Another Below Deck Podcast - Dr. Dre and the Continent of Mexico | The Valley S4 E5

Episode Date: May 2, 2026

Dylan and Pat are back to break down pizza, chat GPT, Dr. Dre, game night, love, fishing and more from Bravo's The Valley.PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/anotherpodcastnetwork  YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/@badtvpod  INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/badtvpodcast/?hl=en

I bet it was a real estate deal. Hey, you know, Michelle, hey. What can I help you with today? Hey, great question. You know Michelle from the Valley and Dr. Dre? Yeah, absolutely. Michelle is a friend of mine from the Valley, really cool person. And of course, Dr. Dre, hip-hop legend, so definitely familiar with him.

Michelle is a friend of yours from the Valley? I should clarify, I might have misunderstood. Hello and welcome to Post bottom depression breakdown. We've got some rosé. We're going to be fine. We're having fun. I'm Dylan.

That's Pat. It's Friday. Us two gay dads have poured ourselves a tall glass of rosé. We are here to break down the valley, which is, I believe, currently the worst show on Bravo. Yes, but I still love it for some reason. Yeah, for some reason. It looks like it's going to get better,

but currently its current iteration is simply not a good television show. And I feel bad for our audience because I think this is on the free feed. So this is what people checking us out. Yeah, we, sorry, bad note. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When... We're only as good as the material. That's right. Yeah.

Unless we go off onto complete nonsensical tangents. Like if you've heard our recap of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills reunion, because the reunion wasn't so great. We did about six to 17 minutes on cream of wheat. And I think that those tangents can elevate the shows, but we simply are shackled by the quality of the material sometimes, right? When the episode ended with the Will Swarton Lala kiss. Yeah.

And they end on that note. I was like, whoa. We're in trouble here because the editors, producers, whatever, whoever's making this dog shit thought. Yeah. Alex Baskin. We wanted to see that. Yeah. We needed to see that.

Yeah. That was compelling to someone. Late witness, too. Can I say, I want to issue a massive fuck you to Alex Baskin. Who makes a lot of great TV, by the way? He does. But can I tell you who someone who I think would be. so much better at heading up Bravo production.

Me? You. Yes. If you were Alex Baskin, the world would be the benefactors of so much incredible TV. I mean, we would get, and if I was the head, it would be, it would be, I think, bad TV. So, so if Brittany had ordered pizza for everybody, I would have spent. probably 10 minutes of the episode talking to Brittany about dominoes, about Papa John's, the war between the fast casual pizza restaurants,

because Mee Ma would have a lot to say. And it would be good TV, I think, but not for most people. If I was producing the show, you want to know what would get more screen time than Janet and Jason? What? The bathroom where Jacks did all his cocaine in that house. That would get more screen time than Janet and Jason because they are TV death. Yeah. Also, I give this episode for Mimaz. Mimaz, yeah. What are those biscuits that she would make? Do you remember that? We might have to call Ruby for that one.

Biscuits? Yeah, she made a biscuit dish that they were selling at Jackson's bar for 10 minutes. I'll call Ruby real quick. If you call Ruby, can you ask her what the news is on how she started dating Dr. Dre? Oh, yeah, for sure. Try and get her on the blow. Yeah, okay. Ruby doesn't really answer her phone that off. She might, though. I'm not sure. She might think it's important. Can you get a closer, to that. Yeah, let me see if she. Maybe if I call her, she'll be like, why's Pat call? Yeah, maybe.

Yeah, no, I think maybe, yeah, I think at this point if she, your call has been. Yeah, no, she doesn't. Text her and say, call me back. Hey, can you call me back? You know what? Ask that pretty English woman, the computer on your phone. What's up with Dr. Dre and Michelle from?

Oh, no, no. She might know. No, she won't know. Ask them where they meant. No, no, I'm not going to ask her. No, I'm not going to ask her. Okay, you know what? I'll indulge you.

This is going to be so goddamn dumb. I bet it was a real estate deal. Hey, you know, Michelle. Hey there. What can I help you with today? Hey, great question. You know Michelle from the Valley and Dr. Dre? Yeah, absolutely.

Michelle is a friend of mine from the Valley, really cool person. And of course, Dr. Dre, hip-hop legend. So definitely familiar with him. Michelle is a friend of yours from the Valley? I should clarify, I might have misunderstood. If you're referring to a specific Michelle, I don't personally know. know her, but I might be able to help if you give me a little more context. Michelle from the Valley.

The TV show. Ah, got it. So if you're thinking of a Michelle from the Valley, just to clarify, is this a personal connection or more like a professional acquaintance? It's maybe someone tied to a project or something. No, it's a woman from a TV show. Michelle from the Valley on Bravo. But why did you say that she was close to you?

