Another Below Deck Podcast - Dip the Lobster in the Ketchup | Below Deck S1 E5

Episode Date: December 29, 2025

Dylan and Pat are back to break down upside down three shaped human beings, new money, pills, dipping lobster in ketchup, diners, solving rockets, intrusive questions and more from Bravo’s Below Deck.PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/anotherpodcastnetwork  YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/@badtvpod  INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/badtvpodcast/?hl=en

what are you doing um so we introduce ourselves to the guests um grimace milkshake shots are poor did you see that i didn't let's welcome these guests aboard the vessel with blueberry muffin milkshake tequila shots it's just like what is going on here it's nice to know it's been consistent now one of the guests i think it's primary simon yeah ask captain lee are you the captain You got damn right on the cat. Welcome the board. That was so rude. I took a sip of my coffee and then I said, welcome aboard.

We're recording. We got it. Never hurts, though. Oh, okay. Let me ask the league. This is, I was just talking to you. I don't want to do fantasy football anymore. Don't do fantasy football.

I don't care. I don't want to fucking do the thing. Let's do below deck. Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that he had been injured for six months. I don't know why he's in my lineup. Okay. Yes, we're here to break down season one of Below Deck Original.

Lee isn't fine for. All right. So he is starting to shape the Lee. I don't even- The polishing is happening and maybe a little polishing. But he is, he hatched. We didn't even, it was kind of like a xenomorph egg in that it just something ominous happens over here and then all of a sudden there's this giant thing in your face and

its blood is acid and it's blood and it's acid. He is just full. formed. I have, I didn't realize how fucking calculated he was. So I think Dylan and I are discussing the same thing, which is we technically have two captains on season one. We have porcupine head out. And then we have Captain Lee. It is so, it is so clear to anybody with half a brain that Lee saw porcupine as a threat. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, totally. That need to be extricated off this series because it was going to be Lee's show. It's like that horrifying nature show I talk about all the time where that big hippo chases after that little hippo because he sees him as a threat. And then he starts like chomping on him. Hippos can't really kill anything with any grace. You know what I mean? I think I could be wrong. It's a messy process. Hippopotamuses kill more human beings than any other animal in Africa. Yeah, I think that's that was true for maybe a year or two. They are they are very lethal animal, very lethal. And sloppy killers, you know, because they just, the most of the hippopotamus in Africa, they eat

watermelons that people throw to them. And so when they get hungry and they kill a human, it's messy, because they treat it like a watermelon, but it's a screaming human being body. How do we get on this topic? Not sure. But I would give this episode 90 pots. This episode is, it's like watching my name is Earl like that's the vibe of this season it's so fucking it's trailer park yachting

and the yacht is really nice but it's just the level of service the things people want like the wealthy back then like their demands are so trashy all of it is so fucking trashy

you've got sea rats that they're so broken that there's almost security in it, like that they're not going to do anything that bad because they don't yet have this gallant like addiction to the fame. I feel like that's when you inject that into the sea rats, bad things happen. But I'm really, I just have no idea where I am right now in terms of words, but I just love this season. Let me help you up.

You get what I'm saying, though, right? It was a magical season in that, and it was explained to us by Sam in episode three that she recapped with us, they didn't know what they were doing. They didn't know if this show was going to go at this point. Producers weren't fully transparent with them, what was happening. So, yes, they kind of just let themselves be themselves. Right. And it's kind of cool.

I mean, even the charter guests, which I touched on this last episode with the episode that they tried to delete, which is, dude, that's a dude, dude. You can't believe how the guests are behaving. These guests were absolutely awful. Right, right. And we get a whole lot of them, which I, again, I pointed out in a past episode, we never got in future seasons this much camera time for guests. They kind of got sidelined for more of what the show was, I think,

eventually supposed to be, which is what's happening below deck. all the sea rats. But I actually prefer the 50-50 kind of going back and forth. The guests are, and I guess this is why I think of like Brad Pitt's character and Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, or my name is Earl, like the people that come aboard this boat have money, but they also, they're like open cans of dog food on a shag carpet kind of human beings. Okay. So there's this other thing, well, there's two things going. I'm not convinced these people have a lot of money. I used to have this explained to me by a very wealthy person.

