Another Below Deck Podcast - A Friend of Johnny’s | Below Deck Med S11 E3

Episode Date: June 23, 2026

Dylan and Pat are back to break down The World Cup, orgasm noises, cheesy gordita crunches, cannons, Scientology, sugar babies, Mr. Wonderful, data centers, the roman empire and more from Bravo's Below Deck Mediterranean PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/anotherpodcastnetwork  YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/@badtvpod  INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/badtvpodcast/?hl=en

All right, so Joe is not having a great day. He tries to get on the jet. His sugar baby has left the boat. And now he's trying to get on the jet ski. And Joe goes, hey, how many drinks have you had? And he goes, one. What? And Joe, who's fine to have people have a good time, goes,

yeah. How many drinks has the fat one had? And they say, oh, he's had seven. Since he's been here. He had 10 before he got here. So, I would have put him on the jet ski. I would have locked the steering wheel. I know you would.

And I would have just set him straight with the steering wheel locked towards another yacht. Hi, hello, and welcome to bad TV. That's short for bad television. I'm Dill. That's short for Dillon. That's Pat, short for Patty. Great to be here, permission to come aboard. And that's Kailin.

Hello. Hey, Kailen. Hello. We're fresh off the U.S. is victory over the Ruse. those fucking kangaroos. Get in the comments, let us know if you're enjoying this World Cup. Kalen's got World Cup fever.

Do you know that? It's pretty electric. I am not going to lie. As a non-socker fan, this is fun. Do you have World Cup fever? No, I think it's... You've not watched a game, have you? First off, it is Chugie at this point for a American who hates the sport to mock it.

I appreciate your enjoyment of it. It's not for me. Okay, got it. So what is for you is Summerhouse, the aftermath? have and Rhode Island part one reunion really kind of electric stuff i mean we're almost physically fighting one another and he had to stand up during that reunion okay so dylan and i viewed uh the very very rough cut right of uh the reunion part one i hope they leave all of it in right it's phenomenal yeah it's a lot of hearsay in there dare i say yeah a lot of hearsay

a lot of i want to bring this up but i don't want to talk about it a lot of that but go to patreon.com slash another podcast network for all of that stuff. Let's get into below deck. Pat, what did you think about this episode? Spoiler alert. I'm going to give it like 97 pots. Oh, yes. Well, it's been, this is now in the history of the podcast.

Patty loves a villain. I love a hateful person and Joe really delivered. Now, unfortunately for... Just a fat drunk. Now, oh, he's more than just a fat drunk. Unfortunately for old Patty, we record these episodes a few days before they actually air to the rest of the country. We are more like here, yes.

Now, once the country gets to consume this episode, we will have various internet slews dig through Joe's, you know, go through. How do you have your millions? Most importantly, how did you amass this fortune of yours? Right. Because it's tough to figure out how this guy, I wouldn't let him run a fucking lemonade stand. You know these guys.

They're a dime a dozen. It's insurance fraud until the game. guillotine comes down and the guillotine eventually comes down. I don't know, but usually when you see somebody who's got a serious substance abuse problem is bereft of, or is deprived or does, why the fancy words, doesn't have a fucking iota of charisma and seems like also a dumbass. You know, there's something fishy there. But that's kind of the way you make money in America.

Yeah. He is the poster boy for white masculinity, uh, toxic. white masculinity. And I want to tell our listeners, I personally believe, I haven't run, I'm running into less and less of these as I get older. I believe they're like the dinosaurs. We've simmered down a little bit. I think they are going extinct, only because society will not tolerate this anymore. We have cameras and we can record them. We can report them. Right. And so, but clearly this idiot has, uh, does not care. Yeah, that's, that's why I, I take umbrage with Pedge de Sorbo and Hannah Burner, what, filling their podcasts up constantly talking about how we suck.

And it's like, I get it. But like, we're, like, we're. we're actually trying to do better. We're like the first generation of guys is, we're actually trying to do better. Like I'm changing diapers all the time. But Joe, that guy had never changed the diaper and he sired seven children. Well,

I want to know, did he, does he have kids? I don't know. Well, I want to know how many ex-wives he has. I'm going to build a profile on it, if you don't mind.

Okay, so he's definitely not a tech guy. I can't pin that on him. And also he, Johnny, you got to figure out how he's friends. It's got to be construction. It's got to be construction.

Okay, construction or some kind of like real estate thing. I think he might rent private plane, something he fell into a number of years ago where now he can be this person and still get mailbox money because he can't be around the office. There'd be millions and millions of lawsuits surrounding his behavior. Yeah. Right. Maybe not millions, but at least seven. Seven a year. Yeah. And which would cause a millions of dollars of lawsuits and liability. So my profile is that company is not public. It must be private because if it was public, he'd be kicked off the board. Because he's a doucheb.

You're doing this deep dive? A dive on the fat drug? I'm right. It has to do with real estate or some kind of business, something to do with golf or private plane rental, something. Golf? Yeah, he's like a douchebag guy. How would he know Johnny,

who's known as the dumbest athlete in the history of sports? Well, Frank Gore is actually the dumbest athlete in the history of sports, but go ahead. Okay. Anyway, I thoroughly enjoyed the episode. It was all over the place. uh props to uh uh asia and captain sandy i'm going to give nate a little shit this episode but uh that being said uh he did a good job too yeah um 14 knots kaelin what you think uh great episode 99

no okay um i am you know when it happened i was very very concerned whether or not asia had heard druthers um promoting Kaylee to Seconds to. Oh, God. That move. You know, like, I was going to say, like, not giving Gerbils the head of propaganda, but that, why would we? No, I think that's a good one.

