Another Below Deck Podcast - Defiling Paella | Below Deck Sailing Yacht S5 E3

Episode Date: October 23, 2024

Dylan and Pat are back to break down munchies for Oysters, defiling Paella, floatopia, mermaids and more from Bravo's Below Deck Sailing Yacht.Ad Free and Uncensored at Patreon.com/AnotherPodcastNetworkYoutube at https://www.youtube.com/@anotherbelowdeckpodcast_Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/badtvpodcast/Facebook Group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/anotherbelowdeckpodcastGo to MagicMind.com/BelowDeck and Use code BADTVGo to BodySmartFitness.com and mention the show in your application. Use code BADTV in the Tropical Smoothie AppGo to Ro.co/BELOWDECK 

At Walt Disney World Resort, the best beginnings start with a click. And now you're one click away from experiencing it yourself. Visit Disneyworld.ca slash tickets for a special offer for Canada residents. They seem very sweet. The reason why this episode suffers is because the guests are too nice. They're too nice. They're not demanding. and they're not nice in an entertaining way. They're just really lovely women. Yeah. Amy's kind of interesting though. She looks like one of those sister wives. I don't know if you watch that on TLC.

I don't. Well, this guy named Cody, he's the husband, you know? He marries women. He's got like poodle hair. Anywhere. Oh, I know that guy. Once he bangs you, he makes you miserable for the rest of your life. His cum is toxic. Or his dick or something.

But you have sex with him or have kids, God forbid. Your life is going to be a waste. Right. Anyway, she looks like one of them. Hi, hello. Welcome to another brand spanking new episode of another below deck podcast. My name is Dylan and that's Pat. Hey, Dill, we gotta apologize for getting this episode out little later than usual. I want to put the full blame on Bravo,

who once again is not giving us screeners. So we need to move our schedules around. It's not that you don't want to put the blame on Bravo. It's that two plus two equals four. There's no other entity to blame other than the entity that we were at war with. Yeah. And Dylan, I've mentioned this before. It seems really petty at this point, I think, for some of our audience. But a lot of producers and people affiliated with the show listen.

If you are listening, we are dropping an interview this week. We're not going to let you know who we're talking to. A lot of producers and people affiliated with the show listen. If you are listening, we are dropping an interview this week. We're not going to let you know who we're talking to, but it's going to be really fun and Bravo's going to be pissed. You're going to listen. Are they going to be pissed? Is it really going to be that incendiary? I'm going to get out of this particular person, everything about the behind the scenes because

that drives them nuts. Man. All right. Listen. Also, I've reached out to Colin. If some of you who's that Colin this old sea dog. Oh, the sea dog on the show anymore. We have gone back and forth. He has not agreed to be on the show yet. But perhaps with some of your prompting as listeners that are follow him on Instagram, right? him up in his DMS and say talk to the guys at another below deck podcast You're weaponizing the barnacle. That's right. I am Well, listen support us from whichever way you can including go to patreon.com slash another podcast network We are covering the season finale. Love is blind is coming to a close.

Will six of the most psychologically unwell people on television get married to one another? We don't know. Probably not. No, but you can hear all that at Patreon.com slash another podcast network. Also, we're covering Salt Lake City there. That's right. And What happened last episode? Last episode was really it was kind of a bummer. Mary Cosby's son is all like all peeled out. We got the update on him. Dylan you were in fact correct. Yeah. He went to rehab thank God. Thank God. Looking out for him. Yeah so

he's in rehab. Well if you want to hear us make fun of him I'm kidding. We don't we probably do go to patreon.com slash another podcast network I am good and high listen to a little dead on the way over here. Yeah Yeah, little fire on the mountain and I'm ready to break this episode down. Is it a bad episode? Yes Is it a boring episode a tedious episode? I'd say yes. But because I'm good and high and listen to a little fire on the mountain, I think we're going to have a really, really good time. I give it a hundred pots. A hundred pots. Yeah. Wow. Okay. Let me just say this, Dylan. I think Cloyce has a little something in the business we

call it. Oh, I thought you were gonna say autism. No, well, we'll get to his Sea Rat story later on. Yeah. And how old Patty feels about it. I really did think you were gonna say that. No, no, no, he's interesting. I see a big future for this kid in this franchise. That's exciting.

I like Floatopia. Yeah, yeah. We're gonna have to. That was pretty. Floatopia was a little ratchet this year. Lineup wasn't that good. Yeah, right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They had I think usher was headed headlining or something. Yeah. Um, you know what? This show just works. Do we need for five? Sounds like sounds like a band that would play at a float tuba.

That's right. I love cake. Yeah, yeah. Oh, I've seen them live. Oh, they're duds. Really? Oh, they're so boring. You know, I played to a live audience of captive parents

going the distance in high school rock band. You did? Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Gee, I can't believe that business went out of business. Yeah. Rock band, guitar hero.

It seemed like it was everywhere and then it was nowhere. Man, guitar hero was, guitar hero was a cultural moment. It seemed like it could have kept going but it did keep going you know the same way that Skyrim has kept going you know what I mean you're a big Skyrim guy but anyways how many parts do you give the episode? Okay um alright I'm gonna I like the episode actually I think it kind of I think this cast is kind of working although I again I I can't tell if I don't like Daisy or if I just have to glue her and Gary together. I kind of feel bad about it.

