Kill James Bond! - A Four Course Lie | Below Deck S10 E3

Episode Date: December 7, 2022

Dylan and Pat are back to break down how Lee is dying, how Lee is mean, how Lee reminds Pat of his high school football coach who physically assaulted him, truffles, wigs and even more from Bravo's Below Deck Sailing Yacht.OUR NEW SHOW BAD TV IS LIVE AND WE'RE COVERING WINTER HOUSE! - Subscribe right here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-t-v/id1193077828The full season of Below Deck Down Under recaps is ALREADY available only on our Patreon at https://Patreon.com/AnotherPodcastNetworkAlso available is our coverage of Below Deck Sailing and Love is Blind seasons 1 and 2 for both shows!Check out our merch!https://anothermerchstore.com

I think it's 200 bucks. It's insanely expensive. So if you have an amount of white truffle, which it's such a coveted ingredient. I just lost it in the closet. This boat's so big. Oh, really? It could be in this giant piece of Tupperware

with the cilantro and cold cuts. Is there any rhyme or reason to what you're doing? You are cooking like you're on Shutter Island right now, Rachel. Welcome aboard another brand spanking new episode of another Below Deck podcast. My name is Dylan. I'm saddled up next to one Pat Hickey. Permission to come aboard. Whoa, sexy. Wow. Granted, what's up with that? I don't know. I'm just trying to, always trying to reinvent myself.

You know, I'm back to those blogs where they talk about how to be a better podcaster. Change your inflection. Right, right, right. Yeah. Break the mold. What do you think? Is it working? Yeah.

Oh, my gosh. I mean, it worked instantaneously. I spun my head on a swivel and I said, sexy smooth. Or I can't remember what I said. We talked so much. So we have episode whatever to get into tonight, but first we have to cover some public service announcements. Yes.

All right. So can you do it? Okay. So this is another Below Deck podcast feed, right? So we got this and we got that adventure show, which I'm thoroughly enjoying. A lot of people are shitting on that version of Below Deck. I think it's going to get good. I really do.

But we have this other podcast called Bad TV. So I think I've convinced Dylan that after we finish up Winter Games and what do we do? Just some Love is Blind and Bachelor stuff there? Yeah, find Love is Blind

at Patreon.com. I think Dylan's going to do Love After Lockup. Love is locked up. Love is locked up. It's bad TV. Well, I like that. Yeah. And then maybe I'll convince him to do season one of Rock of Love with Bret Michaels. Yeah, that's the show where Bret Michaels tries to marry multiple lot lizards at one time.

Yeah, that's exactly how that show goes. Right, right, right. Fun. Why do you have a leopard on your tailbone? That doesn't make any sense. But the point is, Dylan, bad TV, fun stuff. Take your mind out of politics. Take your mind out of all the horrible things

that are going on in your life. And then listen to us talk about stupid shows. That's how you have a good day. Do you have boxing gloves tattooed above your vulva. What? That's such a that's an intense tattoo. Will you marry me? Yeah, shows like that shows like that.

Yeah. So a lot of bad TV. So subscribe if you haven't already. If you're already out, we're listening to us cover the bachelor bachelorette. You're already in the feed. Oh, and also we are bringing a class action lawsuit against ABC to sue them for wasting America's time. Send us your emails. You can be involved in that lawsuit. I think each of us, after 12 years, will get paid $2 each. $2.53, I heard, but it's not about the money. It's about

the principal. Now, another public service announcement. We love you guys for jumping in the iTunes ratings reviews. We always focus on the negative because it's just funnier to hear people say, you know, mean things about us. Don't start a podcast. But I promised that we would get to some nice ones. Oh, so here's a great example from a brook of wine. Love the show with Pat and Dylan. I am smart enough to get it.

That's great. Little, you know, there. I don't want to say. of wine love the show with pat and dylan i am smart enough to get it that's great um little you know they're i don't want to say i don't want to say anything bad about that review that's just a little short how about some more details it's almost like uh my aunt wrote that uh okay here's one here's a here's a one from pippi frazier uh finding your pods this past few months has been a miracle discovery i can't say enough good stuff about the humor and reviews of the shows i can't watch them anymore because they are ridiculous your resulting commentaries make sunday and whatever day anything else falls total delight

thanks podcast grace yes i wish i could afford more something about patreon you deserve it guys jump in the itunes ratings reviews leave five stars say kind words leave five stars if you're on spotify hit the five stars and walk away leave five stars. If you're on Spotify hit the five stars and walk away. It helps the show so much. We want to get to two three four five thousand. So we really would love your help there. Hey Dylan. I'm sorry to interrupt but this is kind of my lane.

