Another Below Deck Podcast - A Classic Social Experiment | Winter House S2 E1

Episode Date: October 25, 2023

Pat and Dylan are back to break down rizz, talking to snowmen, spitting in mouths, grey areas, making women feel like prey and how that's not conducive to sleeping with them, beans and more from Bravo's Winter House.Ad Free and Uncensored at Patreon.com/AnotherPodcastNetworkYoutube at https://www.youtube.com/@anotherbelowdeckpodcast_Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/badtvpodcast/Facebook Group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/anotherbachelorpodcast/

Can you believe they got engaged and didn't tell me? I'm a snowman. Ma'am, ma'am. I'm not alive. Ma'am, I said, do you want pinto or black? Sorry, no beans. There's a lot of stuff on TV, but not all of it's good. In fact, a lot of it's good Gin cracked A lot of it's bad

TV Burr. I don't know how to do it. Yeah, like that. It's cold now. Oh my gosh, is it cold in here? It's time for... You know, this is... I don't know how to do this because it's such a hybrid

of another Blood Duck podcast and bad TV. It's Winterhouse flooded with sea rats um i'm dylan saddled up next to one patrick hickey great to be here it's so cold and i am so cold and so happy to be here talking to you about the new season of winter house uh what a nightmare Frankenstein monster we have before us. I agree with you, Dylan. Who the fuck are these people? There's a person named Casey

from nothing. Well, Dylan, that's actually how this show used to operate is we'd have a known cast member, you know, of course, drive up to the Winterhouse or the Suburb House or whatever with someone in their car that we need to get to know really fast because, drive up to the winter house or the summer house or whatever with someone in their car

that we need to get to know really fast because they're going to be joining us for whatever season. Right. And why? Why do we need to get? Are you really asking me to get to know the girl who owns the flower shop? Now, she turned out to be pretty cool,

but kind of useless for television. But anyways, we're going into the past. We got PSAs to take care of. We're excited. The rating system is going to be snowballs. I love it. Okay. If I may take the honors. Okay. So I don't know where you're hearing this because it's in two feeds. So don't get confused by that. We did that intentionally. It's on the Another Below Deck podcast feed. It's on the Bad TV podcast feed because generally we would cover Winter House or summer house on bad TV. But since as Dylan pointed out, it has so many goddamn sea rats on it.

We have to consider it a below deck property as well. So that just to clear up any confusion on that, uh, we're going to have a really good time. And for any new listeners on the below deck feed that have never watched summer house or winter house, you don't need to know any of the history. None of that matters. No.

I'll just point it out. The beloved show Seinfeld was known as the show about nothing. Yeah. But I disagree with that because it was about four people with mental disorders that found things that annoy them and America kind of connected with it. Seinfeld was Jerry's brief

stint on celebrity poker. Right, right, right. The point I was making, though, Dylan, is that Winterhouse is actually a show about nothing. Yeah. So you can just join it, join along for the ride. It's about people living with each other for two weeks in a winter house and having sex with one another.

That's it. Yeah. That is all of it. Oh, well, don't forget the games oh right games they'll be doing that uh and this season so yeah everybody put up the number of people they fucked and we'll guess if there are going to be a lot of games there'll be three at least three games at night uh the same game of Never Have I Ever. Themed dinners.

Costume parties. Right, right, right. Tonight, we're going to be Roman Legionnaires. What's that? I don't know, says Corey. Oh, should we start getting into our snowballs? Patreon.com if you want to hear this ad-free. Patreon.com if you want to hear another podcast show.

It's a show where me and Pat Gavin Goof. We're going to have Papaya Dog Girl on. Oh, my gosh. Bearing the lead. Big announcement. Papaya Dog Girl, my sister, Ruby Wren, will be joining us for this entire season of winter house she will be missing tonight's episode because she is sick we went pretty hard in new york we went pretty hard in virginia so ruby

um ruby's diet is absolutely disgusting i mean she eats like a fucking raccoon i mean she had like five biscuits in one day i think she i mean she's rail thin i don't know how she does it but but between the gun shooting and the bologna sandwiches and the biscuits, it just hit her a little bit hard. So she's missing out on this episode, but she will be with us the entire season.

