Another Below Deck Podcast - Count Wasted | The Valley S3 Finale

Episode Date: August 2, 2026

Dylan and Pat are back to break down ham on skulls, alcoholism, love, the valley, Luke being an absolute fucking idiot and more from Bravo's The Valley.PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/anotherpodcastnetwork  YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/@badtvpod  INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/badtvpodcast/?hl=en

I have been sent videos by fans. He doesn't use the word fans. And he points out, look, you already had Isabella living with this fucking guy with bees. Good point. And he threw you out of there. And now I'm a little concerned. And, you know, who, who, what guys are you going to introduce, uh, uh, Isabella to next? Because I fucking, I'm a little concerned.

Hello. Oh, this bro. It's me. Oh, this. Oh, let's start over. No, no, no. It's fine. I think I could fix it.

Uh, yeah, it's fixed. Nice. And we're here to break down the season finale of the valley is all right. Oh, by the way, you know, I met the guy that owns Roccoz. Leo. Leo, I completely forgot to tell you. Me and him had to probably sat down with each other for about half an hour. I went over and watched England get crucified in the World Cup by Argentina.

Oh, at Rockos? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I assume you said, you know, Pat. Yes. Yes. Mm-hmm. He had lots of zombie tales for me. Yep.

Very talkative guy. I love Leo. Yeah, he was great, sweetheart. Why did I bring that up? Oh, Jacks used to own the place. Well. Well, the place next door. And Jack's not on the show anymore.

That's right. Okay. As long as we're bringing this stuff up. Don't point at me. Sorry. You know, So Danny pointed at Jason. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. A drink. It was a cup. A cup thrown at him. With maybe a thimbles worth of melted ice in there. I don't care. It was rude. It was rude, but Nia went around the party and went.

Oh, my God. I mean, he had a drink thrown at him. Except Janet threw a drink in his face. These people do not support us. No, they don't. Okay. I was at Laurel Tavern. Go righteous gemstone.

Somewhere else then. You are so beautiful. She is. Oh. Hello. I was at Laurel Tavern on Saturday, celebrating my birthday. I was there on a day and time that I should not be there because I'm old. But I...

What time? 9 o'clock. Well, I stayed there for. until 11. Shut the fuck up. Yeah. I would have come to Laurel Tavern. I didn't know that.

So I started the day out with a... I'm so bummed I didn't make that. Well, I started the day out with a bicycle bar crawl with the dads. That one I couldn't make it to. Right. And then they ditched me at about 7.30 because they have responsibilities. Then I rode the bicycle down to Laurel Tavern. Yeah.

And then met up with my friends that I've been L.A. friends. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's when we got the party started. And then who walks in? No. Katie from Vanderpump Rules. Katie, Ruby's favorite. Right.

And then. Spider girl. A bunch of younger, extremely attractive. I don't even know if they're attractive. They're just young people. Yeah, they're not. They're just young. They're just dressed to the nines, you know, all the new looks.

Leather or like flowy stuff. No, just like trendy stuff. Yeah, I don't know. I'm old, right? Okay. And I got the impression, because there was some cameras there, that it could have been next gen L.A. because you know they're actively filming that.

Oh, really? Because I was thinking, what is Katie and some of her friends doing interacting with all these 25-year-olds? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I thought there might be some kind of little crossover. Somehow bringing Katie into that world. Right.

It was kind of fun. And they did this whole birthday celebration filming thing. Oh, cool. I got to watch, you know, how the sausage is made. Did Katie exude a kind of dark smoke throughout the entire establishment? No, she looked. Beautiful. Really?

Oh, that's great. All right. Well, let's get in, because who cares? Who cares? I know. It's just fun to see.

No, I know. I'm not saying who cares about, you know, you know, I do miss Adele, I got to say. Big Adele guy. She's doing her thing, you know.

You got to respect the moxies. She goes, I'm actually not going to do this. I'm going to just hang out. I have millions of dollars. I got a fucking tour. Fuck that. I'm like,

I'm going to be in my cottage and fucking read and cook all day. Just be with my children. I'm surprised she hasn't started a podcast. Yeah. Cut to Mick Jagger. I don't know why we wouldn't tour the world again. I'll tell you. You need oxygen because you just got to this studio.