We're at 1420 for this below deck Patriot bullshit. Let's get to 15 tomorrow. Why don't you give old Patty an early Christmas present? Get over there, you lazy sacks of shit. You fucking piece of shit. You've done nothing, especially to people that haven't paid me.

Fucking get over there and leave five stars and put in there your best recipe for Christmas. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do people eat turkey on Christmas. People do. I think it's wrong. I think it's bad. You eat ham on Christmas or you eat bagels

if you're Jewish trying to celebrate that pagan holiday, which reminds my grandpa Phil of the pogroms. You know, my first Christmas or my dad's first Christmas, my grandma Ruthie and my uncle Phil came over and my grandma Ruthie pulled my dad aside and she said, you know, my first Christmas or my dad's first Christmas, my grandma Ruthie and my uncle Phil came over, and my grandma Ruthie pulled my dad aside, and she said, you know, the Christmas trees remind Phil of the pogroms. He said, all right, well, we do Christmas trees now. So that was very passive-aggressive, Ruthie, but love you.

Come inside and have some ham. So we don't eat ham. Okay, well, I don't know what to tell you. We have to get into Below Deck. It's episode three lee is dying and um rachel is phoning it the fuck in and for those really for those two reasons i think that we've got a really really great show on our hands if i could get into my my uh first yeah man tonight we have a affluent privileged white woman doing the most dangerous thing she possibly can grabbing a black woman's hair yeah um super rude one um but two super rude and it's just like it's just not okay to do and it was lovely to watch that unfold what

an awkward moment the squabbles between alissa and camille are getting a little grating we're going to need to have some conflict resolution there's some hugs some kisses or complete nuclear fallout or someone needs to get laid and fucking relax a little bit jesus fucking right i think that ross is coming into his own i I think that Tony is coming into his own. I think that we've got a premier class here. I'm just a little worried about who is going to fill Captain Lee's seat once he hits the ground and cannot get up. What's your 78 pots?

78 pots. Okay. All right. Look, I'm just going to warn the audience right now. If you're a Lee fan, I'm going to be hard on him this episode only because he deserves it. I know he's falling apart and he's old, but it's a bad episode for Captain Lee. All right. So here's, I want to explain to the audience, some of which may be new to us, or question, where does your hatred for this guy come from?

How do you not get it? It's simple. I've explained this on past episodes, but if you are a new listener, once again, this is why. I hate his management style. He's a dick. He reminds me of people in my life, especially as a child that I hated. I'll give a particular story. I had a football coach named Dale Dimetopoulos. And by the way,

you're still a prick and I hate you, you asshole. Yeah. We're not believing out your name, Dimetopoulos. You're a loser. Get this. In 1992, I was a defensive end in football. You got the frame for it. And so I was up against a tight end who was twice the size of me. That's how high school works. People are bigger than you. And this kid kept burying me and they kept running sweeps on me. A sweep is where the quarterback swings the ball over to a fullback or a running back, and then they run on your side of the field. Yeah, you got blocked by that tight end every single time. Three times in a row to the point where it was actually a joke, where they kept getting yardage to the point where Dale Dimetopoulos, my football coach, ran out on the field, grabbed me by my face mask and started swinging me around on the field asking, what are you doing? And an entire row of parents did nothing. The man physically assaulted me.

And I believe the assistant coaches had to get to him and pull him off my face mask. Which is pretty much exactly like Lee. Okay. So back to Lee. So I'm traumatized by that. That's why I hate Lee. Lee, the way that he manages is the way, and the way he talks to his subordinates,

which are damaged 22-year-old sea rats. Right. The way he talks to them is the way that people would talk about trying to convince 18 year olds to run up a hill on a beach to take fire. Only Captain Lee's still doing it, but it's not fire they're taking on. It's cleaning shit out of toilets. Yeah. What do you people not get? I mean, Pat was traumatized as a young man by Dino Damodopoulos and now lee is reminding him of dino and i'm triggered i hate this guy hey it's a new error dude the stakes are low why the negative attitude i hate you yeah you are a cartoon

and you're an and in about four minutes i'm going to play a clip of you being a complete prick. How many pots? Well, I love the episode, obviously. Yeah, it was a great episode. 80 pots, but zero for Lee. Lee, I will get to you. Oh, wait. Yeah. Episode title, The Muff Truff Experience. Right.

