Another Below Deck Podcast - A Telegraphed Coup | Below Deck Med S11 E11

Episode Date: August 18, 2026

Dylan and Pat are back to break down The Eagles, marvel adults, purple whales, Ken Burns, final edits, cheeseburgers, homeless people, airline food, The Cheesecake Factory and more from Bravo's Below Deck Mediterranean PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/anotherpodcastnetwork  YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/@badtvpod  INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/badtvpodcast/?hl=en

Cooper, after succeeding in helping Josin and the Frenchman and Asia, fix this problem, a multi-varied puzzle on their hands. He says, I'm really proud of how far I've come. When I first got on this boat, I didn't even know how to tie a knot. And I'm just always blown away, the hiring process of these vessels. I mean, it's unbelievable. You're, come over here. And then they grab the wrist.

And I feel a pulse. You're hired. And welcome to bad television. I'm Dylan. And that's Patrick Hickey. Permission to come aboard. Can I tell you something? I was, Kaylin's here as well.

Hello. Kailen's quitting. Listen, I, I, I've been listening to, I was listening to the Eagles on the way over here. What do you think about that? The Bay on the Eagles? I think they're overrated. Are you sick?

No. Kaelan, does he sound sick? No, he's all right. Is, um, take it to the limit. My throat glands are swollen. Is take it to the limit a ballad? I don't know. I don't like that song.

But is it technically? One more time. Take it to the limit. Is that a ballot? Somewhere in between. Get in the comments, let us know. Um, we are here to break down below deck. Whoa.

What a show. It is. Patreon.com slash another podcast network for Hit them with it, gal. Okay. Well, we got double lives of suburban wives back there. And that is a growing show. TLC is trying to bury that show by having the airtime on Sunday nights at 11 p.m.

But they can't. It's captured a nation. Do you think the audience of TLC have Bucke's Nuggets, stained fingers, and they're not? happy with the break in faith and sin that this show is demonstrating? I think a lot of people have probably called TLC and said, look, you're pushing this too far. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

We're okay with you guys doing 18 hours a day of little people running around. You know, let me tell you something. I was contagious. What's happening to you? You know, I was okay watching morbidly obese people get their sores bathed. But this whole thing is way out of line. This is crossing the line for us. crazy.

So go to patreon.com. Slash another podcast. Cam, what's going on? I feel like it's fucking Vietnam in here. Hold on. He's beaming around. And what's coming down the pike is we have another season of the charitas. When?

Starts, I think, September 16th. Also, real housewives of Salt Lake City. One of those or both of those are going behind the paywall. I think we've got to move Mormon wives to freebies. We'll see. Yeah, we'll talk about it. Anyway, you're going to have to start paying us. Oh, my God, yeah.

Mm-hmm. Okay. Do you smile three times, three and a half times when you're listening to the show, then, you know, go to Patreon. Pay $5. Pat, we have an episode of Below Deck to get to Kaylin. Have you seen Spider-Man? I have not.

Horrible film. You know, Disney adults get a lot of shit, and I know that Marvel adults are still technically Disney adults because... You're all the same. The conglomeratization of the world, but we are not giving these Marvel adults enough shit. These movies are horrible. I keep falling for it because these people go so fantastic. You got to go see this.

Oops, I forgot you're a Marvel adult. Should never listen to a word you say. No more superhero movies. Are you nuts? There's a show now about cops chasing the green lantern or something. Oh, yeah. It's called lanterns. They will squeeze a sponge dry of fucking any IP.

Sure. That's where we are. Yeah. No thanks. You know what keeps on giving? Below deck. Not the entire pantheon of these characters, below deck. Yes.

Which shows up, puts its boots on, sanitizes and gets to work. What did you think of this episode? Loved it. Yeah. We have Game of Wars taking place. Oh my gosh. We have Joe. Uh, he's, he's nicknamed himself Josun.

Jocum. That's one of the more, more worse ones. Also, you don't get to give yourself a nickname. Nicknames are given to you, bestowed to you, usually by people that know you for a very long time. You don't give yourself a fucking nickname. If people gave himself nicknames, Patty would call himself, uh, orgasm giver. And that would intrigue a lot of ladies and my life would have taken a completely different route.

It's a little convoluted. You think so? Yeah. You know what's a better name for you? The P-Spot. The P-Spot. Yeah. Hmm.

Actually, I think that might be a bad one. Yeah, I don't like that one. I like orgasm, giver. Or Dr. Orgazm or something. Can you imagine me being at a party? Dr. O is better than... Doctor.

Yeah. Hey, who's that? Oh, that's Dr. Oh, that's Dr. orgasm. Oh my God. How do you get that name? I don't know. Why didn't you ask them? I have a PhD in orgasms. Kaelan, what's your nickname? John Connor. And it wasn't given to him. Okay. My point. Game of Wars. Joe is really, really full of himself. And then you have Nate.

