Kill James Bond! - And a Little Bit Softer Now | Below Deck Down Under S1 E5

Episode Date: August 3, 2022

While Dylan is in Australia, Nick and Pat talk about Captain Jason mixing it up with the crew, Tumi and Jamie arguing over nothing, Chef Ryan's voice immodulation disorder, and of course Below Deck's Down Unda.

Dude, can you see everybody around like uncomfortable? You're talking loud! Jesus fucking Christ! You're being a little insensitive. Voice modulation is a real disorder. Just imagine being at your high school prom. And a little bit softer now! And a little bit softer now! Welcome aboard another Below Deck podcast. Today we'll be covering Below Deck Peacocks, Below Deck Down Under, Season 1, Episode 5. I am Nick Davis and I am your captain now. Dylan Rand is off in Argentina, but I am settled up next to my co-host, Patrick the Irish Bug Hickey.

Captain, permission to come aboard. Permission granted. You know, I already beat Dylan up for not showing up this week, so I'll spare the audience. You actually asked the guests not to say anything about him leaving. You didn't really beat him up. I didn't. No.

Okay. It was more groveling to the audience. Oh, all right. Well, yeah, I don't want to go over it again because it's fucking redundant. Dylan's not here. Okay. I don't know what to tell you. So it's just Nikki and I, and we're going to give you a great show.

And that's it. And hey, I would have called to give you a great show, and that's it. And hey, I would have called one of the Below Deck people, cast members, say, hey, you want to do panel? But you guys fucking ruined that last week with all your bickering and complaining about having Gabby on, so you ruined it. So now it's just Nikki and I, so you get what you deserve. But I think it's going to be wonderful. I think empty space is better than a sea rat.

You think so? Yeah. Kate's always great. Kate's great. Kate's not a sea rat. She's the queen of the sea. Kate Chastain. Any PSAs, even though this is Patreon, so we're a very exclusive audience that would hear these PSAs. I think

the season's starting to get really good, so stick with us on this. And also we got Ultimatum firing up next week, and we're just going to have fun with that. And we got some surprises coming down the pike for you guys, so we'll see you well into April May June July August September 2023 25 stick it up our networks official tagline for our coverage of Netflix is the ultimatum is listen to it or else mm Thoughts and nods, Pat, on episode

five of Below Deck Down Under. Lots of thoughts on this. I'm still a fan of Ryan. He's so enjoyable to watch. You know, Dylan had made a remark last episode that, Pat, the reason you like Ryan is because you and him are a lot alike.

And I took issue with that, quite honestly. And you, like you said, you like Ryan, but And I took issue with that, quite honestly. And like you said, you like Ryan, but you really took issue on how he said it. I listened to it back. It made me a little uncomfortable as well. It did. That's why I don't listen to us,

because it makes me angry. The fights will bubble up again, and you'll be at home by yourself. It's better to record, miss half of what someone's saying to you that's mean and cunning, and then just move on with your life. Yeah, and also, oh, I will address on PMZ this week.

My two collaborators, Nick and Dylan, thought it would be fun last week in my absence to mock my show PMZ. To honor your show PMZ. Yeah, I have yet to listen to it, but I will get to it this week, and I'll have a full review of your performances. I love that idea a full review of our uh performance at pmz and honestly i think you're gonna find that we honored the source material to a t we took it very seriously people loved it shout out to the little nickies yeah was one of the recommendations uh a video on on? It was the documentary Helvetica. It's an hour and 40 minutes on iTunes.

I can't wait. I can't wait. All right. So the episode, though. I actually want to address that. Some people were complaining because we watched the trailer, the audio version. There's no speaking in the trailer. Oh, that's not a good idea.

It was genius. It was hilarious. It was cutting, biting satire. And people thought we were idiots. And we're like, oh, man, we know what the fuck we're doing, all right? We listened to a minute 40 and didn't say anything. We just laughed occasionally. It was awesome.

It was awesome. Yeah, go check that out. APS presents PMZ. Okay. And then later this week, watch me rip them two apart. Not? I haven't gotten to my thoughts. You did.

You did. No. Well, you gave some. We are in the middle. I just talked about APS and mocking PMC. But back to the show Down Under. This episode was really fun. All right.

Ryan, total prick. Still love him. We got these guests that are the major misstep of new money or fake money. We got these guests that, oh, the major misstep of new money or fake money. Don't come on here and start bragging about your money and then being cunts because we know you're trying to play an act that you think America thinks of rich people. I know rich people. The richest person I know in Los Angeles is a billionaire. His name is Mike.

