Another Below Deck Podcast - Don't Call That Thing a Dolphin | Below Deck Med S6 E3

Episode Date: July 13, 2021

Dyl, Nick and Pat chat pizza, docking, the difficulty of officiating a wedding off of a phone. Matt's troubling language, how Pat is married to Lexi, how it's too hot and of course, Bravo's Below Deck.  Patreon here - Patreon.com/AnotherPodcastNetwork  YouTube Version of this episode: https://youtu.be/QaNNRF9a7K0 Merch here - AnotherMerchStore.com  Another Podcast Show here - https://apple.co/3cpI2CX Thank you to MagicMind.co Use Promo Code BELOWDECK for 25% OFF

Why would you name a giant pillar of concrete after something that already exists in the water? You're very confusing. Hey, watch out for the dolphin. What kind of dolphin are we talking about? It's not like you don't need to name one of those things something that already exists in the world, like a pizza. It's just it shouldn't be in the same realm. Right. It's in the water, too.

Yeah, they should they should switch it immediately to pizza. Call it a pizza. Welcome aboard another brand spanking new episode of another Below Deck Podcast. My name's Dylan, saddled up next to one real Nicholas Davis. Ahoy, mateys! I'm the half-producer of the podcast overoy, mateys! Happy to be here, everybody. I'm not. It's 115 fucking degrees in this room. It's going to be a quick episode because if it is not, we will perish. And we're too young to perish right now.

Air conditioning went out in the studio, and also we're doing it in the San Fernando Valley, and it's hot as fuck. It's a disgusting place. Silver Lake is easily 10 degrees cooler there's more natural wine merchants out there too i can't believe i come to this place okay i'm gonna quell my anger please do be a professional we gotta be a professional um what i can't i can't talk right now We have a great episode to get into. Um, before we do, do we have any PSAs? Yeah. Uh, I'm sick of people being cheap. Our numbers are up. People love this season of Below Deck. They're happy to have us back. I've seen everybody that we had last season

come back on and start listening to the free show. Yeah. And then even more people. It's almost like Z is not getting up on tables and calling people racist or anti-racist and the show's actually pretty fun. Right, right. Here's what I want to say. This week, we're actually going to post a video of a PMZ episode.

That's something that's behind the paywall. Right. I'm going to put this out there. It's going to be in the Below Deck Facebook group. And PMZ stands for Patrick MZ. Right, right, right. And if you laugh three times in under the first minute, you're obliged to go over to patreon.com

slash another podcast network and give us five bucks. Because the editing that we're doing on those shows and all the laughs we're creating is way better than anything you've seen on Late Night in the last part of a decade. Okay, Pat, calm down. But also we've got a chat with Kate Chastain coming up that will be behind a paywall. There's just tons of fun stuff.

If you like this show and you want to support us, go over there and give us five bucks. But we've got to get into a fan favorite segment that is Thoughts and Nots. That's where we give our general thoughts on the episode and assign it a very rigorous, very well thought out score in the form of knots and or pots. Nick, why don't you go first? I think I said that I believe, and I just can't do this without headphones.

Yeah. I said I believe Dushka is the biggest star on every racist franchise, which I agree with. But I do think there is another star on the actual crew uh she's more of like an amarosa type villain and that's lexi yeah she is an evil evil woman yeah the candace owens of my lady exactly yeah hey no politics dude uh sorry just uh she just kind of looks like her i don't know if that's a microaggression sorry if that's a microaggression no i i definitely see it they're both gorgeous like i don't know the can't lexi's pretty horrible wig candace owens is okay gorgeous

but um you can't even compliment her look she's beautiful no i just disagree i'm past it uh but we're not here to break to tear down women's looks that's not what we're about in fact i was building them up yeah but lexi Lexi, I believe this, she's going to get fired. She's going to start OnlyFans, but this won't be the last time we see her on reality television. She's going to be doing,

I bet, Love Island's fucking. Oh, yeah. The other ones where they fuck a lot. 100%. And we're going to see more of her. Great take. I'm going to jump off that. No, no, you can't.

No. I almost, almost you can. I really liked it. 81 that. No, no, you can't. No. Almost you can. I really liked it 81 knots. There we go. Now you can. Boy, a lot of Lexi out of your mouth. Yeah. Now, every once in a while, something hits me, like an epiphany while I'm watching a TV show.

I'm like, something that goes deeper than just watching the characters exchange with one another. And that epiphany was that Lexi is my wife, Sheree. She is my wife. If you guys ever wonder who I'm living with, it's Lexi. Lexi is beautiful. My wife is beautiful. Lexi likes to gaslight people. My wife likes to do that to me. They're both very fun, but also very mean. Yeah. My wife likes to play fun with words to kind of make me look like I'm a dick when in reality, after I do the math, she was actually being a nasty little one. Right.

That's good. That's called gaslighting. Right. That's right, man. Making you question your own reality. So now I'm watching my wife on TV. Oh, they both also hammer lamb chops while standing. Yeah.

And also sometimes Pat is really convicted in what he knows to be true, and then she makes him second guess that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. That's different. No, that's- No, that's different.

How dare you, Nicky? How many pots? I'm going to say it was a decent episode. Boy, I can't wait to see what happens between this Chef Spaz and Lexi. They are really not getting along. Right, right, right. That's really fun. 50 knots. Yeah, 12 pots. So last we left off, the guests had served dinner in a storm.

