Another Below Deck Podcast - A Change is Needed | The Valley S3 E13

Episode Date: June 29, 2026

Dylan, Ruby and Pat are back to break down goeduck, love, drinking, orange Ice, having holes in your walls, bringing Jax back and more from Bravo's The Valley.PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/anotherpodcastnetwork  YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/@badtvpod  INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/badtvpodcast/?hl=en

Look at a gooey duck and look at Tom Swartz in that ridiculous white blow. He looks like a fucking gooey duck. The kind of gooey ducks, you stick your hand in the sand and you pull out of the sand. That's what it looks like. I just saw a whole thing on it on bizarre foods. Okay, so gooey ducks are the shellfish that have that cock sticking out. He looks like a gigantic cock. Wow.

Hey, Kaelin. That isn't nice. Gouie duck. Hey, alone, welcome to Bad TV. I'm Dylan, that's Pat. Great to be here. Hey, and Ruby's here also.

Hi, Del. Hi, Pat. How are you? We're all talking fast because we're talking about the Valley, and we want to do a very good job breaking this show down. But we joke that it's the worst show on Bravo,

and it is the worst show on Bravo. But tonight, I went into a bit of an existential place, a bit of a nihilistic place. You didn't like it. like Swartzapalooza? What I don't like is, so this show has to, the show does a very good job spreading out its screen time amongst the cast. However rueful we are, we feel about that practice, they do a good job of kind of buckshotting it around the cast. Tonight what happened was there were

moments that didn't need to involve Zach or Jasmine in any way, shape, or form, and they both start screaming and making it about themselves. And it's like, my God, you are some of the worst people we've ever seen on reality television. If a scene is not about you, getting your ass frozen off or going to play fucking putt pot or hosting a party in your goddamn zombie apartment, don't be on camera. Tonight was a lot of Zach. I know it's his birthday, but fuck, I give it zero values.

It was everyone's birthday. Kind of. What's the raining? Oh, zero rotten hill. Oh, and this is bad hosting. Patreon.com slash another podcast network for In the city. Another show about people that have babies or don't have babies yet,

but they're all in a group of friends living in a city. In the city. We have a rating system for that. Go over there. I think it's locked in. Ruby, did you listen to the episode? Of you guys? Of in the city?

Of course, Dylan. Okay. Do you have any thoughts on what the rating system should be? Unwanted children? No, I don't. Why unwanted children? Because I do think Lindsay is very happy to be a mom. I think she's really bummed that she's not doing it with a partner. And I think every other person on this show, their worst nightmare is becoming a parent 100%. Okay. All right. Well, we're going to go with Sylvanier. I thought we were kicking around ovulation apps. No, we're not doing ovulation apps. We're doing Silvaniers. There was a lot of submissions that I still need to go through.

We're still workshopping it, Dylan. Took a while to get to slam pigs for Rhode Island. You know what I mean? It took the entire season. We didn't get there. And also, I do think that Silvaneers is a good place to start and end. Silvaners is great because what kind of fucking lunatic would call it that, right? So go to Patreon.com slash another podcast.

Oh, in Orange County's just around the corner. Really? Yeah, we're going to jump in right after Rhode Island. That's what we start picking up with that. Oh, wow. I'm so excited. So we got to decide if we replace Rhode Island with Orange County. Or does that go on the free feed?

So we've got to figure that out. Probably the free feed. We'll probably have to do something else. Yeah, I know. I'm so disappointed. They only added one new cast member. All the rest are Meatball, Emily. Do you feel the same way that I feel about this episode that Zach and Jasmine?

It was mainly one scene. they interjected. I hate Zach so much, that goddamn blockhead, thinking that he is a top of the call sheet. And it's just, it's a, it's a vomit inducing. But I'm done talking. Why don't you guys go ahead and give your schneefs? Okay. Um, you know what? I just like this show, uh, because it's, uh, it's, I relate to it in many ways and good or bad. And so I'm having a good time. Again, we finally realized that Bravo is actually catering television programming to us. We can't just watch a bunch of hot 21-year-olds work at a bar anymore and relate to that. We relate to people having miserable lives.

14 bumps. Ruby? Okay. If I were anywhere near this hotel room, the only thing I could think about was they are clearly, staying at a nicer resort in a foreign country where people go to vacation. Their decibels every time they were together or 85% too high, I would have complained to this hotel and said, if you don't refund my entire stay, I will go back and I will plant

bedbugs everywhere. You can't say that you're going to do that. You got to just do it. Yeah, that's true. Because then they'll know all the bedbugs. I think it's a person that said that. They were going to put back and bugs all over the place. You're right.

And it's definitely a crime. Yeah, it's a big, big crime. So maybe just empty threat. Don't tell them what it is. And then hope for the refund because Zach yelling, Jasmine yelling. I agree, Dylan. Not about you. Everyone was too drunk.

