Another Below Deck Podcast - Clearing the List | The Valley S2 E11

Episode Date: June 26, 2025

Ruby, Pat and Dylan are back to break down lists, pasta Victor, seasons changing, Jax having a cocaine problem still probably and more from Bravo's The Valley.Rula.com/BadTV Patreon.com/AnotherPodcastNetwork 

I've barely ever used my kitchen besides the fridge. I've almost burned down our apartment twice just cooking noodles. So it's really nice to have someone to be able to cook for me because I can't cook for myself. Oh wow, who gives a fuck? Hey, hello, it's Bad TV. We're still zooming. That's going to come to an end soon.

I promise. I'm Dylan. That's Pat. Great to be here. And Ruby. Hi, Pat. Hi, Dil. How are you guys?

I'm good. I feel like it's COVID. You guys are in a room quarantining with each other and I'm by myself in my underwear. I know. Sorry. Well, it'll change soon, I promise, because I have to get out of here. Yeah, you got to get out of there. I totally understand it though. I mean, look, you can tell that you look exhausted and I feel for you. Patrick, You can tell that you look exhausted and I feel for you. Patrick.

It's kind of insulting. I got to say, it's a little insulting. Do I look tired? Yes. But what do you say to me or to his darling wife, Cecilia, that she looks tired? Because I would hope the answer would be absolutely, absolutely fucking not. Well, I mean, you can hear it in his voice. He sounds exhausted. I feel for the man.

But you didn't say sounds. You specifically said looks, right? Yeah. Oh, I mean, you can hear it in his voice. He sounds exhausted. I feel for the man. But you didn't say sounds. You specifically said looks, right? Yeah. Oh, I did. Yeah. Oh, that's insulting. I look like absolute shit right now. I broke down the kind of schedule we have from 10 p.m. to about 6 a.m. with Ruby. It usually revolves around some kind of

feeding, some kind of agitation that can escalate into a full-blown meltdown. We either get in the car and drive around, but it's mainly just a rotating guard shift of three-hour blocks of misery until the sun comes up. So I think you get to start it all over again. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Parenting is a beautiful thing. Yeah, my wife and I are so in love and and just we're not feuding all the time but I'm I I don't like newborn babies. I don't like them. I'm done with this. I want to have conversations with my daughter.

Okay. Oh, good, good, good. Okay, well, then you have a good 48 months to go. Okay. And that's all. But listen, we're here to talk about the Valley. What a beautiful escape. Let's escape to Maui, huh?

Well, we're not there yet. We're still in the San Fernando Valley bouncing around Definitely. Let's get into our rotten hells and or bumps But before we do you want to tell the people about patreon.com slash another podcast network? Yeah, head on over to patreon.com slash another podcast. I will be recording my PMZ after our little hiatus I'm so excited to get back with Dylan record PMZ. We're going to check on some some friends of the show. Machine Gun Kelly, Corey Feldman. Oh, I'm such a vulnerable state. I can't do Corey Feldman today. Oh, no, you're going to enjoy this.

Too sad. Oh, it's uplifting, actually. He's doing well. There's nothing about Corey Feldman that's uplifting. Anyways, go to patreon.com slash another podcast network. Oh, and guys, like starting next week or something, should we try and start doing Miami? Yeah, Dill, if you can't do it, why don't you let Ruby and I do it for a couple episodes? That's fine. We'll we'll we'll talk about it.

We'll get on Miami next week. Okay. Sounds good. Okay. My rotten hells. I didn't like this episode very much. Zero rotten hells. Wow.

Wow. Concise. You know what? I will say, my favorite thing though, actually, I'm going to bump it up 90 rotten hells, 90 bumps. Benji's inclusion on this show is a really, really marvelous thing to witness. There's a scene wherein Zach is breaking down the drama that's about to unfold in Maui with Benji. And it's a little bit like a scene from, I don't know, Napoleon Dynamite, wherein he's speaking to an ESL student who can't understand him.

And I'm sorry if that's insulting or offensive to anybody, but it's absolutely hilarious. It's like Benji can't understand what he's saying or just doesn't care. I had a moment like that. It was 20 years ago. I was on a jury for three months listening to this case and we get in the room to deliberate and two of the guys we found out shockingly didn't speak English. That's our justice system. Yeah, let's do it. Speaking of the justice system, I was approached today because I had to get parsley for our mother

because she was making matzo balls by people outside of Vons that said, would you like to hold Karen Bass responsible? That was their opening line. And I luckily got to say, I'm not registered here and walked inside that Vons, but boy, oh boy, they're getting good. This episode. I always say I'm registered to vote in Virginia every single time. What I say is I don't have time to read your form. Therefore, I'm uninformed and I'm going shopping. Oh my god. Oh wow. Okay. Oh,

you never know what you're signing with those things. Well, yeah, I mean, who's to say? But how many Ryanels do you give it? OK, so I actually thought that this episode had little pockets of beauty, like like diamonds, the men's group. Oh, can't wait to talk about that. Ladies dinner with Janet kind of getting drunk and taking Adderall for the first time, I think maybe since she started breastfeeding, stopped breastfeeding. I loved that.

