Kill James Bond! - A New Addition | Below Deck Down Under S2 E8

Episode Date: August 16, 2023

Dylan and Pat are back to break down Pat's new baby boy, the dangerous desires of dolphins, Joao, puns, boobs, westernization vs. modernization and even more from Bravo's Below Deck Down Under. Ad Free at Patreon.com/AnotherPodcastNetworkYoutube at https://www.youtube.com/@BadT.V.Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/badtvpodcast/Facebook Group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/anotherbachelorpodcast/

he has a way about him of minimizing like things that almost kill people. You know, he almost killed a bunch of people when he drove one of those yachts into a fucking dock. He did an interview just minutes after nearly killing a bunch of people because he's good looking. Like the interviewer was like, so what happened?

He's like, I don't know. I can't do his accent or whatever, but he just explained it away. You should try to do the accent. I can't. And anyway, he came but he just explained it away. You should try to do the accent. No, I can't. And anyway, he came off so likable. Yeah.

You know, just because he's so charming. He's got a great jawline. Oh, how do you think Ted Bundy got away with it for so long? Hi, hello, and welcome to another brand spanking new episode. Welcome aboard, I should say, to another brand spanking new episode of another Below Deck podcast. My name is Dylan, saddled up next to brand new daddy patrick hickey hey everybody thanks thanks how many pounds how many bigs 7.4 7 pounds 4 ounces oh that's good it shouldn't have done too much damage then i don't think right oh you want me to speak about uh this destroying my wife's no no no no no because it no, no. Because it hasn't. It's a beautiful flower.

It's a miracle. Nothing but. How are you feeling? Are you exhausted right now? Yeah, he was born last night. And yeah, I'm exhausted. I haven't slept in 24 hours. Well, that's the dedication you have to recapping Below Deck. Are you going to play catch with him?

Of course I will. Yeah. You're not... You're not the most coordinated. Yeah, I'll hire a coach. Yeah, yeah. You can do other things with him. Yeah, yeah. I'll teach him how to play guitar or something

or be funny. Yeah. You're tired, huh? Yeah, I'm a little beat up. Yeah. What was the hospital like? Cedars? Yeah. So what you do is you go in 24 hours before the babies to be born and they start you know it's not like the old days i asked my mom i was like hey mom where was dad when i was born she said he was at a bar partying with

his friends sure yeah you know you say it a lot like oh that was the 70s it's like i think there were good parents in the 70s i think you just had bad parents yeah in the 70s yeah yeah it was more prevalent that kind of parenting back then it it kind of dulls the pain if i can believe the lie that i've convinced myself of yeah yeah yeah well i'm here to shout it out no million pieces money and we are here to break down Below Deck episode whatever of season whatever of Below Deck Down Under. Couple public service announcements. Housekeeping. Chief among them.

Last week was a very heavy episode and we talked on the show about how a horrible thing that happened kind of birthed a lot of beauty now obviously you'd want the beauty to come from not a horrible thing but i was so blown away at the support we had from the fans i I'm proud that we have an environment, especially over Patreon, where women can feel safe sharing their stories. It was just really

beautiful to see all of the baby barnacles be open with each other, be supportive and loving to one another. Not a bunch of jerks. No, not a bunch of jerks at all. Our fans are incredible people. They're brave people. And yeah, I don't know. It was just really moved. Yeah, I was too. And we just talked about a dumb TV show that had something really crazy. God, I don't know. You're so tired. But it was, yeah, it was, it definitely felt different. It felt like I was actually doing something meaningful.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We felt as... But I probably shouldn't feel that way because I'm an idiot. No, no, no, no, no. You should feel that way. It was as if for a brief moment we were doing something McGondy-like.

You know what I mean? Although he had controversial dealings with stuff like that. But anyways, long story short, we love you guys. We're so happy that you have helped make the space what it is because it's not just all us.

We're just funny. You guys are the ones that are cooler than that. Also, public service announcement. Hey, Dylan, I do want to say this. Yeah, what's up? No video tonight. Everybody calm down. Yeah.

Kalen's not here. It's too late. One thing, Dylan, is a lot of people generally, as we grow every week, there's a lot of new people coming under the tent to listen to the podcast and get to know you and I. Yeah, big time. One of the unfortunate results of that is insane people show up.

Oh, no. Do we have bad reviews? There's a couple. Oh, damn it. Yeah, we talked an hour and a half and made some comedy and talked about a very difficult subject. Sensitive, difficult thing. Sensitive thing.

And someone listened to it, and they really took umbrage with us making fun of the country known as Lapia. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Someone literally left a tome of how much they hate us. I love the tomes. They read insanity in between the lines and not between the lines. So thank you for your review.

I'm so sorry you spent so much time on it. Lappy is a disgusting place. They make only dog bowls and misogyny. That's it. See, that was the problem they had with that joke. Oh, really? They don't get a joke, but thank God you're gone. They're probably still here. The crazies

always listen. So also public service announcement, and then we will get into the episode, which was kind of a poopy episode. I disagree. After a heavy episode last week, it was nice to break the tension and the ice with some good old-fashioned Sea Rat fun and porn stars. Yeah, it was like a lemon sorbet,

but if it had giant heaving breasts and tattoos. But lemon sorbet doesn't have that. It's just lemon sorbet. And lemon sorbet was the only thing that didn't make it on that Porn Stars... Body. Body. So public service announcement number three, and then we'll get into the show.