I loved Brittany laying down. Sorry for the crime in one room. It's so much crime. And yelling from another because she was, she was also bored with this show. She said, I don't need to do my job anymore. I can't be bothered. Brittany, we are all you laying down 11. sorry crimes.

She's just laying down in the other room. She just yells out. Stop talking about me, Zach. I'm sorry to take over Ruby's bumps. Do you think Brittany feels like this is her show and it's being taken away from her? Like, because Zach is not getting in line. Imagine him being her servant or a little gay bitch

for 15 years. And now he's saying no to her. Right. Where she is now? Yeah. Zach, get over here. No, Brittany. I don't think I want to.

And she's like, No. I think it's also happening while she's Mommy Makeover ring. So like she's finding her Sporkel again and he's also thinking he's number one on call sheet and they're not parallel anymore.

No. I'm seeing the divide happening. And she's extremely tired. I think she's thinking I need to get Jacks back here to get these motherfuckers in line. Baby, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Jack You compared me to tree stunk I don't like you But you're better than this guy I had a loan $40 I don't like you talking about how my skin looks like Treebark but we got to take this gay down We should stop

And get Probably To the show Okay So This is what happens Things are really crazy We're debating whether or not

we're going to fall asleep or play a traditional. Let's play a game. It's a traditional bum game called Pizza Box. Now, when you're a bum, you don't have a lot. You don't have a Mahjong set. You don't have a chess board. So you take cardboard boxes and you play whatever fucking horseshit Janet's cooking up. What is this pizza box game?

What is this? I don't know. I'm going to say, I mean this. Yeah. I would rather be in jail drinking wine made out of piss than be at Swartzapalooza in this fucking hotel. I don't think you mean that. I do. I would rather get stabbed with a weapon made out of a fucking stale fig Newton, which I've heard can happen in prison than be at this fucking fucking fucking fun.

Can you fact check that? Can you turn a stale fig Newton into a weapon? Just ask Gemini or Claude or something. It was either that or a Cheeto. Cheeto is way too brittle. I think after a certain amount of time of Fig Newton, you may be able to... I can't believe in being fact-checked on this. What do you mean?

You said I've heard people have used fake Newton's as weapons in prison. You can't get fact-checked on hearsay. What? I think that Pat would not want to be in prison for one moment ever. He's too pretty and his ankles are too thin. Yeah. The second they take a look at your ankles, what are you going to do? I'm going to say you can't have my hole.

I will fight to the death. Buddy. They're taking it. They're taking it. Speaking of holes, can we talk about cock holding and the definition that they were trying to get to here?

Absolutely. But first, Kaelin, can you turn a Fig Newton into a weapon? I'm not seeing anything about it. Probably can't, right? It's zero percent on that fact check. Okay, so let's talk about

Danny and Lala chat. Well, Danny is not going to let Janet Corral a bunch of people to play her board game. She's trying to explain how she drives by the Samin Camp, and this game looks really fun, but he won't let her break the rules down. So he's putting his thumb in the air and stuff like that, and he's talking to Lala.

And she goes, what is your problem? What is going on? sit down and talk to me. And I got to say, this is the way to snuff out the couple. Go to Danny when he's got a couple of pops in him and start turning him into a dreidel that Nia has to stop spinning. That's the way to take them down. Interesting. Divide and conquer? Is that? It's not so divide and conquer. It's make Nia work hard. If you're just going one or on one with Nia, she'll, she'll, she'll, just snuff it and move on and pageant you. But if she's got the little drunk to take care of, that's, that's hard work.

So I think you're kind of, uh, jumping into what Jesse was pointing out with Lala, which is, yes, he correctly points out she's strategic in her fighting. Yes. Which is very, sorry, I'm going to take us on a little, uh, side journey here. My friend was, uh, are you talking about a side quest, uh, little side quest, uh, yeah. My friend was on a reality show in 2009 where it was chubby girls. Oh. Yeah, it was like The Bachelor, but with Chubby Girls.

I'm sorry, don't hate me. That was the premise of the show. No, I don't hate you. What was it called? Dylan, Kaelan, look up like chubby, chubby girls on a reality show for The Bachelor. It was called like Chubby for Love. Yeah, Kailen, type that in. No, it will show up.

2009. Chubby Girls reality show like The Bachelor. No, no, no. Anyway, it was like 12 girls in a house. It's called More to Love. That's right, more to love. Okay. And so I asked her about it.

And what do you think of that title? I mean, it's certainly not what you said it was, which was chubby for love. It's actually more to love. Okay. Which more. Right. Right. Okay.

So she said they would start filming at two in the morning. Uh-huh. And they'd sleep deprive them. And they'd, something about their periods, too. Like they'd, no, no, no. She'd say like they'd all start getting in line with their periods. Like they knew that they'd be upset and distressed. And then they'd just keep feeding them booze and red bowls.

