Another Below Deck Podcast - Captain Handstand Did a Handstand | Below Deck Med S6 E16

Episode Date: October 12, 2021

Dylan, Pat and Nick are back to talk frothing for golf, panic attacks and how expensive they are, what it takes to be a chef and how it's knowing how to make four dishes and even more Below Deck Med.�� Video of this episode here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCpgRn46VevjnBrp5A4tgiqw Subscribe to our Patreon for our coverage of Below Deck Sailing seasons 1 & 2 and our coverage of Love is Blind https://patreon.com/anotherpodcastnetwork Merch: AnotherMerchStore.com

what the event is and what's funny of that that you just said there's malia actually comments and said hey if we actually did have any discernible talent right or a skill set we wouldn't be sea rats yeah exactly and listen this isn't a condom uh a condemnation on on sea rats i mean why we don't have any discernible talent i do it's been a basketball on my finger and i i can do like put it on my arms and stuff and yeah yeah, I do that. Okay. Play classical guitar. I can also juggle. I read music.

I could make my thumb go like that. Not a talent, you're a freak. Welcome aboard another Brands Fakie new episode of another Below Deck podcast. My name is Dylan. I'm saddled up next to one real Nicholas Davis. Ahoy, mateys! Pappers of the podcast is over there behind my glasses. How is everybody? Good, man. Feeling penultimate.

Great episode title. Hey, do you have any PSAs before we jump into things? Yeah, I guess I was trying to figure out what we're going to do next after this behind a paywall or something with Below Deck. People hate that. They do. Yeah. Well, we got to figure out. We wanted to do the reunion, and I got to figure out what the audience wants us to do with that reunion.

Yeah. So we got. What's the sketch? Do we have one? Are they double dutying us next week? I think it's 25th. Two weeks. Okay.

So on the 25th. Next week, they are double dutying us. I believe it's the finale and the reunion. On-air production. On-air production. They're double-dutying us next week? Well, let's look that up. Let's look it up.

But I'm asking the audience, get on that Facebook, you barnacles, and tell us, do you want us to do it live with you where you can watch us watch the show and do it live? Let us know your thoughts. We said we'd do it live. Why are they double-dutying? Who wants that? Nobody needs that um all right so while nick's looking that up yes on the 18th it's the finale and reunion and on the 25th it's the premiere and the return of captain lee son of a bitch all right stay tuned we're gonna fucking put a message out We're doing a live show for the reunion, for our patrons. Fuck you, Bravo.

So really quickly before we move on, and you can join us at patreon.com slash another podcast network. I think if they're doing it in two separate episodes, Wednesday, we just do a regular recap of the finale. And then Friday, we live stream. That's the end of the day. We get a little loose. Have everybody drink with us.

Okay. Yeah. We'll put out the messages. So anyways, before we keep going, I do want to quickly say that going into the new season, we have not been doing this. We used to do this a lot, kind of engage with you guys, read a couple of your reviews.

You know, we always say that we want you guys to jump in the reviews and leave five stars. But what I found is if your name isn't shouted out, if you don't hear, oh, your username tickling your little earbuds in your car, you're not going to fucking do it. So I figured let's just take a moment. Incentivize it. Let's remind you guys that we really need you to jump in there.

Leave five stars. Kind words. So this one's from Cutie68. It's entitled Pat's Cre laugh oh dylan quit yelling at pat to stop his quote creepy laugh it's very funny and you're too grumpy for your age so thank you for that review uh we also have some bad ones, but it's been going on too long. Give us a bad one. Okay, I'll give you a bad one. The hosts were, oh, listen to half an episode before ellipses,

assuming, you know, tucked out or something. DJ Pimp Daddy left this one. The hosts were forgettable, hated everything they were talking about, and boring to listen to. It literally came across a podcast set about a show they hate, which was the opposite of what I was looking for when searching for a below deck podcast. Fortunately, there are a dozen other shows to sample. Perhaps one of those will be passionate about a show instead of a group of negative Nancy's.

Well, let me tell you something. I hate to break your heart, but there aren't a dozen other shows. We've destroyed them all. And anyone looking for an earnest breakdown of this trash TV is not our audience. Get lost, loser. We're here to make fun of this show because it's a bad show and we love it. Speaking of, let's get into it. How many thoughts, how many pots, how many crabs and knots do we give it?

Pat, go ahead. Thank you, Dylan. This is the time of the season where it really doesn't matter. And as Dylan has pointed out, generally the analogy is we will take a dog that's limping around to the back of the barn and shoot him in the head. And we don't mean that in real life because that would be cruel if you did that to an animal. And it's really pathetic in 2021. I have to make that clear. I wouldn't say it's cruel.