I think that's a, you know, you know, Gerbils. He was very braggadocious about his. He was hung in, in, uh. Nuremberg. Yeah. I think they all slipped the noose and started just a second down. They made it to Argentina. I think so. I think so.

But anyways, we don't need to talk about the Nazis, okay? Jen is not one, but she is a nutbag. And Aisha, I think, in this fell swoop may have demonstrated, maybe I'm giving her too much credit, maybe demonstrated that she knows a thing or two about good television. I'm glad you pointed that out. I have a note that says definitely producer-based. because Kermit knows human nature and she's very thoughtful.

Also, we got to talk about this on APS. Can we stop saying Michael Jackson got framed? He fucked children, okay? Enough. Go ahead. Oh, I love one of our patrons, Elle. It's not that we're offended. It's that it's not funny.

Fuck you, it is. Oh, fuck those kids. Don't talk about L like that. Don't talk about L like that. All right, go ahead. Okay. Kermit is really on top of things. And that whole spiel about like, look, I look at a CV, I look at a resume, but it's really who's outgoing.

I wipe my ass with it. Yeah. No, you understand that this is going to create some wonderful drama is what you understand. We've also got Luke who is absolutely fucked. He is, I don't think Luke recognizes the danger that he is in. He is not only stuck between two women. He is stuck between two lunatics, okay? Joy, I love joy.

Joy is perfect for this show. And Jen is a lunatic, okay? So he is in grave danger. Nathan continues to just be such a dumbass. I mean, we've all, I don't know if I can say we've all, but I've had this moment before where, you think there is a certain level of familiarity between you and your boss, and you start trotting out bits of yourself that are just not appropriate.

And your boss goes, well, the Sandy kind of mentorship of Nathan is one of the most bizarre things. I'm going to fucking kill that guy. No, no, you're not going to do that. I don't know. Who has Sandy's wife in a basement somewhere or wife? why they're doing it so that Nate can have this position. It makes no sense to me. But it's a good season so far.

We started off the season with negative nilly over here going, I don't want Nathan, I don't want Joe, I don't want Asia. I think that this is a great season so far. I'm having fun. I think they're firing on all cylinders, 17 pots. You want me to start us off? No, it's okay. I got it.

Why would you say that? I got it. Well, because you were pausing. No, no, no. Dead air is weird to listeners because they start pressing buttons going to pause. No, I was just thinking, man. Last we left off, Nathan was being a fucking asshole. And I think that we can say that pretty much safely every episode.

Now, let me point out why he's being an asshole. Please. Because he's trying to protect the honor of a woman he's going to dump in eight months. Yeah. Okay. Now, because... And the gender broadly that he's been treating like shit for most of his life. Well, and clearly, I think more importantly, protecting the honor of,

the mother of his child, both of whom will be living at a separate address in eight months. Oh, yeah. Yeah. But right now, on camera, in front of producers and us, it's crucial that Joe keep

a girl's name out of his mouth. Kaelin, is the camera okay? I have injured my back. I feel like C-Biscuit. I have an upper hip issue right now. Is this okay? Yeah, it looks totally not. Okay, great. So, a couple of quotes from Nathan really quickly.

In response to Joe saying, I wasn't bad-mouthing her, Nathan says to me, you did. Okay. Oh, that's in line with, this is my truth. What the fuck does that mean? Hey, Kim Jong-un, who the fuck are you to go, I don't care what is actually going on? You're going to the camps. It's just crazy. Another quote, don't do it again because my next reaction won't be as nice.

Whoa. Okay. fistful of dollars, you tough guy. God. Just drives me crazy. Now, Nathan storms off and Asia tries to calm him down. And she says, hey, his mom told him that she was going to die today. So maybe take it easy.

Well, hold on. Yeah. His mom gave him some bad news. She said, Joey. Joey. Say goodbye by now. I don't know how much long I have, possibly minutes, maybe seconds. Maybe I'm dead now.

Right. I don't even know how I'm talking, Joey. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm dead. Right. It's important for us to not ridicule a woman going through breast cancer and telling her son that she might die. I'm dead, Joey, I'm dead. Here's what I wanted to do.

Yeah. And this is a sick experiment. So forgive Patty. Pretend I'm not Patty. I'm some jerk. I want to take India's phone. You're Devin. My name's Devin.

Devin Devin. and that's play on Dick. Is your brother's name Devin? It is. One of his eight brothers. Sorry. Yeah. Okay.

So, Devin. Let's do another name. Dale. Dale. Do you have a brother named Dale? I do not. Okay, great. I'm Dale the Dick.

Dale the Dick steals his sister's phone. Joe's sister's phone. Text Joe while he's dancing with Kaylee at the club and says mom's dead. Mom's dead. Mostest cancer of all time. Keep the camera on Joe. Joe would look at it that screen. close it.

Yeah. Set the phone down and I would bet. You tell Kaylee. No, continue dancing, feeling her ass and continue trying to get in her pants. No, Joe's a bad guy, but I'm not sure. Dale, Dale, I don't know. 100%. No, I don't think so.