He's one of those finance guys. He drives a pickup truck and he wears jeans and sandals. They don't have to brag when you buy a thing. Anyway, I'm getting ahead of myself. I love those guests because they're very obnoxious. And yeah, this is just fun. I also enjoyed the fight between Jamie and Toomey. Really good time.

I'm going to give it 75 dots. Man, you're so optimistic tonight. I love your enthusiasm for Below Deck, the entire franchise. Or what would you call it? The franchises or the individuals? The entire property? I don't know. Yeah, the property.

Yeah. I love that you're loving it. I agree. This is a great episode. The entire prop. I don't know. Yeah. The property. Yeah. Uh, I love that you're loving it. Um, I agree. This is a great episode. It was fun that we started out with a night out to really put some cracks in. Uh, usually we get that at the end with a nothing cliffhanger. They went the opposite.

That was a fun switch. I agree on these new money people. Just, just crack. I get what I'm getting. It was my first claw of the evening. Actually the surf watermelon lime smash i'm not enjoying it and it's fucking up my throat uh what do you think

about yeah too much too sweet yeah there's too much i was gonna try and do something fun for the show and get us a different version of the claw you know while we're waiting for them to you know onboard them as advertisers and i gotta tell you guys this is a inferior product to your original uh white claw i'd never do this again hey White Claw kiss keep it simple stupid you got your awesome flavors just leave it anyways I agree the new money

even the help is pointing out that you're being a little tacky you know there's something to me pointed out that's embarrassing you gotta dial it back but yeah some other fun stuff that we're gonna do i can't remember it specifically but i have i do have pretty good notes i actually underrated them i'm also gonna say would you give it 75 i'm gonna say 75 knots as well wow that's the first time that's ever happened it's crazy it's like uh did

you know if there's like 30 people in a room like statistically someone has the same birthday it's a really weird math thing have you heard that uh so we return aboard mega yacht thalassa off the coast of airly beach australia as our honorable captain jason admonishes his crew for having their head up their asses during the last charter i i fucking love this hot captain jason he lets the deck crew have it um and he lets uh jamie know he needs to be more stern uh with his attitude towards his subordinates so the next time benny uh tells um him that he doesn't like authority or like to listen to direction uh little benny should be locked into the anchor dungeon until he screams for mama oh wait uh she's dead uh you know how i know that because he tells us every five minutes every five minutes we know betty they're gone uh yeah and then captain uh jason after that necessary pep talk leaves to let his bosun kind of lead his staff but but

jamie doesn't offer any solutions he just really almost word for word reiterates what the captain just says. We got to pull our heads out of our asses. We're going slow. Make a plan, Jamie. This was poor Bosany. And then there was one little moment where he did turn to Benny. He said, Benny, enough with the parents. Okay.

That is one gold star for leadership in that respect shut up betty we get it we get it and tell us how they died i mean there's a freak axis a heart attack covid what do we got yeah come on man uh give it all man uh as i said we start the episode with the sea rats getting lubed up and about to have a night out. It's midnight somewhere, dude. Where are the margaritas? Yes. It's a true blessing, something we don't get often, the night out to start the episode.

It'll elicit some cracks in the foundation of the team that we will see permeate throughout the rest of the episode. Ryan gives some foreshadowing to this as they cheers in the galley. Did you catch it? I did. I did. He said, cheers to Ryan being the drunk guy already knowing he's about to head off a cliff. Well, he was going to tie one on because, you know, he's been burning the midnight oil or whatever, how it's said.

You know, I've often- By burning the midnight oil, you mean a hard out at 630. Yeah, exactly. You know, I've often thought it's a really bad idea to, you know, they're sea rats and all, but to get wasted the night before a paying charter will occur, you know, cheap tequila and cigs oozing through your sea rat pores while you serve champagne on the deck. Not a good look. I think it's a perfect strategy for like, so your entire kind of work thing, it's non-traditional. It's not nine to five consistent.

It's basically a three-day sprint of hard work. And once you get through that, you get a big payday all worth it. So the night before that, get as fucked up as possible to really hamstring yourself. I think that's the way to go. You're an idiot. You'd never make it in the water. Before the night out, the helmet once again gets given out by Captain Jason. I love this this but he

takes it way too seriously make a joke about it yeah how about benny he flooded the boat with shit i think that would have been a funny bit give it to him a second time in a row instead he's like no bertini you're doing bad at your job yeah well he has he has to be an equal opportunist uh uh hazer because uh brit will i'm gonna call that helmet the fonzie helmet because it looks like there's you never uh know where we got the term uh jumping the shark yeah yeah it's from happy days when the episodes got so bad and the writing so poor they actually had an episode where fonzie might lose his life uh doing ski skidoo or what do you call that ski water skiing over a great white shark jumping the shark he was wearing that helmet. So I'm going to call that the Fonzie helmet.