I mean, if it needs to be done, I think it's really pathetic in 2021 I have to make that clear. I wouldn't say it's cruel you know I mean if it needs to be done I think it's a rather brave thing to do you know you don't want to With a gun? Yeah why not I mean what are you going to drive to the hospital and pay $1,700? I don't want to be your furry little friend Well I would never do that I would cry over them in a vet's office illuminated

by fluorescence and pay an exorbitant amount of money to slowly and peacefully put them into the next realm but i get it if you want to just blow their brains out too i apologize for interpreting your thoughts and nots pats but i actually think it's more selfish to not put a bullet to that dog's head if they're in pain you're only trying it's like giving a dollar to a homeless you're only trying to make yourself feel better teach the man to fish and shoot that dog in the head it It's what you do with your dog. You got an army of zombie dogs walking around here.

Every one of them should be put down, but you don't want to let go. I love them too much. Anyways. I think they all look like they're doomed, but I think really only one of them really needs them. By the way, there is an extra service, Dylan, if you'd like to put your loved animals. They come to the house. Which is what I did with Spotty Boo.

Yeah, we've done it many times. He did it laying on my lap in my own bed. They're beautiful people, these people that come over and do that. I mean, they're incredible souls. Until they go, I need my 600 bucks. Well, that's the yucky part, the transactionary, kind of quid pro quo-y

part of this bond that you feel you've formed with this angel who's come and done this for you. Pat's thoughts are not. So, gotta get into below. We gotta talk about it, baby. Well, we promised the audience the episode would be 40, and I'm staring at two pages of notes here. I got plenty. There's a lot of food today. I do, too.

I had fun with it. When you end an episode and the cliffhanger is someone not being able to cut eggs properly, you know you're fucked. You're fucked. It's over. Will he be able to handle it? Although I did see in the teaser trailer there's another chef walking up those stairs, so

maybe Matt doesn't survive this season. That was the only entertaining part of the whole show. Matt doesn't survive this season? That's right right he could lose it on that particular day i i think i don't want to give anything away but it's kind of looking that way yeah i think it's going to be an interview for the uh the crossing they're going to need a chef and they'll bring him on okay zero knots nick what's going on everybody oh wait no that's not right no thoughts and knots yeah season's winding down not a lot happening

uh lloyd's okay shocker i mean sometimes though with these reality tv shows it's like what can happen that can make it like exciting towards the end get delaney to spill a drink on these people and see what happens but we don't have it that's actually a pretty good point bringing her back would have added some but so i don't know what they could do but they didn't do it it was bad again uh 17 knots yeah i give it 17 knots as well only because i loved watching jamelle and the gang kind of subject these people to what they should be subjected to know, if you are going to go on this boat and receive the kind of treatment that this show subjects guests to, then you might as well wring the towel dry.

You know, we've said it numerous times, this show is about subjecting the wealthy to some of the worst service you can get on the seas. So I enjoyed them staying up till four, kind of testing the crew, kind of razzing them a little bit. The charter guests were a lot of fun. Yeah, and the best part, actually,

there was another part. It was Katie's new mantra for this final chapter. It's, quote unquote, to survive, which is exactly how you want your servants, people doing for $60,000 a day. All right, let's get into it, guys. So, excuse me, Lloyd takes off to go to the hospital for his life-threatening condition of excessive emotion. Now, I don't want to make light of anxiety or depression or mental health or anything like that.

Again. Call me old school, but having to be sent ashore because you're thinking of what might happen to you on your next boat, which is a reality that does not exist, is grounds to be peppered. What's peppered? Just what I've been doing. Oh, make it fun. peppering a little bit. I mean, listen, it's not anywhere near what Matt did,

but it's kind of close to what Matt did. It's not near what Matt did because Lloyd is less important on the boat, but it's the same thing that Matt did. I mean, it's just allowing yourself to be completely crushed by the weight of the world, which is not that heavy. Here's my biggest problem with it. I don't think a panic attack was the ailment. A panic attack was the symptom.

Let's play a game. I'm going to read some symptoms off. You tell me who this sounds like, and then I'll tell you what that ailment is. Okay. I like this game. You tell me who this sounds like, and then I'll tell you what that ailment is. Okay. Okay, I like this game.

Fatigue, weakness, nausea, stomach pain, anxiety, sweating, and increased blood pressure. Who's that sound like? Lloyd. Nailed it. That's a hangover. This guy was drinking excessively the night before. In the episode before this, like when they're fighting at the table, they actually did. It was like a little Easter egg from production.

They kept showing him slam glasses of wine at the dinner table, and then they got back to the boat, and he poured himself a stiff drink right before bed. The dude was hungover, and it pissed me off. You know what? Great point. Oh, Gumshoe Davis over here. I like the investigative work. I think he had a fucking panic attack, so we'll agree to disagree, but either way...

A panic attack induced from the anxiety that you get from a hangover. I feel bad because I'm kind of annoyed by the guy, and I'm not sympathetic. I was even annoyed when he was perched on that medical boat, like a very, very sad hood ornament. Did you see him? He was just sitting on the front of it. I was like, oh my god. It's like a sad Rolls Royce. Yeah.

