Andy Frasco's World Saving Podcast - EP 141: Bert Kreischer

Episode Date: September 21, 2021

What's a band without a tour van to do when stuck in the city by the bay? Mourn the sad, sad loss of our old friend and tour van and well... make podcasts, of course. But Soft! What light through yonder window breaks? On the Interview hour we welcome Mr Positivity: comedian, Bert Kreischer! Listen in as Bert and Andy become best friends. Andee & Shawn have a word of advice for all those struggling bands out there. This is EP 141. Follow us on Instagram @worldsavingpodcast For more information on Andy Frasco, the band and/or the blog, go to: AndyFrasco.com Check out Andy's new song, "DANCIN' AROUND MY GRAVE" on iTunes, Spotify  make room for one more shirtless man in your life:  bertbertbert.com Produced by Andy Frasco Joe Angelhow Chris Lorentz Audio mix by Chris Lorentz Featuring: Shawn Eckels Joseph McDermott Andee "Beats" Avila Arno Bakker

Andy, it's your grandfather. Your grandmother and I were listening to this show. Wasn't it? Oh, yes. The Fresh Air with the Terry Gross. And we heard the new song, Dancing Around. We're so happy to hear your song on our favorite show. I mean, it was really a spectacular moment.

But I just wanted to say that the lyrics, they really made me sad. I want to make sure you're okay and maybe cut back on some of the drug use. I know you like to have fun, but we just want you to be safe, and I don't want to go to your funeral. I want you to come to my funeral, okay?

So I love you. Call me, and we love the new song. Okay, love you. Bye. Hey, Andy, it's your grandfather. With Yom Kippur coming up this week, I wanted to remind you that you need to repent for your sins, for the drugs and the hookers

and all of the transgressions you've done against God in the last year. And I wish that the COVID was gone so that we could spend a holiday with you, but I wish you lots of love and support. All in all, I think you're a good man, except for maybe the hookers. Okay, love you, baby. And we're back. And we're back.

Andy Frasco's World Saving Podcast. I'm Andy Frasco. How's our heads doing? How's our minds? Why do you always laugh when I say that, Nick? No, I don't know. It's so awkward. Week five of the tour.

Week five. My second week. Your second. How are you doing? I'm doing great today. I'm fully rested. We had a day off. I'm looking at a pretty good view right now of San Francisco.

San Francisco's cool, right? It's cool. What don't you like about it, Nick? Jesus Christ. I just think as I got farther from the water, I liked it less. Why? I don't know. I still like it a lot. It's a dope city. I don't know if I'd live here, though.

Don't be talking shit about San Francisco. I like it here. It was it's just a dope city i don't know if i'd live here though don't be talking shit about san francisco i like it here it's like it was awesome hanging out here yesterday it seems really expensive though it is you know what i mean yeah it's like reminds me of an east coast city a little bit like for i rode my uber over here and the guy was driving pretty aggressively actually and he got flipped off by a couple people, and I haven't seen that in a long... That's like an East Coast thing. Yeah. And I've noticed that the drivers

are a lot more angry here compared to Denver, for sure. Yeah. It feels like Boston or New York. Yeah. But it's got the fucking best weather. Man. Well, you're lucky.

It's not any fucking shitty. Yeah, it gets bad in the winter. I don't mind overcast. I mean, you've hung out with me. How's it going? Great, bro. This fucking tour is a nightmare. No, it's really not. If you look at the bad stuff only, yeah, sure. Yeah, it's true.

Crowds have been great. Yeah. I don't know. There's been some travel issues for sure. Yeah. Going 40 miles an hour through the southern Arizona desert wasn't exactly. Our van broke down again, guys. Right after we were all optimistic about the fucking van. From the last pod I listened to, I was like, fuck.

We were like sitting in the, I think we were in the one going 40 miles an hour. Yeah, that was when our van started fucking up in El Paso, right? Yeah, and you got it back. Here's the thing. They got their van back. Let me tell it from the outside. Tell the story. Okay, so they've been having all these van issues.

So when I hopped in on tour in Tulsa, Oklahoma, great city, they're in a rental thing. It was nice. It was like a Ford. Transit. Transit. The thing that they take you around in festivals in. Yeah.

And then we go through Texas and that, going fine. They're all optimistic, they're all excited Because they're going to get their Sprinter van back It's got a Playstation It's got some bunks It's home for them, these weirdos This is where they live I'm not kidding

How comfortable you guys are on the road is insane Really? You guys are just like It's like a machine You guys tour more than almost anyone I'd It's like a machine. You guys have done it... You guys tour more than almost anyone, right? Yeah. I'd say you tour the most of any band I know.

It's just... You guys are just like... It's like a rhythm. Yeah. There's no like... Oh, God. I don't know. You guys are just so used to it.

Anyway, we finally get the van in Austin. Some guy drives it down. I didn't see him. We finally get it. We start getting on the road to Phoenix, which was a great show, by the way. Oh my God. Shout out to Phoenix. Let's fucking go. I think we should go through each show this week and describe how great

they were. I'm just kidding. And then Ernie's driving. He's like, uh-oh. Apparently it's, you know, I don't know what's going on. The turbo's out. It's like the same, exact same thing. It's the same exact thing. Which is the most frustrating shit ever. I know. That's the worst. thing. Which is the most frustrating shit ever. I know. That's the worst.

That was just like the gut-wrenching. Because I was already down so much fucking money. It's the same fucking thing. You just paid thousands of dollars to get fixed. I know. God damn it. I'm so sick of all these fucking car mechanics that just don't do their job all the way. I know. People, do your fucking jobs.

It's not that hard. I do my job every day. We didn't even take it to some, like, Jimmy Rigg mechanic. We took it to Mercedes, and they were, like, lazy about it. Like, yeah, it works now. People suck. Everybody's so fucking lazy now. I think the boomers are right about that.

Shut up. I mean, I usually hate boomers, but in that way, they're right. Why? I'm just kidding. People are fine, but come on. Just fix the thing that's wrong. It shouldn't be the exact same fucking thing to go out. I know.

So then we get this, people. We limp to Phoenix. We limp to Phoenix. We had to drive 30 miles per hour. Worst fucking drive of my life, maybe. Not drive, ride. Because I don't drive. I'm not driving their stuff in a trailer and going to wreck all their stuff.

We took 12 hours to get there. It took 12 hours to do a six-hour drive in the scorching heat. Southern Arizona heat, right? Yeah. We finally get to Tucson and switch to two vehicles. Now we're in two separate vehicles. Okay? Because we have the Sprinter still limping.

And then we have the truck. We had a truck. Yep. That was when we got the U-Haul truck? Oh, yeah, we got that in Phoenix. And then we finally got to Phoenix. And I was going to maybe not be able to play in Phoenix. Remember that?

Yeah. I barely got a set off, which it rocked. Yeah. And then you guys killed it. Because luckily when we got there, it was like a sold out. Yeah. We got there at 7 o'clock. We were supposed to play at 8.

And that's where Optimistic Nick came in. And you were all fucking andy frass going up and i was like dude remember times when that would happen to you and you get here and there'd be 15 people there and fucking duluth minnesota grand rapids michigan yeah two great cities i'm just saying it's been a climb you know i know you're right and then you get there's 300 people in a city you've never been to so shut the fuck up you're right you're right yeah but you get there And it's 300 people In a city you've never been to So shut the fuck up You're right You're right But you know

It's like On a Tuesday I I reflect my sadness I do I'm like your right shoulder Angel guy Sometimes

Sometimes you talk shit Like kind of backhanded talk shit No I think you take it the wrong way Really Like give me an example I don't know Sometimes you backhand Compliment my music

I've never backhanded Complimented your music I don't think it's you backhand compliment my music. I've never backhanded complimented your music. I don't think it's just not my thing. It's good, though. Yeah. Who gives a fuck? Your whole music is a backhand compliment to itself sometimes. What do you mean? You know, it's like funny sometimes.

Funny music. No, no. Say what you want to say. No, I'm saying like there's comedy in it. So sometimes comedy music isn't taken as seriously. Oh, because they don't want to be like a pretentious? No. Serious doesn't mean pretentious. You have serious

songs too. Just saying. People don't take comedy as seriously because it's comedy. It's not serious. I don't have a problem with your music. Well, back to You're just sensitive about it, I think. I'm sensitive about it because because Why?

Because people People who cares Because people fine That's a dumb excuse People Fuck people I know fuck people But I also love people

And I don't like People like your shit though You sold out the venue So who gives a fuck about people who don't like you Why do I care about what these other fucking people Who don't even give a shit about me think Exactly Don't give a shit about them

I know what What the fuck? Why? There's always going to be... Name a band, name anything, and there's 30% of the people hate it. Well, my question is, why do we care about the one or two people who talk shit versus...

Survival instinct. ...the hundreds of people who love you? But you care about the people who love you, too. I do. You just care about everybody, what they think. Yes. That's what it is. Oh, fuck. Yeah. I do. You just care about everybody, what they think. Yes. That's what it is. Oh, fuck.

Yeah. Got it. Figured it out. Therapist. But here's the thing. It's like, who gives a shit, really? I know. I mean, there's people that don't like Beethoven.

You know what I mean? Yeah. I know. Why do I feel like I have to be liked by everybody? There's people... I don't know. I don't know. Maybe because you're a youngest child or something.

Yeah. Birth order, I think, does have a huge a whole i want to read that book about it there's like a birth order really yeah and i guess the youngest one's really funny but i don't want to tell you what it is because i don't want to ruin it so tell them more about this fucking week we had so we yeah yeah sorry we got a thing but that was good um we went to phoenix we finally get there we They set up in like 20 minutes. They get a sound check off. I play. It's packed. It's a great crowd. Then where do we go? San Diego.

That's when we picked up the minivan, right? Yeah. I totally forgot about the minivan. Then we had to travel in a minivan for two days. No, six. There were six and we still had the truck. So I had to drive the truck, the pickup truck.

With Jason. Yeah. Give it up for Bo and Jason, by the way. Shout out. Our tour manager and sound guy are fucking killing it. They're a goddamn machine

and they don't really complain ever. Yeah. No one complains. I was like, that's what I like about your band. There's no fucking complainers. Yeah, we don't complain. Your music?

I'm just kidding. Shut the fuck up. Fucking asshole. That's called a callback, ladies and gentlemen. No, but... If I hated your music, I watched your entire show every night. I know, you're right. That's why you make me sit in at the end so I have to stay and watch it.

