Another Below Deck Podcast - Crimes Against Ham | Below Deck Med S10 E15

Episode Date: January 6, 2026

Dylan and Pat are back to break down Avatar: Fire and Ash, batteries, Big Sips, Grease, cats and dogs, gerbils, cannibalism, breast milk, Jamon and more from Bravo's Below Deck MediterraneanPATREON: https://www.patreon.com/anotherpodcastnetwork  YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/@badtvpod  INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/badtvpodcast/?hl=en

got a real estate entrepreneur Michael Lopez looks like a real square which normally means he's into some kinky shit

normally involving a gerbil and a nail gun some drywall screws how what happens with those

I'd rather not say can I say can I say sure sure Happy New Year. Happy New Year. It's bad tea. I don't know why. I started the New Year singing because I just feel such a levity right now. Okay. And it's Bad TV. And I'm Dylan. That's Pat. Permission to come aboard. granted um little our little gift elf kaelin is back the the studio is is really been amped up because kaelin had to i think evade taxes at the end of the year yeah yeah to spend

some money yeah so a lot of new stuff coming to the bad tv studio go to youtube and check that out can't do you can't do you're doing great work um i have to tell you not a great way to kick off the new year. I sneezed and bit my tongue at the same time. I didn't hear the sneeze. No, it happened in the past. I'm actually in the present carrying the wound of that catastrophic event. So if it sounds like I have a lisp, I don't. That's gross. I just bit my tongue. Dylan, monitor that. If it gets too annoying to hear, I'll pick up the mantel. And I'm kidding. I think lisps are cute. So, how are you? I'm doing fantastic. 2026. I feel good about this year. Yeah, yeah. Lots

happened. No politics. I was going to say a hell of a military. I'm going to watch you like a hawk this year. No, no, no, no. Okay, a lot happened. We're going to break down our entire Christmas vacation at patreon.com slash another podcast network, vacations with the kids, being around sick kids. Your father-in-law almost died. I got deep. into a health insurance scam.

And so much stuff. So that's coming to Patreon.com slash another podcast network. Traders is this week. We're going to be doing the first five episodes. First, like basically you can count on three weeks. Three weeks of free episodes. Yeah. And then that shows going behind the wall at patreon.com slash another podcast network.

Do you see how it's already starting? And I want to say this to the list. Listeners, even if you don't like traders or whatever, give it a shot. Try it because the way that Dylan and Ruby and I, and I guess Kailen will be a part of this, the way that we recap it is not like any other podcasters. We make it really fun. We analyze the gameplay. We make it good. So give us a shot. Yeah, we're like the game of roses of Traders recaps. Kaelin, you ever seen Traders? I have not. Oh, it's going to be fun. He's in fine form. He's in fine form. Kaelin sat down with James Cameron over the weekend. Yeah, he did. Do you tell him I thought Avatar was dog shit? You know, I did not get around to tell him. How would he bring that up?

He goes up to James Cameron. He says, hello, James Cameron, fame director, James Cameron. Dylan thinks Avatar Fire and Ash was a little overrated. Most critics say it's mediocre. They said it's just like the first two. I got not high enough, went to go see it, picking my father up from Los Angeles. I don't know how much weed you'd have to smoke. It'd have to last you four hours.

that's the problem. I was pretty high in the beginning, but trailers included, we're looking at a four-hour sit in the movie theater. That's no point. Dad's flight got delayed. I did a double feature, actually. Went to go see the housemaid. I can't wait to see it? Enjoyed it. Honestly, can I say enjoyed it a little bit more than Avatar? I bet you did. It was thrilling. And, you know, Sweeney's boobs are in it. You know, I'm not, you know, I'm not like a Sweeney head or anything. I'm just not. Simply not. Hey, I got Patty's picks before we get it. It was a thrilling film. I got a film with a Sweeney in it. If you're a Sweeney head, is that the name of her fans? Yes. If you're a Sweeney head, little pick by Ron Howard

called Eden. It's based on a true story. Oh, yeah. I saw her screaming, giving birth in my living room. I was like, what are you watching? Yeah. Yeah, Eden. Give it a shot. It's a slow burn. It's about two and a half hours long, but it's definitely watch it on a Saturday. And listen, do we have a new timer too that the numbers are red? Oh my God. Yes. You got a new timer? I, I, yeah. He really blew the bank out.

Wow. Holy cow. And listen, we are not, this is not a political show. So if you have a problem with the American Eagle campaign, so do we. And if you don't, we don't either. Okay. Whatever you believe, so do we. We do too.

Okay, so let's get into Blow Deck. We missed a week of the show. Let me, uh, let me take this one for us still. Okay. Uh, we want to address, uh, the episode, that Dill Kailen and I neglected to recap. Now, I watched the episode. Clearly, both of you didn't.

I watched seven minutes of it. Okay. There's a reason this episode was placed the week of Jesus' birthday. And it's not just because a bunch of goddamn pagans work over at that, Bravo. You're saying Jews. I'm kidding.

I'm kidding. Okay. It's because the episode was awful. Okay. It was awful. And quite frankly, not worth our. time to recap and thus not worth your time to hear us recap. Did they throw the flowers to commemorate Bond's life in this episode or the one that? The tail end of the episode that you didn't

watch. In our audience, the barnacles should not have to have. I watched a fair amount of it actually, maybe even the whole thing. Okay. Well, I want to say this about quality control, which clearly Bravo does not have. You're talking about QC. Okay. There have been times that Dylan and I have recorded an episode, sometimes as long as an hour. We both stared at each other and one of us said, I don't think that was good. And you guys never heard it. There's also been times that an episode was somehow ended up in the back of an Uber. But that's a whole other story.