There's old money and new money, and you can always smell out new money by the way that they behave. I experienced this. New money, for example, when I worked at a recording studio, it was always the artist that just was one year into being famous. Christine Aguilera famously, an example. She came in, I don't know what she was trying to do, but she was pretending to be a divo.

She was mean to everybody. Yeah. She threw food on the floor. She was trying to be like, I think, the people that she looked up to. Right, Mariah. And I always knew it was the young artists that were new, and they were the biggest, most difficult people. The people that had been established fame, I remember Chaka Khan famously came in, and I asked her if she needed anything and she had brought her own bagels in. Like, she didn't give a fuck.

She didn't have anything to kind of prove to people. She was comfortable with herself. Anyway, these people that I'm seeing. on this boat by the way that they're talking to the staff were new money or attempting to overcompensate by being fucking mean because that's what they thought rich people do to staff well new or old money does not ever make the mistake of going to a diner those things are scouted out there's a six cents in old money that there is an orb of poor in that general direction. They need not get in the tender. But the other thing that's so fascinating about the

season is this dynamic in the interior. Adrian is kind of trafficking in a similar thing where she's a part of what was the yachting industry. And it still exists. But back then, I feel like it was a little less Instagrammy, a little less cool. It was these kind of knuckle-cracking ruler-holding kind of like nunnery type people who were just very buttoned up and this is y-i-the-book. Right. So Adrian had been around that, I think,

and she was trying to emulate this. But the flip side of it is you have somebody like Sam who, in terms of an insubordinate sea rat, I mean, she literally doesn't give a flying fuck. We just don't have sea rats like that anymore. She's just openly telling this woman who's doing everything she can to emulate this excellence that she can fuck off and that she does not give a shit. We've got people drinking on the job, taking fucking out of van.

I mean, it's just absolutely insane. I have a thought on Adrian. By the way, just in kind of like over the years, knowing of the name had forgotten that I'd watch this season or had any thoughts on Adrian, she is despised by a certain. part of the bonnerical population. Yeah. Now, I'm five episodes into this. What I will say about Adrian. Despise.

Despise. They hate her. Okay. We're going to get to talk to her next week. I think she's going to recap the next episode, which is, I think, titled, I live with the devil. Yeah. She is in my, and we talked about overcompensating. I believe there's a little bit of overcompensating in her position.

And one of the downsides of what she's kind of doing here. is she never turns it off. You can be a ball-busting boss by the book boss, but then turn the light switch off and be a human being as well. Yeah. She's kind of a one-dimensional character.

There is a sickness to her. I skipped ahead to the episode next week where she is, oh my God, that'll be so uncomfortable breaking down that episode. It is? Yeah. Because Cat gets caught

for being drunk at the end of this episode and she confesses to Lee what's going on. And Lee's cool with it. He's like, you're taking fucking muscle relaxes. That's all right. You got anxiety, dear. And then fucking Adrian comes in there and she looks at her and she's like,

you disgust me. You know, she's just awful, even though Lee has let it go. But anyways, we need to get in the episode. Oh, yeah. Okay, okay. I love this episode because, once again, it was a 50-50 guest, uh, sea rat thing. Um, these, uh, these charter guests are absolutely gross.

They're like trying to play like their Egyptian kings and queens. Yeah. But pyramids are not. built being built their charter trash yeah anyway um i loved that and i just there's something about how this was filmed in the caribbean um yeah i don't know if you caught this still a lot of times when they're eating dinner or at night the boat has already docked like they're not sleeping out in the caribbean uh there's one scene where you can actually see them having dinner and you can kind of just see they're at the dock it's a tiny little neighborhood done yeah yeah i just i just love it

It's such a fun episode, 50 knots. That's it? 60? Sure. And, oh, by the way, I'll start a Facebook post for questions for Adrian. Try not to be a dick in there. You know, be clever about it. You can't be a dick there.

We're just not going to use the questions. I can't say why were you a bitch. Right. Because I know one of you want to ask that. Leave that to me. I'll handle it. Yes. Be clever about it.

