Another Below Deck Podcast - Carlos Is Not Happy | Below Deck Med S10 E6

Episode Date: November 4, 2025

Dylan and Pat are back to break down Anne Heche, motorcycles, Peacock, Sean Connery, dolphins, jet skis, A Perfect Storm, carpets, gummy bears, acoustic guitars and more from Bravo's Below Deck MediterraneanPATREON: https://www.patreon.com/anotherpodcastnetwork  YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/@badtvpod  INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/badtvpodcast/?hl=en

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I think Carlos called the first offering greasy. Greasy. Yeah. And they do not like the food. Can I tell you something? He is such a fucking miserable son of a bitch. Here's a reenactment of him having an orgasm. Okay.

Oh. Mediocre. Oh. That was a good. That was a good impression. Yeah, fuck off, Carlis. Having an orgasm. Oh, mediocre.

He's not happy about anything. Yeah. Hey, welcome aboard another brand spanking. episode of Below Deck. Fuck. Bad TV. Yeah. We're going to talk about Below Deck.

Man, I hate when I'm, you know, when you run down and then you jump on the pommel horse or whatever the fuck they jump on. And then they do the backflips and it's squishy, you know? If you had a buzz ball, you'd be able to pull that off. Well, if I had a buzz ball, I would do the same thing as I just did to start the show. I would start running and immediately blow my ACL out. I wouldn't even reach the pome horse, but I'm Dylan, that's Pat. Great to be here, permission to come aboard. Galen is here aboard with us.

Hi, Kay. Hello. Hey, why don't you tell the crowd what today is? Today is Halloween. No, no. It's Buzzball Friday. I don't care what you're doing right now if you're listening. Stop, hit pause.

Go out, get a buzz ball. I don't care if you're giving Grammy a bath or you're having surgery or something like that. This is more important. Get a buzz ball. Crack it. Press play. Dylan, why are you looking at me? Buzzballs are companions.

Those two scenarios were bizarre scenarios and also ill-advised to leave. So if you're giving Grammy a bath, don't go. I was giving hypotheticals. I know. I know they were hypotheticals. And then we get to the surgery one, which is like, that's a big spectrum, right? Because you could be getting a, I don't know if somebody would consider getting a mole scrape to surgery, you know. I think you could step away from that to get a buzz ball.

You could. But let's say you're having open heart surgery. Don't spook out the entire surgery room. They'll just be so freaked out if you get up. Anne Hathaway might have lived had she had a buzz ball. Anne Hathaway is alive. Anne Hache, the human missiles, who you're referring to. That's right. She drove her car into a house.

Okay. And we always make fun of her. And it's always wrong because she lived a very, very tortured life. And that is why it's heartbreaking what happens to children because, you know, there are adults out there that don't have any foresight. There are people that go, I'm going to abuse my child without thinking that she could turn into a goddamn literal charred zombie later in life. It's like think about it for a second. Right. But boy, that was really dark.

But think about enjoying a buzz ball while listening to this podcast. It's a companion piece to the art that we're creating. It's like a hand job. and you're also getting the stepchildren. It's kind of like a prerequisite, right? So if you're going to take Bio201, aka listed to this podcast, you can't show up to class not having taken 101, okay?

The 101 for bad TV is a buzz ball in hand. That's right. They literally go hand in hand. Yeah. Okay, I'll shut up now. Okay, great. So, Kailan, how you doing? Good.

Hey, we went to Fraser's birthday party on Sunday. That was kind of fun. I'm sure the audience with the barnacles would be happy enough. Can I say something? Yeah. You've said it too much. This is the first time I'm saying it after we've been there. No, I know, but we've done other podcasts.

Oh. It was just a delightful time. We got to hang out with our arch nemesis. That is the PR team over at Bravo. What a nice bunch of people. They were really nice. I love Peyton so much, our girl, Peyton, and the other one, that, that, you know, listen, we love everybody over there, but I had an interaction with a big wig over there.

And I was like, you know, we used to go around you. And he was like, oh, I know. And it's like, hang on a second here, okay? Yeah, he was a jerk. He wasn't a jerk. He was. I don't care what they think. No, he was very nice.

But it's like, what do you expect us to do when we're first starting out? We don't have a connection at Bravo. We have to, you know, it's like what, and I know, speaking of talk about a lot, we constantly referenced the Vietnamese conflict. But it's like, what do you want them to do? They have to dig spikes in the ground in order to get a successful podcast, aka, you know, rip through the Marines' legs, right? So it's like, what do you expect?

You can't hate us, and there's no hate here. This is a podcast of love, and that's why we're going to get to some five-star reviews, which we haven't got to in a little bit. Thank you guys very much for leaving said reviews. Keep leaving them. We've got to get to 2000. We abandoned an entire feed that had 1900.

I just, have you heard about this Anthony Hopkins interview? No. Oh, man. What about it? Well, he just came out with a memoir about, like, being a booze bag and finding God or whatever. Okay. And he's doing this New York Times interview, and the New York Times reporter asks him about his estranged daughter. Did you know that he has a daughter?

He hasn't spoken to him 20 years? Oh, boy. 20 years, huh? Yeah. Yeah. He's like, what, can I ask you about your daughter? And he's like, no. Just shuts him down.

And he's like, well, you wrote about it in the book. He's like, no, not talking about it. Oh, but you wrote about it in the book? Well, eventually they get to it. Anyways, I just saw that on my feed, a very interesting man, very interesting listen if you want to go listen to that. But it's not as important as this show where we break down below deck. Okay. This is from just my take on things.

