Another Below Deck Podcast - Chef Matt, A Fidgety Pigeon | Below Deck Med S6 E2

Episode Date: July 7, 2021

Dyl, Nick and Pat are back to chat bad knees, lies, muddy broths, Lord of the Flies, how Matt lit small animals on fire when he was young and caused his parents divorce and of course Bravo's Below Deck.  Patreon here - Patreon.com/AnotherPodcastNetwork  YouTube Version of this episode: https://youtu.be/QaNNRF9a7K0 Merch here - AnotherMerchStore.com  Another Podcast Show here - https://apple.co/3cpI2CX Thank you to MagicMind.co Use Promo Code BELOWDECK for 25% OFF

more time to focus on other stuff you know so i can have a little redemption here for this trip you know crew food crew food we gotta do crew food yeah i don't know the space i'm still getting used to it everywhere i'm in pain this guy disgusts me Welcome, I'm fucking bored. Another brand spanking new episode of another Below Deck Podcast. My name's Dylan. Settled up next to one real Nicholas Davis. Ahoy, mateys. Pat producer podcast over there behind my glasses how are you good psa's what do you got uh uh

patreon just go over it seemed to have crept up on you no because we talked about something at the top of the show and then i forgot about it i was going to mention one of the reasons you can sign up for patreon is uh we're trying to bypass that idea of this thing called Cameo, where you pay your favorite reality TV show stars and podcasters to do a little video for a loved one or maybe yourself for their birthday. We're doing that, but we're not allowing Cameo to wet their beak on our

talents. So if you want us to do a special message for a friend, like a birthday thing, maybe you want to divorce someone and you want Nikki Dilley and myself to break the bad news to your husband yeah we're really good with bedside manner stuff sign up for patreon and i think we'll do it for 100 bucks but we'll make it really long right is that what we're doing or if you want to promote your business we'll do that too we'll basically we'll give you a real bargain on that time about his the way that he's plugging this i i mean all

those things are involved you get a minute of air time on our show to make us say what you want us to say. Well said. And there's lovely lovely shows at Patreon.com. Every interview we have with charter guests, we're talking to Kate Chastain, the Queen of the Sea, coming up

in a couple weeks. That will be behind Patreon.com slash another podcast network so go over there um also reviews we need your guys help five stars please say nice words i want to say my tagline for the new patreon tier it's the hundred dollar attack attack hawk tier yeah go on the offensive with the attack hawk tier okay great so guys let's get into the episode um uh thoughts not okay i go first yeah because you've. Can I go first? Yeah, absolutely. Because you've been letting Nick go first the last couple of weeks. All right, this is what I want to say.

I don't think that's true. Or maybe it was on- I want to go first because that- No, no. That policy made me so angry. My thoughts are so clear and they will be concise. Yeah. All right, this is what I love about this season so far.

Okay. A good reality show, one of the main aspects that brings viewers or draws them in is not people that you love, but people that you truly despise and you wish to fail. You're talking about... Captain Timeshare. Oh, sorry. Captain Timeshare and that other character I've named Chef Spaz.

I can't stand that. I love that name for him. If Matt worked with me, I definitely have to stop myself from slapping that bitch in the face. I really don't like him at all. I'm really hoping for his failure. I love in the trailer for next week's episode, we already see him and Lexi going at it. This is going to be a fun season.

I thought it was a pretty decent episode. I'm really enjoying it. I can't believe all the hate that Therese and Lee are getting online. I think they were perfectly polite guests once the chef showed up. Sure. That was on display this episode. Great episode. I don't know what happened.

I would just watch the show, but that doesn't matter. I enjoyed myself. 90 knots. I hesitate to say this because it's going to come off as too harsh. To me. Yeah. Okay. But that wasn't brief or concise. You know what I mean? Now, see, I feel bad. I feel bad i feel bad oh i thought you're gonna tell me i was an idiot i thought that was really nice no no no no nico i feel

crummy though it was not brief nor concise i agree with a lot of the sentiment i hate a lot of these people right uh and i think you can't just have only people you hate that'll get old you need a hero that hero is z yeah um a god who's not rooting for him to port courtney yeah um well i'm not maybe not that's oh that'll happen that's not gonna happen she's gonna throw him a charity bang she's talking about being a sugar baby yeah he's poor that's all right they're on the boat she can be a sugar baby later and that's not as glamorous as it sounds up to. It seems to be, Courtney. All right. Your body is being used for wealthy men's pleasure.