I'm just kidding. It's fun to watch. We get in this minivan. We had to rent a minivan. That's okay. That wasn't as bad, but we were in two vehicles. And then we get to LA and switch out for like, now we have like one of those things that like bands tour in

when they're like playing at like 4 p.m. at festivals and stuff. Well, I've been there. I had like three of those vans. I'm allowed to talk shit about it. I had it. I had that van too. Everybody's had that van. It's actually not that bad. No. You know the ford sort of like bench seat ones i don't

it's like i don't know what's exactly what model we have so now we're in that but at least that can pull the trailer so we're all in one vehicle hanging out and we're all getting along great i think no but before that we didn't they didn't have lights oh my god i was jesus fucking dude they didn't finally get to., the place before the show. We're at this weird place by the airport picking up this rental. We got a tow package, by the way. We're like, tow package. In my mind, that would include, and it does,

the lights that hook onto the fucking trailer so you can signal where you're going. They didn't have that. They didn't know how to install it. So we had to do it the next morning. So we all had to get up at like 7.30. Yeah. Hence me going crazy in the van. That's the Instagram

video of you. Me just yelling at Floyd about I can't believe how he's a father. We're just sleep deprived. We've been getting back to the hotels at 3 o'clock. The shows don't end until 1. So we get back to the hotels at 3. Thenclock. The shows don't end until 1. So we get back to the hotels at 3. Then we have to figure out the van. Every day

we had to figure out the van at 7 a.m. to try to get it fixed. Try to figure out a new minivan. We are so badass the more I think about this. Dude, it was a fucking hard two weeks. Especially you guys. I'm just more along for the ride guys, to be fair. I'm including myself. A lot of people would have gave up.

A lot of people would have gave up the tour. They would have canceled the tour. I'm including myself. A lot of people would have gave up. A lot of people would have gave up the tour. They would have canceled the tour. I think so, too. And I was almost close to giving up on the tour. And you don't have COVID. We don't have COVID. Let's fucking go. Negative test. Negative test, babies. Your boy. Your boy has strong body.

Anyway, it's been hard, but like I said, it's more been hard for them. These guys are badass. I'm just an opener. I'm not part of their business plan or anything. Because it's important. I'm not driving. Music and people are so sad right now. Two years of no music.

I just want people to know that it's been way more miserable for you than me. I know. Andy's got the world, way to the world on his shoulders. I think I've been doing a good job of keeping it light. You are. I keep the mood up. Yeah. You know?

You having fun with touring with us still? I'm having a great time. I'm glad I came. I'm glad we didn't give up. Fuck that shit. I know. Let's get this bread. Let's make this,

let's fucking make that bread. I don't want to sit around. Let's make that bread. I'd rather be miserable on the road than just at home. I know. I mean, I have stuff I like at home. I just feel so much more comfortable on the road. I'm just kidding. I feel more comfortable on the road. You at home. I know. I just feel so much more comfortable on the road.

I'm just kidding. I feel more comfortable on the road. You are so much more. I was talking to my buddy Drew about this. Remember we did that recording session? You know how you're weird? You were ordering pizza. Andy functions way better in society when he's on tour.

For example, you're ordering pizza one day. And you're like, we're doing a recording session or some shit, and you were hanging. I don't remember even what it was for. It was for the song we wrote. Okay, I didn't know if I was allowed to talk about that.

Yeah, you could say it. Okay, we out. It's coming out soon. We wrote a song. I helped Andy write a song. My buddy Drew helped it, too. Yeah, shout out to Drew. Shout out to Colorado musicians.

He's a dope producer. Recess music. Check it out. Recess music. Great if you just want to vibe out in your car. You're just trying to order pizza and you call them before we even talk about what we wanted. You're like, what do you got over there? And you're like, this is so weird how you did it.

Me and Drew still make fun of it. But on the road, you're like, okay, we have to do this. We have to check in. Give me the checks. I need to deposit checks. And I need to... You're like a fucking dad out here. Yeah. But at home, you're like, where do my hands go? I don't know how to have a regular life... It's like you're like a fucking dad out here. Yeah. But at home, you're like, where do my hands go?

I don't know how to have a regular life. It's interesting. You should pick up some regular... You're not that bad at regular life. I know some musicians that are way worse at regular life than you. I mean, I... You can do your own laundry. You can fucking... I can run a fucking Airbnb.

You can buy stuff. Yeah, you're overstaying a little, but you're definitely in your zone out here. Yeah, this is my vibe. You like a little chaos. I like chaos. I like not knowing what's going to happen. That's why it's kind of fun. It's fun.

When the van breaks down. It's fun when the shows are selling a bunch of tickets every night. When the shows kick ass. When you're still making money, and people are buying merch, and you're not fucked. Yeah. Yeah.

Speaking of shows, what about Repsy.com? What about them? Repsy.com what about them repsy our people we got burke kreischer on the show they started booking comedians now oh yeah they're way better on podcasts than like fucking people who write songs what do you mean well they're they're funny their whole life is how funny can i be in a conversation no i'm talking about repsy oh rep i thought you're talking about repsy books comed, Repsy. I thought you were talking about for your podcast. Repsy books comedians now. That's great.

And they book DJs and producers. Go check out Repsy.com. If you're in a band, trust me, we almost had to cancel shows and there's going to be last minute openings and I've been watching Instagram bands

or dropping like flies with the COVID and there's going to be open shows. Why not get some extra help? If you have an agent, he's probably working his dick off. Shout out to Bongiorno. Working hard for us. JB. JB.

I almost want to call him JBG. It almost feels like that's what it should be. But they're working hard. You might as well get another guy in your corner to make things poppin'. So go bands, DJs, comedians, go sign up for Repsy.com and tell them Frasco sent you. The good southern boys. Good old southern boys. Yep.

The show is presented by Repsy. Honest men. Yeah. So great shows this week, man. Great shows. Every show was great. I think the opener is going better every night. Because we're fine-tuning the show. And just like the music part too though yeah yeah i think the music

is good no but people are getting into it yeah they're not just sitting off to the side waiting for you like other other times ever like a lot of tours you go through where an opener just like yeah people you don't give a fuck about the opener really yeah I don't like that I hate that your fans are chill my fans are always supportive of everything that's happening during the show but I think my music's fun too

it is especially when I play like all the fun stuff yeah I'm gonna make some more in this two week break so I'm gonna have some fresh shit so where are we playing

this week Nick we're going next to Nevada City Wednesday which is apparently in California now it's already sold out that was the first show that sold out on my tour

what I thought it was in Nevada it's actually in California shout out to Nevada City what's that apparently in California. That was the first show that sold out on my tour. What? I thought it was in Nevada. It's actually in California. Shout out to Nevada City. What's that? What do we expect there? It's like a mountain town?

It's Tahoe. It's basically where, before weed was crazy big, that's where all the weed was like grown secretly. But it's like more of a cowboy mountain town, right? It's hippie. It's not as like rich, rich like Vail. It's getting there. It's kind of close to Auburn, but it's still hippie. It's not as rich, rich, like, veil. It's getting there. It's kind of close to Auburn, but it's still hippie. I think it's like Steamboat Springs.

So shout out to Nevada City for selling out in minutes. Then we go to Eugene. Eugene has not a lot of tickets. Long haul, but we have a van. We don't have to do anything in the morning before we go. Eugene, not a lot of tickets have been sold. So if you know anyone in the Eugene area, tell them to hit up your board. Yeah, Eugene, we always get fucked. We always put Humphreys there, which was dope.

But we'll see. It's a college town. Maybe there'll be some walk-ups. I got a text from some dude. I got a tweet that said, I wanted to say, here, you gotta read this. Andy Frasco, please change your venue in Eugene and stand for medical freedom.

I stand with Nicki Minaj. What? The venue are Nazis. Seriously, maybe. They named another venue. Nicki Minaj. I don't get what that means. Vaccine.

She made a really dumb vaccine tweet that said her cousin's balls got huge. Remember that? Oh. So he's like anti-vax. I mean, what the fuck? He's going to kill me now that he heard me say that on the podcast. No, we're not changing the venue. Sorry.

We don't do that. We play saxophone and sing in the microphone. We are not politicians. Then we head to Portland. Beautiful Portland. Then we're going to Portland. 24th. That's cool because it's a short drive.

So maybe I'll get to check out Portland for a little bit. Yeah, we're going to go to the Nike store. Hopefully. Hopefully. Either way, I've never really been there. My homie is going to get us the hookup. Hopefully. We're going to be able to go to where all the employees get to go to. Let's not get our hopes up.

Okay. I think it's a cool city either way. Then we're closing out the tour. Seattle. Seattle, Washington. This leg of the tour. And then we have four days off and then I play Mempho Fest. But I won't be at that.

You won't be at that. I'm playing a wedding that weekend, which is hilarious. It's always funny to play a wedding after three weeks on the road. You're like, I am so much stronger than everyone here. You know what I mean? They're all like tired. You have been playing an amazing saxophone lately. Really good. Who? You. Oh man, I feel like I've been playing

every day. I'm feeling good about it. When I get on it every day, it's like, I feel like I'm a really good sax player sometimes. Yep. And then a lot of your fans don't even know I play saxophone. Do you know that? I know. It's really funny. Yeah, I know. Because I don't promote you as a sax player. I promote you as my friend. It's just fun for me. I've never, I've always been like Nick, the sax player. People loving that fucking Grateful Dead stab we did a couple days ago. And the OJ joke was pretty good. That was just a Norm rip, though. Yeah, he just ripped off Norm.

But I also gave him credit on stage. Yeah, yeah, but quietly. You're like, that was Norm and Tom talking. Yeah, exactly. Anyone who knows, knows. All right, I got to stop talking for a second. October 8th, we're playing Salt Lake City. And then October 9th, we're playing Denver Lake City. And then October 9th, we're playing

Denver, Colorado. Back in the hometown. Yeah. Ogden. You're pulling out all the stops, I heard. You're bringing a band. I'm going to try. If I can get them together. That's one of our bigger shows. Come on. Support the homie. We've sold about half. We're halfway there from selling it out.

Ogden is the last. I'm going to have to pump up Denver right now. Denver? Don't wait too long, though. I've seen like 500 tickets go on a day of show. I know. It's going to sell out, I hope. We're coming back. We're coming back, town. Come on, give the boys something to believe in.

Give me something to believe in, baby. So we got Bert Kreischer on the show. I needed to hit him up because of the optimism he brings into the world. I was feeling bummed out. And that's the thing about life. When you stop feeling like marinating and shit and

finally just take the moment as it is, all of a sudden I got a phone call. Hey, Burt Kreischer wants to be on your podcast. What a cool guest to have. I mean, he has a podcast, right? Yeah, he's with Tom Segura and he's got his own podcast. So that's how you know it's going to be a killing podcast. This guy's a pro. Yeah.

You're not going to have to, like, wring it out of him. I'm just saying, in life, when you stop dreading the little things and take the microscope away, things work out. This fucking week has been fucking crazy. Couldn't agree more. With fucking the van and me losing my fucking ass on money and shit. But when I take the microscope away, the shows have been amazing. The hangs have been amazing. I feel like we're getting closer.

I feel like we're like best friends. We are. We've made love three times. I feel like we're getting closer. We're friends. We get along pretty good. I mean, I don't ever get mad at you. I'm never like, God damn it, Andy.