And it just they get them in a state. Anyway, my point is, Lala's been doing TV for. a very long time and she's sober so she knows the exact time to strike yes and she's getting danny she's got a little corleone in her like that um so she um she does this thing where she goes up to danny who is browning out at this point he's had so many orange icies that he's uh almost unable to remember any of the events of that evening and she goes hey danny what what's going on with the social media posts. I know that you're upset at her,

but she's upset at you because you've been liking posts saying that she likes to dress up like a clown and eat guys out in front of her husband. Well, that was one of his social media liking habits. But the one that she really zeroed in on was his, he liked posts about Jason watching Janet get plugged by BBC, which is the true definition of cuck holding. It's not being disparaged in a mean way in the bedroom.

cock holding. Them pretending that they did not know what this was was one of the most enraging parts of this whole facade. You're an angry little elf. You know exactly what we're talking about. Right. And also, and again, you know what you made me do this week, Danny and Nia? I'm going to lay my soul. I'm going to fall on the sword for Janet.

I'm going to because at this point, this entire thing. is like when she was popping off at that little table in her matching pajamas while Lala was trying to take her selfies and also just just spin the dreidel. I was like, she's right. She was like, I get fucking blamed for everything. And this motherfucker gets to do whatever he wants and nobody cares. And Danny was like, yeah, I liked it. Yeah, sure I did. Well, that was what was so interesting because there was this there was this Jekyll and Hyde thing going on or maybe a spy versus spy.

You know spy versus spy? Mm-mm. You know a spy versus spy? I do. Oh, Pat. Oh. I know what cock holding is. Okay.

Well, so Danny goes, you know, you, like it's up to Danny. She goes, you like a post saying that, you know, Jason's a cock. He goes, I'm sucking. What are you talking about? And then they bring up the post. He goes, yeah, I like that.

What the fuck? What are you talking about? Of course I like that. I had PTSD from what she did. Of course I liked that. Janet says, if I did this, you guys would have, it would be World War III. And Nia sitting behind the spinning dradle, angry little elf, says, no, I wouldn't care. We wouldn't care at all.

I wouldn't care. Well, that's the thing. The best part of, I love when Nia gets ruthless, when she gets a little hill dog, she just looks at Janet. Janet goes, so I'm the one that's being crucified for this. and I tried to mention that he was doing this to people and nobody cares. And she goes, correct. And it just turns around. I still love Nia.

By the way, this is when we get real street with Lala because she ain't from Lola. Both of them get. And it's very, very important to remember white people, white. Don't mess with me, don't. What do you do in squaring up to me right now? Don't square up to me. And then the voiceover actor goes, you're the one that's squared up to me, homie. Guys, you live in Santa Clarita.

Okay. Stop it. Now. So this, this is when Zach gets emo wasted. And he insinuates he's so fucking drunk and so fucking nonsensical that he's not, he can't even convey the point that he's trying to make. make. He's saying that there are conversations that are tough that nobody wants to have. And this wrench, this Donkey Kong wheelbarrel gets thrown into the middle of all of this. And Zach tries to elevate the level of discourse here by talking about there's a pecking order

that that's why people are upset. They perceive Nia and Danny to be at the top of this heap and everyone wants to tear them down. But he's so drunk and dumb and emotional that he just starts screaming and then makes it about him the entire thing devolves into chaos. Well, it does. And then, of course, I believe this is when Jasmine jumps up and starts screaming at him. Oh, my God. And then Zach and Benji, they storm out of the room and Swartz follows. And I have to say, all I could think of when I was looking at Swartz is he's got one fucking gig. And it's this show. And he didn't want to hit the gym. Instead, he wanted to look like a fucking gooey duck. Look at him.

He should be ashamed of himself. Okay. He doesn't have to pretend like he runs restaurants anymore. Right. Because they went out of business. Do you know what a gooey duck is? Oh, yes, I do. Look at a gooey duck and look at Tom Swartz in that ridiculous white blouse he was wearing

with his big fat double chin face and that stupid haircut. He looks like a fucking gooey duck. The kind of gooey ducks, you stick your hand in the sand and you pull out of the sand. That's what it looks like. I just saw a whole thing on it on bizarre foods. Okay, so gooey ducks are the, the shellfish that have that cock sticking out. He looks like a gigantic cock.

Wow. That is it nice. Goody duck. It's interesting that his girlfriend is like 13 years younger than him and seems to be, I guess, into gooey ducks. Now, do you want an AI description or do you want me to tell you what I'm looking at here? Just flip the thing around. Go ahead.

and give us the, uh, yeah, I don't know. Well, I wanted to see it pulled out of the ground, but, uh,

yeah, I did, it's, uh, it looks like Tom. You're saying, you're saying that he looks like that, like a giant cop.