But really enjoyed the episode. Hate Lexi. Hate Matt. He's such a. I have so many thoughts on that. Yeah. Yeah. Let's show them.

And but yeah, great episode. I think we're really. Ramping up. Ramping up for a great season. 90 knots. I thought the episode was good we're still in the kind of the cast backstory phase um we don't need that oh sure we do no we don't need that oh yes we do we don't need to listen to uh i don't know, why Katie's doing what she's doing or anything like that. But despite that, Matt is a possible serial killer and the gift that keeps on giving for that reason, 12 pots.

Before we get in the show, bring it up, bring him back a segment. Errors and omissions. Oh, I think this is actually really important. We've had some complaints on The Bachelor. We don't know the names or the specifics of going on. Yes, and we're professionals and we have to get better at that, me included. We don't have to get better at that. We can be flippant and just fuck stuff up.

But as long as we go back and correct. And that's what brings me to errors and omissions. Errors and omissions. And it is, of course. It's a new drop. Places where we erred and things we omitted yeah uh we talked about bayonets uh last episode right yeah uh pat came out with an amazing stat that only five percent of war casualties were from the bayonet and i balked at i was like you cannot be talking about the civil war he's like uh world war one and i was like yeah because civil war had to be Civil War. He's like, World War I. And I was like, yeah, because Civil War had to be way higher.

And that's what happens when you talk out of your ass. Yeah. I had literally no reason to interject myself other than like, they were so close. But so I have a little history. Oh, thanks. The American Civil War. During the American Civil War. And there is some, you'll see there's some glitching in my printing, so I might struggle with this.

Just want to apologize to everybody real quick. This is going to be a fun gem of history, but the paragraph I just looked at was pretty fucking big. So buckle up. We'll talk about Bravo's Below Deck soon. And we'll have a timestamp in the description for when actual show comes. I'll do it. Yeah. description for when no we will not just i'll do it yeah during the american civil war 1861 1865 the bayonet was found to be responsible for less than one percent of battlefield

but then you it leads you to think oh it's useless why they even have it but it is actually a hallmark of modern warfare not because of the deaths that it caused but the use of bayonet charges uh forced the enemy to retreat uh successfully numerous times to spur on smaller engagements. Right, right, right. And I'm not going to read the rest of it because the printing is so bad. Do you know how many deaths were caused by bayonets in the Gulf War? I would guess less than 1% there, too. Okay, so let's get it.

Not finished. Oh, too. Okay, so let's get it... Not finished. Oh, sorry. We also said, when we talked to Therese and Lee Persenti, you credited Ryan Bender as asking if Captain Sandy is a fraud. And Patreon, Baby Barnacle, patreon.com, such another podcast network. Hanif Mamdani was upset you stole his glory. He was actually the one who asked if Captain Sandy was a fraud. It's a tight knit community over there. We'll call you guys out.

I'm a patron. I come so you're not going to stand up. Here's five bucks. And finally, here's an omission by me. Malia said Lloyd looked like Wario with his mustache and his hat. And she was like, it's me, Mario. Really dropped the ball. Really missed the opportunity. She should have went, it's me,

Malia. And that concludes errors and omissions. Okay, so last we left off, Therese. Speaking of errors and omissions, I cannot get this woman's name right. Therese. Therese or Therese? Therese. And Lee. Lee and Therese

had asked Sandy if she tasted the food that they were served. To which she replied covid covid old captain timeshare blames covid she gives them the for this major fuck up she gives them the namaste hands and she says guys this damn pandemic i wish i could have done i don't give what a fuck she'd almost stayed hey sandy uh miss uh wannabe life coach excuses are like belly buttons everyone has one and ain't worth nothing spare us and captain sandy i mean i might as well blame my miss homework on bigfoot

at least credit something that exists yeah exactly the whole crew, and he is joking, use your brain. Use your brain. The whole crew goes back to a state of uncertain panic. The night going into the next morning, what's going on with breakfast? Is he coming back? Is Duska coming aboard again? I mean, it is tough going, but lucky for them matt will be returning we'll get to that in a second can i jump into a meanwhile do you guys mind no you guys stop me if you need