Season one of Blood Deck, Lee's Maiden Voyage, is exclusively at patreon.com slash another podcast network um right now the newest episode is the band episode a lot of people are saying why was it banned we put the t's in the feed go listen to it it's a very 2013 episode so if you want to listen to us break down that and the rest of season one i've got something in my throat. Go to patreon.com. Go to patreon.com. And by the way, it's five bucks. But for five bucks, you get three extra shows a week in that damn feed, plus our whole back catalog.

So if you like what we're throwing down here on Below Deck, you're an idiot if you don't go back there. Well, let's not be that harsh, but it isn't a prudent decision on your part if you don't do it. Let's say that. Let's get into the episode right now. Patrick, you loved this episode. I wouldn't say I loved it. I was saying, you know what this is?

This is great below deck. This is great below deck. I love it when Kalen's not here. I just feel so free. You do? Yeah. Why? How was he beholding?

I just hate him. You don't like Kalen? Yeah, I can't stand him. Oh, come on. He loves you and has a lot of admiration for you. Well, it's a one-way street. I don't think, I don't buy it for a second. Well, yeah, he's not here for the preference sheet meeting this week.

Oh, that's right. And if we call him, you know he's not going to pick up that phone. That's what I'm saying. Well, anyway, I really did enjoy the episode. This is what it's supposed to be, like fun guests, a little bit of Sea Rat drama. I think at the tail end of the episode, someone almost gets killed.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. By the way, I want to say Captain Hot Pants, I'm a huge fan of his. I'd love to talk to him someday if Bravo will killed with that. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. By the way, I want to say Captain Hotpants. I'm a huge fan of his. I'd love to talk to him someday if Bravo will ever allow that. You got real Massachusetts there. He has a way about him of minimizing things that almost kill people. You know, he almost killed a bunch of people when he drove one of those yachts into a fucking dock.

He did an interview just minutes after nearly killing a bunch of people. Because he's good looking. The interviewer was like, so what happened? He's like, I don't know. I can't do his accent or whatever. But he just explained it away. You should try to do the accent. No, I can't. Anyway, he came off so

likable. Just because he's so charming. He's got a great jawline. How do you think Ted Bundy got away with it for so long? That's a great point. You know, just because he's so charming. He's got a great jawline. Oh, I didn't think Ted Bundy got away with it for so long. It's a great point. You know, they let him kill people. And then. What do you mean? Well, at some point, the judge goes, all right, look, look, look.

He's his own lawyer. Let him work up in a library that is only two stories. And let him do his research. And of course, of course, Ted Bundy. He said, hey, fuck this. He just jumped out a second story window, escaped, went on, moved down to Florida and went on another killing spree. Florida is a perfect place to kill people.

A lot of marshland, a lot of stupidity. So let's stop talking about fucking serial killers. But let me say this lastly about Ted Bundy. You know, we always have an ever-moving goalpost of aesthetics. That guy was some kind of Brad Pitt in Troy Adonis. I mean, what are we talking about? He looks like a fucking creepy gas station attendant. And if you are a gas station attendant, that's fine.

That's good. You I hope you're not killing people. How many pots do you give the up? I'm out eighty. Okay, let me gather my thoughts. Let me call Caleb while you're to get I'm asking if he has a preference. He got them. It's not okay gathered cool guests, great guests, bad tippers, but we'll get to that in the second episode.

I see I'm distracted with the phone call and all that. I mean, it's just... I didn't take notes on the preference sheet meeting. I barely did. And there was a lot of meat. Well, there was some stuff. And we're going to be hosting porn stars. We're going to have dessert on a porn star.

I knew he wasn't going to pick up. He's on to us. Yeah, he doesn't want to get publicly shamed. Oh, look at that. Well, anyway, there's a bunch of porn stars. I have to say, they were an absolute delight. To be fair to him, he's probably busy

watching something on Netflix right now. I don't say they were an absolute delight. To be fair to him, he's probably busy watching something on Netflix right now. I don't know where he finds the time. Alright, so I thought the episode was okay. A lot of niceties. Just kind of a normal episode of Below Deck. You know, in this day and age

we're all in an Andy Warhol's factory of weirdness now with porn and sexuality. So this stuff isn't like jaw dropping or anything. But I'll tell you what, the guys had a lot of fun on this charter. You know, Harry got a cock on his brainstem, but he did look at boobs quite a bit. Yeah. There's a give and take with that. Can I say something about porn stars? This is not our first porn star rodeo

where we have had porn stars on the boats. They seem to make it about sex. Yeah, yeah, yeah. One track mind. Is it entendres? Puns? Everything is open

for bringing it back to sex. Yeah, yeah, yeah. yeah. Everything is open for bringing it back to sex. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're like, hey, look at that beautiful railing over there. I wonder if I can get railed tonight. You're like, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Yeah. And they're like, yeah, they go to Zarina. They're like, hey, are crabs on the menu?

