Another Below Deck Podcast - Crypto Creeps | Below Deck Med S10 E2

Episode Date: October 7, 2025

Dylan and Pat are back to break down Avatar, physical currency, clown makeup, hunting, micro penis’, moths, Alex Trebek, jellyfish, fake girlfriends and more from Bravo's Below Deck Mediterranean  PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/anotherpodcastnetwork  YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/@badtvpod  INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/badtvpodcast/?hl=en

Nathan hands her the big thing with all the buttons. And she says, I don't know what these buttons do. And then they're figuring all of this out on the fly. He says, throw the rope. She says, it's too far. I can't do it. This is a multi-million dollar yacht pulling into a dock. Also can kill you.

Imagine if you're flight crew, you're going home for Christmas to see the family. And you're like, oh, you guys are filming a show? What's it called? Oh, well, below flight. You're like, how long have you been a pilot? oh well uh i i want to be on only fans uh shoving deals up my ass so no experience but they hired me oh shit hi hello and welcome to another brand's making new episode of

Bad TV. We are here and we are queer. I'm Dylan. That is Pat. Permission to come aboard. And Kailen. Hello. Um, we are here to talk about below deck. Med. Episode two. What up, bitch? How much? Doing good. That's good. Yeah, I'm drinking a buzz ball. Okay. Do you know what's wine? Yeah. What? It's wine. It's a fortified wine. It's got a lie and.

it. Yeah, and it's flavored by... Guys, thank you so much for getting in the reviews. We've had some amazing reviews come in recently. Got a one star because we liked last season,

but the rest of them are so great. I wanted to read a couple off. This is from Peaches Clyde. That's actually my family name. Well, all the... You know how many Clydes we have? Oh, wow. You know?

Really? Yeah, you don't know. We've got five Clydes. I didn't know that. Mm-hmm. Wow, that must be a real fan of yours. No, I think it's just a person named Clyde. What'd they write? Love these guys, five stars, but even when they are butt heads, Ruby straightens them out, fun show.

Well, no Ruby today, the fighting wheels are off. Baker, Mac or Mum, thank you. Five stars. The review is, thank God. I can't get any of my friends to watch the show and have nobody to talk about hearing this banter fills the void. That's what we're here for. Read the one star, because I want people to understand what we're up against. No, I'll not dignify this one star.

with a response. Well, just don't give them, don't name them. Just read it because I want the audience to understand this is what we're up against. Okay. We had Frazier on in studio. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then this is what we got for doing that. Allie, you bet, did we see the same show, one star?

Just listen to your Frazier interview. And really, you said it was the best season? You want all the crew to come back? Even Salent? Please tell me that was sarcasm. One star. you know my my gripe is not with alley you bet i mean clearly a lunatic but i mean i love lunatics okay my gripe is with apple right they allow don't don't make the voices of of lunatics so

disproportionately important right anyways uh getting the iTunes ratings reviews five stars kind words join us to patreon dot com slash another podcast network for real housewives of salt lake city and traders and more pat what we're going to do next I don't know. Thank God we're not doing Golden Bachelor. I think that's an epic fail. Get in the comments. Also,

it's an epic fail when you start off with a jacuzzi con man. You know. Right. Well, no, but we like that season. It didn't work out with Jerry, Gary,

whatever the fuck his name was. His marriage lasted three weeks. Yeah, you could tell he was a piece of shit when the person he actually connected to didn't suck his dick and the other one did. So he decided to propose to her.

Wow. Yeah. I didn't know that. Well, and then love is blind season. Oh my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, yeah. That's him coming. Well, then there was...

Sounds like Mickey Mouse. Love is Blind. We used to recap that. I think that's how we got a lot of our fan base. The new season dropped yesterday. Love is Blind? Yeah. I watched the first two episode. It's... Love is Blind released? Mm-hmm. Who knew? It's the same stuff. Same stuff.

Very boarding. Oh, wow. I had no idea that Love is Blind released. And people haven't been asking us about it, so clearly it's not a... You know there's going to be like five avatars? Ah, there's going to be more than that. Yeah, I was looking it up last night. You know, that was kind of a non-sequitur, I all admit.

I was looking it up because I saw a commercial for the way of water. No. Fire and ashes, right? So a wave of water comes on. I go, this is coming out next week. This is an avatar. movie. By the way, I understand your confusion because the trailer looks exactly like the way of water. Well, they're releasing the way of water in theaters again to get everybody

lubed up for fire and ash. Did you know why Kalin's dad was going to play a part in that movie? Right, Kalen? Yeah. Didn't have enough energy in the audition, did he? Not enough juice. Jim was like, get the fuck out of here. I think I'm over Avatar. They need to go to another planet or something. No, Avatar's great. Kailen, you like Avatar? I love everything, James Cameron. I know, he's incredible.

Okay. You know the budget of the second Avatar movie? $460 million. How can you not go see that? I mean, it's like, it's going to hurt the country, I think. Yeah, my favorite part was the whale. Okay, well, they shot at the whales and tried to kill them and fish them, which was really sad. But anyways, below deck.

Below deck. Nobody wants to hear us talk about this fucking shit. and I'm sure your dad did great in the audition. What the fuck is Jim Cameron's problem? I'm not seeing any more of his movies. Okay, so this season so far is a little concerning. I think we need to get out. We need to see the sea rats let loose a little bit.