She'll be joining us on Patreon to break down more New York stuff. We saw Hannah Berner's boyfriend at the Comedy Cellar that we have to break down that set. That'll be on another podcast show. That'll be at patreon.com slash another podcast network.

So great stuff. iTunes, reviews, YouTubes, all that stuff. Instagram, whatever. Fuck it. Do it. Hit it. Okay. Here's my snowballs.

Let me first start off by casting because we have quite a hodgepodge of Bravo talent. And I use that word talent loosely. We have the usual suspects. We have Kyle, Corey, Amanda, and of course, Schwartz from Vanderpump. And then we have multiple sea rats from the Below Deck world. We have Katie Flood, Achieve Stew, Malia, a bosun from both from Med, I believe. Yeah. We have Alex from this past season of, was that? Sailing. Yes. Or was it Down and Down? It was Sailing. Okay. Then we have Riley Gerber, baby, friend of the show.

And of course, we're going to randomly run into Captain Sandy at a ski resort. And if you're hearing this, it's just that my mic arm just fell off the table. So should I just hold it like this? I'll tell you what. Why don't we take one break and we'll just... Let's take... All right. We're going to be right back after this message from Pechanga Casino Resort.

Discover your perfect combination at Pechanga Resort Casino, where you can rock and roll, sip and slide, twist and shout whatever moves you get away and awaken the fun play your perfect combination at the changa resort casino all right and then we got uh we're back can you believe the tables that they have at that resort? I mean... Unbelievable. New kinds of blackjack we didn't even know existed. So many side bets.

It's amazing. All right, so then we got Jordan from Martha's Vineyard. I didn't watch that. And also Brian from Family Karma. I haven't caught that yet. But they both seem like really fun shows. I'm sure they're going to get greenlit for season two or why else have cast members come on from those seasons?

I think Family Karma has been going for a while now. And Summer House Martha's Vineyard seems like a far better show. I'm almost I'm sad that we didn't cover it

and very happy that we didn't at the same time. Because us two honkies have no right just recapping a bunch of black people in a notoriously African-American opulence kind of power note. We've got no business talking about it. The only thing we'll do is say something unbelievably racist because that's in our hearts you know what i mean so anyway yeah oh uh so i thoroughly enjoyed this episode dylan um

you know i i had such a great time watching a show about nothing. Right. For some reason, it's just a good time. So I'm going to give it 100 snowballs. Great start. Great start. Patrick, I'm going to give this show considerably less snowballs because it was an uncomfortable viewing experience for me a little bit

because, one, there's this known known, to quote Donald Rumsfeld. You know, there's this known known where these people are all going to try to fuck each other, right? Hookup culture. These conversations about like, hey, so what do you do? Oh, I work in crypto. These conversations about like, hey, so what do you do? Oh, I work in crypto. If that isn't an indication that you should not be buying Litecoins or whatever the fuck it is, I don't know what is. But anyways, seeing these men be as horrible as they are at flirting with women, it made my skin crawl. The riz on this show is absolutely through the floor. How you and I have better game than these career singles is astonishing to me. And I know, listen, we've been out of the game for a long time.

What, a decade plus? Oh, yes. Unfortunately. But I know for a fact that you and I would do a better job trying to have sex with these women than some of the men on this show. Because the thing that you need to do when you're trying to court a woman is make them not want to throw up night one, which is what a lot of these people do, but the big issue that I have with this show, and it's a double-edged sword because it's what makes the show good, is that many of these people are absolute fucking idiots.

Corey, look at this. This is the most picturesque P-Stream I've ever seen in my life. It's lit up by some fucking candlelight. That's Kyle. That's Kyle. That's Kyle who says send it and stoke vibes

are high and look at this piss and it's like listen, I love juvenile shit but when your entire ethos your entire spirit is that I don't know. I'm talking for way too long.

Dylan, it is worth pointing out that Kyle, when he filmed that scene, was a young 41. That's what I'm saying. It shows me a Twilight Zone kind of future that I'm very afraid of. Not that I would ever be that, but I just hope that we're better off. Anyways, the seven snowballs. Seven snowballs. Did that take 35 minutes? No, not at all. I was engaged. Thanks for being supportive.