Yeah, I don't know. They're like, last time I got crabs, they wouldn't let me film for a goddamn month. Say, hey, how about some insurance agents? Can you apologize to me because I'm in the middle of something? Oh, I'm sorry. I love seeing Culver be, I know they all listen, but I'm sorry to say it. I mean... Captain Lego Head. His name is Captain Lego Head.

Captain Lego Head is an understatement and a perfect name at the same time. CLH! Give this man a remote control attached to anything that heavy and people are going to die. Culver is a danger to himself, to porn stars, and to sea rats,

and that mistake can't ever be made again. Four pots. So let's get into the episode. What do you think? God, it's been a long time. 13 minutes, huh? Yeah, yeah. All right, so the preference sheet, we fucked that up.

I didn't take notes on that because normally producer Kalen does that, but there's going to be a dessert served on someone's asshole or something like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, the day begins with Harry Huggs, a warm embrace from a handsome dweeb who is not going to sexually assault you. Too bad he is. I ship them so hard, but it is such an impossibility for them. Oh, you're talking about Harry and Margo.

Harry and Margo. The man has no game. The man is devoid of any and all riz. He's got none of it. Yeah, I think he should start with a little hair chest. What? Glue some on. He looks like an eight-year-old boy.

God damn it, it pat it's called chest hair right what did i say hair chest oh and you don't have any hair chest so what are you talking about well i have it on my face sir you gotta have it somewhere oh he looks too boyish yeah today i was in line i went to get a lunch for my wife in the cafeteria oh my god this guy had more hair on the back of his goddamn neck than on the top of his head you know i am stunned by people who and and i i appreciate they're just like hey that's me man but it's just disgusting to look and it's it's so it's so awful because that is the standard of beauty today that's not hot you. Who's that guy? Who's that guy?

Burt Bacharach? No, that's not that guy. Burt Reynolds. He used to be just kind of like normal looking, hair fucking everywhere. Everybody thought he was hot. Now you got Aaron Taylor Johnson on fucking steroids, tattoos everywhere. He's all wet and sweaty, and everybody's like, oh my God, that's unbelievable. This guy with a hairy neck, he's an absolute fucking pariah. He might as well be fucking Quasimodo. He's disgusting. Let's move on. Sure.

Okay. So Kermit gives the new work schedule. Essentially, she'll work until she loses consciousness, you know, because they're down to two stews. Yeah, that's the plan. Very dangerous. Never let the labor board get their eyes on this industry. Oh, thank God it doesn't exist for this industry.

Exactly. Yeah. All right. And Harry and Culver discuss a new officer coming aboard, and they hope he's not a fucking asshole. Boys, you're going to be very disappointed. It's Joao. Hope Springs not eternal. Joao is an asshole. Yeah. Well, he

was five years ago. His mother was brutally beaten with a dog bone. I think it was an elephant bone. Oh, wow. Attention to detail, Dylan. Well, anyway, was brutally beaten with a dog bone that's uh i think it was an elephant bone oh wow attention to detail dylan well anyway uh he also called kermit a prostitute yeah so so joelle heads aboard the vessel and we've seen joelle before um you know again what people have gone through, how their past trauma and past events have constructed the way they operate is, on a macro level, completely understandable. And we have sympathy for it. But when you're face-to-face with somebody, I don't care that your mom got beat with an elephant bone.

You can't call beautiful people like Asha fucking whores because they're wearing leather pants. Yeah, he was a real jerky pants for that one. A total jerky pants for that one. And also, he pulls the Laura defense and the Laura defense. He was young? I guess I was young. I was five years ago. I think the cement's pretty much set.

What were you, 29 back then? Look, I don't want to put six-year-olds in jail but someone once told me like i think it was a child psychologist or something like who you are at six years old is pretty much who you are when you're 50 i'm like jesus fucking christ yeah well anyway uh joao meets uh captain hot pants i really want to read that review you want to read it oh no no no not air. Oh, it'll make you so angry. Oh, will it? I could only listen for 13 minutes.

Oh, okay. All right. Fine. Okay. Joao meets Hot Pants. We learned that Joao's been a captain of his own for three years on a 30 meter. Okay? Yeah.

But because Bravo called and said he could be on TV again, he'll pretend to be here to want to learn how to drive a Japanese fishing boat that's been converted into a yacht. Yeah. You ever seen a live aquatic?

No, I don't know what that is. I can't do South African. The only word I can say in south african is prunes that's it prunes yeah prunes from district nine you know the guy who's like they fucking prunes i love i love that movie i think that's more summer heights high um all right so we joao meets serena this is a big, before he meets Serena, he meets his underlings and he starts with a fucking... He starts with a knicky-like fucking zinger.

You know, he's like... Angry Adam, I think, offers to take the luggage in. He's like, You sure you can carry it? Don't do that. You're trying... You have to ingratiate yourself to the people who work under you.

Otherwise, you can't boss them around as effectively. You know what, you have to ingratiate yourself to the people who work under you. Otherwise, you can't boss them around as effectively. You know what I mean? Yeah, I agree. There's going to be tension. Be humbled. Be humbled.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, anyway. Did you just quote Kendrick Lamar? Is that what I, is that what I did? Maybe. Well, anyway, Joao meets Serena.

