Another Below Deck Podcast - Do Not Play the Bellows | Below Deck S8 E14

Episode Date: January 9, 2024

Pat and Dylan are joined by Ruby to break down Pat's purchase of a $130 Donald Trump AI recording where he talks about how Haliegh hates ant eaters, blind dining, alliteration, wolverines, butterfly boy and more from Bravo's Below Deck. To learn more about microdosing THC go to Microdose.com and use code: (badtv) to get free shipping & 30% off your first order.Ad Free and Uncensored at Patreon.com/AnotherPodcastNetworkYoutube at https://www.youtube.com/@anotherbelowdeckpodcast_Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/badtvpodcast/Facebook Group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/anotherbachelorpodcast/This show is part of the Spreaker Prime Network, if you are interested in advertising on this podcast, contact us at https://www.spreaker.com/show/5727246/advertisement

Hey, you got this! Ready to take on the world? Whatever it is, you just got it! You are confident! And that confidence is exactly what you get when you use QuickCheck from Capital One. It lets you know which credit card you'll be approved for with no impact to your credit score. Now, get back to owning it!

Capital One, you've got this. We've got you! Learn more at capitalone.ca slash quick check. Conditions and limitations apply. And also why waste an opportunity to throw someone under the bus? Yeah, it's Kyla. And to me branded him under delivering Dave. Can't eaters. And eaters. And eaters. And eaters. And eaters. They say she hates that, eaters. Robot Trump is the stuff of fucking nightmares.

Yeah. The normal one is great. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Welcome aboard another brand spanking episode of Another below deck podcast my name is Dylan. I'm settled up next next to one Patrick Kiki great to be here permission to come aboard granted go blue big blue is in the house it's Ruby ran what's up bitch what's up but hi Dylan Dylan you can't say that word no 2024 no it's like a it's she's my she's my bitch. Although I did that to our mom the other day

and she had the same reaction she was like you mean your mother. Yeah, but like it was friendly. Yeah, so speaking of mom, she was a Wolverine and Michigan's playing right now. Our hearts go out to the creepy creepy coach John Harbaugh and the rest of the gang. It's half time. What's the score? 64 to 68. You don't only college football. No, I hate college football. Yeah, that's okay. I'm not a big fan. Or also, go Huskies if that's your team. Oh, yeah, that's your team, too. Because we're not dying on this helmet. We're here to talk about below deck, not not college football or children get CTE for the price of free.

You never have to work again after 32. And then you kill yourself at 56. What a ride. Woo, but also you might not get to the big leagues, in which case you have to teach PE. And then you have to work for a very long time. Well, no, still only till 56. OK, so everybody, happy new year, everybody happy new year. Hope your resolutions are intact. We've got another five days before the first fault lines,

I think. And all that mess, 2024 is going to be a great year. Yes, it is. Project Bluebe Beam is coming. We talked about it earlier today. So that's good. That's scary. And for those who don't know what I'm talking about, it doesn't matter. Just don't look it up and completely ignore that I said anything about it because it is fantasy. But what isn't is below deck. I had no idea, Dylan,

that when you step away from below deck, a season of below deck for a couple of days, things happen like I completely forgot who that lily person was on the boat. Oh, didn't know her name for. I still, I mean, it's okay to forget. You told me her name and now I know it,

but I did forget it. You know another thing that I forgot, anti-iterhater is not on the boat. And I didn't realize that for the longest time. All right. Yeah. Well, that's because there's a contagion on this boat. It's killing everyone.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's getting everybody sick. Right. It's like a... Contagion. Yeah, it's like a contagion. Yep. It's a great movie. Yeah, it's a good movie. It's a a... Contagion. Yeah, it's like a contagion. Yep. It's a great movie.

Yeah, it's a good movie, it's a good movie, and nobody should blame Pangolins for any of this anymore. No, we ate them. Pangolins are just the most adorable little Pokemon that you could ever dream up. And... Stop eating them. I think it's a shame that people consume them. I think it's a shame that people consume them. I think it's a shame that people blame them for the crimes that Bill Gates committed.

Yep, right. Okay, so we have to get into Blue Decker, a new year, 2020s. It's that decade and we're that podcast. What are we here to do? We're here to talk about Blue Decker. And what I thought of the episode was this, bad. No good, come back like this.

Dylan, you weren't a pins and needles. Wondering what that happened with that cliffhanger. Right before Chris's. Oh, the Frenchman throwing a tantrum about being hungry. Oh, I cannot wait to shit on the mime tonight. Well, I hate to be a dick, but zero people were left on pins and needles. Yeah, I was wondering how this was going to pan out.

I listened, dude. I'm a little concerned that we are barreling towards the T.S. Eliot kind of whimper here. And they need to pick it up a little bit. I listened. I don't ever need to see an Italian again, but right now I'm kind of waiting for her to come back. It's just so that something can happen. Happen.

I'm gonna give the episode 12 plus four times two knots. And that's because I didn't think it was very good. And do I know what number that is? It would be 48 I think, right? I know it, it's 48. And that's why I'm not. I gave it that, because it's not that good. It would be 48 I think. I know it. It's 48. And that's why I'm not. I gave it that because it's not that good. Hold on one sec.

