Another Below Deck Podcast - Dr. Dre's New Realtor Girlfriend Michelle | The Valley S3 Reunion Pt. 1

Episode Date: August 8, 2026

Dylan, Pat and Ruby are back to break down love, meat, Dr. Dre, children, lawsuits, friendship, throwing stuff in the middle of the street and more from Bravo's The Valley.PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/anotherpodcastnetwork  YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/@badtvpod  INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/badtvpodcast/?hl=en

Your mum's the word. Yeah, I'll say that what you just said about her in her outfit, Caddy Patty will make it look like you were taking candy from a baby. Okay, got it. All right. So, Michelle is dating Dr. Dre. Not anymore. I don't think she ever was.

No, she never was. He held her hand and took her out to dinner and probably brought her up to the mansion and, you know. Oh. Welcome to Bad TV. My name is Dylan, and I'm saddled up here with one Patty, who finally has his boxer briefs now. Now, you put them on over your boxers. And my shorts.

And your shorts. You got me large. Yeah, because I think that, well, one, you're a, all right. It's a, it's a, it's a package. No, you don't. It's a bridge from the boxer life to the brief life. We don't need, we can get into this stuff of Patreon. Yeah, I'm going to do, I'm going to model them on Patreon.

Yes. So Pat is going to do not dissimilar to the photo shoot that we saw earlier on in the season. And we'll discuss this evening a kind of powerful life-affirming, kind of self-worth building photo shoot with the new Cal McLean briefs at patreon.com session of the podcast network. Ruby here is too here. Also calling in from New York. Hi, Jill.

Hi, hi, Pat. How are you? Wonderful. Good. um wall street any updates do you want to tell us bull market in the bull what's going on

you know i check the app i go what's going on anyways let's talk about the valley it was the first part of the reunion we should say that coming to patreon dot com slash another podcast network is that calendar shoot of pat and his cute little ass in those briefs but also i'm going to give some nice ass shots also the double lives of suburban wives which i don't know ruby did you see are you going to watch that with us or you are you of course dylan please did you see

the promo for it i did i think this is going to be a weird spicy group of women i do you know who we have to thank for being turned on to this one mary pain because she mentioned it and i was like i've never even heard of that. And she said, yep, 100% covering it. And the logline got me. So we're going to be covering that. Starts next week. So go to patreon.com slash another podcast network. Tonight, part one of the three-part reunion. Now when you look at this cast, when you hear that many parts, you think Lord of the Rings has that many parts. We can't do this. But I actually thought this was a really strong first part of the reunion. I had a really, really, really good time with it. I'd give it like, I don't know, 50, 50 beans, 50 bumps. Bumps. Yeah, I don't want to

step on your bumps, but it was better that it had any right to be. Yeah, 100%. A little news in the Valley world, though. Michelle was talking about dating Dr. Dre or she deferred talking about her dating life with Dr. Dre. Dr. Dre was seen at Nobu in Malibu this past Saturday with another woman cozing up to her in a booth. Now, I didn't know that, but as I was taking notes, watching, the show. I just, my, I don't want to go so far as to say my heart fell out of my butt, but I did, I was just like, oh, this poor thing thinking that she is dating Dr. Dre. I mean, what are you doing thinking that you're dating Dr. Dre? Lost my train of thought, but yeah, that was fun.

I really enjoyed the episode. The dynamic between Michelle and Lacey. I, two things be true at once, as I always say. They can both be pretty awful, but I would say the battle that they had towards the end of the episode, I think Michelle, if it was a three rounder, I think she took all all three rounds. Michelle, I'm sorry. No, I said, Lacey took all three hours. Sorry. My God, Ruby was aghast. As was I. It was a destination. No, no, no. Lacey took all three rounds. She was prepared. She was brief. She was, she, she, she, she was calm. She made Michelle out to be a liar. it was some good TV. Magnificent TV.

Ruby? I couldn't. How many schnefs do you give it? Oh, I give it 14 schneeps. Okay. Go ahead, Rooms. Okay. I think, okay, here, my top topical schneefs, I would say, I like Lacey, way more than I ever thought possible.

I also think I'm developing serious feelings of disdain, I guess, for Kristen. This was a very irritating showing. Oh, yeah. In my opinion, I found myself. really upset and angry at her. But aside from that, I think it was like probably a top three episode of this season so far. So I'll go, yeah, I'll go 54. Yeah, it's a low bar, but, you know, I think that they were.