I know. I kind of like that you're a little self-involved. It's good for me. It's like, I don't have to worry about you. You know what I mean? Yeah, I don't need. I don't like friends you're a little self-involved. It's good for me. It's like, I don't have to worry about you. You know what I mean? Yeah, I don't need... I don't like friends where I have to constantly be engaging. You can just...

You know what I mean? Yeah. Same here. Like, even like... I can do that too. I can be like, oh, I'm going to go listen to a podcast for two hours. Or I'm going to go get a hotel when I'm... Because I was bummed out in Vegas and everyone saw me.

I was really fucking... That was... That was the night you were the most bummed out. Most bummed out. That was a very... I sat at the the stratosphere hotel just drinking by myself and i read the room vodka sodas and shots just by myself at the bar remember and then i read the room i'm leaving i read the room and got my own hotel room fucking out of here and you got in the hotel room that's called you let me have my own room and i could watch porn in peace.

Let's fucking play now. I got my own room too. Yeah, well, that's the thing. You're self-sufficient. You know when you want a hotel. A lot of people, if I don't tell them what to do... No, I don't operate like that at all. All right, I got to get ready.

Yeah, I think we've covered everything. How are you feeling? I feel nice and rested We have a short drive today I gotta check out a new town I might work on some tunes if I can get to it Cool We got tomorrow off too, right?

We have tomorrow off too No travel No travel And then play Wednesday in Nevada City So guys Bye everybody It was nice talking This is gonna be a great podcast

Like I said before You're're going to deal with shit You're going to deal with trials and tribulations But how badly do you want it? Keep following your dreams Your dreams are worth it I could have gave up Right when I saw my bank account go to zero But you know what?

That's not part, that is all part of the dream If that was going to happen, you would have given up 15 years ago. Yeah, exactly. I haven't made any money. I'm still on that. You know, it's like,

everyone thinks I'm rich. I'm fucking not rich. He's not rich. He just, money comes in. There's money coming, but it's going. You know what I mean?

Nick, I love you. Thanks for cheering me up. We did it. I was sad as fuck. I keep you cheery. I know. And then I give you your space when it's time. You're the best. Assistant coach. That's why I love you Thanks for cheering me up We did it I was sad as fuck I keep you cheery I know And then I give you your space When it's time

You're the best Assistant coach That's why I love you Alright guys Enjoy the Burt Kreischer interview And I'll catch you on the tail end You wanna be You wanna close this out

Sure Alright Next up on the podcast Burt motherfucking Kreischer Ladies and gentlemen Yo Chris Play play some heavy ass rock and roll. This guy is a rock star. We all know it. Comedian Burt Kreischer.

He's got podcasts. He's got a talk show. He's got everything. And I'm just super excited for you to hear this interview because he's Mr. Optimistic. And I knew that if we got together, we were going to make optimistic stuff. So stay happy. I hope you enjoy this one because this is a fun one. Me and Bert just talking shit and him giving me life advice to keep going. I think you're going to love it. So enjoy Bert Cresher. Bert! You gotta love it. You gotta love it.

You gotta love it For my people Not who's in audio Burt is wearing a Laker jersey right What's up Burt Who you wearing I'm wearing Anthony Davis What are you wearing I'm wearing I think it's

What the fuck They gave you a machine jersey Yeah What happened? Why do you have that? I have no idea. I fucking, I didn't know I had it. I opened my closet today and it was, how do I sound?

Do I sound okay? You sound good. You're fine. Okay. I opened my closet today looking for a Lakers jersey. I've got like five and I looked at this one and I was like, wait, who's this? And I was like, wait, when the fuck did I get that? So I get so many jerseys because whenever you do something like I or go somewhere you just get

jerseys on tour and so and then the second I wear a jersey all of a sudden other teams go hey man we don't want you wearing that jersey and then they'll send you a jersey holy shit so have you ever done like like star spangled banner can I tell you I that? Can I tell you, I want to do, well, you can't sing the National Anthem anymore. That's racist. But I want to do God Bless America so bad. I learned it. I know how to sing it.

And I want to belt out God Bless America. Will, you want to do it on the podcast? God Bless America Land that I love. Stand beside her and guide her. That's all I got. Let's fucking go. Let's go.

My guy. Legend. Mr. Optimism. I used to have a joke. I used to have a joke about going down to my wife, put my lips around her entirely and going, oh! And so it would naturally

go into God Bless America. God Bless America is a really interesting song because there's parts of it that don't really make sense. About like the, from the land to the prairies to the mountains on the day. But if you start to, that's the other thing. Oh, that's the other one I wanted to do. I wanted to sing the national anthem,

but I wanted to start too high. Yeah. Start too high and just watch people go, oh, he's not making this. That's my biggest fear. I've had, like, you know, sports teams ask me to do it. I feel like that's just so much pressure

to do something like that. Just acapella like that. You're just dick out there, Burt. Dude, let me tell you something. Right now I'm trying to write music because I'm coming up with good names of songs, but I'm not a good songwriter. What are you doing? What type of music do you want to write? I don't know.

I just got into, I just started a lot of bluegrass lately. Oh, nice. Like who? Billy Strings? Billy Strings is exactly who I found. Yeah, dude. So let's go back to that New York stuff because that stuff is very fascinating to me because it's basically like like it's a club.

It feels like if you're not accepted into the pretentious club, then you're just getting eaten up. Yeah, I think everyone feels this way. I'm not different than anyone else. I think everyone feels like an outsider all the time yeah dave chappelle once said uh he he was talking about something he was like it's kind of like uh do you remember when you went to first grade and you're like do all these kids know each other like i feel like no i i don't know anyone they all grew up together yeah but but i think everyone feels that but but yeah when i got there i worked the door at a comedy club and uh and and I got a deal very

fast. And I, I feel like I know for a fact that it rubbed people the wrong way. Cause there's a way to do things. You do this, you do that, you do that. Then you get accepted. Then you can do this. You pay your dues. And I, and, uh, and I, I, I don't think a lot of people felt like I paid my dues. And so, so, so I just, I just was like, well, fuck it. I just moved to LA and LA was, was, LA was worse because people would accept you, but you could tell they just wanted something from you. And so, and so it was, uh, and it wasn't until like, I actually, I've talked about this,

but I had a really hard time making friends in comedy because I had a couple of friends that did me wrong. And you realize there are a lot of ulterior motives and it wasn't until Rogan pulled me aside and was like, Hey man, I'm trying to be your friend and you got to let me be your friend. Like me, Ari, Joey, Tom, we're all trying to be your friend and you're not letting us. And I was like, and in my head I was like, dude, I got a family.

That's all I need. I got a few friends that I grew up with. I have some friends here, but I don't need more friends. And then, and then all of a sudden I realized I totally needed friends. Like having those guys as friends was like, is probably one of the most meaningful things, you know, that's happened to me. Yeah. And you know, it's, it's also just like, there's so much you could relate to with your wife and your kids, but there's other stuff that you can't relate with them to that you still need to like express and not suppress. Right. Oh, yeah. I've had so many meaningful conversations with those guys.

Each of those guys. I mean, Tommy more than anyone. Like I talk to him twice a day probably. to him twice a day probably and uh but like joe is just joe's been like a wealth of just kind of like when you know if you have any question about anything i mean burr is same same with bill burr i mean they changed the trajectory of my career by telling me pulling me aside and saying hey man you're you're your travel channel show sucks like they were like you need to do do podcasts and do stand up and get back to what you're good at. Like you're not a host.

You're an okay host, but you're not like, that's not who you are. You're a comic. And then I pulled out, I got fired from Travel Channel, but, um, and then, and then they all helped me get money for my podcast. Like they helped me get ad sales. And then they helped me like when I, you know, I mean like invaluable stuff. Like when, you know, this is really inside baseball, but like when you're doing comedy clubs and you're selling out, you think you're hot shit. And then, you know, they'd be like, hold on, what are your ticket prices?

And you're like 20 bucks. I'm like, anyone's willing to pay 20 bucks for a show. Bump it up to 35. And then you got to get to 35 because what you want to do is you want to get people to come see you in theaters and theaters are a more expensive ticket. And, and, and then they'd say stuff like, are you adding shows?

And I would be like, well, yeah. And then they go, well, what days are you adding shows? And it was like, it was like,

it was very, it was very, very valuable to have those guys who are all above me, give you the insight on how this business works and not do it from a shitty place and do it from like a loving place yeah and it's also yeah because i have musicians like that to help me out too where i feel like they're at first you feel like you're being attacked like my success isn't there but then it's really it's just constructive to say like listen you got to keep going you can't just just be, this is not where you're going to be.

You're going to be up here. Yeah. So that's, in a way, optimism, even if it's constructive criticism, right? Yeah. I'm a very positive person, and I look at anything negative. I think it's because I failed for so long in this business that I'm very comfortable with criticism. I'm very comfortable with failure. Oddly enough, I'm very comfortable – more comfortable with failure than I am success.

And so anytime those guys would pull me aside and just be real, I fucking loved it. Ari is one of the most brutally honest people I've ever known in my entire life. And he will say things that are sometimes hurtful. But he's not meaning it to hurt your feelings. He's telling you it because that's how he feels. And he wants you to see it his way. And same way, same way. Me and Ari just had this big thing about promo videos.

About like, you know, I sell out Red Rocks, right? And then I do a video. I shoot it so that I post it and I celebrate it. And Ari and I were kind of going back and forth on what is that? And is that healthy? And is that right to do, to do a video? Who are you doing it for? Why are you doing it? Like, it's the same as someone taking a picture, getting a video, getting onto a private jet. Who are you doing that for? Is that a flex? Is that healthy? And we went back and we've been going back and forth on this for five months since I was in Serbia, back and forth, just kind of arguing, but like figuring it out. And we just came to it just came to a head on this new two bears that we did.