What do you mean? What is the latter option? Well if Gary wasn't on the show, would I have as much issue with Daisy as I do? I think so because I think that Daisy's interactions with Gary are the most likable thing about her. Oh, her interactions with him. I mean, I'm not saying that the ceiling is very high. I don't want to be too brutal on Daisy, but there's there's a lot of things about Daisy that are just you kick.

They kind of rub you the wrong way. Well, OK, I'm sorry. As would any of us if we were on reality TV. You know what I mean? All right. Well, why don't we start with I'm going to give the episode 50 knots. That's a good number. That's a good, strong number. Can I start the episode off Dylan? Yeah, of course All right So we begin the episode with the worst part of this season, which is Gary and Daisy

No, this is the dinner scene and this is when they Step away and they're both puffing away at cigarettes and they're discussing the problems with their relationship And I really wish that every draw that they sucked off those six made them both more interesting. I understand that's not how nicotine works. It worked for Olivia Newton John. That's right. Yeah. Well also those tight pants. Oh yeah. Yeah. And the lesson to be learned from Greece if you really think about it Dylan is if you really want to win the favor of a guy yeah dress like a slut well

It's more like find yourself in a man right because your identity is a lie until you meet the right guy Because you're a dumb woman you couldn't know who you are Hmm, but Danny Zuko can tell you who you are. That's right. Because Danny Zuko got back in the leather. Danny Zuko didn't go, you know what, it's okay. I kind of like this seersucker thing. I think that you could, you know, dress like a shepherd's daughter again and we can be, no, he liked that she looked like that. That's right. That's why they went in that car and flew off into the sky. Yeah. Alright. And that's a metaphor for death.

They died in senior year. It's actually really bummer ending. Wow. That's why they weren't in Greece too I guess. Right. Okay. Well anyway, producers I'm begging you, please, I know you're listening, please edit these two out. Please. I don't know how many, please I can make to you. you If you if I didn't have to watch this show through its entirety because I have to do a podcast about it Sure I would definitely fast forward through any scenes that these two are trying to work through their problems case in point This was a scene from last night This is what Gary does, you know, in the moment he's a total dick. Then he goes into remorseful guilt half-ass apology. So I forgive him, move on, and we're just in this vicious cycle where we're never moving forward.

I think Gary needs to earn my trust. No one gives a fuck! No one cares! Get off this show. Look, there are not two uninteresting people on reality TV right now that compare to these two. And Dylan and I cover the Golden Bachelorette. That is a very boring show. And very uninteresting people. Turns out we don't want to see the elderly on television.

We don't, not for an hour and a half, and definitely not two hours. And so anyway, that's my problem with the show. That's amazing, you said that you wish that they got more interesting as they were sucking away on Parliament lights, Parliament full flavor, something with a recess so they can bump blow.

But it's funny that the cigarettes kind of lead the way with a lot of culture, espresso martinis. Oh, yeah, that's really popular right now. Other things I really can't think of right now. But I know there's probably one more. I don't think there's anything else. There's probably other things. But they have really been a stalwart for the tobacco industry. They

just keep smoking. Them and Malaysian children are bolstering Phillips, what are they called? Philip Morris? I think Philip Morris. Everybody switched to zines, you know what I mean? You know what? You know your products really good when you're willing to pay $10 a pack for it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. If sweet tarts were $10 a pack, I'd say, no, it's too expensive. It's an overrated candy. All right, so Gary has learned that fighting with Daisy is the worst outcome of what can happen, actual quote. And they both agree over giggles.

This is what's so uninteresting about them. It's almost like it doesn't matter. Well, it definitely doesn't matter. Well it definitely doesn't matter. Few things do but they end obviously with giggles and neck kisses like they're little like they're like they're swans or something. Sea rat swans that are just macking each other's necks and it's like, ew this is such a boring thing where you just seesaw back and forth. Like I think think we said, how long is it going to take for them to hook up? Maybe they won't. But the fact that it's even a possibility shows that these two puppies are sick.

They're sick puppies. Yeah. So we get we got to get to check. All right, let's get to check gate. All right. This is where Cloyce really takes issue with a long established tradition of Sea Rats taking turns to pay for the bill. I don't think it's a long tradition. It hasn't? I think that, well...

The Freemasons are a long tradition. Oh, that's right. I think that this is just Daisy's shit. Like, I don't know that we see this all the time in other franchise. We actually have... Oh, you still have that cough. We actually, excuse me. Oh, you still have that cough. Yeah, I'm dying. We actually have. Well, it's so crazy because on this other show I film Conspiracy Social Club, check it out.

Your vein in your neck. I have a bowl in my neck. It looks like I have, I don't know, something bad. I got to go to the ENT. I think I might see it now. You should get that checked. I'm looking at it. Don't goof about my health.