And angry Clint, despite the cream brulee, was really grumpy towards his wife tomorrow. Well, paint the picture, Dylan. We pick up with the lovebirds just hours away from exchanging sacred vows, now exchanging insults, threats, and I believe someone wanted to call their mommy. Yeah, yeah. You really painted the picture there. I don't mean to be contentious. It's just so hot.

Dylan, you're not going to talk about it anymore. Listeners are listening to this and it's probably at nighttime or they're in their air conditioning car. No more hot talk. Be a professional and do your job i agree with the sentiment there's nothing i can do about it there's nothing i'm a hairy jew in a boiler room right now i can't not bring it up lexi is trying to figure out um what all the crying and screaming and slamming of doors is all about and obviously fidgety pigeon face says uh why are they having group sex up there you are a fuck you're a

fucking creep you're a wallaby and a creep yeah and we're talking about on that guys we're talking about chef spaz yeah just that he's extremely great like this man especially this first charter should just be shutting his mouth not trying to be funny right i'm part of a trouble i'm a share bear no one wants you okay you're you're stupid just cook the food and shut the fuck up he's also really hate him there's got to be a word for this and if a listener maybe you're a wordsmith nikki are you still in touch with that internet person dim tong fog or something minion fogarty we were never in touch i'm just a big fan okay there has to be a word for what matt did which is you're a complete fucking asshole and the next thing you come in is it's all smiles and jokey jokies when my first girlfriend who i lost my virginity to kelly h

uh cheated on me she fucked the whole football team i called her out on it and then i forgave her because she came up with a pretty good excuse i don't remember what it was they won the big game the next day we go on a date to whale and palms she's all jokey jokey hugging even joking about sucking someone else off like it was water under the bridge like i'm supposed to forgive you you just did a horrific thing well i'm saying there's got to be a word for what these characters do. It's definitely a character flaw. The deep seated ire Pat has for his current or former lovers is really coming out in this in the devil's asshole. Well, it's very hot in the heat. It's very hot in here.

That's why. But really quickly, I don't want to slam Chef Spaz quite a bit tonight, because how could you not he is quickly skyrocketing up the ranks of most hated people in this franchise he may surpass ashton and jl by season's end you know what he reminds me of he's one of those guys that if it was like lord of the rings but for adults we shipwrecked on a fucking island and we had like i don't know like a piece of chicken that we all agreed that we were gonna save and try and split up to as a provision to last for seven days fuck the chicken no he'd eat it at night and then when i call him out on he'd be crying and apologizing for doing but hey you

still ate the chicken you sniveling little rat my knee hurt okay so uh clint wakes up i would not hate him as much if he was just like yeah i, I'm kind of a pussy. Like he said something like that. Like, I didn't need to go get that MRI. That's all it would have took for me. But man, he's right neck and neck with JL. I mean, JL is not going to father the children, the child. That is his child. So that's bad.

But Matt sucks. So call Chef Spaz. I think JL wins. He's got cool tattoos. Yeah. Cowardice, uh you know just filling up to the brim in both of these men and also you are who you are at 34 that you're not changing you are who you are at 15 yeah that's kind of true too kind of i've grown though

proprietor of our sponsor magic mind james macharis has a saying that i really like and it's how you do anything is how you do everything. Right. Which when I really reflect on my own life. Oh, me too, pal. Extreme, extremely accurate. And with Matt, yeah, everything he does is sucky. So. Right, right, right. It is sucky.

Hey, see if we can get him on the show, Nick. Matt? Yeah. Absolutely. Oh, I would love to talk to Matt. So Clint wakes up another day in paradise. He sits down and in a very like newport optimist kind of way uh points to the sloppy thrown together eggs benedict and says

hey babe that'll give you some life not just this guy this guy i am the food looks like shit clint well i want to point out another uh faux pas of the crew. They are caught having a good laugh over the dissolution of a possible relationship and marriage. A little unprofessional. Do that in your own bedrooms. Not on deck where paying guests can hear you. People can hear you. So the whole thing is very awkward. This breakfast is like, it's just, it has a weird vibe to it because, you know, he threatened

to beat the shit out of her the night before. And she said, I'm going to call my mom if you do that. But not another, not your average chief stew. Katie has a plan. She's just going to ask the entire table what's going on with the wedding. I don't know if she is your average chief stew or not, but she's definitely not your typical chief stew. Sorry, sorry. I fucked it up fucked it up well all right so this was amazing with katie uh despite her not wanting to do the setup for the actual wedding right uh she patches everything up

by just asking everybody hey drunks what's up are you tying the knot tonight or what we have shit to do we have shit to do today no tact whatsoever katie why don't you just pull therese aside and say hey can you figure out what's going on for us this evening because i know it's a sensitive issue no it's just happy breakfast what the fuck's going on with you two i love how they cut to her in an otf and katie's like i don't know what comes over me sometimes i'm just a bitch no you you don't get to do that to paying customers. I actually hated how... I don't think Therese needed to explain it because like...

You shouldn't assume because you overhear a drunken fight that you're not supposed to be listening to that plans have changed. Right, right, right. If they come and tell you... Great point. If they come and tell you

a wedding's not happening, then it's not happening. It was handled poorly in all regards. They were doing this thing that the sea rats do to try to avoid work is nudge them away to the easy, easy. Right, right, right. That's why half these people aren't getting critter pools and it fucking sickens me. People are crazy in their relationships, right?

