Another Below Deck Podcast - Cool Hand Luka | Below Deck Med S8 E6

Episode Date: October 31, 2023

Pat and Dylan are back to break down why children should be banned from this show unless they have something deep and evil in their eyes, sea rat history, Herb Alpert scoring All Quiet on the Western Front, toxic relationships and how boring they are and more from Bravo's Below Deck. To learn more about microdosing THC go to Microdose.com and use code: (badtv) to get free shipping & 30% off your first order.Ad Free and Uncensored at Patreon.com/AnotherPodcastNetworkYoutube at https://www.youtube.com/@anotherbelowdeckpodcast_Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/badtvpodcast/Facebook Group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/anotherbachelorpodcast/

And it's already such an impersonal meeting. He has quite the control over Natalia. I see her as a very self-empowered person, and I'm shocked by the control he has over her. We'll talk about Natalia later on in the episode. I am here with her, because she's slotting into one of my least favorite archetypes, the, oh my gosh, you'll never believe this new detail

about my toxic relationship. Right, yeah. Oh my God, you'll never believe how little I give a fuck about this new detail about your toxic relationship. Hi, hello, and welcome to another brand spanking new episode of another Below Deck Podcast. My name is Dylan. I'm settled up next to one Patrick Hickey. Permission to come aboard. Hey, handsome.

Hey, great to see you, cutie. Thank you. I'm a little run down right now, but I thought you weren't going to say anything cute back to me. Well, I did. You want to get into it? Oh, yeah. You want me to talk? Yeah.

Oh, okay. Yeah. I want to thank everybody who left us amazing reviews. Oh, thank you so much. And also, a really, really big thank you to all the barnacles that went over there to that Reddit thread. Oh, I don't even want to pay it any mind. We really shouldn't. Oh, my gosh.

But yes, the overriding message here is that as the show grows, we get more support from you. And doesn't it just warm our little butts? Doesn't it just warm our little hearts and our butts right up? We can't thank you guys enough for the support. And to show you how much it means to our little butts i want to read a couple of reviews that we've gotten lately uh like this from lux los angeles omg it was luca five stars luca and lara hello i'm not even sure what that means well you know what it means i asked the audience last week i said i was doing a doing a bit. Oh, this one from Rob Lanier,

102 pots. That if you're keeping track is even more pots than is possible. So that's pretty, I just, that warms us up. Tomb Raider made out with Luke. I'm not even sure what that is about, but we can't thank you enough for that.

Honesty, humor, and MA ellipses. I enjoy listening on my drives to and from work, making me actually laugh out loud alone in my car. The banter is entertaining. And the guys give great insight into the show. I mean, listen, who wants to sit here and read positive reviews all day?

You know, come one, come all. Leave us a one star so we can mix it up next week. No, no, no, no. Yeah, come on. Come on. Do it. No, no. All right. So other public service announcements. Yes, Winter House. one come all leave us a one star so we can mix it up no no no yeah come on come on do it no no all right so other public service yes winter house we're covering winter house which has

six sea rats on it uh our coverage for that generally drops on wednesday so two days after you're hearing this just check out the feed a recap of episode uh two of season three of winter house will be there for you and we're doing it with one of my favorite people on the planet, Ruby Red. Yeah, papaya.girl is joining us for the whole season. Also, patreon.com slash another podcast network for another podcast show and PMZ. Matthew Perry is dead.

Rest in peace. Very sad. Pat's called it for some time. And it's crazy because if you're on Patreon, you will have heard pat say i swear to god couple weeks this guy's going to be in a jacuzzi and someone's going to find and it's like wow the nostradamus of horror this guy i didn't want it to happen i know you don't want this burden but when you see into things, you see into things.

That's it. Another public service announcement. We were supposed to do a live meetup for our 12 tier members today. Unfortunately, we booked a C-Rad interview. You know how rare those are. We will be dropping that later this week. We sat down with the filthy scouser himself, Jack, Chef Jack

had a great time, talked about food, talked about chip buddies. We talked about Lord of the Rings. We talked about Natalia and Toomey. It was an amazing interview. So we will update the $12 tier members. We know we owe you a live meetup. We will do it next

week. We love you so much. Sorry we haven't done one in a while, but it's going to be great this next one. Okay, we have to get into the show. Yes. You want to go first? Don't be too Debbie Downer. You know how much I love this show. I know how much you love it, but when we get an episode like this,

