Kill James Bond! - Active Flirtation | Below Deck Down Under S2 E2

Episode Date: July 26, 2023

Dylan and Pat are back to breakdown euphemisms, dog bowls, Bill Clinton, kangaroos, speculation, dad jokes, stew coups, mushrooms, ring doorbell cameras, and much more from Bravo’s Below Deck Down Under. Uncensored content and exclusive shows including Vanderpump Rules at Patreon.com/AnotherPodcastNetwork

I don't know. You were more of a ladies' man back in the day, so maybe Luke's behavior doesn't trigger you as much as it does me. I'm not going to use the word trigger. Yeah. But I won't. I won't use it either because it's like way overused. It's a douchebag.

It's pretty gross. I mean, this didn't work in my day either. You can't just tell a woman, you know, would you like to suck my dick? Well, yeah, that was fucking unbelievably disgusting. But also, he keeps doing this thing where he's talking to Margo, and he's like, Si, what you drink? She's like, tequila.

And he's like, Perfect. Everything's lining up, isn't it? It's like, oh, God, dude. Yeah. Hey, what's up? Hi there. Welcome aboard another brand spanking new episode of another Below Deck podcast. Day on Honda. You want to do that in concert moving forward or i don't know what's wrong with you poopy pants not poopy pants nothing's wrong with me i'm excited to

get into the episode kaylin how you doing i'm good how are you i'm fine um man did we just have a fun time oh we had a great time yeah can i tell him what we did we uh we did a lot of listening yes we did yeah and that's what you do when you're having a conversation you gotta be a good listener you can't just yapping away all the time one mouth two ears all right here's what dylan and kay have you heard that aphorism? I have not. You have two ears and one mouth, so you should listen more when you talk. Makes sense. Two against one, you know? Yeah.

Have you ever heard that? This is the first time I'm hearing. It makes sense. Isn't that beautiful? It makes sense, but I don't know how it enhances my life in any way. What do you mean? It's a message.

It's a piece of wisdom. Understood. Are you saying you already know it so that it doesn't help you? No, I wasn't aware of it, but there's better, what do you call them, euphemisms out there? Yeah. Fucking beyond reproach. Treat others like you'd like to be treated. Things like that.

Let's get into the episode. Okay. All right. First off, we just had an amazing interview with Carmen, the primary of this charter. Also known as Karma, also known as Crystal. And, oh, how dare you? Okay. It's an amazing interview.

We're going to drop it tomorrow. So if you're hearing this on Tuesday, it drops Wednesday. And if you want to see it on YouTube, one way you can support us and really help us out is go subscribe to Bad TV Podcast on YouTube. Is that how you say it, Dylan? Yeah, big time. And you'll get to see our little interview and all the video. Carmen looks pretty hot on the video. She did, yeah. It looked like

a snack, huh? Is that too gross? No, no, no. Dylan, how you doing? Hey, good. Should we get some plugs out of the way before we start the show, Dale? I think we got one out of the way. What's next let's get the next one okay our audience for below deck is enormous and i would like just a fraction of this audience to go listen to us recap other content on our other podcast called bad tv so right now why don't you just type in bad tv and subscribe to that and hear dylan and i and ruby recap flavor

of love and 90 day fiance before the 90 day and a whole bunch of ellie's out of control oh my daughter yeah yeah she's a lunatic dude she's losing it in there well you know what's going on well the problem is it's 100 degrees out so she's trapped inside a house all day yeah yeah she run around like a lunatic. Yeah. I mean, Lupita's completely lost the reign. Well, she's probably worn Lupita down, quite honestly. Yeah, poor Lupita, my God. So we got a great episode for you and look out for that interview with Carmen.

I'll just give you a little tease. Within the first 30 seconds, she refers to Crystal as a demon. Oh, can I give a tease? Sure. Within the last 30 seconds, you call her by her sworn enemies name. Oh, can I give a tease? Sure. Within the last 30 seconds, you call her by her sworn enemy's name. Dylan, I said Crystal 40 times during the interview because the bulk of the interview,

the content was trying to break down the game from Crystal and Carmen. Two ears, one mouth. You know what I mean? Gotcha. Kaelin, how you doing? I'm good, Dylan. How are you?

I'm doing good. All right, so let's get into the episode. Well, yeah, let's go. Oh, thank you for doing plugs. Oh, yeah, you're welcome. It's a messy, messy job. Yes. All right, let's get into the episode.

Well, let's get into thoughts and nots. Yeah. What did you think of the episode, Dylan? I was going to say, hey, Mike Rowe, you ever done plugs at the top of a podcast? You want to get into this crazy episode that happened? I thought it was a great episode. I think the casting is magnificent.

We've got a beautiful bouquet of broken on this show. Aisha and Captain, king and queen of this live aquatic type vessel. I'm still not convinced that they're brother and sister. I mean, he's actively flirting with the girl. Yeah, actively peeks in. How you doing? I want to say this. Can you do that peeks in. How you doing? I want to say this. Can you do that one more time?

How you doing? Okay. I want to say this to people on our Facebook. And I want to say this. You are, of course, okay to talk about our Facebook page in the fucking middle of my pots. I'm sorry. You are totally fine to do that.

Someone made a joke about the Captain Hotpants and Aisha banging. Yeah, Rack of Lamb Hotpants. Someone in the Facebook was appalled by that statement. You know what? Whoever said that, get out of here. Yeah. It's a comedy podcast. We joke around.

