Another Below Deck Podcast - A Bruised Wrist and A Broken Heart | Below Deck Med S11 E14

Episode Date: September 8, 2026

Dylan and Pat are back to break down Jon Lovitz, cigarettes, sea cucumbers, lawyers, coughing, boy bands, depositions, desert, The Drama, Primate, Gary Coleman and more from Bravo's Below Deck Mediterranean PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/anotherpodcastnetwork  YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/@badtvpod  INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/badtvpodcast/?hl=en

So Joe and Kaylee have a really sweet moment. And once again, I want to bat away the cynicism, but I simply cannot. You can't. He has a track record. It's like, what if, okay, so let's, so a lion goes up to an Impala and goes, hey, I heard about your brother, I want to do something nice for you, pulls out a couple of glasses of wine, they toast, the Impala starts crying and they hug, right? What are we to think other than that lion is at some point going,

you to try to fuck that. Hello. Can we take it again? I don't want to. I thought that was pretty good. You think that's good? All right. Let's stick with it, man.

I freaking love it then, actually. Hello, and welcome to Bad. Can we take it again? People like realism. Hello, and welcome to Bad Television. I am Dylan. That is Patrick. Permission to come aboard.

I'm John Lovitz. Are you jealous? Uh, Kaelan is joining us as well. I love Pat's John Lovitz. I'm John Lovitz. Are you jealous? Okay, we have an episode of Below Deck to break down. Uh, what? A lot going on in the, uh, below deck world. I wanted to say, you know, for those watching, uh, online, Pat says that, uh, some of you

watch us like a movie. I, I, I remember you saying, uh, on YouTube. You said, you know, I know some of you watch us, like a movie on YouTube or something. And if you are, I apologize. I look like one of the offshoots of Wolverine right now. I look like a homeless person. And that's because I have not been able to go visit my Christian fundamentalist Barber in some time. Now, we broke down. Oh, I wanted to apologize for my look.

Okay. I don't even know how a part, a ripple in my chin can start growing horizontal. out of my neck. What it does, I'm disgusted by myself. I wish we weren't filming this show because I think I'm still good looking. But I'm reminded by clips that Kalin Pose that I'm disgusting.

You're absolutely not. Keeps me in check. You look very, very handsome. But if you want to hear any of the kind of, just the normal chatter from our lives, be it conversations with Christian fundamentalist barbers or the body dysmorphia of one Patrick Higgum, who has been on g lp ones for years at this point can't change how you feel in your brain i think you

look fantastic get in the comments juice patty up um and go to patreon dot com for ap s as well as double lives of mormon wives we just did a great episode with mary pain that will be up there uh and donate a little or a little bit more pat tell them how you can get five dollars oh uh let's see here oh okay um you can start a charity that you're going to donate to old people that are homeless. I love this. It's a unitary church. Yeah.

It's a run. We're doing a fun run for grows old people. Yes. So you go door to door, you knock, you go, hey, I'm sorry to bother you. They go, hey, I said no solicitors. You go, I totally get that, sir. Yeah. But we're raising money for elderly people that are, what did I say again?

Gross. They're disgusting. You look like I could run for you, sir. Can I have $5? Uh-huh. Something like that. We'll work out the kinks, but all you need to do is ask for a dollar and then hit five houses. And you've got your Patreon for the month.

So figure it out, $5. It's not a lot. But you get a lot. Oh, and by the way. But you get a lot. Oh, my God. I love that. I really, I don't want to go back to work, but we have to go back to work next week.

Dylan and I are going to start recording Real Housewives of Salt Lake City, which is going behind a paywall. Traders with the filthy yucky yucky normies or aka real people. Right. Maybe behind a paywall. Right? I don't know. We'll work that out. Anyway, so you need to sign up for Patreon at this point.

Yeah, big stuff coming. Let's get into below deck. We've got water, Jeff thriving. We've got a new person on the boat. Massey. We've got Jen, a lot of Jen stuff tonight. And trust us, we will not let come. Cooper off the hook. Pat, how many pots would you give this episode? Oh my goodness. Okay, thoughts,

thoughts, thoughts. Okay, messy. What a wonderful addition to this show. I love someone who treats a cigarette like it's just another finger. Um, it's always there except there's a smoke coming from it and it will darken you lungs and eventually kill you. Um, let's see. Oh, fingers do not do that. The, the cigarette that he's constantly holding though. That's what makes it so different than a finger. But he, it's in his hand so much, it's like an extra appendage.

Right. Love that guy. You know, he's a big smoker. Who? Producer Kalin. Really? Yep.

Two packs of American Spirit a day. And then it almost killed him. Yeah. You get any money out of that? That's, hey, it's okay,

we can break it down. Pulmonary ambulism. He sued the natives because, well, he did. He did. His counsel said,

these fucking savages have got so much casino money. That's his counsel. One and only, Mark Ergos. I'll tell you. He only represents the best. Okay. Potts. I am struggling how I will,

how I discuss Nathan throughout the rest of the season because it's hard not to color my commentary with what we know now. Yeah. Somebody commented, you know, it's obviously trauma from a childhood that caused him to choke the mother of his child out. And we should be able to. And put both his hands over her face and smother her. So she couldn't breathe. Allegedly or he's been found guilty at this point.

So there was a kind of a note for us to extend more empathy to domestic abusers. I can handle this. Yeah, go ahead. Fuck off. Right. Right. So we're cool with like, there are some new norms, right? And we're good with being, you know, empathetic more often than not.

