Another Below Deck Podcast - An Invasive Procedure w/ Pink Shade's Mary Payne | The Valley S3 E16

Episode Date: July 17, 2026

Dylan is joined by Pink Shade's Mary Payne to break down Lilly, Slingblade, balls, peas, crime and more from Bravo's The Valley.Pink Shade - https://open.spotify.com/show/63Uyc0y642SjgmOZsmWX1tPATREON: https://www.patreon.com/anotherpodcastnetwork  YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/@badtvpod  INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/badtvpodcast/?hl=en

And I'm going to tell you something, it, it behooves you as a man to maybe not make a big deal about it when your wife has had two C-sections. It behooves you to just do it and take it like a man. Put some peas on your balls, watch some football for two days, and go on with your life. It's a seven-minute procedure. He did screen for an epidural. So, um... Hi, hello, and welcome to Bat TV. I am Dylan Zooming with the fan favorite while Pat celebrates his birthday. month in Napa, California. We are here with none other than pink shades, Meripin. How are you? Hey, it's crazy because you're outside, which is just so California of you, but you seem to be in like a

corduroy shirt. Yeah. So I like overwear. I've packed on a couple of pounds since having the child. So I'm a big fan of overwear. And I'm a big fan of also just saying no to summer. You're in the Valley. I just saying go. I don't like it. I don't like extremely drunk. I don't like. I don't like anything to do with it, really.

And we are here to talk about the winter kind of God, which is why we did the Valley with you. I think the wife and I are going to move out to your side of the country at some point. So we'll, we'll see. I think I have your gauge on it. Okay. So I'm going to say that doesn't really go along with living in the Los Angeles area. I love it. I love it.

I love it. I do. I do. And I know I'm in my understanding. of when I've been there. I think it was a-spanning. He also really likes it. Somebody else recently told me they also really liked it,

and I felt justified. So crazy. Well, with you being the one of four fans of the show out there, go ahead and give us your bumps or your rotten hails for this episode. One out of 100, you know the drill. One out of 100 I'm going to give it for this episode. I'm going to give it 90. episode 100.

90. Mary Payne, what are you doing giving this show? 90 anything. It's not like, it's just not. It's great. It's a great show. You know what? It's your rating system.

You can do with it what you want. Tonight we had. What about you? What's your rating? We had a little love is blind crossover. I'm excited to talk dress shopping with you. We had Danny getting his nuts chopped open, being super annoying when he's on nitrous oxide as well. And yeah, a lot more alliance ship and kind of gameplay, which happens more on this show than maybe even the traders, which is crazy.

I give it two bumps. Oh, my God. Yeah, it's not our favorite, but we still love it. So last we left off, Danny was alone in a bar, drinking out of spite. What did you think of the end of that episode? It seemed like he wanted to pick a fight with people and the booze was really calling to him. It was like a siren song, you know? Yeah, and he just is like, to my birthday and I'll drink if I want to.

And it's interesting, too, they said a couple of times that it was their actual. So here's what I think. I think that it wasn't his actual birthday, but they were celebrating the three birthdays that were close in proximity. And maybe his actual birthday was like three days before or three days after, but they gave each one of them a night. Because I think that while they were there, it was their actual anniversary, which is sad that is their 10th anniversary with four children spending it with people that they really hate and really, those people also really hate them. Yeah. I mean, I mean, couldn't befall a more deserving couple. They are, I think I've described her as having David Miskavich energy.

She's his handler. And despite them having just a miserable load of children, he wants more. And to be honest, if I was the kind of inactive father that Danny is, I would want more, too. The easy parts are just the best. They're so cute, you know? So if I was Danny, I'd be like, yo, let's have seven. This is awesome. He doesn't even want the cute part, though.

He doesn't want to, like, swaddle the baby, put the baby to bed, give the baby a little shh, shh, before bed. He doesn't, like, want that sweet, cuddly part. You never see him holding this baby. Yeah. Nothing. But the opening scene was, speaking of crossovers with Love is blind, I thought the opening scene It was more like a crossover of hoarders.