And there's always truth in comedy. They're definitely fucking. All right. I feel uncomfortable. So we've got those two. And they're, what did you say? Definitely fucking? Okay.

But we've got a lovely, you know, rest of the schmear with the sea rats. Cannot stand Luke. I cannot stand Luke. It's great television. I cannot stand Adam. I think Adam luke it's great television um i cannot stand adam i think adam needs to be goofy motherfucker no no no that's harry oh sorry yeah yeah you're right yeah harry's goofy oh yeah totally and he's not like uh black behind the eyes violent like adam you know um so maybe let's think about putting him in some kind of psychiatric oversight

and then he can get back out onto the ocean. But the women are fantastic. I can never remember her name unless I'm looking at the notes. Trinina is magnificent. She's just bad enough to be entertaining. And Laura, I think, is evil. People from that part of the world are cold. You know, Lapia.

And Margo, what a lovely addition. What a lovely addition. I'm not sure if she... Did she come on this episode? Yeah, well, lovely to have her. Quickly becomes the front runner. Yeah, we had a nasty guest. I mean, this episode had it all. Tits, balls, and claws, you know? 94 guest. I mean, this episode had it all. Tits, balls, and claws.

You know? 94 pots. I smell episode title. Yeah. All right, Dale. So let me just... That's not the episode title. You don't need to write that down.

Okay. I marked it. All right. So, and I'm not going to spend too much time on this, but maybe just four or five minutes. Bravo decided to drop two episodes a week on us. Now, I've already had my issues with that. Okay. But that's fine.

Dylan and I make a lot of money talking about this stupid show. Yeah. What I do take issue with is- I wouldn't say a lot, but it's a good amount of money. I think a lot of people would think it's a lot. Okay. So you subject us- Well, they're pours.

No, no, no. Just regular working jokes. All right. Two episodes back to back once a week, and then Bravo now No, no, no. Just regular working jokes, you know? All right, two episodes back-to-back once a week, and then Bravo now adds, if you noticed in this episode, an additional eight minutes at the tail end of this episode. Why are you doing Tom Likas? I'm not doing Tom Likas.

Because you call people bitch. Now, all right, so I get that the Sea Rats had just wrapped up a charter, and of course we can't just leave with a cliffhanger of Laura spending three hours doing her makeup. We have to show some footage of them out. So old Patty just turns the TV off at minute 59, and I start watching the second episode,

and they're deep into hanging out being Sea Rats at the club, and I'm like, God damn it, Andy! And I had to go back and re-watch the last eight minutes. Oh, wow, that's shocking. That's shocking, because I'm a peacock boy. Oh, different edit sometimes. club and i'm like god damn it andy and i had to go back and re-watch the last eight minutes shocking that's shocking because i'm a peacock boy oh yeah different edit sometimes well it's just the episode you know there's no um fcc nsa you know firearms and whatever regulations on the you know tv guide they're on the interwebs but anyways what'd you think of the episode i thought it was great it was disappointing that it went down just? I thought it was great. It was disappointing

that it went down just how I thought it was the first minute of the episode. I was hoping that Crystal would fall into the ocean and be eaten by sharks. But she wasn't. They just went to bed. 50 pots. What's the movie where LL Cool J

stabs a Mako shark in the eye? She's losing her mind right now. Hi look at this she's treating us like a twilight zone exhibit she's like uh oh look this is like a fucking alien we're exhibit at the zoo podcasting ellie get out of here hey honey daddy's working hey ellie hi hi know, cute kid, but we're working. Understood. You know what I mean? Yes. Kalen, what did you think of the episode?

Pretty good. 40 pots. That was good. Better than mine. That was good. Better than mine. That was good. I give that 84 pots.

All right. All right. Let's get into it. Okay. Of course, we start out with uh below deck horse shit i'm the captain now and no no no no no comma bitch pause fuck off yeah now our guest carmen she alleges that there was some editing and uh her best friend brandon wasn't in fact that wasn't uh towards captain hot. Yeah. Somehow they had edited.

He had said that to Krista. He was, yeah, where he was talking to, and I don't know if she. I don't believe Carmen with that one. She gave us a lot of good tea, but that one, I think that's a conspiracy theory. Oh, I thought he was like condemning the gods, you know? Oh, right. The queer god. Who's the queerest god? Loki? Oh, he's a god? Oh, right. The queer god. Mm-hmm. Who's the queerest god?

Loki? Oh, he's a god? Yeah, I think so. Oh. Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm. So anyways, they ask for another champagne,

another glass of champagne. And if that is any indication of how not threatening hot Captain Rack-a-Lam Jason was in this moment. I don't know how to finish the sentence, but it wasn't a big deal. Obviously, they asked for another fucking glass of champagne. They weren't intimidated. No, no. Here's what I would have done.