I'd probably like, I want to say at least 11 episodes. That's a tale for another time. Ended up in Gorvick's Accord. But I digress. Yeah. If it doesn't meet the standard, you guys don't hear it, but clearly Bravo wanted you hear it. So here is the recap of what took place in that episode. Okay. All right. Kathy, her dad left. Kaelin, am I, do, does my hairline super thin in this camera?

No. You sure? No. I don't know what I'm going to do. All of the stuff that you take makes your genitals fall off and then the stuff you spray on top, it doesn't really work. I want you to gauge how nose go, though. Hey, Kailen, was James Cameron a jerk? No. Okay. Oh. It's such a good point. Kalyn is Dylan's hair. Do I look like I'm balding? No.

Kalyn. Go ahead. You ask him what? No, no, no. See, what I picked up on, the first no and the second no. Very different. Tragically different, right?

The tone changes when the investigator has caught you. And that's what just happened here. Kalin, do you hate your kids? No. Okay. truthful from the bowels of his art wow that's amazing can i tell you well i don't need him to tell me my hair sitting i was i was racing around the house looking for something to cover this hideous scene up but i couldn't find it um my dear sister was on the side of the yard we had a lovely neighbor moment

we'll get to the show in one second my recap of the episode we did watch yes and then the show my dear sister was having a moment with our neighbor over the fence looking at loo it was it was a great moment right but she asked the question how's it going oh no dad dad mom dad dog dad all within three weeks don't don't ask people don't ask unless you're ready for an answer don't ask okay know the nose and don't ask that's right all right go ahead okay recap of the episode we didn't watch. Kathy, her dad, uh, took off when she was a little girl. Mm-hmm. Shocker. So she was raised by another guy. Anyway, he died. Her stepfather. Okay. Here's the thing. Sea Rats grief on a boat. It lasts about as long as a

battery bought at a dollar store. Yeah, they don't last. No, they don't last long. I learned that one at Christmas, by the way. I bought a battery. Yeah. Yeah. For a toy train for Quentin. It lasted like a half hour. Well, that's why when you go to the 99-10 store by batteries, there are homeless people licking them. It's disgusting. I, one time, I thought I got a real deal. I bought aluminum tinfoil, you know? There were four sheets of aluminum in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought

I got a deal. Yeah, well, they'd all been pooled to chase the dragon. No, no, no, that's how many sheets of aluminum were in there. No, I know. It's a rip-off. It sucks being poor. Okay. All right, anyway. Josh plans on finishing You know what, though? Being poor teaches you

things, okay? Being a fat cat, you're just a there, you know, I don't know what you're doing. Probably bored. Eating Trout Row and tossing yourself into some sex trafficked young woman. Yeah. Once you're at the top, you're at the top, the only way is down. That's it.

Yeah. When you're poor, you're looking up there going, I'm going to get up there someday. Yeah. Okay. I'm so sorry. Okay. Anyway, all right. Josh plans on finishing out the season serving family style.

So he's going to get to do that because he needs more time. putting on that stupid clown makeup. Joe didn't know it was V's birthday, despite him being, quote, unquote, all in. His words, not mine. Nate plans on not taking no from Gail because he loves her. During the tip meeting, Sandy and Josh Bump heads over that family style thing. 16K from the charter guests, a real big chippos. V returns and is happy to be back, and Kermit asked Joe the hoe to keep his mouth shut about

kissing Kizzy, because, you know, they're going to celebrate the death. of Bond. Bond, right. Yeah, yeah. Not celebrate, but... Honor his death with those stupid wreaths. Okay, they throw a birthday party for V, and then Kizzy pretends to still be cleaning Joaquin's deuce out of that shower drain.

That was so psychotic. So she doesn't have to show up. Yeah, yeah. And then Kermit encourages Gail to be positive about love despite, you know, Nate fucking or over. And then they end, uh, and that birthday celebration with that bummer fest tribute to Bond. Well, it's beautiful. Some eyes.

The end. on to the next episode. How many pots? Zero. We're getting into the episode now. So what would you? You know what? Actually, can I say really quickly?

A couple thoughts on those truncated thoughts. I think Kizzy might have borderline personality disorder. I mean, like, there's some really crazy stuff going on. Joe for sure does. Joe's just a hell, you know. But the love. that Nathan has for Gail is a little bit like putting a bird into a cage that's too small, like just kind of smushing it in there, you know?

It's really, really, I don't know, I want better for them, but I think they're in love. They have a C-Rat baby, so I think they're doing fine. I can't judge love. I did this to a girl. This was many, many years ago. We had broken, it was kind of the on and off thing, very similar to Nate. And at some point, I chased after her, like, psychotic. Like, I must be with her.

this is the girl meant for me. Sure, sure, sure. Then we got back together. We were together for like four months and I'm like, God, I really want to dump her again. It didn't last. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, you got to move on. Right.

I want to tell you before we get into the episode, buzz balls were consumed by yours truly over the holidays. Oh, some of those Christmas ones. Two buzz balls were consumed. I went and I purchased Buddy the elf, licensed maple buzz balls. I put something under your chair. You put something under my chair? I put something under your chair.

Should I look now? Yeah, look now. You know, Christmas is over, Dylan. I know, but this is a new sponsor. This is really crazy. I don't know what we're going to do. Oh, my God. I've seen these and I wanted to try them.

Today's episode is brought to you by the rival Big Sips. Big Sips. Lime Margarita. Yeah, okay. 16% alcohol. Now, the Buzz Bowl is a 15% ABV. Big Sips, R6 team. So go to big steps, big sips.com and enter in promo code bad TV.