Mm-hmm. I was upset that they allowed people into their home with the home looking like that because we saw their apartment looking like that and we understood because it was a small space. But this is a 5,000 square foot home and there's just no need for this. This is terrible.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, we do pick up the show in the kind of Hills Have Eyes gated community that they live in in Santa Clarita. And the house is in disarray. They're doing a clock. They just got back from Mexico.

She's going out of town. And they just can't believe that their friends would do this to them. And it's very, very important when you're playing the game of Bravo's The Valley to recognize that there are no friends. There are only enemies and allies, okay? I don't know what these people are thinking. I'm very confused about how close they all actually are. You know, this narrative has been trotted out that Brittany has known Janet and Janet's been on band-a-pump rules and Zach is very close.

Yes. But I just don't know how close they all actually are. They feel so foreign to one another. There's no depth to these relationships at all. Janet, I remember during the whole scandal of all of it was on Kristen's podcast a lot. And Janet has just sort of been that friend like that other red-headed girl that's the personal trainer. like she's just always been around. Like that's just a person. Janet has always been around. And we know that Zach and Brittany have been friends like literally since junior college or high school or something. Yeah. So they do know each other for a long time.

And Kristen and Lala, of course, have known each other since Vanderpump Rules Day. So it is true. Yeah. And it's crazy with the amount of equity they have in the relationships to still seem as though you're not really close in any way, shape, or form. but I could just be reading it wrong. We get to the dress shopping with Jasmine. Brittany and Zach are there. I know that Zach is a gay man,

but I don't think he's of any real use here. His totem is a monster energy refrigerator. So I don't know how helpful he's going to be in selecting the optimal style for her dress. He doesn't have good style. He's always in some sort of matching set that's like from definitely from Sheen you know yeah yeah he doesn't have good style now you saying sheen is like me talking about a polyclips now or Lord of the Rings or something like that um i was going to go with

like an h-and-m clearance rack kind of thing is that in the same ballpark is sheen what fuck is sheen so sheen do you know timu do you know timu i know timu okay so sheen is like that's where whitney got her necklaces Yes, yes. So sheen is just like Timo, but for clothes. So you can see like the cutest dress you've ever seen in your life at like anthropology, if you're me. And then you could just like take a picture of it and put it on your computer and they'll give you a sheen. And if they don't have it, they'll make it. Like that. Now, and anthropology also has candles and candle holders and coffee table books. And clothes. Okay. gorgeous clothes ever.

I love anthropology. Not a sponsor. Not an ad. Not an ad, not a sponsor. What do you think of dress shopping on reality TV? I'm a man. So when I see it on Love is Blind,

you know, we always talk that the dress shopping and the suit tucks episodes or the tuck shopping episodes are just a fast forward. Same. Same. same. Okay. Same.

I'm wondering if there's any kind of romanticism or if you get into it at all. It's just one of the most inconsequential characters, maybe in the history of reality TV and Jasmine, doing dress shopping. So this seemed to me was one of the reasons I gave it two bumps. Okay. I see what you're saying. Now, on Love is Blind, we do fast forward.

Although, like, two seasons ago, there was the guy that, like, panicked and ran out during the Tux thing. And then, like, didn't tell, it was, they were in with, uh, ooh, mm. We skipped this season. It was Denver. It was Denver. It was Denver. And the guy was like, yeah, it was the girl.

Her name was Madison. She had the one, she was going blind. That girl? No, I think we skipped that one. I don't think I ever saw a blind woman that was getting banged a lot on that show. Going blind. She had a, going blind. Yeah.