We've been on this boat, and it's just been chock full of mediocrity and confusing incompetence. Like, especially with the exterior team, there's a moment that's so telling about Nathan being the leader of this crew. I think Tess and or the Cuban and or jizzy says something about Christian and Frenchie fighting. And Nathan says, oh, that's awesome.

I can't wait to see that. Kaelin, please. He goes, the manager. He thought it was funny what you said. No, no, he's choking on liquid. Are you okay? Yeah, he's fine. He's fine.

Dylan, with casting, you need to understand this. Can I finish my point really quickly? And are you done? I'm good. Sorry. Nathan upon... Want a buzzball? Buzzball Friday.

Nathan upon hearing that two of his employees are going to be fighting, he goes, cannot wait. Where do we put our bets in? Like, that's not a good sign. You might want to stop that in its tracks before it gets going, not bet on it. I'm going to have to push back against you. Okay, please do.

They're making a television show here. Okay, so production needs to strike a balance between people that are competent and good at their jobs and people that are here to shove dildos up their assholes for $5 on OnlyFans. Am I right? Who's that? Well, we haven't seen the content. I mean, I think if you're going to shove a dildo up your asshole, I think the price point is a little higher. Is it?

I would hope so. Okay. But that's where this show, I think, is running on all cylinders. You have a couple fuck-ups, and then you have people that are competent. Right, right, right. Well, regardless, there's a lot of incompetence on display.

Fun season so far, we still don't really have our sea legs. When we dock, it's kind of crazy. I don't think we've seen a docking this bad in some time. Aisha continues to be Aisha and the chef. Call her Kermit. She's very annoying. I'm sorry to be a dick. I am so.

Hey, let me push back on you. I love Asia. Okay. I love Asia. Two tits. I didn't really like this episode. Two knots. Tits is our rating system for Orange County.

That's right. Sorry. Okay. I love Dizzy. She is amazing. Are we just going to throw a new letter at the beginning of her name? I'm not going to call her. I'm not going to call her.

Jizzy. That's what you. she called her last week oh uh blizzy sorry you're not what are you not gonna call i'm i refuse to call her by her name yes and how come i don't like it it's annoying yeah um you have the energy of a revolutionary right yeah um she's gonna make great tv she knows what the job is and the job being being on tv yeah right no i agree i completely agree oh um is that it i was gonna say it doesn't sound like you're gonna give it 42 knots 42 knots okay um all right so let me know if you need some help hold these up okay all right here we go um oh here we go so um this is what happened uh last

episode at the end of last episode uh the bozen had slammed a jet ski into uh pieces of the boat, the large vessel that they're on, knocked over a bunch of shit. The navigation lights, I believe. Yeah, nav lights. Sandy's pissed. Captain Sandy. Yeah, Sandy's really, really pissed. And he kind of shoves the light back on, kind of like he-happassar.

Yeah, kind of like he picked it up at a garage sale, and now he's just kind of slend it on there. Actually, like a five-year-old that broke the vase in an 80s film, and then needs to glue it back together. before uh marge comes home yeah and marge is a cute name we've talked about it but um it's so it's so crazy um i didn't mention this at the top of the show but and i think that it needs to be mentioned especially here when asia goes that's the show everybody or that's the show everybody i don't know i can't do her voice um but she tries to kind of ease the tension because this is a very like unprofessional thing. I totally get that.

The paying charter guests, or maybe not paying, are looking on at this insanity. Yeah. And then she has to make light of it to comfort them. Like, this isn't going to kill you guys. Right, right, right. And they do not take to it. Like Aisha's being very gregarious and trying her best to make them feel comfortable. And they're just stone-faced.

And these people, I think, are the worst charter guests we've had in a while. Not like they're just shitty people. They're not even that entertaining. They're just gross. You know, I called them crypto creeps. Yeah. I don't know. I mean, look, at some point during this scene while the jet ski is smashing

against that navigation way, I think one of the crypto creeps pulls out a MERS and he pulls out a tampon. Oh, that's Da Vinci. we were looking through Da Vinci's Merce. Da Vinci. Okay. And then there's some actual currency in there. There's a piece of gold. Yeah.

It's not a series of numbers. It's actually something you could throw at someone's head. It's tangible. You're talking about like fractional reserve first. How do you throw a series of numbers at someone's head? You know what I mean? Crypto. Oh.

Yeah. Right. In gold, it was like, ow. And I just threw crypto at you and you're like, I didn't feel it. And I'd be like, that's because it doesn't exist. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what the president's kind of when we were thinking about getting off the gold standard, there was this big debate in that like money is obviously, it has a main use for currency

and arbitrage and stuff like that. But we can't not factor in that we have to be able to use this to throw out people's heads. And if we move to just, you know, fairy numbers, right? We're not going to be able to throw this in anybody's heads. So that was a really, and there was a great book on it. I can't remember what it was called. But yeah, really, really fascinating. While you're looking at that up, Kaylin, do you own any crypto?

I do not. Good for you. It doesn't exist. Buy real estate. I have plenty. Okay, hang on a second. And I don't want to make this show super long or anything. but um real estate is uh it's very expensive to get in right um so you telling the proletariat to just

buy a home is actually really disgusting right um and so yeah dick come fart coin you know it's it's maybe it's not real who knows but it is a hundredth of a cent. So you can invest in that. I own, I own some Bitcoin. I mean, it goes up, up, right?