That was at El Coyote. Yes, it was. And I can't wait to hear Pat's review of that place because I've never been there before. I got food poisoning. Who has not gotten food poisoning from El Coyote? Oh my God. If you want to go get chicken fajitas that are almost cooked, and I mean, the peppers learning to be cooked, they'll just be raw. They throw those in after.

To be fair, it was the first time I ever got food poisoning, and I think it's because I was working at a little avocado or guacamole tray that probably had been sitting there a little too long. Old Patty was hungry. As we know, how food poisoning goes, you wake up at three in the morning and you know, it's everywhere. So just to clarify, one, the it would be the...

Everything in my body. Okay, that's cool. Blood? No, just the liquids, I think. Yeah, you know, I woke up the next morning, this would have like how dedicated I was to North American insurance. I make my way into the office, sit down at my cubicle,

and I'm throwing up in the waste basket. My supervisor, Barbara, who I loved, she said, you know what, go home. It's the first time I actually ever rolled down a window while driving my car to vomit out the window. May I? All right. That's dedication. Let's move. Well, I was going to say another famous story that came out of El Coyote. That's where Sharon Tate and some other sad souls ate their last meal before they were murdered by three members of the Manson family.

They actually have a booth dedicated to them. Wow. So head on over. No, I've never been to this place. I don't know where this is. Oh, it's on Melrose. No, Beverly. Beverly. Yeah, well, maybe I'll stop by on my way home. So yeah, I thought it was okay. 58 bumps. Okay, 58 bumps. All right, I'm going to share Dylan's opinion of Benji and Zack. I'm sure Benji is a nice person, but he doesn't belong on this show. They're like, what do you call it? They're like vampires don't like garlic or something. Like my eyes don't like these two on my television. They're very boring. I also don't like Sheena. Speaking of the El Coyote scene, the plant behind her head added more

to that scene than Sheena's. And I don't want to add things that my wife had said without her permission, but she said, you know, like, you got to watch out because you have a child, so you can't spend all that money on your face. All right. You got to, you know, stock some away for her higher education if she and Brock like believe in that kind of thing, or if they're just going to get her into crystals like really early, that's another route. But still expensive. So, so save the save your

trade. It's a trade regardless, you know, you need studying. Well, my rotten house, I thought it was a decent episode until we went to the field day games. I always hate that when a episode until we went to the field day games I always hate that when a reality show does that although I do get to put down my pencil because I don't have to write anything Because there's nothing worthy of noting. Yeah, and does write all of his notes in pencil. That's right. I do um Let's see here anything else worth noting. I the tail end of the episode was the juiciest. It's when Jesse begins just spiraling Oh, and he's gonna need to conf- what's that? I'm gonna knock this this episode down another 90 bumps because I don't I

don't give bumps or rotten hells or pots to episodes that tease a tease. We don't do that. That's not ethical. They did tease a tease. That's not okay. You don't tease a tease. It was to the point that I had to go back because I listened to the tail end because I was in a different room. And through my headphones, I said, this doesn't they didn't do the thing that they said that they were going to do.

So then you have to go back and watch your screen. And it's it's over. The episode is done. And they lie. The credits rolled. They tease the tease. Everyone's a liar on this show but that doesn't stop them from the show's lyrics being I'm alright, I'm alright, I'm alright,

everything is alright, I'm alright. I'm gonna give it zero rotten house. Now before we begin personal story again I've shared this with Dylan maybe the audience will enjoy it. The fact that the intro song is I'm alright Everything is alright and it not being that I famously asked my mom one time. Hey, how's my cousin Chad doing? And she said he's alright He's actually doing great. And I said, what's he up to? She said well, he lives with his mother. I said, oh, why is that? Well, he can't his his baby mom is in rehab. Oh, well, so he's taking care of the kid. No, the kids being taken care of by her mom because he's not responsible enough. Oh,

well, mom, that's the opposite of doing great. Okay. Yeah, sounds like he's a loser. Anyway, where do we begin? Kristen and Luke's. I'll tell you what, though, you know, and this isn't just your family. I mean, our family, you know, I mean, our family, famously, you know, quick personal story. We had a cousin and you know how rednecks populate, you know, very quickly. They're like bunny rabbits hopping all around. So, you know, cousin is there's I don't know how many

cousins do we have? 10,000? Yep. One of our cousins he was being chased by the pigs. Oh boy. The po po. He jumped out a window and got paralyzed from the the waist down. Now his family continued to do narcotics. And the pigs came back. His mother put the drugs on top of his body because he was laying in bed, he couldn't get out of bed. So she she framed it. She framed it. Wow. Look, I don't like to be a one upper, but the same cousin Chad attempted to flee the police in his car, flipped it over and I broke

a few bones, but it doesn't stop there the sadness. His sister, my other cousin, Kara, was doing some home health care for a person that was in a wheelchair. She decided to do fentanyl while she was on the job and overdosed. And the person in the wheelchair saved her life, but unfortunately her brain was turned off so long, she's partially blind. Yeah, so that was the story where

you brought up the first one. I was going to say, that doesn't even, I don't think that's even getting engraved on Mount Rushmore of Pat's fucking disgusting families from the low Massachusetts. OK, we've got- But you know who's not disgusting? Actually, maybe they are, is Kristen and Luke.