Look at the brown on the top. That's his haircut. Okay. And then that big white bloated part is, can't see this, but just, yeah, just look up Goody Duck and then,

um, um, DM us if you'll know exactly what we mean. Yeah, exactly. So, um, Zach goes,

I have, Problems with Danny too. Hey, today's episode is brought to you by Loomy. I love Loomy. I need more Loomie. Me too. Luckily for us, we don't have to pay for it because we can get it for free.

Samples, yeah. But I have paid for Loomie before because I love Loomie so much that I was like, I don't want to bother them. I'm just going to get more. That's how much I love this product. I remember that email. I was uncomfortable. Well, when you run out and you go, all right, I don't want to pay for it again.

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Get me back home, not with Loom. I was on a gummy the other week. I thought I was on Jupiter. If you try Plumberry Runtz, just one five milligram gummy a hour before bed that indica

will send you right to Dreamsville. Okay. Loomy Gummies are available nationwide. Go to loomigmies.com. No, excuse me, Lummigmies.com, that's L-U-M-I-Gummies.com, and use code bad TV for 30% off your order.

Again, that's L-U-M-I-Gumies.com, code bad TV. Lummigmies.com, code bad TV. Thank you. Loomy for sponsoring the show. And they go, well, then say it. And he goes, no.

And then he gets up and leaves. And, um, Zach says it's not fair that I have to get in the middle of every situation. So self-important. Here's the thing. Your head is giant. Physically, literally, and metaphorically. I want. you so far away from this show.

If Zach was recast and Jasmine was recast by two people who had a little bit more going on upstairs and who knew these people could get into the mix, this show would be so much better. Zach and Jasmine are fucking, they're black holes. I can't stand them. When I worked for a startup, whenever people would get hired that we knew weren't going to work out because we had this ridiculous CEO who was on drugs, we'd call them, impulse hires. And then you were stuck with them for at least a month because that's what the contract

would be. These two idiots were impulse hires and now we're stuck with them. It's so crazy. God, I can't stand him. All right. So we get back to the room and thank God, Brittany and Janet pincor them a little bit. Jesse gets wrapped up in it and his dumb war games start to come to the four.

The war games that he's been working on. for weeks. And it's important to remember that Jesse, you know, I'm throwing around the word dumb too much, which is a dumb thing to do. But Jesse is probably the dumbest person on this cast. He's gotten a little soft, too. I think he, the first two seasons, he was a little bit, his game was a little bit more on point. I think he'd understood what his character was. He was like the villain. He was going to be a dick. Now he's a little soft. Well, he's going, he's, he's, he's calling these meetings at bars in the valley and he goes, all right,

this is what we're going to do. We have the insight that we need to take down Brittany. Okay. It was all there. It was all their plot the whole time to take out Nia and Danny and we're going to unearth it. Then it gets unearthed and Brittany's like, what the fuck are you talking about?

I fucking hate Jacks. He said, I mean, I wasn't even talking to Jacks. I wouldn't even talking to Jacks. And it's just, completely diffused. All of the fucking McAvelian planning is nonsense. What Brittany should have said is you've met Jacks. Jacks is on Coke and he talks. She essentially did say that. Ruby,

you haven't spoken for a little bit. Thoughts. I was just going to say the the first two seasons that we saw Jesse, I genuinely think that Jesse was like, I have to play a role. People will give me business. I will sell their homes. I will carve myself out of this debt. And I will not be a rent or any longer. That didn't work. Now we're seeing his car get declined. We're seeing moments of beauty where an vindication for Michelle where he has to now spin his wheels like you're saying to do something else. And after months of being left alone, this is what he came up with. Instantly thwarted, horrible plan. Dumb is not a bad descriptor for the man I don't think at this time. Okay.

All right. Yeah. Brittany, though, is just like, I, I texted you, Danny. And I was like, hey, after you said this, I didn't have anything to do with that. You know that he was throwing me into rose bushes. We all saw that. Alex Boskin was included. So it wasn't me.

And Danny said, yeah, no kidding. I didn't fucking answer, you dumb fat tree trunk, bitch. Because I thought, but you did do it. Okay. Right. Right. Well, we wrap things up at this room. Yeah.

Danny and Nia leave and of course have a fight in their room, which is that's the interesting part of all of this is you kind of win when you create a little drama with this stuff. If you're going after Danny and Nia, although you don't get to see the fruits of your labor because you've caused so much drama that now you're destroying their marriage. And this is what I hate about Danny. He's such a, Nia is, I mean, listen,

I think ultimately they're perfect. for one another. I just don't like the, I don't like this sloppy traditionalism applied to. I don't think he's good enough for that. Not that any husband is good enough to treat your wife like that, but Nia didn't, she said in the room,

Danny, just listen to her. She's asking you questions. That's it. And they get in the hallway and he's like, the fuck was that. Hey, what the fuck?

man. Danny, shut the fuck up. Go have another white claw. Leave her alone. She defends you like it is her job. Because it is her job. She's like his life coach like on on site. If you did not have her slither and mind powers, you would both be detonated on this show. Okay. She's the only thing keeping you back. So Zach comes back into the room, starts screaming again. About what? No one can, I cannot tell me. There is nothing.