Right. Yeah, okay. Where is it? What? Can I see it? You can't see ghosts. A ghost's surreal. Yeah, but I don't go to Target and pay for a toy with ghosts.

You can pay with Bitcoin. If you go to certain head chops in Los Angeles, you can get daggers and butterfly knives. I thought we hated these out. Hey, Patrick, Patrick, Patrick, where is the love you have for your child? Where is it? It's in my heart.

Boom, roasted. Hold on. You really got smoked to my, I don't go to my local liquor store and say, I'm going to pay. How many times have I told you, you can, if you go to the right liquor store, you can pay in Bitcoin. I think Dylan's going to work for crypto. No, no, I'm definitely not. Okay.

All right. So let's get to dinner. Spanish prawns with dragon fruit caviar vinaigret. we got to talk about this chef because the stuff coming out of this kitchen is it's too good it is it's way too good like it's this he's incredibly talented and this food is is beautiful we don't want that really no heavens no i have to say he does have enough edge and he's also a fucking weirdo with that clown paint. So he doesn't like,

this is where he comes from an actual kitchen. Yeah. He's pissed later in the episode, not to get ahead of myself, when he's prepared to serve, uh, boiled eggs with, I believe,

caviar on top. No, no, no, avocado or something. He's going to do like a, he's going to do a poached egg in avocado. Yeah.

And they, none of them want it. And he gets pissed. Well, he gets pissed off because he turns into a shorter cook and they were trying to avoid that. That's right. I'm saying that's where the attitude comes from.

He may, in fact, be good. Maybe. But weird and talented, like clown makeup and kind of nerdy Tottenham fan and really, really good at your job. I'm a little concerned. Anyways, Frenchie goes after tattoo. And Frenchie and tattoo are at odds. Who are you referring?

De Plain, De Plain. Yeah. Yeah, Christian. Christian, okay. Are you okay with that? That's kind of your nickname to throw around. Oh, yeah. I love it. I miss tattoo.

What do you think? Can we start hearing from him again when we talk about Christian? Of course. And we don't need to do it right now. I'm just one. So yeah, Frenchie and Tattoo are really, really going after one another. These two are very contentious. French he does not like Christian because however bad French he is at his job, Christian is way worse. Christian doesn't know what's going on. Yeah, he's very green. I think the common. Countdown starts now. I think he's got three more episodes left.

Yeah, I think that's a good line. Yeah, I think that's a good line to set. Captain Sandy, after the whole debacle of Nathan kind of battering pieces of the boat with a jet ski, says that she knows that Nathan is going to make an excellent boatswain. Hey, Sandy, why don't you pump the brakes on that a little bit? We'll see in due time. The Cuban, get some C-Rat history with her. She grew up poor to real rags to Rich's story.

Your father can't pay the bills. Then he becomes the CEO of his own engineering firm, and then you become a C-Rat. Yeah. Okay, so we're talking C-Rat history here. We're going to give a rating on the C-Rat S-Sad scale. You know, the electricity bill stuff. Not all C-Rat history.

It's an interesting kind of like philosophical question, right? So is C-Rat history, C-Rat S-Rat-Sad scale? And I would say not every time, but the Venn diagram is almost a complete circle because we are dealing with C-RATs. So I'm glad you brought that up and put it in that contact still. So she does mention that dad couldn't pay the electrical bill, worked very hard. That's where she gets her work ethic from. And now he is, as you pointed out, a CEO of a thriving engineering firm. Yes.

Now, that's minus 29 points on the CRATSASCO. Yeah, I was going to say. But that's because she's hiding something as a sea rat. That doesn't make any sense that story because she is, in fact, a sea rat. Something happened. And I think what really happened, because she pointed out that couldn't pay the electricity bill, dad killed the electric company bill collector. And she witnessed this murder.

Oh, really? And then he enlisted her to help bear it. bury the body. She's been haunted for it ever since. That's why she's here four points. Oh, interesting. I don't want to be, and that sounds sad. Processing the body and all that stuff. It's nasty work, grisly work. But if I could just be a no guy real quick, the worst in improv, we have a death already. Oh, that's right. That was Tess's boyfriend. No, it was the Cuban's boyfriend who was run over by a bus under water. No, no, no, no, no.

He was killed by a grizzly bear in the water. Yeah. Yeah. I love how, like, later in the season, she'll actually say what happened. He was small by a grizzly bear underwater in the ocean, the Pacific Ocean. Well, he's scuba dot. And Asia and Jizzy are going to be like, kind of buried the lead. Imagine, imagine.

and saying someone died is bearing the lead, right? Because he got killed by grizzly bear underwater. Well, he scuba died. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wild. Bears do love to swim.

Not that deep. Oh, can I tell you real quick? I'm at this other studio today. And one of the guys that works there brings his cousin and he's from West Virginia, right? So my family's close to being from West Virginia. They're not though. West Virginia is disgusting. but I was talking to him about hunting and he said that he hunts black bears and I was like

I'm sorry getting the comments correct me if I'm wrong but that is just so gross why would you do that that black bear might might have some kids that he needs to look after also that's like where's the where is the fun in that you have a bunch of dogs that go fucking hunt for you and then the thing goes I don't like that kind of blow it out of the trees it's an unfair look it's like we already have guns It's already a lopsided fight. Here's where I'm down with that. You hunt the black bear, but all you have is two knives. And then when he kills you, takes your head off and butt fucks you, right?