Are you drinking right now? Well, I haven't been, but I don't mind taking a sip. Well, you take a sip, just let us know how the big sip is. Sure. Now, we don't want to move on from Buzz Balls, but this is a meritocracy. Well, we reached out to Buzz Balls and they don't want to collaborate with us, which is unfortunate for them, honestly, because. And we pitched them, but it's such a good idea.

We said, think about it. turkey sandwich buzz ball it'll be perfect it'll fly off the shelves i'm not going to lie to you this is a better product yeah yeah big sip friday's coming your way smell you later buzz ball fuck you this is a superior product here try it i think i'm going to start drinking again i miss it it's been like a month it genuinely is it Well, it's still disgusting. You know the way brisk iced tea has an unnatural lacquer to it? Yes, I taste that as well.

That's what this margarita has. Yes, I taste that. It's disgusting. Well, to each his own, I'll take another. Thank you for sponsoring the show. Love the product. All right, let's get into this episode. I thought the same thing about this episode that I've thought about this season.

You've been judged and you've been come up lacking. This whole season has just. been rather meh. You know, we have Asia, a great lynchpin for a good cast, but we have this melodrama of these relationships. I mean, I'm listening to some of these conversations and I'm like, you guys are sea rats. What are we doing? Romeo and Julietting this conversation about how you two have been fucking for 19 days, you know, it's just we've got diners and drive-ins and dives to watch. We have to, we got to get something out of this. seven pots seven pots okay um the level of incompetence being exhibited by the exterior is quite

concerning wouldn't you agree yeah well really by one well also v had a little bit of a flip out when that doc gypsy threw that line at her true so well he actually threw it at max's head and then he blamed it on v yeah right okay uh it was kind of like a who's on first kind of thing i didn't do that to you yes you did uh i hate max i hope he gets fired this episode there's nothing like someone getting fired one day before they stop filming. Is it a capital A, chate? Yes. I do not like him.

I think he's just an angry idiot. Okay. I don't know how he's got to. If you're listening, we'd love to have you. No, I don't want you on here. I don't even know. We couldn't understand. I couldn't understand.

I need subtitles, which would be weird. Yeah. Okay. I loved how V dumped Joe the hoe. It was just very clean, although he loved it too. No one was happier than Joe. He was that. And I don't like it'd be.

happy either. Kizzy refusing to apologize and then openly flirting with Joe. She's a psychopath. Yeah, I think she was doing her makeup during the Happy Birthday. Yeah. That was just a laundry list of gross things that Kizzy's

done. And again, she's a young woman, but purposefully going into the bathroom while they're singing, happy birthday. And listen, the editing is the editing. But knowing what we've seen on display by by kizzy there's no way that she didn't intend to do that i'm going to step out that seems like such a kizzy thing to do she also well uh v was uh kind of telling sandy initially about bond's passing could not sit there in the galley and eat finish her uh pita pocket

or whatever she got the fuck out of there yeah yeah yeah no she is uh she is uh her spirit is decaying a little bit she cannot be around real feelings well i liked it i think i think i think it's high time that Kermit step aside as the chiefs do and move on to the land and enjoy her life with a nice house with Scott and have little sea babies. Yeah, just fucking suck his butthole. Yeah, yeah. And enjoy her. Her words, not mad. Not ma'am. All right. So we kick things off with the gang very emotional about the ceremony for bond. No one is more emotional than the girl who lost her boyfriend to a tragic accident. Kidding, actually, the person who's the most emotional is Joe the Ho, who does not know this dead guy.

Yeah, well, he doesn't know how the fuck he's going to dump this girl. Actually, that's his problem. Now, without looking like a complete douchebag. So he's pretty upset. I would have recommended, little did we know he was going to get dumped, that he kind of ride it out and then slowly dump her through text after filming. Sure, like Nathan, who is also extremely upset because Gail is departing the vessel. Now, after that, we have Joe the Ho, and it's...

because he's so self-absorbed and the only thing he can think about is the situation and how it affects him. Right. Ten minutes after throwing that reef in the water to honor that dead guy, he thinks it's a good time to tell Vee that he stuck his tongue down jizzies throw. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he's going to tell her tonight, you know, on the evening of the ceremony of her. Literally ten minutes later. Yeah. So it's kind of moot and futile to psycho.

analyze sea rats but um this is a bit of a psychotic but it's a sociopathic move so not it's this weird thing where like he wants the evening to be about them and his big muscles in that shirt it's so fucking crazy did you catch the apology though oh my god all right did you get all right the apology is incredible okay so he tells v he got super drunk and then he kissed kissie quote unquote, on accident. And he doesn't want to lose V. Okay. And the kiss with kizzy jizzy was meaningful.

And he only did it. Wasn't meaningful. It wasn't meaningful. And he only did it because he was drunk. Right. And if he was sober, he wouldn't do it. And I thought, what a line in the sand to draw. I know.

Because you're like, you know, you're a married guy. Like, honey, I fingered two strippers at that bachelor party. Can we do this? Can we do this, though? And just in 2026. you go to the finger trough quite a lot and if we could do something else i porked two strippers that's not i'm that's not good either i uh i went down on two strippers at that bachelor party but the good news better for our marriages i was pretty drunk yeah yeah so i definitely wouldn't

have gone down on those prostitutes sober you know right right and i definitely wouldn't have paid him two hundred dollars going down on a prostitute and i also got a hand job but i wouldn't do that if i was Okay, okay. Yeah. So anyway. Okay. So for me, right, is a married guy who's happy. Exactly. You know what I made? Okay. Okay. So Joe, there's a lot of pomp and circumstance surrounding just a time-worn excuse. I was drunk. That's right. So all of these, all of this glitter is surrounding him saying, I got drunk and I hooked up with somebody. he tells her that he tells her that the reason he's telling her is because their relationship means so much to him.