Muff being the key word here. Yeah. What's with these episode titles lately? I think the last episode was called Stinky Coochie Hole or something. Yeah. Well, with these episode titles lately? I think the last episode was called like stinky coochie hole or something. Yeah. Yeah. Well, definitely not that, but something akin. Yes. Yeah. Smelly fish

gate or right, right, right. Yeah. Anyway, we can get to the episode. Sorry. Yeah. No, it is super inappropriate of Bravo's. We got to get into the jail. You should be in jail right now okay so last we left off leaf's spine was exploding like a goddamn firecracker up a bull's ass um he's going down back's not looking too good he can't even sit all that good and that's all he does he just sits well he uh tells the crew uh uh that uh he's pissed off after his declining health.

You're fucking old, Lee. Maybe let someone else pretend to drive the boat, you old fucking bastard. The sea rats are readying, and Rachel demonstrates how unbelievably fucking weird she is. We love her for it, but she is so fucking weird. Frasier comes down, and she says, you know, listen, I'm tired. I'm not going to be speaking a lot today. By the way, this is talent. All right, so this is what I gleaned from this.

This is her third season, and people love her. Well, I love Rach. She's been on the show a couple times, but this is her like, I'm a fucking star and you aren't yet, bro. So there'll be no talking today. This is green Eminem, Rachel. This is, yes. So meanwhile,

Meanwhile, Kate wakes up late. Katie wakes up late. Camille has no idea what's going on and Haley has no idea how to be a sea rat. She doesn't know how to fluff pillows. No. So listen,

I don't blame her. I mean, I don't know the first thing about making pillows look good. I just kind of smack them and put them on the bed. Well, you're not a sea rat. I'm not a sea rat. Now, Haley reflects on a past time where she had a chief stew that, I guess, that chief stew hated her so much,

they got to relegate her almost like in prison to sleep in the laundry room. Right, right, right. Yeah, don't you steal my story about sleeping on an air mattress. Yeah, Haley, come on. That's ridiculous. that's already been to see right that's ridiculous so we have to get to the clip that you were speaking of oh okay okay so they're gonna dock okay so lee takes the time to get on the radio to announce there's going to be radio silence here is the clip of lee talking to his crew between here and the stairs. Get your shit straight now because I'm heading in and I want radio silence.

And I mean radio silence. I hear one beep out of the interior and somebody's ass is on the line. The first time you're docking a new boat. That's good. Oh, did someone wake up on the wrong side of the bed? Dude, calm down. This is why I hate him. No need for this, you crotchy old wine bag.

Go drink your applesauce in a senior assisted living facility, you fucking prick. Yeah. By the way- You're palliative and you need to stop being so fucking mean to people because of that. I love this archetype that he's created for himself, which some people love.

He goes to Bravo like, BravoCon and wearing those cheap rattlesnake fake boots and walks on stage like, they fucking love me! Oh, Leo! Why do you love this guy? You'd hate him if you worked for him. He's such a jerk.

Moving on. Tony's like, I don't do this. I kayak. Which goes to show you, I mean i mean you know on the last episode of below deck adventure captain carry was like you know it's a tiny industry we can't just hire any old body okay we need somebody experienced aboard this vessel because of the freezing waters are so cold they can kill you nope this guy just kayaks yeah and he's fine. Okay, this is not a difficult industry to pick sea rats from. Okay, it's an industry populated by sea rats.

So Ross and the deck team are called up to the crow's nest after the docking. Yeah, they did a good job i mean that was all that he said it was just you guys did a good job oh some humanity you know what that's a producer going hey lee you know come on we don't tell you how to do your job you know you've been doing this for you know 140 years hey and you're the fucking best and you you kill it bro yeah you see that audience at bravo con yeah do you remember when we told you the snake boots were a little too much and you said nah they're perfect and you proved us wrong and also lee do you remember you know we're gonna need you to tone this down do you remember like three seasons ago when a guy who worked on this boat almost got his leg ripped off on your watch. Yeah. That's kind of on you.

So, by the way, oh, sorry. Can I shit on this guy one more time? One more time because you are... I'm hot. We have so much show to shit. Understood. We have so much show to shit. All right, fine. I'll move on, but I do want one last point.

Yeah. Lee, later on in the episode, he escapes crashing that fucking boat, the on in the episode, he escapes crashing that fucking boat, the corner of the boat into a dock and the way he pushes it off, this hypocritical bastard,

is, ah, look, whether it be two inches or 20 feet, I didn't hit anything, so it's all good. well,

you didn't do a good job. Okay. Yeah, apply that to life. Right. You're staring down at your phone in your car and you're driving on the 134 and then you drive into the other lane and you almost drive a family of five off into a fucking off ramp.