to lee tells therese that he loves her uh she says don't care go to bed um she also they argue over whether or not they're gonna attempt to try and get their money back yeah i did get that i'm a big percenty fan but man lee lee at times and he was very quieter than you were kind of a broken man love you guys though love you guys so uh the rest of the crew party z says that his brothers would be proud that he didn't get fired on the first day see are you like a a closeted narcoleptic or something why are you so surprised you're doing a great job man and you're likable as hell uh lexi tells the secret she swore she would never tell to anybody who'll listen and she won a prize that proves it um she also i think uh what would give it away is that giant tattoo

sash she has that's Bahamas a bit much. Yeah, hot tat. Pretty shitty episode. The meanwhile continues here, guys, actually. Guests. Airplane, the chief stew. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The chief stew who dated the filthy scouser.

Katie. Katie, that's right. I mean, at this point, you'll do anything after that horrible dinner. Right, right, right. My sister used to do that to me all the time. It's great fun. And actually great, great work for the core. I did that one time when we were younger. I launched my sister into the frame of her bed. Kids are so dangerous. They get hurt all the time. I call mine the suicide machine. Yeah. The first time you do it, if you really commit,

you're going to go over the top it's like going over the top of handlebars it's hard to find that balance yeah yeah you have to strike it it's like dropping into a half pipe uh so we learn of lloyd's terrible work performance at that car dealership and the punishment that he deserved bit he was he evidently was yes it's illegal what took place yes it's very thousands and and and like up until about 10 years ago i mean the behavior uh that was happening at these work environments or it's schools and colleges unbecoming unbecoming you guys are all i agree with all of it but effective nonetheless oh. Oh, sure. Make me the man I am.

I actually thought about implementing a similar thing if we didn't get acclimated to video, but we all adapted quite well. Thank God. Thank God. One note on Lloyd. I believe he says while he's working at a car dealership, his job was cold calling people. He's a fucking telemarketer. Now, I find this fascinating because I've thought about telemarketing quite a bit.

Oh, you didn't think what an odd way to sell a car? Well, no, more just the fact that telemarketing is still a thing. Strangers are calling other strangers to try and sell them shit. Yeah. It's obviously still working. I infiltrated one of the operations in Los Angeles. You can listen to my adventures with In-N-Out Building, my job interview with them, and my, again, infiltration into their

their company at patreon.com another podcast network well i guess the uh analogy i was making because i got to thinking really deep into this i was like wow telemarketing has been happening for 35 years still here paulie shore movies yeah they don't make those anymore it didn't no one wants that it doesn't make anybody money, so those are gone. But that fucking telemarketing. It's crazy. Were you high? Because that's just a...

I was saying the marketplace has spoken. No more Pauly Shore movies. Right, but people hate telemarketing. He blew that smoke in my face when he first got here. I haven't smoked yet today. Someone did. I did, I i'm hot but no i agree with your premise if if there was a market for the polyshore movies he's still

leaning down your cheese you know okay so oh yep but uh it still shocks me i agree it must be working the telemarketing for the the used cars but what kind of malleable person has it picks up the phone, not knowing what they're going to do that day, and then get convinced to go purchase a vehicle? Whose day is that, Lucy Goosey? I respect it. You go to buy a car, you need to carve out maybe two days. You got to walk in, you have to enter every dealership as though it is a fight and you have to go through the entire, I mean, you got to walk away usually to get the right price.

It's a whole thing. I do respect that kind of like no plan, just live your life as it comes. So this is a windfall for you telemarketers. Next one that calls me, I'm buying what you're selling. Oh, and you know what? I heard a good car tip on, of all places. Follow us there. Another podcast network. And we'll get back to the show really quickly. But don't ever walk into a car dealership

and say, this is the price that I want you to get to. Because they have all sorts of different fucked up ways to get that number for you. And it's not always advantageous for your wallet yeah i'll get that price but it'll be 8.9 and they'll stretch that payment over eight years now

exactly all right maybe that's uh obvious so i just would take offense to you said of all places tiktok i'm telling you that's what i'm telling you it's the new youtube go there to learn children and flat earthers so we learned some incredibly sad news about katie she went to what oh no no i was doing a bit she went to boarding school i hear that's really tough on children um but all joking aside we find out that lexi's dad died a few months ago a month ago a month ago of a fucking brain aneurysm poor thing thing. Jesus Christ. Which I would beg the question, Lexi, why are you here? No, I think, you know. A month?

