Another Below Deck Podcast - A Little Tiny Pig | Below Deck Med S10 E10

Episode Date: December 2, 2025

Dylan and Pat are back to break down Eastbound and Down, sex tapes, Tesla drivers, BetterHelp, The Invisible Man, pangolins, traffic altercations, wineries and more from Bravo's Below Deck MediterraneanPATREON: https://www.patreon.com/anotherpodcastnetwork  YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/@badtvpod  INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/badtvpodcast/?hl=en

If I was Kerman in this situation, I would have walked up to Kizzy, and I would say, hey, don't tell anybody, but I was up on the deck and I heard all of the deckies, all the guys, they were all saying you're the hottest girl in the boat. That would have turned that little frown upside down, if you know what I mean? Because that's all she cares about. I think that's actually a brilliant way to handle this. Hi. Hello, and welcome to another brand spanking. Welcome aboard. Let me take that again. I'm going to take it again. Ready? Can you give me a countdown?

Three, two, one. Welcome aboard. Another brand spanking new episode of Bad TV. I'm Dylan, that is Patrick. Great to be here, permission to come aboard. Granted, uh, Kaelin is here behind the ones and twos. So, what's up with him today? He always says it like that. Does he? Mm-hmm.

Get bad energy from him. Hey, very fat. I'm looking fat. No, me. No, you don't look fat at all. Dude, how was, uh, how was your turkey day? Oh, well, I'll probably talk about that on APS. Me too.

Well, at least my, uh, mother-in-law didn't die on my kitchen floor like, She tried to last Christmas. Yeah, she tried to die. Yeah, a lot of stuff of Patreon, Salt Lake City, me, C, C, C, and Ruby. Tried to do an art project yesterday with my baby. Did not go well. Oh, that's so funny. So did not go.

Probably around the same time. What is Lucy six months old? Yeah. So we went out and got this organic paint and we put it on this gigantic white piece of paper on the floor. And we gave it to Ellie. and she was like six or seven months old we let her hands go in it none of it hit the paper well some of it dripped

on it it all went in her mouth in her face who were these people that get these clean footprints and handprints I don't understand anyways I burned my child we'll get into all of it at patreon.com slash another podcast network while we're there doing a little housekeeping January is when

bad TV is going to really open up wide we got a lot of shows coming at you we'll be covering real housewives of Beverly Hills we'll be covering the season of traitors. Yes, we will be covering the Bachelorette with three guy names, Taylor, Frankie, Paul. Yeah, we're going to watch that Ed Gain thing that, that, oh, no, hell no, I will not watch, I will not watch a show that a guy wears other people's faces. Okay. But I will be watching, what's that other show we're going to watch?

All her fault. Nope. Mm-mm. Oh, are you talking about Jarvis Yards? Oh, no, no, no, no, no. No, no. We'll be watching something else. Anyway, it's going to be all there for January, so get excited about it. I think we're going to put Bachelor for free, and I think we're going to put Patreon behind a paywall. And then... Patreon's going to be behind a paywall.

Yeah, that's what I meant. And then Dill and I are discussing this is, there's no promises. Don't get Dylan yelling at me. We're thinking of putting our first, our recap of season one of OG below deck on the free feed, where we interviewed almost all the cast members. And I don't remember what kind of... Slurs we said or anything. Well, Dylan called one of the cast members a sea rat, and it did not go well.

One of the other cast members, for some reason, she didn't want you to say what state she was living in. Although, she seemed kind of lonely because she didn't want to get off the phone with us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was really sad, to be honest. Yeah, no, Bravo was really plucking people from under bridges back for the first season. The casting was almost batting a thousand, all lunatic. And, you know, they're sea rats, but they're not lunatics. They're human beings, you know, but, oh, gee, my God, psych ward shit.

So while we're away on a holiday break, we may release an episode of that. And it's some of our best work, honestly. But it's not for the faint of heart. If you maybe listen to the first episode, and if you're truly offended by it, definitely don't listen to anymore. No, it can't get better. But listen, we love you guys very much. We hope you had a lovely turkey day.

Kayland, do you have a nice turkey day? Very nice. You see what I'm talking about? It was a truncated kind of bite response. That's a producer response. He doesn't want to get in our way, man. Really? Yeah, we're the host.

Where are the talkers? He presses buttons. Don't demean him like that. He's attacking me, and I still think that was too far. So listen, we have an episode of Blow Deck Med to talk about. A lot of boyfriend. girlfriend talk tonight one of the most confounding phenomenons in the sea rat world what are you guys doing talking about this for especially max he's a stage one creeper stalker stage one creeper

yeah we're going to get into his sea rat history oh yeah a lot of sea rat history tonight thought it was actually quite an enjoyable episode i'm going to give it 87 pots now that's more pots than I gave after the hunt. Wow. Fun fact. That was it. Oh, okay. Did you watch Eastbound and Down for a season of Kenny Powers?