That's not talking about me. Hi man, if you shut the fuck up by me. I didn't say anything about you, Brittany. I mean, it's crazy how bad the show is. But now it is Zach's birthday. So let's celebrate that.

Let's please, please at this moment, I'm going anything but Zach. We wake up. No, I'm not going to eat that. cold pizza. Any, just get me away from this guy, please. And we zap to Kristen and postpartum depression. I go, you know what? I'll fucking take it. Ruby, go ahead. Right before we got to that golden,

amazing moment of true deep in the trenches depression with a newborn. Right. The best, the highlight of the day. Yeah. Knowing that the first thing that happened to him on his birthday was taking a bite of cold shrimp tasting pizza, I said that's what you deserve. After making me for 11 minutes, listen to you, that's, That's what you deserve. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I hope he listens. I really do. Not a fan.

Not a fan. You want to talk about postpartum depression? Well, I was just going to break down the game film of this morning. Yeah, go for it. I'm going to teach a class called Patty helps dudes with wives that are having postpartum depression. Yes. All right. So the next morning, Luke and Kristen have a heart to heart.

And she tells them, I don't want you to feel like I hate you and everything about you. And all that you do is wrong. Yeah. this is patty's uh class to teach dudes yeah before we get to patty's class to teach dudes about uh when their wives have postpartum about about how when their wives have postpartum and how to behave okay so full title well it's it's i'm working working on it yeah yeah there is a no better coupling who has been in the trenches of two children, exquisitely, I might say.

Pat is very wise in this department. And Luke, who is one of the worst I've ever seen, a true perfect pupil for Patty teaches husbands how to know if their wife has postpartum depression and how to handle it. Ruby, go ahead. Quick question for Pat just before he tells us how to do that. Yeah. How old Pat were you when you had your first baby? 44.

It's, I'm not, and I'm not, I'm only saying that from a point of observation. I forget that they have this 10 year age difference, I think. Luke is 34 and I believe Kristen is 43 or 44 or something. No excuse, obviously stop talking about fishing for, I'd say until she's 18 at this point because you've been such a wench about it. But it's really, I wonder if when you get into, and Dylan and C.C. are losers in an exception to every rule. But like when you get into your 40s, maybe there's this thing that shifts of an understanding. But I think a lot of people in their 30s think that like you had a baby.

The baby was born a few months ago. Get fucking normal again. Right. What is the problem? You know? And those people shouldn't be killed necessarily. But it's difficult to communicate truly to those men that it's not happening. It's amazing, though.

You've got to be pretty daft or thick, too. because you might have that kind of, okay, this is, we had a good day. I think we can kind of get back to going a universal city walk. If you're that, you know, you like going a universal city walk. After you like have a couple more months, you go, oh, no, this is, this is actually going to be this hard for a while. It's not going to change much. You know how they say men's brains aren't fully developed until they're 26? I actually think it's way longer.

I think it's like well into their mid-30s. 82. Sorry. Oh, wow. Jesus. But I also think I have a theory just based on. I was just where we're always growing. Sure. Yeah. We're always learning. Right. I also think men are at their worst where they are fully grown and then are their biggest time in their lives where they're pigs. And I've seen it, experienced it at 35. Yeah. It's crazy because you come out like 35 is like I would say you're really,

truly in adulthood. Like we turn into an adult when we're 18, but you have your 20s. And then your early 30s, you're still kind of trying. You're still like, I'm still young. Once you get into the middle of the third decade, it's like really, really, really adulthood. And I feel like you, a lot of guys don't have, we're just turning 35. You don't have any wisdom whatsoever.

There's no wisdom, especially in somebody like Luke, this guy, you know what? I'm going to, this is a very long nonsense. I feel like Zach right now. Now go ahead and you need to give Luke some advice. Okay, but let me zero to just jump in on what I think a point that you may have been trying to make. Yeah. 35. You've kind of figured it out.

You may have your place where you actually feel secure financially. And now there's girls in their 20s that are actually attracted to you. And then there's also women in their 40s that are attracted to you. So you're getting a little attention. You have a job. Maybe you own something at this point. It's a little Patty sandwich. And that's right.

Yeah. And this is where I think a lot of the cheating for men happen if they're already married. I just think 35 is move for men. Well, and I just think, dodgy. Yeah, you're still a little young. You're not quite wise. You're having children.

You're also a dumb ass. It's hard. But Luke just loves fishing. Okay. So Luke, I'm glad you came to the class today. Yeah. This is called that,

well, this is Patty. Welcome to the class, gentlemen. You're lucky you didn't sign up for that, uh, lesbian that teaches the same class. She's up in Laurel Canyon.