But here's what Instagram should have, because I don't like censorship. But there should be an answer that you have to answer before you are allowed to comment on our page. Yeah. Are you insane? All right, right, right. Well, a lot of people will just say now. And that's the problem with that litmus test. You can get around it very quickly.

I'm happy that you're not a few. Futurist working on what these like security for these robots. Are you insane? You know, stuff like that. We have to get into the show. 14 knots. Okay. Kaelin, what'd you think?

Kidding, don't answer. I thought this was a great episode of TV. Jen continues to be, once again, very young. We're not going to judge too harshly. But it's hard not to. You can see the darkness in someone when they're a year old, right? I think this show is good for her personal growth. I think this show is going to be good for her.

I know that it's hard for people to, I couldn't imagine, being 22 years old and behaving like this and having, I don't know, a million people tell you that you're a horrible person. That's got to be pretty hard to hear. But I think you can only grow from that. And had she behaved this way for the rest of her life, I think this would have been a bad road to go down. Yeah, I'm just happy you called her a horrible person.

because when that first syllable came out, I was concerned. Can I be honest? Can I be vulnerable? I was concerned. That, huh. I have pneumonia. You do. You have walking pneumonia.

And the only reason you got it fixed, you would have died. wise. The only reason you got a fix is because people told me I sounded annoying. It was for the business. You can't record a podcast when you sound like you have fucking black lung. All right. So water Jeff is really thriving. I give it two pots. He is

Water Jeff is like a sea cucumber, right? When it's in the ocean, very, very smiley, very happy, very emotional about what their partners mean to them. When they're dry, all those white strands kind of shoot out And, and then, you know, high school is going, oh, it looks like calm, you know.

Do you remember sea cucumbers have actually played a role in this show before? Yes. And let's harken back. I believe we hold them up. Hey. Oh, remind me. You want to see my meat? Oh, Adrian, the chef.

Hey, are you down there? Do you like my meat? By the way, we, I believe he was a Bosen, Bosen Ben. He was on Instagram this week, kind of recapping all the horrible male figures that we've had on this series over the years. It was funny hearing it from him. Right. Seeing as he's a colossal douchebag. Are you talking about Ben?

He looks like one of the first men. The first. Oh, yes. He does have longer hair. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was a real snore fest, but he's a womanizing jerk. I think he's an indigenous Australian. which is pretty cool, but also still a kind of a dirt bag.

Yeah. I think that when, you know, we had that post about Asia and, you know, meant every word that we said, we love Asia so much. And then I think at one point we referred to Asia as being on every boat and she's worked with every captain. He actually got in the comments and said, actually, I've worked with more people than she has. And everyone was like, hey, do me a favor, Ben.

Shut the fuck up. Okay. Hey, hey, hey, hey, shut up. No one cares. Well, I was going to say Adrian got left out of that bunch, but a bunch of other people chimed in and had said that, oh, no, they cut a bunch of shit out of our season of this particular person being a scumback. Oh, because of Adrian.

Not just Adrian. It was a number of women. Uh-huh. Huh. Interesting. Yes. Well, sea cucumbers, dead sea cucumbers, who have spit their innards out, not good table decor.

We learned that season. So, um, uh, well, there's lots of meanwhiles. So we have, uh, cats feeling weird energy. She should. And then Joe and Coop catch up, uh, on, uh, they exchange information on Nate while he's out. It's going on with you and Nathan, man. Hmm. It's going all with you and Nathan.

And then we go pick up Massey. Um, um, is, yeah, whatever. Yeah. Massey, messy, whatever. Sure. He admits he, uh, he only has strength. stress coffee and cigarettes running. Yeah, so he's an interesting character.

He's a little bit like a hell spawn, it turns out. He does not have blood. No, no, no. Just stress, coffee, and cigarettes. He looks like a cigarette. He does. And he can't. Kind of smells.

Looks tired. I could see him hanging out of someone's mouth. Yeah, you could see him hanging out of someone's mouth. What, like a giant? Or is he small? No, like a cigarette. I know. I know he can't.

He's Italian. He smokes a lot. And he gets introduced to the gang. But the most important person for him to meet is Jen, who before his arrival was gyrating her ass in the kitchen, kind of imitating getting cracked from behind. And when she meets him, she is disgusted. Yeah. Well, she was hoping for her night and shining armor. But ultimately he's not our type because he doesn't read enough.

He's not well read. Oh, is that it? No. He looks like he smokes three cartons of cigarettes a day. Well, I don't think anybody smokes outside of Malaysian children. I don't think anybody smokes three cartons a day. That's way too many cigarettes. It's so crazy, though, that like, you know,

we've had a lot of people in the past get excited for new blood, right? and perhaps, you know, there have been women who have been excited about it, right? Some fresh meat. I don't think we've any, you know, seen many. And of course, it's not that big of a deal. We're just having a good time. But Jen kind of like going like, oh, like, can we like, hey, can we fucking cool it a little bit? My God.

I'd say the ages 22 to 28 for both sexes, we're ready to fuck. Forgive me. I know that sounded very crass. I'm not going to. Okay. Yeah. And so I remember being at the club. It's like a bar at 11 o'clock and you're like, do I go to Jack in the box and leave now and just call it a night?