And so excuse my dear Aunt Sally. Pat, go ahead. Well, Dylan, you don't want to give it some extra knots because of Sandy stepping on Lucas Dick. I mean, this was a major misstep. She's been working with C-rats for a number of years. She should know better. She should know they're constantly throwing into each other. Oh tossing

Feelings develop how callous of her to speak of Lucas girlfriend in front of other sea rats. Mm-hmm. Do you think she knew Pat? Oh, no, you never know with Captain Sandy these days. I want to No, I'm gonna say I want his opinion because he's his take on Sandy is so complicated and dynamic Well, I said it was callus so I'm gonna say that no she gave it no mind She spoke openly thinking it would be funny. Yeah, and yeah, she made it for a while I delivered the pots already but Can I quickly say that one of the markers of us? heading towards that whimper is Sandy

regressing into time share There are so many things this episode where it's like what is going on? Why are we talking to Toddler at the front of the boat about fruit and pasta? We've got a fucking job to do here Sandy. I were with two buddy buddy This is one big happy family of ground squirrels and searats. And I, and no, though, right? Yeah. Sorry, go ahead.

I thought it was a horrible episode, but mainly it was a horrible episode because as I was watching it, I went down to spiral. Tumi's kind of turning into a Trump S character where she's finding names for people Oh, I think she was like Lily the loser. Oh, yeah Kyle anyway, I will get into it Eliterate it and call them gay right so I went to cuz AI's like you know one of those new things we're all using

So I typed in hey, I wanted her to sound like to me to sound like Trump, you know So I found an AI thing I paid $130 for it so I could type anything in and her to sound like, to me to sound like Trump, you know? So I found an AI thing, I paid $130 for it, so I could type anything in it, it would sound like Trump. It sounds nothing like Trump. Oh my God. So I had to hit them back and say, I want my money back.

And. Oh, they said, no, you'll see, I sent them a screenshot, it said, best Trump voice ever. And then I said, here's the screenshot, and she said, if you look a little closer right under there, it says, we don't actually do a Trump place here. I said, well, I'll see you in court, dear.

Uh, wanna hear this horrible Trump place? Yeah. I'm so confused. Sorry, I, I, I don't know. We also have a healing theater. We got a lot of haters. I've heard from people she doesn't like an eaters, and the eaters aren't happy about it.

There are a lot of eaters that aren't happy. It's truly a sad thing for this country. See, so I typed that in, and that was gonna be to me, because she's naming people like our former president. Can I tell you something? Yeah. Oh, that was pretty good. Real, I think it was the writing, I wrote it.

Yeah, it just sounds like. 10 eaters. 10 eaters. Yeah. And she it just sounds like. 10 meters. 10 meters. Yeah. And she hates some meters. Yeah. I wish that's crazy. They're going to be our masters.

Antieters. Uh-huh. Yeah. Scary. Unlikely, but yeah. No, we can see it. Oh, anyway, 40 pots. Man, on APS, I don't know if I've done the task rabbit tail.

Have I told the task rabbit tail? Oh my God, have I? We would all know how do I have task rabbit? I've never looked it up, and yet it's one of the things that says that I look up or something. I have an epic support thread with taskrabbit. I mean, you wanna talk about dilly-dalling? I can't tell you the time that I have spent on this support thread. I looked up their quarterly revenues.

That was a little difficult to find. And then calculated percentages of what they would not refund me. And I said, when you do the math, it really is pathetic how you're behaving. Yeah. Yeah. So, sorry, Ruby, your pots. Oh, that's OK.

Yeah, it wasn't good. I don't like seeing Lata potentially have to be sick. I don't like seeing anybody have to leave the boat. I forgot Kyle was on the boat until he emerged and then they said I would know that laugh anywhere. Yeah, we all would and we are all bummed but loved seeing them get such a big tip. I thought that was actually like a really good way to come back for the guests. Everything else was shit. Natalia better bring some spice. And I would give it, yeah, 44, middle of both of you.

We are back. I forgot that the last time we left off, we were dealing with the Frenchman. Doing some insane routine about no food for me and whatnot. No. Sandy asks that he comes back to the bridge after storming out and refusing to admit to his boss that he lied to her. And he refuses. Did I say that?

Did I say that he refuses to come back up after she asks and then he came, did I say refuse twice? Yeah. Okay, I had a feeling. It was like a phantom alarm going off in the back of me. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. So, Sandy walks out to the nose or the tail or whatever part of the vessel it is. And she rubs this nut bag's shoulders like,

and I'm sorry to sound like a boomer here, but it's like we're in preschool. She's like, it's okay that you only had your fruit. I know that you need more than your fruit. Firstly, shut the fuck up and eat the pasta. It will digest fine. This lotus temple thing you have going on with your body is a privileged delusion that has no room aboard this vessel. Mostly people who work on the seas, they eat tinned rotten fish and drink light beer and smoke.

And they do a much better job than you. So please, and also don't throw a fit about the food like you're in pre-school. Yeah, no, you are. Speaking of pre-school, I felt for Sandy, although she gets exactly what she deserves. I don't know how old Sandy is or how long she's been in this position. I think it's been at least 30 years of being a captain of these vessels. The fact that she still has to walk out on the bow of a boat and put her hand on someone's shoulder, who is an adult and talk to them like a preschooler to get them back down to the lab. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I felt for her, because at a certain age, you don't wanna deal with that bullshit. Yeah, Rubes just pulled up the googs and she is 58 and her work and currently is saying, you know, need ghost, Tom, stamp, bam, bam. We're going to take care of you. Have not. Then we get food for you.