Let's be honest. I'm better at this. I'm better. I'm just better. Wasn't his mother dying five minutes ago? What happened with that story? John. Joe, I'm going to die. The devil is coming for me, Joe. He hasn't even reflected back on that one minute. Your nodes are messed up tonight, dude. You sound like a completely different person, actually, to me. Oh, sorry.

No, it's okay. All right, then we have Jen. Moving in on Koof. Darkside, Jen. We have a secret relationship taking place. I know. And that is obviously causing Jen to think that Kup is available and admitting right to cat's face. I'm going to take this guy. Yeah. It's amazing and we'll get to it. But ladies, ladies,

you're worth being public with your monogamy. If a guy ever goes, hey, let's just do this and not tell a single soul. Unless you're the other woman, then go to the grave with that. But if you just, yeah, we've seen it twice now. Luke told Jen, please tell nobody about this. And then Cooper told cat, please tell nobody about this. It's not a good sign. It's a C. It's a C. rat move. These are your pots. Oh, yeah. Okay, charter guests were fun.

Boy, Joy got a little saucy. I mean, your job is to cook on the boat and make the charter guests happy. Yeah. Yeah. When she gave a little, I guess a little sass for having to be asked to make a couple fucking cheeseburgers, I was like, Jesus Christ, Joy. Yeah. Right?

The cheeseburger, cheeseburger, I cannot do this. I'm no shrimp in cheeseburger. I cannot do this. That's what she said, yeah. Uh, okay. And speaking of French, we have annoying Max coming aboard. That's true. Yeah, the sense of himself. So I'm going to give this, because I thought it was a great episode of 14 knots. I pretty, uh, did you, I kind of just fast forward when Max is on the show. I know, and I know a lot of people are fans of Max, but, um, and there is a certain amount of comic relief. I do think that he's a great boy and a fun boy. But it's just pure nonsense that erupts out of his mouth. It's always nonsense. There's no point in

tracking it ever. Yes. I think it's because we understand that he's smarter than he's pretending and that this is all a schick. Yeah. I'm a man. Saving Silverman anybody? Love the episode. You know, these guests were framed as being very difficult. I'm pretty sure the episode trailer or teaser framed them as they were going to be very difficult. They were difficult, but they were actually really sweet about, what was transpiring before them, which was a nightmare between Jen and Kaylee and Joy. Not have a good showing.

I give this episode 14 pots. 14 pods. It seems a little low. Let's get into the episode. Can I start us off? Yep. Max arrives. And we get quite the look back at his journey on this show.

We spend such a long time. on Max coming back to the boat. He gets quite a positive editing look back. Yeah. Dare I say, revisionist history. Yeah. Did you notice that? Yeah.

He's an annoying prick. Well, it's like they're trying to prop him up as some kind of series regular or star, and it's just like, this isn't fetching for me. Let me give you a look back on the real Max. Yeah. Reckless safety violations. Sure. Severe work ethic.

issues. Intense arguments with his bosses. Yeah. And messy boatmen. Delusions of grandeur. Yeah. That don't make any sense. He says this episode, it was always to me, deckhand, lead deckhand, bocson, chartering a yacht.

It's like, what, Max? There are so many steps between those last two, buddy. You can't go bosun chartering a yacht. That doesn't make any sense. Yeah. Let's face. facts why Max is here. It's because he could possibly get people killed. Am I right? Yep. Danger makes the show more entertaining. So, um, he said that he was doing legitimate things

with his career trying to get licenses and stuff like that. And then below deck said, hey, do you want to be on four episodes of television? He was like, yes, I'll drop everything I'm doing. Hey, guys, today's episode is brought to you by G.U. Can I say something? I'm not a big skin person. Right? You know, my skin regimen is grit, sweat, and dirt, you know? Not me. I'm into it. I gave some GU product to the women in my family. Instantly, how do I get more? That was amazing. Thank God you finally got a sponsor that we can use.

That's what my wife said. And now my daughter stole it from my wife. They fight in the morning over it. Um, it is unbelievable, uh, skin care. Okay. It's they, and they have an entire suite of stuff that you can get. What did what you got, we got the face wipes. That's right. Um, and there's this some cream in there. What's the cream call? Uh, there's so much cream. There's so many face wipes. And listen, after seeing this stuff everywhere online and hearing people rave about their before and after results, you know, you kind of give this stuff a try. I mean, people are really into this stuff. It's spelled, J-I-Y-U, pronounced G-U.