They're lying to us now. Ah, I see what you mean now. Sorry about that mix up. I must have misunderstood. I don't actually know her personally. No shit. Well, how could you know her personally? You're a fucking robot. This is where I got to tell you, all of these people are like it's the future. We're spending $5 trillion on this nonsense. It's like talking to a homeless person with a posh Australian accent. Jesus Christ. Well, at least she's not asking for change. Um, she is, though. You know, I could really help out if you had more tokens. If you upgrade to a premium subscription, I could probably tell you, All about what me and Michelle did last night on Friday,

Gals Night in. Hmm. Like it crazy. Sorry for sounding like a beetle. The new executive producer of the Valley. Yes. Of course, Swartz and Lala Kent would be handed their walking papers. And I would have hired two new thirsty couples.

Yep. Couples that I knew were on the fringe of... Divorce. Yes. And they would bring in some great TV. First question, have you ever hit each other? Mm-hmm. If you answer no, then you're out.

All right. Fine. Yeah, you're out. We don't want that kind of TV. Then I'd ask, I'd just pull the wives, I go, have you ever thrown your husband into a bush or something? And if they said, you're in. Right.

Because that's not hitting. No, right, right. And yeah, that'd be great TV. But this is, I don't think they're going to get a third season with this, this kind of TV. I'm a little concerned. A fourth season. Oh, my God. Yeah.

Fourth. Well, anyway, yeah, this is pretty bad. Yeah, it's bad. Alex Baskin, I know that you've got a lot of shows, a lot of plate spinning, but do us a favor. And if you're going to put something out to the American audience, the global markets, I should say, do a better job. Yeah. Okay. For Mimas.

To be fair to him, I don't think he remembers that he's the show exists. I don't think he's shown up to the set or anything. Yeah. All right. Zero bumps. Zero bumps. Okay. Let's get into it. Okay. Where do we begin? Well, we land at Lions Gymnastic Academy where Michelle and Nia are bringing the kids to work out.

Yeah. We learned that Michelle was an aspiring Gymnostic Olympic athlete. Before we get there. Jesse's wearing a funny hat and Jess, Janet, is wondering if they're going to move. Really important stuff. Okay. But yes, we do get to this gymnastics. We learned that Michelle's father of Ahed took her to a gymnastics gym when she was younger.

And he said, do you want to do this? And she said, yes. And he said, well, if I enroll you in this, you have to win the Olympics. Hey, Vahid, take it easy. Hmm. Well, this is why she explained she doesn't know a lot of stuff because she was busy until she was 15 practicing. And what happened to 15?

Well. And keep in mind before you say this, this is turn your brain off TV for people. people at home with children who just got off a day of work and wanted to just relax and have a good time. Right. At 15, dad announced people were after the family and wanted to kill them all. And it would be much safer for everyone that meaning the family if he assumed another identity and lived with the cocktail waitress he was fucking. Sure. That way everyone would be safer from the threat. I was thinking feed. I like to cut of his jib. More dudes should try that one. More dudes should say I'm suffering from a bout of delusional paranoia, and I have to go start three more families.

Yeah. Honey, an elite group of assassins has been dispatched to kill all of us. And the only way I can save this family is to move into your sister's house for a while and have sex with her. Right, right, right. It's the only way. Yeah, well, it worked pretty much perfectly. He left the house in ruins, and her daughter is cognitively hindered because of it. she married Jesse despite seeing multiple photos of him in gingham print three piece suits.

So Alex Baskin do better. We pitch that we're going to be going to San Diego, the Wales vagina, and that Janet will be invited. Wow. Nia says, no problem, because she does not exist to me. You might as well tell me that you're inviting a fart. Can I say something? This was some arm twisting because, as I pointed out, the best thing you can do to someone you hate as a fellow cast member or multiple cast members hate is ice them. You do not allow them to be invited to excursions, parties, what have you.

And they did this. And I bet producer said, enough is enough. You need to invite Janet. She hasn't been on 50% of the season so far. I said the counter where Jacks did all that cocaine has been. and got more screen time. Right. And are you talking about

the burger restaurant on Laurel and Ventura? No, that's Rocco's. By the way, I'll be hanging out. No, no, no, the counter. Oh, the counter, yes. You know the counter, right? Have you ever been to the counter?

Oh, yeah. I love the counter. It's great burger over there, but I don't eat meat anymore, so. Oh, that's true. Have you ever been to roadrunner? I'm driven by that. Is Roadrunner a burger place?

No, it's a running shoe place. That's right. Yeah. I know the logo. If you want to get back into running, you can go and they can, and they can assess your feet. Oh, good.

They go, your feet are fat. You can't buy anything in here. Get out. So it's a good place. Okay. Kristen heads over to sugar and bronze with Brittany and Zach. A perfect, a perfect duplex of why the rest of the country hates us.

Okay. So this is on Ventura and Coldwater and underneath sugar and bronze, which is a newfangled wax shop where they, apply, I believe, molten sugar to your pussy and then rip the hair follicles out, along with your clitoris, I think. But beneath that, they don't need that. They don't, but they take it anyways, like an African warlord. Okay. But down beneath them is called press juice, where you can, you can heal your wounds. Well, you can purchase the bottled piss of celery for $12. It's, it's bad. I understand why the rest of the country hates us.

