I wasn't working for the cartels. That was just the re-up.

That was just the connect. Yeah, let them know. I don't work for you. I don't know. Y'all work for me. They try to get me to work for them. You're a weed Mexican. You're a freelancer. Yeah, yeah. I don't know. Y'all work for me. They try to get to work for me. Give me my weed, Mexicans. You're a freelancer.

Yeah, yeah. I'm not. That's how that works. That was crazy talking about El Chapo like that. El Chapo, bro. You better relax, bro.

How that's accurate? Are they not Mexicans? But they are. It's a Mexican cartel. Yeah, the way you said it just felt good. That was fucked up that you told them

to meet you at Home Depot, bro. That was crazy. There's other places you can meet them at. Well, that's how I met them. That's how I met the Kinect landscaping. So, no, no, they tried to get me to work for them at one point, though. Oh, really?

Yeah, so I would go. Home Depot did? They reached out? Home Depot reached out. So I would go to them and I'd say, okay, give me like 50 joints. Give me 50 pounds, right? And they saw I was moving it so quick. So they would be like, hey, why don't I give you 50 more? You give you 50 more you no pay you come back yeah you pay me when you bring it

on consignment exactly and i'm like no no no i'm not taking shit from you because there's no way when you're in their debt if something fucks up it's like now i owe you 150 racks okay hold on hold on i got a question about that will they ever give you shit have someone rob their own shit from you so you're now in debt to them no no way

no way they're super logical Mexicans believe it or not just like just like me and you I had no idea these people are just about business

yeah so no no no I mean in Mexico if they want you to smuggle some shit, they might kidnap a family member and be like, you have to mule this across, right? But no, on the state side, no, no, no. It's all just, it's all business.

Okay, I want to get to the beginning of the story, but first, this is the number one question I'm sure you're asked. It's the one that everybody's thinking at home. You're locked up. Yep. You're a pretty little white boy. Thank you. You know what I'm saying?

Oh, it never felt prettier. Never felt prettier in there. But you're a tall tree to climb. Yeah. You know? Yeah, it would take two or three of them. You know? You know what?

Did it? No. Nothing? Unfortunately. You got tried though? Because if it had, I'd have a fucking Netflix special. I'd be the mailmanette, dude. I would be the mailmanette, dude.

I'd be the mailmanette. Come on, stop, dude. Wait a minute. I regret it. Okay, but you're locked up in Oregon. Yeah. Okay. And at no point did they,

is there any? No, no, no, because as soon as I hit the main line in the county jail. They weren't watching old school and getting tempted by the real life version sitting right there in his cell.

No, no, no, because I faded immediately. Like immediate stand up fade is a fight, you know? So it's like, they test you right away. Like you can't even live on the main line, which is the like general population. You have to fight right away. Translate everything. Okay. So if you refused as soon as you like get to county jail, put your things down, you don't even get a chance to eat. You just walk out and you say, who am I fighting? Exactly.

Yeah, and you're in, like, sandals. You're in these plastic sandals they give you. And you knew already that this was going to go down, like somebody told you? Yes, they warned me. The dudes on the chain, as I was getting let in, they were like, this is what time it is. You know, like, to their credit, they were nice. They prepped me. So it was this big fucking skinhead dude. He had just got locked up.

A white wanted to fight you? A white? Yeah. Oh, it's white on white. It's rarely... It's in Portland, bro. That's a good point, Al. Plenty of blacks. Plenty of blacks in the county jail in Portland. Too many? Actually, it might be progressive to say too many.

You know what I mean? Like, it's actually... Yeah, we gotta stop. There are too many. Putting all these blacks in prison's actually... Yeah, we gotta stop. Yeah. There are too many. Putting all these blacks in prison, bro. Yeah, exactly. They're not sangling all this coming from. That's a great point.

What's that, the 14th Amendment? What is it? Yeah, 14th. 13th? Yeah, 13th. 13th Amendment. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We gotta gentrify the prison system, really. Exactly. We gotta move some more white people in there. No, yeah. It's the only place that's diverse in Portland

is the jail. Okay, so this big white motherfucker comes steps to you. Yeah, yeah. And his name is Cameron and he's got, Portland is the jail. Yeah. Okay, so this big white motherfucker comes, steps to you. Yeah, yeah. And his name is Cameron, and he's got, like, the swastika right there, and, you know, it's meth and all that shit. So he walks up, and he fucking, I think I got, like, my paperwork.

Like, I'm sitting at a little desk in the day room, and I'm just fucking making notes and shit, like, looking at what they're charging me with. Like, holy shit, I'm fucked. And he just fucking pushes it off the table and he's like, punk check, you know? And everybody, it's like being in the lunchroom and somebody took your milk in high school

and dumped it all over your sandwich, you know what I mean? So everybody's looking and they're like, you better go, dog. So we just fucking found a little blind spot in the bathroom and I wrapped my knuckles with, like, toilet paper, right? Because I didn't know, I don't know how to fight, you know, but I knew I just had to fucking drop them,

hit them as hard as I could from the jump. It was the only way I was going to have a chance. So we went in there, and we just fucking faded for like a minute. How small is the space? Smaller than the studio? It's about, the bathroom's about this size, and then you just, you just, there's a little corner with no cameras and you just duke it out just one-on-one, like a fair, the fairest fight. And you caught him? Yeah, I caught him. And you said the guard basically. And then he caught me four or five times. Okay. Yeah, he tuned me up. He absolutely

tuned me up. But there was some respect that you actually fought back. Oh, absolutely. Yeah. It's not necessarily about winning, but it's about showing you're not pussy. Exactly. Exactly. Not worth the trouble to, in his video, he said it was over a cinnamon roll. That was, that was a different, that was going to the next jail. Okay. You know? So it's like, by the time I actually ended up getting locked up, like going to prison, I'd been in like four or five fights, been to the hole.

Okay. My security level was like the highest you could be. So next thing you know, I'm in a maximum security prison with killers, and I'm in there over a weed beef. Yeah. You know? But it's like, what was I supposed to do? I had to fight, but that's what kicked my security clearance up. How many different prison systems were you in, including the jail?

So you hit like the holding tank when you first get arrested. Yeah. hit like the holding tank when you, when you first get arrested, then you're in, uh, what, what would be the equivalent of like the, the detention center downtown, downtown Manhattan, like the tombs. And then when you find out you're not getting out, you're not bailing out, you're not taking the deal. So they're not kicking you out. That's when you get sent to like, what would be Rikers, which is long-term County jail holding. Right? So I'm at the Portland equivalent of Rikers, okay? And I was in there for like eight months and, you know, fighting my case, fighting inmates,

all that shit. Yeah. I saw some video where you said, I didn't see sunlight for eight months. I'm like, bro, you're from Portland. We're not about to feel bad for you. You were built for this. Dog.

Oh, my God. It was the summertime, though. You did a light eight months? Yeah, I did 28. 28 days, though. It's cool. I'm sorry, Alex. Sweden.

Sweden. Sweden. No big deal. 28 days in Sweden? 28 days in Sweden. This is the prison outfit they wear there. What did you get locked up for? Just being black?

Yeah, exactly. Pretty much. Wow. He nailed it. That's wild. Being black and fighting a white. What did you get locked up for? Just being black? Yeah, exactly. Pretty much. Pretty white woman. Wow. He nailed it. That's wild. Being black and fighting a white. What the fuck? Caught the fade over the Swedish meatballs and shit, you know?

What do you get locked up for? What is Swedish jail like? It's like summer camp. It sounds like I did it. That shit is so nice. It sounds good. I had my own room, Ikea furniture, TV. He was watching 90 Day Fiance.

Yeah. Amazing. I had this thought as I was listening to your stuff. Jail sounds so awful because you're like clearly a smart dude and you're like,

but you're like, yo, selling drugs is a thing you can do and make money at. But the deterrent is I would get killed in jail immediately. If you're in Europe

where jail's not that bad, there's not really that deterrent. Like, it's almost kind of good jail is as rough as it is in America. Yeah. It's like career criminals that sell and do shit over. Well, that's why, that deterrent. Like, it's almost kind of good jail is as rough as it is in America. It's like career criminals that do shit over.

Well, that's why Europe is like the coke capital right now. That's why everybody, like the cartels, make way more money in Europe. Yeah. You know, if you can get your bricks, like a brick wholesale at the border right now, you know, in America is like 18 grand. Over there, it's like 60. You know? In Australia, it's like 100 wholesale. Over there, it's like 60. You know? In Australia, it's like 100 wholesale. And they love Coke out there.

They love Coke. Why can't they make it in like Cambodia or something like that? Is the climate not right for them? I don't know, because they make heroin down there. Tons of heroin, tons of meth. I don't know. They're figuring it out, though. They probably will.

But it's like, it's wild, man. They got the best and brightest on it. You know what I mean? The R&D. Those Asians will figure it out. The R&D. Those Asians will figure it out. The R&D for heroin. So you go through all these different systems, and every one you got to be thinking,

they're going to try to buttfuck me. Or is that just the regular person's fear? Because my fear about jail is the buttfucking. I saw some locked up shit where the dude was like the booty bandit, and he was talking. I'm sure everybody's seen that clip. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where he was just going around.

He was buttfucking people. So that's like my deterrent. Like that's the reason why I obey the law, for real. It's my fear of butt-fucking. It's not until you go to prison, like the long-term sentences. But if you're in jail,

most of these people are getting out within a year or two. That's the worst. They not butt-fucking. Because they're doing it for the love of the game. You know what I mean?

They're not even doing it for like some... They'll kiss you on the neck, like it's awful. Exactly. That's tough. So maybe that's... Which we can almost respect more. He's not doing it for cup of noodles. He's not doing it for like some... They'll kiss you on the neck. Like, it's awful. Exactly. That's tough. So maybe that's... Which we can almost respect more.

Yeah. You know, he's not doing it for cup of noodles. He's not doing it for cigarettes. No. He just loves you. So I didn't realize this premise almost got him in a fight in the Village Lantern, like, years ago. I don't know if you remember.

He said, the only reason I don't want to go to jail is to buttfuck and otherwise I'm stealing everything. Yeah. Some guy got super offended. Oh, that he was locked up. Started talking shit. And then Andrew was about to go fight him upstairs. And then literally his dad walked up and was like what are you doing son what's going on you remember my dad that was a random dream yeah it feels like a dream so wild now there

was a prison dude i guess they get sensitive about that he called him up he called dad he's like yo dad i got a guy he's waiting for me we gotta fuck up this booty family no but is that a thing that, like, prison dudes are sensitive? Because the second I'm watching your shit and I'm like, yo, two years, if you didn't choose up as part of a gang. No, no. But, I mean, also I was my cellie. Jimmy was a shot caller for the Hells Angels in there. So I really lucked out.

Did he look after you a little bit? Yes, yes. He was my cellmate. And they put me in there, obviously, because, like, I'm the squarest one they're going to put with the roughest dude to try to like deter, you know, they try to keep everybody separate, you know? So he was a big reason I probably didn't get killed. I was worried about the sticking bro. Well, this kind of stick, you know what I mean? Front stick, you know? So I was just, butt fucking was the last thing I was worried about. I swear to fucking God.

I swear to God, dude. 90% of the gay shit that goes on in there is consensual, bro. Consensual. And then they come out and they're like, oh, I was raped or whatever.

No, no. Like these women in Hollywood, right? Jesus Christ. I don't know about you. He's trying to go there. I don't know. What's going on? You're not selling this story to nobody, Johnny.

I'm trying to work, dog. What are you doing to me, bro? God damn, bro. I got felonies and shit I can't get employed already. This guy's trying to put a fucking skin beef on me. God damn, bro. Wow, so the gay shit is consensual. Yeah, we had a saying in there.

Yeah. It was called six months. Six, so the gay shit is consensual. Yeah, we had a saying in there. Yeah. It was called six months. Six months to the gate. That meant if you quit doing gay shit, like me and you were straight, we've been in there maybe 20 years or so, you know, we're getting sweet, we're fucking, sucking, whatever it is.

If we quit doing it six months before we get out, it's not gay, you're good. You go back to your life. Oh, shit. That's hilarious. That's facts. That's hilarious. That's like written into the go back to your life. That's hilarious. That's facts. That's hilarious. That's like written into the fucking rule book, dude.

That is funny. Yeah. What's the logic? Me and Mark could be like, we gotta hurry up, dog. We're getting out of here. You've been on good behavior. You're getting out of here.

Now, remember, he did three years. So you had two and a half years of this mission. And trust me, if I could have seen this, like, woke society we were coming into, like, at least a fucking tongue kiss. Yeah. You would have been in on it a little bit. Of course.

It would have been like buying Apple stock in, like, the 80s. You know what I mean? Like, I couldn't see what was coming, dude. I thought, like, I'm, like, from that era where, like, being straight was, like, you're, like, proud. You're, like, I never sucked a dick, you know?

And now it's, like, you can't even say that. Take that part out. You never sucked a dick? No. Wow it's like you can't even say that take that part out you never sucked a dick no wow i'd be fucking look at this long neck i gotta be great at it you know what i mean i'd take a fucking lifer's black cock in a heartbeat but um okay so you went out unscathed yes i went out on the scale i mean no no but not like no there was like traumatic shit bro you can't call that shit unscathed, but just unscathed in the ass. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, who was the scariest person that you saw in jail?

Man, I mean like, dude, I would see, I'd be in the fucking prison shower and I'd see like some lifer, black dude with like a tattooed tear and like an abnormally small penis. And I'd be like, that motherfucker will kill you. You know what I mean? Like that's, I would see a dude like that.

I'm like, that's probably why he's in here. You know, it was like, it was shit like that. It was dudes you wouldn't expect. Or like, you know, the guy that had killed his wife, like the professor, you know, the genius that had murdered his wife with poison. You know what I mean? Like weird dudes like that, like that.

Those were the scariest motherfuckers because they had nothing to lose, right? And they weren't like gangbanging criminals. Like gangbanging killers, killers that have killed over drugs or respect. It's kind of all in the game. Yeah, you know what you're getting into. Killing your wife with poison. Yeah.

Gingrich Schultz was like, okay. What is that? You've been married like a year and a half already. Just a year and a half. Yeah, yeah. Poison takes a long time to be married. Yeah, Schultz was like, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What is that? You've been married like a year and a half already. Just a year and a half. Yeah, yeah. Poison takes a long time to get married. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not as good at it.

No, but that is a good point. Those are the scariest motherfuckers. If you had to go shoot somebody for some get back, that's different than like just being an absolute bona fide psychopath. So you're in there with psychopaths. So at any point in time, they could snap. Yeah. Well, bro, the first night locked up with Jimmy,

I know he's doing life, life, life, life. Jimmy's your hell's angel cellmate. Cellmate. Bro, I'm sitting there with my pen, like a pen. That's all I had. And I'm sleeping. I'm not sleeping. I'm sitting here.

I'm on the bottom bunk. He's on the top bunk. The whole night, I'm just sitting there with the pen cap off. Just like, this motherfucker rushes me. I'm going to try to hit him in the artery or some shit like that, you know? Like, didn't know, because he didn't talk to me. I didn't know if he was going to snap and fucking come down and try to kill me.

Yeah, and when do you ingratiate yourself to him? The next day. The next day, he was like, I can see you're a good kid. And he gave me a shank. He gave me a burner. Yeah. And he was like, I wouldn't leave unless you go off to work or off to do something

away from other inmates. I would at least have this shit on you. And when you're meeting these dudes, is there a method to you becoming their friends? Are you feeling energy? Are you trying to make them laugh? Are you just giving them their space,

letting them reach out to you? Yeah, yeah, that, for sure. What is the anger? For sure. So, because you can't just go talk to, like, a dude doing 20, 30 life. You can't as, like, a, you're like a freshman trying to talk to a super senior. Did any of them think you were a chomo? No,

because they knew, they know your paperwork. That's a child molester. No, no, no, bro. If you're, like, a tall white dude, they just assume, they're like, oh, yeah, he's dead in the kids. I would assume that. No, no, no, bro. If you're like a tall white dude, they just assume that, like, oh, yeah, he's dealing with kids. I would assume that. I'm fucking fucked both of you. No, no, no, no. Because I wouldn't think you're a drug—I would think you touch kids before you're a drug kingpin.

Well, but they got— For a Mexican cartel. They got your paperwork, though. Yeah. So as soon as you go in— I walk in with that shit. Bro, of course. Well, you do, though.

No, they demanded shit. How did you know a nickname for child molesters, bro? Yeah, yeah, for do, though. No, they demanded to see it. How did you know a nickname for child molesters, bro? Yeah, yeah, for real, bro. That's peculiar, man. A lot of people think that. That's super peculiar, man. You got to protect yourself from chomos, dude. Because I'm always, when I was a kid, I was afraid I was going to get diddled.

So I'm always on the lookout. Oh, that is true. But he didn't ring any bells, so you're good. Yeah, yeah. No, so they know as soon as I... Oh, shit. Yeah, bro. You got to try to ingratiate yourself with one term, really is true. But he didn't ring any bells, so you're good. Yeah, yeah. No, so they know as soon as I... Oh, shit. Yeah, bro. You gotta try to ingratiate yourself with one term, really blend in.

I know jail culture, you pick the one term. That's the wrong one. Why are you so kiddy about it? I know. I'm like a criminal. I think I was pardoned criminal, so me and my, you know, felon friend can ingratiate ourselves together, you know? Okay. I'm commiserating.

You know that thing I said about not getting raped in prison? I don't know, dude. I'm not going to get raped, bro. I'm not going to get raped. I'm commiserating. You know that thing I said about not getting raped in prison? I don't know, dude. I'm not going to get raped, bro. I'm not going to get raped. No, no, no. Did you have to get down with like white power dudes just for safety?

No, I refused. I refused. So that's why like I'm like No, no, no. I swear to God because it's like they were like

we don't want you playing basketball with the blacks. We don't want you playing dominoes. I'm like how would you like me to associate with them now? What else do you want me to do? Oh, and you played ball. Yeah, I was a hooper too. So I had

good paperwork. I had a good crime. And I was a good hooper. So like that's what like, you know, that's how I got my respect. Wait, but they let you play ball? Yeah, bro, they insisted on it. My first day in Locked Up, I was walking around the yard.

I talk about this in the show, and the black dudes are running. It's good running, too, at OSP. No, this was at Two Rivers. And they saw the height, and they were like, get over here, motherfucker. No, but I mean, the white power guys, they didn't mind? I mean, I think, I honestly think it was

a combination of Jimmy, my celly, and the black dudes. Because they wanted me to run, dude. They wanted me to hoop with them. Are the Hells Angels separate from white power? White power is just a blanket term for white gangs. Gotcha. There's the Aryan Brotherhood.

That's the big one in California prisons. That's white power. That's a fucking gangsta. If I was in a California prison, I probably would have had to like, you know. You have to, right? Would have to put in work or like go to protective custody or, yeah, it would have been bad, dude. And if you go to protective custody, you're basically in with the chomos, right? You're in with the chomos.

You're in with the snitches. All that shit. So you could argue that might even be worse because now you're just fraternizing with child molesters all day. Absolutely. Absolutely. because now you're just fraternizing with child molesters all day. Absolutely, absolutely. And then somebody gets to you in general population and they say you've got to kill one of these motherfuckers or next time. Exactly, exactly.

Oh, the stress. Yeah, so it's stressful as fuck. Wait a minute, but you are killing a child molester, right? Yeah, but then you've got to go do life, you know? Yeah, got it. I'm not doing that. So the thing that I'm curious about is like, do you think that you handled the stress better

because you handled stress outside with the drug dealing? So in other words, do you think like your cortisol levels are operating at a much lower level or you just become acclimated to being in a stressful environment? It took about a year. It takes about a year- To get acclimated to being in a stressful environment. It took about a year. It takes about a year to get acclimated in jail,

to be like, okay, this is where I'm at. This is my home. You know, you look around. It was honestly the hair loss. You look around, all these bald motherfuckers just stressed out. And I was like, that's what's going to make me calm down. You couldn't get the Propecia? No, you can't get Propecia in there.

You can't get Propecia? They don't have it on Commissary. You can get meth in the fucking prison. You can't get Propecia? Bro, you can't get Propecia in there. You can't get meth in the fucking prison? You can't get Propecia? Bro, I should have smuggled in balloons. A hundred percent. Yeah, the fucking hair pills. Finasteride.

Pimms, yeah. Are you on it now? Yeah. You got it. Yeah, you too, right? I've been on it since I'm 24 years old. Yeah, you know what it is. Come on, bro, look at me.

Look at me, though. I know. Look at me, though. It's thin. Yeah, it's thin, but it's there. You're a little worried about it. Like, you're combed over, but like this right here? This right here is 24. I got a Jewish doctor in the valley, though. We're a little worried about it. Like, you're combed over, but, like, this right here? This right here is out of the comb over.

I got a Jewish doctor in the valley, though. We're going to get—the hairline's coming down. Next time I'm on here, I'm going to look like a Mexican guy. Let's just start at the eyebrows, son. Let's just start at the eyebrows and go back. Listen, you got to do the— The turkey. I was about to say turkey, but I don't know if that's—

Like, obviously, with what happened in Turkey, there's a horrible. Oh, yeah, I'm not going to Turkey. I heard Turkey, they're like the kingpins of the hair transplant. Oh, teeth and hair is just immaculate. That's like Columbia. And you get it for like $3,000. You could do Columbia, too. Columbia is, Turkey is to hair transplants, but Columbia is to tits.

So they fucking set up. I was going to invest in a business down there back when I was balling. They fucking set up. I was going to invest in a business down there back when I was balling. This guy who I met there was like, I'm setting up this company where we recruit, you know, chicks in the States who don't have fake tip money. A whole package. Nice hotel, dinner, flying back.

Yep. They do that with turkey. It's unreal. Yeah, yeah. It's smart. That would actually really work with you because you have all your hair. I'm thick up here. Exactly. We just got to bring it down like a centimeter.

I know you got some money stashed, bro. I got money. I know you got some money stashed. Oh, from the, no, no, no, not anymore. Not anymore. No. Okay, so you get through jail. Okay, let's go back to this.

YouTube money. Yeah, legit. That's clean. Yeah. That's clean. Can't say that. So let's go back. So you start selling a little weed.

I want you to fill us in the whole story. You start selling a little weed early in high school. Everybody sold a little weed. Of course. At what point do you jump to, nah, I could probably make some real money or this could be a real... As soon as I found out you could make a living selling weed, that was like, I was like, it's all I want to do.

Wait, you didn't think that people were doing that before? No, no, no. I had no idea. I thought you had to be like, you was like, it's all I want to do. Wait, you didn't think that people were doing that before? No, no, no. I had no idea. I thought you had to be like, you know, the biggest. Oh, you had to be the biggest boss. The biggest boss just to make any money selling weed. I had no idea. You know what I mean?

Because I'm not from that life. How did you find out that that was a living? You knew people that were doing it? Yeah, it was like a friend's older brother. Got you. You know, or my friend's father. He was like a, you know, he was like one of these OG guys. He was everything.

He was a pimp, sold cracks, sold weed, all that shit. He was my first connect. That's like the Costco of crime. He's like doing everything. Yeah. Anything you need, he's got it. Yeah, you would knock on his door. It would be like 4 p.m. and he'd be in like a leopard skid robe.