Yeah. I can see how these panic attacks could spiral, because how could you not be embarrassed and panicky when you have to face the people you just left hanging? Yeah, exactly. So they are down to a true skeleton crew, the Black Knight of skeleton crews. Katie didn't think that she'd be down a person

from the department that she was siphoning labor from, so now, as you said, her mantra is survive. Jamel and the gang hop aboard. Yeah, what's up? Before that, Captain Sandy called a meeting. Oh, yeah, that's right. To rally the troops. We may be down yet another employee.

Great instincts letting Delaney go home for what was the reason they didn't want her to stay? Bad TV and bad work. It was just a lose-lose. Oh, okay the reason they didn't want her to stay? Bad TV and bad work. It was just a lose-lose. Oh, okay. And they didn't like her, I think, was a real big reason. She didn't fit in with the group. But they did point out how short staff they were. And at this moment, I think the deck crew,

they knew they didn't have a lot, so they were like, please, Sandy. Don't make me pull the toys out and sandy oh damn it damn it damn it let me play it again take it again hold on hold on hold on damn it you're yelling i know i practice stop yelling i practice so much it's okay nick it takes years to uh get to my level the the deck crew was like don't make me pull the toys out and sandy was like and they were like don't make me pull the toys out and sandy was like and they were like don't make me pull the toys this must be kanye west yeah that's kanye west

um can i say something about captain sandy and her leadership skills i want to before you even get there in the edit it may seem like a seamless transition but i want to let the audience know that we turned the board off so that we could arm the auxiliary channel so that nick could do that this kanye west fanfare i mean i just it's absolutely nauseating but but that's on you but that's what the deck crew and sandy said remember they were like and she was like and they were like Pat what do you got Nick you're on fire today

thanks alright Captain Sandy I want to remind the audience because they'll sometimes hit me or maybe some of the comments we get in the iTunes ratings and reviews like what a bunch of mean grumpy bastards yeah i read that review yeah yeah sandy makes me that way because it's not our fault she's a joke and i'm just bringing light of it okay there's a reason she no longer listens to our podcast or anything that's fine okay right but i want to remind the audience of this i do believe chef spaz will exit prior to this season being over. You want to lose another $50?

And I'll tell you why I want that to happen. I'm rooting for it. Because she will be four for four. We remember Kiko, who made one meal. Do we remember the Russian spy, Malia? Do you remember the girl who's folding towels? And then the next night she's cooking her mom's lasagna for people paying $60,000 a day? Sure.

If Chef Spaz bass loses four chefs yeah and i also want to point out i watch yachting and we put that behind a paywall and all of you guys should go to patreon to hear our last two seasons it's the best season of below how many how many chefs how many chefs have captain glenn fired zero right has he fired a single person well and then i want to get back yes he fired a single person? Well, and then I want to get back. Yes, he fired a church kid. I'm Parker. But Parker really just handed in his resignation, which was brilliant leadership. You don't want to have to dole out any severance to these sea rats, which I don't think they do regardless. But anyways, to go back to Sandy and sorry to shed on your point, because there's no way he's leaving.

It's going to be an interview for The Chef on the Crossing, and they're advertising that as something to watch. I think that's... Oh, man. I didn't think about... That's behind a paywall if that happens. But you didn't mention that Sandy had a world-class chef, a protege of the G-Man himself,

who was going to walk off the boat, and Sandy said, let him. Her only talented chef, she was willing to just walk off the boat. Willing to let walk off the boat. Malia's ex-boyfriend. Yes, exactly. So, all right.

He was a cheater. Yes, he was. He was a cheater, and he had a short fuse. So, Jamel and the gang hop aboard. Matt has already prepared chips and guacamole for them. There is not enough people to work this boat, and it costs $60,000 a day. So, they go take a look at the kitchen. The primary says, where's your hairnet, pigeon?

Which I thought was rude. I don't think so. I want people wearing gloves and hair things. He doesn't have any hair. That was a joke. Still those flaky. I get it. Still those flaky little loser follicles on top of his head.

Holy smokes. All right. We go so hard on him. Oh, my God. For that person who. Flaky little loser hair follicles. Who told us we didn't have passion for the show. That's not true.

Our passion comes through when we give such earnest, honest, and hard-hitting assessments of these fucking sea rats. Yeah, our passion is dark, but it is passionate. Look at my polo. The guests then start doing what we would do if we went aboard, begin demanding alcohol and breaking things. And then we get to lunch. I actually thought this was huge microaggressions by the crew

when discussing their charter guests as rowdy. We've seen a number of charter. They were fun, good natured. They weren't rowdy, microaggression. Not at all. I want to point out that Chef Spaz announces the first meal will be family style. And I got to thinking about this because I never paid $60,000 a day, but I definitely don't want to be eating bucco to beppo on a fucking yacht.