It turns out, they, this is not the first time of their meeting. They used to have uh i like i love these relationships where uh he had a friend that was banging uh uh her friend and her friend was banging him they were friends with the opposition's friends with benefits now serena has a very very complicated arc with Joao over these two episodes.

Oh, yes, she does. Serena, don't go chasing waterfalls. But, hey. Don't do it. If we're going to jump to the next episode, hey, Kermit, why don't you cool it down a little bit? No, I love what kermit said well i understand what she was trying to do look we'll get there in episode nine anyway zerina says uh he was a lying manipulative uh piece of shit cheater with her friend she also says like she

said that she would punch him in the face the next time he saw oh that's right and you know empty gestures are dangerous and empty threats are even more dangerous. If you're going to say you're going to do something, make sure that it's measured, because if that day does come, you want to be able to do it. Yeah, yeah, you're not holding up your end of the bargain. Also, I want to point out to her, lying, cheating, manipulative piece of shit, I mean, that's basically the mission statement

on every bosun's resume at this point, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. It's like it usually includes an unhealthy relationship with alcohol as well but they bury that at the bottom of the resume yeah yeah yeah yeah sometimes it's not even said sometimes they put it on there so the porn stars get aboard the boat um one sexually charged laura for another um asisha's pretty torqued by these characters. She's like, can I watch if you guys have an orgy? Can I watch? Well, hold on, though.

I don't think Aisha likes us making fun of her voice. Has she said anything? You know, it's just, I get it. But listen, it's a cute voice. It's a unique voice. I think she makes a lot of money off it. Oh, totally, yeah. Kermit says she's never met porn stars before,

and I quote, she's a little worried. Worried about what? They're like the mafia of sex, Kermit. Oh, please explain. They only pee on their own. You know what I mean? No. You know, the mafia,

you know, they kill within. You know, they're not going to fucking kill a kid that's on a paper run. Oh, yeah, they will. Porn stars, they don't go like just a regular person. They do some of that peeing stuff on them. They do that on film for OnlyFans, you know. It's kind of in-house.

Why are you talking about pissing on people? Well, you know, it's niche. So many things to correct here. I don't want to shit on your point, but the mafia absolutely swings a very wide scythe. Newspaper boy not fucking putting the vig in. They'll take that kid down in a heartbeat. You know what I mean? Well, because he's in the business.

He didn't put the vig take that kid down to heartbeat. You know what I mean? Well, because he's in the business. He didn't put the Vig in. He needs to die. Yeah, that's what I'm saying, man. So by the transitive property, porn stars will piss on anybody because they're the mafia of sex. We're a little loopy tonight. So we undock and we enjoy some charcuterie board and the titties are out almost instantaneously

yeah i uh once again i hate to uh i hate to judge yeah but whenever porn stars or entertainers or whatever the fuck they are they're on reality tv they they never miss an opportunity to have a pun or whatever you know yeah yeah yeah you know she's, my vibrator didn't plug into the hotel room and it is a problem. No, that's not the problem. The problem is if that is a problem. And I think that you're just joking around. And again, hey, everybody do your own kink.

We're not kink shaming. No, no, no. No, no, no. We're not kink shaming. But, you know, I always get a yucky feeling, you know? And listen, this is real work, but I always am a little worried about the mental health, and we've seen it so many times.

I mean, porn stars will have a lot of s**t, but it does make it very difficult to make s**t. Not impossible, but very difficult. So I just worry about these people. Well, Adele know they talk about themselves a lot too they make it a lot about them can you imagine like an insurance broker on the boat making it about their occupation i mean it's not nearly as interesting like hey ted i wouldn't get on that jet ski you only got a 20-year term doesn't include the hazardous

activity and then he looks at the camera for a laugh or some excitement no No one cares. Oh, you're talking about an insurance sale? Yeah, no one would care if you talk about your occupation that much on one of these goddamn yachts. It's not nearly as interesting as someone like when they were doing that chicken wrestling in the water. Chicken? Oh, yeah, chicken fight. Chicken fight.

And I think his name is Sky? Yeah, Skyler, yeah. I fight. And I think his name is Sky. Yeah, yeah, Skyler, yeah. I think he made a pun about having his cock on Harry's neck or something. Yeah, I mean, Harry didn't make a pun. I mean, he just said his cock was on my neck. That wasn't a pun. That was just a statement of fact. Right, right.

But Sky said something really funny, I think. Yeah. Anyway, they can't stop themselves is my point. And it got a little old. And it is interesting that like, you know, let's beat this out to any interesting profession. Like what's an interesting profession? Marine biologist. That's pretty fascinating.

Right. But if they kept making like aquatic puns, you'd be like, are you a marine biologist? Are you like a prop comic? Why do you keep doing this? That's my point, man. Right, right, right. So it doesn't work with porn stars either. That's your point, right? That's my point. It gets old at some point.

They were showing them around the primary cabin and I think it was Laura. She's the main primary. She was like, I hope you don't mind. I think we're having an orgy in here. Yeah, and that's when Aisha's like, can I watch? Jesus.