Go to bed, you cigarette buzzards. Oh, wow. You cig buzzards, go to bed. You almostards oh wow you sig buzzards go to bed you almost killed yourselves out there time for bed um i thought captain hot pants handed himself handled himself pretty well here and look i do want to i at first i really despise brandon um for him thinking this but then i kind of thought out the uh you know some of the characteristics of a sassy gay yeah i think if he was in fact talking to hot captain uh jason this way it's a sassy gay always has to end no no no no no with bitch because that's how you talk to your friends it's a term of endearment right exactly

no no no no is subsequently followed by bitch and also us as americans um if there is someone with that kind of lappian eastern european tongue and they're like commanding you not to do something i think there's something in us maybe we're all like manchurian candidates we're like no no no no i get it no no no no no you this was this ended in 1990 okay you're not telling me what to do. All right? You get the fuck over there. If Brandon had known the only factory in her country made dog bowls, he would have made a lot of hay with that. You know what I mean?

And if only people knew that people always ask what's the smallest country? And it's the Vatican. But it's actually not. It's Lapia, which is a country dedicated to exporting dog bowls so um we move on to a little bit about adam seurat origin story yeah he's my favorite dumbass on

the show now i say he's a dumbass but he also does kind of have this new yorker kind of moxie where i can see him making a couple million dollars and living in jersey in like a really nice house or something like that financial likely not because he's just a dumbass but you know these these you know that city breeds some uh some go-getters yeah some interesting uh people there adam yeah adam uh sea rat origin history here Adam lived under a bridge in New York, was a fan of Kangaroo Jack. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we find as we kind of grow up, you know, if you're lucky

enough, you find little portals to different places. Maybe it's David Attenborough. Maybe it's Kangaroo Jack. But Adam has learned a lot about Australia through that vehicle with anthony anderson and a kangaroo i learned i mean he's just a dumbass yeah yeah yeah yeah uh you want to know the dumb

plot of the movie i think i saw it once isn't it rob them and then they have to chase it because it has the cash or something yeah two buddies work for the mob yeah yeah and the mob sends them to australia with 50k yeah and then a kangaroo like uh punches one of them and steals the money right clearly a person was on cocaine that wrote that do they uh make friends with him in the end i have no clue all right our next partner is ag1 the daily foundational nutrition supplement that supports whole body health. I drink it every day, literally. And people misuse that word a lot. They do all the time.

Like I'm literally dying. I mean, I literally drink this stuff every day. I gave AG1 a try because why? Well, you wanted to optimize your daily health and you're just getting out on the day and feeling better. Yeah, and you were like, it's because you're a grumpy pants. And I was like, what do you mean I'm a grumpy pants? And you were like, well, I think that your flare-ups and your temper is because of the gut biome being out of whack.

You should try AG1. And I was like, ever since then, Pat has changed my life. Oh, you're welcome. But it really wasn't you. It was AG1. Oh, it was AG1. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I drink AG1 in the morning before I do anything, really.

It's so simple, Dylan. It's the first thing. It just flushes you out and in. It's a cup of water, a packet of powder, and before you know it, you have 70 vitamins and minerals in your body. Try 75 on for size. It makes me feel unstoppable. It is hard for me to keep up with all the supplements and stuff you know

people have these you've seen this guy on the internet he's like i'm 70 but i look like i'm 20 you don't you look like a vampire you need ag1 um i i you know you don't need to take a bunch of different things you know you got a sarsaparilla here you got sazerac over here you know you don't need to do that well no not anymore because you got a packet of powder you're just in a cup of water in the morning stir it around and before you know you're it's all done you don't need to add anything you don't need to be like one of those weirdo vampires that dylan was just describing with 89 bottles of various vitamins around your house you can't entertain like that you can't have people at the house like that what's this one for oh some kind of fish thing yeah yeah it's a fish thing and you know what the worst part about that is you got to go out and get that and that's very difficult to

harvest with ag1 they just send it to your door every single month um if you want to take ownership over your health or if you want to take ownership of your health. Try AG1 and get a free one-year supply of vitamin D and five free AG1 travel packs with your first purchase. Go to drinkag1.com slash below deck. That's drinkag1 slash below deck. Check it out. So we get, I think we get a meanwhile here. Well, hot pants captain, he tells Kermit the third stew won't be arriving for a few days.

And then he says, just kidding, she'll be here this morning. You know that kind of fun banter that you have when you wake up in the next morning after you slept with someone? I mean, it's just active flirtation. It is active flirtation. These two have sexual chemistry. active flirtation. It is active flirtation. These two have sexual chemistry. Then he goes down to Luke and Luke gets

a little shit early on in the charter. He is taking a beat right now because I did that thing where my note ends without any coherence. Do you want me to pick up? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, so Luke did in fact screw up the night before. He thought it might be better for his entire team to sleep while it's dark. Little did he know two drunkies were going to go out and almost kill themselves and be stung by jellyfish. Of course, it was this turn of events that had Captain Hot Stuff come out and say, hey, never do that again. And Luke now understands that he may be on a two or three strike level right now. Yeah, hopefully three.

So he tells his entire team, we will now do the directive of hot captain. So the galley is handling chef, not the other way around. And she does not wish to have a handle on the galley as much as she does

a handle on that rack of lamb, that rack of ribs, that hot-ass Captain Jason. She is obsessed with that man. But we move on. We get a little meanwhile here. Meanwhile? Laura's standards are high. I don't give a shit, okay?

Laura, you're on a converted fishing boat, you're on a converted fishing boat serving people on a discount vacation for a fucking reality television show. Okay. We are not at the four seasons. We are not in the fucking Arab Emirates. Okay. You need to chill out because you're coming off extremely unlikable. And I know Lape is a very difficult place to grow up,

but my God, are you awful right now. Oh, man, you should have seen the scene. She had like a horse-driven carriage with all the dog bowls as she left the country. That's how she ate for like the first six months. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she had a rock and they all fell out.

