Kill James Bond! - A Revoltingly Bulbous Glass | Below Deck Adventure S1 E8

Episode Date: January 5, 2023

Dylan and Pat are back to break down The B Squad. We talk Gob, the G Man, Sebastian's, Feth, icebergs, Mission Impossible, calesthenics, the colors red and blue and even more from Bravo's Below Deck Adventure. OUR NEW SHOW BAD TV IS LIVE AND WE'RE COVERING LOVE AFTER LOCKUP! - Subscribe right here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-t-v/id1193077828The full season of Below Deck Down Under recaps is ALREADY available only on our Patreon at https://Patreon.com/AnotherPodcastNetworkAlso available is our coverage of Below Deck Sailing and Love is Blind seasons 1 and 2 for both shows!Check out our merch!https://anothermerchstore.com

like this isn't game of thrones seth yeah it's not hunter games little fires everywhere dickhead okay back to the preference you beating the adventure is going to be paragliding we're going to be flying over fjords the most amazing thing captain carrie says would be for all these ethan hunts to land and then have lunch Welcome aboard another brand spanking new episode of another Below Deck Podcast Adventure Edition. I'm Dylan. Settle up. Next one, Pat Hickey.

Permission to come aboard, sir. Permission granted. Time for the B-Squad. Yeah, is that what you're referring to? This iteration of the franchise? Tell me I'm wrong. I can't. I'd be lying. It's the B-Squad, man.

Kind of feels that way. Public service announcements. Oh, for me? Okay. Guys, I know you're hearing this show for free, but you're going to hear a lot of ads because Dylan and I, we need to make money. We've got to pay for stuff. Wap, bread, cheddar, cabbage, paper.

Lettuce. Lettuce, go ahead. Okay, so why not make your life easier? Why don't you give yourself an early, I don't know, holiday present for next year? Early Christmas present. Go to patreon.com slash another podcast network for five bucks. You can get six shows on that feed for $5 ad free.

You won't listen to all of them, but if you do, we love you. And if you pay for it, we love you too. Yeah. Yeah. Also, if you don't want to pay us because you're fucking cheap. Sorry, but beep the cheap part. Oh, okay. I'm not going to want. Cheap part. Oh, okay. I'm not going to bleep any of it.

Oh, okay. Yeah. Head on over to, the least you can do is help us over on Bad TV. The Bad TV feed, Dylan and I are recapping Rock of Love, season one with Bret Michaels. That first episode had both Dylan and I questioning,

can we do this? Yeah, because the overt sexual transparency from that lizard man is really really concerning well he's got he's got his bodyguard big john too he's got a part oh big john is arguably the worst part the most misogynistic part about the entire thing wow we've grown so much as a culture since 2007 listen when i see you know people of people uh when I see, you know, people are like, man, you know, this stuff, we're moving so fast, you know. Just to give you a little tease,

the first episode and the first five minutes of Rock of Love season one, 25 girls stand on a, I guess, what would you call those? Like, would you watch a football? A riser. A risers. And Big John, the bodyguard, comes out and says,

before Brett comes out, he says, and I quote, watch, this is going to be fun, and blinks, and winks his eye at a few ladies. He calls five girls down. And when they ask why they're there, he says, because you're not going into the house. You're out of here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then they cry. And they say, but I flew here from Cincinnati. And he says, I'm sorry, girls, but I got to look out for Brett and you're not his type. Right. So Big John slots into the role that he always has when he's at various different venues across the Northeast.

Sure. No, I'm kidding. But what I was going to say is, yes, the things are moving very quickly. Men are women. Women are men. Sex is a spectrum. Everyone's beautiful. And when I watch Rock of Love,

I'm actually thankful for the progression that we've made because I know that we want people to drink on reality television, but I mean, we're approaching a catastrophic level of alcohol consumption. Rock of Love, go over to Bad TV. It's where we're covering it. And we're also recapping Love After Lock after lockup season four episode 34 yeah over there so let's have some fun together in 2023 if you can't throw us a few shekels for the five dollars at patreon at least support us on bad tv and also leave us a review okay that's it. It's time.

Let's talk about the B squad. Okay. Thoughts and notes. How many pots do you give this episode? All right. Why don't you go first? I forgot what I watched. Okay. I did too.