You go. Okay. I wasn't cut out for hunting. No, no, you weren't. But you have a gun and dogs. Yeah. Again, the comments, let us know if we've got any avid bear hunter fans. Let us know how ignorant we are.

All right, so we run the second course. It's chicken and with like a tomato and bulgar that's cooked down to such a degree that they have kind of emulsified and turned into a risotto. Again, too good. Yeah? Yeah. What's special about it if you don't mind? Rustically inventive.

Like, you know, we're not like, we're imbuing the dish with technique, but not so overblown that it's this, you know, foam and, you know, frozen ice. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. But then we get to the tiramisu and once again, I think he made that taramisu, by the way. Yeah, he did. And tiramisu is not difficult to make, but it's difficult to make a really, really good one, which I'm sure this one was because he's so talented and weird. But this is when I was really like, I am not a fan of these people. One, this guy's name is Da Vinci, and it's just not. And it might be. Either scenario is bad. I don't think that's on a sparse certificate. No, I don't think so either. But he hates tiramisu. it's like emphatically who the fuck hates tiramisu it's delicious no one hates taramisu no one except for evil people with fake names that have tampons and gold and their

merce that do uh who are you cryptocurrency uh videos which uh later we'll get to a christian he spent all night watching those videos hey fbi i can you take care of these people please i know you're trying to build a case but i think we can pop this one off now um all right So Kizzy and Josh. Dizzy flirts with Josh. That's right. And she minds us getting attention from other people is very important. Yeah, she likes men to drool over her and look out, Johnny.

Well, let me say. Look out, Johnny. As a former attractive person, being attractive is pretty fucking cool. People are nicer to you. Sure. People put in extra effort to help you. I'm like shopping. Hey, can I help you this?

And then heads turn. when you walk in a room. Want to know when you've hit a wall and you're not attractive, none of those things happen again, ever. You walk into a bar going, whoa, and no one notices you're in the room. Yeah. That's when you're just mediocre looking person. Oh, fuck.

Yeah. I'm so sorry you're experiencing. It happens really fast. Damn, that's so heartbreaking. Yeah. Yeah. That will happen to you, Flizzy. but listen going back to blow me up tom oh tom like this yeah what would you like to know dear

um well that's because you're a bitch well i didn't tell you what i wanted to know i can tell by your shrew uh uh tenor that you're a real bitch you're a shrill shrieking pig listen beware the jizzy no i'm not sure if um listen i don't want to be crude but and I'll go into the Tom Likas voice to convey my own thoughts. Be careful, man. She's just a tease. Do not fall for this person. There's too much equity that you put into this.

You know, we both need to, although I don't know. They got $30,000. They're about to go out. Who knows? If you're reading into what we've seen in the trailer, she will be most attractive to Nate, who's balding,

and also has a girlfriend that is super hot. and she will want him because that she wants to lure him in. Did you see how far she can get him? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's kind of a, okay, it's a fun game. Let's get to see Red History with Kermit. Ah, yeah, yeah. She had a very misogynistic captain that she worked with initially in her first go.

Who also had a micro penis. Right, and she said, you know, You must have a tony coke. that's why you'll say, me, you want to have a tiny cock. And then she walks out of the boat and she wants to be nice because she doesn't want the Cuban

to say that she has a tiny cock, you know, it's kind of a, you know, eye for an eye makes the whole world blind, right? Everybody's got tiny dicks. Yeah. Including the ladies. Have you ever seen one? I did one time.

It looks like a button. I don't know even know how it. A tiny penis? Yeah. A micro penis. Micropinus. Mm-hmm. Wow.

Looks like a mold. but a little bit bigger. You're talking about like a skin tag kind of thing? Yeah, that's what it looked like. My God. I didn't even know what it was. I was in the eighth grade. I was like,

whoof, what's going on over there? Well, you know, prepubescent boys usually do have tiny penises. Not that small. Really? Yeah.

I had a little ding-dong and I was like, I'm doing okay now. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I feel like a mandingo next to that thing. I'm not using the racial slur. I'm referring to the porn star.

Of course. Yeah. Who I think just took the racial slur and used it. Long Dick Silver. Right. Okay. So Frenchie is now motivated and an A-plus employee and he's micromanaging tattoo all over the boat who's not doing great.

Now, well, I think he says he might, he might need to sodomize him now to get him on track. Put fire in his ass, right, right, right. Up his ass. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If I'm ever on the dating scene again, no butt play for this podcaster. Uh-huh.

Hurts. Well, I mean, there's... Lovemaking is supposed to feel good. I know, I know. But it's a little bit like, you know, setting up a system where you organize your taxes, right? There's a little bit of pain in the beginning, but your life is much better. once you're stretched out. Can you flag that mandingo thing?

I just want to, I want to think about that one. All right. The problem I have with French, he micromanaging anybody is that he's a lazy fucking Frenchman. Yeah. Okay. So you doth protest too much.

We've got an issue between Christian and Tess. What is that? Might not start to say what it is. Tessa comes from like a boat family. Her dad was a captain, so she kind of knows the business. And she is realizing at this very point that Christian is not only fucking useless,

he doesn't, he's very green. Yeah. Right, right, right. And also Nate isn't giving her any direction. Yeah, exactly. Nate thinks she's a ghost. She thinks he's a shitty bald boss, and we've got a meanwhile, the guests are going to go walk around the city, and the Cuban doesn't have a love for watching and Kizzy. What is wrong with me?