I'm not. I'm seeing it. It has red around it. Well, that's because I just poked myself in the neck. Oh. Anyway, back to CheckGate. All right, Cloyce doesn't drink as much at dinner as the rest of these fucking sea rats. So why should he be floating the bill for them?

OK, this is an interesting discussion. Get in the comments. Let us know. You know, this is kind of what... What was that book? This is what Lord of the Flies is about, right? So this is group pressure, this is hive mind thinking. I mean, everybody's just gone along with this and Cloyce is the only reasonable person, in my opinion, to get in the comments, let us know. This is a fluid thing. If people wanna cover certain things,

people can cover certain things, but this system of everybody gets one night, I don't want that at all. I don't want that at all. You know, on any given break. Hey, your night was $1,200, mine's $1,800. Or worse, you know, these sea rats can really throw down some Midori Sour whatever, but you know,

I'd be like absolutely not tonight was the craziest night everybody did ecstasy and went back to the boat I'm not paying for that that's right this is crazy all right so old patty you know I think the audience and this has been documented quite a bit as we've had a uh during our podcasting careers yeah old patty used to down three bottles a night I think I'd'd be you were drunk and you always will be a drunk Well, that's true, right? But when I was at three bottles a night and I think that would make me I don't know alcoholic status Maybe I mean it's argued people could argue it. Okay. Well, I backed off that no longer

I don't drink wine anymore, right, but I still drink but anyway when I was doing that I When we go out with another couple or a group, I pull the waiter over and I say, hey, here's my credit card, all the drinks are gonna be on me because I'm gonna be the one ordering the bottles. And why should I push that on some person that's just gonna have a-

It's a very easy way to take care of it. Thank you. Very easy way to take care of it. And I would do that all the time. That's how you take care of it. Thank you. And I would do that all the time. That's how you take care of it. Well yeah, because I'd be embarrassed if you know I ran out of it. There's a tension that gets so thick, you know, especially with people who are cheap. When that stuff starts to, you know, you start to kind of do beautiful mind calculations at the dinner table and you're like, well you guys eat most of the food I know the drinks are more expensive, but you know, it's uh, it's tough sometimes. So the vibe is deteriorating Rapidly there is no ball of snakes. There is no fucking there is no side Oh, this is where we go back to the boat. People are just going to bed now Cloyce is

Really freaking out over this whole check gate thing. Yeah. He can't sleep. And the thing that puts him at peace, at ease, at harmony is cooking. That's right, Dale. You know, there are very unique ways that men, in particular, I can only speak to myself, are able to put ourselves to sleep after a stressful night. You're talking about masturbating. Well, that can be somewhere we go. Some men, they drink, they have two or three drinks. Some smoke a little weed.

And as you aptly pointed out, some men beat off to videos of fat Indian women with heels, quite niche. We got into hot porn talk on our Patreon. I believe we had a, I'm assuming a new patron. I don't know. Said we're disgusting and not funny and we should stop talking about porn. Yeah and I completely agree and I meant to cut that part out but I'm lazy so that's gonna stay in perpetuity. Well anyway, he cooks. He cooks, and this is kind of like,

you know that Chinese guy in The Prestige committing to his act, you know, the guy that Christian Bale was in such awe of? Well, you know, the problem I have with that movie is the same year they came out with The Illusionist. I got two magic movies coming out in the same year. Big magic movies. And this is how, you know,

this is why you have to ask the questions like, who's telling who to make what when? You know what I mean? It's the CIA. 2001, they were like three asteroid movies. What, you guys all coordinate that? Right, right, right. That's what they call predictive programming, everybody.

All right, that's right. I think your dad created that world, right, right. That's what they call predictive programming everybody. All right. That's right. I think your dad Created that one right? Maybe all right, till till till we got to get to something really really important Yeah, we have a little Sea Rat history. Yes. All right Do you have notes on this that you'd like to I don't want to take over this. No, no, no No, I love when you do Sea Rat. Oh good. Okay, we get some seerat history from Cloyce. All right. Here we go These are the I guess the greatest hits here when he was 14. Someone called him a jerk And he was 16 on a school bus. Someone gave him a nookie. Let me tell you something you whiny little bitch Yeah, unless you're similar so sassy tonight. Am I really? Yeah, I feel like I've been sassy this entire season cuz I pissed at Bravo

Back to Cloyce with that funny name You are a bitch unless your sibling was murdered in a drug deal gone sideways Or you watch your best friend get eaten by a great white shark Shut the fuck. Well, hey Pat, can I minus ten points? Uh Someone called me a jerk when I was 14 Someone called me a jerk when I was 14. Oh, wow. Can I ask you something? So let's stay within the kind of ecosystem of his actual trauma, right?

So a 14 year old says you're a jerk, right? Now what could have happened that could actually lead us fast forward 10 years and regurgitate that as trauma on camera. To help out the story a little bit? What could have actually merit? Well someone called him a jerk and he pulled the gun out of his backpack. You know, we have a lot of school shootings in America, so it makes a lot of sense why they would come. That's why I brought it there. Yeah, yeah. You know what?