Dylan, can I begin. this episode off because it was very problematic. Did we have a fire drill last episode? Okay. The episode begins with a fire alarm going off and there's no context for it. Did that happen last episode? Was there a TBC about the fire? Okay. It's worth mentioning, we deleted an episode prior to this or Bravo tried to make an episode from the canon of this season disappear from the face of the earth. Yeah. Now, the problem with that is you lose contacts for where the new episode begins. Totally.

And they did not bet on a psycho from wherever chopping the episode in two and putting it on Facebook. Because who would ever do that? Who would have the time? But I was thinking this would be like George Lucas going, no Empire Strikes back. Who would have the want? Forget the time. And it took a considerable amount of time because there were. graphics overlaid and there was some strange big thick green border to the entire thing.

So forget the time, but why would somebody put below deck a lost episode of the first season below deck on the internet? Because it has cultural meaning, Dylan, and I would argue, why not? Yeah. Okay. So George Lucas, he deletes Empire Strikes back. I'm watching Return of the Jedi. Hey, what did Darth Vader?

What's his father-son bullshit? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay? You can't erase things. people. Yeah, yeah. But we did have a fire alarm go off and it is not a drill. People need to get up. They need to get ready because there's a fire. And then it is a drill. It's just a drill. And this is the first, you know, okay, so Captain Lee has porcupine head on the railing of a bridge. And he's already in the cement shoes. And he's got a little.

little Houdini belt that's going to attach him to things further. And Lee is just clamping stuff onto him. Slowly, slowly, he's going, this is just, this is a bizarre, bizarre analogy and a bad one at that. It's very convoluted. But what I'm trying to say is Lee is weighing Alex down bit by bit by bit. Okay. Because you and I are on the same page. It was a drill and undoubtedly concocted by the man who will eventually helm this franchise in an effort to slort porcupine head from being a threat. Right. The alarm, this is where Lee has a threat, went off at 245 and it was a two full minutes before they had those insane fire suits. 247. Lee proceeds to let us know. Alex is a has a big boat license, but that doesn't mean squat!

And can we talk about the two-minute response time really quickly? Given that this thing is not their sole job and they don't drill it every day, I mean, if it was a pit crew, it would be a little bit different. But given that they're in disparate parts of the boat doing things, nowhere near the uniforms are required to get into and, you know, to fix, is two minutes not an absolutely phenomenal response? I would argue it is, but that doesn't mean shit, because Lee's the best. This is my show.

I wanted Lee deserves it. It was like Lee set a trap, and Alex did pretty good with the trap. And Lee was like, you fucking suck. This is why you can't be around because you fucking suck. I'm telling you, Lee, I got to give him some credit. Like this was diabolical He says people could have died Yeah Lee I also remember you're right

People could have died Especially that season where one of those fucking guys Working under you almost had his leg ripped off Yeah yeah yeah He almost died right right Remember that? Yeah Could he died

You remember when You hit that iceberg Lee you remember that people could have died then And they did Because you didn't have enough flares And people should have been helping but instead they were playing the violin. He said, everybody grab an instrument.

And people were so confused by that. But that's what Lee wanted everybody to do. And that's why everybody died. So let's get to CJ and Sam. Sam says that she's very claustrophobic in the room. And the reason why she's so claustrophobic is because CJ is a very large and very creepy presence, but also they have the cameras in the rooms.

that season. And I assume for a couple seasons to come, but they did not have the creepy cams. The black and white? Quite, yes. Hidden ones in the corner. Yeah. They have like crude versions of that,

but they were also like, there's a body with a massive camera in their bunk with them. It's already a tiny, tiny room. Todd, I can smell your breath. Todd. What are you filming? What are you filming right now? I just took his shit. I'm trying to put a bra on. What are you doing in here? So, um, and Lee's like, yeah, come up here. Okay. So, um, cat says, um, cat says, you work together, you eat together. You have sex together. Um, it's the, the sea rat. um coat of arms oh yeah yeah if you could get that in latin god have i done that joke before not at all all right you got to go all right well so yeah cat and uh and and sam catch up she wants to know if they hooked up but sam uh was too blackout drunk to kind of really remember but she

definitely says she's not catching feelings feelings for CJ but she uh she thinks he might be yeah sea rat stuff it's just so messy it's so unbelievably messy it's weird how intangible this season how intangibly different it is because the same stuff goes on but there's like this lamination