Here's your five-star review. I can be a little lazy sometimes. Sorry if I'm a little late to the five-star thing. You deserve the full five. Thank you for your service. I'm a big podcast listener and always have every episode queued up to my app. That's very, very cute. That's a five-star right there.

That's a five-star right there. um the elizabeth vargas thing dot dot dot um that's from oc i believe um and you know they've got to do a better job at at letting us see what the title is because they just cut it off and i don't know they're just lazy tim cook is just kicking his feet up you know he has tariff exemptions right it's it's like so he's just kicking his feet up and it's like crazy but this is five stars from brooked of wine right please confirm if it's correct also the diane keaton bit was hilarious i don't know what you're talking about so anyways let's get into the show how many pots do you give this episode okay this is a tough one for me because that tip was

gigantic it was ginamus now i i don't like carlos i think like he walked down on christmas morning and santa was banging his mom or something something messed him up he's a jerk but and the Easter bunny like they were double year no no no I mean new year it's Easter the Easter bunny's not banging about it's like what turned like what happened because you're a piece of shit but he's a big he's a big piece of shit but he's also he compensates you for his poor attitude he does four grand each we've always said you can be a piece of shit if you pay for it I don't care I've said this to repeat a bit you can go right up on the bow of the boat pull down your trousers and drop a

fucking deuce on the boat. If you're paying me $4,000, I'll clean it up with a smile. No problem. I might even let you kill someone in front of me and not towel for $4,000. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, maybe more. You can buy a motorcycle for $4,000. You can't.

You can buy a e-bike. You could buy like, you could get a good deal on an old motorcycle for $4,000, I think. You know me, though? You know what? I don't know enough about motorcycles. They're actually one of my least favorite things on planet Earth, so I don't really know, and I mean my least favorite things on planet Earth. I'd be riding around on that e-bike enjoying myself, driving around the streets of Los Angeles.

And up in my head, I'd know I did something wrong. I'm like, I have a secret. Uh-huh. I feel really guilty about it. Yeah. Yeah. And then you, see, this is the problem. Anybody on it, we have to get into the show, I understand that, but anybody on a yacht who's

going to lowball you for secrecy like that, they're just going to kill you. I know. Looking over my back. They're going to let you ride around on a fucking e-bike in Los Angeles on a sunny day. Feeling bad? No, they're going to kill you. Get in the comments. Let us know.

What do you think? How much would you be paid to have to be paid to cover up a murder? Go ahead, Pat. How many pots? I like the episode. But again, it was a disappointment because they tipped so well. I wanted to shit all over these tartar guests.

Yeah. Because a couple of them were pretty rude, especially at that dinner service, the tea time. Sure, absolutely. Would you like some salad? Why not? Yeah, yeah. You know, the pissy, poopy panties.

Yeah, yeah. And then Carlos, before mentioned, he's a real jerky. God, what am I doing? Not a lot happened this episode. We saw a breakup. I feel like she could have kept the whole lot. She could have smoothed that over a little bit better. Like, I need a little time away.

A guy doesn't want to hear that you're breaking up with him. Honesty is good, but not in a breakup. Lie to the person. Just go, I don't love you anymore. You know, there are people. I want to make out with people. Yeah, there are people. that constantly say that the deployment of deceits is always wrong. And it's like, what,

what world are you living in? No way. What world, what world are you living? I found out, I really liked this girlfriend. Her name was, I called her Little Dude. We broke up. It was amicable. Always had great thoughts about her. Years later, I find out she was banging the guitar player of the band I was in. I was like, ooh, that would have really hurt had she told me that at the time. Yep. Thank God for little dude's secrecy. Fucking riding around on an e-bike, not a care in the world. No, no, that's how I want to live.

One mile at a time. Okay. 14 knots. 14 knots. I think that's a good score. Yeah, this was, let's just come out and say it. This was a bad and uneventful episode. It was.

This was episode six or whatever of a season of Below Deck. I have to say that, because, Peacock is, I think, the laziest app out there. The people that program streaming apps, I think they're either clowns or people that are on heroin. On Peacock, it's his current Bravo programming, and every single show that you go to is not on the air. So it's both versions of below deck that are not,

not on the air. You cannot get below-deck Mediterranean on the main page. Housewives of Beverly Hills, Housewives of Atlanta. It's just like, what's happening, though, right? I think they're trying, two business models that are in conflict. They're trying to not give you that content because you'll just cut the cable line and pay the five bucks for Peacock, right? So they don't want you to leave paying Bravo with your cable programmer. And at the same time, they're trying to lure us over to Peacock to pay for some shit. I give Peacock two pots, and I give this episode three pots. Okay.

Very disappointed. Very. Very disappointed. Also, if you want to listen to us, literally never be disappointed. And we should plug this pretty hard because we just got a below-deck crossover with our favorite franchise that Bravo does. Should be Emmy nominated. I think it should be Emmy nominated. Yeah, it's one of the best episodes of Housewives we've had in years.

The Real Housewives of Salt Lake cross-promoted, cross-pollinated in more ways than one with below-deck Captain Jason. And the new team, which you won't see their season for like another three months. Yeah. So if you want to hear a recap of that in the weeks to come, I think they're going to be on that vessel for some time. At least one more episode. Go to patreon.com slash another podcast network. Also, we're wrapping up Traders Australia, which is just fantastic. Oh, my gosh.

Okay, so three pots, let's jump into it. Kaelin, how you doing? I'm good. Okay, great. So last we left off, the old Josh was resurfacing. Oh, scary, Josh. Because of the stresses of Carlos and his bitchiness. Now, what do we think the old Josh was?