You got to be there for your mom. Deaths like this is a surprise. You got to be there. All right. So wait a minute. Hold on. I'm going to do some math here. You make me sound like a genius.

She had to be here two weeks before they started filming to do quarantine so she could be on this boat and be on television. That means dad died a month ago. A week later, they have the funeral. She's one week out from her dad being, uh, you know,

put down in that dirt. What do you want her to do? Mope around and eat fucking, uh, pizza pockets. All right. I'll say this, not be on a reality TV show.

If I roll sevens and I find out Elliot a week later is flying out of town to go be on a reality show. I'll think i did not lexi has a airtight plan she's gonna go on the show for clout she's gonna get fired in dramatic fashion she's gonna build her social following and then she's gonna go on only fans and that's what her father would have wanted yeah it's like playing in the nba finals it's shocking i do she's gotta get a new wig though it. It does bother me, though, that they, like,

they're building this amazing villain, but then they kind of make her a sympathetic figure. I don't want to feel bad. Those are the best villains, Nick. Tony Soprano. Very complicated people.

Can't wait for that prequel. You know, I can. I won't see it for six years. So Matthew and his terrible knee and sick, sick brain are not yet back at this point. So Courtney once again has to help with breakfast. It's going to consist of pineapple with a semicircle of core not cut out. And then we'll get the call from Chef Spaz. out and then we'll get the call from chef spaz in a huge suspects type twist the chef cast on this show is a person with poor mental constitution his knee is sore but he'd like to come back and

start fresh sandy says i'm glad you're okay crossover nicky are you ready oh my god great Euro kick. Crossover. Nicky, are you ready? Oh my God. Great minds think alike. I had no idea. This is great. I hate this so much. All right.

Iggy, Iggy, Pussy, Illy. Wetter than the Amazon tastes this kitty. Silly, Billy, Poppin' Billy. Smoke him like a switcher. Lick this filly. Mold him. Soak him. Hook him like crack.

After shock. Molten. Lava drop. This should be outlaw. Call me Pop. Pussy. Pussy. lick this feeling mold them i soak them i hook them like crack after shock molten i lava drop this should be outlaw call me pop pussy illest on the planet better play your cards right if you want to you know he did a great job thank you he did a great job and the thing about playing it from the cell phone you know we have a nice board here all these expensive cameras and stuff like that the thing about playing it from the cell phone that you can't quite hear what he's rapping over. Right. So you can't tell how good of a job he's doing,

but a hundred knots. If anybody's wondering, sometimes the fans want it raw, Dylan. So like it raw. You got a, so you got so red there, Pat.

Anyway, that no nutted spineless turd is coming back. Yeah. So, um, Alyssa, you know what I was thinking? Hey Sandy,

how about, uh, you're fired. Okay. I'll cut up spam and serve it for dinner before I let you back on the boat. Yeah, so Alyssa, you know what I was thinking? Hey, Sandy, how about you're fired, okay? I'll cut up spam and serve it for dinner before I let you back on the lady. How about that? But, you know, Sandy says that she's been through a lot. You know, this doesn't even compare to

facing down with pirates. And fires in the Red Sea. Can someone fact check that, please? please all right so it's no secret i can't stand captain timeshare but i also hate lee more just so they audience so and i'm not a hater because i love captain glenn all right well so this is what i want to say that i i've really distilled down why i don't like captain sandy much like captain lee she's kind of taken in uh she's eating up all the attention she's now just a fake captain but unlike lee rather than just rotting away in a condo in florida she's out

there trying to be a life coach and sell herself like that and it was brought to my attention by therese and our guest lee the uh charter guest that they tried to save captain timeshare from herself when she insisted upon having the crew serve them dinner and go over to patreon.com slash another podcast network to hear the whole interview so they tell her hey we'll just order food from a restaurant on the shore you don't need to do it or lee said hey i'll cook our own steak if you haven't heard the interview sandy refused and their theory and i believe him was that she thought that captain sandy thought the team building aspect of the team coming together was going to make her look good in her whole life coaching person well we know the truth a producer dragged

her into one of those closet bathrooms and held a gun to her head she said if you order fucking take out something bad's gonna happen to you we need douche to get on this boat everybody knows what happened because some detailed motherfucking baby barnacle noticed that the crew had take out that first night but uh interesting yeah they refused to give it to the guests and also another thing i forgot so there's a little flash of chemistry between malia and the guy with the big teeth um was there a dave he right was obviously he's obviously smitten with her. Right. But this is what's gotten me concerned a little bit because there's no chemistry there. Oh, okay. There's no chemistry between any of these people.