Britt takes the blatant act of mental abuse in stride. I'd like to talk to Captain Jason's fraternity buddies because I think a few kids never saw their first class after rush week. They got mixed up with the old hazing captain jason oh yeah i mean alcohol poisoning is a real thing and uh severe wounds from plungers up the rectum can really cause some problems i mean there's been many accounts of frat guys getting arrested for sodomy that led to some some pretty irreversible damage i've talked often about how my sisters got, their class was basically the ones that got hazing shut down at La Crosse Aquinas

after they took some kid up to the Granddad's Bluff. What a classic TV name for a meeting spot. They tied him to a flagpole in his whitey-tighty underwear and taped him there and put quarters on his forehead so if he ever escaped, he could call home from the payphone he never escaped uh no i think i think that little shit did he was he was pretty wired he was pretty wiry yeah he got home and yeah people woke up at three in the morning or yeah people ever it was a big it was a big deal it was a big deal those are our corporate uh elite now yeah for real catholic, probably doctors and stuff

in my hometown. Van rides. Culver, the Labrador he is, he makes a joke about Toomey being the only one that knows about the other mullets. Little does he know, she told everyone about what you've done. 100%. And what's

disgusting here is that she weighs To me whether or not she's going to be Sammy the Bull or keep her mouth shut. Once you've alerted three of your coworkers, you're already Sammy the Bull, you fucking rat. Yeah, fucking Tekashi69. Oh, boy. I highly recommend that doc. I forget what the one I recommended is.

There's a couple of them. Hey, you $5 cheapos, upgrade to the $10 tier. Get arguably the best show on the network, PMZ, where Pat reviews docs. Thank you. Like the Takashi doc. What else happened to Van Rye? Oh, yeah. The second they get out of the van, the C slash pizza rat really starts pouring out of Ryan even more than it has before.

He, once again, foreshadows some stuff to come at dinner. the sea slash pizza rat really starts pouring out of Ryan even more than it has before. And he, he, uh, once again, foreshadows some stuff to come at dinner where he is suffering from voice immodulation, like Will Ferrell and Saturday night live. He can't control the volume of his voice. You caught that.

Well, actually they said that too. I have to tell you this. I, uh, I don't mind, uh, an obnoxious drunk when I go out with friends.

I don't think so. And that's why we're still friends. Right. Well, I don't know why younoxious drunk when I go out with friends. I don't mind someone who- That's why we're still friends. Want to know why? You're not a loud talker. I hate loud talkers. I got a friend who talks loud and I'm always, it's always uncomfortable to tell him, Glenn, you're talking so fucking loud.

Oh, did I let the cat out of the bag? Glenn, have you been around Glenn? I'll be sitting there and he'll be talking to you or Dylan or someone. And he just starts doing like my wife, she's caught him doing. She's like, oh, that's like a dad thing. Like, dude, can you see everybody around like uncomfortable? You're talking loud. Jesus fucking Christ.

You're being a little insensitive. Voice modulation is a real disorder. Just imagine being at your high school prom. And a little bit softer now. And a little bit softer now. And a little bit soft. That's Will Ferrell. It's all right.

Live, you had voice modulation. Hilarious. Dinner, he is too drunk. He starts to make a fool of himself, and then he pulls his parachute. My dad died uh he diffuses the dust up by announcing his dad cashed out on 9 11 2009 which i'd argue is still confusing why he needs to throw in the day and month why not throw in the time of death if you're gonna be that detailed oh my dad died on 9 11 at 4 30 in the morning nick ask me out when my uh my dad cashed out uh when did your dad die 2013 i need

a date i need a date no you don't well that's sad also. That's all right. Toomey? I got good notes, but I don't remember anything that happened. I can tell you. Toomey finds comfort in this because her dad was kidnapped and murdered. No shit, Toomey. You work on a boat. Of course, something horrific happened to both your parents. But also, congratulations on one of the greatest one-upmanships of all time.