Do we think that he was murdering the hippies in that beat commune? Or what do we think was going on? Well, he kind of hinted at it. He said in the kitchen at some point he took one of his coworkers and physically assaulted him. Kitchens, they apparently don't have any laws or rules, like very much like maritime law. No, each and every kitchen across this planet might as well be out at sea. I mean, you can wound people, you can scream at people, you can fuck, you can do drugs.

Well, mainly the physical assaults, because when I worked at North American insurance, sure, you could bang your coworker at Fridays in the parking lot. You could probably even do drugs. That was cool, too. but if someone threw a frying pan at my head while I was doing data entry, they'd be pissed. Yeah, they'd be fired. Or at least had a talking to.

Oh, yeah, you'd have to go in that HR room and no one wanted to go there. No, no, no. Because inside the HR room was Janet and her musk, okay? Janet was a cunt. No, Janet from another planet was my coworker, and she was a witch. But Bob the gay dwarf is the guy who ratted me out and says I wasn't actually doing any work at the office. I understand that. You got me written up.

I understand that. And rest in peace. you powerful little person. He's still alive. He wished me happy birthday. He is still alive, huh? I thought he had perished from some kind of drug overdose. They don't live long because they have to look up so much.

It hurts their neck. Their back goes out on them. Well, that's not why. That's not why. That's what he told me because we were carpool buddies. He said, my ilk don't live long because we have to look up all the time. Yeah, it hurts our, we have bad backs. We're always looking up at stuff.

Did he say that's why we die or that's why we have bad bad? back i think he said that's why we die young okay yeah he was a drug addicts right no he's a drunk okay yeah one time he passed out we were all at a bar and i got pissed at him and rather than like go hang out with him or drive him home i just uh laid him next to the dumpster until we were done uh-huh heavy heavy though still he's a he's thick little guy yeah very dense um i don't know if we should it's been 15 minutes right well i was wondering how we were going to do 30 minutes on this episode well i was wondering does it take okay so little people are a little bit like they're like neuron stars where the density is just astronomical right so i was wondering

If So an eight ball of Of cocaine to an unpracticed nose will kill it That's 18 grams That's not a lot of weight It's not 18 grams It's three and a half grams Oh really?

Yeah Oh okay But for a little person The question is Does it Does it take less to kill a little man? I kicked him once He went down pretty fast

your honor irrelevant your honor actually that has nothing to do with our inquiry but we have to move okay okay so this guy carlos is just he just has a load of fucking feces he's poopie pet he says that the tour they took earlier through that lovely old city was a sketchy area yeah yeah okay they go the uh the the because to be fair to them the charter has been docked this entire time so everybody's a little poopy and there's a silence and um you know somebody tries to break it by going yeah the tour was nice today and carlos shows no it wasn't it was fucking dog shit yeah and they got the Olympics coming here i know there are beautiful pockets in the in the city they took us to a bad spot now i would

say the same thing because that tour was unremarkable and it was helmed by jail so obviously the tour was bad well but when you sew that comment into the other comments and the general we're building a profile on him yes we're building a case he needs to be heavily medicated and live in a room with soft lighting yep so joe and kizzi are hard at work joe uses his toes to pick up a hat like a fucking chimpanzee and kizzy says that's sexy if somebody no no she says that's shakshi i don't like it that's a boner killer her accent is a boner killer her accent is a boner okay everyone here is so sexy i don't like it she sounds like sean conry oh okay who famously talked about uh you know having to lay hands on a woman every once a while oh i was gonna say

uh was james bond that's right yeah he was a good james bud yeah yeah yeah he was a great james bond a leading man that's probably why he got so overconfident and started striking women yeah world sexiest man that's the way he was doing the interview uh about with barbara walters in 1986. Oh, really? That's what she said. So you said that occasionally it's okay to hit a woman, huh? Kaelin, you ever seen that?

I sure have. Yeah, everybody has. Okay. This is the second time we've talked about this week. All right, all right. Hey, well, hold on. Hold on. I want you now, whenever you hear her say the word sexy, take it in.

What is not sexy to jizzy? She is commented on Josh's work ethic being sexy. She's commented on Joe picking up a hat with his toes. She's accused, she's, she's, she's, she's laid down on the back in her own cabinet and said, everyone on this boat is shakshy. Right, right. So you're saying that she sounds like my, like Austin Powers. Yes, Austin Powers, yeah. Okay.

I can understand how that would be, quote, unquote, a boner killer. Okay. So, um, that's when we get to the realization with Jizzy that the way that I speak and act lead me to believe that I have no business having a boyfriend right now. I think that might be a grand insight from Kizzy. All right. So listen, we have to get to the next morning, but we haven't talked about the show at all, so I can't do an ad break right now.

You can't do an ad? I feel like we've been talking about the show a lot. No, Lobster Kish is going to be served. That's not vegan last time I checked, but push-ups are better than cocaine, according to Max. And we're leaving at 9 o'clock in the morning. This is going to be V the Cubans first undocking. And I have to say she does quite well

because 9 o'clock in the morning it's too early to do stuff like this, you know? Well, they got some swells to beat. They got to get out there. They got to get out there. But like, can you imagine, I'm not a morning person lately because my child will wake up at like five or six

and then we'll usually like feed and then take a little bit of nap. And then by the time 9 o'clock in the morning comes around, I don't know what's going on, right? If I had to throw ropes, and I'm not talking about coming, okay? No, that's shooting ropes. Okay.