Some of it. Okay. Well, he was chasing this girl around. Made me too sad. He was such an asshole. Yeah, he was a jerk. Well, anyway, he really wanted, I know the actresses is his name. It was Katie Mixon, but I don't know what character's name was on the show.

I know why you know her name. Why is that? Because you looked up if those were. actually her boobs. No, I did not. I never. No, no, no. I thought she was gorgeous. So anyway, I compare that with something that Nate did at the tail end of this episode, which is he crawls in bed with Kizzy. Yeah. And then, uh, Kermit walks in and the lights go on and he has a, uh, second, like second thoughts about the whole thing. Right, right, right. I don't think if that light didn't turn on, would he have those second thoughts? I'm comparing this to Eastbound and Down season

one where Kenny was rubbing up against Katie Mixon's character. He really wanted to have sex with her. But while he was seeing her beautiful breasts, he actually came in his pants and pretended that he didn't and said, no, I can't have sex with you right now. Oh, got it. I can't. I have, I must wait. Got it, got to got it. You think Nathan came himself and that's why he had to leave. I think either that or he thought he was, he was pushing too far. If he would, if Kerman had got knocked on it. Well, which one is it, man? Both. She looks pretty high You know, you

Given the demographics of our audience Equating this to a very specific moment From the first season of Eastbounded down Which, Kaelin, can you look up when that came out Where are we talking about 2007? Yeah I'd say is worse than me comparing stuff to Jarvis yards 2009

2009's It's not that far back It's very far back How many pots? Four team. Calam, what'd you think? It's great. Yeah, great.

I'd give it 90 pots. That's a lot. We have two great sponsors, by the way. Both I'm using, Lola Blankets and Hems and Hers. Thank you for Hems and Hers, and thank you for blankets. So, Sandy's pissed. Yeah, she's really tearing in to Nate. Oh, yeah.

What are your thoughts on this? Why, I didn't think you were going to ask me that. Well, Max is around. I got it. I got it. No. No, I don't care. I do.

Okay. Because he's letting the charter guests drive the boat. And he's right next to him. But Nate's getting hell for it. I mean, the guy's like a football field away. Sandy happens to catch it because I think she's got those binoculars out. I think this is a Max thing, not a Nate thing. What's he supposed to do?

yell at him. Right. This is a very, like, I'm going to take everything I heard in Marriott, Room B, very literally. And I'm going to go lead that way, right? And it's that kind of thing where, like, well, if you're the leader of the organization, then it's your fault. It's like, I understand if we're having, like, structural problems and there are things that are kind of nagging coming up all the time. But if one person does something completely out of pocket, it's okay to talk to them and not fuck. fucking me about it because I didn't fucking do nothing.

You know what I'm talking about? A little sidebar here. Did you ever see the Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee porn video? No. Okay. Get this. Oh, I thought you were going to say documentary on their boring lives. Oh, a lot of, a lot of shows on that.

I definitely watched the porn, though. Okay. Well, remember, he had a boat. He steered the boat with his wang. No, no, no. I didn't. How long is the porn? No.

It's like clips and clips. They have sex on the boat. They're having a party. But at one point, he whips out his wing and he steers it with his way. Yeah, I'm confused about boats and how difficult they are to operate. Because she was married nine times and she said Tommy was the love of her life. Now, she married one dude named Rick Solomon twice.

And she had told him he's the love of her life. Don't do this. Can't keep a man thing. Well, I think you called her. He's the one who made Paris Hilton famous because he did that. the sex video with her. And he called Pamela and he said, hey, you married me twice. He told me I was a love of your life. And then she said, well, you know, all you lose or cis white heterosexuals out there, if you want to really piss your wife off, just say

something like, like if you see Kate Beckett's day on TV, just got, oh, she cannot keep the man. I mean, you'll have your fucking throat slit. Anyways, so Max, Wildcard, flew off with the guest, Imran, who is, um. Hey, hands. He apologized at the end of it. Imram. Okay. He said, I apologize if I offended anybody. You know, Imran reminds me a lot of Tesla driver I encounter today.