Yeah. Aisha's torqued. But these people are very, very sweet despite their puns. I love seeing... No, we're not there yet. Joao has an intense deck meeting, and the one covered in tattoos takes duck face... Jessie.

Yeah, she takes duck face selfies. We should take more duck face selfies. Oh, here's a pun. One of the porn stars continues to be a porn star. She's wearing something that resembles a necklace. And the joke was, is that a pearl necklace? You know,

because that's when I think a male puts his penis in a woman's breast or something. No, incorrect. That's a teddy fuck. Oh, what's a pearl necklace? A pearl necklace is one of these things where I'm so shocked at the ubiquitous nature of it because it is such a rare thing and something that I don't even know the etymology.

I don't know where it comes from. Should I look it up? Do you know what it is? Well, no, I can tell you right now. Sorry I'm being long-winded, but it's when a rope of semen is around someone's neck. I mean, think of the control you would need to have to pull that off. To have a drape in a cyclical nature,

I mean, I know necklaces aren't always perfectly round, but it just doesn't make sense that it's as commonly said as it is. But that is what it is, you know. Wow. But that is what it is, Pat. Oh. All right. Let's get to... Should we get to an ad break about baby food or not? No, let's hold

off. Let's hold off. I can't wait to talk about this baby food, though. It's fantastic. I haven't been this jacked up about a sponsor in a while. One of our sponsors. Wow. Little Spoon. Yeah. If you go to patreon.com, you will not hear it. So there is one woman who can't speak. She's a wild card, huh?

Is that Vanna? That's Vanna. I love Vanna White. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. She's on Wheel of Fortune. She's not this person. Right.

But just apropos of the name, you do love Vanna White? Well, it's V-A-N-N-A is the name Vanna. But are you calling this woman Vanna White? Yeah, I'm calling her Vanna White. Okay. Do you love Vanna White? The one who turns letters? Vanna White.

Yeah, I love her. Okay. Big fan. What do you love about her? The longevity? Yeah, I love someone who can do the same job for 52 years. Show up every day. Has it been that long?

It's pretty close. Yeah. Yeah. Pat Sajak's pretty hilarious on Twitter right here. All right. I love Joao being sexually harassed by a man in a thong welcome to paradise the tits are out once again culver hops in the water as does harry at the beach picnic and somebody is not happy guess who it is joel jo. He's got those binoculars out. He's like, hey, those two having fun over there?

Yeah. Now, I have to say this, though, Don. It's absolutely inappropriate for both these two people to be in there. They're not supposed to be partying up. Well, I mean, and this is where we can have a hearty debate, and I hope it doesn't get too personal

given our intense passion for either side of the argument. But where do you land on the spectrum of Chief Entertainment Officer and Mr. Krabby Pants, Joelle? Well, Dylan— Because these people do want them involved. I'll tell you what. It becomes an exception, and exceptions become the rule. I'll tell you what. It becomes an exception, and exceptions become the rule.

Mr. Culver, Mr. Captain Lego Head, you let this fucker get away with this. Next thing you know, he's fucking down on the next charter, and he's serving cocktails and in a fucking hot tub. That's my point. Right, right, right. Hey, Dylan, let me pull this back a second. You brought up, and I hate to drive this thing home because we were just- Oh, you're going to talk about puns? Puns, yeah.

Sorry. I just, I fucking- No, no, no. It's okay. It drove me nuts this episode. Laura, the porn star. Hey, everyone has to respect your triggers. Yeah.

I'm triggered by this. When she noted her vibrator didn't charge, can you imagine living with a porn star? Because I was thinking that. I was like, because I always try and put myself in the position to someone like could i deal with this and i probably could i probably say at some point look honey because i'm talking to laura you know she's my wife or something totally cool with you coming home with jizz in your hair but right can we leave work at home please i'm trying to watch three's company you know i. I can't stand you talking about the goddamn fucking vibrators and the batteries that don't work anymore.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Please stop. Who needs to masturbate this much? It sounds exhausting. Anyway. You know what I mean? Yeah, I do. Either that or I'm so goddamn jealous, Dylan.

Yeah, I think, you know what? That's why we're triggered. Envy. I envy. If you spot it, you got it. It's a sin. Oh, big time. They have an amazing dinner.

I'm not sure if it was this episode or the next episode. And how do they finish off that dinner? Of course, they had some dessert, but then they go down in their little cabins there and they flip a bunch of tabbies and come. Doesn't everyone want to end a night that way? Yeah. And to add insult

to injury, they're monetizing it. Son of a bitch. It's unbelievable. What a life. So, we move on to an incredible catch from margo let's just really quickly acknowledge the predicament she was in that was kind of like um i don't know i'm not very good at puzzles you know one of those things where you're gonna move this to move this to move this to get that there.

Oh, is this true? Get that away from me right now. I don't want to waste my time. I was like, how the fuck is she going to do this? All right, so what Dylan's explaining here, it was a very quick moment in the show, but it's worth discussing. I think so, too. All right, so I'd load my car up. You know I like the Vito.