I learned at 15 not to judge when I used to work at that village house of pizza over in Leominster, Massachusetts. My boss, Polino, one summer, he left his mother, Gianna, who was like 80, with his father, Polino Sr. One day, they're having a little scuffle, but while they're making the pizzas, he punched her right in the face. You witnessed it?

Yeah. That is so inappropriate. That's such bad conflict resolution. My boss, Polino Jr., was in Italy, and I asked the manager, I said, hey, should we call him? And he said, this happens all the time. Oh, that is so sad.

I'm not laughing at the domestic abuse itself. I guess it's not. They were 80. I guess. Oh, OK. I missed that little nugget. We're not laughing at the decades of consistent sexual or, sorry, physical abuse that would work its way into normalcy good on we're not joking about that good on her for not letting the threat of physical harm

take away her sass yeah it's kind of like me i like if i get if i get in a fight with someone who's like much bigger me or much more proficient in fighting physical harm is not really a deterrent right i will get the piss pounded out of me just for you just to not give you the satisfaction of all right let's shut up no one has a good day after a fight to the below deck episode um there will be the wedding the cake is arriving z like the hero he is walks on water with the wedding cake and hands it off to the interior matt says that waking up with guests on the boat i have a lot of work to do at least we got to order the cake but it also makes me feel very anxious you belong in a soft, soft room. I just want to break down that sentence.

Please do. Waking up with people on the boat is said as though it is abnormal or something that would add more stress to your normal workflow. Honestly, I haven't done the math. I haven't checked my spreadsheets spreadsheets but i think that's gonna be 75 to 80 percent of his morning yeah it's gonna be a lot of mornings because it's your fucking job chef spaz he also points out hey it's not easy putting a wedding meal together fuck you fuck you matt um we'd love to have you on though yeah come on the show. I'd actually feel bad and wouldn't be able to call him pussy to his face because he's such a pathetic figure. No, you'd call him Chef Spaz.

He'd be, he probably wouldn't know that we were making fun of him. Oh, yeah. He's a ding dong. That's true. I looked up at one point and Lloyd is just having a great time. I don't know what was happening. Him and that creepy fucking mustache. He's got to shave that mustache off.

He's got to shave it off. Oh, can I do a meanwhile? Yeah. Okay. Meanwhile, we learned the a meanwhile? Yeah. Okay. Meanwhile, we learn the weather sucks so bad there'll be no fireworks. And despite Captain Sandy doing an assload of public speaking, she's not sure she can pull off officiating the ceremony with an iPhone in her hand. Okay.

So we got a lot to get to. How do you like the Topo Chico? I mean, it's just reading Captain Timeshare. I'm a little upset that it has two grams of sugar okay but i will like i just want to tell topo chico i will make it my mission yeah to make you the number one seltzer in the world if you sponsor our podcast and you will be with or without us it's a delicious product but let's move on the water is starting to get a little choppy as you mentioned. Is this sailing yacht or is this below deck Mediterranean? My God.

We get a... I hate, I hate that. Especially in the heat. We get a couple of wonderful moments from Matt. When the waters are choppy, he says, oh no, my cake. That is not your cake, you anxiety ridden turtle it was bought and paid for the only thing you did was set it on a shelf in a walk-in it's just these little things that make me so it's the language uh he also says like you mentioned weddings are elaborate um weddings are the the actual party

is very elaborate but the food is first class on pan am cuisine it's just very very straightforward often bad food put osso bucco on a plate of mashed potatoes or salmon that's it that's all you have to do don't forget the asparagus right so like if you're not at a wedding, you're just at a regular meal, you don't get awesome buko, you get regular buko? Hey, Dylan, what was the food at your place? What was the food at your wedding? That was pretty good. Argentine barbecue. Yeah, it was really good. It was okay. Well, I didn't really eat any of it, you know. Well, it's your wedding night. You got to be talking to everybody.

It's at least novel. There's no one that's going to be like oh argentine barbecue at this wedding again right like everybody's like oh this is different it was at the very least novel you're right but he says uh matt says i picked the wrong day to come back yeah again in the language and i don't mean to harp on everything he says because all of it's so inconsequential. But while we're here talking about the show, did you say you picked the wrong day to come back? Which if we go back, if we take a call back to him, not liking waking up with guests on board, most days are the wrong day to come back for him.

75 to 80%. So Pat, do you want to take Captain Timeshare or talk Captain Timeshare getting ready for her vow reciting? Oh, yeah. She was just reciting it. She was reading either from her iPhone or I believe a buck slip or something. Right.

She was really nervous to see if she could pull this off because we all know how difficult it is to stare at words two feet from your head and read them in front of other people. State of the Union type speech when you're officiating weddings. It's a lot of words to be nervous about. Hey, can I do a meanwhile? Yeah. Meanwhile? We learned that deckhand Dave, he's too nice a guy. So nice that his last girlfriend cheated on him and she

liked to have sex with other men and then ask him to clean up the jizz. He's like a cult. You're being very crass tonight. What? You're being very crass tonight what you're being very crass tonight that I mean maybe he is maybe he isn't I have been here for the whole recording I was doing the work that's why I miss Roni and half PMC and Roni is available at patreon.com

slash another podcast network but correct me if I'm wrong I believe those words came from the stenographer yes they did I'm reading the exact transcript yeah yeah no shame on me but I was also just, I was like, David, if you are into Malia, don't tell the story of you looking like such a bitch.