Family style should be banned on yachts. Guests should not serve themselves. This isn't a fucking buffet. Large format is fine if it's done in an elegant manner. We've talked about it so many times. You guys. Add an audience. I am, you bastards.

I gotta go close that gate. Dylan left it open. Oh, sorry. God forbid one of those dogs accidentally gets out in the middle of the street. You were trying to play the role of death. Yeah, God. Okay. So, Matt.

Well, he's out. I'm going to tighten up my shot. Oh, okay, great. So, Matt, should I even do this or should we just take a break? Let's just take a break. Okay. And what a perfect time it is to tell you about Magic Mind. It is the wellness shot, the anti-procrastination beverage, the elixir of long-focused hum.

Go to magicmind.co, enter in promo code below deck to get 25 off guys this stuff is so much better than you know the adderall or or crank or bang or red bull or you know java chip monster all this wacky stuff that gets you all jacked up it's not it's not sustainable the way that Magic Mind is. Magic Mind gives you matcha, cordyceps, lion's mane, echinacea, all this beautiful stuff in there. Have it with a cup of coffee and watch your brain turn into a Zen master all on its own. Go to magicmind.co and enter in promo code below deck for 25% off. So Matt continues to talk about his sensitivity to criticism um let's see how the meal goes and if he can shirk the memories of that dark dark fish he served his captain i'm back now was that about that idiot in the pursuit of perfection or

something stupid like that so you're right i do it is a decent lunch spread, but the bounty is really just a mirage. It's a facade. Sure, there's fried zucchini and ranch, and there's arugula salad with avocado. Sure, there's seasoned fish drowning in pineapple. But the problem is the guests have to douse it in green pepper basco for it to taste of anything. It's 23 pots, and you can tell that the guests have this energy led by jamel that they're kind of liking the role of critic quite a bit um if the food was good they mentioned that the food was the fish was a little bit bland no i don't like a

little bit they all were in agreement nodding their heads up and down. Yeah, this is bland. Sure. And then they microaggressed themselves by asking for hot sauce. Black people have to be wary of that. They have to. I did like the microaggression. So, listen, I'm no fan of Matt's food. I'm no fan of Matt and his weird lies about spending 150 000 on whores and group sex

but if the food was mostly good and the fish was a little bland i don't know what telling them helps it's not really actionable if the food is getting towards inedible you say something are you nuts dylan no i'm not nuts says the refuses. If someone, if you ordered a bowl of orchetti and it came and it was a steaming pile of shit, you would probably just eat it. Dylan. You would never send that back. Here's what I'm saying. I'm not saying that I don't agree with your point. I'm saying the very fact that you are making that point.

You're the bitchiest critic ever. You'd be the first one raising your fucking hand complaining how bad it was. No, I wouldn't. No, I wouldn't. And I... No, I wouldn't. I only send back food or complain about food

if it's really bad. But I think... And I've done it many a time. In their defense, like, if you're going to do it, like, they're course correcting. This is first meal. They're like, we like fucking flavor, right? If you say it at the end and you start pointing out everything that was wrong.

Yeah, and you don't give a tip. Yeah. I understand that, and that's the only defense. But what I would do is make those deductions upstairs. Keep that ledger going. 50 off for that, 100 off for that. Just keep chopping away. So, Sandy.

We've actually discussed this. I would have a big whiteboard. Right. It starts at $ So, Sandy. We've actually discussed this. I would have a big whiteboard. Right. It starts at $25,000. Did you get the whiteboard we ordered? Yeah, if you could just set that up right here. Oh, can I? Nick always does this with friends.

A real funny scene from Cheers. Norma, who was the waitress at Cheers. Of course. An episode starts out, great writing, by the way. A guy sits at a table and he has a stack of $1 bills. And he tells her, norma yeah uh i'm gonna be drinking here for a while tonight and this is your tip it's starting out here right right but uh how it ends i'll deduct it as you go yeah it's hilarious there's a bunch of deductions at the end of the episode you find out it was her

brother dude it is such that's such a great bit to pull out. Did she know? Of course, it's her father. That would be good. It's such a wild, it's just such a great bit. It's like when I had a sister when I was 18 who reached out and said she was my sister and I had never met her. Wow. That would be like the episode. I'm sorry you were saying.

Okay, so Sandy gets a call. I was going to have a contest. Who had a worse childhood? No, this episode's been dark enough. And I'm sorry that I interrupted you. That time it was intentional to tell that sad, sad story. You don't have to apologize for interrupting me. We do it to one another.