I don't buy a bottle of Vito when I go to my local grocery store. No. I buy 18. A Keddie pool, yeah. And sometimes I'm pretty lazy and I go to my local grocery store. No. I buy 18. A kiddie pool. Yeah. And sometimes I'm pretty lazy and I throw them in the back of my car. I have a lot of shit in my car. Yeah. And I'm not a good driver. And occasionally I try and open up the back of my car and I have the exact same predicament. There's a couple bottles leaning against that goddamn door. Yeah. How will I prevent them from falling out and breaking on the glass and losing? I don't know.

I probably, each bottle's like $4, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. If three broke, that's $12. Right, right. What am I going to do? What would happen if the $12 would loss? What? Anything short of the fucking ground opening up and swallowing you?

We can't have that happen. But let's get back to it. The dexterity that is demonstrated when you are trying to save your wine and your money, and when Margot is trying to save this bottle of rosé, I believe, it's probably piss, is,

you know, Spider-Man-like. It's pretty incredible. Yeah. yeah quick hands she catches the bottle uh yeah you know we can talk about this girl in formula one here's the thing uh margo's an interesting character and and and she's a friend of the show and we will have her on can we really quick i'm sorry to interrupt but everybody needs to stop recommending formula one to people, a lot of people are recommending that. People are like, oh, you got to watch it. And I'm like, okay, well, what's the deal? And they're like,

well, that guy wins every race. And you're like, okay, well, what happens? And they're like, well, he just really, really dominates every race. And then this guy always comes in second. Don't distill it down to that. It's about personal stories and achievements

and winning and what it takes to get there, Dylan. Yeah, but it's a bunch of rich kids. The only way you can get into it is if you have some kind of oil magnate financing you. Benefactors. Yeah, exactly. It's just ridiculous. I have no interest in it. So you watched an episode and it bothered you? I've gotten up for

the races. They've said, oh, listen to the sounds. Let's gotten up for the races. They've said, oh, listen to the sounds. Let's get back to the show. Okay. Should we talk about the baby stuff? Well, no. I was going to talk about- Oh, you were in the middle of a thing.

I'm so sorry. Margot. I think she's our Sea Rat version of Billy Bob. She gets obsessed with shoes that are too small for one of the porn stars billy bobbin monsters ball uh yeah yeah okay but no no he uh he he's weirded out by little people or he's obsessed

with billy bobbin sling blade billy bob thornton oh just in real in regular life in regular life and margo is fascinated with little shoes i don't think she's fascinated with little shoes. I think that she's awestruck that a grown man could have feet that small. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I put my phone away because we were, you know, really going. Margot hits the beach and Harry and Culver are brought back to the boat, I guess because Joao was like, you know what?

Fuck you guys. You're having fun. Fuck off. Scolded. Scolded. Scolded. And then Kermit and Joao chat and he lets know what? Fuck you guys. You're having fun. Fuck off. Scolded. Scolded. Scolded. And then Kermit and Joao chat, and he lets her know things are going to be changing here, and he wants her advice.

Now, this is worth pointing out. I love Kermit. She annoys me a little bit. She's not a perfect manager. She is so happy that he's asking for her advice. Quoting Hoobastank. Later on in the episode, she scolds Zarina for kind of faking her way through a relationship with Jawower being nice to him.

You're faking your way, Kermit. Why not just be like, okay, duly noted. She's playing the game too. Zarina might be playing the game as well. I just don't think there should be any judgment there. Forgive me for that. Well, we'll get to that in episode two, so don't get ahead of yourself. Anyway, Culver continues

to be pretty upset about not looking at Lauren naked. Let's do this. Let's get to dinner okay but before we do let's talk about the dinners you could be feeding your children we teased it i haven't been this jacked up about a sponsor in some time now we already did an ad read but uh we got the product and i am if this was the manson family, I'd be in it. Is that right?

The cult of Little Spoon, yeah. Little Spoon. 100%. Mm-hmm. This stuff is, you have two children. Well, now I do. Yeah, yeah. And this is going to work out for both children, because it works out for newborns, and it

also works out for toddlers. Yep. The flexibility of these meals is one of the big pluses of Little Spoon. Get into it, Dylan. What is it? Let's talk about this. Little Spoon is a one-stop shop for healthy, easy mealtime and snack time for your baby, toddler, and big kid delivered right to your door.

Yes, you heard that right. You can have Little Spoon in your life for years to make mealtime healthy, tasty, and easy. Let's talk about tasty for a second. All right, Dylan. So let's both confess what we shared with each other before we did this ad. Well, I didn't tell you one thing. I don't have children. So we got this. I was like, what are we going to do? Well, we have friends in our lives that have children. So we said, we're going to run this over to you guys. We're going to watch to see if Little Discernible Eater will gobble this stuff up. And gobble it up she did.

I just got a text from my friend's wife saying, what is your promo code? We need this stuff today. Not only did my friend's daughter eat it, gobbled it up, Cece and I. You ate it. Oh my gosh, did we eat it. The stuff is fantastic. Dylan, it's healthy too. And it's organic.

