Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh - Wow!

Episode Date: August 30, 2019

This week Andrew, Akaash, and Alexx discuss: Dave Chapelle's new special, Sticks and Stones, Akaash pranking his friend, Jeremy Lynn going to China, Shaq and Kobe beef, Michael Jordan being on coke, the flagrant thought of the week, and much more. INDULGE!!! Want more episodes? Become a Patron! www.Patreon.com/Flagrant2

What's up everybody? Welcome to the Patreon episode of Flavoring 2 No Easy Buckets. Announced by Asshole's Water Cooler Commentary for your sports needs. I'm Andrew Schultz. I'm here with Akash Singh. Alex Media. Okay, three of us in the building. Yo, we did, I was doing a web series with some people and they asked me to do a prank show. And I was supposed to do, the some people and they asked me to do a prank show. And I was supposed to do... The idea is still funny to me. Instead of pranking like four people per episode,

I was going to prank one guy for like four weeks straight. Multiple times, yeah. And the first prank, and we didn't make it past this because it was too painful. But the first prank, it was a comic friend of ours. I don't want to say his name. I will, Michael Blaustein. Okay, it's our homie.

And he's funny. He knows about the prank now, so it's okay. We haven't released it't released it we have it online we tell him he's auditioning for this comedy club and i tell the audience before he goes up build this tension okay okay so keep in mind michael blouse time's been grinding in new york funny comic and uh he's been grinding new york trying to get into the clubs now getting into the comedy clubs in new york city is very difficult because there's so many people who want to be comics. And when you actually work the clubs, you can make a living. That can be the difference between you having a job

and you quitting and being a professional comic. So getting an audition at a comedy club has guys paranoid for fucking weeks and perfecting their set and getting it right and making sure it's right. And literally, it could be a terrifying experience because it could change your fucking life getting passed in these clubs.

Yeah. And it's just for your peers to say, hey, I'm at this club. It means a lot. It's a badge. It's a level up. It's a level up. So Akash gets Michael a fake audition at one of the premier comedy clubs in New York City, Stand Up New York. Okay?

Now, keep in mind, the comedy clubs go up and down in terms of their popularity. This is its peak. It was hot. It was hot. I mean, hot. It's always the cellar that's number one,

but it was right under it. And it was coming. Oh, it was coming. Exciting. You wanted to be there. It was a good hang. Good vibe. Good vibes.

Akash gets Michael an audition at Stand Up New York. And you know what? He doesn't even say, hey, Mike, I got you an audition. He has the booker of Stand Up New York reach out directly to Blaustein to audition. So that means Mike really believes that it's real. Oh, man. And he doesn't even have the, hey, I got you a vouch, it's good.

No, no, no. No, none of that. Hey, we've heard good stuff about you, really want to audition you at the club. So he goes, Blaustein is shitting his pants. He's so nervous. He really wants to break into the clubs. He hadn't had as much success breaking into the clubs

he had been on Punk'd at this point so it's like this is my time I got the credit it's about to go down let's do this this is the one he goes

he goes now prior to him being on stage Akash it is a packed house packed I'm hosting and I'm in a zone hosting

you don't normally like hosting is hard man it's you're the audience is cold you just go up there they don't know you you can't normally like. Hosting is hard, man. The audience is cold. You just go up there. They don't know you.

You can't really do jokes. Akash is burning the fucking house down. Let's go. It's fire. Now. Crowd is fire. Prior to Mike going on. Prior to Mike going on.

We have, I have the booker pull Mike outside and just like quote, give him the rules of the audition. But he's really just buying time. Akash is on stage. I'm on stage hosting In Between Comics. Greer Barnes, New York legend, give him the rules of the audition, but he's really just buying time. Akash is on stage. I'm on stage hosting In Between Comics. Greer Barnes, New York legend, just got off stage. Fucking destroys, obviously. Crowd is hyped.

Keep this in mind. Your biggest nightmare in all of comedy for an audition is following Greer Barnes. Greer Barnes, Godfrey, maybe a couple others, probably Andrew. You don't want to follow these guys. You don't want to follow because what they do to the audience okay is so destructive that and they're not only so destructive they're so lovable that the audience even after they get off is like why don't why don't why don't why didn't we have more of him why don't you bring him yes we don't want to hear anything you have to say yes so

Michael is already nervous about his audition finds out that he's following one of the hardest follows in the whole city, okay? Shitting his fucking pants. His comedy career is depending on this. Gets pulled outside by the booker, right? To give the rules. He's like, fuck, what if my jokes don't go along with some of the rules? There are no fucking rules.

You just go up there. But he's just giving them the rules, right? Akash on stage quiets the whole audience and says hey next comic going up we're pranking him don't give him a single laugh the entire time

he's on stage I also say don't boo don't boo just complete silence apathy just as if hey

that's cute but I don't I don't care it's fine because a boo, who knows? You dig in, you fight, whatever. And I've never had an audience this compliant. There's always some drunk asshole ruining everything.

The entire audience was on board. It's like they knew it was supposed to happen. We had a GoPro. We have cameras. I have this. I have not released it. I'm dying to release this. Why not?

I've been begging him. We're going to release it in the Patreon. We're why not I've been begging him we're gonna release it in the Patreon we're gonna have Blau on we're gonna have Blau on in an episode and we're gonna watch it with him on the thing

cause it's hard here was our rationale all the time if you see this guy bombing even when you see him after even if he's funny you're gonna be like eh yeah

so we needed for him to pop off first for everybody knows he's funny and then we could release him now go back okay so the audience is set up walks back in room, give it up for Michael Blaustein.

He goes up. Now, keep in mind, Blaustein has a lot of energy. Does he do the act out with the dragon? Yes. Oh, my God. I mean, this guy, it's Dane Cook level energy. Dane Cook in his prime uses, probably, I'm not bullshitting you, a little less energy than Michael Blastine. Wow.

