Another Below Deck Podcast - 2 Stripes And A Boner | Below Deck Med S10 E8

Episode Date: November 18, 2025

Dylan and Pat are back to break down rain, Leonardo DiCaprio, matchmakers, the Clintons, cat ladies, Russians, Miles Davis, Fatburger, bears and more from Bravo's Below Deck MediterraneanPATREON: https://www.patreon.com/anotherpodcastnetwork  YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/@badtvpod  INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/badtvpodcast/?hl=en

Sandy says she's extremely disappointed in the bros in the bros but to show you how upset I am tomorrow day off have fun goodness she says she says I hope you come back refreshed and ready to work you imagine that you're going to be drinking for 36 hours straight Hi, hello. Welcome aboard, a rainy night of Bad TV. I'm Dylan. That's Pat. Permission to come aboard. Kaylin is joining us this evening as well. Hello. It is raining for the first time in, I don't know, hundreds of days.

Four years? Yeah. So everybody's spooked. everybody doesn't really know what to do. It took me an hour to get here. I live seven miles away. I'm concerned for our safety, Dylan. I was driving my son to preschool today, and I see a homeless zombie trying to light a couch on fire

that had been abandoned on the sidewalk. Yeah, well, he was freezing. Well, he had achieved the couch was... Yeah, you'd be surprised how easy it is to light shit on fire. The couch was, in fact, on fire. So I, of course, called 911, So an entire city got burned down last year.

Well, yeah. So I call 911, and as I'm driving to preschool, you know, the phone rings. They said 911, you're on hold. And I drive all the way to school. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Five minutes still on hold. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I wait there.

I'm like, I don't think they're going to pick up. Now, this is 911. Now, imagine this scenario. I'm sorry, this is below deck, right? It's below deck. Oh, yeah. Imagine this scenario where a girlfriend has her ex-boyfriend trying to kick down her door and she calls 911.

Oh, yeah, sure, sure. a society is unraveling when you call 911 and you don't have people answering the phone. And it's raining right now. So, and I know that we have fans from all over the globe. So, uh, L.A. people complaining about raining. I'm just

always in awe of how catastrophic rain can be in the city. It's, it's really mind-blowing how people just kind of I mean, can you hear it? It's beautiful. Anyways, we're here to talk about below deck. That's right. The, third episode

or the second episode of the two-part finale of The Bachelor uh yeah and it it kind of ended the like I wish

ABC's the Bachelor ever ended this way where he goes he goes I'd like to really have sex with both of you and they call him a pussy and they both leave

well that's not what happened this episode but now to be fair it has kind of ended that way a few times don't you remember Ben Higgins he told two girls that he loved him. He might have told three girls he loved me.

Right, right, right, right. But I'm saying let's get together at the same time and go, you know, I'd like to fuck both of you. And then they leave. But anyways, it was a fun episode. Kizzy Unleashed. I don't know if you clip a bird's wings, can you unclip them? Can they fly again?

Oh, wow. I don't know. If you cut a lizard's tail off, it grows back. Well, her tail has fully grown back. She is ready to mingle, and so are we. If you want to listen to Real Housewives of Salt Lake, join us to Patreon.com slash another podcast network. Anything else?

What we do APS there? APS. Yeah, great APS. Pat went to Disneyland, and I went to the DMV amongst other things. All right, let's get into it. Pots. What did you think? Okay.

I want to give it four pots. I love the crossover. Did you watch the episode yet, Kailin? No. All right. I love the crossover. This integration with focusing more on the charter guests, I think it's really important.

They've got to figure this out with these producers because I loved hating matchmaker Amy. She was very obnoxious and not good at what she does. She's just like, what the most pushy, useless person. All you do is eat cheeseburgers in your room. I mean, there's no. At one point, sorry, go ahead. He goes, I want to get rid of you people.

She goes, you're going to need to do it yourself. What do I need you for? the fuck you're supposed to be the buffer i don't need to feel uncomfortable do you really think that i need some kind of middlemen to get instagram girls on a yacht you're a you're a you're a you're a useless cog amy go ahead uh i loved hating superficial possible sugar baby anna so fun i um you know i think anna would take poor bachelor jo's money but then she'd be completely able to to walk over his cold dead body to go hang out with Leo.

Right, right, right. You know what I'm, yeah? Yeah, Leo. By the way, I saw a picture of Leo lately. Uh-huh. He's starting to hit a wall. Well. You drink so much champagne all night and you're, you know, you're, you know, getting through your 80th, 25-year-old.

Uh-huh. That does not do the body good. 80th. That's funny. And 25 is funny, too. He's starting to hit a wall. Not really, though, because of. the body of work.

So it's just kind of like... Oh, really? Did you see one battle after another? Yeah. Did you see it? No, I read the reviews, though, because I like negative reviews. I read them in my free time. It's like a 95%...

Oh, really? There, I didn't know there were negative reviews for that movie. Oh. Oh, hey, um, sorry, on a positive note, Kizzy is engaged, uh, to Tom. Who? Tom, Tommy. Oh.

guy that she told at midnight that she needs to dump him because she wants to suck face with a bunch of sea rats. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They mended fences. They're together now. Did they? And they're engaged? Okay.

Good for you guys. Count down to Armageddon, right? You kids, you crazy kids. Do not get engaged. How many pots do you give it? I give it 40. Okay. Kalan?