I want to say this, just to answer your question and wrap it up. So we'll get into the episode, and I don't think we've seen this many outbreaks of the ick as we get on this episode. Oh my God. It was a this many outbreaks of the ick as we get on this episode. Oh, my God. It was a record number of cases of ick. These losers that hit on girls with zero game,

the problem is you and I weren't blessed with being tens. And there are a couple good lookers here. They never had developed things like communication skills. Yeah. But I think when you're trying to court a woman of any substance at all, you have to have that. It's arguably more important. But I will say this, it will come back to bite some of these bastards later on in life and they lose their hair and they're a little flubby and they're just walking up to a bar. And when they used to just open their mouth, talk to a girl and she goes, you know, yeah, I'll go home with you and hook up.

That doesn't work anymore. No, it's a diminishing asset, whatever it's called. So we get into the episode. Oh, yes. And one of the first things. Hold on, Dylan. You got to start the show with Friday, March 10th, 2.38 p.m. By the way, we will have no less than three chyrons

that show us that we're still in the same day. I'm so ashamed of myself, quite frankly, that I forgot about the importance of the chyrons on this show. The Summer and Winter House franchise has a very bizarre thing. To this day, I cannot explain why they do it. I think they did it as a goof and then they left it in and then they're just

like, well, I guess we're stuck with this. I want to, I want to see if, if we could talk to a producer and I would hope it because this would be the funniest outcome where they're like, we need to paint a, a picture, an accurate picture for the narrative of the funniest outcome, where they're like, we need to paint a picture,

an accurate picture for the narrative of the show. And you'd be like, well, do you have a mental disorder? Now, Dylan, I don't know if you remember this, but I track these days and times. And last season of Summer House, someone wasn't keeping their eye on the ball, and they screwed up days. And old Patty caught it it pointed out i hope someone

lost their job for that said someone's on ketamine uh so um class we begin the the show with uh the biggest idiot of them all uh who is mullet man um he says this is a classic social experiment when our forces combine boom i'm and that's that is a verbatim quote classic social experiment when our forces combine boom now can we discuss this quote-unquote social experiment so we start the episode with multiple groups of participants of the social experiment driving to the winter house danielle i found out much to my dismay, had made the cut to Winterhouse. She used to be one of my favorites. I just cannot stand her anymore.

Well, Dylan, you know what drove me nuts is the episode starts out, and I think she was still telling anybody who had listened that she couldn't believe Lindsay and Carl didn't tell her about their engagement. They stopped on the way up. She was talking to a snowman off the side of the road. She was telling that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And what's even crazier, the snowman came to life and was like, I have not been dedicating enough time to my family. That was a movie. Yeah. Written by the great Jeff Cesario. Crazy. So Steamboat Springs is where the show will be taking place much like um

any woody allen movie it'll be a character in itself um winter is officially here in march um malia and katie ride together they're swooning over the hot outdoorsy men that they're going to meet and we've seen this show before. They may be in a different place, but with budgetary constraints and all, they usually go to towns where the men are more lone drunks, sometimes with not both eyes, than a bunch of hot outdoorsy singles who are filming TikTok content, like splitting logs and stuff.

That's not what's going to happen. Did you see the guy at the liquor store? He had gauges. He was on DMT. What are we talking about here? Was this that wonderful liquor store where one of the matriarchs of the establishment walked over to tell, I believe it was Malia and Katie Flood, that it's a three to one ratio of men to women in this little town.

I get ahead of myself, but it's Danielle and her friend Casey, who's not attached to any show and they're buying 60 Michelob Ultras. But anyways. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Before we get ahead of ourselves. So yeah, Kyle and Corey, they call Malia and Katie, I guess they're old friends, right? If I'm a betting man, I think we got a pretty good shot. Corey will be spitting in one of their mouths. Oh, yeah. A hundred percent. Casey and Danielle are coming up. And when Kyle and Corey call Malia and Katie, Kyle says to the girls that he told Corey that they are down to send it.

Corey that they are down to send it. I mean, I'm going to kill myself. What? This person has been on this planet, walking around drunk on piss, sparkling, whatever,

for over four decades. He has a mullet and he's telling two women that he told a friend that they're down to send it. What is going on? Well, yeah, I was going to say the fun really begins when Corey and Kyle arrive at that winter house.