You know why? Pat. Why? Because it's forgettable. Right. but why because it's forgettable right everyone on this show barring spanakopita is forgettable i mean and i don't mean to be rude i mean they're nice but it's just you know they're not really inspiring any confidence any entertainment i'm just kind of bored by the b squad perfect example is seth who is supposed to be the new hot guy who comes in and busts the whole thing up he comes on this show he looks

like jobe he's in a goddamn purple button up he looks absolutely fucking ridiculous the guy is a b squad hot guy to mix things up you see where i'm going zero pots not a good episode um not a good episode not a good episode well dylan i did uh have an opportunity while you were uh talking to look through my notes see if it stuck out um i don't know uh yeah i don't know what I watched. I guess we'll talk about it. But right now, zero. Yeah. Zero nuts.

Well, that's very innovative of us. Are we going to tack on more pots as we remember what happened? We're always innovating, unlike this franchise. All right, so, Blood Egg Adventure time. It's time for the B Squad. And it's time for me to open up my google well i'll start dylan it's 852 they're starting to do the time stamps uh i think mike got some ass uh oh yeah uh casey apparently liked uh the color of his aura which was i think white

right he got his splat on i think think Mike got some ass. Ew. Ew. Don't fucking. I'm being accosted by wires right now. And can you believe this guy? Jesus. Like a fucking pimp. He leaves the bunker wherever he's like, I'll see you around. Oh, wow.

Is this Mike Humphrey Bogart? Maybe Mike Bogart? Is that what Humphrey Bogart used to do? I don't know. I think he was like a romantic uh leading man yeah yeah he's like i'll see you around kids something like that casablanca yeah yeah yeah i think he slapped her in that movie hey on aps just to pitch another property dylan and i are going to be recapping uh barbara walters passing this week yeah and you know what a huge bitch bar Walters was. Great journalist.

I know. She's not supposed to speak ill of the dead, but I mean, that woman was a nightmare. She held her own with Sean Connery, and that overt misogynism when he had said, he claimed that every once in a while when a woman gets out of line. Yeah. Well, it's because you've asked them to not.

And they still do. And they still keep going and pushing. Oh, come on, Sean. You're not saying, well, Barbara, every once in a while when a woman talks and you tell her not to. Again, I'm so happy that we have grown so much. And you could perceive that as a joke.

I'm not joking. I don't think it's cool to just strike people no one does dylan so get a big event that is deadliest cat shared a bed with aurora who gives a shit now mike strikes me as the kind of guy and this is how i feel about everybody on the show like nice guy but i feel like if we were at a bar or party and i was like so what do you do and he would say i'm a crab fisherman i would go oh my god there are shows made about this guy's profession uh this guy must live a fascinating life i think within two minutes of talking about it, I'd be bored to death. I'd go somewhere else.

I'd throw darts or go to the bathroom or something. Cause the guy is just, cause it's Mike. It's not the profession. It's not the profession. It's Mike. So, uh,

we have to get into more important stuff though, because it's time for the preference shape. So, um, preference shape mating so um we got a couple fucking entrepreneurs coming on here um we don't find out too much about them and we do get a c-red history on lewis which is completely meaningless but the important thing he set up obstacle courses when he was a kid yeah what, what kid didn't? Bravo. Fucking, bravo. Jeez.

The important part about this preference sheet meeting, though, is that we're going to plan a lot of activity for these ugly Americans. This is going to be our obstacle course charter. There always is one, whether there's a relay race or something god damn it god damn it but this is going to be the show when the help are allowed to play um sorry i just have to really quickly mute this conversation i'm going to do a meanwhile while you're doing that thank you meanwhile uh i guess actually this is probably before the preference sheet uh meeting yeah lewis i guess uh sends uh daily tasks uh through uh texts yes and uh captain seth is uh upset oh you calls it you

calls him he is actually a captain okay he sees it as kind of a workflow issue and and uh he prefer they meet in person oh uh seth i i bet you'd like us to uh start calling people on the phone again as opposed to texting sir all right okay we don't want to have to deal with each other face to face texting is a wonderful way to delegate duties and i disagree with you entirely on that point but i will say seth is a giant piece of shit i mean he's a giant piece of shit you know we'll see later on the season or next week. Who cares? He goes up to the crow's nest and he's like, hey, apropos, apropos of nothing.

I think I could do a way better job. I want you to fire that guy and I'll show you like that's just not how things work. Yeah, this isn't survivor. I think you're on the wrong show, Seth. You're just supposed to sit here and have sex with other coworkers and then drink a lot drink a lot okay you're not supposed to like this isn't game of thrones seth yeah it's not hunter games little fires everywhere dickhead okay back to the preference you beating the adventure is going to be paragliding we're going to be flying over fures the most amazing thing captain carrie says would be for all these et Ethan hunts to land and then have lunch.

