Kill James Bond! - Angry Adam | Below Deck Down Under S2 E4

Episode Date: August 2, 2023

Dylan and Pat are back to breakdown Pan’s Labyrinth, ugly Americans, zodiac signs, George Foreman grills, Coachella, Mark Norman, Barbie, being habitually late, and much more from Bravo’s Below Deck Down Under. Uncensored content and exclusive shows including Vanderpump Rules at Patreon.com/AnotherPodcastNetwork

What are you doing? I don't know. If you want to scare away, say something really insulting to a Russian chick. She'll leave you alone. You cannot scare her away. A polar bear couldn't scare her. She is not intimidated by anything. He's clearly being intimidating.

Like if Margot was in her position, she'd be like, good God, that guy's angry at him. But Laura's like, I think he would make a suitable husband yo what's up welcome aboard hi how are you i'm dylan i'm saddled up next to one patrick hickey great to be here uh great to be here joining us tonight in studio is what am i saying the producers over there hi kaylin hi so man do we have a wonderful two episodes of below deck to get into any public service announcements to get out of the way beforehand? Well, Dill, I just want to put a little feeler out there, okay? Because Bravo's launched a new show.

I don't know if you've heard this. It's going to be helmed by one of our friends of the show, Queen of the Sea, Kate Chastain, and Old Fake Captain himself, Captain Lee. And they're going to sit down one hour a week and discuss all the shows on Bravo. And I just want to throw out there, Kate, if you're listening or any producers, if you'd like Dylan and I to help out with the writing, because obviously with anything that involves Captain Lee,

it's going to be dreadful and unfunny. So if you need our help, just hit us up at, how do they get hold of us, Dylan? Ooh, do we give them my email? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't. Can you believe they're going to have old fake Captain Lee sit there and talk about Luan?

What's he know about Luan? They can email you at pat at another podcast. Patrick at another podcast network. Bravo. Hit me up if you want Dylan and I to write. We'll take writing credits on that because it's going to be a horrible show. What are you doing with the board?

What are you doing? I'm changing it back to your settings. Oh, okay. All right. Oh, okay. All right. Oh, okay, okay. And all right, here's the second feeling. Dylan, forgive me and just please entertain this. Dylan and I and Ruby are trying to decide.

This is like, I don't know if I, you say forgive you, but I don't know what you're going to say. Oh, right, right. All right, Dylan and I are trying to figure out what our next thing we're going to put behind the $5 paywall for you guys to enjoy. And there's a lot of below deck people that love us. I think we should do that one that has all those sad people on it in the jungle.

What's that one? You know, it's Tara Reid and fucking Scandal and I don't know, all those fucking people doing military shit. Oh, yeah. That's not a bad idea. I don't know, all those fucking people doing military shit. Oh, yeah, that's not a bad idea. Well, if you'd like Dylan and I to recap season one of Below Deck, which we started but got ruined when Bravo decided to do two goddamn episodes a week,

derailed our plans, but I think Dylan and I should throw that behind a paywall. Yeah, I really wish. Can we be done now? Oh, yeah, yeah, but let us know in the comments. Well, and also go to Patreon. That's where we can communicate directly with you to the patrons. We will have our meet and greet this month. Promise.

Sorry, we didn't do it last month. Also, we've just been very busy. Patrick's having a baby. I'm going to Muay Thai. It's all been really jam-packed. But our next fan gathering, I think we're going to field you guys. We're going to talk about the network, what are your likes, your dislikes. It's going to be a whole

town square. You know what I mean? It's going to be great. Kaelin, how are you doing? I'm good. How are you doing? So, did we get his favorite movie last episode did we what did he say i asked him what his dad's his favorite no but i didn't want that one but didn't we ask him what his favorite movie was what did you say it was something pan's labyrinth

oh yeah that's right very dark and depressing also uplifting at the same time. The power of imagination. But it wasn't any imagination. She died. It wasn't. She got killed. Maybe she was just asleep and it was a dream. No, I think she got shot or stabbed or something. A little girl with an imagination got shot or killed or stabbed or something.

Shame on you, Caitlin. All right, let's get into the episode. Okay. It was two two combined so i don't remember which one was how many pots let me break down the game film for you sure below deck episode three season two down under was just okay not a lot happened yeah yeah yeah episode four right shit goes off the rails wonderful episode and i can't wait to recap that after we're done recapping this one but episode three wait are you talking about five it was four and five oh it's four oh sorry yeah four and five jesus all right you know the fans come at you for those

little minute details i know they do all right so first one of the week, meh. Second episode, wonder. Oh, and can we do this? One last public service announcement. Anybody who is getting sincerely upset about the Jason and Aisha stuff, take several seats. I'm seeing these comments that are like, how dare you? And it's like, take it easy. They're banging each other. It's not a big deal. Yeah.