Luke's perspective has changed since moving into that rental, and he could see himself living here and raising kids in Los Angeles. Yeah. There's one stumbling block to that dream, and that's called not getting renewed. Kristen knows this well, Ruby, you've been following this. stumbling block to that dream. And that's called not getting renewed. Kristen knows this well, Ruby, you've been following this. One day you're living in a house in Studio City and the next day you call in a fake 911 call

on a black cast member and you go on unpaid leave for five years. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. So I don't think that anyone has been able to monetize properly the way that Stassi has. Therefore everybody needs to be banking every dime they're making from the show. They need to be investing it so that it turns into more money because the day that this

stops is around the corner and it's very scary. I'm very scared. Yeah, it's yesterday. You know, I noticed Kristen and Luke started a podcast together. Okay. I don't know what it's called, but. Are you being serious or are you not? No, I think you know I'm being serious. Oh, okay.

Well, that won't last. And that's a terrible idea. No, no, I think it's good. Everybody should start a podcast. So we get to Hugo's. I just I really quickly. We're gonna go to Hugo. I just get to Hugo's.

I want to clarify. So that so Dylan is in a similar ish state to Kristen Doty right now in terms of having a newborn. Could you start a podcast with your wife right now? You think it's good? Yeah, why not? Roll the dice. Get to Hugo's. Well, held out a few notes here. They discuss her cheesecake consumption. And I'll just say this, if you eat more than two slices in one sitting, you're a slob. And then Luke tells us he's in for the long haul. I mean, come on cheesecake. It's just a big blob of cheese.

Eating three sites. You know, Pat is a fat shamer. Okay. Unknown fat shamer, right? That's right. But but I will say eating three slices of cheesecake, be it Basque or New York in one sitting, is like the gallon milk challenge. It's too much.

Everyone knows that's not appropriate. I would hope that the only reason you're doing that is because you are pregnant and hormonally imbalanced like Kristin is. Let's not try to beat this on a technicality. We're not talking about Thanksgiving pumpkin pie slivers at midnight. Okay. We're talking about slices of cheesecake. Okay.

Can we get to Hugo's, please? Now I want to say this, Dylan. I was so surprised to hear you guys know where they were. And I was going to ask you if this was a part of your childhood. They did not. Oh, okay. Well, one. What?

And I'm the one who does this the most often. But but one person at a time. Pat, go ahead. Okay. They did not do the typical establishing shot of the place of business. Okay. Now, however, old Patty recognized that million dollar view of the Chevron gas station across the street.

Yeah, immediately. And I was like, gas station across the street. Yep. Immediately. And I was like, and I saw the 101 freeway. I'm like, that's fucking Hugo's. Now, Hugo's, I've only been there once. It was when I was 22 years old. And it's after I had a night of sex with a beautiful black girl named Madonna, who was 42 at the time. And a lot of memories when I drive by there. Uh-huh. Well, you should stop back in and make some new ones because it's, I mean, what is it called?

Spicy, what is it? There's a spicy pasta named after a man. Spicy Papa. Papa, I mean, my God, Patrick, stop it. Five cheese mac and cheese, my God. One of the best. Imagine if I take my wife and then I'm just drifting off into thought of like, you know, Madonna.

She's like, what's going on right now? I'm like. That pasta Papa will bring you right back. I'm telling you. Victor, pasta Victor. Pasta Victor, that's right. Pasta Victor, yeah. We gotta go, we're gonna go next time I'm here.

Now this is gonna sound bad, but it's kind of like a creamy sauce with sun-dried tomatoes, corn, and pasta. Yeah, it's yummy. It's so good. Unbelievable. Very, very delicious. My wife and I first date was to Hugo's restaurant. That still had pretenses in the relationship. Think she got some kind of salad, Greek salad or something like.

Oh, yes, yes, yes. The famous ordering a salad on a date early on in the relationship. Yeah, right. Right. And it's ready to have sex. Now, Cece and I will eat cheesy Gordy to crunch just next to each other and then throw up in different bathrooms and fall asleep to love. To love, yeah. Yes, love.

Well, Zach and Benji arrived. There's some change. Okay, go ahead. Yep. Zach and Benji arrived to meet Nia and Danny and we learned they're doing pretty good now that they're living together and here's what that conversation sounded like. I know he's going to try to play a sound effect but it's not going to come through the mic. It's okay. He moved in, I had barely ever used my kitchen

besides the fridge. I'd almost burned down our apartment twice, just cooking noodles. So it's really nice to have someone to be able to cook for me because I can't cook for myself. Oh wow, who gives a fuck? Nope. Dude, it was so crazy when he's talking about,

do you want a pillow? No. He does the most roundabout. Breakdown of the irony. Yeah, but Atlantis Morissette. Yeah, isn't it ironic this trip compared to the Big Bear trip? He says in a Charles Dickens

kind of way, Chapter one, we are inviting her on a trip about the person that she refused to invite to Big Bear cut back to him crying, right? He is one of the saddest people I've ever seen. I'd also like to point out, I'm not 100% sure that that is in fact irony. It's forced irony. Yeah. Okay.