Okay. Well, all right. I actually... What do they speak there? Lapian. Lapian. Yeah. Is it a romantic language?

Very romantic, yeah. Okay. Anyway, this is when we get back to Crystal. She lets the staff know when her glass is empty, that means it needs to be refilled. Yeah. Hey, Crystal, we had your old buddy Carmen on. Why don't you come on, you coward,

and defend your horrible behavior? I would love to speak to you, you little gremlin. I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. We would love to you come on, you coward, and defend your horrible behavior? I would love to speak to you, you little gremlin. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. We would love to have you on. But also, I'm not certain how people ever get to the point where they think it's okay to speak to people like this. Now, if you are at a certain level where you think people are disgusting internally, that's okay.

That's completely understandable. You're a billionaire. Of course we're gross to you. But you don't treat people this way. It's bad. I think it's... Well, I don't know. I'm not going to get inside Crystal's head.

Perhaps there... You're going to yell at me for defending her. Perhaps there was some comedy in here and we're not picking it up. Don't think so. Let's get to Margo from Wisconsin. Beautiful. Not Wisconsin. Wisconsin is disgusting but margo is very pretty um i know that we've had plenty of americans on this show before but they've all been kind of caricatures you know like culver's, the CEO, which isn't...

It's a chief entertainment officer. We've had dumbasses from Brooklyn. We've had cowboys and cowgirls. But I feel like Margot is just a normal American. I feel like she's a good flag bearer, a good representative of this nation of ours we'll see it's true it's far too early far too early um too early and i suppose rather than give us a little origin story of margo as she arrives uh we get an origin story of luke because he's triggered by her appearance

you know because she's hot and he wants to have sex with her sure yeah yeah so a little seerat history with luke uh he was uh in a relationship for four years but he quote unquote fucked up because he didn't want to change and i didn't want to push a lawnmower yeah because uh pushing a lawnmower isn't as fulfilling as providing service for an imbecile like what are you doing what are you doing i was Are you having a stroke? No, I got caught in my thoughts. I was like, I forgot what I was going to say. Happens to me all the time, babe. I mean, we just got to talk for so

long. But yeah, no, Luke is scum of the earth, I think. Maybe I'll soften on him a little bit, but I don't like the I don't like the full court press. I think it's really, really disgusting. I think that women

are most often very uncomfortable when it happens. Margo seems to be poorly communicating out of discomfort. Gary does it to people all the time. He's a higher ranked person

on the boat he comes up to her there's this off dynamic where he can push a little harder than one should normally be allowed to do and they make good use of that she walks on on the vessel and he says um are you single let let's have a different follow-up question after what's your name. Okay, calm down, scumbag. It's an interesting experiment. Baby Barnacle had pointed out, but it's right before our eyes.

The last three Bosons, they just proved themselves men in power, and then they just behave in a disgusting fashion. Yeah, they're like low- version of versions of bill clinton arkansas's former governor you know what i mean there's a lot of them you know yeah um so we get a back-to-back sea rat origin story margo what did he say tastes great something like that oh it tastes great yeah i feel your pain no but you know my pussy hurts i feel your pain does it have to be lit i feel like it doesn't need to be lit well he probably took it from the ashtray who pulls out a brand new cigar and start

using it as a sex toy i mean depraved ex-presidents i'll feel your pain uh and hillary's like i let you do anything to me i'm the kinkiest person you've ever met in your life. How dare you? We get back to back origin stories. So Margo apparently worked for the Amazon factory, you know, and then she's only been in yachting for six months, which triggered a thought of mine. I think Bravo's running out of sea rats, and I think they

should probably start this application process for sea rat schools. Like you show up to work in maritime or whatever, and there's, as you're walking through that hallway to're walking through that hallway to do your fire test or whatever, there is that big application. Ever wanted to be on TV? I don't think you need anything associated with Maritime. I think that you need to go to Chili's and TGI Fridays

and metropolitan areas and just fucking talk to people. You can cast the entire show like that. Captains, Chief Stews, all of it. Hey, hey barnacles check out how to get me in sea rat school i want to see kangaroos like adam yeah what well he wanted to see kangaroos that's why i wanted to be a sea rat oh really yeah that's why he said uh that uh kangaroo jack yeah it's his favorite movie there are no kangaroos in the ocean yeah but it's near australia you know oh There are no kangaroos in the ocean. Yeah, but it's near Australia, you know? Oh, okay. Are there kangaroos in the ocean? No, no, no, no.