It's not even good lying. It's like I feel like he's on autopilot right now. Like this is the 15th time he's done this. I don't even know why he's doing it other than the cameras being there and trying to look like a good guy. Right. So we hit the vans. Aisha sings about eating Scott's shitter,

but more importantly, Kizzy and V have a little chat. Now, Kathy is trapped in the car and she's listening to this conversation. It's very awkward conversation about, hey, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that. But also, if I had a knife right now, I'd kill you and I wouldn't think twice about it. And Kathy's trying to help and she's going, there were no tongues or anything. It was just a peck. And Kizzy goes, oh, no, no, no. There might have been tongues.

We were pretty drunk. Kizzy seems to want to hurt thee. Oh. As much as she can with this little thing. Especially later. Especially later with the information she tells her. When she says, I don't care. No.

When she says, oh, Joe had told me that you were just like a short-term thing. Oh, right. The face-to-face. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was like a scene, that was like that scene in heat, you know. De Niro. Puccino in the diner, Kizzy, and obviously Kizzy and V are not to the quality of those performers, right? But I think it makes up for it that they're so close to one another's faces.

Oh, sure. You know, they really sucked in hating one another. But we'll get there in a second. So Kathy says there were no tongues and Kizzy, I don't know, the mouse is bleeding. It's going to bleed. You don't need to play with it anymore. Okay, it's really fucked up. So we hit the club.

Nathan gets wasted. romantic. Now, I'm not a woman, but I think that there are lots of women out there who can see themselves in Gail in this moment, where somebody's just on the verge of blacking out, waxing poetic about how much they love you. And, I mean, he was making out with somebody like four days ago. Yeah. To be fair, she was a little glossy in the eyes, too. Oh, yeah, definitely. Definitely. These two. I mean, it's so ridiculous. Well, he takes her outside. I mean, the club is pop and everyone's making out. And he takes her outside. And he takes her outside. And she gets emotional because she's been hurt so many times by this guy, you know.

But he only did it because wait for it, wait for it, wait for it, wait for it. Here comes to CRAD history. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Begin with a very depressing birthday photo with little Nate with that little birthday hat on there. And why would he be because he was subjected to a life of abandonment? That's why he's a pig as a grown up, you know? So why wouldn't he do that? And he found it difficult to connect with others.

minus five points. Well, can be a human being. Cry me a fucking river, Nate. I was going to say, can I get a wha? Can I get away? I mean, the fact that he says my parents got divorced. I mean, that's like saying I have a learning disability because I am dyslexic. Now, I get that it's a learning disability, but also there are people who can't see.

Yeah, exactly. That's a, yeah, Nate, I got one for you. Here's what happened. You were hooking up with her and then the show aired and then a bunch of, of haughties hit you in the DMs and said, I'll fly out there and sit on your face. Yes. And then you said, okay. On your seventh hottie, she actually took everything in the hotel room,

robbed you blind, and you're like, I think I've been a mistake. I don't think I can trust these people. I think I miss Gail. Yeah. Luckily for you, Gail is a sweetheart and she is, she's in love with you and your hairline, you know. So anyways, V chats a bit with Kathy about how Kizzy is a snake and then V or no, no, no,

Kizzy sees them chatting? No, this was awesome. Okay, so somehow Joe the hoe and Kizier are outside the club. Right. And they're busy doing the docey hoe. Like they're outside, like they're a couple. If I'm a passer buyer, I'm like, oh, these two are going to get it on. You know what they were doing?

They were doing the, the carnival maze during the finale of Greece with Olivia Newton-John and John Travolta. Now, we always say this. This is the lesson I'm going to teach my kids because they love the movie Greece. Change. Change who you are. The final message of that film for Olivia Newton-John, Sandy, is, if you want to get a man, turn into a slut.

Well, be sluttier. Right. And smoke. Pick up smoking. And do not be afraid to get an abortion if you're not ready. That is the message of Greece. But, you know, that dance they do. Do Atwatts that's what?

And they're just dancing back and forth. So that's what Joe and Kizzy were doing. And Vee sees it. She walks by and squeezes Joe's ass. And Kizzy and him kind of, I don't know, like first year philosophy in the quad start talking about why karma sends people that are your mirror image. And that's why she was sent to him. And you guys think very high.

I leave one another, don't you? It's unbelievable. Guys, we have to tell you about an incredible company, and that is Loomy Labs. Nothing got me through the holidays, like Loomie Labs. Papa Loomie, I can endure anything. I can go shopping. I can go to this party.

I can sit. I can watch. I can run. I can jump all of it with Loomie. You know, Dill, now that I don't drink, drink anymore. When I'm laying in bed at night, I can't sit still because, you know, my mind's racing because I, you know, I need to be doing stuff. Well, yeah. So maybe I'll take Loomy more so that I can kind of chill out. I think you should cut that from the ad. But listen, Loomie is consistent,

mellow and super delicious. Loomie Gummies are specifically designed to make you feel good, not stone, whether you're looking for an end-of-day de-stressor, a midday mood boost or help getting the best sleep ever. Loomy Gummies has a strain that is right for you. Um, the plumberry runts is perfect for the evening time you take a plumberry runce okay you put the kids down fire that kindle up you start reading there's start reading when you get tired too tired to recall really anything that's happening you head into dreamsville it's it'll be the best sleep here. Well, I'll have to get my Kindle. I think it's under my Sega, Genesis. Well, it's not an antiquated piece of technology. Actually, a lot of people use Kindles.