Well, he said, no, I don't want you back. That's pretty cool. That's pretty tight. She wasn't exactly in a position where he had to swab the deck after that. You know what I mean? I think that he's an alpha. I like him.

What? I'm kidding. We get some more backstory. I do i do like him though he seems like a nice guy oh i like him for sure uh we get some more backstory he had two west island terriers in his picture oh that's right that was my dog cody growing up from 5 to 19 yeah what happened to cody uh he just died of old age uh i i think we kind of didn't probably walk he He got a little overweight. I think arthritic joints and stuff. It's because we love them, but we kill them. I came home from college really early on. Surprised my grandma for the weekend.

I was home on the computer. She came home. She said, you smell like vodka. Cody's dead. I didn't smell like vodka. But she goes, what are you doing home? She was like, she was like upset. And it just happened this prior week. She she's like I had a bacardi down

she was really upset by it and then I went and took a shower and cried for like 15 minutes and went to Mike I feel like she could have softened the blow a little bit she was very upset by it and I threw her she probably was like writing herself to call me and break the news but instead I was there she's like no

bedside manner nick's grandma none she wanted to she was thrown off guard it was emotional for her as it was emotional for me uh so the chief engineer is working on the boat while sandy rehearses the officiating she will like you said have her iphone with her the entire proceeding oh can i do another meanwhile um yeah sure meanwhile we learn of katie's disastrous picker for guys uh she was in love iPhone with her the entire proceeding. Oh, can I do another meanwhile? Um, yeah, sure. Meanwhile, we learn of Katie's disastrous picker for guys. Uh, she was in love with that filthy scour. I mean, we were all shocked when we heard it didn't work out. Right, right, right. And, um, you know, more cast member backstory. You know what I mean? Like, Oh, Katie wanted to be a wedding.

Just come on. We don't need it. I'm who cares if he has a tattoo of you on his arm he's a filthy scouser he's a drunk he's a filthy i have rocking on the side of my body it's the worst tattoo i've ever seen and i have it on my body yeah i was very intoxicated speaking of dead dogs that's my tattoo fucking dead dog let's see it no it. No, it's on my butt. Right. Story for another day. He passed and it affected us all. Hey, can I take a call from the wife?

Yeah, sure. I don't mind a missed call. But regarding, I am 100% convinced this revisit to what we were already told about, that she had a relationship with zach was done post season because they knew it like everybody was like we love that little tidbit from the first episode when they told us they're like oh let's like burn some minutes on this again right right and and i'm not shocked that it didn't work out when in episode one she was like oh when somebody doesn't put a bath mat down just drives me nuts i'm not seeing jack as a bath mat guy or any he's a piss on the

bath mat guy and then go what was the problem and that's in a that's on a good day it's probably the other hole you know i mean oh you shit i don't think he's for bathroom mats or just really decorum as a whole he's just a fun loving scout he's a filthy fucking scouser so uh oh i said fun loving i meant katie says that she's a legend for pulling this wedding off i mean i don't know that i mean legends kind of a big word that uh that altar kind of looks like shit yeah we i always say we way overuse words like amazing and uh right in hero another quick trip to party city and we just yeah we're legends so they get married uh how do you guys think captain timeshare did great so post wedding the she pulled it off i mean she pulled she pulled it off i had a huge

problem and put this into perspective and any other wedding officiant you've ever seen her describing her experience right at the beginning of the ceremony. She's like, hey guys, this is the first time ever. I don't care. Yeah. We're not here to hear you. No, no, no.

Hey, Captain Timeshare, this is what I advise you to do with all those speaking engagements you have. You usually have a big screen behind you to like play some music before they come out. Like I've been cut together a little video you doing this nuptial read there really wow the crowd you know what i mean right right man you hate her yes i do so um post wedding

the next note i have is about uh share bear share bear oh i was a little is this the rainbow is this the rainbow no this is matt oh matt call him chef. Well, sorry. There's a lot of names for him. Fidgety Pigeon, Share Bear, Chef Spaz. Matt. Iggy Iggy Pussy Illy, whether an Amazon or a Kitty. Okay, so Sandy asks if Chef Pigeon plans on getting married. Is the false confidence of the bald a thing? Because I think he might have it, but I don't know that it's a thing. I don't think it's a thing.

No one, a thing. He definitely has false confidence, but he's even dumber than we thought if it's derived from him being bald he wants to get married to two women at the same time um good luck with that good luck with that um i don't want to describe who you'll be married to because i think it would be offensive to a lot of people but i don't know what world you're living in. You're not Bon Jovi, Matt. I could see him with a big black girl. They get a kick out of sniveling little white weirdos like him.

That's true, that's true. I can see that. I mean, I thought about it when I was a kid, but now having been married to one of them, I realize there's no way I could handle two. A drag queen? No, a woman. Oh, sorry. Yeah, yeah.