you know, my little butt just sinks a little bit you know what i mean i hear you just it's just hard dylan you know what this was what i call a character character development episode yeah okay not a lot happens but it's the little things that you pick up that kind of helps you kind of understand the various cast members of the television show. I don't agree. Now, listen, this is the problem. Orby's a lovely guy, and I'm glad that he's not hitting the bottle as hard as he used to. He's reined it in a little bit, as you mentioned a couple episodes ago. Yeah, kids will do that to you. Or they won't. That's true. But let's just go ahead and ban children from this show in perpetuity. I mean, the only kind of children I want are future arsonists. Okay, people that are going, you can see the evil in their eye,

and they're going to provide entertainment. But we really have no use or utility for just nice families coming on the show anymore. I mean, it's just stinky. Let me add to this. I know this is your thoughts and not. Yeah. Not only do we have just a

little crumb crunchers or what they call them crotch targets, or I forget what Haley said, something very disparaging. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We'll get to that. We also then utilize the time of a precious sea rat for the entire charter. Okay. Natalia was running around with her head cut off. She's supposed to be pulling Luca into that laundry room and making out with him instead you know she's making pizzas with four-year-olds yeah and and we talked about the state of those pizzas with jack uh they were disgusting but we'll talk about them later um the other thing that was really bizarre about this i mean the pizzas look like shit but well well the other thing that was really bizarre about the show was some of the most, and all Sea Rat histories, they're very binary. They either are sleep-inducingly boring or are some of the most horrific things you've ever heard a human being go through.

Can I say something? Tonight, we had the former and lots of them. Okay, Dylan, I've created a new scale. Yeah. It's called the Sea Rat SAD scale, SRSS rating system. That's how we're going to be able to rate the CRAT history. The CRAT what? The CRAT SAD scale.

Like, how sad is it? Okay, let's just call it the CRS scale. Yeah, because you tack SS on, you know, it's just not a good time for those two letters to follow one another. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? So the CRS scale. The sad scale.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah, there was a lot of mediocre CRS stories. My mom's the reason I have a go, go, go attitude. What are we doing? Also, completely forgot that Ann was on this show. It's just insane that Ann is on this show. She's not on the show.

Two pots. Two pots. That's your lowest rating of the season, I think. Probably, yeah. Okay. Well, Dylan, like in most episodes of television, they always save the last five minutes for all the good stuff.

I hated the show Walking Dead, but they'd fool me because a a beloved character in the last five minutes would be a cliffhanger did a zombie bite him and eat him no and then i'd show up the next week and it would be people talking while walking through the woods which i later dubbed that show to be called yeah and then at the tail end the uh the uh the my beloved cast members would be in jeopardy and then i'd have to tune in next week but you know what after season six i said go fuck yourself oh oh okay that is that is quite a funny so you said this show is not called the walking dead it's the walking through woods while talking oh well okay so anyway you hear that frank darabont you fucking hack they

fired him after the first season that's why the show sucked anyway okay uh so uh i loved uh finally luca and natalia the it was too hot they couldn't uh they had to hook up and just as they're about to hook up forgive me to give the spoilings away if you haven't watched the episode uh we get a phone call from aj and Natalia says I'm gonna pick it up yeah what I know I call for euthanasia often too often I hate this guy so much I mean I just really do not think that he's a good person and I think he's one of these people that is immune from any kind of repercussion really at all but I do think that he should be jailed. They'll catch up with him eventually. If you don't think he didn't make his way over

to that Epstein aisle at some point in the last 10 years, you're out of your mind. I don't want him thrown in one of these Bernie Madoff joints. I want him in Abu Ghraib or something. I want true horror done to this man. He's a horrible person and a scumbag fucking. I'm getting hot. This is supposed to be a fun show.

Okay. Pat, how many points do you give it? All right. So a couple other fun stuff here. We got to see Haley's hates. Everyone should have a list of things they dislike. I thought that was good. What's something that you dislike?

Something I dislike. I don't like lines. I get anxiety. That's a good example I dislike. I don't like lines. I get anxiety. That's a good example. Yeah. She said anteater. We'll get to that.