Then we get pizza or you. I mean, the existential spiral she must be in right now. She is a camp counselor to full-grown homesick, difficult campers. Yeah. So Kyle catches up with his faves. He does not tell them that he has been a bit of a duplicitous snake. Not that I bear his elite on that. Yeah. But he said he said he's had a tough tough season. You know, to be fair to him, it would make for awkward conversation if he divulged all of his transgressions. That's true. The guys would be like, I think you should go rest because it's been 15 minutes of you talking at us and crying. But before that, Billy,

primary Billy, back channels that Chef Jack's not doing what he's supposed to be doing, but especially with those stakes. Yeah, they're mad about the beef. They are mad about the beef. You know, Roob's is a vegetarian. Not quite the sudden kind of vegetarian, but she does indulge every once in a while. We went to go see a film yesterday, she had a hot dog. Net nuts.

Well, I'll tell you this, I'm never gonna eat a hot dog again. Oh, cool. I'll never eat a hot dog again. That's amazing. I mistakenly went to Dodger Stadium at the seventh inning. I thought I was probably there at the third inning. I ordered a Dodger dog. You know, go figure, two meat, mass produced,

gave me food poisoning for two days. It's nearly killed me. It's like having one of those wafers at communion. You know, you have to do it. That's true. Right. But those wafers don't make you shit blood. And Dodger dogs do.

And people think, oh, that's probably hyperbolic. It is, it's not. However, if you have about one hot dog, 1.5 to 2.5 hot dogs a year, no blood. You're just enjoyment. Yeah, no words of the wise. Just never have a dodge your dog in the ninth inning. Okay. It's technically probably about 12 hours old. Oh, the steam's got to it. I don't know. She's at the bottom of the pile.

You're probably getting your fingers on it. Steam has got to do that. I knew there was something squishy about it when I ate it. Oh my god. Oh my god. Right, right, right. How trick. Yeah, no, we went to go see that Holocaust movie

a surname, Ruby at a Hutt dog. Which one? It's a zone of interest. It's a zone of interest. Oh, I was wondering about that. You know, I told my wife when we were watching the Golden Globes last time, I'm like, I think Dylan and Ruby saw this.

Yeah. I was shaking my head because I thought you were gonna say, we should watch this. You shouldn't. You shouldn't. Oh, I like it. All right, so this is why you guys gotta listen to PMZ.

It's the next tier up on Patreon. We're gonna go through the Golden Globes. Did Joe Koi really ruin the Golden Globes? We'll discuss it. No, Taylor Swift and her bitchy counten instead. Hey, hey, we love Taylor Swift. We love her. She's so good. She's more powerful than Black Rock Dylan. Yeah, yeah. So shut up and be shut up and dance to her music that just makes you want to move. I just wanted to clarify, zone of interest, fantastic movie. I just think that if Patrick were to suggest to Sheree that they unwind to a subtitle German film about the Holocaust,

she would say, no. Oh, and I've been waiting for a version of film about the Holocaust from the German's perspective. You're welcome. Oh, you're sarcastic about that and that's fine. It's great. But it is a marvelous movie. Now, it's the second time I've seen it, I got way too high.

And felt throughout most of the film, I don't need to see this again. It's a little bit too painful. But we recommend everybody go watch it. And after put on an episode of Below Deck to cheer you up. Meanwhile, there are so many mean miles. There's not a lot that happened this episode. This fucking episode. Okay, so, oh my goodness.

To me notices that after Captain Sandy had that chat with Lily, something just clicked in her quote unquote, little brain. Little brain. Yeah. Uh-huh. And to me has learned that you need to just give people time. And did we have a former president of Donald Trump to talk about it's

funny. So she called. She and Deidre's. She called a Lily, little brain Lily. Uh-huh. And then she called Kyle demanding Kyle right and then of course she came up with the name for Haley she called it's called her Haley the Hater we also have Haley the Hater we got a lot of haters I've heard from people she doesn't

like an either's people who are happy about it. I don't know what I need. I need a tour of you about it. I don't need a tour of you about it. I don't need a tour of you about it. I don't need a tour of you about it. I don't need a tour of you about it. I don't need a tour of you about it. I don't need a tour of you about it. I don't need a tour of you about it. I don't need a tour of you about it.

I don't need a tour of you about it. I don't need a tour of you about it. I don't need a tour of you about it. I don't need a tour of you about it. I don't need a tour of you about it. I don't need a tour of you about it. I don't need a tour of you about it. I don't need a tour of you about it.

I don't need a tour of you about it. I don't need a tour of you about it. I don't need a tour of you about it. I don't need a tour of you about it. I don't need a tour of you about it. I don't need a tour of you about it. I don't need a tour of you about it. I don't need a tour of you about it. I don't need a tour of you about it. I don't need a tour of you about it. Okay. All right, Maxi Baby gets his food. He asks to be left alone, I believe while he eats the food, this guy is... A baby. He's...

The world is filled with communities and nodes of psychosis for lots of different freaks, right? We've got nudist colonies and whatnot for fat men with little penises and they're very supportive wives to go hang out with one another. And I don't know what kind of community Max needs to be a part of, but he does not need to be walking around in polite society because he's just too in polite society because he's just to baby. He's just to, yeah. Yogi baby, you know, I mean. Did he say that he, well, he admitted

that he was a little bit angry, but now he's so happy, he'll just, he's just happy to watch some cat videos on YouTube or something to him. I loved him stumbling upon the epiphany too that hungry and angry were similar phonetically. It's though he's not heard of the term hangry. You know, I mean, he's French, but still, you have X.com, right?