So she, he like panicked, like had a full panic attack like I did at my wedding. A full panic attack. And like ran out of the tux fitting and didn't even tell her. But like three, four days later, he was like, yeah, like I don't think we're going to spoil. alert. I don't think we should go to the altar. And she's like, what the fuck? And she goes, and I just found out today that you ran out of the tux fitting, but yet you, we went out six, we've had sex 26 times since then. And he's like, well, I mean, you know, after the day. Well, the sex was really cool. I didn't, I didn't see any point in stopping that. But I am very fearful of

marrying you. But I don't want to get married to you at all, especially because you're going to blind. Put your, put your pitchforks down for Mary Payne, spoiling seasons of your love is blind. You should have seen it by now. It's not my fault if you didn't watch it. But so dress shopping on Love is Blind, which we will have Love is Blind UK coming up in August. I do fast forward it. You know, I just kind of do a little, just because what if something interesting is said, but I'm really like in the middle of making dinner or fold laundry, not taking notes.

So you chop through the timeline in case there's any blood splatter on the TV. Yeah. Because you, okay, got it. Just in case. I think that's a good way to do it. We have seen it where something interesting is said or you, get a little insight into how much this guy does not want to marry this girl or vice versa. But for this with Jasmine, I thought it was sweet to get some, you know, her mom was there and

stuff and Brittany and what's his name? Zach. Lego head. Yeah. Yes, right. By the way, healing up just fine up there. You wouldn't even do so much hair. You wouldn't even know.

Yeah, I mean, we didn't talk to you about the episode. Just another crime happening somewhere. Yeah. Just real quick crime happening just right over there. somebody's been gunned down. It's a, Hollywood is, oh, my God, it's beautiful. But, yeah, Danny almost died. Not Danny, Zach.

No, Zach, that's right. I confused them. The Ball Brothers, I don't know why I confuse them. One is absolutely massive. And the other is so small. But yes, Zach almost died. Six four and five, four, I would say. Yeah.

Six four and five, four. And a thick six four. I mean, he looks like he was. weighs like 315 pounds. Not in like that, just in bone density. Anyways, can we get to Luke and Kristen, please? Yeah, go ahead. Bone density. Okay. So the two best communicators in the San Fernando Valley sit down for a little chat about, you know, not too dissimilar to a love who's blind conversation. You know, I know I proposed to you, but I'm really having second, third, and fourth thoughts about it. Luke, I feel like, I feel like. I feel like, I, I feel like, I, I

a broken record. I say this every episode I feel like he's one of like the more understated awful people from me personally on reality TV. It's impossibly frustrating watching him.

It's impossible frustrating. Can you hear me? Yeah, something happened. Yeah, something happened. Impossibly frustrating to watch him dad, watch him domestic partner. He seems like there is, and I don't want to be too harsh, but there's a sling blade quality to him

where he just can't understand what he's supposed to do. I don't think he's a bad guy, but he is like kind of too close to the ooze that we all came from. So it's very, very frustrating to watch him. What say you about his husbandry? is rearing. Okay, well, first of all, this is why I love you so much,

because I don't know anybody else that makes a Sling Blade reference more than me. Because I will, a lot of times on the shows that we watch, I'll go, did anybody see Sling Blade? This person is like French Fried Taters. They're like Billy Bob Thornton. It's an iconic performance in an iconic movie. Yeah, yes. And that's how we all got introduced to Billy Bob Thornton,

and we thought something was just not right, but he was acting. Yeah, and it's very, it's important if you're, if you're an actor to take the role of mentally handicapped, because while it may be scary, if you pull it off, your career will just explode. See Billy Bob, see Leo. I don't know if Daniel Day Lewis was already established before my two left feet, but I mean, it's just, it can reap massive rewards. It's very offensive, but it can reap massive rewards. Okay. Luke, for you watching him. is what kind of experience? Well, it was pointed out that he said here in the last couple of weeks that he said something to the extent of, I only went out three times last week. And I'm like, sir, you have a six-month-old. You should not have gone out three times total, much less than one week. And I understand, like, you got to let off some steam and you just had a baby.