Oh, I didn't mean. Sorry, I just. I was clearing my throat. No, but when you do that, I, you usually have a sound effective bees or something. No, no, no, no. While you kept it moving. I'm sorry, while you, for the break there, I was going to say that Annie kept it moving, which I think helped out a lot.

Yes, and we'll have plenty of moments where we can discuss and, dare I say, critique his hosting. But tonight, I'm all right. Everything is all right. Janet has brought McDonald's. The commitment to the bit is just really marvelous stuff. Rubs, really quickly, I don't think you were with us when we were told about the $600 bill on, A monthly bill of McDonald's breakfast. Just go ahead and break down the economics of that and why it makes you angry as well.

Okay. So I'm not going to side with you on this because where I live, one hash brown is $4.39. When I get McDonald's, which is literally coffee and hash browns delivered to my home, I'm not getting any other breakfast item. It is over $35. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. So, Janet, I'm just saying. I don't think it's that crazy, Dylan.

If you're getting, I want seven hash browns for McMuffins. It's the hash brown bait. That's what it is. Those, that's the most expensive thing on that menu because they know what are you going to do? You can't come here and have one of these eggs sandwiches and not have this crispy little guy. You're going to feel completely fucking empty. So we're going to charge $4.12 for it. She might have inflated by like 28%.

But I think she's, she's definitely hundreds were going down. the gullet to that uh donalds yeah to evil grievous at the hamburgler uh okay and thank you for that lesson by the way a lot of people thanked me for it what's a lot between three and twelve okay so um this is one of the most where as we're assembling on the dais i really do feel like it's it's it's one of the most vile grouping of people on Bravo and I know that that's kind of an intense thing to say.

We've had reunions with Vanderpump rule cast. I understand that and we've also, we also have OC but I mean this show has Jesse and Danny and Luke and Janet and Kristen and then you have the mediocrity of Jasmine or of of you know it's just it's all around

like a rotten apple of a cast, man. It's really, and it's pretty tough. It's a pretty tough group of people. Hey, Dil, worth mentioning, for some reason, Andy decided to start us off by mentioning all the places we hit this season. Did you notice that? No. He goes, hey, we had quite a season. We, uh... Oh, right, right, right. We, uh, production took us to all these exotic places. We went to Mexico, San Diego, and Santa Clarita. Yeah. Also, if you go to all of these same three places in a short period of time, you might also be a drug dealer. Am I right? Right. You are?

Yeah, yeah. No, you definitely could be. And do you have a sound effect? Oh, no. Okay. Got it. I was just wondering if you were going to play some royalty-free YouTube clip of machine guns firing down a hallway or something like that. Andy asks Nia about the shlap.

left from Bucco Mountain. She says that it took them one hour. Now, it's important to remember that this is a pretty early shoot. So they're driving in not high traffic times. And it's taking them an hour to get there. Ruby, if you were them, would you continue to film and be on this show? Dylan. No.

I mean, the commute, let's not even fuck the ruinous. quality of your your life now because of this show just the drive time i have to go meet la la to to get a macha and sherman oaks i'm not doing this and can i just say i don't believe that nia ever had one of those seven hour drives without a child likely crying at some point oh yeah for sure just i i would just break down uh brittany looks um so i want to talk about this um and i'm gonna bleep this out but there's no other way to describe it. It looks like some kind of. It's not an okay thing to.

Someone has to look out for her. This is not okay. I believed it. Okay. I agree, but are we talking about, of course you agree. Are we referring to Brittany's mommy makeover? No,

we're referring to the Renaissance Fair fucking beer maiden dress that she's wearing right now. Oh, okay. Okay. This is a minefield. Do you not have thoughts on this? Oh, catty patty has thoughts on those, but he was going to talk about it a little bit later once we eased into this. Because you got to get the audience into us. It would be helpful for the edit if we just got everything that we need to bleep out in one portion of the episode.

But if you want to... Listen, I want to say Britney is probably my favorite person on the show. I think she's the purest of heart. I think that she can be an absolute dumbass at times, as we'll find out when she gifted that loser from St. Louis and Bispoa reports of $10,000. But this dress is not okay.

And someone has to be there for her and tell her, actually, let's go with something that's not this. Robs, don't you think? I do think she needs a stylist or something to step in because it's hard. Okay. Michelle is dating. I got to say, if you do not come with Caddy Patty later on in this episode, I'm going to be very upset with you. The fact that I took that and you just sat quietly.

I know you, I know you probably, you're going to take some hits for that later, but catty patty will be around to, don't worry. He'll, uh. Okay. Because when you write notes, you know, going in what what this is going to look like. Yeah. And this is a usual suspects type twist.