Yeah. But you look back in your rear mirror. Oh, they're fine. Right. It didn't happen. Right. Right. I didn't happen.

Everything's good. We fuck off. Okay. I'll see you at BravoCon next year. All right. You're going to take a breath, right? For four minutes. So.

Reminds me of Deltop. Damn. Topless. So Frazier has a meeting with the girls and says, you all genuinely get along well with each other and it's beautiful to see and camille says yeah well generally and he says yeah genuinely you do and uh i think that there was a lack of communication that's what led zeppelin called a communication breakdown right there so ross needs to reprimand miss tardy pants um i you know

i think we've got a hell of a bosun on our hands. He reminds me of Gary in that he's very capable at his station, in his position, but he's a sex addict and a damaged C-rat, which consequently makes him actually really bad at his job. Dylan. You can't fuck the employees. It's just there's no way to do that successfully. He's Gary.

Yeah. I don't know if he's as likable, but he may grow on me. But he has that uncomfortable conversation with Katie because she did fuck up, but he'd like to fuck her, and she'd like to fuck him. Right,'d like to yeah fuck him hence it's uncomfortable it's a fucked up situation he's like reprimanding her and she's like hey come on come on

you know we're gonna be in any inside each other come on so lee is up next. And he is going to take a break. He is pissed off about his shirts. And I have in my notes, Pat, you want to take that? Has it been four minutes? No, it has.

Here we go. Camille delivers Lee's laundry to which Lee gives us one of his best one liners. This shirt has more wrinkles in a basketball. Okay. This guy has failed on every level. Look at a basketball. Look at a basketball.

Yeah. Okay. So you're getting really into the mic and you're peaking and I need you to just take a breath and calm down. Okay. A basketball has pimples. They're little dots, dimples, pimples, whatever you want to call them,

but you don't call them wrinkles. There are thousands of dots. Lee, what you should have said is, this shirt has more wrinkles than my old balls. Right. You fucking old bastard. This shirt looks like my testicles, which I shit on this morning.

Yeah, yeah. He also- The bottom always gets wet because they're hanging past the meniscus of the water in the toilet bowl. Lee, can you just give me the shirts back? I'll do better. Now, there is no end to this man's ramblings.

He also tells the camera something like, when you're on a super yacht, we don't need a tramp train, you dumb whore. Okay. We're on a super yacht. Kids watch this. That was defamatory.

That was defamatory and libelous. Okay. I cannot stand for that, Pat. There's plenty of ammunition. We don't need to go in to the dark, dark places of defamatory practices. Did he say that the shirt, this was a super yacht, not a tramp train? He said that. Yeah, maybe. I mean, he did say

that kind of tune out when he, by the way, why are you saying that because of females delivering it to you? So Frazier did. So let's get to the craziest things that Tony and Rachel have ever done. What have you done? That's nutty. I ship them the way that I haven't shipped anybody this

hard in a while. I just think that Tony and Rachel are two perfect kooks for one another. Oh, yeah. I love them. I want them to toss into each other's skulls and then get hitched in a beautiful way. Now, Dylan, I agree with you, but I have to ask,

is Tony the one that unravels when he doesn't get to work out in the morning? Yeah. Okay, they're the same person. Yeah. They're perfect for one another. They will fall in love and they will go on a killing spree together to uh just kind of blow off steam hey what's that oliver uh oliver uh whatever his name is uh film uh uh oliver stone oliver stone yeah about serial killers um dirty rotten scound Yeah, that's it. Yeah. That's going to be them.

That wasn't the one. Natural Born Killers. Natural Born Killers, yeah. With Robert Downey Jr. Doing an English accent. Oh, was he doing an English accent? It's Woody Harrelson and What's Her Face. Yeah, yeah.

Who was in that show that we recommended to everybody to watch, and it was horrible. What show was that? Yellow Jackets. Terrible show. There's too many famous people. Terrible show was that uh yellow jackets terrible show there's too many famous people terrible show and that movie is terrible there's too many canted angles and too many colors and it's just a bad movie i was in college when it came out i got convinced to go see that twice in the movie theater it's bad they end the film with a shot of all uh uh who's

the NFL player who killed his wife? Oh, that was. OJ Simpson. Yeah. And they do. The juice you're talking. They do a shot of the juice and that's how that film ends.