And I thought they were going to land at some beach, and I was like, what if they overshoot it? Like, this could end in absolute catastrophe, but they were with other people, so... They were in tandem. They were in tandem, yes. So, lastly, it's going to be something to do with Oktoberfest, and we're going to wear barmaid costumes.

Yeah, look like whores. What? They said that. Oh, okay. I like this concept. It's new. It's way better than the white party, which they've run into the ground, or the 80s disco.

Right, right, right. No, Oktoberfest. I like it. Yeah, I like it too. Lots of pretzels and and beer yeah yeah yeah now you probably got some germ up in you don't you oh yeah i'm all taken care of what germ do you mean i can drink a lot yeah like german ancestry oh no zero okay and that's my fault because that wasn't very clear. I said you got some germ up in you.

No, no, no. I'm Irish and Scottish. Patrick Hickey. Can you do Oktoberfest? Because I can't do it. Well, I don't drink beer anymore, so it'd be a little weird when I'm asking the bar keep for a glass of Pinot Grige. Right, right, right.

It's Oktoberfest, mate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know, but I like wine wine and beer makes my tummy hurt. Well, and the amount of beer consumed at Oktoberfest, I feel as though a stein is a completely unreasonable vessel for alcohol. It goes against every part of enjoying an actual beer. By the time you get past the last second half of it it's horrible it's so warm and it's just too much and then you couple that with spetzel and pretzels and it's just too much

on the tummy i don't know how those fucking potato eaters do it let's move on provisions arrive and captain carrie has a very important meeting with the deck team about this docking. I say that tongue in cheek. I mean, this is the kind of shit that's like you guys, you're filming a meeting about the docking. Usually you just play intense music and then you do it. But this time you're having a fucking meeting about it. It's absolutely horrible. The guests arrived and they um they're very very pumped now

this is one of the few moments of enjoyment that i actually got from this episode because much like in regular og below deck og regular you have joked about captain lee being aboard the vessel in a sneaky kind of way and i I was wondering, is Natasha the sex and love addict here? Because they serve these high-paying guests blue champagne because of their assumed or projected nativism and patriotism. Just because they're from the red white and blue does not mean they want the champagne to have food coloring in it uh yeah very classy yeah very classy uh melted icies from 7-eleven yeah yeah and i guess in the form of champagne really classy hey if i can uh

digress for one second i want to talk talk about Faye because she's into Seth. I don't know. What a horrible couple name. Yeah, yeah. Faye is into Seth because, get this, he comes off as not caring about anything. Yeah. Just kind of, you know, character trait out of a sea rat you're attracted to. Hey, what do you like about him?

I don't know. It's kind of hot when we're at a party. He ignores me for the entire time. Yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. That's so hot. People love her. Like, hey, you remember that relationship you survived, quote unquote, when that guy used to throw Coors lights at you?

He didn't give a shit, did he? This is not the right trait. All right. So we have to move on. But before we do, let's take a quick break to talk about this wonderful sponsor. Today's episode is brought to you by rocket money yes hey do you know how much uh your subscriptions cost no an ungodly amount you know most americans think it's around 80 bucks a month you sign up for these little things and you forget about yeah you forget about

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Captain Kerry, he's bald. Yeah. All the primaries think he's hot uh yeah they uh the all the primaries think he's hot and they want to do calisthenics together which is code for are you down for the rumpy ring snatcher what the fuck are you fucking talking about don't answer that question i do want to talk about this overzealous primary though he's like man you got a good looking crew do you like do you stuff with them in the what a fucking awkward question it was it was it was getting this about the vacation it was on this with the lenses it was so embarrassing

so weird and then they undock um ass out first ass out first the interior tucks into some sweet chili sauce and they proceed to get yelled at by fay now fay is an interesting character because i've been convinced for a while and fay we'd love to have you on the show but i'm convinced that she is giving the decades of experience, not decades, but I think she's 13 years or something. I mean, she's atrocious at her job. But I think what she does is I think that she... It's like people who get very good at criminality

as opposed to finding a career. Yeah, yeah. She's very good at getting people to do shit for her yeah yeah you work that out but she's not good at her job no she has what's referred to as a specialty she specializes in that particular uh vertical but she doesn't even specialize in it because people at the end of the episode just completely ignore her because she forces people to do unnecessary shit faye annoys me i get it do you do you feel the same way i do she's very annoying and her voice especially that high pitch kind of thing sorry faye we'd love to have you on the show and i'm