It is a Korean skincare brand that's built a cult following because people are seeing life-changing results. Healthier, brighter, smoother-looking skin. Try out G-U for you, the Korean skincare brand, everyone is talking about. Our listeners, get 20% off their entire order by using code bad TV at G-U-Skin.com slash bad TV. that's j i yu skin dot com slash bad tv use promo code bad tv for 20% off asia is still on deck the chief stew of

this boat i want asia back in her position i'm i'm sick of asia being a deckhand she's the star of the show and while yes there's a certain amount of entertainment that comes from the schadenford of interior messing up and stuff. I don't know I had good vibes with the interior. Jen being an absolute sociopath is entertainment enough for me. Let's get Aisha back in her position. Dill, don't fiddle with what's working. Just take it.

Go along for the ride, please. You're right. All right. Now, Max makes his introductions to Joe. Now, Joe knows Max very well, and he knows that he's a colossal fuck-up, but he believes this mess of a human being can be molded into something useful.

Like, um, an ally. Female prisoners like mold maxi pads into dildos. Um, they're called purple whales. Can you look that up? I don't know how it got its name, but,

uh, I'll, I'll have to ask some, some of my home girls. Hmm. Yeah. You're not finding anything. Uh,

I'm not. Why do, why do I always have to be fact-checked? You don't always have to be fact-checked. I know the, for a fact. You watch a lot of prison shows. You know, I don't know where to start with prison shows. I'd maybe like to watch one, but I don't know where to start. One is, it's a county jail where they have, it's kind of juvenile, and they have the males above them on the above floor and the girls are on the

bottom floor, and they talk to each other through the toilet bowl. I think Kalin's found something. Yeah, so incarcerated women often make makeshift dildos, sometimes called purple whales, using common institutional items like pens, toothbrushes or sporks wrapped in maxi pads and sealed inside medical rubber gloves. That's why I didn't fact check out of malice. I know that you watch a lot of prison shows. I just didn't know if you were going goofy mode and just completely inventing something or if you had pulled that from actual real life.

No, I saw it like two months ago. Okay. Yeah. But anyway, he's going to mold Max like that. Yep, 100%. Shove it right up there. I need you. Maximilian. Let's get to the secret relationship plan. Cat is, cat just finished watching Kim

Possible. I mean, she is, she is really excited by this prospect. She thinks that it's fun. No, it's a can kicking. It is a grave insult to you and what your parents did to turn you into such beautiful human being. Now you have a little bit of a blind spot. It's not a problem. You're a very young woman. treating you like shit. Yeah. This is as a father of a daughter, are you too, Dylan? Oh my God, Kaelin, you as well. Yeah.

I want to find that right middle point where you raise a sweet girl who will pick the right guy, but also. It's got a little fight. Got a little fight in her and call out bullshit. Right, right, right. But not be too rough around the edges. No, you don't want cynicism. You want caretaken.

You want intentionality, right? Yes. Now, we're not saying the cat doesn't have that, but she is being duped a little bit by Cooper, who's just, I mean, this is a famous hot route. As hot routes can famous can be, you go, hey, let's not tell anybody about this. I'd like to bang you and not have to suffer any of these social consequences perceived consequences. Go ahead. Meanwhile, joy intends on speaking with the charter guests about chilling out on their food

restrictions. She also really loves Luke still, and it's just like, what the fuck is going to be. Well, that's because these fucking food restrictions are creating too much work and too much work means less time to focus on the guy who made a penis collada on his boss's bed. Yeah. I mean, that's just, do you remember how earlier on in the episode we spoke about the revisionist history that the show demonstrated with Max? What you just did.

Pure cold facts. Thank you. That was, who's the guy that does all those documentaries with the pictures that just zoom in for 70s? Ken Burns. That was a Ken Burns recollection of what is going on between Joy and Luke. He made a penis collata on his boss's bed, and she wants to think about that. Okay, go ahead. Please more time. Okay.

Then something interesting begins to take place because Jen has a lot of free time in Cuba's single. Jen has decided he'll be a great distraction for her. I was like for Jen, have you ever tried a podcast, Jen? Here's the thing with Jen. Jen is, I know that she's young, but there is true darkness there. is a true, oozy, ectoplasmic kind of dark entity that is her in her current form. It is dangerous. It is not nice.

She goes, I have a solve. I've got all this tension with Kaylee. I want to kill her. I want to light her on fire and not douse her with anything. So that's causing me some anxiety and some tension, but I think I can figure out how to ease that. I'm going to bang my only friend's interest on this boat. Now, you have to be a Jafar-like creature to think that that's an okay thing.

To do secret relationship or not, over or not. And to voice it out loud. Now, I have to remind myself and the audience, she is 22, and boy, was I a fucking dumb ass when I was 22. I wasn't this dumb. That's what I'm saying. She's venom. All right.