Or do I stand at this bar with my buddies and make small talk and talk about football and hope that a group of girls walk through that door? Yeah. And then you see the bouncer talking to some girls and you're like, hold on. Holy shit. This could be the night of, oh my God, no. Right, right, right. And then you get a sourdough jack and a chicken pita and you throw up all over your legs and you fall asleep. But yeah, no, it's good to be horny.

What? Let's get to some love bird stuff. Luke texts some more with joy. Yich. And Cooper and Kat are really knocking it out of the park with their secrets. love. Nobody knows anything, okay, especially Jen. Now, we get to a meanwhile, Joy is very happy now that she's working with people that don't challenge her, and Jen's wrist hurts. Now, Jen's wrist hurting will be a kind of through line for this entire episode. A lot of, a lot of tension arise because of

this injury. The guests are happy, and Massey gets the run of the boat a little bit. Now, if you don't mind, could I back up for a second? A lot of horse shit in the beginning of this episode. That's what I'm saying. Meanwhile, the guests take turns jumping off that second level of the boat. Right. And I was thinking of that time, what if someone gets hurt? Do they sue themselves? Huh? Their personal injury attorneys, they sue everything.

So, like, oh, my ankle hurts. I think I broke it. Who's going to pay me? Right. Can I sue the ocean? Yeah. Fuck it. I think we can.

I don't know if I, if I was had a yacht and I found out that purported. personal injury attorneys wanted to come and vacation, I would say Homer Simpson's grandma or grandpa actually absolutely not. Turner coming out of here is what I would say to them. Absolutely not. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Do you understand that?

You can't trust in their scumbags. By the way, to your point, don't you remember we used to hate these bastards? Everyone hated lawyers. And now we kind of like them. I think it's because they're like, hey, I can help you. I'll sue someone for you. You know? They're like your friend.

Yeah. I mean, when we're living in the kind of late-stage capitalist nightmare, there is a certain reverence for those that come from... Are you shitting me? They'll fucking sue a fucking sushi joint that is owned by a mom and a pop. Yeah, no, no. I'm just saying that there's too much left brain in the world right now. Ah.

Okay. And Kaelin and I were talking about that the other week. Kailen was saying that there's not enough room. in our society for artistry and creativity. And Caitlin was talking about creativity being one of the most divine things that human beings are capable of. And it's, you know, starting a business while it's good, it's not. That's what you were saying that way.

I mean, I walked in on that combo. I was like, I think I'm just going to like go beat off or something. You guys get way too deep. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kailen was talking about how if you think about it, creative expression is the purest form of existence. Is that nothing else can do that? They can only destroy and kind of,

exist kind of tediously, but we can actually bring a dialogue with a collective unconscious to the four, and we're missing that. That's why we have so much reverence for lawyers. That's what you were talking about. Yeah, yeah. I'm glad you got it all. I remember it so well. Well, it really impacted me.

Yeah. And then it was weird that Pat went to beat off. Yeah. All right. So Cooper and Kat. Did I cough? Okay. I think you skipped over this.

When are the antibiotics done? Finished them today. Ugh. You got to get a net. The doctor told me I have an appointment on Wednesday. You got to get a netty pot or something. What's that? You have to do some therapeutics.

Okay. A nebulizer. Some kind of, I don't know. What do you call that shit where it smokes in your room? Essential oils or whatever. Shit like that. I think I'm going to talk to my doctor. Okay.

Fine. Okay. I think you gloss. over this still. Kay meets with joy. Tonight's theme is apocalyptic grunge. Didn't know Jeff was a big fan of

Allison Chains or something. Is that what this theme is? It's the apocalypse. Grunge. I don't know. It's the apocalypse. Well, I put grunge at the end of it. Is it apocalypse grunge?

Yeah. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah. High body count of the grunge era. Did you know this one? Katelyn, you're going to love this. Kirk O'Bain, Lane Saly, Allison Chains, Chris Cornell, Soundgarden. Andrew Wood, he's the original singer of Pearl Jam.

Scott Weiland, you know, obviously, what does that ban? Obviously. I forget. Anyway, and then Mark Lehham, Screaming Trees. Yeah, they're all dead. Yeah. Grunge era. Boy bands.

How's that body count going? None. They're all alive. No, no. It's a happy music. No, that's not true. That's not true. Well, LFO, they're all dead.

Right. And Aaron Carter. He wasn't a boy band. Kind of. Solo artist. Yeah, but his name's Aaron Carter. Yeah, as I take your point, but in the proximity, right? And then we've also got the, you know, that fella from...

1D who fell to his death in Argentina Well, that was an accident Um You know Kay Kay, Okay, what do you think of the

of the podcast so far? It's wonderful. Is it Liam? Get in the comments, let us know. Yeah, yeah, Dill, it was an accident. Can we talk about the show, please? Yeah, sure. You fucking body counts.

You say that like it was a good thing. It wasn't a good thing. We were so excited to talk about that. Awesome. All right. Cooper and Cat have chats with the rest of the Syrats about their secret love. Cooper tells Asia, he goes, listen, this is a secret. Nobody knows about this. I think he's got his legs on her, too.

So Nathan is really jacked up about the new deck hand. He's kissing his ass. He might even be sucking the ass. He might be sucking the ass. He's really, you know, he's sucking up to Massey. And the entire point of this is to get under Joe's skin. Yeah. I, Nathan is such a gross piece of shit.

