Andy Frasco's World Saving Podcast - EP 73: Nick MacDaniels (BIG Something)

Episode Date: February 11, 2020

On a very special episode of The World Saving Podcast, Andy opens by impelling his audience to squeeze every ounce of enjoyment out of life. "Cuz you don't know what happens when you die." On the interview hour we welcome our new deep-bro, Nick MacDaniels from Big Something! The boys have been on an epic co-headlining tour the past week. And we present to you, the world premiere of Andy Frasco and The U.N.'s newest single: "Keep on Keepin' On." Comedian, Kyle Ayers joins Andy to close the show as they review how tour's been. This is EP73. Follow us on Instagram @worldsavingpodcast For more information on Andy Frasco, tour dates, the band and the blog, go to: AndyFrasco.com The views discussed on this podcast do not necessarily reflect those of the guests. Check out Andy's newest single, "Keep on Keepin' On" on iTunes and Spotify Follow our deep-bro's, Big Something at https://bigsomething.net/ Produced by Andy Frasco Joe Angelhow Chris Lorentz Audio mix by Chris Lorentz Featuring: Shawn Eckels Andee Avila Kyle Ayers Arno Bakker   

All right, here we are, Andy Frasco's World Saving Podcast. How we doing, everyone? I'm Andy Frasco. I am your fearless leader for the next hour, hour and a half. A lot of shit going on, man. I feel better today. I've been working out, fucking just getting through this morning, man. You know, this last couple weeks was hard, and I'm finally waking up a little bit

and feeling good about life and this tour. We're on the Royal Rumble right now. We're in fucking Charleston, South Carolina. Fucking love this town. Everyone's fucking fun. We're in Jacksonville. We got Nick from Big Something on the show It's gonna be Royal Rumble for the week

We still have two weeks left But the tour has been fucking amazing, man I think having this comedian on tour And Kyle's gonna be closing the show We got Nick and Kyle on the show tonight Kyle Ayers is a comedian But having a comedian And we're having a show it's just it's

so fucking fun i we've been laughing even on the dead shows like we had one dud but everything else like we had billy string sit in in nashville wearing a fucking not to libre mask and like we have all these sit-ins and Stay Sick from Umphreys. It's just so fun to take when they're jamming and you take off their masks and the fans find out who the fuck is battling. It's been a blast, man. I've always been a guy who's never really had a band in brotherhood style besides Wild Adriatic

where we do co-headline tours and we're fucking we're a pack you know there's 16 of us on tour i have a sound guy we have monitor guy we have joe tour managing both bands and um got the boys and like right off the bat we just it's just been such a blessing and i'm just having so much fun and you know like like i said kobe and before i started this tour you know kobe died and panic on the playa and like i was fucking like i don't know maybe i should cancel this tour i was talking to some people i'm like this is what makes me happy this is it living in these hotel rooms hanging hanging out. We got fucked up for V's birthday. I had to spend so much money on shots.

FYI, if you're going to get wasted at a hotel, don't go to the bar in the hotel because you'll blow fucking 300, 400 bucks. But it was worth it. Happy birthday, V, our sound man. He's a killer. Just turned 50. But the tour's been so good.

It's really opened me up to not just doing the same things I do and trying out different things. And even if they bomb, you know, like watching Kyle do comedy and do crowd work and just really has been helping me as my stage show and watching Big Something kicking ass and how we're collaborating in each of our sets and doing these super fucking Royal Rumble-style shows.

It's a blast. And I can't wait for you to hear Nick's story because that man's been through some shit, man. If you don't know anything about Big Something, great dudes. I'll introduce them when we start the interview, but Nick has been through it, man. His lyricist died through an overdose. The guy who helped him write lyrics and he had to, you know, I won't ruin the story, but such a good guy, such a humble guy. All these guys, you know, take a step back and don't judge a book by its cover. You know, I tend to do that

sometimes. I'll just like imagine someone's life before I even meet them. You know, did that with Goose too. I'm like, these motherfuckers are, you know, just narcs. And then I realized they're actually good dudes. And, you know, I got to stop judging people just because i'm jealous of their fame or whatever so i'm working on that and um but such good guys you know you you don't realize what type of people you're bringing into your family unless you like accept them in and not just like judge them you know i say that with like like say your brother or sister has a new or your best friend that you fucking hang with all the time, all of a sudden they get a girlfriend. You know, I deal with this in my band. I used to be jealous about my band members' girlfriends and shit

because, maybe because I wanted one in a sense. Or it's just like, maybe I'm, in my mind I'm losing them. And it's so stupid because I'm not losing them, they just need other things. I think I'd be happy just being here on the road. Sometimes I get a little lonely and shit, but that's okay. When I look down, I'm like,

I am content with my life right now. I used to fight it like, oh my God, I'm going to be alone my whole life, but I'm not. Like Lyle always says take the microscope and unzoom it and look how thankful it is to be alive you know we always are so worried about these little details but when we take a step back and we find out hey we're alive life is good because I don't want to be in the darkness. You don't know what's going to happen when you die. It could be all black. It could be boring as fuck when you die, you know? Let's not think about that. Let's fucking live here now and

try to give as much energy and as much love and as much life. Squeeze out every ounce of life into your life. Because we don't know what's going to happen. Fuck me, it'd be dope if there's fucking you die and there's 17 virgins and titties everywhere. And just a big old fuck fest. Everyone's like, what's up, Frasco? Welcome to the party. I would love that. But I ain't't gonna accept that unless

it happens, so I might as well live life now and be part of living and be part of this whole movement called living in the moment, you know? We get stuck in our heads. We're so focused on the past shit that happened to us or the fucking bill we have to pay tomorrow that we forget about this beautiful bed. I'm sitting, I'm laying in a bed. I got my own room. Last time, I'm like, I'm getting my own room, boys. I gotta, you know, clean the, you know,

unclog the pipes, if you know what it said. And, you know, it's been horny, man. I've been so fucking horny. And I'm like trying not to like flirt with girls i'm just trying to focus on i got a new record coming out exciting we're going to be releasing one of the singles today on the podcast um if you haven't heard it we released it on friday but uh just for people who don't really give a shit about the band just listen to the podcast we're gonna play it play it here. Hope you like it. If you're not, you know,

different strokes for different folks. You're here for me, for my interviews, and I'm cool with that too, you know? As long as I'm part of your life, doesn't matter if it's musically or through interviews. I just want to help however way I can with your lives. But I hope you enjoy Keep On Keeping On. That's my new record.

It's coming out in April I'm talking about all this stuff that I talk about on the podcast Mental health, how to become who we want to be How to forget And let go of that fucking weight That you had All that stuff

I'm trying to really talk these days I'll throw that single somewhere in the podcast Chris, you know, we do put it somewhere nice and sweet. But, you know, that's it. We're going to make it short and sweet today. Get you to this interview with Nick. Fucking great guy, dude. Nick is the goat. And, you know, he's so humble. He's so quiet. You know, I didn't think we'd get along this well because, you know, I'm very outspoken person Or crazy ass

And he's very Calm and chillin And then I find out About his best friend And how he's He's a lot like me And I'm a lot like him And I could

And I could And then you know A week Now we're on this tour now For about a week and a half And I fucking love those guys Big Something dude If you guys don't know

Big Something We'll play a little bit about them. But fucking great guys. Alright guys, let's get on with the show. Ladies and gentlemen, please enjoy Nick from Big Something. Alright, next up on the interview hour, we got our

guy, Royal Rumble 2020. My battle partner. we got nick from big something these guys are fucking awesome yo chris play some big something while i'm pimping them out um they're in the jam scene like us they write incredible lyrics he's a great singer. He's dealt with so much in his life, man. His best friend and lyricist, you know, his co-writer died from an overdose. I'm getting choked up thinking about it. It's fucked up. And that was his best friend, man.