Or what did we call her? Grimmis. Grimmis. Evil Grimmis. Evil Grimmis. She's trying to steal Katz Cheeseburger. It's Cooper. All right. Max feels betrayed. That's right. We have Game of Wars here. Max has not forgotten being passed over as the lead deckhand and is still eyeing out that position, whatever it will take to get him there. The only thing that Max should be leading is a very poorly attended cult of sorts. He should be leading retreats that make no sense that bilk people out of money. but it's max so it's not going to be you know they're not going to be people beating down the doors but um i think it's a good life he definitely should not be put in charge of a deck team i'll tell you that uh so jen tries to test the waters with cat a little bit on this whole cooper strategy she says um

i should have gone for cooper the whole time cat responds um not well and uh jen now has that information, right? She's done the research and development. This isn't an okay thing to do. It's not going to stop her. Right, all right. So now let's keep doing it. That's right. Now, this is reality TV. Dylan and I are recapping a show currently called Real Housewives of Orange County. Yes. Where the main storyline now, we're at episode six is someone gifted someone an expensive purse. Yeah, and people couldn't believe it. You can't forget that part because it was unbelievable that that happened. Yeah. And I wish I could say more. more is taking place, but right now that's about it.

Yep, that's about it. So Jen is going to march forward and try to bed Cooper. We'll see what happens with that, more on that at five. Now, the guests arrive, and this is very exciting. It's very fun. It's very scary. They're already a little unhappy that the towels are taken away too quickly. Now, usually we don't have that complaint murmured under, so you're going, okay, this is

going to be pretty fucking tough. Now, Kaylee knows that economic. is about money and that's about all she knows about economics. Hey, me too, girl. I mean, what the hell are even people talking about? Elasticity. What are you crazy? But these people run an economic engine thing. Do you know what these people do? Well, they redistribute wealth. It's funny, you ask Dylan. Yeah. Because the social media director, Jace. Chase, yeah. He's got a lot of opinions, which he'll share later at dinner, which I thought was completely out of place, seeing as you are a hired, your hired, your personnel.

You're pretty much on equal terms with, I don't know, some of the people working on your water boy. That's right. So I looked him up, because I was going to see if I could get him on as a charter guest. And what ended up, who I tracked down was Bunny, who is actively very excited about being on below deck. Okay. And so she's been promoting herself.

Yeah. And I found an Instagram clip of her. This is like last week of her saying that, you know, Bravo wanted her on the show and she had some conditions. She needed final edit and a bunch of stupid other shit that we know is true. And so. Oh, Bunny, for you, of course, we'll be the final edit. Yeah.

So then I... It wouldn't disrupt our process or anything or it wouldn't be something that we've never done for anybody before. So yeah, for sure. So it is a tell. She appears to be very successful. She actually gives like business advice to young black entrepreneurs. But, um, but sometimes when I'm, someone's full of shit with something that you know, you do have to question, you know. Um, so I went back to find the social clip, uh, of where she was saying that nonsense. It had been pulled down. But fortunately for old Patty, I recorded the original one. So here's the dumb shit that she said. Okay. Great.

She was actually really lovely. I felt like I was super clear on what the boundaries were, when I would be filmed, when I would not be filmed. I already knew going into it what story I wanted to share with people. And I also knew that, of course, I don't have any control over the edit. So in terms of what it was like being full of vacation, I was surprised that very quickly I got used to... I just cut it off there. She didn't say that she wanted final edit. Did she say I get control of the edit?

No, she said I wouldn't get control of the edit. Oh, she said I wouldn't. Oh my God, I apologize. I listened to that, like three times. Like I said, just completely sensible what she was saying. Oh, well, when she was saying all that hogwash about how I'm going to be. That was hogwash. Nobody cares.

Oh, I, then, Bunny, I apologize. I thought you said I would have control of the edit. That's what I heard there. Yeah, we're at war with Bravo PR. So, Bunny, why don't you come on the show? Yes, Bunny, please come on the show. I would love to have you. And I couldn't track down Jace, by the way.

Where is Jace? I have no idea. Jesus, man. Kaelin, can you find out where Jace is, please? Okay, so meanwhile. If you are listening, we'd love to have you on the show. Meanwhile, Jace is in charge of the digital media of the vacation. There's a lot of, I want to say, I should have said this in my pots.

There's way too much boat stuff this episode. There's a lot of boat stuff. You know what? They've been very lean on it. The angler stuff, the inflatable stuff. They have been very lean, which is why it's a good. good season because the boat stuff has just let let me tell you why they're showing us they want you to see that joe is a little bit more on top of things right right right right right the way i

look at it is like okay the bachelor mansion is the stage set for this story the boat is the same thing we don't want to see the go the the the the the i don't do we have an h-fack problem and the bachelor man we don't want to see that getting taken care i understand that it's not a show about the people that work on the mansion well you get what i'm saying that we don't need to this is just a stage don't show us the inner work it was interesting though when they ditched the uh flotilla and the water toys because they needed to move that fucking boat out my thing is that there's a there's a reason why the people that can actually operate this vessel are stuffed in a chamber below this boat not to be seen by the sun or the cameras for six months.