Yeah. Beautiful mansion. Looks like where Bezos stays for those weekends where him and some of his buddies, you know, hunt human beings for fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Real good time. Oh, nice shot. I think you missed her vitals. Finish her off. You owe it to her. Yeah. Well, Corey and- He says, that's why I wanted to put it on kind of like a-

There's those things you can put guns on that kind of steady the aim. And Warren Buffett has no business freewheeling a fucking.308. His hands are too shaky. He's going to shoot people in the knee. Warren, get over here, man. This one's still bleeding out.

Well, anyway, Corey and Kyle, they do a quick tour of the house. He just drinks a Coke and eats a roast beef sandwich over her fucking bleeding body. Well, this house looks like where they stay. So they do a quick tour of the house. And as they're talking, you get the impression both men plan on spending their time in the house in different ways. Corey begins as he walks through the rooms, he's pointing out various areas

where he plans on spitting in people's mouths. And Kyle, on the other hand, points out places he plans on sleeping because he passed out because he's a blackout drunk. Corey is the worst kind of cocksman. Corey, like the best cocksman are are as we've talked about many times bisexual they've had so many women that they have gotten a taste for men um you know the greats of course mick jagger david bowie cory is the kind of person where you'd be like would you want to

spit in a guy's mouth tonight he'd be like what no i'm not fucking gay it's like whoa dude just like you're being lame right now it's not cool so they of course christen the place of the shotgun and they begin screaming at the city that they've arrived then the girls arrive they are lesbians without being lesbians. It breaks my heart that they're eventually going to get worn down and hook up with these guys. Well, the signs are already there. Malia and Katie

arrive and they deem Corey a quote-unquote fuckboy. The good news for Corey, they are into that sort of thing. Yeah. It just breaks my heart. It breaks my heart that we live in a world where this guy can have as much sex as he does. Yeah. It just breaks my heart. It breaks my heart that we live in a world where this guy can have as much sex as he does. Yeah.

Because he looks like a fucking Wallace and Gromit character in a pearl necklace with a 32 IQ. I mean, it just drives me fucking nuts. Well, and I hate to say this. It's envy. Yeah, I hate to say this. While Brian and Alex, as we'll discuss,

hit some walls with their lack of game, Corey seems to have some, although it'd be a pocket full of backhanded compliments. Well, also, here's a good idea. Just have fun with people. Don't mark them and try to fucking slit their throats with your cock. Immediately, just be a human being. Be a friend first and then fuck them.

Exactly. Danielle and Casey check out with that 60 rack of Michelob Ultra and that guy that does DMT tells them that there are a ton of hot guys in this town. I do not think we will see any. Jordan arrives next. Bad Girl Riri and Stevie Nicks in one. She is from Martha's Vineyard. I think that she will be fun.

I think so, too. She tells us she's spicy, so I'm guessing that's her telling us that she's going to bring the drama. Yeah. Yes, 100%. Danielle and Casey get there. And it turns out the three of them, and I'm mentioning Jordan here, are apparently wing women in New York.

Yes, they're wing women in New York. And the reason why they're wing women in New York is because Danielle doesn't have any friends. So these new people that have come into her life in the last eight months, they're now fast friends. Because the friends that Danielle used to have turn out to be either crazy or they just don't like her. Because she talks to snowmen. Can you believe they got engaged and didn't tell me?

I'm a snowman. Ma'am, ma'am. I'm not alive. Ma'am, I said, do you want pinto or black? Sorry, no beans. So, Tom Schwartz. Oh, yes. Tommy, Tommy Schwartz.

If you don't mind, can I set this up, Dylan? So the group has mostly arrived at this point. I don't think Brian and Alex are there yet. Kyle gives an itinerary of the fellow guests that will be arriving. And we learned the guy that, quote unquote, helped break the internet back in March 2023 will be here, Tom Schwartz. Yeah.

To which Danielle tells us, if he brings any of his bullshit, he can just get the hell out. Hey, Danielle. Do you mind shutting the fuck up? Shut the fuck up. We've got a TV show to film here, okay? You're not bringing the viewers.

Nobody cares. Now, is Katie Flood pretending to not know who this guy is uh no i i think that she really doesn't know who he is that's good for her yep so danielle feels yeah that tom should not be on the show and uh again who made you judge jury and executioner that would be a crazy world where someone has been sentenced to death and right before the fucking axe gets brought down, they have to hear the

incoherent blabbering about how you didn't know about the engagement. Think of the trauma that that would induce moments before death. So Alex heads up. Friday, March 10th. Same day.