Like, like the, the, the, the domestic abuse and the choking of the, the misses, uh, all alleged, but, uh, usually when you're on the lamb, it's a good indication that you probably, uh, uh, what is it? Probably the glove fits so you can't acquit. No, you don't acquit. Yeah. If the glove. He probably did it. Well, why would you leave town? just face the fucking music. Go in there and go, I didn't do it. Right. Right. If you didn't do it, go, she's lying.

I never fucking did it. Right. That's why it's a good indication that he probably did because he's on the lamp. Do you know why depositions are done? Well, you probably never bet him more. They sit the person down that you're suing or they're suing you. You face to face. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because it's hard for you to fucking sit in front of that person and lie your fucking ass off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They probably would have sat Gail there and go, did you put your fucking fingers over her mouth? Yeah. And him to go, uh, do, right.

You know, my favorite deposition is Roger Stone. Oh. That's my favorite one. Have you seen that one, Kay? No. Is he still with us? I think so.

Um, so we, but Nathan doing this immature nonsense shit, um, kind of brown nosing to a subordinate, right? What's more pathetic than that, right? You have the,

the, height of the power structure. Why are you coming down to kiss the feet of this, this person that's joining the boat as a deckhand? He's doing it to make his brother pissed off and show Joe that he is never going to be the lead deckhand. Just getting in the muck and the mire with all this shit. It's just so unbelievably pathetic.

And here's the most interesting part. They say there's two charters left. If you really do the math on how these shows work, we're talking about a week. Right. You can't fucking, I did a, I was going to say something that I shouldn't have said. I've worked with a person for a fucking year where I hated that person. Right, right, right.

And I still had the decorum to be able to be professional and get along with them for the sake of my duty, of my fulfillment of the job duties. The fulfillment of the job duties. Yeah. Right, right, right. Exactly. So we, and we'll get to the new schedule. that Nathan lays out, which is like, we've got a charter and a half left, so I'm going to have some new rules in terms of you're such a fucking gross human being. So we're rolling along through the rest of the work on the boat, and we get a video from Max.

It turns out that he saved his father. What? Or, and listen, like, we talked about it a lot when this was transpiring. We go, clearly, it's a bunch of people who have been trafficked into a call. call center that are trying to trick you that they have your father. It was odd to us that nobody with a working brain on the boat had told Max this is probably a scam. So it turns out it wasn't a scam. He went and he saved his father or this is what I think happened. He got there. It was a call center. They tried to hire him. They said, I can't believe you're here. And he got so embarrassed

that he went and he kidnapped an old man and he filmed a video and said, I just got to my Faso. The guy didn't talk in the video. They didn't seem like they ever knew. each other. Right. It looked like he was driving a goddamn golf cart. I have a theory. Yeah. I think Max got paid scale for being on like the third or fourth season. And he's like, why do I need to be here on this boat for like another two weeks? Fuck this. I'm out. He was there for a total of what? Three days. Yeah. He's pieced out. I think this was, this might have been fake. I think he faked it. How hard would that be? You get your full pay.

I mean, it's pretty elaborate to go find an old man that's not your father to film. Well, I would just go back home and get some old fuck in a golf cart and go like, hey, just act angry or something. I don't know. Get in the comments, let us know what you think happened. Let's get to laundry. Jen is really struggling because she feels like she's on an island on this boat. Cooper is one of the only people who really cares about her.

But there's one other person that she lists his caring. And that's Cooper's lover and her friend, Kat. So Jen decides, as any demonic entity would, to play with his nipples. Right? You know what I mean? Yeah. On a lighter note, can I take us back just a step? What is lighter than what I'm talking about?

Well, let's talk about carrot cake for a second. Yeah. Joy and Kermit discussed their love carrot cake. And they're like, wow, I never understood that a vegetable could be this awesome in a dessert. And could there be another vegetable that could be awesome in a dessert? What? Just fucking keep podcasting, man.

Zucchini. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, zucchini cakes. You've had zucchini cakes. Yeah. Okay. Have you had a zucchini cake? Oh, yeah, it's an East Coast thing with one inch of cream cheese on it. Cream cheese frosting.

Oh, yeah. It's wonderful. Beautiful dessert. You're a little pig when it comes. to sweets. You like nachos, but you really gut bust with the sweet stuff. That's when your walls fall down. Am I correct? Yeah. What's your favorite dessert? Cheesecake. Mom's the last time you had a cheesecake. Two years ago. Two years ago. Okay, what's your second favorite dessert? Ben and Jerry's fish food. When was the last time you had that? Five years ago. I don't believe any of this

dogwash. I think you were hanging from the ceiling last night eating fish food. Upside down like a bat. All right. So we get ready for the post-apocalyptic grunge dinner. Cooper tells Asia that she looks like Zendaya. I want to just do a white male hater really quickly. Don't get Zendaya.

It's very, very confusing to me. But I watched this movie, The Drama. I caught a piece of that last night. It was Bob Patterson. Yeah, so I put it on while I'm working like a couple of days ago. And the pacing of it, I was really, really interested in it. I was like, wow, there's something going on here. And then I put it on, and it just, it proves to be just one of the most horrifically

fucking boring, awful movies. And it reminded me a lot of the materialists. You know, the materialists. It was kind of in the same vein of kind of like a cosmopolitan youthful drama about unimportant things. So everybody go check out. The drama. Kalen, did you see it?