I am going to bet that there is not an ounce of fucking or sucking this entire season. What are we going to get it from Lloyd or Z? Z will bang Courtney. No, he will not. All right. You want to put money on it? Yeah, I do want to put money on it. Five bucks right here. I think you're... I want to do 50. Oh, come on, man.

Gentleman's pet. You have more money than me. What are you scared to put 50 bucks down? I don't want to gamble it away. Maybe... Five dollars right here. Maybe he has more money because he won't gamble it away. But I think you're doing bad sexual C-Rat math. Okay. Chemistry is not a needed part of this equation.

I'm aware. Proximity and boredom. Right. You're 100%. And alcohol is a big one. Well done, Nicky. So speaking of panicky beta energy, let's get back to Matt. Call him Chef Spaz.

The way he carries himself when he comes back on this boat is nausea inducing. He carries himself when he comes back on this boat is nausea inducing. He is flying all over the place, whipping up avocado toast and yelling about awesome sauce. This is Costanza coming back to work after he's quit in a way, way worse version of it, though. A way less funny. Yes. Way. Yeah. A much more pathetic, fucking disgusting version of it.

This groveling uh sickened me it was so whiny and jittery it made me nervous once again i'd have to refrain myself from slapping him across the face yeah yeah he doesn't deserve a human name call him chef spaz he deserves a profession a title well i don't want to confuse people okay i will say a little again sympathy for the devil uh for someone with anxiety to go back into that lion's den after you fucked up that bad. But then again, he seems to have lack of self-awareness and didn't go back with his tail between his legs. He's popping his collar and trying to act funny. And he's really pissed me off.

Yeah, but I don't hate it. He should have announced that he had the whole crew come down. I know they were kind of working, but just say, I am sorry. I was nervous as fuck i i've uh i failed all of you it won't happen again please forgive me right instead he's got people walking around the corner i'm like oh i wonder where that limp went where did that first chef spaz he somewhat because of his previous action is in a no-win situation because if he did call that meeting they're like oh good you're wasting our time again well oh i want to one other thing

i want to get to because the blame really does go at the feet of captain timeshare this is her all right she has a history with this and these chefs let me remind the audience we had uh was it kiko last season the guy only cooked one dish well she had to fire his ass not before did he serve nachos as well or some fried fish or something? Well, Hannah instructed him to serve children's recess food to the guests for casino night. Exactly. I don't think he's a good chef. And that once again, Sandy, strike one. And then we had the Russian spy, a girl who she did no research on. And she turns out she also had a propensity to serve nachos. Right. And then Anastasia, a, whose mom is really good at cooking.

Well, yeah. And she used some of her mom's Italian meals to feed to people paying $60,000 a day. Sure. Strike three, Captain Timeshare. Okay. Why? Since you're so bad at this, why don't you have a chef come on a day before the charter comes and prepare you a number of their good dishes?

So then you can evaluate right and also you can get the jitters out of some of these little weasel ones like chef chef spaz okay you're horrible at this captain sandy please do due diligence the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and sandy continues to not look at their resumes until they get on board i'm sure it was handed from her with a recruiter with like double stars. Crippling anxiety. Right. What the fuck?

I just muted. I just, I just put it on. Do not. And I don't know anything about technology. Patrick. Yeah. You don't.