Who hates anteaters? Who hates anteaters? Anyway. Anteater, they're nothing but fun. They're nothing but fun. They're nothing but fun. Anteaters, Dylan. I don't even think they kill the ants they eat. The ants just get fucking vacuumed up in that little nose of theirs, shit out the next day. And they're like,

hey, Larry, did you get eaten today too? Yeah, he sucked me up while I was taking a walk yesterday. Where the fuck are we? But that's how nice ant eaters are. They eat you because they've got to live, but they don't hurt you. You come right out back end yeah and that's a that's a biological fact um anteaters don't feast on any of the you know physical forms of the ant their spirits are sucked out of them as they come through the anteater and that's why they can have a conversation the next day about larry and how crazy that was. And there is something missing, but it's too far off, too amorphous for them to recognize that their spirit has been drained

from their bodies by this little God eater. 50 knots. So we last left off with Lara, aka Tomb Raider, and Max, aka silent film actor.

Communication gate. Fighting with each other. Is this resolved by Sandy telling Luca how to use the walkie-talkie? I was... Pretty much, yeah. Yeah? Yeah.

Well, her observation is correct. Max should not be uh making calls as far as where the anchor is because um he doesn't speak english well and that could um it's not his fault but it could get everyone killed sure yeah yeah yeah it's like a person with no hands being a pilot it's exactly like it's not their fault, but it's probably not. They're probably not the best candidate, you know. We get a little seawrite history with Luca.

He zipped around on bicycles, motorcycles, and the lot before he was even born and his mother's craving was petrol, which sounds like um sounds like a skinny pregnancy and an insane one well okay so yeah the sea rat story here is luke's mom when she was pregnant for him by the way she's a looker apple doesn't fall too far from the tree

would you take it easy man okay while she's pregnant rather than you know do it a lot of us do you just sip a little red wine or take a zany or something like that yeah probably ill-advised from your doctor but anyway they did it in the 70s uh instead she got on that fucking motorcycle and did some uh so what do you call that what do you call it the driving where they're like doing like in the dirt and stuff like motocross yeah and i heard she tried out for jackass but a guy named poopy said uh he would not kick a pregnant woman, so she did not get the gig. Have you seen the Disney Channel original movie, Motocross?

Mm-mm. You're illiterate in film history. I absolutely am. Oh, by the way, you missed, it was Chef Jack's birthday today, and he's always working on his birthday. Have you seen Brink? Brink? That sounds familiar. What's that about? Rollerblading. No. Poppinsides, man,. Have you seen Brink? Brink? That sounds familiar. What's that about? Rollerblading.

No. Poppinsides. Man, you haven't seen Brink. Have you seen Alley Cat Strike Back? No. Oh, my God. Have you seen Johnny Tsunami? What?

Oh, my God. That's crazy. But listen, this is what happens. It's like I haven't seen Three's Company. Right. To be fair, it's run on television, ended haven't seen Three's Company. Right. To be fair, it was, it's run on television ended 20 years

before you were born. So, yeah. Well, you had a Vicodin addiction when Alley Cat struck on the channels. So,

Kyle and Tomb Raider speak to one another in Afrikoms and that is, oh, I wish that I had that superpower with somebody. Like my father-in-law and his sister, they can always speak Spanish to one another amidst a chaos of family.

And I'm like, gosh, I wish I knew what they were saying about me right now. No, I'm kidding. I'm not that narcissistic. They're talking about lots of different stuff. Yes, of course. But it's very, very convenient to be able to speak spy. Yeah. I think I'm going to try and learn Spanish next year.

Well, always putting it off, huh? Yeah, I was going to kick the can. Why don't you do it tomorrow? I got things I got to do. You know Spanish. Not really. tomorrow. I got things I got to do. You know Spanish.

Not really. Okay, so you don't order in Spanish a taco bell, do you? No. My father does that and it's really problematic. Yeah. Can we get to Kyle and Natalia making beds

with each other? This is when Kyle shares all the fun aspects of having a brother and sister relationship. Yep, yep, yep. They're competitive. They have fun together. They laugh. And occasionally, he backstabs her.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's, you know, it's a tale as old as time. Brothers and sisters hating one another and backstabbing each other. You know, that's how me and Ruby operate. You know, we just cannot stand one another and backstabbing each other. You know, that's how me and Ruby operate. You know, we just cannot stand one another and at any chance we're given, we'll send a nasty text

to a superior about the other. Well, that's because you have a brother and sister relationship. Yes, exactly. Praying for these two. It's not healthy. Let's get to the little birthday party with Tomb Raider and Max. They are fighting amidst Hello Kitty decorations. And that's one of those environmental changes. The power of

mise-en-scene is really on display here because you put somebody in, I don't know, let's say a financial district bullpen, you know, and you have a conversation, you're fighting about, you know, like the S&P, right? But if you put them in a children's birthday party that's actually thrown for a 29-year-old man, that really

changes the, you know, the dynamic a little bit. It's like if All Quiet on the Western Front was scored by Herb Alpert, it would be completely different totally different mood i agree it would soften the horror of the great war now dylan you mentioned that at the top of the show and your thoughts and knots that we got some pretty subpar sea rat histories oh my god did we okay well we start with Tomb Raider here, aka Lara. She talks about being a violent kid because she had a difficult childhood.