They fought and they're still kicking ass. You know, they've been a band now for 10 years from North Carolina. Just all in allall good dudes. Love touring with them. We're definitely going to tour more. Yeah, I'll let Nick take the role here, and we'll get going on this interview because it's a good one. And I got chills just thinking about it.

So ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Nick from Big Something. Now didn't I, didn't I give you mine? Didn't I, didn't I give you mine? Now didn't I give you all my love, baby? She said, didn't I give it all? You stole my heart like a thief in the night Low down, no good, ain't alright Stole my heart like a thief in the night Hey-oh, and hold on tight So put it away And hold on tight, so what is real?

All I'm crying and crying, I want to be so free Cause it's all illusion Top right into the mic, Nick. Nick! How we doing, buddy? I'm good. How are you? Are you nervous? I am a little nervous. Don't be. We've been with each other a week.

I feel like we know each other now, right? It's weird because I don't ever get nervous before shows, but for some reason I'm a little nervous doing this. Why do you think it is? Are you afraid to be vulnerable? No. I'm just a big fan of the podcast do you think it is? Are you afraid to be vulnerable? No. I'm just a big fan of the podcast. And so this is pretty surreal being able to do it with you. Bro, we're buds now.

I know, man. It's awesome. It's been fun. This whole tour has been a good time. Were you nervous at first to go on tour with us or any of that shit? Not really. I've never shared money before. 50-50. That's pretty cool. I'm really proud of myself. I'm proud of you too, man.

I'm all about it. I think socialism for headline is great. It's like ban camaraderie. Is that the right word? Camaraderie? Camaraderie. That's a hard one to say. I feel like...

I love creatively collaborating camaraderie camaraderie yeah that's a hard one to say you know like i feel like i love creatively collaborating with other artists and like doing something that's different and i feel that's exactly kind of like what we're doing on this tour and it's it's just really fun to like do epic shit with your friends yeah let's explain this tour now before I dive deep into your life. Royal Rumble. We were texting each other like, what should we do about this tour? What should we do about the theme of this tour?

And you're like, let's do some, let's do it like a wrestling theme. And I was like, yeah, let's call it the Royal Rumble. And you're like, that's awesome. And so, yeah, it kind of like, it was super in the moment and just popped off right from the beginning i still have a little picture i drew of like the sketch of the poster you were like let's do a diptych and i was like yeah that would be sweet um so yeah you know it

worked out perfectly like you know it's like we're basically winging it i mean like we have a show now it took a week that first show was so fun, and it was crazy because we were literally planning it up until the beginning of the show, the first day in the green room. Kyle Ayers helps with us. He's so funny and just kind of putting this whole wrestling theme with wearing masks and finding surprise sit-ins that have masks. It feels like a wrestling match.

It's awesome, man. And I don't think we could do it without Kyle. I'm so glad you brought him on board for this. Man. He's been amazing. It's amazing how much comedy and music go together. I don't know why more people don't do it. Especially improvisational music,

because comedy, you kind of have to find the moment with the audience, and it's very similar. And it's so hard. I can't imagine having to get on stage and tell jokes in front and it's it's so hard i can't imagine having to get on stage and tell jokes in front of a an audience that's there for a concert you know like that i can't imagine how he does it but you have stage fright um i used to but not so much anymore what about about talking like what about like crowd banter um yes like speaking and you know having to talk in front of people.

Were you always like that as a kid? Yeah, I think I've always been kind of shy. And then joining a band and playing all these shows for the past however many years has kind of brought me out of my shell a little bit. But yeah, I was probably always a little shy as a kid. What happened? Anything happen when you were a kid? Were you beat up when you were a kid?

No. No? You were always shy? Yeah. I had a pretty normal childhood. Talk about your life. What about your parents? Did your parents accept you being a musician, or was it hard at first for them to accept it?

My parents are awesome. I had a great childhood. My dad's the man. What's his name? His name is Bob. You'll get to meet him in D.C., I think. Are you from D.C.? So I was born in California, and then my dad got a job in D.C.

and moved our family to the D.C. area, which is where I grew up, in Maryland, basically right outside of D.C. And then I went to school in North Carolina, and that's where I met the band, and I've been living there ever since. What school did you go to? Elon University. What's that?

It's like a small liberal arts school in North Carolina, like central North Carolina, kind of near Greensboro. So when did you, was you studying music then? No, I studied philosophy and communication. Why did you want to study philosophy? I was just interested in it at the time. And I didn't really know what I wanted to do other than play music. I knew I wanted to play music.

And I just thought it might help with the mental side of life and writing. Do you struggle with anxiety? I don't think so. I mean, it's hard to say what that really means sometimes. Explain that to me. Well, doubt and fear come into play with anxiety a lot. So I think that's a natural thing for anyone to feel. But I know that there are people that like really, you know,

really struggle with it as like a medical condition. I don't think, you know, I have it that bad. Do you fear anything? That's hard to say. I mean, I'm sure I do from time to to time what was your first biggest fear as a kid mine was jesus really i was scared to shit i was scared to death of jesus dog i wouldn't go out i wouldn't go to the dark like i wouldn't go upstairs because i thought jesus was there was gonna take me i wouldn't take the trash out probably for me it was probably just like you know normal shit the kids get scared

of somebody's hiding under your bed or something like that yeah just like you know nightmares and stuff like that but I don't think I've ever had like everything just is what it is and i try not to look at it like that have you experienced death in your life i sure have yeah who uh my best friend uh who helped kind of create the identity for Big Something and helped write a lot of our lyrics and songs. Passed away three years ago. What do you mean? Who's that guy for Phish, too? What's his name?

Tom Marshall. Tom Marshall? And you got Robert Hunter for The Dead. Explain, he was your best friend? Where'd you meet? So we grew up together. We met in kindergarten. Oh, so this is your dog.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. He's actually the first person that, like, got me into music. He was like, I'm going to learn how to play guitar. You should learn how to play drums. And we started, like, a little band in grade school. We went to our first concert together. And then, like, later.

It was 311 and De La Soul. Fuck yeah, dude. Was that that Fire record? It was the Blue album. Oh, the Blue album. Before that. Yeah, his mom went as our chaperone. It was hilarious.

We were just little kids at the time. So were you doing it to like, that was your hobby with your buddy? That was like what you guys fucking got off at? Were you guys doing sports too or yeah um you know we played like soccer and all that basketball and all the normal stuff the kids do in school but um when we started playing music together we started this little band and like that's i think where i really like saw something in myself and and figured out like that's what i want to do what'd you see with my life um we played like our first little show together uh at our school's cinco de mayo assembly we were in like sixth grade and um looking back on it it's like really racist what

we did but we were just little kids at the time. We took all these like Green Day and Nirvana songs and changed the words to be about Mexican food. Oh, really? That's cool. That's not racist. And I took a drum solo and I just like remember how much of a thrill it was. And I was just like hooked from that point on.