You know what I mean? He'd have the perm and shit. He had like a couple of bitches. And you're like, that's what I want to be. Oh, I lost my virginity to one of his hoes. Really? Yeah, I talk about it in my book. Yeah, it was a bad fucking.

Did he bring it up? I wanted to give them money. I wanted to, like, you know, I felt bad, dude. Well, yeah, you did. I did give them my money. I wanted to, like, tip them. This is how hookers work. Oh, I found out later.

Wait, wait, wait. Are you into the hookers? Well, yeah. I mean, when I was a baller, yeah, of course. Come on. Just easier. Yeah. It's just easier. And it's like, I'm living that life. You know, I'm in Columbia with like hundreds of thousands of dollars in my pocket. Okay. Let's go back to the beginning a little bit. So when I found out, yeah, it was just like his, his father was like, yeah, this is all I do is like, I sell, I basically just sell weed and I pay my rent. And like, that was enough me, you know? And you're clearly, this is the interesting thing about it, is you have ambition

because you want to do this at a high level, but you just don't want to have ambition with like a regular legit job? No. Lazy as fuck. So it's laziness. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Because now it seems like you're hustling crazy. so the laziness is gone. Yeah, I've always been hardworking and dedicated to something I want to do. But you're like, yo, these square jobs seem absolutely horrible. I want nothing.

I play ball. I thought I was going to play ball legit or in Europe or something. Bro, I was a 90s white kid who thought he was black. I'm talking to the right guy. You know what I mean? Yeah, baby. Yeah, praise to Andrew Schultz

for letting white comedians be black again. Someone had to do it. Come on, come on, baby. So I was like, you know how it was? It was like the Cameron album back in the day. Sports, drugs, or entertainment. That was it. There was no use trying to make money any other way.

Like I didn't want, because I grew up middle class. I didn't want that lifestyle at all. Did your dad like hate his job and you saw it and you're like, I'm not going to be that way? Yeah, he kind of did. Like he was like, he was a lawyer and he was a square and it was like. Miserable all the time, complaining about it. Yeah, kind of like that cliche.

You see it in every movie, you know. And yeah, I just knew from a very young age that I didn't want it. And then of course, dude, watching movies like Peyton Full and all that shit. We fantasized about all that.

Dude, movies and music do influence you. They do. Yeah, yeah. They 1000% do. Exactly, exactly. Most people don't go off

and do that shit though. You know what I mean? I was just dumb enough to actually like try to go live that. Yeah. So, so you start out selling,

you know, nickel and diamond, right? You don't know what you're doing. You do that for years. It's like comedy. You're open micing drug dealing for like five years. We didn't make any real money until like seven years in the game. Like I put in my time, put in my 10,000 hours. Now real money is, give us the example. Okay. So you're making a living, right? It took about four years to make like a living where I didn't have to have like a side job. I didn't have to like hustle other example. Okay, so. You're making a living, right? It took about four years to make like a living where I didn't have to have like a side job. I didn't have to like hustle other drugs, okay? Because you were hustling some coke or whatever on the side. Exactly.

When I was in Eugene, Oregon, going to the University of Oregon, you know, sometimes the weed would dry out, meaning you couldn't get enough supply, right? Whatever, the Kinect would get fucked up. So we would go to our coke guy and we'd get like a nine piece, like nine ounces, maybe get like a half a key, move that, get that off or whatever, sell Kinect would get fucked up. So we would go to our Coke guy and we'd get like a nine piece, like nine ounces, maybe get like a half a key,

move that, get that off or whatever, sell some shrooms. So it was kind of like, you know, it was whatever. It was a- Was that Coke money seductive at all? Oh, yeah. Because the risk is high, but at the same time- But you could take half a block, which is nothing-

And make crazy- And make, you know, three times what you make having to sell 30 pounds of weed, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think I heard you say in you know, three times what you make having to sell 30 pounds of wheat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think I heard you say in one episode, I still, if you want to sell drugs and make money, Coke is still the way to go. Coke's still the way to go.

Coke is such a good product. And that's why the fentanyl's fucking it up. It's bad for the Coke dealers. It's bad for the brand. No, you're right about this. It's bad for the brand. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's like, but back in the day, dude,

oh, it was so like, you know, it still is like it's a drug that middle class people do. It's viewed as acceptable, right? You're saying Coke is? Yes. Yeah, yeah. And it was just, you know, the hardest part is getting your hands on good Coke. Yeah. So if you go watch my show, you'll learn all about how to cut it up.

Keep them coming back still, okay? You were cutting it up with bullshit? No, no, no. We would just put like a two-step on it. What does a two-step mean? A two-step means we would just cut it up like once or twice. Very lightly.

What do you use? Use Adderall? No, no. Rookie. I just love Adderall. My dream. Just sprinkle it on top. So, no, no, we put

some B12 in it and some caffeine pills. So B12 is just like an energy booster. Exactly. So they don't even know the difference between getting the natural energy booster, the caffeine. Correct. And you would short them a bit, right? Like three and a half, you'd do it three and a half. I like just doing that. If I could get a good price on it and it was

fire, like chunked up, blocked up. Don't even waste it. Don't even. Yeah, I'll just sell you less of it, but it's fire. So you're going to come back. And most people, if they get a good price on it and it was fire, chunked up, blocked up. Don't even waste it. I'll just sell you less of it, but it's fire. So you're going to come back. And most people, if they have a good experience with it, they're not weighing out on a fucking gram scale. No. They trust that they have good Coke, they go right back. Exactly.

Okay, so then how did you have the discipline to not chase the Coke dream? Because the Coke dream is where the fucking money is. Yes, because I didn't, it got so crazy. When you're selling Coke and you have good Coke, especially in a small town like Eugene, your phone is buzzing all the time. All the time.

I'm in class. Class became like a money loss. Like I'd be in government learning about the executive branch. How much time you're gonna do. Yeah, I went to law school. I don't know if you know that. So I'd be in there,

and my burner phone is like buzzing off the fucking hook. And it got to the point where I'm like, I either got to drop out of school or I got to like fall back from selling Coke and just focus on the weed. Did something scare you and that's why you didn't want to do the Coke thing? Well, yeah, we're getting robbed at gunpoint and shit.

Yeah, getting juked. Yeah, maybe bring this up. Oh, sure, sure, sure, sure. This is fucking unreal. This is what middle-class thugging looks like. We were in a house on the busiest street in Eugene, Oregon. I'm playing Mario Kart. Of course, a trap house is on fucking street in Eugene, Oregon. I'm playing Mario Kart. Of course, your trap house is on fucking Broadway.

Exactly, exactly. Quite privileged. We get a lot, too. And who's we? Who's we? Me and... You're a cop, bro. What?

You see this guy? Who is we? You said we? You're wearing a wire, too. No, I'm not. No, I'm not. Okay, so it's you, it's the homies, it's guys who are like... It's just my friends.

So they're all in school, too? Yeah, but they're all civilians. So it's guys who are like... It's just my friends. So they're all in school too? Yeah, but they're all civilians. So it's like I lived like a double life. Like they know what I'm doing. Every crew has a dope man, right? Every crew back then had the D-boy, but everybody else was like just living normal lives, you know? Okay.

But they bore like the brunt of like the consequences from being with me. So we're playing Mario Kart for Nintendo 64. Okay, great game, fantastic, bro. And I'm like killing, I'm on like Choco Mountain, I'm like beating my time, my record time, and we hear a knock at the door, and somebody opens it up, and they go, yo, are you here?

My drug dealing partner, right? And we're like, yeah, we think he's in the back. We didn't even know who it was. And then we look up from our, because people were always coming in and out of the house. It was like a college house. Yeah, of course. And we look up and there's fucking two dudes with ski masks with the fucking joints in our face.

Yeah, just like run it. Imagine that. And one of the dudes is like shaking, like these are not pros. So we were like, hey, just take your finger off the trigger, dude. We'll go get it for you. So you were cool in the moment? Everybody was cool. I was so proud of my dudes. They were just like, hey, just take your finger off the trigger, dude. We'll go get it for you. So you were cool in the moment?

Everybody was cool. I was so proud of my dudes. They were just like, what the fuck? But you specifically, did you freak out? Were you like, this is it? It's over? Or you were like, they need the coke first. They're not going to kill me immediately. No, well, I knew most of the work wasn't even in the house. Did you pause the game? Or was the

music going in the back? Last lap? I didn't even think about that until that moment. or was the music going in the back da da da da da da last lap I didn't even think about that until that moment yo we definitely finished that motherfucker after they left though so but I knew we had a couple pounds of weed

in the house which was like we can give that up no problem but like the real money the work no way I would keep it in like, of course not, right? So I was like, just be cool. Not home, but I know where it is. I'll go get it for you. Just got it, gave it to them.

They fucking bounced out. You go with them to go get it? Yeah, yeah. On my fucking life, this whole time, he's in the bathroom taking a shit. He came out like, what's going on, guys? Are you guys calling me?

I'm like, fuck you, dude. Yeah. This is a lucky motherfucker, this guy, dude. You guys didn't have any guns? Yeah. No, there's no point. If you're really,

if you're really keeping a game time, yeah, right, yeah, right, exactly. Go tell that to a dude in Harlem. You don't need a gun when you're selling crack, dude time yeah right exactly go tell that to a dude in Harlem you don't need a gun when you're selling crack dude

what's the matter with you it's hostile yeah but it's like but it's also double the time though so you gotta you gotta hedge the risk right

like you getting juked for like that's just a business expense as long as it's not the law like we'll give that up you know so if you get if you get taken

for the whole trap the whole fucking the whole package that up, you know? So if you get taken for the whole trap, the whole fucking, the whole package, that's on you. You're slipping. No, but the dudes came in. You didn't give them any pushback, and now they can come back anytime they want to

just to keep. Yeah, yeah, but what am I going to do? You know, I'm going to fuck around, and one of these dudes is going to get shot in the head? You know, it's not, you have to, you look at it like nothing is worth that, you know? And that's the difference between selling drugs in the ghetto. Yeah, that's true.

Like that will, we have kids to feed, and these dudes will kill you. So it's just a whole different thing. So at that point, you have to start going, all right, if we're going to scale this up, we either need to partner with some people that will protect us, right, or we protect ourselves. That has to go through your head a little bit, right? No, we have to move up from all street sales. No more. Oh, the street sales where it gets fucked.

Of course, of course. And, you know, because at this point we're selling Coke hand-to-hand and we're maybe like mid-level dealers for weed. So we're giving it out to dealers. We're the dealer's dealer. But those dudes that robbed us were working for us. We found out later. Yeah, they were working for us.

And they just wanted, they were like, these dudes are pussy, they ain't got no heart, we're gonna go take it from them. It's like, good luck with that. You're gonna eat once, but don't eat shit. And then you never eat again, yeah. Exactly. Yeah, I'll starve your ass, you know?

So it's like, that's the kind of stupidity. But we were like, yeah, from here on out, it, it's got to be, we're only dealing with two or three dudes. Right. So if you were, so it goes cartel you. At this point, were you getting stuff directly? At this point, I'm not dealing with the Sinaloans. We're going to work up to that. I'm dealing with, I call them the rednecks.

And so the best pot in the entire country, the best outdoor weed. NorCal, right? NorCal and Southern Oregon. Southern Oregon is actually, you know, and I'm up filming with dudes in Washington Heights last month. Yeah. And they were like, oh, you're from Portland. That's where we used to get our shit. That was the best shit. Just UPS, right? Exactly. We're going to get to that too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we were getting it from the rednecks, picking up maybe 10 pounds at a time, right? And we're just selling locally.

But I'm like, if we're going to get rich, we got to start moving it across the country. That's where the markup is. If UPS had same-day shipping, nobody would ever get caught dealing drugs again. Well, they've sold more drugs than Chapo, Pablo Escobar. Bro, they're delivering meth right now. You know what I mean?

It's like with a smile, dude. On top. That would be such a better like King of Queens. Like if that show just had him. But like it just turned into Breaking Bad in the middle of it. Like what the fuck? King of Queens? Kevin James just starts losing weight.

But that is the problem. It's like you can't wait two or three business days to get your shit. We get it the next day though. Next day hair. Oh, really? Yeah, next day hair. But I'm saying if you're like, you just want a dime bag. Of course not. You're business days to get your shit. We get it the next day, though. Next day hair. Oh, really? Yeah, next day hair. But I'm saying if you're like a, like you just want a dime bag. Of course not.

You're not going to wait. Yeah. But there would be no person-to-person interaction. Exactly. And you just have the government handle all that shit. And it's the separation, which I like. So I never got caught with any work. They never found me with any drugs.

And I think it's because I created that barrier between myself and the customer. Yeah. Okay. I interrupted you. So the best weed is coming from Southern Oregon, Northern California. Yeah. You're getting the weed from the rednecks. Exactly. Exactly. And then, you know, just through happenstance, we ended up meeting a guy who introduced us to these Mexicans that were from Sinaloa, which is where it was the beginning of the weed industry. They made sensimia. They figured out how to make the bud without sensimia. You speak Spanish? Without the seed. Yeah, they were the ones who fucking figured that all out. They're the best growers. They're farmers. Back in the day, back in the, you know, from the 90s through, you know,

a couple of years ago, they would send members, lieutenants, up to Oregon and Northern California to set up grows, to set up these huge thousands and thousands of plant grows up in the forest. So they're growing locally there. Exactly. They just have the good product to grow. They have the expertise. They're like the Monsanto of wheat. Yes, yeah. Because it's all about the seed, right?

Of course. And they, and they're the ones that are willing to go high into the middle of nowhere in the mountains and they can rig irrigation to make it go from whatever water source, whatever river is, you know, up the way. And, and they're able to like make the sunlight hit the plants through those gigantic trees. And it's like brilliant. And then what you do is, and then they find guys like me, and they just dish it off, and they send all the profit back to Mexico. So they heard about you?

No, no, no, I paid to meet them. Oh, this is fun. Yeah, bro, so I hit- Give me this happenstance bullshit that you're talking about. There's no happenstance. A little coinkity. You know what the fuck is going on.

What really happened here? So one of the guys who had introduced us, one of these white boys from southern Oregon who actually initially introduced us to these rednecks, they were getting out of the business. The rednecks said, we don't want to be in it anymore. Correct, correct. They just made enough money, you know. Good for them. Yeah, which never happens. It's very rare, right?

Never happens. It's very rare, right? Never happens. So he happened to know a guy, a Mexican guy, Mexican-American, grew up here. And his uncle was one of the guys growing for one of these big Sinaloan operations. Now, just so I can get this right, he's growing in America. Correct. But it's all owned by the Sinaloans. All owned by. And these motherfuckers, bro, not only, they don't speak English, they don't know what state they're in.

They know they're on the West Coast. They don't know where the fuck they are. How do they get in? Is it all coyotes? Of course, yeah, of course. Okay, so they're there illegally. Are they buying the land, or they're just growing in the middle of the fucking forest?

No, they're just growing in the middle of the forest. They're like squatting on the land, growing in the middle of the forest. Now, and eventually they would set up like greenhouses. They got more sophisticated with it, but no, dude, they were marching their ass fucking days into the forest. Hunting for food? No, they lug it up.

Okay. They lug it up. Okay. This is like 2007, 2008. Exactly. They don't do that anymore because it's not worth it to them. Like weed is legal now. Of course.

They stopped doing that maybe probably like 10 years ago. They quit sending their guys up here to do that kind of shit. Yeah. But dude, it's wild. I was locked up with a dude, Mexican dude from Colima, which is close to Sinaloa. He was telling me that he was part of, he was working on one of these growth sites. He was like in overalls, didn't have shoes on. The place, the spot got raided.

on. The spot got raided. He ran into the forest, got away, and made it back to Mexico without shoes on. Wow. Fire, bro. It's like when you drop a dog off in the park and then he makes it back home. He's going to find his way home, dude. He's a pigeon, bro. That's crazy.

Give a horse his head, he'll find his way home, dude. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, so they're setting up these things. You meet this guy. Yeah, well. Do you speak Spanish? I do.

You speak, okay. So you're able to communicate with these guys, so there's a little bit more trust maybe? Yeah, actually it's even less trust. I found out, do not go in there speaking Spanish. Oh, fuck, they think you're DA. Of course, bro, of course. Do not go in there.

Oh, shit. Try to impress these motherfuckers. They're like, he spent six months in Colombia. Yeah. Oh. Yeah. I studied in Argentina, you know? I'm figuring that if you were DEA, they'd send you down to be one of these, like, what is it called?

Narco, Trafico, whatever guys? No, no, no. You're like an undercover. Yeah, an undercover. You're like an undercover DEA guy, but all those dudes speak perfect Spanish. So, like, they were immediately like, what the fuck? And my boy was with me and was like, no, no, no, he's cool. Like, look at his student ID.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, he got this at the quad. He's not a fucking DEA agent. Okay, so how do you convince them? Just money. Okay, you just go, how much do you have to spend to meet them? Ten stacks. Just for the meeting?

Okay, ten racks just for the intro. But I'm like, I told my partner, I'm like, dude, it's worth it. I think we're on to something. How'd you hear about them? From the rednecks? No, from, yes, just a guy who was involved with them. And he was a Mexican kid, but he grew up in the States and had this connection. One of his uncles was working in this grow.

So I was like, just take me down there. I went down there, didn't even buy anything the first trip, right? I was like, just let me, like, what's the ticket? It's official. Okay, 2,000 a pound.

Okay, I'll be back with 80 grand. Give me 40 of those things to start. And then I got a guy on the East Coast buying them for 35 a piece. And then you got to drive

40 pounds of weed back down, however long. Back up. Now, is there any part as you're about to link up with the cartel that you're like,

oh, this is where it gets too big. This is a bad idea. No. There's no inner self-dialogue like, oh, the cartel is not to be fucked with. Are you weirdly thinking it's safer?

Because you're cutting out more interactions? The more people that know, the more chances you go down. It was, of course, yeah. I was like, I was like, yeah, this is not only, it's not only safer, but once I met. I was like, yeah, this is not only,

it's not only safer, but once I met the dude on the East Coast that was like, he was like, how much can you get me a pound for? 35, that cheap? I called, I was like, we're about to get rich. It was the aha moment. You're buying for two?

Selling it for like- Flipping for 35. Yeah, yeah, and if he was buying in bulk, like 10 or more, I'd give it to him for three. It didn't matter. You're still making 50%. Exactly. If I'm making 1,000, 1,500 profit per piece, and we're doing 40

or 50 of those a week, it's a million dollar spot. So and that's when my friend was like, I'm going to get out. I think I'm going to walk. Because he made how much? He made... First of all, how much are you making a month on this at the height? So, 80. So you're making 80 grand a month.

80 after expenses and... Yeah. So you're coming up to a million. I'm averaging. Some months were better, but I want to be like, I want to like say... You're making a million a year. That's about a million. A million a year.

Okay. Exactly. So Reggie, you make a million a year for how long before Reggie goes, okay, I think I'm good. No, no, no. I bought him out before any of this happened. Wait, you bought him out? Yeah, yeah. He wanted out.

He wanted out. And then he also wanted to be bought out? That's a weird thing to buy someone out of an illegitimate business. It was just out of respect. It was just out of respect. How much did you give him? I gave him 20 grand.

Yeah, because that was like, because the re-up back then, like what you have in the pot to make your re-ups, your buys, was about 40 or 50 grand. So like, here, this is your half anyways, you know? And we didn't know, we didn't really know it was going to hit like this. Of course, you're like, when you think you're onto something, you're like, I think we're going to get rich. But we didn't really know.

How did you find the guy on the East Coast? Yeah, I was, this is the most white boy way. I love this. Yeah. Aren't white people the best? We had a got out. We have so many friends. Got out.

You know, I got out and I didn't miss a beat, you guys. I didn't miss a fucking beat. Okay, okay, okay. Yo, so I'm studying. You guys played rugby. Yeah, you played rugby in high school. Country club. Golf. Andrew, it was polo, okay? Respect. It guys played rugby. Yeah, you played rugby in high school. Country club, golf, something like that. Andrew, it was polo, okay?

Respect, respect, respect. No, I met, I was studying, because, you know, I was failing in school. I was fucking up, left and right, you know what I mean, STDs, all that shit. So, yeah, hell yeah, dude, hell yeah, thanks. So I was like, oh, but you can get a bunch of credits by just, like, studying abroad.

It was like a joke, right? So I was like, okay, if you can get a bunch of credits by just like studying abroad. It was like a joke, right? So I was like, okay, if I do this, I graduate on time. So I studied in Argentina for like three or four months. You went to Spain, right? Yeah, yeah. Same shit. Yeah. So I'm kicking it.

My best friend down there was a dude from Philly. You know, just one of these like dirty Philly kids, right? Yeah, yeah. Just fucking the worst white people in America. Grimy eagles, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm aware. You need pounds for how much?

You know? And he, all of his friends were connected. They were all like either their parents were mobsters. Oh, he was, yeah. No, no, no.

Connected like the garbage business. Like mafia business. Yeah, that's, yeah. Oh, I thought you meant like coke heads. No, no, no, no, no, no. Is that the sign? You know. Oh, okay, sure, sure, sure. So. I'm sure. I, that's it. Oh, okay. Oh, I thought you meant like co-kids. No, no, no, no, no, no. Is that the sign? You know.

Oh, okay. Sure, sure, sure. I'm sure. I know so much. What is that? He's just trying to be cool right now. You wouldn't know. Oh, shit.

It's a fucking show-off. That's a show-off sign, dude. It doesn't exist. But he didn't know either. What are you talking about? What's mafia? Okay. So, yeah.

So, but all those dudes are into drugs now. Like the mafia has long since like relinquished like that we don't sell drugs policy you know what I mean I don't even know if that was ever a policy

I think that was romanticized in the Godfather I think so I'm a little part of it I think there was long ago like people that recognized

like Meyer Lansky was never like we're gonna sell drugs you know what I mean gambling women all that shit Palestine

booze yeah Palestine yeah but he draws the line at Coke. That could affect too many lives. How dare we get involved in that? Palestine is just a turf war, dog. It's just a turf war. Yeah, so...

You're good. I'm sorry. So we... He was like my best friend down there. We're going out getting drunk, all this bullshit. And it was surreal. He was finally like, yeah, so he was like my best friend down there. We're going out getting drunk, all this bullshit. And it was surreal. I was finally, he was finally like, okay, so you're buying everything. I have my own apartment. Like I didn't even live with a family down there.

Right? You know how most students like have to stay in like a, you know, a studio apartment with 10 people. I was like, I'm just going to go get my own high rise on the river, you know? Baller shit, right? And so he was like, what the fuck? You know, like he game recognized game. And I was like, yeah, that's what I do, blah, blah, blah. You were doing it while you were there? No, no, no.

I would take a hiatus. You know, so money's always moving, right? And he was like, oh yeah, my friends, you know, what's the school in Temple or whatever? You you know all their parents are fucking mob dudes and all that shit

and yeah that's what they do it'd be wild you know you could get them their weed you know they'd probably pay

this guy is smooth do you see how like how subtle he's asking you to do it yeah oh he's a pro this kid I can't pick up on that

at all he's a pro so I was like oh yeah that would be a pro. So I was like, oh, yeah, that would be crazy. I think he might be, you know. Yeah. No? So we're like, oh, yeah, that's wild. And then we just didn't even think about it, right?