Yeah, low hanging irony is what it was, but what was also low hanging was the joke that he made about Alanis Morissette, and I didn't like it. 70% of Zach on my screen, I don't enjoy. That being said, it used to be a hundred and when he showed up in that bar to Jack's Taylor and said it wasn't your show for the last 30 days, I said, I'll welcome Benji for a bit. Cause of that. So he got a little too much screen time this episode. While they discuss Luke's big secret, which isn't that big of a secret and that's Hawaii and the

proposal. Now production, it's necessary to do a little because they have a storyline issue here Nia and Danny are Are they faking like it's their trip? Yes, and they're inviting everybody so to not tip off doubty They never they would never invite Janet So they have to task Zack and Benji with inviting her because none of it would make any sense and it's convoluted and stupid. Must have had some trouble in roll call when she was growing up. That's a tough name to phonetically nail. You know, Doty Doty.

You get it. Yeah. I mean, you know, you could say doubt, doubt, you know, anyways, I shouldn't have brought it up. No, no, no. There's another issue with plausible denial. Well, OK, so they begin to text to invite everybody to Hawaii. I would argue this is quite a you'd have to do some research on flight prices to agree to go.

Yet people are immediately responding back with a yes, I can make it. I don't think that when other people plan your trips that you give it consideration. I think you get a call from production that says you are going to say yes to this trip and you say, okay, I will say yes to this trip. I do think, I actually think that Kristen may not have known that she was gonna get proposed to you on this trip.

Do you think she didn't, do you think she would- She would fucking, she, all right, so I think you know this Ruby, she is the most controlling person to Self-produce right would fucking kill Luke if he hadn't tipped her off to this because she wants to look her best She wants to have the right dress. This is her like it was really cute when she was talking about how she wanted to wear Fish clothes and he was like don't do that I when I went on the hike that I went on to get engaged, I almost wore a

sweater that has holes in it and is missing the sleeves. And my fiance very, very gently said, don't, don't fucking wear that because you'll regret it. And he didn't say that, but I did change my sweater and I had absolutely no idea. So maybe Luke is being, is being fish good. He's being good fish, Luke. And she's, she's going to be surprised. Yeah.

is being fish good. He's being good fish Luke and she's she's gonna be surprised. Yeah I proposed to Sharisi by telling her that my car broke down up on Mulholland Drive and I said could you pick me up some gas? So my proposal involved her having to go to a gas station and pump gas into a container and then drive up very tired and that's when I got on one knee. It was a beautiful day. I'll never forget it. OK, let's get to the men's group. Oh, and life coach Scott. Wow, he he's here and he's he's continuing to entrench himself on this TV program.

I don't know if this is going to help him sell tickets to whatever seminar he's trying to make happen. I'll tell you what, I think he's going to get a lot of business. There's a lot of ancillary viewing by, by bros and they're going to hit him up on Instagram. Oh my God, who needs life coach Scott when you have a company like Roma. Not me. Oh boy. Well, it's telehealth that has made mental health care more convenient and accessible for millions of people.

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I don't think you could beat that. How much do you think Life Coach Scott charges? Seven times that. That's ridiculous. You can now get the quality care you need when you need it at a price you can afford. RULA isn't just affordable, they stick with you throughout your journey,

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RULA starts by asking you a few questions about what's important to you, then provides you a list of licensed in-network providers who match your preferences. You can schedule your preferred time and meet with your therapist as soon as the next day. So go to RULA.com. Slash bad TV to get started today. That's RULA.com slash bad TV for convenient therapy that's covered by most insurances. Please support our show and tell them we sent you.

Go to RULA.com slash bad TV and take the first step towards better mental health today. You deserve quality care from someone who cares. And for the ones that do not, I'm not kidding you, he's going to make 26 grand from Jax Taylor by the end of the summer if he hasn't already. Yeah, yeah, I was I thought it'd be funny if eventually Scott like, asked a couple of the guys if he can borrow money.

Yeah, oh, for sure. Here's the thing, though. He is he is stealing money, essentially. So we've elevated past borrowing. But Ruby's right about J though. He is he is stealing money, essentially. So we've elevated past borrowing. But Ruby's right about Jack's because if you think about the financial situation that Jack's is in, so he goes from what do we think that mortgage is? Nine, five, maybe 11, somewhere in there. Oh, right. Currently. Yeah, because that house, the mortgage should probably sit around seven.

Right, right, right, right. So he's probably paying 10 a month. Now he's downsized to a condo. Now the condos to expense probably 5500, but he's got some extra cheddar in the bank. Who's it going to? Scott. Scott. Yeah, Scott.