You just triggered a memory dealt. This is really embarrassing. Fifth grade, I sleep over Dave Shabarasi's house. And it was like five of us. Daniel Kennedy was there. And anyway, um, his dad now with it was he a Kennedy or how many bastard children did the Kennedys have? I don't know. You know, Kenny, Kenny, Kenny, I mean, it's mean to say

Kennedy, Daniel Kenny. Anyway, we're all sleeping because we're supposed to go to bed at nine, but I didn't really have my parents around. So I was used to staying up till midnight watching Saturday Night Live. Anyway, so I'm bored. And what I didn't realize was his dad was sleeping in the recliner chair. You know, he's got to keep an eye on us. We might sneak out a little bit. But everyone was snoring logs. Anyway, we hear a door open like a car door open like in the apartment nearby. And someone some little kid goes What do you think that?

Who do you think that was Young he said I think that's a girl and God I can't finish this story. I think she's Okay, and everyone laughed laughed okay and then the dad goes out who was that I couldn't take credit for the joke you know. Will you put it on somebody else? No I just stayed quiet and hid under my sleeping bag. I think I'm high. I think I'm high right now. Yeah, because I was going to say, cute story. Really didn't go anywhere.

No, no. But do you think you are high? I'm very high right now. I can feel it. OK, so what were we talking about? Whenever the episodes are really bad, our episodes are really different. Usually we've got, we're 95% lean, but tonight I think it's 80-20.

So Danny is very pissed because Keith is boring as fuck and he's not fucking her, so I understand. Gary, the R, somehow was left out of my notes. And there's no auto correct, right? So it just says gaze. I think what you're going to point out is that Gary and Cloyce ate oysters. Well it's just an odd thing, you know, when you get the munchies, you think... Potato chips! Right. Pizza!

Right. Chicken tenders! Care for one more? Chicken tenders. Oysters, I mean it's a bizarre thing. It's almost a little bit manipulative, Gary, to just walk into a kitchen and go, oh man, I'm I got the munchies. Do we have any oysters? Like don't say that that normally. That's fucking weird. You know what I mean? Yeah. I don't think that's ever been said. I don't think it's ever been said before, Gary. There's a reason why he's on the show, right? So him and Cloyce have quite a bit of a lovely evening.

Little camaraderie. And it moves up to the teak for bro time. Now, this is nice, but it's not really what we're here for, right? We are here for fucking, we're here for sucking. A couple of bros smoking cigs and drinking red wine. Again, I'll say it's very nice, but you know maybe we're burping the season right we can't just start throwing up all over the place I'm concerned because

I like Deanna Diana whatever the hell we're calling her and of course Deanna she loses her mind later in the episode she's hearing voices what sorry who are you talking you're talking about Deanna and Danny Right. Are we calling her Deanna or Diana? I've worked but but you you it's not a it's not a big deal and I'm good to call Danny Dina for the rest Of the season. It's Dina to me is such a It's like a Carmella like Carmella soprano could have been named Dina. You know what I mean? But sorry, I don't need to get so hung up on that. I'm so sorry. The point I was making, Doug, was that I'm struggling for,

we have two great stews, but the dudes that they cast, no one wants to fuck Gary. Gary's a wrinkly, old, boring, gross guy. So and Cloyce is too young, so all we have is Keith. Well, and you forgot Daffodil. Now, Daffodil, it should be mentioned that in between- Oh yeah, he's there. Well, he's not there actually with the boys during bro time, red wine and

cigarette bro time, he's actually crawling into his bunk above Captain Glenn, who is a little Canadian man. Now, Daffodil sleeps in the nude, obviously, right? He's married to a man on Facebook and in real life, I think. So, and he likes to go to raves. So obviously, he sleeps in the nude. But you know the creepy cams. This is one of the most intrusive creepy cams

we've ever seen. It was a full cavern shot of Daffodil. Fault line and balls and all. Oh! Just climbing into the top bunk and it was just like, oh Daffodil. You know what I mean? I mean it's absolutely. Well feel bad for Captain Glenn. It's absolutely Daffodil. So Danny talks about Keith's cock and we get to it that being the preference sheet meeting This is bad hosting we get to the next day So he's turning 60 bringing her daughters and some of her friends. They're gonna have papaya

Is that right? Yeah, and then that float topia? Mm-hmm who would have known that that would be so fucking cool and then they're gonna have a dinner under the sea I guess we'll get to that. Yeah, and this is where Glenn has an idea He knows a little place where mermaids live and what Glenn doesn't say is there's only four left, you know What happened to the rest of we fucking killed the other terrified when he's rolling that boat over there. That's so interesting. Wow. That really kind of opens his story up in a more meaningful way.

You know, we thought the entire time that he was just killing sex workers. No, no, mermaids. He's moved on. Oh, do you think he's moved on or has it been mermaids? They don't even exist. The rest of us. Right. So he can kill them at you know His father was brought to the rock line by the mermaids

And he's been on a quest to kill every single one of them ever since now That's a five on the sea rats not bad. It's not a one of them gave him a noogie one time So he had to you know hunt them down until he completely Annihililated their population. No, he is listening to an audio book and he hears that I think the Spanish government through lepers in the water somewhere and they they did not die. They actually survived and turned into just vile creatures. So Glenn's gonna bring the guests over there. Right. Yeah. Can't wait for that. Can't wait for that.