You have your mum's the word. Yeah. I'll say that what you just said about her in her outfit, catty patty will make it look like you were taking candy from a baby. Okay, got it. All right. So Michelle is dating Dr. Dre. Not anymore.

I don't think she ever was. No, she never was. He held her hand and took her out to dinner and probably brought it up to the mansion and, you know. Oh. They went to dinner three times. They had sex twice. And that was the end. I just feel for Michelle, I just,

when you step into motherhood, and I guess it's the same with fatherhood. I pray that we have these kind of elevations in, whether it's street smarts or any kind of smarts, but it doesn't, that does not happen. We're just people. Has nothing to do. I don't think anybody gains any knowledge after having a child.

But I'm dumber than I've ever been. Do you not like kind of like anchor yourself a little bit though when you have a fucking human being to not fall for things like I'm dating Dr. Dre now? Hmm. No. Many people actually do not. No, of course. Of course.

But what a girl. You'd like to think so. A girl can dream. Jesse was inspired. This is kind of the most bizarre moment of the episode. when Jesse tells Andy that he was tonight's outfit, which is just a guy wearing a suit, was inspired by Andy's appearance at a Newport.

I don't even know what this was. I believe it was the sneakers with no socks. Sneakers with no socks. What was happening in Newport? This wasn't even BravoCon. This was like a thing. I don't know what it was, but also it was such a,

I don't think Jesse's fashion is something I've ever had anything negative to say about. this was almost a catastrophe. Thank God, Brittany was on that day as to distract because this wasn't great for him. Yeah, I mean, there's plenty to say negative about Jesse's style. It is the, it is the hallmark fashion of a real estate, $500,000 and debt. Fuck boy. Okay. Who could have guessed? Luke didn't watch the show. And I just want to say, moving forward in contracts, add infinitum.

Okay, if you are not going to watch the show, then we'll give it a 48-hour period. You're going to be clockworked orange, clockwork orange before the reunion. There's just no way around it. Toothick in the eyes? Well, it's not a, I don't want to describe it as in the eye. It's a prying kind of thing.

It's not a stabbing thing. We're just going to ensure that your eyes are open and that you're actually going to watch what you did to everybody, including your wife. I think that if you come on this show, there should be something in your contract that says if you do not watch the, first of all, we have a quiz when you enter the reunion. Everyone is quizzed. Second of all, if you fail the quiz, we take your home. I like it. It's amazing. It's amazing that he just, it's such a fucking cop out.

And it's only people who need to, it's only people that need to have Offisgate. Detailed information. Okay. It's Luke. It's Gary King. It's Amanda Batula. All the biggest pieces of work, I should say, go, you know what?

I don't even remember that. I don't watch the show. I didn't watch it. So I can't even really give you anything here. I think the only way you make these idiots watch the show so you can hold them accountable is you just basically say, If you don't, we're going to, if you say that on the show, we're going to take part of your money away. Yeah.

We're going to take your house. I like that. Danny, it feels like it's a great day to have a great day. And one thing I'll say about Danny is at least he watched the fucking season back. And he said I was, that's true. He said it was a hard watch. Yeah. I was pretty embarrassed.

As it should be a hard watch when you're, you know, embarrassing yourself on national television. And oh my God, also the Botox. Danny yeah he looked very I mean this very gently he looked like he was sick to me like he looked very thin and gaunt almost I don't know what I'm gonna say this very gently he looked like something out of a nightmare kind of like in like an uncanny quality where you're having a dream about somebody talking to at a party for too long yes it's it was I don't know we're rushing headlong into these cosmetic and ham and these GLP ones and this AI AI. And I just, I'm not sure that we're necessarily ready for all of it yet. But I'm happy that there are guinea pigs like Danny because he looks great. I, um, I just want to say to the other noticeable thing that was hard to get over was he was positioned next to Luke. And it looks like Luke is nine and a half feet tall and Danny is the size of Patrick's children.

Right. Right. Right. Danny's he's waiting for that, uh, GLP one that, uh, makes you taller. Yeah. It's common. Yeah. I think it'll come right now. You actually have to get your femurs broken in Tunisia or something. But you can get it done. Multiple times. All right. So thank God we're done with the introductions and the catch-ups. Yes, the introductions of the catch-ups. But also, they asked Nia, are you done with children? And I didn't know what this was. They say something about a missed period. Nia has a missed period. She thought despite, all right, so when you get a vasectomy as old Patty did, you're supposed to go back so they can test your sperm to make sure that there are no sperm in the liquid that comes out

of your ding-dong. And he did not do that. And they had sex. And then she missed her period. She said, oh, snap, I might be pregnant again. What are you two idiots doing? But my main thing, my main takeaway from this is Jasmine goes, if I hear six under six or five hundred five, and it's this thing where normally, yeah, anybody else, not anybody else. but I don't know, a valuable member of a cast saying that I'd be like, fuck yeah, thank God somebody's saying it. Jasmine, do not say this. Just shut up, Jasmine.