Great selling point. Do you think I did good? Oh, yeah. I'm going to watch the rest of it tonight. Get this. Zendaya and Robert Patton, they're going to get married, right? And they're hanging at a tasting with some friends. They decide while drinking macerated orange wine in New York.

Oh, fuck. Then they're going to say the worst thing that they've ever done. Okay. And a couple people say the worst thing they've ever done. And Zendai? To each other? No, just period in life. And Zendaya says when I was 15, I planned a school shooting, but I didn't do it.

And that causes Robert Pattinson and their whole friend circle to kind of flip upside down. And can he marry her. That's someone wrote that in a script. That's what the movie is about. Oh, wow. Okay. Yeah, it's pretty good. Get in the comments.

Let us know if you've seen it. Let's get to dinner. But before we do, let's talk about this. theme. What is this theme? Now, we don't want to present ourselves as can't be pleased kind of people because we always shit on the tired themes, the white party, the 80s night, stuff like that. But when we get to the grunge apocalypse, you know, when I think the apocalypse, I think first course sardines with the virus on them in the can. You know what I mean? That's why so many people don't want to live in the apocalypse.

I don't think noki. Warm yokey with truffle oil. I certainly don't think sea bass with squid and grizzotto. I think about carcasses that have kind of dry-aged on the side of the road.

That's what I think. But you can't serve that. So I think that Joy broke from team a little bit and for that reason I'd give it zero pots. I believe she had told Kurtz earlier in the guy, she said, fuck this shit. I'm not playing. Right.

At one point, Jeff cries. He begins to weep about how important his partner is to him. Fast forward one episode, and let's go ahead and quote Land Jeff, who said, shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up, all right, don't get drunk. You're annoying everybody. Shut up. Love.

Love. Okay. Jen's wrist still hurts, and Katta's getting very fed up. She's realizing that Jen sucks. Yeah. Yeah. It's a tricky thing. And we'll see this later on where Jen demonstrates the lack of mobility in the two wrists,

which is a little bit like a carnival trick where you go, look at this one and this one. It's like, wait, are we supposed to buy that? I mean, you're springing up off the ground. Oh, my God. It's working. Of a new piece of ass coming on the boat, but you cannot vacuum. Cat is getting fed up.

Okay. We get to the DJ who arrives. Kaylee's and Kaylee's brother, his anniversary is coming up. We love Kaylee. She is, this whole aspect of her life and the way that she handles it is a really, really beautiful thing to see. And every once in a while on these shows, you get some good human beings and they kind of crack through the nonsense of the show. And it's a sweet moment. The show is really, I was talking to a couple that I just met at a barbecue before I came here to record.

And they love Below Deck. And we were discussing why it's so good and why it's one of the best shows on Bravo. It truly is a character study or a slice of life where unlike the real housewives and unlike some other reality TV program where people are putting it on, you really do capture people acting like they It's very real. They're being real. Yeah.

And then you start to go like, wow, are there just good and bad people in the world? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a little bit like a, like, I don't know, the ghost of Christmas past is affording us this glimpse into society falling apart, right? Because what's happening is we bring runaways onto a boat. We film them. It is a perfect kind of.

cross-section of the ant farm and can really teach you a lot about how doomed we are. Because most of the ants, they go, hey, let's get along with those other ants. And then Jen fucks one of them. And then like, let's eat the other ants' heads.

Right. Yeah. So watch below deck, everybody. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Then everyone goes to bed. Just record the podcast. Can you stop?

What do you think you're a fucking producer here? Stop. cutting cutting cutting cutting I hate that you throw the vibe off do you understand that you know nothing about the post production of this podcast and that we've talked about his schedule and we've talked about what did I say that needs to be cut we're not talking about oh I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm I don't want to explain it we'll laugh about it afterwards okay but but can I ask you something calm down no tell talk to me as a human what is this move no no I don't want to talk about am I coughing no no no no

No, no, no. Okay, I'll tell you. Kaelin has a bit, he has to do the socials tonight. So I said in the room I'll kind of throw for some things that might be good for social. I'll make a hand move. Could you not have just said that earlier? Well, I didn't want to. Because one time you went like this, you go like this. And I'm like, all right.

Stop being. Are you asshole? All right. Let's go. All right. I didn't want to show people on the sausage. is made. Okay, that's what I'm told. I understand. I understand why you got upset. Okay. Jesus Christ. Nobody likes being on the outside of a secret.

Especially when there's just three people. Okay, prick. Okay. So the guests go down. Kay calls her sister. You already mentioned that. And then the po-po arrived. Yeah. I thought the po-po fucking pigs were going to arrive because Messy lied about his CV. Oh, sure. And he was actually an imposter. Oh, he's a domestic terrorist. Possibly. Yeah. And it's one of those things that's just a complete letdown because he was just to fuck it. They were just here because the noise was loud three hours ago. They were intense, though. They were Croatian nautical authority. And that's not something that you really want to fuck with. They go, very short captain. I don't even know what they sound like, but that's what they

sounded like to me. But don't the cameras. But on the cabinus. That's like what? That's scary. Bravo, don't, you have enough drama here. We don't need teases like this. Get out of here with that. Let's get to the next day. Next day. The last day of this charter, I really need to get to a night out.

