Kill James Bond! - Benny & the Jet Skis | Below Deck Down Under Series Premiere

Episode Date: July 12, 2022

Pat, Nick and Dylan are back to break down the premiere episode of Down Unda! We talk hot captains, cool moms, Captain Jason being the one in those videos of pure horror, why someone would name their child Brittini, the trajectory of a sea rat and why Ryan should **** his own face PLUS plenty of other Below Deck Down Under.Video for this episode: https://youtu.be/dM7eI_nd_UkSupport our SponsorsMagic Mind Visit https://MagicMind.co and use promo code “Jason” for 20% off.  Rothy's Get $20 off your first purchase at https://rothys.com/BELOWDECKAthletic Greens Visit https://athleticgreens.com/BELOWDECK for FREE 1 year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D AND 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase Betterhelp Our listeners get 10% off their first month at https://Betterhelp.com/BelowDeck Dame BELOWDECK to take 15% off your first order at https://dameproducts.comSubscribe to our Patreon for our coverage of Below Deck Sailing seasons 1 & 2, Love is Blind, and much, much more!https://patreon.com/anotherpodcastnetworkWe also cover Bachelor Nation very week on Another Bachelor Podcasthttps://bit.ly/AnotherBachelorPodcast_YouTubeThis show is part of the Spreaker Prime Network, if you are interested in advertising on this podcast, contact us at https://www.spreaker.com/show/5727246/advertisement

We all know a guy who only occasionally shaves for big occasions, and it's because that occasional shave really hurts. The timey year for big occasions, and yet, there he is, suffering with that cheap drugstore razor, let's help him out. Henson Shaving's line of razors, built with aerospace precision, deliver a smooth shave, your dad, brother, and even sunken enjoy. Eventually, with replacement blades just 10 cents each, you'll buy it once and they'll use it for life.

How's that for the perfect gift? Celebrate with 100 free blades on your first purchase and no subscription headaches. Hensonshaving.com slash holiday. How would you like to come home to a bartender who will fix you any cocktail you want? I'll have an old fashioned. I'll have a margarita. Now you can. With the Bartesian Home Cocktail Maker, Bartesian is a sleek machine, the size of a coffee maker, that makes premium cocktails at the touch of a button. Choose from over 50 different cocktails.

From classics to the most exotic premium cocktails served in the best bars today, you'll always get freshly mixed, perfectly balanced cocktails, with the Bartesian cocktail maker. And now get Bartesian's best Black Friday deal ever at Bartesian.com slash cocktail. Entertaining? The Bartesian is ideal for parties. No need to stock all kinds of individual mixers for complicated recipes. Every guest gets the cocktail of their choice in seconds. The Bartesian makes a wonderful gift for anyone who loves a fine premium cocktail.

Now get Bartesian's Best Black Friday deal ever. It's available right now. Only at Bartesian.com slash cocktail. That's B-A-R-T-E-S-I-A-N.com slash cocktail for partesian's best deal ever. Only at partesian.com slash cocktail. Well, there's a very, very popular expression about grasping green.

And the expression is that it is green on the other side. Maybe I'll be proven to be wrong, but I think the hot captain just needs to sit back and be a hot captain. And anytime he's getting into a 30-minute monologue is when we're going to see some holes in his game. Yeah, yeah. I think that's a great hot take.

He says that he hops over fences and he mows lawns, which I think is Aussie slang for and other people's lives. another brand spanking new episode of Another below deck Dan under podcast. We're happy that everybody is here It is going to be an incredible season. I mean based off of the teas alone We've got a fuck face for a chef. We've got Kermit who is a gem. We've got a hot captain We've got a petulant little ass all of us do and we've got a fuck face for a chef I mean how could this season? Let's not forget some two very attractive We got a hot captain, we've got a petulant little ass, all of us do, and we've got a fuck face for a chef. I mean, how could this season? Let's not forget some two very attractive stewardesses. Let's not forget that.

Okay, Pat, that's not good for audio, no, right? What am I doing? Well, all you have to do is go. Mm. But I like sometimes a little secret for the video people. Right, right. And that's why those are paths of pinnacle.

And you think to me is, oh, guys, we'll get into all that. But we have, but what I'm trying to say is we have a recipe for a hell of a great season, or excuse me, the ingredients for a great season. But will the recipe execute it successfully? We will find out during this 18 week run. Is this new peacock production? Are they marcos? Are they chef racel or are they...

Milla. Milla. We'll see what they do with the ingredients put forth. I think we're gonna have a tasty little cake of Bologdeck sailing. Nope, Bologdeck, Dananda. So, um, now that we've gotten PSAs out of the way, I think. Mm-hmm.

Let's get into thoughts and pots, Nick. What do you want to pack up first? All right, I like how there's a new little thing that they've added to this show, which is it's about excursions. Diving. Diving. Uh, diving. Something's about excursions. Diving. Diving.

Diving. Something about sharks or something. Right, yeah. Right, not, you know. Yeah, I think they do some hiking too or something. I don't know. But excursions. Diving.

So that should be fun. And are we talking about the first episode or just the whole season in general or the show? Why for this? Just first episode. Oh, okay. I like to give thoughts and nots and something you haven't seen.

Right, right. That was a really dumb fucking question, Pat. Well, the first episode I watched had like a five minute thing at the top about the whole season. So it was like about the cake and the ingredients. And I didn't say it very well, but. Okay, I get it.

You know, obviously you thought the thoughts and pots on the first episode. All right, Mira. This what I have to say, I'm hesitant to say great casting yet because I don't know if Captain Jason, who is good looking but he does have a little bit of a beer bully. Also, I've seen some of his past work not to get ahead of myself. I don't know how he's still driving boats. Hey, me neither.