We didn't think. I'm like, oh, but that's crazy. Like, how do you move product out there? I got to, like, pay somebody to drive it out there. He's just going to steal it. Like, you can't do that. What are we, drug traffickers? Come on. Just kidding. We drug traffickers? Come on.

Just kidding. We're not criminals. Come on, man. So, but then like six months later, we had graduated. And I'm watching this like, I think it's like a CNN expose on how people traffic weed through the mail. So that's what you learned? And I was like, bing, light bulb.

Oh, you thought this was going to deter me? This is a fucking video, dude. I guess that's what my show is, right? It's nice. So I was like, okay, let's see if there's something here. And, you know, just little by little, we start with like sending a couple ounces over. You're doing this through USPS or UPS or FedEx?

All three. All three. So there's the USPS, post office. There's FedEx and there's UPS. UPS is the worst. They're fucking criminals, okay? Don't call me the criminal. Those motherfuckers stole so much packages from me, bro. Oh, because they knew.

Yeah, they know. They just know. And they've got scumbags working for them, and I guess they don't shake them down when they leave the sorting warehouses, wherever they go. Yeah. Because we had several boxes with like 10 or 15 pounds in them that would show up weeks later to the address, gone. Gone. Oh, there'd be

no weed in it, but the boxes show up. Exactly. They'd still deliver it. They would still figure out a way to deliver it. Dude, I had a... I want to get back to that. I had a friend of mine who's in the cereal business, and they're shipping cereal around the country, right? All of a sudden, they get a call from one of their... from like the police

or something somewhere, and they go, hey, we had to pull over your trucker. Uber does freight, okay? We had to pull over the Uber freight because there was drugs in your shipment. And then they go, what? They go, yeah, there was a lot of drugs. You had like a few pallets of cereal, then drugs, and then more pallets of cereal, right?

And then she's like, I don't know what the fuck is going on. This is really weird. So they arrest the guy, they find out, and they start looking back into their shipping logs, right? And they would find that the cereal would make it to certain destinations, but only like half of it. And then a week later, the other half would show up.

And basically what the shipping company was doing was taking out, using the drugs, using that to get the drugs around, squeezing it in between, but still making sure all the shipments got there so you would be none the wiser. Oh, oops, the other half was on a different thing. Kind of fucking smart. And it's on Uber. Because Uber's the one doing the freightiser. And it's like, oh, oopsie, the other half was on a different thing. Brilliant, brilliant. Kind of fucking smart. No, it's brilliant. And it's on Uber.

Yeah. Because Uber's the one doing the freight. Wow, wow. That's one of the things I recommend in episode 18, how to move drugs efficiently. Yeah, yeah. You fucking,

you use one of those like third party, huh? Episode 18. Thanks, Dove. Appreciate it. That would have been nice 45 minutes ago. I've been looking over here for the last hour. What, you don't have other people lined up to work here? Come on. Be a little afraid, you know? So yeah, that's a common

method. And then they can't put it on you. So if you own a shipping company, it's like, I just got the bill of sale. I just ship what people bring to me. So it's like, and that's why actually Chapo became who he was is because he perfected how to move bulk, no, to smuggle bulk coke through, you know, on legal freight trucks across the border. All right, guys, we're gonna take a break for a second because listen, you gotta be entering the new year, you know, it's almost done with February, we're almost in March. If you are not in clothes that give you confidence by now, then it's a problem. And you can be. Thanks to our sponsor, True Classic. You'll have everything you need to hit the gym, take it slow, treat yourself to something nice for a

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a break for a second. Listen, I walked into a street sign once, okay? It was my fault, but it wasn't my fault because the street sign was bent crooked like that, okay? I'm paying attention to my girl last time I did that. I was paying attention to her, telling me a story, completely focused on her, and boom, smacked right into a pole. Listen, if you're ever injured, you can check out Morgan & Morgan, the official law firm partner of the UFC and flagrant, okay? Telling you, they got over $15 billion recovered for clients. Morgan & Morgan has a proven track record of fighting to get you full and fair compensation. Also, their fee is free unless you win. Think about that. I didn't even have to pay them nothing.

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Stand-up news. Calgary, I'm coming. August 27th. I booked one show. That's it. And for some reason, I decided it was Calgary. I know we had to cancel a few back in the day, but I'm coming.

I'll see y'all August 27th. Go to cancel a few back in the day, but I'm coming. I'll see y'all August 27th. Go to dandrushulz.com. You get tickets for that. It is part of the Great Outdoors Festival. So it's going to be wild. I will see you there. So that's really what makes somebody special in the game.

It's distribution. Of course. Because that's the most difficult part of it. Anybody can cop. Somebody was telling me about that. I was talking to somebody about Escobar and my understanding of Escobar was the genius was his ability to distribute. And the way that he

won over that girl, what was the girl's name? She's like the cocaine cowgirl or whatever. Griselda. Apparently she was like, I need this much coke in Miami by tomorrow. Or something crazy. She walks out the door. Leaves.

It's like, if you do it, you're in. And if you don't, you're not. And he just had the ability to make these things happen. It's funny that distribution, because like- It's like Amazon. That's what I was about to say.

It's like Amazon and All In. You win the game through getting the product to people. Yes, of course. It doesn't matter what it is. There's just way higher stakes here. But back in the day, it was easy. Escobar could literally fly a plane

and land it in Miami. Now, you can't do that anymore. So it's really, the game is- Talk that shit about the OGs. Bro, the fucking, which ones? Which ones do you want

to hear about? I've met a lot of them. We're going to film with Griselda, her son, Michael Corleone, next week in Miami. Get out of here.

Yeah, yeah, we're doing all right. So, yeah, but it was the Mexicans that made, the Colombians work was the Mexicans that made... The Colombians work for the Mexicans now. You want to know the truth. Let's go, Mexico.

Okay. Yeah. Yeah, let's go. Right? Mexicans are the best, bro. They're the fucking best. They're number one. They're number one.

Thank you, bro. They're the best Latins for sure. You know? Yeah, I was talking about the minorities. I was like, come on. Come on. Hey, come on. Do you have a YouTube series?

Yeah, do that takeover. Good number. So, but, you know, it's at the point now where, yeah, it's like the Colombians are begging people to give the Mexicans to take their Coke because the Mexicans got fentanyl. Because they can get it into America. Of course. They monopolize the land border. It's like it's us or nothing. Plus, they have fentanyl. Because they can get it into America. Of course, they own, they monopolize the land border. It's like, it's us or nothing.

Plus, they have fentanyl, coke. They're selling weed still. So it's like, what can you do for me? So we were down filming in Sinaloa where it all jumped off last month with Chapo's son, Ovidio. We were in Culiacan. I got this fucking, this rosary actually from a sicario that was guarding El Mayo,

who was the last remaining señor from the old, you know, Kingpin era. You spoke to him? No, no, no. We could never get that close. We spoke to his bodyguards. And they're cool to talk to you?

Like they allow it? Off camera. They didn't let us film. They were off camera and shit. Yeah, we talked to him. Yeah, how do you know what you can and can't get away with?

We're kind of learning as we go. Because you keep saying the name of the cartel and I'm like, we talked to him. Yeah, how do you know what you can and can't get away with? We're kind of learning as we go. Because you keep saying the name of the cartel and I'm like, I'm sure people know they sell drugs. Yeah.

But you just saying, I sold for them, probably not the best look. Are they upset about that? No, no, no. Are you hearing anything? They all want to be on camera. They all want to be,

you know, every OG. I love this. Wait, this is really interesting to me. So it's on some, what was the movie with Denzel where he wears the fucking mink? American Gangster. And what was prolific about him was his ability to stay low profile, right?

And then they marketed this part of the movie as in like, hey, the second you want the attention, it's over. That's the whole Gotti thing too. So you're saying that these guys, despite having all the riches and all the liberties and all the freedoms, they still want. It's not enough. They still want ego. They not enough. They still want ego. They have ego. They still want attention. They want... Like, man? What is man really driven by? Money,

yes, but people want... Respect. They want respect and they want to be seen. Adulation. Exactly. Yeah. In anything you do. So it's not enough to live in the shadows. It is for the old guys, right? Because they understand it. Correct. And Elmaio Zambada, who's Sicario's we talked to, he's the last guy because he

there's only three existing photos of him. And he's probably connected with the CIA and the DEA. He feeds... I want to get into that a little bit. He feeds the government, other cartel leaders. This is what you don't know about. This is a dirty little secret. Mexican cartel

bosses, every now and then, just like when Frank Lucas wore the mink and he got a little too hot, every now and then, somebody from the Mexican and United States government will see a guy and he's getting too big. He's getting too hot. He's gotta let him eat. Exactly. We gotta feed you somebody.

We gotta let you eat. And Zambada's been feeding. He fed them Chapo. He fed them probably Ovidio, Chapo's son, who they just went and snatched. They're all in Chapo. So that's how you stay alive. Exactly. And they don't look at it as ratting, though. They don't look at it as snitching.

Is it just business competition? It's business. It's part of how you do business. It's part of how you survive. They don't look at it like that. Because they're at the highest levels where they're already interacting with the police. They're already interacting with- Of course. The police know all of it. So it's like the idea of not talking to the police is 10 levels below.

No. In fact, you must because the cops will come to you. If you're a governor in Chihuahua- Yeah. And I'm the boss, you come to me and say, look, I'm having a problem with these gangbangers. They're dropping bodies, all this kind of foolishness. Plus I need some roads. To bring in too much attention. Exactly. Plus I need some roads paved. Plus I need a new water supply for the town.

What can you do for me? And then that's how I say, I'll take care of all of it. But now my drugs need to move through your state unfettered. In fact, we need the military to protect it. And that's how drug routes are established. Okay. Okay? Drugs need to move through your state unfettered. In fact, we need the military to protect it. And that's how drug routes are established. Okay. Okay?

Are the cartels— I know, my nipples are hard. No, this is great. Are the cartels in Mexico almost similar to, like, big tech in America in where, like, the business has just grown so big and it's so important to the government that it has to bind together. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Probably. Like, for example, like Facebook, it's like, you work with the government. You have to. You're not an independent company. Like if a politician wants something, they make the phone call. Right. Right. And I imagine Mexico, that is,

these conglomerates are so massive and they're so dependent. Both are dependent. Yeah. That they kind of work together. Oh, absolutely. They're completely interdependent. Completely. They just arrested a guy who used to work for the former administration, the last Mexico president. A guy, the Secretary of Defense, was taking hundreds of millions of dollars in bribes from

Chapo. That would be like Hillary Clinton when she was working for Obama, dealing with whoever, the biggest criminal in the country. So if you're someone like Chapo, that's like maybe underneath one of these other guys, how do you not get clipped? Like, how do you keep yourself from getting fed? Yeah. Oh yeah, man. And how do you keep a low profile? You keep a low profile. Cause as soon as, as soon as you like El Mencho, you've heard of that guy. He's the guy that, uh, the, the competition to Sinaloa is the Nuevo Jalisco cartel. And they're the guys out of Jalisco.

And Mencho is their leader. And he's getting way too hot. Now they're coming for him. If he's not already dead, they're actively looking for him. And by they, you mean the government and the other cartels or just the other cartels?

Just the government. The Mexican government. Because they need support from America. And America's like, look, we're going to give you all these stimulus for your economy and for your military, but we need some headlines. So why did Joe Biden, Joe Biden went to visit Mexico last month. What happened three days before he visited? They came and snatched Ovidio out of Culiacán. Wow. Wait, wait, wait, wait,

so break down this relationship. We need support from the United States for other things, non-drug-related things. A bunch of shit. We're geopolitical partners, and we need to have, like, what is it, like, certain political wins in order to curry favor? Yeah. It's all about appearances. So we need to look like we got this drug shit under control. Of course. Oh, fuck!

Yeah. So if you're not top dog— You're fine. You're either fine or you're getting clipped. If you get too hot. That's the thing! Yeah. So if you're not top dog... You're fine. You're either fine or you're getting clipped. If you get too hot. That's the thing. Yeah. It's almost like, hmm, yeah, there's a nice, comfortable middle ground.

Absolutely. Absolutely. Where you don't even want to go higher than that. And a guy told us just that. The guide who was taking us around Culiacan was like, nobody wants to be Chapo anymore. Anymore. Nah, you're kidding. You gotta blast through. You gotta blast through.

You gotta blast through that dangerous law and then become the one. There is no more doing that, though. No, but you need the escape velocity. He's right, because if you get to the point

where you're interfacing with the government and you're keeping shit cool and you're the one feeding the new folks, you're straight. But breaking through that is terrifying.

And in my opinion, there's no more doing that. Why is that? There's no more, because the old days are gone. Everything's decentralized. There's radar everywhere. The satellite can pick up your license plate from space.

It's just everything is too— So in other words, there's the technology to arrest whoever we want in a moment's notice. So if anybody is pushing weight, it has been allowed. Yes, and you cannot become like one of these like grandfather kingpins anymore. Like you're just gonna get, you're just gonna get caught. You're gonna get popped

before that happens. Without those grandfather kingpins, is Mexico any safer? And like the way we look at it, the cartel runs everything. It's dangerous. Does that, a lot of that go away with people not trying to be top dog?

I feel like it's worse. No, probably worse. Yeah, because everybody's, you know, when there's no structure up top, all the fucking, all the rats are trying to grab that cheese, you know? So it's going off right now. And now the Sinaloa is getting weakened because they came and arrested Ovidio.

Yes, now you're going to have warring parties going there. So it's almost better that all the illegal activity is done by one group. A couple of them, yeah. A couple of them, yeah. That's kind of how it works up in Canada, where the Cambodians will handle the illegal gambling, and the Italians will do the this, and the Chinese will do the that. As it's monopolized, you can bargain more.

Yeah, and everybody kind of knows each other's space, and they're fucking Canadian about it. They're not too disrespectful. Fucking annoying, though. But it stays safer. When everybody's beefing and going after it and thinks that they're going to be top dog, that's where you get people starting to get murked.

Of course. But you can't be top dog in Canada. You can't be top dog in America. There's no real kingpins because you're always getting it from somebody. In Mexico, when you own the factories, you control the manufacturing, dude. It gets no higher than that. So that's what being a kingpin really is. You have to own the supply.

You have to own the distribution. They control how much product gets shipped up. When you literally control the price, that is a cartel. That's OPEC. That's oil. You know what I mean? Like Federal Reserve, you can make the prices of shit going in and out. But now, now hang on to your britches.

Now what's happening is even that is getting flattened. Why, why? hang on to your britches, now what's happening is even that is getting flattened. Why, why? Because as the world gets decentralized, the cartels are no longer monopolizing every level of the drug chain. So it used to be where if the Sinaloa cartel had pretty much everybody on payroll, I pay the drivers, I pay the mules, I pay the workers. I have people in the United States receiving the drugs to distribute it and send the money back, right? It's not really like that anymore. It's all independent contractors. You're a trucker from Culiacan. I got a load of fentanyl that needs to make it to the border. And I have the drug route. I will pay you for your services rendered. Then, and this is according to Luis Chaparro, our good friend who works for Vice News.

He's the number one cartel journalist in all of Latin America. So this is not me talking. This is from him. It's years of study and being down there embedded. You're a truck driver. You will move it to the border. Then an American will meet you,

pay for the drugs wholesale, and they will mule it across the border. And then all these people are completely separate. Exactly. And it makes it people are completely separate. Exactly. And that's, and it makes it impossible to take an organization down that way. So, so it is the fact that it's decentralized creates more security for the people in charge, but there's less control over what happens with the drugs. Of course.

And that's where you get fentanyl getting inserted into the Coke. Totally. That's where you get other people snitching. So the risk is the snitching. You just hope that you could create enough of a barrier between you and them. Exactly. Ooh.

Yeah, yeah. Now, how fucking furious were the cartels when the fentanyl stuff was happening with the Coke? Oh, yeah. Well, I asked about that a ton down. What'd they say? Right? They don't give a shit.

Yeah. I mean, they kind of give a shit, but I was like, do you guys feel bad at all? And they were like, oh. No, no, no, no. No, no, I'm not concerned about feeling bad. I'm more concerned about the product. About the product, yeah. No, no, no, no. No, no, I'm not concerned about feeling bad. I'm more concerned about like- About the product, yeah.

Bro, because we went to Burning Man, right? Yeah. And like- Oh, you guys were fucking treating your noses. Well, no, no, no. Like, I mean,

I did Coke once out there. That was the only time I've ever done Coke. I'm not a big Coke guy. How'd you like it? It was awesome, yeah. It should be this popular. It's like seeing a comic

that you've heard is good and you're like, oh, he deserves this. Like, that's exactly what I wanted to do but what I noticed from everybody was that the casual drug went from

I've gone to Burning Man a bunch of times it was coke only to ketamine and the overwhelming reaction to coke initially was like oh yeah I don't trust the coke

or we gotta test the coke now if I'm a cartel boss that makes money off of Coke, I'm going, we have a marketing issue right here. Yeah, yeah. Actually, I take it back. You're right, because what they've started to do is when they send the fentanyl pills up to the border, they are starting to make them pink. So you can't crush it into the thing. And when you do, when you do, you'll see that when you're sniffing Coke on the U.S. side and it looks a little pink, stay away from it. Because that means a dumbass dealer has crushed up fentanyl and mixed it in with this powder.

Now you're helping people. Come on, bro. Dude, that was good. I do what I can, man. Fuck, because that fentanyl shit is game over, right? Game over. Game over. I had friends die from it.

Really? My favorite barber died of it. That's why I'm rocking this mullet. I don't know what to do. It was like losing a fucking loved one, bro. Seven years, this asshole, you know, went and kicked the bucket. Just one line.

Because he thought he was blowing coke. Of course. Yeah. Yeah, we lost a couple comics that way. Yeah, exactly. And not the comics we wanted, you know? There was a couple that could have gone. Yeah, could have gone, you know?

How do you not get back in the game? Because I used to do it very low, like nickel to dime. And just talking about it right now, Al wants to get back to home. I want you to just keep talking about jail, jail, jail, so I don't even think about getting back in. I'm glad we got that shit out the way. Well, it's like how an alcoholic goes to AA meetings and talks about, man, you remember when I used to black out

and wake up with a dick in my mouth? He does that to remind himself. Of the horrible shit. Exactly, or just to get it out. Because they love talking about alcoholic war stories. That's kind of why I do this. Because I do love talking about it. It gives you a fix.

It gives me my rush, and then I can fall back. It's not the same. It's not the same. Here's something I picked up. You know everything now. You know what? It's cap. I just don't want to break my parents' heart. Once they kick, bro, I'm taking their inheritance money and I will be re-upping.

So I picked up on this as I listened to you talk and listen to your stuff on YouTube. You were super disciplined when you were doing this. You could have been very successful being legit. You said that wasn't for you. I understand that. Why did you go comedy afterward? Is there a similar feeling you get somewhere? Well, of course.

It's like it's a complete risk. When you're on stage, you're walking this tightrope, and you could just die at any moment. A much more figurative death, though. Yeah, for sure, for sure. But it's the same kind of rush. It's the same kind of rush. Like when you get a package through, I can't describe it. It's like the hardest you've ever killed on stage. Right. When you know

that a box of 20 pounds of weed has just made it to Washington Heights, right? Because I was working with Dominicans up there too. When you find that out and you're like, so many people are going to be getting high off my shit. I did this. When you open up a box and $70,000, $100,000 falls out of it. Like it's the Wolf of Wall Street, bro. They're just sending you cash in the mail? Yeah. And that's how I got knocked. That's how I got pinched eventually.

They caught the money coming back, yeah. Okay, okay, before we get to you getting knocked. I'm sorry, we've gone on tangents here. No, this is how we do this. This is great. Okay, so you establish this relationship with the Italians, okay? When do they trust you? Because they've got to vet you. This is old-school mafia shit.

No, but their kids are all, you know, private school kids. They're all— So they get soft- Of course. They get dumb. They're fucking breaking all the rules. You know, nice kids, but they're idiots. Come on.

They're Italians. You know? Remember that thing we were saying about white people? Yeah, yeah. They're not white. And they're from, good call. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

That's right. They're Guineas from Philly. Yeah, exactly. So thank God for Italians. Yeah. It's just the last. Cool white people. Freedom.

No, no. It's the last. We can be racist. It's the only people that white people could still, it's the last. We can be racist. It's the only people that white people could still be racist against. And it's cool, you know? But they, like, I would open up a box or a UPS package with 20,000,

say it was like 20 grand in it, and it would just reek of weed. I'm like, I could smell this through the box practically. Like, it's like you guys are like smoking blunts and counting them. Blowing it over the money. I'm like, like you guys are like smoking blunts and counting them. Yeah. Blowing it over the money. I'm like, you got to send my money the way I wrap your dope.

That's kind of romantic. It's like when you spray a letter with cologne. You know, you're like, what are you thinking of me? Yeah, it's like I do it in jail, dude. So yeah, and that's ultimately, that's ultimately the way I got pinched was that, you know, a dog in a FedEx facility

popped and they put a little tracking device in there and then followed it to, you know, Portland, Oregon. Damn. So it was complete, it was a complete happenstance.

Like, they had no idea what I was doing. There was no big time... They just knew you were getting crazy money. Exactly. There was no big time setup on me.

It was nothing like that. Now, did you get a phone call or like a... A tip? Yeah, not even a tip. Like, did somebody back east go, hey, man, how are you feeling about this case? Oh, yeah.

Like they thought I might have fucking, might have been in there singing. Yeah, no, I never heard from them, but I mean, I never heard from them, but when I got out, I got a phone call from a few of them, and they were like, thank you. Oh, that's fire. You kept the game tight. That's fire. We appreciate it. And they were like, dude, if you want to get back to work,

we can do that. So I can get back in the game in a minute. I'm connected in Medellin. I can go get a brick for two grand. I can get $2 a gram. Think about that. Even now with talking about the game so much on YouTube and everything like that, they would still do business with you? No, no, no. This is when

I got out 10 years ago. Oh. This is when I got out 10 years ago. Yeah, yeah. I'm too famous now. I'm too popular. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, yeah, so that's that was kind of, that's how that imploded, you know? Which is stupid shit. Just getting lazy, getting sloppy. Before you got popped, if they're sending you and shortchanging you,

do you have any recourse about that? Like, the people that you're working with, if they don't send you the full amount? If you're $20 short with my fucking money, I will starve you. I'm Scottish like you. I'm a cheap motherfucker. You short me $20. Yeah, nothing's getting sent for a couple weeks.

Has that happened before? You got to call them up and be like, hey, are you counting wrong? Like, what's up? I mean, I sent, I met a few guys who I thought were going to become buyers, like in Ohio. And, you know, I would ship them a pound. Just to, you know, I sent a, I met a few guys who I thought were going to become buyers, like in Ohio. And, you know, I would ship them a pound just to, you know, test it out.

And I'd never hear from them. Yeah. But it's like, whatever. That's nothing. What? It's two Gs. Remember, it's the business expense. It's a write-off.

It's a write-off, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, in a game, you're going to have to take losses. And I know, I know this would take longer, but why weren't you just using people to drive it back and forth? I know, because it's just like, how can you move product that fast? But it's less risky. Yes, but also they have checkpoints on major highways. And you've got the car in your name.