The premise sounds cool.'s like hey i'll bang this one on tuesday i'll bang that one on thursday doesn't that premise sound great we'll all watch tv together we'll watch a netflix show together it ain't gonna work out like that are you fucking kidding me you get tired of banging both of them they're both yelling at you okay but now you got two women brought up the emotional trauma that you're swimming in in that kind of a marriage the uh i don't know we're kind of going against biology i mean the the banging the banging is sick it's so sick it's sick but there's a lot wrong with it but also you have to be more attractive and not look like a pigeon

to acquire two women the likes of which he thinks he deserves we have mentioned on on this show before that it is a lot easier for ugly people to fuck so i could see him falling into two uggos a little trouble okay so um also telling his boss this it's tame they're sea rats they're in the open ocean you know this is maritime law but also a little weird you don't know your boss you've met her for two days you bailed on one of them what are you talking about fucking two women at the same time really weird do this when you're both having a few cockies on the last night of charter yeah exactly this is the false confidence of the balls well everybody knows though like uh sandy she's like she's a pimp so she's always down for like some pussy talk you know right right uh kate has told

us like all her girlfriends have been gorgeous like she just she slays she's married now i think yeah yeah engaged but like she slays so she's down man she's like yeah get it she's laughing she knows he doesn't have her type of game right right i can't wait till that marriage doesn't work out and that woman takes half a restaurant uh so she would i think the the restaurant will be very firmly in the red when that happens. So are you saying they'd get $259? She'll go, oh, no, no, no. I don't want the debt on the crab shack.

I don't want that. It's called Maritime 518. That's $259 for a half. Okay. So meanwhile. Meanwhile. Leah hits the sheets and gets a call from Cheating Tom. Captain Timeshare stares at matt while he

cooks and compliments him kate sacrifices and matt who has not had a single fucking thing to do with the wedding cake almost destroys it let's get to dinner but before we do let's talk about a little bit of magic mind um what more do you need to hear it turns you into a sidewinder in the bedroom not advertised on the bottle now nowhere near the most important effect that magic mind has on us it's just the first thing that came to mind it's just such a loud side effect you know what i mean another podcast really, um, we've done our own study. It's not scientific. It's a small sample size,

right? Uh, one of one, uh, like he's like, uh, it's a tiny sample size. We all take it,

but like Pat's always said, my sex life is pop and your sex life is pop. And he's the one that needed a boost and boosting did give him in fact, but, uh, I wanted to actually read some real facts off for magic yeah that would be helpful if we actually did that for the advertisement we've discussed how it has 12 natural ingredients and we can only say three of them usually matcha is one of them

you love matcha it has a sweetness and a bitterness to it that is really just a round flavor profile that really adds to the other 11 ingredients in the elixir called Magic Mind. I can't vamp anymore. I need you to find the ingredients. I take an insane amount of screen time. Pat, how's your sex life been? Dylan, it couldn't be better, but I want to say this,

and I don't know if this is on the bottle, but since I've been taking it, I just conjure up, you know, ever hear that story of that 19 year old kid in France who just one day could speak 18 different languages. Never heard that. You never heard that? No, I never heard that. True story. He was probably taking Magic Mind. Maybe it was invented back then or something. Sounds like he got hit by a car, but go ahead.

Ask me any president. Now, I don't know anything about history. Just ask me a president like- Grover Cleveland. Would you like to know what year he was president uh yeah uh he was uh i believe no i know what i'm i just took magic mind uh he was president in 1885 okay what about um it's a fun president not a well-known one kind of a tough one hit me with anything abraham lincoln abraham lincoln i am so glad you asked dylan abraham lincoln was elected in 1861 that's crazy i just had a whole thing of magic mind can you pull your calculator app open oh sure i got it because this is really going to blow people away. What's 256 times 257? 200 plus one. Plus one.

Dylan, I'm glad you asked that. 65,793. I mean, what else do we need to say, people? It turns you into a superhuman. Dylan, I don't know how I fucking did that. Dylan, give me one more. I'm very quickly going to give 12 natural ingredients that are in Magic Mine. Honey, citicoline, bacopa mineria, lion's mane mushrooms, turmeric.

Turmeric? Turmeric. Phospholipidicicering, vitamin C, cordyceps mushrooms, enchinacea,a vitamin d3 that's echinacea ashwagandha rhodiola rossia and i'm gonna pronounce them all correctly next week guys what more do you fucking need go to magic mind.co enter in promo code below deck to get 25 off we cannot speak one more fucking second about this i I really take it every day. Prove of concept, Dylan, just so the audience understands what this does to you.

Dylan, ask me the top downloaded porn websites. Just do it. Just ask me. I'll just do it. What are the top porn downloads? No, no, no. Don't yes and this. We need to move on. I have company coming over. I have to go grocery shopping and I have to go to lose

please buy it magic mind never heard of pure tattoo below deck 25 off they support us support them um all right so and i really do take it every day let's get to dinner and i think i've been pretty fire this episode there was something wrong with the timing water wine fire didn't really pay attention but this causes quite the little passive aggressive flip out from Matt. And a rather aggressive approach from Lexi, your wife Lexi. Because while she may be vain, she is not a fucking coward.

She is ready to go at all times. She is Omarosa. Now we've talked about the second in command headhunting thing not really being there this season this episode i think that we found they did some head i think we found it is this lamp popscape no it's not lamp popscape but we're just a brief overview on lexi and her uh brief time on the show we've now

seen she disagrees with where the water excuse me where the wine glasses are placed you know has some problems with tableware setting she has problems with the chain of communication she's you know she's she's paying the ass she can see what she would do better all right so um contrast that with matt who says uh you know what i'm not firing a single thing until they're all sat at the table okay i'm I'm not doing it ever again. I'm not firing a single thing, alright? And he just walks in the kitchen in his blue gloves. I hate that guy. Okay. First up, we have

um... I don't even know how to pronounce this fucking root vegetable. I was like, it's Therese. What is wrong with you? A celeriac puree, scallops, and truffle popcorn. Truffle popcorn? Obviously a only a celeriac puree scallops and truffle popcorn truffle popcorn obviously a piss dish new zealand lamb is up next another puree of something ratatouille a simple and delicious