And that's pretty much all the details she gives. So I rate this a four on the Sea Rat sad scale. And is it one out of a hundred? I was going to do one out of 10. Okay, one out of 10. So the saddest being your father was slain before this kindergarten ballet concert. If you want to kind of make your way up to a six, dad has, he shouldn't have been around.

Right, right. When he was in the house, he was drunk or punched walls or he burned the house down. That will give you a solid seven. Oh, Manchester by the sea kind of thing. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But this is a four. Just not a solid showing. thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but this is a for just not a solid showing. Yeah, so the scouser does great with kids. I mean, he just does, you know,

he's a he's a fantastical man. I'm going to move on to the next thing. Yes, we're going to make pizzas. Toomey and Kyle. Is this the pizza thing? Yeah, yeah. The pizzas. Well, they figure out that the pizzas will be made with the kids at 11. Maybe some stuff happens here, and then the adults will eat lunch at noon. Okay.

But at this point, the sexual tension between Nat and Luca really heats up. And just in time for that boyfriend aj to text her he's going to thailand with his bros to have sex with i presume everything and i mean everything the way that aj operates i mean you know there's a there's a i don't know there's a hawker they they're not they don't have anything to do with the sexual arts, but come one, come all. I mean, even the anteaters in Thailand are not safe. You know what I mean?

No, not with this character. Are there anteaters in Thailand? I bet there are. Yeah, probably. He'd probably rent the zoo for the day if they weren't walking around in their natural habitat. He's like, I need an anteater. When you think zoo, what animal do you think?

Well, I go to the LA Zoo once a week, so I think flamingos. Flamingos, right. And gorillas. Flamingos and gorillas. And giraffes. I was playing this game called Contextual the other day. And you write a word in, and then it tells you how many words you are off of the word that they're actually talking about so like you'll say charity and they'll be like oh

you're 15 000 words off and it got down the word was panda and it was like if you're at a zoo the main zoo animal is panda i i don't know if i agree with that well we don't have pandas any more china uh made us ship them all back. There's not a single panda in America right now. No way. Can you believe that bullshit? Are you telling me that game was from China? I think it might have been.

Because when I think zoo, I think lemurs. I think flamingos. And I think little French fries in the shape of animals. That's what I think. They have those. They're chicken nuggets, but... Oh, really? Yeah, yeah.

Oh, you know what else I think? Those little machines that press the pennies down all flat. My daughter makes me... What a racket that thing is. My daughter makes me buy them every time. Four bucks for... I know that's the thing. It doesn't cost a penny.

The penny is the raw material. You have to pay to process the raw material, but it should cost a penny. Anyways, we got to talk about below deck to me and Kyle are chatting about Natalia and he's talking shit once again on Natalia for good reason. We get a little montage of her kind of venting a little bit, talking a little bit. And listen, I don't have a problem with that. I mean, they're brother and sister, but at 3.30 in the morning, I do not want to hear you say, I really feel like I'm starting to

become a woman. It is too late for that kind of conversation. There's just nothing productive that can come from it. And look, there's some shit talking happening here as Kyle shares this or complains about Natalia to Toomey about it. However, it's setting a pattern in which we finally get Toomey beginning to realize that Kyle is a backstabbing asshole. Yeah. Yep, yep, yep. And that's good on Toomey. She's starting to see

how this costra nostra kind of thing is working a little bit. You gotta have a little bit of street smarts when you're dealing with sea rats oh yes look what they're telling you boy i bet they're going to be telling it's in it's in the book the 48 laws of power yeah it's in the book 48 laws of power which is a revolting book it is a book that teaches people how to fuck others but it is beneficial because we do live in a late-stage capitalist hellhole, and you do have to step over the corpses of your enemies in order to reach the throne.

Well, don't forget to step out the ashes to make sure that they're fully extinguished. Hey, you want to talk about something else that's mean? Crotch goblins. Yeah. After making those pies, Haley doesn't seem like she likes kids. No, I don't think she does like kids. And she doesn't like anteaters either. And here is, once again, a Robert Frost kind of precipice that we're facing.