It feels like we haven't had a night out in a while. We have the vacation where we went to the thing and people, but I just feel like we needed a night out. Joe has hatched a plan. Yes, he's up early and he asks the girls to help him with some supplies for Kaylee's Brothers' birthday memorial. Yes. Now, if you remember, Joe's not so good with his girlfriends in their grieving about loved ones.

No, no, no. Famously, we had a target of his love. Was attacked by a chimpanzee that had rabies, oddly, 300 feet underwater. Uh-huh. I think it was a sequel to a movie called Primate Under Deep Water. Did you see Primate? Well, you said that it was a sequel to Primate Underdomeyte. Under Deep Water, which sounds like a sequel already.

It was called Deeper. Sorry. Yeah, Deeper Part 2. Now, Primate was pretty good. Did you see that one? Okay. It was decent. Didn't stick the landing.

Beginning was good. You watched a movie called Primate? Mm-hmm. And the premises of primate going around killing people? Yeah, because it got rabies. Okay. This one is about underwater. Now, this one doesn't exist.

The one that you're saying? Not yet. Okay. Or are you alluding to it being a genre-breaking documentary? About. Yeah. About this. About Joe's ex.

We are getting so distracted tonight. But the crux of it is that, no, he does not treat grief all that well. And when we see Joe concocting this, I don't want to be cynical. I don't want to be that guy that goes. I know what you're going to say. But, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, But we have to be cynical. He's doing this to close some ass.

That's right. And it works flawlessly. Like a charm. Yeah. She falls for it. Hook, line, and... Penus. Poor.

Did you tell me that he was on watch what happens live? And he pointed out a bunch of girls that he's dated. Didn't refer to her by name. Refer to as the one in the top left. She's one I love. I like all the girls. I'm sorry. Okay, Liam.

I have one set of skills. What the fuck? Okay, so Joy is... Joy talking to herself in the galley is a special treat for this show. It's a nice little... A couple of moments throughout an episode. I just wanted to...

Because a lot of the times we don't cover the little, you know, the detail moments. You know, we like to stick with the broad guts of the show, but we do watch the television. program. So Massey, I like to cut of Massey's jib. He says it's very clear being on this boat for less than half an hour that Joe and Nathan fucking hate each other. And the trick to navigating this kind of conflict is to shut the fuck up about it and get to work, something that these two are not really capable of doing. So thank you, Massey, for being an adult. Kaley,

tells Jen Upon hearing another complaint of the wrist She says, why don't you wear your brace? And she says, Ah, no, it'll look funky. She goes, no, it's fine. Just wear your brace. If your wrist hurts, put your brace on.

And she says, I don't want people fussing about it. Oh, wait a second. Hang on, that's the opposite of what's true. You've been talking about it to everybody. It seems like you do want people fussing about it. Put the brace on. Okay, freak show.

The guest apart, and they tell Joy, God made you a chef. Okay. Give me a favor of personal injury attorney. Do not speak about the divine powers of this world, okay? You're a fucking rock creature, all right? God damn it. The tip.

Oh, it's going to say, when they do leave, this is when Joy, they cut to an OTF where she basically throws shade at the last charter cast, like thank God. I'm finally appreciated. Those assholes on the last chart. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Respect my cooking. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You wouldn't make him a cheeseburger after. Yeah, I don't think they were assholes. I think the only asshole was the guy that thought that he was Chase Infinity or something like that. So the tip is 26,000. Yeah. And there's a moment here that I was wondering if you picked up on. Joe looks at Massey and he goes, two grand for a day and a half of work, huh? Oh, that's right.

Yeah. And that's when I think Massey goes out, I'll take half or whatever. Did he say that? Yeah, he did. So I'll take half. Okay. Don't take half. Take all.

Okay. They weren't doing anything anyways. So Joe and Kaylee have a really sweet moment. And once again, I want to bat away the cynicism, but I simply cannot. You can't. Joe. He has a track record. Yeah.

It's like, what if, okay. So let's, so a lion goes up to an Impala and goes, hey, I heard about your brother, I want to do something nice for you, pulls out a couple of glasses of wine, they toast, the Impala starts crying and they hug, right? What are we to think other than that lion is at some point going to try to fuck that Impala? Very eloquent. Thank you. We just, we have to.

Nailed it. Nailed it. All right. So let's get out of here. We head out for a night out on the town. Yeah, the crew prepared to go out. And here's the other girls girlin up. And rather than join them, she approaches Coop, hugs him and shares that she's having a little difficulty connecting with the other girls.

And she, I wonder why. And meanwhile, Luke texts, and there's a surprise coming soon. This is my problem with Luke. Didn't you, like, self-exile yourself like four episodes ago? Why are you still on this show? Yeah, he said, I came on my boss's sheets, let it rot, and let it cross for three days. I got to go. It's too embarrassing.

Now, back to Jen and Cooper, I understand that Jen is the one being forward. Jen is the one that is openly trying to suck Cooper, fuck Cooper, do whatever she wants to Cooper. But Cooper is extremely open to the attention. And if the tequila hits the right way, an iron being stoked. It could happen. Okay, so I think what you're referring to is when they get on the boat that rides them over to the restaurant, Jen is really pouring it on their future in Florida where she could hook up with Coop. They do an OTF with Coopies goes no fucking way.

Yes, there is a way. You're a fuck boy. Right. And then we get to dinner with Coop and he begins peacocking with the sunglasses, his big chubby baby face. And then Jen's into it. And she says, you're a fuck boy. You look like a fuck boy, but I like fuck boys. Yeah.