That's why. Those people, Jesus. They can't, they don't want to sit still. Yeah. That's not normal for them. I know.

I know. But listen, we're here to talk about the valley and we're here to give our schneefs. Now, I'm going to give this episode 42 schneefs for one reason and one reason only. Natalie. Natalie. Who I think is just, now when I say Star, I'm not talking about. a Kate Blanchette.

I'm not talking about a star like that. But in the zip code that we're in, being the show called The Valley, she is a star. She needs to be on next season. It is a must. Now, to remind the audience, she was on this episode,

but she was on a previous episode where Swartsey pretended to act like he was considering to go on a date with her, where they met up at the Belmont. Yes, yes, yes. And he, while he is still in a relationship with

Iliad Iliad Moana I forget her name she's too young she's very young she loves cookies loves cookies loves geocatching

loves cocaine absolutely adores cocaine and yeah loves evidently just getting fucking laid on top of. No. Have you seen him? Hey, hey,

I know that you hate Schwartz, but we do not body shame by this show. I'm not body shaming. Page six printed a story saying, look at this fat slop. No, they did not. Yes, they did. I sent you the picture because a little bad he said to me.

I know, but you didn't send me the article. You just sent me the picture, and you said, my God, look at how fat this guy is. I did not. Something along those lines.

I did not. I said I'm the one who broke this story. Look at page six copying me. I think I said something like he looks happy. Because you get fat. You are, there are some dark ways to get fat, and there are some really happy ways to get fat.

Agreed. Okay. I give it 40. Natalie's a star. Keep her on the show. Let's do it, guys. This was, well, first off, when I looked at my,

Yeah, because you know, I record it before I watch it and watch it, like, live. And I thought the running time was an hour and a half. And I was like, this show, this show does not justify a 42 minute running time. But then I saw it was just going to be an hour. And I was like, thank God. And it ended up being the best episode of the season. You think? By far.

Really? Oh, 100%. We had drinks thrown. You got a lot of meat out of this one, huh? Oh my God, that's always so nice. We had Zach standing up to Brittany. He's no longer loyalty, loyal to her. No.

Right? Can't wait for his giant head at the reunion. Oh, Andy throws him a look in that preview. Like, he's like, you are a little douche man. Andy is so annoyed by him. And his fucking, his gay giantism. The proportions of that man, he looks like a goddamn, you know, of those fucking things. We don't body shame on this podcast, but he looks like one of those fucking

things that Odysseus fought in that fucking movie. I didn't see it yet. Oh, you haven't seen it. The Lastragonians, giant tree moving people. Don't spoil it. Sorry, man. We had Jesse confront Michelle about dating another dude and probably a little too soon introducing their daughter to another dude. Michelle tried to beat him on a technicality. I don't think it really worked that. Well, but my favorite was Jesse going, we're going to have some custody battles if she doesn't. Over what? You're going to take custody because she introduced her to somebody at an open house,

Jesse? Okay, buddy. By the way, so my point is the old Jesse showed up. Oh, yeah. We haven't seen him in a while. He really snaps. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

And then lastly, we had, what else did we have here? We had, oh, Jasmine calling someone a bitch. Yeah. Thank you for coming to work, Jasmine. So thirsty for him. storyline. Okay, I'm going to give it 92 schneeps. I'm all right. Everything is all right. We start our episode with preparation for Brittany's Big Victorian vampire bonanza. Now, when we get to the party, we were told last week that there was going to be this kind of

there was going to be a Baroque kind of like haunted manor, vampire kind of thing going on. And it was kind of just it was kind of just a Halloween party with prosciutto on the heads of skulls, you know? Yeah. It was to anyways.

Well, I admired the fog machine, much like Luke did when he walked in. I was like, wow, that is a pretty good fog machine. Luke is a villain. Idiot. All right. First, though, it's time for the meeting of the alphas of the show. That's La La La La La La Rochelle.

Oh. No? Oh, no, no, no, no. Before we get to La Rochelle, which if we look down at the end of my street, we can see the front of that. La Rochelle. La Rochelle. Is that how you say it? I don't know.