We'll get in the sky. Not Cruz, but Scott. So this was, within the fabric of the Valley, it's hard to say anything is really like all time reality. But this was like a soft all time reality TV moment for me. The word man was said, I think 47 times within a four minute scene. The hands on the chest,

Jason saying that he's not ready to accept these apologies. It was absolutely incredible. All right, so let's break down the game film. Danny starts by telling the group this is going to be helpful because Jax is verbally and physically abusive and addicted to cocaine. Jesse is verbally abusive and has a god complex and an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. Danny's a drunk. Oh and Janet has Jason's balls in her handbag and then Jax announces he's not going on the trip because things aren't going good for him. Now, with life coach Scott, we

do see some groundbreaking life coaching techniques employed here. And this is how it works. First, you start off with a dumb new name for a technique like clearing the list, clearing the list. Yeah, yeah, then you act out the technique with the confidence and certitude of a used car salesman Scott did that and then you asked for volunteers Yeah Okay, okay hook line sinker. Yeah, and that's how

$26,000 is spent per person per session because when you look at Scientology And you see like how much they have to pay to go up a level, if your friends are going up a level, you're gonna pay the 12 grand even though you absolutely cannot afford it because your mortgage is too much money because you embezzled $1.2 million from the government and didn't pay your taxes.

This guy is going to be able to buy a house in Rosita by next year if he wants to. Wait, how much does it cost to go up in Scientology? Much money. Wow. I'll ask. I'm going to be at their celebrity center on Tuesday. Oh, that's great.

What? Why? We have a service contract with them. They have a beautiful waterfall in their entryway. Okay, so we do this thing where we clear the list, right? And we- We gotta clear the list. We stand up and we place our hand on the chest of another-

Keep your hand on my shoulder, please. Now, here's the thing about Scott. Scott says, despite our differences, we're all brothers still. Wow. Okay. If you had somebody from Korea, somebody from the Sudan,

somebody who was a white reality television star living in the San Fernando Valley and then like a French guy, maybe you could say despite our differences, we're all brothers. But these are all carbon copies of one another. I mean, varying degrees of douchebaggery. But I mean, I don't know that we have a lot of differences. And even if we did, that is a really empty platitude. This guy is a snake oil salesman.

Yeah, yeah. And the I also wanted to point out there in the Brothers segment, he talks about how they must remember that they are not doing this alone. And I want to point out to Scott that although he goes home at night and he cries because he is likely, I think he's gay and he's sad, he's not allowed to be gay, so he's single. These men are actually married and or getting divorced and cheating on their wives happily.

So like they're, they know they're not. They're doing okay. Yeah, they're doing okay. They don't need your brothers. I'll argue though, life coach Scott telling Jax that everybody loves a redemption story. That type of insight will get a certain portion of the population to pay 20 G's for a weekend to hear the horse shit You know, I know you're gonna say killed. Oh

Yeah So do we have anything so we got Jesse dropping a dime on darkside Danny for being a sneaky drinker and then Scott's Danny admits that he's a little drunk today Danny for being a sneaky drinker. And then Scott said, Danny admits that he's a little drunk today. Well, he did, but Scott suddenly becomes an alcohol sponsor and some people in, in, in that organization might have, have an issue. I'm referring to AA and then Jason sees Danny having a breakthrough. And then, uh, yeah, as you said, Scott tells the guys that they need to be better.

And that's when we moved out, Coyote. That's it. That's it. Let's move to El Coyote, a diarrhea lunch with the lady. OK, I have been back there because they won best guacamole at the Corolla Guac Fest in 2019. So they graciously invited us to come take a full meal and I went there with one Dawson from the Corolla show Lynette Corolla and AJ Benza okay the The the criteria for that contest. I mean, I can't even.

There is a thing Trader Joe's, there's a product called Avocado Man. We have it. Yeah. I know it from Dylan in his lovely way. That is the type of thing that Dylan makes fun of Trader Joe's for, for being a place of not real foods, but actually actually just snacks. It's a toy store. I mean, it's a it's a snack store for adults. Don't you point that?

That's exactly what it is. It sounds like this could have gone in that contest and been a contender against. Oh yeah, 100%. Okay. Because Dawson just ripped a bong and then put a blindfold on and then walked towards a bowl and smushed his hand in it. And then whoever that was the winner, it turned out to be El Coyote, but it could have been Trader Joe's avocado mash. So this is a place that is very, very historic in Los Angeles because of the spawn ranch murders and stuff like that. They have fantastic margaritas and as is too often customary

with Tex-Mex Americanized sit down Mexican restaurants, be it Casa Vega or El Coyote. The environment's fantastic, the drinks are fantastic, and then the food for some reason That's tastes like shit and makes you Everywhere, you know, it's funny guys. Just make the food good. We love this place You know a lot of LA Mexican places make me have diarrhea Casa Vega does

You know, maybe it's just a thing It's it's I honestly I think it's the fajitas. There's too many Trugui whites that go into these places and order fajitas. And I just I just think if we ordered anything else, we would be fine. I think they like to bring out the hot plate. I don't think they like to deliver the hot plate. I hear fajitas. They say, fuck you. I'm under. Yeah.

This chicken. Yeah, yeah. But they they go fajitas are being ordered for the 17th time to get to date again, and there's boom There's another gringo that's gonna be on the toilet for the next and and can I tell you something? I don't blame them. Those fajitas are annoying shit Okay All right So Jana and Nia are not good at this dinner and Nia doesn't appreciate that Janet gets into other people's business as far as their marriages. Well, you're on a reality TV show.