So from that point on, what was your mind state? You wanted to be a professional musician? I just knew that I loved playing music and that I wanted to do what I love. And like you were saying earlier, with my family, they've always encouraged me to do what I want to do and to follow like my dreams and um you know if you can make it work make it work so what about let's go back to this guy uh what's his name his name's paul and donato let's go back to paul what uh so you guys how did he

become your lyricist like what how that was he like not good enough as a musician and um so smart we he went off to school in florida and i went to school in north carolina and we kind of like Was he not good enough as a musician? He was so smart. He went off to school in Florida, and I went to school in North Carolina, and we kind of drifted apart for a little while, and then we ended up hanging out one night, and he stopped playing music, but he was like,

I've been writing words to songs. We should hang out and write some songs. I was like, hell yeah, let's do it right now, and we sat down and we wrote what became the two first big something songs ever ever written uh amanda lynn and and pinkies ride still play amanda yeah oh yeah so what are those songs about what do they mean to you um amanda lynn is like going to a bar and meeting a girl and she tells you her name and you can't remember it and so she tells you again and uh the chorus of the song is goddamn woman what's your name so was that a girl that you were like in love with or

this was all paul's imagination like you know uh oh so he was clever like that oh yeah he was super clever um the other song was like this character that he thought of uh that we named pinky but it's like a neighborhood pimp meets robin hood type character like kind of a good guy and a bad guy at the same time um so we like created like a whole series of songs how many songs did he write in the band a lot you know i'm still like even this new album that we're getting ready to release has a lot of his ideas on it too so what how's that process like you guys that you guys he writes a bunch of poetry and he sends it to you or no it's really rough um and it usually involves like hanging out and having a good time like we would sit down and

um we had a great friendship. He was one of my best friends in the world. I could just sit down with him and we would have the fucking greatest times just sitting and writing music. And so I would have maybe a musical idea. We used to loop pedal a lot. So I would just loop a part and let him kind of free flow, improvise, brainstorm over the loop. He would sing the ideas.

And every once in a while, a little five-second thing would happen. I was like, go back to that. That's fucking cool. And so we would kind of piece things together like that. So you're doing it for bonding. That was your best boy like what are you doing did you feel like this at the time this and at the time i don't i wouldn't say we were doing it for bonding but we were doing it for fun yeah like he's your buddy exactly you're you're sharing your time with him and some people play basketball some people play video games you wrote poetry and wrote songs together. Looking back on it, we were doing it for bonding,

but I didn't feel like that at the time. But having that connection creatively with another person, I don't think I'll ever have that again in my life. Why do you say that? We got to know each other in such a deep way, working on art together creatively. way working on art together like creatively because like it's hard to explain but he knew what I was dealing with in my life I knew what he was dealing with in his life and it was like we would almost like write little lyrics for each other and he would write lyrics for me to

help me sing like on stage and at our shows that he knew would be therapeutic for me and vice versa. It was very therapeutic for him. He was going through a lot of craziness in his life. What were you going through? I had a marriage that didn't work out. Oh yeah, okay.

So you guys were coping through that? Yeah. And what was he going through? He was such a fun guy to be around, but really was extreme about partying. Was he addicted? Had an addicted personality? I think he had that switch that he had a hard time turning

off it's so funny because you're not like that i'm not like that at all like it's amazing how opposite the track like that exactly like he he would kind of go off into outer space and i would kind of reel him back in and we worked really well together like that like he wasn't shy at all like it i've told you this before but he almost kind of reminds me of you yeah sorry if that's a little weird to say but like he's oh fuck no i'm just kidding he's just like fearless and such a fun guy to be around and like wasn't shy about partying and having a good time and super creative um just super fucking awesome guy and uh i was kind of shy and like you know more introspective he opened you up he opened me up and i think i helped him kind of like you could slow him down

yeah exactly like keep him keep him on earth you know who's like your rock when you're feeling low that's a good question it used used to be Paul. Your boy. Yeah. So who is it now? Any one of the guys in the band. Seems like you guys are brothers, I guess. We're very much a brotherhood. I'm so close with all of those guys.

My mom, my dad, my sister, too. Do you have an open conversation with them? Can you tell them anything? Yeah. Yeah, I can now. Cool. Oh, you used to not be able to? too you know you have an open conversation with them you can you tell them anything yeah yeah i can now cool oh you used to not be able to well my family's come a long way and um everybody like my dad's like in his retirement years right now so he's like smoking a bunch of weed again he's like my dad too he's real chilled out and you know it's it's fun now they're just they're they're living it up

At the beach in Wilmington So were you scared To be vulnerable with your parents? Like I feel like It's hard to be vulnerable With your parents when you're young And you're like You look at them as like

Role models And you're What is it? I don't think I was scared I just think I was shy Yeah? Yeah I had to break out of my shell a little bit.

Did this guy's death make you afraid to speak about your feelings again? Because he opened you up. Then when he passed away, did that get you to suppress feelings again? No. If anything, it made me more open to sharing feelings and thoughts about him and his life and wanting to carry on his memory. Every time I sing one of the songs now, I think about being in the room with him where we wrote it.

Which ones? What songs? That hit you hard? All of them, man. We have a song called Megalodon that just blew my mind when he first started singing it. It's visually, you're treading water and being surrounded by a huge shark. And it was a metaphor for his addiction at the time. So he was really bad addicted. Yeah.

To what? Anything and everything. Really? Heroin? I don't think so, but I'm pretty sure what finally did him in was fentanyl. So did you know he was doing all this stuff? Did you tell him, you got to stop this shit or what? Yeah, oh yeah. I mean, one of my biggest regrets in life is probably feeling like I didn't do enough

to try and help him or save him. But I had a ton of talks with him. And he was just this bright light that burned hard and fast. He lived a lot of life in his 33 years, 34 years, whatever it was. So this happened recently? How many years ago did he die? I want to say three or four years ago. It was...

You don't feel like it's your fault, right? No. You just feel like you wish you had... I wish I had done more. But you tried everything you can right yeah I mean like we were playing at the 8x10 in Baltimore

and I got a call from his mom like she was crying and she was like he's gonna die if we don't do anything for him and you know I just tried to talk talk to her was this the the overdose no it was right before right before he passed like two weeks before he passed so were you talking to him

before like yeah we have conversations you didn't realize he was this the the last night i ever saw him um we we would hang out in this little shack that he had in his backyard. It was like a little guest house that he had in his backyard, but we called it The Shack. It was where we wrote a lot of our songs. So we were hanging out in the shack just like we would always do and brainstorming on some songs.

And we wrote one that I thought was pretty cool. It's actually on our new album. What's it called? Machines. I like that one. Yeah. So that was like one of the last ones we ever wrote together, but he

went to go home for the night. He walked me out to my car, gave me a hug. He was like, I love you, man. And I was like, I love you too. Did you feel like he was sad? Yeah. I knew he was struggling. With what? What put him in this hole?

I don't know. So weird because you have a different relationship with him than he has with himself. Yeah. Like you were his fucking rock. Yeah. And so. I mean, he gave me a hug. He was like, I love you, man.

I said, I love you too. But you always said you loved each other, right? That was the last time I ever saw him. Yeah, I mean, we were super close. Did you feel like something was up that night, looking back? I knew he was struggling. Would he ever do heavy drugs in front of you? Not opiates.

Not opiates, just like Coke. Yeah. He had this switch where it was like anything could be a drug. Like anything. Writing songs could be a drug. Like he

got on this cereal kick where he was just like eating all kinds of crazy cereal. He would just do everything to the extreme. In a way, that was one of the cool parts of his personality because he was just so passionate. What was the most songs you wrote in a night with this crazy addiction, dude? Our songs never were fully written in one session they

were like usually like long brainstorms and then they would get organized down into structures over over time but like we i mean we would go all night just hanging out and playing music together just because it was fun like and that's what we both love to do so do you feel like you have him passing do you have a writer's block right now it was really hard to write when he passed so the the way i actually found out was we were it was the first night we were going to record an album um all these songs that he wrote with all these songs that he wrote and this is the newest record this was our fourth record it was called the other side and we knew going into it was going to be called the other side um and yeah and so it was like supposed to be a follow-up album to our album before that called tumbleweed where it's like the character from that album gets the other side of

his journey and um we were loading into set up at this recording studio in Asheville, and I'm backing our trailer up. We just finished loading everything in, and I see his mom's calling me. I'm like, okay, I'll call her right back. So I hit silent. She calls me back like two seconds later, and I'm trying to back up the trailer,

so I hit silent again, and she calls me back another time, and I'm like trying to back up the trailer so i hit silent again and she calls me back another time and i'm like fuck something's wrong and so i answer it and she's just bawling her eyes out and she just kept saying he's gone he's gone um so i found out like literally as we were setting up to record this album um and then we we did the. It was all a blur. Okay, backtrack, backtrack. You found out your best friend died. Yeah. What's your mind state going into this session? Were you planning on not doing the session?