humble dish that he probably fucking ruined um four pots four pots four pots you're not impressed with this guy no i'm not impressed you love chef rachel last season was that behind a paywall uh no no no no yeah she was mad we talked to her no pun intended but og no watch this watch this no pun intended but rachel jobs that's good i'm gonna throw up i'm gonna throw up oh i hear that laugh i want to throw up so lexi walks in while the guests are eating dinner quite the uh shitty attitude um she's been having a bad night but she begins with a super condescending energy starts hammering the guest's food steps in the pile of shit he told her not to step in then says shut the fuck up and plate the lamb the this is actually the moment when i decided my whole premise that she's

a star when she was sucking on that bone oh my god in front of him whilst standing in his pile right doesn't get better than that no that's good tv that is so fun that is den i don't i'm so scared to compare her to another black person they can she is denzel and training day right now i mean she is walking all over the place i'll say this there's a little bit of hot girl no one ever told her to fuck off but i'd say but i'd say uh she handles being told the fuck off enough to actually counter what i just said she's been told the fuck off quite a bit and she has a uh knows how to handle herself she is very very you know when you say she hasn't been told the fuck off i think she's been told to fuck off many many times yeah and she is not an easy person to say that to. You know, she's just going to combat you with anything you tell her. I think that she is the type of enemy you just have to call a C. And if it offends you i'm sorry but i'm right okay uh

the wife is being mean to me yesterday but she's uh we did the embryo transfer so she was moody she had a bunch of drugs in her had been a long day and i go hey i just turned to her with a glass of wine and she can't drink anymore so she probably pissed right i said can't we just be kind to each other and she said don't make this about you yeah i said can't we be kind to one another but she turned that into me i was broken i would like she's trying to break me down i didn't even think about it before i literally didn't even think that i compared her to a black person i just think of amarosa as like the archetype we've done many times yeah best villain uh in reality tv history sure but we have now all individually compared her to a black person.

Right. Right. Let's do a white person next time we talk to her. Okay. About her. So the cake comes out. The guests shower Matt with praise. He laughs and receives it.

He's a fraud. Well, he also reconciles the reason he didn't need to make a cake. It's because he provided such an amazing wedding dinner. Right. Ratatouille.

Literally peasant food. I like how she won't she won't eat she won't eat a pet but she'll eat uh the title of a pixar movie so um all right they proceed to uh do the wedding cake thing where they slam cake into one another's faces um you didn't do it at your wedding? Hell no. I mean, this is one of those things where I think weddings are evolving now. More and more people are,

well, obviously they're not doing it here. Funerals are evolving too. People are like, wear whatever you want. We're not doing this, the whole in black thing. I might have mixed feelings about that. I do too. But the wedding, there's something about, there is a show of respect

that there is an actual gathering of respect. And that means you aren't wearing sandals where we see your disgusting gross toes out. Sure. Sure. Um, my uncle Tommy came to my wedding in this shirt, uh, literally in this shirt, my father-in-law's brother, Hilas showed up to our wedding and started, he took the topper off the cake and dipped his finger in the wedding cake. Yeah. Yeah. Trash. Trash.

Trash. All right. So my thing is. It's like a whispering angel. Katie is not. Yes. Trash. Trash one.

Hi. I know you're a biodynamic wine merchant, but do you have any Whispering Angel? I've never heard of that. You've never heard of it? It's a very popular rosé. Okay. So I'm not the biggest fan of Katie at this point. I feel as though she's not really a dynamo in the personality department.

I know we're only on episode three, but right now's reading as like um a less fun asia to me um and call her kermit and i i feel like you're just not used to her like you're just used to the typical she's too perhaps perhaps i'm being ignorant but i also don't like the way that she conducts herself with these guests. Yeah, she's rude. In the pot. Oh, yeah. The whole, when they smash the cake in one another's mouths, I know it's a mess. I know it's going to put frosting and cake on the, you know, on the teak. But don't clean it at their knees while they're doing it.

It's just, you bring such a weird energy into the, you energy into the proceedings if you do that. She talked up how she handled this team. But evidently what she's really good at is lessening work for herself. She's not good at giving the guests a good time. Right. She's efficient at making things work. For her. For her.

Yes. But I fucking hated that. I caught that too, Dylan. Her cleaning up that cake uh a little earlier than she should have it was very much like when a a bar back comes and fucking takes your glass of whiskey away because there's still a sip at the bottom of that you fuck you go hey i got pain you can't be ripping that shit away from me early huh every last drop go fill that back up yeah that's one foot you take any away from me you took the whole thing away from me that's a free it's a start over yeah all right so matt it happened

to me at once at tender greens i i had two plates and i put most of my garbage on the set well they wanted you to leave because they saw that you were eating the way that you do and you were disrupting the lunch environment did you ruining people's day. So that's why they took your food off. Did you wipe your face with a piece of chicken? Most likely. But I actually, so this was October. Sir, why are you wiping your face with chicken?