And a lot of people should use Loomie. Loomys are available nationwide. Go to Loomigummies.com. That's L-U-M-I-Gummies.com and use code Bad TV for 30% off your order. Again, that's L-U-M-I-Gummies.com, code bad TV. All right, what happens next? Well, the sea rats all head back to that boat. And Nate gets a maybe out of gale. He asks if he can sleep in, bunk and they cozy up and then someone should tell cat they go into the guest cabin oh yeah they go in the guest cabin forgive me yeah yeah and then uh someone should tell kathy that a millimeter of sheeting material does not obscure her entire family from seeing the frenchman from pounding away at her no i mean talk about a jackhammer i mean this was so rapid this was what how fast was the millennium

falcon going 18 parsecs i mean this is at least a parsec i mean it's so best. Yeah. I almost blew a hole through the wall. Thank God they made that movie solo so we could get the backstory of how that came to be, you know? Yeah, yeah. I, listen, we're just podcasters.

But imagine getting cast, that guy who was not very well known. He's like, I got the Han Solo movie. I mean, this is a big deal. And then everyone sees it. And they go, this made me want to reconsider being alive. And it's like, oh, man, I didn't need to do that. Yeah. You know, I'd argue, though, like, if he was cast, you know, they're handsome kid.

Yeah. Oh, my God. He looked nothing like on solo. Well, you know, there's a rugged, you know, Anglo-Saxon white guy about him. But his agent was probably calling Disney and they go, yeah, I know we haven't released Force Awakens. I'm getting word that you're, you're killing on Solo. Yeah, but you're making a movie called Solo, right?

Let's not air your dirty laundry. Okay. Have you seen Glass Onion? No, I haven't. I'll never watch anything by that moron ever again. I'll never watch a single thing. Okay, thank you. They got a new one of those. All right. So they banged fast. Nathan asks her the question he wasn't going to ask her because he didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable. The question was, can you hang around in Europe for a while and wait for me to get done with work so we can start our love again? Listen, I know you have a C-Rap baby, but that's a ridiculous request.

And I think women know this, but like, you know, don't long, don't long for. It's adventure, though, Dylan. Remember, these people, they're not like us. They're young, they're adventurous. They're in their late 20s. They can have fun. Being in Barcelona for a week and a half by yourself, waiting around for a guy from fucking, I don't know.

Brightner, wherever the hell he's from. Well, you're, you're forgetting something. Yeah. You know, this is production. Like, let's take the fourth wall down here. Okay. She's been sitting in a hotel room for a couple weeks waiting to get on this goddamn no.

I don't think that's how it works. Oh, come on. A couple of weeks. Well, all right. All right. We'll see. Enough about gay. See, this is the thing.

Like, I don't want to talk about Gayle. Who cares? They have a C-Rat baby. It's beautiful. Well, they do now. All right. Can we get to the next morning? Yeah, next morning.

Okay, no, I want to, can I handle this to the proceedings here. Of course, please. Okay, something takes place this very morning that I bet a majority of our listeners have experienced. And that is, I bet you've dealt with this, Kailet. Oh, yeah, this fucking pussy hand. You thought an issue had been put to bed. You'd fought with your partner, whether it would be a boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife. You'd fought about it.

There was a little blip, a little something. You thought it was. Can you say that again? Can you start over? I tuned out. Oh, okay. Thank you. Say you've gotten in a fight with your wife.

You know what it was? At dinner. I called him a pussy hound. and that was too, I think it was, it was grotesque. It was grotesque. Okay. Now, I'm not saying that he wasn't a coxman in his earlier days, right? Right.

But we don't need to speak like that on this show. Definitely not. That's why I tuned out a little bit. Okay. Okay. Let me start. All right, let's start over. Okay.

Imagine. Do you have a slab that you can hit for that? Did you get one of those when you were dumping that money so the government could find it? Okay. All right. Okay. Go ahead. Okay.

You've gotten in a fight, an argument, something with your partner, someone you're dating. It's at night. Maybe it took place at dinner. And then you head back to the apartment after you've been fighting, and you think you resolved it. You think it's over. You think it's in the past. Maybe you had makeup, sex, whatnot. You go, you get a good night's sleep.

You wake up the next morning. But, oh, did you make a big goddamn mistake? You farted. No, it's not over. It's not resolved. You're fucking, you made a big fucking mistake. it's not resolved at all. Oh, wow.

You're fucking wrong. Yeah. It's just, you've just touched the surface of it. It's got to be discussed. And that's what takes place here. V is not over this kiss at all. That's so weird.

I don't think I've ever experienced that. Oh, when I dated Lebanese Lana, we would fight like cats and dogs. And then we'd wake up the next word. I thought it would be resolved. We'd have good makeup sex. And then, oh, no, no, no.

We'd fight the whole next day. You know, I think that we'd fight the whole next day. we should actually amend that saying to we fought like cats and cats because cats and cats really tear each other up cats and dogs just kind of play around and paw each other you know oh you think so yeah there's no real animosity between the cats and the dogs it's more a curiosity you know that would that be let you know what let's just leave it cats and dogs we're not going to change America um yeah no usually when i go to sleep i know if there's something bad or not i'm gonna

I see what you're saying. That's what happened here. Let's get to the next thing. Okay. So we, do we get to Gale departing? Well, hold on. This is where V goes and addresses her issues with Gizzy. And Jizzy tells her, I got no regrets.

