Kill James Bond! - Each and Every Holiday | Below Deck Down Under S2 E10

Episode Date: August 23, 2023

Dylan and Pat are back to breakdown poor sound quality, BravoCon, Emily Ratajkowski, Pat’s grandma, Sixteen Candles, quiet confidence, sharks, ketchup bottles, Burbank airport, and much more from Bravo’s Below Deck Down Under. Ad Free and Uncensored at Patreon.com/AnotherPodcastNetworkYoutube at https://www.youtube.com/@BadT.V.Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/badtvpodcast/Facebook Group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/anotherbachelorpodcast/

What they are doing to this boat. It's unbelievable. It's twisted metal. We've never seen anything like it. Not in this episode. The next episode, he just walks by a thing and just starts turning it for no reason. Who? Oh, Adam.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was understanding the physics of that not to get ahead of ourself. Yeah. Dropping an anchor, which drops from the front of the boat while the boat is cruising along, could cause the boat to have a dead stop and flip around in a 180 type of, like, it could literally kill everybody on the boat. Welcome aboard another brand spanking new episode of another Below Deck podcast.

My name is Dylan. I'm settled up next to one new baby daddy, father of Quentin, father of himself, Patrick Hickey. Great to be here. Permission to come aboard. Kalen, you got kids, huh? I do. Hi. Hey, Dylan, while you're mentioning that, I'd just like to address some critiques of the podcast last week. Oh, Pat. You know, I hate to start a show off negative, but for those of you that had something to say about the poor sound quality i would like to remind you that i was uh calling in uh from a hospital uh less than 48 hours after my son was born because i wanted to be a professional and deliver episodes to you so i'm sorry for the poor audio quality they're like

love the show but your sound sucks. Three stars. Fuck you. Well, I told you we got in that big fight last week where you were like, Dylan, I'm calling in from a hospital. I'm like, it's not good enough. It's going to sound like shit. And we got into that big fight. But yeah, no, it was amazing that you were able to free yourself last week because you're a crazy person. No, I hate hospitals.

You're a fucking crazy person. My son was born. He was laying four feet from me. I was bored out of my mind. I used it as a coping mechanism because I despise hospitals. Right, right, right. And I was a professional. So BravoCon, you want to talk about Bravo Right, right, right. And I was a professional. So BravoCon?

You want to talk about BravoCon? Yeah, yeah. So Dylan and I, and I think Kalen, we will be heading out to BravoCon. We're not fucking paying for Kalen to come out to Las Vegas. Kalen, will you do it if we don't pay you, but we'll give you a hotel room? Yeah. Okay, there you go. There you go.

I don't want to pay for his fucking hotel room. He's going to sleep in the same hotel room as us. All right. Hey, stop being so damn negative. We're going to make this thing happen. Are you saying we're turning ourselves into Pitbull right now? We're going to start taking him to a bus? Yeah, yeah.

I fucking love Neo so much. Go ahead. Oh, sure. Okay, so yeah, Dylan and Kayla and I, I think we're coming out to BravoCon. We'll probably do an event on Saturday night where we'll do maybe a collaboration with Pink Shade, maybe the Reality Gay is not sure yet,

but it will be- We'll have some sea rats there. Yes, I think Fraser said he'll pop in. We'll get a couple other sea rats. Why do you have to say names with sea rats? You know how fucking foolish that is. That is true. I should have learned my lesson.

It is literally- 50 times by now. How many fucking times have we had sea rats stab us in the back with their gnarly little fucking nails? When a sea rat says they're going to come to something, it is literally a coin toss. It is literally a coin toss. I would say it's less than that. It's like a scratcher.

I'll say this, though. Frazier is a different kind of person. He is a professional. He's prompt. Nah, he lulls you into that because he's so handsome and he smells good and he's got Cartier on, but he's a fucking C-Rap. Well, I don't know. I think he's more than that. Anyway, we're going to do that. So, guys,

start talking on that Facebook group about who's going, whatnot, and we'll find a place and we'll let you know more information as it comes in. There you go. Oh go oh hey dylan if you'd like to donate a little or a little more go to patreon.com slash another podcast network subscribe to us on bad tv all the places yeah so there'll be two episodes for below deck this week at another below deck podcast feed and then if you'd like to hear more below deck we're doing season one. I'm not sure if I have Kat showing up this week, but we're going to be

recapping episode five of season one of Below Deck. Or four. Is it four or five? I think it's four. I lose track because that first episode's a little wonky. It was only 22 minutes. Yeah, then they banned the third episode because the, you know. Oh, that's why I'm confused by it. Anyway, go to patreon.com slash another podcast

network and you'll hear the next episode of season one of Below Deck that Dylan and I recap. And it might be with Adrian or Kat from season one. There you go. I don't want to talk to Adrian. It'll be too nasty.