It's a nasty part of the show. Anyways, we're going to head into a bunch of stuff like that because there is a lot of wind. And the guests weigh in on whether bikinis will be too much ass. All right. Now, Luke's AI bot keeps sending reminder text to all the bitches that he's trying to fuck. And the gang take all of the toys out of the underbelly of this boat.

Now, they hit the jet skis. Do you think if we went on this vacation, we would ever be sober enough to ride one of these vehicles? It's a one drink max. You'd blow it at breakfast. You'd have fucking four mimoses at breakfast. Dylan, if I was going to go on one of these vacations, and I believe Bravo will have us on one day because they think they're going to set a trap for us as podcasters, I will not let them trap me. I will go there stone sober and be sober the entire time.

Really? Really? Yes. That's not a vacation. I think it is. I have plenty of time to drink. You're saying that you wouldn't, you wouldn't allow yourself to let your walls down to be baited into doing something embarrassing. That's right. I would not, which means I'd have to watch the booze. I'd probably just drink a glass of wine while I was in the comfort of my own room. Right. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Screw you, Bravo. Okay. So while everyone is ripping it up, some of the ladies are feeling a little bit peckish. And this happens all the time. People come face first in a collision with what they thought this vacation was going to be and what it actually is. So they think that this is a luxury vacation you go on and anything you want at any given time you can ask for.

This is not that. No, no. This is a, this is essentially a Groupon version of that. you cannot ask for food when you are hungry. Can I have a cheeseburger? I have some cookies. Yeah, no, we've got cookies. You can't have a cheeseburger because I'm about to serve you avocado and watermelon on top of rice. And I... Four times.

I can't disrupt that process to make you a cheeseburger. I would just throw the entire thing off. So they are... Yeah, they are not happy. because they are not going to be able to get any food for what is a really kind of important hour in the day. That's the breakfast into drinking, skipping lunch in lieu of activity. And then you realize that you're pretty fucking hungry around 3 or 4 o'clock. You're not eating until 9.

Here's the thing. I know we don't have a sous chef on board, but this is where you feel like you could have one of the stews that makes a... Make a couple smash breakfast. Some french fries. What are we doing here? A couple pizzas. Yeah. You know, it's so funny that they place such emphasis on increasing the value of the tip by doing

horse shit like dressing up as an eagle and pretending to be a dragon. Make somewhat a cheeseburger. I'm telling you, it's way better. These are the things they remember. Right. Someone says, I'd like a cheeseburger. And in three and a half minutes, it's in fucking front of your face. Right.

Those are the wonderful moments that you remember on vacation. Think about how wonderful that moment is. It's wonderful. That's a wonderful. moment. All right. So we've got some intense music. In a sequence, it's a intense music sting sequence of anchor dragging. This is where the boat is dragging. So Sandy is on top of it. She's like, we need to get the hell out of here. Something's going to happen to this boat. Listen, I get it. But the

the Hans Zimmer of it all and the kairons with seconds to spare. I can't do it. No? I can't do this. Don't hit me with that. You need a break from the drama. Who am I talking to? Did Dr. Orgasm really just telling me that we need a break from the drama?

Who is that? I can't see him. Because my patty would never say anything like that. It's a 42-minute television program. It should be wall-to-wall drama. I need to stop fucking take in inner tubes on a jet ski. We don't need to do that, but I believe it's the point. Now, Cooper after succeeding in helping Josin and the Frenchman and Asia fix this problem,

a multi-varied puzzle on their hands, he says, I'm really proud of how far I've come. When I first got on this boat, I didn't even know how to tie a knot. And I'm just always blown away at the hiring process of these vessels. I mean, it's unbelievable. You're, come over here. And then they grab the wrist and like, oh, I feel a pulse. You're hired.

Yeah. It's so crazy. If a homeless person had a good enough power wash, they could walk right on to this show. Is that two crafts? No. You know how it gets a little tacky. It's not, you need it pretty. You need some strong water pressure to get some of that stuff off.

Absolutely. Yeah. How have your encounters been with them lately? Huh? How have your encounters been with them lately? What do you mean? The bums? The bums?

Yeah. Oh, I have a new bum. Really? Yeah. Want to know the category? Yeah. New car smell, zombie. Okay.