I knew that wasn't going to go without. So Katie and Courtney both pick up on the fact that he is a panicky bird monster, not a man. A little bit later, we'll we'll get some more commentary from the crew, but we must move on before we get to the most shocking moment of the episode, though. to talk about a little magic mind guys it is the powerful modern you know supernova elixir that will make you fly through your day with a zen hum of productivity this is not bang this is not adderall this is not monster java all that wacky shit that makes you feel like your heart is going to explode this is a Zen hum in a bottle. You guys have anything? If we learned anything from Shane, that green deckhand,

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gets worse believe it or not um let's listen to a little clip of Matt asking Sandy to help him with the rest of the boat. How's it going? There she is. Thank you. I'm about to go talk to the guests. All right. Not a great start for the galley. So if we could get crew meals out, if I could get the wedding cake ordered in,

anything to give me more time to focus on other stuff, you know, so I can have a little redemption here for this trip, you know. Crew food. Crew food? Crew food. We got to do crew food. Yeah, I don't know the space. I'm still getting used to it. I'm in pain. The more I can outsource the things that don't matter to the guests, the better, the more I can focus on-

So is anyone helping you right now? They are, but they're doing their job helping you i gotta go speak to the guest this guy disgusts me this is despicable behavior you already just fucked up one day of the charter now you're gonna come here and you you have requests you piece of shit you got fucking requests the way that he asks for this is so presumptuous and so terrifying there is something catastrophically wrong with this guy's brain catastrophically wrong and sandy i think does the right thing she caves to this maniac because who knows this guy could start shoving paring knives in people's mouths i really wouldn't put it past him he's a panicky pigeon of a man. And Sandy, I don't know if it was at this part, but she continues to say she doesn't have another chef lineup.

The second this man said he had to go to the MRI. Yeah. Line up another chef so then you don't have to deal with this maniac for... And fire him immediately. I mean he's done two things that are just crazy. She's rewarding bad behavior and as a manager, that's the

worst thing you can do with an employee. Duska's lack of skill or knowledge in the kitchen uh is is superseded by her stick-to-itiveness she would never give up on the never give up like matt did uh so he greets the guests like a magician he's a crazy person and then he starts hitting on his co-workers that sounds like a magician yeah yeah he's a fucking wolf in sheep's clothing or a panicky little bird in sheep's clothing can I do a meanwhile while this happening yeah sure drinks are served as it looks like El Nino is nearing

right yes so Lloyd talks about Brighton the Castro district of England weird that such a huge pussy hound would be so invested in this kind of movement you know what i mean um also i don't know if you guys caught this did you hear katie uh the chief stew when the guests were drinking like quote-unquote what was this green leaf kind of thing so she went over to them and she said i'm gonna need you all to order drinks

right at the same time i don't know if you guys had that. Up until this point, I mean, it's only halfway through the second episode, but I would say that was a rather rude way to treat guests that didn't get served dinner from actual chefs last night or breakfast. Mind you, I would, uh, I would say this at first, I'd say $6,000 a day. Uh, Katie, do you talk to your mother with that mouth well uh then i'd walk into the kitchen i'd casually grab all the food that matt is preparing for dinner i would take said food to the bow of the deck i would launch it into the water i would then turn to katie and say please prepare the tender because we will be eating on shore today thank you very much that's

the way you do that and give me my theater in the sky god damn it remember that's my charter guest amenity that i would request oh that's right i want to see a movie at sea uh but but uh i mean kate's not or katie's not afraid to say stuff like that she's not your typical chief jim so rude well i was thinking you know like and the exact quote was can you all order together or you won't be eating lunch or it was such a bitchy eating lunch easy nurse ratchet jesus christ uh so we get a shot of lloyd i think slamming scissors open and shut um and speaking of as malia says there's no red flags funny on the editor's part uh speaking of crazy let's get back to chef spaz i'm gonna throw that darth vader thing all

right i'm sorry overboard the audience can't hear it they of course they can is this the scene where captain uh timeshare uh stops by her rental to listen to chef spaz continue to be a whiny pussy yeah so he says uh he tells his boss that he's flustered because of all the stuff that he ordered um it's kind of like bidding on a house and then getting it and then panicking when all the lumber shows up you know what i mean i don't know if there's any way to give this man a yelp review but if i could i would give him zero stars i'm starting to think that sandy should be a bit more appropriately punitive with uh this particular shitty employee. I'm going to be Captain Timeshare.

She offers to organize his raw materials for him. Oh, but she's got a plan in mind. We learn later on all her diabolical. Okay. You want to improv because we're not good at improv. I think we're getting better. Okay. You want to improv?