And I don't feel bad about that kiss at all. No, no, hang on a second. Because Gail departs first. Oh, she does? Yeah, Gail departs first. And we get a little glance of Acious morning coffee. Very milky. Mm.

Too, way too much milk. Did you see that? I didn't. What do you, what, how, do you, do you drink a coffee in the morning? Are you just monster energy? Zero sugar blue can. I drink a Diet Coke in the morning. Okay.

Katelyn, you drink a coffee in the morning? I do. You put a lot of milk in there? I drink it black. Now, I'm not saying, I put milk in mine. I'm not saying that you can't put milk, but I mean, this was, this was almost bone white. Okay. So, Kizzy, no, first, Gail departs, and she says, not all of her walls, that's the new microphone.

She says, not all of her walls have been broken down. And she says, you never know what's going to happen. We know. We know, no. You have a C-Rat, baby. I hope they're still together. Do you not know? Well, now, I hope they're still together now.

We don't know. No, no, I mean, like in the rags, it hasn't been. reported or anything like that uh i haven't kept up with it that's so crazy you're you're always on the front lines of this stuff hey hey we do a little research for us let us know if nathan and gale are still together well i don't think they'd say if they were they could be living apart right now yeah so funny never mind we're not going to talk about him saving people do you We talked about it. I know, but did you hear that it was a, it was controversial?

No. We'll talk about it. Controversial. It was controversial. It was controversial. Everything in this world is. Well, okay. So anyways, we get to this chat with Kizzy and V.

And V wants to let Kizzy know that she's, she's not cool with what happened. And Kizzy tells her very close face to face that she does not regret anything that she did. And she spits in her face, essentially, with words. Now, I hate that the conversation devolves into them big-sticking each other about who Joe cares for more. You both are rags that have not hardened yet. Okay? Please just love yourselves a little bit more. Don't fight over Joe the hoe.

My God. I know. Can you believe this? It's so sad. I can't believe it. So Kizzy says he liked her first, I believe. Yeah. And then she also remarks that Joe had told her that the connection with V was, quote, unquote, seasonal.

Uh-huh. Oh, gosh, that's got to hurt. That does have to hurt. Lizzie, you little dirty fox. Yeah. It's nasty moves like that, though. Bravo really likes, and that will get you another season here. Oh, yeah.

Kizzy will be back. I think she'll be back, too. Okay, what do you have from the news? I can't see anything sooner than, like, September, October in which they were still together. Oh, that's great. I'll take September, October still together. There you go. Yeah, that's awesome.

All right, well, let's get to the Prefranchate meeting. We've got a real estate entrepreneur. Yeah, Michael Lopez. Looks like a real square, which normally means he's into some kinky shit. Normally involving a gerbil and a nail gun. Some drywall screws. How, what happens with those? I'd rather not say.

can I say sure okay so you obviously insert the gerbil up the rectum that's obvious it's scratching because it does not understand the peril that it's in

that would hurt most people not this sicko he likes it but he doesn't like it enough that's where the drywall screws and the nail gun come in The nail guns used to almost permanently So the opening shut

But you leave a little room Because There's a tremendous amount of pain That he's enduring And it has actually crested the point of too much Use the dry wall screw To actually end the gerbil's life Because while you're extracting it,

It's so gross. Why are we laughing at this? I was going to say a lot of childrenless and we probably shouldn't get into it. My God. That was disgusting. It's a new year, too. All right. So their friend needs a vacation.

And they will be joining later. But they're also going to be, they've requested really one. thing, and that is a beatical ham. Hand-carved. The king, dare I say, the God, the Yahweh of

Hams. Okay? Now, Nathan is a little Josh. Josh, excuse me. Josh is a little bit spooked by this because Josh is in the culinary world. He knows that he's not cut out for this kind of thing. He should call those soccer players that ate each other on that mountain.

no they have a brutish way of consuming meat which anyone who is out there for that long would um did you know the bite force of a human being can you don't need to cook a thing really really wow it's pretty crazy the people that carve harmoni-bedico are a extremely skilled. They're almost craftsmen, right? They take a knife and they do to dead flesh what few others can. Nathan is not one of these people. Josh. Yeah. Excuse me. Clown man is not. Okay. Which is shocking because I assume he's pretty handy with a knife. It's not shocking. This is like asking a pitcher to play shortstop. Okay. You just can't do it. Okay. Or it's like asking a clown to, carve the world's highest quality ham. I mean, you need a very specific knife. We'll get to the moment where he starts,

but these people have seen enough cooking shows to know. This man's butchering it. This man is treating this hamon like those people did when they crashed in the Andes. Yeah, man. Remember that guy, he goes, he goes to see if he can find help. And he goes, hey, to his best buddy.

Don't eat my sister. I didn't see it. Oh. What's that movie? Well, it's been made. about 18 times. I know, it has. But I feel like there was one in 2023 or something.

There was. I forget what that was called. The one was made in like 1993 was called Alive. Alive. Which is ironic because pretty much no one was. Yeah. Yeah. So he says, don't eat my sister.

He does. Yeah, he had to. He does. Yeah. Gosh. Even requests like that. They just don't mean much when you're dying. No.

