Another Below Deck Podcast - Blood and Spoons | Below Deck S12 E13

Episode Date: August 26, 2025

Dylan and Pat are back to break down explosives, water coloring, love, buzz balls, birds, outhouses, cancer people and more from Bravo's Below Deck.Patreon.com/AnotherPodcastNetworkhttps://www.youtube.com/@badtvpod

All right. So Emily, the cancer person, loses her fucking hat. Well said. But puts it in a context of tits. Remember this scene? Yeah. Yeah. If the wind blows your tits off, you need to find a new plastic surgeon. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, I would say find a hospital first because you have two gaping wounds on you. That's right. On you? Bad work. Bad work. All around. Hi, hello, welcome aboard another brand spanking new episode of bad television. You know who it is.

Fuck yeah. Permission to come aboard. Yeah. Let's rock. Let's fucking do it. Let's rock out. Um, you know what? A lot of energy out front, Del. This episode was the worst one of the season. You think? This, uh, I think our recap. It's going to be 14 minutes. If I have anything to say about it, I got a lot of stuff to say on this episode.

I thought it was a pretty good episode. And I'm really jacked up for this. I might even, dare I say, slug back a buzz ball. That's how excited I am for that. I'll throw it to you. What flavor is it? Lime.

Toss it over. Should we do a little? buzz bone review. I mean, look at how disgusting this is. Oh, it's beautiful. Well, definitely not beautiful. It literally looks like some kind of grenade you'd find in halo. And go to the YouTube, bad TV pod. A great. Thank you. You know, um, Dill, once grocery stores started, uh, allowing pre-made cocktails in a can or in this case. Your life really changed. Oh, big time. I got really fat last year. Thank you for that. Is that what you were going to say, though? I feel like I cut you off like When grocery stores, were you going to say that your life changed or were you going to say something

else? Well, I thought for the better because I wasn't drinking wine anymore. So I started drinking this brand called June Shine. They made margaritas. This is disgusting. It's disgusting. You don't like it. You're not going to drink it. It's Friday. I'm having a good time. It's 15% alcohol. I don't give it fuck. Give it to me. Give it to me. No, no. It's not like a beer. It's like three beers. Three light beers. Give it to me. I feel like Kyle we love Kyle I do

I really like that guy we're kindred spirits he's Scottish I'm Irish I sometimes we're both Irish well yes we are do the Irish

like the Scots they have a common enemy in the fucking English yeah so I think they're fine with each other yeah fucking English evolution

hasn't moved that like my grandmother when she was a little girl Well, she had to, like, go to the bathroom in an outhouse. Look how far we've come in one generation, or two. Although, I tell you what, I mean, I'd take an outhouse over this racket we've got going on now. Really?

Oh, yeah. Oh, definitely. Gives you a little time to go outside, kind of reorient, touch grass, as the kids would say. You don't have your cell phone. I don't want to get graphic, but there's the clean. up process. No, I understand. It's abysmal, but I don't want to get graphic. But think about when you're sitting down and shit sliding out of you, you're on your phone. You're not even present with the movement, right? You're scrolling through, I don't know, people fighting each other in food courts and

stuff like that. You know, I'd much rather, you know, take some time and sit in a poorly insulated wooden shack and smell my own shit. Remind you that you're alive. Yeah. So listen, we're here to talk about below deck you know it it's bad tv um and i eschewed your um your reviews on housewives but i do want to get to we got some reviews this review from get us to 2000 by the way that oh yeah yeah yeah get in the look i don't care if it's a one star review and you hate us now give us a review it's fine yeah get it in uh this is from mox slang who is uh oh boy yeah Mock Slang is a big fan of the show, has been for years. Do we know who this person is?

No, faceless, faceless creature. But I will say, Mok slang is an incredible person because for years they've been trying to find the right cocktail and still have not found it. And you just have to talk to your doctor about dosages and what's working and not working. It can't take this long, you know?