Yeah. And I think Tarantino's involved somehow, but I don't care. He wrote the original script. It's just a bad movie. It's a horrible movie. You know, just because Tarantino's on it

doesn't mean that it's good. You know, like he wrote that vampire movie. That's horrible. Well, and also like death proof. Like I don't't i don't want to see like people get like their spines out of their buttholes because the car crash is so hard you know like and like planet mystic or whatever where that chick rose mcgallan who is a fucking what does she say she says i'm rose

mcgallan and i am fucking brave she She has that machine gun. What is that called? I don't like the planet mistakes. Yeah. Do you know Damatopolis? So we got to move on to that. But before we get there, we have to take a quick break to talk about these wonderful sponsors. And listen, I want to tell all of you guys,

I'm sorry that we got into movie talk there, but we're going to get back into the show right after these sponsors. And one of those sponsors is a lovely, lovely game called trivia star. If I were to ask you, Pat, to name a song by Dolly partner queen, could you answer it in under 15 seconds?

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to apple or google store and search for trivia star download trivia star for free today and get ready to flex your brain muscles can i tell you why this is fun, Dylan? This is what you do at night. This is fun. Download this app. Don't doom scroll on YouTube shorts. There's nothing on there. Play Trivia Star. Don't watch a bunch of hotties on reels or something. This challenges your brain. This is fun. This is what I do when my wife goes to bed. I love doing this. I love trivia. I love like challenging my mind like, oh, and you, by the way, the longer you play, the better and smarter you get. Yeah. And don't you want to be smarter? Don't you want 2,500 coins? Okay. Download it. Now, speaking of your wife, you two have had some squabbles over meals, going out,

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And your first box ships free. Okay, I'm going to repeat that offer for you guys one more time because you need to hear it if you want to fix your marriage. Okay. What is that offer? It's go to greenchef.com slash below deck 599 and use promo code below deck 599 to get 599 off your your first box and your first box ships free green chef. It's the number one meal kit for eating well. All right. Now back to the show, which we haven't talked about in some time, but that time is now it It is time for the Preference Shape Meeting.

All right. We've got 10-year ER doctors. Rachel is already getting kooky. She's there to fucking rape and murder whatever food requests they have. She needs to calm down with that stuff. They adore the truffle. Do you? Do you?

We'll talk about it. And they also want to have some of the lesser-known parties of Bravo's Below Deck Party offerings. An Oscar party. Common on land. Of course. And a Moulin Rouge party. Again, Common on Land,

one I would never go to. Can you imagine getting an invitation? You're invited. Wear your best red, black, and gold. Don't ever invite me anything to ever again. Please.

Thank you. And you know what? In fact, don't ever speak to me again. Will you want me to dress up like I'm in a Boz Lerman flick and come over to your house in the valley? No. Well, now I know what you're not doing next year. And that is the preference sheet. By the way, this preference sheet meeting was 48 seconds. This is bad. But hey, we made hay

out of it. Yeah, you did a great job. I want to ask you, Dylan. Is every person on as guests a doctor or are they're friends? Because I want to- I think they're all doctors, but not all of them know each other well. There are primaries who know each other. They're very tight. And then they bring along some other doctors. Other doctors.

Yes. Okay. Not friends of doctors the doctor that snatched the wig off of the other doctor is not a friend of ala okay yeah there we go and i hope that's her name i just followed you into battle there i hope that's her name okay so we need to get to a meanwhile meanwhile uh camille iron shirt's right and we find out some really cool sea rat uh history on ben who is for now a really cool good guy. He is indigenous Australian.

Yes. Now, he's part of the Seafarers, one of the oldest peoples on planet Earth. They were told how to navigate Oceania by the alien liberators known as the Anunnaki. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

And everybody knows that, so we don't need to get into all that stuff. Of course. I was taught in elementary school. Anunnaki came down, gave them a tablet that showed them what the stars meant and how to navigate the seafarers and all that stuff. And everybody knows that,

so we don't need to get into it. But what we do need to get into is the experienced racism. Evidently, half of Australia is extremely fucking bigoted, which was weird because I thought it was the whole fucking continent. But it's just half, evidently.

Right, right. Yeah. I was pretty sure it was the whole continent. Hey, can I lighten up the mood for a- Oh, fucking course. Meanwhile, Lee talks to his knee. You fucking- I got a plane ticket for you lee how are you going to do that how are you going to do it's your knee yeah you can't give your plane

a plane ticket to your knee that was such i i i said i need to in my notes i said need to hit it meanwhile uh rachel burps like will ferrell now and says don't walk through it. And then Lee tells his leg to work and I got to play tickets. Well, like you mentioned, that's not how the body works. And Lee, you're not a wizard. You're a captain. You're a fake captain. So let's get to a pizza party. Dominoes.