God damn it. Does she drive you nuts? She does, but in a good way, you got to have someone like her on the show that you can't stand. Okay. I was going to say why, but I guess can't say. But there are so many other people we can't stand at. Okay, think about Swartz. All right. At the beginning of the episode, someone said Jesse looks annoyed that he's on the end of the couch because being relegated to the end of the couch means you don't have a storyline and you're useless. So the further you are away from Andy, the more like useless you are.

Swartz on the other end of the couch was also on the far end. He was also useless. There's nothing to say about him. So we could add that he's as annoying as Jasmine because he adds nothing. to the show. Yeah. He has no. Yeah. That's not right though because he has a calmer posture to him. There's less. He's in the pocket a little bit more. He's very, very annoying with the tropey Schwartzisms and stuff like that. But I'll keep Schwartz around. Someone like Zach would, I'll say, please go, please goodbye, please go so fast. Okay. Swartz takes up space in an already large cast. he will never give you anything that you want to see that's real. Okay. You hate him so much.

Well, just because he's on there and you're not going to get his real life. I think we could see Jasmine like her get arrested down the line, her fighting with her wife or something. Oh, okay. Swartz would not let that happen. Yeah, maybe. He's too pacified and full. Like with food?

Yes, exactly. Oh, yeah. Let's get to Jacks. Okay. Jesse and he had a falling out. out. And, you know, we mentioned that Jack's, uh, is being friendly with people. He's, he's reaching out to Danny. And, uh, Brittany says, um, up that is absolutely crazy. That's so shocking because he texts him be the other day that he wants to kill you and you're to our family.

Metaphorically speaking. I hate you. I hate to. I hate to everyone on the cast. He told me. Uh, Robs, do you want to talk about the kind of, um, um, A 24 horror movie of Jacks creating burner accounts and going after people on this show. I love this so much. And the only thing that I'm upset about is that Brittany has not released the camera footage from their security cameras in their home of him just manically coked out walking around their island, shoving his phone in her face, like showing her the Reddit posts and stuff that he's doing. But the best part about him saying that he wanted to kill Danny's entire family metaphorically was that he did it. I don't know if you caught this through their, the app that they are forced to use to communicate

because they are getting divorced. That's how he communicated that to her. What was that? Tally Graham. What are they using? Not sure, but it's an app. Yeah.

So it's so that the courts can keep track of like, keep everything in order. You don't have to subpoena AT&T. That's right. And I love that he would do that on there. Yeah. Me too. No, no, no.

He is a. I wouldn't put it past. to be like calling his drug dealer on that line. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What the fuck are you doing? I've been outside for a half an hour waiting for this massive amount of cocaine. Mr. Taylor on September 17th. Okay.

So we get to Michelle and the Candyman. Well, I was going to say that I'm also Lala hates Jacks now. And so does Swartsey. Yeah. They're turning on. Well, Dremens been going after Schwartz. And what people don't, the, it pains me because while I do think that most of the burner accounts that Jacks has are real, the ones that are going after Schwartz are not Jacks's

burners. They're actually Pat's. Pat's been calling him fat on Reddit. I do not call Moana dumb. I don't even know who she is. Oh, that's right. Yeah, he came after his girlfriend. That was the best part was that Schwartz was like, listen, like, you can say egregious,

horrific things about me. The fact that he said that my girlfriend, who's 11, is too young for me and she's not smart. That's so not okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. You're dating her is not okay either. Who cares? It's consenting adults.

All right. Aaron, she's like 29, right? She's 25. Okay. And he's what? 60? 62. He's, okay.

So Aaron decided that Michelle wasn't his honey. and that stung. And that's a quote from Andy Cohen. Just because of the bees. I love it. Yeah. Now, you're still playing a video there.

No, I'm not. Well, Andy asked, how did it feel when that weirdo you were with and that you loved kicked you out because he thought you'd get fat someday? That was the question. Yeah, I mean, and it was,

it was that on top of a lot of other things. Jesse was heartbroken because he had to explain to his daughter the heartbreak that men can cause them. I'll be on Jesse's side throughout this reunion. Passing a tissue down to Jesse for this was, I mean, it was a thing. They passed a tissue down five people. One of the sadder moments was when Jesse described how he had to deal with Isabelle crying because when she went into her bedroom, there were a bunch of beehives in there.