And we could go off and continue talking about the beauty of anteaters, but I'm a little concerned that, led by me and caused by me, we've been a little all over the place tonight. Maybe a little bit. I will say her two other sticking points were jeans that are too thin with the pockets so that you can't fit your cell phone in with your girlfriend. And also idiots that wear sunglasses indoors. I like that.

I like that. I am not. I wish I could pull that off, but I just feel like an idiot. You see Wheezy courtside, and you go, oh man, he's wearing sunglasses. You know what I mean? Yeah, but it's

fully lit up. We're talking about going to a place that maybe doesn't have that kind of lighting, and you're showing up there. You can't see two feet in front of your face. Like Musso and Franks. Exactly. Don't wear sunglasses in Musso kind of lighting. Yeah. And you're showing up there, you can't see in two feet in front of your face. Like Mousseau and Franks. Exactly. Like you don't wear sunglasses in Mousseau and Franks. Stupid.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Jerk. You can't see with no sunglasses. It's too dark. Now, Dylan, can we talk about these pizzas for a second? Because we talked with Chef Jack about it. You thought they looked like crap. Fair enough.

Maybe they didn't stick the landing as far as, if they were on Iron Chef, they'd probably get low scores for plating. But I have to say this. If I was Shat Kitgora and they brought me one of these pizzas, as far as if they were on Iron Chef, they'd probably get low scores for plating. But I have to say this. If I was Shat Kitgora and they brought me one of these pizzas, I would say you have brought, not only have you failed conclusively,

you have brought shame to this entire franchise. But I pointed out in our interview with Chef Jack, which will drop later this week, and you have to hear it, it's really fun, is that at least they put sauce on the goddamn pie. I moved to Los Angeles. Out here in Los Angeles, we prefer our pizza to look more of what a quesadilla would look like.

Cheese and bread or whatever. And the pies suck out here. Where's the sauce? Where is the sauce? It's like a black-eyed pea song. I like that. Yeah. I mean, look,

I am so ADD tonight. It's just associative nonsense coming out of me tonight. And I apologize. Let me get us back on track. This is going to blow your mind, but Lara and Max are going at it again.

Yeah. Tomb Raider and Max are not doing well. Cable out, cable out. Cable out. These two don't really speak English all that well, and they're trying to communicate. They might as well just try Afrikaans and French,

because who knows? It can't get any worse. I just got to say, I don't think they're paying enough due to the food this season. In an episode filled with mundane Sea Rat histories about where you get your motor or how you're kind of a little snippy, let's take that 30 seconds that we'll never get back. Let's chuck some chyrons up for some of the food. You know what I mean? They started doing that and then they stopped doing it. Where is and what is with this half-assed commitment to the culinary arts? I mean, it's just nuts. Speaking of the culinary arts, would you like to talk about lunch?

A little visit to Italy. Yeah. we've got marinated burrata. We've got arrabbiata. We've got lobster. And listen, once again, I just don't have enough to go off of here. I mean... There's a lot of food on that table. Yeah, there's a lot of food on the table. And lunch is the theater where you can slop down some sea bugs

and some pasta and some caprese. You know what I mean? Of course. You know, because there's this ruse pulled on people at restaurants. You know, marinated burrata, it's just caprese salad. You know, sure, it's a different kind of curd, but it'll be accompanied by something tomatoey most often and there will be some kind of basil be it in the form of oil or a chef and

odd it's just that you know we see what you're doing you know we see exactly what you're fucking doing uh hey dill do you think now would be a good time to uh go for a break do an ad break do an ad do you want to do an ad break right now? Why don't we take a quick break and talk about this amazing sponsor? Pat, have you been feeling anxious at all lately? Dylan, I'm glad you mentioned that. Yes, for a couple weeks now I have. But I'm feeling a lot better since I started using Microdose. Microdose is a wonderful wonderful company this stuff is so great for so many things

like listen i've been hitting the circuits real hard you know because we've been in a lifelong or podcast long battle for me to get hot you know what i mean uh you're already hot you're tight you're uh you're you're taught but i need to get hot and because i'm doing these circuits where i'm listening to the baby and i'm doing burpees and stuff sometimes my joints are a little hurt oh yeah you know what helps with that microdose microdose it can help with so many different things stress reduction anxiety reduction It can help with so many different things. Stress reduction, anxiety reduction, better sleep, help your soreness, listening to the baby doing circuits. This stuff is just, what doesn't it help?