Why can't I be a professional? What are these notes? I'll help you with this. I actually want to digress for a second. Max, they cut to him with trying to avoid a B. Now, I'm obsessed with nature and their lifespan. A bee, how long do you think a bee lives, Kaelan? What kind of, what kind of bee are we talking about?

It's a month. A bee lives a month. Talking about a honeybee? A queen, a worker bee lives a month. And then if they're born in the fall, they live like two months. A queen bee lives three years. Wow. You know, she's doing pretty good for herself.

Now, what must it be like to be a queen bee? That's got to be crazy, dude. Well, somebody will get in their brains and understand what they're thinking. I think. Yeah? Yeah. But, you think she feels like Lizzo?

Like she can just make her dancers eat bananas out of pussies and stuff? Yeah, absolutely. God, the power she must feel. You have 4,000 suitors. I know. I know.

To keep you happy. Wow. Right? Yeah. Now, do you know what the shortest lifespan is? I've talked about this. A gad fly.

A moth. Oh, really? A moth. A moth lives three hours. Can you imagine a... That's not true. Yeah. Can you imagine a moth and it's inspired to,

to do big things, you know, and then it has a running time of an avatar movie, you know, to live. Caitlin, are you looking that up? Yeah, thank you. It's pretty cool to be a human, is my point, you know? Yeah. You could be a tortoise. They live like 150 years.

They live 400 years. Oh, really? Mm-hmm. And a Greenland shark lives 500 years. A Greenland shark lives 500 years. Mm-hmm. Wow. Yep.

Imagine you want to do big things. things and you're a Greenland shark. You're like, I don't have any fucking hands. I can't. Yeah, that's true. I just got to swim around for a fucking half a millennium. Also, what are you still doing after like 200 years? That's why I always had a problem with those vampire movies where they're like living very long. Well, that's one of the great tragedies of the vampire. Kaelin, what's the deal with moths? A couple different reports here. One says on average moths can live anywhere from one to six months. Okay. Another one says most adult moths lives for short periods from a few days to a few

weeks depending on the that's the one i read well no you read the one that said that they live as long as as an avatar movie and that you can't do big things in that short of a time frame let's get to an ad break how good are we feeling i feel really good you know why why because we're on via via baby via helps us do this show helps me do the show yeah okay helps me sleep better too yeah it helps you sleep better It helps open your brain up a little bit. I'm more creative when I take a Viya gummy. Yeah, exactly. Vaya is the go-to brand for effect-based edibles that are designed to support your lifestyle

and enhance your favorite moments, whether you're looking to elevate your mood, get better sleep, have more fun in the bedroom. Oh, yeah. I took a gummy the other night. I took a gummy the other night and me and the wife went upstairs. We started doing front rolls on the bed. We had so much fun. Wow.

Yeah, we were like kids again. Yeah, my wife and I just had marriage sex, but it was still amazing. Over 500,000 happy customers have trusted via to elevate their daily routines. Each formula is intentionally crafted with complementary botanicals, adaptogens, and functional mushrooms that enhance and elevate each unique experience via legally ships across the USA, discrete, direct to your door, no medical card required, and backed by a worry-free guarantee. So if you're over 21, treat yourself to 15% off and get a free, get a free get. with your first order using our exclusive code bad TV at via hemp.com. Plus, enjoy free shipping on orders over $100. That's V-I-I-A-H-E-M-P dot com.

HOMO code, Bad TV. Just to bookend this, they have this box that shows up with your name on it. You open it up, and I just left mine out on the kitchen counter so strangers could walk by it, and then they'd go, what is this? Are you awesome? And I said, yes, I am. Can I tell you the happiest part of my year comes when the turn from hot to cold arrives? And that is where we are.

We are in the throes of the beginning of the throes of fall. And you know what that means. I think I know where you're. Blankets. There is no better blanket on planet Earth. Just toss on on a football Sunday or a cinema morning or late at night after a long day of work watching reality TV. Then, Lola. My daughter's pink blanket is on her bed. It has not left her bed. It's like a comfortable

friend. And that's what it is. That's what a blanket can be. There is, we're not joking. Everyone who has seen, felt, experienced this blanket in our lives is like, whoa, can you get me one of those? They're really, really that incredible. Lola, is that incredible? Well, listen to this, they have over 10,000 five-star reviews. I don't think any business has that, except for that. And once you feel it, you'll know why there's a reason it's called the world's number one blanket. The thing, it's really next level.

It's next level. It's next level. Lola is the world's number one blanket crafted with ultra-soft luxury vegan foe fur. That's another beautiful thing about it. We didn't just mow down a bunch of freaking minks or trees. I think they make blankets out of trees now, but not Lola. You know, Del. They might.

Oh, well. It's machine washable, too. Like, you know, you get these fancy blankets and it's like, oh, well, you have to, when the sun is nigh high in the sky, you have to put it through a delicate cycle and then hang it outside on an eucalyptus tree. And it's like, well, I just want to put it in the wash. You can do that with Lola. And, Dill, this is also an amazing gift.

If you care about someone and you want to say, like, look, I really like you. This is a special gift. This is the gift for you. I completely agree. Okay, so for a limited time, our listeners, get a huge 35% off their entire order at Lolablankets.com by using code bad TV at checkout. And honestly, incredible Christmas present. Incredible.