They said, get out of here. We live here now. I don't think it's great that she was removed from the home of Aaron. But I also think that if we mitigate that properly, there are a lot of people who may argue that her seeing her father call her mother a low budget. prostitute might be more damaging as she ages. Someday she'll see that. Yeah, she will.

So Michelle and Dr. Dre, I feel really bad for Michelle. And if I was Jesse, I wouldn't care about this at all because it's never going to happen. And he mentions that she's speaking like she signed an NDA, which she a million percent did. There's no way she didn't sign an NDA. I don't know. I honestly, Dylan, I think people might. be scared of him enough that they, I don't know. Like, what do you, I don't know.

It's not, you're scared of his lawyer. It's not like, it's not like he showed her like. Oh, sorry if I confused that, but he was talking about him still being a gangster. Yeah, it's not like he showed her where the dead bodies are. Like, I don't think there's any NDA. I think she was just being respectful because she thought she was dating. She'll talk shit about him now. If you bang Justin Bieber in 2010,

you signed an NDA. If you bang Dr. Dre post 1990, you sign an NDA. Jared Leto, that scumbag, who, by the way, there was a news story that got squashed in 2005 that I was alerted to, not to bring the podcast down, where it said that scumbag was very aggressively trying to get phone numbers of 14-year-olds at some modeling agency. That story got squashed in 2005, and here we are today. Yeah. Because we couldn't not let Morbius happen, you know what I mean?

It was an important film to cinema did on it. Ruby, what were you going to say? We cut you off. I'm not sure, but I didn't know that. He's very creepy, generally speaking, but I don't remember. It's completely gone. That's so shocking. Oh, my point was he in five, no, no, no.

My point is when he was picking up 18-year-olds before they would come to his apartment or whatever, His lawyer would email them an NDA. Yeah, it's just, it's what's done. I remember. Go ahead. Two things actually. One, Kiana is 27 towards 43, 16 years. Two, I did not mean murder scared of Dr. Dre.

I meant legal scared of Dr. Dre. Just to clarify for myself. Right, exactly. And you should be because he has NDA. Good point. There's no way he's worth how many billions of dollars? Maybe. I don't know if he's at a bill yet.

So Jesse says that three people, my ex-wife has dated three people in two years. Two of them my daughter has met and one has thrown my daughter out of his house. So I am just firmly, I am not a fan of Jesse at all. And there are these things, these little reminders like when Michelle says the first time that she knew that Lacey was filming was when Lacey showed up to film. that's a perfect example of Jesse just being just such a disgusting little rat boy give your ex-wife a heads up and tell her that she's going to be put in an extremely toxic vice grip between you and Lacey for the entire maybe just give somebody a heads up because you had a child with them but in this case he's just 1,000% right Michelle's doing this thing

where she's just this little girl is getting introduced to too many people Well, keep in mind her upbringing, which so the cycle continues, her dad left the house under the guys that he was a secret agent. And he needed to get out of the house, protect the family because a bunch of, do you remember this origin story? Well, I think he had lost his mind. I think he had like a. Well, maybe. He's still in her life, you know. Yeah, I know.

I think it was like a degenerative disorder, though. Like he went nuts or something. I believe we should try our best to. The Aaron thing is hard, though, because if you date somebody for two years and you have a kid and you genuinely think you're going to get engaged, I don't know. Do you not move in? No, I don't know. You can move in. That was just Aaron. But hopefully you'd have a better picker than you're thinking about being with somebody who's going to tell you you got to go because you're fat. I don't think the timeline was two years. And the answer is no, you don't move in. Okay, I'm genuinely, I, listen, Dylan and I had our parents have been divorced. I, we never met fucking anybody. So I, I think that's great.

I mean, I don't think Isabel was, Isabella was three years old before she moved in. So like, no, that math don't line up. Well, I love Jesse's answer to when Andy said, did you ask Isabella if she's met Dr. Dre, the super producer? And Jesse just goes, I'm not going to put Isabel in that situation. Like he, he has these moments where he seems like he's a more. engaged parent than Michelle is at times and he's awful. All right, let's move on to lighter stuff. Janet is in love with Michelle. Let's move on. All righty. We get to Britney's Sporkel and Britney's

amazing taste in men. Everyone on this cast unanimously hated Randy. What was his name? Brandon. Brandon. Except for one person, Jasmine really liked him. Um, now, We mention kind of go back to the word gently. Maybe you don't have great taste in men. And Brittany says, oh, I think you're right on the money, baby. She has horrible tasting men and it's revealed that she gave him $10,000, I think, at this point. We were questioning whether they were installments of $40 to $50 to fuel a juicy fruit addiction. turns out no, it was actually quite large sums of money.