But listen, while Asia tries to tell Nathan to calm the fuck down and be a manager of Sea Rats, he says, I'm going to punch him in the fucking face if I don't get out of here. Again, I don't know what kind of West Side story you think that you're in right now. It's not cool for a manager to say, I'm going to punch him in the face. Like, it's just not, it's not okay. People are going to start filing that stuff away. Also, can I say this? When he goes back to the house, I know I'm jumping a little, uh,

yeah, myself here. And he tells either her or us like, this is where I want to be. I want to, this season, I want to spend as much time with my family as I can. I'd like to point out he just spent dinner with his coworkers and would have spent the entire night with him, I'd argue, had he not gotten in that carfuffle with Joe the hoe. There are plenty of aquatic-based jobs that you can get that don't require you to fly halfway across. You know, I don't know. But if you really wanted to figure it out. By the way, I have a word for Nate, and this is the last shit I'll give them on this episode, because Patty likes to be condescending to people.

Because I've learned a lot of life lessons. Look here, you no-nutted turd, you spineless, you spineless little weasel. Okay. Okay. You have a kid now. I don't know why you broke up unless Gail is someone off-camera that we don't know, but I believe she's probably the same person. She might be Kaiser-Sosate for all we know.

Fucking girls that are DMing you, right, because you're on TV right now. That game is over. Yeah. You loser. Yeah, babe. Get up there. Get back with your wife. And for the sake of the kid, man up.

Man up, Nate. And to all men out there, man up, it's over. Your life is over. It's time to pick shit up off the floor and wipe up spills. It's not fun. But you had your time. Now, be tired and die. Yeah, like the rest of us.

They aren't having fun. The fuck is so confusing about this. These friends that are like, man, I don't know, man. I don't know if I, you can do it. You can do it. Just be miserable. It's fine. All right.

So Joe and Kaylee are having a good time. She's making orgasm noises at the dinner table. Oh, I like that. Was that? That's what he said. Hmm. I mean, who wouldn't like it? Yeah, but you don't have to voice it.

Well, it's a very beautiful woman making orgasm noises and then showing you a tattoo that says liability on her lip. Oh, my God. I think I'm going to have sex with this person. She likes to get loose on nights out and Joe the host sniffs out better, you know, his prey like a pig with. those truffles, you know? Yeah. Kaylee being prey is a little bit like a three-legged wildebeest to a lion. That's a good point. Yeah. So it's not that difficult. It's not going to be that. She is a liability on her tip, and she's making sounds of climactic sensation. So anyways, everyone is ripping it up while Nathan is in the car talking about Joe disrespecting women.

This is a club. We get to this club and we've come off of a great season of Below Deck. Dan Under that wasn't Dan Under. Where we saw them frequent feral dog pounds and pizza trailers and a place called Foxy Jaxe, which was disgusting. First night out, not only do we go to a club, we go to a club baked into the ruins of coastal Croatia. And it's just like this is what below deck is. We can't really see, but what we can see is fucking and sucking and blacking out.

I'm glad you pointed out fucking and sucking. Dylan, did you catch that Joy later in the episode when she, I believe she was describing Roman culture. Right, right, right. Now, it's important to note that fucking and sucking is not a term that we made up. No. So, so, so, so, so, so it's out there in the ether in the pool of English language. I'm going to have to say that Joy is a fan of the bad TV.

Okay, all right, great. Well, who isn't, right? So we're no longer at Foxy Jackson's. We're really ripping it up when we have to go to the rental. Now, this is what I said. I feared. And we could take a little bit of it, but we really don't need any at all, okay?

It's like if, you know, let's equate the show to a nice steak. Somebody brings over ketchup. Now, let's be realistic about it. The ketchup's not going to absolutely make this inedible. but we still do not need ketchup for this kind of thing. I'm getting worse at analogies. How about A1? A1 is better, but also no need to compare the show to a steak, right?

We can just talk. It's the pot and it's the aging and I think it's the social media use. I think I'm kind of steering towards Frank Gore territory and I'm actually terrified. I completely disagree. So we're fucking, we're sucking, we're rubbing, we're humping. The lights are low. the music is loud and then we go to this beautiful baby and gail and nathan doing this thing where he's trying to shelter gale from the drama but not doing a good enough job almost as if he's

inviting the inquiry uh oh it was a dad day joe was talking yeah he always talking about you yeah well what did he say he said you guys haven't gotten along in the past can you believe that fucking piece of fucking shit. I almost took his head off. Well, she helps feed the fire, though. Well, she does, but she doesn't really know what's going on. So we get back to the club. Joe, given the news of the day, what with the sad news? Dale, any comments? Well, yeah, I'll say this. I was so happy for him, given that this was the worst day of his life. He was able to suppress those tears and pick himself up by the bootstraps.

Try to bang a C-Ruh. That's right. Yeah, yeah. Because that's what we all do on the worst day of our lives, you know. Yeah. And he says that the, um, he whispers in Kaylee's air. He says the most attractive thing about her is, uh, her sense of humor. Oh, Joe, you slick, lying piece of shit. This is where Joe, it's like, buddy, she moaned at the table and has the tattoo. We don't need to volunteer these grandiose expressions of affection. Like just to have sex with each other. She's DTF, Bo. bro. Sorry, Bo.

I thought you said, I thought. Joe the hoe. I didn't know. Okay, I thought you were going with boo or, uh, I meant to say boo. Bet, is it Bay? Bay. Bay.