And you get it. You were just there. And it's hard. But, yeah, I don't think going out. out more than once in a month is a great idea when you have a newborn baby at home. So I don't like that. I think that these two, though, I do like that they will sort of try to talk it out a little bit. And she obviously has such severe postpartum. And we never heard anybody say it until this week. And Lala said it to her like, you're dealing with postpartum. I was like, thank you. Because she's obviously

not well. Not well. She's extreme postpartum anxiety. And is coupled with somebody who doesn't understand the nuance of really anything. He didn't read a book. He didn't read a book about what to expect when you're expecting or what to expect after you have the baby. He doesn't even have like an app on his phone that'll tell him like what's going on with the baby. No. And my thing is like, yeah. If you're a new dad, the balance should be like, I don't know,

in this hellish economy, I feel like you should be working a lot. So you're already like not helping out as much as you should be. So going out three times a week is it's just, you know, your priorities are not in order. Does he have a job? That's my thing. Like if you were more tired from work and having to be a dad, I don't think that you would be. doing the abacus work on how much how many nights you've been allowed or how many it he drives me fucking nuts anyways um he's got to do hairdo though do you like it no i don't and he says you know the

version of him that christin fell in love with was kicking ass and was really cool and i just don't think that those terms or words have ever once applied to that man ever um can we can we can Did he have a job at that time? I'm not sure. He might have stole cowboy boots at flea markets. I'm not sure what the fuck he does. But let's get to a very sad moment. We get to meet our little Lily, poor baby.

God, the white on the face is always, it's beautiful, but it's always really sad because you go, oh, you're going to die soon. And Lily is going to die soon. Lala's going to have to put Lily down. Everyone who's had a pet that they've had to euthanize knows that, well, everyone. Yeah, it's sad. You know, we've discussed it. My uncles don't feel the same sadness for dogs the way that Lala does.

Your uncles? Yeah, I mean, people in Appalachia, you know, we, for example, example, we told one of my uncles that we, Dad needed to fly home because we were doing a euthanasia at the house. And it was like explaining a cell phone to a pilgrim. He was just like, I'm confused. You don't, you, we, we just, we'll, they shoot them. Okay, they just shoot them, all right?

So it was very confused. The ritual, the tears. It was all very, very. But most people experience a profound sadness like Lala, and it's very, very sad. And our thoughts go to Lily and to Lala. And that man, who was that man? That little finger of Inculence that was there. Who was that man?

Okay. A white man with dreadlocks is always upsetting to me. Always. And Lala, you know, has leaned into her rap culture from you. And then obviously her brother went. just full rosteparian, it's, that's upsetting.

But I will say when they showed the montage of Lily, and she was saying like, you know, I got Lily when I first moved to L.A. And she sort of explained about how long she's had the dog. She's like, Lily went through, you know,

my alcoholism with me. And they just showed a picture of Lala, like passed out in a raft in a pool with Lily sitting there like, wake up, mommy, mommy, I want to go home. It was sad. That's heaven. That's, I didn't.

Yeah, but Lala's, brother Easton his name is Easton and he has blonde man-made dreadlocks okay so that was her brother that's her brother okay her podcast host and her babysitter it's her brother yeah her her mom and her brother live with her and babysit there is no more upsetting white man with dreads than the bafflingly present child with dreadlocks and avatar i mean he's just in every single one of these movies. You know what I'm, you know what I'm talking about? This kid with dreads, it's absolutely crazy getting the comment. You know I didn't, you know I didn't see Avatar. Come on, Dylan. Kristen heads over. And you know what? Good for you. It saves you a lot of time. You don't need

to be a nutbag driving to the theater at 8 o'clock in the morning like me. Sitting there, just crushing popcorn and Diet Coke, it's 8.30 in the morning. You're going to get upset tummy and you're going to leave the steering and go, that was horrible. And it was three and a half hours. So have they, have they done an avatar too? Did they do a second one? No, they've done a third one. Oh. They're on four now. Okay.

Well, not going to invest my time into that. Yeah, back to direct. Yeah, don't worry about it. So Kristen heads over and Lala asks Kristen why she continues to defend Danny, who is, he is misogynistic, right? Yes. I'm a man. So it doesn't, it's not the, it's not the preeminent reason. why I don't like Danny.