Everything's tracked back to you. I mean, I wouldn't have a car in my name. That's crazy. But, like, I would... Just trying to bully you. This is my cover, by the way. Like, dumb white guy that doesn't know anything about drugs.

You look like a guy who arrested me. No bullshit. He looks like a fucking guy. They all dress like you. Keep talking. Like shit. Dress like they ain't got no money. Wait, wait, wait.

What does that mean? This is like sporty athleisure. You know what I mean? No, I'm not saying. No, no. This is like a good dress down thing. You know what I mean? You know?

I hate jocks, dude. Fucking bomber jacket, gonna pour the milk on me. We gotta go in the bathroom real quick. When I got arrested, I offered, you know, I tried to bribe the cops and shit. Wait, were you? Yeah, of course, bro.

How often does that work? Well, I'm 0 for 1. So, but it's not the feds. It's just three. You got the local PD? Bro, it was the local vice. So I was like, this is the time to do it. Yeah.

And I'm like, look at motherfucker. You're looking at a half a million dollars in cash right now. Your boss is not here. None of the boys are here. I will go get you another 200. You just got to give me a day and I got to get, I got to run. I got to make a run for it. This is my crazy brain.

I'm like, I got money hidden in all type of places. I'm going to run for the border. I'm going to go to Mexico and then Colombia. This is my thinking. So yeah, I try to, you know. Okay, how'd you pitch it? Mario Kart still playing. Just that. You literally... Just that. I was like...

They come in the room. I was like, guys, you hate your jobs, your wives are fat. Okay? I'm open with that. Your wives are fat. That was actually really smart. That was probably the best thing you could have said. No, no, no. But I was, no, no. It was, it was, it was just one guy in there.

Because they, they, they had like three or I think maybe there were four dudes there. And they were walking in and out. They're on their walkie-talkies. Like, have you heard of this guy, John Mitchell? Because, you know, when you, your name is in the system, it's bouncing around. You know, they're calling Homeland Security. Yeah, yeah. They're, they're, they're calling the DEI.

Have you heard of this guy? Nothing, nothing, nothing. He's got to be connected with a cartel because they saw the kind of money that I had in one place and they were like, oh, he's clearly this guy's a big time coke dealer, heroin dealer. And they just had no idea about it. No fucking idea. Why'd you have all your money in one place?

Well, it wasn't all the money in one place. It was just a big ship. Yeah, exactly. It was the one, the money was the one thing that I just didn't trust anybody to hold for me. Not really. You know what I mean? It's a hard thing. I want to get into the money thing a little bit.

Yeah. But after this. Okay, so there's one guy. So, and he was like the nice guy, you know? Yeah. You got your asshole and you get your nice guy. Yeah. And he was like, look, you could just sign a quick,

you just give a quick confession and like we will kick you loose, and we'll let you go out there and keep dealing, right? Are they saying this to you? Of course, this is how it works, dude. This is how it works. And explain why somebody wouldn't believe it. Because when you're out there dealing,

you can go, just like the cartel, a kingpin in Mexico every now and then has got to feed the government, a rival dealer. It happens on the street level, too. Like, we're going to kick you loose. We just caught you with an ounce of heroin. We're going to kick you loose and keep dealing. But every month, motherfucker,

we got to close up. We're going to need something. Oh, so you basically become the informant. You basically become the informant. You become... But you're still dealing. So they're allowing crime to happen, always, right? Trying to get the bigger fish and shit on that. Not even trying to get the informant, you become, but you're still dealing. So they're allowing crime to happen always, right? Trying to get the bigger fish and shit on that. I just, so cops never, not even trying to get the bigger fish, bro.

It's just, it's all a farce. It's quotas. Another fish is quotas. They need three motherfuckers a month. It's like podcasts. All that matters is numbers. All that matters is fucking numbers, bro. I just saw some shit online the other day.

They're the average salary for an informant is like 80K. 80K, bro? That's in one state. Wait, you get paid? Yeah. I didn't know you get paid to be an informant is like 80k. 80k, bro? That's in one state. Wait, you get paid? I didn't know you get paid to be an informant. Oh, yeah. So why are they still dealing? Because you have to deal.

That's how you stay in the game. You can't inform if you're not in the game. You're doing the work for them. That's why everybody's snitching. I'm giving deals to everybody. Everybody's getting free weed. 80k a year to snitch? That's more than most drug dealers make. Yeah, I know. giving deals to everybody. Everybody's getting free weed. 80K a year to snitch? That's more than most drug dealers, man.

Yeah, I know. You know, so, yeah, it's pretty foul. Everybody's snitching. Wow. And I was like, you know, like, of course I can't do that. You know what I mean? Yeah. And the whole time, I'm still thinking, like,

I'm going to get back into this. Like, somehow I'm going to wiggle out of this. They don't have any drugs. They got money. That's all they got. Yeah. And you know you're not snitching. You're assuming the people back home aren't snitching. No, no, no. I assumed they were snitching. I assumed my drivers, my mules were snitching. My brain's going crazy. Who's telling? Because I don't know at this point until we get the discovery paperwork how they pop me. And they pop you just from the UPS shit. Somebody smelled it. Exactly.

And, you know, iPhones had just come out. So, they were able to trace where I had been. They just plug this little machine. Oh, the cell tower shit. Exactly. And I was like, oh, boy. Oh, boy. They can't tell exactly where you are. They can just tell where you came from. Very close. Exactly. There's towers

everywhere now. If you didn't try to bribe the officer, what would they get you on? You just have a lot of money. They would get me on, well, they got me on money laundering, conspiracy. There was weed in the house, just personal weed, but that added up to like a half a pound. Conspiracy of selling. Yeah, they tied that in and all that. So they owe me charges. They, they tied that in and all that. So the OB charges were- They throw as much shit as they can.

As much as they can, and then you just knock as many down when you go to court. So I was just like, hey, and it was not this smooth. I'm gonna make myself sound cool. It was not this smooth. Because my mouth is right,

it's like when you're bombing on stage. You have no saliva in your mouth. You're terrified. You're like, my life is over. Give me this version. This one's really good. I just picture, yeah,

I picture a black butt fuck. You know, that's what it was going to be. You know why it's got to be a black guy? You know, because it would be. Who's gay first in jail?

Yeah, we take that to that. I feel like the whites go the gayest first in jail. Really? Of course, of course, because the black guys,

you guys don't do that sex play shit. If you're born before 1990 and you're black in America, like, yeah, no gay jokes. Now black kids have like gay fun.

Yeah. When we were growing up, they didn't do that. No fart fun and no gay fun. No, black people don't joke about farts. You guys are completely

missing out. Well, yeah, yeah. They're missing out on a lot of farts. No, Eddie Murphy said that in the delirious before he did the fart game. The fart game. Yeah. No, my mouth is open. Okay, so, all right, so. So, so, yeah. You're missing out a lot. No, Eddie Murphy said that in the delirious. The FOD game. The FOD game. The FOD game.

Yeah. Now my mouth is open. Okay, so, all right, so. So, yeah. Give me the pitch. So I was just like, I was like, there's more of this. Like, I was like, I have a safe deposit box. I can be back in an hour.

You just got to let me go before it closes. It was like 3 p.m. I'll go bring you back another $200,000. That's $550,000. Nobody's here. It's just us four. Take it all. I just need a day. And you were ready to leave? If you paid them off, why even stop? Why even leave the country? Because I'm assuming they're going to take the money and then still feed me. Yeah, exactly. Still feed me, right? And I was trying to be reasonable with them. I'm like, just let me go.

I'm not saying you just take the money and don't charge me. Just give me a head start. You know what I mean? Yeah, take $200,000 out, charge me with $350,000 in the fucking thing. I'm not going to say anything. Give me 24 hours to get the hell out of here.

You could say that I ran. Like, you could say whatever you want. That's a good deal. I'm trying to like say, I'm trying to work with these guys and these fucking dorks. Now, you could say whatever you want. That's a good deal. I'm trying to, like, say, I'm trying to work with these guys and these fucking dorks. Now, if this had been Philly, if this had been the East Coast,

these Irish cops, bro, they would have pitched it to you. How fast can you get to Columbia? They would have shared a joint in that one. They'd be rolling out the ice. They'd be on their new fishing boats in Florida right now.

You know? But these fucking Northwest dorks. You know what? Portland is the worst city in the fucking country. You know what I mean? So, no, the guy just looks at me and he just flipped. Like, he went from nice guy and he goes, you little fucking piece of shit. And he grabs me.

And he calls the dudes over. And he's like, guess what? Guess what this little motherfucker just insinuated? And they were pissed. Like, I thought they were going to start fucking me up, like really like laying hands on me. They were pissed off about it. Yeah.

So I guess cops think they're doing good for the community, and it's like it's an insult, I guess, to a cop who's straight that he would even consider taking my money. But I'm like, come on, dude. This was a shot in the dark. Just a pitch. It's like when you think a girl's into you. You're going to get some pussy.

You got a boyfriend, that's fine. I'll keep him moving. I misread that. You're going to punch me in the mouth. Seems unnecessary. Oh, I misread that entire situation. Okay, money. Did they throw extra on it because you tried to bribe them?

Yeah, it was a bribery charge. Which they couldn't prove, though. So it's real. Nothing's recorded. Did they throw extra on it because you tried to bribe them? Yeah, it was a bribery charge. Oh, yeah. Which they couldn't prove, though. So it's real. That's right. Nothing's recorded. Your word versus theirs. And I had to pay lawyers, so we fucking, we got that knocked off. Okay, money.

I think this is a couple things about money that I think I'm very curious about. There's obviously how much total you made, I'm curious about. Yeah, I made, I crested a million dollars. A year or? No, just total. Okay, so that's total. So you hit a million. And that means you have a million cash

or that means you're spending as you're making? That included the re-up. That included the re-up. But the re-up was only, the re-up wasn't more than like $150,000. Okay. Because, you know, I'm paying, I'm getting the ticket, I'm getting it for the low.

Yeah. So I'm really only have to bring the Mexicans $100,000. If I'm buying 50 joints, it's two a pop, more or less. Yeah. Right? In the summertime, it's going to be a little higher when supply is lower. But, you know, so yeah, a lot of that is just fucking cash.

So you're sitting on a million at one point. What is your get out number in your head? Yes. Dude, it started out with $100,000. $100,000. And then it just keeps. I'm like, God, $250,000. I feel that shit about stand-up.

Oh, facts, facts, bro. Facts. You're like, fuck. Facts, bro. The more you make, the more. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But your overhead is way lower than in this shit. You know what I mean?

So it's like, dude, I mean, there's no taxes. People are working for me for peanuts. This is during the recession. So I got nice college educated white dudes, women even, making that drive down there for me, mulling my shit back for like $100 a joint. But to them, it's like five grand just to do this? This is big money, you know?

Like I'm gonna do that. I'm hurting. So, but it's just insane. So 100,000 was like my get out number. Then it went up to 250. And I was like, yo, I looked at the forecast and I was like, okay, we're going to be at a million in no time. Let's just do that, right? But then I had this opportunity to go into business down in Columbia. I mean, I had a lot of business opportunities, but the get out plan was going to be this real estate deal I was going to do in Columbia. So I was, and that was going to cost me about four or 500 grand. So I'm like, ah, I gotta get, I gotta make that back. Like I'm going to invest that, but I want to get that. You want to be 1.5 so you can do that deal and still have the money. I want to be a million liquid plus whatever I have in assets. You know what I mean?

Fuck, you're so close. And that was just. And you were, I remember you saying you were like a few months away or something. Yeah. From being out. Okay, so where are you hiding the money? You're not just keeping a million dollars cash in one place. You know, I had shit in my parents' attic, had it in the garden, safe deposit boxes. Digging, bro.

Digging. I'm Mexican now. I am the Mexican now. So you're digging, you're putting it in the garden. You have some at your folks' place. Your folks savvy to it a little bit? Not to this level. Now, they knew throughout the years,

I'd be home from college, and my mom would be like, hey, I was cleaning your room, and I found like $50,000 in cash in your backpack, so you're gonna have to, you can't stay here. We know you're back dealing drugs, you know. But we'll still pay for college. you can't stay here. We know you're back dealing drugs, you know, but we'll still pay for college. You can't stay here for the summertime.

If it's about you, it's about them. They don't want their kids to not go to college. Of course. Of course. And the embarrassment too. Like that's the worst part. Yes, he sells drugs, but he got a bachelor's. Wow, man.

That's so great. So anyway, so I would stash it. It is true though. My mom found a little something to crib. he's wow man that's so great so anyway so I would stash it that is nuts it is true though my mom found a little something in the crib and almost disowned me

that was crazy also though like and this is no knock on like the black community or any like lower class communities it almost makes

drug dealing a little easier though what the fuck hear me out he doesn't know he's been to jail because he's so comfortable with casual racism that's been to jail? Hear me out. Because he's so comfortable with casual racism.

To be from Portland and then be like, yeah, the blacks are like this in prison. I work down from casual. Yeah, this is professional racism. No, but I'm saying if you're from a family of entrenched drug dealers. I'm not saying, say you're from Harlem and your uncle's been locked up and your fucking grandfather was locked up. This is the family business. And you get locked up. It's horrible.

It doesn't make the pain any less, but it's just a little more normalized. So, like, the embarrassment that a family that's not used to incarceration feels, it's enough for me to never do it again. I swear to God. Just the shame on the family, right? And, dude, and, like, W.E.B. Du Bois talked about that. He's like, that's the, or his counterpart, whatever the other dude was. That's what he said.

He was like, that embarrassment, that expectation that white people have is kind of what keeps them in school on the straight and narrow. You know what I mean? I knew, I was talking to a guy that got locked up. He did like 10 years for selling drugs in Boston. He said when he got locked up,

when he first walked into the prison, it was as if it was like college orientation. And you were like a sophomore and you saw a freshman from your school come in. They were all like, dude, we're waiting for you. Everybody knows everybody. And it was just like the guys on their block. And he was like, oh yeah, welcome to the crew. This is where we sit.

This is where we eat. We're waiting for you to show up. They got a seat for you. Yeah, literally. They were like, we knew you were going to be here. Yeah, yeah. So that's kind of what I mean by that. My parents were embarrassed I did this.

You know what I mean? The expectation is a real thing. A cultural expectation is huge. It's huge. Because even with the Sweden thing happening, even though I really didn't do something bad to get in that situation, the biggest thing I felt was guilt that I disappointed my mom. Yeah.

That was the biggest thing I felt. Yeah, that she did something wrong in raising you. And you know that she busted her ass to give you all the opportunities. Yeah, that she did something wrong in raising you, and you know that she busted her ass to give you all the opportunities. Yeah, because I'm going to be fine. You, you fell in. I was the man in there, though. I was the cool American.

You were their black friend. So the money's held, and your parents like... I got safe deposit boxes everywhere, connected to banks. Don't do that. Don't do that. Obviously not. Connected to banks. Don't do that. Don't do that. Obviously not. Connected to your name.

Like an LLC. Yeah. What's the best way to flip it? You obviously see the break and bash. Do you think about starting a business? Well, listen, I was very young. I was 22, 23 when this all started to pop off. So I was just started.

And that's really what began my financial literacy was because I would buy Rich Dad, Poor Dad, How to Invest. I was just started, and that's really what began like my financial literacy was because I would buy like Rich Dad, Poor Dad, how to invest. I was reading Warren Buffett. Dave Ramsey. Counting my fucking, yeah, counting my drug money

while I was reading, you know, fucking Mark Cuban's books, right? Yeah. And I should have started flipping it from the beginning. Yeah. From my first 50,000,

I should have started. And how would you flip it? How do you make it clean? Can you talk about the gifts? I would go buy, and I do a whole episode on this, episode five, how to launder your money.

Okay, they're monetizing it still on YouTube, crazy. Yeah. So I would start buying sneakers. Okay. I had 50 grand just to move. I would pay some kids to go stand down

at that Supreme store, right, and buy 50 grand worth of sneakers, and then we'd just go put those shits online and sell them. Even if you take a loss, 10 grand loss, you sell them for a little less. You just cleaned your money for 10% off. For 10%, bro, it's less than taxes. Explain to people what it usually costs to clean money.

Because you can get it professionally laundered, but what are they taking? They're taking like a third, right? I don't know. I have no idea. You know, like Scarface is like, they were talking about like 30%. Let me do three points on your money or whatever.

But I actually have no idea. That's the highest level. And even there, like, that's a way to get yourself caught because you've got a guy putting, you know, millions of dollars into a shell company. It's all traceable still. But when you take cash and buy... Oh, he's going to get clipped.

Of course. And he's going to talk about your ass. That's the first person they go after. Because the financial crimes are easier to, I guess, there's more evidence, there's more proof of these transactions. There's always a paper trail. Yeah. But if I'm...

Because we want it, low-key, because we want to make sure that we know where our fucking money is. Of course. Yeah, that's the only thing that you can't relinquish any trust, you know, or like any responsibility. It's like, I need to know exactly where the bank account is. I need to know where the, yeah. And because of that, there's no separation. There's no barrier. Dude, I talked to, I talked to Roger Reeves. He was Pablo Escobar's number one cocaine pilot, him and Barry Seale. I had him on my podcast.

He had like 50 million in Cayman Island bank accounts. And they went and they took all of it in one fell swoop. I'm like, it's not going to be me. It's not going to be me. I'd rather make 5 million bucks and just launder it over 10 years, 40, 50 grand at a time. Because if I'm the IRS, I could conceivably come to you, Andrew, and be like, where did you get the money to buy 100 pairs of sneakers? Yeah. But you just get lost.

There's no way. It's just too much. If you're paying your taxes, though. Exactly. You pay them off right away. So you have bills of sales. The only thing you don't have is bills of purchases, right? Bills of sales are for the sneakers, right?

Exactly. You don't have proof of making the money. Yes, exactly. And will they look at that kind of shit or what? Not at a low enough level. Again, $50,000, $100,000, I don't have proof of making the money. Yes, exactly. And will they look at that kind of shit? Not at a low enough level. Again, $50,000, $100,000, I don't think so. When you ping it around enough, and then you immediately take that 40 grand,

and you put it into some real estate. Yeah. Right? You're just making it inconvenient to track down. Of course. Make it as hard for them as possible. And I feel like if they're getting their pound of flesh, why would they even look into you?

Correct, correct. I'm almost like, if I'm the IRS, I'm like, you're paying at your 33% or 40%. Exactly. Like you, it's like you telling yourself first. Yeah, it's like, yo, you got your,

I'm paying you. I'm paying you. I'm coming to you. I'm not waiting for you to come to me. Yeah, why do you care where I got the money? Yeah, exactly. He also said there's a thing.

One of the dopest things I learned from watching your shit and whatever, the GIF situation. That's what I was just saying, the GIF. You can give a GIF up to what, 16? Yeah, and I didn't know this.

I actually did not know this. Well, that's the Shawshank shit. What's that? The scene in Shawshank. You can gift your wife up to 10 grand. Remember he tells the CO that? Oh, you love your wife? Yeah, he tells the CO that you could gift your wife up to,

yeah, he goes, do you love your wife? And the CO's about to beat the shit out of him. Dangling him over the building. Yeah, that's when he wife? And the CEO's about to beat the shit out of him. Dangling him over the building. Yeah, that's how he starts doing all the taxes. Okay, so break down the gifts. So now it's up to like, what did I say on the episode? $15,000. $16,000.

I had to research that because I did not know that back then. Somebody, if I'm your mom, I can gift you, just give you $16,000. Don't have to declare it on my end. And it's tax-free on your end. So, and actually I did that a few times, like, cause I did have an LLC open. I would just give my boys five grand each here. Let's fly to Vegas. Just don't burn it all on the chips. And then give me the receipts and we go cash out. And then we go put that back. Don't burn it all on the chips.

Yeah. Like here's five grand in chips, you know, lose 2,500 of it. And then we'll go. And then exactly. And then give me the bill of sale. So on a low level. You can have 10 friends give you a gift every year. Exactly. And it's 160,000 you just laundered. Exactly. As opposed to, hey, I'll cut you a check for 16,000.

You gift me 16,000 and now my money is laundered. Oh, so you're allowed to receive infinite gifts. Yeah. Correct. Tax free. Correct. There's no limit. There's no one per year.

So you have to basically give them money so that they can give you the gift. Correct. Now, if you're tied into a big, if you have a big federal RICO indictment, they're going to come lean on those people, right? But, you know, I give advice to like middle class, I'm making a million a year, drug dealers. Yeah. That's the way you do it is you get the fuck out of the game. Yeah. You know?

Is there a game now with like weed being legal, pharmaceuticals being so dope? Yeah. I almost feel like all drugs are getting squeezed out. Like, I mean that for real. Yeah, yeah, it's sad. Like, pharmacy. It's sad. It's sad.

There was a good, back in my day. The middle class drug dealers were just getting crushed. It was so easy, bro. It was back in the day. It was fucking, it was Coke, Heron, and weed. It was CBS, NBC, ABC. It was the simpler times. Now it's a goofy shit.

Yeah. It's goofy shit. It's goofy shit, but it's almost like more safe. It's like you could get a similar high from your parents' fucking, what's it called, medicine cabinet, right? Without the risk of having something illegal on you. The weed, you're just getting from the store. Yeah. So I'm like, yeah, being a drug dealer now. Nah, but the drug

dealers are, they're into the pills too. Oh, so they're basically getting the pills and then flipping the pills to people. Gotcha. Yeah, and I guess drug dealers are selling perks and perks. What do you get for that? I don't know. It was never my game.

I never liked small change. I never liked small change items. I've heard that weed has actually become more popular for small drug dealers now that it's been legalized. Actually, that's true. Why is that? Because the taxes. 80% or 75% of the marijuana market in California

is still illegal. It's still in the black market. That makes sense because if you decriminalize it, now I don't have any risk in buying it from a drug dealer. And if I'm a drug dealer, I don't have any risk in selling it because it's decriminalized.

And if it's that much cheaper, these dumb motherfuckers tax weed into more drug dealers again. Exactly. These fucking idiots. More people are smoking weed on top of that.

So if I'm a kid that's like, oh, I don't want to risk smoking weed, but now I'm like, oh, I love weed. Now that's legal. It's better for the consumer. It's worse for the dealer because everybody's dealing now, too. So there's crazy competition. Back in my day, I took that risk knowingly because nobody else wanted to take it more or less, and that's where that

vig, that fee came in. Now everybody's selling it. The only way to really get rich as an American drug dealer is to have huge grows, huge, and then sell it wholesale to a bunch of dispensaries. So the jail was a big barrier to entry that allowed you to make money. Absolutely. Because most people are not risking jail. Guys like me, like there's no more. There's no more just got middlemen, pure middlemen, never touched the scale. I go take the bricks and just give them to the next guy. Right. Right. Because now, because now if I'm a drug wholesaler, a dealer in Philly, New York, I can just go

straight to California and make a deal with the grower himself. Right. But back in the day, those were secret connections. Oh, because now that the growers are public. Exactly. You can Google them. You can call them. They're all on Snapchat and Instagram. Yeah. Oh, shit, because they have no cost. There's no risk for them to be public. Bro, they take down these huge grows out in the desert, like Palm Springs area, greenhouses with tens of thousands of plants. They'll raid it like it's a drug raid.

Nobody will go to jail. Just write them a ticket. Here you go. Wow. Are you able to, like, suss out when someone's playing with drug money? What do you mean? Like, if you had gotten out clean, you would have had this real estate business.