Larchmont. I'm walking down Larchmont. There's a driveway in the Bank of America parking lot. You know it well. That's where we went to lunch before we went to Love is Blind for me. Yes. This Tesla, there's a sidewalk. You're supposed to leave the sidewalks.

walk clear he lurches forward blocking me i can't i can't get i can't walk anymore so you know what i do i squeeze like i'm trying to get through a park like like i'm trying to get in a you know like a tight parking spot i'm touching the front of his car and stuff i'm like you're on foot i'm on foot so i'm squeezing in front of his car and i'm just it's this slow move around his bumper and i'm just front facing him the entire time and he's looking at me like what are you doing and I'm just giving him a thumbs up. And I was like, you're, that's what Imran reminds me. Oh, my God.

Why engage in that? What are you talking about? Why engage in that? What are you talking about why engage in that? These Tesla drivers need to be, I'm not saying put to death. Oh, my God. I understand it's a, it's a cheap vehicle. I'm thinking about getting one.

Hey, let me cleanse the palette of the podcast because you're, you're getting, no, I think you're getting political or something there. Tesla, it's only Tesla drivers that are assholes? No, no, no. No, no, no, hang on. You're doing this thing where it's racist that you thought it was racist. Okay. This is not political.

Okay, this is a fact of the fucking universe. People that drive Teslas are assholes. The way they drive Tesla's are assholes, okay? Pat's family has a Tesla. We bought it before the election. Okay. Okay. It was a great deal.

There are many more assholes on the road than Tesla's. minivans, chargers, F-150s, sometimes a Prius. Oh, yeah. There are many, many forms of poison out there on the road. Quick story. All right. Because we got to talk about the show, man. Yeah, I know, but I think the audience is really dragging us down.

Yeah, I think the audience is going to be awestruck by this. Okay. Okay. So I swear to God, what's that a demon and fatal destination or whatever, final destination? He was coming for me last Wednesday. Does the demon have a name? Final destination. Let's call him Jeff.

Jeff is out for me last Wednesday, the day before Thanksgiving. So I have never had this happen to me. Can I guess? Go ahead. Truck filled with rebar in front of you driving. No, I wish. No, no, no. Okay.

It was, I'm pulling out, and I'm in Hancock Park. I don't understand the streets that well. So I pull out a little bit down this residential street, and I'm like pulled out, like, out in the street where I would have been at fault of a car is coming. Anyway, this car comes whizzing around at me, coming towards, I'm in, towards the driver side. He's going to fucking tee bone me. I just turn and I freeze and I go, if I reverse, he could head that way. If I pull forward, he could head that way. And in my brain, in that instant, I said, stay here. Right. He swerves right by me to the point where he misses my back fender

to the point where it shook my car. He was so close. Wow. And I hear him swerve and think, I looked in the back and I was like, thank God he didn't crash anything. And I just fucking buzzed out of there. And I was like, wow. It was your fault. Oh, 100%. Oh, my. Yeah, I just got the hell out of that. What car were you driving? I was, I drive my work truck. Work truck.

Assholes. And I, and I gave a middle finger to Jeff, too. I said, not today. Not today. You fuck. You CPA fucking. No, no, no. That's the demon in Final Destination.

It wasn't the driver. No, I know. But if the demon is named Jeff, he's a merchant of death, but also he kind of sounds like a. CPA? Yeah. He runs numbers? Yeah. Okay.

Let's talk about the show for just one second. So Sandy says, get your shit together. And because of that, Nathan gets ripped. Do you know how Nathan is? When Sandy comes down on him, he starts calling the other sea rats pieces of shit and saying, I'll fucking kill you and stuff. It's really weird. Poor bastard. He's already losing his hair as it is.

Now, we learn from Sandy that this method to her madness is she applies pressure to the sea rats, right? And this is to bring out the best in a sea rat. Now, I have some news for Sam. She's like a hydraulic press with skidding. Yeah, and it's to bring out the best skittles. But this is the news for Sandy. The ocean is filled with sea rats that had pressure applied to them, and they just turned to the fucking bottle.

So I don't have much faith in this method, San. And you know a thing or two about the bottle, Sandy. Oh, yeah. So, right? Let's not drive these sea rats to drink any more than they're already doing. Can I say we get a shot of the pool toys and everything? everything floating out there. It looks like shit.

Looks like, it looks like, it looks like 23 palms. What's that place called? 32 palms. That's the dump with a beautiful name. Right. You go to a motel there.

Blood stains on the wall and whatnot. That's, it looks like they put all the pool toys out in a little kidney bean pool. That's what it looks like. It looks like shit. I agree. All right.

So we're doing a Cochinito, Cocho, Cocho Wewa tonight. He had trouble pronouncing it. Yes. And it is, It is a little pig. Now, we'll talk about the young suckling who gave his life and gave him, implies a kind of voluntary nature.