to the new seasons that makes it a little bit more okay I don't know is it a cultural thing why is it so much grosser back then I know well the people grosser I don't know what it is well think about it might be the time the time and we've come a long way in 10 years and uh i mean there was an episode called uh i think that's a dude dude it's a dude whatever it was you know dude uh yeah and but what you know as much as things

changed they really don't uh dill and i will probably talk about the g king thing oh yeah gk when we uh when we do the episode on the on the free feed uh but yeah man wow i we always talk about this this is the one series that really has not changed from the original kind of reality TV where people would get wasted drunk and then cameras are there to catch everybody hooking up whether they're blackout drunk, whether or not they consented. And over the course of the last

couple years, us recapping that, we have in fact question like, hey, is anybody looking out for these people? Like, what's happening? There's often a dance in hookup culture that men and women and men and men

and women do with one another. And it can get a little messy. um perhaps a no means yes here perhaps a no means no here but if you ever need to put your hands on somebody in order to keep them in a place you want them to be it's not a it's not like a bashful thing it's like uh all but you're it's a criminal imprisonment it's like really really not okay to do yeah well here's the thing that i don't understand but it's it's it's this guys is like oh yeah we just you know we did that dance you do it's like no you fucking grabbed her arm and brought her into your room. That's not a cute thing. Again, it's criminal.

Oh, I am going to go off on Gary King. I have finally started a little wild tangent here. His first season, you're like, oh, this guy's kind of interesting. He's a hard worker, kind of knows his job. Sure. He's a womanizer. Flying down off of ropes from you sales and stuff. You're like, who's this little else? Second season, you see the same guy, but you're like, there's not much else going on there. Right. And then third season, you're like, oh, there's a little. nothing going on there. And now he thinks he's a TV star and he can do whatever the hell he wants. And you're like, wow, okay, there's no charm here. This is just a gross pig. Yeah. And somehow he's on our TV set. Yeah. In the middle of a main cast. You know what helped Gary? A tremendous amount in the first season was he had that giant lumbering, back-tatted idiot.

who was sucking down Jack Daniel's honey and impregnating sea rats as a scream for how gross he was. That was that first season. That's right. That guy was a... The jolly green moron. The jolly green moron was a Velcro wall

for all of our animosity because he was so fucking awful. Wow. And then Gary just kind of worked around in the background. I remember he heard a girl's feelings really bad. Right, but postseason reunion stuff, yeah, we'll talk about how Gary's a little bit. bit of a coxman, a player. But we've got a baby. Yeah, we had a baby. We got to talk about this baby.

Yeah. And so we forgot about him. But now, now we see, we'll get, we'll get into it. Sorry I even went off on this tangent. Jesus. Ugh, gross. All right. So Simon and Gretchen are coming aboard the vessel. They are friends with Adrian. And Alex has the right call. And it's important to note that Alex's name is spelled A-L-L-L-K-S. Alex. And that's a thing that you can do with names, I guess. Good luck at the DMV. Good luck everywhere. Good luck everywhere. Why do you think he has that head? It's because of the KS. That's why.

Now, Dylan, you're referring to this because we get the early version of the preference sheet meeting, which is when they just used to stick. There was no information. on them. It's height, weight, an astrological sign. But Alex says, okay, this is going to be awful. If she's got friends that are coming aboard, this is going to be

fucking awful. And right he was. Eddie and Dave, they give a little rundown of their responsibilities. They include scrubbing, cleaning, and polishing things. And then we get this little heat check from

production to the chief engineer Nash. Nash. Excuse me. Now Nash is he's a grizzled old fucking I mean he's a sea rat. He's the first well he's certainly not the first there became there was a transition from semen to sea rats people just went out in the waters a lot, you know, years and years of evolution and you know. Well here's Dylan I don't know if you're

really nailing what's going on here. No, no, no, I'm doing a terrible job. So Kat and Sam are talking in third engineer Nash, who generally, if you have a third in front of your name, we don't see you. You're down like spinning, I don't know, wheels or something or making sure there's gasoline. That guy sits on beaches and drinks.