It's a new zombie that's new to the streets. It doesn't mean they're not a full-on, fucking chaotic drug addict that is stolen from everybody. Yeah. It's that they're new on the streets, right? They're not weather torn, like scabbed over with the fucking face. Like, right? You know those, right? Yeah, the lepers.

This is a person that has stolen and burned every fucking bridge that they have and now is left out under a fucking bridge near a cardboard box. How do you deduce that this is the path that got them to this moment? Because that's the path of every fucking loser, delinquent drug addict. Oh, okay. They burn every fucking bridge. They steal all their grandmother's jewelry, sell it for drugs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And finally, the family says, another.

Enough is enough. Uh-huh. And then they're under a bridge. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's, the newbies are called the new car smell, zombie. Okay. I got it. See them from a mile away.

I saw one the other night. The shuffler. Ah, the shuffler, yes. Yes. Couldn't pick their feet up if they tried. So what they resort to is just a, it's a slow shuffle. It's just a shuffle. Imagine you're cleaning your kitchen floor.

You throw a little rag down and you're, just trying to mop up all the Formula 409 that you just sprayed everywhere. That's how they kind of walk. Yeah. Okay. And you got any? I got one I saw today. It was very honest with his sign at the end of the freeway.

It's that give me money for weed. Yeah. Oh, that's a weed. That's been a, the honesty's been a play for like the last 30 years. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's not a new schick. Yeah.

You know, if the audience feels that Dylan and I had. Their signs should say it's so hot. That's what they're, that would make me, because it is, it's so hot. If the audience thought Dylan and I were thoughtless and cruel. Yeah. Yeah. Our little jokey, joker, you can fuck off because Dylan and I are advocates for getting these people off the street and getting them help. It's our local leadership that thinks it's okay that they walk around like this until they fucking do.

We don't want. We don't want them to be euthanized. We don't want them to be flamed thrown, anything like that. We want them to be taken care of. You know, I saw one the other day. I was coming off the one on one. It's over like and he had a sign up, but his head was buried. and then he just dropped the sign.

But he didn't pick his head up or anything. He just dropped the sign because he was dying. Okay? It's fucking horrifying out here. Yeah. Anyways, let's get back to the show. Okay. New Decky is on the way.

And if you want to give a shit, I mean, think about seeing this all the time. I mean, we have to be desensitized to it. It's too sad to indulge the reality. It's been a decade at this point. Okay. Yeah. All right. So we get to dinner.

Kaylee says She doesn't want to Give these Chartergrass anything to complain about They've been challenging already Boy, did you fuck that wish up Because you really You only gave them that

First course is a saviche of I believe she said Arctic sea bass I heard sea bass And then for the freaks Who don't eat anything they get watermelon and avocado with Ponzoon on crispy rice. Now, there's a problem here, right? Yeah.

They don't like the food, the watermelon avocado. It's not doing it for them. And once again, we've got a thirst for the foods to be fried. Now, you'll see this very often with gluten-free people, with vegetarian. They just want French fries. but they are on a very nice vacation so we can't let our base instincts erupt out of us, right? We want to kind of indulge the luxury of this, but you just want fries. Yeah.

Yeah, that's it. I went to Thailand. Yeah. All I did was go to McDonald's. Well, you're sick. I know. You know, I might do that too because I can't do those little chilies, man. It's just way too hot.

I was so sick of chicken and rice by the third day. I was like, no more. I'm going to McDonald's. Right. Right. No, I'm with you. I understand. I mean, the things people eat, it's just crazy.

What are you? What happens to your bottom? Just a numbing, fucking searing nightmare. Every time you go to the bathroom. Okay, go ahead. Yeah, well, I was going to say, the guests don't like this food. I would, here's, here's my show. I'm not blaming the guests, but once you realize that there is only

one chef here. This should be a one-night mistake. If you're a vegetarian, you tell the chef, give me your best vegetarian dish. Instead of just writing a bunch of shit that you don't like, just say these are the things that I'll eat. That's it. Just give her, just give her five things that you will eat and let her do a thing. I think that's reverse engineering it in a better way. Because you can write that you don't like mushrooms and you can write that you don't like gluten, But when a raw dish, fish dish gets put in front of you, you can't think of everything that you don't like to eat. You just get that and you go, oh, well, it's not a mushroom and it's not, you know, so I don't like this. Just say you, you want fucking French fries and fried shrimp.

That's what they want. Okay. Now, Kaylee does as well as a job as she can here. She goes up and says, I'm so sorry. We're actually coursing out of a meal right now. We can't just throw coconut shrimp in the fryer for you right now at this moment. You fucking lunatics. She says there's so much more to come.