It is a flow state. We're all in. So Sandy gets a call. Pretty nuts twist. Lloyd's fine. By the way, talk about going hard on somebody. Jesus. Telling us we're negative hey i want to

say this uh uh matt you've skipped over the part where matt finds out by katie that people think his food sucks which was wonderful because he says he wants to cry and then then after she says your fish blows he in his usual positive demeanor turns and he says this is going to be a shit charter. I didn't forget to mention that. I had that up next in my notes. Now you could critique my note taking and say this is bad hosting because you shoehorned that thing about Lloyd. You had to take another shot at Lloyd when we were still talking about the food. You could have tied the notes thematically together. But fuck you. You missed Captain Sandy's meeting which was my favorite bit of the whole time. I know it's been about the food you could have tied the notes thematically together but fuck you you missed

captain sandy's meeting which was my favorite bit of the whole time i know it's been bad hosting i'm sorry so um yes you're right katie does tell matt and i was thinking i don't know why she did tell him because there's no real reason to tell him course correction no spice it all up he's gonna be fine um if you do tell him he's going to go into a mental dungeon for the next couple days so i'm happy she did tell him because it's great television but if i were her i would have just mums the word let's keep going all right so this is my one last negative thing i'm going to say about chef spaz because him and i are at war with i have a bunch more oh you do oh okay this is my last minute thing. So Matt, if you're, keep listening if you're enjoying what you're hearing.

Go find a mirror, look at who you are, then smash your head into it until you lose consciousness. Okay, I mean, Nick. My problem with this whole thing, or it's kind of just Matt in a nutshell. She tells, no one doesn't like Matt because he makes mistakes and the food was bad or whatever.

It's how he responds to the criticism. When he said, I'm sorry I ruined the charter. How could you respect? Are you 35? Decide to do better. You're going to try harder. Don't fucking put that on Katie. And then he does it later again just these

little like just man up on the mistake i can honestly say this and all the reality don't say man up it's the two most dangerous words in the english language according to gavin news i want to say why matt for me is probably the most disliked person i've ever watched on reality tv i could tell i there is something like you just i just despise about him yeah i mean he makes it really easy for me but all the real housewives i i don't care when uh one candace from potomac is probably my least favorite one of the housewives married to chelsea grammar or chelsea grammar referring herself to jesus at one point because they gave money to poor people yeah i mean just really hateable characters what was her name was her name camille yes camille grammar one of my least favorite traits is sniveling

matt is sniveling all right so water toys uh get pulled out um wonderful light-hearted part of this episode uh dave says uh they have a 1 out of 10 for their natural ability. They're flopping all over the place. I love these charter guests. Love the wetsuit in the jacuzzi move. Power move. I mean, unbelievable. These guests are so much fun.

So they get ready for their white party slash anniversary celebration, and they take a seat for dinner. Can we get there? Do you guys have anything i was just gonna say uh katie was uh patting herself on the back for what she thought really came together but really just a uh shopping spree at party city yeah tacky as fuck okay so we did quickly gloss over uh the call with uh dr sarah balson who told told Captain Sandy that Lloyd was fine after an ambulance ride in EKG. $4,500 later and much undue stress.

And he's fine. He is fine. I just had to mention that because it's just crazy the exorbitant prices you pay for an ambulance ride. When I was attacked by the Smiley Face Killer or Killers, and I was found in a snowbank hypothermic with blood alcohol level of 0.397 you shouldn't bring up the blood alcohol level two thousand dollars for that ambulance ride yeah i mean when i called the fire department because i pulled a hot cast iron pan orange chicken out of the oven without an up glove um and i had a paper to write the

next day i needed a note from somebody to tell my teacher how hurt I was. They charged me $900 for it, or my mother, $900 for it. I shouldn't say the blood alcohol level? That's epic, dude. Point four is God level. All right, so God level. All right, so they sit down for dinner. There is talk of pissers,

and they say that you can also smell shit coming from the kitchen, and then the plates hit the table. Oh, you're forgetting one part. What's that? Old Captain Timeshare. Yes, yes. How's your dinner? I think one of the guests was hurt.

Have you no faith? I did not forget that. You said the guests. Can we just, let's move forward with. Assuming that you are going to do a good job. Yes, let's move forward. I can't assume anything are going to do a good job. Yes, let's move forward. I can't assume anything. Assuming that for the past four years,

I usually have pretty much everything that happens in the episode. Just say what's happening, and don't preface it with you forgot this, because it didn't happen. Lots of times you have stuff that I didn't even remember. Oh, my God. Guys, my wife warned me of this last week with you two. She said it's the Mercury retrograde.

All right? The last time that happened, all three of us were fighting with one another. I want you to be aware of it. How many times is Mercury in retrograde? She just prepped you or you were complaining about what's been happening. She said, watch out the next couple weeks because it's coming. And we're right in the middle of it, and I can feel the tension. I'm actually, I'm chill as fuck.

You sure? All right. So what was Little Orphan Esther again? Fuck you, Dylan. You sure? All right. So what was Little Orphan Esther again? Fuck you, Dylan. What was she? Oh, wait, no. Little Orphan Esther is actually a 33-year-old former prostitute with a growth disorder type twist.