I'll give it 35. Okay. So we rise for a beautiful Barthelona. I thought it was a sunrise. It's very confusing. because I thought it was a sunrise, and then Aisha goes up to the lady, and she goes, well, can I get you to drink? She says vodka.

So I was like, wait, it can't be sunrised. Oh, no, that makes sense. Have you vacationed with me? Well, I vacation with you. Yeah. Actually, vacation story. Solvane. We went together.

We went to wine country. I think we did downers and we kissed. Yeah. There's a picture of it. Really? Mm-hmm. Cool. Yeah, we had a good time.

So anyways, the Bachelor and one of his contestants are really boozing. But Joe and Nathan have a little chat about the ladies. Let me break down the game for me. Yes, please. Joe is really feeling himself, and he's kind of torn because he wants to have sex with both Kizzy and V. But V. And Kathy. And Sandy.

Right. And Josh. Anybody. Yeah. Now, here's the problem. He really wants to have sex with V because she has a great ass. But she keeps talking about that ex of hers that died. And that's a real boner killer for him, you know?

Well, it's not a boner killer for him. It's something that he has to, it's a challenge, right? Because he has to pretend to care in order to have sex with him. And who wants to do that? You know, these are the types of problems that I missed, Ellen. When I was a young man, oh, which C. rat should I have sex with you know today's problems which uh assisted facility should I put my uncle that has dementia yeah yeah being young is fun it's why it is fun but it's important to

remember that a lot of these sea rats are not really that young right in their hearts they are uh-huh yeah hearts and minds um okay so what is more delicious Josh says and Josh had a brutal night Josh had a tough night. You keep doing these things where we're listing off eligible candidates for fuck. What? Go ahead. Are you on Osempic? No, I'm not.

By the way, I have yet to apologize to the audience. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So the last episode, I, um, look, I, I'm on Ozempic and I decided that they recommend a certain dosage. I decided I knew better and I tripled the dosage to, speed up my weight loss, that was an unfortunate choice. Right, because if they say you can take this and in 60 days, you'll lose weight, you thought, you factored what?

You said, take one pill a day. You said I can cut this down to 20 days. I said, why not take three pills a day? And then, of course, you mix a little drinking in there. And the next thing you know, you're slurring your words and blacking out during an episode of a recap of below deck i apologize to the audience which is unprofessional and you've never done that before i know and so i'm sorry now um i've mentioned this before in the podcast i'm going to talk about match maker amy there are subtle clues into a human being soul match maker amy is a

fucking demon oh yeah all right um and i guarantee she is in fact single and her best friend is either a plant or a fucking reptile she's one of those weirdos that has like a pet snake yeah yeah yeah or a I'm not trying to do a J.D. Vance thing right now. Cat ladies are my ladies. Oh, yeah. But I'm just saying... I didn't say cats are cool. No, no, no, I know. But oftentimes there are, you know, you think of the predicament of a cat being owned by Amy, you know. I would want more for that cat. Okay. I'm going to point out two things why Amy is a demon. Okay.

She spilled wine on the stairwell, and she called for Kermit to clean it up. Right. Second indictment on her soul When the boat headed out to sea She turned to a Bachelor Joe Who's paying for the whole thing Yeah She said thank God I needed a different view

Oh I'm sorry Queen of England Yeah yeah queen Elizabeth Of England Yeah That's tough man Wow people are pretty entitled You are not a fan of her at all

No I don't like her Oh gosh man Amy if you want to come on the show And explain yourself And why you're a horrible person we'd love to have you on yeah no we would love to have you so uh it's so funny that you're you're doling out indictments i was i was thinking like what if you were the judge on the river sticks like somebody's trying to get into either heaven or hell and they have to stare down

you know at your mom i'd be the perfect person for that well you'd be a funny person for that um what would you do if kaelan was kaelan had died he's in he's in he's a nice person You don't have to ask him anything about himself? I know. I've known him for 10 years. He's a nice guy. Okay. Bill Cosby.

Bill Cosby. He's out. He's out. Yeah. Okay. Bill, you're not coming in. Can you imagine hearing that when you're being sexually assaulted? No.

It's like, I can't. Jesus Christ. Saddam Hussein. Oh, no. Definitely not. Saddam Hussein. Okay. What about Bill Clinton?

Bill Clinton? Yeah. well he him and his wife there remember they're pedophiles yeah they killed like 200 people per norm mcdonald i don't know it's just really good to be here i just want to remind everybody watching at home the clinton's are murderers oh you shut up that's barbara walters you be quiet no i know bavs it would just be nice to move on from a president who doesn't uh murder people you know so anyways um we have to get back of the show joe and nathan um can i get back to Josh really quickly. He says, what's more delicious than taking a bite out of love?

What does that fucking mean? What the fuck does that mean? We get to dinner and play a little never have I ever. I hate this game. What do you hate about it? Well, this is a game you play with prostitutes. You don't play this game with future partners. Do you play games with prostitutes? I don't think the prostitutes would really be. Sorry, let me clarify. You want to play a fucking board game right now?

This is, I believe, sitting at the table with Bachelor Joe, is four possible future partners, lifelong partners. People that will, like, take care of you or something, you know, and not like just a one-night stand. Because we used to play this. When I was in my 20s, we had two games we'd play when we'd all be partying in my shitty apartment. We'd have naked janga, and on the blocks, you'd pull it out, say, like, make out with the person to the left of you. It was a real fun game.