I've never seen one, so, you know. All right, so Luke. I was going to say lots of meanwhiles coming up. Yeah, but we get to Luke being incompetent. This is the pattern of bosonry over the past three bosons. Addicted to pussy, rutting and distractedly so, aka horrible at their job. Yep, you nailed it. So, and one of the things

that causes so much friction as a result of this sex addiction is this thing with the underlings. I feel like when you're a bosun or a chief stew, you might want to have a little bit of professional integrity and let your underlings all fucking suck each other. Maybe not night one you assault somebody with a kiss. Maybe you give it a couple charters and

then see what happens but what these bosun do and gary would have done at night one uh were it not for that pillow that constantly had covet that he was sleeping on he would have stuck his tongue down mad's throat you know the first night so what it does is this it causes this friction because harry can't say anything to luke i mean he does a little bit but um it's just a very very myopic scumbag chauvinistic move i can't stand this fucking guy but anyway so his um his blindness led to not that small of an accident oh yeah so fucking ladder ripped off the fucking boat let me go through the meanwhiles here. Meanwhile, boat pulls up anchor. Margo does the rounds,

introducing herself, quickly becoming the star of the boat, I'll note. Crystal and Carmen continue to not get along because Crystal's an idiot. We anchor. The tender is launched, and the ladder that was strapped on got ripped the fuck off

because Luke didn't pull the ladder out before the boat started moving, and Hot Pants isn't sure if Luke will work out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, Luke was too distracted. Don got ripped the fuck off because Luke didn't pull the ladder out before the boat started moving. And Hot Pants isn't sure if Luke will work out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, Luke was too distracted the night before thinking about what the person that was coming on board looked like. And then he just completely forgot about the ladder. So Brandon apologizes to Captain.

And that's when Captain heads down and he goes up to Aisha. He goes, if I had to apologize every time I did something when I was drunk i'd be fucked and she's like and he's like and then you're like are these two fucking each other like what is going on yeah that was flirtation right there active flirtation yeah so any of you guys question us joking about it it's a little thing called speculation that really got up under your wings well what happened just because I don't like people that are in our group and they don't understand what we're throwing down here. It's called speculation. And he actually didn't say every time he did that drug. He said every time he got drunk,

he'd be forced to bang a girl that sounds like a frog. Ribbit. Hey, cut it out, man. And we don't spit speculation on the show. I like to call it speculative facts. You know? They're speculative, but unbelievably accurate. I mean, our batting average on the predictions of this show

is pretty goddamn high. I think so. All right, so we move on to Moulin Rouge. Obviously, being from Lapia, that part of the world, Lusca or whatever, Laura, sorry, is into Nutcracker dances and shit. I don't know what they do. They get in cold theaters and fucking suck down vodka and see people do like, I don't know, name a classical musician. Sebastian Bach? Seabass bach they just fucking dance around to that shit yeah yeah you know uh moulin rouge the movie with nicole kidman

first half of that's pretty good and i know moulin rouge isn't like there there was a lot of confusion over the dances is the moulin rouge the can-can? I think so. Is it the can-can? I think so. Is that French? Yeah, it's French. Okay. I drove by the Moulin Rouge when I visited Paris. All right.

Well, mea culpa. I went on that whole jag. It's a total tourist dead end over there. What is? The Moulin Rouge. That's a thing?

It's a thing. What, in Paris? Yeah. What is it? You sit down for dinner and you see them do the fucking can-can. Costs a ton of money.

At the Moulin Rouge? Is the Moulin Rouge a real place? Yeah. It's been around for like 200 years. I thought it was just Boz Lerman as a young gay man thinking, I wish there was a place like this. No, it exists. I don't think he's gay either.

All right, so text comes through. I'm available right now. Take it easy, whoever is texting, and it makes so much sense that it was Culver. I'll save my thoughts for him. Culver, you're a nice guy. You're a nice guy, dude. Real nice guy.

But I have had enough of you. Oh, wow. I have. He just comes on and puts a show on. I don't care. It's very boring. It's like a guy at a party. You allow one dad joke to fly.

The next thing you know, he's five in, and you're like, Jesus fucking Christ. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Trying to think of a good dad joke. I don't think this audience has heard your Guinness Book of World Records joke. That one's pretty funny. Oh, of course they've heard the Guinness Book of World Records joke. Go one's pretty funny. Oh, of course they've heard the Guinness Book of World Records joke. Go ahead. Keep going.

I'll think of a dad joke. Oh, okay. All right. So anyway, let's see. Luke moves in on Margo pretty quickly. He's happy that she's a fan of Tequila. What's the difference between Jews and canoes? Oh, no.

Canoes tip. Now, Dylan. Dad joke. You must, well, also a little racist, but you get away with it because you are, in fact, Jewish. Cha-ching. Okay.

The can-can dresses show up, which they actually don't show up. They only show up with one outfit, which I think Aisha wears, and the other ones wear, like, weird, ill-fitting body suits. Yeah. Anyway, Margot and Harry guess each other's

names, or ages, rather, and she guesses he's 80 because there are certain corners of his teeth are yellow, but that's okay. He's actually 23. He's a baby, and he lies about his height. He's actually 6'5", but he says 6'4", because that's the perfect height. Oh, the golden

height. That sounded really silly, but I actually kind of understand where he's coming from. 6'5", but he says 6'4", because that's like the perfect height. Oh, the golden height. You know, that sounded really silly, but I actually kind of understand where he's coming from. 6'5", you're an oddity. A woman might not want to breed with you because you'll have a child too tall. Yeah, exactly. Freaks. What do you call an angry carrot? An angry carrot. Steamed veggie. Steamed veggie.

A steamed veggie. Yeah. Yeah. Is there any difference between a dad joke and a popsicle stick joke? What's popsicle stick jokes? What do you mean? What is a popsicle stick joke? Do you not know a popsicle stick joke?

I do not, sir. Kalen, do you know a popsicle stick joke? Of course. I have two young children. Yeah. Oh, okay. Man, you haven't lived. All right.