6.37 p.m. Alex and Brian arrive. Alex's hair is turning some heads. Well, Dylan, we're going to need a goddamn chiropractor on site with all that neck turning. That's before he opens his goddamn mouth and everybody's vagina withers away. Well, speaking of vaginas, Danielle's vagina can smell his conditioner. And the other guy is there, too. I don't know what his name is.

He is the one with a very high-pitched voice, and he calls himself Batman. So I'm going to call him Batman for probably the rest of the season. Forgive me, Dylan. I missed the first part of that. Is this his friend Brian, or is that someone else? No, it's his friend Brian. Batman, so I'm going to call him Batman for probably the rest of the season. Forgive me, Dylan. I missed the first part of that. Is this his friend Brian, or is that someone else? No, it's his friend Brian. Batman. Do you want to call him Batman? Yeah, I'm going to call him Batman.

We've got to talk about the toast. Alex makes a toast that nearly torpedoes his vagina goodwill. He shows up there. The girl's loving how he's looking. And then he makes a toast to not wearing a condom. Just what a girl wants to hear. A night with you could result in a lifetime of anal herpes. Wow. They're letting him fuck her in the ass. Wow. These crazy kids. That's second base in 2023.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, it is, yeah, it's really mind-boggling to me, the numbers game that these young men play and you have to have a goldfish's mind when you're out there perusing for pussy the way that these men do because they're not um attempting to really do anything with their lives other than fuck women so when that is your entire purpose you are in a constant season of rutting you really have no shame you ah it's a good point you will just say things that are overtly and outwardly and objectively disgusting but it doesn't matter law of averages law of averages and everybody's trapped in this house and obviously there's danielle so you're gonna get you know sorry that was mean i have a theory i don't think brian and alex are actually friends uh because when we hear

about their the keys to their enduring uh friendship uh they are not on the same page yeah i think this is a fake bravo friendship well, continuing with the bizarre chyrons on this show, Alex brings up two boxes. He sets them down on the table. And there is a freeze frame and a chyron arrow that points to the boxes. And it says dinner. Why would you do that uh why would you do that they um they begin talking about creed alex says that i'm a he's a lead singer of a creed cover band alex uh i want the head count

on how many times you've used that at a bar. It's not funny. It's dumb. And most girls that you're probably hitting on have no fucking clue who that band is. That band is making a major resurgence right now, and deservedly so. Creed is blowing up on TikTok because they're one of the funniest bands of all time. Scott Stapp is a pathological liar and a crazy person. And they are a Christian rock band. And they're one of my favorite bands whose music I don't listen to. They just released a new video on social media.

They're getting back together. And the video is Scott Stapp walking into a rehearsal space saying, hello, my friends. We meet again. It's been a while. Where should we begin? And they say, how about with rehearsal? Good one.

It's such a good one. And it's just they're an important band. They really are an important band. Oh, they are? Yeah. Yeah. Listen, if we hadn't been going long and I hadn't derailed us already a bunch of times, I would play some Creed, but we're not going to do that.

Maybe next week. All right. So take it away. Okay. So they discuss Sandoval not coming because they don't need that energy change here right i think sandoval was a little busy i think yeah sandoval was crying at via rosa he was not coming to this house no oh dear you need to leave i'm so sorry okay, darling, but you have to go home. Can you believe Sandoval?

Ken walks out. He's like, can you believe Sandoval is crying in the corner? And she's like, yes, I see. I've been talking to him. Rooms are divided up. Alex will be staring at a tube, but that's okay. He's from the Midwest, and they are divided up. Alex will be, uh, well, he'll be staring at a tube, but that's okay. He's from the Midwest and they are nice there. I have no idea what that means.

Oh, okay. He'll take the twin bunks there. He'll take the twin bunks. Uh, Kyle chats with Danielle about Robert and Robert made it clear. It's over. No shit. And Corey makes the rounds hitting on girls. He's, I think he's, this is where he's putting out the feelers.