You can just call that horny jenga. That's right. Yeah. Oh, that's a great name for it. Yeah. And I was actually going to trademark it and try and market this, but, you know. You were going to trademark Jenga.

Well, no, horny jenga. But there's jenga there. Okay. Anyway, the next game we play is never have I ever. And of course, it would be like, never have I ever, you know. And it was just to hook up with other people. This is a horrible game to play at this table. How does it, how does it lead to hooking up with people?

Well, you're supposed to get horny, because you're making all these. Like Russian spy Anna, she's confessing to everything. Never have I ever had sex with Putin, and she took a shot. Right, right, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Never have I ever. So it's all sexual. Like, see, that's why I feel like if I was playing, I'd be like, never have I ever bungee jumped. And people would be like, what the fuck you doing? Well, no one wants to play that part of the type of game. Yeah, we're trying to party. We're trying to fuck.

And I, you know, sorry, I thought we were playing, never have I ever. Um, okay, so never have I ever gotten a lap dance mile high. Let's get to the first course because it's my, I don't want to say this dish is my enemy. Um, but what is it? It's a gazpacho. Gaspacho is a lot like Amy to me, where it just like, it presents itself as something useful or enticing or peeking.

And it's just cold, cold, cold, wet soup. It's cold tomato soup. Yeah. Well, the, so we've talked about it before. The ceiling of gazpacho is maybe a five. But anyways, listen, Tim, Tim, Tim. Bachelor Joe. Josh?

I kept calling him. Oh, they called him Tim. Another indictment of Amy. Amy called Chef Josh, Tim. Whoa. listen to that rain it's so beautiful Amy is a rude person yeah that's a really really rude person

Hey Kaelin Can you look up matchmaker Amy on Instagram Yeah What are you trying to get into that? We'll see her post I want to see if she has a partner It's going to be a picture of her with a bunch of plants Very very sad woman

All right so Tim a.k. Josh, butts in to lay down some beef and lobster. And then we get to a white chocolate and basil ganache. White chocolate with basil ganache, inventive dessert, dare I'd say a powerful dessert. I thought it was a really, really, you know,

it was too good a dessert to come at the end of this never have I ever thing. But I got to say, I'm happy to see holes in Clown Boys game because he's been way too good. Well, you compared his last offering to Campbell's soup. Yeah, his last offer, and that's what I'm happy about, because I thought he was going to be way too good. But the last meal that he served looked like something you'd serve to inmates. So that's actually really reassuring.

What was he going to say? Are we, we're a little, it's the rain. And also, we're not Mariah Carey tonight. We're recording on a Monday. So that's, I think that's why we're a little long. I'm not off at all. Okay. Do you have anything from her Instagram account?

I mean, I have her Instagram account up, but I don't know. Do you see a partner anywhere? A lover. Oh, no. Definitely not. How many followers? $6,500. Oh, no, just $6,000.

Okay. Dylan, how does dessert fit in? Is this a real matchmaker or is this like somebody throwing a jewelry party and calling themselves a jeweler? I'm seeing a couple other posts of her on yachts. Oh, boy. Is that her partner? She's just a yacht witch.

Yeah, I'm... Message her and say you're a producer of a podcast and ask her if she'll come on. Come on, hit her up. I'm going to do it from a different Instagram account than I'm on right now, so maybe I'll do it later. Oh, okay. Where does dessert sit in modern cuisine?

I never ordered dessert after a meal. No, I mean I... I don't even want it on a yacht. Pass? No, dessert to me, Dessert is like, for some reason, I feel like I should always be walking when I'm eating dessert. Like, I don't know why.

I want it to be, I want to be moving while I'm eating it. I don't want to be, at the end of, we've been here too long. You know, in most restaurants, there's been, like, stories written about this. Like, most restaurants are just third partying it out. Like, they'll buy three different types of pies from third party vendors. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's no, like, chefs coming in to, like, be there to make desserts. Right.

There are a lot of dessert chefs, though. I mean, an upscale, Michelin Star, whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And did you message her? Say that you're from 60 minutes. She'll probably respond quicker. I didn't message her yet, but you did talk about some cat posts, and I just found one cat post.

Thank you. And it has a long caption attached to it. uh introducing my first animal family baby lingling a fighter and lover who taught me love perseverance and miracles it goes on for a long dylan how well do we know people i'm gonna need you to keep reading that uh okay uh thanks to uh the cat network uh whoever did that um i said she was single and she needed an animal to connect with because what i meant to say was she had a lizard brain I'm seeing a lot of cat posts.

I'm going to have to do some work. There's a couple cat posts on here. Okay. All right. She's a delight. We'll get to that way. I also meant to say her other best friend was a fucking bottle of chardonnay. Oh, yeah.

Oh, my God. Yeah. So Aisha and Kathy fall in love and Kizzy is seeing red. This is, and I think she's capable of like Emily Rose type horror, but she's currently confined to, you know, a working environment. So I don't think anybody's going to die. Nathan is getting sloppy. His buddy is on the boat.

And Sandy's like, these guys are just having fun now. Now, is this the next morning? I think so. Okay. No. All right. No, it's not. We've got two special dates tomorrow.