Totally different thing. Let's get to an ad, brook. Perfect time. Nothing will warm you up. Ah. Is this lower? For really anything you want to do. You need to get warmed up.

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easy to set up and manage Microsoft Voice enables you and your team to work any time from any location find out how it can help you your business to learn more contact the Innovate team today visit innovate.i and yeah I was going to all right yeah so we're leaving at 9

v the Cubans first on darking she does very well the boys are all thrilled and Sandy and Kermit look on and they go she looked so happy up here she's found her calling yeah Max has something about a dolphin jumping up on the boat and killing everybody if she's working down there. But if she's up on deck, she can see the dolphin that's trying to get on the board of the boat and trying to kill everybody. And Max is on a low-grade acid all the time. Dolphins, they usually don't aim to kill humans.

They'll rape. Yeah, they'll have sex with you. But, you know, it's kind of like the way a Yorkshire Terrier tries to hump, right? It's much more alarming and dangerous because of the mass and aquatic kind of build of the dolphin, right? Yeah. So it's scarier. I'm not saying that it's not scary, but I do not think that they're going to board the vessel like a Somali pirate and try to kill everybody. Yeah, no, they have a very unique way of mating.

They pull out their wang and they hook their foot or your ankle onto the, they're wang and they drag you in circles. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Until they climax. And then the female dolphins, they all swim around and they do a dance and they eat it. They eat it up. And then they have little babies.

Wow. You're welcome for science. Nature is a beautiful thing. Nature is beautiful. Yeah. Nature is really, really beautiful. And so are dolphins. Yeah, I love them.

They're amazing. Kaelin, you like a dolphin. I love dolphins. what about a hippo you like a hippo no those fuckers are mean yeah they will kill you they're the dead they will kill you they're the deadliest creatures uh on the planet uh one of them yeah they kill more humans than great white sharks yeah oh yeah great white sharks have gotten a bad rap they just do not kill anywhere near that many humans but hippos do you know what else does black death what the cape buffalo oh really oh my god you want to talk about one of the meanest animals on planet Earth, Cape Buffalo. And I told you, I think, about that lady at the beach who thought that, did I tell you with the lady at the beach, the bull was rummaging through her stuff,

and she thought it was going to be a good idea to go shoe him off like he was a bird? And the bull killed her. He killed it. Well, Gord, you know, she may have been saved. We have pretty advanced medical care. But, yeah, no, she was in bad shape because 1,500-pound animal did whatever he wanted to her. so don't feed the cape buffalo a lot of meanwhile stuff the toys are in the water la donna hits the jet ski just the most fun primary we've had in some time she's a great time she

she's like you know what everybody else is poopy you know what i'm going to do i'm going to get up early i'm going to get out on that jet ski i'm going to go four miles an hour and i'm going to head back in for breakfast all right let's get to tying knots with v and her late boyfriend who sadly passed away underwater uh via drug deal gone wrong with a gris No, actually, he was run over by a steamroller. Yeah, yeah, while scuba diving. Sad, random. Are you acquiring new information on this?

It's ongoing. It's an ongoing investigation. Yes, there's multiple possible causes of that. And who are the investigators? Are they gerbils? They keep coming up with new concrete ways of death. You know I have a team of young kids in the Philippines always giving me information. That's true.

Okay, so breakfast is beautiful. And it better be because Carlos is not putting any. anything in his body that is not going to fuel his soul, his spirit, and his chakras. But breakfast is just a lovely, lovely meal. It's mango and beet salad, which is disgusting. Don't pair those two things together and get it away from me, actually. But we've got melon, we've got homemade hash browns, and a hash brown made with love, you know, any Jew who's made a lotka knows that it is an arduous process, right?

The moisture has to be wrung out of these things completely. the fry is difficult sometimes, but it's really the moisture. If you want to nail any kind of crispy shredded potato, pack a bag. Yeah. So lobster keesh will round things off. And we do not have any complaints with this meal. I would give it a 82 pot breakfast. Yeah, probably.

But the wind is picking up and we get up to 28 knots. Now, the boys on the fishing vessel that took off from, or wherever the fuck gloucester gloucester galen can you look up the knots that the boys that took out from gloucester he's referring to the film a perfect storm okay what's your question delin how many knots was the perfect storm oh that would be the thing to goo i think you'd want to know how high were the swells no i want to know the knots the wind knots because you know once this wind starts picking up sandy he recognizes clear and present danger almost instantaneously because the white caps begin

to peek their heads up. And the white caps are a forewarning, right? I can go higher. Okay? I can get worse. I was actually shocked. She bothered to pull this boat out there for three hours. I don't think Sandy would have done this in the past. You don't think? You think she's gotten more dangerous? Chris? I think she felt really bad, and there was that window, and she said, let's do it. Kalin, the knots of the perfect storm? Yeah, so wind speeds reached extreme levels with the fishing boat, Andrea Gale, reporting winds of 80 knots, 92 miles per hour just before it was lost. Good Lord. That's very fast.

Wow. And Kalin, do you mind really quickly? Can you look up how big the swells were that the boys that took off from Gloucester had to feel? I think they were 100 feet. No. Yeah, see, these fishermen, there's not enough money in the world. How about, like, in the 1400s getting on one of those goddamn wooden boats? Oh, my gosh.

All you had to eat was all this stuff packed in salt. Yeah. Just dead meat. Mm-hmm. 100-foot swells, huh? And they make, what, like 2, 300 grand a year? Even maybe more. I don't know.

the fish smell alone, I wouldn't do it. You're going to tell me I smell like fish for weeks? No, I can't, I'm not going to do that. No dental care. Caitlin, how big were the swells? They reached up to 100 feet. Wow. You know, um, think about this.