So when they start screaming in horror, like, no! Right, right, right. Well, they're very scary. Their skin is kind of like a translucent gray and their teeth are gone, pretty much. So one thing about this preference sheet meeting, Daisy looks at Gary. I don't know if you caught this, but she mad at him again.

No, it's a total polar opposite kind of look. She's throwing him a look. They're doing this thing where it's sexy face again. And, and maybe, maybe they're just playful. Maybe they won't touch one another but you know it's it's a little bit like Brittany and the Oz man on Salt Lake City it's like yeah let's figure this out right yeah well I was gonna say even if you know one cares no one cares no all right let's get to a

meanwhile all right meanwhile can I do it yeah all right we have Danny and Deanna and they're bonding over not being bitches to each other Yeah, and this alliance is short-lived because it's one of the shortest lived alliances, maybe ever That's right, because Danny's told she's gonna be cleaning pee off Toilets and whatever. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So given what happened with Danny and I don't I I'm gonna be a little insulting so that we can hopefully lessen the load as we go on in the season. Danny needs to see a therapist, post-haste.

Now I know that it's hard to find therapy when you're floating out in the ocean, completely rudderless with no roots attached to the ground of any way, shape, or form, but Zoom is powerful. Danny is having mental breakdowns on this show now. And I just worry for her later in the season. I it's episode three and the cracks are already really, really forming.

Yes. You know, walls are talking to her, Del. They told her, Dale. They told her get pissed about that tablescape. Yeah, so maybe I'm gonna pump it a little bit on Danny. Now, let's we have another. Oh, there's a nice moment, I guess where Gary teaches the crew how to drive the Tinder. And then Emma gives us a little Sea Rat history. I don't think it's a she gives apparently she was a personal trainer, a real estate agent.

What else was she? I guess she, well, she's a Sea Rat. Right, right, right. Now listen, this was really crazy. It was so out of line. Kalen texted me while the show was going on. Kalen, former producer. Former producer, ex-producer of the show

said He just said it was like 10 37 at night. He texted me makes sense that Emma can't drive I said why he said because she's a woman He said that I'm like that's crazy What the hell? Jesus, Caitlin. Well, here's my advice for Emma, because we've corresponded through DMs.

I think she should work at a zoo. She likes cats. Yeah, she likes cats and dogs. She wants to raise five million of them. And I would say that that's a virtuous and worthy endeavor. Being a C-Rat is not really. So the guests arrive, they seem very sweet. The reason why this episode suffers is because the guests are too nice. They're too nice, they're not demanding, and they're not nice in an entertaining

way. They're just really lovely women. Yeah. Amy's kind of interesting though. She looks like one of those sister wives. I don't know if you watch that on TLC. I don't. Well, this guy named Cody, he's the husband, you know, he marries women. He's got like poodle hair. Anywhere. Oh, I know that guy. Once he bangs you, he makes you miserable for the rest of your life. His comment is toxic. Yeah, or his dick or something. But you have sex with him or have kids god forbid your life is gonna be in waste, right? Yeah Anyway, she looks like one of them How's oh amy Well, and I gotta say and of the matriarch, the primary, she almost dies right off the

rip. Oh, right. Hey, you know, I thought about this because Captain Glenn, he likes it. He likes to go sailing, you know, and I get that. Yeah, he's like a kid at heart. Waste no time getting those sails up. Shouldn't you warn everyone on the boat? We've joked about this quite a bit.

Imagine if you're taking a dump or something. Yeah. One minute you're like, hey, look at me. I'm dropping a deuce in a yacht. Minute later I'm like, oh, that's my shit on the mirror. Right, I'm covered in my own movement. He should warn people is my point. Yeah, absolutely.

And I think they do, but not enough. And they heal too much. I think the reason why Glenn heals is because the mermaids that he's trying to obliterate, they don, but not enough, and they heal too much. I think the reason why Glenn heals is because the mermaids that he's trying to obliterate, they don't go super low, but they go low enough to where you really need to kind of get close to the water line to be able to see through it and see the mermaids you're trying to kill.

We have to move on to lots of boring stuff. Oh yes. Well, getting back to the sailing though, this is why the vacation is cheap Right because it costs any money the reason that this franchise the vessel in this franchise parses Is cheaper than other franchises because it's life-threatening and when you go on vacations you usually don't factor in that a drawer could fly off and

snap your Achilles from across the room. That's my poop on the mirror. Yeah, you poop on the mirror. On this vacation, that's a definite possibility. So fucking Daffodil says she traveled nicely a while he's healing over not really the drone the the drawers have Broken off their hinges every single bottle of booze They have is exploded on the ground and the guests have to literally bolt themselves. I Mean, I just can't talk. I just can't do it me neither

This is what Bravo pisses me off. I gotta do this podcast at seven o'clock at night. I know. I'm pissed. Yeah and we usually do it in the morning. We're gonna get back on the morning schedule next week but this is why we've waged war. I mean we haven't recorded a podcast at night in years. Months? Probably a year. Yeah. I would say. It's really tough. Bravo, I'm gonna get back at you. Driving over here was so surreal. It's so dark because you know, it's daylight, daylight snide. Bravo. We will get our revenge. Right? Well exact it. Alright, so for dinner, we might get crazy and sear some scallops.