Yeah. So dinner's turf and surf. The prerequisites of being a good yacht chef. Cook four things that were on the menu at Dorsia and rotate them and just be calm tempered you can literally work on any boat if you can cook a pasta dish surf and turf some type of mokeka yeah some type of mokeka and uh eggs benedict you're fine the carousel of dishes that are employed are so it's just a tiny little dollhouse carousel of dishes i get that like maybe the chef doesn't want to do like a really good chef isn't going to want to do it but like just have a fucking

template and do the same thing every charter it's slightly altered to the preference sheet but who cares no they don't know make beef cheeks every time i i didn't have a problem with that we were he's uncreative and he's a hack but right the guest liked it i was talking to my wife about this she brought up a good point the rich have exquisite taste they have um they have fancy taste but it doesn't mean they have good taste i think you used exquisite wrong right yes they like caviar they they uh exorbitant no um extravagant yes they have extravagant taste but it doesn't mean that it's good rich people that go on these boats they don't want you know a red curry excuse me they they don't want like you know anything outside of their comfort zone they're willing to just eat fucking dorsia food

all the time that's fine with them jamal goes this is what we had on our wedding night yeah it's wedding food i'm so glad you brought that up. Yeah. We've been saying it all season, Matt serves wedding food, and wouldn't you know it, Jamel had it at her wedding. I love that. So, we get, oh, really quick. It's surf and turf and grilled veggies that are brought up like a quarter of an hour after the meat hits the table. I mean, it's just nonsense.

But a trope of Below Deck, and it happens all the time is the cut to commercial after the question how's the food is asked the chewing happens and then we go to a commercial break and every time it's delicious i thought it's the stuff this time and basically every time i figure we're gonna come back from commercial break and the guests are gonna burn down the boat because they're right at how shitty it tastes. But sure enough, they liked it. Who asked them, how's your dinner? I want to say this about Captain Sandy.

Sandy's not at this dinner. Oh, she wasn't? No, she's not. Fuck face. Well, I thought I heard one of the guests say, if you really turn the volume up to like 10 when she's around, I heard a guest say, where'd she get the fuck out of here? Okay. She's not even at this dinner.

Quick plug for our other show, another podcast show, which you can get for free just by searching another podcast show on wherever you get your podcasts. Great SEO. But, yeah, great point, but hilarious name. But on that show, we watched some Kitchen Nightmares. A Kitchen Nightmares. Oh, my God.

With a friend of Pat's who owned a restaurant, and he said that he greets every single person who walks through that door. Or, if he can't, he has a glass of wine at their table with them. I actually think Captain Sandy saw that episode and she's like, I'm going to do that. That's why she's constantly checking in to see. That's why she bought the time. One last plug.

Go over to another podcast show on how you listen to it and subscribe to that podcast because I make fun of podcasts that don't have a lot of reviews, and I should be staring at myself right now no i mean yeah we really need some review help on that anyways uh pat likes to damage future relationships i might have uh jamelle hill after dinner leans back and says we're gonna need some siroc some gin and juice and katie we'll tuck you in at about four o'clock in the morning. They rage, they sing Katie's name, and they torture her until the wee hours of the night,

which is what you pay for. Come on. A hundred percent. And by the way, sorry to say it, Katie, but you made your own bed. Now you're not going to get to sleep in it. That's really fucking cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's great. And now that we've had that uproarious laughter, I think it's a time to take a little break. That was both of you doing a little half because that wasn't exactly that creepy laugh and you didn't admonish him for it. Thank you. It was told to by the listeners, not dude.

All right. him for it thank you he's told to compromise listeners not doing um all right today's episode is brought to you by green chef probably better chef than matt 100 100 um you can be easily guys today's episode is brought to you by a wonderful wonderful company called green chef go to green chef.com slash below deck 100 and use promo code below deck 100 to get 100 off your entire shipment now green chef has a meal plan for every healthy lifestyle keto nick you know a little something about that right keto my entire life your entire life i mean the last three years like strict and never have ever done anything that's not keto and that's why your feet have abs and that's why i fucking love green chef um so they have they have plans for every healthy lifestyle keto paleo plant power diets even if you just want to have a delicious but balanced meal green chef is perfect now you don't need to be doing all of those diets

to order green chef green chef can kick you on to a new healthy lifestyle their expert chefs curate every recipe with over 30 meal choices every week and the flexibility to switch pans you'll never have to sacrifice taste for nutrition. You can enjoy restaurant quality dishes in the comfort of your own home. Enjoy new and nutritious recipes every week that are perfect for you and the entire family. I get home, you know, late from recording,

haven't eaten in a while. I wish there was something wholesome, delicious, not too filling or too fat, you know? No, really healthy fats. Healthy fats, keto. Just waiting for me in the fridge. But we haven't gotten the green chef yet, and we will, and I'm so excited for it because it's going to be life-changing.