Do you know the life expectancy of a person in like 1,400? Uh, I think it was like, I think, I think the infant mortality rates kind of throw this average off. Oh, I see. Well, then we talk about the mean or the median. yeah like sadly there were so many kids that passed away that that life expected i think it was 37 yeah so there weren't a lot of divorces because when you got married at 20 because you look around and there are those old wizards that are walking around and they're like yeah yeah yeah those they were living well they weren't out on a farm open to all these different diseases and they were

wizards yeah but it's nice to know that the marriage rate uh the success rate was higher because death was eminent when you said till death to us part you literally had 14 years left to live right before you all your teeth rotted out of your face that's such a good point yeah do you want to amend the vows well my wife and i had thought it'd be interesting if once you get past 20 years you just go on a one year contract moving past that and you just see if you're going to re-up every year one is kind of a short-term thing i would i would say five my wife said after 25 years i can go do whatever I want. Yeah.

She, we've, I think we've discussed this. That's a fraudulent boon. Yeah, I told her that's fucked out. I'm going to be ugly, wrinkly.

Who wants to have sex with me then? Right, exactly. That doesn't do me any good. I'm going to need you, like, taking care of me. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Like, I'm not worried about banging anybody. I'm worried about messing myself. That's right. And I'm worried about you wanting to leave me when you have to wipe the back of my leg down.

I can see you're doing that. Can you? Leaving me. Okay. How long we've been going? It's too long. All right. I mean, it's just nuts.

All right. Is this been just, how are we doing? How are we doing? I've had a lot of fun. Yeah, he, Dylan gets so. Okay, one of the guests, Crystal, is not happy. She's not thrilled that they're going back to the dock and I don't blame her.

You know, you get on a boat to be on the water. You get in a taxi to be. on land. So we dock again. V continues to excel quite a bit. The theme tonight is going to be high tea, and the charter is not going well. So they need to pull out all the stops, okay?

Now, Joe and Nathan have a little chat. Nathan says, you're going to bang both of them, are you? Well, he's weighing who he'd like to bang, and like it's up to him. Yeah, he's like Subway. I have a little lettuce and fucking big. Right, right, right.

Women are not Chipotle. But in this case, they are, because there's sea rats. So everybody's kind of up for grabs. Key thing here, too. He learns of V's, the fate of her previous boyfriend. Oh, yeah, rolled over by a steam cleaner downstairs. No, no, no, horrible fire.

Yeah. So are you getting updates on the case in real time from the tiny little Filipino boys? Yes. Okay. Grief from a movie. You have a very, kind of a Liberacey thing going on with your harem of little Filipino researchers what do you mean i don't have sex with any of them you don't know have they ever come out to visit uh i the main one your favorite he's one of my favorites is he the cutest oh get out of here

no no no i love them all the same they're like my children i bet you do are you drinking beer i fucking ran out of white claw god damn it you're drinking beer right now and i don't like it what happened to the buzz ball i'm going to have one right now i'm trying to pace myself we've got a couple shows to knock up man i'm a professional anyway all right so he goes no i'm not going to have sex with both of them that's disgusting that's wrong there is no world in which he does not entertain i i think the only thing they could sorry for picking my nose on the on the video uh the only thing that they could stop him from making love with both of them is brocote and i think nathan and jesus

are probably going to. Here's the thing. We have a new stewardess showing up at the tail end of this episode. Good point. There are rumors that she may swing for the other team, but... Oh, really? Mm-hmm. She looks like Gail from behind, but I don't think it is Gail.

Oh, no, it can't be Gail. All right. Now, the issue of who he's going to choose is going to be tested because Jizzy can do the splits and twerk her ass and shit. So she brings him up to do a little dance routine or a rehearsal. It's a very kind of Chicago, Zeta Jones, Zellwigger, kind of sexy cabaret, grab your dick and do the twerking thing. And it's Spanish, you know, it's a culture of love and romance.

So he's having a tough time. And also this triggers a little C-Rat history from Joe. Oh, it's, oh. Yeah, yeah. Apparently, when he was a small boy, he used to have sex with gilfs for candy and dance lessons or something. Okay. We all been there. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Tea ball practice, and then your parents drop you off at a gilf's house. Yeah. Carpet smells like death, but she's got good candy. I'm not saying her pubic hair smells like that. I'm saying her home smells like that. Hey, this would be a fun game. If you still have carpet in your house or apartment, leave us a five-star review. tell us how bad it smells i have carpet you have carpet i have carpet upstairs do you know i've seen

i've been your place if you rip that up i guarantee there's hardwood floors under there uh yeah i don't i don't really see the need for carpet ever carpets disgusting oh well it's just you know it's what you prefer you know if somebody likes a shag they like a shag some people like By a rug. Some people like hardwood. I think a rug can really just explode and bloom a room out, right? So much better than carpet. But we're rug people.

We're hardwood rug people. Kailen, do you have carpet? Yeah, in the bedrooms. Why are you going so hard on carpet people? You know what? Maybe it's just triggering for me because I used to have three dogs, all small, all apartment dogs. And I lived in that shitty apartment for like 10 years.

And you let them go too long, too. They turned into kind of Frankenstein monsters. There were two males, and they both weren't neutered, so they'd have a pee-off contest. The entire apartment smelled disgusting. I had to go buy, I'm sorry, rent a vacuum from Ralph's once a month and do the whole clean. It lasts for about three days, and they'd start peeing on it again.