So now charging. So now Below Deck is only a preview on the other channel. I've been thinking long and hard about... Well, first off, Dill, don't hide the... A baseball. What star rating? Oh, it's a one star review. Oh, okay. You know what? This is stupid. It doesn't even make sense. I don't even know what's going on. There's a great review here from Linda Yoga Girl. She's still blocked on Patreon. I don't know what's going on. I went to the block. I did it the other day to try to find out how we could get Linda Yoga Girl. You crazy bat, you know, back behind the paywall, but I can't figure it out. Come on. So just sign, hey, create a new email. We know you have aliases. We know you're catfishing people left and right. Just use one of those. emails and sign up for patreon again we're covering the traitors we're covering ap s we're doing pmz we're doing all the stuff at patreon.com slash another podcast network so let's get into this episode what you've deemed the worst of the season um why do you go ahead and give us your pots well i didn't

like the episode that much because i i don't feel like we got there was way too much uh just being upset and kind of losing her mind you know i mean We're going to get there. We're going to get, I mean, we're going to get there. But the elderly often perish from cancer. I mean, they do often perish from cancer. In her case, morbid obesity might have had a part to play. Well, I mean, he was a plump fella.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't think it was morbid obesity. I think it was a plumpness. A nice Rubin-esque, plump, is that the word? I don't know. I can't believe you're fucking drinking that show. Why not?

It's Friday. I'm having a good time. I'm enjoying myself. I said this on another podcast. My kids are back in school. Summer is over. And anybody that has kids understands this. The work is done.

When you're an adult and you have kids, Dill, you don't know this yet. Yeah. summer is not a vacation it's more work yeah the fall is summer that's the sweet spot fall is summer fall is summer but yeah i thought it was fun uh jess is mentally not there but we've got a lot of ball of snake stuff uh we've got a lot of fun stuff with rainbow who was driven to the brink of unearthing old behaviors this episode. Well, when she was yelling that she may have to go back in old habits based upon her past with her sisters, beware, Ole Soleil.

Oh, absolutely. There is a mace or a trident under her bed, and you may be bludgeoned to death. Well, and depending on what rainbow has at her disposal, right? So she has baking soda. She has vinegar. There may be some kind of propellant that she could find. There are spoons and butter knives. So I'm thinking, hear me out.

Those kill too. Well, those kill too. I mean, if you get a garbage bag full of kitchenware and throw a couple Nespressopods in there, you never know what can, what shrap can come out of that, you know? Throw some bacon powder in. And then, you know, Salin is in the middle of the night sleeping her little French tootsie away. And before you know it, boom, an eruption. Carrie walks in, what's going on?

There's blood and spoons all over the place. Who knows? Who knows? And Rainbow knows how to clean up her tracks. Yes, she does. So I thought this was a great episode, 150,000 pots. That's the most I think I've ever given. I'm going to give it zero.

Okay. Can I kick it off? You're well within your right, too. Okay. It was an interesting start of the episode because all the sea rats are sitting at the table. Kyle has just given that insane speech. Yes, and Frazier has just erupted in French profanity. He's left the table.

He's pissed. And at this point, I was like, wow, there has been quite a turn of events because there was a unanimous, like, calling that Kyle was making poor life decisions. Yes. Right? A downward spiral.

And then four seconds later, everyone announces, well, let's get wasted at a bar. Yeah, definitely. But Kyle stands up and he makes this accusation that Frazier, and he said that he was taking the piss, but it sounded, you know, and we love Kyle, but it was delivered with a venomous, quality to it and it's strange because you know Kyle is the one that said that he was on

Epstein's island when he wasn't on Epstein's island that's right you know so that wasn't Fraser's doing I believe you're referring to he was bragging about having sex with a got to bleep that you do yes okay so Patrick come on all right fine I'm gonna get it together talk about the hair, right? Let's just say heavy metal hair. I don't think people would know what we're talking about. They would. Well,

Hugo Boss, who is the most respected person I've ever seen on this series, is now slurring. Oh, yeah. Hugo's really ripping it up. Everyone has to rip it up. Everyone has to... They're fucking sea rats.

I know, but he fooled me. I thought he was... No, no, no, no. Listen, Patrick, Patrick, Patrick. Hugo is a responsible C-Rat in a leadership position. But find the operative word in that sentence. It's C-Rat. It doesn't matter if you're an H-O-D.

You're C-Rat. Good point. So we hit the club. Rainbow grabs Damo's ass and Babs and Jess neck each other off. And Kyle's confused about losing his relationship with Frazier. How could you be confused? You just accused him of being a snake in the grass. I mean, clearly he's going to get upset about that.