We're just joking around about how they're totally banging each other. She's in love with Scott. He shits in buckets and they're in love. Just take it easy. We're just doing our best here. How many pots for this episode? 14. Good one, huh? No, it was 14 good one huh no it was just okay oh it was just oh you like the next episode i like the next episode better all right all right

so i'm not really sure what's going on here because of what they're doing you know they're smushies and i can't differentiate the episodes but what i will say about this one, these thoughts I think apply, is that the casting is really working for me right now. There are so many sea rats, and I believe it's episode... No, it's this episode. I can get specific with this. I could do this.

Kalen, what do you give the episode? I thought it was pretty decent. I gave it 51 pots. Great. So two people are rising to the top of... We have a podium of shit right now. It's Luke, it's Laura, and it's Angry Adam. Okay? For someone...

Great name, by the way. I was trying to find a name for him, but he is, in fact, always angry, and his name's Adam. It seems like it just writes itself. Yeah. He is so angry. He's pissed.

Turn that frown upside down. If you can't enjoy this, what can you enjoy, Adam? You're hanging out with your peers on a stupid job with no real judgment here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're supposed to get drunk and stupid and have the time of your lives. If this can't get your rocks off, what can? Well, so this is something. This is the reason why people hate America.

Betty Fingers Gophers. What is going on? You had food poisoning yesterday, and you're just. I mean, that made no sense. That was apropos of nothing. Haley, can you mark that, please? Sure. The reason why people hate Americans

is because Americans don't assimilate. They just think that it's okay to be American in places that aren't America. and there are certain pockets of the country where people excel at being that kind of ugly american brooklynites and people who are los angelinos are bad bad about it too um you know people from the south you know don't drop a proud you know dallas person in in fucking florence you know they'll piss people off but when someone sits down at a upscale australian restaurant and says and let me get a bacon egg and cheese salt pepper ketchup

jump off a bridge uh not a tall one, just a cute one. And then when you're down there, take a breath and realize that that is one of the most infuriating fucking things possibly ever said on this show. Get a style of bacon, egg, and cheese, salt, pepper. It's not a bodega. It's a different country. Angry Adam. Well, hold on. Holy shit.

We have two Americans on this. Well, we have two male Americans on this vessel. One is called the CEO slash Butterboy. He comes and he assimilates quite well. Yeah, not really, though. He's still just... I don't... I have a vague idea of the assimilation that I'm talking about, you know?

I feel like you really kind of like shit on my point there. What do you mean? I don't know. I just kind of feel like you shit on my point there. Don't get defensive. No, I'm not defensive. I'm heartbroken. I'm down. Oh, don't be. I just don't want to, I don't know. 60 Pots. Generalize.

Americans. You know what I'm talking about, right? Yeah, I could listen to you scream bacon egg and cheese all day thank you i appreciate it all right so 60 pods let's get into the episode pat how do we kick things off ah i know with some broken glass and a foot on a guy called uh named fletch love that name and he also has a beautiful foot. No hair, no bunions, just a beautiful foot. Something to aspire to. Angry Adam is the dickhead on the dick team, and he is trying to slaughter the feet of the wealthy. Now, we've talked about it before.

Thrusting incompetence on them is A-OK. We welcome it. But not violence. The young man has anger issues. We've talked about it. He's angry at him. So we move on to Luke, who has a Gary moment here. He goes up to the captain,

and he's got a lot of professional integrity in this moment. And that's because there are no women involved at all. But once there is a woman involved, he becomes an amoral reptile. So, yeah. Was that unnecessary? No. I feel like it was a shot across the bow. I have trouble with luke because i actually

kind of like his leadership uh but but the other part of his personality is he's a a a douchebag yeah he's a scumbag chauvinist quite so yeah yeah yeah i'm excited to get to him uh and laura being friends oh that's oh that's in the next poor asia oh my fucking god poor asia having to sit there and and and look at the gaze of a fucking horny fucking australian guy he looks like he's on bath salts he's like friends fuck it's like oh god what do you want me to do with that that's so awkward works well with her anyway uh luke does not disclose that it was uh adam that fucked up with the tender shackles or whatever what that's great hosting so um we get some tomahawk steaks to get delivered and then we get to laura being a shit bag well i was

gonna say zerina because they planned for this beach picnic she wants it to be a extrav extravaganza with steaks, your favorite, sea bugs, and burrata. Go big or go home. The three chugiest of the chug. Tomahawk steaks, lobster tails, and burrata. Holy fuck.