It has breading. It sops it up. This was in October of 2019, as hardcore listeners will know, was the year I did Sober October, was keto and went to the gym every single day i was pretty insufferable i brought it up you were but i looked great i would fucking sit here shirtless oh man who wants to live like that but oh my god i walked to

tender greens i got two plates of chicken and vegetables and and then i i got up to refill my ice water because that's all i was yourself in the face and you went back down no i sat there and ate it no i i went up to get my ice water and they took both my plates away so then i went up there and told them and i got two more plates full windfall yeah i tell you something that was a terrible and i mean terrible i would have said it way quicker without the interrupt i liked it everyone's needed the interruptions because it was so bad though but it relates people relate to everybody loved the call back to my sober october 2019 okay so they proceed to what matt and lexi

begin resolving their conflict trying to patch things up they realize it wasn't about the dirt on the floor it's about sleep deprivation and general emotions emotional state of sea rats it is a stressful environment but i say again she is a tough cookie i love her she turns me on oh okay all right you hopped up on magic mind right now yeah it's it's been like a positive reinforcement he's just so used to getting it three times a day. He's ready to go. Yeah. Yeah. We got to wrap this recording up. So next day.

Next morning. Lloyd's not gay. Ah. Lloyd was gay. Mm hmm. He thinks he's got a shot of Katie. I know. Lloyd's a theater kid.

I bet he likes girls, but he's not like over sexual because like they're all weird and they fucked each other we got his phil this new this new uh these younger kids they're all fucking each other they don't care what a hole they're putting in a bunch of little david bowie's walking around out there fucking cool ass kids god damn fucking they're so cool they're so cool i don't want to be homophobic or anything but he was talking about like the gay rights movement in Birmingham or Brighton or wherever he's from. And he has that mustache and he has his witticisms and stuff and how he acts.

And he's like, I'm going to fuck Katie later. I was like, well, Lloyd, you're not gay. Sorry. The false confidence of the theater kids. So speaking of docking, this nice, this one is really, really exciting. Oh, is it? I thought it was much like Katie's fall down those stairs. It was a miss as far as enthralling.

Nothing happened. You know, I didn't mean to actually do that. Speaking of docking, because that's a gay act. But I wouldn't refer to such a specific gay act i thought docking was when you uh you put your penis in any hole no you it docking is specifically when an uncut phallus nestles its head inside the warm hug of another man's foreskin. Or the pussy. No, no, no. No, you're thinking of it wrong. That's soaking, Patrick. It's what Mormons do to not get smote.

I thought we had this down as a network. I fucking hate all-hand meetings, but we evidently have to have another. Pat, you have to pay attention during the all-hands meeting. Jesus Christ. So, soaking is insertion without any motion. another pat you have to pay attention during the all hands meeting jesus christ so soaking his insertion without any motion docking and it's technically not having sex the whole point of the thing because it's not having sex but uh fame uh not famously on how i met your mother it was pointed out that uh when some guy said hey have you had sex with anybody with his wife and she

said no i never have but there was this one time a guy put the tip in and he said, if you went to the Statue of Liberty and you entered into the door, were you technically in the Statue of Liberty? And she says, yeah, I'm in the Statue of Liberty. And then he fucked you. Go to YouTube to see Pat's face after he said that. Just the tip is sex. You got to see it. You have to see Pat's face after he said that. Just the tip is sex. You gotta see it. You have to see it.

All right, so Sandy is coming very close to hitting the dolphin in the middle of the sea and in a usual suspects type twist, everything is fine, but I was thinking about just the nautical world and how crazy it is. It's run by stupid people. So why would you name a giant pillar of concrete after something that already exists

in the water you're very confusing hey watch out for the dolphin holy shit is flipper over there what kind of dolphin are we talking about well you go you just fucking kill flipper i would like to not though disparage all people who work on sea. We are just witnessing the lowest industry on water, plus the people who are willing to be on TV and do it. No, the oceanic environment is actually very, very demanding of your intelligence. I mean, charting things. How do you know where to go? You know, you got to look at the stars, you know, all that stuff. I've seen Waterworld.

It's very, very complicated. Dylan, what a great point that I don't think a lot of listeners really uh thought yeah like it's not like you don't need to name one of those things something that already exists in the world like a pizza right it's just it shouldn't be in the same realm right uh of the it's in the water too yeah they should they should switch it immediately to pizza. Call it a pizza. All right. Sandy comes in and says, we fucking made it to the chef

that abandoned the entire crew on the first day. He says, I hope I can do six more. Again, zeroing in on the language. Did you say you hope you can? Why is he not fired? Sandy. Get rid of this jerk. Get rid of him.

But also don't because I want to see him. I want to see him. I want to see him. Yeah. She doesn't have another chef lined up. All right. So the guests depart. Looks like a fat envelope. Let's get to the tip meeting.

Pat, what do we got? All right. So I had a crying baby because I watched because this fucking schedule we're doing. I had to watch this with my just a bad week. We had a lot of stuff. A lot of shows. Very hot out. So I got to give therese and those guests

props they do work in the hospitality business so we would have known even if the uh the the service was horrible they probably still would have tipped just because they understand everyone has a bad day as uh by the way go listen to the full episode with therese patreon.com slash another podcast uh 25 800 bucks i don't know what it breaks down to because i had a crying 15 month old in my hands while I'm taking notes. $1,716. Is that right? That is the biggest tip we've ever had on this show.