Or when I think of Danny, drinking especially, I just think so, you know what? He's extremely annoying and he's also extremely inappropriate with women. I don't think we need to do a pie chart here. He is those two things very brazenly when he's drinking, but he's just so unbelievably annoying and I don't Kristen touts out this this line that she's just been so wrapped up in mothering and her postpartum and her anxiety that she just hasn't seen it now I understand what Kristen's going through well I don't but I can imagine that it's very difficult I still

don't buy that you have she hasn't noticed it she's not notice it everybody has been pointing it out for over a year And she didn't like say, hey, everybody, before she was pregnant, everybody's pointed out this bad behavior. So maybe I'm going to tune in a little and see if I can catch it and see what's doing. Right. And now she's gone through the pregnancy, had the baby, the baby six months old. She still never noticed it.

Right. So did you notice when everyone was talking about how he smacked Melissa on the ass and said, go get daddy a drink? Did you notice when everybody said that that happened for a year straight? did you notice when he was screaming at his wife in San Diego or screaming at everyone in fucking Tahoe and locking himself in a cupboard, but like Kristen, it's one of the most perplexing things and Lala kind of calls it out. She's doing this audience play where she she recognizes, I think, to her fault, I think

she made a bad calculation here that's citing. with Nia and Danny is going to be the more popular route for... Because they're so pure and wholesome and she's so crazy. Like, what a wild pairing. Yeah. But Kristen was on the bus last week when we heard Danny speaking horribly to Nia, like he's going to lay out across the back of the bus and be like, don't talk to me like that. And you dug your fingernails in it. And then when he said to her at the, at his birthday, when he was like, don't heighten me. If there was an 11-year-old and you know, we have, afford a long leash for children, right?

Their children. If there was an 11-year-old behaving the way Danny behaves, I think most people would be like, that kid is a piece of shit, okay? That kid is annoying. But he, the difference between that hypothetical child and Danny's a Danny's not a child, he actually has four and he's a grown adult. So just, just, you know, revolting. So we zip around for a bit and land once again in Santa Clarita. And Danny is cleaning up. This was kind of crazy because I've never really seen him tidy before. There was nothing to tidy, really. I mean, he was, yeah, there wasn't anything to tidy.

He had to kind of smack a couple of patio cushions. He needs to go upstairs and tidy that bedroom. That's why he needs to go fucking tidy. That was a mess. He has a workout to get to before that. And who knows how tired he's going to be after. But he's cleaning up for the boys. Now, this is odd.

because of all the things that we mentioned. But Danny just kind of says the quiet part out loud. He likes to be cared for. And he likes that his wife takes care of everything for him. And she has four children. Right. So Danny is, he's a confused. He's an odd duck.

He slips into this kind of traditionalism. while being a skinny-gained, cut-giened voiceover actor. It's a very confusing, he's a very confusing kind of guy. I did find out, because you guys told me that the twins were on Young Sheldon, and a listener wrote to point out to me that those twins are not, in fact, on Young Sheldon. They are on the Young Sheldon spinoff. Young Sheldon itself is a spinoff, but there's a spinoff of Young Sheldon, and they are on that. When you get a popular sitcom, it's just amoeba's out into all these things that evidently a lot of people watch.

Yeah, well, it's on CBS, so I'm sure my parents watch it. Yeah, and you're a massive Big Bang Theory, girl. You love that show. You told us some time so much you love it. Not one episode, never. Okay, so we toast to his little tiny balls, and we get to the boys recap in Mexico. They speak about Janet and her trauma. And Danny says that he did not shut the door on her in a uncomfortable way and that he wasn't slinging back whiskey.

He was just and he kind of leans on her goalpost moving to discredit the entire story, which is a convenient thing for him to do because we all saw it. He went into the closet with her and snuck booze. It closed the door. Close the door. And his reason was the tequila was behind the door. So that's what he said. I had to close the door because the tequila that I wanted was behind the door. He later said that he chugged a white claw, but before that he said it was straight tequila.