That was my meanwhile. Well, also, Danielle went to Aspen to stalk Robert. Danielle is losing her fucking mind. And that happens. It's very sad. Oh, we've all been doing drive-bys. I mean, I haven't driven to a different state to check on my ex but uh and you know you drive by their apartment yeah you know you book a ticket flat ass and start asking around start saying uh can't believe it but

they didn't tell me that they were getting engaged. So they're talking about their licenses. Malia says that she has a Chief Mate 3000. And Batman says that's very attractive. No one asked you, Batman, if you find that. It's that kind of thing. I'll tell you, it's amateur hour with Brian and Alex. Some of these seasoned veterans like Corey, Kyle. You know, Kyle is just walking around in the backyard naked yelling at trees because he's an alcoholic, but he does his own thing.

But yes, Brian and Alex, I think they think their marching orders are try and lock it down with someone real fast. And that's what makes good TV. I don't know. It's insane. But they are coming off like absolute douchebags. We get a rom-com montage. This was, I mean, one of the most insane things I've ever seen on reality television.

It was just one of those things where, you know, it was like chat GPT edited the show. Was this the family karma look back where Brian's messy and his mommy has to tell him to clean up his room? No, it was the one where he was like, I think that this could be like a rom-com story for me. And it like fast forwards to him kissing someone later on in the season and this music plays and you're like, did chat GPT edit the show? It's really bizarre. Kyle takes a call from Amanda.

He says, what's up? What fucking husband says that to his wife the way that Kyle did? Listen, you can do characters with your wife. You can joke around. But he earnestly was like, hello, fraternity brother. It's good to see you on FaceTime. Right. You know, I hope for Kyle. I'm not a fan of kyle i think he's pretty basic uh i hope that that poison that he's hawking has mass distribution because i don't see him i just don't see a future after this season with him i assume

they already filmed summer house and they'll have the car Lindsay breakup and whatnot. I just don't see what world we watch a drunk leprechaun blacked out in the backyard, pissing on electrical wires, slurring his words at 45. My cock stings. You guys got to piss on this too. But he says, I'm happy that Amanda's not around

so that I can let my freak flag fly, which means blacking out and falling into a door jam and sustaining quite a nasty cut. Because of the amount of alcohol, the blood is very thin. Everybody wakes up the next morning and it looks like someone's been slain. And they're wondering, are we going to be a part of another netflix crime documentary because this looks bad but no it was just kyle just headbutting a door jam yeah so batman says that he needs to settle down by 35 when everybody's sitting down to dinner um this is the kind of thing that like you have to recognize how dumb this is to say around a bunch of women who are mostly single and approaching that age. All right. So if we're at dinner, we're kind of discussing, they get into kind of a little

background on some of the cast members. We learned Alex was voted biggest flirt. And while strategies are formed out finding a wife or whose mouth you're going to spit in. Kyle is doing this. You look like you're in your element. Corey, look at this. This is the most picturesque pee stream I've ever seen in my life. It's lit up by some fucking candlelight. He's doing that. That's what earns him the big bucks.

Yeah. He's 40. One. So we go around. We talk about relationship statuses. Corey deep throats a bone and takes way too fucking long to tell us his super fucking boring answer about that woman he spits in the mouth of. Yeah. I watched the trailer yeah she will be

showing up at the tail end of the season and she's uh she's not too happy with malia no she's very dumb um she is going to walk into a house and begin attacking another woman for uh her boyfriend cheating on her yeah yeah who i want to say eventually gets around to saying, it's almost like a Jada Pinkett type of thing. They're in an entanglement, but definitely not in a relationship, which definitely means he can spit in other people's mouths. Yeah, well, he says that it's purposefully a gray area so that he can have more fun.

Could Corey say anything else about being in a relationship with somebody? No, it's perfect. It's right on brand. So Brian pops an Altoid, and he says that him and Alex have the same type, which is anyone. Alex also says that he has a tough time focusing his energy on one person. All of these guys are absolute fucking morons. And listen, it makes me sad because I was confused about why we weren't seeing the Alex that we saw below deck, who was very laid back.

He wasn't going after... In fact, he stopped a potential hookup with a girl because another guy he was working for was hooking up with her. Yeah. He played it perfectly. And because of that, she was very into him. This is the complete opposite of that. Oh, no. Complete douchery. I'd kill Alex if he hit on my wife at the bar. Okay. So right now we're at March 10th, which is not necessary because it's the same night, 10.23 p.m. Casey, the newbie, the person who has not helmed a Bravo franchise, has turned in a very underwhelming first day at Winterhouse. She is sawing logs up there. Patrick, we've talked about this many times before.