He literally took out an entire marina. He almost killed like 80 people dozens of people Dozens and why is this the second forward thruster that's fucking up? Hey dude I'm starting to think I see pattern recognition. It's something he's doing to those thrusters. I don't know I love now. He also couched it with it's the best could do. Like he just chucked the anchors down and then still ramped. Oh yeah, he acted like he was Sully. You are not Sully. You crashed the plane. They drive him.

There weren't any people in that marina in wheelchairs with no family. This ain't Denzel and flight. You didn't invert that boat. You crashed. We're getting invert that boat. You crashed. We're getting ahead of ourselves. We are, but I'm, look, he has a good looking dude. He's got the great accent. And he seems very charming, but there were a couple red flags.

I'm not sure if I'm a fan. Yeah, you're gonna get an entire, Marina and thank God there weren't any people that were blind. And he is. He is, because there weren't any people that were blind and no family members they would know where to run and he would have run over them with a boat and he is very cool mom which could you know it could be a confusing message of leadership especially if you're like that cool mom who like in that upstate California she had like sex parties for a teenage son and bought them all

booze. Hey, it's my thoughts. Destiny and Ethan, no. Too cool. Too cool. I'm the cool mom. I'm not sure how much you're thought. How much I like the casting just yet. But look, I'm watching Polodec yawning and I'm loving what I'm seeing. So the the standards are very high to entertain me. Like I the bars been set very high with yawning. It that's a wonderful show. I'm still waiting on my judgment of this, but I think I'm hoping I'm optimistic it will be good.

Yeah. Decent episode I love the wrinkle of him leaving in the dark. That's super fun. I'm pretty sure they made it through because I did see the rest of the season and the boat didn't get a whole season though. And below deck, one of its signatures, one of its calling cards are anti-climactic docking moments.

So of course, but fun nonetheless. 28 pots. Nick. Yeah, and I'm gonna also fall somewhere low with my knots ultimately, but I don't think that's going to color the entire season. I think it's going to be fantastic, but it was just very standard first day of school type stuff. We met our classmates.

We got the Siliment syllabus and they have yet to fuck each other. Right. Snowballs. Snakes or anything really happening. A cliffhanger that I mean, Patch of is spoiled it explicitly, but I think it'll turn out okay, ultimately. I will say that whole Captain him crashing into the dock thing, I erroneously attributed that on our social media to Captain Sandy.

As I do anytime I see a viral boat crash go, crash go I I I post it and then I say Captain Sandy fell off the wagon right and this time Captain Sandy most likely fell off the wagon but she didn't crash that boat no she did not crash that boat she's crashed tons but she's just really quick she gets off the boat very very 40 how many pots pots. I'm excited though for this season. It's gonna be great. I think, especially after all you said, you're like suspect, is it good casting? I mean, after that dossier we just had on Captain Jason.

I think it's gonna be incredible. And I think it's gonna be way too cool on fuck one of these stewardesses. Yeah, I mean, don't get out of your cell. I hope so. I mean, that's for sure gonna possibly probably happen after this season. So, thought it was lovely.

Pat, what makes a good reality show? People you hate. This fucking piece of shit is one of the worst human beings I've ever laid eyes on in a premiere episode of Below Deck. Now, I know that's a niche category, but we've seen a lot. Can you pour your white claw more quietly?

No, I like it. You have to bang the white claw like a caveman against your golden goblin. You see what you do with your cigarettes? Oh, are they loud? Yeah. When I, when I bet you spoke of cigarette. Power move. What a bitch power move right there. I think everybody could do it. Bang, bang, bang Bang bang bang bang. Context clues, but you haven't said to the piece of shit you're talking about. Oh Ryan the chef. Yeah. I knew wow. Do I hate this guy? I'm so excited to tear into all of his food because

what we've had for the past two seasons of below deck covered for the cheapos are two incredible chefs We've had for the past two seasons of below deck covered for the cheapos are two incredible chefs. We've had Rachel and Marcos. That's not when daddy gets to eat. Daddy gets to eat when we have a horrible human being or an incompetent cook. Now usually they're combined into one disgusting person. They bring a board. I mean, Mila was dumping out canned corn on top of chips. She thought gay people should be killed. I'm Sandy. Is that going out to the guess? I'm Sandy. Okay, 12 pots. So can you imagine the glee meelas at home back in Russia just sitting back with a big play to shitty microwave nachos watching watching with Lee State fed television about how much they're winning the war. Yeah, exactly.

She is, you know, she's got a lot of growing to do. So we begin our journey in the Whitsunday Isles, that is the most fucking Australian name for a set of Isles I've ever heard. And first up is Aisha, who kicks things off with a very Aisha line. I feel like I stink. She hasn't fucking show shower in weeks. Gross!

Gross! She's also a farder too, remember on her a past season she likes fard out. Am I going or just farted? Well we do get a little reminiscing, little river band. So she was on the channel. Well, our big. She was on the season where the guests were served, canned corned on chips, and then served by, oh, I'm confused, was Anastasia a spy, or was Miele the spy? Miele was the spy. Miele was the spy. I'm not saying that Anastasia wasn't a spy,

but Miele was the spy. Right, because Anastasia has a very spy look tour. You know, she's pretty, she can get into exclusive places. She's Georgian, Georgian, she doesn't trust. But Asha is ready to knock it out of the fucking park. But we've got plenty of time with Asha, and we already know Asha,

let's meet some new faces. Asha's wonderful. I'm, she's a breath of fresh air. Yeah, she's great. I'm excited. Her positivity is a little overwhelming at times, but we've got to talk about hot captain Jason, who starts off with a bit of a stumble.

He says, you know that saying that the grass isn't always greener on the other side? Nope, I've never heard that expression. It was a long meandering pointless thought about grass being green on some other part. Well, there's a very, very popular expression about grass being green. And the expression is that it is green on the other side.