You know that's on Vineland over here. No. Yeah. It's right next to a cannabis store. Okay. All right. I'm just saying. Okay.

We do a little trick-or-treating because Brit's Halloween party was not on Halloween. No, November 1st. That's right. Britt is a trick-or-treater. Can I say, if you're going to do a Halloween party, off Halloween, that I come before. Totally agree. Can't come the day after Halloween. November 1st, take the decorations down.

Can't do a Christmas party on the 27th. You do not do that. You don't do that. Three weeks before is totally fun. Yep. Well, anyway. She takes a cruise out for... I mean, the insanity of that.

Well, probably filming limitations. You've got to make sure everyone's in town. There's other parties that are probably more fun. Yeah, maybe. Yeah. Okay. Well, Britt takes a cruise out for trick-of-treating, and Janet and Jason are tagging along.

Now, Janet had said in her interview that Jason was going to be going us himself this year. and when he showed up as a patient, you saw that he had like the, what do you have, the nurse scrubs on. The scrubs on. When she said he was going to go as himself, I thought she meant he was going to go as this. A big, saggy,

ew, Vatch. Big sag, pussy. But no, he went as a, what do you go as again? You understand that I have to bleep all. of that. Oh, you don't.

I 100% do. I don't know how you don't know that I have to bleep that. Uncensored tier. Have fun. I mean, what the fuck is wrong with you? I didn't know. Very clearly.

You said that with your chest. How long is he going to... I thought it was funny. He was in a hospital gown and he was in a wheelchair because he can't walk. I don't know what she was. But they have a fucking... they have a nurse ratchet and patient kind of relationship. Maybe he's not a pussy.

Perhaps he is every morning getting a little ketchup tray of pills. And she checks under his tongue. All right. Now, folks have been giving Janet some shit for bringing up her pain at opportune time. They have. in the show. Kristen's a little trepidacious

about Janet talking about her sexual abuse in the past. And Nia here launches into a story about the instability of her life and the pain she experienced growing up

and all of that kind of in the face of somebody just accusing you of protecting your drunk husband. Now she goes into why being with Daniel what it has to do with that stuff because on the outside, nothing, really.

I don't know why you're talking about this. Well, yeah, she explains that her troubled childhood in growing up and all that chaos. She needed some stability. So she married a drunk who isn't tall enough to get on most of the rides at Disneyland. And Lala hears this and she's like,

well, that makes perfect sense. That's Fort Knox as a human being. I would say, you're a CIA officer. and a handler of this little drunk. And I have grown to very, very much so dislike you. But I want you to have better than the little whiskey chihuahua. Totally agree.

Also, Nia's learning how to play this reality game. Like she sees Lala and she's like, ooh, all right, Lala, you have like three dimensions to your character this season. One of them is ally, and I'm going to pluck that bow. right you're an ally you're mis uh sexual yeah and you have to be and then you're you're also shitster but you are an ally so i am going to throw something in your face that i know that you cannot attack right and i will defuse you immediately which she did and she'll uh then she goes uh you know i was just in mama bear mode and i was thinking well we all know bears right they're little cubs hide white

claws and tree nooks and then mama bear tells the forest uh all the animals animals, you know, uh, you know, uh, keep going. I was going to say, yeah, yeah, can't continue. Well, we all know that, uh, bears don't even drink malt liquor, right, right. Yeah. How could that be Mama Bears cup, a.k.a. husband. If we're maintaining the metaphor, that's what. Okay. Anyway. Did you smoke? No. Okay. Yeah, I just, I get so bored. I was just, I was just, I was just what. Yeah. Lala tells us she likes to be, she wants to be friends with Lala now, but it's going to be problematic because she hates Danny. And also he hates her. So that is going to be definitely tough. How could you not hate Danny? Okay. So hates a big word. Let's get to

somebody who I actually do hate. No, I don't. Hates a big word. Luke, not malicious, just one of the one of the true dumb dumps on this entire network. the lack of emotional intelligence, like, bearing witness to people who have like really, really, like, harmfully low levels of emotional intelligence is really difficult to endure sometimes. Like, it makes me feel so awkward. Sometimes there's, so, so there will be like an autistic person, so to say that, of course, that makes sense. But then you have a, people that are just like incredibly under-evolved like Luke and you just go, how can people be this wall-headed, you know, telling your wife, let's go ahead and have another baby,