Can I tell you, I don't know why this, oh, well, I called your dog's little Frankenstein monsters. The Alamo Draft House has a baby day on Tuesdays. You can take the child. Now, you can take the baby. We'll get back to the show in one second. We're thinking of taking the baby to the movies. Okay.

They're not playing anything for babies. They're playing like a Persian, you know, foreign film and the new Frankenstein movie directed by Del Toro. With all other babies in there? There's other babies in there. I like that. That must be in Silver Lake, right? No, it's in downtown Los Angeles. actually.

Wow, that's cool. Because you would like to, you can't wait to get out of the house, especially if you don't have money for a nanny or a caretaker. To be able to go on a Saturday at a certain time and not to do it. It's a Tuesday. I'm going to open a buzz ball. Luckily, okay. Luckily, we live in Los Angeles and somehow everyone out here has money but doesn't work, right? It's crazy how that works.

Oh, it's crazy. You know, I go through waves, right? I'll work really hard and then I'll do absolutely nothing, right? So on those downturns, you know, you'll be like, oh, I get to go to a golf course on a Tuesday afternoon, right? I never get to do this. And you're just like, how are there 7,000 Korean people here? What are you guys doing? I know.

It's crazy. My goal is when I'm in my mid-50s, I want to, like, work like, three days a week. Yeah. And don't we all, let's get to dinner. I don't know if this is editing, but after Chef Josh rattles off. 94. A massive spread for them. One of the vegans says, that's fine.

What? That's fine. I think Carlos called the first offering greasy. Greasy. Yeah. And they do not like the food. Can I tell you something? He is such a fucking miserable son of a bitch.

Here's a reenactment of him having an orgasm. Okay. oh mediocre oh yeah that was a good that was a good impression of him yeah fuck off carlice having an orgasm oh mediocre he's not happy about anything no no and uh i that's sometimes you know listen we're going to look back on this period and we're going to be horrified by factory farming it's a it's a disgusting i say that all the time um so i understand and people's drive away from it. But, you know, animal protein is, is important sometimes. There are certain vegans that do it successfully.

But then there are French fry pieces of shit like Carlos who go, oh, mediocre. You know, and he just needs a steak. Yes. And be happier. I think so. But we round things up with a very ornate dessert. It's very vegan. It's very fruit forward.

It's passion fruit sorbet. It's mango. There's a honey twill. And Josh is called up once again. Now, obviously, this is going to be a bait and switch from below deck. They're going to tell him that it's absolutely marvelous. But I still, you know, I don't even like beckoning him back up. At this point, like, just leave it alone, okay?

Yeah, yeah. This is a trope of 80 sitcoms, too, where the boss would call you in the office. And you're like, oh, he's got a fireman. And he starts out, he goes, Thomas, this is not good. It's great. And then everyone laughed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then they cut to a cigarette commercial.

Yeah. Yeah. All right, so Jizzy tells. By the way, the trick, I would tell Josh, the trick was you should have played to what they favor. They all have sweet tubes. Should have been, at least every other course should have been something sweet and sugary. Well, that's not a meal. You can find a way to pull together.

what do you think they would like their ideal dinner go ahead and lay it out oh no yeah go ahead lay it out six courses go ahead and lay it out their ideal dinner all right i'm sorry what's it called when it's like a protein type of food that's called uh what savory first course something savory second course something sweet okay what's the first course uh i don't know barbecue ribs let's let's not do this let's not do this fuck man so jizzy tells v and i don't know why i asked you to you tried to to bail out numerous times i grabbed the parachute and yanked you back in all right jizzy tells v about the entire dance routine where she grabbed his dick and v is confused about it because of her being in love and all that

with a man who's not here she's a free spirit yes so we dance then we full uh then Before we head out. Hey, Dill, what's the word we use for a woman that is a horrible person that treats people below her horribly? A diva. A diva. A diva. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was going to say a boss bitch.

Then before we head out, or before we head to bed, Jizzy drops a bit of a dime on Victoria, the Cuban. Says this isn't working out. She's dropping the ball. We get to the next day. The Ladonna lost her headband that belonged to. her late daughter. And this is just like an unbelievably sweet moment between her and Asia. I don't know how people continue to move forward when something like this happens. And I don't understand how they continue to move forward and be as lovely as LaDonna is after this

happens. She's just... Thank God it was Kermit that went in there to help find that because I don't think Kizzy or jizzy or v would have had that same moment that kermin yeah no jizzie would have found it probably and then been like so how do you think all ship buying shakshi boner killer boner killer alert okay got it we got it it it is crazy to me that over the last month i have been sitting across from a man who every single time we record is just drinking a buzz ball it's i'm in the fucking twilight zone there's a man unironically drinking buzz balls every time we're not alone there's thousands of listeners out there right now

doing the same thing done yeah it's buzzball friday or tuesday or whatever day it is so the guests apart um i love ladonna she says that um you know she went through transformation and she wanted to come here to kind of like look forward and stuff and we get changed and jizzy says that she can't wait to get slutty tonight as she's walking down the little bridge now Nate suggests why don't you dump your boyfriend first yeah Nate is um Nate is the head of a department like I don't think that Asia is a sea rat per se. She's a sea rat everybody on the show is but Asia has elevated herself. You know, it's a little bit like that, that, uh, that dark pit that all of the children where Bain was born lived. Oh, the darkness, the pit. The darkness, right? The sea rats are

comfortably down on the ground floor. Aisha is climbing out into the sunlight, right? She's found love. She's shitting in buckets. She has a life outside. She's also hanging out with Chrissy Tegan and John Legge. Yeah, exactly. Hey, if I may, because I just have to say it, regarding what Kizzy had to say about how she'd like to go out. It's slutty. Yeah. I love sluts. Oh, yeah. They're like gummy bears. They make everyone happy.