So they get their sugar waxes because Brittany's having another pool party. Can I ask what kind of sociopath throws more than one large-scale pool party a summer? Well, I do a lot. No, you don't. You throw events because you like to host. They are not pool parties. Fair enough. Okay.

This is a double pool party in one summer. I think it's way too much. I think it's way out of line. There are no budgets on this show. Evidently there are because we're getting dominoes. You know, when she was talking about that pizza, I thought Prime was on its way. Nope, it's dominoes.

Jesus Christ. It's just fucking, we've got buffalo chicken dip of dominoes. Now, there's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with that, but it is trash. I can tell you, my, if I walked in to a pool party at our house with a stack of Domino's pizza. Yeah. My wife would first. I don't even know if she knows how to kick. She would drop, kick me in my gut. Right, right, right. The pizza would fall. Now, now, now, now, now we should say that's a big problem because this, this city is very

obsessed with image and vanity. Now, me, ma is completely tapped out of that matrix. Okay. She's making Buffalo chicken dip and gray gray pork chops. All right. Let's get into the next part. So they just, all right. So the girls discussed, was this at that juice shop or something? They discussed Luke not respecting Kristen's boundaries about intimacy. Luke is one of the most frustrating people on TV to watch for me personally.

Yeah. I mentioned last week that it might be, you know, if you spot it, you got it in, in, in, in, in therapy, it might be, you know, me. Maybe I didn't do a good enough job as a dad, but watching him be confused about the postpartum process is a vomit-inducing thing to behold. He is one of the dumbest people I've ever seen. And when you watch him on this show, you go, why is this Colorado trout catcher on my TV?

Go back to Colorado. Catch Trout. What he's doing is wrong, but Britney points out something, look, I'm trying to be devil's advocate here. Ladies, come at me. What he's doing is wrong because you should not be putting pressure on her in this vulnerable position she's in. Simultaneously, there are a lot of dudes that get really gross

after their wife is pregnant. Oh, me included. Well, not, no, you're not gross. No, I'm saying gross in the way that they don't want to have sex with their wife. Oh. So the fact that he is putting on the full port, uh, full court press.

Yeah. Is showing her that he supports her and he's turned on by her. I don't think it's an altruist, that later on. I don't think it's an altruistic endeavor. Okay. Yeah. I think it's just sling blade wanting to crack a nut off.

I hear you. I hear you. Yeah. I hear you. But again, I, I agree with you hold heartily. I, I was a good dude. That was a good dude. To be fair, my wife would drop.

But here's the thing. We're dumbass. and we could as dudes. As dudes. And we could understand the emotional ripples and tide pools

that our wives were going through. Oh yeah. At three months, it's fucking crazy to me. Not only did my wife not want to have sex with me. I know she hated it.

I know. It's like crazy. All right. So, um, well, um, okay.

So then, uh, Jacks or, no, no, Zach walks in and sees the flapjacks. He calls her flapjacks. That's not a nice,

Zach. Okay. No. again, this is why we have catty-patty to speak disparagingly about the genitals of women. Right. That's why I'm here. By the way, I heard a podcast that was describing what Harvey Weinstein's dick look like. They said it looked like a sick fish. I don't even know what that would look like.

A sick fish. Yeah. Yeah, you don't think of fish dealing with illness. It's kind of a binary life. if you're either swimming or you're getting bashed over the head with a rock. Or lying on the bottom of the sea, just on your side. Anyway, sorry, I brought him up. Brings up, he's disgusting.

Yeah, he is, he is. He's a disgusting man. Why did you bring him up? I don't know. I just sometimes. Oh, we were talking about. Disgusting. Discriptions of genitals.

That's right. Well, forgive us. The show would be 18 minutes if we strictly stuck to the source material. Fair enough. Okay. Oh, you know what? the other thing that I was thinking about with him is,

Damon Dash, you know, the shark tank guy, he owned that restaurant where he was trying to have sex with that, uh, hit on that girl and then in the restaurant. And then he, ultimately he jerked off in that potted plant.

Yeah. Damon Dash was like, hey, I can't have this fucking scumbag in here anymore. Get him out of here. Right, right, right.

That was Damon Dash. And we've all been there, you know, where you go, uh, I thought I was going to climax inside of somebody, but I guess this bullish will have to do, you know,

and that I can, I can kind of, you know, see eye to eye with Harvey, right? Me, I didn't even make it to the plant. I just on the carpet. Sometimes it just comes out. Mm. Yeah.

All right, back to Luke. Uh-huh. He, they also pointed out he hates L.A. and I guess Kristen tells us they had an agreement to move to Colorado after a couple years. And I think Kristen will divorce this asshole. That's what I'm saying.

I don't see any, any future where they're together in three years. No way. No way. would divorce him unless they have a valley spin-off in Colorado. There's no way she's leaving TV to move. No, it's her only job. She's unemployable. She can't do anything else.

She's been on the shirt for- You're going to start a t-shirt company? You know, drop-ship t-shirts with fucking eagle-eye cherry on him? What are you going to do? Whatever happened to him? Stay tonight. Break the break of dawn. come tomorrow.