That's not a $700 billet cut. I don't know what is. Parents. Parents, I'm one. Looks like summer's over. Back to school. Back to school soon. There's a lot of drama on Below Deck, but you know where you don't want any drama? Making our

lunches for our kids. And you know what can help with that? Well, yeah, our newest sponsor. So proud to have these guys. Yeah. Today's episode is brought to you by little spoon an amazing amazing company little spoon is a one-stop shop for healthy easy meal time and snack time for your baby toddler and big kid delivered right to your door yes you heard that right you can have little spoon in your life for years to make mealtime healthy, tasty, and easy. Pat, I can't tell you. I don't have a, as you refer to them as,

crumb crunchers. I don't have one of those yet, but I can imagine this would make your life a lot easier. Well, before we started getting Little Spoon shipped to the house, Dylan, my wife would run around like a maniac at eight in the morning. I'm watching Ellie. She's trying to rip the tail off our dog. And my wife can't figure out what she's going to pack for her lunch that day. And that's when we found Little Spoon. And Little Spoon does all the work for you. Ellie's almost four years old. This would have worked when Ellie was a baby. But right now we're in the stage of, I guess, what do you call it? They have biteables for transition to table early finger foods. They have plates for toddlers and big kids.

They also have smoothies. That's a great way to introduce them to the efficacy of smoothies. Ellie loves the chicken fajitas. Oh, fantastic. Did I mention it all comes right to your door? So flexible, so easy, and everything stores right in the fridge and freezer. I pick the menu, or Pat picks the menu and changes it up whenever, right? Absolutely. You can just change it, go on their site, just go, nope, I'd like to switch this up. She likes a little bit more mac and cheese. Yeah. The price is right. The quality

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You know what it is. It's L-I-T-T-L-E-S-P-O-O-N.com slash bad TV. Enter promo code bad TV for 30% off at checkout. No one bothers to check the weather report at this point, by the way, I want to say. Oh, okay. Well, hang on, because I really clued in on this. I guess we can get to this right now. When Captain Jason is looking at this weather app, I don't know if you felt this way, but I was like,

that is a fancy app. Did you feel any type of way about that app? I did not see the app. Okay, because I was like, that's like an $8 app right there. That's a really, That's a crazy app. And it was one of those things. It's like, you need that app when you're out there. That's a C-Rack kind of app.

You know what I mean? Really kind of made me Harlan William a little bit. But let's talk about Laura really quickly. She wants to go to the beach because she doesn't trust Asia. Now, I think I abandoned this thought when I was talking about the podium of shit. Laura is a revolting human being. Maybe not revolting. I'm sorry.

Hey, but how about three hours in the makeup chairs when she comes out? She still revolts? Don't make me answer that question. What kind of disgusting question is that? I'm talking about her lust for power. Oh, yes. And her blatant disregard for others. And her...

Well, she's a Taurus. You're tarnishing Tauruses when you say, I am the way I am because I'm a Taurus. And also, you know, I've been less and less impressed with the Zodiac's projections. They've been wrong often. What sign are you again? Leo.

What are you? Aries. Can't trust them. No, you can't trust, what is it, Sagittarius? Whoever's June. Yeah, yeah, yeah, the two-faced. Yeah. Yeah.

They are two-faced. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The two-faced. Yeah. Yeah. They are two-faced. Yeah, they're two-faced. My father. Danielle, I'm talking about you. Who's Danielle? A girl I slept with. She's a liar. All right.

Captain Jason heads down for a little pep talk with Serena. Now, a theme of this episode and next episode is that Serena has no idea what's going on. Serena is in La La Land. She is easily flustered and not that great at cooking. She is among my favorite people on the show, might be my favorite person on the show, but she is severely struggling in that kitchen, which is what she's there to do.