It wasn't. It was ripped from its mother's womb and then mercilessly taken out so that Imran could eat it. And it's stuff like that that makes me want to see what's after what we're doing here. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah. Wait, so, Dylan, I want to get this straight. Yeah. The farmer didn't walk into the barn and said,

Hey, guys. Hey, Jeff. Who wants to be eaten by an asshole on a boat? Raise your hand. Didn't go like that. Yeah, no. So, get this. And pigs can't even raise their hands.

So I don't know what that guy was doing. I heard they're really intelligent. You think they'd get the fuck out of there if they were that smart, right? Hey, let's get out of here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So Josh says that he's got a, kind of a moral quandary with this or issue with this, which is a rarity in the culinary arts.

Yeah, the culinary arts are pretty, you know, um, duck off a water off a dead duck's back kind of thing. Like they'll commit foie gras fine. And it is, you know, I've been told that they come to love it. Hmm.

Uh, banned in California, by the way. Really? I think so. God damn. Kevin Newsom just makes everything not fun, dude. I can't stay in that fucking guy.

He loves fires. Okay. I want to say this. Did you ever see that episode of Parts Unknown with Anthony? He suffocates a fucking goat and he actually tells the camera he's like in this tribe or something. It's, you know, it's part of the tribe. Yeah, yeah. We're having blood for dinner tonight.

That's right. They drink the blood after he suffocates and he turns the camera and says, I'm having a problem with this. And then two days later he fucking hangs himself in a fucking gloom closet. No, it was decades later. But I understand what you're saying. At least he didn't take himself out like Keith Carradine. He was beating off in a closet, which one would argue is a better way to go out. Yeah, you know, I mean, we had a space monkey problem in high school.

You know, space monkey. Space monkey. It's when kids choke each other and jack each other off or something like that. They were like, you've got to stop doing that, okay? Wow. You're going to get hurt. That doesn't seem like a problem at all. Okay.

Meanwhile. Nate looks like a deflated balloon. Okay. Meanwhile. Oh, meanwhile. All right. Jesse's peed. Kathy's upstairs all the time.

She's got two stripes. Why is she not up there all the time? Now, who does she confide in with this, Dylan? Jeff, I don't know. Josh. Yeah, Josh.

She's in the galley telling Josh about how unfair Kathy gets to serve drinks to assholes in the sunlight while she's stuck in all day cleaning fucking toilets. Yeah, and then she's like, oh, by the way, also, I'm so horny. And then she licks her lips. This is what Josh should have said, because she did not say that.

Yeah. She said therapy sessions are 30 bucks an hour. Otherwise, get the fuck out of here. 30 bucks an hour. Yeah, that's a cheap rate. Or he could have said, go to betterhelp.com slash bad TV. No, it's actually Rula.com.

Oh, sorry. Yeah, you use that kizzy. But we've also been sponsored by BetterHelp in the past. And the issue was that they had a problem with our ads. They were not thrilled about us. Well, I said people should, posts signing up for Better Help and tell us why they signed out. Yeah, we told a couple of fans to record their sessions and post them in the Facebook group.

And we also got pretty vivid about the events in your life that can lead you to Better Help. And they weren't thrilled about it. No, they weren't. I think that's when they canceled. They wrote us a letter saying it's about getting better. It's not about looking back. And we were like, no problem. So Asia is going to fix this hole.

jizzy Kathy thing by and this is an inventive conflict resolution technique she's going to hold jizzy like a little baby

and then she's going to take a shit and then hopefully things get better I'm not sure I don't think that's going to work but listen Aisha's great

she's good and she's normally an out of the box thinker but if I was Kerman in this situation I would have walked up to Kizzy and I would say Hey, don't tell anybody, but I was up on the deck and I heard all of the deckies, all the guys.

They were all saying, you're the hottest girl on the boat. That would have turned that little frown upside down, if you know what I mean. Because that's all she cares about. I think that's actually a brilliant, a brilliant way to handle this. All right, so we get ready for dinner. But before we get ready for dinner, let's get ready for an ad for Lola Blankets. Oh, I love Lola Blankets. What did I do this morning?

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Actual price depends on product and plan purchased. Okay. We ride to dinner. Imran. Oh, well. Getting ready. We have dinner. He's getting ready.

He looks in a mirror. He says, God damn, am I good looking? No, you're not. You look like Skeeter. you look like Skeeter from Doug and then he goes upstairs and starts talking about how it's difficult to find maturity in 20 year old women but he still has sex with him anyways I mean dad of the year this guy he's cool he is so fucking cool so we get a little Crat history here with Kathy and it's a sad one

they didn't eat dinner together at the table yeah we'll see let's break down the game film yeah this is the sea rat history for kathy her mom drove a cab so she never made food for little kathy so she spent a lot of time alone which is why she's so independent now the score on the sea rat sad scale is inconclusive at this point okay you may be asking why definitely where the fuck is dad oh right i think we all know uh he's been seen less than the invisible man which is why she works on these boats. Minus two points. And the Invisible Man is hardly ever seen.