No one's going to buy that t-shirt, Kristen. You got to be on TV. So anyways. All right. Well, anyways. They discuss not wanting to fight in front of Kaya. Now, or she says that we don't talk about these things in front of Kaya.

Now, I will say, of course you don't want to yell in front of a newborn. They can pick up on energies, right? That's not good. But you can talk about things. They don't know what things are.

Okay? So just, you guys should open the phone lines a little. little bit more. Thank you for showing up to drench today. The yummiest part of class is, are these pelvic lifts. Again, a one, two, three punch representation of the worst of Los Angeles. Okay. Thank you for coming to drench today. This is the yumiest part of the class. Okay. This is Lala, Michelle, and Janet all hitting the reformers and afterwards talking about the drama that has befallen this group of friends.

the ladies discuss how they don't say it this way but they basically hey hey janet you haven't been on the show for like four episodes and janet says you know i've been okay with it sure you have yeah yeah they talk about to rift and janet has worked on herself she's recognized that words have weighed and because of that she's forgiven zach well yeah well she tries to ponder why uh why everyone's blocked her on socials. And after a few minutes, uh, she kind of like gets to the bottom of it.

It was that one time she told about a million people that Danny was a sexual predator. Now, you and I disagree on, I think Danny is one of the grossest people in the Bravo roster. Oh. And I do think that he's, uh, I think that he makes women feel very fucking uncomfortable.

You and I agree on that. Yeah. What we, disagree on is that I think that Janet is not the messenger for that. No, we agree on that too. We agree on that too. Janet did not say this to protect other women or to call out somebody. She did it to take down a reality TV rival, which is not a good place to come from. Actually, take down and then let's add on help rise her, whatever, her stature in the reality. Her cachet. Yes, which did not work. No, it didn't. Because

Janet, we've been talking today, we've recorded a couple of different episodes, but we've talked about the corrosive kind of flare-ups of a truly evil person. You can kind of, you know, Janet just looks like a soccer. You know, she's taking her kids to school. She's in the carpool lane. But no, inside of her lays not so dormant to a primordial evil. And so, yeah, she's not the correct messenger to be condemning people for being inappropriate. But we get to backyard bowls. Oh, well, before that, Janet decides I have an idea, a way to resolve things.

Ah, game night. Game night. Now, Dylan, you and I have done a game night. Oh, my God. I don't think we need to reminisce that much, but it went awry. Yeah, it went awry. But anytime. I was shoved on top of your dog.

The dog was injured. Yeah. It went south quick. Yeah. But a game night or a sporting event, anytime I want to give some advice to people that ever have people over, don't just say come on over a group of people and we'll have some small stacks, snacks and a few drinks. No, no, no. You have to have something that people can do where they don't have to talk to other people. Game nights is for four people to six people max. Six people. I like six people. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And we should do a game night. I love a game night. Game night or watch a UFC fight where people punch each other. I don't like UFC. Not anymore? You don't want to come over for that Ronda Rousey? No.

You're invited. When is it? The 18th of May. I'll be in Italy. Rhonda Rousey. You want to fucking... Well, come on. It's just a...

When you're getting ready to put Jackie down, why do you invite me to the youth in Asia, huh? Oh, ouch. Yeah. Ouch, out. Yeah. All right. Backyard Bowles?

Yeah. Backyard Bowls. I'm amazed that this, I don't think there's any other show on television that gives as much promotion to the shoot locations as the Valacians. Well, first of all, I think this is one of those, Alex Baskin must be like, I am like just blown away at how easy it is to book a location shoot. I think Alex Baskin probably gets an asai bowl every morning and said to backyard bowls, if you can print me the first quote unquote black card for backyard bowls will come and film here. And to him, I would say bravo because backyard bowls is amazing. You love an asai bowl, a little fresh fruit, little agave on top, little bee pollen maybe. I mean, it's just a delightful way to start out your day.

But Jesse and what's her name, Lacey? Lacey. Yeah, every time Lacey is on screen, we are privy to the fact that she is the best person on this cast and receives an imbalance in screen time. She should be maybe what the entire show is about. Okay. This is what I was talking about adding new people. Like maybe Lacey isn't even that interesting, but she's new and she's pretty sassy. So she's interesting.

You can tell that she has, you can tell that she's smarter than a lot of people on this show. Her humor is extremely dry. She's very, very fast. And Jesse, for all of his faults, seems to be the perfect beta for her for her. Yeah. She is Mrs. Pac-Man. He is a dot on the board. He's a dot.

Yeah, he's a dot. Well, backyard bowls, Jesse and Lacey and Isabelle, which is great. Jesse discusses his divorce and then how Lacey will help finish designing Isabelle's bedroom. They're talking about what they're going to do with all of the shit that used to be at mom and dad's house. That's right. Hold on, everyone. I think we have another contender for most responsible parent ever.

Father of the year. Way to go, Lou. Loser. Does anyone ever think how confusing this might be for a kid? You know, like that time that her mother moved her in with a guy that lives with bees. You know, Del. I got to say, that was a lot of bees. He lives with a lot of bees. I felt bad for Isabel. Hopefully she didn't get stung too much. You know, Lacey admits she's a doomsday freak. It'd be funny if Jerry Seinfeld was one of the boys of the bees living in a house. Hi. What's the deal with this little girl?