Her words, not mine. Yeah. I like people that treat me like shit. which is, again, it's sad. And we all have growing up to do, especially when you're 22 years old. But she tells, she's turned up. She's pretty drunk. And she says, she refers to Cooper as big cock coop.

Massive cock coop. There is a silence that washes over the table that is reminiscent of an arrested development bit. Everyone is so alarmed and horrified by what she said that you could hear. hear a pin drop and you do you don't hear a pin drop but somebody goes oh Dill the only thing more unwanted than that remark was Luke's four-day-old dong dressing on Nate sheets right right yeah yeah um so Prick okay so um Cooper uh uh he said you know Oh, this is him trying to apologize to Kat.

Well, no, first, Jen's talking about how she has needs at the dinner table. We all have needs. It's like, okay, I'm trying to eat my overcooked beef. Okay, can you please just cool it a little bit? Now, Kat is really mad at Cooper. And this is where we're reminded that everyone on this show is a child. Because Kat goes to Cooper and she goes, I don't know why you didn't just completely berate her in front of everybody for doing that. catty well he's that's that's a tall a tall ask you should ask him to um not be a fuck boy um which is also

not a really reasonable thing to do because he is so he's a by the way he's not only not pushing against us he's absolutely welcoming oh for sure yeah he loves it uh so we head out for a night on the town and asia knocks the DJ's equipment down now the the issue here is that it renders the DJ unable to play music. The silver lining is that there is no one here. That's true. So it's going to be fine. He just plugs his computer right back in, but Aisha is ripping it up.

She'll fall asleep once again with a bowl of noodles by her head, which is a fucking magic trick. She must sleep like a dead person. Because how does that not fall off? I used to do that with beer, which one would argue is much more difficult. Much more difficult. And would you spell or no? Oh, yeah. Then I think I peed my pants.

Right, right. And you did, and you figured out there were two stains. They were really big and they weren't touching. So one was urine. One was beer. And then we'd get up and we bingey. Okay. All right.

So we get back to, well, Nathan breaks from everybody. He does. And he goes to see Gail. And Messi has eyes for joy. Now, it's not going to happen. But I like the fact that at least joy. has someone else that is suiting yes yes and uh i i listen we don't know anything about messy he could be i mean he really could be a part of a terrorist syndicate we don't know um but he seems

like a sweet guy now nathan walks into gale who's been taking care of the baby for um i don't know the last three days and uh she goes how you doing he goes i can't fucking stand that guy um I don't know how Gail didn't choke him out right here. I don't know how Gail isn't on the lamb for choking Nate unconscious because the fucking bullshit he brings in this house, I can't stand that guy. Hey, doesn't matter though, right? Let's look after the kid.

How do you fuck this up? Bravo is like we're rooting for you guys so much that we kind of want to build around this couple Yeah. Archety. And you're so mediocre, but she's so beautiful. She's like a Disney princess and you guys have a C-Rat baby and you're together. So let's film it.

Let's bring it into the world of this show. And then you choke your domestic partner out. Yes. But before that. Allegedly. Somehow. She was scared of Nate for you. You choked Gail out.

Anyways, go ahead. No, but I was going to say, but somehow even as we watch the footage here, He's not even being... No. He's awful. There is... You see this all the time where you see... Men and women do this,

but I think from our vantage, it's... We're more confused about how women... Um, allow themselves to be traded like shit because they're surprised and, you know, um, and it's confusing.

You know, you just have patterns in life where you make bad decisions. And we really hope that Gail, um, Um, he'll such a sweetheart. She's such a wonderful person. I hope that she figures it out. But you can just, just pick somebody better next time.

That was, that was bad. Those were very rambling. But, but I, I hope that made sense. No, I think it made sense.

Yeah. You hope. You know what I'm saying? When you say, there's a beautiful girl out there and she keeps picking losers all the time. You're like, what is happening in the universe here?

Happens more than, parents, just take care of your children. Okay, So, Jen, I was going to say Gen. Jen and Cooper dance. This is where Cooper, if Kat has already cried to you and expressed that she's uncomfortable with the way that Jen is treating you. Why would you do this?

Let's not dance at the club. Okay. We get a moment where Joe says to Kaylee, no sex before marriage, something that he does not mean at all. And Kaylee says, well, it's hard because my panties are so wet for you. My God. Okay, so Joe knows how to play the game. Yep. Yeah, he's, forgive me, I know this is a bit disgusting, but he's a cocksmith.

Yes. He understands the language. He understands how women work, and these are the most dangerous men out there. Beware. Run far and run fast. So, we head back to the boat. Joe and Kaylee connect on another sea rat level. Yes.

Sex. Yes. physical intimacy, the kind that, you know, you and I are close, but we have never shared that kind of bridge. No, no, no. But for $35,000 at patreon.com slash another podcast network, we will. Patrick and I, if someone will buy the flight of Phoenix tier. Dylan, don't you think based on inflation less, I don't know, we started the tier 10 years ago,

$35,000, I don't even think that will buy a Honda Civic at this point. You know, it's really funny you should mention that because the price that we've set for a filmed session of the two of us banging each other is a little bit like the minimum wage. It just hasn't gone up. And we really need to get with the times. At the time, in 2007, I believe that might have been a down payment on a townhouse. Right, right, right. Not anymore. All right.