Yeah. Anyways, uh, Luke is in a love triangle. As we mentioned, he is in grave danger. Well, I want to point this out. Now, some would, both of them are getting a little mad at him. But if you really break it down, how can you be mad at him that the both of you like him? I understand. But what's,

he's supposed to do? He is in a place right now where he gets to make, render a decision over who he likes. And it's clearly, joy. I don't know. I mean, next week, I think he's going to bang Jim. And he's like, hey, by the way, how do you feel as a girl when he's like, I'm about to insert my penis in you? But it's actually in you right now. Yeah. And after we do this, do me a favor. Don't tell anybody. Don't say a fucking thing about this. What's that supposed to me? Yeah. It's very romantic. So he's in grave danger. Jen is horny. But he thinks that he can find love with joy.

Now, the thing is, Jen is disgusted by Joy, and Joy is disgusted by Jen. So Luke shoots his shot at Joy when we get back to the boat. Yeah, he did. And I loved her line here. What was it? It was a... No. No, there was something, well, she said no, and then walks off and says,

because anything great is not easy to get. Yeah. It's true. She knows how to play the game. Well, that's not. Well, I mean, depending on what state you're in, I would say a cheesy gordita crunch is a great thing. And it's pretty easy to get.

Yeah, but you don't appreciate it after that. No. You swear you're never going to do that again. That's a good point. No, great. It's like an ugly girl that you brought home from a bar. Hey, Dale. That ugly girl brought an ugly guy,

went back with an ugly guy. I know. We both thinking the same thing. We both don't want to eat gorditas ever again. God, you're in the middle of it. You go, hey, can you not tell anybody about this? I don't want people to know that I was having sex with you while I was eating. We were both eating gordita crunches at the same diet.

We were like, let's try it. We're wasted and hungry and horny. But those things should be compartmentalized usually. All right. Let's move on. Fuck, I feel like we're getting distracted. Kaylee goes up to hang out with Joe and Aisha says, be careful. And Kaylee says, don't worry, I've got this.

Hey, Kaylee, you don't. She's heard it before. You do not. And Kermit has heard it before. Joe is Shilab. Okay. You will be twisted up and stabbed in the stomach with some kind of paralyzing agent that there is no cure for. Just takes time.

and Samwise. It's the only way you can get out of it. Well, what are you going to do with those movies? You're not going to show the kids them? You're not going to do that? What movies? You know,

the new one that's coming out is actually about the years of Eragorn and Gandalf going to try to find Ghalm after what? I hate those movies. They're so boring. You're not. not a fantasy guy it's too much confusing talk too much confusing talk yeah okay guy of

parsecs and parsecs and and and oh we got a radiator plug and oh we're we're on tatoine and you're talking about fucking confusing talk about you're fucking talking about we're not going to discuss this right now it's so wrong cat and cooper hold on i want to get back to kaley and who's on her single journey right now. Yeah. Her and Joe, for now, are perfect for one another because as they're smacking lips, they both make a pact with one another,

not to get serious. And I am here to announce finally a promise made on this boat that can be kept. Right, right. Even this promise cannot be kept, though. Because the thing is, Joe is going to make it emotional. She's going to fall for it.

I'm starting to feel some emotions for you. And it's, It's going to be this like futile thing where it's like, Joe, why do you have to do that? You guys are having sex. You don't need to make it this thing. Because he has to do it. This is what we discovered about Joe and it's the most repulsive thing about Joe. Once Joe has cracked a nut off a couple of times, it's no, sorry to be, that was Dale.

Sorry to be so vile about it. But once he's cracked a nut off a couple of times. It's not enough. It's going to be empty. He needs all of you. He needs your emotions too. Right. He's going to fuck with you.

So that's what's going to get. He can't only disappoint your vagina. He needs to disappoint your brain. Right. And your heart and your spirit. Cat and Cooper. No malintent here. These are just two golden doodles who I think they could make a sea rat baby.

I ship these two. They're a perfect couple. I love when he did her braids later. Yeah. Who knew? Who knew? I mean, he's the Swedish guy and she's such a sweetheart too. Let's get to the next day.

Next morning. Joe wakes calling people, Joy wakes calling people Muppets already. She's very French, okay? Talk about condescending. And Kaylee continues to reassure Aisha that everything is fine. You are not fine. You are in danger. Nathan shows up from his Airbnb late, let's call it.

Okay? Supposed to be on deck at 9. He shows up at 9 in the wrong clothes. Okay, thanks boss. And says that he needs to have a chat with Joe. And here we go again. But this actually was a reassuring step forward for the two of them. Nathan says, I'm sorry about the way I behaved last night.

I think you're really good on deck. Let's just move forward. Now, in this moment, this is where Nate goes. You are the chief, what is it called? Lee Deccan. Lee Deccan. This is where you go Lee Deccan and we bury it. We move on.

But I'm sure they're going to have another dust up again. So maybe you apologize again. and then you utilize that. But anyways, they seem to be fine. Got a meanwhile. Meanwhile. See, right history. Kaylee doesn't really know what she's doing.

That's not going to stop Kermit. She has no clue what's going on. She's worked in hospitality before, but never really on a boat. Sandy has to tell Nathan that the boat looks like shit. And Jen continues to talk about how impressive she is. Now, Jen's a kooky character. We like her.

She's a lunatic. She strikes me as masshole. She just has like Northeast energy. Yeah. It's going to start to get grading. You think so? Yeah, I get in the comments. Let us know if it's already grading.