And this is where you should probably hound them because, you know. Oh, I will. Yeah, yeah, yeah. chef yet and we will and i'm so excited for it because it's going to be life-changing and this is where you should probably hound them because you know i will yeah yeah i want to say this yeah i'm getting this thing because generally by the time i'm hungry i'm already trashed and i have no business getting in a car and going out and getting food exactly this is going to be at my front door exactly so i don't have to leave my house thank you right it's like if you get green chef you will not get dui honestly our that's what we say it's not in the copy all right no it is in the copy they say choose two talking points and the last one is don't go out and don't go out drunk and to get food we just order this thing and you

don't have to you won't kill anybody thank you let me say this how many of these you think we need to sell before these people are happy with us, Nicky? Because I'm going to ask maybe like five or ten or something. We'll say ten. I need ten souls out there to go. Where do they got to go again? They got to go to greenchef.com slash below deck 100. Use promo

code below deck 100 to get a hundred dollars off and free shipping. It's a month of delicious, healthy meals. if you're trying to get on a diet just start with this here's what i'm gonna do that at 10 of you that do the first 10 people that do this post your receipt on the facebook page one of you fucking brave barnacles or instagram for those that i don't know how to work instagram i know yeah i'll show you okay all right 10 of you i'll give you a shout out on the next show. Sounds like a deal, right?

That's huge. I mean, getting your name, and then tell us how much you loved it. And I'll razz you, because I'll be able to see your picture or something. All right. You'll get razzed by Pat. Greenchef.com slash below deck 100. Enter promo code below deck 100 to get $100 off. And that's below deck 100 no spaces.

Yes, thank you. All right. I think we just lost our ad agency. But no, this is our Sherry's Berries. So. And actually, we should name every single person that sends us it. Oh, yeah.

I'll name fucking 50 if we have that much pull. All right, next morning. Next morning. The guests get up. Ronnie orders a coffee. Malia relays the order. She says, Ronnie wants a black coffee with cream and sugar, which is one I've never heard before.

It's an oxymoron. It's oxymoronic, yes. So the crew are down to two people, one voluntary, and, of course, the gods are smiting them further. The weather is bad, which means that the guests will be indoors, and they are continuing to be very into having servants. They ask these like prodding, testy questions almost. Of course, you're allowed to ask what's on the docket, but there this air of like hey katie dance what do you got for us today she's like i don't do you want me to have an itinerary beat out for you guys like

you know ask me what you you know it's just they're very into it but i will say they are as they should as they should and they're also more fun than many of the charter guests we get on this show they welcome the servants down to play games with them and they take their money and it's a lot of fun z frothing over golf i froth over golf as well it's a lot of fun z would wipe the fucking floor with you. Oh, my God, yeah. Oh, my God, yeah. You don't froth like Z. No, I don't.

I mean, I froth like him. I can't hit the sticks like him. I said froth. Okay, so Lloyd is upstairs smoking in the rain when Captain Sandy heads up. She says, that didn't come out of nowhere, so what happened? He says, well, you know, 2020 was a tough year. Hey, Lloyd. Me too. Sorry.

2020 was a tough year for, I think, 90% of the planet. Anyways, the guests get back in that most dangerous game mode. They're just trolling Katie. She's taking drink orders, and Jamel's husband bets a dollar that she's going to fuck it up. Although she feels empowered by the drink orders. Yes, exactly.

She slams those drink orders down right in their face, down to the amount of citrus wedges that they want so david says that he's having concern over the talent show and that this is a common thread between the uh or amongst the sea rats they have no discernible talents so this talent show is going to be devoid of the first portion of what the event is and what's funny of that that you just said there is malia actually comments and said, hey, if we actually did have any discernible talent or a skill set, we

wouldn't be Sea Rats! Yeah, exactly. And listen, this isn't a condemnation on Sea Rats. I mean, we don't have any discernible talent. I do. I spin a basketball on my finger, and I can put it around my arms and stuff, and yeah, I do that put it around my arms and stuff and yeah i do that okay play classical

guitar i can also juggle i read music i could make my thumb go like that not a talent you're a freak this one doesn't do it because i i slid a glass bond the walls of a little bong sank into my thumb and severed all the tendons in there, so I can't do it anymore. Anyway, so the talent show begins. Rubik's Cube. Lloyd crushes the beginning. Does a little filthy scouser, whatever. I'm losing it.

Pretty good MCI. He then introduces a few talents. Z juggles balls on a club. He had the misfortune of going first. He would not have been awarded a seven if they knew what was coming. Malia does a handstand. David hops over his foot. Captain Handstand did a handstand.