So if you want to get ahead of it, just knock it off your list. Go to Lolablankets.com. Use code bad TV at checkout. You'll get 35% off their entire order. Thank you, Lola, for sponsoring the show. All right. Was that Ursula? Who was that?

Josh heads out. Who is Josh? No, no, no. Where am I? That's okay. You're referring to Christian. He gets on that tender. He has no fucking clue.

He actually, no. Josh is the chef. Josh is the chef. He said he heads out. I don't know where he went. Oh, well, no, no. Josh heads out for breakfast. And he tries to get them to agree upon.

the main, which is going to be a poached egg and avocado. And that sounds like he would just poach an egg and put avocado next to it. He would probably judge it up in a nice way. You need to market these dishes a little bit better. Regardless, the crypto creeps are not having it. Yeah, no. They want sunny side up eggs with nuts, which is just the order of an insane person that's drooling in a confined room and scratching things on the wall. But then we get to da Vinci who this is so telling of this fucking guy um da Vinci's name is da Vinci and he has a merce and but his breakfast order is a ham and cheese omelet that's that's da Vinci right is that's that's who that is all the rest of this stuff is da Vinci it's Fugazi you know what I

mean well I wasn't buying into whatever they were thrown down from jump yeah from jump full of bullshit. We learn a little bit of C-Rat history about Josh the clown. Let me break down the game film. Please do. All right. So, Josh's C-Rat history. He was a former drug...

We got a fruit fly in here? Kaly, can you look up the lifespan of a fruit fly? I think it lives 30 minutes. All right. He was a former drug addict starting at age 14. He was out of control, but now he's sober since 2019. And then he quotes, this is random. He quotes a Neil Young song called Hey Hey, My, My.

Are you familiar with that? Yeah, of course. It's better to burn out than to fade away. A song that was about Elvis, if you remember. You wrote it for him. I think it's better for the latter because Elvis died on a toilet while pinching a loaf. Yeah, that's what happens. He should have faded away, you know, preferably not on a toilet.

Hey, Elvis, what did you think was going to happen? You were hollowing out French loaves of bread and putting fucking bacon and, you know, grape jelly, inside of it. Well, don't forget all those pills. Yeah, there was the pills, too. Galen, what's the lifespan of a fruit fly? AI says it lives for about 40 to 50 days under ideal conditions. Okay, great. Man, you are.

Zero for zero. Alex Trebek is like, how did this person get on the show? He's dead. I think. Check that. Okay. Yeah. Can you check the lifespan of Alex Trebek, please? You know, his, he lived up the street from here. He did. As soon as

he died, he's fucking white. sold all his shit in a yard sale yeah i mean that's what you got to do wow you don't want to keep that at no i mean we talked about it you need three things that's true three uh totems not when you have all that jeopardy money though don't you want to walk by some painting your husband loved you're like no i'm gonna sell it now you get more money yeah all right let's get to jellyfish he died in 2020 thank you nice very sad seriously sad he was one of the great greats him and you know

some of the greatest hosts him Steve Harvey um no one answer there was uh number one answer there was uh bob sagot did great on America as funny as some videos

it's great there yeah and then there are those Japanese people that yell on that XX show or whatever it's called they're great yeah and that's my Mount Rushmore let's get to the jellyfish uh Frenchie shoves

uh some jelly shit in his eye. Well, he touches the water near where a jellyfish was. I do not, I don't even know what the fuck he's doing. We didn't even see what he was doing. Like, he was, he said, I'll grab one by the head. And then we didn't really see him doing any of that. I got an idea, fucking leave the jellyfish alone.

Don't go grabbing them, okay? Dumb. What was SpongeBob's dog jellyfish named? Gary, but he's a snail. Gary's a snail. That's right. My bad. No, there was that one episode where they went out to catch jellyfish and they got stung a bunch of great show.

All right. So how insane is it to put jellyfish goo in your eye? It's a very hard thing to do. It's pretty dumb. That's why I'm so glad that Tessa kind of summed up her thoughts on the team at some point. She said, Christian is so green, he could kill himself or someone else. Max is so dumb, he could accidentally kill himself. And then Nate is so lame and his hair is awful.

And he is balding, poor bastard. Okay. You know, I got to remind you this, and I should, you know, heed this warning myself, but, you know, the C rats do listen to the show. Now, we have to be us, but. No, I understand that. But, Nate, you had a nice girl named Gail, and she was way the fuck out of your league, you pig.

And you decided to play the field more. Yeah. Okay, that's understanding how young men work. Yeah, well, that's it. the difference between me and Nathan. You know, when I met Cece, I was like, all right, that's it. Not going any higher than that, right? You're a mature human being.

Yeah, love, love. Okay, so breakfast is served, it's eggs. That thing lived two days. Yeah. Say la V, bitch. Nathan and, no, no, no. Breakfast has served one of the sex traffic to people on this boat with these guys is like, eggs on eggs.

That's crazy. I think that was a charter guest, Maria. Yep. So Nathan and Aisha are wanting the crew from last year as we cut to Kizzy asking French if he wants to put vinegar in his eye to help the jellyfish. Don't blame you. We get a little C-Rat history with Tess, who seems to be the most competent person on the bow. We've been through this. But C-Rat history with Tattoo, aka Christian.