You would have been chilling on like a mill and everyone would have been like, wow, this guy's just like good at business or something. Or if his parents gave him money, whatever, they would have thought something about you. But if I meet someone that has like a small business and they're like making a bunch of money and I don't really get it, I never assume drugs. I always assume like inheritance or their genuses or Bitcoin or some shit. Are you able to like figure out like, oh, no, this person's playing with drug money? Well, if they're white, I always assume it's an inheritance. You know what I mean? Like financially responsible.

No, I don't even know. I don't think like that, right? Like if somebody's good at legal business, it doesn't matter how they got their drug money because they would have been good at this shit regardless. That's interesting. Wait, wait, wait. Do you really believe that? Yeah. Yeah. I hear people say that, but I don't buy it. You don't think Jay-Z would be Jay-Z

if he didn't sell drugs? He totally would. Wait, wait, wait. What was the question just so I can understand? You don't think Jay-Z would be Jay-Z right now if he never sold drugs? I think Jay-Z happened to be a really good businessman that also sold drugs. I think there are a lot of people who sell drugs. I think it's a much easier thing to be profitable on

because there's much less competition, right? Jay-Z needed the drug game to give him something to talk. What do you mean? Jay-Z needed the drug game. You open a pizza shop, it's like 75 fucking pizza shops in New York. If you're selling cocaine, it's like not that many people are going to take that risk.

Sure, sure. So when you have something simple like a pizzeria, of course having a bunch of drug money helps you expand right away, right? But you probably could have, you could have done that regardless. It would have just taken you longer. You know what I mean? I feel like selling drugs

would be helpful for international export import businesses, even if they're legit. Because it's about building those relationships and making sure that there's enough of a moat around those relationships where you can get that product, be it legal or illegal. It could be fucking olive oil. But being able to connect that person with this person over here, like what you're doing, right? Building enough connections in fucking a developing country. You can see a country kind of changing around. You go, oh, I need to tap into certain industries.

Right, right. I feel like drug dealers would be really good at that. But once it's open market, I don't know if I could say specifically that they could apply the same business practices to, like, you really want to compete with Bezos? Like, there's no way. You know what I mean?

These guys are savages. Yeah. Well, drug dealing built a lot of America. Definitely go to Medellin. I mean, it looks like fucking Beverly Hills is crazy. Miami, too.

Miami. Culiacán, Mexico, dude. Yeah. There's no homeless people. I mean, Los Angeles absolutely looks worse than Culiacán, Mexico. Really?

But the only legal industry is tomatoes. And they're farmers. You know what I mean? That's how they learned how to grow weed good back in the day. But that money absolutely

pays for public work shit, you know, all different kinds of things. Wow. But, you know, to your point, like, I don't know. I think good business people

would be that way regardless. Just drugs gave them a boost. Let me put it this way. I think it's very possible that there are people that are good at business and happen to fall into drug dealing. And I think it's also possible that there are people that are good at business and happen to fall into drug dealing.

And I think it's also possible that there are people who aren't that good at business, but since they're dealing drugs, they're having more success than they would in traditional business. I think that Jay-Z is a specific type who's like, yeah, whatever he was going to do, he was going to be really good at it. And also, Jay-Z didn't take his drug money and start Rockefeller.

That was like Biggs Burke. That was Don. Who was it? Biggs. Biggs, who ended up getting locked up. So it wasn't even his drug money and start Rockefeller. That was like Biggs Burke. That was Don. Who was it? Biggs, Biggs, Biggs, who ended up getting locked up. So it wasn't even his drug money. It was just his selling drugs that gave him something to talk about. I think you're doing, I was thinking about this. I think that you're doing a good job of like embracing a thing that people are interested in. And like what I think a lot of people do is when they want to get into standup,

but they're known for another thing, they almost like have like a resentment for, I know you've been doing standup a while, but they almost have like this resentment for this other thing that they're known for. And it's like, that's, you're lucky people know you for something. You got to get it how it comes.

Yeah, and then you funnel a certain, like for me, for earlier in my career, I was doing obviously MTV stuff. I had this podcast with Charlamagne Tha God. And I knew that a certain amount of those people might be interested in my standup. And I was so grateful that I could funnel some of them. And then that was able to grow and build all these kind of cool things. But I think it's a smart thing that you don't go, oh, I need to only be seen as a standup comic.

It's like, this is an interesting part of your life that you clearly are passionate about. And I think it's smart to funnel. And then hopefully you get 10%

of these people that start to like it. And then that 10 turns to 20, 30, 40. But don't, yeah, that would be my only advice. It's like, embrace this. You gotta take

what the game gives you. I mean, it's like the drug game, right? Like, I can't go be a kingpin anymore, but you know, the game gave me this. I was born, you know, in an era, in a historical era, in a geographically advantageous place.

And it's like, I can't be a crack kingpin, but like I can go do this. And let me just work with what I got and play the cards I'm dealt. Was there any party that was like, oh, I'm going to try to link up with the Mexicans or Colombians and just work on that end? And like go higher than middleman shit? Or are you not allowed in because you're not family?

Well, that, that. But I did have one of them approach me to bring me in on like a big time like Coke shipment. Because I can see you being beneficial for them. Like, okay, I'm like good at business, white dude that can interface with all these white middlemen in the country. Safe, and I speak Spanish. I speak Spanish. Well, now if I was still in the game,

I'd be at the border. Because back in the day, they would only sell to their people, right? Right. But as I told you, now it's Americans going down to the border and buying wholesale from the cartel. And the cartel's retreating back to the safety of Mexico.

So I could go down to Tijuana and be like, I will go in on, I got 100 kilos, I got to move, right? You've got a couple of mules. I'll split the cost with you, but I'm just going to pay for all these bricks right here, right now. So you're saying you would go across the border? Yep, because you get them for 10 grand cheaper just by crossing that in business. And you just drive it

into Tijuana. And that is the leverage point. The leverage point is controlling the distribution. It's easier to buy it on this side because the risk has already been taken.

Of course, of course. You want to take the risk because there's the bread with the risk, right? The bigger the problem, the bigger the money associated with it. The bigger the risk,

the bigger the reward. Yeah, so okay, break that down. Now, this is kind of fun. Now, if you were to get in the game, can you talk about it? Yeah, you can talk about it. Okay, now if you're getting in the game,

how do you do it? How do you get it across? How do you stay safe? How do you monitor the money? How much money am I starting with? Just make up a number. Make up a reasonable number. 100,000?

Is that reasonable? I think 100 is... 100,000? Yeah, yeah. So I could, you know, a price at the border with my connections. No, let's back up.

If I got 100, I'm going straight to Medellin. Assuming you're not a felon so you can cross. Right. I can go anywhere. I got passports. I got a Canadian passport.

Oh, really? Bro, I got an easy pass, dog. Okay, good, good, good, good. I'm saying start at zero. Even though you have some connections, but you're not, you haven't gotten clipped yet. Yeah, okay. So say I got 100 racks. Yep. Okay, so I'm going to at zero. Even though you have some connections, but you're not, you haven't gotten clipped yet. So you're-

So say I got 100 racks. Yep. Okay, so I'm gonna go to Medellin because I can go to La Oficina, who are the offshoots of the Pablos and Jorge's Medellin cartel. Yep. They're the guys who are running it now.

So I would go, I would say, just give me five joints. It's 10 grand. Five joints is- A joint is a kilo. Okay, so five kilos. Give me five units. Okay.

Give me five units, and I'm just going to stick them in the mail. 2,000 a unit? Yeah, that's 10 grand. That's an easy risk. I'm going to pay somebody to help me disguise it. Maybe they work at DHL, which is International FedEx, right? And I'm simply going to, and I'll create a fake company, do all that groundwork, and I'm simply going to mail it to the United States.

Hold on. As simple as just buying it in Columbia. Yeah. You take the Coke. You just mail it to- Dress it up. Where would you mail it in the United States? How do you dress it up?

I would mail it to, I'd have to think about that. I mean, maybe you mail it to a Columbia neighborhood like Jackson Heights, Queens, right? Because it's a... There's an expectation. Why wouldn't something Colombian go to Jackson? Now, are they going to look at extra closely? Is DHL going to look extra closely in any Colombian

package? It will only be customs on that side. It will only be customs that look on the Colombian side. You mean American customs? It'll just be the same as any sorting facility package. It'll just be like, it's just a risk. And they do random audits, right? Yeah, just random audits. Okay, so you're playing the numbers.

Exactly. And down there, it's virtually impossible because I'm dealing with the right people to get knocked. I'm not getting arrested down there. It's not happening.

So, you know, and maybe I find a product. What does Columbia export a lot of to the U.S.? Furniture. Coffee, fine. But let's do something a little less hack.

We're talking about airplane less hack what the fuck else they known for furniture Colombian furniture who's buying Colombian furniture that's like the easiest premise

coffee yeah you said what are they known for this is jail name a fucking Colombian chair fake tits dude

we're gonna smuggle them in a bitch's fake tits not a bad idea could we fit in fake like coke in fake tits

write that down that could be good. Okay, fine. I don't know. But we're going to make it really small though. Really small. Coffee is like,

that's a whole thing. It's enough to fit in like two boxes. You know? So let's find like a product owned by a company. Like a Wayfair dresser or something like that.

Yeah, exactly. That's listed for a lot of money. That really is what they're known for is exporting furniture. So it's just something like that. And listed for a lot of money. That really is what they're known for is exporting furniture. So it's just something like that. And then we just go like this. So what, it gets intercepted?

I'm going to know because you can track a package from its origin point where you dropped it off. Where do you send it to so it doesn't have any connection to you? Bro, I'd be online back in the day like, oh, okay, my weed's in Louisville.

No, no, but where do you send it to? Oh, sorry, go ahead. Where do you send it to? What address do you send it to? So if it does get clipped, because if it does get clipped, they're probably gonna notify somebody and say, listen, there's a guy over here

that was trying to send cocaine to this address. You guys should look into it now. Well, usually they'll contact that person. They'll have somebody, if a box gets picked up, say it's coming to you in whatever city, a box gets picked up, they're gonna call you from FedEx. An employee will call you and be like, hey, there was a problem with your package. It's down here. Just come down and pick it up. And you're going to say, kiss dicks. So that's probably what would happen, something like that.

But immediately, if it doesn't get there when it says it's going to be there, it's a dead package. So that's how we would do it. But aside from like going straight to the source and mailing it, okay, we're going down to Mexico. I'm going to take a hundred grand down there. You can just drive it in from California. There's no, you don't even go through checkpoints. That's how much they're like, yeah, you can just go to Mexico. We don't give a fuck. It's coming back, right? So I would drive 100 grand down there. I'd link up with whoever my connect is, and I would use him, pay him to introduce me to people that can run it across for me. So you basically tell the connect where are the mules?

Yeah, exactly. Because I thought you were saying earlier that they basically stop at the border and they make the people up north. But the big guys, you know, if you got 100,000 or half a million to spend and you're an American drug dealer, you're not driving that shit across. Of course not. You're paying, you know But the big guys, if you got $100,000 or half a million to spend and you're an American drug dealer, you're not driving that shit across.

They have guys, that's like what they do for a living. So you basically run the same risk. They're going to stop X amount of the cars and you hope that they don't stop the cars. Exactly. Do you pay off a specific border agent? So I knew a guy, Mexican, who had one friend who worked at,

on the American side, he was a Mexican-American, worked for the border at the San Ysidro crossing into San Diego. One day a month, the cartel paid him, I want to say 40 grand every month. For one day a month, they would give him the license plate number and just, he would see it because he was working at the checkpoint stand and would just pass him through. That's it, yeah. So that happens a lot. And that's not even anything special.

Nothing special. It's nothing super deep. You only choose a few cars anyway that you're going to stop. And you're a border guard, you make an extra half a million a year. Wow. Yeah.

Do you think every single border guard is getting paid like that? Not every single one, but there's a shitload. Would you say half? I mean, it seems like so insignificant. So insignificant. It's one car.

Yeah. One day a month. Yeah. You let it go. No, as many cars. He would say, like, if you had three license plates, that's just one day a month. But it's one day a month. Whatever you can get through.

So the other days, you can clip shit. Of course. So no one even knows. Of course, of course. In fact, I'll do you one better, border guard. I will let you know when some mules are bringing some drugs over. And I'll clip them so nobody says anything to you. It's that dirty.

And so they're feeding people. Yeah, they feed people. Oh, fuck. Do those mules know that they're food? No, they don't know they're food. Wow. I hooked up with this chick in Columbia. She had swallowed cocaine before.

Bad bitch, right? But poor, you know? So it's either you marry a cartel member or like, can you fit a half a kilo in that cute little tum-tum and walk across, you know, and fly to New York? And she would be like, yeah, you know, there'd be like 10 of us on a plane, but I only knew about one of them. And she was like, yeah, I know the cartel will call up TSA and be like, look out for Maria Consuela. Yeah. But then the other eight walk through. It's dirty, bro. It's dirty. Dirty. So yeah, I wouldn't want to, I would not do any of that. That's real. That goes from being businessman, drug dealer to criminal. Yeah. You're fucking people's lives up. Yeah,

exactly. It's snitching. It's ratting. It's despicable. But paying somebody a fair price for the risk, you know the risk, baby. And say I got 20 kilos that I bought. We're going to break them up into four different cars, five kilos at a time. So if one gets clipped, that's okay. We get 75%. Exactly, and that's still profitable.

That's still profitable. And I just bought them for 12 grand apiece. And then I'm just breaking, and then what I would do is, is we're just gonna go stone for stone on that. Maybe sell ounces, just kibbles, we're just gonna break it up,

gram, you know, eighth, half ounce at a time. Like if I got 10 kilos across, I'm taking my time. I'm squeezing all the profit out of it. I'm not gonna sell wholesale. Even though I could sell it for a 10 grand markup wholesale to a dealer,

I'm just going to bust it down and just sell it out. Why not just run it back if you have a good operation? No, because I maximize, because I can either make 10 grand selling it to you wholesale or I can make almost 100,000. A gram of good blow, like unstepped on blow

in LA right now is 100 bucks. That's $100,000 off 1,000 grand in a kilo. This is over a few months. And I just paid 12 grand for it, you know, plus whatever my costs were. And you can charge even more if they know your stuff is trustworthy because there's so much fentanyl out there. Oh, exactly. If you have good Coke, now it's a great time to be a good Coke dealer.

Yeah. Look, man. So that's how I get back in the game. What do you think the answer is to this Coke issue and just in general, fentanyl? Like what's going wrong? Dove is very concerned. Yes, yes. Thank you, Rachel Maddow.

I appreciate that. I don't want to pick Maddow. But no, there's no solution. Everybody's going to keep doing it. It hasn't stopped anybody. I mean... You think legalization would help clean things up a lot? No, I don't think so.

I don't think so. Because Americans don't do shit right ever. Like we tried, they tried to legalize or decriminalize shit on the West Coast, right? Like, it's not like Europe, where they just, like, have a system in place, like, drugs are legal, but you have to go to, like, a clinic to do it. And, oh, you're homeless?

We're gonna immediately get you off the street. Vancouver has, like, a block. It's like Amsterdam, where you can, like, do drugs on the block. Alright, guys, we're gonna take a break for a second, because I got to tell you all about something near and dear to my heart. Sri Lankan sweatshops that won't even let women piss when they want to. Basically telling them to sweat it out. They said, listen, you got fluids you need to get out of your body? You might as well sweat it out.

That's bullshit. That's bullshit. You know what they make in them sweatshops? They make an underwear in them sweatshops, not the underwear I wear. No, I would never wear underwear from a Sri Lankan sweatshop that's making women hold their piss, okay? In a normal factory with bathroom breaks. Benefits. Benefits, the good stuff. Culprit is that.

You can feel good about your underwear. My point is, Culprit is the only underwear I wear, and they're gonna send you to UFC 287. We're going to see our boy Izzy Adesanya get revenge, okay? Adesanya Pereira. I'm telling you, this is the game. Masvidal burns. They're sending you to the fight. And if you go and buy corporate underwear using the code Miami, you're getting 20% off your order and you're not supporting them Sri Lankan sweatbags. That's what they call them. That's what they call them. That's a crazy name for someone who's working hard making underwear. Call them sweatbags.

You know, you could call. The point is, go to culpritunderwear.com, use the code Miami at checkout for 20% off, and you'll automatically be entered to win a trip to Miami for UFC 287. There you go. All right, guys, we'll take a break for a second because I got to tell y'all about hard dicks. You already know what the fuck time it is.

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I'm just riffing on this copy right here. You know what I'm saying? My point is, what you need in your life to impress, maybe it's your wife, maybe it's your girl, maybe it's your side chick, but what you need in your life to impress, maybe it's your wife, maybe it's your girl, maybe it's your side chick, but what you need is hard dick and bubble gum. Bluechew.com. Make sure you use that promo code flagrant.

You can get your first month free. All you got to do is pay $5 shipping. Think about that. Bluechew.com. Make sure you use that promo code flagrant. All you got to do is pay $5 shipping. Think about that. BlueChew.com. Make sure you use that promo code flagrant. All you got to do is pay $5 shipping. Let's get back to the show. Also, I'm going to be in your city quite possibly, probably, especially if you're in Miami, March 9th through 11th. Hurry up and buy your tickets. Also, this date just got announced. I'm going to be in Denver at the Comedy Works, April 20th through April 22nd. Again, this is

one of the best comedy clubs in the country, from what I understand, so please show up and show out. Also, if I'm there on 420, I'm probably going to be high on stage. Why would I not be? It's Denver. What the fuck else am I doing? And before I get to, get those tickets at akashsingh.com and before I go, I wanted to let you guys know

my homie, real sick battle rapper, hit me up. And he said there is a Pat Stay Memorial event in Toronto, February 25th and 26th. Obviously, Pat Stay, legendary battle rapper, big fan of the podcast, always supported us. We want to support him and his family. So get your tickets for that at KOTD.com. It's going to be a crazy battle. Battle rappers from every league.

Apparently, that's a big deal. That doesn't happen often. So get your tickets there for that as well if you're in Canada or anywhere nearby. Let's get back to the show. However, I think in Switzerland, because Switzerland used to have a really bad heroin problem, I really think they're government clinics

that are injecting synthetic heroin into junkies now. I think Portugal legalized everything. They did back in the day because it was such a bad drug problem. But you still go to prison for selling drugs. Yeah, it's the usage that is decriminalized. Yeah, exactly. But they do that in Portland now, Seattle, San Francisco. Portland, I know you can buy shrooms

and shit legally. Yeah, all those super... And it's a mess. It's a mess. But is it a mess before... Yeah, I don't know. I don't know the solution. Why can't... Separate note, like, why is... Why are white people in Portland so fucking weird, bro? You're the only, like, normal guy

that I've met from Portland. I mean this sincerely. You're from Eugene, though. There's something dark out there. No, I didn't know you were from Portland. I'm not even trying to, like, bust balls.

I'm being dead serious. This is dope. All my people in Portland are going to see this. Go in. No, but there's, like, Mark said it. He was like,

yo, like, I think this is what happens when white people don't have God. And, like, no, and I mean that. There's like too many strip clubs.

There's just, there's not enough sun and there's like this apathy. It's like an amorphous blob of humanity. Bro, there is like a sapping, just draining energy

What the fuck is that about? Well, look, I grew up in 90s Portland, so a little different. Believe it or not, I did not know one trans person. I didn't even know

Portland's trans. And scores of black people. I knew that back in the day. Now, everybody's got blue hair. Everybody is Antifa. Or, yeah, they're just white people with no ambition, right? Yeah, searching for some sort of identity they can latch on because they're miserable. There's no sun.

New York has hustle because it doesn't rain as much. You think Portland had rained so much, we were like, I'm not going out in the fucking rain. Yeah, the raining is a, the raining is like a really disgusting,

like, cold is one thing, but there's something about rain that just, man. But Seattle's all right. Think about Ireland. Seattle's cool. Think about Ireland.

Ireland creates this beautiful art. Like, you look at like, music, poetry, like these actors, I mean, film, it's like, Ireland is like white Jamaica. That's the way I look at it,

where it's just this tiny little island that produces all this amazing art that the world loves and consumes. But like, struggle too, though. It comes from struggle. It is from that. It comes from struggle. You know, white people from the West Coast have no identity. These motherfuckers in Portland acting like they're struggling but don't make any art. No. Maybe back

in the day, where was, no, Seattle. It was Nirvana. We had Everclear, you know, like, like, why is there so much KKK still up there? I don't know.

Isn't that where the, I think like the Northwest was kind of founded on some like, let's be racist. I think wherever you find white people in the woods, you're going to find KKK.

It's a lot. Mark actually had a good point when we went to Seattle and he was saying Washington was kind of founded on this white supremacist idea and then you have the people who reject that

so they're going to be the most liberal people on Earth. The more racist the place is, the more liberal the capital city is. Yes, exactly. And I don't want to say

that Texas is racist or whatever, but Austin is super because of how rah, rah, rah Texas is. And I think you'll see that in most places. It's counter-cultural. Absolutely.

Yeah. But to your question, I mean, I think that's what it is. Yeah, it's just, it's not having culture. It's not having enough diversity. And it's just, it ain't nothing to do. And it's, everybody's kind of comfortable, you know? It's boring as fuck. But I grew up, thank God, pre-gentrification.

Thank God. Like I, my parents were both lawyers. Ninth grade, my boy, whose father I later ended up being my connect, bro, he's got like a gun and a sack, an ounce of crack in gym class. I'm holding. You know what I mean? Like, that's the kind

of dichotomy it used to be. That was pre- gentrification. That was pre-gentrification. But then, like, the mid-2000s, it's like, you know, Portland became the hot city. Like, Austin is the hot city right now. That's how like Portland used to be like a mid-level city will just have a moment, you know? Yeah. And that's kind of how it was. And then, you know, like all the black people lived in the inner city. Like I'm right on the line. Oh, you're saying the white people moved into the inner city. Exactly. And I'm from the inner city. So I'm from, I grew up like, like one block

from like the red line where you were not supposed to cross, you know, but there was tons of blending. Yeah. You know, I was like fortunate.

Like it was a good place to grow up. Yeah. But now it's just, you know, it's just blended into like. So you feel it too. I'm not,

I'm not biased when I say this. Like, would you say that most people from Portland also, that like grew up there, they recognize, because I would ask the Uber drivers, I'd be like, from Portland also, that like grew up there, they recognize, because I would ask the Uber drivers,

I'd be like, yo, what's up with this place? Yeah. And they would be upset in it too. Yeah. Maybe they feel like there's been some kind

of transition that happened there. Yeah, I think it was, it was the gentrification. It was the gentrification. They just, what, they moved the black people around? No, they just came

into the black community and just bought up the houses. I mean, black people bubbled off that shit too, you know. That's the black people around? No, they just came into the black community and just bought up the houses. I mean, black people bubbled off that shit, too, you know? That's the thing about gentrification. People forget in cities not like New York where, you know, a lot of these black communities, they're living in government housing already. Like, black people in cities that have been gentrified around the country own that fucking property a lot of it. They got bought out of it. That's such a small group, that.

I don't know. I don't know the stats, man. But, like, okay. It's not worth it. They got bought out of it. It's such a small group that... I don't know. I don't know the stats, man. But like, okay. It's not worth it. Or landlords sold, right? More like that. And then everything gets knocked down. Yeah.