And then Hawaii's disgusting. That's when Michelle announces that Aaron is coming and plans on throwing, oh, and plans on, oh, he plans on throwing like a girl and not blinking the entire trip. Sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, totally. So the thing with Aaron and Michelle is that Michelle

thinks that with Aaron there, things are gonna be tranquil, peaceful, Jesse's not gonna do anything because Aaron's gonna be there not blinking and stuff. Now, the other thing that I wanted to note in, and Aaron seems like a nice guy, bit of a homewrecker. Yeah, he's a homewrecker. So we can make fun of him not being able to blank.

It's fine. Um, I think he can blank. It's just that when he opens his eyes back up, it looks like he got hit with smelling salts. But anyway, hold on, hold on. Yeah, go ahead. Can you imagine that guy? Because we know his throwing ability. You're running up the beach in Normandy with this mother effer and he's got the grenade

and he throws a grenade and it explodes like hey that exploded five feet in front of us man you're supposed to throw it up in the hill where the Nazis are you know exactly I didn't that grenade okay so the other thing that I picked up on from this lunch is Jasmine telephoning Zach's complete and total inability to keep his fucking mouth shut. Okay, so Zach is such a little bitch, such a little gossip bird that he has to tease that there is something special coming to Jasmine,

but not to it it's like, you can't friends with these kinds of people, okay? Because if you have a real friendship, you know, you need to be able to lean on them. You know, if I lost my mind, right? Let's say I clipped a homeless person, and by clipped I mean ran over their entire body with my Prius. I could go to Pat and I could go,

hey, I need some help with this. He wouldn't tell a soul. Zach? Zach would call the freaking pigs. Yeah, yeah. Or he'd promise he wouldn't say anything. And then the next thing you know, he's telling everybody. So one other piece of business that Zach did here,

Michelle confronts Kristen Doughty about telling Jesse about Jenna having sex with Aaron. And for once it wasn't Kristen. It was in fact Lego head slash little dick. Another reason why Zach is such a caddy little little meow meow is because he's very proud of that. You know, like he wants you to know that it was him, that it's never been Kristin, that it's always been him. And like, you know, okay, catty meow meow, go for it.

Yeah. So everybody gets diarrhea. Well, also real quick. Emotional diarrhea. Maybe they go because they know it's gonna do two things. One, get them drunk so they'll have emotional diarrhea. Two, they're going there so they will also have real diarrhea. So skinny for Hawaii.

Boom. Ah, nice. I'll tell you, nothing cleans out the body and shows those abs like a day or two of food poisoning. So you're referring to near exiting because this is just getting too intense. Once again, you signed up for a TV show. This is what happens. And then I believe, oh no, Kristen leaves first, then Nia is to follow. And then Jasmine says she misses Fun Janet. I don't remember Fun Janet. I've never met her. Yeah, I've never met her. And I think she even says something catty like, don't forget your lunchbox, Kristin.

Janet is getting she's making a mistake in reality TV, which is it's fun to be the person that antagonizes, but eventually you become the unlikable villain. And I think that's what she's become here. I agree. And even like the fun like that one liner that would be something like, don't forget your to go box. Goodbye. If that was said by a likable person, that'd be on a shirt.

But it's it's not it wasn't because she's become this like very unlikable sort of even if she says things that I agree with, like Nia, why do you cry all the time? And it's fucking intense. You know, I think she's pregnant and hormonal. So that's Dr. Evil. Yeah, Dr. Evil. He's Dr. Evil. And she's not even bald. Okay. I think she's pregnant and hormonal. So that's Dr. Evil. Yeah, Dr. Evil. He's Dr. Evil and she's not even bald. Okay. I think she is. I think it's a I think it's a toupee.

All right, let's get to field day a day at the park to release some aggression. Jenna's here and Michelle isn't happy about that. I really think I'm a step here was having Sheena come in. They should have really featured Jenna more, or a new couple. I love, I love that you bring that up because I don't know what's more pathetic. Jenna buzzing in the orbit like a fucking dung fly to try to get on the show,

or Sheena standing in the corner like a fucking pistachio you dropped six months ago and now it's turned into some kind of cordyceps type of nightmare. It's crazy. I totally agree. Why do we need Sheena and Brock on this show? They have contributed, and I mean this, less than Benji. Less than zero. Less than Benji. Well, Jax is sweating. Was that too intense? Oh, not at all. Jax shows up and he's

sweating and Zach thinks it's because he went sunbathing. He's sweating because he brushed his teeth with Adderall this morning, Zach. Okay. Oh my god, yeah. And then, and then he poured out a few lines of cocaine, snorted those, and came right over to film and that's why he's so sweaty. Oh, I don't know that he snorted anything. I'm pretty sure that he's boofing at this point. But, but, but, but, but here's the thing when you see Jack's on watch what happens live WWHL one Andy Cohen eviscerated him okay because I think Andy recognizes that it's problematic for the network to have this kind of behavior it's not quite doing a reality TV show with Harvey Weinstein, but it's getting close to it. Yeah

When he asks Jack you've been sober for how long and Jack says 200 days You do not need a polygraph. I mean, it's amazing how Just the the nonverbal communication is crazy. He is Just the nonverbal communication is crazy. He is boofing cocaine all the time. Case in point, I wanna do, well, remember at the tail end of the episode when, well, we'll get there.