Maybe I'll be proven to be wrong, but I think the hot captain just needs to sit back and be a hot captain. And anytime he's getting into a 30-minute monologue is when we're gonna see some holes in his game. Yeah, I think that's a great hot take. He says that he hops over fences and he mows lawns, which I think is Aussie slang for bungee jumping and fucking other people's wives, but we've got to get to know the guy.

I mean, who gives a shit? He's a piece of ass, am I right fellas? Oh, absolutely. I'll get you. You keep bringing up the beer belly, but I only think that makes him more burly and masculine. Yeah. When he's pounding away at a stew, we can set a beer on it. He also talked about what a thrill seeker he is.

I mean, you mentioned that with the bungee jumping and fucking other people's wives. But I also think that might entail fucking. I'm just going to run into this doc. There's no accident. The thrusters were working five. He wanted the thrill because when he's at dinner parties he can say have you ever ran a $50 million boat into a marina marina to call back to what he net blind guy with a walker. To call back to our other program, love is blind. When Kyle told those guys, he was up 44 stories.

Other men in the room sat back and they were in awe. Imagine taking out an entire fucking soon to be failed ocean side crab shack owned by some shit future cat. Yeah, that was Captain Lee's crab shack. So we get a very hot Captain moment if him washing the boat that's shirt off and after we get a shot of Aisha with her shirt off,

creepy corner room camera. I just, they're so weird. We move on to the boys. Boys, boys, boys. Jamie's up first. He is a C rat, as a C rat can be. You're gonna list his former occupation. Yep's up first. He is a C rat as a C rat can be. You're going to list his former occupation. Yep. Stripper. Oh, 100%.

Cop. shirtless waiter. Thank you very much. Stripper. Cop. Security guard. He said he said security guard and police officer. Do you either of you guys have to listen to a stripper that wears a fire fireman now uniforms.

uh... and now he is the head of this deck group and lifeguard which i think he was just i think he was just adding to the tab because he's like lifeguard certified right i think i'll look at all my jobs no you were a stripper and you put on a police uniform and definitely probably security guard being in a public pool and jumping in the water to not save a hot girl who's not drowning does not mean you're a lifeguard, okay? You're a sea rat, this is the most sea rat

human being I've ever seen. So until we get to Magda, who is like, I mean, that is, I'm getting out of myself, but I love how she just, failed model six months into yachting. She's like a lot of models become sea rats. Yeah, because you've turned 26. But also, yeah, I mean, you're, it's not working out. You're not making money doing it. Right.

So now you're now on below deck. So we then meet Ryan, who is the most punchable human being I've ever seen. On this show, he says that he would be described as arrogant. and this is my problem with scumbags like this. What are you arrogant about? You look like discount fucking G easy and you've been cooking pies your entire life. Now I wrote this and sadly for me, we do find that he does have quite an impressive resume. I'm selling one charter. I mean, it resume, but it's what he's putting out there on the boat that he's been cooking on for five years. Yeah, we'll see. We'll see.

I miss the resume. Can you quickly run it down? I had it up. STK, which is a pretty nice recipe. A restaurant executive chef for STK, which is perfectly poised to cook for the kinds of people that come aboard these vessels. That is what SDK may use on. It is fucking Vegas fucking fair

for all the filthy yucky normies with all the bells and whistles. And look, it's fun, but it's a fucking clown show for stupid people to go, you're getting high quality food and he was helming this ship at SDK. Now let me say this, when he does arrive, we have to get, because I believe this happened right before him saying he was arrogant. Him and Kermit kind of get into it almost right off the bat.

Right off the bat. I not get into it. She's just like, oh my God. Well, I'd say this getting off the bat. She says, hey, you're not one of those G-man chefs, you know the type that yell and throw tantrums. And he said, do you mind not being a stupid bitch? Are you the one that farts?

So we'll hate him. You're an idiot sandwich. Yeah, but this is great casting. I feel horrible that Asia has to meet this person at all. But I'm excited to say horrible things about him and then hopefully talk to him. Hey, everybody, let's take a quick second to talk about just the most unbelievably important sponsor of this show. Okay, it is magic mind.

What is it? You know what it is. Okay, but I'll tell you right now because I'm hopped up on the stuff and I'm clear. Okay, magic mind is the once daily anti-procrastination. Elixir filled with magical ingredients like Akinasia, Linesmain, Macha, and other things that will make you hum throughout your day. Are you worried about productivity?

Are you worried about checking off the to-do list? Okay, well then don't worry no more, go to magicmind.co. All right. And enter in promo code, Jason, to get 20% off your order. Okay. Everyone who has ordered this stuff has said, thank you, Dylan, Nick, Patrick, James Bichera, for introducing me to this unbelievable,

one stately anti-procrastination elixir is, it is just a marvelous marvelous beverage and you can get it to by going to MagicMind.co and entering in promo code, Jason, for 20% off, your entire order, okay? See you there, Zen, Zen, see you there, Zen, Zen, Zen, see you there. See on the other side, the Zen side. We'll see on the Zen side.

So let's meet Magdash. She is for Poland, but her second home is South Africa. Once again, we've got the most C-Ret shit ever A failed model turned ocean made she's been doing it for six months and will be horrible at her job Well, she the conversation she has with tummy is she's letting the world know that she just wrapped up a fucking modeling gig, you know, and Do we say microgression or It was a micro-culture

i'm gonna call it time anyway uh... said you know i just wrapped up this whole model in giggle here and did you know more and more models are making the jump from uh... taking up photos like on beaches and whatnot to cleaning toilets and serving drinks on water yeah no sense it's the college coaching of failed amateur basketball players.

Let's say high school coaching. But we've got to move on to the kids. I mean, if you're just on a staff of some mid major, I mean, what are we doing? We do. Britt, sorry, let me get this. No, no, fuck that. Her name's Britt.

I'm not, no, I'm not doing this all year. Brittini, nope. And Benny. Your name's Britt. Uh, fuck she's a teeny weeny polka. She's like, I don't call her fucking carol. Hey, he was in the middle of a nursery, I'm okay. Go ahead, Nick, I'm sorry.