But, you know, like I was up in Harlem. They're making money off gentrification in Harlem. They're charging one price on Wednesday and they're charging the fucking...

The white price. It's like Cuba. There's two different... Yeah. There's two different currencies. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's how I get bet. Yeah, no, which is dope, though. Get it, bro.

You were saying that European cartels make more money than Colombian cartels. Absolutely, yeah, yeah. Their markup, their profit is higher than Colombian cartels. But is it the same hustle where you're just doing DHL packages over to— No, no, no, no, no, dude. The Albanians in London. The Italian mob in Drangheta. Yeah, and then in Drangheta there, because they got the big port there.

Bro, they're going so far as to like send their people to set up shop in Colombia, right? They're starting Colombian families, setting up these big distribution networks where they buy companies, have shipping routes. And so they're me buying the brick for $2,000 in Medellin, but $2,000 at a time. And they're getting them to their people in London where they're going for $60 wholesale. They're using deals in the shipping routes, like where they're in the shipping business. They'll come into like where they trade conflict diamonds and make deals with those guys to say, don't touch our drugs. We won't touch your conflict diamonds.

There's a show called, if you want to see this, it's called Zero, Zero, Zero. It's on Amazon. It's a good show. And they talk about like in Rangita where you have to be in the family working with Colombian. And do the cartels in Colombia give them any pushback for going to Colombia and starting like setting up shop? No, I don't think so, because they still own the factories.

They still own the source of the coke. Yeah, they still have the coke. They're not getting in that part of the business. But they love it, I think, because it's like, you know, the Mexicans don't need them. I mean, obviously, they take them, but they don't need them. But coke is, coke in Europe right now is what it was in America in the 80s. Oh, it's just fire. It's fucking everywhere.

Yeah, it's fire. Right, right. Yeah, so. No, for real, there's good coke in the 80s. Oh, it's just fire. It's fucking everywhere. Yeah, it's fire. Right. Yeah, so. No, for real. Yeah, yeah. It's good coke in the 80s, right? Yeah, yeah. 80s were fun.

Nobody's upset. Some good music. We missed the fuck out. Yeah, we were all born then. That's why our music was still sad in the 90s. Yeah, exactly. No, the 80s was fire, bro.

Yeah, yeah. But I mean, it's like the popularity of it is what I meant. Like, it's, you know, like bus drivers in Spain are doing it. Like it's really like that kind of thing. And you talk to these kingpins uptown, and I'm like, how is this,

how are you making so much money? They were like, it's simple. 95% of the people were on drugs. That's how a junior kingpin, a 21-year-old kid, in a week could be a millionaire. Off crack cocaine. Not even, didn't even have a source, was buying it from another black dude or a Dominican who was wholesaling it from a Colombian. So the whole community.

It was lines. It was drug lines. Well, unfortunately, they really missed out because if they could have, like, obviously it's a fantasy. But think about millions of dollars in your community. What a fucking asset. What a blessing that is. Yeah. It really was.

That's some Nino Brown shit, right? You could argue it was a better time because a young man now who still doesn't have the same opportunities that a white person has, education system still fucked up, family still in prison, he now doesn't even have the fucking streets to go feed him. Now, what would the argument against it be? First of all, there is way less racism. There is more opportunity now. Not as much, but there's a lot more opportunity now. Right, right.

And you don't have a whole community that's missing doing life. Yeah. You know what I mean? So that's, you know, it's the given. I hear what you're saying about, like, financial upside. And, like, as you kind of, like,, that's, you know, it's the given. I hear what you're saying about like financial upside and like, as you kind of like zoom out of, you know, American, when you look into like American excellence and like, you know, historic American families, like you go back far enough, they all sold some illegal shit. He says this. Teddy Roosevelt.

Bro, the grandfather Roosevelt. Kennedy. Kennedy. Joe was mobbed up. Joe Kennedy. I mean, that guy's a boss. Like he literally was like, yeah, my kid's going to be president. And then his kid got fucking lopsided in the war. And boss like he literally was like yeah my kid's gonna be president and then his kid got

fucking lopsided in the war and then it was like okay my other kid will be president and then it happened it happened like because he's talking to Chicago

the Chicago mob yeah you know yeah there's some yeah there's some rumors about Adnock because of course well

JFK went in there and he's like I think we're shutting down the mob and he was like whoa how about we fucking reach out and touch you how about your brother

is a holidick yeah how about that yeah yeah out and touch you? How about your brother is a hole in his head? How about that? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but I,

yeah, so I think it's, I understand the frustration, I'm sure, when a community looks at like these, like you see these last names, the Kennedy Center in DC and it's just like some fucking drug dealer

is now lauded over and exalted and if you're a great performer, you get to perform at the Kennedy Center. That's like, this is how we celebrate you. And if you're a great performer, you get to perform at the Kennedy Center. That's like, this is how we celebrate you. You go to some fucking crack dealer's theater.

Well, money can buy your reputation, right? Yes. They're paying for it. They're not doing it because he's a great guy. But think about making your kid president

removes any stain from your legacy. That's the beauty of it. You buy a library at a college. If you guys see Narcos season three, that's what the Kali cartel was trying to do. The Cali cartel, so after Pablo gets knocked, it's a true story, the Cali is number one.

So there's Medellin and there's Cali. Sorry, Pablo is Medellin. Yep. And the Cali cartel, who's actually bigger and moved more product, they're the biggest drug traffickers in history. They were just low-key about it. They were fly about it and shit, you know?

They didn't cause violence. Oh, so even back then, Pablo wasn't number one. No. In fact, he was kind of like what Chapo was, like really more of a manager. It was Jorge Ochoa, who, by the way,

we're interviewing next month in Columbia. Wow. That's crazy. Yeah, yeah. We're going to his ranch. He's in it. The Ochoas are in the show, right?

Yeah, in the series. Exactly. So he was the founding... Is he out the game? Is that why he's going? Yeah, he's out the game. Okay, okay. He's out the game. So, you know,. Is he out of the game? Is that why he's going? Yeah, he's out of the game. Okay, okay. He's out of the game.

So a lot of these guys got out, and their money is carrying them. I mean, look at Miami, bro. Yeah, yeah. A lot of these white boys that worked with the Colombians, they took deals, right? So they ratted, got out in 12, 15 years, and they got millions of dollars, and they are living. Living life. Yes, and their generational wealth is creating- Go back to this.

But Kali, that's what Kali was trying to do. They made a deal with the government after Pablo got whacked. Now the spotlight's on them. Remember, because it's all about publicity. You don't want the fucking hot potato.

You don't want the- It's like you almost want Pablo to be there getting all the shyness. Of course. That lets you operate. Of course. Of course. And that's why El Mayo

from the Sinaloa cartel was like, when Chapo started getting— Yeah, he let him get the shot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He'll be the headliner. But it just can't be too big. Exactly.

Okay, so— So, Kali went to the government of Colombia and was like, we will surrender. We will get out of the game. We'll do a little prison time down here. We're going to hold on to our assets. Yeah. But we will make no violence, and we will relinquish. We will walk away.

And he references Joe Kennedy. He's like, there was a man named Joe Kennedy in Spanish and his children went on to become políticos and all that stuff. Because that's what Joe was

with alcohol, right? He was a bootlegger. Exactly. I'm pretty sure. Yeah, he worked with the bootleggers. I don't know how involved, like he was hands-on, probably pretty hands-on actually

because they had connections. They were getting it from Ireland. These are Irish dudes. So they're bringing it in from Scotland and Ireland. So if the black people in the 80s hadn't had those sentences that just knocked them out of the game, life. Oh, fuck, those 25 years kills you.

If you're back in three, you have all the money that you need. Yeah, 10 years. Yeah, yeah. So, you know, you guys have fun. It's actually fucking dumb. It was dumb of, like, the American judicial system system in a way.

Because it's like if they go, listen, if they come back in three and we make it hard enough for them to continue to sell drugs, now you just have all this money that's in this community and hopefully they do legit things with it. You build up these communities that have been historically suppressed. I don't think America is concerned with building up the communities. I think that's the point. Yeah, but you have to understand also from their perspective, which is like,

it costs them money to police these communities, put them in jail. Like there are certain costs on the government and on the cities that they don't want to incur. If it had been Mexico, dude, yeah.

What do you mean by that? Because Mexico works that way. It's bribery and it's logic. They're not going to stop selling crack. People aren't going to stop using it. Let's work something out. You know, America's dumb now, bro. America, we want to see results.

Yeah, exactly. We want to see results. We're on drugs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the truth is, and they have the ability to look back and see what happened with these families because it wasn't only the Kennedys.

I think the, who was in the opium trade? One of the only fucking- Yeah, I talk about that. That was the Roosevelt's. Yeah, it's like every fucking name on a library you can trace back to selling some illegal shit. What's that quote? It's like Balzac. Behind every great

fortune is a greater crime. Yeah, and that's from like the 17th century. Behind every great generational wealth is an even greater crime. Yeah, yeah you're sure yeah but no it's true man yeah it's fucking true so i understand why like a dude who was in the game and selling drugs is like don't make me look like i'm any different than these motherfuckers you got on the library right of course of course that's like biggs now it's so such a great story so Biggs is part of he started

Help Start Rockefeller he was selling a lot of weed and maybe other things but I know he was big in the weed game so he gets pinched he did like maybe

what 10 years or something like that and now he comes out and now he has a legal marijuana business yeah we're going to yeah a lot of these companies

I know we're going to shoot with the white boys from Florida the square grouper guys they were part of like the same guys who did Yeah, yeah. We're going to, yeah, a lot of these companies, I know, we're going to shoot with these, we're going to shoot with the white boys from Florida, the square grouper guys. They were part of like, the same guys who did Cocaine Cowboys

did a square grouper. We're going to talk to them. Yeah. They have like a legal weed company now. But it's so accepted now. Like if the crack, if crack exploded now,

yes, you'd see dudes getting out with less time because it's just way more, it's way more progressive. Also, I don't think anything hit like crack. I mean, alcohol didn't hit like crack. Alcohol didn't destroy the community like crack. It was a profoundly unique experience.

Yeah, but also crack, let's be honest. There's smokers up there on 154th Street that have been smoking since 86. Yeah. And functioning, sort of. I don't know this. It's not like heroin. It's not like heroin, which really turns you into a zombie, and you could smoke crack for decades.

So that shit was absolutely fear-mongering, in my opinion. Okay, because my understanding is the community decays. If everybody's addicted to crack, the community's fucked. Obviously, it's bad, if everybody's addicted to crack, the community's fucked. Obviously it's bad, but it's still cocaine, you know? The biggest problem was the violence because he's a 20-year-old kid down the block, I'm a 20-year-old kid.

You guys are making money. There's millions of dollars at stake. I'm not even a bad guy, but it just turned me into a killer because that's just what it was back then. It was business. And why wouldn't he start selling if he sees how you're coming up?

Of course. Dude, you could just take over an abandoned storefront, open up shop, dude, and why wouldn't he start selling if he sees how you're coming up? Of course. Dude, you could just take over an abandoned storefront, open up shop. Dude, and we got, it's 50 grand a day moving through there. Like, it's nothing. Like, that's light work. 50 grand? Where are they getting the money?

That's the thing that's crazy. Where's the community generating it? Well, you know, that's also the problem is fucking. So they're like, what, they're robbing other people? Yeah, yeah, I mean. Like, how do you get, like, so they're making a million dollars a week, right? That means a million dollars need to, and if they're just selling to the community, that means you need to get a million dollars cash into that community.

So that's where the trickle down of violence and crime comes from. And that's probably why the white people got worried, because they're like, hold on, hold on, hold on. If y'all had enough money in your community to support this on your own, that'd be fine. But you're coming over here. You're robbing our shit. But actually, bro, go watch that crack documentary. It's called Crack on Netflix.

It was Charles Rangel. It was black people. He was the senator or the representative. I think he's dead now, but he was the Harlem congressional representative. And it was black people that leaned on him. They were like, you got to go to Congress and tell them to do something. Reagan was like, you know, he's racist.

He was like, yeah, whatever. Let these animals wipe themselves out. But you know, when mothers start seeing- And why wouldn't they? Of course they're like- So they were like, do something. And so there was this huge overcorrection. So it was really, you know,

and like black people don't want to hear that sometimes, but like it was, they were the ones that were up in arms. Clinton spoke about that. He's like, we spoke to the black caucus and the black caucus was begging us to make these changes. As of course they would. You see the community get decimated. You're looking at the police.

You're looking at the politicians like, yo, you're supposed to serve us. What are you going to do? But then it went, you know, now you got Biden writing the fucking super predator bill. Then you see all those contracts from prisons. Everybody making money from prison. You see who they're donating to.

Every correction is an overcorrection. Every correction, especially in America. Yeah. Especially in America. Yeah, because everything is based on that perception. Like, I don't know, is it you said that or Al said that? But like, everything is,

how do I let the constituents know that I've done something for them? You gotta get reelected. Yes, exactly. It's not what let the constituents know that I've done something for them? You've got to get reelected. Exactly. It's not what is the best thing for these people. It's what is the best thing for me. For moi. Numbers.

Here's a question, though. If there was a black caucus that went to Reagan, and I'm not saying the correction wasn't an overcorrection, but doesn't that kind of prove that crack was decimating the community in a way that they were going to Reagan and being like, please do fucking something? Yeah. It was more so just the crime for people trying to sell it. It's not necessarily just the drug. It's the fact that there's like,

we don't have opportunities in our communities. This is the fastest way I can make money. So the collateral damage of the drug war, the crack war. It's the collateral damage of it. Because it's hard to, I mean, you can OD on crack, but it's like,

I was locked up with a lot of crack smokers, you know, and you have no teeth and you're dirty, but like, I've been out there smoking, you know? And, and it's like meth, like you can be a long time. Exactly. Long time meth users. So, cause that's the thing. It's like, you see, you can get sucked up on cocaine that way on powder cocaine. Yeah. You know, they're just trying to sell crack like it's this evil thing when it's really just like an economic response to like something

being too expensive but still being really awesome. I think it's gotta be awesome. Yeah. Were you ever in a proposition to like smoke crack? No,

but I probably smoked crack once. No bullshit. I would if it was like, if I was still doing drugs, if I was still a partier, I'd probably now, knowing what I know, smoke crack. Yeah No bullshit. I would if it was like, if I was still doing drugs, if I was still a partier, I'd probably now, knowing what I know,

smoke crack. Yeah, but did they ever ask you to move weapons or move people? Yeah, two months ago when I was down in Culiacan, they were like, you know, because we're in these trap houses

in Culiacan, Sinaloa, these weed houses, and they're growing all this weed because now they're opening dispensaries down there, okay? Because there's no more weed traffic in the U.S. They can't make money exporting it, but they're

about to legalize it down in Mexico, so the cartels are like, give me that, right? So they're opening up trap shops, but they look, you go into them, they look like it could be in L.A. Customer service, and they're branding it, they're making gummies and edibles and all that shit, but it's the cartels that control all of it, and they

never get raided. You know, how dare you? You're like, we're going to shoot it out. So they go untouched. That shit is crazy. Wild, bro.

Did they just start bucking at the fucking army? Dog, it's, no, no, it's in the rule book. It's like when you go get a job, like here's like the response. They're like,

you're going to, here's the dress code and you're going to show up in time and if you get raided, you will start shooting at them. Like there's no like, should we shoot it out? So it's like the fire first they're coming at us. Oh, they're coming pop up up Wow, and and all those dudes that shot it out with the government last month when they came to get Ovidio. Yeah

They're not arrested. Yeah, maybe some of them got killed, but they're not going to jail for shooting at a Marine You know you're gonna arrest people Marine. It's a war. It's its own government. Is the strategy like it is in prison? Like when someone bullies you, I'm going to fight you and I'm going to make it not worth it? So if you come at me, I'm going to shoot at you. Yes, that's exactly what it is. We might die, but it's not going to be worth it

for you to keep coming at us. It's a deterrent. It's like saying you had the balls to come into our city that we pay the rent. You know what I mean? We pay the light bill. We take care of the people here. We take care of the people. You're not doing shit for us. You're going to come in our city that we pay the rent. You know what I mean? We pay the light bill. We take care of the people here. You're not doing shit for us.

You're going to come in and get our guy? We're going to light you the fuck up. So it's a deterrent. So they think long and hard before they can do that shit. Cops don't want to die at the end of the day. They think long and hard. The cartel's paying for the cops? They're paying for all the local authorities?

Dude, they're paying everybody all the way up to the military. They're paying all the way up to the military. But especially in their area of Mexico, like, they're funding everything? Yeah, so we were on, exactly. But hold on, let me answer your question real quick. What was your question? Have they ever asked you, like, to bring weapons? Yeah, so we're down there in this trap house, you know,

looking at, like, the Gro operations and shit. Like, I'm holding on to, like, this guy's got an Uzi. He's got the Mac 11. I'm like, pásamelo, por favor i'm holding on to like this guy's got an uzi he's got the mac 11 i'm like pass me lo por favor yeah i hold this shit and he was like you know he was in spanish he was like yeah if you can get we'll buy as many guns as you can get us down here yeah just drive them down yeah and i was like okay i was like i will keep that in mind because you can go by because that's where they get all their guns guns are illegal there's no second amendment in mexico of course so you can go buy i don't know what an all their guns. Guns are illegal. There's no second amendment in Mexico.

Yeah, of course. So you can go buy, I don't know what an Uzi costs in California, but just go to Arizona. You can buy it like it's a fucking 7-Eleven Tostito, you know, and you could buy 10 of them. And again, there's no, nobody's checking you going through the border to Mexico.

So if you can, I don't know how hard it is to drive a day down to Culiacan, but you sell them for four or five times what you bought them for so yeah so yeah

absolutely propositional that's how that's like how weapons trafficking but back in the game no there was never any that wasn't really popping back then

weapons dealing we're making so much America's making so much money off the fucking yeah that's like the Fast and the Furious like CIA shit that they were doing down there

so all those Marines are getting busted at, all the military are getting busted at with American guns. That's the hustle. You drive down a bunch of weapons,

you get some drugs, drive up with the drugs and then you sell it or... I wonder if the cartels like, I wonder if the cartels give money to conservative politicians

who are super pro Second Amendment because they know that that's their flow of weapons. You hit it on the nose. And also, they want the border.

They want that border. Oh, they want it locked. Of course they do because then the price of the brick goes up. Come on now. Holy shit. And if they have

all this money. Trump 2024. Of course. So he's talking all this shit about Mexicans and they're like, keep doing that shit. People feel bad for him. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

People feel bad for us. Yeah, we're fucked up. It's really bad over here. Oh. You lock up the border. You keep weapons open, and people feel bad for us. You get sympathy. All that shit.

Exactly. Is there any truth to, like, the dig in the holes? You always see these CNN reports. Tunnels and shit? Yeah, yeah. So if they can get things through the tunnel, why even waste the time with the cars? Yeah, because that's a good question.

Quantity, maybe? With the tunnels, you can get that much, and they're able, with satellites, to see the tunnels. Oh, it's called LiDAR or something like that, where they can see down through it. Yeah, before we didn't have that back in the day. You ever see the submarines? The submarines are crazy.

The submarines are crazy. That video where the dude jumps on, you ain't paying me enough for that. It's crazy. I'm not crazy. People underwater, it just goes along the top. It's just Avatar, bro.

It was crazy. It's like insane. Dude, they build those shits in the jungle of Colombia and just, yeah, just load them up and they can make them to Europe. Yeah, it's wild.

Bro, when we were down in Colombia, this guy told us a wild story about what the cartels do to the narco cops. So they have these people that aren't even narco cops, but essentially what they do is they try to find the grow sites, and they try to unroot the cocoa trees

before they grow. Right. And then what the cartels will do now is attach grenades to the bottom of them, so when you unroot them, you fucking die, anybody around you dies. So when you unroot them, you fucking die. Anybody around you dies. So now to pay some poor Colombian guy to do that job,

it's like 40% of them are going to fucking die. Yeah. I'm not signing up. No. There's no way. So that's easy. So now no cops will do it. So hey, problem solved.

Fuck. It only takes a couple of them. Do you know why some countries in Central America are so like cartel governed and why some are just like completely peaceful? Like a Costa Rica versus a... Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Tourism's a big one in Costa Rica, but also it's just not a strategic point. You know what I mean? Like you get it into Panama and then you don't have to go to Costa Rica. You just go up into Nicaragua.

Like Honduras and shit. And they're so poor that you could just pay, it's easy to pay the government off. So it's strategy and it's also like a failed nation. You can bypass? I think you can, or maybe not. No, you can't bypass Costa Rica.

Is it just go Panama, Costa Rica, then the rest of Central America? I think you have to because Costa Rica has water on both sides. Interesting. So then you just pop it around. So you get into Panama and you just pop around it and land it into Guatemala.

That makes sense. But it was something that I noticed when I was down there. I was like, wow, this is really interesting. You don't feel any of the cartel vibes. And what I was told is that there's like a focus on not having nighttime tourism. And that nighttime tourism brings the coke and the coke brings the cartels. Brings the fucking animals out. Exactly.

Right. If your whole tourism is built around like 6 a.m. yoga, you're not going to have like partying. And it was a conscious decision made by the government. Right. Also another thing by the government in Costa Rica,

they don't have an army. They made a decision. They're like, fuck that. We're not wasting money. If anybody, the land is so dense, that's the army. Right.

Like there's no way, like you could take them over. Yeah. But it's just going to be a that's the army. Right, right. Like, there's no way, like, you could take them over. Yeah. But it's just gonna be a pain in the ass. Yeah, they also don't have bad bitches, like Panama and Colombia has.

That is a huge issue. Exactly, because if they have bad bitches, dudes will be trying to fuck bad bitches, and that will create a cartel. Did you like that prestige going around being, like,

the coke dude, or, like, being the drug dude, like, at parties and shit? No, no, no, no. You didn't like that? No, I felt ashamed of it? I felt ashamed of it. I felt ashamed of it. If you're at a party in Medellin

and like all these girls are popping up to you, like you don't enjoy the... No, no, no. I like just being an American. You don't even have to be a coke dealer down there. If you just got swag

and you're not like a scumbag, like most of the animals from Europe and Australia, I mean, ugh, disgusting. You know what I mean? They ruin everything. But like if you're an American down there,

you don't have to be a drug dealer, you know? In fact, it's better that you they don't think you are because they get all like oh we're more than just cocaine like no you're not

stop it stop it if we didn't know about coke we didn't even know what your stupid dumb boring country was on the map

come on bro was it hard to like was it hard to develop a serious relationship I didn't get that come on yeah she didn't get that very professional Was it hard to develop a serious relationship? I didn't get that. Come on. He didn't get that. I mean, I've heard like-

Very professional. You're kind of lonely, I would imagine. It's very lonely. You can't share your life. It's very lonely. He almost got himself killed. Yeah. That girl you started fucking with?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I'll address that first. So yeah, it's extremely lonely because you live in the shadows. So unless you're surrounded by people who also do what you do, cartels, family, cartels are just families now. It makes more sense.