Hey. Lacey admits she's a doomsday freak and has a doomsday shelter. Yes. I love, I love Lacey for this. Me too. I think her face would survive the fallout. Okay. Now we've talked about... Mainly because I have no idea what it's made of. Okay. Now we've talked about ridiculing what Lacey's face is made of in the past.

and even our goalie's mask. Even our most generous fans have given us rope with ridiculing this certain element of this character. Now, they extended that rope because we were uninformed and ignorant of what Lacey had been through in the past, that being a kind of Buffalo Bill nightmare. Now, now that you have been made abreast of that traumatic history of this young woman, you have marched forward and accused or, dare I say, ridiculed her for having a face that looks like it's made of other things besides for skin, which is not okay. And I would welcome each and every patron or person listening to get in the comments,

to get in the reviews, leave one star and kind words. Okay. Okay. I will push back against that. They can do what you just said. or you can do what Patty did, which is a number of our peers in the podcast game, had reached out to me and said,

I cannot find a goddamn thing about this story. Oh, really? You think it's made up. I'm not saying that. I'm saying that as far as information, we cannot track down a story, a police report, anything regarding that kidnapping story. So I am asking the same,

people that might leave old Patty, a one star for the insensitive stuff that may have come out of my mouth minutes earlier to perhaps to a little. You forgot to say you were in catty patty. Maybe I was or maybe I wasn't. But regardless, perhaps before you get judgmental, I was, I was. Get in, uh, do a little digging first and see if perhaps you can find, uh, any evidence. Also, don't write too much. Just, just let us know that two sentences. Yeah, we're wrong or something like that. But that's why I said those horrible things about her. Yeah, exactly. But I love Lacey and I love that she's a doomsday prepper. And when she mentioned that she had bought testing strips for water, pH testing strips, I was inspired to go down a little doomsday prepper list myself. Because

Pat, when the day comes, I mean, we really are, if you think about it, wholly unprepared for a kind of crisis like that. And yeah, I mean, sure, it's probably not going to happen. But what if it's a does. I love Lacey. 10 out of 10. Well, I do too. 100 meme. I would suggest that she actually buy a more expensive pH testing kit than strips.

Strips get actually, uh, they're cheaply made and they actually can be, um, kind of, uh, uh, were kind of a false positive. Compromised. Yeah. By weather. Okay. Well, um, let's get to this fucking place that so many people are throwing events at. It is the former firestone.

are you trying to oil change spot on lebraia and wiltshire oh my god how many times have you been invited and have had to go to this fucking place well i remember i used to live down the street from it the former location the firestone i almost got in a fist fight with a uh a very uh questionable individual there i used to take my tour bus uh vehicles there to get their oil changes yeah this place is a dump Yeah. And crazy enough, the bartenders actually can make you a last word, which is pretty wild because you would think that this is kind of a buffalo chicken kind of Domino's pizza kind of place. But no, the bartenders are actually really fantastic there, but it is a dump. And if you go outside, the last time we were there, we were throwing a kids, it was kind of an adult slash kids party. And lots of babies there. And there was a homeless man who sat outside the fence and just looked at everybody for about an hour and a half straight. So yeah, it's a dump. It's disgusting. But we're here to do game night.

We're here to bear witness to just how dumb Brittany is. Okay? No, I'm kidding. Now, we're all dumb. No, we're all dumb. Now, I want you to... Well, you're the man. I'm on the moon.

I don't fucking know that. But to be fair to us, we do know that Mexico's not a continent. Okay. All right. I want to say this. This is what I gleaned from this. This is Janet's party, right? Yeah.

Okay. The point of this evening was to make nice with past issues she had with two groups of friends. Ney and Danny. Nope. Melissa, she's going to save Neand Danny for later. That was too big a- Melissa and Jasmine and Zach and Betta. Yes.

Guess who didn't show up? Neither of those. All four of those people. That's right. So they fill in the blanks What was the kid from You know what? I shouldn't do this

I shouldn't do this Who? What? Data, I meant to say. Data. Yeah. Star Trek? No, who's the little kid

in Indiana Jones? Oh. Short round. No, but what was he in the Goonies? Short round. No, he wasn't called short round. He wasn't. I don't know.

Is it data? I don't think so. We can look. guy that girlfriend of yours. All right. I apologize. So let me point out here. So Benji and Zach skipped.

He does kind of look like a grown-up gay version of him. I'm not saying that all Asians look alike. Okay. All right. Jesus Christ. Here who is, here's who's not there. Jasmine and Melissa,

Zach and Benji, Danny and Nea, Luke and Kristen, Lacey and, uh, what's his fuck? It was data from, uh,

he was played by Kay Hui Kwan who, they call them data? Yeah. And, and this is why people have to watch the Oscars because him winning for a supporting actor. That speech that he gave made me cry. It was unbelievable.