Well, we're going to adjust it for inflation. I believe it is 3 something, 3% right now maybe. So let's call it 36,200. Okay, we're not doing it for a penny less. Okay, so next morning. Next morning, Kat sleeps on the Aftex. She cannot be around Jen. And, you know, it just breaks my heart because I had put forth this theory that

perhaps Joe was really upset with Kaylee because he didn't get to have sex with her. And nothing would become angrier than that. And I was fucking wrong. And we still love Kaylee. everybody makes mistakes and everybody gets horny, get horny, but, but I just, God, fuck, I'm pissed. All right, next morning. Next morning. Nate meets with his team.

Yes. And this was a very interesting maneuver. Yes. Essentially, Nate gives the new job duties in time, time jobs or how it times out. Yeah. He essentially vanquishes Joe into the voice. If I was Joe, I would go to Captain Sandy immediately and go, he's put he's just let it out go i can't fucking do it anymore well don't say i can't do it anymore

because you got another charter left but joe can go up to sandy and kill nathan because the way that nathan's behaving is so fucking inappropriate it's it not befitting of a leader and he could go up to captain sandy drop a dime tell her what he's doing and he would come back his bosen next season Dylan, you're falling into the trap too. No, let Nate do this to you. Let Sandy witness it. And go, why are you doing that, Nate? Why are you making him stay up all night?

And then she goes, Joe, Joe, did he tell you to do this? No, I think this calls for a dime dropping 100%. Nate sucks, man. He's one of my least favorite people we've had on the show in a while. Here's the other interesting thing about what Nate did. If he's working all night, he will have no interaction with his girlfriend and no camera time. Yeah. It's kind of fun.

It's diabolical. Oh, yeah. It's the way Gary Coleman treats the dude with the stapler. Oh, in office space. Yeah. Because there's two Gary Coleman's. One got thrown off a balcony by his red-headed girl. I'm talking about Gary Cole.

Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Remember his wife, Gary Coleman, the little guy from different strokes. the 911 call. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He fell off a balcony. He might have fallen down some stairs. Is he bleeding?

Yeah, he's on the floor. We'll go give him CPR. Well, I'm disgusting. It's disgusting, though. There's blood everywhere. I'm not doing that. That's gross. How far away are you guys, though?

An hour? You didn't kill him, did you? What? What are you talking about? Are you crazy? I think you just hear Gary Coleman screams in the background. It's so sad. Okay, so we get to Jen and Kat having a chat.

I loved it. Kat, we are on our feet. Shial above applause. Kat reads, serves, whatever you want to say, she dismantles Jen. Right. By the way, Jen, be careful what you ask. Hey, are we cool? No.

Actually, no, you're a fucking, you're a fucking, you're a, you're a, you're a, fucking horrible person, actually. Oh, there's that, there's that H again. And I'm glad to tell you this, finally. You hit on the guy that I liked, even though we're not together. You're a fucking lazy, a bad, a, bad, blah, a, A lazy, bad person. Yeah, lazy do nothing be.

Yeah, yeah. And I don't like you, and I don't want to be around you. Yeah. I actually don't believe that your wrist is injured because I saw you giving a handjob to a homeless guy in the back of the club and your wrist seemed fine. Maybe cut it. Okay. Let's get to the

Preference shade Mainey is coming aboard. They are missing a friend so they're going to be bringing along a blowup doll in her honor. You'll recall last episode or two episodes ago, Joe was kind of in a Hulkomania steroid rage

banging away at various different inanimate objects, one of them being a blow up doll so we get to see that again. And we have a person coming on the vessel named Michelle who only eats carbohydrates. She's a carbivore. Yes, she's a carbivore. Now, we finish the preference sheet meeting

and then remember that Luke thing where he said, you got to surprise it. Yeah, special delivery. Yeah. Flowers arrive. Mm-hmm. And I think it's, I believe it's Jen that sees the flower delivery

guy and she greets the flower. She said, oh my God, there's a vase here. Flowers arrived. Jen is the one to hold the vase. Ironically, with the same hand that she shallacked Luke's wang with on that faithful morning. Yes. By the way, if her dad is watching this, I'm speaking of Jen's dad, you've canceled cable TV,

right? Because, right? Hey, Gary. Oh, yeah. Sorry, your little girl on a below. deck the other night. Oh, I can't. We cut the cord finally. We're watching, uh, Samsung's got a new great, uh, documentary series on Jesus. So you've been watching that. Oh, well, you should watch this. Uh, your daughter is, uh, really making a fool of herself. Um, no, it's sad, but the flowers

come for joy and not for Jen, because here's the difference between Joy and Jen. Um, Joy is, uh, uh, chef and Jen is, that's not the difference I wanted to talk about. Uh, Jen, Jen, let me go, the difference is that Joy hasn't made Luke nut and Jen has multiple times. So the flowers go to the one that hasn't. I want to say right now, I think those are the only differences.

Right, right. Because they both still like this idiot. Right. Not the only differences. Not the only, but right now. Yeah. Get in the comments. Let us know what you thought of this

absolutely loony episode of Fed TV. Follow Kailen at Long Beach Street Art And we'll see you next week Join us to Patreon Pat told you how you could get $5 go and do that And reminder that is starting a fun run

For a bunch of gross old people And going door to door To get funding dollar to time Patreon.com slash another podcast network We'll see you next week I'm Dylan saying goodbye Pat say goodbye Later guys!

Caelin. Yeah.