sure you're a lovely person i'm just you in a professional environment. You know, it's tough for us because these sea rats listen and they're human too. But outside of this environment, probably lovely person. I would love to have it. You know, every time I talk to a sea rat, I totally turn the page on him. Let's go have some bruschetta somewhere, you know, but what? But on TV in this position. Yes, it's weird how you just like are trying to bend everybody to your british will let's get to dinner one fit for a viking

scallops no i'm kidding it looks lovely and we'll get into it but first spenacopita says that if she she does not get the communication that she needs, she can turn into a bit of a G-man. Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes. Now, Dylan, when I heard Jess say this about turning into the G-man, I was reminded that I had a friend, a personal friend named Steve, who changed his name to Sebastian, and was featured on an episode of Hell's Kitchen

where the G-Man in 2008 showed up at my buddy's restaurant and spent a week there to critique him. So when Jess says she's going to go hard on someone like the G-Man, this is what the G-Man did to my friend Sebastian after spending a week with him at his restaurant, trying to uh fix it up yeah and that's you sebastian i'm 40 years of age and i've gone to a lot of restaurants but i've never ever ever ever met someone i believe in as little as you. I think... Can you imagine not only another adult telling you that,

but then it'd be aired on ABC at 9 o'clock on a Tuesday in front of, back in the day, probably 10 million people watching. I watched this episode uncomfortably with Sebastian. Pat, you tried to warn the guy. You said, I know 40K seems like a lot, but trust me, it's not. And it wasn't. The restaurant closed down six months later.

Well, so Spanakopita, I guess, should not channel this kind of energy, correct? No, I don't think so.'s a nice cook it's not healthy um but i i think that the g-man would probably be okay with her meal it's scallops it's cauliflower puree it's burnt corn it is not served to the correct people there are dietary restrictions and that fails because fey and oriana are b squad bitches okay and i don't i don't mean that in like a i mean it in kind of like an ayso team or like space jam kind of way i don't mean to say the b word derogatorily okay now just so for some clarity at the table uh plates are being put down there was a food allergy preference sheet in which we thought right spanakopita had completely ignored but in

fact no she'd prepared uh to the standard that we'd expect out of her to the g-man stand and then oriana and faye coordinated incorrectly while captain carrie's sitting there right and it made carrie have to get up from his goddamn seat, walk down to that galley, only to hear, I think Jess said, hey, I already have two losers in here annoying me. Get lost. Right, right, right. I mean, I guess she was the G-man.

It's B-squad shit, okay? So she says that the two of them are useless in front of the guests, Um, she says that the two of them are useless in front of the guests and, um, that's not okay. But what's also not okay is for Oriana to lose it the way that she does. Um, and the service goes downhill from there. The next, um, dish is, uh, you know, steak and potatoes and that leads, uh, into another shit storm, which is gluten-free lava cake that is uncooked. A fight explodes over the radio, Spanakopita.

That is not Mr. G. This is something else entirely, okay? The G-man does not just blow up at nothing. He is measured until he has to call a snooty patron a dog or something like that. So a joke is made about the blind by the guests. What was it? How do you find a blind man at a nude beach?

It's not that hard. I miss Captain Lee. You know, it got me thinking, are there no safe spaces in comedy? Are there no lines we can draw? I mean, this, to make fun of the blind, it's just too much. i was gonna say for us as you know when at the party when someone doesn't know or they don't know your sensibilities or

whatever and they like want to tell you a joke and you're like god damn it i know this is gonna suck there should be a safe space for people like us yeah i don't want to be uncomfortable for five minutes and then fake laugh hey oh is that the bathroom over there okay yeah yeah yeah it's really rude to tell an unfunny joke to somebody it's seriously fucking really

really rude so next day next day Lewis and Faye have a meeting she's annoying people and telling people to do extra work and people just listen to her it's really really bizarre jump in our facebook if this is controversial but let us know your opinions on fay it's she's a confusing one uh everyone departs for the day and spanakopita is frustrated that there is no exterior helping

with the picnic here is where seth says she's right the deck should be helping but i'm not the head of the boat yet seth don't say shit like that it reminds us what the producers told you you were here for and also that you're a fucking piece of shit don't say that stuff dude come on yeah come on man hey i uh i want to say something about these activities yeah this paragliding bullshit i don't care how beautiful this uh the scapes are i'll be i'll be looking out from here and where's my fucking margarita right so so i wanted to ask you about the paragliding um i i i may do this right if i if I was in the right place at the right time. But I got to tell you, Bjorn and Fjorn talking to me about the safety,