Oh, Danny Keith are flirting again. Keith describes Danny strategy is fishing without shame. Quite apt, Keith. But you're a C rat. Shame has no place here. So you shouldn't be too precious about it. Okay. You know, it's like having a it's like having a heart in war. You know what I mean? It's just not a factor. You have to go and you have to kill and you have to fuck. That's right. That's all you can do Leave the humanity out of it. Yes so one of the guests explodes a burp out of herself when we get to a

Tacky tablescape and we get to some more Sea Rat history, which I don't think is going to land Positively on the Richter. I didn't catch this one, Dill, you're gonna have to handle this one. No problem, Dani's siblings were academics, right? They excelled in STEM and while Dani tried to find her kind of intellectual path, she stumbled upon art. And fast forward, you know, people were like, what are you gonna do with art?

We see what she's done with art. She's a Sea Rat. And the tablescape is very important to her because of her creativity. She does not want to put her name on anything that is not beautifully thought out, right? Oh, perfectionist. Yeah, a creative perfectionist. You know, a little bit like, um, I don't know, uh, Oppenheimer.

Oh. So she's pissed. Yeah. The thought of doing a tacky tablescape is not going to work. Now, this gets cleared up later. It was a verbiage issue. Tacky means just, uh, fun and whimsical or so I don't forget how. Yeah, but I don't think any verbiage issue could

warrant tears in this situation. No, no, no. That's why it's the walls talking. She's a nut. Okay, Danny, you want to come on the show and not have to deal with Bravo? Just hit me up on another below that Just let it loose girl. We'll talk ghosts. We'll talk whatever you want when they start making you look like an idiot on the show Just come on in here. Just come on the show make your case with us. We don't need to deal with Bravo PR anymore Fuck them. Yeah, you are no longer Mariah Carey and you're pissed off. I don't get my screeners anymore I'm tired and I'm recapping this show at night.

You will pay, bro. All right, so Daffodil asked if Cloyce can touch his toes. That's never that odd of a question, but if it's coming from Daffodil, I feel like it has concerning origins, you know? Yeah. It's a little bit like when a boa is sleeping stiff next to you. They're kind of sizing you up for something. Now, with daffodil, I think it's some kind of tantric, leprechaun, like kind of wheel

barrel position or something like that. Anything's possible. Anything is possible. And it'll be under the guise of, I'm a free spirit. You just put your finger in my bum. Yeah, yeah, yeah. or something like that. Anything's possible. Anything is possible. And it'll be under the guise of I'm a free spirit. Right. You just put your finger in my bum. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Enough with the free spirit stuff.

You're an imp and a deviant. You know, all these people are like, I'm just a free... You're shooting heroin. I'm a free spirit. All right, so... All right, so this was a part of the show where it really showed that Gary's a fucking douchebag. Okay. So meanwhile, Emma didn't tie a knot correctly

so that tender is like banging on the side of the boat. Emma didn't do it properly. And Gary is pissed. He says when he jumps down there and does like a quick little, what do you call it, ice cop or whatever, he's like, there's scratches. Hey asshole, there's a fucking huge hole in that thing

that you created, how dare you? God, I'm gonna be hard on Gary this year. That's a good point, that's a really good point, Emma could be like, oh I know that, that does look bad. Or like, well, no, that looks bad. That's what she sounds like. But she could just point to the other side of the boat. There's a hole there. It looks like a missile hit it.

I think that he's having a tough time with Emma. I think that he's bizarrely kind of patient with her. I think he's on thin ice. I think he knows it. Definitely. So let's get to Danny telling Deanna about being concerned. Oh no, we broke this down. Listen, to Danny she says it was very laughable to me to say I don't want my name on this. Right? Because... Who cares? Right, right, right. It's a table skate for Texans eating deconstructed paella on below deck and it happened a year ago but I would say to Danny the more kind of concerning thing that your name is on is the entirety of the show, right, which will

present you as a Sea Rat, right? So that's a tough thing to have your name on. It's a little bit like me and Pat having our name on this, you know? That's right. I'll never work again. We'll never work again, you know? So you just have to kind of commit to it, you know what I mean? Be proud of it. And don't say putting your name on it, because and be proud of it. And don't say putting your name on it. What are we like? What are we Ari Emanuel? Put your name on. Yeah, famously, Ari Emanuel said it like that. So moving on,

let's get to dinner. The table setting looks fairly sparse. I think the kids would say mid. After all of that, it's quite mid. Dinner is authentic. It's going to be an authentic experience. Saffron risotto paella style with the toppings a la carte to slop onto the risotto. This is an insult to the culinary history and I would say the entire national history of the country of Spain. What Cloyce did tonight was cowardly. What

Cloyce did tonight was, given the mastery of the culinary arts, he decided to shirk the challenge of cooking the fish in the paella, which is really one of the most challenging pieces of the art form. I mean, there are people that cook this thing and this thing only for their entire lives. They don't fucking make the rice and then tell you to put some scallops on top. That's just not how it's done, you pig. You know, you have to be very diligent about this. But I don't think that paella was something that he could pull off in this kitchen. Maybe either way, it's two pots, two pots, two.