Yeah, I can't wait to talk to her. I think she's going to be fun to talk to her. If we do, yeah, if we do. All right, let's do it. It's time for the preference shape meeting. This one I remember. We talk about the amnesia that I suffer with these guests. Who could forget Johnny D?

Pride of Boston turned turt coat and traitor. Yeah, it broke my heart when you played for the Yanks, man. Who gives a fuck what you think? More angry with Johnny when we went to the Yankees. All right. Have a water, Fetso. Okay?

Now, Johnny Damon. You know, what you seem to make me want to bring back that cannon on the boat? Was there ever a cannon? Well, I used to say, like, for these dickhead guests, you have a cannon, and then what you do is you chum the water for great, whites and then you aim the cannon at it and you go hey joe get over here and then you uh throw him in it with his head first in and then you just launch him near the great white sharks oh head first yeah so the blast hits the top of the head that's right it explodes his uh what is the point of chumming the

water if the cannon's going to kill them instantly well maybe a little part of them be left i don't know okay so the way you do it is you flip that around you take their legs off in just a brutal manner then they're chummed right that's how you do joe if you're listening to the this podcast. I'm glad. Now, speaking of bloated drunks, Johnny Damon. Oh, he's a drunk, okay? He's been arrested for DWI, I think. We've seen the day. Okay. He's bringing a few people with him, a long-haired guy and a puffy dickhead named

Joseph. Don't forget that old guy that keeps taking pictures of everything. Yeah, I like him. He's creepy. I do, too. Okay. He has the posture and, overall vibe of a sea org kind of security guard. You would see him at one of the Scientology museums just standing there. The old guy

taking pictures? Yeah. Yeah. They're all very thin. Yeah, I know. You know why? Why? It's amazing when you drive by the Scientology Center, you'll see, what, 7 million rooms? All of the blinds are closed.

You never see anyone in any of the rooms. And it's really bizarre. that that's just in our backyard in Los Angeles. Several of them. But the one on fountain that's the purple is just the creepiest place. I work there. We work there. We work there.

There are no one, there's nobody sleeping in those rooms. Okay. What's happening to the members of the kind of lowest but highest rungs of the Church of Scientology is they are bus to San Pedro and they are thrown in shipping containers where they sleep. with no sunlight ever and no food ever. That's how you get docile, multiple people. You starve them and you sleep deprive them. Kalen, are those Scientology people,

some of the nicest people you ever met? It's to the level where it's creepy. They're so nice. They're like robots. Yeah, I know. Hi, guys. It's because of the shipping containers. Okay, these people want some great dinners.

Yep. They want a Roman-themed feast and a pitch black dinner. We'll get to that next episode. But first up... Don't forget the escape room. Cooper and Nathan bro out. And Cooper calls him a good dad. Hey, Cooper.

Take it easy. I love people that know nothing about a situation, just pronouncing things. There's such a great dad. You seem like a great father. He'll... Based on what? Based on what? Absolutely why.

I mean, the relationship will not... whether the first year of the child's life. Now, we talk about it. We talked about it yesterday. This is a very difficult tumultuous period, but you have to get through it. Otherwise, you're just a deadbeat. Okay.

Come on. Let's get to... Now, there are mitigating circumstances. Of course. If, you know, let's say you have a baby with a woman, right? You fell in love with her. she threw a drink at your head a couple of times before you guys got pregnant.

Ben there, sister. But it's not anything that, you know, deal breaking. Then you have the child and she starts throwing knives at you. That's when you go, okay, I think it's done. So there are examples where, if you don't make it out of the first year, doesn't necessarily mean you're dead. But other than that, try and work it out. Try and work it out.

We get to an interior team meeting, and Aisha gives Kaylee. Misliability. Oh. I like that. Yeah, how could you not like it? She's beautiful and she's moaning in front of you. She gets the second still. Now, as we touched upon, there is not a world in the real world where Kermit would have done this.

I don't think so either. Maybe Kermit really is going off of vibes. And we've talked about it before. The bar is so low on these boats that if you can just have better, vibes than the other person. It's not that difficult. If you don't know how to make a Bloody Mary, say, got it, and then go YouTube it. That's the standard of service on these vessels.

So you can be seconds to. Remember Haley, we went out for drinks with her and I said, how do you become such a good bartender? She said, I don't, I just would make up, they'd be so drunk, I'd just be throwing shit in a glass. Right. Yeah. Can you do a milk punch? Yeah.

For sure. Okay. So the guests arrive, it seems like there, uh, nope, yep. It seems like there's some, some tension brewing already. And it seems like Joe might have already been drinking. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Joe is the definition of an obnoxious drunk.

Yeah, well. He's an attention vacuum. Yeah. I want to say, say this. So, um, I don't know how he gets along in polite society. Uh, there was a little kerfuffle. When the guests arrived, there's something. about shoes going in there. I was confused. Then I started getting that he was actually yelling at

Addy, his girlfriend. AIDS, yeah, his girlfriend. Right. AIDS. What? Would you say? I said AIDS on accident. Oh, okay. And then the second I heard that, but that's a nickname that I would figure that you would have called her because what Addy is a name? Adi. Adi. Oh yeah. I know a couple Addies. We know an adi. But not ADIS. I thought you were going to call her. AIDS. Oh, no. Oh, is that how her name spelled? No. But it's, what do you call those puzzles where the words are all scrambled up? Something Graham? Get in the comments. I thought you were going to call her AIDS. That's my bad. That's just a misread. So is AIDS his girlfriend, then he has to say late. No, Sugar Baby.