What happens next? Dinner. Well, they set up the party. And here's another one. How do you make an egg roll? Egg roll. Yeah. You just push it and it starts rolling.

These are fucking horrible. Oh, my my god are these not awful dad jokes you're looking up those what do you call what do you call a pile of cat a mountain why do cows wear bells because their horns don't work? They don't have horns. All right. Sorry. All right. So dinner, it's remarked, not by any guest, but rather the people that created the tablescape, that the tablescape and decor are very, quote unquote, elegant. All right.

Hang on. I'm sorry. This room looks like the downstairs of Uncle Jerry's basement. Yeah. Yeah. Uncle Jerry's basement. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Uncle Jerry doesn't have any friends. And Uncle Jerry does not like Vietnamese people. No. He's also an alcoholic. Big fan of wood paneling, though.

And he does not like Vietnamese people. Hates them. I should say... I'm so... I'm not sure. I think cows might have horns, right? Some cows have horns. I don't know about that.

They're big ears. Yeah. I'm so happy that Carmen, the first guest of this charter season, or primary rather, was able to be real with us and tell us her thoughts about what she thought as she was walking up to this vessel because it was the first time she set her eyes on a gigantic, painted blue Japanese fishing vessel.

Oh, my gosh. Well, you'll have to listen to the episode. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you will. And that is just a crazy episode. I'm sorry. I just got a text that two of the people I was hanging out with this weekend have COVID. Oh, boy. So what do you guys want to do?

You want me to just phone a friend? It's too late now, dude. You think it's too late to apologize? It's too late. You're already infected. No, I'm fine. I'm fine. Thanks for letting us know, though.

Yeah, of course. Of course. Appreciate that. Kalen, you want to get out of here? No, I'm fine. I'm fine. Thanks for letting us know, though. Yeah, of course. Of course. Appreciate that. Kalen, you want to get out of here? No. I'm okay. I'm not worried. I don't think I have it.

Yeah, I don't think you do either. Do you know why I don't think I have it? Why is that? Ashkenazi. Oh, yeah. Yeah. RFK said they targeted so we would live. Wow.

Yeah. Well, I'm not saying I agree. I'm just saying if it is true, that's a boon for me. Oh, I'm not saying I agree. I'm just saying if it is true, that's a boon for me. Oh, okay. And the Chinese. I mean, we're not saying anything controversial here. Cool it, man.

Where are we in this fucking episode? So, Brandon, dinner. Hot Captain is invited to sit at the dinner and join. This is going to be a trope, I think, now. We're not going to look back where we don't allow captains sitting at the dinner and join uh this is going to be a trope i think now we we're not going to look back where we don't allow uh captains sitting at the table anymore yeah uh brandon immediately starts sucking up to jason about uh his scuba diving history and knowledge that's fine yeah you should never judge a person on their worst day and certainly that was the night before when you called uh the captain of this vessel a. Okay, so a couple of different things. Apologies.

I was in a bit of a panic, and I was looking for dad jokes, and I shouldn't have done that. Okay, so a couple of things that I was too distracted to utter. Laura is... She's this very confusing one. Now, we already talked that she doesn't need to be as high standard as she is.

She is not Alfred serving. Batman. Yeah, Prince Bruce Wayne. Or anything even remotely like five star. But she's also like, I don't know if I buy it. Because she is kind of clueless. You know what I mean? Like she has really shitty time of clueless you know what i mean like she has really shitty time management i'm not talking about her getting ready i just think she asks like

very bizarre questions like the can can dress isn't there and she's like well i can't do the can can if i don't have the dress now that i'm saying this i think she was right but it's also she was talking about getting a fucking boat to run the dress out in the middle of the goddamn ocean. It's like, you have an odd brain. I think I can clear some things up. Okay. I think she has a very unrealistic goal or aspiration

of becoming the chief stew. Chief stew, yeah. That's what I think she's going for. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that's what we need. Usually it's second stew, third stew, yeah. That's what I think she's going for. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that's what we need. Usually it's second stew, third stew coup. This time we have second stew, chief stew coup. Now, what Laura doesn't know is that Aisha and Hot Captain Rack-a-Lamb-Ass Captain are definitely fucking.

No, I'm kidding. This is alleged, okay? And we're kidding about it. Speculative fact. So we get that royalty-free dream pop, then we go scuba diving, and then we get back to Luke speaking to Margo. I don't know.

You were more of a ladies' man back in the day, so maybe Luke's behavior doesn't trigger you as much as it does me. I'm not going to use the word trigger. Yeah. But I won't use it either because it's like way overused. as much as it does me. Oh, no, I'm not going to use the word trigger. Yeah. But I won't use it either because it's like way overused. It's a douchebag. It's pretty gross.

I mean, this didn't work in my day either. You can't just tell a woman, you know, would you like to suck my dick? Well, yeah, that was fucking unbelievably disgusting. But also, he keeps doing this thing where he's talking to margo and he's like sigh what you drink she's like tequila and he's like perfect everything's lining up isn't it it's like oh god dude yeah very quid pro quo kind of conversation though because she seems to be evaluating him as well she seems to be playing the game a little bit um and when she is asked how old she is by young harry she says i'm 53 do we have a little

c-rat j-law here she has j-law humor do we have c-rat j-law in margo i absolutely adore margo let's get to dinner the dresses arrive we see a guest who hasn't been on the show yet. A woman named Rhoda. Rhoda. Love that name. I used to watch Rhoda when I was a kid. It was a spinoff of the Mary Tyler Moore show. That's not.