It's actually like a classic, like 50s, falling down. Bob. It was a Bob. It was a Bob Fuck her parents not Benny's that's a fun name But I just the Not happy just the insanity of naming your child Bretini nope That's so wild. Britt, I know you're listening.

I know you paid the five bucks. Your name's Britt. Yeah, you're doing it. This is Spider-Man. What's up? No, she's just here by known as Britt. The homely broad that says she's a model, Mag or whatever.

She's also got a very difficult name to pronounce. Her name's Mag. Okay. I want to keep what simple, simplified for the audience. I will, hers is less, what is it? Magda. Nope, it's Magda.

Nope. Yeah. So we got, And she is not homely. I understand failed model, but she's not homely. Spider-Man watching the show, dude. Spider-Man. No, you are.

Look at you, you absolutely are. Spider-Man, looking at spider-man here. They're both in black t-shirts and jeans. They're like, oh my God, we worth the same thing. Fucking syrup. So then Culver shows up to round up the deck team. He says a couple Aussies and a couple yanks. It sounds like his parents were fans of the double-baking butterburger Deluxe. Yes, exactly. I don't know if they said on the show, but I think I looked it up because I forget people's names already.

He's a self-proclaimed entertainment officer. So he'll be doing subsucking and fucking. Are you kidding? No. That's a self-proclaimed entertainment officer on the boat. All right. So he also did shirtless watering. Yeah, he crushes Wade's loves team work and girls from Poland evidently.

The crew is attractive. Let's get to the first team meeting. Jason. Captain. Calls everybody in and he is fond over. And this is when we find out that he's a different kind of captain. He's a kind of captain who's going to try to fuck his crew after the season. And he wants them to hit the water on their downtime. He's more of a big brother than a captain.

He's a cool mom. You didn't notice him throwing a little shade at fake captain Sandy and fake captain Lee. Of course I did, but I figured that you would take this. I'll take the reins. Yeah. I'll press it. I'm not going be looking at my fucking iPod pad all day Playing candy crush. I'll be working with you. Yeah. Yeah, my guy who gets my hands dirty

He also sounds like he listens to us a little bit to be honest Of course he does everyone in this world does it's true. We are the taste makers of Nick I you're always a fan of the unsung heroes, the ones that we don't see. Are you gonna get, we'll meet all the engineers, which is made up of two guys and another one that looks like a penis with legs. Hey Pat.

Yeah. I know that you needed to get to that joke. Yeah. But these are the stars of the season. And you don't really buy into the bit the same way that me and Nick do so What bit? You you don't really recognize the star power the way that I understand how important you are so if you could not Ever introduce the stars of the show the way that you just did ever again

That would be great Nick. Who do we have the first? Xavier the first officer. Second, we have Tim, the second engineer. And the last, Bastion, our chief engineer. Which was the guy who looks like he's got a sack of balls under his chin. So the crew fluffs pillows and cleans up bird shit. And then what a day it's been waiting to say that. Yeah, I know I listen stars of the season. Then Aisha heads

down to chat with Ryan. I cannot contain my hatred of this human being. So we're on Patreon get ready. I'll call for his brain to be stirred a few times this season. He tells Aisha to not ever tell him to wait 10 minutes for a dish to come out. I mean, let me just phrase this a little bit better. He tells Aisha to not ever tell him that they're running behind. Face fuck your own face. Sorry. I'm worried Dylan at some point is going to snap in a jigsaw killer type fashion and start picking off and kidnapping these below deck people who hates. He's just going to have Ryan in a room and be like, you want to play a game. Yeah.

I've watched too much of you and I'm going to correct society's people. Well, you know, I don't know. I've got a lot to live for, but depending on how the season's trajectory goes, I can't say words tonight, I might kidnap him and torture him. So I think you've already taken up the mantle and started killing homeless in New York, as we saw. No, that wasn't me.

Oh, they found him. Oh, yeah. How'd you do that, Dylan? Framed up. Then he says that he does not plan on consulting the guests who are paying more money on their vacation than his dad's pizza rea makes in half a decade on the food that they're gonna eat. So once again, fuck your own face.

If I was Asia, I would go up to the captain and try to get him fired. Right now. Hey, this isn't funny, but definitely an observation in mind. This is definitely a low rent type of charter I'm sensing and I guess we'll find out with the tips. I don't think it's going to be

$22,000. I think people pay a lot less for this. Why would you say that? Because it seems a little bit more excursion than then a full yeah, I don't know. We'll see. We'll see. We'll see. I don't know what world that Jamie can pull this off. I didn't see him looking at a preference sheets like, oh, they don't like cucumbers or this one doesn't like fucking sour cream Or this one doesn't seems like how is he able to just go? You're gonna fucking eat what I want who gives a shit. I'm not worried about a Brazilian that's kill you and you're allergic to him. I'm gonna put him in a salad. Well, I think that a movable object will meet Walking papers what what is it? What is it? um, walking papers. What, what is it?

What is it? Uh, unstoppable force, uh, at some point, uh, but also, yes, very much so walking. It's a theory. It's an ongoing theory. Perhaps I'm wrong. All right. I think we might notice a lower class, which is hard with what we've had in recent weeks of charter guests, but I think it has to do with more of the production. Right.

Let's get younger people on. Let's fucking let's discount this deeply and get peacock rolling with some real trash. Yeah, that's it. You know, you made a lot of sense that there are a lot of things. Real trash. You know, we gotta move on to the first of the season.

It's gonna set the tone for the season. And it is the paraphrase, make it! Bye! Da da da da da da da da da da da da da! And it is the Prefership Meal! I'm not sure. Primary. Charlie Gambino, who I was at first excited because I thought he was returning guest gay Charlie. Right.