And this is where Amy the matchmaker wants him to make the decisions. Oh, at night, she goes, I need you to make a decision. He goes, well, I need some time to think. She goes, well, I'd like it now. Hey, Amy, fuck off. I need to sleep on it, okay? I know, Dill, but men, we, we know ourselves. We belabor over these things.

Sometimes we need a woman, a strong woman, to step in and say, now I need a decision. Well, Anna continues to shit on The Bachelor, but it doesn't matter to him because he has found love in Alicia. We get to the next day. Next day. And we find out the next morning. Oh, quick personal story. How long we've been going?

20 minutes. Okay. Um, I had a story of this. So, uh, probably like seven years ago, uh, we had like multiple couples going up to Napa. Uh, there's a, yeah, former work partner. We went up with him and a party bus. Yeah.

A party bus. One of my buddies, I got the invite to that. You did. Mm-hmm. One of my buddies took up a date. They were going to stay in a bedroom with each other at this Airbnb. Anyway, she wanted nothing to do with him. Yeah.

Which was very clear to all of us. So there were like six couples. We're all partying, going on wine tours, blah, blah, blah, blah. One thing that I noticed my observation was that she was taking selfies in beautiful Napa of herself with those beautiful views asking strangers to take pictures, not with my friend. Yeah. And they, they use men like stage hands, right? Just swap the background out for me, right?

I just need you to get me to a new environment. Good on them. I had, yeah, I didn't, I mean, what kind of fucking idiot? It's like, yeah, I'll take you to, do you want to check to make sure that she doesn't want to fucking kill you? Like, what is wrong with you? I, yeah, I thoroughly enjoyed that. All right. So next day. Next morning. I, I, below deck does this. And they explain this later, but I was confused at first.

Alicia, Joe goes to bed, the bachelor Joe goes to bed. And then Alicia, I think, beckons a sea rat to wake him up. Uh, yes. Okay. And she, uh, tells him that she's very interested. And that's where Anna, the Russian spy, listens from above while she's taken. No, this was, this was after they went to bed. Well, that's what I'm saying. It happened.

Uh, that's when she said, hey, can you wake him up? And then everyone was supposed to have gone to bed. And Anna's up on the upper deck listening to them talk down below. Uh-uh. Oh, is this where she slept with him? Yeah. Oh, okay. Sorry.

Uh, okay. you're on ozempic but you're you're just on one dose of ozempic i thought that happened the last episode are you on one dose of ozempic no i started doubling it did you really yeah okay and get in the comments just diagnose him because i don't know what's happening if if anybody can help us out just give him a diagnosis you know what it's going to be patty No. Okay, so Joe takes a 45-minute break, and the buddies are beginning to fissure. Now, no one is on deck, not a single soul is on the swim platform, and Sandy is rip-shit pissed off.

Now, Nathan's got a tough job because his buddy's there, his buddy's there. Um, Nathan was on fire tonight. But anyways, he did ask Joe, I think, to stay on the swim platform. He did. On that at five. Amy says we've got to eliminate, um, two of them and you need to do it. Once again, she is a, she is a demon. You know, I have to say this.

Uh, Merrily grew on me as the two episodes. Oh, the Brazilian. Yeah. Yeah. She really did. Now, Anna, she's, uh, she's someone who will probably marry a Russian oligarch or something. he'll be a disappointment to her and he'll make her disappear at some point.

Oh, yeah, she'll be poisoned. Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah. But, uh... She'll be poisoned and processed, and that's tragic. Because she's a, she's a young woman with a bad attitude, but that doesn't mean you should be poisoned in process. But that's what these Russian oligarchs do, you know?

Yeah. Yeah. It's so funny there, I follow this Instagram account of this guy that lives in Russia. British guy. I'm surprised he hasn't been killed you. But he walks around the streets and he just shits on Russia. And he's just like, yeah, literacy rates are at like 2% in this fucking God-forsaken country. And also, everybody is dying. Oh, the life expectancy for men in Russia is a decade younger than the rest of Europe.

And it's, you know why? Vodka. Literally, scientifically, it's vodka. They're killing themselves. They want to die. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, man.

You know how Jimmy Kimmel's music director died? Huh? Jimmy Kimmel's music director. Cleo. Cleo, that's right. Yeah, and the cleatones. Yeah. His liver shit out of it.

Yeah, yeah, it was a boozeback. I'll be covering that on PMC. Well, if you want to hear that, go to patreon.com. Cleo and the cleatones. I met the guy once. You know where I was? A watering hole? At a bar.

Yeah, if you want to hear that, go to patreon.com slash another podcast network. And if you want to eat healthy, go to factormeals.com slash bad TV 50 off. Pat, talk to me about Factor. Well, Factor is saved my marriage, my life, my, it's stabilized our family because my wife and I, we both have jobs. And we don't have time to make meals. So Factor delivers seven meals a week to our home. They're healthy.

They're low calorie. I do the vegetarian one. Yeah. And listen, you can also support your wellness goals. They have GLP1 sensitive offerings. Now that I'm on that. So if you're double dosing Zempi, your tummy is probably going to be a little sensy.