No, I mean, we had to in a way. i'm really glad that we were there together as a band doing it um you fucked up oh yeah yeah i mean it's your best friend yeah it's like one of the most important people in the world to me um did you knew he this was like inevitable that he was gonna no i didn't think it was going to happen like this. Not at all. I thought I was going to have a lot more time with him. I felt like we were really starting to hit our stride to writing music together.

We had all these songs to record. The studio we were at was made from an old church. Yeah, what's that studio called? I recorded there. Echo Mountain Studio.

Echo Mountain, dude. The girl who owns it or runs the studio is dope as fuck. Yeah, Jessica. Jessica, yeah. So that was really cool because it was therapeutic for me in a way to try and do justice to these songs that we had written together in this sacred setting with the rest of the guys in the band. I don't know what I would have done with myself

if I hadn't been in that setting. So in a way, it was good that I was there. How hard was it for you to sing these lyrics? I was crying almost the whole time like every time trying to do you hear it in the in the absolutely um oh man this gives me chills dude and so we got done tracking and we started the album on monday we got done tracking on friday i flew home to dc and gave his eulogy like literally as soon as we got done so that it so it took seven days to do his funeral yeah that worked well got knock on wood yeah i was able to to be there

um that was one of the hardest things i've ever had to do in my life what do you talk about in the eulogy of a best friend it was insanely difficult i stayed up all night the night before trying to write it. I had pages and pages and pages. When I got there to do it, I just threw all the pages out and just tried to honor his life. From your heart. Yeah. I just spoke about how he was proud of his family,

proud of who he was. I read some of the lyrics that we had written together. I thought it might be nice for everyone to hear directly from Paul. Yeah. Because you knew a different side of him than anyone else did. I think he and I both knew each other in a way that most other people don't get to know each other. Holy fuck. Yeah.

So you fucking, man, you are a fucking good guy, Nick. You make this record. You fucking legacy him. And like, that's crazy. So I want to hear this record now is it one of your best records you think you've done

or is it it's really heavy considering the story behind it now do you hear yourself crying like probably no one else I have a hard time listening to it

yeah there's a song right there called The Cave that he wrote the lyrics to that like now in retrospect is just mind-blowing to me. Wow, what's it about?

Just kind of like an internal cave and falling through darkness. It's part of the... Yeah. You still sing that song? Yeah. That's a hard one. You're fucking stronger than I am, dog. I could not have the balls to sing that song, dude.

Yeah. Man. So, you're making this record. It's going... Was it getting a good reaction? Was it... Yeah, I mean, one of the singles from it got the most radio play we've ever got. What song?

Wildfire. And what's that song about? You can only circle the sun for so long until you burn up and fade away jesus fucking christ yeah this guy's singing to you dude he had such a way with words man he had the most vivid imagination like we wouldn't be a band if it wasn't for him why Why do you say that? He gave us an identity. He gave us songs. If we didn't have the songs, we would just be up there noodling on our instruments.

We had actual songs. The lyrics are important to you. Oh, yeah. Yeah, me too. I feel like lyrics... A lot of these bands who just talk about nothing, I don't take it seriously as songwriters who talk about something.

Paul had a silly side, too. He loved stuff about nonsense. He was big into Hunter S. Thompson, and he loved Robert Hunter as a lyricist, the guy that wrote with Jerry. So he had a lot of different sides. He was really just like had one of the craziest imaginations I've ever experienced.

In retrospect, now looking back at these lyrics, you sing them every day. Was he writing a suicide letter? Or do you think he just accidentally did too much? I think he accidentally did too much. I don't think he, by any means, wanted to end it. Because you knew him deeper.

One of the songs on that album that we made is called Smoke Signal. And when he sent me the lyrics to it, I was just like, God, dude. The chorus is, Jackie boy, you will be missed. And he was talking about himself. So what do you say to him in this? When you see these lyrics he sent to me, is this where you feel like you regretted talking to him about it? He loved dark lyrics.

He was all about the Johnny Cash. He was a very proud Italian. He came from a very Italian family and you know he was kind of like very he wasn't very vulnerable

yeah it was hard for him so it was hard to like talk he intimate. So it was hard to talk. He was talking to his lyrics. Exactly. And you understood that. I did. That's why it's fucking respected. You read his lyrics at his funeral.

That's fucking amazing, dude. That must have been the hardest day of your life. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life. I love that you LeBron'd it and fucking said, I don't need this speech. I'm going to do it from the heart. Because that's what he wanted. He wanted you to be vulnerable.

You were his best friend, dude. So what are we doing? What's the game plan for moving forward about writing songs? You got it in you. You know this. He taught you. He taught me. You got this. Don't feel like you don't.

This new album that we put out is basically... It took me... I couldn't bring myself to write for at least a year after he died. Because of this? Because of this, yeah. Every time I tried to sit down and do it by myself, I was like, I don't have my guy with me.

It's like, I can't fucking do this. Do you ever feel like quitting because you couldn't write? I just put it away. I had to find it again in myself. And like you said, he taught me how to write i learned so much about like us as a band and our songs and what like drives me musically and lyrically from having that experience and that relationship with him so like the first song i sat i i finally was like it'm going to sit down and write a song. And the first song I wrote was a tribute to him, basically. It was called Afterglow.

And the chorus was like, there'll never be another soul like you. And then from there, it was like the floodgates opened. And I was all of a sudden able to, I went through my phone. I have all these, we would record all the stuff on the voice memos in my phone. So I have all these recordings of him singing these ideas. It was hard as shit to go through all those. Oh, God, it was fucking hard, dude. And I went through them and found all these ideas that we never used.

I went and hung out with his mom one day, and she opened up his email for me and the notes on his phone mom one day and she like opened up his email for me and like the notes on his phone and his computer and was like here's some lyrics I found you can use any of these that you want to so I just have like pages and pages and pages and recording upon you know recording after recording of of ideas we never used and a lot of that stuff got put on this new album that we're getting ready to put out. So it's like that was just a crazy struggle. You still talk to that old boy's mom?

Yeah. How's she holding up? Paul was her only child. Oh, fuck. Yeah. And they had a big family. She's doing as good as she can. I mean, it's hard because one day you'll be fine and the next day it'll hit you and you just realize how much you miss them

you know and have you mourned do you feel like you officially mourned i think so yeah because like that the idea of floodgates it's easy to suppress that yeah that's that's the hardest thing about death man is mourning. Because people don't want to mourn. They're too scared to mourn. Just wrapping your head around the finality of everything and just trying to understand what it even is. What did you learn about death from your best friend dying? I don't know.

Just that it's inevitable. One of my favorite episodes of your podcast has been Oteel. Yeah. And what he said, you never know when it could be your last day with your family or with your friends. You could go at any moment. And so you got to never forget that and live each day like it could be your last and give it your all. So are you living your day? Are you doing what you want to do?

You beat me in football. You whooped my ass in football. You gave me a quick turn. I almost broke my ankles in slow motion. That was fucking amazing. We played football at fucking Super Bowl right before, and Nick catches this ball, and we're both just fucking slow. But he was a little faster than I am.

He got that TD, dawg. That was like slow motion in real life. It was like, no! No! Nick! That's living. It is living, man. I love doing that. This tour is living.

This tour is living, man. I've been wanting to do something like this for a long time. What's stopping us to live? Everydayness. Are we still stuck in our head to live sometimes? Well, I look at it like you've got to live in everydayness, keeping up with the shit you've got to keep up with, doing all the shit on your to-do list that you've got to do,

and then every once in a while you know you get hit with this like wave of whatever you want to call it um just where you like your eyes open up and you're like holy shit this is what what am i doing you know and like just right learning how to ride those waves i think is a big part of staying sane. Did that happen to you when he died? Yeah. What am I doing? Yeah.