Now, we hit the vans and everyone's going after it. A lot of fun in the vans. Everyone's going after it. Can I get the break time? Circa du Soleil is all up in Kyle's armpits. Barbes and Jess makeout. Yeah. Yeah. Apparently, uh, it's very wet. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Uh, it's like, uh, when a dentist hooks that

fucking straw on your, can't stand that. I don't like that either. And then you hear the I don't like anything about dentistry. No, I think dentistry is, uh, I think it's soul harvesting. I think that I think it's a fucking dark entity, dude. Yeah, but we have to have it because we do, we do hurts. You've got to pull one of them out. I just, I feel as though we've really let dentists off the hook. I mean, we've discussed it before. They've not progressed in any way, really. They have completely delusional expectations of people.

I need you to floss twice a day. Nobody has time for that. I do. Nobody has time for that. No one's ever told me I have bad breath. I've told you you have bad breath before. Never. Yeah, I have.

You're making that up. No, you're making that up. No, you're making that up. I floss like every five minutes. But with the picks. Yeah, with the picks. Now, see a lot,

my dentist will... And I have no more teeth. Every time one of my teeth goes south, I go pull it. How many teeth do you have? Del, have you seen my fucking face? Let me see.

You, it looks like you have all your teeth. Uh-uh. Whenever a tooth goes south, I go pull it. You only have two teeth. It looks like you just got your wisdom teeth taken out. It's like middle teeth.

teeth. No, it's not. You're making that up. You're presenting yourself as some kind of roadhouse bartender right now. But I think you just got your wisdom teeth pulled. Well, I got to say your breath is absolutely fantastic. And I ever offer you gum. I want you to know that I'm just offering you a treat because I really like gum. Okay. The Trident Squares, holy shit, those are really slapping right now. So everyone is sucking off and it's all popping off. And then we get to the boat and the snakes continue to slither. Kyle and Soso hit the cabin. They bang it out.

Then Jess and Babs hop in. They're freaking playing. Now, Dill, that is not... We never get conclusive evidence that I guess it's just assumed that Kyle and... Yeah, it's a little bit like Lucy and Ricky. They wake up in the morning and a Daisy opens or something like that. Oh, yeah. Okay.

Yeah. They... Oh, well, Lucy and Ricky just had missionary sex. Kyle and Selen were spitting in each other's faces and stuff. Dill, are you of the age where you've ever walked into a married couple's bedroom and seen two beds? No. Oh, God. No.

Oh, that was the thing. I wasn't alive in the 1700s, Patrick. It's not the 1700s. It's literally like the 90s and early 2000s. People would get so old and get so done. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I saw it multiple times. Oh, two beds.

I got to tell you, I understand it, because I got into bed late. last night. The slightest brush, the slightest change in the, the plane of the bed and my wife is doing this, what do you want me to do? You want me to be a ghost? I'm a man. My wife, two days ago, told me to shut up. When you were getting in bed?

I was sleeping. I guess I was making too much noise. At like three in the morning, she said, shut up. Separate beds would solve that. So, listen, and it wouldn't, it wouldn't obliterate sex, I don't think. Well, you feel like you're visiting, like a, your door, your roommate. Yeah. It's kind of hot when you think about it.

Well, I know, but it really does eliminate the thing that leads to most sex. Which is laying next to each other. It's the big spoon. It's the big spoon time. Whether it's a hump or a pushback, that's, pretty much how. That's how I think 95% of married sex is initiated. Wouldn't you say? Well, I only have sex once a month. Okay. All right. We wake the next morning. Rainbow's got her wits together. Slow play, careful play. She's not being in a, she's not going to be in a gross boy's bed.

Okay. I dig that. And this is the kind of wisdom that you acquire when you've slaughtered your entire family. Okay. You've been through the ringer and back. So Kyle calls his mom. He says, I've been drinking too much, evidently, and joking about banging charter guests that have looked like they're in the band Slayer. See? That's how it's done. See? Come on.

No, you're right. All right. So we talk about a very important thing, and that's matching kissing techniques. Oh, yeah. Can I break down the game film? Yeah, yeah. All right, so, Damo and Hugo Boss talk about kissing styles. and Damo apparently dates a Brazilian catfish that taught him how to kiss.

You know, I thought it was weird when I was making out with my Alf doll. Elf was a TV show in the 80s. People know Alf. They do. Okay, alien life form. And I had that doll, even with the moles on his cheek. And I would make out with him to practice kissing. But I don't think people know Arlis.