because I despise the version of you that I've met over the last year so much. I just want to, his words, bury her in the ground in a coffin. Now, I'm sorry to get like, maybe I was too big about the whole emotional intelligence. We brought autism into the fall. I don't know what I was doing there, but it's hard to watch Luke speak to his wife. I don't know how old he is, but I think this might be, and I always speak about this in generational terms, because I think the, I, well, I'm hopeful, optimistic. We are raising each generation becomes smarter, emotional.

at least males do? Evidently not. Well, how old is he? But how old would the cutoff be for this kind of behavior? 26. If you were being generous, 28, he's older. I mean, he can still think these things,

but you just can't let it come out of your goddamn mouth. Of course you can think them. It's the only thing to think. I want to put that person, that version of you in a fucking, coffin. It's the only thing to think, but you cannot speak it and speak it as though it is a good incentive. He speaks it as if it's something that's going to get him on, on, get her on his side of things. Right. Holy shit. This is why men and women are different. We have different brains.

This is how men are, well, we're pretty stupid. Yes, we are very stupid. Um, all right. So, So put the fishing pull down. You, I mean, he's a literal redneck. Okay. This is why some people love this show and why others, uh,

don't, which is, this is such a bummer conversation. Bummer conversation. Uh, because it is so relatable. In many ways. I know,

um, you are a Game of Thrones person. Kristen and Luke this season have been like Theon Grayjoy's arc. When, when, when he was, reek. Just getting your dick cut off and getting tortured and just being cold for an entire season. Does he get killed eventually? I think he dies. The, the, yes, no spoilers. I think the night king kills him.

He goes and tries to kill the night king. That's a good way to go out. What are you doing, dude? You can't. He was also having sex with his half sister. Throat fart. So sorry, it happens. Let's get to Michelle and her hot friend who should be on the show. We sit down with Michelle and Natalie. And Michelle wants to. own a home because her parents always rented. And she thinks that subconsciously her parents never owning a home is what got her to be a real estate agent. That's actually not true. Trouncing around Woodland Hills and smoking pot and hooking up with boyfriends until you haven't figured out anything else. That's what leads you into being a real estate agent. Yeah, actually, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

What do you go to Keck to be a real estate agent? Oh, the Keck is the medical school, I think. Nothing against real estate agents. No, no. And nothing against doctors either. Right. Well, Michelle says, now that everything is behind her, referring to that horrible marriage,

it's the end of a chapter in the beginning of a new book and what will that book look like? I'd argue your life is. the book. And when that chapter ends, you just, you need a new chapter. You don't need, you don't need a new book. Whole new book. Well, I guess, it's, I guess, going to have a new cover art, new cover art, everything. But you just ended the chapter. So we're going to throw that semantics. Yeah, it's a little bit like the Lord of the Rings is just one book, but it's up and three, it's three books. We're getting into the weeds. We don't.

I'd argue she just needs a new chapter. Michelle needs a new chapter, not a new book. Let's get to stage four endo and some egg freezing with Dr. Arnold, Jesse, and Lacey. Jesse says, I'm going to be making some pretty inappropriate jokes. Why? Why do you have to make jokes? Why are men so uncomfortable in rooms like this that they have to crack inappropriate jokes about, like, Like, it's a fucking doctor's appointment. Just fucking go to the doctor.

It's not an open mic. Doctors must hate this. You know what I'm driving at, though? Like, I don't get it. Danny has to do this. Jesse has to do this. They're these, like, we got to alleviate the tension of this moment. Now, for Jesse, I understand why there might be tension because Lacey wants nothing to do with

him. And when asked if we're going to be doing embryos, she goes, no, we're not. And then he goes, are you sure? Because think about if we get embryos and what my DNA will bring to the table. If we have one of my spawn, the little fucker will wake up and drink two bottles of champagne before noon. Yeah, yeah. He'll accuse any of his future spouses of being low rent hoars. And then he'll pretend to be financially successful. Right. Exactly. While being $500,000 in debt. Awesome. Yes, we're actually going to go with the no embryo today. This episode and what Lacey had said to the producers at the end of the episode, like where do you see this relationship going?