So these meals are perfect for you. There's more variety. There's more meals. You can choose for a wider selection of weekly meals. options, including premium seafood choices like salmon and shrimp at no extra cost, you know, if you're anywhere and they go, oh, you want the scalps? Oh, yeah, it's going to be more. Um, eat smart at factor meals.com slash bad TV 50 off and use code bad TV 50 off to get 50%

off your first box plus free breakfast. Get this free breakfast for an entire year. Seriously, it is a really good company. If you, uh, if you can try it out, maybe, give it a shot. Give it a shot. And help us out. Yeah. us out. Do it for a month or

two, a couple months, see how you like it. If it makes your life easier and it's delicious, then stick with it. That's code bad TV 50 off of factor meals.com for 50% off your first box. Plus, free breakfast for one year, get delicious ready to eat meals delivered with Factor. Offer only valid for new Factor customers with code and

qualifying auto-renewing. Subscription purchase. Our next sponsor is the best holiday gift. I think the world has ever seen. Yeah, Dill, when you throw to me after you start this ad read, I have lots of thoughts on this. You know what? I don't, it's not the best the world has ever seen because we've seen these kind of blankets before, but usually they've, they've been like reserved for royalty.

So like antiquity, like, oh, the Roman, you know, cats would have them and Egyptian people would have the Lola blankets. For very special people. But now it's been democratized. You too can have a Lola Blanket. Well, not my sister-in-law, Amy. No. Tell them about it, and then I'll set this up. Oh, Amy is a, oh, oh, set up more about Lola. Yeah, because I know a lot about Amy.

I can tell you all about Amy. Yeah, we've talked about my sister-in-law, Amy. Everyone hates her. Let's talk about Lola, okay? Because Lola is, it's just a, their special, special product. You can get 40% off your entire order at Lolablankton.com by using good, bad TV, at checkout, where you will experience the world's number one blanket with Lola blankets. Okay, it's the number one blanket crafted with ultra-soft, luxury, vegan, faux fur, and a

signature four-way stretch that sets it apart. It's one of those rare gifts that works for everybody, family, friends, hosts, even that person who's impossible to shop for, Amy. No, no, no, no, this is where I'm going with this. So we have multiple Lola blankets in the house. My sister-in-law, Amy, visited us. We didn't want her to come, but we couldn't not let her stay here. she's so cheap she wouldn't she'd sleep in a bus stop before she'd pay for a hotel yeah we'd let her stay

here she said i know can i have a blanket of course the onus is on you right that's right she is a family member even though no one likes her uh she said can i have a blanket i go uh yeah and i turn to my wife i said hide the lolas she's not good enough for this no no no and uh but if you're listening to this podcast you are go to lola blankets dot com and use code bad tv you will get 40% off. All right, back to the show. Oh, yeah. Where are we? Sandy meets up with Nathan.

Yes, she says, the bro shows over, dude. Yeah, she says, you're fucking up, bro. Yeah. Bro shows over, bro. And we bid the ladies a Jew. That is Maravella and Anna. And Anna. That's right.

So the sea rats, Asia is fucking the air. She's so happy. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Kermit. The Sea Rats find out that Joe and the Smokler. Smoke your cock. What?

That's her, I think that's her middle name. No. Is Smokler. Corkler. No, it's not. What are you doing? Are you doing like a grown-ups two bit right now? I've never seen that film.

Smokler cock. All right. Aisha. To demote or to not demote, that is the question. Now, here's my issue with Kermit on this. How about giving, I'm no fan of Kizzy? Give Kizzi a little heads up on this move here. Listen to that rain.

It's beautiful. No, Kizzy is Hellspawn. She does not, you know, Asia owes her nothing. If I were Asia, I would have come up with more stripes. innovate the stripe system. Go, Kizzi, you have two stripes. She has fucking 50 stripes. Or three.

But Nathan needs her help, Asia, because he has some tough stuff to deal with, okay? Well, he has to figure out how to balance friendships and work. Joe sucks, and he's his friend, right? And Joe's like, I like that he's deferential to Nathan at times, but he's also like, he's slacking off. I mean, he's trying to have sex with the Cuban.

And then you got Max, who is a lovable character. I've really, really grown to like Max. But, you know, we've got the swim platform problem. Yeah. So Max is down there. He radios up. I'm on the swim platform. Just want to let you know.

And then Nathan goes, great. Stay down there. He just leaves. Nathan goes, what are you doing? He goes, I had to pee. Well, you can, you got to stay on the fucking swim platform. So he's got a lot to deal with, okay? It's a tough put.

Anyways. Oh. Where the hell? Okay. This is where Kermit wafts her cooch. Yeah. Whoa. Can you smell my vet?

It's really wafty. And she says, She's been through the wolves, this one. That's what she sounds like. Yeah. She shouldn't have to quantify that her cooch doesn't really smell. Just leave it there. Woft it.

I love Aisha. She's so fucking funny. Yeah, I know. I'm over it. Then we learned that Kathy, We get a little C-Rat history from her. Yeah. She's a relationship person.

A serial monogamist. Ah, yes, yes. Because she likes to have someone to talk to. There's never been more than a three-month period between relationships. Uh-huh. And what do we call that a relationship person? Serial monogamous. Uh-huh.

In some circles, we call that codependent. Oh, well, there's... Or a love addict. Yeah, there's all that stuff. Or a sex addict. Well, maybe. But, yeah. When they're in the water, we call them sea rats.

Yeah, exactly. All of that stuff you mentioned is in the bitch's brew. I'm not calling her a bitch. You know, bitch's brew. It's like something. What is bitches brew? Is that just a song? Never heard of it.