Oh, Ryan, your dad died of a heart attack in 2009? My dad was assassinated. He was one of the few people from my hometown. He started his own pharmaceutical. He was Heights. He was an executive, and they shot him. They held him at gunpoint. You know, I've actually heard a lot of people in Silicon Valley tech,

they're always trying to guess where the next hit place to go and what's going to rise up next. And basically everything in the States is kind of like it's done. They've gentrified Denver. Omaha is popping up. Third world countries is where people want to go now. Oh, yeah. But you're going to get assassinated and held up and kidnapped.

Yeah, you might. But there's some cheap real estate. You can be cock of the walk there. You're worth more alive, Nicky. It's true. Worth more alive. What was I going to say? You know, once again, and I hate to make light of sea rats,

isn't it crazy just the consistency of the stories with these people on these boats? Like the work of these boats. It's always something horrific. It's never, oh my, I mean, Culver, that's why he does not belong in this boat. And I've been such an opponent to him being allowed on this boat. Both your parents are alive. You don't get to be here, dude. Okay?

I don't, there's got, maybe there's something dark in his back maybe his dad molested him or something oh that's fair uh and everybody's and they could be like the type of prop prim and proper east coast family just sweep that under the rug and you go out there and you can't you can't be in maryland anymore if you're gonna rat uh just that's that's dark well i might cut that out i don't know i'm not going to it's patreon um i hope oh who was the other uh one who had a a drive-by it was you mentioned you brought it up last yeah it was a blonde-haired girl that got picked up by one of the meatheads from like three seasons ago said please put me down oh please put me down please put me down her sister uh got uh well that bullet uh that maddie

yeah yeah that car uh that car uh definitely was totaled after that gunfight you know too many drive-bys already uh i see rats we we would have made it at sea rats uh if we didn't find our path you and i definitely not dylan yeah yeah dylan would have been one of the snobs on the boat that we'd want if we didn't find our path. You and I. Definitely not Dylan. Yeah, yeah. Dylan would have been one of the snobs on the boat that we'd want to throw on. Dylan would have been Parker. Yeah.

I may cut that out. I'm afraid of him. Magnum. Maggie. No, Magnum. Oh, Magnum. I have a TripAdvisor review. Oh!

Oh, are we done with dinner? I think so, yeah. Yeah, so two me, one up to him. Everybody hates Ryan. Van rides to Magnum. Everybody makes fun of Ryan. And then we arrive at Magnum, which I have a TripAdvisor review for.

Well, you set that up. We still do have a full day of work the next day, but why not? We're sea rats. Let's turn up. Wow! And turn up they do at Magnum which i have a trip advisor review for no i don't actually i looked it up 47 reviews places 4.5 not a single one circle or two

circle review everything on there just glowed about liam and liz the couple that owns the bar they've got quite the happening place uh generous pours great nightlife great djing magnum seems like the place to go if you ever find yourself amongst these sea rat-esque bars it's a number one out of five for nightlife in san miguel de obama that's the thing about these these bars they're all just these these It's number one out of five for nightlife In San Miguel de Obana That's the thing about these bars They're all just these watering holes Essentially these mating trees For these sea rats on their nights off

And tourists Yeah I would love to go visit one Maybe we will someday We'll bonus ourselves when we hit a million So yeah I think we pay like $400 And go charter Wes's boat. Let's do it, dude.

That would be fun. All right. Sounds cheap as shit. We know people now. Back to Magnus. Ryan's wasted and Magnus teasing him so she can get more locks. She twerks and then Sammy the Bull of the sea decides to spill her sea rat guts to Jamie. I can't believe this is still sticking in her craw as much as it is.

She has to talk about the mullets and the hot tub and the, and the, the improvement of the tip that she got because of Culver whoring out his body. I am so glad Jamie takes the stance. Like, look, if a guest asks you to blow them

and it's within reason, you start fucking. It's five-star service, girlfriend. Do you want 20 grand for a tip or do you want 20 grand for a tip? We already got our Aussie conversion that's fucking us. Ridiculous. Back of the boat, Captain Jason is putting on a mullet

to show all the female subordinates how fun he can be. Hanging out, just holding court with Culver. Cameras aren't there. He's up with two girls in his bunk. Yeah. A hundred percent. Also, let's see here.

We have Mag. I want to say she's kind of flirting with Ryan a little bit. Still, I think that, well, I'm sorry, the Latina. Yeah, I think they're kind of flirting and then i also noticed the toomey gives a little side eye to that little situation to me is a little judgmental we should have noticed this but she was the one that ratted out magda when she was twerking on jamie in the hot tub for having a girlfriend she did did that? Oh, my God. I thought she was so fun. She really passioned for the tablescaping. No, she's a rat in an ark, just like Malia.