She goes, I feel bad because I know he's going to say something completely different. Yeah. She's like, I'm kind of cool with what's where we are. We're fine. Yeah. She's with him to be on this show. She's with him to be on this show to have a little purse dog and to have some kind of companionship that she can,

control. She can control within an inch of its life. Jesse is in a place where he has no leverage. He's smitten by her. And quite frankly, it's abuse. Okay, let's get to the big bash. We get ready for the big bash. But first we talk diarrhea with Tom and Janet, actually, not giving blow jobs to Jason, which for the record, it's just not cool. It's not cool. It's not cool. to not do oral sex for your loved one. These DJ Khalid motherfuckers that won't go down on women. It's like, it's not cool. It's not cool.

Hey, Del. I got a fun game to play. You'll never guess which cast member states the wife should give a dude a blowjob. I'll give you a million bucks. Okay. Okay, because this person has three character traits this season. Okay. I kind of,

that's a hand. Well, let me guess. Okay. Jasmine. Close. How am I close? That would be a hint. Okay.

Was it Lala? Yeah. Now, do I still get the million dollars even though? No. Okay. Yeah. Defender of woman or ally, as you said, over sexualized because, you know,

she's easygoing with sexuality. Yeah. going to kiss Michelle later. That's right. And also a shitster. Yeah. All right. Let's get to the big bonanza. We've got prosciutto draped on skulls and Zach with spray painted abs. Zach, they're made in the kitchen, babe. I'm just lay off the late night tacos for your shit or two, right? But just you, you can do it. We count on you or we believe in you. Danny is Count Bucula. I don't know what the fuck this is. It doesn't make any fucking sense. I'm going to call him fucking nothing. I'm going to call him Count Duky. He's in character. Normally, Danny works him his way up to like, uh, the analogy is

like flight, like an altitude, like to 7,000 feet. Here, he was at 7,000 feet from jump. Comes in. He's so excited to get drunk. He's just so excited to get drunk. Doing that, oh, God. I honestly don't know how Nia does it. Oh, she, she, she bottles up. all of her fears and emotion to the servitude of her husband and the family. Dark. I'll tell you what, though. She's got those babies. And those babies are life-giving.

That little Adelaide, my God, I want to steal that little girl. I agree. I agree. But, well, Lacey remarks because Jesse starts participating in that dumb voice that Count Duky is doing. Yeah. And she said the only bigger turnoff was when Jesse wore the underwear that he bought in 2013.

Can I say? Then he used as a rag to clean appliances from 2018 to 2019. Right. And then he turned him back into apparel again from 2020-20-20 to present. Guys will do that. Yeah, 100%. I'm, I don't like Jesse. I'm over the Lacey kind of shitting on him thing.

Oh, the jabs. Yeah. It's getting old. Yeah, it's getting a little old. It's let's shit or get off the pot. Yes, I agree. All right. So what do you do with somebody who's doing a bit like this at a public play?

You're at a party and somebody's doing a bit like this. Walk away. I'll tell you what. No and I have to go get a drink. I know that this one's full. I need another one now. There was, this is like seven years ago. Holy shit. No, it must have been long.

I was at a, on top of a roof party watching a movie. and a guy was doing a Barack Obama, President Barack Obama limitation, he would not break character. And after about five minutes of him engaging me with that, well, I just did that. I got pee, but there was no bathrooms. So I got caught in a little lie there. Yeah. But that was okay. Yeah.

You can't stand before this for very long. Mm-mm. Okay. So let's get to Zach and the text messages. um janet confronts him and says i heard that you were talking shit to christian um and he says listen i i i i shit myself all right the other day when we were at chilis i actually shit my pants and kudos to the women who go you know it's disgusting you're so full of shit that you can't even control the purse strings around your little fucking balloon knot down there okay

but also what the fuck are you talking about what does it have to do with him they yes they uh they quickly get him back on back on the at which point janet gets up and leaves yes so you two film or leave okay i want to point out something here though um interesting maneuver by zach um for most humans what's more humiliating being caught on camera backstabbing subwood, a cast member that you barely know, or letting the world see that you, uh, shit your pants in a chain restaurant and threw away your underwear. And then went back, sat down and ate next to people. What kind of fucking behavior is that?