He's been on like three times. Yeah, he's not. This Charlie Gambino is an American expat who works in tech and currently resides in Australia An exercise junkie and a self-professed foodie Charlie has picked this yacht trip to celebrate his 20th birthday and expects an epic celebration on the yacht with his squad of young professional friends who are as successful as they are fun. Joining Charlie on the charter will be fellow American immigrant who now resides in Australia. I don't think that was right. It was blocked off. I was trying to guess. It definitely started with I am though. From Denver, whose name I didn't write down, Emily from San Diego, and Nikki, a software salesperson. Rounding

out the group are two couples, Natalie and Calum and Alina and George. Alina is a badass fitness instructor and George is a project manager. If you call yourself a foodie, you're probably not one, says the chef before you call yourself a chef. You might not be one either there. So I want to go. I'm just, I don't call myself a foodie. I just, you know, I know a fan of that. I'm not a fan of that. I'm not a fan of that. I'm not a fan of that. I'm not a fan of that. I'm not a fan of that. I'm not a fan of that. I'm not a fan of that. I'm not a fan of that.

I'm not a fan of that. I'm not a fan of that. I'm not a fan of that. I'm not a fan of that. I'm not a fan of that. I'm not a fan of that. I'm not a fan of that. I'm not a fan of that.

I'm not a fan of that. I'm not a fan of that. I'm not a fan of that. I'm not a fan of that. I'm not a fan of that. I'm not a fan of that. I'm not a fan of that. I'm not a fan of that. I'm not a fan of that. I'm not a fan of that. I'm not a fan of that. I'm not a fan of that. really hurts. The timey year for big occasions, and yet there he is! Suffering with that cheap drugstore razor, let's help him out!

Henson Shaving's line of razors, built with aerospace precision, deliver a smooth shave, your dad, brother, and even sunken enjoy. Eventually. With replacement blades just 10 cents each, you'll buy it once, and they'll use it for life. How's that for the perfect gift? Celebrate with 100 free blades on your first purchase, and no subscription headaches! Henson in shaving.com slash holiday. Hey Diane, holiday shopping? Oh done. Everyone's getting the new iPhone 15 from T-Mobile. And T-Mobile's covering the cost. Plus I got four lines for 25 bucks a line per month.

I gotta get to T-Mobile. Get four iPhone 15s on us with eligible trade-in when you switch to T-Mobile. Minimum of four lines for 25 dollars per line per month without opaque discount using debit or bank account. Five dollars more per line without autop-off pay plus taxes and fees phone fee 24 monthly bill credits We'll walk while the fight customers contact us before canceling accounts to continue bill credits or credit stop and balance on required finance agreement Do $35 per line connection charge apply CT mobile com And that concludes the preference Well, I'm better than bump on a whaaan

You know, I had to get up to you open the door because it got a little bit of toast in here And also I am having gastrointestinal massacres I have a gastrointestinal massacre going on in my body because I had lentil chips today. And you're just, that's a new world order. They don't wanna see meat, they wanna see lentils. It's just, it's wreaking havoc right now. I just feel so bubble-gutty,

but I have to march forward despite my intestines and my lips being chapped. My intestines aren't chapped. I'm all over the place. This is that pole hamstring podcasting. By the way, after this preference, she meaning this is gonna be the first time we learn as an audience, this new little wrinkle

that's kind of fun, which is the tide goes down. And this huge, you know, $50 million vessel needs to get the fuck out of this area. And they only got one foot of water that separates them from damaging this boat. And Captain Jason is obviously fully aware of the potential of damage about. Yeah. Well said, and your sincerity while describing that, honestly, create me out a little bit.

It's incredible because you said a new fun wrinkle and it sounded like you believed it, but this is gonna be a budget M&A, Shammy Man type twist. Yeah. We're not gonna hit the bottom. No. We're not gonna hit the bottom.

We're not gonna hit the bottom. I don't think we're gonna hit the bottom. All right. So, do you think this is a fun new wrinkle pad? I don't want to get stuck on it, but there's no way you believe this. Well, I mean, I just thought it was interesting that this fucking bastard's gonna, he already rammed a fucking boat into a marina almost killed in retirees. They were having their cob salad and they could have been run over. One guy with a walker. Well, shall we not forget him? And thank God they got out of there,

but this guy's ready to risk it all, not to get ahead of myself. Later on, this guy's dangerous, uh, dangerous addict. I think he's laying the groundwork for just a bunch of reasons he's gonna make the mistakes that he's gonna make when he, again, takes out another nursing home, Crab Shack, blind guy. A marina-based nursing home.

He's like, I told you episode one, we're close to the bottom. Yeah. It doesn't make it any better though. I told you, I get angry sometimes and I snap and I just punch people in the face. All right, so next day, we move on to the deck meeting. I think someone says any problems come nutted out with Jamie, which I thought was an odd way to do that. Jamie loves rules and he loves new jobs every five years and also meditation. It seems like we've got a couple Zen heads here,

which obviously is a, you know, I don't want to be cynical about it, but it's definitely C-rats try to calm the torrent of demons going on in their heads. And breathing really won't take care of that. You're gonna need some type of pharmaceutical that's on board. That's the move always just pump them with meds so they can't feel anything. Yeah. No, fine purpose. No, fine purpose. Ten to your own guard. And it's not in this

this this coffin that you call a boat, all right. You need you need something you love. But Benny actually he took it a step further. He actually spent 10 days in silence before coming on this. Oh my God, you've been to vision. You did a visipo, I thought it said. I was gonna, I'll look more into it for next week. Yeah, we gotta know more about this. So we get to the stew meeting next day.

She has all giggles because. It's gonna be a slumber, boy. And to me, she has a table decor. Star the likes of which we haven't seen since bugsy I there's no doubt I definitely saw some Tenants that you'll find in which I'm staring at bugsies table-scaping book. Yeah, there's no of table-scaping To me's a student and I'm not saying she's like biting bugsies style But she's definitely took in some influence as she has many other famous

table scapers. Yeah. Those of which I won't bore you with their names. Yeah, no, and we'll get to that next week too. Yeah. Other famous table scapers. We get some pretty bad news, and then we get some really good news here. Bad news, Magda's got a boyfriend, good news.