So, Luca has been hitting up Katie flood. Well, she's been hitting up him. She's been blowing up his phone, as the kids say. You know, it's so funny. Speaking of Go Blue, the quarterback for the Michigan Wolverines has a butterfly tattoo. And what Harry Styles did and to know fault of his Harry is an icon. What? It's a generational thing, Bill. Not to this podcast. I mean, the album's post 1D weren't fantastic or anything, but Harry's an icon. We didn't know that. Can you? You need another solid five more years output with him, I think, for a start throwing

that word around. This is what I'll say super comfortably. If Taylor Swift is an icon, Harry is an icon. It's really comfortably, so I'm sitting so comfortable speaking so quietly. So it's a democracy in here. Take several seats. Okay. But what that butterfly tattoo has done is it's found purchase in the Epidermis of fuck boys and it's just It's this calling card of fuck boy now the pearl necklace the butterfly tattoo Luca is I mean, he's a cute little guy. He's a great kid. He is a fuck boy. Yeah, you know, he is

so we a great kid. He is a fuck boy. Yeah, you know, he is. So we, uh, we move on to Sandy being a little gossip girl. Oh, do you mind if I catch one thing before? What was pretty little liars? Would she sign off a? A. Okay. Well, yeah. Uh, Sandy's pretty little kyle yeah at this point uh... in the episode is exhausted so tired but he's able to muster enough energy to let to me know that the guests are not happy with sheffield uh... i suppose this was a correct move uh... he had to let uh... you know his

chiefs to know that the guests weren't happy about that god damn steak uh... and what but also why waste an opportunity to throw someone under the bus yeah it's kyle and to me branded him under delivering day yeah teeters and teeters and teeters they say she hates that, theaters. Robot Trump is the stuff of fucking nightmares.

Yeah. The normal one is great. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck yeah. So, um, we are getting ready.

Is this where she goes down and says it? I don't think so, right? So this is, we learn that Katie Flut is in port and Sandy thinks Lucas got a crush on her, but he'll deny it and he's got a secret after all. He's hook it up with Jessica, you know? But that Sandy, you know, commits that to memory she'll use that later on for a no apparent reason.

Okay, so we are getting ready to go to the castle, but before we go to the castle, let's take a quick break to talk about something that can help your anxiety, can help your stress, can help you even relax your muscles a little bit after a tough hit. Still a circuit of hit. I have to tell you,

microdose has changed my life. I didn't take it this weekend because I ran out. Thank God my shipment just came in today. You started attacking, didn't you? I had a horrible nightmare last night. I have anxiety. It happens around 4.30 in the morning. I had a dream that I was trapped in a box.

I'll have to look up what that means. Well, when I take microdose, I sleep through the night. I don't have these horrible dreams or nightmares. Yeah, and we're not saying that you will have withdrawals. We're not saying that. Oh, then, teeters, we're not. No withdrawals, okay. But what we are saying is that microdose can help

with all sorts of things, staving away night terrors, flexibility. Lots of things. People use microdose when we're talking about the other stuff, the psilocybees and stuff like that, but never forget. And always remember that if too much THC is too much for you, you can always microdose things. Too much THC is too much for you. You can always micro-dose. Micro-dose. Okay. Micro-dose is available nationwide to learn more about micro-dosing THC.

You go to microdose.com and use code BadTV to get free shipping and 30% off your first order. Links can be found in the show description, but again, that's microdose.com, use code BadTV. Another marvelous. Should we, let's take a break and then let's no let's do it now because we're champion at the bit to talk about a CCO of certified meal kit company called Green Chef. Pat how has Green Chef improved your life? Well we just cooked a meal with our family this past weekend. It was nice to pull out the meal kit and make it together. We had our in-laws over, our my in-laws over, rather. We just sat in the kitchen,

we cooked it all together. We had like nice conversation. Did you make those, uh, Sriracha tamari beef bowls? They were delicious. Oh my god. And shouts resounded around the dining table. Who needs yo-shinoya when you've got green chef. Green chef is the number one meal kit for eating clean with dinners that work for you. Not the other way around. They deliver everything you need to eat clean. The easy way, nourish your body with chef craft and nutritionist's approved recipes packed with clean ingredients to support your healthy lifestyle and taste great too. They offset 100% of their delivery emissions as well as 100% of the plastic in every box,

plus nearly all packaging materials are curbside, recyclable, and most areas in the US. Listen, if you want this, and you do because it's food and you need food to live, and we need add money to by Peloton. So, hurry up, go to greenchef.com slash 60 below deck and use code 60 below deck to get 60% off plus 20% off your next two months. Go to greenchef.com slash 60 below deck and use code 60 below deck to get 60% off plus 20% off. it's 60% off, plus 20% off. You're next, two months.

Green Jeff is the number one meal kit for eating well. Okay, Aunt Deeter's, what happens next? Okay, okay, so Luca will take his girlfriend, Jessica, and Max is refusing to go on this castle excursion. Luca's being a complete dick, Laura's not feeling that well, but she's such a tough customer that she goes on the castle. Max is being a dick or Luca. Oh, no, no, I'm sorry. Forgive me. I apologize. Max is being a little weasel. He won't get out of his bed. He wants to sleep more. So that leaves Laura the only choice to go on this excursion. Okay. So

on this excursion. Okay, so forgive me for the grumpuses, forgive me for them. My back is broken and I'm a camel. I don't like max anymore. I'm fucking sick of it. I am fucking tired of your Bulshtoney robins, fucking, Hannah tattoo, bullshit, I'm just tired of it. You got a job to do, you should have left the boat when your dick couldn't get hard because that meant your chakras were not in line. And you don't even know what a chakra is.

He had a very bad showing this entire episode. A lot of it was like, I know we're making fun of him for being a, I want more fruit, no fruit, bam, bam, through a fish. But he genuinely stomped, stomped, bam, bam, and he's too old to stomped, stomped, bam, bam, and the job that you're in, you don't get to sleep sometimes.