I was gonna say when Britt doesn't wanna hang out with him. All right, they play games who gives a shit, egg toss, tug of war, later Janet and Britt discuss divorce. She says, I don't know who Jax is right now. He's who you married, in my opinion. But the same person actually that he's been

on our screens for 34 seasons and to you, probably the exact same amount of time. And you not only chose to marry him, but have a baby. Yeah. I mean, another another shining example of Jax Taylor on WWHL. I mean, he was like very open that he was disgusted by Brittany and

didn't not want to have sex with her. And he just he was just like, openly being vulnerable with that. Oh, yeah, I love this. I look, I don't want to feel this way. I'm embarrassed by this, right? I don't want I don't want to think Brit is a fat cow. Right. I don't want to be that guy. Yeah. You know, I know. Yeah. Oh, wow. Yeah. He cleared that list. Okay. And yeah, for him, he's fucking he put his own hand on his own chest and he cleared that list. Let's clear the list. All right.

Anything else here? Nia and Janet avoid each other. Let's get to Kyle Chance. This is real quick. I can't handle this unless you guys have something. Oh, no, no, no. I got some. I got I got what you got to do. Hey, Luke, I don't give a shit.

If Kristen's got your geolocator, I don't give a shit if your grandma's dying of cancer. You're getting a four carat ring for 14 grand. OK, do not rush Kyle Chan. OK, if he wants to do your zodiac real quick. Pour a glass of Pellegrino and sit down and do it with him. Don't give Kyle Chan this speed it up. I got to get out of here.

I thought that Dylan was going to say if he wants to do you, and I was gonna say yes, you penned over Luke and you say thank you very much Sir Kyle. My god. Your gecko, my god. Well yeah, the deal on the ring of course, but someone, you know, watching after your gecko, that's really nice. And then yes, Grammy is knocking on heaven's door or hell. Maybe she was a serial killer. Regardless, she's not going to be around much longer. All right. Moving on. I bet it was hell. That's a weird family.

I know. Yeah, I always love it like someone's like, they assume the person was a good person. Like, yeah, my dad, he's got he doesn't have much time. Well, you know, he'll be in a better place. Well, you don't know that. You don't know, you know, he'll be at a better place. Well, you don't know that. Well, you don't know. I mean, he could be in a much, much worse place

that stretches for all of eternity. If you guys haven't, you should watch the mortician on HBO. Yeah. And they talked about this lady. She's a lovely, lovely old woman. And everybody that they go through it and they're like, oh my, I basically fell in love with her

when I saw her for the first time. She's the sweetest, most welcoming, most wonderful demon woman. Uh oh, you know, camp is this a doc? This is a doc. Okay. Is this one that had homeless people live at her place and then she took their social security money? No, it isn't so fun. Don't tell Patty about a doc. How is it episodes? It's three episodes and it is about a guy that was cremating bodies and also doing bad, bad things and there's murder and there's bad. Oh my God! How have I not heard of this? Yeah. I got a date with the mortician tonight after I wrapped this podcast.

Janet and Jason saw it. Have you seen Dawn of Interest yet? No. Yes I have. I saw it twice. Oh yeah you Interest yet? No. Yes, I have. I saw it twice. Oh, yeah, you did. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you did. Well, that movie is crazy. I mean, because they could have just did it like, I don't know, like a story.

But he gets all like kind of psychedelic with it, too. Well, it's very, very beautiful film. Very powerful. Yeah. Zach is pretty sure there's going to be sorry. I just wanted to go through your your point, your cinematic homework that we've been working on for five years. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. OK. Oh, Jack's and Britt's lunch date. Britt is nowhere to be found.

Apparently, Jack's was drinking and hanging out with girls the night before and she calls him vile and says she's not coming. Now, Dil, this is, and Ruby, you mentioned this last week, this is where we can get into math on the calendar where he alleged that he'd been sober for 240 days or whatever and watched What Happens Live. You can actually go back when they were filming during this time period. And if she is in fact, if he was, he doesn't deny it. Right? No, no.

Okay. No, you said- You lied to Andy. You can't lie to Andy. He says, well, I mean, people lie to Andy all the time. I mean, Teresa Godice has lied. I mean, everything she's ever told Andy is a lie, pretty much.

But yeah, so he says says I was home by 11 which really means 1130 which means that you left at 1115 and you're 45 years old and you just got out of rehab and you haven't seen your son so. Okay. All right. And you didn't deny it. So can I get it to go cup, please? He's always very polite to the staff. All right. The group had to Hawaii.

They discussed pineapple is code for swinging. Also a pineapple famously by who's that really fat rapper? Like unhealthily unhealthy. Rick Ross, Rick Ross. Yeah, he had a he had a song about pineapple making your coochie taste better. Oh, yeah. Well, yeah, it's a it's a common. Teresa Giudice also has a bit about that after she starts dating Louie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that right? Oh, yeah.

There's a common piece of knowledge that if you ingest a lot of pineapple, everything nether will taste better. Your vagina fluids taste better. Wow. That's what they say. Yeah, vagina fluids. At least Rick Ross did. Yeah.