And we talked about it on there. and we kind of figure out by you by you not letting yourself shine it's a great quote but ultimately by you not letting yourself shine you do no one any good the more you shine you give permission to other people to shine and that's what you want you want everyone to shine and so i i read the quote to ari and he was like that fucking makes sense that makes sense was he was he like kind of talking shit when you when you and tom were like comparing tour buses well no what by the way i'm speaking for ari and i obviously ari is allowed to disagree and and say that i'm totally making this up i'm allowing that because i don't want to put words in his mouth but ultimately i know enough about him to know what he says is that there are comics that may never get a tour bus and and and

you have to be mindful about putting those videos out because there are guys that are my age that started with me that may look at that video and that may that video may kind of fuck their day up they may go great i'm fucking nothing i'm nobody what am i doing you know and and that was what we were talking about about like and it's a fucking great conversation to have because i was that guy like i was that guy when i was on travel channel i'd look at people doing theaters and i'd be like that'll never be me that'll never be me yeah but i i didn't look at it and get angry at them or get angry at myself i just thought oh yeah i bet if I bust my ass, I just kind of

figure out my own way to get there. And so for me, it was Instagram posts and promo videos and getting a marching band to try to sell tickets to tour dates and doing a dance video. And then Tom doing a dance video. And then me and Tom doing fat challenges. That was my, like, I wasn't going to get there by being cast on a sitcom or put in a movie, you know, I was going to have to do it my own way. I think, and I think that's what you're doing is you're doing it your own way. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. I mean, I've been doing 250 shows a year for the last 15 years, just nonstop. And, uh, well, I, you know, I, that's such a fascinating concept because like, you talk about failure and how you're more comfortable with failure. Explain that a little more like why

do you feel like you've always failed um i think it's very easy so first of all i did for the first you know probably 10 years of my i don't know about 10 years i had that success when i started and then it all went away. And I was a broke comic doing feature dates for a big chunk of that where Dane Cook was blowing up and tourgasm was happening. I was a guy on my computer watching it happen. And it, but it didn't fuck me up. I just thought I got to work harder. I, you know, but you'd go to casting auditions, auditions and casting agents would be like, no. And then you stop getting auditions.

And then you're not getting anything and you're not headlining clubs. And you seem to be doing great jobs, but you're not moving forward. You're not making more money. And you're just like – in a weird way, you're comfortable with that. And then – and here's why I'm so keen on it right now. And then you get a little bit – enough success where you can like carve out your little nook in life, right, where you get a little bit – enough success where you can carve out your little nook in life where you get a house. For me, it was a 1,500-square-foot house on a 7,500-square-foot lot in Valley Village right by a subway and a jack-in-the-box. It was not the ideal property, but it was a great fucking house. I got a man cave in it.

We added on. We made it 1,900 square feet. It was a great house. Three-bedroom with a man cave in it we added on we made it 1900 square feet it was a great house three bedroom with a man cave in the back we put a pool in i mean this house was like this was all i needed all i needed no we outgrew it hardcore but it wasn't like people would come to my house and they go i thought it would be bigger everyone said that everyone said that and then and they fucked up yeah i do they'd say it to me and i'd be like i'd be like yeah no i do they'd say it to me and i'd be like i'd be like yeah you know but in a weird way i love this house i love this house and then you make a little money and you you get the house your dream house right you can buy your

dream house and we did that and we did that we built it and we're in that house now and i'm very self-conscious of instagram videos of showing anything about this house because I don't want I don't want to look shallow. I don't want to look, you know, it's like I was aware when during the pandemic, when like celebrities would be in their mansions and they'd be like, it's so hard. But we just kind of and regular people like me were like, hey, motherfucker, I'm on. I am up my kid's ass. We're in three fucking rooms. Like, so I'm very self-conscious of it in a weird way. I go, you start saying to yourself, like, like I, I don't, I have my podcast studio is in, we have a podcast studio on this property.

And, and I, I'm like, someone said to me the other day, Hey, can I see your house? And I was like, in my head, I was like, yeah, but I don't want you to not like me. It was Shane Gillis. It was Shane Gillis. He's a good friend of mine. Can I see your house? And I was like, yeah, but I don't want you to change what you think about, you know, like, I don't like, I want to say to people like, remember, remember remember i've for the past fucking 20 years have lived in a fucking box like i've worked really hard to get here yeah so you want to preface that with that so in a weird way it's you know it's like failure yeah it's like bragging and when and then the minute that you finally see your dreams fulfilled and you really want to brag now it feels pretentious to brag now it doesn't feel right like i've been to i've been to celebrities house where they brag on their house like take a look at it you want to see this and you and you kind of and by the way that's when i had no money and you i remember like making you feel like shit no you don't feel i i never felt

like shit now here's the problem is i have a very different perspective on things. And like, when I see, when I see Joe Coy doing arenas, I can use Joe because he's a friend of mine. When I see Joe Coy doing arenas and bringing his tour bus into the arena and then them getting in the tour bus in the arena and him doing two shows in an arena in Oklahoma, right? Like it's not, that's not his

demographic. You don't think, but I get inspired. I get, I get like, I get like, I go, all right, let's, let's, I, I, my brain starts working, you know, where we're like, I think where some celebrities get online and start tweeting politics or, or, or fighting with people. I don't do that. My thing's about let, what can I make today to, to entertain people so that they share it so that then people want to come to my shows. You know, I'll tell you, you want to hear the greatest thing. This is, I think you'll really get this. Cause I really think that, I think that we're kind of cut from the same cloth.

I think so too. So I get the offer to play Red Rocks. The offer was with Jim Jeffries. It was me and Jim Jeffries supposed to do Red Rocks. And, and we got the offer like two years ago and then pandemic canceled it. And then we do a reschedule. And then like three months out, Jim Jeffries calls me and he's like, Hey man, I can't do the date. And I was like, okay. And I was like, well, that sucks. I wanted to do Red Rocks. Red Rocks calls and they're like, Hey, we can let you do the date if you want. Now, 10,000 tickets is not in my wheelhouse. I don't think, but I know, and this is what I love about this business is there is a formula. There is a math and there is numbers you can crack in

your own head. I know I can do 7,000 tickets in, in, in, uh, in no, in, in Cleveland. I knew I could do 7,000 in Cleveland. So, so I say, but I just know that because I did my special in Cleveland. I added shows. I promoted it enough on Instagram that I sold the 7,000 tickets. I know that if I call in a radio every three weeks, if you know, if I know I can promote to get 7,000, I say to myself, I want the challenge of 10,000, right? I want the challenge. So I tell Red Rocks, I'll do it.

Now what I want, and when I started, I said, every, the only messaging coming out of my mouth, if anything fun happens, if anything fun happens on a video, or we're recording it for Instagram, anything, my messaging is September 8th, Red Rocks, September 8th, Red Rocks. That's, I just drilled into my head. I go into surgery for my arm, surgery with my camera in my hand. And I tell the anesthesiologist, you will put me under with me saying September 8th, Red Rocks.

And he puts me under to me saying, I'm at Red Rocks, September 8th. I'm going to Jimmy Buffett the next night. And he puts me under, like, in my head red rock september 8th i'm going to jimmy buffett the next night and he puts me under like i in my head i'm going i'm going i will promote because i know i have the fans there i will just promote and now one of the things that every comic complains about is you go to perform a place the next day you get on the bus and you get an email from a friend hey man when are you coming to boston you're like i was just in boston motherfucker that's the worst but it's not like it's not the fans' fault. It's my fault for them not

knowing I'm coming, right? I use this analogy to Jeff Tweedy. Jeff Tweedy, I get angry at him because consistently, Wilco comes into LA. No one knows. And no one fucking knows. And I say to him, I say, Jeff Tweedy, if you're

listening to this, I have $400 that has your name on it. Anytime you come here, I will give you that money happily. I will buy all your merch. I will buy tickets. I will be in, I'll get good tickets. You just kind of tell me you're coming motherfucker. Like that's all I know is you're coming. So I said to myself, when I go do Red Rocks, number one, I'm going to, I'm not going to, I don't care. I'm going to promote until I sell that motherfucker out. I'm going to do everything I can to promote.

And then I said – and I said I want to leave Colorado and not one person – I don't want one person saying, when are you coming to Colorado? So we do Red Rocks, sell it out, sell it out like two weeks before the show, which is close, but I'm fucking cool, right? My fucking guy dude we go and uh we go and to we go into evergreen and hang out in evergreen the next day then we take the girls and we look at colleges uh at boulder california colorado state and university of denver and i run into a ton of people like i don't realize you know, I'm kind of recognizable a little bit, but like a ton of people recognize me. And not one person said, what are you doing in Denver? Everyone, everyone said, how was Red Rocks? I wanted to go.

I couldn't get tickets. How was Red Rocks? Hey, man, you were just at Red. Every, every people driving down the street in evergreen down that little strip would be like bird how was red rocks everyone and i went that's the job you need to do you need to get it to so so many people that the people that don't because like think about it right like if you're coming to la if you're coming to play in la if you say on instagram i'm coming to la and i see it i go oh cool i want to go to that show i may may not get tickets. I may just, something may happen. If you say tomorrow,

Hey, I'm coming to LA. I'm not mad at you for doing that. I'm going, Oh, that's right. I want to see that show. And then if you say you're coming to LA again, you can say it so many fucking times. It'll never upset me if I want to go to your show, you know? And so that's the way I look at promotion is just keeps, keep saying it, dude, I'm in Augusta, Georgia. I have this hat on the ready, on the ready because that's part of my job also. I really love doing comedy. I think I'm really good at it, but it does not matter if you're not there. I need you to come see me do

comedy for it to work. I need people there. So like you have to take the idea out that you're being obnoxious with the promotion. Cause like if you take that mind state out and just say, look, everyone's going to find, by the way, clap it up. 10,000 tickets. Let's go big dog. That's what I'm fucking talking about. Dude, this one, but that's the power of optimism. You put your mind to this idea that I am going to sell these fucking 10,000 tickets, no matter what, even if I have to go and say the last thing I say before surgery is Red Rocks fucking amphitheater. Dude, let me tell you, I look at it this way. I look at it from a consumer point of view. I look at it as a fan.

So if you're a fan of something, it's fun as shit to be a fan of something. It is fun as shit. When the Lakers win win you feel like you win right hey i feel like i'm coming everywhere dude like let me tell you something when you do saturday night live and you're the band on saturday night live yeah do you think think about this and then think about it flip it around right so i'll say it about me when i host saturday night live you're gonna watch that and you're gonna go fuck yes you're gonna say that because when you play sat Night Live and I see you on there, I'm going to go, oh, my God, I've known this guy forever. I've been a fan of his since day one.

I feel like I made the right decision in picking a thing I liked and watching it sell. So all you want is those people around you. That energy around you is all you want. And if people are annoyed by your posts and go, hey, man, all you do is promote. You go, yeah, yeah. I also sing. Why don't you come to one of my shows and watch me sing? And by the way, I put a lot of content up also, but I'm also going to promote.

I'm going to promote heavily. What about the people like when a band or a comedian gets famous and they just stop liking them? You know those people too? I think about that all the time. I was there when it happened to Dave Matthews. Where? Oh, yeah. You're a Florida cat, right?