You have to get up. And how old is too old to stomped, stomped, bam, bam, probably like, I want to say 10. What? We're all differing. I think I'm in the middle of you guys though. So let's go with like 10 or 11. But definitely not 31.

Yeah, right? That's too old to stump some bamping. So poor Jess, poor poor Jess. Poor Jess. Oh, did Sandy step on his dick yet? I don't think that's happened yet. No. Oh, okay.

So we're about to get there. Okay, so before the excursion though, Lily does something, and I know you've excursion. I know you guys probably forgotten about this, but Lily does something that's very annoying. She walks in while all the charter guests are waiting to board the vessel to go to the castle. She says, if you guys seen in glorious bastards,

we can play a game like that where everybody gets fucking kill so cool You could clearly tell with the body language that the charter guests hated this. Yeah Nothing it didn't play well at all. Nope. I felt bad for them because they were forced to be polite on their vacation Yep, the last thing you want to do when you are on vacation is Have to be polite for on someone else. Yep. The last thing you want to do when you are on vacation is have to be polite on someone else's behalf. So, thank you for bringing this up. Watching these moments for someone like myself, this would be a reason to leave the boat

or to tip you 4%. I would never do that. I've ever in my life. But what you have just described is so unbelievably taxing and agonizing. or to tip you 4% I would never do that I've ever in my life but What you have just described is so unbelievably taxing and agonizing I would rather be forced to do a workout on the boat than do this then liais in a play. It's it's this is why I'm here for you to be No, and some people have it some people don't Luca getting Luca getting toys, playing with people, and bad, bad sound, bad, bad. Kyle, they like, they can do it. Lily, stop it, stop it.

Yeah. So thank you for pointing that out. I felt bad for them. I think, you know, old patty's pretty nice, and I do a lot of uncomfortable things. I think I could have mustard up a nice way to say, we don't want to do this. No, but it's so great the way that you put it like,

when you're in an environment where you're being served, for the honest to be put on you to make the situation palatable, it's just awful. It's table side magicians at Teri Asushi. It's a standup comedian who are bombing and saying that you guys have sticks up your ass. It's just that kind of thing where it's like, go so far away.

Can I tell you, sorry, this digression will keep this under 10 seconds. 20 years ago, I worked for Brian Adams, the songwriter, famous hitmaker, whatever. And it's just me and him in the studio and he wants to bang a model who's going to be showing up who he's pretending to, he's going to write a song with her, little evangelista. And I go, hey, Brian, can I, what can I do for you? Can I get you anything? And he turns around and he looks at me and he goes, sound in my headphones. He was being a complete dick, but I appreciated that he didn't feel like he needed

to give me the politeness. That was such a terrible story. I hated that story. I thought it proved the point of the world. I did, I thought that was such a shitty story. You're here to do a job. I don't need to fucking be nice to you or not. I have a model showing up in 10 minutes.

Get sound in my headphones, you little idiot. All right, so, Jess poor Jess is falling in love with Luca. He has the mark of the butterfly. Yeah. Do not fall in love with the man that has those wings aboard his tricep. Yeah. Or chest or whatever.

We get to a little meeting in the bridge and this is where time share walks in and is just chewing the cod with her best friends. Girl time. She's just like, look at you, cutie pants. Who's that texting you? You look sweet over there. You look sweet, and he's spittingie pants. Who's that texting you? You look cute. You look sweet. You look sweet.

He's spitting over there. Does he look spitting? Wow. He's so, he's so in love over there. He's smitten. Yeah. It does not really, okay. So there are no consequences to this really at all.

Well, because he's too good looking still. Yeah, he's too good looking in Jess's two-an. Yeah, right. So, But this is why she dates the Fuglies, typically. She admitted that she normally dates guys that are not attractive because they stick around. Yeah.

And we all know who coined the phrase, you're only as good as your options dear. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's Tom like that's right and you don't think that not Early 2000's radio jockey Tom like us not at all Thanks that not at all who wants to live in that world dear my wife finds out that I don't know What's his face at owns Amazon just dumped his girlfriend. He wants to date my wife. Yeah. I don't want to think that my wife would go, hey, I'm not coming home this year.

Yeah. Cause she's dating Jeff Bezos. You have kids so she can't do that. And she probably take them with her. Oh, yeah. Well, that's not legal. Big fucking. Yeah.

Also, Jeff doesn't want kids around him. It wouldn't work. I know you love your kids, but I mean, that sounds like a sweet, you know. And, yeah, they'll be safe. Oh my God, they'll be cared for. You know what I just looked up on the gooks? I said, what sound do antiters make? Because I wanted to know, like, if you assemble,

that you were like, antiters, and I was like, like, I imagined it would be like a bunch of them walking very slowly, completely in silence. No. They make bellowing noises apparently. Oh. Yeah. Did you know that?

Of course I knew that. I know everything about ant eaters, including that they do not actually consume the flesh of the termites and ants they eat. They take their souls and they poop out the ghosts, which we're calling the shells of the bugs. We talked about it a couple of times. They are not psychically immune enough to know that there's something really wrong. They just have a faint idea that themselves

Are not whole no Do you have the bellow I'm trying to get the bellow, but the rule is Get the bellow get the bellow they also make cute little sounds with their wippy little thongs You know so um Under delivering Dave, he's gay, says the boat needs a bit of drama, it's getting boring. And that word is spelled B-O-R-I-N-G, not B-O-R-E-Y, but it's getting a little boring and here here, here now if you don't mind

Sorry, just jump back to the Luca Jessica debacle for a second. Sure. Luca if you just found the bellow. Oh, let's hear what they sound like This is fucking I don't play the ball. Oh, sorry. Don't play the bellow if this rules us all we will We will die This sounds like the brain and NBC. It's in the final season. That's what they sound like. Great television. Okay, no, no, okay. Everybody run and theaters. We got a lot of haters. I've heard from people. And the an eaters aren't happy about it. A lot of an eaters that aren't happy. It's truly a sad thing for this country.