Yeah, it's true. Yeah, no, I know. By the way, I want to say something about Hot Captain Pants here. He is an equal opportunist offender of his staff. I like how he doesn't have to walk the line when it's a male or female subordinate. He gives this young lady the business when she fires back that she kind of doesn't want any of his help in the kitchen. Yeah, he tells her that he hates that attitude,

and he has the right attitude. He's like, this is five-star service. You're on a super yacht here. So the solution, because we're on a quote-unquote super yacht and not some kind of sick, twisted, life aquatic-type vessel, because we're on a luxury yacht, the solution to this whole tomahawk problem is to pull out a George Foreman

and cook the steaks in the front of the boat. To quote Hot Pants, if you can't barbecue, you're not Australian. Yeah. Which is cute, but it does kind of still hit home that this is not quite the Four Seasons on water. No. We're grilling steaks outside of the kitchen.

A guest could just walk by and go, Hey, Captain, what are you doing on the floor there? And then he'd say, I'm cooking for you. And they'd be like... But you aren't wearing shoes. Really, really just so below deck i'm loving this season i am too i think it's so fantastic yeah i especially episode after this i keep referring to that i apologize but it's it's coming together well cast i get rid of angry adam though oh yeah in a heartbeat he raises my. Because I've known douchebags like him.

Fucking. Why are you so angry all the time? And dumb. It's like dumb angry. It's like overcompensating for stupidity angry. Everyone's like, you're not even angry about something that's actually a thing to be angry about. And you're ordering bacon, egg, and cheese sandwiches at nice restaurants.

I mean, you've completely lost the plot. He flares up so often. I don't know if it's next episode of this one, but when Laura's like flirting with him, he's like, what the fuck are you doing? I'm asking all these fucking questions. What are you writing a book about me? Calm down, good fella.

My God. Talk to my buddy, Vinnie Barbarino. All right. So let's get to quintessential below deck. The captain's got to make a call because he has that fancy app. He knows that the weather is coming in and he says, you know what?

If it rains, it rains. These people are on a super yacht, so they go ahead with this picnic. Customers are always right. This picnic should not happen because if they could set this up which they did not the guests would not have a good time which they didn't but what we got instead was a nightmare beach picnic. There are people... Imagine you're just sitting there eating a meal

awkwardly at this kind of last supper type picnic table. And Culver is two and a half feet away from you holding down a canopy. And there's... Butter boys on the other side, by the way.

There's rain in your barada. It's like, it's just nuts to me that they went ahead with this. Well, you know who disagrees with you? Kermit. She arrives to announce that the beach picnic looks wonderful. And she's like, they're genuinely upset. And they're like mocking how this is like really not good.

And she's like, well, at least she'll never forget it. No, we won't. Thank you for the optimism. Especially when it's tip time. Yeah. But to be fair. That's not a good thing to say to people who are going through something bad. You know.

Make a good memory. Yeah. Well, I lost my arm. Yeah. Well, you won't forget that way yeah no i won't it's quite the battle i'll see it every night when i try to go to sleep it will thrust me awake and i'll slowly lose my mind because i haven't slept in four days also it's tough to brush my teeth now i used to be right-handed yeah i you know you got to be so grateful to have just everything working.

I see these people that don't, and they're just charging forward in life. And I'm like, what are you complaining about, you bitch? You know what I mean? Kalen, how are you doing? I'm good, Dylan. How are you? I'm grateful. I'm grateful to be here with all of you right now.

If you don't have your health, you don't have anything, Dylan. Yeah. That's why Bill Gates is trying to feed us all chitin. The bugs. All right, what happens next? All right, all right. So back to the boat. Both Harry and Luke flirt with Margo in the laundry room.

Guests return. Harry thinks Adam is annoying and he's a bit dramatic about safety. I think we can all concur with that. And Laura now needs a break. And this is forming a pattern. I don't like when people think they are 3D chess masters. Game of Wars. They're Game of Wars players who are too loud about playing the Game of Wars.

This is a reference that a lot of people will get. The Redhead from season one of Rock of Love. Lacey. Lacey. You talk about how you're manipulating everybody and you're playing this game. And it's like everybody can see what you're doing. Just nobody likes you. everybody and you're playing this game and it's like everybody can see what you're doing. Just nobody likes you.