Camille has an understanding of Captain Lee because her dad is very sick, but, um, the leeches has a bad back. I mean, he's not really sick. Yeah. You know, uh, so I need another meanwhile. Meanwhile, and you stop me whenever. Sure. Sure.

Tony loves to work out. Yeah. Yeah. What a positive. Nice guy. Yeah. Alyssa is second stew. They put patio furniture down and provisions arrive.

Katie works in a sexist industry and Camille likes dicks in her face and also SIGs. Only one thing I want to touch on. Yeah. Katie lets us know she's not on this job to be a sugar baby. You know, she lets us know she's not just another beautiful face. Which she is, right, Pat? If she says so.

Hey, hey, God damn it. God damn it. So the guests are arriving and the champagne is obviously not cold so um they welcome the guests aboard uh lee has some line about throwing up did you catch this yeah yeah he tells us yeah he pray appreciates uh them uh so much uh because it's not like a late night where they get a waste and he has to hold back their hair from when they vomit. Right, right, right. Yeah, he's got a lot of admiration.

He's losing his mind. Yeah, and so are we. So Frazier calls the doctors nurses, which was a big, big snafu. And that's one of those moments where your balls just fall out of your asshole. You know what I mean? You're just like, God, I wish we had time travel because I'd go back five seconds

and just never fucking say that thing. But we have to get to the boat leaving. Now, this is a very, very big moment because like we said, getting out of this parking spot is a lot like trying to drive a nail into a puckered asshole or something like that. But regardless, it is intense. Look.

It's fine. They just get out fine. No, it's not fine it doesn't matter if it's two inches or 20 feet i got out it's okay it's all fine captain lee is awesome um it is revealed that alissa got her work ethic from her father who complicated relationship oh yeah they should make a movie out of this guy pilot entrepreneur real estate agent abusive father i mean my god hey dylan if you don't mind sorry yeah yeah what triggers this is uh alissa behind the bar yeah bonding with some of those er doctors over living in Florida. And they celebrated their shared experience of people with crooked teeth.

No, no, no, no, no. No, that's not it. She was from Jamaica and found common ground with a fellow Yaman. Yeah, I love Jamaican culture. Me too, me too. with a fellow yamen in yeah I love Jamaican culture me too me too it's really beautiful but her relationship with her dad is definitely still fucked up you know I learned a lot about

Jamaican culture from my favorite book of all time called the brief history of seven killings written by a beautiful beautiful gay man named Marlon James now he's Jamaican, and in it, you just learn a shit ton about the culture like breadfruit and bumbleclot and breadfruit and bumbleclot. So go ahead. Oh, I was going to say, well, back to Alyssa and her dad's relationship. I want to remind the audience, obviously, definitely sea rat category here.

um you know obviously definitely sea rat category here uh her mom uh went on a walk i guess and told her uh yeah i'm gonna go out and uh take a walk i'm gonna pick up some cigs and uh didn't show back up for two years yeah so her dad brought up and yeah she's and again we're making light of it but we said last episode remember the school of rock party almost got canceled yeah i got you know physically emotionally abused as a kid so like just lay off yeah it's exactly the same experience uh she has a rock party almost got canceled complicated relationship with dad much like dylan's yeah uh but she's proud of him because uh she lists his uh credentials yeah hey he was a pilot yep and then a real estate agent so she wants to make him proud yes she does and she is failing let's get to meanwhile i'm kidding i'm kidding let's get to let's get to

meanwhile ben gets the anchor duties and rachel lays out her menu for the hollywood glam dinner little bites of lamb and truffle but according to her it should be cocaine vodka and hate which is way off it's uh adderall vodka and hatred of goy but close so can someone arrest kanye west please i mean my god can someone fucking put this guy in jail we need to invent a crime a new crime like like mass scale annoying you know and just i wish you could just throw people in jail for that machine gun. Kelly, same thing throughout. Well, not the same thing. What Kanye West is doing much worse, you know, someone argue that trying to find the good in Hitler is not a what am I doing? We're here to talk about below. What am I here to do? What am I doing? It's okay. You know,

the guy's wearing masks and going on info wars with Owen and Alex. I mean, the guys. All right, so margs are doled. He did some good things. Yeah, we admit that no,

and he didn't invent highways, and he didn't invent the microphone. What are you on? So margs are doled. You know what? Let's let's let's look at Jeffrey Dahmer and I know he did some yucky things, but let's try to find the good in Jeffrey Dahmer. Okay, he invented.