You need to watch out for Toomey. Toomey, you do this one more time, I will start calling you Sammy the Bull. That would be strike three, Sammy the Bull. Are we going to get to the hot tub with Toomey and Jamie? Because she goes back. This is disgusting. What are you trying to accomplish here?

You already said buzz off, rat. Yes, we are cause she goes back. This is disgusting. What are you trying to accomplish here? He already said, buzz off rat. Yes, we are in the hot tub. Who brought, why are they keep talking about this? You guys should be ball of snakes in that hot tub right now. She's attracted to remember she's attracted to Jamie and Jamie said,

uh, I, there's no one I want to fuck here. Yeah. No, unless if it's not the Polish girl, that's a Latina. I don't want there'll be no fucking.

They discuss the inappropriate behavior of Culver again and agree to disagree. But Toomey does concede that if Captain Jason was down, she'd fuck him. Yeah, that was refreshing. That was nice. But still, the escalation of the fight, it got real serious. No, you listen to me. You listen to me you listen to me i'll go back to my country you go back to your country so stupid it got it got drunk fighting

yeah drunk fighting but then then the next morning next morning the next morning uh jamie is the one that seems is he feels the need to apologize to to me i didn't really feel like he was the instigator in the situation. Well, he might have gotten a little too drunk and forgotten what he'd said. Things did get heating. And if he's a gentleman, you always... Because she had said that she was... Well, she wanted to quit, I think she said at some point,

because he was yelling at her. She almost went back... She'll go back to her country. Yeah. That was English. But I skipped ahead a little bit. bit asia has a little interior crew meeting and she's gonna switch up their roles because magda has the uh the laundry room an absolute pigsty she says she's doing it under the guise of uh getting magda some experience

on service but it's because the laundry room's a pigsty yeah and mag says she's happy to do service because she'll be able uh well she'll do service because she's not able to talk on the phone with the guy that she's definitely not cheating on or at the very least emotionally yeah yeah i love how committed she became to her boyfriend once she realized there was no one at her level on this boat uh despite her level really being a facade uh i don't know. I really don't find her attractive. I mean, she's got a nice body. My wife said that to me last night. She's got a nice body.

I'm like, yeah, it's fine. Yeah. See her face? It happens to me every season. We've discussed it. It's the first day thing. We're always like, oh, this is the hottest cast ever. You know these people for three days.

Their personalities are uglier than them, and it takes them down a couple notches. I'm not smitten with Magda as I once won or, I don't know, say Ashley. She is really fighting against that

gift that God gave her, that pretty privilege. Still impervious, I would absolutely bang her. You know it's your moment to shine. Oh yeah. The preference sheet meeting. Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun. The primary

Kareem Garby location Huarajunga, North South Wales. Or what is NSW? North South Wales. NSW, is that what that is? Has to be. New South Wales.

New South Wales is what this guy's name is no green garby from huaringa new south wales is our primary he's a founder of a top tier global concierge company and has silver service down to a fine art, a self-described control freak. His obsession with perfection has been known to give his employees a pain in the stomach. I don't think they said stomach. He plans to keep the crew on their toes 24-7. Wow, coming with an agenda. He's worse than Cymbal Chuck, you can tell already.

Joining Kareem on the charter will be his friend and client, Delec, who he's most likely fucking, a successful marketing group guru and the firecracker of the party unis cryptocurrency specialist unis who met kareem on a spiritual retreat where they most likely fucked and unis's partner asad a jet-setting trader who runs a boutique investment firm who definitely fucks Assad. Also along for the ride are Kareem's friend of 15 years and founder of a successful bike rental enterprise, Matthew, and his partner, FinTech specialist, financial technologies, Yelena. No strangers to extravagance, in between whining and dining this group of international travelers are expecting a scuba diving lesson a beach picnic and would like

the crew to help them produce their own nautical nautical chic chic music video and they uh want fish a bunch of stuff. And that concludes the preference sheet meeting. You know, I hate to be a cynical, judgy McJudgster asshole. I bet if we combined everybody that is a charter guest, their actual net worth,

it's less than a million bucks between those five, six fools. I think they're lying and padding their resume. All of that reeks of us trying to move ourselves up on another level just just the descriptions of their companies one guy sounds like he owns a bike shop yeah like get out of here with that concierge service there was a lot of fluff there concierge service is like i'm gonna pay like i'm gonna get underpaid to like acquiesce to the every every wish of a rich person in hopes to

then befriend them and move up a social ladder it's actually quite diabolical if you're starting from nothing it's a little bit white tiger by ervan derdiga it's it's smart uh you can siphon from those richer than you if you can get that was a book before it was a netflix movie uh white tiger by ervan yeah i read read it like 12 years ago. Anytime a book I read gets turned into a film, I know people are always like, oh, I read the book first. But if it gets turned in after, then I feel really smart. It's a great book.