I think so. It's a huge, huge tip. And they were served food that could have killed them on night one by disco. I was waiting for the other shoe to drop on Therese and Lee because I got into it in one of the many below deck Facebook groups. Why do you waste your time with those idiots? Because you have to be authentically in the community. If I want to post our content, it's all putting in the work. Okay. Like literally you can't just, if ever they'll search Nick Davis. No, no, no. You have to be a, you have to be a staple in the community. I'm an authentic, I converse about, I only say, cause I don't want you to have to wait. You'll do that with those people and i somewhat enjoy it okay uh but i got into it with this guy and uh he was

saying like he was saying like no one should treat uh treat service staff that way uh blah blah blah blah blah and it was like amongst what we had seen they hadn't even they've been polite to the service they they gave captain sandy the person in charge they took it to the top and he's like wait till you see what happens in episode three if he's talking about her being blacked out and throwing a plate oh chill out chill the fuck out chill out and i will say like giving a big tip doesn't give you the right to act like an asshole not that you even think they were assholes but if you do give a big tip and you're an asshole i think that's preferable if i'm a sea rat yeah a small tip and someone being really nice hundred percent get your fucking pleasantries out of here

yes i want cash that's why we can't go on the boat yet we will be on this show we just don't have the tip money saved up we're flush we can afford the vacation but with what we want to do we got a tip 30 grand i thought about take shits on board dylan be careful because we are the number one uh below deck podcast out there. And don't think for a second they haven't thought, wouldn't it be funny if we offered these guys the deal of a lifetime? Just tell them, just tip 20K. The trip's free. We'll have the podcasters on.

They're going to trick us thinking that we're going to go on there and then we'll have some laughs. They'll start playing audio of me making fun of uh fake captain lee with him in the deck i didn't know we had these characters on your boat and then they're gonna make us look like assholes and it was all a ruse to get us to make us to feel bad about all the horrible things we said about these fakes and sea rats wow i was really excited about now i'm hurt at what they did to us exactly yeah and i'm uh concerned at how how egocentric you are. I will say, if you don't think a yacht's not going to be on our vision board next week, you're sadly mistaken.

Well, Dylan, with the clip they'd play is the time that you said, hey, this Captain Lee character, does he have any kids? And I said, not anymore. Okay, so. And then you said, oh, man. It's so hot. We got to get to the night out. I hope you're not trying to get out of here, Dylan.

No, we have to get to the night out, but I just not trying to get out of here Dylan no we have to get to the night out but I just want to recap so what's gonna happen is they're gonna say let's get those three podcasters on this ship free of charge and then we'll play their audio to the cast and crew no Captain Lee's gonna play it when he's playing Candy Crush

who are these guys okay and then he's he's going to go, I'm pissed. I'm going to let that Patty character have it. All right. So I will say that it will be us three and our ladies, but I think we fill it up like another fun group. And you guys have both met this couple. What about Lucas and Jess? All right. So they're so good looking.

Give us some color. Sandy takes a pop shot at Glenn in the middle of the tipping, the tip meeting. She says, we didn't crash into anything, so we did good. Hey, Sandy, you watch it, okay? You watch it. You may be a foot taller than Glenn, but you are not the captain that he is. All right. Can you imagine him while he's watching this episode, sharpening his knives in that cave?

Oh, yeah. He's saying, you know, i usually um this is glenn this is my oh yeah it's so hot it's my glenn impression you know i usually uh reserve these puppies for whores but for sandy i can i just started talking like myself okay so he's very regular it's kind of nondescript yeah no a little canadian he's just a sweet little canadian so let's very regular it's kind of non-discretion a little canadian he's just a sweet little canadian so let's get to dinner finally we get some sexy stuff but that comes to a screeching halt at the end of dinner um the girls are running through the people they would have sex with and it begins with the engineer the second engineer duska the rest of the girls and then the guys z pretty much z will not be having sex with courtney this season i am 55 richard courtney i oh courtney was in that conversation and and lexi yes i had pointed out that mostly it would

be all the girls and none of the guys what if i was on that boat, I would have been on their list. That's for sure. How egocentric. What a windfall. And this is actually when we get someone in the know, we got to talk to Kate Chastain about it. Has there ever been any crew hookups with these people we don't get to see, like a Jake?

Oh, yeah. I mean, what a windfall for him. I don't doubt him and Courtney got a little weird. I want to see that guy because he's up there working. Sandy goes, how do my vows sound? Are they beautiful? And he goes, okay. I'm going to try to get Jake on.

I mean, his personality is for shit, but we do video now. Let's have him pop that shirt off and get us some ratings. Yep. I want to see that hair. That would be a good interview. The best part about dinner is just a girl slaughtering Matt for being a quitter and a creepy uncle. I'm liking Malia throwing the little jabs at him. You work through an injury, be it physical or mental,

we're proud of you. You mentioned Katie being a less cool Aisha. Yes. I think Courtney is a less crazy Aisha. She seems really fun. I like Courtney a lot. She's obviously a little depressed at where she is in life. She wants to be a

sugar baby. Yeah, but she's so funny. She's great a little depressed at where she is in life. She wants to be a sugar baby. Yeah, but she's so funny. She's great. She made a joke about the... She made a yada, yada, yada joke. She made an incest joke. A yada, yada, yada joke. So, we'll be back next week. Thank you for listening.

Guys, we need your help on the iTunes ratings and reviews. Go in there. Five stars if you like the show. Also, if you like the show, go to YouTube. Find us there. Also, if you like the show, go to YouTube. Find us there. Also, if you like the show, go to patreon.com slash another podcast network. Also, if you like the show, go to magicmind.com. Enter in promo code below deck for 25% off.

You got to see what's going on on this. I can't speak. Pat has ripped his shirt off he's so hot go to youtube to see it i'm dylan saying goodbye nick say goodbye bye that's a goodbye Thank you.