Well, it definitely helps my sleep. As you mentioned, I got a two-month-old and my wife and I take shifts at night. I just drop, I just take a little gummy here, these little small little gummies. About 10 minutes later, it kicks in. I'm able to have a wonderful full night's sleep. It's changed my life, quite honestly.

And let me tell you something else. You haven't had sex unless you've had sex on Microdose. Oh, yeah. Microdose is available nationwide. To learn about Microdosing THC, go to Microdose.com. Use promo code BADTV, all lowercase, no spaces, to get free shipping and 30% off your first order. Again, that is microdose.com.

Use code BADTV to get free shipping and 30% off your first order. Links can be found in the show description. But again, that's microdose.com, promo code BADTV. So we carry on and we carry forth and we carry on. So we carry on and we carry forth and we carry on. We get to more. To me, I love chaos thing. Yeah.

Listen, it's getting that is becoming an end kind of thing. It's just we're too many times with the this is too nice. I prefer chaos. And I learned the go, go, go from my mom, who again did tell me that my father was brutally murdered right before my ballet performance. You know, a little Stockholm syndrome with that woman and her, huh? Yeah. I seem to have a lot of respect for her, though. It sounds like kind of toxic parenting, if you ask me. Well, I don't want to judge. Yeah, I don't want to ask me well i don't want to judge yeah i don't

want to listen i don't want to judge anybody well uh to me tells us for the second time about that chaos thing meanwhile orby and his fellow guests uh you know they're putting behind their crazy drunk pass i forget what uh what charter guest said this but uh as they head over the island she says we will let's blow this uh like a popsicle stick let's blow this popsicle stick what is that i think it's a blow this popsicle stand with like i couldn't tell kind of like an ira kind of explosion what do you know i don't think it's a way that the kids used to say let's get out out of here, I think. Hey, Orby, if you're listening and your lovely wife, hit us up.

Try and explain this to us. Yeah, because it sounds like either a terrorist attack or a mimicry of sucking dick. You know what I mean? Yeah. Can I do a meanwhile? Yeah, of course. Meanwhile, Max has left the stern with no one to stay on duty,

and this causes, shocking, another dust-up between the Frenchmen. And I think this is when it's decided that perhaps a little positive reinforcement could help out. You know, the only thing that I really am gleaning from this is just kudos to Luca. Because Luca is so cool-hand Luca with this whole thing. Cool-hand Luca. I like it. I like it. He's just so smooth with everything. He just does not get flustered at all. He doesn't entertain the melodrama. He doesn't feed off of it. I think he's a spiritually sound young man. And I do think that he is the right person to helm this vessel of sea rats. I don't think, I've said this quite a bit of

cast members on this particular season. I think we will see him again in the future on this show. cast members on this particular season, I think we will see him again in the future on this show. So he kind of comes to the idea that Max needs positive reinforcement. He says, rub your balls with grease. That's like a, hey, hey, we're both guys. Right. You know, hey,

we're both dudes, and we both think that testicular funnies are funny, you know? So let's level with each other there. Hey, Del, while we're doing this, do you mind if I give a little shameless plug for our Patreon again? Oh, yeah, of course. I am going to be reviewing the show Naked Attraction. I have watched the show. Love that show. You've seen it, Dylan?

Oh, yeah. I can't wait to talk about it. So head on over to patreon.com slash another podcast network. I'm going to talk about it. I can't, I've never seen penises that ugly in my entire life. work. I'm going to talk about it. I've never seen penises that ugly in my entire life. It's really, really shocking. Now, listen, circumcised, uncircumcised, I got no quips about that. Speaking of anteaters. Yeah, no, I know it's quite horrifying to see. Listen, you can have a cute, cute little penis with a hood on it, but sometimes, and I didn't know that this existed until i saw naked attraction but i wasn't aware that there could be these kind

of like dehydrated raisinets kind of distending past the tip of the penis and and and it's quite horrific but we don't want to judge now so head on over patreon.com slash another podcast what are we doing that on pm PMZ or APS? PMZ, but I'll probably talk about it on APS too. I was horrified. I could not stop writing notes on the first episode, which, by the way, I think is amazing television. And I love how body positive the whole thing is.