You never heard of bitch's brew? Caitlin, can you like a bitch's brew really quickly? And Dylan, I'm sorry, Caitlin, I don't want to overwork you. Did you reach out to Matchmaker Amy yet? No, Pat. I'm camera switching. I'll do it later. Sorry, sorry, sorry.

Um, so she's a serial monogamous, and she's working on trying to say no to people. She doesn't see a future with, but she is about fun, which I don't, I don't know what that means. I think it's, well, that's the open door. What? The open door. To what? She likes relationships, but she likes to have fun. Uh-huh.

That means she's open to one-night stands. Right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. But Bitches Brew, anything on Bitches Brew? The first thing that came up was a studio album, so I hit Urban Dictionary after. Urban Dictionary has Bitches Brew as a nasty cocktail or cheap promotional beverage purchased by nightclub loving female. Oh, yikes. That has the effect of making them want to scratch each other's fucking eyes out.

Oh, okay. Thank you, Urban Dictionary. We can retire that website, right? Nobody's going there. I don't think. Yeah. I love old websites. Yeah.

So it's, I thought it was like older than that. It's like a Miles Davis. I thought it was like Celtic or something. Anyways, maybe the Celtics weren't calling people bitches. Well, the first thing that came up was it's a studio album by Miles Davis. By Miles Davis. You know, Miles Davis, they asked him on his deathbed what his favorite record was. And he said heroin?

No, I wish he said that. That was much cooler. He fucking said, what was U-2's third record? Guy, he said a YouTube record. He said a U-2 record. I couldn't believe it. Well, he was dying. And high, hopefully.

Yeah, yeah. So anyways, Josh. He thinks he's got a shot at Kizzy. It's really, it's a little tough to watch. It is. Yeah. It's watching Josh write poems for Kizzy and kind of March 4th.

forward bravely as though he's going to kiss her. It's a little bit like watching an ASPCA commercial, you know? You're just like, get it off. I think Josh has a shot with Blizzy if every other guy on the boat was uglier than him. I'm going to go a step further. They all perish tragically in a boat accident. and it's also the end of the world. Yeah.

By the way, Josh, we'd love to have you on the show to talk about your food. I think Josh is great. He's not a bad looking guy. No, he's not at all. He's not Kizzy's type. He's not the C-Rat type. No, no, no. So meanwhile, Ashley and Alicia, these are the two remaining bachelorettes for Bachelor Joe.

Yeah. Ashley asses Ases As Alicia If she kissed Joe Remember Alicia had slept in Joe's bed She says

Kissed him I tested for prostate cancer With my tongue you loser Can you That's like so Should we just leave it? Should we just leave it in? I just,

He's so much better than that I know, but you're a immediate go-to. Ugh. You're like a fucking drunk softball dad right now. That was a drunk softball dad. It's like, ugh, God. Why does your Gatorade smell like vodka? All right.

A bunch of meanwhile. Sea rats are fucking off still. Max and Joe are eating Cheerios, standing around. And Nathan flips out. and I have to say, I kind of like it. Oh, yeah. Now, it's way out of line, and it's a sign of managerial failing.

But I like it. He's really coming down on them. Here's the problem. It's because it's such a drastic change in management style, it doesn't work. No, no. That's when, like, So you work at a video store

And everybody's just stoned all the time And then, you know, your boss is like The owner of the store Right, right Says you gotta lay down the hammer Everyone's smoking weed all day, man I'm gonna fire you Yeah, yeah, yeah

And then you're like, I can't lose this job It's $8 an hour And I need the money So you start fucking hocking DVDs At people's heads And then they're like, What happened? I thought this place was chill.

Asia, our Chris Harrison Narrates our final dinner which is butternut, butternut angeloate. Anelote for the lavas. We've talked about this kind of pasta before. I don't like an autumnal gourd

in my pasta shapes. It's too sweet. It gets sweet. Also, I don't like pasta for any date that you might have sex afterwards. Kaelin, what is a gourd? Do you know what a...

Is that a... It's a zucchini. Okay, it is a thing, though, right? Okay. You don't have to look it up. Amy gets a burger. I'll give it to Amy. Job well done.

That's how you... Everyone after they feel like they've accomplished something. Like, you know, I bet like every Oscar winner that starved themselves for three weeks to fit into that suit or dress with the skinny face for all the pictures. Yeah. To be remembered, I bet they had to... a fucking in and out and eat four of them. Yeah. It's so funny, I think about Guillermo del Toro starving himself

before accepting an Academy Award. He doesn't, he's just big and fat. Yeah. So after that, he'd probably just keep eating. But I got to say, while Amy is a demon, you got to respect the Moxie. You got to respect the...

The hoax, you know, the con. She's fucking floating around Barcelona, not doing shit. They're eating butternut squash pasta, you know, having these awkward conversations. She's upstairs with a cheeseburger and French fries tucking into, I don't know, fucking Akitar or whatever she's doing up there, you know? She doesn't have. kids she's got a beautiful cat it sounds like ling ling i think she's doing great by the way uh

sorry to bring up burgers uh you know i'm not a big media apology accepted uh fat burger none of these smash burgers or any of that bullshit fat burger offers the best burger in all of los angeles none of this nonsense of all all these burgers out there yeah and it's already get into this hyper-regional burger talk but um the problem with fat burgers that every employee just got out of jail it's not that they just got out of jail it's that they just got out of jail and they're on methadone so it takes an hour and 15 minutes to hit your burger that's true it's like what it's go that guy's asleep his face is on the grill and he hasn't woken up it's crazy all right so meanwhile i i i went to one I will never go to again.