You're going to be blown away. We've got these tiny little tacos that you're going to hate. Just hang tight. And then we get to a Kaylee fuck up. This is completely on Kaylee. Judah one of the economic redistributors says

can you give me the crispy rice I don't want any avocado I don't like avocado I actually put out my preference she goes okay no problem she brings her back crispy rice with avocado that's right it's no watermelon at all it's just avocado the thing she said don't do okay our former

employer who's a complete douchebag but he was right about this thing whenever you go to a restaurant and you order a sandwich or whatever, you say no mayonnaise. That sandwich will come back with mayonnaise and it will be double mayonnaise on it. No, he's not right about that. I get it every time. Now he's dead wrong about that.

And every time I tell Subway, I don't want mayonnaise. I want mustard. They put fucking mayonnaise on it. You're watching the artists. I call it in sometimes. Oh, do you really? I'm in a rush. I'm on the go.

You call it in? Defeats the purpose. Well, I'm supposed to be able to trust they are sandwich artists. Okay. Oh, my God. That's crazy. Now, because Joy's head is up her fucking ass, she didn't read that goddamn preference sheet that said,

I fucking hate avocados. No, she's thinking about crook. Crazy. Now, we've got a couple of different types of tacos. Unfortunately, they all have avocado on them, which is something that these people do not like. One wrote it on the preference And it turns out that

You know, many of them just want to eat meat. There's, the issue is that the primary is a gluten-free vegetarian. But the rest of these people, they just want fucking cheeseburgers. They don't want all this horse shit. They don't want watermelon and avocado Ponzo tacos and shit like that. Just fucking put steak in the tortilla. It would be much easier. for you. This is a nightmare.

It's a four-pot dinner. All right. I don't know why I'm trying to solve this problem. It's so fun to see chefs fuck up on this show. Yeah. Why not have like a menu that you can literally circle like the items that you like to have? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're talking about turning into like an in-flight kind of thing. Kind of.

Yeah. So you go, you go, these are our three options. Salisbury steak, vegetable medley or chicken piccata. And you go, I'll have chicken puccaut. Picada. They go, we don't have any. No, no. No, no. We go, okay, I'll do the Sonsbury steak. No, we don't have that. Fuck. Okay, can I have the micro-evegette. No, we're completely out of that.

But what you can do is paying $19 for hummus and pita chips. So you're saying, do something like that. But better. But better. All right, so Joy had a four-pot dinner, and she's breaking down in tears. And Kaylee had a four-pot dinner. And she is breaking down in tears. This is not going well. Well, Joy says she might just want to end up being a fucking dog walker.

I love dogs. Well, I love dog walkers because I make a lot of money doing that. Yeah, you can't. Dog walkers around here, they make like six figures right out of the gate. Yeah, I'll tell you what, though, you've got to build up a clientele and you've got to carry insurance because these dogs bite. They do. I am so fucking tired of dog people. I'm so sick of them.

They're ruling the roost. Excuse me. The other day, we're standing outside this theater, me and my wife, go see an improv show. Neil Casey, just one of the true greats. And this pit bull comes up to us. And the Walker just lets this pit bull go up to my wife's ankle and smell her ankle. He goes, oh, he's really friendly. It's the Robbie Hoffman bit.

It's always that's never happened before. It's always he's never done that. Yeah. Is it pit bull? Don't have your dog. Or come up and smell me, okay? I'm not a dog person. I don't want that.

dog. We don't, get out of here with that. Any large dog. Yeah. Well, Jackie's going to get a dog walker, and they charge a lot of money because, you know, he misses Theodore. Right. Yeah. Why don't you just get him a new dog?

No more new dogs. No more. Too much work. What about a cat? Entertaining it. Very easy. Get a little robot. That takes care of that.

Don't let them outside or they'll die. There's too many coyotes around here, man. And they have zombies. We'll eat them as well. Oh. They will. They will. All right.

Next day. All right. Next day. Max. New day presents a new opportunity for new beginnings still and a fresh start. Also, mechanical malfunctions and a boat fucking sinking possibly. Yeah. When the sun comes up and it filters into your eyes for the first time, you're filled with a reduced sense of optimism.

You go, this is what Andy was talking about. Then a bunch of people get in the back of a boat, they actually flood the thing. There is no fix other than having somebody scoop water out of it with a water bottle and then says, in as polite a way as you possibly can, let's disperse the weight. That's not a good day. The sun was wrong. I mean, okay, before we get there, though, Kaley has the ick for Joe. And it makes me so happy.

Kaley is approaching Joe on Kaley's terms. And I think, I think Kaylee might be my favorite C-Rat of the season because I think what's going to end up happening. It could be wrong. It will break my heart, but it's going to be okay. If she just never gives him what he wants for the remainder of the season and closing time is going to come and he's going to get real frustrated and she's going to go, actually I'm doing this on my terms. I think that could lead Joe to watch what happens live appearance where he goes, I talk to every single one, except that bitch. I think that might be what happens. And it would bring me so much joy.