Okay. I thought it was gas, maybe gas money. He said it was $40 and he really needed it. And I guess it was some amount between five and 10. That's a dumbass coupled with a pathological liar. So that's a dumbass going on Twitter going, I needed 40 bucks. That's all I took. And then the dumbass part of it is, how do you think that that's going to work?

There are going to be so many more questions about your dumb ass needing $40 from Brittany. Ruby, go ahead. I was just going to, what he should have done instead is said, this is the link to my course on how to get 10 grand from someone who you don't even live near. Okay. It's $10. And you too, you can have it. Grab it. Go get your bag, girls or guys.

I'm going to tell you what it went down. I'm going to tell you what went down. He went up, probably he shot more scenes with her than they actually aired. And he told her, I called Bravo, because he probably would do, he'd have the Hutzfah to do that. And they said,

no, you're not a cast member. We're not fucking paying you. And he went to Brittany and said, I'm driving up here. I'm allowing them to film me. I need some money for this. Can you break me off something? All that I'll fucking do.

All right. How about you need? And, six grand and she put 7,500, six grand and his vmoed him and put it in his account. That's what I think. While she is still paying for her almost ex-husbands, $1.2 million. She has no self-esteem, the poor thing. I know, the poor thing.

So let's talk about her elective surgery. Oh, yeah. And with it being elective, it kind of was elective, but also not because when you are that low in life and you're going through a kind of jacks-induced depression, This seems, you know, more life-saving than elective. So we get that. Yeah, for your soul, because she said it made all the difference. And that's a direct quote, which is great.

Caddy-Patty here. Okay. Okay. Now, if anybody listening doesn't agree that she looks exactly the fucking same as she did before she went into that procedure. You're fucking lying and you know it. Right? You are, which is fine, but you're lying and you know it because it feels good to be nice and to lie to people. Right. Here's what happened. Those fucking con artists, doctors, whatever, they charged her credit card for an ungodly amount. They drugged her up. How much do you think? $28,000. They went wild with a

fucking Sharpie all over her body to indicate they were going to do some shit on her fucking body. Then they woke her up and they gave her a bottle of pills and they said the surgery went fine and then they sent her home. I thought it was really rude of Jacks to say through a burner count. She looks exactly the same. He said that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um, is catty patty is still with us or is he gone? Oh, no. He wanted to help you out with what you were saying about her outfit. She looks like a... minutes. Not good.

Get out of here, Cady Patti. Get out of here. You disgust me. The uncensored version has been getting a lot of love lately. Caddy Patti is not that far away from

the kind of pre-evangelized version of Perez Hilton, who of late actually just, I guess, stabbed himself a bunch of times on TikTok Live. I mean, is this what I have to look forward to, well, if you don't keep catty patty at bay, you know, it's a little bit like Jiu-Jitsu Kizen. Ruby, go ahead. This is what I think. I did see her recently, like yesterday

she was on either, maybe it was Walter Toppins Live or something. There is a swelling period. She did look really good when I saw her yesterday. I don't know if it was a styling thing. People on Reddit were saying it was an eyebrow makeup artist. Yeah, it's a, there's a styling issue with this, this one. It's very, it's medieval. And it. I just want her to feel good. She deserves to feel good. People like to lie to make people feel good.

But this doesn't even look like it feels good. She's in this uncomfortable posture for the entire. How do you have, you got to give it up to her. She's in a stress position for eight hours in this fucking thing. I think there's all. It's like it felt to me it looked like there was sort of boning in it, like a corset.

Yeah. But there's little pockets for for the fat to come out as well. So it was like an extra layer. torture. Got it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, yeah, yeah, no, we've, I think the horse is dead now, but, um, you know, Capacola. She looks great. Okay. Okay, we're moving on. I'm going to have to fucking just, okay. So, well, they discussed that Nia's relationship with her was transactional. And Nia nods while citing that, uh, she was postpartum while that relationship was going. So, Ruby, how badly did you want to throw Nia through a wall in this moment?

Because when Nia is, Nia gives her bullshit response, right? And then when Brittany goes, I just, I was really hurt by it because I was seeing you just like things on Instagram and comment on Instagram. So I was just wondering why you couldn't send me a text message and I was all cut up. And Nia just looks there and goes,

yeah. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, Nia and Kristen multiple times this evening made me, I wanted everyone to be like Lala was during the Rakel reunion. Just that level of Lindsay Hubbard activated. I wanted her, I wanted Brittany at that moment to say, to stand up and scream at Nia and say, no, Nia, but what do you mean?