So. Yep. There's a lot of inconsistencies in the recollection of him. But we had this moment where Tom Schwartz, the golden doodle of Bravo's the Valley. God, I wish Pat was here. We can talk about how much it hates Tom Shorts. Nobody hates Tom Shorts more than bad. No one.

Not a single soul hates Tom Shorts as much as Pat does. But Tom proves so many times that he's smarter than he lets on. And he utters the most cogent thing here where he tells Danny that if someone has trauma and you match energy aggressively, it's going to reaffirm. biases. Now, this is not Brune Brown talking. This is Tom Schwartz, okay, saying this, which Pat would, of course, take any factoid about Tom Schwartz and turn it into Cole for his fiery hatred. But it is interesting that he seems to be playing this character on the show. I think deep down he's not as dutely as he presents. I mean, he did graduate from college.

I mean, that doesn't always mean anything. But I'm just saying he didn't just come straight off the turnip truck and get dropped in L.A. and became a model, you know? Right. Right. Well, Danny heads to the procedure. Zach is there. Why?

Why? Why? Why? Why? Why did Zach go? Because he has no friends. He has no other friends? That's the answer.

This ball brother thing. This arbitrary ball brother thing that one time he went with him to get his balls like shot with collagen or something or frozen off or whatever the fuck they did. Scrotox. Scrotox. Mm-hmm. The medical professionals tuck in to Danny's testicles. They shape its balls. Mm-hmm.

something that I would imagine you just, if you're a decent human being, you have to do that beforehand, but it's fine. I would think that you would clean up down there before anybody. But, okay. Heaven forbid they see you in your natural state. That's not for anyone's eyes. You have to take care of that. Yeah. But Danny starts to Louis Armstrong, the nitrous oxide.

And he's just super annoying on that stuff, too. Thank God there's, there are still women around, so they're in danger too. But anything on this, or can we get to Lala's seven-year celebration? I will tell you that my husband had a vasectomy after my second child. And it wasn't a negotiable situation, and we didn't discuss it. And there wasn't like a party or a balls voyage or a army run, O.C. that Lydia woman had a whole goodbye to your balls. I was like, they're not cutting his balls off.

But it's a thing on reality shows. And I'm going to tell you something. It behooves you as a man to maybe not make a big deal about it when your wife has had two C-sections. It behooves you to just do it and take it like a man. Put some peas on your balls, watch some football for two days, and go on with your life. Yeah.

Yeah, to make a mountain out of it in the face of a partner who, you know, may or may not have gestated human life and then delivered it with all sorts of complications of foot, be they tearing and whatnot. You're right. Just put the peas on and watch the fucking game and shut the fuck up. And definitely don't throw a party. Don't throw a party. Don't make it like, wow, like, woe is me. Like, can you even believe I'm doing this such a big sacrifice? Just do it and shut up.

It's a seven-minute procedure. He did scream for an epidural. So we are celebrating Lala and we are celebrating Lily. Yeah. An honorable topic of conversation, the passing of an unconditionally loyal companion. To Zach and Janet following one another. and unfollowing one another. Oh, okay.

I think it's certainly one of the dumbest conversations ever recorded to film. Okay. Zach didn't want to follow Janet. MP, do you want to break down the game tape? What happened here? Because there was an airport treaty and then it got broken. Do you want to take this? No, I don't because I didn't pay enough attention.

I just heard them talk about it. it. And then I saw the funny thing that Janet did when Zach said something about my friends. And she goes, oh, we're friends. And then there was a whole thing of like, actually, you guys get along really well when you're together. And then why aren't you friends? And then that's a black doubt. I wanted to hear more about Lala's sober journey, actually. Yeah, yeah. A whole lot more interesting than this. Evidently while they were at the airport, sitting at some bar, slugging back booze, a bet was hatched, a wheel was spun and Janet and Zach follow one another. Zach rescinded the follow after 48 hours of thinking it over.