You said you'll be Captain Sandy. What's that? What? You said you're going to be Captain Sandy. No, I didn't. I said if I were Captain Sandy, I would say this. Oh, no. You said I'm going to be Captain Sandy. Oh, if I, all right. Forgive me. If I was Captain Sandy, who am I going to be?

No, no, no. Hold on. I'm just saying if I was, I'm giving a hypothetical. I can't do improv. You guys know that. Okay. If I were Captain Sandy, I would have allowed this chef spaz to cook the next charter quietly playing pretend that everything's going swimmingly but i'm talking to the camera like a badass i'm like oh he's fucking out of here right and i'd be making all the business phone calls and i'm gonna be robert craft what's the big deal It's just a hand job. Give Tucker a raise. We're playing Kansas City.

I need to get a fucking talk. I don't think Rupert Murdoch is involved with Fox News. Okay, so Courtney is single and alone and having wanderlust issues because C-Rat. I think a lot of her discontent in life is due to Instagram. She's talking about all these Girls who are sugar babies and stuff Live your life girl learn a skill Pick up a hobby Quit scrolling right And just you know

She's a C-Rack She's a C-Rack Sits down with her and says You know In his ots he says uh i hear it's uh why it's not to screw the crew well z i like you buddy but i think your hand is going to be forced on that one he's such a hater i i will put money that z bangs courtney all right we got a double bet going on what do you want to put down uh Oh, did you? What'd you guys bet? Five bucks on Courtney Z. Yeah.

I fucking blanked. I remember your discussion. Sorry. I do it all the time, but usually I'm looking at my notes and they're really hard to read. What do you want to bet? 50. I don't want to touch your hands.

Come on. No, no, no. Will you take the bet though? Yes, of course. I can't accept. It's not a bet. Thank you. It's crazy how wet they get.

It's just crazy. So get that on camera how wet they get. It's just crazy. So get that on camera, that handshake, Brian. Proper preparation prevents piss poor performance. Say that 70 times fast. The Russian spy is a better cook than you. So take your mnemonic device and shove it up your fucking ass. Let's get to lunch. I couldn't agree with you more, Dylan.

And just remind the audience, this is his mantra of being a good chef. And once again, proper preparation prevents piss poor performance. Oh, I thought it was precarious pussies pretend phony pretexts pathetically. Whoa, love that. Love that. He uses the P's to do the announcement. Do you guys know

how to remember a kingdom phyla class order genus species? No. Carl, please come over for gay sex okay so um we gotta get to lunch um i use that in seventh grade to pass the test uh we have um local mussels with chorizo tomato and white wine broth it looked muddy and the poorly cleaned muscles likely contributed to the swampy nature of that broth maybe he thought the cleaning of his ingredients would be outsourced potato roasty looked unset no crisp at all it was mashed potatoes with a rushed crust big fail the salad was red leaf and green leaf with a remedial

vinaigrette there are cooks at sizzler that are more talented than this guy please don't laugh like tom like it's when i'm in the middle of this sorry sorry i agree with the whole thing the dessert is mousse with berries and a little sexual harassment on the side. The guest said of the meal, the salad was good. 12 pots. You're the reason your parents got divorced. Seriously, though, can you imagine how stressful it would be to have a child that's just lighting ground squirrels on fire? It would just marriage is hard enough. God, I hate this guy.

Me too. And how was it they got back together basically i i bet when he was out of the house they're like oh wow this is way easier that or he got better no maybe they sent him off to boarding school and that patched him up it was matt was the problem uh so i believe z doesn't know how to tie knots he loses a jet ski no problem you got a good attitude, kid. The day proceeds with some wonderful daytime activities. The guys ask their buddy

how he's feeling about his upcoming marriage, and he says that his life is over. Not a great sign. You mentioned Z not being able to tie knots, which is, I would say, probably the most simplistic task for a deckhand. I can't do it. Oh, yeah, for a deckhand. It's an incredible dichotomy,

and it just goes to show you what makes a good employee. Matt, somewhat skilled. I can't tell. Is he somewhat skilled? No. Okay, well, okay, he winked. No, he is skilled.

Say he is skilled. No. He's skilled, but he's pathetic and then spineless. Z, completely green, but he's got a can-do attitude. Can-do. And you would rather have him on your boat 10 times out of 10.