You're walking biohazard. You have, you smell like fucking shit. And you're sitting down next to these women. You have no value to them. They, they mean nothing to. you. You wouldn't do that to someone you care about. Sit down next to them with an open ass of shit. Michelle and Jesse have a little spat. Oh. He goes, I heard you're dating people. You introduce our daughter to him. She goes, that's not true. And it is. It kind of is. Real estate agents who,

I don't know how many of you are left, given the way that we speak about your profession. but do get in the comments, let us know. Is it common to bring a child to a showing? Or I don't necessarily buy that line. Well, here's a question. Why'd your boyfriend show up to the showing? Yeah. Why?

Yeah. That's a weird one. Yeah. Dropping off lunch. Right. Right. Was he a client? He was a client.

Did she meet him the first time she showed him the house? and is Isabella just so happened to be there? I don't know. By this point, they'd already been traveling to Vegas with each other. They've been dating for three months. There's something weird about the story. Well, here's what Jesse says. He says, hey, I've been sent videos by fans.

He doesn't use the word fans. And he points out, look, you already had Isabella living with this fucking guy with bees. Good point. And he threw you out of there. And now I'm a little concerned. And, you know, who, what guys are you going to introduce her? uh isabel two next because i fucking i'm a little concerned yeah can you imagine

okay we've heard the song yet it's very famous i'd argue uh that comedian a little more quaint than dr dr dr dr dr dr has a reputation the muscle mass of a ninja turtle he also has a rap sheet no i think dray's been on straight and narrow pretty much um he has a rap sheet he has a he has a history of that's in the the other chapters that actually became a whole different book he's in a complete

different book oh he's moved oh a different book yeah okay he's with jimmy iivine doing headphones and shit now okay good good to hear so um jasmine comes in and goes hey what's going on i don't have a storyline can you help and that is exactly my god dear god in what world does she become a defender off the show get her off the but she's so unlikable it's just so fun she's not unlikable she's just she's just she called a girl that she doesn't know a bitch and then called her trash Natalie called her trash oh Natalie called her trash yeah she did forgive me I apologize I'm telling you get Natalie on the show so jesse says she's been dating people and introducing Isabella to them and then starts to get a little

teary-eyed and angry and says, we're going to have some custody issues that this keeps going. Jesse. Jesse. Jesse. What are you, Mr. $500,000 in debt going to demonstrate to a court of law as to why she cannot see her child? You fucking, okay. I will say this. I've seen people, they can drag you into court and fuck with you, though. Okay, so later Jason walks up to a woman and touches her. Yes. Thinking that it's his wife. Yeah.

You didn't think that. You didn't think that, Jason. She got a different purse. She got a different color hair. She got a different hairstyle. Yeah. You're lonely. You're very, very lonely.

And you thought being on the show. She didn't hear it, but he leaned in and he went, help. He said help me. He said help me. Yeah. Um, we should mention that Danny is starting to really blow past the legal limit. Oh, yeah. And, uh, slur his words.

Yeah, Nia asks if he's drunk. He is. I have meanwhile, Danny's drunk. That's my note. That is so sad that a guy who's been accused of being a drunk. He can't help. He's an alcoholic. And he shows up to a party with cameras and gets fucking obliterate.

To the point where Jesse has to say, let's do a shot of water and walk him over to the bar because he cannot walk straight. So, Jasmine, well, okay. This is the moment. First off, when when Jason goes over there and says, help me to that woman, they're all laughing. He goes, sorry, I thought you were my wife. And Zach says, sounds like you made a mistake. What? what is that sentence okay sounds like you made a mistake we do not have intelligent interesting people

on holy shit we don't need intelligent and intelligent and interesting people on this show that's not what reality tv is for okay we need entertaining people and a lot of these people are just not cutting it. Zach, chief among them. So Jasmine starts this game of telephone. She approaches Janet Michelle. And she says, I got something. She says, if you're okay with it, I'd like to try to remain on the show in this moment here because this is the last day we're shooting. And they say, sure, what's going on? What's your name again? Well, because I need a storyline, Michelle. Um, I believe your husband's feelings of animosity towards you are completely valid because they are his own. And to have your own thoughts mean they are valid.