You're going to be an outcast very soon. It's been three days. You're not doing a good job. We see that a lot and also Flavor of Love Season 2. Dilly and I cover that on Bad TV Podcast. Check it out. Yeah. Boots. Boots. Yeah. Bucky. Yeah. Delicious. Bucky got sent home because she had

herpes beautiful got sent home because oh that's right beautiful got sent home because she had herpes and uh buck wild got sent home because she's a white girl from rancho cucamunda doing a black accent yeah and eventually flay was like this is inappropriate the guy who openly mocks women for being fat was like this is this is inappropriate for 2007 this is inappropriate delia dropping lead here don't forget he uh sent a young lady home because she shit on his floor and to quote him he just couldn't get past it yeah yeah and he sent another young lady home because he found out that she did porn and then he printed out a photo of her doing porn and then showed it to everyone on set and was like you're a whore and then sent her home crazy show yeah

check it out bad tv podcast um all right so uh laura needs to take a break to fix her hair she says that she always gets what she wants TV podcast. All right. So Laura needs to take a break to fix her hair. She says that she always gets what she wants. Tell it to Mick Jagger and that it's really easy with Asia to get what she wants. Asia, you have to crack these little pieces of shit early. Yeah. You can't let this...

You got to set a tone. ...metastasize like this. It's just not good. I can appreciate the management style. Start with nice, and hopefully that all works out. But as we saw with Frazier in his Mediterranean season, you start off nice, you become friends, you got to pick one.

You're a manager of Fred. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I know. Poor Kermit. But she's got to stand to pick one. You're a manager or a friend. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I know. Poor Kermit. But what happens? She's got to stand up straight and she's got to throw a punch. Mm-hmm.

Figuratively. I'm not advocating violence. Although it would be fantastic television. But Aisha would throw away her career. And Laura would win. Well. But it would be fantastic TV. I mean, can you imagine?

Yeah. You know, she could end up on that spinoff they're creating over there about all the horrible people, the sea rats that were on this show. Yeah, yeah. I don't know what the fuck that is. Yeah. We dropped it. I know.

We talked to... Todd and Grant. Todd and Grant. That got picked up by so many things. And I don't even know if he's accurate. I don't either. to be honest with you. Did you guys do any due diligence or just listen to the podcast and write an article? I have no idea what he's talking about.

I got to make a little confession here. They said it. I didn't even care, and I forgot that they said it because it meant nothing to me. And the next thing I know, someone sends me an article. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we don't know if that's in fact true. For all we know, he could have been pitching a sea rat that one night drunk and misremembered it.

You know, it'd be great if all you pieces of shit got on his show. He came on our podcast. He's like, there are some things in the works. Okay. All right. So then we get to Adam kind of holding court about safety regulations aboard this fishing vessel. Boring. safety regulations aboard um this fishing vessel all right i don't know why no one just says would you shut the fuck up why does no one say anything i think there were very early on in the

season and i think everybody's trying to be on their best behavior and feel out the weirdness that is angry adam at this point it will i think it will come down on him like a hammer very shortly. Hope so. Greek food is going to be for dinner. I'm going to need some help with this. What's this hole being painted like a butterball, like a Greek goddess that represents a club that they all liked in Mykonos? Yeah, it's Scorpios.

It's the hottest club in Mykonos. Oh, wow. I think it's in Mykonos? Yeah. It's Scorpios. It's the hottest club in Mykonos. Oh, wow. I think it's in Mykonos. I can't remember, but it does call, it makes an allusion all the way across the sea to our backyard,

the Coachella Valley, which is a flat plot of land that is disgusting and too hot. It's not an ocean to be seen nearest ocean is now four and a half hours there's a ton of drug use though to be seen okay uh you know when like you're driving in the desert and there's just like rusted metals everywhere and you're like good what the fuck is out here that's where Coachella is no I'm kidding it's close

to Palm Springs though listen it's hot it's hot right now but you know it didn't always used to be like that people got killed at that music festival really yeah you know the first time I went we got there just as youngsters.

Didn't have a clue where we were going to stay. Did you have tickets? Yeah. Had tickets, but nowhere to stay. So we snuck into the employee campground and just pretended like we were working there the entire time. You pull that off with confidence, people won't bat an eye at you. What time are you volunteering? Oh, we're not sure.

I got to figure that out. I'm on drugs right now. They're like, oh, me too. people won't bat an eye at you what time you volunteering oh we're not sure i i gotta figure that out i'm on drugs right now they're like oh me too cool uh all right so sorry if i've told that story before um all right let's let's talk about the egg okay so let's talk about him being painted gold greek god a giant really tacky looking motherfucking chocolate egg and it will be worshipped like there's a fucking dragon in it. Okay. This is all stupid. Okay, all right.

I do want to say this really quickly. The deconstructed Greek salad looks like a seven-year-old got into culinary arts. It looks awful. Then we get to this painting of Culver. Real quick line. Laura says she will make him feel like a god i want to throw up when she overtly hits on men i want to throw up is a little too forward for you it's just like and luke makes me feel the same way can Can you feel that? Oh, God, you two are disgusting.