Because you had your phone. You were liking things on Instagram. Right. You know, things like that. And she'll never, she'll never do that. So. Yeah. Yeah.

We got that. Yeah. All right, let's get to the Lacey and Michelle fight. Lacey heads out and Michelle immediately starts to just stare missiles into her. And I think that she's very frustrated about the veneer. She can't beat the veneer. Lacey's very composed. And I know that there is darkness there. I know that Michelle's seen it.

But Lacey's just so much better at presenting than Michelle. is. Also, I mean, we hear some things from Lacey that I don't think Lacey's capable of. So, Michelle going just absolute fucking nutbag like, you know, monster truck derby trailer trash, just throwing shit in the middle of the road and screaming in the middle of the night. It shows that Michelle and Jesse were actually perfect for one another. They're both nutbags. Yeah. So Michelle didn't do any homework for this reunion. Lacey had said, I'm sorry, Lala had said earlier, like, you know, you prepare for these reunions. but things never come up that you think. No, you prepare for battle. You watch the season. You know what people are going to be coming at you with it. Like, don't be stupid, Lala. So I would have said, Michelle, Lacey's coming out.

She's going to talk about these phone calls. She's going to talk about that argument that you initially had when she wasn't yet on the show. We saw that footage. Now, here's what I'm thinking. Lacey was very concerned in season two when she was not on the show that she would have people talking shit about her,

which was the season. desist the purpose of that, right? So then, but she's kind of like hanging out while they're filming and this is how this argument happened. She was like waiting for production. Do you remember this? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So then production ends. They wrap the season. Michelle claims her own admission. She's wasted sitting at the bar. Yeah, Yamashiro. Lacey approaches her. A fight ensues. It gets broken up. There's a lot of horrible things said to Lacey. That's caught on film that Michelle can't dispute, but Michelle was being horrible. Then there's a phone call the next day in which there's two different stories of what took

place on that phone call, but I believe Lacey, right? And then out of there, you notice the peanut gallery, no one picks aside. And I think they're hedging their bets on who they want to basically join forces with next season. Oh, I don't think so. I think that Michelle got caught with her pants fucking dead. I think Lacey is a Lacey has been through this I think the family that Lacey had to divorce

she is well equipped for battle and I think that a calm disposition with armed facts that are just questions posed as very not aggressive things is going to set Michelle off like she did but I want to point out very very quickly and this was another thing

that made me enraged if I were Michelle Jasmine recording that whoa if I'm Michelle I'm never speaking to you again. Like, what are, what was the point of you doing that? If not to send it to make everyone look like we were crazy and messy. I cannot stand her.

That's a, I don't like it. I had a person back in the day, uh, film me at a bar that was supposed to be a close friend. And I was like, huh, why are you doing this? And it later on. Listen to people when they tell you who they are. That's right. Okay. Jesse, uh, accuses Michelle. Can we just say,

Lacey decimates, Michelle. Decimates. It's just 10, eight rounds the entire way through. Jesse and Michelle, or Jesse calls Michelle, performative and then says maybe that was the wrong word. I think she's fake. I think she's fucking fake. I don't know.

I didn't need to bring that up. That was a throwaway moment from this show, but people do use the word performative. I think seven times this episode. There's a moment where we turn to Jasmine. Can we move on? Well, I was going to say there's a listener question. Montana from Tampana, Minnesota. Jasmine, why are you so fake with your friends in person?

And then when you're doing your confessions, you actually say shit about them. Yeah. Well, she's shouted down a lot in this group. That's what she said. And listen, you know, I don't know. We can just go ahead and call them racist, right? I guess so.

if we if we want to do that let's just go for it. Go for it. Call them whatever you'd like. I mean, my God. All right. We are wrapping up here. We get to Janet. Performative rolled out again.

And my God, Zach rolls out and graciate, which I was surprised to hear him say a word. Was that a big word for him? Yeah, it's a big word for Zach. Go ahead, Ribs. Okay. I was just going to say, this is. is the one of the moments with Kristen that made me want to jump into the reunion and physically stand up and say, no, no, no, not taking that answer, try again. And I would have a paddle

that just said try again. Yeah. And so, so you do need a try again paddle here because what Kristen is saying, she's, she's presented with like the very, very real circumstances of the season, which is like there's nothing that Janet could ever do really outside of licking your feet on the daily that you would accept as an apology. So you just hate her and that's what it is and we can move on from that. But no, Kristen trots out this horseshit about how she can sense real evolution in people. And her evolution, the evolution that she went through when she was on the fritz and on the outs with her cast, was a real substantive growth. What Janet is going through is not that.