Sawing logs up there. Patrick, we've talked about this many times before. If you are the runt of the litter, you have to get blacked out and try to kill somebody on your first night because you're nobody. You cannot just go upstairs and fall asleep. No, no, no. Not on night one.

So Alex takes Jordan up to the hot tub while everyone else parties. Batman calls Malia an ogre. And Batman tries to defend the ogre comment by saying that it was a compliment from Shrek. To do it is insane. To say you're like an ogre is insane. Because it's like an onion, Dylan.

Right. Now, to then try to hammer home the justification for why you said it, being a kind of thematic motif in the DreamWorks picture that nobody remembers. No, it's 23 years ago. Is so dumb, I don't have the words. Pretty stupid. Zero game. Only one person that's at this weird house has less game than Batman. And that is

Jacuzzi Boy. Hey, you're hot. You're hot. She's like, what's that mean? I'm going gonna creepily uh yeah lurch toward you right now and i'm gonna slowly look really really really creepy yeah i'm gonna move through this jacuzzi like it's a bog and i'm the loch ness monster and then you're gonna say say no, period. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. And here's the true tragedy of this. I mean, it's very Shakespearean.

She is clearly open to it. She's gone into the hot tub with you by herself. So at least, you know, maybe she's wants to get away from the fray, but in, in the language of, you know, youngsters spitting in each other's mouths, this is her saying, I'm, I'm open. I'm open. The only thing you can't do is like we mentioned at the top, do what you did, have a conversation with her, get to know her. Make her feel like she's not prey. And then maybe you can have sex with her. How do guys not know this?

Oh, man. It's just nuts to me. He's an idiot. Boy, did he get a good edit on Below Deck. So Batman is the next fucking loser to strike. He's like, yeah. He wants a kiss from Jordan. And I think this is minutes after she escaped his

buddy alex yeah he goes hey i just want to say good night to you she goes we're we're going in the hall we're going in the hall and he goes no no i know i know let me say goodbye and then he goes in for a hug and you know that's that's it's a hidden dagger you know for a kiss and uh she immediately sees what's going on because she's sober and not an idiot and she refuses him uh next uh he's a little drunk guy uh and he is batman so um we end the night with a text from sam to cory she says hope you had a good night he says for sure. That would, if I was dating someone and we were having sex and they were staying with a bunch of people of the opposite sex and that's the text you responded back with me, it would be over. Over.

Do you hate Corey as much as I do? It's so easy to hate everybody on this show. I try and have fun with it. Am I being a little too negative tonight? It's a fun show. It's a fun show. I've been saying people are too

dumb. I'll get over it, but it's shocking, this first episode, what's going on. Sometimes if you haven't seen this for a while, it's like seeing a car crash for the first time. I think he is a narcissist jerk.

And I don't think he gives a shit about anybody's feelings, but is satisfying his own desires. He just wants to pop. He just wants to pop like Bret Michaels. I'm ready to pop. Hey, it's been amazing getting to know your daughter. I can't tell you how many times I've popped in and on her.

Not in. Jesus fucking Christ. Well, I mean, that's the kind of conversations that he's... All right, all right. Maybe we'll bleep that. Yeah, we'll bleep that. All right, let me do this. You know, the bit was speaking very crudely to the father.

Of course. You know? March 11th, 6.32 a.m. If you're following along, it's the next day. Malia cleans up the kitchen she explains uh it's kind of her sea rat background she doesn't mind it it's almost like a type of therapy my mom used to tell me this too yeah she'd get up i hear a fucking vacuum at 7 in the morning what the fuck it's saturday yeah it's my therapy patrick uh so batman and alex wake up he. He asks Alex if the hot tub went well and Alex says, I don't know.

You know who does? Us. You struck out and got hit in the face by the pitch, which is insane. I mean, if you think about it, own it, dude, you pussy. You're claiming blackout. Yeah. Someone throws a fucking fast

ball at your face. You swing at it and it hits you in the face that's what happened to you last night so um we find out that casey works in crypto nice and she touches his hands batman's hands and she says you wow you have really rough hands for somebody that works in an office. And he says, is that attractive? What are you doing, dude? We'll see how this goes. It's not going well. I don't know how these guys have sex with literally anybody.