Arles. I loved Arles. I don't think people know Arles. The sports agent? Yeah. Oh yeah. That was one of the early HBO shows. Yeah. I think people know Alf.

I don't think they know Arles. Mm-hmm. I would say that was a early curb your enthusiasm. No. You don't think so? No. So they're talking about this. And this is something where, you know, these are tragic.

exchanges sometimes, right? Because let's say one goes fish, one goes Galapagos bird, right? You're still on the kissing styles? Yeah, yeah, yeah. One goes fish, one goes pecky little bird, right? That could be a sign from the universe saying this is not going to work out.

But no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's just a bad exchange. You pick the rock back up and you go again for second down, right? Now, if you don't get it the second, third time, and maybe this is not it. But Damo and Daemon and Rainbow, I don't ship them forever, but I ship them as sea rats aboard this vessel. I'm going to give a tease for an APS where mines are going to be blown. Oh, wow. Are you ready for this?

I was. Now, you're pretty bad with teas. You usually just say the whole thing. Well, I'm not going to do that. Okay. So, um, we have people that come here for swimming. class in our backyard and I haven't uh I there's a couple that shows up here and I recognize the wife and we finally talked and she said oh in the early 2000s I was a party girl and I kind of

recognized her and I think we slept together in 2002 I'm waiting for one piece of information because this girl had said, I'm going up to Vancouver. And this girl, 20 years later, is now in my backyard. And it's crazy. Whoa. And I will get that information.

Were you such a party boy and she was such a party girl? Yeah, I actually remember it. No recollection of it. I remember it. How could this be, how could this be guesswork? I mean, I kind of remember her. And when I saw her, I was like,

I think we hooked up 20 years ago. Jesus fucking Christ. Wow. Yeah. What are you going to do? Well, there's a back tattoo, which I remember. Oh. You know.

I know it. She had a cheeseburger on her butt crack. Nope. Pegasus? Coy fish. Something was there. Okay. Back to the pot.

That's a tease. You're not going to kill her. You don't need to kill her. No. Okay, I'm just saying, I can see your mind going there, and I think it's ridiculous. You don't have to kill her. All right. So listen, Catnus sees Salan eating Wheaties.

We're not doing that now, darling. We're working. We're not eating weedies, darling. I know, but how do you feel about the ratting out? I love the ratting out. I'm so sick of Soso treating this boat like her ticket to another reality show. It's like a sea rat. We're here to work, too.

To be fair, Frazier did say if Solay worked on. Any other boat that he ever worked on, she would be fired the first day. We talk about this all the time. This is what below deck is for. Okay. And so I can't give Salin too hard a time because I do think that Salin has been great TV this season.

She's been great TV. So I would say keep eating Wheaties, but also I'm not too terrified of the diming either because that's just adding tension. And what does tension net us? Drama. That's right. Great TV.

All right. So we're going to get to the little chit chat of, Olay and Jess. Yeah, so Jess and Salain chat. Jaws music plays after the radio call is made. They sit in chat and it's time to talk, Saline says. Now, we discussed this last week where you can't cede moral ground to somebody like Saline, right?

Because she'll take it and ring that rag dry. And that's exactly what she does. She is the snake, the world eater. Okay. So if you treat her poorly, she's going to instantaneously. craft this Benedict Cumberbatch kind of illusion that she is the victim here. Okay. Oh, yeah.

What's his name? Dr. Time? Dr. Something. Yeah. I hate those. It's crazy. So much. Yeah.

But yeah. Dr. Strange? Yeah. Dr. Strange. She'll swallow the world and do it in quite a hypocritical fashion. So I, pull Kyle's pubic hair out of your teeth while you're finishing the sentence. Didn't you sleep with him for? hours earlier. Give me a fucking break. Yeah. Well, um, Saline says she act like the opposite of

honest. She's very coward. And I would say Saline, well, whoa. We don't need to go drive turkey. Don't say she's very coward. She said it wasn't fair what you did. Yeah. Okay. There's no coming back from this. But listen, we got to get to the meeting. It's time for the preference sheet meeting. Um, okay. So the big thing is that we have to med more in St. March. And I don't know what those words mean. St. Parts. But it sounds,

oh, it's St. Barts? St. Parts. I thought it was St. Martz. St. Mart's. So we have the Kentucky Derby dinner, which we see this episode. Then we are going to have a hard time parking that boat at Barts.