Well, how'd you learn from it? What'd you learn from the what am I doing question during one of the hardest parts of your life? To keep going. Yeah. And to do it all the best you can give it your all you know I did it for Paul I wanted to see his vision through

I wanted to take his songs and you know do them justice and honor him and his legacy and let his lyrics shine. Because they're fucking good. They're awesome.

And you learn from the best teacher. Now your lyrics are going to fucking shine because he could be gone, but he's not. That is one thing, the beautiful thing about death, I think, is they might not be physically there, but they're always there. There's no different.

If you go to college and you haven't seen someone for three years or 20 years or 50 years. He was a huge D.C. sports fan, but especially the Capitals. And right after he passed Was the year that they had that crazy playoff win And won the Stanley Cup And they'd never won before

And it was just like God, if you had been around for this You would have loved it But at the same time It was like maybe he had something to do with it Fuck yeah, dude It's like the Lakers are going to win championships Is your baby Kobe?

That Kobe ghost I wouldn't be surprised, man I hope so. LeBron, I mean, you can see it in everyone's eyes. It's like death brings people together. And that's another beautiful thing about death. I mean, it's a celebration of life, you know? We forget.

We forget that life is so rare, you know? We could have been that other 5 billion sperms that didn't make it into your mom's fucking vagina, dog. Could have been on her shoulder. Don't disrespect your mother, but you know what I'm talking about. Could have just died in the fucking spermacidal condom. Shout out to condoms, though. Don't get anyone pregnant if you don't want to.

But you know what I'm saying? Yeah. It's so, when we take the microscope away, this is what Lyle taught me. Man, fucking Lyle. You know, have you met Lyle from the motel? I've not met him, but we're in the fantasy league. We're going to hook you up. Thank you for inviting me to do that, by the way.

Nix in our fantasy fucking basketball league. I'm so glad you invited me to do that. We're family now. It meant a lot. Thank you. Bro, this ain't the last rodeo. We're going to be friends for a long fucking time. I'm so glad you invited me to do that. We're family now. It meant a lot. Thank you. Bro, this ain't the last rodeo. We're going to be friends for a long fucking time. I love it, man.

I write lyrics, dog. I might not be as poetic as Paul. I might be talking about pussy and shit. Your songs are awesome, man. I love them. This new record. I showed you my new record. It's amazing.

It's about mental health. It's about fucking coping with shit like that. I'm going to play a song off it after this interview. But, you know, fuck, man. I feel so sorry for you, but I feel so happy that I joined your life during this. Because, you know, I feel like life's a bunch of handoffs. And, you know, when one thing goes away, that doesn't mean you're never going to have

a relationship like that again. Maybe I'm your guy. Maybe I'm your Paul for the next until I fucking kick it. Bring it on, buddy. Man, dog, I'm down to write with you, dude. Let's do it. This tour has opened my eyes to saying

I always thought of musicians like a competitiveness. I'm going to fucking tear this motherfucking stage down. But with us, I'm thinking of a big picture. We're like building each other up in a way. We're hyping each other. We are each other's hype men. Exactly, dude.

And that makes me so proud. But it's funny because we've advertised it as a competition. Yeah. But really, when they come see the show, it's all of us just having a good time together. Loving each other. It's awesome, man. We've been needing something like this having a good time together Loving each other It's awesome man We've been needing something like this for a long time

I'm so glad we're doing it You know what the hardest thing about touring With the same group of guys Is it isn't the It's just like the same It's kind of like having a 9 to 5 And you need fresh blood In there to wake you up

To see what you have. You know, I love my boys more now that I know that you guys love each other and we're all fighting this thing at the same for the same fucking thing. And that's just to bring good music. Absolutely. To the world. To,

to fucking create a positive, like I, all the bullshit that we go through every day it's so hard this life getting on stage for those two hours that's what i live for you know like same dude that's what it's all about for me and like your band is awesome all the guys in your band are so cool dude like they are some of the greatest people that i've met doing this you know on the road uh and i can't remember how long man likewise dude i you're the first guy who like forced me to get a sound guy i'm like it's so cheap like i'm not gonna sound i'm not gonna set now i can't live without a sound guy

austin v shout out to austin v you guys are the fucking shit we partied with v it was 50th birthday we got him hammered Yeah we did I'm getting to know you guys And I love y'all And You gotta Ride or die dog I'm your Tupac baby

I love you bro Let's fucking get it dude Let's do it So we're Okay it's Tuesday That's when the podcast is So what do we have We have shows

Yep We're going to Jacksonville Jackson Well we already did that Because this is the future baby Oh excuse me No we're doing Washington D.C. We're doing to Jacksonville Jackson Well we already did that Because this is the future baby Oh Excuse me

No we're doing Washington D.C. We're doing New York City We're doing Boston We're doing Buffalo Pittsburgh Pittsburgh Rex Theater

All these crazy places Chicago Chicago Come on out I mean Tickets have been selling fast now Ever since that first week People are getting

Getting what's fucking You definitely don't want to miss it. It's a pretty unique show. It is fucking crazy, dude. We're destroying people with chairs. We're going through

fucking tables. I'm so glad we're doing something that's not just like a standard... Yeah. This is a show, man. Why do we... Okay, one more question.

A spectacle. We forget that we're entertaining people. You don't. I don't. Why? Why? Why do you forget? I just think it's kind of like the nature of who we are as a band for us personally.

I can't speak on anyone else, but we, we're all kind of reserved and shy. When doing this tour with you, it's been so awesome because it's been great to like see all the rest of the guys in our band. Bro, everyone is like

taking off their shirts and wearing wrestling masks and wearing short shorts. It's awesome, man. We're waking each other up. I love it. I love it. It's been so good for us.

Because I go through a thing where I'll just, you know, put on autopilot and go through my show. Autopilot, yeah. And I do that a lot. And some fans get pissed off that I'm doing the horror every night.

I'm like, well, fuck you. I'm going to do the horror. But now it's waking me up. It's like, oh, yeah, I got this in me to fucking make shit different. And it's the same thing with you guys. So how do you avoid going on autopilot? Do you have any? Living.

Yeah. We forget that this moment only happens once if we wanted to. We could keep reliving the past, but if we wake up and say, okay, today I'm going to do something different. I'm going to go on tour with Big Fucking Something. We're going to do a fucking wrestling style tour. I'm going to write lyrics. Creativity.

Yeah, man. Why are we living if we can't be creative? We're artists. Exactly. Let's get out of our own heads. What I do is I usually, say we're singing a song or I'm singing a song on stage, I think about

when that song was written and what the original like intent behind that song was when it was first being written in that room sitting there with Paul

so like I always go back to that moment and then when I sing the song I try to like think of that first original like true intention

like that's what I'm most of the time when I'm singing the lyrics I'm thinking about when they were first written. That's fucking hard, dude. I know. Especially dealing with someone who,

your best friend who died. Yeah. You ever cry on stage? Thinking about like, damn, that song hit me fucking hard, dude. I very nearly did the, I sang that last song we ever wrote together at our festival,

The Big What, and it was like the first time we ever played it. And that one was tough to get through, but try not to dude well you're strong dog you got this we got this together got it man yeah thank you all right buddy so big something got a new record coming out or what what do you got so yeah we have a new album called escape we didn't even talk about music it's fine it's okay i mean that's what i love about your podcast man is all these people that i look up to just having real conversations man that's well welcome here because this was this gave me chills dog this is one of the best ones because you're you're being vulnerable man i never saw that in you yeah well you know you bring it out in me

i love you bud love you too bud. Love you, too. So you got a new record called Escape. A new record, Escape, is coming out at some point. I don't know when. But we're going to be releasing music from it over the next few months. And we'll keep you posted. Let's do it, guys. All right.