How is there anyone? have sex with literally anybody how is there anyone well we have to remember being on a bravo show which is mostly watched by females yeah uh just your face going out at the local bar in new york city could garner you some attention that you absolutely don't deserve because you have no game and this may work on other people that aren't on TV. Yeah, I guess. Crazy. Hey, everybody, raise your daughters, right? You know? So how, yeah. Oh, well, Kyle reads a text from Swartz, who is at LAX.

I didn't know that Kyle and Swartz were this close. Oh, yeah, they're really tight. Can I say this? Here's my concern about Winterhouse mixing it up with the scandival we lived the scan of all things six months ago and don't get me wrong it was fun but been there done that over it don't need to relive it and i hope we don't have to relive it on this season of winter house i don't need danielle confronting swartz about how he was handling things like that'll make me insane that is that should not swartz should hopefully just be here for a weekend

right party a little bit and then spend you know a lot of time doing dishes as he did last winter house and then bust out of here because he's got to go meet with uh you know yeah because lisa vanderpump we've seen you know ari Ariana get the T-Mobile commercials and the Uber Eats commercials and we're very happy. It all worked out. It all worked out. Everything's great. Sandoval's on more reality television

but what we can't have is Danielle being preachy to Tom Schwartz. That's not going to fly. I have a feeling that's exactly what's going to happen. I think that's going to happen. So let's go tubing. Yeah, let's go tubing. Brian fucking loves tubing. Well, Kyle tells Schwartz

that the Stoke levels are high. I just wanted to get that out. Kyle says the Stoke levels are high, and he's 40. One. One. But also, where, are you not from like vermont or something like where are you

it better be california it better be california i know there's a lot of santa cruz top snowboarding talk holy fuck so yeah we go. We get guys and girls in different cars. Obviously, the gaggle of idiots open the sunroof and all the snow falls in. Brian and Alex continue to strike out. It's worth mentioning that Jordan in her car lets her friends know that both Brian and Alex have given her the ick. Yeah. And I like the camaraderie with the girls. Nobody's jealous, because how could you be jealous? Everybody's just kind of having a good time with it. Malia and Katie are chatting with Kyle and Corey.

Corey asks, what's your type aside from me? Good one. Speaking of social experiments, which this is, I cory to be part of the stanford prison experiment uh on the wrong side of things um daniel and danielle and alex sit down um and here we go again i mean this is really really hard to watch alex says you are a fucking boss fucking chick and he starts to like go in again for this very like way too quick way too much way too early kind of playbook and it it's tough to watch it is uh i appreciated her telling him to beat it. Yeah. Maybe focus on one girl.

Yeah, try that. We get into a super tube, and we all head down the mountain, and then we head home, and that is when Schwartz arrives. And the episode ends with Schwartz saying that he was thrust into a parallel universe. They had a plan, him and Sandoval. When they opened up Schwartz and Sandy's, they were going to go on vacation.

Thinking about it all day, man. Yeah. I'm bored with my buddy. It's amazing the work ethic that these two have. Once we open the restaurant, we're going to leave the restaurant. That's a good point.

I mean, it's just unbelievable. Vice has this show on munchies where these real chefs and real restaurant owners are like we opened the restaurant a year and a half ago i literally haven't seen my family not schwartz and sand they're like we opened we're going to fucking super dumb whatever this is called called. Listen, I want to apologize for being negative. Like Pat said, when you see a car crash for the first time, it's a little tough. But once you see the car crash over and over and over and over again, you get desensitized to it.

The stupidity is going to become commonplace, and I'll have a lot more fun with it next week. Papaya Dog Girl is coming, and I thought you did a great job. Oh, thanks, pal. You too. Don't be hard on yourself. Jump in the iTunes range and review us. Five stars, kind words. Go to patreon.com for... Yeah, we had an uncensored

moment this episode. I don't know what I was thinking. Alright, until next time, I don't know what I was thinking. All right. Until next time, I'm Dylan saying goodbye. Pat, say goodbye. Later, dude. There's a lot of stuff on TV, but not all of it's good. In fact, a lot of it's Bad TV.