Unless Dylan pointed out, unless you throw pain around. You got to throw pain around. You got to throw a duster around. So you get a big jacket. You just try to put it on stuff around you. And then you can see the invisible man. But as you could imagine,

that's very difficult. Don't you think if you're going to talk about your childhood, at some point you might want to mention where the other parent was? Well, who knows, it's everyone's pain, and it's their Pandora's box to Kipka button or keep shut. We have to get to... I would argue omitting that detail is an admission. Right, right, right.

Minus two points. Okay, but not to all, because we're experienced in the ways of sea rats. You know, a lot of people, first-time viewers of the show, go, oh, that's interesting. You don't see a lot of British women being cabbies leaving their child at home to fend for herself. that's all they would think. But because we've done this, we know. The dad is burying himself inside the kind of immature women that Imran was talking about. And that's sad.

Hey, Patty, what's your childhood like? Dad took off on those two. He's a selfish, self-absorbed asshole. Right. Mom worked at a restaurant as a waitress. Yeah, I mean, that's a little awkward for a first. You don't tell that to a stranger, right? Oh, a producer.

sir. Okay. Because if I had just met you and you said that about your family, I'd be like, Jesus Christ, somebody get this guy a drink. You haven't met me with three pinos at a cocktail Yeah. Oh, forget a leachy martini. My God. All right, let's get to dinner. It is a... I would never touch this pig. Me neither. Dinner is going to be a... What do you call the people? What do you call the people in Barcelona? what do you call them uh spaniards no they're not spaniards they're what are they called k

barcelona yeah they call themselves something else well he's looking this castellano or something catalans catalonian catalonian it's a catalonian it is a catalonian feast okay we've got all the hits

we've got crocats one of my favorite things who doesn't love a croquette I love croquette you love a croquette we've got potatoes bravas we've got pan contamate

we've got puss yuck and we've got this tiny little pig that raised his hand and said I don't I actually don't want to go and the pig slaughter was like oh sorry I didn't see that Kill them anyways.

So sad. I want to say this about that little pit. 100 pots. It's a perfect dinner. You put that pig on the tail. Except for the how sad it is. Zero pots. Most people don't like to see the head and that's a major turnoff for food.

We don't like to see that eyes in the head connected to the food that we eat. We like to be disconnected from that. Here's the idea. You ever want to turn all of America into vegetarians and under a year serve Big Macs with eyeballs. What are you talking about? I don't know. Take an eyeball from the fucking... cow or something. Somehow get it in the burger meat.

A lot more burgers you can get out of a cow than an eyeball. You can get probably, Kailen how many burgers can you? Can you imagine open up your burger and there's a fucking eyeball there? You'd never eat a hamburger again. Right, right, right. You know, it was so funny. I was watching a documentary on the pangolin.

It was a dual narrative of a pangolin and a lab. No, a lion-haired monkey. and you know these lionared monkeys are in the canopies they're trying to find food they've got these little babies on their back and it's this heartwarming tail that stretches an hour and you're very invested and as they go along you know they find frogs and stuff and it's just it's so sad like like the the commas in between the steps of their journey are them ripping the heads off of frogs with their with their teeth you know it's like so nature it's like too there's too much out there. What did that documentarian say about nature?

A good nature documentarian has nothing to say about nature. He's, or she simply documents. Right. Don't become part of the story. No, no, no. Right. And I'd be a bad documentarian because like, you know,

if there's an antelope getting ripped apart by a couple lines, I'd get in there, go, hey, you've got to knock this out. You're eating him by his legs. And he's still alive. And he's still alive. And he's wailing. Do you not hear that? Jesus.

All right. So the sea rats, they smell the sweat of the guests on their sheets. And Josh almost breaks his tailbone doing tricks to hit on jizzy. And to Josh, I would say, I don't know if this is in your book. Wait a minute. Are we at dinner with the sea rats? We passed dinner.

Oh, I know. But after dinner, didn't that Dr. Rasa, didn't he try and get Kathy in the hot tub and all that stuff? Well, we'll get there. But first. Josh is doing cool little swing parkour tricks on the cabinetry, and he falls and hurts himself. I saw that.

That was in the trailer for the season, by the way. Oh, was it? That was really funny. Okay. Now, in cracking the code, is there any commentary on parkour or cool tricks to impress a lady? Maybe on a skateboard. Skateboard, huh?