Who's the drunk on morning television? More drunk on morning television. You know what I'm talking about? Coda. Oh, Coda copy. Huh? Isn't that her last name? Coda copy. Isn't that her last name?oda copy isn't that her last name i don't know

she drinks wine she used to do it with kathy gifford yeah yeah no that's not rhoda rhoda is it from a 70s sitcom okay great so um we oh the reason you brought that up is because crystal pushes back because uh rhoda shushes her oh yeah because we're all trying to get uh you know a little time with that hi captain so um the first course is a stuffed baked potato with caviar um it looks like something that you would get from an omaha steak shipment uh you could microwave it if you want just put caviar on top um then we get dark for a minute with uhffy. Core memory. A teacher dismissing her as not a perfectionist as a young girl. And ever since

then, it has fueled her to not become a perfectionist. No, I mean, these memories are sad. Then we get to dessert. Is that it? No protein. I didn't see any. Oh, no,

no, no. Of course we got overcooked duck du verre. The duck was I mean, it was wall to wall gray. I mean, you just can't serve this stuff. You have to her specialty is

platters. She makes exquisite platter for breakfast and lunch for breakfast lunch snack it looks like something that napoleon eats like some kind of cherub like um i don't know little people walk that in for him because that's what he wants but it is very very versailles the quality of these platters the quality of the I mean, that dessert looked like if I was on mushrooms and I got a hankering for something sweet and I couldn't really

see, that's what I would make. Oh, wow. As long as you're doing kind of the out there take there. Imagine if the duck, its body, she did that too, got to come have words with her. Yeah. Okay.

I got slaughtered, and you did me dirty. Right. I want people to enjoy me. Okay, so I was going to ask you. You fucking ruined me. If the duck was going to be... Okay, so it's tricky when you anthropomorphize animals like that because do they automatically have an understanding

of our cultural customs and stuff like that because do they automatically have an understanding of our cultural customs and stuff like that like does the duck immediately have a mastery of how he should be cooked or even that cooking is a thing or that fine dining is a thing in this one he does and he's rip shit piss yeah yeah and she's like i'm'm so sorry. And he's like, you know what? Apology not accepted. Apology not accepted. That's ridiculous. Totally ridiculous.

And then he, is he a ghost? Yeah, yeah. He's coming back, man. Okay. What are you looking for? Oh, no. I'm pretty sure we heard him on that show. That was it.

Oh. The video's over again. He really let her have it, though, you know? Sometimes brevity is the soul of wit. It's the soul of quack. Hey, can I ask you something? Sure. What was that?

That was the audio that we didn't see during the episode with that duck coming back from death to let... How do you say her fucking name? Serena? Serena, yeah. Serena. All right, so Laura is bossing Aisha around. I don't like that.

I love Aisha. I think Aisha is such a sweetheart. I don't think that she... Aisha needs to be in New Zealand or Australian news. She needs to be one of these people who throws to a fisherman who makes a dick pun and busts the entire studio up. I forget what kind of news person they are where they go out to all the like...

Remotes. It's a fundraiser. Remotes. Yeah, she's a remote news anchor. She's like, Hello there. I'm here. People are going crazy over crayfish.

They're all like fucking, you know, it's like a thing. They're all in puddles. Yeah, she's got like three 14-year-olds behind her giving the camera the middle finger. Yeah, they're like pretending to suck off a dick. You know?

Yeah. Hey, don't do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she like holds up her finger. Shut up, Kermit! Sorry. Why did you say shut up, Kermit? Oh, the 14-year-olds didn't like it. Oh, they call her Kermit. Yeah, yeah. All right. Man, do you have an imagination? Hey, I feel like we're a little loopy this episode.

Let's get grounded. Okay. Let's get grounded. Okay. Not you, did you say? Not me. You put a YouTube video of a quack twice. Hey, let's keep this grounded, though. Okay. Okay.

So Chef heads down to talk to Captain of the Food, Serena. Oh, you didn't mention that very, very wet, drippy dessert, by the way. Or did I miss that? Maybe I was looking up the duck sound. Remember he was on mushrooms? Oh, right. That's how it all started. I feel like I'm

on mushrooms right now. So he goes down there. He says, Hey, listen, I know I'm hot, but also that dinner sucked and she was like, listen, the duck was

overcooked. I mean, it looked like shit. I caught it. I was like, well, that's that looks like shit and then I served it and the molten looks like somebody. And then I served it. And the molten cake looks like somebody on shrooms put that together. Fifth graders at an ice cream party would push that bowl away. And Captain

Jason, man, is this guy an optimist. He's like, it was amazing that she knew exactly what she did wrong. You know, because now we have some room for growth. And we also have a chef who specializes in platters. And you can't have that. But she does better next episode.

So let's get to the next day. Next morning. Captain and Asha, our brother and sister. We've done enough on this, right? Not buying it. Not buying it. Not buying it. Okay.