Yeah. Both, there were two employees, one working the cashier, the other one cooking a burger, and they were both high on meth. Yeah. I mean, real problem kids back there. Second course is beef with red wine,

Zhu, and broccoli. We get a creme brule to end things, I believe. Basic dinner, pasta first? No. not for me. Meanwhile. Meanwhile.

Kathy and Kizzy talk about Max. Kizzy, to her credit. She says you're going to be... Well, she says you're going to be... If Kathy really was like paying attention and saw the danger in front of her, she would have opened her ears a little bit more, but Kizzy goes, you know,

you're going to be off in the corner going, what the fuck happened while I'm making out with him? I promise you. So we get an appearance from Gail. What the fuck? Gaslight much? You want to give us a package here? I mean, my God.

Well, he calls. Yeah. He says I'm going to bed and that's the end of that. Joe kind of shoots himself in the foot. Alicia is really, like, feeling like not really good after what Joe does. Which, as we mentioned, is, you know, I really like to have sex with both of you. And it doesn't have to be at the same time. But I'm open to that.

Then he does the ultimate, I've been single too long. Oh, well, I'm going to, I'm going to go to bed. Uh-huh. See you in the morning. What are you doing? Yeah. Why would you do that? Fix this problem.

So, I love how they joke about him being a loser and having a small, small dick. And also going bald. Yeah, Ashley's like he's a fucking pussy and he's balding. All right, we get to the next day. Next day. Ashley heads out very quick. And then we have Joe and Alicia left. Luckily, he salvages Alicia.

She's a smart cookie, you know? I think that she really wants to, I think that she does have a connection to him. But this is a meal ticket. That's right. I think this is a meal ticket. He's not a crazy person. He's just boring, right?

Yeah. I could do this. I could do, I could literally do this. This is not the way you actually. meet a partner in which... Why do you say that? Well, the only way this works is if it's Al Pacino and then it's a 30-year-old girl that goes, put a baby in me, and then I will let you have sex on top of me.

Hoor! Oh, yeah! Because I want your money and live a nice life. But you're disgusting. You're wrinkly. You're gross. And again, you know, I think, you know, you mentioned Leo hitting a nice life. wall. I do find that Al Pacino has

hit a wall. Oh, you think so? Yeah, he looks a little bit like something you'd encounter in dungeons and dragons now. But that's not to take away from the body of work. Hurrah. Hurrah. Yeah.

All right, so... You have a great ass! All right. What, that's the... Is that the one from the one where he's blind all the time? No, no, no. That was... I forget that one. Heat.

No. Oh, that's from heat. He says that in heat. What's the one where he's blind? It was with Chris O'Donnell. Chris O'Donnell. And he's just such a dick. Hands of a woman.

Sense of a woman. That one looked boring. Have we? This is a nuts-so podcast. We've, okay. Max and Kizzy. He says, you know, I have to tell you something. The way you jumped on me this morning.

gave me an erection, an erection like this. And then, like he's a comic book character, he just grows his cock to a size that she is unbelievably impressed by. And proud to have created. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she should be. It's a simple delivery of blood, the dumbest part of a male, I'd say.

But, you know, credit where credits do, she yells to the ladies. I just gave Max a boner. And then she tells Joe. I just gave Max a boner, and he's got the biggest dick I've ever seen in my life. Whoa. The guest depart. And Asia is really bummed about the awkward hobble down the marina.

Well, that's because she has faith in love, Dylan. For her, love is total commitment. Living in a van, holding hands while simultaneously shitting in a five-gallon painter's bucket. I think they're doing better now. Oh, I bet they are. Not that they weren't doing good then. That was a choice. Right, right, right, right.

They're ruffians. They want to go out there and, you know, I can hold people at knife point and shit in buckets, you know, drive around. That's a choice. So, chart of four. Went pretty well, Sandy says. We welcome Kathy. And Aisha compliments her in front of the entire game.

drools over. Yes, and Kizzy is pissed off. Now, Sandy says she's extremely disappointed. In the bros. In the bros. But to show you how upset I am, tomorrow, day off, have fun. Goodness. She says, she says, I hope you come back, refreshed and ready to work. You imagine that? You're going to be drinking for 36 hours straight. 25K, 2,200 each. That's a good haul. Aisha has a little team meeting. She has solved the problem.

Two stripes for two ladies. Now, Kizzi is presenting well, and Aisha is really grateful. But on the inside, she is screaming, crying, and throwing up. More on that later episodes. Now, Kizzy and Kathy do a little face mask. They also zap their vaginas, which is crazy. Kizzy's ready to have fun with these three sexy deck boys, she says. Now, this is why it's a little bit tough

because there are four men on this vessel. And he is, you didn't even make the number. Yeah. So, yeah. In the eyes of an angel Now typically we hear that song We see sad dogs sitting in a cage Yeah

We do They're longing And it's tough You know I was watching a nature documentary And then showed these bears Scratch in their backs Like in the jungle book It was the cutest thing

And I saw The shot of their claws Just so long And razor sharp It put me into kind of like A Werner Herzog place And I was just like These things are killing machines

They will give you It's all right Sorry back to the show Oh yeah All right The vans I mean I just talked about How bears were killing machines

What the hell What the hell are we doing here But they really are Yeah Remember what they did To that crystal meth guy Yeah He thought they were his friend

yeah don't do meth ripped him limb and his friend yeah can you imagine when by the way i want to tell the kids out there i know a lot of kids listen in our below deck recap when a gigantic bear starts eating your friend in front of you run well there's a lot of things that you can do but what you and you can do this but it's not it's not that effective don't you yell, hey, knock it off. Stop it! Stop it, Willow! I mean, he's literally bit her femur and half.