Nash. Well, here's what's interesting. Nash has thoughts on that preference. Oh, yeah. It's nice to know that even then C-Rats had disdain for paying customers. Because Nash is not happy about these people. He goes, he goes, Simon, Simone, who cares? It's like, why are you here right now?

What are you doing? So we introduce ourselves to the guests. Grimmiss milkshake shots are poured. Did you see that? I didn't see it. Let's welcome these guests aboard the vessel with blueberry muffin milkshake tequila shots. It's just like, what is going on?

It's nice to know it's been consistent. Now, one of the guests, I think it's primary, Simon, asked Captain Lee, are you the captain? You got them right on the captain. Not like that guy over there. His hair will kill you. We call him porcupine. He also stole toys from children. Lee's awesome.

Yeah, but another thing that happens is, um, I find out very quickly that Adrian and Simon had sex. I believe they did. Yeah. And I think his wife watched. Yeah. Yeah. She's like a vibrator in the corner.

Right, right, right. Honey, bang her hard. Something like that. Yeah. Yeah. Normally it's the husband's in the closet. Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But no, I think it's Simon's wife in the closet in this case. She's in the closet and she's hunched over and kind of like her name. knees are on the ground. So she's kind of like a a backwards S-shaped character. Maybe an upside down three. And she's just got it and she's just got

it in there. Fuck her! Yeah. And Adrian looks over and sees a yellow hue through the slats in the closet and she knows that it's her and that that's her eyes. You can just come in here and watch if you want. Yeah, yeah. And he's like, come on, honey. I'll have to ask

Adrian, be honest with me. Did you ever hook up with Simon? All right. It's going to be my first question. So Sam is once again just blown away by how she wound up here. Was she unpacking the luggage?

Is this one? Yes, yes. This was her Larry David in the ugly section moment where she just says and the, listen, Sam was very nice. I thought she was a little boring, but she's very nice. She lies about her resume, and the way you know she lies about her resume is because if she was good at trigonometry, Calc 3, had a degree in engineering, she would be not here. but the resume

ends with I can solve rockets now people who can solve rockets you would never say anything like that because it just it doesn't make any sense and it sounds very very stupid

so trigonometry calc 3 I can solve rockets now it makes sense why you're here right now I got a little annoyed with Sam here because she says she spent five years at an accredited college to study how to do what with Rockets? Solve them. Right.

Now that's how well and good, but now you're fucking cleaning fucking toilets. You are in the service industry. So serve, please. Now, with that, Simon and I believe his wife, that old bitter bitch, that wrinkly old bitter bitch. She tells Simon that he needs to tell Simon that he needs to tell. Adrian that she needs to coach her underlings up better. Absolutely rude.

She's not happy. No. She is not happy. And this kind of boils over at breakfast when frittatas are on the menu. Four exciting flavors. And you can tell that these people are trash, specifically Steve, because Steve

is taking fresh, poached lobster off of Tostatas and dipping it in ketchup. That was ketchup. Yeah. I was hoping for his sake that it was cocktail sauce, but it was not, right? No, no, it was horseradishless.

It was just Heinz tomato ketchup. But this is on display here at breakfast where they bring up a smoked salmon frittata. Now, a lot of people don't like smoked salmon. That's fine. Lox and eggs is not a thing that a lot of people order. But the repulsed kind of faces really hit me like, oh, wow, you guys, you guys are morons. And then they bring up, to be fair to them, some very, very insane combos of things. Chef Ben is down there smoking pot.

He's like, this one's broccoli and blue cheese. What the fuck? What are we doing here? but they're absolutely revolted by the breakfast. And Steve says, hey, I'm a simple guy, okay? Just give me an egg, half white spinach. What does that mean? I have no idea.

I've never heard an egg ordered that way in my entire life. Not in a gossip girl scene at Luke's diner, not at any diner I've ever been to. Nobody says half white egg. I think Ben's problem here is the problem with language. He just should have said, here's a bunch of omelets. Because technically that's what a frittata is, if I'm not mistaken. Yeah, it's, you know, listen, it's technique.