Yeah. We saw Dave Matthews at the, I think it was at the Cow House for the milk bar. And he was amazing. He was amazing. One of the most amazing things I've ever seen in my entire life where you just sit there and go, oh. Yeah. And we saw him at smaller venues we saw him at or like bigger venues we saw him build and he would come in town

and you would just be like we'd drive to gainesville to see him and you'd be like this is amazing and then all of a sudden he just pops and and you just i don't know i i think about that a lot because i'm doing movies now and i'm like well fuck i fuck, I don't want to lose. That's why I stay on my podcasts. Yeah. Cause I'm like, I'm pretty down to earth on my podcast. I'm pretty open and honest. So,

but I do think about that a lot when you see a band pop and go and get really big success. But to be honest with you, I think your ride or die stay with you. Like I still, I still, I still like Dave Matthews. We went and saw him at some thing in San Diego and it was one of the better shows i've ever seen in my life and i

was like god damn it the guy still does it and i think that's a guy that just put his put his blinders on and was like i make music i play music i don't give a fuck what anyone says yeah do you feel like you have pressure of like i'm a comedian i'm a comedian now with all this other stuff you're doing like do you have to like put blinders on or do you feel like your your personality you could do you could put your hands in all these different things and still feel like you're a comedian um yeah i tv is tv is the only thing that kind of uh i i'm careful to say this but like kind of breaks your spirit is like like movies are i didn't think i'd like it they're really fucking fun and they're really meant for comics like comics should more comedians should be in movies yeah um because it was funny

shit and you add lines and you add scenes and you shoot stuff and you make it good. And I love doing movies and I'll continue to do movies if I'm allowed to. But podcasting is like kissing cousins to comedy, I think. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But hosting a game show, like I host a game show. Yeah. And there is a... But I have that muscle, so I've already hosted stuff, so I know how to do it.

So why not go out and make the money? And it was in a pandemic and I was like, it makes sense. But there are parts where you can see, you're like, ah, maybe you should dial this fucking back. Yeah. Like what kind of pressures do TV shows have versus the pressures of a movie? Oh, pressures of a movie are insurmountable. I mean, the pressures of a movie, someone gave you $30 million to make your thing. And, dude, the pressures are insane the work hours are like through the roof and then and then like we just saw the first cut

of the machine and uh i loved it i mean i love i'm in it so of course i loved it but like i like watching me but like i i dude i i'm so. The opening scene is so fucking bad-ass. And I started crying. I started crying. I'm not even in it. I started crying. And I was like, Oh shit, this is like a legit fucking movie. Like this looks like, where did they, how did they do this? Like, I don't know. Cause I wasn't there for all of the shootings of all of the things, none of the B camera operators, like all the drone footage, all the fuck. I wasn't there for any of that shit. operators like all the drone footage all the fuck i wasn't there for

any of that shit so like i started crying and then throughout the movie i acted along in every scene i mouthed my lines because i knew my lines and my wife was like we're in a screening room with a bunch of executives she's like hey stop crying slow down your drinking and stop acting out the scene i was like i was like i can't help it. Do you think Leigh-Anne saved your life? Oh, without a doubt. Without a doubt. I was going for the wrong things in life. And I think...

Like what? Like hot chicks, big tits, tight ass, never get married, don't want anyone. I don't need the attachments. I want to get famous, I want to get really fucking famous. That was my goal. My goal wasn't

I want to be a great comedian. I didn't think there was any way to judge that. I just want to get famous. I want to get famous, I want to get rich, I want a hot fucking girlfriend, that's it. And then I'll trade those in and out. And then I met Leanne and I was still on that path and uh and she dumped me and like because I was because I wouldn't say I love you and I wouldn't

say like we were boyfriend girlfriend and she dumped me and the second she dumped me I very quickly knew what I want I mean within an instant I went oh my god this is a really great person and this great person is is going to be going to have great things in her life and i want to be attached to them and i was like i need her and i did everything to get her back i got her back and she was the one like i quit drinking for eight months and then we were in italy and she was like hey just you know i don't think of a drinking problem like if you want to have a glass of wine have a glass of wine and i'm like for like really rounded like that and uh and she was also the one that like was was super supportive on it like i mean i couldn't do anything without this

woman we do i do a special and she's the one that watches it and tells me what's like she'll watch it and be like you need to get rid of this you need to get rid of that you're talking too much just get to the fucking point she watches all my edits of everything she helped me write my book i mean she she is like she's like super and she's super real i and i'm not i'm just not i'm not very grounded at times i think my head's in the clouds and uh and i would i think of that often i go i would not be successful what if it wasn't for her you know i think about that because i've never had this is we are parallel bro, because I've never had a girlfriend. I've just lived on the road, had one night stands.

The idea that I need a hot girl to be my side piece. How did you get out of that mind state saying like, none of this shit fucking matters? Was it her leaving that made you feel like nothing matters yeah she dumped me and and and all of a sudden every i saw everything very clearly like i saw everything very clearly i was friends with a guy um i was friends with a guy uh i wish i could tell you his name because uh but i don't know if he's still single, but like I was friends with a guy who's got a very,

he's a famous comedian and, and, and he's, he was older than me at the time. I was like 29 and he was like 40 and we were at a bar and he was looking at a guy who was 50 and he was still hitting on chicks and he goes that's fucking sad and he goes when you see like an old guy at the bar hitting on young chicks and you realize the young chicks and he says he looks at me he goes bertski you'll never want to be the old guy at the bar and i looked at him and i was like you're 10 years old you're 11 years older than me and you're still and you're my idol you're i'm doing what you're doing, and you're my idol. You're I'm doing what you're doing. And it was after that, that I was like, all right, I want,

I don't want to be ungrounded with like chasing tail. And that'd be my, like, I want to, I'm done looking for things. Like I want to find it and have it. And I went on a hike to Runyon Canyon and I was walking down outpost. And I remember the sun was setting. It was beautiful. Leanna just dumped me and I was a mess. I couldn't eat. I couldn't sleep. I was like, I quit drinking. I just sat in a closet and watched fight club on repeat. And I went on this hike. I went on this hike and I came back. The first exercise they did sun setting, it had just rained

in LA and you know how fucking rare that is but you know clean the sky gets after a year yeah clear and uh and i said and i had a pivots moment i said to god i said god if you give me this chick back i'll never fuck it up i won't fuck it up won't cheat on her i'll be good to her like i will i'll listen i'll learn i'll read books i'll get into therapy i'll do all the shit i need to do and i got home to my house and she was in my bedroom. And I was like, whoa. Are you for real? I swear to God. And I go, I was like, what's up?

She was like, I think we should talk. And I had made her a mixtape that day. And so. Oh, that's so romantic. Yeah. And then she was like, I was like, let's go out to dinner. We went out to dinner. We went out to Duke's.

No, no. It's not Duke's. It's like a really nice restaurant out to dinner. We went out to dinner. We went out to Duke's. No, no. It's not Duke's. It's like a really nice restaurant out in Malibu up on the hills. We went out there, out to dinner, and I – Yeah, Duke's. Is it Duke's? Yeah, Duke's. Yeah, that's in Malibu.

Yeah. And then we went out to the beach. We went out to Zuma. And I was like, yeah. And I've been with her, faithful, never been a – I mean, dirtbag. I've been to strip clubs and stuff. I'm a normal dude, but, but like, but like, yeah. And so it was like, uh, it was, I was dialed in. What about, okay. You said, uh, you're talking to God about, um, therapy. What, why did you feel like you needed to go to therapy? Was she asking you to go to therapy? Why did you feel like you needed to go to therapy? Was she asking you to go to therapy?

No, I have. I at the time I was like, I'd never been to therapy. And but I knew that I have fucked up thinking like I still have very fucked up thinking. And I think like, I don't like like I have. I definitely have anxiety. Like I have anxiety and I have OCD linked to anxiety. So like, so like I can repeat, I can repeat phrases in my head all day long. If one thing snags with me, all of a sudden I'm like, I'm in a, I'm in a spiral and I can't think of anything else and I keep bringing it up.

And, and so, um, and that was one of the things that I couldn't, like, if, if we got into a fight, I couldn't get, I couldn't turn it around. Like we got into an argument, me and her friends, and I wouldn't let go of it because I, and I couldn't, I kept repeating it, like processing it. Like you, this isn't healthy. And I had a fear of flying and it was a bunch of stuff. And then, and then by the way, I've been to therapy. I'm still dealing with this shit like OCD and anxiety. I still deal with it. I dealt with it two days ago, two days ago. I was dealing with it. What happened? A perfect example. Howie Mandel comes over, right? Who has OCD? What do you call it? Yeah. So he, so now I got a, I got a new phone number, right? But at this other end, it's clean. I, no one, no one's got my you call it. Yeah. So I got a new phone number, right? But it's clean. No one's got my number, right?

Yeah. It's a good feeling to get a new phone number and not have to deal with anyone you don't want to deal with. That's what I'm about to do. So someone calls on this computer, and we're in the other room in the podcast studio, and Howie goes, what is that? You're taking calls?

And I said, no, my phone number got leaked. It's a fan. And he goes, answer it. And I said, well, trust phone number got leaked. It's a fan. He goes, answer it. I said, trust me. I FaceTime a lot. I FaceTime everyone. I only FaceTime people. They all FaceTime me. I go, no. He goes, no, answer it.

I'll answer it. I'll go, what do you want? They'll think they got my number. I was like, okay. I grab it and it's already through, but I hit call to that guy's phone from my computer. We prank him. How he, he's like,

how are we fucking Mandel? And he's like, and then he's like, what the, like, he's like, I'm so sorry. I don't know how I guys got to this number and how he's fucking with him.

And then I turn it to me and he's like, Holy shit, the machine. And I'm like, yeah. And so we laugh about it. I get done the podcast and oh, thank you.

I get perfect. Thank you. I get done the podcast and Oh, thank you. I get perfect. Thank you. I get done the podcast and I have a text from him on my new phone and I didn't realize that, um, that this computer is connected to both phones. And when I sent the, the FaceTime, it came from this phone oh so that so I text him and I'm like hey man you know I hope you don't give out this number and then he goes whose number is this Howie Mandela and Burt's and I was like fuck me so Mike it's Burt and then and then i look and i've got a bunch of text

messages from people on the old phone number that i don't that all fans and then some real people and i then grab i i want to reply to someone but it's gossip and i write a text to another comedian on my what is i think my old phone but i send it and it goes sent from my new phone and I don't have my glasses on and I send it to a fan and I'm like, what the fuck? And then I start spiraling out of control. I like my brain's like, I don't know.

And so innocuous, but it is gossip. It's gossip. Like gossip that I sent to a fan and he was like, and I was like, Hey man, that wasn't meant for you. And,

and then I was like, and then I just replied that wasn't meant for you and and then i was like and then i just replied to his thing and and then all of a sudden i'm like i'm in i'm in a fucking spiral and and it took me until the next morning to get out of it where i'm like hey man none of this fucking matters like who cares if they leak that gossip like it's not it's not that bad and then and then and then all of a sudden i'm like and then i got better yesterday i got better yesterday i worked out working out for me is the big thing yeah i think that helps the anxiety because like that that's got to be heavy dude because i do the same thing i give my fucking fans all my i've had the same number since i was in eighth grade i think i got to get

that to be my burner phone and just get it that's what i'm using i'm using that as my burner phone yeah and i'm gonna give it to my assistant and hey, because it's got all my phone numbers in it, and people know that's me. And then just have them go, hey, this is Bert's assistant. And then it's fun to answer a phone call from fans every now and then. Yeah, how do you stop spiraling? You have three podcasts or a bunch of podcasts, and how do you not say vulnerable stuff that Leanne and your kids

don't fucking chew you out about? I do. I do. I definitely do. And how do you get out of the hole of that? I don't know your kids don't fucking chew you out about. I do. I do. I definitely do. And how do you get out of the hole of that? I don't know. I don't know. I've definitely fucked it up a lot.