Mart's parts. Right. And then a quick turnaround in the chart of guess has cancer. I don't know. That's when we get into the Sierra history of Jess. Uh, Dill, look, we don't have production until Kaelin comes back. Oh, by the way, we still have the fans now. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, I'm so excited to have Kaelin back in here. You know, he drives a hard negotiation. I was talking to him. I said, listen, we want to wrap you into the fold here. He said, listen, I want to be on one show. I don't want to be on your other fucking shows. Well, he slammed his hand down at the table, Del. Yeah.

Kailen is so funny. I don't want to be on your other fucking show. It's okay. Listen to me. You're going to, I'm going to be on below deck. That's it. Yeah. He said no 90 to eight bullshit.

No, no, I don't want that other fucking shit, okay. I'll do this for you, all right? But yeah, no, it's going to be great. I want $380. Are you offering workers' comp? No. Fine. Listen, you better not pay me anymore than a Bangladeshi slave, okay?

Only then will I work for you. Well, then we, Dylan and I turn to our agents, and we said uh we got a lot to think about we got we got a lot to think about let's take the weekend i don't think this is going well we're very far away yeah all right very we're not even close all right uh see you're at history okay jess is touched uh by the fact this uh charter gas has the c word yeah the big c yeah laura because both her and parents hey god damn it man we didn't even see a picture of the grandma ma okay yeah we did oh did we it wasn't because of clogged arteries or eating

patrick patrick carnivals patrick what regardless you know imagine if we govy was it was around back then they could have really helped but listen they were plump and ribbonesque okay they were not morbidly obese okay and it very sad that they passed away people love their grandparents, okay? Yeah, but they die, dude. They do die. Yeah. There's a couple things that grandparents do, okay?

They love, they watercolor, and they die. And you just have to be ready for all of that, right? They decorate Christmas trees. Sometimes. Their wrists are pretty bad towards the end. So anyways. Laundry room. No, well, we're all over the place.

No, no, no. So-So and Kyle, they're kissing. They're like, you know, I know that I said that that girl I banged on that piss-sock floor was better than you. But So-so says, listen, what do we live for? Pleasure. Pleasure. So-so, that is not what we live for. That's how you wind up in fucking Hades.

something that they need to just step off and face. But no, no, no, no, we wouldn't have a show of that. No, no, no, no. Come on. Kyle says, Kyle follows it up with some more sea rat shit. He goes, we shit, we eat, we fuck, and we sleep. That's it. That's what we do. Oh, my God.

I mean, listen, these sea rats, they are on the surface level of deep waters, but they do not go beneath, okay? There is no depth to be had here. Hopefully they do that when they're older. They're young. They're young people. Come on. Have fun, guys. Can live forever.

So the primaries arrive. I like them. They seem sweet. We leave the dock en route to Phillipsburg, and Frasier and the gang make quite a few jokes about wide-set vaginas and tight slips. That was inappropriate. Jess fails to relay info in the appropriate time frame, and Captain brings her up to the wheelhouse to say, hey, I need you to speak quicker.

And then she gets really fired up. Well, that's because she was distracted. She's been thinking about a lot of things. Don't say her fat grandparents. No, no, no. Okay. Her head has been somewhere else. What are you looking at me like that for?

It's been a Lays, uh, a Lays beaver. Oh, no. Yeah. It's been a Lace Bia. I was going to say something more offensive, like VOLVA, but I, I realize that. Well, Vola is the name. Oh.

Beaver. Although I will see. say, in terms of the derogatory terms used to describe genitalia, beaver's not bad. Beaver's are cute. Right. There are no sea otters. Otters are, I mean, my God, is there anything cuter than a sea otter? But the beavers are great.

They're industrious little animals. Yeah, but they block dams and shut off water to people that need it. Well, I mean, think about how much we learn from the natural world. I mean, think about, you know, we're the, you know, kind of the primordial versions of ourselves. We're walking around. I'm like, oh, God, I hope I don't get fucking gored to death by something today, right? Right. And then you stole across this little rodent in this little, this little creek.

And he likes to swim. He's swimming around. You go, hang on a second. I think this little fucker's diverting water. This guy's setting up a goddamn irrigation system. Here's what you do. What the fuck? I didn't even know you could do that.