How about Chunk being his agent? Chunk is his agent? Yeah. What? Wait, Chunk was the little chubby kid, his buddy, right? Yeah. Jeff Cohen. He's an agent now?

Yeah, that was his agent. He's bald now. He's handsome. Yeah, he is handsome. Handsome devil. Can I say this? about people that win best actor and best supporting or whatever. Some of them never go on to do anything else,

which I'd argue what the fuck? Remember that, who's that girl? She's beautiful and did a great job in that role playing a sex worker. Oh, yeah, Anora. What is she? Was she up to? Mikey Madsen? Yeah, what she up to now.

Probably picking her next project, working on something. Well, it's been three fucking years. Well, we'll probably find something. Cindy Sweeney's in five, five movies every month. Yeah, I know, but they're not good. Some of them are. No, they're not. I can name three that I really enjoyed right off of my top of my head.

Housemade? Loved it. Well, you didn't love it. I did love it. It was really fun. Okay, but you loved it for what it was. I loved it for what it was. An elevated lifetime movie.

Well done. Okay. Okay, there's not a lot of- Mikey Madsen won an Academy Award. She's not going down to the levels of Housemade right now. Okay, babe, sorry. we're in the city of vanity and no dominos. I'm sorry, she'll be doing cell phone commercials in three years.

No, she won't, babe, okay? I think Anora's fucking overrated. I don't think it's stuck the landing at all. But there's a certain gravitas that comes with that statue, okay? We're not doing house made. All right? Anyway, what are we even talking about right now? This is what this show does to us, okay?

I'm making racist remarks about data from the Goonies that I may have to cut out of the podcast, because the rosé is flowing because we have nothing to talk about, okay? I apologize. I apologize. Janet doesn't have anybody that shows up to this goddamn party. Do you say my best friend is Chinese? I can't say that.

You can't say that about black people. Okay, got it. You can say that about Chinese people. Okay, got it. I have a lot of Chinese best friends. No, you don't. No, I don't. But I have one.

I've had sex with a lot of Chinese girls. All right, here. All right, get this. Okay. So Swartz. Lala and Michelle are the only people. I call them the B Squad. They show up.

They show up to the opening of a door. And so they're here. And I bet Janet was crushed by the turnout because at this point she's thinking like, hey, I was on season one, season two, what the fuck is going on here? Well, we're going to channel Richard Dawson, a notorious youth attracted.

Dare I say not a great mantle. piece for this evening. But we are going to do some family food, our favorite game show. Not the one host of by Richard Dawson. I love Richard Dawson. Who do you love more, him or Steve? Steve?

No one else up. Let's look on the board. Come on you. You can't love him more than Steve. Steve is a national treasurer who doesn't want any of the people working for him to even look at him. he's not quite Ellen. I totally agree with him.

When you hear... No, me too. Yeah. Don't come on my fucking changing room, okay? I'm about to go out in front of a bunch of people and do a game show. All he said was like, don't talk to me about like production stuff. No, I totally agree with him. Yeah.

Think about you. You're Steve Harvey, okay? Don't talk to me about this. Get the fuck out of my way. Okay. I've already done... Number one answer. I've already done the Asian stuff.

Oh, sorry. Stick to number one answer and then don't do a serious impression. Richard Dawson. Get over here. Get over here. Yeah, yeah. All right. Come on, I'll just, sweetie. Hug me, hug me.

Stick your tongue to my head. I don't care if you're 89. He got fired for doing the running man. He didn't tell a production company he was going to do a movie with Arnold Schwarzenegger, and they fucking fired him. Okay, can you turn the music down, please? Thank you. Can you imagine you're Steve Harvey here in the makeup room.

You're about to go out in front of a live audience, and you're going to hear a person, answer the question, name a word that comes after pork with you pine. And you're going to have to try to manage the amount of collective embarrassment that this person feels. And someone is coming in there asking you about fucking bullshit. Do you have any idea how fucking hard that is?

Leave me alone. Steve, we have upfronts next week. Well, we'll deal with it next week. Steve, we have up fronts next week. I'm sorry, I have to talk to you about this right. Some guy just said, I have a family with a collective IQ of 72. There are five members, okay? You fucking think of the math there, okay?

You pine. All right. So that's what this show does to us. All right. What happens at this? Everyone's at home drinking tea and nobody's here, but we get to trivia, um,

aka Brittany's strong suit. What is a country that is also a continent? Now, I feel bad for calling her dumb, but Brittany would call herself dumb and also let's not pull our punches to a degree that is dishonest. To be fair, I yelled out Antarctica. Okay, that's a better dumb answer than Mexico. Okay. Fuck.

Now, again, we're dumb asses, but there's a respectable amount of, just don't answer. The games wrap up and we get to Janet being upset about being on the. the outs with a large portion of the group. And we learned that Danny has been liking posts about Janet banging dudes in front of Jason. To Janet's credit, she yells about why she can't talk about what Danny actually did, but Danny's okay to co-sign stuff on the internet for things that are completely fabricated. And Memaw gets really, really upset. She says, why hell do I have been in the middle of everything? And Janet starts to cry because she realizes that he's, If she can't turn this pawn, she's going to be off the show.