I haven't even seen it. Is the Netflix film good? The Indian guy, he's trying to rise up the cast, and then he gets framed for drunk driving by his... Yeah, they try and, well, they ask him, hey, can you take the fall for this, buddy? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Genius.

It's crazy. That's how it is there when people say it's very accurate. And that concludes the preference sheet meeting. Prepping for charter. Yeah, that's when Jamie apologizes to Toomey and then the guests arrive and the glass smashes. Now, one second before the guests arrive

because there was one detail. There's something that comes along with this little shift changing here between Toomey and Mag, which is that Mag has no actual job. What would you say? She doesn't know how to make drinks. Yeah.

Sorry. Talent, knowledge, skill. We learn an employee on this boat who will be tasked with making drinks for paying customers has no clue what a muddle is i this we hearken back to god i can't remember which one it was but she was some stew and she didn't know how to make a spicy margarita? Nick, let's play a little improv game here. Okay. I'm a dog walker.

Okay. I'm Pat. I'm the dog walker. You're going to be a customer that has a dog that's going to pay me to walk the dog. Finally, we're unfettered by that negative word. Pain in the ass over there. We're going to kill this.

What am I again? You're a paying customer that you're going to hire my company to walk a dog okay you're a dog what kind of dog do i have uh a golden retriever so uh all you need to say is hey pat when you walk my dog today what length leash will you be using okay okay here i'm pat the dog walk all right let me get a character i don't have chewywy. I have a Golden Lab. Golden Retriever. Golden Retriever. Golden Retriever. All right. Hey, Pat, when you take old shit stain over here out for the walk,

what length leash are you going to be using for shit stain? What's a leash? I don't know if I'm going to be investing in your services. It's basically one of the only tools you're gonna be needing to take care of old shit stain here. You can't make drinks for paying customers if you don't know what a mullet is. That's my point.

You have to. A muddle. A muddle, sorry. A mullet. A muddle. I'm not making drinks for anybody. A muddle. Paying customers customers Jesus fucking Christ

I love that on her last boat Magda was a Personal trainer I think she might have taken that Proposition that Gabby was offered On her last boat This is why I have to listen to both shows Yeah that one's real inside Because it's so mean I essentially called her a prostitute i don't think she is she

just uh aged out of paying to be a model yeah so a glass smashes when the guests arrive real good start i'm sure that's gonna help the uh concierge not be a dick. The guests immediately complained about the decor to live up to their preference sheet. They are going to be a huge pain in the ass. Oh, dude, my wife said this because she hates decor of some hotel rooms. And every once in a while, she doesn't call anybody up to move anything.

She just opens up that fucking drawer where they normally keep the Bible and she'll just put something in there and just close it. So I don't like this. I think that's the way you do handle that because honestly, most people are charting a mega yacht like this there you have the opportunity to look at it you could probably take a virtual tour oh great point you could you could see what you're about to do except you're actually poor and you got a giant discount to be on this mega yacht

so then you could be on tv and that's why you were surprised that there were little angel dwarfs and a weird wooden elephant that i actually really liked and i bet it's pretty expensive and hard to carve i will say the fake flowers were pretty tacky oh yeah oh yeah he did have a point with that fake flowers you get provisions come on the bow every fucking time get some fresh flowers in there. That definitely seems minimum. Fresh flowers are pretty gross. I unfortunately kill all plants. I can't keep them alive, but I love greenery in an apartment or flowers. My wife thinks I'm nuts on Fridays. I go and get fresh flowers.

We have a couple of different pots in our little back. Have you ever noticed I put the little flowers on sometimes? Yeah. That's me. She thinks that's crazy? Yeah. I love that in a house, and I feel like it gives you oxygen, and it's like being in a casino. It's pretty.

It's living. It is. It is. It's just as important as vitamin D. Where are we? Lunch is prepped. Oh, lunch is prepped. It looks delicious.

Bear Monday steamed in parchment with fresh tomatoes and shaved fennel. As Ryan said, and I agree, a classic presentational way to cook fish. Monday steamed in parchment with fresh tomatoes and shave fennel. As Ryan said, and I agree, a classic presentational way to cook fish. The woman who said she likes fish said she's not going to eat it because she doesn't like the way it smells. Something fishy. Also the name of the episode.