Mm-hmm. Okay. Yeah, this didn't work. No. No. but listen who knows by the end of the season we could have love between these two

now the guests are really ripping it up Imron's trying to fuck his friend's wife and they they pull their pants off and they put their raw butts on the jacuzzi and Kathy's like I gotta get out of here this is disgusting I can smell it from underneath the water

and we move on to a little sea rat history V calls her friend and talks about what was his name, Baum? Bon. Bon. Yeah. Love of all loves. He died eight months ago.

No. I think it was it the eighth month anniversary? It was the eight month anniversary. That can't be an anniversary. You can't have an eight month anniversary of death. I think it was a year. It was eight months. I don't think it was eight months.

She's concerned when the year comes up and she's with Joe the Ho. How is he going to take it when she talks about it? I don't think you're right. When she goes to the... You know, it was eight months ago. When she goes to that place where he was mauled by a bear and she throws a fucking reef in the water, how's Joe the hoe going to take it?

I think as long as he's going to have sex that night, he'll be fine with it. That's Joe the hoe. You know, I told my wife after I die, I don't want anybody to bang her for at least three years. And if she does, I'll come back as a ghost and give them both aides. Okay. I haven't figured out the logistics.

No. I'm not dead yet, so when I get there. Yeah, no, that's a problem that you have to solve when you're on the other side. That's right. And to any of our new... God, how do I give people aides? To any of our new listeners, um, sorry. Sorry about tonight.

You know, I told my wife when I die, I don't want anybody to bang her for three years. But when I become a ghost, I'm going to give her AIDS. It's like, what are we even doing here in this room? Hey, Del, you know what? The worst thing that happened to Vee, though? Bond cashed out on her birthday. Words of the wise, don't die on your girlfriend's birthday. I don't think that's right either.

It is. So every time her birthday comes around, she'll have to think about that. That's like me. My birthday is October 11th. So every 9-11, I go 9-11, one month until my birthday. You know? Wow. It's really exciting.

I get really amped up. Jesus Christ. All right, Imron wants to piss off the side of the boat. Kathy's like, no, you can't do that. It's dangerous. You fall and die. Now, if I was Kathy, just let him see what happens. But he's told, coaxed, dare I say, to go downstairs.

And him and Mike start ripping it up. They break a glass. They're like, they're like freaking fret boys, young again in this Scooby-Doo Hall, way downstairs now kathy really um really wrangles these two yeah that's part of their job i guess you drunk to be able to fight back well also because if i was a paying guest i'd be like hey clean the glass up and go get me another fucking drink i'm not going to bed right now what the hell's wrong with you see you're at maybe the internal voice in their heads know that they can still get tossed oh you think

yeah maybe all right so uh next day nathan's not fucking around today okay and neither is kathy kathy uh leaves a post it note she says i'm not getting up it was too tough last night posh i'd be like you're getting up right now you're getting up right now you know i was so sad i've been looking for this video of uh a new zealand traffic altercation it's been scrubbed from the internet what happened this guy goes in he's parked in a spot that he's not supposed to be parked

so the guy reaches in takes his keys out of the ignition hot start and the guy goes don't touch my fucking keys he goes I'll touch your keys if I want to he goes no you won't you won't touch my fucking shit you piece of fucking shit and the

the heading of the video is he's perfected the art of swearing and he calls him an F and a cock sucker and an old piece of shit, and it's really great. So anyways, I can't find that. If anybody wants to help. We have a lot of listeners from New Zealand. Yeah, exactly. Hey, by the way, I thought those people over there, the Kiwis, were way more evolved than us.

They don't need to indulge in these pathetic, dehumanizing acts of... I thought that about the Kiwis as well. What's up? I don't know. You know what? That was probably AI. That's probably two Americans doing that. You think?

And they dubbed it with Kiwi's... Oh, you're so right. Mm-hmm. You know, you can't trust anything anymore. Can I ask you a quick question? Why did I talk about that? Why did I start talking about that video? Was it something to do with...

We're never going to know. So Aisha tells the guests... Well, but first we got to talk about Sandy telling Nathan, you know, it's come time. You have to appoint elite deck. can't. Oh, wow. That makes a lot of sense. Why would she do that? Why would you, they all kind of suck, so why would you force him to do that? Someone did that one time and it threw a huge wrinkle into the whole boat, like created a lot of drama. There was no need for it. Yeah, a wrench even. A wrench, that's what I meant.

Or a wrinkle. Yeah. A wrench or a wrinkle. What we're both trying to say is that there's no need for this. There's no diamond that's going to be to come from the pressure that she's putting on Nathan to make this decision because, okay, you pick Joe, Max is pissed, it's your best friend. You pick Max. He's going to drive a tender into the side of the boat. Sandy's going to go, why'd you pick him? You can't pick V. She's too green.