Oh, body positive while someone critiques your fucking balls. I know. It's amazing. I don't know how you can be body positive when you say, your cock looks like it's going to cause internal bleeding. That guy cried when he left. He said my cock was too. He had a

bad attitude about that whole thing. It's like, okay guy, you know, sometimes we got to take a loss in life. Move on. All right. So an Italian relationship is affecting her work and we move on to another management conference trick from Captain Sandy.

Lara, a.k.a. Tomb Raider, a.k.a. Lara, will be driving the boat. Yes, yes, yes. Here, she cannot yell at Max. Here, she cannot really scream. She must keep a cool hand. I'm done. You got to get to your job.

Oh, sure, sure, sure. Well, Lara reminds us once again that she was in fact a big fan of the book, The Secret, because on her dream board, she had created an image of her being a captain with a monkey on her shoulder saying, drive. I felt so bad about cutting that social clip and putting that out and tagging Tomb Raider

in what was a takedown of her sad, sad dreams. But this week we had some dreams. You know, this is a dream, right? No, you should not dream to be a sea rat because again, dreams are free. They can be as big as you want them to be. They'll keep them down to earth because you will be in a hamster wheel kind of existential nightmare if you can never reach it you know like uh i don't know but wanting to be a captain with a monkey on your shoulder that's a dream there you go that's a fucking i mean i i didn't know i i didn't know that i had that dream but i do have that dream now well she where was the eye patch what what well we got another text from uh natalia's honey i forget what he says here but i think it's

one of those passive uh controlling texts yeah not just another really cool text from natalia's really cool boyfriend um again i just want somebody to dox him. You know, somebody dox this guy. We'll find him. His name's AJ. He has to have committed tax fraud, and he's definitely engaged in dealings with trafficked sex workers. So someone figure this guy's social security number out and don't do anything irresponsible or illegal, but just, you know, we need some Robin Hoods out there

because these people are getting away with way too much exactly man you know the one percenters uh so um the text was you go out tomorrow night right think of me call me then ly babe i mean you should be incarcerated just for texting like that if you know if if my dream of being a ruthless dictator were to ever come true, I would be sending people away for that. L-Y, babe, you go out tomorrow night, right? Think of me, call me then L-Y, babe. I mean, that is just so impersonal. And it's already such an impersonal meeting.

He has quite the control over Natalia. I see her as a very self-empowered person, and I'm shocked by the control he has over her. We'll talk about Natalia later on the episode. I am here with her because she's slotting into one of my least favorite archetypes. The oh my gosh, you'll never believe this new detail about my toxic relationship.

Yeah. Oh my God, you'll never believe how little I give a fuck about this new detail about your toxic relationship. It is so uninteresting. Leave me alone or break up with the person. I cannot agree here. And I've been that guy. And I've also had the friend that shut up about his girlfriend. I'm like, dude, she banged the entire football team behind your back. It's time to walk away. your back. It's time to walk away.

I was just a really harsh example. It was true though. It was true for you. Yeah. I can say I want to talk about dinner. Yeah. Saltpate cod steak Caprese skewers. I just don't know

what we're doing here. I mean, no chyrons. No, no, no, no, no footage of prep, really no announcement, no menu planning. What gives night falls and the gang gets ready for the next day, the pirate day filled with clues on paper that Natalia made herself. We go night nightnight, and we see some odd stuff from Natalia before our heads hit the pillow. We do, but if you don't mind, I'd like to go back a few. Kyle and Natalia chat,

and she's complaining a bit about the lack of urgency to have the table set up prior to guests arriving. Kyle notes that Natalia did this, and I think he reports it to Toomey once again that she might have been backstabbing a little bit. And he says that it appears she's regressing. And he says, the drama girl, the drama girl. Kyle, pot, meat, kettle.

It's almost as if you're talking about yourself, you shit talker. Hi, pot. My name's kettle you know but can we get to this on oh no no oh yeah nighttime before the guest by the way here we go this is what a change of behavior from orby and his charter guests they play yahtzee all night and then nat discusses uh pirate day with the crew and later nat Nat says it's a little early for bed to Luca and asks if

Luca is hearing what she's throwing down. And he says yes. Yeah. But I don't think he is because they don't have sex. Which that's fine. I mean, Luca's getting frustrated with all of this kind of bizarre kind of Hitchcockian

kind of kind of bizarre, kind of Hitchcockian, kind of like these advances are kind of strange. He's like, are we going to do this? What's going on? I don't need to have sex with you, but I'm just wondering what you're doing. Well, that's true. You're dressing the pillows up

and you're saying, sleep on this one and think of me. Like that's, what's going on here? You know what I mean? Well, I thought she was pretty much throwing it out there. I thought she was like, hey, let's have some sex right now.