So stupid. How old are these people? This is so stupid. Yeah, it's it's it's really, really confounding. Again, it kind of makes sense because he lived. Yeah, I mean, he lives with holes in the wall. So there's a little bit of arrested development there. But the meaning of the follow here is just a mind-blowing thing, the amount of thought that goes into it, the amount of import placed on it.

I mean, Zach, I'm sure follows accounts of, you know, people getting into like jet ski accidents. It's not a big deal to follow stuff, right? That's why I don't understand this. I don't understand this. And I'm not an influencer. I'm out here struggling for. every follower I have. So I don't understand the follow and unfollow as like a fuck you to somebody. I just don't get it. And they're too old. They're too old for this behavior as well.

Yeah. Yeah. Zach continues to contribute so much to our lives. He's funny. Kristen, what did you just say? I find him funny. I do. Oh, my God. Wow, that stopped you in your tracks. Kristen and Janet are not good either.

Kristen evidently has rules for Janet and not for Danny and Nia. And this is where Lala gets her take that Kristen has chose to play this angle. This is kind of gameplay. I'm still confused about Kristen's. It really does not speak well of Kristen because she's known Brittany for her. a really, really long time. And I think, like, we've seen Kristen go through a lot. So I think we're kind of the kid gloves are on for Kristen a little bit.

But Kristen's, like, fealty to Danny and Nia, in lieu of her relationship with Brittany is a really shitty thing to do. I think it's so strange. I think it's so strange that she is. And I have to tell you this week, somebody posted from the. the Valley After Show that I don't watch. So thank God for people that post the clips. Yeah, for sure.

And it was all the stuff about like Danny saying he hadn't seen porn in six years. He had sworn it off. And all of them were like, what? And he said that he and his wife had made a video and that if he needed to look at something, he would look at that. So it's the whole thing, the whole segment about that. But Kristen, by the end of it is like, Nia is such a badass. She's so amazing. And I was like, what?

That's what you got from this? I don't mind. I don't really mind radicalism of any kind as long as you, I mean, I mind it. But I respect it a little bit more if you're actually radical. So if you want to be spiritually radical, that's fine. But you should be a spiritual person. Like, Danny has this complete buy-in to the dogmatism of the evangelical lifestyle and seems at the same time one of the most spiritually unavolved people on Bravo, who claims to be

spiritual. I'm rambling, but it's just so frustrating with the whole we've got God. I've sworn this off. Then be, will you be a little bit more in touch with the fucking rhythm of life and the meaning of it all? It's just crazy to me. I can agree with you the way he speaks to his wife, the way he acts about his wife. It's not like a partnership. I feel like it's very much about I'm the man. You're the woman kind of a attitude. And I've sworn off porn for you.

So therefore, you must make a video with me. Right. And I mean, the whole thing, you know, the whole thing is meant to be funny about how he swore off porn and nobody believes him. Yeah. But then for Kristen's take to be like, Nia is such a badass. She's so amazing. They are the couple that I look up to the most.

Oh. Because of that? Ugh. Just have Luke go watch some porn. Maybe he'd be nicer. Yeah, yeah. And also, let me tell you something. Danny is beating off to just, just vicious things online at least once a week, okay?

Yeah. Swore off porn for six years. Give me a fucking break. All right, let's head to the engagement party. Brittany is the master of ceremonies here. She's the event planner. So this is a big deal. She's talking about nerves with the bartender.

Brittany, he's pulling like fever tree bottles out of their casings right now. He's not, this is not somebody who's going to ease your nerves. But she. What if she would have gone like, do you want to see a picture of the love of my life? It's my baby like she did in Mexico. What if she, that was that her like her bartender move? She's like, oh, wait, did you see a picture of my baby? That is a child on that phone.

Yeah, that does look like a young human. Thank you for showing you that. Kristen has a conversation with Jesse and Lacey. And Doty double down. She says Janet bringing up the trauma of her sexual abuse has interesting timing. Now, leave that to leave, disgusting things like that for me and Pat to say. Okay.