I will give, and this is going to infuriate Dylan, but I mean the presentation of that Bearer Monday, some may say Ryan's doing the Bearer minimum. I'm saying he's doing the Bearer Monday 100 knots. Yeah. I've never seen that prepared that way before. I thought it was pretty cool.

And I just want to read this. No, it's not going to work. I was going to try to find a real viewer real fast and steal their words to describe Ryan's food, but let's move on. Bertini learns the hand anchor, and she thinks Jamie's a cool bosun because he's telling her what to do.

She's pretty desperate and wants to give it up. The guests want salad because they don't like fish. What's going on here? Well, it's Eunice mainly. So Eunice says, they don't like fish. What's going on here? Well, it's Eunice mainly. So Eunice says, I don't like this. This smells too fishy for me. It's overwhelming. And then Kareem tasks Kermit with finding out what the fuck's going on with Eunice.

Or you could just ask Kermit to serve drinks. She's not a dietician or anything. Hey, Eunice, honey, what don't you like about it? What can we do for you? That was so stupid and also just inappropriate. Ask your friend what she doesn't want. And then you can, you got a full on chef there. Just say, yeah, yeah, make her a fucking salad.

Minutes later, we do learn something about Britt. Is it okay if I jump here? Yeah. All right. Are you guys ready to be shocked? Britt was raised by a single mother because her dad didn't want anything to do with her. Once again,

we know. It's Sea Rat Sad Libs. My ex died, so my ex raised me, and I had to ex, and ex was assassinated i've often said and from new listeners if if a couple stayed together and there were no divorces these boats would just be floating even though they had motors they'd run out of gas they'd just be banging again dogs because there'd be no crew they'd be rich people starving tinking their glass for service no one to work it'd just be mega yachts just floating uh

you know a great movie it's like the i am legend uh if there were that's what it would look like if there were no deadbeat dads on maritimeitime Law, it'd be I Am Legend. Culver would still be there. He's the dog in I Am Legend. Dinner planning. Ryan says he's just going to cook. No real theme needed. He's just freestyle it.

He also notes the one that visits the galley is always a bitch. Which, as much as we shit talk we say about ryan i bet that's an accurate assessment get the fuck out of my galley uh some water sports happen oh they plan on doing some water sports then dinner where ryan has now decided he's gonna do all fish after fish was a big problem are you kidding me asia has now taken there was complaints last episode from us about asia being not uh like demonstrative enough chief stew not controlling ryan i was i i didn't really say anything i think she's doing as whatever she can anything she says he comes back with like, like the opposite snarky answers.

She's trying to say to him, that's not how you do it as a super guy. You got to be flexible. At this point, she has just taken, I'm going to let this guy drown. We'll get a new chef in here. Well, it might be that or she's kind of taken a cue from my book, which would be, all right, Ryan, it's worked out so far. We'll do it your way until it does it and then we're going to do it my way how's that sound because i think she knows she's going to

drown it's essentially the same thing let him do his thing let baby have his bottle and we'll see how it goes it's not going to turn out well she knows that and she's excited for that to happen and then we get to the water sports and the snorkeling uh beautiful fish this the snorkeling is the down unders version of the sailing it's it's 45 seconds of time killer at some point in the episode it's beautiful quite a difference though um that it doesn't kill anybody yeah and it it's not like grating glass smashing instead it's peaceful and i mean you must know all about these do you see fish and you're like oh that's a whatever that's a whatever actually watching these scenes of uh these fish in their natural habitats make me feel so bad when i see

them in tanks trapped in their uh their uh life expectancy diminished by 10 times it's so sad but you need a renovation you need a renovation so uh let's get stuck actually i don't do i i boycotted uh saltwater my business won't do saltwater anymore. Oh, really? Yep. Wow. Do you have that on like the marketing? Is that like even a- I don't.

It's just when, what happens is actually- It's just a personal thing. Actually, I'm trying to help people. Boy, this is a little Patty being honest here if you guys are interested. So I work in, you watch the show Tanked on whatever. That's a little side hustle I have. Is the show Tanked?