I don't see frittatas on menus often. I love a frittata. A frittata is an unbelievable thing. You know, one of my favorite episodes of Chef's Night Out, which is a phenomenal YouTube series that Vice put out when they were hemorrhaging money, but making great content. They're back, though, dude. They have a series called The Dark Side of the 2000s now.

Sorry for this wild tangent, but you brought it up. They just did a fucking hit job on Howard Stern and Opie and Anthony. Yeah. I was captivated. Opie and Anthony, I mean, my God. How many racial epithets can you yell at callers? By the way, those are a radio duo that made millions of dollars where I'm like, I could do what they do a hundred times better.

Sure. They're two moron racist, gross fucking idiots. how did they survive on radio now because they're not getting those big paydays the show even ends with it they talk about how like both of them get like a hundred views on youtube yeah losers anyway they also uh vice also did it's this series called dark side of 2000s they go after the bachelor they did another one sorry vice they're still relevant well they did this episode with a chef that used to work under wolfgang puck and she was very very good because she was it i probably know her No, Daniel Ballard or Ballude or something.

Yeah, Balloude. He's a French guy in New York. So anyway, she worked under him. She goes back to see him. He loves her. It's one of these work relationships that I envy where you leave a place and there's just this successful departure from a mentor that is still meaningful. She goes back, they treat her while he loves her.

And they get back. At the end of every chef's night out, you have to. make a meal back at your restaurant. So they go out to all their favorite places, their friends kill them with food. It's unbelievable to watch. But this woman, who is a Michelin Star Chef, she gets back and she says,

everybody is making frittatas. We're having a frittata contest. People have got all these different things. They're putting out like five, six different frittatas. These are real Michelin trained chefs. They know the merit of a frittata. It's a beautiful vessel for,

I mean, you can clean out your fridge with these dishes. You just put six eggs in a pan. and throw whatever in there. But don't throw broccoli and blue cheese in together because that's just, that's just gross. It's too many stinky things at one time. But we're everywhere this episode. I am sorry.

So, um, the... Guess what their luggage unpacked and Adrian fears this will piss Sam and Cat off. And she is correctamundo. She's correctamundo. And Sam's like, this is going to take me all day. She's like, well, then have fun. Um, so Lee keeps shit talking, um, Porcupine. head. I don't, I'm not sure if this is the place where he says. Yeah, the boat's filled with stupid

people. Right, right, right. Not really. Whoa, no, really. Well, some. No, all. Would you put porcupine head under one of the stupines? No, I wouldn't. No. He's not stupid. And he's kind of a nice guy and a good underling and being respectful. But Lee, Machiavellian, Machavelian. You saw a threat. This was going to be your franchise. Now you get to talk about Luann singing on that crappy leg. Don't that show. I just don't get that show. Crapy leg?

No. Kate and Lee? Oh, my God. I love Kate, obviously. Yeah. I don't know what. I guess they're thinking name recognition. Below deck is very popular.

Why not put him? Dude, you got to get off that set going. If you work in production or your Kate. Oh, you're having martinis at the whatever the cocktail lounges down the street from there after we're going to, I got to find a new job because this is going to be done. There's no way that this can keep going. No way. And this is, you have that martini and you're thinking about why you got in this industry and that you thought it was going to be cool that you told people that you worked in television. But you're sitting there filming fucking Captain Lee's tight shot. And he's just saying, what's this show? Where are they from? And you're like, God damn it. I'm going to move back home, I think. I'm going to be a teacher. That's what Lee does to people. It's really awful.

I agree. So we get to dinner. Ben says, this is going to be as simple as can be. We've got mango. We've got cilantro crema. And we've got lobster on a testata. Essentially, a ham and cheese sandwich. However, run of the mill, Ben thinks these flavors are.

Steve is not about to land on Mars and start picking up fruit the way Ben wants him to. No, no. I loved how he went with the simple choice, tacos. And Steve being the foodie that he is, the guy who, as you pointed out to me, Appley dipped lobster and ketchup earlier. He does it right here. Oh, he does it here, too. He doesn't like green stuff.

What do you fucking, the bass player for fucking Van Halen? Like, get out of here. so blown away by people that I, it's just insane to me. To push away a plate of food. I don't like it. It's green.