A lot. What's the worst? What's the worst one? Oh, the worst one definitely was Isla's Period. Talking about it on Conan. Oh my God. Burt. It was bad.

They will now put walls up and be like like this doesn't go on stage you got that there's like a few things that i know are really sensitive but it was so funny and i put it on instagram so i put her period for those of you that don't know georgia had a very traumatic time in the first period it really kind of she didn't enjoy it she didn't want to grow up she wasn't ready for it and when isla isla saw that i'm like i'm not gonna fucking melt down like her and isla threw herself a period party yeah and so she got a cake red velvet cake and she named her period she named her period jason because she got it on friday the 13th and so it was just so original it was such a fucking funny idea that i put it on instagram

stories and we all laughed. And then that morning she came in to me. She was like, hey, by the way, she's in like fucking sixth grade at this time, I think. She comes into my bedroom and is like, hey, I need you to take that off your stories. And I was like, what do you mean? She was like, oh, it was fun. But I was thinking about this morning. I don't want everyone at school to know I got my period.

And I was like, oh, good call. So I take it off. So I try it on stage and it murders. It murders. And so I pull her aside and I go, hey, I'm doing a joke about your period party on stage. Is that okay? She goes, yeah, it's fine. And I go, really?

And she goes, yeah, yeah. You're just, it's good though, right? You're like, it's not like you're not making fun of us. And I was like, no, it's good. So then I go and do it on Conan and she and Leanne watch it and she's like, hold on. Doesn't everyone have a period party? And Leanne's like, no, baby, no one does.

Like, that's not a very, like no one, that's why it's funny. She was like, hold on. I thought he was saying it that like, that's what girls do. He's saying it like no one that's why it's funny and she was like hold on i thought he was saying it that like that's what girls do he's saying it like no one does it she goes baby no one does it like i and we've never heard of it and then she was like well god this i didn't know that was what this was about she was like tell him to take that down and leanne's like honey that was on national television like that's not that's up and then the next day it got 20 million views

oh my fucking god and and isla and i but no but here's the good thing so then so isla's she's fine she's fine she's not like hung up on it but that morning leanne goes hey baby i just want you to know i'm getting a lot of emails from little girls and do you how do you want to handle this do this? Do you want to reply to them? Or do you want your dad to reply to them? She goes, what are the emails? And Leanne's, I mean, a hundred emails maybe that first morning. And it was all little girls who had seen me on Conan. The dad showed him the thing on Conan and said, and it was all dad saying, Hey, I know you're freaked out about your period, but we should throw a period party like Isla did and name it. And it was all dad saying, hey, I know you're freaked out about your period, but we should throw a period party like Isla did and name it. And it was all little girls going like, hey, just so you know, my mom showed me your dad's clip.

And thank you so much for the idea. We welcome Doug to our family. And they were all naming their period. Let's fucking go. Let's go. And so then Isla's like, I was like, like, cool. Like, she's like, that's bad-ass. She's like, so like, and then feminists, like legit feminists were like, this is what I want.

Like, and they were posting it on feminist blogs. And Isla is like not political at all, but she's like, hell yeah. Like then she got really excited. And none of this was my intention. None of this was my, my intention was just to tell a funny story about my daughter and just fucking make a, make everyone laugh. everyone laugh and man it was was that something you overthought too during that when that after that day after like you just got i saw her reaction like tell me about that dude i was when she i was on the road when the conan thing aired

and then uh and then and leanne's like hey she's not cool about it and i i started spiraling i started spiraling because you're like because there's nothing worse than letting down one of your children or making them feel like shit and you did it you did it for financial gains like it's like it's it really kind of messed me up and then the next morning leanne called me first and was like hey we're getting a ton of emails she's like i think this clip's going viral and it did i think on maybe on facebook or something got 20 million views the next morning and so and so uh and then isla for isla's rebound and then the best was the best was um she would get recognized like i if i got recognized and they saw her in Georgia they'd be like hey thanks for you know

we were at Comic Con and Conan came up to him and was like hey and he was like Isla right she's like holy shit it's Conan O'Brien and he's like how cool is it that your dad told that story that was really great huh and she's like yeah so then they like know Conan right

so then they go to that elevator and Conan's in the elevator and he's with Orlando Bloom and the girl's like, yeah. So then they know Conan, right? So then they go to that elevator, and Conan's in the elevator, and he's with Orlando Bloom. And the girls freeze. And he's like, come on in, girls. These are the Chrysler girls. And I introduced them, I guess, to Orlando Bloom or whatever. And they were like, oh, this paid off in spades, Dad.

Talk more about our periods. That's amazing, Bert. So it's the idea of overthinking you know i think if you over i think it's the like i remember there's a there's a a great comedian um sean patton and uh and we were in we were in salt we were in uh it's not sundance where do they do sundance at yeah park city park city we're in park city. We're going skiing. And he was talking about Instagram stories. I said, don't even, don't ever think it just shoot them. And he's like, what do you mean?

I was like, just shoot them. Don't you're putting too much thought into them. And I watched him, uh, take his phone and he was just trying to like show what he was having for breakfast. And he shot it maybe 12 times. And I sat on the couch and I recorded him shooting it 12 times and my stories they were hilarious and then he saw that and he goes what were you doing i said i was just filming you doing takes and he was like are you are you serious like i here i am overthinking it and you just did it and i was like i think that's the thing is don't don't overthink it just do it just especially with with art because you will get

caught up in like in like it's i think it's better to ask for forgiveness than permission sometimes and especially with like for yourself when you when i do stand up like i've said some horrifically ignorant things in my in my career on podcasts stage. And I think that you fuck up and then you redirect and you go, okay, this is the direction I want to go in. Yeah. You know? Have you not get in your head about something you said three years?

Because it's like cancel culture in a way. And we're such an open book and being vulnerable in a way. I always think about something I said four years ago still. I'm like, fuck. Do you still have those anxieties? I think about things I said two weeks ago. I think about that all the time, but I also think that, you know,

I try not to give it too much power and think about it because I go that you're getting caught up in, in, in like, here's the thing is if, if my fan, my fans have already heard me say it, they're still coming to my shows. So my fans were there. That's one of the things I think is you got to be brand loyal, meaning brand loyal, like be yourself to the people that are paying to see you perform. And then that is the negotiation that is said. someone comes out and says you know burt said that uh drinks i don't

know i'm trying to think of something i've said bad but i don't know but like if someone comes out and they go burt drinks fucking kool-aid or or burt burt made fun of reese witherspoon yeah and how dare you and my fans would, yeah, it was a little off color, but it was an attempt to make me laugh. Yeah, it was Burt. Yeah, my whole thing is everything I say is an attempt to make someone laugh. That's it. It's just an attempt to make someone laugh.

And if I miss the target, which I have, I definitely have, then I think my fans will go, no, he was trying to make a joke. It didn't work. And by the way, bad jokes. Like I have this joke, the joke I told you about Confederate statues. Yeah. Dude,

I tried that out 10 different ways that were horrific before it got funny. And now it's funny. And that's the thing. You can't tell it. You can't shoot a comic in the fucking shoot a comic in the leg for, for him trying to be funny. Like that's how you do a joke. You got to try first and it's not always going to be funny.

I want to go back to one thing, two things. Like now your daughters are getting older and they're more private about the things. Like that's just being a fatherhood thing. Is it hard to have intimate conversations with your child now that they know that you're just such an open book about it? Not really. I think there's parameters now where I know at least what goes on stage. And I've shared intimate conversations I've had with my daughters at times

when I think it's important, but I think they'd be cool. I think there'd always be cool with it. And, and, and, but yeah, it's, what's hard is what's hard is honestly is both of my daughters are teenagers and they kind of just don't, and they, and they spent, you know, a year in a house with me during the pandemic. They just don't want to be around me. Like they think I'm a dork. They think I'm a nerd.

They think I'm, I'm, you know, I'm inappropriate because I'm in Speedos all the time. And, and so they don't. Are they embarrassed of you? Yeah,

I think so. Horrifically. Do you think that's just part of the fatherhood? I think that's the most heartbreaking part of fatherhood because you raise these kids and all of a sudden one day you wake up and they don't like you. It is. I said it to my wife

two nights ago. The two people I love more than anything in this world are just indifferent. They're just like, they don't want to, like, I'm wanting like, so i got i got a uh i got a a sweep at the rams game for the rams game coming up right i got a sweet like a cabana looks good i've never been in the stadium i'm gonna go to one game this year we usually get

season tickets we didn't do it last year we didn't do it this year so i kind of said to myself i reached out my business manager and I was like, see if there's like a cheap option for a suite where I can, it seats 24 people. So it's like all of a sudden, everyone chips in a little bit and it makes sense. So I get it, but I get it. I just said to everyone, it's my present to everyone. I'm doing a movie based on our friends. So it's like, it's a gift to them. And and I said let's bring all our kids

and Georgia just goes I don't want to go and I go why? and she goes I don't really like football I don't care about football give the ticket to someone who would appreciate it and then I go which is a noble thing to say but I go hey motherfucker

you're the one I want to be around why won't you like me? And I'm like, if I was a kid, my dad was like, I got us box seats to a box game. I would have lost my shit. Yeah. And, and so George is just like, huh? I was like, I'll go. And you're like, hold on. And then I, I'd already gotten the box and I go, well, this is stupid. I'm going to just, I'm going to take a fucking

17 underprivileged kids to the fucking game of their life and fucking take a football team and do something nice for the world as opposed to and then last night Georgia goes I guess I'll go and you're like I'm just trying to connect I'm just trying to hang out

I'm going on the road for three months I'm just trying to connect. I'm just trying to hang out. I'm going on the road for three months. I'm just trying to cram in some fucking time before you go to college. I took them to college. I took them to three colleges in Colorado, drove them around, sat in the car with them, and they were just like, I was like, what do you think about Boulder?

And they're like, I don't know. And you're like, huh? Like, I'm busting my ass to be a good dad. Give me some fucking energy back. That's got to be the toughest part, man. They get older and they feel like they're their own individual selves. This is what scares me about having kids because it feels like it's heartbreaking when they get older. heartbreaking when they get older.

The closest we have been, this sounds really crazy, but the closest we've been recently was two nights ago, they caught me smoking weed. And all of a sudden, all the fun was back. They were making fun of me, and they were laughing. We were all laughing together.