This is Patty's class. I'm going to teach you the real shit here. All right, this is how it's going to go. It's going to be very brief because I know you guys can't. You guys don't pay attention long. All right, this is how it's going to go. Your wife, she carried a human the size of a watermelon in her body for like nine months. You guys remember that?

All right. Well, then she passed it through her Cucci Manucci. That was painful. You guys didn't have to do that. You felt pain before. Okay, cool. For that reason and many others, shut the fuck up. Okay?

Tolerate her bullshit. and we all know there's going to be a lot of it. Even when she acts like a fucking lunatic and she's going to for probably two years, she's got to act fucking crazy, okay? We all know how that is. All right. Okay. All right.

Cool. All right. Get the fuck out of here. And my Venmo is Patty makes money and it's 200 each. It's Aquap 5,000. But for a moment, I'd like to apologize to the listeners for that because that was an insight into a safe space. between men. Now, unfortunately, it was broadcasted to a 99% female audience. So that's the tragedy of what took place there. But you're right, that lesbian has no fucking idea what she's talking about.

And I think collectively, Kaelan included, we can all acknowledge, I have no children, you all have children. If men had to get pregnant, the human race would be extinct. Yeah, maybe, for sure. Possibly. Right? For sure. Right. There's a reason why naked and afraid, 90% of the people that get through there are female. Yeah. Thank you, Pat. Thank you so much. How about alone winners?

Women. Yeah. A lot of it, though, because their body composition is small, so we have to eat our boogers because we're so skinny. Yeah. Because we're so cute and like we can dress so cutly and stuff. Yeah. We fail for those types of reasons.

But you're stronger than us for sure. But like mentally, could you have children? No, you're too selfish. and you wouldn't suffer the pain. And I've never had one and I don't want to necessarily. But I think men would let us go extinct before you guys would carry babies, right? Yeah, I mean, it doesn't sound ideal to me. And where would it come out of my butt?

It's not even sanitary. Let's do, no, let's actually let's do the bud. I'll save your pain. And even then, oof, what a tear it could be. The next 30 years, they'll find a way to do it. What are you talking about? we'll see. I think it'll be robots.

Are you on Kalshi? Can you place a wager? I bet in the next 30 to 50 years, they'll find a way where men can actually have a baby in their belly. And then the person who unveils that will get shot in the head. Very possible. No. What the fuck is this guy doing?

That's my like Alan Dulles. Are you from Louisiana? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. I think we've gotten off topic. Okay. Okay. So.

It's Zach's birthday, Dylan, and he's refreshed and justified. Yeah. Michelle is jumping rope. Now, it's important to remember that the B-Man said that she was a fat pig. That's why I couldn't be with her, even though she has an unbelievable body and works out constantly. We've seen her working out on multiple. Go on. Well, he was just saying that her body wasn't.

good enough for him and that he wanted to. He also kicked her and her fucking daughter out of his house. To make more room for what? Bees. That's right. He needed roommates. He has 50,000 of them. Magical, sacred geometrizers.

God, I love bees. Not the mean ones, right? I don't love a yellow jacket, but a honeybee, you kidding me? Like the cutest bugs ever. All right. So we get to a place where there are no fish. This is my favorite. What are you doing standing in the shores of a heavily trafficked resort,

throwing a lure out 10 feet in front of you. You backwoods deliverance moron from Colorado. This guy, oh my God, he's a two by four. he spends the entire episode too every time someone brings it up he's like no they were too far out well if we had been later there when tight is higher it would be he tries to justify the lack of fish caught when in reality as dylan has already mentioned you are at a highly trafficked i believe a mexican resort uh you're going to hook a small child from canada before a fish yeah the marlins you can't see them zach that was a boat there are no fish here where you can't to eat it. What was he hoping took place during this time? It's so crazy. It's so crazy. He was just trying to meditate and get away. But Danny comes up to him. He goes, hey, man, what's up? Did you catch anything? Oh, no. Hey, it doesn't matter, man. Listen to me. Hey, that lying bitch Lola is a real problem. Should we kill her?

What the fuck? What is she doing down? Oh, she's walking. Yeah, what's up dog? Heard you were plotting my murder. That ain't cool. homie. I don't fucking play that shit. They go, all right, well, listen. I didn't appreciate all the stuff last night. And Danny then talks about the post-traumatic stress disorder that he has. I don't mind our father, you know, full well. Mm-hmm.

He was a Vietnam War veteran. Saw a lot of grisly stuff. Okay. I don't mind people making light about PTSD. I had an Italian BMT from Subway the other day. I got PTSD from it. There was so much mayonnaise. It wasn't even hot.

It was warm. I immediately had to go to the bathroom. I had PTSD. That's fine. if you're Danny and you're kind of half legitimately using it, that's when I've got a big problem with it. Because it's like, let's not do that. Because people actually get amnesia and ruin their lives about it.

Right? Little drunk. So shut the fuck up. Let me tell you what he's engaging in. He has now learned that victimhood, whether it be legitimate or not, has value. Or it can be used as a very strong defense. It doesn't, though.