She can sense it from a mile away. So actually, oh, big paddle up, try again. Just say you fucking hate her. She's a bitch. It'll be better TV. And also, honestly, Kristen, it's kind of like dogs. You don't need to know the reason why.

They just don't fucking like each other. She rubs me the wrong way. That is a better answer. Janet, I loved when she was like, I would just like an example of how I. And she was like, you know why I don't. like you because you treat Zach so poorly and you and grace. And she was like, okay, can I just have just an example? And they were like, exactly. Another another kind of like, I don't know,

sidestep of a question comes from from Jason when I think someone asks, I think Andy asks Jason why he thinks there's animosity towards Janet. And he says like, I think people would just want to align themselves with the audience. And it's like, Like, I don't know, but you didn't, the audience hates your wife. Yeah. So what, but, so that's just a different governing body of the hatred of your wife. If what, let's, let's broaden it out. Why does everyone hate your wife then?

I, but actually though, like, why? You know, I, I, I, for some reason, I don't hate Janet like that much. She annoys me just like everybody else. Yeah. I think that she's, she doesn't. have, um, it's like you don't hate Searcy Lannister as much in season one as you do in season four, right? So, well, you get to know the person. You get to know the person. They accrue a little bit more power. In this case, it's kind of like a reverse thing where Janet doesn't have the

levers that she could possibly yank down right now. So she's a little bit meek, but she has a very acrid kind of odious quality to her and she's bad at faking it. So that's, I think, why people get upset about it. They, I think she, she doesn't have any authenticity to her. Everything that she does, you can just see, it reeks of just performative. That I can understand.

She's very performing. Yeah, dare I say. The daring to say she's performative, I can get behind. I just, this actual, like, vitriol and hatred. Like, Kristen doesn't have that for Jacks. No. Through your fucking friend into a Rosebush. So, like, let's look inward maybe about that. or something. Exactly. Okay. So we get to, I guess we can wrap like just briefly talk about

Hasselhoff. Is it, it's Hasselhoff? I don't know if, are we, are we sure that? It's Hasselhoff. Yeah. All right. So the story is that's a guy who was hitting on her. No, I think they were hooking up, right? Something of that nature because his wife also blocked her. She strikes me as thinking it would be, listen, I wouldn't fault her. It would, it would, it would be funny to hook up with David Haselhoff. Oh, really? I know it would not, Dylan. For her, it would be.

I don't know how women do that. Same, Pat. I don't either. But okay, can we really quickly- God, after that video of him and that tub eating that cheeseburger? And that was 15 years ago. Yeah, Dylan, no, I don't. Anyways, we get to Brittany being called a liar.

Mm-hmm. And how Zach, that the whole thing, when we have it on camera and Kristen pulls a Ramona, And she's like, no, I didn't. You did. And this was another moment that Andy was like, hey, Jen from Texas wants to know why you lied to everyone's face. It was a banana from Kokana, Missouri.

Thank you, Pat. And then she says, you know, it was like crazy. I was like so like angry or something. I don't know if I like didn't hear her. But yeah, that was like crazy. I know. And then Andy just moves on. Yeah.

And he goes, well, hang on a second for just one second, though. Um, one, I can't fucking breathe. Two, that was extremely fucking vicious and extremely deceitful and extremely hurtful. And, uh, it's not okay that we're just going, oh my God, I was in like such a postpart. I'm like blind rage. I don't even know what was going on. I had too much prosciutto or something.

Like, are you deaf, Kristen? It's Christina. You're awful to your friends. All right. We wrap with, uh, Brittany losing her Kentucky's out. and when they start to go after one another, Andy breaks for lunch. These unions,

oh yeah. They'll come and tag you. Again, in the comments, let us know what you thought of the episode. We love you guys very much. We will be back with Part 2 soon. And possibly even sooner with...

I don't know. Double lives is coming soon. We're very excited about that. When are we going to record? We'll talk about it. Follow Ruby on our substact. great reporting on the straight of Hormuz. She has like, you remember the COVID counter?

Yeah. She has an open and closed counter on her substack. Wow. Yeah. So there's really. Keep tracking that stuff. Yeah. That's really hard-hitting reporting.

And then anything with you, will you got anything going on? All right. We'll see you next week. I'm Dylan saying goodbye. Pat say goodbye. Bye, guys. Ruby.

Bye-bye.