Gosh, that's heavy. All right. So V kicks off an investigation. She talks to Aisha, and Aisha hates to break it to her, but it's pretty premeditated what happened. They were flirting with each other the entire evening. There was a SOP that was starting early, and it was kind of exponentially getting sopier. Now, I must say, this is a misstep of management. I know that Kermit has to kind of ride the line of being a friend on a custodian.

of the truth yes but how does this help anyone i just think that she doesn't like kizzy so much that she's willing to make sure that she ayesha does not like kizzy she does not like joe it's gonna cause drama in the interior two weeks left fair enough because he deserves it um all right so nathan asks crazy max to clean the windows crazy max starts to sing a song he's crazy there's so many lunatics on this boat on all sea rats are lunatics right there's They're called to the sea far away from land. But Joe, Kizzy, Robespier, or whatever the fuck he calls himself, Nazi hunter or whatever. I mean, these are truly some of the most sickos, the sickest puppies we've had on the show in a while.

All right. So V chats with Joe. This is where she breaks up with him. And we're all rooting for V, right? But this is a little bit kind of newly sober wellness energy. if you get what I mean. Yes. She's like, a man died to give me the world.

Why would I accept? It's like, okay, totally fair, but also you guys haven't even, you haven't even done doggy style. Yeah. I mean, the bunks are too small to even do that. So like, what are we even talking about? You're not even a couple if you haven't done doggy style. No.

Kaelin, would you agree? I agree. Yeah. You're not a couple. if you've not done missionary. Is it cowgirl? On top, on bottom. Yeah.

And doggy style. If you haven't done those three, you're not even... Well, obviously, that too. Right. Now, Dill, you touched on something, though. Yes. I would say travel and doggy style

are the two most important. So she dumps Joe because he's not meeting her standards that Bonn had said. Now, Bonn's dead. Bond will live in her heart forever because he was the perfect guy because Bond didn't live long enough to be a fuck up

he didn't live long enough to get halitosis right leave poopy and his underwear commit tax fraud without telling her guys screw up we can only behave so long right okay there's not that many pats around the world that are perfect people okay most guys can only hang on for so long and behave themselves right if you want to live in a woman's heart forever this is the advice wine and dine a girl for three straight dates and then

tragically get run over by a runaway steamroller right right like in the future there's like a i whatnot i don't know and they're fast and they kill you okay and then the girl will forever think of you right as the perfect guy you fake your own death though oh you could do that too and then she'll be like this guy took me out three times and she'll go what if he had lived right that's bond to her yeah so in that hypothetical you're saying to actually get killed well if you want to live in a lot of girls hearts because you could probably fit a lot of dates in in like well you could only live in one girl's heart no you can do have a bunch of them they don't know each other but you have to die well i know but you can go on a lot of like three dates with oh okay i thought you'd have a whole like

a bunch of girls that go, this guy was amazing. It's important that they never meet each other, though. So it's like a romantic lemming. Yeah. But also, I'm feeling like if you do this, you know what? I don't want to get hung up on this, but it does have a little edge of tomorrow kind of tinge to me.

It's pretty cool. Imagine being, like, a lot of people that get forgotten, like, they die and then like no one even remembers them. Well, to quote the disgrace Louis C.K., most people are dead actually. Right. Yeah. Yeah.

So. Not everybody gets statues. And even those people, people forget. Oh my God. Yeah. That's why, you know,

you think about legacy and it's like, that's not important. Just focus on your family because like, you think these Gen Alpha Fucks are going to give a shit about Louis Armstrong? Hell no. They're not going to know who Louis Armstrong is. Mm-hmm. But imagine if you're that dude that went on three dates.

She'll be 80. Right. And she'll go, God damn it. God damn. God. God. God damn it.

Yeah. No, you're, when you're right, you're right. Yeah. So anyway, good luck any guy dating V. You'll have to listen to that fucking story for the rest of your goddamn life. That's tough. No one goes down on me like Bonn. Okay.

Fuck it. I want a divorce. So we get to the next day. Yeah, next day. Nathan can't see himself with anybody with Gail. Enough. Done with it. Yeah.

Next storyline. V chats with Kathy about kids. is he being an evil white. Uh, what? An evil witch. And Kizzy over here, she's like this smoke monster from Fern Gully.

She's just kind of like seeps in everywhere and overhears things. Like, how the fuck are you listening to this? So the guests arrive. Something happens with the lines. Um, Max thinks the lines are going to drown in the water. And V's like,

they're ropes. They can't drown. And he's like, you don't know what you're talking about. And then the doc gypsy hits her in the head. That's right. Yeah. Okay.

So we get to titty milk. And one of the charter guests is pumping right now. And they want to keep some fridge, some titty milk in the fridge. Now, Kizzy says, you know, I've always wanted to try it. I think I'm going to try some a little bit later. Do not put your vile tongue anywhere near that elixir. Okay, Kizzy, that stuff is hard to come by. It's beautiful.

It is not for you. You know what's for you? Vodka. You know, and then Kermit shares that she sucked off one of her, buddies, uh, titty milk. And to call it sweet, it's just not, it's not sweet. It is not sweet, which makes me question whether or not she did. Well, maybe it's like, I don't know, the being, like, we're guys. So, you know, maybe it's not as kind of, it's an in tuned sweetness, maybe.

Perhaps. Yeah. Uh, but it was the most Kermit thing that Kermit could do. Totally. Good for you, Kermit. There's so many holes. Oh, I thought it just came out of the middle one. Lunch. Lunch. Lunch. Thoughts, thoughts, thoughts, beautiful. Well, the guests, as we're getting to lunch,

the guests want one spicy margarita every seven minutes until they black out. The acid reflux of that. I mean, just think about that. Rough. Also, shout out Matthew McConaughey, whose name I did not spell in the notes

because it's too tough. How do you spell that? We get to lunch, Pharaoh and walnut salad with grapes. We have Andalusian chicken, polenta chips with parmesan and some type of harry covera with quail eggs it's just a marvelous lunch i mean this is the kind of food that we all want to eat when we're in barcelona on a yacht right this is damn near perfect i'd say 97 pots and these people are really really just lovely people

which is the exact wrong kind of guests we want on this show this show needs to stop doing the there's got to be something off right it has to be like walking through a carnival. Okay, we need derangement aboard these vessels. We need obscene egoism aboard these vessels. You can't have it so much

because then it wears on you. We've had enough craziness. We've had that dating crew. We said we loved it and we want more of it. Next one. What else have we had? We had a dude that took a shit in the shower. It wasn't sustained.