All right. So Culver is painted in gold. They come out and they legitimately pull this off. I could have done away with the cha-cha-cha. Of course you could have. This isn't Guardians of the Galaxy or whatever. I don't know. It's fucking weird.

The reason why you could have done without that is because you would like to, and these people too, would like to go on a vacation where Colfer's role as the chief engineer officer is nowhere near as vital as it is aboard this vessel. The fact that their tips rely on the pass or fail of Culver's whimsy ideas of nighttime entertainment, it just goes to show you how awful these experiences are. To use a metaphor, just because we're discussing eggs, I want to crack this egg. If you knew Culver in high school and you know a different Culver than we're seeing on TV, hit old Patty up.

I want to know. I don't trust this act and this good old boy veneer. You hate Butter Boy. I don't know. I'm torn with this guy. I don't even remember what I thought about him last season, but I just don't like this whole shtick coming on here. Well, regardless of whether it's a shtick or not,

I mean, what's worse? It being earnest or it this whole shtick coming on here. Well, regardless of whether it's a shtick or not, I mean, what's worse? It being earnest or it being a shtick? Can you imagine you're paying for just exorbitant amounts of money for a luxury yacht vacation. You show up. It looks like an old man had recently died in here alone. And then this fucking guy comes out. He's clearly spray painted all blotchy and shit. And he's yelling about some sacred egg.

You didn't even ask for an egg. You asked for a pinata, which is a completely unreasonable request. But still. Well, Dale, you know, I always like to put myself in the position of said guest there. If I was Fletch, you know, my foot still fucking bleeding. I take no issue with like love it. We all really love it.

Right. Enough. Put the egg down it. Right. Enough. Put the egg down. Get out of here. Where's the fucking sea bucks? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Beat it. All right.

So meanwhile, Luke and Adam have a little chat. And Luke comes away from that feeling good. And with an understanding of Adam though, Adam can't really do the job. So he has a solution. He is going to get someone else to tell him to do the job. And that's management. That's a workaround.

Alright, so Adam and Laura, this is when we get to that moment that we alluded to. She's asking too many questions. And he has a CTE kind of freak out um she goes so glad you live sorry i sound like a nazi i just i can't do her her voice well she did something interesting here which she talks about the fucking brooklyn she uh wears the ring of an ex-fiance and it shall not be removed from her finger until someone removes it from her finger.

I actually, in this moment, kind of liked Laura when she's like, I have lovers all over the world. I really can't do that. How do you do it? I can't do it. I have lovers all over the world. I still wear a ring. Sounds like Dracula. And my husband will be able to remove it magically yeah yeah you're adam how about if i just fucking sit on him with my asshole tighten it up and pull it off what are you doing i don't know if you want to scare away

say something really insulting to a russian chick she'll leave you alone you cannot scare her away a polar bear couldn't couldn't scare her. She is not intimidated by anything. He's clearly being intimidating. Like if Margo was in her position, she'd be like, good God, that guy's angry at him. But Laura's like,

I think he would make a suitable husband. He's flipping out of you. But that's actually probably her type of guy. The colder he is, the hotter it gets. Yeah, she needs to get with somebody named Alexi, who once he's done with vodka bottles, throws them against the wall

because he's not satisfied with his career. Hey, any notes on dinner? I forgot what dinner was. Fucking 64 minus 30 pots. Okay. Serena's knocking it out of the park with the platters. The platters are magnificent. But when it comes to dinner,

and I understand it's the size of the kitchen and the functionality of the kitchen, she is struggling. But my had it here with Serena moment comes in the next episode when she's like, no, no red meat, no wheat. What am I going to do? Try blending up all of the food that you make. You don't have it that bad.

Just calm down. You can make gluten free stuff. Now, I think we're getting to the point where we're going to drop these guests off at the dock or whatnot. It's worth mentioning Kermit had it all wrong. And I want to point this out. I did not describe my feelings good in the first episode. That's okay. Typically, I think as Americans, if we're working on these vessels, we like to shit on Americans.