They can be your friends, but every once in while you need to choke a friend and go, if you do that again. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. You can't give a beaver too much leash. They'll just completely take advantage of you. All right. sorry sorry sorry there there's an important part that we didn't touch upon here one of the charter guest emily uh is has gone through chemo yeah well she's getting him well she yes she has and

she's getting a mastectomy yeah that's right uh i want to point out and we said this on another podcast sale fucking uh aids got cured in 20 years right what the fuck's up with cancer dude you know I walked around my entire adult young life concerned that I would die if I had sex. It wasn't until I did a little research and understood that I'd, you know, you'd have to do quite a bit of butt fucking. Well, you know.

Not just butt fucking, Patrick. It's not just butt fucking. Well, I scratched that off my bingo card and it was game on, you know. But what do you mean? You scratched it off your bingo card. No, but fuck it. Oh, I think.

thought you meant you fucked a butt. No. And you scratched it off your finger car. Because that's usually what that would imply, right? No. I was like, I don't need butt fucking. I'm going to have regular sex. And I'll live.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. But yeah, that's not, you know, that was a homophobic trope that was trotted around at that time. Oh, really? Yes, definitely. And AIDS can scratch and catch and kill anybody. But they did cure it. You know who cured it?

Who? Uh, Vouchy. Watch Dallas Buyers Club. He's the villain in that. He is, isn't he? Yeah, he didn't like... No way.

Oh, he is. Oh, that's crazy. Watch that with Matthew McConaughey. He tried to stop people from finding other ways that you could end AIDS. Yeah, yeah, yeah. AIDS. AIDS. Yeah, no, we can cure cancer.

Thank you. And this is what I don't get about these fucking reptiles, these lizards. It's like, listen, I don't care if you want to make your money. Make your money. But let's just progress while we make money, right? You know?

Yeah. I mean, look at what China's doing with these electric cars. We got these fat cats, these fat fucking enchilada eaters over in Texas going, well, I don't know about that. I mean, we got to stop. It's like, just fucking figure it out. Just make money off of it.

Let's cure cancer. I mean, enough. I want to live to be 100. I know. Pat loves life. So listen, let's get to lunch. Well, before we do, I got to say, Angela is a very funny drunk. I like her a lot. I do, too.

It's my kind of buddy. Me too. She'd be a great buddy. Teased, by the way, Frazier is coming in here. Don't even say that. No. He's a ghost in the darkness. No, I taught him, and I'm trying to get up Patreon numbers.

We might allow a new Patreon member to have dinner with Dill, Pat, in Frasier. No. I'm saying it. No. Yes. We're not. And stop with the pay, the, we got to get Patreon numbers up.

The Patreon numbers are fine. I, I'm going to quit the show, Del. Listen. Angela goes. Angel goes. Oh, pour a little more. That's, it's for you. I don't want to have to come back here.

I tell bartenders that all the time. Yeah. Yeah. And, uh, rainbow comes around fucking, goddamn square. Well, it's important to hydrate. It's important to hydrate. It's a hot day. Angela goes, that's why I put ice in my drinks.

Okay? I like her. She's a good buddy. So let's get to lunch. It's fish and chicken tacos. Your favorite. You love a chicken taco. Yeah.

Can I tell you something? I was so mad at you the other day a couple weeks ago. You are? Yeah. Oh, my God. So my wife has purged dairy from her, eat her right. So. We, I go, I want tequitos.

You go, Pekito Moss has got tequitos. Cici goes, I can have tequitos. I go, I don't want to go to Piquitos. I have bet out they have tequitos. You go, no, they have tequitos. I get them there all time. I drive over to Pekito Moss. Which location?

The one across the street from In and Out by Universal Harry Potter. They don't have tequitos there. Okay. Well, why don't you tell me that? Why don't you tell me? Why didn't you call me and say, I want tequitos and we're going to pequito mas i told you in here they make it at the sherman oaks location dude all right i don't i don't even know that's true i think you know i think my wife

used to send me there all right damo and jess makeup and i love both of them damo is such a good dude he's been my favorite sea rat the whole season i got to say um water off a duck's back he's a true sea rat right he gets to work he doesn't get too involved in the melodrama he sucks he's fucks he's just a good guy to have on the team so listen phrase tells uh sir could do that she's got a bunch of stuff to do and uh all this sea ret stuff he says uh heads beds canopies whatever quick question she goes and smokes yeah she starts to lose it what did you think of hugo being out of character teasing uh jazz uh not jess uh rainbow well we'll get to that oh okay yeah i thought we were there no no no sorry no okay are you all fucking

buzz balled up right now. I'm buzzballed up. I don't know where I am. I told you to not drink that goddamn buzz ball. Well, I didn't drink at all. You did drink it all. Oh yeah, I did. I did. Sorry. Now I need to hide under a pillow. Well, I mean, it's a nuclear green. I know. I know. So it's a summer Friday. So Rainbow sees that Cirque to Solane is outside smoke and Rainbow drops a dime. And Soso is subsequently reprimanded. She says Rainbow is the very bitch. And it's like Sousa, how many times are we going to say things that we can't come back from? The very bitch.