There's nobody to pick here. No diamonds. Not one. So, Aisha tells the guests, heard you were a little drunk last night. If I'm the primary, again, I don't want you C. Rats gossiping about me and then bring it up to me at dinner or breakfast, just, you know, leave it alone. We get some C-Rad history with Max a million. This is because the romance between him and Kathy are heating up.

Yeah. He considers her family and he wants a family, but not like his family because his dad stepped out on his mom. Uh-huh. That's about it. And where does that land on this? I bet I bet my cheek. Oh.

Did you hear that? I bet my cheek. I didn't hear it. But to answer your question, it's a big old fat zero okay right it's a story as old as time i mean literally it's one plus one equals two it doesn't even register anymore right oh your dad sheet on your mom yeah wow well i'm blown away what are unique and gut red chick pain okay so breakfast is served uh big puffy things are dropped on the side of the boat and one of the guests uh shits the bet it looked like

he shit in the bed. Did you see that? I didn't. There was a sheet that was just smeared with brown, viscous humors. It just looked like somebody shit the bed. It was... Could have been a brownie. They look like they like to eat dessert at night.

No. This would have had to have been a pizuki-sized brownie. There was so much stainage. So the docking needs to go very, very well. Nathan's got a lot of pressure on them, right? And the knots are blowing. 22 knots. That's like 4,200 kilometers or something.

And we get into some real boat shit because the bow thruster goes out. Yeah, I want to address that when we get there unless we're there. We're there, yeah. Okay, this was absolutely manufactured drama. Sandy says the bow thruster overheated. You might want to test that before you dock, you know, because that's important part of docking, I guess.

In port. Going to port, yeah. What are those three ugly Croatian dudes you call engineers doing all day? I was going to say, you know, it's bad when the coal shovelers get up there. That's bad. That's really, really bad. All right, Pat, the whole thing goes off without a hitch, does it not? Manufactured drama.

Dumb. You weren't a fan. I wasn't a fan. That boat wasn't close to touching either one of those boats on either side. The cameras have eyes. The cameras have eyes. Kalen's going to be me in fantasy. Is he really?

Kaylin, do you mind checking out the Pats score? Yeah. Thanks, bud. It's so crazy. It's like he's horrible. I don't know why I can't beat him. He's like my kryptonite. Oh, boy.

He just always beats me. He spends a lot of time. It's 24 to 7 pats and it's not even halftime yet. Wow. All right, that game's over. Oh, my gosh. 11 and 2. I think they're going to.

have home field advantage and a buy week all right sorry that's sports corner over all right tip meeting uh the deckies still suck uh josh you're killing it uh 25k uh 2200 each well the guests leave and uh don't let that boat hit you on the way out right um but joe almost shits his pants and max is in love what is with these sea rats they're spending a lot of time in closed quarters well it's so funny max goes up to to joe the ho for advice he says communicate clearly well joe the ho you're telling a woman that you'd like her to meet your mother and then you're going to make out with a different sea rat aboard the vessel yeah yeah joe the that's not communicating very clearly joe the hell if you ask me max scares me though because

he has anger issues and he's also a psycho stalker i don't know about that are you kidding me did you hear him have that conversation he got mad at her because she wouldn't kiss him at the table yeah we'll get there so uh joe is well we we get ready for the night out jizzy is outrageously horny and nathan will not give kathy any hair squish because he can't afford to give her any okay now joe is falling in love with v the cuban and this is a massive step outside of his comfort zone he has never fucked over a female a female sea rat before in his life now we sit down for dinner. And we find out that Joe sent a picture of V to his mother. What? What? It means nothing, not to Patty. This is just a move from a player, right out of the

player's guide, trying to close some ass. Players guide to the galaxy. Now, department heads chat. Asia says, I hear what you're going through, Nathan. Being a chief stew, the first time. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. We flashed back. And she had to deal with, I don't Pizza rat and that Bulgarian lunatic or something. I don't know what she was. But, you know, it made me really sad because it's, there's this theme with, with below deck. The people that do the best after, you know, the majority of them are, you know, just riddled with, with addiction problems and, um, there's only fans. Sex addiction.

And I'm not saying only fans, but only fans is cool. make a lot of money on only fans I say ring the rag dry men want to be horny pigs ring the rag dry get that paper get the paper boo

where are you going with this but chefs they seem to have these vibrant careers after below deck that serial killer lizard Adam he's crushing it on Instagram pretending like he's in the woods

cooking over water-powered you know spit roasts you know the flesh is long pig it's human flesh but nobody's you know the wiser and then pizza rat has some bustling

pizza biz down in Florida it's you know what's what's with the broken pigeon he was on chopped the broken pigeon who was that Matt oh the guy who his knee hurt. Yeah, who begged us to stop talking about and basically told me to go fuck myself.