If you're Kanye, you something he invented. He invented in home cannibalism. Okay, and the stationary bike. If it wasn't for Jeffrey Tomer, we wouldn't have Peloton. What a fucking idiot. All right. Wow. So margs are what times we live in. Camille takes a nap, st All right. Wow. Margs are dull. Times we live in. Camille takes a nap, stares at the sun. Then we get to a corny little party. Something Rachel is calling the muff dive experience.

Rachel cannot find the truffle, which is what a truffle duffel. I don't like puns. Yeah, I don't know what she said. But Rachel, what is happening to you this season? What is going on? By the way, wouldn't you seek out the primary, I guess,

ingredient in what we'll make the night? It was going to be a truffle tasting, if I'm not mistaken. And I don't know what truffles are per ounce. It depends on the quality, the purveyor, stuff like that, black or white. I think it's 200 bucks. It's insanely expensive. So if you have an amount of white truffle,

which it's such a coveted ingredient. Oh, I just lost it in the closet. This boat's so big. Oh, really? It could be in this giant piece of Tupperware with the cilantro and cold cuts. Is there any rhyme or reason to

what you're doing? You are cooking like you're on Shutter Island right now, Rachel. What is going on? No reality exists on this boat. If you're Rachel. So let's get to Wig Gate. One of the ladies is shit-faced, and like I said,

does one of the most dangerous things a wealthy white lady can do. Yank a black woman's wig off. Well, to be fair, Dylan, the person taking the picture said, do something you wouldn't do. Right, yeah. Again, it's like finding the good in Hitler. It's just a stupid fucking thing to do. He did invent the Peloton. Yeah.

Yeah. Stupid. I should cover the basis of virulently anti-Semitic. All right. Sorry. Being married to that guy. Sorry. Sorry.

Okay, let's move on. So Rachel, like we said, has lost the truffle. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Okay, let's move on. So Rachel, like we said, has lost the truffle. But luckily for her, she is serving people who go on these vacations, which means you can dump petroleum product into three brown, brown meals, and they will be nothing but ecstatic. Oh, my God.

Can you taste the truffle in this? This is amazing. We've got a mushroom soup. We've got a caprese salad. Ah, fuck it. With truffle oil on top. And finally, we have a Sicilian mushroom risotto with Sicilian olive oil,

which if you're paying it, if you're keeping track, it's very similar to the first course in that it's kind of soupy and in a bowl. So she doesn't know if she killed her family

or not. To wrap things up, she has the vanilla honey panna cotta, the queen bee, which did look like a beautiful, beautiful dessert. But herein lies the issue of the culinarily uneducated.

Had you been better armed, you could know what's going on and you could knock off three grand right there. We asked for a truffle meal, which if you had a chef who was paying attention would make very, very simple things. I mean, all you have to do is chuck truffles on top of pasta with butter and cheese and people are blown away just as long as it's you can't see the pasta. All you have to do is make sure you don't lose the fungus and you'll blow their socks off.

Now, Dylan, perhaps this speaks to the unimpressive lack of majestic nuance of the truffle. Yes. The fact that she can pour petroleum oil on anything. No, no, no, no, no. And these filthy, yucky normies. No, no, no, no. Can drink this up and not notice. No, it has nothing to do with the lacking of the primary ingredient,

but rather the stupidity of the tongues of the primaries. People who do not know what good olive oil is, don't know it. It's not the olive oil's fault you know the nuevo press is still as green and vibrant and delicious as it always ever has been but just because fucking idiots are cooking with you know um yellow olive oil doesn't mean that i don't want to get bogged down into this but you triggered me you really really, really triggered me. Dylan, I have a question. Yes. Does Rachel owe the guests at some point to say I apologize? There was no truffle in that because they're obviously going to watch it on TV.

No, because the bank has been robbed. You don't go back and give the money back, right? You got ink all over you. Perfect answer. So zero pots, texturally bland and brown, and brown and honestly, a four course lie. That's all it was a fucking four course lie. So anyway, and Rachel, you know that. I actually think why she came on our show four months ago.