They make the world go round. What would we be without them? I don't want to live in that world. World without fucking gummy bears. Are you kidding me? How about you, Kaelin? I enjoy them as well. Thank you.

And honestly, I feel like the female version of a slut is far superior to the male version of a sled. Oh, yes. The male version of a slut is just like, hey, we're going out on getting a spice bag and just like bangs a bunch of people. You know, there's a certain kind of mystique about the gummy bear. So get this. This kind of goes to bond. So I'm at Laurel Tavern right before I met my wife. and this girl, two friends, two girlfriends, I'm sorry, two women that I don't know that

are friends walk up to me at the bar. We're talking, chit-chatting, 15 minutes in, like, why are you guys out tonight? What are you celebrating? What not? One of the girls, her husband, who she deeply loved, had died one year ago. Oh, sad. Yeah, exactly. And they were out kind of having a good time.

I had sex with her. I did that for her and him. No. No, you did it for you. There's two people and a ghost involved in that scenario. And you said that you did it for the wrong people. You did it for yourself. Twice.

Okay, so let's get changed and let's get out. Oh, we have 40 grand tip, 4,000 each. The point being that Nathan may be the head of a department, but he's still a fucking C rat, okay. Yeah, yeah. Like, an underling is going, oh, I want to get studied tonight. You're the head of her department.

You know, you should go, oh, that's great. You have a fun time. He goes, break up with your boyfriend, and I'll fucking fucking two seconds. You know, it's like, whoa, dude. I was going to say, Kermit is firing on all cylinders. She's amazing.

Yeah, make fun of her voice, but she's a great person. And just gorgeous. I mean, my God. Okay, so then we get to the biggest tip we've ever seen. Ever. We've never hit fours on this show. Never.

Ever. Okay. And to think that it came from Carlos, you know, Carlos and Candice are chipping in this much money. Can I just say this too? This is an overtip. There's a correction here. I understand Carlos was a dick.

And there was another charter guest that was a little rude. But think about the trip that you were just provided. Had you just given 20 grand, that would have been completely welcomed, and no one would judge you on that. You know what I think? 40 is an overtip. I think LaDonna, I think LaDonna took care of a good portion of it because, I don't know. I just think that she connected with the Sea Rats and Asia. But no, I don't think Carlos and Candace put up a good margin.

If they were asked to pay equally $40,000, they'd be like, Hey, if anybody... No, the food was greasy and didn't satisfy my fucking satiate my fucking chakris. That's what I'm saying he hated half the food and that was half the experience. Hey, if anybody knows this charter guest group, please hit us up. I need the answers. So, Josh plays guitar. Dick rhymes with tip, he says.

Not really. It doesn't. And I just think that acoustic guitars, if they're not in the hands of a folk singer or John May should just be smashed. We had a friend that was on drugs. They should be smashed. We had a friend that was in the full throes of viking addiction. He would show up at our house.

I have guitars everywhere if you ever come to my house. Yeah. Knowing that he would come, we would hide the guitars. Yeah. Because he would pick one up and start singing. Yeah. And one time my wife and I, we were both sitting down when he did it. And we both were looking at each other.

We both walked out of the room simultaneously. Yeah. You know, I did that one time. My wife's roommate in college, I picked up an acoustic. to guitar, and I found a little melody that I liked, and I kept playing it over and over and over. It was a somber melody that I'd written. And my wife's roommate just goes, okay, that's enough. And I looked up and I was like, oh, my God, I've been torturing this room with this melancholy melody for like a half an hour.

I'm so glad that's how you received it. Yeah. Wish more people would. Yep. You know. I had to dump a girl because she kept playing guitar in front of me. The text message from the Sea Rats was so fucking. It was so cool. Max is fucking hilarious and yeah, just such good vibes. Let's get to the bridge. Jizzy needs to get a recruitment. Again, oh, well, Jizzy says she needs to get a recruitment fee for V. What fucking world are you living in? You had less than nothing to do with her getting moved to the exterior. Kizzy is, she's a young woman. There's a lot of maturing to do.

Man, do I get cheezed off by Kissy? Yeah. Okay. Well, someone's looking down on V. Very proud. Bon. Bon. Yeah, he taught her how to tie knots.

And unfortunately, he was mauled by an elephant while scuba diving. I don't know how that happened. Yeah. I don't know if they can tell us how he actually passed. I think we have to figure out what happened, right? I can't be thrown all of these wacky causes of death multiple times you're out of show. So if I could implore your harem of little boys that you do not have sexual relations with to just figure it the fuck out before we get back in here, I would appreciate that.

No disrespect at all to V, some of the C rats listen. V, if you're listening all the respect in the world, not having any fun with this, if you would, DM me, let me know how your boyfriend rolled to seven. No. No, no, no. There's a reason why we are pulling money out of our coffers to these boys. Okay, they can figure it out. Okay, fine. Not going to ask V to do that because. Shumamu D. Get on it. Shumamu D. What? Shimamu D.

Yeah. He's head of that department. Okay. They're not Pakistanis. They're Filipinos. This episode has been. crazy and too long. I agree.

We've lost our minds. Shimamodi. Deep. Shamamo deep. He's Muslim. He's a Muslim Filipino. Yes. The Philippines have the largest population of Muslims.