His sugar baby, who he has to now pay 12 grand a month to? No, he's been doing that. And this is, I love these moments where the sugar babies go, I'm good. Your fat, old, annoying body is not worth a million dollars a month. I'm gone. Or his mouth. And that's... The fat body is the least of his problems.

Right. I'm still great looking. No, you're not. You look like a hippo. Adorned in some kind of Tommy Bahama. Okay. It's him. It's him that's the problem.

Right. So she is at this point, she's fed up. Because when you're in paradise and people are behaving badly, that's when you go, okay, I think we've got a problem here. Because well-adjusted people can go on vacation, maybe be a little stress, maybe be a little, you know, anxious because there's nothing to do. But nobody's going to make, nobody well-adjusted is going to make vacations really awful for people. and when you experience that kind of thing

I think a lot of people go uh oh might have a little bit of a problem here we're in Croatia and this guy sucks on a yacht on a yacht and this guy sucks so she's out of there um that was a first too that was really interesting there's not a lot of first that we get in a show we've been watching for 12 years yeah well even johnny d

who likes the booze himself goes hey joe look at what we're parked next to it's a cop so baby uh just calm it down he goes on if i can do anything Now Nathan tells Joe to get off the deck while they're undocking. And this kicks off a hell of a downhill snowball where Joe will just accrue and gather more and more and more hatred for Nathan as the day goes on. I would argue first off, I hate Joe with the passion of seven sons. I'd like to kick his ass. I would like to kick his ass. Oh, and it would be so easy.

The cardiovascular strength on that guy. he would gas out in three seconds. I think I think in under 30 seconds I could gas it on. Then I could just do the ground and pound on his fucking big fat red face. Okay. All right. A plet some violence is not the answer. Sorry, sorry.

Sorry, sorry. But, uh, oh, what was, Oh, Nate. You were daydreaming about beating the shit out of that cell. That's right. And then you got, yeah. But I do think that Nate could have articulated moving off the deck area.

A little bit better. Much better. Nathan's a dick. Yes. Nate could have said, hey guys, I am so sorry. I am so sorry. But it wasn't a kind of ask that was like a three out of ten.

It was like a six out of ten, maybe seven. It wasn't like, hey, get out of here. We're docking. It was not anything that anyone should throw a fit about. He went about it with a kind of cold professionalism that didn't have enough. I could have used a little bit more buffer as these people, as Sandy and both Kermit had pointed out, you get shit on. expecting to have people kiss your ass or be polite to you on these boats you're in the wrong

profession and you need to suck ass and i feel like these are the type of people that don't get told no a lot but that's the thing about this show you know when you're usually when you're chartering a professional yacht um not a fucking clown car people are they're they're subjects they're very reverential to you anything you need they get. This show is filled with Florida trash. Well, but also the vessels are manned by runaways with a serious contempt for the wealthy. Fair enough. And they're going to act that out.

Fair enough. But as Sandy pointed out, and I love to like break down of this, Nate, the more that you feed this guy, this shit, it's just going to escalate it. It's not helping anybody. It's what he wants. Right. So my point is by him not really sucking up to this guy, it just makes it worse. So learn the pathology of how this fucking guy thinks. Right, exactly.

And cater to it. So, Joe says, do you want to give me some more instructions? Dickhead, I'll rip your fucking face off. He did say that. Hey, Fetty. Try it. Calm down. So he starts to talk about how rich he is and Addy,

how Adi should want to be around him. regardless of his annoying personality and drinking problem. And he's also, to quote him, still a great looking guy. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. So Addy and Joe continue to feud. And she wants to leave the boat. She wants to leave immediately. And Joy picks up on this very, very quickly.

I was thinking that Addy should maybe chill out a little bit because you're on a paid vacation and it's going to be fun. You signed up for this kind of thing, just weather the storm. No, this was not an ultimatum. Addie went, I'm actually full-blown done. I believe she was kind of saying by she jump off. I think she was saying I'd rather drown. Get me a boat now because I'm braving the waters by myself.

Then be on this boat with this guy. Right. Exactly. So Johnny D. gets it. Not everyone has what he and Michelle have. And what they have is a Jerry Springer fever dream of a marriage. Now, we've seen the tape again, the body cam footage. She comes out and essentially is close to swinging at cops to protect her husband. So yes, they do have a Bonnie and Clyde kind of love that is beautiful. Lunch is going to be a tuna and mango sashimi with a little bit of lamb and james. Joe starts to talk about himself, how much money he has and how much he's paying her at the lunch table to the point where the other guests go, will you shut the fuck up or trying to enjoy our lunch? He's not doing a good job. Can I say something? I tolerate a lot of obnoxious people,

and I will almost always just nod my head, get through it because I'm meeting a lot of new people these days and there are some douchebags. I will say at this lunch, I think I probably would have said, I need you to shut the fuck up. I can't take this anymore. Yeah, or at least talk to Johnny and go, you've got to get him to shut the fuck up. Right. And I don't think he'd be able to do it. Yep.