It was just one shit. And we didn't even know who did it. There was no confrontation. It was just a game of clue that Asia hatched in her OTS. It's just not enough. We need. Okay. Guy Fieri if he didn't make it.

How about that idiot that got so drunk that he almost drowned? Are you talking about Bon? No, no. No, he finished that job. It's so fucked up because I love V, and I'm sure it's extremely painful. He flagged that, Kailen. I mean, it's just disgusting.

It was a slip of the mind and a slip of the tongue. which I will state again is wounded right now. Someone argue that humor is the best way to get over grief, Dylan. Right. This is not that. And you know that. All right. The tender guests,

that's what I'm talking about. They arrive. One of the guys calls kizzy ma'am. Can't have that. All right, we get to a jet ski. And there's one booze bag. that wants to rip it up after too many spicy marks. Now, it's radioed down from the rat, Kathy.

The guest's name is Robert. Robert. Don't let Robert go on the jet ski unsupervised. He's had four spicy margaritas. Nathan relays it to Max. Max says, how many spicy margaritas have you had? It's like a bad cop, right? How many spicy margaritas have you had?

He goes, I think one. Good enough for me. Have fun. Have fun. And he just left them right. This is undoing, by the way. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

That's it. This is, if somebody hates you, you have to be very careful with, like, the hard rules. Okay? You can do things to wage war against your supervisor or your boss, but you can't break the rules. This is the, I mean, it's the silver bullet. He ignored safety. Yeah. You know?

For the second time. Right. So goodbye, Max. Meanwhile, though. Joe tries to real Max. in because he knows his leadership style. He says, Max, come here. And like a collie in a field,

he takes the jet ski and just races off. The Haman arrives and the ladies are talking too much in Josh's galley. And dinner is going to be at 8.30. And Josh is going to YouTube the Haman Iberico carving technique. Now, he goes and endures a process that I think a lot of us have endured, that being a tutorial YouTube video with too much head. Hamone Barrico is one of the, I don't need that, right? So it's been three minutes and 30 seconds.

I need you to pull the knife out and show me how to do this. Josh watches the entire thing because he's a poet. And therefore, he does not understand how to do this. He goes upstairs and he begins to magicians apprentice his way through this leg of high quality pork. I thought about this. And as a chef, like a little hack-hack-hack-hound. here, why not heat the knife and dip it in butter? What?

Well, you heat the knife. Wouldn't that slide, wouldn't that slide through the meat faster? It's, it's not about, because it seemed like it was a little, the meat was a little bit tougher to actually cut through that. It's not about shortcuts. There's, there's no butter. There's no heat. This is pure technique.

Okay. This is, to the Spanish, this is a sacred act. and Josh goes up there with, I think, a chef's knife. I mean, the kind of, you have to have a long, beautiful kind of wails tooth to do this properly. I'm going to not get so hung up on this, but the guests see how bad this is. And they're a little uncomfortable. I mean, the Homo is sliding out of the vice. There's just cannonballs of Homo being dumped into a,

the whole thing is just grotesque and frankly i don't think it should have been aired all right so um we get to some stuff on deck to wrap up the episode first off joe tries to kill nathan um he hits him in the head with a crank twice which is crazy and uh he says he's his friend he's not hit him in the head with a crane and then the jet ski flies off okay i think it went to that where that malaysian jetliner went to the power node that's sucking all the metal from the surface down towards it stephen king wrote about it they relaunched an investigation we're going to talk about that okay so kizzy and joe start to practice their dance and her skirt comes up revealing her entire ass now this is a a bit of a

you know a seventh heaven kind of gag right not really that show is very uh christian right yeah i knew the lady on it i hate her guts she's a witch yeah i just remember there was in there was an episode about catching the kid smoking pot i think and it was it was really not good anyways seventh heaven kind of gag happens where her entire ass comes out and they both last about it, but Kizzy, if you'll notice, turns toward him before completely covering herself again. I just have kind of, I've kind of had a, it's just not that interesting, you know, the hedonistic manipulative 20-somethings, you know, I want somebody with like one leg on. One leg?

Yeah, like a real pirate. You know, somebody, somebody, somebody. who was survived listen somebody who survived a pirate attack like a captain phillips kind of character let's just rethink the cast you know it's funny uh as i'm an older dude i'm turning into what like how women think they're they like dudes that are of course attractive but they're attracted to men in power like they think it's hot when a guy like starts his own business or something like that okay that's an attractive thing i i think women that have their own businesses and stuff like lady bosses i think that's kind of hot oh you do

yeah what is it not ugly ones all right that's the show obviously unattractive people men and women are not attractive to people that's why i mean look at me i look like a goddamn terrorist no one wants me we're disgusting creatures inside and outside. That's right. Thank you for listening to the show. Subscribe to the YouTube channel. Join us at patreon.com slash another podcast network

for APS, PMZ and Traders coming soon. Real Housewives of Salt Lake is wrapping up there as well. We love you guys very much. Hope you have a lovely 2026. I'm Dylan saying goodbye. Pat say goodbye. Later, dude. Kalyn.

No. No.