I think she gets fired. Okay, something. This is not going well. Rachel, they asked for steak and you gave them horse and you're laughing about it like you think it's funny, but it's not funny. They didn't want to eat horse. We've got to take a break to talk about these incredible sponsors and that was a bad analogy and I apologize for it, but the good news is regardless of what you're eating, our next partner has a product

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All you have to do is visit athleticgreens.com slash below deck. And again, that is athletic greens.com slash below deck to take ownership over your health and pick up the daily nutritional insurance. Hey, insurance? Yeah, I guess that's talking about your future. Let me tell you something. I'm a little mixed feelings about this. You know, my nanny, Lupita, she took it. She bought the mansion across the street from us.

Obviously, that hurt my feelings. All right, so this is an admission I'm not, I have, once again, mixed feelings about. I made my daily athletic screens cocktail. Yeah. Ellie got her hands on it. That was a week ago. She's working for NASA now.

Yeah, and also what Ellie did was not okay. And you can't blame Athletic Greens for the side effects, but one of them is laser vision. And so Ellie walked across the street. Pat lost control of her. She stormed out. Flew out of the house, actually. Flew through the wall.

It wasn't harmed. And landed in the middle of the street. Car hit her. Car split in half. And then she melted Lupita's house with her laser vision. But no, she's going to be the first two-year-old on the planet. It's not a planet it's a moon yeah she's flying out tomorrow yeah yeah she didn't need a space suit nothing she's just

going into space landing on the moon figuring out what's going on the point is i owe that to athletic greens well uh luckily for you you are not going to need therapy because you're so proud of your daughter but if you do need therapy yeah this episode is sponsored by better help okay now we all wish that life came with a user manual don't we yeah i i would have loved to have read that you know yeah but it doesn't exist okay so as the world's largest therapy service, BetterHelp has matched 3 million people with professionally licensed and vetted therapists available 100% online. Plus, it's affordable. Okay?

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Man, this is some fun stuff we've got coming up okay this is some fun stuff coming up so while tony and ben pop their nips out camille and alissa spar again i'm on alissa's side this time i thought that alissa was a little power hungry if you can remind me of uh this transaction well, so she tells Camille to stock the fridge and what Camille does is put four things in the fridge and calls it a day. Now Alyssa brings her down and says, look at this fridge and how it's not stocked. And the problem with it not being stocked is that we have 10 people on this boat. And let's say someone goes, oh, I want 10 of those. And we have four of them this boat and let's say someone goes uh oh i want 10 of those and we have four of them and then six of them are not cold so that's a problem now camille

goes oh yeah because camille's high yes she's like i don't know what's going on but she's she's smoking those shiggies she dated an nfl player or possibly a college uh failure yeah yeah and also college failure. Yeah. Yeah. And also she was on American Idol. Right. That's right. Thank you to the baby barnacle for tip to tip to that. She's been trying to be on TV for a while. Yes. And her dad is sick.

So we shouldn't, you know, beat up on our too hard. But when Camille goes, well, if you have enough time to look at this and see that I made a mistake, why don't you just do it yourself? Camille,

that is not attitude of gratitude. That is not extreme ownership. She has that time right now because she's trying to teach you how to do it yourself? Camille, that is not attitude of gratitude. That is not extreme ownership. She has that time right now because she's trying to teach you how to do it correctly. You know, famous Pete Sciolo once said, I will let somebody come in here and stretch six things of dough out until they rip. I can spend $26 on a bag of flour training somebody up. I cannot let them touch the tomatoes and the cheese. That is expensive.

What Camille is doing right now is not even partaking in the stretching of the dough. All right, we're going to move on. So next morning. Yeah, I think next morning. Yes, next morning. So first up, we got a call from the doctor. Can't feel my fucking leg. Let's just talk to it.

You got plane tickets. So we find out that Tony has a dark side. Very scary, but also part of the show, this part of the show was four seconds. It was commercial break, Lee talking to the doctor who told him to talk to his leg, and then Tony talking about how he has a dark side. Yeah, and then they cut to a preview for next week.

Very, very bizarre. I think I need to call you guys up to the bridge. Yeah. Well, there's been a disturbance in the force. Tony does not understand yachting and how different it is from kayaking. And I think he is going to become Darth Vader by the end of the season.

We wrap with seeing misogyny of the industry in plain sight. Tony takes a dip. Same exact thing that Camille did last week. And Camille and Alyssa squabble once again. And this will all bubble over to the coolers being lost next week so that's it for us guys jump in the itunes ratings reviews like we told you leave five stars kind words we love you very much for supporting us add free episodes or at patreon.com slash another podcast

network we'll see you next week i'm dylan saying goodbye pets say goodbye permission to leave the boat. Thank you.