No, Indonesia does. Not the Philippines. They're Christians. Holy fuck. Shimamo deep. let's get to the night out we begin with a proclamation i'm allowed to flirt v isn't sure if the guys um v v and jizzy are confused if the guys are into them or not and ayesha just a perfect response if you're into it they're into it that's right she knows how men think now a brutal brutal

um conversation takes place and i i don't even like this has got to be really hurtful i i love josh I think he's a sweet guy and he's a really talented chef. When they start talking about who to bang, he's not even brought up. And I feel really, really bad for him because he's not these ladies types. They're young sea rats.

They're into fuck boys. They're not into people who lived at hippie communes and killed everybody. Here's what hurts him. And there's a lot of people out there that are. He's got a soft, weird looking face. Grow a beard, dude. He has,

he is a different kind of, type there are lots of people out there that like that okay soft weird looking phase that's not true a beard will overcome a lot of things you we both have beards that's what i'm saying yeah yeah um okay asia says that max and joe might be giving lovers and nathan is just going to bang away like a north englishman yeah yeah people like people like it both ways know if anybody likes it that way just getting slammed up on you can smell fried batter sweating all over on them yeah it's just not good we sit down for dinner a bar card is always fun i love a bar cart i'm so glad this excited you too because it reminded me of madmen 50s you know where

madman 50s yeah yeah like uh in the 50s you know a guy worked for an advertisement company he'd come home and there'd be a cart in the entryway with a bottle of scotch out. That's how like robust our alcoholism was back in those days. Well, they really knew how to enjoy life, Dylan. Yeah, no. One of my favorite restaurants in the city is a place called Casablanca in Venice. You know Casablanca? I've driven by it. Um, you know, there's a lot of Mexican restaurants in this city and they'll all poison you. You'll be bleeding out of your asshole. Not this one. If you go to, if you go to, if you go to Costa, of Vega, you'll be sick.

Oh, I have diarrhea every time. I stopped having, I stopped eating there. One time I went on a date there and I had to diarrhea and it was a first date. She was in my apartment. I had to go into the laundry room, the communal laundry room and poop into a garbage bag. Yeah. And that's what happens. Kailen, do you go, have you ever been to Casa Vega?

Oh, once or twice. It sucks. Thank you. Casablanca is different. it's all it's all humphrey bogarded out it's it's a restaurant in in adoration for that film and they have a margarita cart there's a guy that rolls around with a margarita cart and he's like 80 you know and he's killed people right that's what they did and he makes a mean margarita um bizarre now clothes was at the sLS hotel they did that gastronomy it was a laundry whatever fuck his name is they had the cart thing too yeah i fucking love yeah it's so fun it's so fun all right anyway So, um, make these pets, these pits. I don't know what to do. You're going to have sex with them.

So Jizzy is wondering who she wants. She's just weighing her options as is Joe. And we have a bunch of talk about banging, sucking, and fucking, but it's all talk at the end of the day. We're not there yet. All right. Here's some advice for Joe, uh, who, uh,

he does something at the table that is absolutely smart and he is definitely a coxman. At the dinner table, he says that he wants to buy a house for his mother. Yeah. Oof. Yeah. This is intended to endear himself to, the females of course it might it might not be it might be wholly untrue oh i've used to lie all the

time i actually in my book that's been unreleased but it will be released in 2030 it's called cracking the code closing uh more ass for less money and you anticipate a 2030 release because things have gotten so nasty with simon and shooster no no no it's we have to get in that right time period when i was going to release it in 2017 it was it was the wrong time yeah trump yeah too contentious the waters were murky and ugly We're going to be all ready to start banging again, have funny movies with bad humor in them. 2030. That's when the book's going to be released.

Anyway, one of the chapters was your profiles. Ben Stiller's going to have an overbite and he's going to be mentally challenged. That's right. We'll go back to all the good days. Rather than brag about what car you're buying at the table, talk about how you volunteered at the animal shelter all day. That will get you laid by Fred. Yes. And the book is called again?

closing ask for less money cracking the code 20-30 release and are you going under a pen name or just sir Patrick Hickey doctor Hyde dr. Hyde got it okay so um asia is at dinner there we're all at dinner we leave the club but she just wants to go home and eat chicken noodles uh she is a woman of my own heart then we get to the back of the van after a conversation between joe and v you know he goes listen I'm going to bang in and I'm never going to talk to you again. And I just want to make sure that that's okay. And V says, yeah, it is. You know, V's chill.

She's not like, good on V for not being like, calm down, you know, because calm down. Also, I agreed with his sentiment. He said, you are so friggin' hot with your hair straightened. She's hot with her hair straight with her hair curly. She's a hot Cuban. So we get in the back of the van. It's heating up. And V says, if you want to kiss me, you're not going to do it in the back of a van with a bunch of other people.

Classy lady, okay? I like V a lot. Then we get to Jizzy, who calls her boyfriend Tommy Boy, and she breaks up with him. She says, I want to go kiss somebody else. I can't be in a relationship with you. And he fights a little bit, but I think an appropriate amount of fighting. He's like, I don't want this, but also, it sounds like you made up your mind. It's already in your system.

Yep. And then she hangs up crying and says, I hate boys, I hate boys. You do not. You love boys. Boys are your favorite thing in the world. Get in the comments, let us know what you thought about any of the things we said this episode. I think we probably said everything this episode. Yeah.

This was a bit of an almanac of nonsense. So we love you very much. Have a great week. I'm Dylan saying goodbye. Pat, say goodbye. And Kaylin. Coming out tonight? I'm going out tonight? Can't. I've a task to catch up on.

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