Nick, let's go fuck these people up. Let's do it. Let's keep on rocking. We got two more weeks of this shit, so you don't get sick of me yet, baby. I only want more. I wish we could keep going. I want to go to the West Coast.

We're going to do this in West Coast. Bongiorno. I know you're listening. Book this tour on the West Coast. All right, buddy. Love you. Love you, too, man. Let's fuck shit up together. I got your back, dog.

Hey, guys. It's Andy. How we doing out there? I'd like to premiere on the World Saving Podcast the first song off our newest record, Keep On Keepin' On, coming out in April. Shout out to Side One Donomy

for fucking signing us. We're on a record label. Booyah! Shout out to that. So, ladies and gentlemen, I'll leave it here with the world premiere. Play those trumpets and those flutes, Chris.

The world premiere. Keep on keeping on. Enjoy. I know a man He could give me therapy What's the use of therapy If you don't wanna change, babe I talk too much when I got nothing to say Maybe it's the getaway, it's easier to walk away

I gotta find the time to let love in. I gotta find myself to let love in. Don't think too much It just complicates things No room for judging To heal me I know you're there I just cannot see it Maybe I don't believe it

You deserve better, babe Yeah, just walk the walk and talk the talk Show yourself, you're for real You'll never know what you lost Until you're alone with your thoughts. La, la, la. La, la, la, la, la, la. La, la, la, la, la, la.

Keep on waiting on. Yeah, just walk the walk and talk the talk Show yourself, you're for real You'll never know what you lost Until you're alone with your thoughts I've gotta find the time to let love in I gotta find

myself and let love in La la la La la la La la la La la la la la la La la la la la la Keep on beaming on La la la La la la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la,

keep on keeping on. And there we have it. Thanks, Nick, for being on the show. Wow, crazy fucking story. You haven't heard this story about Nick. This is, I got Kyle Ayers on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's up, Kyle?

How we doing? I'm doing great. My voice is back. Yeah, see see this is all we had to do was sleep dog we needed a day we needed two days two days we only had a day yeah i could use a second day but um kyle's our comedian on the royal rumble tour you know him he's been on the podcast um damn i spent 300 fucking dollars at the bar last i'm telling you i gotta people think that the second that they knew you're a musician they were just like no discount full charge charge everything as much as we can why do they think arts make money it's insane when i did conan people were like would you like to fund my movie people messaged me i'm like can i have ten dollars hold on are you serious

people are hitting me up for stuff people hit me up for money all the time and i'm like i have a thousand dollars total yeah do you know what i mean where could what do you think i'm getting money from getting paid 600 bucks to be on conan or from getting paid 40 to do something else did you made 600 bucks from conan it's like something like that yeah it has to go through like some like union shit. It's, you know, it won't get to me

for like two months probably. And then I'll just forget about it. But it's, the amount of, yeah, the amount of money people think you have because you have the internet

is crazy. It's so fucking true, dude. Like people think like, oh, he's a big rock star now. Yeah. I'm still broke.

I mean, I sit and listen and I hear like you and Joe talking about the breakdown of where the money goes after something. It's like, yeah, it looks like a decent amount of money the second it comes in your direction. Yeah. Before 10% goes here, 10% goes here, six other guys in the band go here, all the meals go here, hotels go here, and then finally it finally gets back to you and you're like i would love to buy some socks you know what i mean seriously dude so i was like so i was it was v's birthday our sound man so i'm like fuck we're just getting around to shots yeah i did find some hot um uh stewardess okay and she was she's like oh you're in that band yeah i was thinking about her the whole night last night i'm like one of those delta flight attendants are all staying here i need i need

to marry a stewardess you ever think about that well it would help with your travel costs from a practicality standpoint for sure it's because then you could be uh they get they get uh what do they call them like you could fly standby all the time anyway. She was so hot. I should have said something. I just saw her like 10 minutes before we were going to do this podcast, too. But let's not talk about that. Kyle, how are you doing? Good, man.

How are you doing on this tour? I know this isn't a normal tour for you. You're on tour with rockers. It just took, well, people who play music. Yeah. But like, how many shows do you think now do you feel like you're adjusted? What are we like five in five in? Um,

yeah, it's just sort of once you just, every crowd is so different for me. I just have to treat it like it's comedy crowd and just go out and do whatever accordingly instead of being like time to tailor this for music. It's, it's tougher to do comedy before music than it is probably anything else. Am I helping make it easier? Yeah. The more that's more that that y'all go up and bring me up

the more that a comedian is introduced slowly before music the more the crowd is like okay we will listen yeah just because they're not even if they know there's gonna be a comedian like there's a dude of the show where were we just at Tallahassee there's do the show in tallahassee who saw me on conan and then saw you post the clip on conan of me on conan and then still was like didn't know i would be there he's like i saw it's like i was watching conan you came out of the state of then andy was posting about your conan set in the tour and now you're on the tour and i'm like yeah that's why but do you think it's like is it hard to like build a fan base as a comedian?

Yeah. You know, I'm not a big take 10 seconds of a joke and post it on Instagram guy. Yeah. I'm not a lot of what I do. Like even all my best stuff I've done this whole tour wouldn't work. Not live. Do you know what I mean?

It's a couple of jokes and then a lot of crowd work and then a lot of dumb stuff like that. And you can't, if I take this tense, I'm just not a big here's my setup punch line with the subtitles i need to do more i guess but i just don't do a lot of that stuff i don't like instagram i don't like twitter and without that yeah it's hard to build unless you just slowly grind away it's so fucking hard dude so you're telling me like even

like you did conan and like it's one of the biggest like the biggest late night thing and you only got a few likes. Eight, ten followers. But you got like a half a million people watch the video. Yeah, I know. And you're like, what if all you sent me 10 cents? Five socks, dog. Send me one cent.

That's $5,000. It's just crazy. It's crazy. Like how do you like you're putting out a new, you're doing a live record, right? I'm doing a live record that'll be out in april or may so like you're gonna try to get spotify the idea is you know i have a good relationship with serious because my show boast rattle is on serious so hopefully you can get that there are people who actually listen to that and find something tell people about boast rattle boast rattle is like a nice roast it's

like head-to-head competitive complimenting um it's sort of what i do it's the inspiration for what i do when i bring you guys up on the shows yeah where it's a lot of like roast style joke style compliments you know what i mean stuff like this guy is so kind he's in a terrorist organization called nicest and things like that yeah and just like this fun stuff and people the shows really like it because then they start realizing that it's nice jokes. And they're like, well, how does he do this? And I got 20 or 30 of them to bring you guys up total. Because you're introducing each person.

Each person with three jokes each. Chicago Bulls intro. And you're doing like a legit wrestling. Then you become a manager. Become a wrestling manager. Truly, when you break it down, the storyline falls apart. But it's all about just the confidence. Yeah, dude.

People have fun with it. Because you become a comedian. I introduced you as a comedian. Then you turn into the ref. Like a ref, even though I'm an announcer and never a referee. I just had a referee shirt. Oh, this tourist. Are you having fun, Kyle?

I'm having a good time. Yeah? Yeah. You homesick yet? No. It's tough to get work done. I got stuff I should be doing. Like what?

Just podcast promotion stuff. And I'm like one of the few. Because you got a podcast. What? Never seen it? Yeah, never seen it. It's like a movie comedy podcast thing. But I'm one of the few.

It is a lot of work and a lot of prep. It isn't just a. I feel like what I need to eventually do is just launch a radio show that is me being me, where it's less work. And that's the way you can find audiences and build stuff like that. I got podcast people coming out to the show and stuff.

One guy was freaking out. Yeah, it was cool. Where was it? Tallahassee? Tallahassee, yeah, yeah. What happened? It was just this night. He was just having a good time. He's hyped up.