No way. Yes, of course. David hops over his foot, and then we get to the wrap, which made me uncomfortable. I'm not sure about you guys. It's in my notes. It made me uncomfortable.'m not sure about you guys it's in my notes it made me uncomfortable it says it in my notes it was so uncomfortable i cringed yeah uh at least katie acknowledged it she like she had to watch it back in her otf and she was like oh my god i

can't believe it's unbelievable i'm so pretty why am i here okay so uh let's get to dinner hey pat yeah you ready for this yeah sandy sits down with the close group of friends who are all on vacation with one another i don't understand we've talked about it so many times why would you ever want this person to sit at your table so they begin to grill her a little bit they ask what's the worst dinner she's ever had and to literally no one's surprise it was that time when johnny damon got blacked out squeezed his wife's tits and pissed off the side of the boat um one of the guys who i've seen on espn evidently knows him he was like oh johnny you know he gets that old baseball drunk on him and it's uh michael graves yeah yeah yeah or eves i can't remember hey listen man

i don't know why people hate you guys i love the cops sir can you get in the back of the car another quick plug for another podcast show we watched his dui arrest video and his wife yeah yeah unbelievable if you want to see white love trump if you want to see white privilege you should watch his wife just go up to the cop and go, I'm going inside. You're not arresting me. Unbelievable. She's a prize.

So let's get to dinner. We've got tuna sashimi with truffle and popcorn, I think. Then we've got chicken Milanese with roasted tomato gnocchi. Shockingly enough, I thought this dish looked fantastic. One of the few of the season from Matt. I found it wholesome yet elegant. Unfortunately, usually Matt is dealing with lesser palates. Jamel's friend can taste the bull's blood beets in the leaves of these microgreens immediately.

Impressive. I was impressed. Immediately. 57 pots? I have a beet story because I think an audience would be watching this go, hey, people like beets. They're not used as much as most. My wife one time, this is years ago, was working for a super rich actress.

I will not say her name. It was not Leslie Mann because I would call her out. And she was taking a meeting with a producer for a super rich actress. I will not say her name. It was not Leslie Mann because I would call her out. Right. And she was taking a meeting with a producer for a project. And my wife set up the dinner. The rich people, they have gigantic closets where all their shoes are and everything like that. Sure, sure. I've seen Overboard with Goldie Hawn. Oh, really?

That was in there? Yeah, she had a great closet. Oh, wow. And it's actually, it was very impactful because seeing the closet that he made is what triggered her memory that she was actually like a rich debutant and not white trash with uh what's his fake snake and so what happened oh so uh anyway so my wife sets up a lunch which my wife prepares sure and the first course was a beet uh salad yeah yeah my wife describes this she's really annoyed she's like i'm fucking downstairs with the chef and i hear my client yelling who put beets in my salad and my wife's like what the fuck is this bitch's problem she goes who put beets i don't like beets like losing her mind i

mean this woman on the boat didn't make that much of a stink but there are people out there yeah i know that have disdain for beets by the way i worked for goldie hahn and uh and that's uh whatever his name is total stoners every time i interacted with him you kurt russell yeah he smelt the weed wafting off both of them oh totally yeah no it's amazing it's amazing what money and fame cool and down she'd call me go baby baby uh okay so um uh let's move on oh sure matt is talked off a ledge kind of and the guests continue to be on vacation they ask for drinks and then they ask for some snacks now katie heads downstairs and tells spaz that he she told them that he had gone down and his response is not well let me get something up there to help you let me get some warm food his

response is I'm gonna get the fuck out of here I'm gonna go spunk off to some group sex vids and catch some shut eye I mean it's just unbelievable the cowardice $60,000 a day imagine when they watch that back she effectively lied to them sure great service great service so

let's get to the next morning in the very last day of the season everyone is very excited except for Grumpy Grumpus. It's actually just the last full day of the season. We will have a morning where they depart. Sure. That's true. So Matt has an overwhelming voice the next morning telling him that he's horrible. And it sounds oddly like his mom.

He kept saying that. He's like, oh, the voice is in my head. No, Matt, that was me. Unfortunately for him, there is a fucking breakfast order incoming. We've talked about not turning the boat into do pars. It just it's too stressful for that early in the morning. It's just untenable. Matt opened up a franchise called Awful House.

So two shrimp and bacon omelets and a lot of broken eggs on avocado toast. We go back in time with Matt and we find out that he had a breakfast service wherein he broke 40 yolks and a hollandaise three times. We then end the episode with thrilling scenes of the guests asking for bagels and the crew unsure if this is going

to make Matt explode guys the season finale is next week our recap will be here on iTunes and if you are a Patreon member check the Facebooks we'll also post a note on Patreon about the time and Discord

stuff going on but we will be watching the reunion live with you guys, and then we'll do a little Q&A after. These are always really fun. I say these are always. We've done one of them, and it was a huge blast. So no lies. No lies. Detected. No lies. They've always been

really fun. They've always been really fun. So we're looking forward to that, guys. iTunes ratings and reviews. If you hate us, go ahead. It's show content just leave leave the words but if you love us please leave five stars and kind words and seriously if you don't sign up for the patreon i'm gonna be pissed like damn it okay i we're okay that's it for me i'm dylan saying goodbye nicks say goodbye say goodbye. Bye-bye. Pat, say goodbye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Love