And I was happy to see that an Australian would do the same to her people. You said that last week. Right, right, right. But Kermit was absolutely wrong aside from one little blur uh burp up of uh i think one female charter guest said she'd like breakfast now asap which was a little rude she said it jokingly though oh she did okay it was one of those things where you develop a rapport with somebody that doesn't exist and they say something and you're like oh i don't know you oh well okay well kermit strike one the i guess the family money range roving uh you know uh jerks weren't that bad after all they're actually quite

tame yeah anyway uh butterball calls his mom because i talk about norman's uh interactions with fans on the show what mark norman the comedian no he said when you when you interact with somebody who's famous you have to be quick and you have to like just get in say your thing and then go away oh okay don't linger there because he goes oh i don't know you though there's nothing for that they don't know who you are so you have to just say your thing you have to go away otherwise there's a lull i don't know why you know that's uh in listening back to the show, that's one of my least favorite things that I do. What do you do?

I just bring up something. No, it's interesting. In the podcast world that has nothing to do with this show. Can I tell you something, though, Dylan? Everyone should know this about famous people at their height. Sure, they can be arrogant like that. Like, hey, I only got four minutes for you. Talk, talk.

Hey, at some point, your career is going to go in the fucking shitter, and then you're going to be an old man or woman. You're going to wish someone recognized you that's the way it always goes no incorrect no uh you think ryan gosling's career is going to be in the shitter you think ryan gosling needs to dedicate four minutes to every fucking lunatic woman that tries to rip his shirt off perhaps not but tony danza could use a few friends. Total loser. Oh, my God. And I didn't mean to sound like Tom Likas or where I said lunatic woman.

But there are crazed people. People find him very attractive. Did you see Barbie yet? I haven't. I can't wait to see her. Did you see Barbie yet? No, not yet. Where am I going to find the time?

I think I'm going to see it this week. It's supposed to be fantastic. All right. So such a J-Law moment. Speaking of celebrities, we've got our own. And it's J-Law. It's Margo. Or no, her name's Margaret.

What's her name? Margo or Margaret? Margo. Margo. It's Margo? Yeah. Okay. Harry scooches in between Margo and Laura.

The power player. Fucking Laura needs to be on House of Cards. I don't know what she's doing here. You're a moron. Sorry. That's too mean. See, I can't say stuff like that. Dylan, there's a reason we're the number one below deck podcast in the world. I know, but now that we are, they all listen.

I feel bad just openly calling people morons. I don't mean it. It's just me being lazy. I'm trying to fill time. I apologize. I don't even know you. So I do know Harry, though, because. Goofy looking motherfucker.

He is just such a goofball. He stands in between Margo and Lauren. He goes, yes, on the throne in between two roses. And Margo, such a J-Law moment. She just goes, yeah, yes. So composed. So Jennifer. So, Pat, down under your responsibilities at the TIP meetings, they've doubled.

Because not only do we have the TIP meeting, but we also have the award of least improved. All right, TIP meeting, $15,000. That's American dollars. That's $16.70 each. I have to say this. We have to figure out, did past seasons of below deck used to be for charter days and now they're just been now this is what's going on that part of the world doesn't tip ah i think i've heard that somewhere that like aussies are notoriously not tippers i don't know if it's

because the hospitality infrastructure in that country is different. People actually get paid a living wage or something like that. But they don't tip. And if you don't tip in a country or you're not customary to tipping, change that or know that that needs to change when you come on these vessels. Gotta incentivize people. Because this is actual service. I mean,

with that being said, it's horrible service. So tip whatever you want. But if you did have a good time, you should tip more than $15,000. Absolutely. Pulling glass out of people's feet. But the glass was put there because of them. So again, you tip whatever you want.

Sheffy gets the helmet. Now I have to say, this in no way is an honor. I think Zarina takes it as such, maybe because it was being handed to her by Hot Cap and Hot Pants. And I love, what I love so I think Zarina takes it as such, maybe because it was being handed to her by Hot Captain. And I love what I love so much about Zarina is her verbal

sexual assault of Hot Captain in her talking heads. It doesn't make me feel like I want to jump out of my skin the way that Luke and Laura make me feel. She's being humorous, but she's being very blatant and overt with how she wants to, you know, fuck the captain. Yeah.