She's off the show. She's off the show. So she's getting really upset. I will say this. I will watch Jason cry while BBC's, you know. You're talking of big black cocks. I have fun with that. All right.

So Luke shows up. Brits pool party. Yeah, we get to a Brits pool party. And he shows up in two socks. And sandals. Yeah. Do you get what I'm saying? Mm-hmm.

About the sandals and socks. But just about how fucking annoying he is. He is. He's, you know, he's, he's Colorado. Yeah. And then... What are you doing in these socks with your Birkenstocks? All right. Lala shows up and we cut to Brandon looking at her.

Cool. We'll see. The pizzas are from Domino's. We're discussing which kinds of pizzas we should be getting. Dominoes should be eaten by children or by yourself with the blinds shut completely. I am not shading that. That is a ritual that most people need to go through biannually, okay? But they should not be ordered en masse for adults ever.

It's fucking crazy. I know. You open that box. and you look around, is anybody looking at me? Oh, God. No. This is a solitary endeavor or one with maybe, maybe you engage in it with somebody that you're very close to like your wife. That's right. But it's like eating Ben and Jerry's. Like you got that spoon just shoveling that fucking gooping your fucking face. You know what it looks like. It's like every scoop has 400 calories in it. It's got chocolate, peanut butter, whatever the fuck.

You're going to have diarrhea the next morning. You both know it. Right. You have to love one another. You have to have like loyalty. Yes. As De Niro would say, the circle of trust.

It's a very small one T dominoes in front of, okay? And think about your work colleagues, what you would do to a Domino's pizza, were they not there? You would fuck it. Okay. Tom shows up. Oh, I panicked.

Hey. Oh, man. Oh, here's a bottle of tequila. Oh, damn, man. I was having such a good time with her. I panicked. I had to get out of there, man. I didn't know what to do.

Why do you have facial hair underneath your jaw and nowhere else? What is that? I hate him so much. I keep seeing Adelaide. I fall in love with this little girl every time. She's the cutest little fucking baby I've ever seen. It makes me so sad that her father is a drunk little bastard. So we reminisce on Danny getting pantsed at the,

the last pool party last season and Nia crying about it. Nia and Danny are perfect for one another. Danny is an alcoholic who prioritizes his well-being over everyone else. And Nia is a pageant queen with a strong faith who will never break rank from her husband. They are two peas in a pot. Fremittable. What you have to. divorce him, Nia.

Now, Neil will never change. I think she's made her decision. I mean, they may even have another fucking kid. Oh, what's going to have to happen is he's going to have to grow up. He's never going to grow up. I think he will. No, he won't. So we reminisce on, Pat, this is not you in your, all right.

You say this because you brought your pussy hound phase quite late into your life. So you're hopeful that the same can happen for Danny a transformation. I'm telling you right now, brother. No? No. Hey, what's the tea on Michelle and Dr. Dre? They're fucking dating. Her best friend is like his, um, works on his team.

Does like marketing or something for him and like post happy birthday to him directly on their, on his birthday on Instagram. So they're dating? How do you know they're dating? I think I got dates. They were spotted leaving no boo together holding hands. Why do you sound so. stuffed up. Is it chug whiskey before I leave my apartment in a rush?

Oh, got it. I have to go, but is that all you needed? You had one more question. What was the other question? Forget. That was the most important one. We asked ChatGBTT about Michelle from the Valley, and she said that she knows her well, so we thought we'd give you a ring. Okay.

Thanks, Ruby. All right, love you. Bye. Look at her. Going out, having a party. She's in New York City. Hudson Yards. She's out there.

I envy it. You know what I'm doing tonight? I'm going to go home. I'm going to put my child to sleep. Failed to do so. I'll put her in the crib. She'll be crying. I'll go downstairs and let's do her cry for 15 minutes.

I'll probably eat a couple of Kiwis. Ship myself and go to sleep. You know what I'm doing. You're going to the state fair. Festival. Yeah. Got to work until 11. You've got to work a booth.

You're not working until 11. 11 is when the shift ends. And then you've got to linger. You've got to help clean up. No, I think I'm going to, well, anyway, I'll be home by 11. This is what this show does. All right. Brandon, Brandon, Brandon.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Once again, starts to think he's part of the cast. He tells Kristen she might need to chill if Janet arrives. Really quickly, though, someone says that Tom is so attractive, but he doesn't make a good woman. We didn't need to. No, no. Let's move on. Can I just say this?

So, I think what you're bringing up, though, is that Swartz is clearly in the eyes of most of their star, even the cast is star struck by him. It's clear and it's very annoying to watch as a viewer because they all stop when he walks in the room. And he plays the room like he's the star. Hey. How, wow. Hey. Crazy. I hate it. I don't want to be this angry. I'm angry. I don't want to be this angry. I have to stop. All right. Brandon is overstepping, but also very right. He tells Kristen, for your friend, can you calm down, please and not run guests out of this house? Now, He doesn't know her, but so don't say this. And I agree with the cast.