And in many cases, it's gluten-free. They make vegetarian things. So here's what's wonderful. So it shows up in a box once a month and it's these little flying saucer meals. And they're all different and they're easily, they fit in your freezer or your refrigerator. And they're basically like, you don't have to prepare anything for your children anymore. You can just buy Little Spoon and then you heat it up and you put it in their lunchbox and bam, you're done. You're an amazing parent. These people listening to the ad, they go, well, organic, fresh baby food sounds pretty expensive. It's not. It's under $3 for a blend, under $6 for a meal. Unbelievable stuff. And did I mention it

all comes right to your door? It's so flexible. It's so easy and everything stores right in the fridge and freezer. You can pick the menu and change up what you order every time. The price is right. The quality is unmatched. We love it. Children love it. The grandparents love it. Oh, yeah. It makes sense. Ruby was noshing on one the other day, you told me. Are you kidding me? My little Ellie, she loves these little juice packets that are completely sugar-free. I had a mango chia one the other day.

Oh, Ellie loves peaches and cream and Greek yogurt. Fantastic. Unbelievable stuff. So it's just a huge win-win- pat's family for our family and it can be yours make this year's chaos a little bit more manageable with time saving delicious and healthy meals and snacks your kids will love go to little spoon.com slash bad tv and enter our code bad tv just use all caps bad tv at checkout to get 30% off your first Little Spoon order. That's L-I-T-T-L-E-S-P-O-O-N.com slash BADTV.

Enter our promo code in BADTV for 30% off at checkout. You will be grateful thanking us. Thank us. All right. So the table, let's get to dinner. The table looks like absolute us. All right. So the table, let's get to dinner. The table looks like absolute piss. All right. And who notes this?

It's not Patty because Patty's already said that most of the decor of these things are bought and paid for by the dollar store. Are they not? Is that this dinner? I was just confused. Are you referring to yourself in the third person? Yes, I was.

You know how I don't like that. I understand that. But porn stars notice that there was a budget for this decor. Yeah. And it was $8. Tacky, Kermit.

Tacky. White linens and fresh flowers. White linens and fresh flowers. That's it. Let's get to something that wasn't tacky, but was bizarre. We've got dinner. It's an artichoke foam with roasted celeriac. I think that's celery notes. I don't know. Autumn vegetal notes. I mean, maybe.

Probably not yacht food. If you're going on a hunting trip, like a really nice hunting trip where you're hunting humans, maybe this would be suitable for that kind of environment. But this is paradise. You know what I mean? Chicken with lemon potatoes and corn is up next. And the vegan has a rolled zook dish. It's all sprayed in edible gold. Because that's supposed to mean class.

Yeah. You know, I think Serena is doing a suitable job. This boat is not below deck OG or below deck med. I think Serena is probably pretty talented. But some of the food has looked rather beige. And this was no exception. I would give this probably 64 pots. I would give this probably 64 pots.

Dil, you know, just so I bookend my discomfort with porn stars and their puns, I believe it was Laura who finished off the meal by noting that she just had an orgasm in her mouth. Yeah. It's sad at this point. Like I said, yeah it's sad at this point oh like i said maybe i don't say it again so close to the ad read about the baby food maybe we just move on yeah well i was gonna say the guests finish off dinner and then they go finish off each other for paid subscribers no judgment sex work is real work uh and uh unless you're not doing it well like if

you're not making a lot of money i mean i don't know if it's like there's like an open mic circuit or what but if you've been at it for a while and you're really not doing well then you know maybe move on maybe do something else uh sky the male model looking guy, he said that he hoped that he'd pass that gold through his ass. Yeah. I don't know if you remember that. Yeah. And I hope it wasn't into that guy who looked like Turtle from Entourage. Jerry Ferrara.

Yeah, because I don't think his OnlyFans guys would like that, but I do think it was him. I'm trying to figure out who's coupled up with who. Does Jerry Ferrara have OnlyFans? No, no, no, no. But there's a guy there that's really not attractive. He's one of their friends. Okay.

Maybe he's a manager. Do you subscribe to any OnlyFans? No. My wife would fucking kill me it's bizarre to me it's it's you know these people i mean it's like uh you know you you want to charge 75 for to look at boobs no way not doing that there's plenty of things on the porns you know what i mean i mean it's just nuts. But I'm so happy that it's created this monetary

infrastructure so that these people can drive Lamborghinis and stuff like Tyga and Blac Chyna. You know she made $40 billion last month? $40 billion? Blac Chyna? Yeah, something like that. Good for her.

Yeah, I know. It's so happy. So Serena is not punching joao in the face like she said but rather being quite cool to him the only problem i have with this is that she's mirroring captain lego head This is what Captain Lego Head does. They're flirt addicts. And if you're going to be a flirt addict, you can't be,

I mean, of course you can do anything you want, but some eggs are going to get broken along the way of making this omelet. If you're flirting with Joao, you're flirting with Culver. Culver's's flirting with jamie i mean we'll talk about it the next episode yeah maybe i'm talking out of my bum right now but we we can see that serena is being quite cozy with joelle well i appreciate and i think she does a toast to it in the next episode which kermit really took issue with. Yeah. Which is talking about the past and new

beginnings. What are we going to hold a grudge for? It was your friend that he fucked over. Now you work together. What do you know about the intimacies of your friendship with this person and what happened? Of course we have footage from five years ago of him coming up. Oh yeah.