Wow. You know what I mean? Well, there already was an appearance like that where he said, I talked to every single one about one of my... No, no, no, I know. That's what I'm referring to. Yeah, except, but he can use the B word. Oh, I'm sorry.

Yeah. So crass. All right. Enough dead air. Let's finish this episode. All right. All right. did we do the we did the ad already it would be bad to put it in the last three minutes of the show maybe

they wouldn't be we love the ad it's just that nobody heard it so yeah um okay so listen we have this breakfast that goes really well kind of turns things around a bit and joy heads upstairs and she makes a very very big mistake she turns herself into carrie russell the waitress. Ah, I was also going to say if Carrie Russell was transported through time and space into a cheesecake factory restaurant where you can order one out of

80,000 things out of menu, because that's exactly what the guests do. Yeah. I'll take penet pasta with vodka sauce. Yum. Oh, I'll have soup. And then the food comes... Lobster salad for me. The penny pasta comes and you're like, oh, no, no, no, this is way too much.

They go, no, I know. That's why it's that's why it's cheesecake, babe. You go, this is, the plate is a serving, serving plate. No, that's for you. This is the cheesecake factor. You see how much it costs? It's $42. Right, right.

Well, make it half that and then half the size now. We don't do that here. We're trying to kill people. Thank you for coming. They ask for pesto pasta. They ask for lobster. They ask for bunny, who we'd love to have you on the show. You're a fucking lunatic.

You're asking for lentil soup? She asked her lentil soup. Can I have lentil soup for dinner? Do you know how annoying lentils are? You know, fucking annoying? And what does that net out? A lentil soup? I understand it can be good.

But it's like she doesn't have a ham hawk laying around, okay? That's going to be disgusting. But we head out for an excursion. This is when the boat breaks down. A little bit like me driving my Chevy tracks into the dealership. it had been smoking white for days. I thought, you know what, it might be a good time to take this in.

And as I drove the car into the dealership, it billowed smoke out into the entire street. What people were honking at me going, you have to pull over. There's something wrong. I said, I know that you can't see, but I'm almost there. Okay.

Just break on. I always love the helpful bystanders. Like you got a tire that you're driving on the rim. Yeah, it feels like you're on fucking Indiana Jones. You're like, hey, man, there's something wrong. I know. Thank you. Thank you. I'm trying to not crash, you know. No, I'm actually aware because I'm miserable right now. This is going to be ours. It's the worst thing that could happen in the developed world.

Okay. So the boat breaks down and Cooper calls Joe. And he says, was everybody on the back of the boat? And he says, pretty much, yeah. And he says, you're going to have to spread them out a little bit. And Coop gets to work, siphoning the water out of the tender. Now, we have this little moment where Joe is not texting Nate back. Joe is such a little fucker, man. He is such a little fuck. Can I tell you? Yeah.

If that is such a tell for Nate, like it's such a dereliction of 48 laws of power, keep the line of communication going with the guy you're trying to screw over because you're just showing them your hand that you are really just trying to step on his dead body. Sure. You got to kill him. They shouldn't know that you're trying to kill them until you've killed them. That's right. What Joe is doing is telegraphing the coup. Exactly. And you're 100% right. This is bad gameplay. Because Nate is going to come back on this boat fired up and completely take over the position again. I mean, with that text message he sends to Max at the tail end the episode, he's already failing it. Yeah. And Nate is, I guess we can end it with that, right?

Yeah, I mean, this is, we don't have the dinner, I think, at the end of this episode. No, we have Joe telling us, he just does this monologue where he tells us he's better than I'm better than him. Let's be honest, I'm better than him. And then crunches the numbers and sees that he has the majority. He can flip the verdict. Now, Nate is, as we've mentioned, also not a great player of the 48th law. laws himself. He's a bit of what you would call an idiot. So what he does is sends a text of absolute desperation. Foolishness. To an underling. You are showing an underling that you are scared,

paranoid, and concerned that Joe is going to try to take your position and you are trying to accrue allies. Nate can't do that. You're not there. You have to accept the disadvantage. Turn it into a boon. But what you can't do is try to gameplay with somebody who's working in person with the dude you're trying to defeat. That's the high ground loss, Nate. You just come off as pathetic. But luckily, his target is so soft. The security guard working at this mall is, can't even run.

Max goes, oh, my God. And doesn't respond. This is everything I've ever wanted. And that's where we leave off the episode. Get in the comments. Let us know what you thought. about our recap of said show. Join us to Patreon.com for slash another podcast for double lives of suburban wives.

And Salt Lake City is coming there as well. We love you guys very much. I'm Dylan saying goodbye. Pat. There guys. Kalyn. See you.