Okay. That's a new wrinkle. You're going full ally with Jesse's truth here. That's your storyline? Fucking wild. You know, when these two were going at it brought me back to Bad Girls Club. Yeah. You're a bitch.

Yeah. Shut up your trash. Yeah. What are the sad, saddest losses to the recalibration of... If Mori can do DNA tests, we can have the Bad Girls Club. I understand that it's,

it's kind of exploiting a racial stereotype. I'll say again, if Mori can do what he does, we can have the Bad Girls Club. I agree. Hashtag, bring Bad Girls Club back. I feel like if we did that, then it would be like a dam breaking

and to use a metaphor, wouldn't be water spilling out, would be girls from fatherless homes with propensity for violence on our TV sets. Yeah, we could do, we could do something with like, we could do rock of love, but with like Pete Davidson or something. Oh my God, that'd be awesome. Right. I would watch that. I would too. Davidson could do that ironically for the paycheck and be completely fine. I think he'll, by the time I think we're there in the culture, he'll be at that same place in his career. Okay. So, um, honestly, do you want to see him in anything now? Okay. So he, Jasmine goes up and says, Jesse's feelings are very valid because they are his own. And Michelle goes,

you know, what the fuck are you talking about? And that's when Natalie walks in. And Jasmine says, who the fuck are you, bitch? And they get into it and... She explains, that's my best friend. Right, exactly. That's my best friend who you're making come off as a bad mother. So I have a huge problem with what you're doing right now. And Jasmine says, didn't mean to call you a bitch.

I'm just from Jersey. That's how I do it. And she goes, yeah, I'm from Chicago and you're fucking trash. Woo! Love it. All right. So Danny continues to eat like a blackout. I mean, this is how, when you,

you get home, you've already eaten an item out of the bag of Taco Bell, but you're just not drunk enough to save the rest of the food. This is what you eat like when you get to the couch. Okay, but he's in public. Taco Bell was the appetizer. Danny is eating like, if you got home and all you had in the fridge was a log of goat cheese, he is literally deep-throating massive amounts of cheese and crackers. I don't know how he has those abs. If I ate one night like this, I'd have a beer belly. He has those abs because he works out for an hour and a half a day. And he's a little guy. True. Little guys can maintain their form much easier. So, Nia hears that Kristen said that she guilt trips her friends, or guilt trips

Zach. And we get to this faction split where we have Nia, Kristen, and Zach versus Lala and Brittany. And Kristen is caught red-handed in a lie. Lala and Brittany say in front of Nia, you told us the other day that Nia guilt trips Zach for being friends with Janet. I was just kidding. Kristen says, I did not say that to which Brittany and Lala are just dumbstruck. And then Zach says, I believe Kristen, to which. Which, Brittany goes, I've known this guy. What are you talking about that? I've done this guy 20 years.

He's a close thing I got in life as a brother. And here he is sad with Nia. It's unbelievable. I thought Kristen said that she was only kidding when she said that. No, she outright denies it. Oh, Dylan's plugging his phone in. All right. Well, I thought she said she was joking that Nia was running the show.

You're hosting for the rest. Okay, then Swartz arrives to announce, where the hell is Swartz Ben? He was probably at another party the whole time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then he shows up at the end. He was at a, he was at a quinceanera. Hey, buddy, I'd love to tip you.

Hey, do you accept Venmo, pal? Hey, I don't have any cash on me, but do you have a Venmo I can tip you with? Yeah, it's right here. Oh, my phone's, actually my phone's dead. I'll get somebody's, I'll come back, I'll take a pick. I'll tip you. I'll give you a bump.

Meet me in the bathroom. At which point, the bartender's like, you do not have to tip me it's fine did you say bump all right then danny and jason chat in the pool house now this was we should say that danny is laid out like a mummy trying to just blink away the inebriation when jason walks out how much does an uber cost to santa clorita at that time at night probably $60, $70.