Ah, yeah, he's a pretty angry son of a bitch. Yeah, he was bull. he was bullied when he was a young kid so he developed a tough I wonder with Kaelin on the ones

and twos now if we can get that programed into the roadcaster so he can just hit the plane to plane and you don't have to pull up a YouTube video with an ad for Yeah, I'll tell you, my Saturdays weren't complete Unless I was laying next to my Grammy And we were watching an episode of Fantasy Island

Yeah Yeah, the new passengers would arrive on that water plane And there goes that little guy The plane, the plane Ended so horrible for him Yeah, at one point owned a vineyard in Westlake Village Some bad marriages, some some some drug issues and then also no work for a solid 20 years because he was such a little

asshole yeah yeah yeah you can get a really big head when you're a little person who's famous well a little head and uh yeah he took out that head with a gunshot wound over in van eyes in a shitty apartment yeah you call that the ego blues yeah that's a bummer um yeah i say that little fellow's got a case of the melancholy I think he might blow his fucking brains out. All right, so suicide's not funny. It's a horrible thing. It's kind of, it's not funny.

But given the fact that he was on the show and he was this little guy who was so being different. The world was his oyster. Which is bigger than him. Do little people have pearls inside of them? Right. not. Maybe kidney stones. Nathan is laying it on Kizzy. I don't know if Nathan is with Gail. This episode has gone completely off the rails at this point. Okay. So they were taking a break and he

self-admitted that he wanted to play the field a little bit more. Right. Yeah. And then we saw a trailer where later in the season she shows up and she's crying, but I think he's already had sex with Blizzy. Blizzy. Okay. DQ. Okay. So she is a free spirit. She had sex with a guy in a cult one time. Cool story. Back to the beach. Christian needs to get to the beach. But unfortunately, he doesn't know how anything works, right? This guy couldn't figure out how to turn an Xbox on, let alone operate a fucking tender. And mean either, but I'm not on the boat. Yeah. You didn't agree to show up and work on a boat. Right. So he's really late to pick up the crypto. creeps and everybody's getting really pissed off, including Kermit and Frenchie, who were just like, what the fuck is this guy doing? Sitting there mocking him. I think that they find comfort in like having to be uncomfortably sat next to these people waiting for this thing. Exactly. Nathan says that Tessa is a

judgmental ghost. The guy is just, who knows if he'll be in a place where he can lead a group of people? It's a very difficult thing to do. And he's not cut out for it. I don't know how Nathan makes it through the entire season. He is better on this. He's starting to settle in. To be fair to him, he did have food poisoning, showed up two hours before the charter. Some things went sideways.

We'll see how he settles into this. But Christian is definitely not going to make it. Yeah, I don't think so either. Let's get to dinner. Start her first for a bunch of fussy guests. Scallops, cauliflower, puree with grape, caper grape, parsley crumb. um cauliflower puree is uh gummy and disgusting uh textually um but aside from that this is just one of these

you know technique driven rustic clean dishes that's absolutely beautiful um and before we get to the next course um christian says that he's gotten to a cracking point a couple of times today hey what do you have a cracking point towards anything for you can't make boats work and that's the whole He was bullied in Colombia as a kid. His story does not make any sense either. Remember, he's the guy who was a flight. He was a pilot. Right.

And he left being a pilot to be a C-Rat. You think he was a drug meal? I don't know, man. It's pretty dangerous these days. Just drop a fucking bomb on you, you know? What? Oh, I got political, I think. What are you talking about?

Oh, I think if you're like doing, bringing drugs here, we just shoot you down, you know? Yeah, that's right. I don't have any thoughts any other way. I just accept it. Yeah. It's the state of Twitter right now. I think I saw a tweet that was like somebody being, you know, reasonably like, what are we doing with this?

This is, there's no oversight here. It looks like we're just bombing boats in the middle of the ocean. And someone retweeted it and was like, you're gay and corny. Yeah, that's pretty much awesome. That's Twitter. All right. So let's get to the next dish, beluga, lentils, nasturgym and turbot, which is like,

I don't know if he's getting turbot filets. I don't know if he's breaking down the fish, but this is a real fish. This is a real dish. I don't know. Again, I'm, this is too much. Wow. Dylan, this is unprecedented.

Yeah. the last time you spoke this well of a chef i think it was chef rachel and of course she was losing about it right there was yeah yeah she was she made uh at some point uh an entire like eight course meal and then simultaneously had found a way for some charter guests that had her mouth wired shut to drink those uh courses through a strong right and and to quote kamala do not come Because your jaw is wired shut, though, right? So do not come. This food is chef.

Like, I'm not going to say it's chef's table food, but it's close. And I don't want it on below deck. Wow. Yeah. Okay. Good for you, Josh. Josh, chime in. Let us know what you have.

And I'm sorry to say that, but, but it's a backhanded compliment. You're too good. I want you off the show. Call balls and strikes. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, so Christina and Max are, uh, or Christian and Max are going to fight. This is when Nate goes, uh, can't wait. Um, that's insane. And then Kizzy gets a text from a guy named Tommy.