Yeah. And he's talking to the bear like a seven-year-old who's picking up stuff at the grocery store. The last time a family sees a family heirloom should not be in a pile of bear shit. Like a watch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sad. Okay, let's get to the vans. Kermit tips off Max.

That's Lacey's... Is that Lacey's watch? I mean, he ate all of them. Well, probably not all. Bears aren't very efficient killers. They leave a lot of meat behind. They're sloppy. So, God, talk about Grizzly, rolling up to that scene.

Oh, I never thought where they came up with the name. Grizzly Well That's not why It's fitting though Because I mean they interview the sheriff And he's Alaska and he's an

It doesn't sound like this at all But he was like I can't even fucking sleep Just goddamn meat And bones all over the place And a watch Fucking Christ Appal shit

All right so we have to get out Into the evening Poor Josh He's writing poems he's not even, you know, on the podium. Anyways, van one and van two. Kermit tips off Max that Kizzi liked his massive meat bar. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Kit Kat. And then we have Kizzi versus Kathy in the other van. Both parties are talking about cock. Kizzy and Kathy are talking about Max's cock in front of Josh. And I got to say, he's handling this really well. I think he's a good dude. Laylo. You'll find your person.

So Joe lets V know, you know, I really like you. I'm going to give you a venereal disease, so I just want to let you know. All right, so this is at dinner. Joe tips off V. He says he's down to hit it, but he's not down to hit it and stick with it. And Vee seems cool with it. That's the thing. I think Joe is doing all this stuff.

And Joe's nice enough. We like Joe, but I think Joe is doing this like this conflicted Arthurian character. I think he's doing it to camera. He's not doing it for her. She's made it very clear, like, dude, I just want to have sex with somebody. Yeah. Like, it's not a big deal. My boyfriend was slayed violently underwater.

I'm not trying to, like, start anything serious. But he keeps doing this like, me amour. And, you know, it's like... Also, he wants to be liked, he wants to be a BravoCon and have a bunch of girls, like, fall over. Yeah, exactly. Okay, so... The boys go for a smoke. They go outside, and they almost chop Josh out of the frame entirely the entire time.

They're showing them. But Nathan is feeling. the stress of the job. We'll get to that later. Kathy and Kizzy have a chat. And this is where, you know, we may have two little gypsies on our hands because Kathy throws V under the bus. It was a Lord of the Flies moment. It was really, really gross stuff from Kathy. You think so? Yeah. I thought that they had a plan that they put together that Kizzy was going to make a play for Joe and step on V's heart. Right. And Kathy would plan to kiss Max. Yes. And then kizzy would co-sign on that it wasn't expressly stated that that was the plan it was more of a

suggestion and and crudely stated kathy says you know fuck her you know he's he doesn't care about her he she said this is where i think she's a bit of a gypsy she she says i he doesn't have intention in his eyes yeah only a only a fucking palm reader would know something like that you know can we get to the goddamn ball of snakes because it's a triumphant return to the ball of snakes. It really is. This is a very, very important cauldron, a very important froth. There really is no season that is complete without this bubbling solution of calm and regret. It begins... There's also water. Yes, yes, yes. The proceedings begin with chef Josh, whipping out his dog, which apparently was so small.

and un- Unimpressive. Unimpressive. Yeah. That it was meant with laughter. Well, I don't know that it was met with laughter. It was just this goofy, goofy, goofy clown, commune, hippie, serial murderer was just doing this thing.

And they thought it was really funny. I hope they weren't laughing at his tiny little dick. That's what I think they were. Yeah, it was unimpressive. It was like, can you imagine if it was 14 inches? Do you think it would be meant with laughter? I don't think so. No, no.

It would be meant with silence. Yeah. it would be met with silence here i am thinking that it would be met with horror this is not a scooby-doo cartoon if someone gets in a populated body of water with a 14-inch dick no one will say anything and then he lowers his body into the water and half the water is displaced out of the hot tub so he lowers it down it obviously will kind of bob its way up to the top because you know hours are constrained to us the laws of gravity are still in effect there's nothing wacky like that that can happen but this is all mood because he doesn't have right fair

fair enough he doesn't have 14 HP you know i saw one of those one time went to a korean spa and there was this guy that was laying on his back and his penis was on the floor now ask yourself how does that work it's so long and so big that it journeys over and onto the floor it's crazy can't imagine anyways thanks for listening everybody because he makes out with uh max yes i believe he initiated it we will go over that the game film well we had a to be continued card it was very exciting oh i thought the season would end there thanks for that all right get in the comments let us know we thought about the episode. What do you think about bears? What do you think about Amy? I don't like bears.

Thanks for listening. I'm Dylan saying goodbye. Pat, say goodbye. Later news. Jay left you. Thank you.