What kind of disease is that? I just don't understand it. Is dumb people trying to act the way that they think people that used to have like Monaco's in their eye and they'll dress like the Monopoly man? Right.

You know, walked with a cane and had like a watch on or whatever and talked about how you were drilling in Texas or something. Yeah. That's what he thinks he's doing right now because he thinks that's how they used to talk to people. Oh, you should see what they eat or what they ate. Fucking birds wrapped in other birds and puff pastry. Fucking gross. All right.

This is a sad part of the episode. Sam and a cat in the cabin. Yeah. Okay. So there is one very funny thing about it. this do you want to um let's roll play okay okay so you be sam and you start talking about oh i think i know where you're going to go here the tragic death of your sister so my sister um she was just out with her friends and she was driving home and a drunk driver just smashed head on in

their car and she was dead oh my god was that sad no keep going yeah it was it was really sad especially when we um we had to identify her at the morgue and i was going to ask did you have to id the body keep going keep going yeah and then my dad he he weeped and he held all of us and then um yeah did you touch her body I want to ask if it was cold. What the hell are you thinking? My wife over the course of our entire relationship has elbowed me at parties because

I'm talking to a couple and they tell me where they live and I say, how much did you pay for your house? And my wife will drive her finger into my back as a note to shut the fuck up because my line of questioning is in fact inappropriate. I don't think it's inappropriate. Cat, did you identify the body? Cat, I'm going to answer that question, but what would you possibly do with that information?

Unbelievable. You'd have a more vibrant context of the sadness. But it also begs the question, how do you, why would you ask that? if you hadn't ID'd a body before. You know what I mean? It's odd. Or you just watch a lot of date line or something.

I don't know. I think Cat was on the sauce. Oh, yeah. Well, Cat is a, you want to talk about sad? I mean, she's a really, really bad addict. We're going to have her on the show, too. Yeah, this was so sad. And I'm sure the producers were in the booth high-fiving when they were hearing this.

All right, let's get to the morning. Next morning. Meanwhile. Meanwhile. We've got air horns and jet skis for a bit. Then we get ready for a beach picnic. I think our first in the history of this show. It is.

And also our first beach picnic, where the standards are just in the fucking culinary gutter. I see a bag of potato lays or lays potato chips in the... They're sitting on the floor. They make them sit on the floor. They just put a towel out. and they're served turkey sandwiches. So they make us, this is also my favorite part. They, probably my favorite part of the whole episode,

Dave rakes a message to the guests. Welcome to lunch or something. I don't, I don't know. But he forgets about the tide. The tide comes and washes it away almost instantaneously and the guests get there and they know

not a thing of it and it was just like this kind of peanuts cartoony kind of like this show is so fun all right so they cheers

to swimming and bow-legged women I don't understand the the bow-legged woman toast here's to

bow-legged woman women, as though that is something that is desirous or something? I didn't understand the reference. Well, people taught bow-legged women. It's this kind of like thing that you... Is there something to do with pregnancy or fertility? You like colloquially long for bow-legged women. And I think it has like, you know, when I think of a bow-legged woman,

I think of somebody obviously who's had a ride in the hay. so intense that they cannot walk correctly. But it's also a condition. Right. So I would hope that you would maybe in some perverse way want to make women bowlegged, but you wouldn't want just someone who normally walks like that, right? Have you seen these people? Yeah, they get too bow-legged.

You need to wear special shoes. Yeah, the walls can't handle the outward pressure on the side of the foot. it's not how you're supposed to be by pedal it's crazy all right so guests return from the beach picnic and Simon walks into the gallery to let Ben know

hey we're going to be eating at a restaurant tonight so let the crew let's crew eat our food well let's really quickly backtrack a little bit to something that we've talked about before and I just I do want to bring it up because I think you're so crazy

to do it but anywhere's boxers like you and I just I'm just so blown away that grown men wear boxers. It's just absolutely insane to me. Yeah? Yeah. My wife loves me in boxers.

Well, around the house. Yeah. I'm sure if you got a nice form-fitting, breathable brief, you slap that on in the morning, pop that shirt off, leave a sock on. and walked around the house, Cherie would still be into it. And your nuts wouldn't be completely... I mean, the male genitalia is grotesquely vulnerable at most times. And if there's just, you're just letting it hang like a goddamn fucking graham father clock or a drape, yeah. You know, my son, his penis is so long it touches his belly button.