I don't think so either. He's a little bit like juggernaut. You know, the X-Men juggernaut? Oh, yeah. Yeah, but with like being an annoying, fat, drunk guy. Right. The helmet's too strong. There's too much momentum.

them. Now, Jen needs to get her mind off of the second stew stepping over. So her solution is to go after Luke. Here's the problem. You and Kaylee, we're battling for the stripes. You and Joy are battling for the hulking, you know, Iowan or whatever the fuck. You want to try to distract yourself with things that you're not in competition for. And I feel like, Jen is going to be in a very dark place in a couple of episodes. What should she do, Dylan? Fucking finger paint. There's nothing to do. Say,

I'm done with this boat if I don't get second stew or fill out a Sudoku or finger paint. I don't know. By the way, we, this was, we passed by this quickly. She already started engaging in shit talking. She's been doing that the whole season. I know,

but she did it with her roommate, K, where she basically said something along the lines of, Kaylee got the job because she's a suckup, which is not true. Well, it's kind of true. She got the job because she's really good at the game of oars. Good point. I don't think that's sucking up.

That's good at the game of oars. All right. So Joe is not having a great day. He tries to get on the jet. His sugar baby has left the boat. And now he's trying to get on the jet ski. And Joe goes, hey, how many drinks have you had? And he goes, one.

What? And Joe, who's fine? to have people have a good time. Goes, yeah. How many drinks is the fat one had? And they say, oh,

he's had seven. Since he's been here. He had 10 before he got here. So, I would have put him on the jet ski. I would have locked the steering wheel. And I would have just set him straight with the steering wheel locked towards another yacht.

Just watch the party. This is what we should have done. Give him a blade, right? Give him a knife, kitchen knife, sword, something like that. Tell them it's a Croatian tradition to, you know, kind of sea horse around the waters with an open weapon and just see what happens. Here or that, I'd just see if Mr. Wonderful's wife is driving a boat nearby. Who's that? You're talking about Kevin O'Leary?

Yeah, his wife ran over someone. Oh, really? Yeah. God, I wish an asteroid would just hit him. Oh, you don't like Mr. Wonderful? No. Oh, come on, you, cockroach. No, I don't.

I'll crush you like the cockroach you are. No, I don't like Mr. Wonderful. Mr. Mr. Two watches and data centers in Utah. I'm not a big fan of Mr. Wonderful. We've got to put him somewhere, don't you? What do you want him on the fucking moon? Are you being Mr. Wonderful right now?

Yeah, you're a cockroach that I'll crush you. All right. I'll tell you what. Let's put the Dana Center in North Hollywood. Better than what I'm looking at. Fine. What's it going to do? No, no, no, no.

That's the thing. It's not. it's not what's it going to do hurt my brain yeah hurt your brain your organs lots of stuff your well-being just generally all right so um put them on epstein's island that's the way that's what that's what i've been saying go to uh st john or little st john and um yeah but then the coastal commission will say it's going to hurt the plankton you're a big data center guy you love data centers okay so then maybe pump the brakes you're going to have some angry fans All right. So he is told that he cannot ride the jet ski. And he goes, I mean, I don't know what the fuck I'm even fucking doing here. If I can't even fucking have a drink. I mean, I'm completely fine. I can jump off the second story at a boat, but I can't ride a fucking jet ski.

Okay. This guy is someone who doesn't like to hear no. And it angers him more and more. And to think that this guy all day long is just seething. Seathing. At Nate, till he'll stay up while everyone else goes to bed. And after he finished his phone call with his lawyer, who in some kind of fear and loathing relationship with his attorney, who hires Croatian prostitutes for him, will wait until he's alone with Nathan to then corner him. That is one of the...

What happened to Joe is Joe lost a fight in the third grade, was made fun of. That little boy is, he just been running the... roost ever since. And he's just a tiny little ego maniac, and it's kind of sad to see, but Nathan tells him he can't do it, and Nathan is his number one enemy.

Now, Joy says, what's going on? Because at this point, it's going around the boat that this guy is creating some serious problems, and Joy goes, is the one that fired his girlfriend? I just love the way that you framed that. Sandy goes down to mediate the

situation, and she says, I can't have you being disrespectful of my crew. She's very calm about it. And Joe says, fine, I get it. She goes up to Nathan. This is where I was talking about the familiarity with your boss that doesn't exist. And you need to keep your mouth shut. Nathan goes, I was going to fucking beat his ass.

Nathan said, Sandy goes, oh, wow. So that's not appropriate in any way shape. No, I know, I know. But I was going to fucking, like, I was going to fucking let him fucking have it. Hey, hey, Nate. Remember we were at BravoCon and we were having drinks and we were all saying we love being on TV? and it was all cool and you were hanging out with me and my wife and we said we're going to be friends forever. Yeah.

Fuck that shit. In this scenario, I'm your boss. Okay. So get in line, bitch. What? What Chris Tucker fucking Captain Sandy was that? That was her like, this is TV and you're playing a part here. You're in a professional environment, you lunatic.

You're serving people. You can't threaten. to beat the shit or cuss people out or choke people out. It's not cool. Your fake hair is getting to you. He did get fake hair. Oh, yeah. Looks good.

Yeah. Thank you're welcome. Patrick, I don't think, uh, I don't know that it was you. You don't think me razzing him for two seasons about that fucking. Well, I don't know if it was razzing. Razzing implies a levity. You said, uh, it's crazy when the cameras, uh, tucked back in the corner. You can see how disgusting the top of his head is, which I guess is razzing.