Leanne is just so weird sometimes. She just is like, she is like she's like almost like it's guys forget about it it's stupid let's not talk about it but i was enjoying them busting my balls like i was and i was and i was genuinely busted like i finished the joint and i threw it into the fire pit but it it was clear it was a joint. And they were like – and they both looked, and they go, whoa, whoa, whoa, big boy. What was that? And I go, what was what? And they're like, no, no, no.

It's still there. You look at it. What is that? I go, I don't know what you're talking about. And they're like, oh, my God. And I was like, Dad, Georgia, Dad's smoking weed. And Georgia's like, oh, my God. And they started busting my – they like hey joey diaz i thought

it was puffed up past you spoke on whole thing about your thing they were busting my balls so hard that i was like i was like oh finally jesus i don't know what is so what does leanne say about it because she's more there at the house when she's on the road so like does she give you advice like hey this just you're just not there a lot or is it like what what what advice she gives you she says i'm overthinking it yeah she's like you she was like i they're they look she was their teenagers this is this is how you were when did you want to hang out with your parents when you're a teenager and i was like not at all she was like yeah you're it's and i'm like yeah but i'm cool as'm, like, every, all their friends want to be around me.

Like, why can't, like. That's the hardest part. Oh. It's got to be heartbreaking, dude. It sucks. It sucks. Let me tell you something. It is heartbreaking and it sucks.

But other dads get it worse. Like, they're just, they just don't want to be around me, which is, like, you knock on their door and they're like, what? And you're like, what do you mean, what? what like just be like what's up dad like and but there are dads that are getting it worse i've talked to a few dads who are like oh yeah and you know you know it really reminds you of it reminds you of getting uh of a chick just not being that into you yeah and and you really are you really in love with her and you're trying to get her attention and then you needy guy shit but you're doing it to your daughters where you're really in love with her and you're trying to get her attention and then you do needy guy shit but you're doing it to your daughters where you're like, hey, do you want to come to dinner?

And they're like, I'm like, never mind. I'll just eat it by myself. And they're like, what the fuck's wrong with you? And you're like, never mind. No, I won't even tell you about dinner anymore. How are you like that? And my wife's like, hey, dial it back, fuckface. Yeah, I see it sometimes in the Instagram

when you go and make food for them. And you're like so proud about this fucking sandwich you made them and you walk into their fucking room and they're like what are you doing what are you doing it's just gotta be on Instagram and you're like

yeah baby that's Instagram for me is like a great way to like get creative to fuck around. I did a good one today where Tom, I don't know if you saw it, Tom Sugaro's working out in a weight vest. And he's like, oh, it's good. It's good.

And he goes, he's like, bro, you got to get one of these weight vests. This is a great way to work out. And I have a weight vest. So I just went into my bedroom with my weight vest on. I'm in the bed and I go, oh, I'm watching Tom. I'm working out with my weight vest on i'm in the bed and i go i'm watching tom uh i've been working out in his weight vest and then i swing the sheets off and i go i sleep in a weight vest motherfucker and so and so then all of a sudden you're creative and then your creative juices are flowing and then you get your coffee and you're like oh cool like what else we got

going on you know yeah god i got i i was i'm curious about too is like we all get older and we all grow and become different people than we were. And you talk about this idea of branding, how you, how your brand is to your audience. How hard is it to like, if you're changing, but your brand feels like you are this wild guy, do you feel the pressure of being that wild guy versus just being who you are? Well, I think brand is a lazy term for authenticity. I think, and I use brand interchangeable because it's, because that sometimes that is what's going

on. You know, you know, it's, it's, it's, it's an, brand is an audience's way to register your authenticity. So, um, I think as long as like when i when i did uh sober october for the first time um my managers and agents were like livid they were like what are you doing they're like you're the drinking guy you can't not drink like you gotta like they were worried i wasn't gonna sell any tickets to these shows and i was like yo very much so like that sober october thing really messed with my head because yeah we did it we did it on rogan and it wasn't funny like it was really sad like it was like tom joe ari and i were like talking about booze and then joe just is you know he's always health conscious yeah and he's like you gotta you gotta quit man and i was like what he's like

do you think you could quit i was like yeah of course i could he's like no you couldn't he's like you gotta you gotta quit man and i was like what he's like do you think you could quit i was like yeah of course i could he's like no you couldn't he's like how much do you drink i told him and all of a sudden he was like he didn't laugh he was like wait hold on like he was like really serious and then i was like i was like it's fine joe and he was like no and then i got in bed that night i was like i think i might have just ruined my career i think by being too honest like now people are gonna to see my drinking is sad. Like they're going to be like, Oh, and I was like, that's not what it is. Like I want to have a good time. And when I said,

when I said I'm doing sober October, my managers and agents were like, hold on, let's not know. You got a few big things. And I was like, I'll just be sober for them. And they're like, no, your fans are going to disconnect. You're going to lose fans. And I was like, I go, as long as I'm authentic to who I am, I think they're going to be fine. And Super October was like one of the biggest things we've ever done. Yeah, it was huge.

Yeah, and to me, I just go, you just got to be, whatever your brand is, it's just got to be real to who you are. And don't represent yourself as something you're not, which is hard because you always want to make yourself sound better but register yourself super honest and i think you know that's what happens when i think some of these guys like you see like you know people turning on comedians that do certain things you're like you just didn't know that that's who that guy was like anytime an alt comic has sex they're like what what the fuck he had sex i thought he was a feminist and you're like yeah feminist fuck too like it's it's just so bizarre that's but is that also another way

a lesson of not being in your head about what you said i think so i think so I don't know I can overthink it obviously I always want to lose weight but then people are like you can't lose weight, what will happen to your fans and you're like, hey man, I don't give a fuck it's your life too yeah, it's like I'm not going to just live an inauthentic life

so that people buy tickets to see me live it inauthentically I want to people buy tickets to see me live it all inauthentically like i want to live what the way i want to live and i've lost weight at times i come out take my shirt off and people cheer like they're like oh wow no one's like oh man i liked looking at his disgusting nipples you know it's so true man it's just this is this is i needed this because you know sometimes it gets shit for drinking and being the party. They call me the party boy of the scene. I'm like, if they knew I don't really drink that much.

I mean, I party. Yeah, I have a good time. I don't think my alcoholism, my manager gives me shit about it all the fucking time. Like, you need to stop drinking. I'm like, you don't really know. It's just kind of like. Oh, dude, let me tell you something. Here's the other thing.

I remember doing an interview with a guy named Barry Katz who used to be my manager. We were at Montreal. And he said to me, are you ready to admit you're an alcoholic? And I went, hold on. I was like, first of all,

dude, I haven't seen you in three years. Yeah. Like, you're not at home with me. You're not with my family. Like if my wife's not saying anything, you better keep your fucking mouth shut because that's not – and I got – my feelings got really hurt by him saying that. So I was like – it was such an arrogant question to assume that you know me better than i know myself or better than my wife knows me or better than like it was it really bothered me i remember that one question really bothered me and i was like is he just doing this to get views on his podcast like is he just looking for controversy

because you're not with me all the time and by the way like people always think i'm hammered when i'm on stage and i have been at times i For 98% of the shows, I do not have a drink until I start telling the machine story. Because I like to be sober on stage. I like to have my wits about me. But people's perception of who I am, they go, oh, he's wasted. He's just wasted. And you're like, no, man, I'm put on a show. Well, yeah.

And then I feel like they're declassifying all the hard work and focus it takes to fucking entertain people. You're a quarterback, and you're watching the whole crowd. I mean, like, it's a lot more than just like, oh, he just got lucky. He's just drunk and being honest. No, it takes more work than that. I said to – I listened to Rogan and Eliza were talking about me one time, and they were saying a podcast they were saying you know people don't think burt works hard joe's like burt's like the hardest working dude i know and he was like you don't get here by accident and the truth is look i do party i get up in the morning i get on my

treadmill and i run five miles every day i haven't moved with the arm it's been hard slow coming because of the recovery yeah but like i in serbia we did the machine i got up every morning often dark before call time i ran five miles every single morning i lifted weights in the in the basement and i then i went and did my fucking call time and i go out with the crew go out with the cast at night get a bottle of wine have a great dinner party a little bit get to bed wake up five in the morning work out for me if i can if I can work out, I clean the system out. That's how I feed. And so it's like, yeah, I think people look at me as like this big fat alcoholic, which it's not far off.

But there's a guy who's literally sitting with a pen and paper, writing jokes in the morning, thinking about comedy nonstop, thinking of how I get people to my shows thinking like there's it's it's a job it's a definite fucking job so and and i think you know people look at guys like us and go i don't like i don't know there's like you get you get points for being super serious these days yeah you know like people look at bill like bill's an exact you know bill's a friend of mine but like people look at bill burr and they go yeah that's a guy that's really writing comedy and you're like bitch we all write it just as much like bill does not write more than the next more than tom

segura more than joe rogan more than daveappelle, more than Bert. We are all at this level because we all think comedy 100% of the day. And that's the reason why you're here at this level. It doesn't take... You're selling 10,000 tickets not because of fucking one joke, bro. You're selling 10,000 tickets because

you're fucking working your ass off. I'm going to pump you up right now. Bert, you're fucking working your dick off. And fuck all the haters. Tell right now. Bert, you're fucking working your dick off. And fuck all the haters. Tell them to suck your dick from the back. And if they want to talk to you bad, I will give them my number personally. Okay?

Thanks. Yeah, dude. That's a great line. I love hearing it. You don't get here by accident. You bust your ass. You bust your ass. Yeah.

People probably think Dave Chappelle has never put pen to paper. I don't know that but he just is a guy that's prolific and but he writes jokes also like he works a joke out just like everyone else it's just for dave it looks effortless yeah you know and you look at someone like bill and you're like oh he's he's been thinking about this one because it's more of like a serious angle about whatever, you know? And then for me, they're like, oh, he's just telling you what happened. Yeah, yeah.

But everyone's having a good time. That's all that fucking matters. Bill came to my Red Rocks show by accident. And he was, because he was going to do like some special at Red Rocks, live at Red Rocks or something. He was checking out the room. He came out to my show.

He's like, I really like what you guys do, but you're not going to be able to do that when you're 70 years old. I'm like, okay, thanks, Bill. What the fuck? Because I'm crowd surfing and jumping around and smashing Jameson. I feel like

it's that idea of seriousness. Bill's a very serious person. He is a very serious person he is a very serious person yeah like like oh we went i mean he's so serious that like he doesn't even want you to talk about him you know like he's like he's i got great bill stories bill's the first person i've ever met and this is amazing to me where we were talking about the best pizza he's ever had. And I go, where, where was he? He goes, Boston. He goes, there's a place in Boston, best fucking pizza I've ever had.