Don't we all? But she's charming about it. It's funny. Nora's just like, I will make you a god. What the fuck? I'll say this about Zarina. She's my favorite. I find her the most attractive. Not sure if Felicitas care about that. But I do think as a chef, I think she should be limited to serving

food at banquets. All right. So Laura wants to cut her shift in hours short so that she can have more time to get ready. Asia obviously refuses. And she, in response to that, I'm speaking of Laura, is in quite a huff. Now, once again, despite how disgusting that ask is and how entitled and pathetic it is to treat, if you have a boss who is a dickhead and incompetent, I can understand being a little rude. Aisha is the loveliest, sweetest human being who doesn't have the ability to make good on the threat of don't mistake my whatever for kindness or whatever it is. To be rude and this gross and disrespectful to her

speaks volumes about Laura. It's just really, really awful behavior. And then it continues with this getting ready shit. Now, I'm late all the time. If you spot it, you got it. I think that's why this triggers me so much. When you are an hour late to something, a dinner reservation where a bunch of other people are going, and you are late because you are standing in the mirror like some haunted child in a Stanley Kubrick movie cutting the bottom of your hair,

there are these little things that take place that are so awful. And Aisha getting the text from the restaurant hey what's going on and that's asia's responsibility to deal with because you couldn't give two fucks and we'll the fans can say whatever they want about i'm not gonna go there it's it's i'm not gonna go there i'm not gonna go there he went there i'll finish it she is she fixing herself in front of a broken goddamn mirror all right all right jesus fucking christ anyway this is what you do dylan because i used to have this with a keyboard player and i banned he'd show up to a gig we'd be the second into the second song at the roxy and he's loading his shit up on the stage and i tried to punch him next time well you can start lying and saying times are off you do an hour early sorry yeah yeah or you can just leave

without him they should just drive off in those vans and leave without i i did that with a friend of mine with with t times kid couldn't get to a t time on time they'd meet us on the second hole and we'd have to pay for his thing and it's like you know what we're gonna do we're gonna tell you that this is two hours earlier and then maybe you'll be on time but it's really really gross to do that with that being said i don't know why the other sea rats don't just leave it's early that's the only thing i can that's the only reason I can give. It's early in the season. No one wants to, you know, bump any heads just yet.

There's another thing like, does our audience give a shit about tea times? Why am I talking about tea times? Golf is around the world, man. I guess. Maybe I'm too critical of myself tonight. All right, so. Dinner at Hemingway's.

Dinner at Hemingway's dinner at Hemingway's. Harry and Margo are so weird slamming meat into each other's mouths. And Laura full court press on Adam. Full court press on Adam. She licks his hand. I'm not going to. My gaydar is not going off with Adam. I think it's a very easy thing to say. Clearly this guy's angry

because he's positive. I don't think that's what's going on. I think that he is a social disorder. He's like an angry robot. That J.J. Abrams company. But yeah, we do have the salt, pepper, pepper ketchup moment and then

we have this thing where she licks his hand and he he recoils he doesn't he doesn't even recoil it's like he just stays stiff and angry robot it's just not working so laura naturally moves to her next target which is luke i wanted to i wanted to leave my body watching this i wanted to i wanted to get out of my body watching this to be asia the the the thought of asia having to deal with these two fucking people who she is never going to see ever again talk about how his fucking cock is on her haunches and she's all fucking like fucking kissing him and the the weirdest thing is there's no context for this they haven't been flirting

so it's just this weird out of place craigslist ad kind of intimacy that asia's like oh god yeah friends do fuck i guess i'm gonna go to the bathroom that's the fun of sea rats all the sexual attention all uh uh sexual attention sexual tension all day long you know you're cleaning glass out of people's feet and serving drinks and wiping toilets all so you can get out get a little get a little, burn a little steam off. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. In the name of a fucking. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Now they hook up. Um, Luke says,

this girl's got a twinkle in her eye. That little twinkle is another thing called attention. But also he, he speaks like a hillside strangler or something. She's got a twinkle in her eye. Ugh. And then we've got Margo lying to herself in the camera. Oh, I'm so happy.

I am the happiest darn girl right now watching these two make out. The thing that's so heartbreaking about this is gonna be i hope luke gets kicked off the show early because this back and forth now this is fun this is why we're here dylan the luke and margo thing is good i like margo i don't want to get upset with her her being boy crazy over luke is going to make me i don't have much of that to give i i can't see people going after luke or being lovesick over luke that's going to make me lose it anyways that remains to be seen i think luke will violently assault a wall and then try to to shove a door in a producer's face or something. I think he's going to get kicked out of the show.

Oh, that was the trailer. Yeah. But we'll find out next week in a couple days. Or what is it? I don't know when we're releasing these. When do we do this again? On Tuesdays and Thursdays. Tuesdays and Thursdays.

So we'll drop this Tuesday night, and then we'll see you in a day or so for episode five. We love you guys very much. iTunes ratings and reviews. Patreon, subscribe to Bad TV everywhere. I'm Dylan saying goodbye. Pat, say goodbye. Later, dude. See you later. I'm