Okay. Okay, I'm sorry. I won't do it ever again. You too are. Done. Fired. We got it. Okay. All Luca needs to do here. If he is a nice person. I don't think Lucas is a nice person I get it. You're a fuck boy part of being a fuck boy in the definition of fuck boys. You don't care about other people's feelings

I would be like I've hooked up with Jessica. I feel bad and I would just go, Hey, I'm sorry. That was Sandy just getting it wrong Katie floods a friend. She dated but he does later on, but I feel like to keep someone held hostage emotionally a little bit. Yeah, is a dick move. I agree. Bullied. Also, like, I get it so little bit because on the contrary, like, what is he supposed to do? It'd be like, Sandy, it's not a- I'm not smitten, Sandy. Yeah, I know. Not really, but also, like, yeah, fucking, well, just to be like, that's not, she's like, I don't know, yeah, just would have probably still. Cool hit Lesbo, I'm not, I'm not smitten.

Right, I love how Sandy didn't pick up our body language. Yeah, it's so interesting the term fuck boy. It's a euphemism for sex addict. And what do we know about addicts, if they're in the throes of it, and really in like the seventh to ninth ring? Yeah, they don't view people as people. No, no, no, no, no.

I think people like anti-deaters. Yeah, they're whole. All right, so we're moving on. And we're moving on. We get C-Red history with Coyote Ugly Lada while making spicy margaritas. If you've not seen that film, don't but coyote ugly. It is one of the funnier things I've seen in some time. Maria She owns the bar ludicrous in that movie that movie I saw the movie here And Piper something with that was our starring world member Piper. Piper. I'm yeah, buddy. It's not Piper Posey

No, no, but they get on That's Parker Posey bars. Yes, and dance And I like how they taught us how they fake that they're getting drunk to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now that's funny and it's cool because the love interest in the movie is a guy who was going to go along with the Ruse that he was a manager so that he could fuck her and then never talk to her again. She falls in love with that guy. So yeah, really, really crazy movie about female empowerment and whatnot, teeters.

Just like Barbie. Yeah, you whatnot, theaters. Just like Barbie. You joke, Koi? Wanna get to lunch, which is boring. Luca and Max, no, I don't. Luca, we should say Lara took her top off in the body shots. So Luca and Max, exactly, and men are dumb. Luca and Max come to a head. And more Hay is getting thrown

on me and I can't get up. Well Max lied about being willing to go to that castle. 100%. Yeah. He absolutely said no. I don't like Lyerson. Yeah. He lied. And then he said something. Luca was talking about how he's a pussy. I don't agree with that kind of language, but he was saying stuff like, you can't digest pasta and you got it, it doesn't matter about the food. We need to work. Max, the cookie, Frenchmanman says this is physics yeah oh you know this is physics and he also says with irony that you couldn't find if you

had a flashlight and a search team I don't want him speaking to me like a child boom boom stom stom boom boom, boom, boom, boom. Luca makes a good point. I think it's during this time where he says, I am his boss. So if I ask him to do something, he needs to fucking do it. Yeah. And it's really just that. That's really just, that's it.

Bam, bam, stom, stom, very simple. Tonight we are dining in the dark. This is the dumbest fucking thing that human beings maybe have ever come up with. Air one as a grocer is a close second, but this is just unbelievably dark. I was pretty sure you were going to have that opinion on this. This is absolutely stupid. It's lame. It doesn't make sense. It actually diminishes the dining experience. Yep, 100%. I think I'm not even making this My glass this oh fuck it's broken This oh fuck this oh no your drinks in your meal now this might be a SNL sketch, but it might be

Luskich it might be real life. I think there was a restaurant called opaque. No, that was real So that was real it was in Sherman Oaks. It was a cross-room laser tag. Peep, peep, peep. And it was eating in the dark to the tune of $150 ad. I mean, just, no longer unbelievable, no longer in business if you can believe it or not. That's kind of what. At what point do you think they blindfold you in the meal? I'm not sure, but it's amazing. They're coming up with a business idea and you know, what's the number one rule of business? Obviously to make money for the lizard people that sit at the round table every quarter, but also retention, right?

So coming up with businesses that have negative retention. In fact, people may leave before they pay and never come back. Probably not a good business idea. Bad, bad. So Jack is looking forward to it because they can't see. I would say to Jack, Jack, they can take the masks off and see that you have not played it. It dishes in any way, shape, or form, but whatever. Only thing that could save this, and this is just me trying to problem solve,

is how about the way that the portions were cut and perhaps there's like little forks already stuck in the samplers? Treat it more like a sampler menu that you can just, yeah, that's just me. Oh yeah, okay. You're right. Yeah.

So Kyle is still down, and Tumi is going to have to communicate But that's just me. Uh, yeah. Okay. You're right. Yeah. So Kyle is still down and Tumi is going to have to communicate with that there are lots of Tumi is, um, she's growing. I feel like she's going to be better in the future. But right now, what is going on with the interior with to me? Jess and other is boring It's just the the talking heads about to me with the communication and the guests that she likes We get it you wrestled with five brothers growing up. We get it You like crazy guests. That's what you feed off of take a drink every time and I'm tired of it

First course is oysters with minionette. Not a great blind first texture in the mouth, I don't think, right? Arguably the worst possible thing you could put in your mouth blindly. Then we've got yellowtail with saffron sauce. And that is, so what that is, right? That is, so what that is, right, is that's a hard cooked piece of white fish with sauce on top of it.