So Crystal says Vove is life and i think uh you and i can both agree that voove is life oh good she came off like johnny depp on a thursday she looked like an idiot she looked like a drunk i know you're on vacation but yeah yeah it's not a good look uh rolling around with a bottle of boo at nine in the morning she reminds me of this uh drunk neighbor we used to have who uh saw me walking in short shorts one day and called me the f word and chased me down were these the same people that didn't like that you put a doorbell ring on your door no those were completely different those were two um uh lesbians who were academics who were also out of their minds. Yeah, they thought you were, I guess...

I'll tell it quick because we've got to get back to the show. But we installed a doorbell, a ring camera. And it was pointed down the hallway and they walked out of their door into said hallway. And they were not okay with that. So we arrived home from vacation to a manifesto taped to a door. I mean, it was almost three pages, and it was written in

Lee Harvey Oswald type MK Ultra panicked scribery. And so we had a lovely conversation. They were like, we need you to take it down. And I was like, guys, you are so sweet. I can't tell you how much we enjoy being your neighbors. Not taking the thing down. Because we'd already caught people trying to break into our house. And also you used to watch their goddamn cats.

Oh, yeah. I used to watch their cats. And they didn't tell me that they had a little robot that spit treats out that you could watch the cat. They saw me try to fuck the cat. Oh, wow. I mean, it's like they didn't tell me about that at all on someone's per, you know, personal. Exactly. Thank you. If you're

going to ask me to take care of it, I'll take care of it my own way. I would like a little privacy place. They didn't even mention that though because they knew I would I would have them. All right, we got to get grounded. Yeah, let's bring this back. Yeah, and also I got to get out of here. All right. We got to get grounded. Let's bring this back.

Yeah. And also, I got to get out of here. All right. So we have a very sweet breakfast is quail eggs. Crystal says that she is like Beyonce. And if she is like Beyonce, I am like Henry Cavill. You're not like Beyonce. Beyonce is one of the most beautiful, talented people on planet Earth. You

are a drunk. And a mean one at that. And we'd love to talk to you. Yeah, you want to come on the show, you coward. Okay, we'd love to talk to you. Sweet C-Rod story. Adam, his mom busted her hump to get him into Catholic school.

Who cares? Let's get to the docking. While they are there, ending the vacation, Brandon says, you know what, Chrissy? You kicked off the island. You're not on this vacation anymore.

Brandon, the vacation's over. That's like allowing a drunk to fight people all the way through service until closing time and then being like, you know, you got to go security. Yeah, it's too late. It's too late to apologize to quote

one Republic. You know, that's I hate that band. Okay, so Harry doesn't know what a labia is and we get to the night out, but not before tip meeting tip meeting tip meeting. Yeah. Oh, big time. 17 five. Yeah, totally. Remember

this is just two days. People great tip 1600 bucks each. So they're going to take that and they're going to go straight to the club. They're going to buy 75 shots, try to make out with each other and pour those shots on the ground. But first, not before Luke asked Laura. she wants to be the first person to suck his dick while he wears that absurd disco hat. I don't think he asked her that.

I just think that he pronounced in front of people, including Laura, who is a cold woman, but a woman nonetheless, that he was going to get his cock sucked while wearing that helmet. woman, but a woman nonetheless, that he was going to get his cock sucked while wearing that helmet, which would indicate or imply two things. That he's going to get his cock sucked tonight, or if he fails to do that, his incompetency aboard this vessel

will give him another shot at getting his cock sucked in that. Could also accelerate the incompetency, because he's focused all day long. Yeah, can't stand this guy. So, we a little scott and asia fun face time together they love each other and he has no idea what's going on but he's you know he's he's probably new age kind of sure he might be into it you know um so harry is trying to play it cool um he's gonna slow slow play this whole margo thing and i think that's a good idea.

I do think the necklace is a little ridiculous. He's wearing one of those emblems that that house husband wore. Do you remember Bronwyn's husband? Oh, sure. Yeah. One of those like, it's like the clasp on the front of NeverEnding Story, but on your necklace. Yeah.

It's just like very big and there's like an emerald in it. Yeah, he might have read the book The Game. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Game is like there's a specific dueling dragon amulet that you can get on Amazon. Adorn that, and you'll get a ton of pussy. So we go out, and Luke views Harry as all over the place, someone he's not threatened by,

because Luke is subtle. Now, as dumb as that was to say, given his behavior, Margot does ask if Harry is gay. So I think Luke is correct. 100%. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I think I called her Laura, but I apologize. We've

been going for a while. Yeah, that's okay. So let's see. What do we do? Oh, yeah. So we just head out to the club and then we got like... What was the cliffhanger here? I guess Luke moves on to create his second HR nightmare of the evening. The first being who'd like to suck my dick. The second one is going in for

a kiss with Margot before he kind of checked with her or she'd actually been on the boat for more than 12 hours. Good move, but a move that inherently has baked within it a lack of consent from one party. So if you're going to do this, you need to be fucking sure as shit that this is okay. And what with Harvey Weinstein beating off and plants and whatnot i i don't think this is appropriate absolutely not uh but anyways jumping at caitlin how you doing good how are you i'm doing well so jumping itunes ratings and reviews

go to patreon.com slash another podcast network ad free fun episodes there pm PMC, APS. Join us on Bad TV for Flavor of Love. What a show. Our favorite show, to recap, honestly. And 90 Day Fiance with Rubes is there as well. Join us on YouTube at Bad TV Podcast. We love you very much. I'm Dylan saying goodbye. Pat, say goodbye. Later, dude! Bye-bye. Thank you.