I think he was from Tallahassee, but doesn't live here anymore. And then he was like, I'll go back to where I'm from. And they came back. He was hyped up. And he had a good time. And they found you through the episode. He came on the podcast with the band. So he was hyped up to see you guys, too.

I like this. It's different. Even if it's not what we normally do, even with you, I know it's it's i like this it's different like you know it's like even if it's not what we normally do like even with you i know it's not what you normally do you're doing fucking comedy rooms and you're doing fucking you're creating shows and stuff kind of opens our eyes to you know what else can there do like with it yeah and i'm also appreciative of all this because i could now come back and do these places and it's not like I've burned anything. As a comedian, you can't do the same place

with the same jokes over and over again. It's not sort of like music. No one wants to come see the same hour the third time or something like that. I'm getting out and meeting these people. What's the ideal routing? You play one town once a year?

Yeah, it depends on how much you really want to get out on the road and and what you want to do but look at like legends like glass todd glass and gary and like he was like he was gary when i opened for gary at the wilbur he was listening to the set he did last year at the wilbur yeah that he so he doesn't do anything that he did last year yeah chris rock said this thing where he was like, everyone will come out to see you twice, but then if you're doing the same stuff, they won't come a third time. They'll come the first time, and then if they're hyped up,

they'll come the second time, and if it's the same, they're not going to come back. Is that hard? Is that pressure to have a new bit every year? I mean, I'm in the point now where it's like, I just am releasing my first album, so now it's time to start getting the stuff for the second hour uh yeah so are you thinking about that second hour now i i started

working some stuff out the first few shows here and uh yeah sort of looking at what made it into the album and what was sort of on the cusp of making the album and developing that stuff and what do you look for when you're like when you you, if a joke's going to make an album? That was tough. There was a lot of shows running up to it where I would run all of the, there's stuff I knew would make it and then there was sort of,

I would run up all the stuff where I'm not sure. So, you know, is this, how has this been doing? Does this fit the theme, the time and all that sort of stuff? And is this what I want to say?

Have you ever thought about doing just straight crowd work? Yeah. Dude, like a special just crowd work work there are a few people doing that now and and it i think you really have to it would be really really fun i would i think i would have to be a little bit more established before i could get into it because you need a bunch of people coming to see you and like moshe kasher is a really funny comedian who just put out a crowd work todd berry did a crowd work special and it's just um what's the concept of crowd work like what are you looking for i just kind of think most people will talk their

way into looking dumb if you give them a second because you know i don't like when people heckle but generally if someone's yelling something out at you and you just ask them to repeat it they will feel stupid yeah and that's sort of i i just like to honestly talk to people and they're so open about like that Birmingham show was all crowd work yeah there you just started what do we mean like a lesbian couple who met working at Cracker Barrel, which I guessed and was right. They were like I was like where'd you guys meet and they're like working and I was like Cracker Barrel and they were like yes, they worked at Cracker

Barrel together and then you just say she know like one of them has a baby or had a boyfriend who had a baby with someone else and then she found out she she realized she was gay while they were together i'm like this is just most people's stories are a little insane yeah especially the people who are willing to how are you always funny with all the hard stuff that's happening in your life right now oh i don't know it's just sort of like a deflection tactic i guess that's kind of how what it's always been yeah i've always been super yeah i've always been super super depressed i've always been super sad i mean i've it's and i've always whether they're like i don't know it's just sort of a thing where you i don't want

to talk about it with anyone because i feel like it makes me feel like a burden to them to talk about it so i've never been open about anything me feel like a burden to them to talk about it. So I've never been open about anything, and it's to the detriment of relationships. But you could be open. Oh, yeah, you probably shut down even with us a little bit. Oh, for sure. So what are you depressed about?

I mean, besides the fact that it's like a neurological disorder and shit's firing off wrong in my brain. Yeah. I just feel constantly invisible. It's been like that your whole life? Yeah. Fuck. I mean, when I was in elementary school and middle school, I couldn't really find... I had some close friends, but then a lot of the people who I thought were my friends kind of just bullied me.

I don't know what it was. Or they were mean. Were you funny back then? Yeah, but to try and not to try and get the respect bullying you know what i mean it's like a defense mechanism and then in high school i was really good at swimming and water polo and you kind of find you know you can avoid most stuff if you're good at sports like that. But still, I was never like class clown, like loud prank guy. It was mostly like kind of funny in the back. A lot of good comedians that way?

I think so. I'm not sure how many of them are class clowns. I think a lot of them were the person making fun of the class clown, if that makes sense. Or talking their way out of getting in trouble or something like that. So you're good. So are you always fighting depression? Yeah.

I mean, it's a bummer because I'm on various medications that affect other, that don't mesh with the medication I have to take for physical ailments. And so you have to go off stuff sometimes and it's worrisome. And, you know, I've had a hard time being honest with therapists even because I mostly feel like I'm just there trying to talk my way through like what they want to hear. And that's dumb, but it's just irrational. Yeah, why are you paying someone to?

Yeah, I don't know. But that's in your head. That's in my head. It's definitely in my head. That's not what it actually is. And I think it's because the first times i had to go see therapists were forced and i knew they didn't want to be there as like a high school kid yeah yeah yeah and so i just i was like and i knew they didn't want to be there and they were just

checking off a box and it like created a stigma in my head for all of them so now now you're like every time i'm working on it now It was like an intense last year. I sabotaged my way out of relationships and fucked a lot of stuff up. And just because I was so, so depressed and they made me feel even worse. And then I used that to explode the entire situation. And I just kind of had to. So you're self-sabotaging your own destiny. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean mean even now i like won't let good things happen do you know what i mean like the super bowl yeah the chiefs won that is like you fucking you love this yeah and you're looking at we were watching the replay last night like oh yeah that was that fucking interception i was getting anxious watching a replay of a thing i knew the outcome too because i'm like it probably they will lose the replay i don't know and that's how i feel about pretty much everything but like do you think you could figure out a way to like reprogram your brain maybe i'm working on it it's tough i have i mean even after like the conan set which was the biggest moment of my career so far i walked off stage and 10 minutes later i got a call that

my mri place didn't take my insurance and 10 minutes later I got a call that my MRI place didn't take my insurance and I was going to have to pay him $4,000. And I was like, well, why can't I have had an hour? And then I just had a terrible rest of the night. You could have not answered that call. Yeah, but I didn't know what they were calling about. So I didn't even watch it on TV.

We watched a replay thing way later with some friends and stuff. I was just so mad about the MRI thing. I just couldn't have a good moment. Is that what happens? Like even when you're happy, like one little thing could trigger you. Yeah. And I guess so I will spiral beyond all measure.

Has it ever happened right before you went on stage? Uh-huh. And what was the outcome? Bad sets or just all old jokes that I'm like phoning in. Like autopilot it? Yeah. I'm sure you've been on that before. Yeah, 100%.

You just are like, here's the notes here's the words even like i think our autopilot is different because i even like your autopilot i would imagine still is you being a charismatic front man not just you playing music like a radio so to people there's no they're like there's no way that could be someone's autopilot dancing on top of a piano, but I guarantee it could be. Yeah, it is, 100%. I think the worst part of depression with comedians, right after you get off stage, you're by yourself. When you're on tour, you're not touring with anyone.

You go back to the fucking shitty comedy apartment or whatever the room they give you. Yeah, you eat whatever the shitty pizza is sitting around. That must be the hardest part about being a comedian. Yeah, it's, you know, there's no guidelines. Especially now, there's not even like a do late night, do album, now go on tour thing. It's like, well, make these clips and go here and be a viral person. But you also have to be the right fit and mold for what people are looking for. And don't be too much of this and build this brand.

And, you know, I have managers and agents who are like, you need to tweet more and post more. And like, this shit makes me want to kill myself. The internet makes me want to kill myself. I don't want to be on here.