Of course, of course it does. No, it was like I was living a double life by the end. Like my friends, closest friends didn't even know to the level that I was moving, you know? Yeah, I couldn't. So that's why I wanted to get out. The loneliness of that. Like it felt, it was like, it's what we talked about before. Why do cartels want to be on camera? Yeah, I couldn't. So that's why I wanted to get out. The loneliness of that. Like, it felt, it was like, it's

what we talked about before. Why do cartels want to be on camera? They got all this money. Well, I had all this money, but, like, nobody knows me. You can't even flex it. I can't even flex it. Nobody knows you. You haven't built real relationships because the closer they get, they're going to find out about this stuff. It's like... I never had, like, a relationship with a woman, like, in, like, a crucial phase where, you know,

you learn how to do that. Yeah. It's like, I can't bring her into the mix. mix also I got all these fucking Colombian hookers why do I have to do that bad move oh god it also makes you expose a little no push back

you have collateral like if someone wants to fuck with you you have a personal relationship that's like bro in some way public and there's so many stories I'd be locked up with dudes like

bro the bitch told it all yeah bitch told it all yeah you know you know like they just take the kid and the all. Bitch told it all. Yeah. You know? You know? Like, they just take the kid, and the woman's immediately like, I'll tell you where the drugs are.

Yeah. So, there was that, too. So, yeah. Were you lonely? Yeah, I was lonely, bro. Like, depressing and shit? Like. God damn.

I mean that sincerely, because that's what I thought about when I was watching it, and I was like. You seem lonely. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You seem that. No, you don't now, which is kind of, it kind of makes me happy a little bit, but when I reflect on what we have,

and I think comedy can even be really lonely. Comedy is mad fucking lonely. And I'm like, wow, I'm so lucky that we built something. We have a crew, we have family,

and we can ball bust, but also really like trust everybody's intentions around us. And I think a lot of times in comedy, it's like, I see comics do this,

I fucking hate it. Like, we'll like talk, and the second we start talking, they're like sh in comedy, it's like, I see comics do this. I fucking hate it. Like, we'll like talk. And the second we start talking, they're like shitting on somebody that's like they're close to their friend. And I'm just like, yo, man, I can't build with you. I know. Because then what you're going to say about me the second I leave? And I'm like, I feel so lucky. And then I thought about what you were doing with the drug deal.

And I was like, man, you can't really tell anybody what's stressing you out. You can't tell anybody who like what's really bothering out. You can't tell anybody what's really bothering you. You can't tell anybody how terrified you are. You have to create a different version of yourself, man. Exactly, yeah. That shit's fucked up a little bit. I know, it's incredible what you've built here. Yeah, we're very lucky.

There's nothing like this in LA. Yeah. You know, LA's done. You really feel that? It's real lonely to begin with, but yeah, it's just, people are drowning. It's like people to begin with, but yeah, it's just people are drowning. It's like people are trying to sell. Comedians in L.A. are trying to sell drugs like it's 1970.

They think we're there. I'm just going to go get rich off cocaine. It's like, no, you're not. Game has changed. People ain't buying it like they was, you know? So I see the changing trends in comedy the way I would look at the trends with drugs. So the drug game absolutely helped me in whatever the fuck I'm doing now. Was it hard for you to like develop close relationships immediately after? You go legit,

you're clean. Was it hard to just be like, to tell somebody the things that are stressing you? For sure. Well, especially when I first got out, like I moved straight to LA, you know, and people like I'm working at Nobu in Malibu, right? Spilling espresso on Denzel Washington, you know? And I got some manager prick trying to tell me to do something. And I'm like, well, how about I just throw you over this balcony? That's how I got fired. I told him that. I had PTSD, bro, and I'm fucking with the bitches.

Like, I guess it's like a Me Too thing. Well, I didn't know shit about that. I was, I had PTSD, bro, and I'm fucking with the bitches. Like, I guess it's like a Me Too thing. Well, I didn't know shit about that. I was like sexually harassing everybody, you know? You know? I'm like, you can't just rap. He's like,

you just did two years. You did 20, like. I'm like, I'm like Andy Dufresne from Shawshank, you know? But yeah, it was wild. Like, you can't just fondle

a little titty meat. We're going. You know? How old were you when you got out? I was 26. I went in when I was 24. I got out when I was wild. You can't just fondle a little titty meat. We're going. How old were you when you got out? I was 26. I went in when I was 24. I got out when I was 26.

And I started doing stand-up in prison at these talent show nights. That's where I first learned to kill, bro. That's why I was like, God damn. I didn't think I could do this. I have a letter that I wrote to my brother. And I was like, I don't know what this is. It's like stand-up. I think you might have to be black to do this show. I don do this. I have a letter that I wrote to my brother and I was like, I don't know what this is. Like, it's like stand up. I think you might have to be black to do this. I don't know. I'm not really sure, but like, I'm like going in and there was about to be a riot too.

And I was like, I may, and it was a little dramatic, but I was like, I don't know if I'm going to get carved up, but like, I'm going to, yeah. They were like warring factions. You just feel it when the beef is on, like you just feel it. And when, I'm gonna, yeah. They were like warring factions? You just feel it. When the beef is on, like you just feel it. And when the beef is on, you just, like that's when, when you start seeing

people in prison wear their boots to the shower, that's where you know people, it's about to be on. Yeah. And you just instinctually

are obviously gonna do that? Of course. Or is that a sign that you're also in on it? No, because I'm with Jimmy. So Jimmy knows all, he spills all the tea.

My celly, the shower call. Oh, because he's, everybody, all the information's going back to Jimmy. Exactly. So he's like, dude, don't leave the cell block

without your shank. Go with a buddy to the shower. Did you ever pay for protection? No, but I had to put in work for him. Yeah. Like I would smuggle balloons and shit for him. Cigarettes and stuff.

Really? Yeah, yeah. He was like, look, I want you to get out of here. I don't want, I want you. And because he would see me do the talent shows too. And he was like, I got to get you out of here. I got to get you out of here.

It was like real love. That's cool. Like I can't even. What a guy. Yeah, bro, I owe him my life. And he literally. Is he out yet? No, he's doing all day.

And in fact, in fact, I got shipped out and he ended up killing a dude. It was self-defense. Oh, wait, self-defense. Yeah, but they still try to get the death penalty for it. So it's tough. So he's been languishing in there. What's up? You still keep in touch with him? No, because this happened like immediately after I left. So he's been on death row. His

lawyer actually interviewed me, came and visited me when I was in LA. And he was like, this is what happened with Jimmy. He's fighting his case. Can you give us a character reference for him? I was like, yeah, absolutely. Wow. Did you ever consider moving drugs in prison? Well, I moved them around prison sometimes.

Because Jimmy would be like, look, I'm going to make sure you don't get killed or suck a dick, but nobody rides for free. So I had to do some of that shit. What was the worst of that? The worst of it was like, because you know, I'm not a gang affiliated, so I'm the perfect guy to move like a balloon

from the cell block to the kitchen. You know what I mean? Now, do the other gangs start to realize that and do they also give you a pass because you're getting the drugs around that they might also use? No, no, nobody knew. Not even might also use? No, nobody knew. Not even the other gangs? No, only the people

that we're supposed to know knew. So it's like I might have had to jam a little balloon in my balloon. Would you go asshole? Would you plug it? That's the only way, right? It's like a tampon. You make sure that little end of the balloon is out there so you can pull it out at the end. You maybe get a little mayo,

some Vaseline, lube it up. Yeah, yeah, ketchup. But it doesn't go deep, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it depends. Yeah, I don't know. That's really up to you, you know what I mean? Exactly, exactly.

He's like, it's a big shipment. You're like, God damn it. You're like, fuck, dude, I gotta do fucking Kegels, you know? Or the opposite of Kegels, right? And what was the currency in this system? It was just like cigarettes and shit? It was money on,

yes, of course, it was like, it was cigarettes, it was, you know, cup of noodles, but for drugs, like cigarettes are illegal in there now.

Oh, really? So yeah, so that's a whole other fucking business for gangs in there. Tobacco's illegal. So what has replaced tobacco as the currency?

No, tobacco's in the, oh, what has replaced it? If you're buying drugs, that's cash. If you're an inmate, you're a junkie, and you need just a little fucking toot of meth, and I'm Jimmy, I'm selling it to you, you're gonna send money to one of my people on the,

one of your people on the outside is gonna send money to one of my people on the outside. Once that goes through, you get your drugs. Wow. Yeah. Why is, yeah, sorry, go, go, go. Because, dude, you know what I heard? Non-smokers in prison,

other inmates, started complaining. Yeah, that they were getting secondhand shit. Yeah, so they just shut down smoking. You can't even do, like, like, dip or, like...

Smoking outside in the yard. That's crazy. Exactly. I mean, everybody smokes anyways, right? Everybody smokes, but it's like, it just creates another

big business for gangs. What about, like, cell phones and shit like that? Did you ever have to like get that shit in? Were you in there when the cell phones were more prevalent? Yeah. This was like 2010, so there were no iPhones in there. There were no TikTok accounts.

Well, there's probably some inmates locked up right now watching this show. You know what I mean? Yeah. So it's wild. Shout out to y'all. Jimmy had a couple of cell phones. We never kept them in our cell. Right.

But it was about a thousand bucks is about a going rate to pay a guard to bring that shit in for you. You might not have needed this because you had Jimmy, but you're a very charismatic guy. I noticed when you walk in, you greet everybody by their name, all of us. Is that something you developed in prison? Absolutely. No, it's respect right away. It's respect right away. It's respect right away. It's carrying yourself tall.

It's, you know, and plus I'm just physically big, so it's like, I'm not just an immediate victim. Right. You know what I mean? But it's like, you give love to get love.

Yeah. Sometimes you don't even get it back, but, you know, you're not, you're never out of line. Did you sit with Jimmy and all them? No, I never sat with,

he would never let me sit with him. I would never associate with him on the yard or anything like that because he didn't want guards. The perception of being a U.S. Exactly, that I'm working with him. So it's also to his benefit because he can use you as a mule. Yeah, absolutely. And nobody's going to know.

Absolutely. And where'd you sit? I sat with just some other non-affiliated dudes, white boys. But the racial segregation isn't as strict in Oregon just because there's less races. It's less fucking—so it's not like California. Where you've got the Mexicans, the blacks, the whites. You predict the intake of these guys right over here? Like who's getting locked up first?

What's happening to each one? They won. Andrew Schultz for tax evasion because I know what it's like to get hit in the money. You don't want to give it away. I think he's saying what happens when we go in.

Look at that. Cut that whole shit, Miles. Miles, cut that whole shit. My bad, bro. No, no, no. You're good. But Kyle Miles cut that. No, no.

What happens we go in? If you're Akash, he gets sentenced. What does he do? I feel like everybody's really enjoying what's going to happen to me. They won, our won.

Do they even go after the Indians? There are no Indians in prison. So maybe I could like teach them about our culture. No, you're Mexican, bro. You know what I mean? No, bro, yeah. You're not in prison, bro.

Yeah, you're running with, if you're in Oregon, you're running, you're either Latin, you're Latino, or you're running with the Native Americans, the natives they call them.

Jesus. Yeah, yeah, and the Natives, they were some hard, hard motherfuckers. Really? Yeah, yeah, they put in a lot of work. I mean, they're warriors, after all, you know what I mean? Not that good ones.

Yeah. Don't you want to sneeze on me? Exactly, you just start coughing. Damn, bro, the N start coughing. Damn, bro. The natives got it locked out there. Did you spend most of your time at a max, or what was it? I spent half of my time when I was locked up. So I did eight months in county,

and then a little over six months at a max. And then I got classed down to minimum for a couple of months. Okay, cool. And were you ever in solitary? Yeah. How'd you stay, why'd you go to solitary first? So immediately county jail fighting. Oh, right. My second or third fight, they put me, and that's, bro, and that's the reason I ended up in a max in the first place is because every time you immediately go in there, everything, every infraction you get written up for. So as soon as I go for my sentencing, the DA who's

trying to lock me up is already pissed that he's not getting me on a Rico. He's not getting me on some big, couldn't get me to rat. Yeah. So he's like, Mitchell is key. Oh, he was like, look at this son of a bitch. Not only did he have the balls to

fucking move drugs and were like, objection, no drugs were found. That doesn't matter. You know, like to do what he did, that audacity, he's in, he's fighting,

he's causing all kinds of racket, you know, so immediately the system is like, oh, he's a high risk. Right. So now I'm in

with fucking killers. Right. You said something when you were going, sorry to interrupt, but this struck me. You said- Wait,

real quick, it was the isolation. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is quick. It was the isolation. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not as bad as everybody makes it seem. It's worse. How long were you in? I think it's worse because they keep the light on.

Yeah. It's not like Andy Dufresne, Shawshank. It's like straight up torture. It's black. It's torturous because you're trying to go to bed, and you're fucking under a light like that. How long was it? So for fighting, you do like two weeks.

And what did you do? Did you do anything to save? You do 30 days in prison, two weeks about in county. What'd you do to stay sharp? Fucking wrote letters. I started writing screenplays. Right. And just jerk off till there's no,

just jerk your dick off your body. That's bad. You don't have any human interaction at all. Yeah. Not even the guards when they bring the food or whatever? Well, actually, because it's in, you do have human interaction, you just don't see anybody. You're interacting with the people that are in the solitary wing.

And so that's where you get, like, people will pass notes to each other by hooking it on, like, taking a piece of string, hooking a note to, like, a pencil. And just dangling it out. Fishing, exactly. Shit like that, but it's like. Did you ever get some wild shit? What's up? No, I never. Is this for me but it's like... Did you ever get some wild shit? No, I never. Is this for me?

Let's do a joke. This guy, Andre, that I was talking to, he said he was put in there for like eight months or some shit. Solitary for eight months. If you stab somebody, you'd be in there for a year. How do you cope with it? So he was like, okay, I'm in there for the first two or three months. He's like reading a bunch, but every like three months,

he's like next to like the hardest guy in the whole prison that was there like three months before him. And right around like three to five months, he starts smearing shit all over himself. He starts going crazy. He starts yelling at people. He's blackface dude. But like the guy next to him starts going crazy. And then another guy at three months starts going crazy. And another, like he he sees people falling like dominoes. And so he feels the wave coming, and he's sitting there being like, all right, it's been two months, it's coming, and I feel myself starting to lose it, and I'm not getting

any notes, and no one's sending me money, like, nothing's happening. And so he starts getting newspapers and, like, trying to solve geopolitical problems and, like, doing crosswords and shit. So, like, he'll be reading the newspaper, and it'll be like, Ukraine, Russia, and he's like, okay, what would I do if I was Putin? What would I do if I was, you know, Ukraine? Like, he tries to solve every problem

and then read it again and again and again, just to give your brain exercise, or else you just lose your mind. I would create stories in my mind, like, how I would have done it differently. You know what I mean? And I would go back to the beginning, and I would create these whole movies in my head. That's how I started writing screenplays, like, story.

You know what I mean? Yeah. That's how that, that was the beginning of that. The genesis of that was in solitary. Right. Just trying to pass the time. Because if you're not actively putting your brain to something,

you're in mush. You literally just lose it. Yeah. Studying French. Yeah. Oh, will they give you books? Sometimes you go in there and there would only be

like two books. And one time I was in there and it was like a French to English like dictionary. So I'm just in there and it was like a French to English like dictionary. So I'm just in there like trying to learn French because why the fuck not? Best thing you read in prison? Oh my God. They're making it into a show finally now. Shantaram. Shantaram. There we go. Boom.

What is it? Easily. Yeah. It's, you want to do the honors? No, you got it. Okay. So it's set in India and it's about, based off the true story of this white boy, wild ass dude.

He's a bank robber in Australia. He escapes from a maximum security prison in Australia and makes it to India. And he starts working for the Bombay mob. Because they got big mafia over there in Mumbai, Bombay, Mumbai. So yeah, it's just a whole odyssey and it's like a thousand pages.

And it's beautifully written. And you were locked in. Exactly. I was locked in, bro. Does it feel like time's flying? I'm trying to imagine, like is it like- Time flies in prison though.

People forget that. Wait, really? Time flies in prison. When you're on a routine and every day is the same and you know you're getting fed every day at the same time and going to yard the same time.

Markers on your day. You couldn't even imagine it. It didn't feel like that for me, bro. Well, but because you're short timing. Oh, so you don't have your routine. You don't have your job. Exactly. You don't have imagine it. It didn't feel like that for me, bro. Well, because you're short-timing. Oh, so you don't have your routine. You don't have your job. You don't have these different things. Every day I'm just thinking,

when am I getting out of this fucking way? The longest day you will ever do in prison is the very first day. But you know you got a stretch to do? You better forget all that bullshit. That's true. So the routine speeds it up? Explain that.

Yeah, absolutely. And if you can live in the moment, it puts you in the moment. Like we're always thinking about the up? Explain that. Yeah, absolutely. And if you can live in the moment, it puts you in the moment. Like, we're always thinking about the next thing, right? Yeah, yeah. When you're worried about getting butt-fucked, you stay in the moment. Dude, it's like hunting a fucking bear.

Yeah, exactly. I'm fighting off a bear. I'm like, this is all I gotta worry about. I ain't gotta worry about a shadow ban on Instagram when I got a guy trying to fuck, you know? And there is no next thing. It's every day is the same. What's the next thing?

So there was a moment where I felt myself slipping into this presence, and it was really peaceful. What do you mean? When I got on the routine, and when Jimmy would get shipped off to see a medical problem, so sometimes I'd be a week or so in the cell alone. I'm like kicked up and I'm reading a good book and there's no funk. And I'm just like watching the days go by and I'm like,

I could do a couple more of these. Really? Yeah, yeah. I was like, is really? That's a weird feeling. You see how dudes get institutional. Yes, I was like, it's really, so you see how dudes- That's a weird feeling. You see how dudes get institutional. Yes, I was about to say, like, imagine being in prison and then having that, like, organic emotional reaction of, this is pretty good. Bro, this is-

That would fuck with, now you have existential crisis. Andre said he would leave and he would, like, after he got out, he spent 15 years, he would go up to, like, the mountain and look over the prison and just look at it. And just remember what it was like to have everything done for you. When he was out. When he got out. He said he missed it so much, he was, like to have everything done for you. When he was out. When he got out. He said he missed it so much he was like thinking about doing crimes just to go back

because he's like, fuck, like I just missed like waking up, food was taken care of, all my best friends were there, my whole life was prison, everything I know was this and now I got to figure out

what to do. They talk about that in Shawshank. I got to make my choices in life. He's like, fuck that. Dudes in the prison I was at, they would try to, you know, start shit,

get in fights, punch a guard. Get out. Yeah, and they normally don't fall for it. They normally don't fall for it. The guards know that. Yeah, normally don't fall for it. They normally don't fall for it. Yeah, they don't fall for it. Like if he fucked around and punched a guard,

like big dude Rodney, he'd done like all day, right? So many years, most of his life in prison. And they didn't even charge him. They're like, nope, you got to go, big fella. Because we got bed space. We got to fill it up because somebody else is going to be right around the corner to fucking take your shit.

What jobs did you have? I worked in the prison kitchen and that was convenient for Jimmy because that's where I would meet the dude to fucking, you know,

hand him a balloon. Did he assign you to that or you? Exactly. Did you randomly get that job or did he assign you? No, no. I just took the job

which is a huge mistake because first of all, because after two days I was like, oh, this is horrendous. You know? Why, why? Because it's work, you know? I'm still a drug dealer. I'm still a drug dealer.

And I'm working with all these Mexicans. My nickname was Perezoso, lazy. I'm like, guys, you take a break. That's the Mexican work ethic. They take pride in washing a prison tray. It's wild.

That was like a stand-up thing for them. But you like siestas. You're more like napping. You're more Spaniards than Mexicans. Yeah, I got the mullet now. I was more Spaniard. So I went to the lieutenant. I'm like, yo, I'm done. And he was like, no, no, no.

Well, fine, but you're going gonna lose a month of good time. How'd you like that? So in other words, I signed up for a job, didn't want it anymore. And they were like, well, we're gonna take good time away. And they have the ability to do that just because you want to stop doing a job? Exactly.

It's like slavery, bro. Think about that. It's like you can't get out. You can't get out though. It's like we're dangling freedom over your head because you don't want to work for a dollar a day. It's wild. Yeah.

Damn, man. And then Jimmy was like, just chill. You're about to live good. And here's also, here's also, you know. The thing you gotta do. But so worth it, it seems like your relationship. It was. It was so worth it.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. And our cell, bro, it looked like a 7-Eleven. Wait, why? It just stocked up? The snacks, my dog. Really? Yeah, Jordan's. What was the, bro, it looked like a 7-Eleven. Wait, why? It just stocked up? The snacks, my dog. Really? Yeah, Jordans. What was the, wait, what's the etiquette in the cell?

Like, can this, like, give me an example. So, obviously, was he a clean freak? Yes, yes. It's like being with a career military guy. That's, yeah. And if I would go out of the cell with, like, my shirt a little wrinkled, he'd be like, no, no, no, no. You're not going to chow looking like that.

My hair had to be combed. Because I just wanted to roll out like a college kid and be like... And they were like, no, no, no. Everybody, yes. And all the cars, they call them cars, that's the gangs, the cliques. You better come out looking sharp with your shirt tucked in. Yeah.

Because it's like this, we have to have something and dignity is basically all we have. Okay, question. Is this the first time you've had true, honest camaraderie in like five years? Oh, great question. Six years before you even start dealing? Like, is this the first person you feel like

you can actually bond with? Like, I'm wondering if partially that's what you missed about it, which is like, you can tell people things in there. You can actually be friends. You don't have to live a double life. He was, he was like a, your favorite uncle. He was, he became a family member. But you needed that because you had to fucking lie to everybody. Yeah. Yeah. He was like a parent, you know, and I would be like, yo, I'm so fucking depressed. My life is over. And what he should

have done was been like, I'm never getting out. So I will just, I'm just gonna, I'm gonna beat you to death for talking that shit. But instead he listened to you. Instead he listened. Yeah. Wow. You can confide in him and other people while you were locked up. You weren't afraid that they would, you know, try to use information

you told them and kind of deal with them? No, I'm gonna just do judge of character, you know? So it's like I would never share that with somebody that wasn't in the family. Oh, gotcha. But he would tell me, he'd be like, don't ever talk that shit to anybody else. You said something else.

You talk to a lifer, you talk that shit to him, he has no incentive not to kill you, other than how he feels a little tired after lunch. And did he, sorry, were you going to say something? You said something that was interesting in your series. You said there's a difference between a snitch and a rat. I didn't know this. Yeah, yeah.

You want to talk about that? So a snitch is just you did what you had to do on the outside. Maybe you took a deal. You know, it's still, you'll get a beat down. You know, you'll wear a snitch jacket. You'll have to probably be in protective custody, PC up. That's what we call having a jacket. You got a jacket, it means you have bad paperwork.

That means you're either a snitch or you've got a sex crime. That's having a sex jacket. But a rat is when you're running in prison, working, doing dirt, putting in work, and you're informing on your crew. Oh, so, okay. And that's going to get you tagged up. You're going to be killed. And that's not just in prison.

Like, you could be a rat out on the streets as well. No, no, snitching on the street, it doesn't call immediately for you getting killed in prison. Like, if you're a bank robber, and, you know, you're out there robbing banks with a dude, and you took a deal and might have informed on him, like, and you go to prison, you hit the yard, you might get a beat down, or you might just be shunned, right. And you go to prison, you hit the yard, you might get a beat down or you might just be shunned, right?