I agree. I'm just saying the little guy is throwing everything at the wall. You can't come after it. Once you bring therapy into the equation, your mental illness has been so legitimized that you are a protected class. Not to us. Not to us. On TV, you're supposed to be a protected class. Right.

And to us, what he is is an abusive, assaulting, angry little elf who is also a drunk. And I have to say, he's made me cheer for Janet with pom-poms and a cheerleading outfit that matches. Now, I'm not there because two things can be true at once. They're both still awful. Now, Danny goes, listen, man, this is all Janet's fault, okay? Well, did Janet smack somebody on the ass and say, go get Daddy a drink? No, Janet didn't do that. But she definitely did, you know, amp up the volume on that. And you guys had moved on. she uh janet's evil but uh it's not all her fault well all right well let me put an olive ranch out there maybe i shouldn't like that post about jason liking to eat guys asses thank you okay still thinking about that uh that boys class

we don't know we should leave that in no i'm kidding we'll leave it in we'll leave in the part where pat tells a bunch of guys that women are going to be fucking lunatics for two years. hilarious. All right. Let's get to Janet. She's still upset about last night. Question.

Who gives this shit? Mm-hmm. Oh, no, Jasmine. Was it Janet? No, it doesn't matter because what you said applies to both.

Right. I, okay, so Brittany. It was Jasmine. It was Jasmine. That's why my notes are, who gives a shit? Can I say, I'm done?

This show. I'm done watching this show. That's why. All right. So, Brittany heads down. And she goes up to Zach and everybody's hanging out on them. At the cabanas. At the cabanas. She goes, hey, you really mean last night. My balls aren't even clear. And you really tear it into me. And he goes, you know what? You're right. I'm so sorry. I was way too loud. But he makes a. commitment that he's going to talk to Danny about his drinking, even though he already had that conversation. And what was that conversation like again? It was like, hey, ball brother, people have been saying that you're a drunk and I think they're fucking pieces of shit. So dab me up and let's go

have another orange icy. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, it was kind of like that. All right. So in the vans. We head to the bar. Michelle's tits are out and Nia is going to go, shopping with the gang. So we get on the bus ride. Janet and Nia really go after it. And it's really lovely to see because Jesse brings up why Danny got pissed off the night before. And this kind of, I was really grateful for Jesse for Jesse in this moment, for Lala and Michelle at the lunch table. Enough dancing around this. Let's either get over it and find something new to each other about or kill each other over this. This is what we want. I mean, right? Right. Totally. That's why everybody loved bad girls club because someone hit someone over the head

with a toaster every episode. And then they were running through people's bedrooms, clashing pans and pots together saying, if y'all don't get no sleep because of me, Natalie Nunn was, people were pouring butter into people's egg whites. That's what we want. Thank you for showing up to work today. Right. You know what I loved about Bad Girls Club is there was a winner. Yeah, it was the first amazing race.

It really was. Okay, so we head down to the bar, Michelle's Tits are out. We get in the bus and Janet goes full blown. I'm not apologizing for your husband being a sexual assactor. Now, this argument is. on for such a long time, and we've apologized and taken apologies back, that it's started to pick up its own gravitational pull, but it's not a little over it. This is, all right, when you're over it, that means you're over the person doing it. So I hate Janet. I hate it.

She needs another storyline. Why can you hate Janet and not me yet? Janet is the one that is like, I'm sorry that I was flippant about it. Your husband slapped the ass of a woman. woman, that's wrong. If he hadn't done that, we wouldn't be here. And somehow, Nia is like, Janet, we're here because of your words. Are we though? Or is it because your husband's actually a drunk who slaps asses of multiple women? Well, we're here because we're here because it, Danny's, uh, continuing to be a drunk and it continues to be a storyline. I think the ass smacking was two seasons ago. And Danny just attended Jasmine and Melissa's wedding. So apparently it's not that bad. Yeah, but the problem with Janet is that Janet does not strike me as somebody who

would really give a shit about sexual assault one way or another. I mean, legitimately, she couldn't care less if somebody got sexually assaulted. It's just that her enemy was the one that had sexually assaulted someone. So she, Joan of Arc the entire thing. And you can see that from a thousand miles away. She's, uh, but, but she's taking down an enemy of my enemy is my friend. So it's fine. Danny heads down and gets flamed for hiding booze. They go. The other night, you said all you drank were those orange ice things that we got. But Joaquin, what's his name?

Benji. Benji. Benji. Or Benji. Benji. Caitlin, can you look up if Stephen Miller threw Benji out of the country yet? I don't know how he'd look that up. I want him gone.

So Benji told Zach that actually Danny has. had been drinking that night and that he had lied about the entire thing. And when we bring it up, we actually do get this moment of like, okay, finally Danny can say it. Yes, I've been lying about it because I don't want to fucking get shit for it. But I am not going to not drink. He said he had P, uh, P, what is it? PTSD. Yes.