Yeah. And he says, uh, hey, I'm headed a club. Do you want to FT? Now old Patty, I don't understand these. I thought it was, uh, fuck tonight. Oh, well, Kailen's a, uh, what is FT? You mean? I have no idea. I think it means face time. Oh, FaceTime. Yeah. So it's not fuck time. It's face time. It's face time. Right. All right. So the exterior heads into the galley while the chef is working, right? The chef is trying to clean the galley. And then these fucking bozos come in and they go, yeah, I fucking had sex when I was 13. Me too, dude. Can you guys get out of here all I work? Christian was a late bloomer. That's when Christian comes in and says that because he was a late bloomer and didn't have any girlfriends, he invented a girl that he told everybody about. um listen kids do the darndest things right um i told kids when i was a five uh when i was like in kindergarten in first grade um i think i was struggling socially a little bit or i just felt

like lying uh that we had this two story uh action figure in our backyard that was 20 feet tall and it was filled with candy i just said that there was a giant uh action figure in our backyard that was filled with candy um that's pretty elaborate i it is in the seventh grade i had two of my buddies, they already had pubic hair, and I said, I have it, too. And they said, prove it. Right, right, right. And you were like, I'm so stressed. Yeah. I want to teach my kids. You don't have to worry about that. No, no. They made me go in the bathroom and cut some hairs as proof to then show them. Oh, you just cut it off the top of your head. That's exactly what I did. Yeah. Shame on, or, you know, jokes on you, idiots. But really quickly, the way that he admits this,

quote unquote admits this with no like recognition of oh i was a kid or you know this was kind of sad he just kind of purges it he's a weird guy i'm troubled yeah weird guy's a good looking guy asia and the cuban put out the jams very cute moment i love asia and uh christian is up late watching crypto videos while he's supposed to be working now he has one thing to do, maybe two, right down the digits, you know, every so often and then clean the teak. Clean the ropes and stuff. And he does not do it because he's watching crypto and or orca fishing videos. He's, he's watching Da Vinci videos. He's like, hey, man, I think this guy, uh, I think this guy knows some stuff. Well, the Cuban and Jizzy find a shit stain on a toilet and have to clean that up.

Again, if I was a guest on a boat and I left a skid mark behind. I would take care of that. That speaks volumes of people, I think. It's pretty gross. It is so crazy to me to not be concerned with what these people will think of you. Seeing your fucking shit marks on the toilet pole. Are you not aware or do you think they're so poor and disgusting that you don't care? It's like really insane to me.

We get to the docking and I was worried about these kids doing this and that was a valid concern because this is one of the worst dockings we've seen in some time. We've got Frenchie and tattoo screaming at each other in the back of the boat. Also, Tessa isn't helping out either. Tessa is a judgmental ghost. Nathan hands her the big thing with all the buttons and she says, I don't know what these buttons do. And then they're figuring all of this out on the fly. He says throw the rope.

She says it's too far. I can't do it. This is a multi-million dollar yacht pulling into a dock. Also can kill you. Imagine if your flight crew, you're going home for Christmas to see the family and you're like, oh, you guys are filming a show? What's it called? Oh, well, below flight.

You're like, how long have you been a pilot? Oh, well, I want to be on an only fan. Shubbing deals up my ass. So no experience, but they hired me. Oh, shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's a little slower moving, right? And, you know, you can jump in the water and be okay. Plan's a little bit trickier. Dylan, there have been two yachts that went on their side and killed a bunch of people this year. No, I know it's really dangerous.

But again, like, imagine if you're on a Southwest flight and you talk to the captain, you're like, how long have you been flying? And they say, oh, well, I was working one of those water gun games at a carnival last week, but I want to be on OnlyFans. So I welcome aboard. Like, that's not okay. And this isn't okay either. It's like so crazy.

We, the crypto creeps are on the back of the boat saying, I'm invested in this without return on it without any ROI. And so shut the fuck up, okay? God damn it. Enjoy your vacation. No one cares about your fucking scams. Christian and Frenchie are fighting over the lines. And Nathan has a little impromptu performance review with Christian in their cabin,

which is not the way to do this. No, but it was the omission by Christian admitting that he'd been up all night watching videos. And Nate's like, oh, so you didn't have time to do all this other shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought that was completely appropriate. Really? Yeah. Um, or he could have just, uh, kept it close to the, you know, and then reported that to Sandy, which I think he will do in the next episode. Well, we'll see. Um, we end with a massive tip. Wow. You know what? I, uh, did not like the crypto creeps, but maybe they weren't so bad after all. They weren't even really that bad. We're just, if they had just said, they weren't bad to them. They're just shitty people.

Yeah. They were just braggadocious and trying to put something. out there that who they're not yeah we'll see in a couple years uh you'll be uh in a poor house i think yeah uh well we bob guccioni was worth like 400 million dollars in 1984 look at bob guicioni oh well he's dead but he ended up in like a one bedroom shitty house in michigan yeah yeah nothing wrong with that uh get in the comments let us know we thought about the episode sorry about the episode i feel like this was uh hold on we ask Kalen, because he listens. He's not, he's not.

Kaelin, what did you think about our recap of this? I enjoyed it. Oh, he didn't like it. I know, that's what he, like, throwing to him is useless. He's never. Oh, he's honest. He'll have like a, uh, a higher tone. Like, I thought it was great.

Right, right, right. When he was like, it was good, you know? Yeah, that means it wasn't really good. That's right. Oh, shit. Did I say mandingo in this, this podcast? Oh, shit. Okay.

All right. Well, let it fly. Let us have it. Five stars or one. Join us at patreon.com slash another podcast network for the Real Housewives of Salt Lake City, Traders, and more. We love you guys very much. I'm Dylan saying goodbye.

Kailen say goodbye. Bye. No