Yeah, yeah, where they build tanks. I know those assholes. They're out of Vegas. And you haven't been on it how do you get on that i could be on it in like 10 seconds they call they used to call me and ask me like production stuff like about like whatever because these idiots didn't know what they were talking about they only knew how to build tanks i almost went on a show called pond stars about ponds i love it but i was like i i i don't want to do that it'd be so fun now it's just content now you have to do stuff for our show all right all right will you go on fucking tank all right maybe i'll i'm gonna get it in dylan's ear i'm not gonna all right but a little detail here so um these uh i i don't do

salt water anymore but i don't say that i don't do that and when i show up to a house and they're like hey you know we want to do a 600 gallon uh whatever saltwater tank. I go, I tell them the same story. I scare the shit out of them about them all dying. And I always talk them into doing some kind of fun freshwater thing. Smart. Okay. Interesting. I was thinking you could lean into it and be like, we're the ethical aquatic fillers

and we don't do saltwater. But instead you're like, I'm not going to tell them that. And then just push them into something else. Diabolical Pat. Truly diabolical. I've saved a lot of fish. So they just can't live in there? I have always loved the idea of a saltwater tank.

Can you get beautiful freshwater fish that have those vibrant colors? They've genetically mutated freshwater fish to look like saltwater fish. Oh, that's even more comforting. They've taken the DNA out of jellyfish, and so they bring the color in. Beautiful. Wow, this is so fascinating. I would hear about this on aps all day uh it's not the kind of stuff we talk about um where are guests return

guests return oh this is when we find out magda was a quote-unquote personal trainer slash model slash latina that lives in poland she is excited and eager to learn how to pour a drink mm-hmm jason and benny uh are starting to develop a beautiful friendship even earlier when they were up late at night after jason took off the mullet it reminded you of some scene where like an angsty teen's got a stepdad and and he's up late 3 a.m playing video games the dad comes out he's like son what are you still doing up and they they finally have their first bonding moment they're really he's really taking him under his wing after splashing him and giving him swirling yeah yeah with jamie when benny is ordered into the anchor dungeon and despite his fears he

knows it's something he needs to do to move forward it was very much like the indiana jones film uh the last crusade when indiana j Indiana Jones stepped on the invisible bridge. He trusted that it would be there. It was just like that. And it was there? Oh, yeah, it was. Yeah. He threw a little sand over it. We had all those movies on VHS, and I feel like I saw them when I was really young, but

I barely remember them. The first one's amazing, Raiders of the Lost Ark. The Temple of Doom. Oh, my God. The fourth one, it's an atrocity. Which one is the one with the Ark of the Covenant? Oh, that's the first one. Oh, the Lost Ark.

That one's good. Yeah. Classic. Yeah. Tuk Tuk, right? No. Tuk Tuk? Tuk Tuk?

Is that that kid? No, he's Round Eye. Oh, Round Eye. Yeah, that really worked today. Yeah, that's a great pmz come on come on short short short run no way i'm round eye is it round eye or short short round short round that's it is it i think it's short round i don't know i don't know crazy stuff uh dinner dinner casino royale theme uh to me helps Magda with the decorations because it's her passion.

Magda is incompetent. But she also shows another side of her. She's like, I'll fucking leave you lying there bleeding if I don't like you, which is good to see. Nice killer instinct. Dinner, cured fish that's sold as raw fish. Four of the guests don't eat raw fish. Ryan comes up, said it's not raw fish,

geared fish. They're like, we want fully cooked fish. That's pretty much it. I did like how Captain Jason's like, well, why don't you go talk to them, mate,

and sell your bag of bullshit. That was a great note from what we often make fun of Captain Timeshare for being in the galley. This is one time we saw Captain Jason in the galley and Asia would have been helpless. Ryan would have been like, fuck them. Go tell them what they're going to eat. Tell them it's cured. Ryan would have been like, fuck them. Go tell them what they're going to eat. Tell them it's cured.

And then Jason was like, how about you just go talk to them and settle them down because no one's going to be mean to the chef. You just talk to them. Yeah. I thought it was a fun episode. I thought it was a fun episode too. We learned a little bit about Pat's business. Oh, I mean the episode that we just recapped. Oh.

Oh, but our episode was great. Both episodes were fun. Any other things you want to get out of the way i think that's it dylan will be back next week so stop your whining you know i always get insecure a little bit when one of you guys isn't here i'm like what or or when i'm not here i'm like god i hope they tell everybody tell nicky and dylan that how much they miss little patty oh you shouldn't read the comments that's complete opposite no everybody's like we miss you but you guys did good which is the way it should be yeah that's what you want to

we're a team though we're a threesome yeah check out the ultimatum below deck sailing heating up subscribe to the youtubes pat say goodbye goodbye bon voyage for dylan i'm saying goodbye later dudes Bon voyage. For Dylan, I'm saying goodbye. Goodbye. Later, dudes.