He had an act out. Full crouch on the ground. Where he goes full crouch on the ground and pretends to be a dragon. I'm talking about like you're taking a shit in India, swaying back and forth with a tail and a voice. He uses one hand to be a tail that's moving back and forth. And he goes, I don't want it. Tell me what you want. Tell me what you want.

Right. Now, keep in mind, that's not his opening joke. No. That's his closing joke. So by the time he gets to dragon, he's been bombing for four minutes. Oh, I feel so sad. Four straight minutes. I haven't even seen minutes oh I feel so bad for four straight minutes I haven't even seen it

I feel bad and after bombing for four straight minutes he's still because remember this is an audition that changed his life he's squatted

why don't you do what I tell you to do the beauty of it being an audition is you can't yell at the audience because now that's the thing

you're auditioning you can't fuck up the whole show that now that's the thing. You're auditioning. You can't fuck up the whole show. That's why I plotted it diabolically beautifully where it's like, yo,

you cannot, if you make it a regular set and he's there, he'd be like, oh, fuck y'all. Suck my dick. If it's the audition,

you can't. Guys. Guys. You drove him out of New York. Guys. Yeah, he moved to LA. He had to go.

He had to move. He hopped on that dragon and flew the fuck over there. So what happens? So he goes up. He says, thank you. Good night. He's ready. He's hype.

He's hype. He's fucking. Oh, the crowd. No, we already got him bombing. Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So then. After he bombs his fucking ass off.

So there's a moment during the bomb. He has a bit that he used to do where he talks about how people always say where they're from like that's supposed to impress you before a fight like i'm from new york motherfucker i'm from blah blah blah and he's bombing in like two three minutes in and he tries to sometimes he'll try to like bring the audience into it more and empower them so he's like i'm from new york i'm from detroit i'm from stand-up new york motherfucker and then nothing happens complete silence he goes i'm from stand- New York, motherfucker. Wow.

Wow. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Every time I watch that, wow, dog. It's the most painfully funny shit I've ever seen in my life Wow Yo we gotta play this

We gotta play this I gotta find it I still got it on my hard drive I'm pretty sure I might be able to find it here If the internet's working Um Son

Then after the audition He bombs So he gets off stage It's no Nothing I mean like nothing then we there's a camera like trained on him outside and the booker's just like hey man what happened and then wow starts like dropping credits he's like i don't know man like i i just i just

got off a cross-country flight i was just performing in california like trying to tell him hey i'm not ain't shit i do things and then as he's trying to explain himself a drunk guy comes out and he's like hey man sorry they told us not to laugh but that so then blah was like what what the fuck you talking about and then he's like the guy on stage the host told us not to laugh and then i went out there and then i told him it was a prank. And then the whole crowd came out afterward and applauded and told him he was really funny and it was hard not to laugh and all that shit. But, like, it actually worked out for the best because I would have eaten away at him for fucking weeks. Wow.

Wow. I would have fucking screamed. I would have fucking screamed if I saw him say that shit into a void. Into a void. And then just go, wow. Son, that fucking breath. Oh, my God. Because you don't know the desperation of bombing.

It's quicksand. You're reaching for anything. So I know that. Let's try to bring them in. Maybe that'll get them to give a fuck at all. I'm from stand-up New York, motherfucker. Why? Keep it fine. why keep it keep it

keep it he's just trying to connect but he's just trying to but usually

he'll do it based on like some crowd work that he did earlier. So he's like, where are you guys from? You're from Cincinnati. Oh, that's right. And he's got that in his pocket. And then later on he does a joke. I'm from New York.

I'm from Brooklyn. I'm from Queens. I'm from Cincinnati, motherfucker. That's what it usually is, right? But he didn't know where anybody was from. Because he couldn't do the crowd work. Because he couldn't do the crowd work. So he just said the name of the comic club where nobody's from. Because he couldn't do it himself. Because he couldn't do the crowd work. So he just said the name of the comedy club

where nobody's from. Nobody's from the comedy club. As if somebody that was in the comedy club would be like, that's where all the porn is raised. At the stand of New York. You haven't seen this video, Drew? No. Yo, we gotta see this. I'm raised as a stand-up New York. Wow.

You haven't seen this video, Drew? No. Yo, we got to see this. Son, we used to prank him all the time, bro. Yeah. We had a... I said it with the movies. Oh, yeah, the movie shit we played.

We used to also... Son. This is from Smokey Suarez, a hood comic. He did this to kid me with Bombay, but Bly used to videotape himself. Oh, my God. It's so funny. We shamed him for this, and then you built to videotape himself. Oh, my God. It's so funny. We shamed him for this, and then you built a legacy off of it. He used to tape all of his sets.

That's so funny. He used to film all of his sets. No, but we all used to do that. He'd been doing it. He never missed. I did that. I did that for a while. For sure.

He's the guy I remember always brought in a camcorder. And when he was bombing, we would try to find different ways to hop into the camera and go, you're dying right now. But we wouldn't hop in, right? What we would do is, I think I've told this story on this,

but what we would do is, the camera was on a table, okay? The table was a bar height table, one of those like bar tables, you know? High table.

A high table, right? And then he had a little tripod on the high table. So what we would do is we would bend down and crawl underneath the table, right? I'm going to do the act out to the camera so you guys can see. But we would crawl underneath the table. So this is table height, right?

Yeah. And we'd just walk up and then we'd go underneath and go, you promised! Yo, what's up? This is Akash. That was a preview of our Patreon episode. If you want the full thing, go to www.patreon.com slash flagrant2. Join the idlist community on Earth. Unless you're a social justice warrior, then you're just going to ruin the fun.