All right, let's get to the other. Have you heard of the chicken Big Mac? The chicken Big Mac. First off, never order any chicken dishes from fast food places. Why do you say that? Well, because I mean, obviously, it's well, they smushed talent. Well, I mean, two weeks ago, that little chicken, he just came out of a you know, his mama's well, an egg or something. And next thing you know, he's like 82

pounds, right? You know, you don't want to be you're talking about the chickens pussy It comes out of the chickens saying is yeah, you don't want any Chicken because like two weeks ago. He's like a little baby He's like 82 pounds. How do you get to be 82 pounds? Yeah. No, that's a great question. Um, and you eat I don't eat grilled chicken from fast food places anymore. Okay. Not anymore.

Do you eat beef? No. I told... Dill, you know what I eat. You only get the Impossible Burger. Which unfortunately they've discontinued, so now I'm fucked. Right. Yeah.

So you really just eat turkey? I eat just turkey. Okay. Today I had an avocado sandwich What was on the avocado sandwich mustard tomatoes pickles and lettuce and avocado and avocado that's nice You know, that's a nice lunch. All right, so um one of the ladies Teresa her tits keep popping out of her clothing been there sister been there So bread and butter pudding is for dessert.

It needs to be microwaved for about seven minutes before it goes up. This is a real brain fart moment. I mean, he just doesn't put the pudding in the oven. And these poor boring ladies are just sitting there waiting. Now, I don't think that the clear time, I mean, we've seen egregious gaps in front of house things. Right. Right.

I don't think that 22 minutes comes anywhere close to the things that we've seen. I mean, it took Kiko three and a half hours to get a fish stew out and Domino brownies to black people. You know, we've seen really bad timing on the show. That was that it was it Vegas themed yeah I don't know I like make nachos nachos make them nachos you know they're paying like Vegas Vegas I think like $15,000 a day okay that was awesome mm-hmm all right so Dylan what do you was it bread and pudding or bread pudding bread pudding dollars? A day. That was awesome. All right. So Dylan,

what do you think? Was it bread and pudding or bread pudding? Bread pudding. Underrated dessert, I must say. Oh, very underrated dessert. Now, it's a good question. You asked, was it bread? Or just? What was the question you asked? Bread and pudding or bread pudding? Bread and pudding. It's a it's an interesting question because I thought that the bread pudding looked a little bit too

To The pieces were their own people, you know, and you don't need that in a bread pudding you want kind of a loosely formed congealed glob of unbelievably delicious shit that Won't give you cancer It'll just make you fat, you know, it's I heard the craziest thing the other day when you get fat It's your body taking excess stuff and going this will kill you if it's anywhere around these things I got to keep you alive in that crazy. Well, I have to tell you I'm at the age now I I was a video came up

It happened to be you and I like five years ago. Yeah, sure. We were at Hooters We were doing some drink promotion for so really well, we look so young and good. Yeah Yeah, I looked at myself in the mirror. Oh my god. I'm right on the cusp of being the pasty white Oh, yeah, welcome to the team. Welcome to the team. I can't you'll never fight it. I'm gonna fight it. I'm gonna look like Tom Cruise. You do look like Tom Cruise, I would say. You look like a Scientologist. Why'd you do that? Come here. Come here. Why'd you do that?

One of the all time videos. Tom Oh, Tom did that. Yeah, Tom got spritzed in the face by a French journalist. Two guys, I want to say. It was a guy, he had a little lapel with water. And Tom Cruise did the Miscavige power wrist hold. Why'd you do that? Completely trapped in there. I love Tom.

I love Tom too. You know, him doing that is a little bit like, you know, superhero mentors saying you cannot be seen doing this in public, you have to keep anonymity. He cannot that that was a little slip up. He he deployed Scientology tactics that he had a couple slip ups around that time. Johnny on the couch. Well, he jumped on the couch. They got in a fight with Matt Lauer. It's like Matt Matt

Yeah, Matt Lauer had a button underneath his desk so he could lock his door remotely while he was banging Lois, thank you for coming in. Oh, you're rattling the door. Don't worry. It's not going to open how for coming in. Oh, you're rattling the door. Don't worry. It's not going to open. How many people did he did he go when mad man? What's it called bad man? You know, when that show was at its peak, he was at dinners expensing them talking to his buddies. He's like, guys, listen, it's not in the 50s for me. You know, it's like you pay you're gonna ruin your life.