She's completely open to ripping his fucking heart out. She says that she's not, she's got a guy, but she's not the kind of person to complain about missing him and that she wants to focus on spreading good vibes here. Are you gonna cheat on him? Oh yeah, oh you are. Okay, okay good. But she is not someone to just fuck a,

fuck a Gary or fuck a Tom. She's, she's going after the captain. What's she? She's not one to fuck a Gary or fuck a Tom. Like Gary or Tom? From Yodding. From Yodding. Carlton?

Fuck a. To fuck a Gary or Tom. No, she is gonna go for someone who can secure her lavish vacations and adventures. She's going after the cat modeling contract. A modeling contract. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. The point is we're going to see her going after Captain full board. Yeah, Captain cool mom, Captain Big Brother. So now a word from our sponsor, BetterHelp. There's a lot of different ways to take care of your mind.

You can go on a jog, you can go on a jog, you can go on a walk, you can meditate, you could learn how to kill with your hands in a boxing class or kick boxing. You could read, you could love, you could build, but you could also go to better help. Okay. Better help is the best online therapy experience you can possibly have. I've had therapy with better help, I've had therapy with traditional providers. You know, one is much, much easier and one is much, much more affordable than the, you know, I'm saying the better help is the better one out of the things.

So better help is online therapy that offers video phone and even live chat only therapy sessions. So you don't even have to see anybody on camera if you don't want to. It's much more affordable than in person therapy and you can be matched with the therapist and under 48 hours. I mean, you know, it takes people months to find therapists and they might not even like the therapist that they get after months. So then you have to start the whole thing over with better help. It's much easier. Hour listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com slash below deck. Again, that is B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P.com slash below deck.

Take care of your brain and better help. Thank you for being a sponsor of this podcast. Well now it's time to get sexy again. You know exactly what is up. It is time to talk about Dame. What can we say other that Dame has the greatest suite of pleasure products in the world? Okay, like the EVA, their first most iconic product.

It's a hands-free couple vibrator, couples vibrator that's designed to enhance partner play. And it doesn't get in the way. There's also a fiend of finger vibrator designed to be an extension of your hand during both partner and solo play. Do whatever you want with it. You know, let's say I'm not gonna do that.

So also you could get the alilubits. It's an alibase lubricant formulated to the vaginas pH, where you're going to find that, not at CVS. You can only find it at daineproducts.com and you can only get 15% off your entire order if you use promo code below deck. Also they have the air. It's like a suction cup thing. It's like so cool.

Try it. Put it on yourself and see what's experience magic on your genitals by going to dameproducts.com and use promo code below deck for 15% off. Damed, we love you. Thank you for sponsoring the show and thank you for bringing so many people to climax. Benny and Britt are big into meditation. And we learned that Benny just lost his mother. Now Brittleans and with. Well, no, no, no.

He also was dad shit the bed six months before that. Been a rough 18. Yeah. Oh, really? Did I miss that? Yeah, he just threw that in there. That's what he didn't care about his dad, evidently. Yeah, the mom really affected it.

Yeah, big tie. Holy smokes. It breaks as what killed your mom says, uh, need a long, a little longer to get to know you before I'll share that. Well, and to be fair, you know, to give Benny a little slack, that is a pretty intense, uh, question to, uh, come out of the gate. Not to me. You start telling me that both your parents rolled sevens and under two years You're the one over sharing sir To make conversation. That's a great point. Why are you sharing this with me? Okay, so let's do a little world class in progress with another podcast We meet who might you tell me this one out. No, you be fucking Bob crack. Yes I'm it you tell me that your parents died.

Uh, I, uh... I think I'm probably oversharing, but my mom died last year, uh, horrible car accident, and then, uh, six months before that, my, uh, my dad died. Now, if we could just end scene really quickly. Why? Well, the whole premise of the, uh, world class improv world class improv was going to be for me to try and pry the I don't see how my dad died

You're that's you're supposed to mine that okay, all right scene back on okay and what tragedy but fell your father Brady's he's coming back. He's jumping accident. Bungie jumping in Mexico And scenes it's up up another world class improv. From another podcast that worked. Wow, we are so good, it's crazy. Okay, so he says, maybe we'll get to that later. It is, I hope not. High time to get to the first of the season.

Oh my fucking God, we already did it. Refranchi, meadin! He's all over the place. So we get a Charlie Gambino, isn't it? Hey, let me say this. I want to go to the next morning because the team starts to prep the fucking boat for the passengers coming on. One little thing I caught.

While I'm not a big fan of Captain Jason yet, he owns his own shirt. They cut to him in the little laundry room there and he's ironing his own shirt. Are you watching that, Captain Lee? I know you're paying the five bucks or your fucking wife is just so you can hear me talk shit about you. You're still a loser. You're still a fucking loser. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm so happy that you picked up on that. I'm so happy that you picked up on that. I can't stand that jerk off. But we know, are we learn a little bit more about Captain Kumamoto? We meet Saskia, who is his little girl who resides in the Philippine because he has spread his swimmers all over this fucking planet. I mean, does this man have 50 children? He's like, it's such a shame. I can't see. She's in the Philippine. I haven't seen her in a year on the

Count of COVID. Let me tell you something. I'm really busted up about it. Captain Jason, I like you. You're a good looking guy with a with a dad with a beer belly that you put a Budweiser You balance. We got it. Yeah, but You'd have to fucking fight me with knives not to see my daughter for over a year. Don't cool it with the fucking COVID excuses, you fucking prick. I saw you did that, Marina. I don't know what rule, look, I don't want to be too judgey here because I don't know what the rules are with the Philippines because that's where his daughter is. Yeah.