But, uh, okay, whatever. Uh, Luke gets a note from Jen and then gets a kiss on the hand from joy. This guy is screwed. He, he is a little bit like a, a different kind of Luke, the one, the son of the force balancer. Oh. Luke Skywalker. Bader.

What Luke is going through. He's a little bit like Luke in the garbage compactor. Oh. One wall is joy. The other wall is another great analogy from Dole. Other wall is Jen. Okay. And I don't know what the little snake swimming around is.

He went away. He went away. Yeah, you hear the garage door open. They let him out when they're about to compact. all the garbage. Wait, what do you mean? If you listen to the sound design by Bert, whatever is that.

Backerack. Yeah, Bert Backerack. Yeah, they let the little snake guy go out. I don't even know what his purpose was in that. Just a spook. Okay. I think just a spook. Where were you going with this, though?

I was saying that's what's happening. Oh. You got it. Okay. So, Kailen, how many pots would you give that analogy? A hundred pots. Thank you. I mean, that was hilarious.

It went on a whole tangent there, but it was. Okay, great. All right. Okay, so we braid some hair and then we get to decorating the Roman feast. Now, at this point, Joe is blacked out. He is ready for some food. Okay. Now, Joy knows that the Romans ate a lot and that they sucked.

And fucked. They certainly did. When she comes on this show, Dylan, how dare you? I will ask her. Was that a wink and a nod to this podcast? To honor us for our hard. work over the last decade. Let's find out. But she's correct. There were many emperors, many seizures that started to tire of the usual vaginal canal and started having sex with boys, men,

lions, robots. They did everything. Why just say suck and fuck? They also killed a dinner. Oh yeah. They definitely did. Socking, fucking killing, milking. Now, she's got it down that they were an exuberant kind of culture, well, the wealthy people were. You know, I was listening to a podcast on the Roman Empire, and this guy said, you know, it's interesting to remember that 95% of Roman history is just farmers that didn't do anything.

They just lived and died. You know, it's really beautiful. That's really, really beautiful. Because, you know, there's something beautiful about the ordinary life. You know, most people weren't wrapped up in the politics of the Senate. they were just milking cows and then dying, you know? Well, that's what I'd want to do. That's what I would want to do.

Who wants to look behind their back every day? Yeah, who wants to go, you too? It's like, who wants to get stabbed by their best friend and go, whoa, mean? No, I'd rather just, you know, cut wheat. Anyways, we've been going on way too long. We've got to wrap the show up. Oh, Jesus Christ. I know, it's crazy.

Such a long episode. Okay. So she's right that they were in exuberant people, but she is not. right about the menu, which we do not see, and I would have really relished the opportunity to shit on it because we've got stuffed peppers. We've got French onion soup or something like that. There were a lot of French things, and yeah, it was very confusing the menu for the Roman feast. You don't think the Roman stuffed peppers? They might have stuffed peppers. I think the Romans pretty much just, you know, they had figs and bread and fish. And I think I saw a video,

Kalin, calm down, man. I think I saw a video one. Here do you say fish? I think I saw a video one time where the ketchup of the Roman day was a, essentially a fish sauce. So you just ferment and rot a ton of fish and then you just squeeze out the bile and the juice that that kind of nets out. And then you put that on the things you eat. So I'm glad that you went with Ratatouille instead of that. All right.

Joe is wasted. He talks about coming. He talks about the chef not getting a 10 out of 10, which Sandy's not going to stand for. It's a 10 out of 10 for me. No. No one gets a 10. Nobody gets a 10.

She's a 9 out of 10. She's a 10 out of 10 for me, though. No. Nine. Okay. Let's go to bed. The one thing I do want to mention with dinner is Joy's stark contrast to Ben. So Joy is going to prepare some kind of whole fish, be it a brand zina, whatnot,

roasted with the vegetable sides, it will be accompanied by a beautiful dish, a simple dish. She's going to be filleting this table side. One fish, her knives, her presentation. Not Ben, who said to Daisy and Joao in Togas, go do this nine times. in front of everyone. Okay? So I can't give this a pot rating because we didn't see the dinner. So we have a hot little thing after the meal.

Joseph plays some metal next to Captain Sandy's room just to piss Nathan off. And Nathan goes, dude, please, you can't play fucking, you can't play stained right next to the fucking captain's room. Please go away. And he does. He calls his fixer. And he goes, hey, I need a. sex worker to get out to this

boat. She says she's working, but I can quadruple her money. So just give her 20 grand and get her out here. And that's when he tells his bro, his lawyer, his, I don't know, Michael Clayton kind of guy. I fucking can't stand

this guy. They got working here. And guess what? He's the only one up. So I'm going to go up there. and I'm going to tell him how I feel he sits down and he says hey I don't like you. I think you're a fucking piece of shit and I think you've been really fucking disrespectful to me the entire time. And Nathan goes, oh my God. And that's how we end the episode. I like how in the trailer they don't bother show Nathan.

Yeah, like he punched him. Right. He punched him in the face. It's all going to work out. We see Joe the next night for dinner. So we know that it goes okay. But we'll find out next week what exactly happens. Go to patreon.com slash another podcast network for Summer House and

Rhode Island will be starting in the city there soon, I think. Lots of fun stuff there. Donate a little, a little bit more. Get in the comments, getting the reviews, five stars, kind words. We love you very much. I'm Dylan saying goodbye, Pat. Say goodbye. Later, James.