Okay. So Kathy and Mack sit down for another boyfriend, girlfriend, talk between the C rats. Sorry, excuse me for coughing. She turned down a kiss from him. Yeah. And then he said we need to talk. Right. He prompted that conversation. Right, right, right. And then she's kind of blown away at how weird and awkward this is. Yeah, I'm, but Kathy did so great here. She was like, you know, I really try my best to not have these kinds of conversations and because they're weird and uncomfortable and you're weird and uncomfortable and I'm not really feeling well. So I'm going to go back to the boat and Max says I'll follow. Yeah. Run, Kathy. Nathan and Jizzy hit the club. It's called Space the fuck out, I think. And Nathan says that he has put up a barrier between him and other women's at

scale. What's it made of? Angel food cake? Yeah. It's made of nothing. They are feeling each other out here, by the way. That's what this little thing is happening. Let the sea rats tear it up at that club, man. Yeah, they really do. Kizzy is talking to Nathan about being pissed off and wanting to slit Kathy's throat. And Kathy comes over and goes, hey, I heard you say you want to slit my throat. I just want to, you know, air out the dirty laundry and they move on. So, Kizzy and Nathan hook up, and we cut to Josh the clown, and he leans in and he says, I see you. It's elongated and a kind of creepy falsetto.

And I don't know, you know, producers of below deck, it's a little bit like if we can get back to the McDonald's burger, this show is a little bit like making a big Mac, right? You shove your finger up your ass. you grab the lettuce, you put it on the bun, and then you finish the rest, okay? Everybody knows how to do this. This is kind of a misstep that they make every once in a while the nerdy, esoteric, corny person?

To be fair, Josh sat in that chair for four hours on a Friday, and at some point a producer said, yeah, do the makeup thing. And then they filmed him acting like an 80s. hit for an hour. And they use way more footage than they should have. That producer's wife was texting him. I'm taking fucking everything. Yeah, go ahead. Just do the clown. Now, this is when we get to Joe the Hope. He invites V to his hometown after knowing her for three weeks. And then he tells her he's all in the way. All in. All in. Hello, Captain Love Bomber. You're a twisted emotionally

manipulative asshole. I know it because it takes one to know what. Yeah. And that's big of you. Thank you. Retired. Never as bad as him, by the way. Really? I never promised stuff like that. Not even to Levinese, Lana. No. No, I lived with her for two years.

Not even to the dude. Well, I didn't live with her. I slept at her a place for two years. I lived with her for two years. No, no, no. What my crime was. Not even to little dude. My friends that were girls told me what I would do is I'd meet a girl, hang out with her couple times. And I go, hey, let's go do this winery. And then we go do a winery and then we'd hook up. And then I'd get bored. And they go, you can't take her to a winery because she's

going to think you really like her. What? Who were your friends? What do you mean? Who said that? Some of my friends that were girls and stuff, they go, the girl's going to think you really like her if you take her to a nice place. I didn't know that. Oh, yeah. It might. Yeah, I can see. I could see that um yeah you got to you got to take them to like a dye bar right right if you want to get really fancy you go bowling just put up that barrier let's play darts right um all right so don't talk about this stuff when you've been drinking joe the hell you're going to look ridiculous now we head back home gratuitous make out riding cowboy sessions are taking place in the front of the van while uh the clown and kermit watch along and kathy

and Max talk about their signs whether air intertwines with Earth Earth? Ours? But Aisha

walks in on Nathan and Kizzy. Now your whole thing about him doing the Kenny Powers thing is interesting. But the only if I could have

Elwood's moment here. The lights were on the entire time. Oh, they were. The reason I know the lights were on the entire time is because there's a little saying, a little thing that Nathan said while they were getting all hot and bothered. He said, leave the lights on. I want to leave the lights on. Really?

That is a line that means, I want to see everything. Ah, yes. So I think what got him out was, Another department had coming into her room, and good for him. But this conversation he has about not being fulfilled by this, and that's why he left. That is hogwash. Yeah, thank you. And lastly, Max is feeling that Kathy is not matching his emotions.

Uh-huh. They'll be done after this episode, which will set up the Joe the Ho. Right. Exactly. And we end with V telling Joe the Ho, that in eight days, Bon died eight months ago. All right, get in the comments, let us know. Do you know that New Zealand video I was talking about?

Have you seen Jeff and... Can ghosts give people AIDS? Thank you for listening. We love you. I'm Dylan saying goodbye. Pat say goodbye. Later, dudes. Kaelin.

No.