I'd find a way. I'm sorry to be judgey. I'm just a father here. I don't know. I'm a little suspect about Jason. He's Pryping Single path. Yeah, we might be in a little too. Judgy on cap. No, it's just we have a full picture of Captain Jason cool mom thrill Seeker a fucker of many many women and

Not a great dad. Well, I hadn't pegged him at that, but now I do. I will say, in defense of Captain Jason, Rodrigo Duterte is one of the most ruthless dictators in the world today. Oh, that's true. It will kill you for a little bit of weed. Yeah. And only because most of these people, these rats, sea rats that are on these boats,

they have a pretty good sensor, humor about themselves, and also they've been emotionally abused their entire life. So they're willing to come on this pod and kind of share and laugh about themselves. I don't think Captain Chase will, especially after these remarks, I made just two minutes ago about him. Well, luckily he has no idea what Patreon is.

Or a bod guess. Anything before we get to the guests, Britonny. Oh, excuse me, Brit. Britty wants to embrace her feminine power in vacuuming gets been a hard. Great. So the guests come aboard. Everyone is hot.

The season is so hot except for that pizza rat from Philly. Who is up to bat? His style of cooking is letting ingredients shine. He also says he'll be catering to what he believes are thirsty in stahors. Yeah, so he sends up a lasking king crab that they have to rip apart with their hands. Plus peel any shrimp. So this lunch will remain on their hands for five to seven hours.

Have you ever tried to wash fucking crustaceans? It's impossible. No, this is a thing. And there's a thing to breathe of. You know, if you go to Toda, like I did in 1999 and saw that fat man eating in that hot, hot, all you can eat seafood restaurant, that kind of seafood will remain

in a fetted kind of stinking way for much longer. I'm sure that this was decent quality frozen Alaskan and then de-thought king crab. So it has a brini oceanic thing to it, which is not intolerable, but it will be there for such a long time. They turned that toti that you always talk about into a Michael's, I guess, where you buy like art,

a project. And regardless of how strong the charcoal smells, I still smell the fish. You go in there for arts and crafts, and you're like, why is it I see him Sense of red light down every aisle Just sitting there sucking The sea bug meet out of their dead legs So um

They loved it as big of a piece of shit as Ryan is, he was correct about the millennials who want stunt food, zero pots, fuck your own face. So, question how are you supposed to, uh, what would be five star service serving of the craft? Five star service would either be taken out of the legs, which I understand some people want to, you know, part taken that whole charade, but you would usually give some people instruments of some sort, maybe some claw crackers, some hammers, and you would put it out.

But bless you. Bless you. In some science or Nate way, you know, maybe you have a chest, maybe you have a nice plate of the things, but just sending it up there and saying, use your hands is, he was correct, but it's lazy. Is it glensy science? You should know your customers. We hate him. So, where did that science thing come from?

Yes. Well, when you said God bless you, you're inciting religion because you're taking a breath while you sneeze, your heart could stop. Science is what brought us on this planet. Look, I don't have thoughts on it. I don't know, I just thought it out of my head. How you told us it before, I feel like it was a glen. Wasn't glad? Mm-hmm. Alright, so, as we head out for our first charter...

Oh, my friend, Glenn! Yeah, he's an atheist! That's right! Sorry, go ahead. You're friend,, not Captain Glen. Not Captain Glen. Oh right. So, as we head out for our charter, the season starts off... with a little bit of a... little bit of a poo poo in the pants. The hydraulics are fucked.

A bile thruster. Can we get a large frine about thruster please? Culver is fast food obsessed, huh? He's like the chewiness a lack of focus on the togas during the toga party right what a bust Here is where we learn something truly horrific about big brother cool mom who somehow still has a license now we've covered this but We often joke about captain Sandy crashing into things and she has, but this was a pretty major crash highlighted what was it? It can? Where was this? It was some it's no as a cane and a blind man.

Nice. Yeah, we've done enough on this. So well, it's crazy footage though. Crazy. And again, he couched it as like, it's just another day at the office. And I don't want to be out of gas. I saved the fucking day. This could have been bad. People clapped when we landed in their living room. So while the guests wait for the boats take off, Rose and Pinyi Kaladas are flowing and we get a bit of a meanwhile you guys stop me when you need to. The engine room russkes are fucking screaming at each other. Magda is shattering glass and the gas drink Brad and Angelina's rosé and begin doing TikTok dances above deck which is a Chinese instrument of ideological

subversion meant to harpoon our country's collective intelligence and ultimately our dollar and much more practical documenting of human's facial recognition and movement to then create deep face later. Yep. Fucking idiots. Idiot. So, Jamie is not doing a good job because Benny has taken it upon himself to go for a little jet skiing break. To be fair, it's what a charter guest.

He's got to make sure she doesn't fucking drown. Yeah. Now Benny's just there to have a good time and chill the fuck out. This episode needs to be called Benny and the jet ski. And it henceforth is. So Culver's abs are made in the kitchen. Nick talks about it a lot. and a jet ski. And it henceforth is. So Culver's abs are made in the kitchen. Nick talks about it a lot,

but he's eating cantuna with a squirt of mustard. Now Culver eats that way and Kate Moss eats that way. Oh, and so for years I ate cereal with water. That. That's unreal. That's unreal. That's unreal. That's unreal. That's unreal.

That's unreal. That's unreal. That's unreal. That's unreal. That's unreal. That's unreal. That's unreal. That's unreal.