But you're not necessarily, it's not a death sentence. But if we're running dope in prison and I get jammed up and I tell the whole shit, bro, it's a wrap. The five dudes are gonna run in my cell and just fucking... Game over.

If you're an informant on the streets, are you a rat at that point when you're like constantly feeding information? Yeah. I mean, you know, I don't know. We're mincing words, right? But that doesn't necessarily, I would just call that a snitch because it doesn't necessarily translate to how you're treated on the inside. You know what I mean? It just means you're going to be shunned at best,

beat down and forced to live with rotten scumbags. Horrible people. Yeah. This Jimmy connection is really interesting to me, your guy's relationship. What was he in there for? He was a biker. He was a hell's angel.

He claims to know the original real Walter White from Breaking Bad. Claims it, yeah. I didn't know that was based on some truth. Yeah, it's based on a real guy. And they were moving ice. This was back in, like, it predates.

Ice is meth. Yes, yes. This is back before, you know, back in the 80s when the Mexicans weren't making meth at all because you could just get as much,

what is it, Sudafed? Yeah, yeah. Stateside. And they would just have these big cooks. So he was involved in that. Yeah.

But he got sucked up on it. You know, he became a junkie, smoking his own shit. So he's there for drugs? No, he ended up whacking his partner. Okay, so he's there for murder, right? You're bonding with this guy and, like, building a very deep relationship

with a dude that you also know is a murderer. Yeah. That turned on his partner. That turned on his partner. Like, it turned on a person that he was, like, working with. Felt horrible for him. And he, yeah, I'm like, I'm so curious. He was high when he did it.

He was so spun out. Yeah. Not in his right mind. And he claims he went to rob him and didn't intend on killing him, which is also a possibility. Yeah. Right?

Because a guy who's high on meth, just like those kids that came to rob us playing Mario Kart, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It just, it slipped and bam. Yeah, you get nervous. Does it give you, like, more forgiveness? Like, do you understand that people are, you know, judging the context of their situation a little bit more?

Absolutely. Absolutely. I mean, the same with these fucking kingpins, you know, they're just getting out in Harlem that we interviewed. Like, everybody's got bodies on them. Multiple bodies. Yeah. And they all have normal, everyday problems, worries, concerns, loved ones, people they love. You know, just sometimes the game, that's the drug game.

You know what I mean? Sometimes you're born into it too. Sometimes you don't even really have a choice. Yeah. If it's a family thing, you know? Yeah. Yeah. I don't accept that as, it's hard. Well, talk to me about that. Yeah. Because I, every Because you've really got a choice. You have a choice down to like my choice to risk my life to not join a gang in prison over being like, well, I got to protect myself. Some people would have chose that immediately. Exactly, exactly. And obviously, logically too, I'm like, let's tool up. And if you've got a problem with it, come see me in my cell, and if I end up killing you in self-defense, at least

I can beat a life sentence. So I'm thinking about it logically, too, but I'm like, you know, there's choices to be made. Did your parents send you money? Yeah, oh yeah. And what was their, like, what was that process like of getting sentenced? Well, I sent them, I gave

my mom cash before I went in, too. Oh, really? Like, I told them where they could find some money. Smart. Yeah. What was that phone call like when you were talking to them after you got jammed up? Well, yeah, that's the first phone call you make. It's always to your mother.

Yeah. So, and, like, they hear, this is a call from the Multnomah County Jail. And she was like, John? And I was like, she was very calm about it. I was like, Mom, it's happened. I need you to call the fat man. That was my lawyer. Obese guy, Gorski is his real name

shout out he had four fingers on one hand but he was one of the best god damn criminal defense lawyers fat as fuck and I'm like

that guy's eating he must be running some business you're getting protected by a Simpson bro that shit is crazy exactly bro so I was just like

it's happened I need you to call the fat man Gorski and she's like okay she's like okay you know devastated but when you get locked beyond crying yeah um when i'm locked up yeah when they see me shackled like day of sentencing it's like dude they had aged 10 years yeah you can't what you do to your family is like you can't even do have you like you feel like you've apologized enough for that or do you are, are you, have you compartmentalize it? You must feel guilt

about what you did. Yeah, I did for, I did for a long time. I did for sure. I feel more guilty now, to be honest. I was a kid then I was very selfish. Yeah. Very selfish. Yeah. I didn't feel that much guilt over them. I was like, uh, I was mad that they were mad almost like you knew who I was. Like I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm running fucking. I'm certain time Like, you knew who I was. Like, I'm running. I'm fucking drunk to you. And I'm certain time, not you. Yeah, exactly. But you didn't realize how much they fucking love you

and how painful it is for them to see that. Yeah. Like, actually when I got out, because I have a bad relationship with my father. You know, he's like this old school Midwest Catholic dude. Never showed me any affection or whatever. The day I got home, he's just bawling. First time I've ever seen him cry for anything.

Yeah, and I was like, ah. So you're probably on some level acting up because you want attention from this guy. Yeah. And maybe you resent him a little bit so you don't want to go the straight and narrow because they're like, well, if I disappoint my dad, fuck my dad, I don't even care.

He hasn't shown any interest in me. And then you finally get out and you realize that he just didn't know how to show interest. He didn't know how to show love. 100%. And he's just a fucking, he's just so happy to see you again. Oh, dude.

Are they coming to visit, like, through the glass? No, no, no, no. Unless you're in solitary, visitation is, you can be at a table with them. That's how a lot of shit gets through. Right. So when I was locked up the black dudes

had the weed because their baby mamas their wives they were the ones willing to come pass them balloons through the visiting room white dudes

it was meth did you ever have to proposition your parents to bring something in no no no I figured maybe Jimmy would say that no no no

none of that shit nothing you just ran shit inside yeah exactly exactly and after he found out like I love doing stand up he's like I heard about would say that. No, no, no, no. None of that shit. Nothing. You just ran shit inside. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. And after he found out, like, I love doing stand-up,

he's like, I heard about what you're doing down there. Because I would start killing at these shows. By the way. Good audience? The best. Can't offend them.

They all murder people. Can't offend them. Yeah, exactly. I've felt that with, like, N.A. or A.A. shows. Like, a lot of times, first of all, great listeners.

And two, they've been through the most fucked up shit in their own lives. You're not going to bother them with like certain words. Exactly. It's the same shit in prison, dude. And also they're probably bored. They're waiting for some sort of entertainment. And you can talk about shit that is super relevant. Yeah.

Like it's extremely, like you're using a lingo that they know. Do you remember your first joke? I do. I do. Even if it's bad. It's bad, it's a little racist, but I got a big laugh. So like there's this gang in there.

Yeah, yeah. This is good. Prison is a pretty racist place. There's a gang in there called the Black Gorilla Family. Oh, wow, yeah. And so I'm in there and I'm like, the Black Gorilla Family? What, they can call themselves monkeys,

but we can't? What? And everybody lost their shit. No. Were you just performing for the whites? No, no, no, it was everybody. It was a talent show. It wasn't just me.

It was like, oh, they are the racist people. What are the guys? Like, that's our guy. The black guys love that shit, bro. And so people would come up to me and be like, hey, trash us. They'd want the attention. Yeah, so I'd be like, make fun of the Mexicans.

Like, Carlos, your girl's eight months pregnant, but you've been in here two years. You better talk to your cousin or whatever, you know? Shit like that, right? But like the guys from that car, were they pissed at all? No. They didn't care? I was scared to death. I would never in a million years

be busting balls with especially not black guys or anybody who's like I wasn't affiliated with outside of that environment of course that's how comedians are we're usually awkward and we don't make a lot of jokes off stage

but on stage I was like oh this is a freedom hold on one second this is a risky move yeah did you have like the approval from anyone over there like what made you feel comfortable doing it you're still because i started out like trashing like you know like the the guards and like doing impressions and then everybody's like dip their yeah i would like dip my toes into it you You know what I mean? But yeah.

No, no, but that was one of the first jokes. It was a fucking bad joke. And you weren't scared a little bit? Or did you see other people also go in and everybody knew that this is just a performance? That wasn't that bad. Yeah. It's not that bad, but at the same time,

you're making fun of a group that have weapons. Yeah. And you're insulting them. They're a gang. And he doesn't have any protection. They're not a group. They're a gang. Yeah, they're a gang. They're a gang. Yeah. And you're insulting them. And he doesn't have any protection. They're not a group. They're a gang. Yeah, they're a gang.

Well, they're a family. I think it's called a pack. He was cool. You must have had a good game. This is Mack McClung. Yeah, no, and this, I do a joke about that, so I won't make it like punchy, but yeah, the first day, that's where I got my stripes for being a hooper.

Because the black dudes were running, and I see my fucking 6'6", lanky ass, and they were like, get your ass. And I went out, and I was just wet. And you run inside, you run in jeans. Most people, you have shorts. Most people play shirtless in jeans. Why? In Converse.

It's like playing in 1950. Yeah, but why? I don't know. And I think it's because, I honestly think it's because of the funk. Like if some shit jumps off and you've got to start fighting and stabbing, you don't want to be in shorts.

Yeah. Yeah. You want to be in some fucking Levi's, you know? So I was running shirtless in jeans, and I was just-

And just splashing. Splashing, bro. It was like- Was it a good game even for you? Were you like, someone's looking after me? Yeah, I felt like it was divine intervention.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I started going to church after that. I was like, how am I going to keep this up? I know, bro. Yeah, this is Linsanity, bro. He put a whole country on his back. Yeah, no, no, no. It was kind of an issue because that was as good as it got. You know, I was definitely let down.

If they stopped asking me to play with them, you know, eventually. Yeah, yeah. But you were safe at that point, so it was good. Exactly. But that was like the tryout to see if I was going to, you know. Get stabbed. Yeah, yeah. But you were safe at that point, so it was good. Exactly. But that was like the tryout to see if I was going to, you know. Get stabbed. Yeah, yeah. Or whatever, you know.

Get turned into a ladyboy. Yeah. Have them put a mop on my head for a wig, you know. And when you got sent to the minimum, was it like a camp or was it just a. Yeah, it was on the Oregon coast. And it wasn't a camp. There was a little fence around it. But you could hop over that shit if you want.

Right. So it's everybody there who's just like, listen, we're just getting over our time. This is no big deal. You felt no threat. Did you walk over there

feeling like the big boss? Absolutely. Absolutely. Like you got to punk out these white collar crimes? Yeah, I walked in there like, oh, these motherfuckers move.

I'm at the spades table now. Yeah. But it was way more chill, right? I don't even know if I spayed. No, no, no. I played like Snackers or some shit. Some white shit. Yeahades table now. Yeah. But it was way more chill, right? I don't even know if I spade. No, no, no. Some white shit. Yeah, Monopoly.

Yeah. But it was way more chill, right? You didn't have to deal with the constant threat. There's like no lifers. There's no. No, there's no lifers. It's people, some people get out, like coming down from doing long bids. Right.

You know, some people would go crazy and like escape. Yeah. Because they heard their girls were cheating on them. And they got eight months left. And then they jump over the fence and run out and hitchhike to go, you know, confront their girl. And they get caught. Now they got another two years to go.

Bro, I heard stories of this. I was talking to this kid, Ian, that said that there would be guys that would run off. He was at a camp for like six months, I think. He would run off. They would run off into the woods, hook up with their girl, get McDonald's, get Chick-fil-A, bring it back for the whole car

and then run it back yeah yeah yeah yeah I heard about shit like that was that happening at your spot uh it might have been

but like I wasn't you know I don't want to hear about you you know running off to the woods bro cause these fucking some of these old ladies donkeys bro

donkeys everybody in prison claims to have the hottest the baddest bitch you would have got locked up yeah bro the roovens yeah bro. Everybody in prison claims to have the hottest, the baddest bitch. You would've got locked up. Reuven.

I've seen you at the visiting room. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Yeah. Do any, like, potential drug dealers hire you as a consultant?

I get DMs almost every day from people that want to connect. I had a dude the other day from Afghanistan. He DMs me and he goes, hey, I'm a drug dealer from Afghanistan. That's the Taliban. The Taliban's dealing.

Right. I'm like, you have internet, A. And B, you're the fucking Taliban. Like, there's no, like, you don't sell drugs. You work for the Taliban. Yeah. That's what it is. It's crazy.

But I get dudes, I mean, even inside, I had people, they would find out what I was into and they were like, yo, take my number. When you touch down, this is where I'm gonna be. So do you do consulting? No, I don't do consulting anymore. What about for movies? I feel like my show is almost consulting. You know what I mean?

But will a studio maybe hire you? They have a drug movie or a drug show and they're like, hey, are we doing this right? This often happens with Navy SEALs. They'll hire a r movie or a drug show and they're like, hey, are we doing this right? This often happens with like Navy SEALs. They'll hire like a ranger or a Navy SEAL to go, hey, do these little, what's it called, war scenes actually make sense? You never had anybody?

Drug movies are usually based off like a specific person. So they already have that guy. So they usually, yeah, they usually have that guy. Our shows, like we're trying to like pitch the show. They got people reaching out. Yeah. I think the dynamic between you and this Jimmy guy

and you and your original father, I think that and also like you, the loneliness. My original father, I like that. Yeah, like, I mean, he's your prison daddy. Yeah, you know what I mean?

No, but I mean that, like to me, that's really interesting. Like finally getting this. Listen, listen, there are plenty of movies there are plenty of TV shows about drug dealing

there's plenty of about violence it's what we're drawn to it's what we're we have to watch we can't look away but what's going to separate the story

is not the amount of weight that you push what's going to separate the story is like your character and like what you went through and how you were able to like have a relationship

with this person in a way that maybe you never had with your father and then that moment coming out with your dad I don't know as you were able to have a relationship with this person in a way that maybe you never had with your father. And then that moment coming out with your dad, I don't know, as you were speaking more to your emotional growth in this place that could suppress growth completely,

that to me is really interesting. Yeah, you're right. It is about the dynamic between me and Jimmy, no question. It's got to be your growth at the end of the day. And it's painted, it is, and it's painted in the larger historical backdrop of like a script the fact that I was one of the last

generations of like bootleggers yeah think about that that is pretty cool when I think about it like that I really have no regrets

I have no regrets because I got into stand up but I have no regrets because it was like the American dream because I it was the Joseph Kennedy Teddy Roosevelt dream I was like I can dream. Because it was the Joseph Kennedy, Teddy Roosevelt dream.

I was like, I can really get out of this shit, maybe, and be set for life. It's like, you know, I got to go for it. And people are like, why did you do what you did? I'm like, it was a lick. It would just be like if you knew a Brinks truck was dropping off a million bucks at a CVS that day and you just had the drop on it.

It's 50-50. You might have not done it, but I'm not you. When you were looking into that, I think the mansion that you were going to buy in Columbia, but then you were hooking up

with dude's wife. Oh, yeah, yeah. They want me to tell the story. This is the dumbest thing that he's ever done. Yeah, it was reckless, bro. It was reckless. God damn, white privilege is good.

It's going to be great. Think about consequences. Wait, what happened? I was hooking up with this chick in Columbia who was dating, basically living with a guy who was going to launder my money. And he was also working for the cartel.

So if he found out I was talking to this bitch. You deserve to be locked up. That's what I'm saying. That was the dumbest thing he could have done. Yeah. And I think the only reason why you're alive is because that guy got first. So that guy got got.

Yeah. Oh, really? Yeah. He got got. And that's why we never ended up making the deal. Oh. Because he, yeah, he got, you know, got the wet t-shirt contest

before we could give him the money to invest. The wet t-shirt contest. You know what I mean? Yeah. Fucking thank God in some way. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Do you like gambling?

I don't. I don't because to me it's like not, even though it seems like I am a risk taker, like a calculated risk taker, it's like that's just money you're giving to the house. I'd rather be the house. Right. It doesn't give you that rush though.

No, not really. Yeah. Not really. Yeah, I don't like gambling. You know? I'm a cheapskate. I'd rather invest the money. You know what I'm saying? Like I never was fucking off money unless it was on women. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. Not really. Yeah, I don't like gambling. You know? I'm a cheapskate. I'd rather invest the money. You know what I'm saying?

Like, I never was fucking off money unless it was on women. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. So the rush is the win. Yeah. There's too many L's with gambling.

Yeah. Yeah, you just want high stakes win. Yeah, I said women, but yes, winning too. No, I'm saying the win. Oh, yeah, gotcha, yeah. You need the victory. Like, the package arriving,

that's where the rush comes. Yeah, yeah. It's such a rush, that's where the rush comes. Such a rush. Because think about it. Even now, you're getting excited about it. It's the forces. All the forces of society are against you. The laws, the will of the people, the DEA,

the most powerful government in the history of the world. And they couldn't stop my fucking package from getting... How fire is that? How fire is that? How fire is that? How fire is that? How fire is that? How fire is that? How fire is that? How fire is that? How fire is that? How fire is that? How fire is that? How fire is that? How fire is that? How fire is that? How fire is that? How fire is that? How fire is that? How fire is that? How fire is that? How fire is that? How fire is that? How fire is that? How fire is that? How fire is that? How fire is that? How fire is that? How fire is that? How fire is that? How fire is that? How fire is that? How fire is that? How fire is that? How fire is that? How fire is that? How fire is that? How fire is that? How fire is that? How fire is that? How fire is that? How couldn't stop my fucking package from getting. How fire is that? How fire? This is like, this is as good as the line. Let's get back in. Yo, yo, go on, man. The government don't give a fuck

about your package, bro. Shut the YouTube down. Let's get back in. Biden's going, we got to get Johnny's two kilos. No, of course not. Of course not. But that's, you know.

But that's how you got to build it up in your head. Yes, of course, yes. I think that's smart. Yeah. But the idea is, I'll tell you a lot of things, though. I think that's smart. Yeah. But I think that's the truth with a lot of things, though. Say again?

You'll do stand-up and you'll kill for 50 people, but then you get off stage and you're like, I'm the greatest ever. Yes. Exactly. If you zoom anything out

to the macro level, it's all insignificant. But you get one package through on the government and you're like, I beat the government. Yeah, yeah. You beat that crowd.

It's the hero's journey. That's what you're building in your own head. But I think most rushes are like that. Yeah. That most people feel. That really was... Even gambling, You beat that crowd. It's the hero's journey. That's what you're building in your own head. But I think most rushes are like that. Yeah. That most people feel. That really was. Even gambling, you beat the house all odds against you.

Yeah. That is true. There's too many losses with gambling. That's the tricky thing about the gambling. But if I could gamble, I'm the guy that could walk away after winning once. You know what I mean? I just couldn't walk away with this, you know, with this drug shit. Yeah.

You know? Yeah. So, but yeah, I really invented a story in my own head. I think we all invent the days of our lives. We live by that. Sure. We invent a narrative to guide our life. I really invented this idea of a guy

who was like a mini Joseph Kennedy, right? Yeah, yeah. Hitting a lick, getting money off the street, and then getting out. That's what a gangster is. And you said that, I want to build dynastic wealth. And you mentioned Kennedy, and you mentioned Roosevelt. Because the idea, the goal of a gangster

is to not be a gangster. Right? That's what these old school mob guys, you know, they want their kids to be doctors. The goal is their kids aren't gangsters. They know they're never getting out. That's why, you know, they want their kids to be doctors. Maybe their goal is their kids aren't gangsters. They know they're never getting out. That's why, you know, even these New York families now, they got to go to Sicily because they don't have

the numbers because their kids don't want to be, they're like, I'm in America. I don't want to be in a garbage business. I want to be in marketing. I want to have a podcast, you know? Yeah, that's true. Was there any part of you after you got out that was like, I'll get into insurance. I'll live like that regular life and kind of stay low key and keep my nose out. No, never a regular life.

I was like, I was like, oh, this show business thing is too hard. It's not logical. Let me like figure out like how to get into real estate and be like, you know, the best at that or whatever. But it always had to be big. Yeah. It always had to be big. Here's a little bit of like, I don't want to say bullshit, but where I pick at your like, I just don't want to be a drug dealer anymore. You had every opportunity to

not be a drug dealer. You're born into a good family, all that stuff. And again, if you listen to his stuff, he is a smart guy, incredibly disciplined. You could have built dynastic wealth legally 1,000%. No question in my mind. So to stay in the drugs, it's not just about,

it's about the lick and the getting over. I don't know if you would have gotten out that easily. I think the... Even if I had not got popped that time, you think I... I think you might have kept raising the money and raising the fucking money. Most people say that. Most people say that. You're probably right.

I mean, I was going to move to LA. That was the plan was like to move to LA, start buying businesses. Yeah. And yeah, and the weed was becoming legal then. So I probably would have, you know, who knows what kind of dirt... Gotten in on that transition. Exactly, but been super illegal still, right? Yeah. And yeah, and that weed was becoming legal then, so I probably would have, you know, who knows what kind of dirt. Got in on that transition. Exactly, but been super illegal still,

right? Yeah. Yeah, no, that's a good point. And I don't say that to pick at you. I got into coke and got knocked for coke.

I say that to say that part of you that was like, if it's still there, it's like, fuck, I should have just got out when I had a million. I say that to put that part at ease.

Like, I think you were in it for more than just the money. Yeah, you gotta transfer that addiction. What did I say? Sports, drugs, or entertainment. Yeah. It's only acceptable one of three ways. Yeah, you got to transfer that addiction. What did I say? Sports, drugs, or entertainment. Yeah.

It's only acceptable one of three ways. Yeah, and you've done all three at this point. Yeah. None of them very good. You know? Drugs is probably the best. Yeah. For now.

For now. Maybe you get drafted, you know? Who knows? Guys, listen, Johnny, thank you so much for sharing your story, man. Thank you so much. It's a very interesting story. So cool. I appreciate you guys.

I appreciate you guys. I appreciate you guys. Yeah. And we really wish you the best of luck with everything you're doing. Obviously with stand-up, but also kind of continue to explore this underworld that clearly there's a lot of fascination about. Yeah. I mean, I came across you from short clips that are probably 60 seconds, and I found myself watching them. And I scrutinize short-form content, you know, so it's probably hard to grab my attention and keep it. But scrutinize short form content. It's probably hard to grab my attention and keep it,

but it was some really cool stuff. I really wish you the best of luck on your journey. I hope you don't do anything illegal anymore. I hope you find the legal means to excite yourself. Al wants you to be back in the game immediately. You could probably drag Al back in the game right now. Part two.

I got a number for you, bro. Whatever he's paying you, I'll double it. Son, if you weren't illegal, you would disappoint both your dads. That's fucking terrible. Don't do it.

Guys, Johnny Mitchell, make sure you check him out. He's got a YouTube show. Yeah, man. Johnny, you got the Connect, which is the YouTube show. You also got your stand-up on your personal channel,

which is... Yeah, Johnny Mitchell, you just put a ton of stand-up there still all the time. Good. I got a special dropping this year. I think we're in talks with a prison to shoot the stand-up.

Oh, that'd be cool. For our inmates. That'd be cool. So that's in the works. And then let's get those Instagram numbers up, guys. And DM me if you're a bad bitch. No more drug dealer fucking DMs, okay? Yeah, yeah.

At Mr. Johnny Mitchell. There you go, man. There you go. Thank you so much, you guys. Yeah, man. Appreciate you, bro. Thank you.