Me and Pat will probably not say it, but leave it to us, okay? If you want to go to that third rung or whatever you want to call it, you can. But you're really doubling down. I mean, the fact that Kristen said this about Janet is, I mean, it's just crazy. It's gross. It's gross. And it's like, hey, way to support your fellow woman.

Way to go, girl. I know. Yeah, it's bad. It's bad. It's really, really bad. I fucking go for it, Kristen. I guess she's going to chop as much stuff or chalk as much stuff as she can up to going through a difficult period in her life. Yeah.

Yeah. That makes you say terrible things at parties. Yeah. Right. Right. And I think we'll probably let her get away with it because who are, we're not going to step into that line. What, what? Oh, did you hear also this is like total sidebar?

Did you hear today that like the Valley picked up cameras to get everybody in the cast reaction? about Jacks dating the publicist. No, but you know what? I just went to Rockos to watch a soccer game. We met the owner. Had a lot to say about Jacks. There's some T's circling. We can talk offline.

Okay, good. But yeah, yeah, yeah. Fun stuff. Honestly, honestly, you know what? We'll talk offline, okay? Okay, I can't wait. Let's head to this conversation with, well, really quickly, Jesse asking Lacey to get him a beer and her just looking at him and him understanding that she's not going to.

No, just fuck off. I did like her. I did like her pickup line about husband material. Yeah. I thought that was clever. Yeah, great pickup line. And then we get a look at Britney's smashed toes and her high heels, which was really cool. Listen, all I want for Brittany is to hire a stylist because she's a beautiful woman who, in my opinion, could dress better and could still be like sexy and beautiful in different clothes.

Right. But no, we don't have that right now. We have a lot of shellfish and we have toes that are smashed into a high heel. They look like a kind of depression era protein. for dinner. So yeah. I wish for her a stylist. Right.

That's what I wish. Yeah. Redundant. You're you covered it. She's got to get a stylist. You covered it. We're going to talk about fucking Diana sausages. Okay.

So Janet and Jesse sit down and have a chat. And we get this alliance play. Again, it's so bizarre to me. What show these people think they're on? And Jesse. the kind of like the king of turning the friend group into a game has his antenna up for Janet, who seems to be cozying up to Jesse and Janet to get more votes at the table. Again, we don't have a round table, guys.

You can just hang out, okay? Yeah, yeah. And poor Jason's over there with his leg up. Like, will somebody bring me a beer? Yeah, no. It's such a good point. sitting there the whole night while she's courting power amongst the group. And he's just like, my knee hurts so badly. I don't want to be here. He's just like, I'm a lawyer and I don't need this

show. Jasmine and Melissa give a toast. And Zach gives a toast too. Why is Zach giving a toast? Zach said something two weeks ago. I can't remember when he said it, but he said, you know, I don't know why this, why we always arrive at these places where I have to insert myself. It's exhausting. I just want to sit on the bench for a little bit.

Zach. You could. You go sit over with Jason. Go hang out with Jason. He's on the bench. Go sit with Jason. There is literally never once been an opportunity where you have needed to insert yourself. Get in the comments.

Let us know we thought about the episode. MP is watching everything. She's watching everything. Why are you covering a pink shade right now? 90-day fiancé. Love After Lockup. Bravo on Thursdays, where you guys are frequent guests,

which I appreciate. I'm doing a re-watch of Welcome to Plathville. Love is blind. There's two terrible shows coming up. I'm also covering a terrible show called This is Polly. There's a show coming up on We TV called Agent inappropriate, which is exactly what you think it is. Yeah.

And there's another show coming up on TLC called Secret Lives of Suburban Wives, and it's about couples doing only fans content in their basement and their neighbors find out. So that's the shit I'm covering. So if you want it highbrow, come along Thursdays. What was that last one called? Secret Lives of Suburban Wives. TLC. Mary Payne is the Joan of Arc of Reality.

TV recapping. She forward bravely into hordes of horrible programming. We thanked her for her service. Go listen to her. We love you guys very much. I'm Dylan saying goodbye. Mary Payne.

Say goodbye. Bye.