I mean, what are you doing saying these things to people? It's just too much. How do you feel about her dropping a dime? Because as kids were taught to not be a rat, but I'd argue. you, when people are engaging in criminality. Yeah, sure. We need to call it out. She's a time thief right now.

She's a goddamn time thief. So you do need to call it out. Also, we're on a reality television. So, so, so, so's where rainbows got to do this. And I don't know what happened to my tongue there, but I do think that rainbow's got to do this for the sake of TV. Also, my favorite thing about so-so is that she genuinely doesn't care. No. This is like, this is like trying to get Donald Trump to pay for the building material.

No, I'm not doing it. Not going to do it. I'm going on a smoke break. Sorry. Sorry. I don't know that story. I'm going to do a couple of meanwhile because I think we've been going along. Yeah.

All right. So Emily, the cancer person, loses her fucking hat. Well said. But puts it in a context of tits. Remember this scene? Yeah. Yeah. If the wind blows your tits off, you need to find a new plastic surgeon.

Yeah? Yeah. I mean, I would say find a hospital first because you have two gaping wounds on you. That's right. On you. Bad work. Bad work. All around.

Yeah. Jess accidentally drops that anchor but admits that her head's not here. It's buried in Ola's Beaver. Am I repeating bad jokes? No, no, no. It's compounding mistakes that Jess is victim to. And you have to keep your head afloat and out of beavers when you're compounding mistakes. Because if your head is gone, that's when things just start slipping.

Yeah. All right, and then Jess weeps in her cabin because the cancer thing is triggering because her grandfather, he got her on the path to being a sea rat. Yeah. It's not every day a loved one can us you into an occupation ripe with danger, sexual misconduct, and mediocre pay. Thanks, grampy. Well, well, okay, now you're, now, you're being very cynical about this. This is a very, very beautiful thing, and I understand that Jess is very impacted by it. And there was this really sweet moment where Carrie comes in.

and he knows Jess is a really good worker so he knows that there's something up with her and she's clearly emotional and I know I'm going to sound like a pussy but I did really tear up at this it was really really sweet now Kerry says I'm not sure

what's going on with her and I think that if he found out he'd be like what the fuck your grandparents died of cancer yeah no he he's a smart guy because you never acknowledge what the person is actually going

through. Yeah, just let him go through it. You'd have to laugh. He just ushers her into a dark room and tells her to go sit in her thoughts. That's leadership, right? Right. One guy's pie is another guy's cake, I think is the saying or something. I love that saying. It means a lot. You know, Derby night, one thought on, because I have actually been to the Derby. What do you mean? I went one year. The Kentucky Derby. Kentucky Derby like eight years ago. Did you have any mint juleps? I'm glad you brought that up. That is a disgusting drink. Well, I ordered five of them because I thought that it would be good.

It's not. I hate whiskey. I hate simple syrup and I forget whatever else. There's nothing else in the drink. Okay. So that's the thing about the mint julep that people don't understand. The mint julep is very doctored up. It's very dolled up in this specific glass with the minceprig sticking out of the top

and the crushed ice. But it's just whiskey. With simple syrup. Oh, never order that. Never, never. Wear the funny fucking hat, but don't, you know what I mean? Oh, yeah, definitely wear the funny hat. Who gets a shit? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, um, we get to Derby night, the motorcycle, or the motor yacht saint derby, sorry, sorry, I'm going to slow down. The Motor Yacht St. David Derby, and that's a little bit of a world salad, but, um, exciting nonetheless. I cannot talk. So Kyle and Celent are slamming away at each other's chests. And we get to dinner and we get some

slow-mo shots of the asparagus and shallots being, uh, cut. But how does it? it taste a celebration of life deal we only saw two plates a filet mignon i believe in that it was a new york strip uh something that anthony calls a new york steak which is fine uh the ring molds are out to well first there's a guest streak of black cherry uh rosemary asparagus which is uh that's an odd can i tell you something i thought it looked odd can i tell you something I think my least favorite herb is rosemary. Yeah? I like the way it smells,

but it's too, it's too woody. It's very overpowering. I'll take a tarragon, of course. I'll take, I'll take what the Brits call a coriander. Hmm. You know,

I'll take a, I'll take a margarine, you know, but rosemary. Marjoram, I'll take a marg, whatever the fuck you call, but rosemary is just, ugh. What were the guests supposed to do with those three cherry tomatoes?