Okay. Because it reminded me of a scene from the original Ghostbusters where the demon from another dimension asks one of the Ghostbusters, are you a god? Yeah. And we learn you always say yes.

Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So when a horny Aussie who has a contract with Playboy wants to have sex with you, you say yes. What's that thing? Who are you going to call? Ghostbusters. You know, I forgot that theme the other day. You know that? I don't know what happened

to my brain, but I couldn't pick it up. Huey Lewis in the News sued the bejeebus out of Ray Parker Jr. and the producers of that film for stealing I Want a New Drug from them. It's the exact same riff. However, they didn't steal it from that. They stole it from a 60s song. It sounds exactly like it. Listen, theft is the fiercest form of flattery so next day next morning uh danger aaron wants an omelet with black olives i don't know how i feel about that i want to say it's disgusting but i don't know i feel like it could be i've had it it's good yeah it sounds like it's like a nice kind of fun thing it was it was called a greek uh a greek omelet and there was some...

What kind of cheese would they put? That's feta. It was feta and olives in it. And it was good. Very good. Sounds like a salt bomb. Diced tomatoes. It was a salt bomb. Your face looked like a basketball. Ann calls, completely forgot that she was on the show. I completely forgot. Once again. And then we get to

children shit. And listen. once again and then we get to children shit and listen we're throwing up chyrons for the clues why can't we throw up chyrons for the pasta you know what i mean it's are you made he you'll find this treasure once you untie sandy by the jacuzzi you know it's we get. It's like you're trying to one last time jack the tip up a little bit, but again, I'll just say it again and again unless the

children have a mean streak to them. Don't let them aboard this. I agree with you. I want at least one of them trying to light things on fire when no one's looking hundred percent. So we get a tight squeeze that is squeezed into. Great job, Captain Sandy.

If you see a tight squeeze and you haven't seen a tight squeeze in the preview for the season, because God, if there was a tight squeeze that was in the preview for that season, it would mean that there was disaster. Right.

But if we don't see it then you know that nothing nothing could possibly go wrong here the only thing that's going to come of this is sandy going great job everybody great job that's it's great teamwork uh luca and nat rub each other's asses and then we get to the tip meeting pat oh wow 28 grand yeah that's 2300 each hell yeah and we learn and we'll be returning who uh jess heads back to party and we head out we get some cool talk in the vans about kyle milking people's prostates i think yes that was uh that was cool um we've talked about it many times before i think it's a damn shame that men uh don't have their buttons pushed more anything you want to add anything to that pat do you not want do you not want your button pushed no no no no all right fine

uh i hit the club yeah this is weird we forego dinner uh and go straight to that club yeah i appreciated it oh sure who needs the duck laurence when you can slam down vodka exactly or tequila and way to go chef jack landing a nice girl from england way to go jack uh the scouser gets a little action yeah and then we get to this stupid shit with natalia and luca and her international criminal of a boyfriend natalia pick it up put it down whatever you do do it and then let's stop talking about it you know he's i feel for her because he does have some kind of christian gray control over her but he's not christian gray he's a guy who pays to come on prostitutes hair yeah

it's really less charming it's way less charming there's all there's barely any charm to that. You know what I mean? But alas, Luca and Natalia being the two hotties on the boat cannot help themselves. They have to lash at one another's skin and while they're doing it above Kyle's head, Kyle

go sleep in another room. AJ calls. I like Luca. He's like, pick it up. I thought that was a dumb move. Pick it up.. AJ calls. I like Luca. He's like, pick it up. I thought that was a dumb move. Pick it up. Pick it up. I thought that was really immature.

Yeah, so immature. Bad move on you, Luca. Yeah, Luca, come on, man. And she's entertaining picking it up. Yeah. What are you doing right now? Be honest. Well, next week we will see Captain Sandy sustain a possibly career-ending injury.

Who knows? But until then, join us on Patreon. Join us on YouTube. Jump the iTunes range. You're usually five stars kind words. Honestly, from the bottom of our hearts, the show is growing kind of crazy right now. It's pretty cool. And we love all of you for listening.

Tell a friend. Tell a family member. Tell a co-worker. Tell a homeless person. Whatever you can do to help spread the show. We would appreciate it immensely. I'm Dylan saying goodbye. Pat, say goodbye.

Later, dudes! Bye.