Feels like it's worth it. Hit the Apple card and get out of there. But no, he's going to go find a pool house to sleep in to then be trapped like a fucking drunken rat, which, I mean, if you think about it, it was genius. Jason goes in first. Hey. How you doing? Hey, good.

Sit down. Let's talk. And then, of course. What do you want to talk about? Let's talk about stuff that we were. heard you had a rough uh rough time in mexico huh said uh la la she should go back to her husband you know she doesn't have a husband right i say then janet heads in and la la has heads in as well and uh danny says you know i do i'm sorry for saying that you should go back to your husband because i know that

you don't have a husband you just have that guy that you were intertwangled and twangles with but killed bruce willis she goes thank you for saying that I can't believe Nia let her guard down to leave this little guy alone for that long. Big mistake. Big mistake. Big mistake. And he goes, you know, I am sorry for saying you should go back to your husband. That was a nasty thing to say.

And Janet goes, is that all you're going to apologize for? And Danny goes, what the fuck? What are, what do you have to say? And Janet, Janet is just a wretched human being. Janet We don't fault Janet For saying the things about Danny Danny is inappropriate with women

He's inappropriate, period He's a drunk She's right about that stuff She's right She can't say anything With a clean conscience ever Because she doesn't have a clean one She's not

There for other women She's just trying to take this couple down She's not a truly apologetic to Nia about anything she's trying to take them down. So at every turn, it's revealed that Janet's true colors are, no, I'm not going to let this go. I'm going to keep flaming it until it kills you guys. That's right. So, yeah, just another kind of feted ingredient in this stew of a show. I mean, it needs new blood.

Also, she gets up from conflict way too often. Mm-hmm. Yes, walks off. I will say this was a great moment. I did not see her throwing a drink on him and for him to just go like, I'm out. Yeah. And then Lala,

realizing how the dynamics of TV works, like that wasn't good. Yeah. Because you gave him power now. Well, and also, like, we were kind of getting somewhere. We were going to have a conversation about this. You made it about yourself and then you threw a cup at him.

Now, there was little to no alcohol or liquid in that cup, but he gets up, tells Nia. And Nia begins to. to spiral. Hold on. I want to say this. This is the world we live in where Danny can now say you assaulted me. Sure. Right, right, right. Do we want to live in that world? Well, I mean, I do think in terms of the levels of assault grabbing somebody's ass is much more assault than throwing a cup. A hundred percent. But he can say that. Right. And, you know, he, who knows at the reunion, we may get to that new low. And I will then assault him. But Nia

does her best like Nancy Reagan where she's going around just going like, these people are not for us. Then get off the show. Then fucking leave. Yeah. You're on a reality show. This is what you do. You really aren't friends. You're

playing a game here. We can't have this awestruck hurt approach to all of this conflict. We can't do this. We can't shepherds. We can't shepherd your husband away from entertaining the audience. We can't be confused about the dynamic of the relationship as often as you are. And it's not even working because we know that you're more

of a game player than this. We know that you're not surprised or confused by this at all. Right. And the last moment of the night really says it all. Janet, how upset are you by all this and being triggered that you will then, three and a half minutes later, kiss Michelle. Lala. Was it Lala or Michelle for her birthday? Lala kissed Michelle. Oh, Lala kissed Michelle. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, I thought it was Janet. Oh, really? Yeah, Michelle gets a kiss from Janet. Yeah, I thought she was going to kiss Lala. I could be wrong. In the comments, let me know. Let me know if Pat's an idiot. We'll be back for the reunion.

It's a three-parter. I don't think we need three. who are you to say? I want to go back to Brittany getting ready for people to come over to her house. You put out a lot of shellfish. Tell us about that. Johnny from no one gives a fucksville. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, Zach, when you shit your pants at Chili's, did any of the attendees ask any questions? This is from Darren from threads. Schwartz, what was it like to hear Michelle and Lala talk about their fathers at the beach? We'll be back. I'm Dylan saying goodbye. Pat say goodbye. Bye.