That's unreal. That's unreal. That's unreal. That's unreal. That's unreal. That's unreal. That's unreal. That's unreal. That's but it's with water. Got to my go away. It's fine. Ha ha ha. Got to my go away. So, we are keto, I drink cereal with sugarless milk

and no cereal. Yeah. So, we are almost sorted out with the thrusters and the togas are out. Let's get to dinner. Well, I want to say one thing, but right before dinner, the primary very nicely asked, hey, you guys got to make this happen tonight. If we're not leaving this fucking place,

it like dinner needs to go off. Right. That toga party needs to be top notch. And sadly, it is because the guy can play for fucking tiktokers well he says that can we get get a look in the galley at what uh... chef ryan's cooking up and and uh... what my two-year-old uh... eats uh... at least four times a week is uh... going to be the first course which was that mac and cheese i was a little concerned that was not the first course what was the mac and she's take your foot off the gas pedal right now.

Forget me, that is, I'm getting in your... Slam the emergency break. I apologize. Profusely. The man can play for TikTokers. He's got the nitrogen, the liquid nitrogen. He's got the pearls and he's got scallops with you, zoom, blue caviar, fresh tuna and uni.

Up next, you know, to fit the Japanese theme. Because when you cook at places like SDK, it doesn't matter. Kobe beef corn dogs, uni, just throw out whatever shit, TikTok and Instagram is posting and people will pay $185 a head for it. Keep the trough tilted. Yes, keep the trough tilted and make sure it's dry aged. How was that trough not filled with trough oil? We'll see it.

That's expensive. Grease is up to the level. Dots need to find it. All right, so up next we've got the mac and cheese that Pat mentioned and we've got rib eyes and this is where we learn unfortunately For me that he can actually cook this kind of shit He had it up at STK location you said it perfectly. It's filled with Vegas dwelling club pumpers and

He's correctly cynical about the palette of most people, you know He knows that this aged Tomahawk is gonna blow them away He knows it. He's seen it happen too many times It looks delicious and he does succeed in a table full of happy campers zero pots Zero pots. Why did you go fuck around, Fakes? I gotta come up with a better line, but I mean mine's got it. No, it's fitting, that's what I hate this guy. It'll evolve, it'll evolve.

So then let's get to Benny having a little chat with Jamie. He doesn't like bosses. He doesn't like bosses, and he's been going through a tough period in his life, so you know what that means. And I'm preled justification for every shitty part of your character. Now this does sound particularly bad so um you know it's kind of a little slack but Benny looks like he's gonna be quite difficult to work with yeah my empathy left very quickly for this man uh traumatic two years nonetheless don't get a job that's based on hierarchy when you don't like hierarchy. Right, and I would say that most jobs are gonna be difficult for you. There's still more Lucy Goosey environments than ones where you report to a captain.

Right, or a boasted. Yeah, captain is a pretty hierarchical title. So, and a bunch of things I have first and second in them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it's such a good point So let's get to the mission impossible darking Jason given a brand new crew one who is there to meditate and chill out and the time of night that they're in Decides that he is going to try and hike a multi-million dollar boat a multi-million dollar boat, six inches above the bottom of the ocean floor so that these guests can have a great time. Now Jamie says, if I was him, I would not fucking do this because this is absolute insanity.

I'm going to be having to shine a flashlight at every possible thing you could hit on your way out of here. But alas, he decides green light. I get to go to that other grass and moat. Well, he's good looking, dude. They get away with more things than us, not as good looking people. And I want to say this, hey, I put a little heads up to the people downstairs party and they're paying on this thing. The boat will be moving. He never bothers doing that. I'm concerned. The guy just comes up and goes, oh, we're moving.

If you guys ever seen a movie a log came poly. Yeah, I've seen it conservatively. 50 times. Really? It's one of my favorite. I have a top, I have a top 10, not top 10. Yeah. You know, movies that are that stiller. Yeah, it's a pretty good film, but then still are. It's shocking to me. Jennifer Anderson or Drew Barrymore. Jennifer Anderson, Hank Azaria and one of them wildest roles he's ever played. He's ripped in it. Debra Messing as the ex-wife. And who could forget the late Philip Seymour Hoffman

as the foil, the one not the foil, but the best friend, the goofy best friend. I thought I was going to have to explain a perfect analogy that you guys wouldn't understand, but you'll pick up what I'm laying down. In it, Ben Stiller is a... Riscus asser. A riscus asser doesn't, everything is numbers, he doesn't like doing it, and his first client, or the client during the film that brings in a bunch of monkey wrenches

into the situations is this very, it's Captain Jason. The man base jumps when he's being audited for life insurance, that type of thing. He's an Australian thrill secret. And cap everybody's like, hey, Captain Jason, just wait six hours and then leave when there's 12 more feet of water He's like no, we're gonna do it now. He's good looking

He is Guys, remember the comments let us know what you thought of the episode and or the episode of this podcast We can't thank you enough for the support and we're excited to talk about this entire season here comfy behind a paywall We'll be back in a couple of days to break down episode two, but until then, I'm Dylan Seng, goodbye, next day goodbye. Bye boy, bye. That's a good bye. Later, dudes. We all know a guy who only occasionally shapes for big occasions, and it's because that

occasional shave really hurts. The timey year for big occasions, and yet, there he is, suffering with that cheap drugstore razor, let's help him out. Henson Shaving's line of razors, built with aerospace precision, deliver a smooth shave, your dad, brother, and even sunken a joy. Eventually, with replacement blades just 10 cents each, you'll buy it once, and they'll use it for life. How's that for the perfect gift? Celebrate with 100 free blades on your first purchase, and no subscription headaches. Hensonshaving.com slash holiday Hey, Diane, holiday shopping?

Oh done. Everyone's getting the new iPhone 15 from Team Mobile. And Team Mobile's covering the cost. Plus, I got four lines for 25 bucks a line per month. I gotta get to Team Mobile. Get four iPhone 15s on us with the eligible trade-in when you switch to Team Mobile. Minimum of four lines for 25 dollars per month without a pay discount using debit or bank account.

5 dollars more per line without autopay plus taxes and fees. Phone fee 24 monthly bill credits will walk while the flight customers contact us before canceling accounts to continue bill credits or credit stop and balance on our client finance agreement. Do $35 per line connection charge apply CTmobile.com