That's another thing. This cherry tomato on the vine. You know, we have this, this rustic, romantic presentation. What am I supposed to do? Excavate this with my fork and knife off of this thing? It's just not practical. I am so happy I go to IHOP now and they've completely rank, what is the word?

They've gotten rid of the orange slice on the side of the plate of an omelet with a little bit of fucking garnish there. Get that off my plate. Right, right, right. That's where toast should be. Yeah, what are we doing wasting oranges and parsley? Okay, we don't need to do this. But listen, the ring molds are out for a sweet potato mash.

Now, this is the most disgusting part of the dinner because why, why, why go away from a palm puree in favor of something that Guy Fieri would serve at a chicken wing place? You know what I'm saying? The next dish is a perfideral, a classic dessert, a delicious. You know what that name is? A perfideral? Yeah. Of course. Oh, wow. Of course. Do tell.

Well, they can be, uh, be they small or large, you know, often around the holidays, people tower perfidyls together. Pat, you would love a per, have you never had a cream puff? Never. It's a cream puff. A cream, like a twinkie? No, no, no, no. Imagine like a bad donut filled with cream. Okay. Yeah. Crunchy, flaky donut filled with cream.

Um, so anyways, this was a solid. dinner. It was what the dinner needed to be. You know, these chefs get a little too big for their britches. They start doing all this freaking suveeing and all of this molecular gastronomy and stuff. It's like served steak and potatoes and let's get out of here. Now, Hugo gets in the mix with Rainbow and Soso. And this is out of character for him. So out of character for Hugo Boss. So he's slurring. No. No, not, I'm saying previous night. Slurring. You know, sometimes when I'm confused about these people on these boats, I'm like, He's not a sea rat, but ultimately, you are.

Patrick, every person aboard this vessel is a sea rat. He called her a joke, which was inflammatory. It was inflammatory. And we love Hugo. Hugo's great, but this is that a character for Hugo. I do, but maybe if we spend a little bit more time with him, he'll be having sex with a crew member in the back of a tender. I think we will.

That's why we got to get him back next season. So he can completely destroy his reputation. That's right. All right. Well, we talked about it. Perfrid rolls with ice cream and whipped cream. Now, Rainbow Insulin end this episode. This was crazy.

This was a big, whoa, wow fest. Okay, so Olai cuts her finger. And I believe Rainbow points out that that's karma that did that to you because you're a horrible team member. I mean, she might as well have called her a C. Right? She might as well have called her a very cut. Now, I don't like Olai's word. work ethic. And I would not like to work with her. Imagine if she was my co-host on this podcast.

She'd never show up. She would show up. But the way that she is okay with basically saying like the universe is saying that you should be hurt because you're a horrible person. Rainbows. Yeah, that was a little bit. That was an intense moment from Rainbow, but Rainbows had it. And when Salen, the problem with Rainbow and Salen is that Rainbow cares. Salin doesn't. So Rainbow is always going to be in the passenger seat with all of these disputes. She's making good TV and Rainbow wants to make sure that toilets are cleaned. They're in opposition with one another. A hundred percent.

These are two different polls. And listen, Rainbow is driven back into that heart of darkness wherein she had to claim the lives of people she loved in order to survive. And she's just wondering, boy, do I want to see Rainbow throw a punch. I mean, think about it. I don't think she'd hurt her wrist. I think she'd grab a mace from under her cat. That's a good point.

That's a really good point. And mall her head. Her brains would be on the side of the wall. Get in the comments. Let us know what instrument do you think Rainbow would use to take down Salin? What did you think of the episode? Getting the reviews, five stars, kind words. We love you very much for listening.

We'll be back next week. I'm Dylan saying goodbye. Pat. Later, Dan! No. No. No. Thank you.