Not I would call you the dude. You buy should stop you pig, you're gonna ruin your life. Matt, I would tell you to do it. You probably should. Stop. You had a button installed? Come on. It's ridiculous. It's too much energy. It's just so much energy committed to this ruse. I mean, it's just crazy. Focus on the news, man. All right. So the guests say that it is the best bread pudding they've ever had and Cloys You know, we're very confused over the delivery of these dishes whose fault is it Dylan? This is I would say 6040. Well, the first episode was 99 one That would be against Daisy. Yeah, Daisy's fault. And

this is why this is what's a little unlikable about Daisy. The shirking of no accountability, zero accountability, always other people doing things. This was 5050. Cloyce should fire the desserts when he's told by Emma and Emma should not be telling Cloyce to fire Because Emma's a fucking deckhand The lowest ranking deckhand. How are we on episode or night two? You're sending down a fucking deckhand to tell the chef to

fire the judge it's just like way too sloppy you know we got to find something between Asia and the girls doing that psychotic synchronized plating and this let's just find a middle ground there and stick there you know it's crazy bad news bears so um next morning we get to the next morning. We want to do a flotopia, but we've got a problem. There's too many rocks, there's too many currents, and there's too many people everywhere. Also, we do not have the equipment to do it. But that will not stop the Sea Rats. They find a spot and Cloyce wants to go skidooing with the guests or something. I don't know what has gotten into this young bull, but this is just not how things go. He needs to live.

He's in under the sunlight of Spain, I believe he says. He's been trapped on that goddamn boat all day. Right. It's time to get a little sun. This is a young person. They present as dumb because they are, right? Because they're still trying to like, like I remember when I had my,

like one of my first corporate jobs, I started to really hate it and I just started taking smoke breaks all the time. So Dan, my boss was like, you can't take eight smoke breaks. And I was like, what the fuck is your problem? All right, yeah. So when you're young, what you do is you think think hey, I'm gonna be a real idiot at this job Yeah, but it's not gonna matter cuz later on there's gonna be a movie made about it and or I'll tell it on the Jimmy Kimmel show

Everyone's gonna laugh right like oh, yeah Yeah, I worked at that subway and one time Jimmy I I got pissed at this customer because he was like a racist or something. I came in a sandwich and then the audience laughs. And my point is that when you're 24 you can do shit like this because it's just going to make a good story. And I'd argue this is why young people are horrible people in the service industry. They'll come in your cheeseburger. Right and they too have delusions of grandeur and it's crazy because they do, they just, they throw their slop, their penis slop on your food and stuff like that and it's like that's not sanitary at all but what it is is it's the last kind of vestiges of trying to

figure out the rules, right? So like when you're a kid you go up to somebody and you go you're fat and then they start crying. You learn a rule like that hurts somebody's feelings, right? So like when you're a kid, you go up to somebody and you go, you're fat, and then they start crying. You learn a rule, like that hurts somebody's feelings, right? But when you're 22, you get into this, like I remember, and we'll end the show in one second, but I was at a horrible, horrible job that I hated so much. And I would just play video games. I think I just played League of Legends there

and I couldn't wait for the barbecue chicken wrap. It was across the street. It's my favorite part about the job I just thought that that restaurant did a fantastic job with the rap But I went to the guy I said, you know, and I'm not really feeling it I just want to give you guys a heads up and he was like, okay, I understand and we had a great conversation The next day they were like, this is the person you'll be training. And I'm like, what do you mean? They're like, well, you're fired. We're gonna fire you.

And I was like, no, no, no. I was just telling you, I'm not really feeling it. I'm gonna leave when I- When you're ready. When I'm ready to leave. Yeah, it didn't mean like, today. He was like, well, it's not today. It's two weeks.

This is your two week notice. I was like, God, it's not today. It's two weeks. This is your two week notice. God, we had such a good talk. Okay. So, Lois is having a fun time in the sun and Gary is not happy at all. Well, he's not happy because Emma didn't inflate all the inflatable. She fucked up. It's half done. Yeah. And he doesn't think she's taking her job seriously Really cheesed. Yeah. Yeah, you don't think he takes his job serious. That's right, right?

You know, it's it was funny when he was driving the tenders He left off a vital piece of information the tender is pretty easy to drive But the thing that you don't want to do is drive it with somebody that you desperately want to have sex with in low light And he didn't mention that at all. Not at all. You know, I mean, it's just very dishonest. Now I'm concerned about Captain Glenn here because I really like him, but I feel like he's kind of overacting a little bit. What's he thinking? He needs to get back on the boat to prep the food. These carrots aren't going to peel themselves. What's he thinking? Glenn, knock it off. Well, I think he's got a good point.

This little idiot should not be swimming in the Flo-topia while he's meant to be back at the boat working. But we all test the rules sometimes. Next week looks fun. Looks like Emma's going to get piss-faced drunk. She said the season's going to be good, but Sea Rats have told me that in private before, and it doesn't always pan out.

All right, well, get in the comments. Let us know, should Cloys have agreed to the payment? When did you ever? Have you ever split a bill and felt uncomfortable about it? Like you got burned? Or are you one of those scumbags that uh, you know Orders a lot of drinks and you just think it should be even Steve if the 50 even Steve and that's how the world keeps churning go to patreon.com slash another podcast network for love is blind and Salt Lake City. We love you guys very very much We'll be back next week. I'm Dylan saying goodbye Pat say goodbye LARGHH