There's nothing else on the plate, not even a 2004 microgrey. Just hard cooked white fish with a bunch of sauce and they stabbed at it. What is the, Tasek? Saffron is the, I don't know the anatomy of flowers, as well as I'd like, but it's the little. It's like little strips. Georgia O'Keefe, yeah, like little strippies in there, and they're very expensive to farm.

Oh, good. Yeah, that's why F.G.G.E.N.E. children do it. It's a special mean class. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, put it on my fish. Uh, so Sandy is continuing to be so hey. Hey. She goes, what are you guys doing? It's like, um, it's like an opaque kind of thing we're doing here. And they tell you, you know, we're, we're, uh, because you know, you talk louder when you can't see. We're eating everything, uh, without our eyes. Oh, you really can't see it. Can you?

Yeah. Taking these back to my place, learned how to play guitar without a sense of smell. in my place. Learned how to play guitar without a sense of smell. We are going, she says to them, I'm gonna take this back to my place now. I know within the homosexual community, we're a little bit more open with our sexuality, right? Well, I shouldn't say we like part of that community

because that's like, I mean, Kyle, take your head off for that and we and deservedly so. But I understand why, because it was such a taboo for such a long time, now let's be proud of it. And you should be. But with the whole captain, the vessel, people sitting down and blindfolds, maybe let's not talk about how you and the wife

are gonna choke each other with sleeping masks on, right? That's probably just, we're stabbing at hard cooked white fish right now. It's just not the time. So steak is up next. It's just thin slices of steak in sauce again. And we round things out with up hair, a stewed pair, and there's a delivery Dave strikes him again, and he's the best, he's the same wise, Gamji of this boat, but this meal was absolutely ridiculous. I think he phoned it in when he knew that he could and he needed to because he's been working his outself,

all right? So the planning his out self, all right. So the planning was just thrown over the right. So Jess is fired up now. Jess is, Jess is not Aunt, she is Sasha Fierce and she is going to make fuck boy pay. Ooh, breaks screech, reverse 180 turned back to deck, right? Right. Now, I do want to point out after Sandy came back for a second drive by, did she end it by saying, don't hate the player hate the game? I believe that was a quote.

That's when she was told about the mess that she'd made. Oh, okay, but I don't think that applies here at all. That doesn't make any sense. You know, that's an aphorism that I don't really use properly. It's one of those things where I think about saying it that I'm not really sure if it applies, so I back away. Well, think about a hypothetical, when would it apply? Yes.

Not a sport, right? You don't hate the player, hate the game. I don't know. When I owned that tour business, there was 20 different companies all doing the same bullshit. If some company just said, hey, I just put a big billboard that said, we're the number one rated tour company,

and I started getting all the business that day. You could feasibly say to your competitors when they said, what's with this bullshit? Say, hey, hey, hey, we're all a bunch of scoundrels down here. Yeah. Don't hate the player. Hate the game. Oh, I got a good one So you're in the trenches of World War one, right?

Someone stabs you in the throat with a bayonet. Yep, you're gargling and crying for your mother. Yep And you say how could you do this right? Another good example the opposition says don't hate the player hate the game right it that would be correct Yeah correctly used Then the guy with the sword through his door. He's like You're right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, thanks for those examples you guys Oh look, we'll tell your mom you love her. Yeah, yeah. I just died by choking on my own blood.

Yeah. Thank you. Horrifying stuff. So bad. Yeah. So bad. So sick puppy Luca, text Natalia, I miss you.

Oh, this is where. And this is where, okay. So let's do this, right? Let's do this. So Lucas cute little butterfly boy, right? And he's also this, which is a, bottom feeding cuddle fish kind of sex addict, right? And these are the depths that you go to

when you are this kind of person. Now he's young, he's hot, he's a sea rat. He only has so much time to do this because you get 60 and you're 60. You get to 40. Well, sure, but they can still rip and tear into their fifties, right? You get up an age and your CV is only C stuff and that's not appealing to literally anybody There are certain animals that I think can understand that that's not even Cool probably and teeters would be like that's all you You were just out there on the whole time can you you even bellow? And they bellow and they go go away. So Luca has to kind of behave like this,

although he doesn't and I wish that he wouldn't. But I don't know, it's just sad because Luca's been such a, a go get a little chair of this. And general likability about him as well. But that's also just because he's very attractive. You know, like if he did this stuff and he looked like Max, we wouldn't think that. No.

This is his only kind of behavior where he's being kind of a scumbag. He doesn't like back channel, lie, or do other things that see rats typically. But this is deceitful back channeling deceitful behavior. So there's a note I have. Can you imagine letting being a part of a fun show? Okay. This is it. All right. It's got it. Okay. Here we go. Bella, Bella, get ready for this. Yeah. So the guests need a snack. Oh yeah, this is guacamole. This is guacamole gate. All the presidents men went in and they just they tapped the whole place, right? And what they overheard was cute little fifth

grade lily taking preschool little boy into the kitchen and flirting for 45 minutes while making guacamole. That's not a lime. That's a lemon. Oh. So they eventually bring the snack up to them. A food that should take no less than two minutes and 30 seconds to make. And the guests, while they do give them a little bit of shit, leave and say, don't kiss each other or something, and I was just wondering, imagine being on a show, being part of this gossipy, fun, young, hot stuff,

papering over the cracks of a 45 minute guacamole bowl. Yeah. I don't give a fuck that there are cameras on you irrelevant oceanic drunks. Get me the fucking guacamole so much faster. It's not cute. I would walk down after probably realistically, if you're drunk to minute, say 15 and just say, one, scrap it.