Your potato water, anything that comes out of you down there will taste better. Better. Yeah. Well, we get to the hotel, Zach and Benji randomly get upgraded to that presidential suite. And I was wondering, I wonder if any presidents have ever stayed to presidential suite. Anyway, the rooms are connected. Erin and Michelle discuss Jesse and we really quickly talk about Benji not giving Benji and what's Benji's boyfriend Zach. Zach.

But it he was okay. So I had a lot to say about this. Yeah, very, very wary when you go to especially big, big, big resorts like this type of place when you're in a tourist location upgrade to presidential suite doesn't always mean upgrade. So in this case, it meant that they each had very nice suites before. Now they were in the same apartment. So Jesse actually got a downgrade

and these two who wanna have fucking loud gay sex all the time, they can't now. They have to have quiet gay sex while they're concussing each other in the shower. And Jesse is walking around with his flaccid little pee pee. So wary of that. I agree with Zach. I don't think if he goes over to Luke and he says like, hey, do you want this?

I think Kristen would be so weird. Mm, I completely blow the whole thing. I might on our next APS share the story of where my wife and I one time went on a trip with multiple couples up to to Napa Valley. And this particular couple

insisted upon having the master bedroom at the Airbnb and proceeded to make everything about them for three days. My wife hated them. Yeah. And we talked about it. If you book the trip, you get the biggest room. That's right.

If you front the money, you get the room. But yeah, no, Zach would have completely blown the whole weekend and I know the fans have missed this kind of this illusion but it reminds me a little bit of an entourage episode. Oh! Where in the contract for Aquaman has not come through yet from the studio and he has to tell Turtle and Johnny Drama that they've got a real spending back in and so at lunch Johnny drama says that he doesn't need new calves and Turtle says that he can downgrade to a 50 inch TV and immediately Vince knows what's going on It's just like that

Doug the creator that shows doing I Am solely responsible for imploding his podcast, Ruby. I got to get back in the game of destroying podcasts. I had quite a good run. Here's what I'll say, Pat. You you built enough up. I think it's time for you to start fucking taking some down. Yeah. Yeah. OK. All right.

All right. So where are we? We're on Cabana time. Jason and Danny squashed their beer in your moratorium. Is it Emily? Emily, Raja, the couch, can Kelly Osborne, Kelly Osborne and Kevin T-Pain? Oh, God. Oh, the the list is endless. Wow. OK. Yeah. See, it's time to build more.

Oh, who was that one that looked like an aunt that was on The Bachelor? Victoria, Victoria. Yeah. Also Pitbulls, Mr. Worldwide. And if you're if you're not familiar with what that does, that has behind the paywall a very, very froth, gracious, voracious set of fans, the little patties and what Pat will do is Ask the little patties to go to the review section Leave five stars and say something like Pat wants to speak to you or something ominous and vague now

I've seen it happen numerous times and if You it's a little bit like seeing a cupboard open in front of you you go I need to move it's a little bit like that and cupboard open in front of you. You go, I need to move. It's a little bit like that. And you go, I don't need to do this. So yeah. Well, I got to get back in that game.

So here's a tease. All right, cabana time. Jason and Danny squashed their beef for the 11th time. So stupid. And they decide in the pool to be peacemakers for the rest of the group. Can I say something really quick? Listen, I don't want to speak in this kind of antiquated language. You know, we're trying to get better than this. But Jason is a bitch. Jason's a bitch. I mean, I mean, come on, guy.

He's being controlled. I feel bad for the man. No. So this is what I have to say. When you and I, I need to be wary of this because the dynamic in my relationship is a little similar to this. Janet is a fucking monster. Monsters often have to be with really gentle people because otherwise they'll just be really monstrous if they're with anybody who possesses monster qualities.

What they also have to be with is a person who says in private, you're being a fucking monster. Yeah. And I don't ever done that to her. And that's where we're wrong. Like him trying to be like, and we would never not invite you. And she was like, no, we would have fucking killed them. Oh yeah.

That was crazy. I mean, the only thing I will say about that is that Nia said that she wouldn't have invited them either. But the fact that Janet is just so brazenly Dr. Evil is just it's bonkers to me that you can be so brazenly Dr. Evil. I she misses the mark. I think she thinks this is gonna land like Lala did on the first like two seasons or something or whatever. And it's so missing the mark that that's what I think is happening there. That's what yeah, that's what you think. I totally agree. Yeah. Just coming off very unlikable. Well, we end the last three minutes

with Jesse just spiraling out of control about whether or not Aaron was having sex with his wife while he was married to her. Interesting editing. Liars. Very interesting editing. So Benji and Zach are in the shower and he starts pacing around thinking about how Michelle was banging honey pea. Mm hmm. OK. Um, anyways, like we mentioned, they tease the tease. So the credits start rolling and I'm thinking, where is this conversation?

And then I'm thinking, oh, they did it again. They lied. Get in the comments. Let us know what you thought about the episode. Let us know who Pat's next victim should be. Join us at patreon.com slash another podcast network if you want to get in those comments. Spotify is also a great place to comment. We would love to hear from you guys in all of the places. Five stars kind words. We love you very much.

I'm Dylan saying goodbye. Ruby say goodbye. Bye bye. Pat. Later dudes. Oh my God. Who needs life coach Scott when you have a company like Rola? Not me. Oh boy.

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