He actually got like a little infection. I was like, that's my boy. But I was told the wife, I go, I think his balls are big. She said, got that from his dad. Oh, yeah? And I was like, what do you mean by that? Yeah. Do you have big balls?

I don't think so. I couldn't tell if it was a slide or not. I should have done a follow-up question. Do you like big balls? You didn't do a follow-up question? No. Are you not aware of how big your balls are? I don't know.

Maybe I've got to start wearing briefs. You 100% should start wearing briefs. Anyway. Big balls. What do you tell? I don't want big balls. He just want normal. What normal everything?

Me too. Fucking eight-inch cock. Who the fuck wants an eight-inch cock? That's crazy. Big balls. You don't need big balls. All right. So, yeah, they head out to a place that...

they serve crab cakes but they serve crab cakes but they also serve tuna pokey and they also serve a grilled cheese and they don't have any of that on the menu that's the place that these people have chosen to go to i don't know what they read on trip advisor but they are swept off to this place and once they realize that their silverware is on paper nap that somehow still have stains on them and the menus are in filthy um what do you call that stuff i'm having a tough time with plastics lately um you know when you go to a place mat no it's not a placement when you go to a diner and they got the menu inserted in the plastic thing oh sure what's that call i don't know but i stare at it every sunday when i go to bob's big boy right exactly so that's what they're looking at. There's nothing on the menu and they allow the sea rats to make the food that they were going to eat. Now, in perfect below-deck fashion, they decide, fuck this place. I don't want to barbecue chicken flatbread. I want to get back to the boat so that we can

eat steak. But what happens, Patrick? Well, they head back to the boat, but all their food's been already eaten back. And I love how the wife, what did you call her, an old bitch? Old wrinkly hag. Oh, okay. Mean too. I don't think you said that, but she's, she's asking, there's this interrogatory, like, vibe she has with the sea rats where she's like, what did you eat for dinner? None of your goddamn business. I had a filet. You ate all of the fillets?

Yeah, bitch. You guys went off to go have dinner. Fuck off. But Ben scrambles, gets something to the table. I don't know what Steve ate. Hey, can I do a meanwhile because I just don't want to miss this? while I think the boat was headed back from that horrible restaurant,

Eddie and CJ chat with that beautiful backdrop of the Caribbean Sea. And they discussed CJ's girlfriend, Holly, in their open relationship. Yeah, yeah. One problem, does Holly know that you're at an open relationship? Yeah, I thought the exact same thing

in that he was lying. Yeah. Can you imagine trying to pull that off? Did you cheat on me? Uh, no. I, you have, you have videos of her on your phone. We're in an open relationship, right? Right. Oh, honey, I thought we talked about it. How could you think that? We've never had one conversation about that. Well, I don't know. I mean, now that we know that we're not in an open relationship, I, I guess I won't do that anymore. all right, what do you want for dinner? Okay, so this is when some really, really disgusting swamp dwelling shit comes out of the primaries.

He starts talking about how Cat has really nice tits. He stops Cat in her tracks, tells her to stand still so that him and Dave can look at her tits. Little does he know, Dave is a gay man. but he's like hey bro aren't her tits nice don't you guys look at her tits all the time and this drives cat to head into the bunk and take a little anti-anxiety medication and this is what torques her up towards the end of the episode now all of the sea rats are protective of cat there's honor amongst they're all drunks you know they get it but adrian is not Adrian is trying to maintain the standard of excellence on this boat.

So she is in a pickle. Will she go to Captain Lee? Will she report this? Or will she keep her mouth fucking shut? We'll find out next week. Hopefully with Adrian. With Adrian. I think

that's going to be fun. Any final thoughts? Well, one thought on this. When those guys were being absolute pigs, I don't put the absolute onus on the wives, but why don't you step up and say, hey, you don't talk to women that way. Yeah. Everyone was in

cahoots with one another. They're all horrible people. Jump in the comments. Have a great weekend. We love you very much. I'm Dylan saying goodbye, Pat. Permission to leave. No.