Never mind. Whatever you have in your hands right now, give it to me. She's like, oh, it's just how opinion is in the onion. Fucking give it to me right now, put it in my mouth. That's absurd. It's too long. Yeah, it's too long. I've always practical about this stuff.

I'm trying to find life hacks for Se sea rats. Why doesn't the chef before he goes to bed go like all right I've prepped a pizza in here. I'm trying to do a bad chef jack. A pizza, some fucking nachos that you need to heat up. Just to have something for the charter guests. Yeah, it's a great. Fulgen, Fulgen pizza. That was good, right? Yeah, that is really good. Yeah. Pat's was better, but. So next morning.

Next morning. Lada is not doing well, and I completely forgot that Haley was gone in this moment, but she is still a part of the show. Dylan, forgive me, it's also worth mentioning that Luca and Jess were able to get beyond their little issues, and they've squashed the beef, and they shove tongues down each other's first. Not quite yet, but they will get there. issues and they've squashed the beef and they shove tongues down each other's throat. Not quite yet, but they will get there. So Jess is saying that she's going to be present and after the charter, they'll be done,

which is, sorry, did you? I did. We all heard. Did you not think that that? Well, I thought that you knew that, but maybe not. No, she arrives at this, which is the correct approach to Luca, but they're gonna be going to the Amalfi coast or something.

Can, I think. So Kyle is up just in time to say goodbye to the guests. Perfect timing. I don't know what the fuck Max is talking about with his iPhone and shit. He says something about his, I can't. Jess and Luca have a chat. She says, can you meet me in the captain's office,

odd inappropriate game of workplace clue, right? He, after they mend things, says, imagine if I was texting Natalia with a little Boris and Natasha kind of wink. You butterfly boy, that is just... I didn't catch that he did that. That's peak butterfly boy. That is peak butterfly boy. So a lot of feels like a bag of dicks and the guests depart.

But not before they leave $32,000. So nice. That is, I know we have goalfish memory with these tips, but that is Tiger Woods, Michael Jackson. What, Michael Jordan, go kind of tip. And you can say that Michael Jackson was a go too, but he fucked. Well, was he?

He fucked it up. Yeah, he sure did. He messed it up a little bit. They should have left so much less and it still would have been too much. Yeah. It took them 49 minutes to make you smushed, quarry, and or filled bowl of food

that they themselves said they would need. Yeah. 32,000 dollars, thank you. They're gonna be back next season. Oh, 100%. Sandy's, $2000. Thank you. They're going to be back next season. Of course. 100%. Sandy's, Sandy's haing is, has reached kind of a critical mass here for me.

She goes upstairs after calling a tip meeting in a certain hour. Not a single seerat is in the salon ready to go. Not one. And she says, with a, a ribbing little tone, I'm going to take all this and go shopping. Oh, so funny. What is going on? I mean, I'm not saying that we need lead to hand out plane tickets or anything like that. But I mean, what the fuck is this? We have a meeting. Let's all be here. Or at least one of you be here, right? Yeah. Okay, so We get ready for a night out max naturally is not going to head out Kyle naturally is right as rain talking about Rihanna bitch and is ready to go out

Jess at the dinner table is starting to it makes me sad that she Mounted that defense of her self-worth. And now she's leaning against Luca in a white tablecloth restaurant saying, I don't want to be calm. I just... And... And don't... Don't fall for butterfly boys.

And... Max and his fucking robe don't don't fall for butterfly boys and max and his fucking robe don't care and we head to the bar that they frequent these bartenders when they see these sea rats coming in must be the happiest fucking campers they're like what was your tip 32,000 and they all tell one another we're gonna make 14,000 dollars tonight yeah tonight. Yeah, and then they do. And then they do. Although this is a very tame night is seerat nights out. They drink, they take selfies, drama-free, not that fun,

and we end up back on the boat. We end up back on the boat in more max being scum. Well. Okay, I understand that if somebody comes back and your physics is off, you don't want them breathing in your face with cigarettes and booze. The problem is the entire country that he hails from, smells like that. Everyone smells of a wet-brined cheese and cigarettes and fucking chartreuse.

So you should be used to it by now. Okay, well, he doesn't feel his physics are not the best physics they've been. And he doesn't want, he wants less cheese. So I think it's fair. Lily, go down Lily, go down. Go down Lily next day. We end with is Haley going to come back

and is Lara in fact turning into a zombie before our eyes? We get her off the goddamn boat. We will. Sorry, sorry, sorry. We'll find out next week's spoiler alert. Lara is a zombie and yes, Haley is coming back. And we knew those two things. And below deck always does this, but we know.

How many episodes do we have left to this? Get better, Bravo. We love you very much. Shampoo the comments. Let us know what you thought. Join us on YouTube. Join us on Instagram. Join us on the tickeys. Oh, and before we go, if you are into conversations about how, um, if you're a conspiracy, if you like conspiracies, I'm on a new show called Conspiracy Social Club with the great Sam Tripoli.

Go search that out on YouTube, subscribe, support the show, it would mean the world to me. Getting the iTunes ratings and reviews, leave five stars, kind words and join us at patreon.com. Slash another podcast network, we love you very much, I'm Dylan saying goodbye. Pat, say goodbye. Good bye. Rubin. Bye bye. Thank you. you