A little side note here. When those jet skis go into the water, the only part of these charter guests that I haven't liked was one of the drunken ones like, Oh, bro, who fucked up with the ski things over there? I don't like that. It's like when a glass is dropped. And everyone turns in the restaurant or someone someone yells uh uh but there's always like a there's one line don't abuse alcohol someone's getting fired or or someone's looking for a job there's one thing that people say that's

shut up and eat your dinner okay yeah somebody made a mistake don't make it worse well said that's the gist so um what do we got here the guests returned back from the fishing trip and then we learned uh captain timeshares we heard a little breakdown how she's able to motivate get things done with that what is that well uh it's basically her process is uh to use baby steps uh captain timeshare that little nuggets of wisdom like that that get you booked as a speaker at the north american insurance christmas party someone sounds like a massive uh what about baby steps what about bob fan is it what about bob where he's like they they use uh baby steps yeah she definitely saw that movie before she came up 100 i watched in psych class senior year

really going back to my education tonight so lexi uh has a similarly cynical attitude towards eternal love as um clint does um she says it don't pay the fucking bills love don't pay the bills yeah love don't pay the bills um yeah i mean obviously right money pays the bills right but you can be in love and still make money lexi to be fair it was in the context of them talking about being so fun times with lloyd and z i like both of these two they're freaking wisecrackers dude i think these two are my favorite uh aboard uh milady they're gonna be very boring but i like them i i'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop. How many times

have you become fond of one of these sea rats and then they end up disappointing us? I'm sure there's examples of people we have the whole time, but I can't think of one. Ross. Ross dated that really shitty charter guest. Crystal. That's true. Questionable.

Colin. Also, Ross had a child at home love ross he also got arrested a couple weeks after we interviewed him so maybe not ross but definitely colin definitely colin i um all those shortcomings i just said of ross still love that guy me too we're buddies on instagram all right let's get to dinner if you don't mind nighttime dinner god is pissing on patio furniture, sea rats, and eventually the guests. Yes, so it is pouring rain and lightning and the wind is at gale force, so naturally the guests sit barely covered in all of it.

First up, we've got mac and cheese. The dish was obviously prepared with truffle oil and sat atop the pile of after-school cuisine was a lie in the form of one shaving of truffle. It is at this point the guests are moved inside because the wine glasses are turning into grenades on the table. Matt is scuttling around like a pigeon. And that's because his timing is getting fucked up. That fish could be cold or hot. It does not

matter. Shit tastes like shit regardless of the temperature. Okay. He sets the meal down with no explanation whatsoever. When called back, he says it's bass with the second white wine sauce of the day. Dessert is an uninspired creme brulee.

Obviously, the shit-faced zombie is excited to see it. If it was anything more adventurous, it would confuse him. But it's creme brulee. It's seven pots. You're the reason your parents got divorced. I just don't like this guy.

Creme brulee, yes. Creme brulee. That's what he yelled. All right, what two next? Well, pretty much the people people retire they decide they're gonna call it early because they've been drinking like fishes all day yeah um we end the episode with two charter guests screaming at one another clint sounds like he's going to possibly hurt carrie um physically and carrie says that she is calling his mom

very weird vibes i think she's at her mom oh really weird vibes. I think she's at her mom. Oh, really? And I also think she's the one that beats Clint, to be honest. Yeah, I've had those arguments with my wife where she's calling me a douchebag. You've said, call me a douchebag one more time. Call me a fucking douchebag one more time, because that sounds like a fucking punch

is coming after that. Well, I haven't had that. She's calling me a douchebag. Right, yeah. But his threat, like when she goes past that line was to say, we're not getting married. Oh, got it. Now I'm going to throw you through some drywall. Well, I think it's that. Guys, thank you so much for listening. Remember, magicmind.co, promo code below deck,

25% off ratings and reviews. Five stars YouTube channel. Search another podcast network. There's lots of incredible video over there. And patreon.com slash another podcast network. There's lots of incredible video over there. And patreon.com slash another podcast network. You've heard it so many times from us. Go over there. You do not know what you are missing.

I am Dylan saying goodbye. Nick, say goodbye. Bye. Say goodbye. Later dudes. Thank you.