And Zach thanks him for his apology. Uh, for, for what? I mean, why do you have to apologize to Zach? Right? I hate that I have to get in the middle of everything. You don't. All right. So let's get back to shopping and lunch.

The last time Tom was in Mexico, he had anal fissures. And for some reason, Jesse was doing colonics on a monthly. Now, at a search. Permichel. But Jesse kind of agreed. And at a certain. point you just have to admit that you think it feels good. By the way, can we all just admit that Michelle and Jesse actually have a very friendly

relationship? I love them. I love how they hate each other. I love how they get past their hatred and razz each other. Rooms, go ahead. I think that Lacey is going to be the best thing that ever happened to them. I'm serious. I think she's given them the ability to.

Michelle is just like, you are fucking poor. I've been saying it for a while. Go be ridiculous. and Lacey just for some reason is tolerating him. I think they're going to, Isabella, I hope, will actually have okay co-parents. I think she will. I think she will.

He's got to work on that debt, though. And we get to that debt because things really ramp up. We try to have a conversation. And I think that this show has a massive problem with the casting. And we're, I'm saying it. We're saying it. What?

Oh, I've been saying that with the casting. Really? That's a problem. Ruby, how long I've been bitching about the casting? At least like 1.25 seasons. What do you not like about the casting? It's been poorly done. Well, this is the real issue with it.

Because Janet pulls up a door. When we try to pin her down and we have this moment where Nia and her can really argue with one another, Janet can't, the, Janet's stuck in this place where she wants to go to the full heel, full villain. but she's too big of a pussy to do it. She just melts down and starts crying whenever she's pressed. So we can't have that. But the real problem, I think, is that there's a lot of uninteresting, boring people.

But Nia and Danny seem to actually be the kind of co-chairs of this show. And I think that when they are operating from a place of shut it down, that's not good. because there's a lot of top-down stuff that comes from them. So they have this kind of like tactical Shannon Bador approach to the drama. Then you have Janet who's just going to run away from the drama. Then you have Zach who's just, it's just the balance is completely fucked. But hold on.

This is why I hate Janet and Ruby. You have to admit this, please. Janet texts Brittany and the other people that are at the other bar and makes it sound like the other group. Danny and Nia are making it out to be like they're talking behind their backs. Janet. Are they not? They're not at the table.

And Kristen is literally saying Britney and Zach are the ones that are hot messes. They should stop drinking. They said we all get drunk. But Kristen was the one. Kristen, Brittany's best friend Kristen, was the one that said Britney needs to apologize, not Danny. Kristen, what is what is going on? This is where I say they coach her because there's this this whole flank of people who are just walk like little ducklings behind Nia and Danny.

It's crazy. Ruby, Ruby, you will stay. I will stand behind Janet who has said, sorry that I said sexual assault, my bad. Your husband is a drunk who slapped the ass of a woman. Uh-oh. What are you going to do? somehow I'm at fault for that. This is crazy.

Wow. I like that we're taking different sides here. Well, I'm not really taking a side. I hate everyone. Agreed. Can I just preface also? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're all monsters.

Like, I don't like Janet. Pat, who are your least? Your husband? It's hard. Everyone. Ruby's freezing in an inopportune time. Who are your least three favorite people? Oh, my God.

Oh, all right. This is crazy. I think Brittany's my least. unlikable just because she does the least damage. So she's your number one most liked. Yes. Got it. She's mine too, I think.

And then Melissa, because she's not on the show, but she's not really a full cast member. Who do you not like? It's so, uh, Zach. Zach, I probably hate the most because he's just so annoying. Right. And he's so self-important. I hate Swartz. He fucking hate Schwartz.

And then I, you know, again, And then it goes, it bounces around for number, that three spot. Yeah. It could be Danny on any week. It could be Luke. And then it could be Janet. Yeah. And it could be Jason.

Okay. You know. Ruby, who are, who are your three most hated? Zach, Jasmine. Mm. And I don't hate them. They just like, I'm annoyed by them. I don't really, my top one hated goes back and forth.

Sometimes it's, it's Danny. Sometimes it's this week. It was Nia. Sometimes it's Janet. Yeah. That slot is. kind of interchangeable. Right.

Right. Right. Right. Well, you know, we should say they've, they got to work on this. They really got to retool this cast, see what they could do with this show. I don't know that it's up. Remember, we don't want likable people though, Dylan. No, of course not.

We just want entertaining unlikable people. Right. If Jacks is sober for two years, like quote, I'm putting quotes around the sobriety. Can we bring him back? No. No. Okay. If Jacks is sober for.

sober for three weeks, we can bring him back. Get in the comments. Let us know what you think. We love you guys very much. I'm Dylan saying goodbye, Pat. Say goodbye. Bye. Ruby. Bye-bye.