You have recountings of men treating women like shit and all that stuff. Of course. But let Zarina live her best life and what the fuck. Can I talk about an interesting part of the show? Yeah, we got to wrap up the episode. So there was breakfast

and I believe that Zarina was kind enough to cater to the demands of the porn stars. They wanted a breakfast that was sexy. We see a steamed sausage with a stream of some kind of white sauce coming out of it. Did you catch that? Yeah, so what Zarina did was she cooked up some breakfast potatoes

and slapped a Trader Joe's sausage on the table and then squirted Hellman's out of the tip of the cock. It was, you know, it's like one of those things you get served in like a kitschy restaurant. Like we do this here, you know, and I don't mean in like a tapas place. Like, have you guys been here before? We recommend that everybody gets 14 plates just in case you're, we don't want you to leave hungry and we don't want you to leave without paying us $750. This is more like, here we scream at you

or here everything's shaped like a cock. You know what I mean? You know, as the porn stars were eating that breakfast, they noted that there was some dolphins swimming there. And you know I always like to get in the mind of dolphins, you know? There were two of them. They were swimming together, and one of them said to the other, like, what the fuck's going on over there?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Humans are weird. It's just a matter of time before we own this planet once again. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love so much when you anthropomorphize animals we own this planet once again. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mm-hmm. I love so much when you anthropomorphize animals because you're so on the money with them all the time. I've often thought of dolphins that they're manipulating us. I'm not trusting of them in any way, shape, or form.

They're working to get hands so that they can defeat us. And everybody is worried worried about oh the chinese and donald trump's fourth indictment let's look at the actual problem people are like oh my gosh uh we don't have any savings accounts and ceo's wages are going through the roof and what is wall street what banks are paying out a tenth of what they actually have on the you know it's like all this stuff black lives matter it's all a distraction the dolphins are fucking after us and we call them pods and we you know this is i heard somebody talk about how we thought that the chinese were westernizing, but they weren't.

They were just modernizing. And it's very hubristic to think of your enemy as something that has adoration for you. And what, Dylan, you're trying to lay down there. Yeah. That's when Chinese people were buying all the properties in Riverside County. Oh, yeah. Toronto. Don't get me started there.

Jordan Peterson's having a cry fest about it. The day you wake up and you see a dolphin outside, okay, with a real estate agent, and he's buying the fucking condominium, not a condo, an entire condominium complex next to you, that's the day they have arms, and that's the fucking day that they take over the goddamn planet, man. And I'm sure many of you are asking, well, what about legs? Have you seen what they can do? It's like they don't need them.

It's like a fucking pogo stick. The skin is so thick. Concrete will do not a thing to that. They don't need the legs. They need the thumbs. Hey, Del, just to bookend the episode. Yeah. So Hot Pants, he's trying to get that goddamn tender back on the boat, you know?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's got cold. Well, first, before we get there, because that's the most incredible. I mean, the reason why Captain Jason didn't get very upset is because he's killed people too. But we have the groundwork laid for Harry and Margo's date. Now, the second this is asked, it can go nowhere but Icktown. And we'll see that in the next episode. It can only go to Icktown.

But before we get there, yes, we have Culver on the ones and twos, a grave error. Now, it is nowhere near underestimating the evil prowess of dolphins, but I would say that it is a grave error to put Culver in control of anything other than a lap dance for a middle-aged woman. Dylan, you've seen the footage of Captain Jason smashing this goddamn boat. anything other than a lap dance for a middle-aged woman. You know? Dylan, you've seen the footage of Captain Jason smashing this goddamn boat, right? Yeah.

Presided to keep coming. Watch. Praise for his quick thinking. Because he's good lucky. Fuck you. You got lucky, buddy. You got lucky. But since he's so good looking we just let him say

stupid shit like that well uh he didn't get lucky the coral that the anchor ripped to pieces was not bleached at that point it was not a lost cause he destroyed the marine layer what he destroyed the the the fragile ecosystem there and not to mention plunged his boat into, I don't know, someplace that serves sand dabs. I bet people were eating there, even if they didn't die, which they did.

They had to get up and leave in a flash. I mean, think about that. You're at dinner and a waiter comes up to you and says, happy, happy anniversary again. Run! Right.

Yeah. There's no time for confusion. You have to get up and you have to run. There is a boat coming towards us and proceed at will. So Culver proceeds to lift the tender up lift the tender up and kind of like a child with one of those paddles with the ball that that is attached to it just starts swinging it all over the place. It's like a very dangerous yo-yo and the railing is destroyed. Captain Jason falls over.

Joao's on a kayak. He has nothing to do with it. And we will find out what the fallout from that is on the next episode. We love you guys very much. Be sure to jump in the iTunes ratings and reviews to combat any yuckiness. If you like the show, we'd really appreciate some support. Join us on Patreon for uncensored content I think there's going to be some uncensored

or some censored stuff in this one oh yeah yeah and yeah that's pretty much it bad TV podcast everywhere tickies insties all that stuff join us on the Facebook group lovely community there and follow us on YouTube subscribe comment like comment

like I am Dylan saying goodbye. Pat say goodbye. Later dudes! No