I go, what's the name of it? He goes, no, I'm not telling you the fucking name. I said, why? And he goes, cause then people are going to go there and I can't get that pizza. And I went, yeah, Bill, but you're not there every single day. And I bet there are days where they're like, I could use a couple more customers. And he's like, no, that's not how it fucking works you keep it a secret and i was like okay whatever i was like i don't your brain and my brain are not the same brain it's that massachusetts mind state dude i think bill i think bill also i think bill there's a part of

bill that once no not even once let me let me tell you something bill distinctly would love to be in a band he is a he's a great performer and i think he looks at it and he goes i think there's a part of me that sees you guys you guys fucking living a life that's like unapologetic and i bet there's a part of bill that goes i wish i could cut loose like that yeah i'm sure you know what about does he what does he think that towards you too uh yeah yeah of course because you're free you're a free person too um bill but i think bill i mean bill you know loves me for who i am but there's he by the way he'd fucking roll over right now if you heard me say that sentence he'd be like i don't fucking love you mark but uh but like uh i remember one time i was doing a show

we were doing a show together i was hosting it was like an event a fundraiser i was hosting and then right before bill was to go on uh they were like hey can you do a little time before bill and i go yeah so let's do a little time and then they start chanting the machine and bill comes up to the curtain behind me he goes don't you fucking do it don't you let them tell you what to do. They don't tell them. You tell them what you do. And then I was like, when I was 22 years old, he goes, you're a fucking weak. You're weak.

Thank God. Thank God. Thank God for Bill Burr. Yeah. Let me tell you something. Bill Burr is one of my favorite human beings in the world. He's amazing. But it takes a while for me to understand how to make sure he's taken care of in our friendship because I share every story.

And he's like, don't fucking tell that. Don't fucking tell that. I'm like, I don't know how that works. Like, I tell everyone everything. Yeah, same here. Bert, I know you got to get the physical therapy. I love you, bud. I love you too.

When are you going to be in LA next? My family, I was born in West Hills, so I'm there all the time. I just played the Lodge Room. I Instagrammed you, but I played in LA on Friday. Oh, wait. Did you tell me that? I did, but you're busy. I don't want to – well, maybe you'll give me your phone number,

and I'll text you. Give me your burner account. Give me your burner account. I'll text you right now. Wait, how do we get – we can't get our phone numbers out on the air. Yeah, well, I'll just bleep out my number. It's 818 – This is the real deal, baby.

Hey, Bert. I just got your text. All right, buddy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd love to have you on my podcast. Let's do it. Anytime you want. I'm here all September, and then I'm gone starting October.

But if you're here anytime in the next couple weeks, let me know. I'm done on – how about next week? How about next week? Great for me. I'll text you. By the way, do you want to come on the Ron Artest podcast? Dude, I know so much about Ron. For real? I for real do, dude.

That is my goat, dude. Think about it. By the way, what if we both wore Laker jerseys? September 28th. September 28th. I'm in town. You're in town? I'm home, yeah. Alright, hit me up. What we'll do is

I'm going to bring... I don't know if Tess is coming on your show. This is what we'll do. I'll do the podcast starts at 2 p.m. Okay? I'll sit down.

At 2.30, you just show up early for your podcast. I'll just bring you in and be like, hey, this is my buddy Andy and he's a band, he's just, is it cool if he hangs out? You know Ron I'll be like, yeah, sure. And then you just come in and you do the real interview. I'm like, you go Ron, you go Ron. So tell me about your mental health, Ron.

I love it. Bert, I got one last question I'll let you go. What do you want to be remembered by, buddy? Oh, that's one last question. I'll let you go. What do you want to be remembered by, buddy? Oh, that's a good question. I want people, when I die, I want people to be having a great time and grab each other and go, I wish Burt was here.

That's fucking beautiful. That's it. Just like, whenever you're having a good time, go, oh, Burt was here, man. We'd be having so much more fun. Dude, that's beautiful. That's fucking beautiful. That's it. Just like whenever you're having a good time, go, oh, Bert was here, man. We'd be having so much more fun. Dude, that's beautiful. That's basically, God, we are the same fucking person, dude.

I think we are. I think we are. Parallel, dude. And thank you for wearing a Laker jersey for this interview. And we're wearing the same colors. And I'm just like, you're my dog. And if you need anything,

I will kill a motherfucker for you, Bert. I swear to God. You let me know. But I'm definitely, if you're, think about it. If you want me to come on the 28th, I'll be there. 28th, Burt. I swear to God. You let me know. But I'm definitely, if you're, think about it. If you want me to come on the 28th, I'll be there. 28th, 28th. Burt Kreischer, thank you so much.

You're the fucking goat. I got to go. We're playing in Portland tomorrow, so I got to drive. Are you really? Yeah, we're on tour for three and a half months. 90 shows in 110 days. Holy shit. Yeah, yeah.

How do you keep your voice? How do you keep your voice? I try not to, well, I don't, I smoke cigarettes. Yeah,. Yeah. Yeah. How do you keep your voice? How do you keep your voice? I try not to, uh, well, I don't, I smoke cigarettes. Yeah.

I don't know. I, you know, I believe, I believe in, uh, I believe in, uh,

someone, a higher being maybe taking care of me. Cause I, I wreck my body, buddy. You're telling me. That's why we're, we're going to be friends,

Bert. Yeah, I know. We already are. We already are. I'll send you a dick pic tomorrow. I know. That's why we're going to be friends, Bert. I know. We already are, Andy. We already are. I'll send you a dick pic tomorrow. Thanks, Bert. Good luck with the physical therapy and I'll text you and I'll see

you next week. All right. I'll see you next week. Later, buddy. Peace. Bye. Bert fucking Kreischer, dude. Oh my God. One of my favorite interviews I've ever done. Wow. Well, I'm going to be on Bert's podcast next week Alright guys, I'll catch you on the tail end That was fucking awesome

Now, a message from the UN If you can't draw a crowd, draw a dick If you can't draw a crowd, draw a dick There's too much space between us, so I was forced to draw a penis. If you can't draw a crowd, draw a dick. Pre-sale numbers looking pretty low. Pretty low. Hoping folks will join us for a show.

For a show. Added five names to the list. They did show up, not my single fist. Buckle up, baby, this is gonna blow. If you can't draw a crowd, draw a dick. If you can't draw a crowd, draw a dick. There are not too many in the crowd. Everybody get your sharpies out.

If you can't draw a crowd, draw a dick. There's too much space between us, so I was forced to draw a penis. Wow. What an interview, right? He's hilarious. He's the best. Did he? So optimistic. Did he play Red Rocks?

Yeah, he just played Red Rocks. But he headlined Headlined I didn't know it was like that With him Dude he's fucking popping I gotta check him out more No he's popping

Honestly yeah There's these people That are like secretly Super famous out there That you don't realize Sell a bunch of tickets Like Phish is like The ultimate example of that

Right Phish Tom I mean like these guys People don't know about Phish now But they don't People don't know They like sold more tickets

Than almost any band. These guys are getting famous. It's awesome. I love, I love it. So shout out to Bert. Thanks for fucking being on the show. Thanks for following me on fucking Instagram and fucking knowing what I do,

knowing all the Lakers shit. I love that. I love it. All right. This is it. Do you want to give these guys, last week you didn't give them any, I need you to give me some motivation.

Okay. Okay. Give me some motivation. Okay. Okay. Give me some motivation. Ladies and gentlemen, first of all, before he goes and does his rants, have a great week. And check out my cult website,

nickgerlockscult.org. Go check out. He's going to, you said you're going to do a cult. Yeah, I got to drop a new post this week. What, on the Grateful Dead? Maybe. I don't know.

John Mayer's house. We went to John Mayer's house. It was cool. Yeah, I saw his childhood bedroom. All right. Nick, we're going to close this out with you giving me an inspirational speech. I'm not going to look at you. All right. Don't look at me.

Andy, you've already made it this far. You've been through hell. Here's the thing. It's only going to get better from here. I've been looking at this whole tour. First of all, West Coast. Brutal. You guys put everything so far away from each other out here. I get it.

It's a big place. Anyway, as we move through this tour, drives getting shorter. Things more accessible. Show's probably bigger. Everyone knows East Coast is a little, you know, people party more out there. It's only going to get better from here. You've already done the hard part, right? Yeah.

So what are you worried about? Everything. Because you worry too much. So stop worrying. You're right. Worrying is such a waste of energy. I know. All right, guys.

We love you. Be safe. We'll see you. West Coasters, we'll see you this week. Midwesters, we'll see you next month. East Coasters, Southern people, we'll see you this week. Midwesters, we'll see you next month. East Coasters, Southern people, we'll see you in November. But next week, we got another show. We're going to just keep rocking the podcast, right?

Rocking the podcast. We're rocking the podcast with Nick and Andy, yeah. No. Maybe Floyd could make that into a song. We're rocking the podcast. Shout out to Floyd, who just lets himself get picked on constantly. I know. I love it. Shout out to Floyd who just lets himself get picked on constantly. I know.

I love it. Shout out to Floyd. He dishes it back, though. He's good. Floyd's great, right? Oh, man. I like your whole band. They're good people.

I like everybody in your band. I'm cool with everyone in your band. I've been around them 12 hours a day for two weeks. You're going to like Chris, too. I already like him.

I've hung out with him a little. But everyone in your band, they're all easy. They know how to do this. They've been on the road. This isn't a big deal for them. Another day in the office. Oh, a seven-hour drive? Cool, I've done this 300 times.

You know what I mean? Maybe that's how we should approach life. Yeah, but... Because I'm happier that way. Just be on the road constantly? No, no, just like, hey, no problem. Everything's fine. Throw some fucking mud in my face, no problem. I'll wipe it off. Yeah, that's how you should

that's how you what do you mean I mean I've been telling you that for six months I'm just so neurotic I want everything perfect it's okay you can't help it

it's part of your chemical makeup but it's also a good thing it drives you too you know what I mean you're right you wouldn't be this far without that it's kind of a double edged sword

it's kind of how like how am I I'm the other way you know what I mean yeah alright I love you yep we did it again we did another podcast i'll see you in 10 minutes bye bye guys you tuned in to the world's health podcast with andy fresco now in its fourth season thank you for listening

to this episode produced by andy fresco joe angelo and ch Chris Lawrence. We need you to help us save the world and spread the word. Please subscribe, rate the show, give us those crazy stars, iTunes, Spotify, wherever you're picking this shit up. Follow us on Instagram at world saving podcast for more info and updates. Fresco's blogs and tour dates you'll find at andyfresco.com and check our socials to see what's up next. Might be a video dance party, a showcase concert, that crazy shit show,

or whatever springs to Andy's wicked brain. And after a year of keeping clean and playing safe, the band is back on tour. We thank our brand new talent book on Mara Davis. We thank this week's guest, our co-host, and all the fringy frenzies that helped make this show great. Thank you all. And thank you for listening be your best be safe and we will be back next week no animals were harmed in the making of this podcast as far as we know any similarity

doctrinal knowledge facts are fake is purely coincidental