Your background, dude. Just shut the phone. Your background. Play beer pong. That's it. Jasmine talks about her feelings. This is the part in the episode where I just like, Jasmine being on a TV show,

Lala says that Jasmine is not thinking for herself. And that Lala, if she was in jazz, husband's position, she would overy up and be aggressive. Lala, we saw you fail to be aggressive last week at the Belmont when a do-nothing hammer and nails bitch invaded your friend circle. You didn't do anything. You just stared at her for an hour and a half. Okay, you wouldn't do anything. You would gossip the way that Janet and Jasmine and everybody involved in this is doing. And then we get to Jasmine heading over and talking to Zach and Kristen about what Lala said. Zach begins to lose his fucking mind screaming like a 12-year-old boy.

And then we get to the Copernan's arriving. Is that their last name? I think so. Okay. Janet and Jason. Now, at some point Danny talks to Tom about... He's drunk here, by the way. Yeah, of course.

He talks to Tom about what it looks like to... have grit and bravery in the face of adversarial elements of alcoholism. Okay. So Tom says that he wishes he could drink White Claw, but it makes his stomach feel bad. And Danny said it made my stomach feel bad too. But you have to keep pushing the rock up the hill. Eventually you'll crest and it'll come down. Okay.

Now what Danny is referring to is overcoming the kind of acidic, boring wormhole that white, white claw does to your side. stomach. And Danny, because he's such a boozebag, continued through that. You got to get to like, I don't know, 16 of them before you start feeling anything. Been there. Sister. Yeah, sister. So we had mention of a text about Luke earlier on in the episode. And that's when Zach sits down with Luke and asks him about a text that got sent about him not going fishing because fishing was too far away. And that's when Zach pitches himself and says, you guys really need a neutral party to be involved in your resolution

because you guys have got a lot of things at odds with one another. Yeah. Zach dispensing, he's dispensing reasonable advice here, but it's tough to swallow coming from a dude with that hair, wearing that shirt. Yeah, you got to take it. You got to wear a different shirt. Yeah.

And then Luke tells us he hopes Kristen, I'm paraphrasing here. I think he says he hopes she stops being a bitch. Mm-hmm. Yeah. So Zach says, you know, this all fine, but I do think that you guys need a third party. And if it were to be me, I would be happy to do that. But I don't think it would be good for you guys to have me as your couples therapist. Because I'm not licensed.

I really have no hours in any way, shape, or form. in that discipline and also it would be stressful for me to do so as well. So I don't think it's a good idea. Then why the fuck are you talking about it? Lego head, go slam another white claw and try to slit Janet's throat. Should we sit down with the two of them? No. Yes, this is where Janet and Zach talk. Although right before that Brandon double backed on double backs on Kristen and annoys her more. Yeah. And you can tell that Kristen's really uncomfortable talking to Brandon because she does this thing where if you're in an uncomfortable conversation with somebody one-on-one at a party, you try to do this thing where you open up the dialogue to a larger group. So you'll be talking,

to Brandon, you go, oh, by the way, Luke, I was telling Brandon, Luke, didn't I say that? And Luke's like, what the fuck you're talking about? It's Kristen throwing a hell, Mary, to not be one-on-one with Brandon. Doesn't like him. But there's a moment where you can tell that Danny's drunk because Nia comes up and says, can I take a celebrity shot? And Danny goes, no, you can. You can. cannot get out of here. We're almost tied. And only drunk people put such high stakes on beer pot on beer pot. All right. So Janet and Zach sit down for a chat. Janet has learned to shut the fuck up and listen. And I'm confused and very in the dark about what these two are fighting

about. I genuinely do not know why they have an issue with one another. It's funny you mention that. I was confused as well, although Zach mentions many things in multiple things that he have nothing to do with his personal gripes. It's about him defending other people's personal gripes, whether it's things that she said about daddy or what have you, but it doesn't go well. Yeah, no, it doesn't go well. But they kind of fuse.

There's a little tension in the beginning, but then they decide that they're going to get over it. They're going to be friends again. They hug each other. They've been talking for 45 minutes. This will all come to ruin in three episodes, and we'll get back on the hamster wheel. but we then end with Kristen and Janet smoking weed out of a piece pipe that Kristen tells camera is categorically not a piece pipe.

Good on Kristen in the middle of a hormonal flux, having to contend with a dumb husband who keeps trying to have sex with her and go fishing. She has the emotional composure to go, I can be cordial with you. I ruined the last party. I'm not going to do it this time. And then we end with this climactic moment. a Hitchcockian suspense-driven fever dream of whether or not Lala and Tom Schwartz will kiss. I mean, this is why Lala signed that contract. I mean, she must have called her agent that day.

And like, I did it, boss. Get in the comments. Let us know how many Domino's pizzas you would give this episode and what you think of the show so far. I think it's how much sodium. How many milligrams of sodium would you give this? How many continents that are also countries would you give this episode? and let us know if we should stop watching it. Patreon, Summerhouse, and Rhode Island at patreon.com session of the podcast network.

I'm Dylan saying goodbye. Pat, say goodbye. Bye, guys.