it shook me a little bit. You know, they're like, the tricky part is the running. Run, Forrest. Run, Forrest, run. Are you making a movie reference from 1984 yeah where's my fucking margarita well also can we jordan can we hey bjorn can we not quote film right now can you show me where to run how fast i need to run can i tell you there was a bungee jumping guy that when he'd push you off he'd say oh wait yeah once i was done bouncing up and down

on that fucking rope i would go back up that staircase and i'd punch that asshole right in the fucking i'd throw him over the fucking edge no bungee cord just to his death no i'm kidding i would not do that so um let's move on with you know i don't know. The boys are blowing up this iceberg while everyone is setting up the lunch in this random field. Now, everyone lands safely and are served Moet Chandon in a revoltingly bulbous glass. Champagne like this is meant to be consumed in flutes not in your revoltingly bulbous glassware um so the champagne is perfect for a delicious light lunch hispanic opener really pulled out the stops here we've got chicken and burrata with arugula smoked salmon with sun-dried tomatoes and smoked salmon with sweet potatoes and queen quinoa i mean it's just an unbelievable spread for a beautiful afternoon um i would give this

lunch 91 pots i thought this yeah this was this was salivating stuff from spanakopita this is the kind of food that people want to eat now her job is done she's made the meal she's the chef it's time for her to leave but not according to fay according to fay she has to stay and she has to play fucking tug of war with the guests or something fay we need you to stop girl scout cooking this entire fucking vacation okay we're all adults we're all sea rats i don't want to play tug-of-war with these guests i'm starting to come around to your uh your critique of fay she's starting to get on my nerves the more you talk about her right right right she's a tag along well i talk about when they get back to the boat sure okay so jess returns back to the boat only to

uh be pissed at lewis again who appears he's either on something or he's very very checked out yeah into what she's saying yeah and then seth's in the wings lewis has the personality of someone that got hit with a blow dart you know all the time right he's he's constantly in that oh he's coming around the hell was that? I think I'm going to sleep. There's this kind of state of grace he exists in in the two seconds while your body's being pulled to the ground from the poison of the blow dart. Yeah, well, he's taking the blow dart and falling asleep. His face giving him some business. Seth's in the wings there.

Well, Spanning's giving him some business. Oh, right, right. Sorry, that's right. Seth has got his head bobbing up and down in judgment over Lewis's lethargic management style. Yeah, management. I'm going to Vegas for a prediction here, okay? Seth kills Lewis by accident. Honestly, don't hate that take.

Then soon after Lewis's death captain carrie becomes despondent and uh takes his own life whatever yeah and or he's pushed into a subway train you know i just see the first season of uh house cards uh yeah yeah yeah like that yeah yeah my point is seth wins kate mara you want to talk about a celebrity crush do you think my wife looks like kate mara no i think you've asked me that before no you both both uh are very beautiful but i i find that uh mara looks definitely different than cc oh well kate mara's uh kate mara's a superstar so well no she's not now i'm uncomfortable my wife is so beautiful i love my wife so much. So, the end of the episode is here, but I do want to

kind of talk about this violent end to the season that we are headed for. I guess. You said Seth kills Lewis and Kevin Carey kills him. No, he got pushed into a subway train. Like K-Mar. Yeah.

Rooney's sis. Yeah. It strikes me as something that could happen. And it strikes me as something that would be much like the N-word or Ross sexually assaulting Camille, just kind of... No one would do anything about it. What are you going to do? Nobody would do anything about it.

Andy would ask Seth if he felt it was weird that a camera went out on the back of the boat and Lewis's head looked to be shoved in the propeller of the vessel. But I would say, you know, it's just a weird thing that happened. They would move on because it's maritime law. There are no crimes on the ocean. That's it for us. Sorry, we got to say the episode ended.

We're going to have some big issues in this next episode. Lewis says, you know, it's getting dark. Fuck the obstacle course. Let's get out of here. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Faye's authority is going to be challenged at the end of this episode. And I don't mean to be close to the lead or patronizing about it, but Sea Rat authority is paradoxical and oxymoronic.

That's it for us. Jump in the iTunes ratings and reviews. Kind words. Five stars. oxymoronic that's it for us um jump in the iTunes ratings reviews kind words five stars join us on patreon for ad free episodes and join us on bad tv for love after lockup and rocket of love who cares Dylan say goodbye Pat say goodbye

bye Thank you.