I can't be, it's not fun. I hate it. I forced myself to do it. I don't know why. I like, because I can't delete it. No.

Or I don't exist. Yeah. I don't exist in comedy that's well that's the same thing with us i i fucking hate social media yeah and it's like it's 50 of my fucking career or 70 like i can't imagine where i'd be if i took all if i taped every set and cut up the clips and put little titles on them and posted all those things you're probably huge because i think some people think i don't do stand-up even. Like other comedians and like the comedy world

because I also like produce these other types of shows and stuff. But I'm not out here just, I don't know. What do you like doing better? Stand-up. Stand-up?

That's your thing? The other stuff I just started doing to try and get more stage time. And then it took off because everyone wants a little edge. I don't know. They say that.

They don't. Everyone who works in production, they're like, we're looking for something different. That's why we're going to make the same show. And you know what I mean? They say they want something different,

but then they don't. They just want safe shit. Yeah, because it's like the same shit. It's like, you know, I don't know if you want to talk about this, but it's like fucking, you create this awesome show, and then all of a sudden,

someone else is creating that same fucking show. And's like frustrating like why even fucking have something different like you brought something different and then someone's just gonna take that there's just a larger and larger pile of leeches who have made their like nest egg off of leeching creativity the closer to the top you get i'm not even at the near the top you mean the closer to anything you get there's just people who you have to work with all these weird gatekeeping middlemen who've wedged their way in doing this with tons of other people and all they trust is each other and so it's just this i don't know it's a very weird world that's frustrating to me yeah dude it's like in the music industry it it's like once one band pops, everyone becomes that band.

Yeah. It's like, that's not art. Yeah. That's just being copycat. Yeah, yeah. I remember hearing like a wild array of various Radiohead ripoffs become popular for like eight or nine years. Do you know what I mean?

And then fade off into different areas. And some weird person who's never made anything in their own right vouches for someone and that's it and it works and you're just like how is this possibly does no one trust their opinion does no one trust i guess that's what it is you know you talk about the press we'll leave with this i know this is dark sure yeah um i mean it's not all fucking laughs that's the that's the thing about art it's not all laughsads Three Forces is hard as fuck Nick his buddy died from an overdose

and he had the day he was in the studio singing those songs that his buddy wrote it's fucked up that's some real shit so like through all this darkness is comedy still your light yeah I mean it's kind of the only

the only like time I don't feel bad is sort of sometimes on stage. Man, I saw you glowing after Birmingham. Yeah, that's like the type of stuff where I'm like, okay, there's still, I don't know if I like doing it. I don't know if I like having done it. I like doing it, but sometimes I'm just like, I don't like anything else.

Since I moved to LA, I like having done it. I like doing it, but sometimes I'm just like, I don't like anything else. I'm, since I moved to LA, I meet so many comedians who seem to mostly enjoy looking good in photos or mostly enjoy standing in the background, like being at the thing, but not doing and creating anything. And it's insane to me that people just like all of the other parts of it more.

I think it's because the other parts are something anyone can do if they try. Anyone can update Instagram with a picture of them looking good and be like, here's where I'm performing. It's insane, but then it's not good when you get there, but everyone's already bought into this persona that someone has created.

It's all very frustrating to me. It's frustrating to me too because it's like even if you take out comedy, you take out music, you just put it into the art category. It's the same shit. That's why we got to fight through that stigma. I feel like everyone needs to just turn off their social

media. Everything is exit through the gift shop. Did you see that documentary? That's everything. That's everything. There's a million comedians. There's a million musiciansians there's a million musicians who someone just told us all we should agree is good and so now they have

an exhibit but the real real end up floating to the top though right I think that on the other side of the moderate amount of success that you need talent to rise through that you know what I mean you can still make plenty of money not being talented at all just existing in an art form as long as people

agree on something but i do think to end up on the other side yeah like like like the complete other side or maybe even just to be happy you gotta have it i hope well i'm i'm fucking i know that i'm this has been the happiest i've ever been, having you with me and having Big Something. I think you're the smartest guy and the fucking funniest guy on the fucking planet, and it fucking kills me that you're so sad. Oh, yeah, all the time. You know, but maybe the self-sabotage brings good art, you know? Yeah, I don't know.

You know, you hope not. Like, you hope not like you hope at some point on the other side you can be happy and still be creating what you want to create yeah but i i hope i hope so too because i'm sad all the time too yeah and you know but maybe that's just that's just us you know fighting for perfection yeah i have to tell myself it's something not just fucking how i'll die well guys that's it for the show today uh go if you're going to this tour the royal rumble kyle's opening he's so fucking funny get there early watch his everyone who showed up early has had a good time and i feel like everyone's showing up early yeah and if you don't some of the show

is not going to make any sense yeah you can't show up midway through the play yeah exactly come out early kyle's amazing and uh his his jokes are so funny and when he becomes a different character it's even it's funny shit so shout out thanks kyle for being on this tour thanks for uh not working on podcasts so you could act like fucking silly animals with us. Nice time. Yeah. Thank you, buddy.

Um, that's it guys. Andy Frasco's world. Same podcast. Uh, next week we got Caleb Holly on the show round two. We get deep with Caleb. Um,

but we still have tour dates. Um, we have New York, we have Boston, we have Columbus, Ohio. We have Pittsburgh. We have, we have two weeks of tours. So go to have columbus ohio we have pittsburgh we have we have two weeks of tours so go to the tour go check out the world rumble grab tickets early so

i could look at my ticket sales every thursday like yeah people it just feels so much first off they're cheaper yeah if you get them early and it just makes us so much happier it does because that everyone eases off our ass i know exactly. Exactly. Why aren't you promoting this show? I'm like, we're trying. What do you want out of the promo? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Buy tickets in advance. I know you're a walk-up. I know we're all indecisive. It's 2020, but for your musicians, buy tickets

in advance. Do something. Buy tickets to this. You'll earn Netflix for a month. I feel like that's all we're trying to do. Kyle will give you his Netflix password. I was just saying you can tell yourself to stay in for a month. You know how you're like, I did something last week. Well, guys, I love you. Thanks, Kyle.

Let's fuck. Let's skull fuck. Jakes and Bill Floyd. Yeah, they'd be into that shit here. You walk outside. All right, buddy. I'll talk to you soon. Love you guys.

Arno, give us something sweet. And I hope you guys enjoyed my new single, Keep On Keeping On. All right. Love you. Bye. Yes, you tuned in to the third season of Self-Indulgent Insights at Andy Fresco's World Saving Podcast. Thank you for listening to episode 73. Produced by Andy Fresco, Joe Angel, Alan Chris Lawrence.

Please subscribe and rate the show on iTunes and Spotify so we can make this a worldwide phenomenon. For info on the show, please head to Instagram at world saving podcast. For more info on the blog on tour dates, head to andyfresco.com. And there it is, the new single, Keep On Keepin'. Everywhere you can stream music. Keep On Keepin'. Give it a listen. This week's guest is Nick McDaniels from Big Something.

Find him on bigsomething.net. This week's special guests are Sean Eccles, Andy Avila, Kyle Ayers and Arno Bakker. And we are living the life. We're out there traveling from moment to moment, showing off our best, jumping around in the spotlights, picking the sweet grapes of fandom. But all that is meaningless if not shared with friends. So if you ask me what is the big something, it is that. Sharing moments with people you trust. Sharing thoughts, sharing feelings. Not just the happy ones or the happily intoxicated ones, but also the moments of despair when you feel small and meaningless. Being anywhere without that big something for too long is damaging, whether in a relationship, at work, or in a band. Keep each other sane, as Andy stresses.

Keep yourself sane. Find your big something. Andy will say there's always a big something in my pants, but that's all by comparison. Next week, I will talk about the evils in comparing.