Oh, Dylan, another piece of business. Forgive me. We haven't even gotten to the show. I want to thank everybody who reached out and said, thank you for the birth of my child. Yada, yada, yada. But I just want you to know, I read every single message,

and I'm still getting back to some of you. Thank you for reaching out. It's very sweet what an algorithmic boon it is to have a baby. I wish you could just fucking have them all the time. They love the babies. Yeah. By the way, Sea Rats, I'm taking notes who reached out and who didn't. Captain Glenn, thank you.

Captain Kate, Queen of the Sea, the rest of you. I noticed Sandy didn't bless the child. You call her Captain Kate? Oh, Queen of the Sea Kate. Okay. But Sandy, I'm not a fan of yours already, okay? Captain Lee reached out with a voice memo. I don't like you.

We don't need another one of you. All right. But at least he reached out. True. It's thought that counts. Send diapers to the P.O. box. Let's get into the show. Yes.

I have lots of thoughts. I do, too. You do. All of them bad. Really? Yeah. them bad. Really? Yeah, go ahead. Okay. There was some different stuff in this episode. Stuff that we've never seen on episodes of Below Deck. Dylan, come on now. I see you with that little scrunchy face of cynicism there. Dylan,

have we ever seen a sandbar picnic where literally an island disappears? It only appears for four hours, and they were able to pull that off. That was some fun there. Yeah, that was kind of like Harry Potter in the ocean kind of stuff. That was really, it was captivating. A holiday-themed party with...

Every holiday on the boat. Every, yeah, every holiday. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Way better than those 70s or 80s parties. The only ding on the episode was a very polite guess, but also very boring. Decent episode, middle of the road, 50 knots. All right. I want to talk about Butterboy.

Also, a.k.a. Captain Legohead. A.k.a. Butterball. I don't know why this guy is allowed on reality television any longer. It makes me sad that he came back aboard this vessel. Casting Culver for a second season is a very bachelor kind of producorial mistake in that like someone earnestly thinks that he has a lot to offer with the whole chief and uh entertainment thing now he's starting a little bit of drama but the anger i feel when culver speaks or doesn't speak, because he often doesn't speak. He just

stands around. Outweighs the drama that he causes a little bit. I cannot stand Butterball. I am going to get into him later. Oh my God. Because he's packaged as a golden retriever, old

hey, I'm just a fun guy. I love mom's cooking. Get out of here. Let us make no mistake about it, Culver. You are a douchebag. You are a douchebag. I feel bad with him listening and all. He probably doesn't listen.

He's too busy working out those abs. Yeah. And working on those dance moves. The man can do a backflip and the man's got abs oh yes he does uh but also uh jimmy private school girl i'm close to saying get her out of gen pop i think that she is uh there's something scary with her because she was designed in a reality tv villain lab she is kind of terminator like in this robotic and very horrifying targeting of culver who is a soft target

he is a golden doodle puppy who is also a chauvinist but then the just complete disregard of serena's feelings it was almost lizard person likelike, like Larry Summers. But it's Jemay, private school girl. So those two are just, you know, they're a tornado of drama right now. She will chew him up and shit

him out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get ready there, Captain Legahem. Kalen, how many pots do you give the episode? Not too bad. Okay. 33 pots. Okay. Okay. 33 pots. Okay. Those were great pots. Yeah.

All right. Should we start the show? All right. JWoww and Zarina. This is still minutes after the kiss. Did you say JWoww? JWoww? JWoww?

Oh, say JWoww because JWoww is a very, very famous character from the Jersey Shore. Oh, JWoww. Yeah. All right. Love you, JWoww. Yeah. Still around making money off that new jersey shore shit all right uh she's a cool mom joel says the obvious if

captain legohead and zerina had a connection and uh he made out with the new girl then he's a dick yeah now i'm gonna say something very very controversial here. Oh, God. I support the kiss, and here's why. Unless you guys tell me something wrong. Have Zarina and Captain Legohead made out? No, but that's the problem. Culver does this long game bait thing that he does. You know, it's like if the bait was a really long eel and you'd have to just keep taking bites and bites and bites and bites before you got to the hook.

That's what he does to women. There's this slow rolling out thing, and it comes from him just wanting to keep irons in the fire. He does not like Serena. He didn't like Bertini. But he has that... I forgot about Bertini. He does the same thing, and he has a conversation with Harry in this episode or the next episode.

It certainly wasn't when they were standing next to each other in the urinals, and that looked like an optical illusion. But he's like, oh, it's the best when you've got a chick on board. They make your bed. It's just like you know what you're doing. Yeah. It's not this Captain Lego head head thing this is insidious fair enough but i i gotta be consistent here they have not uh what do you call it consummated with a kiss or anything he's single ready to mingle he's still

a douchebag yeah there's cigarettes all right see of course yeah so uh harry is so fucking stoked for this guy he can't contain himself yeah hey easy harry okay there was a little kissing here he kissed a really cute girl he didn't eat uh emily radikowski's asshole okay slow it down why do you have to slow it down but he's just talking about author emily is that who you're talking about don't forget Don't forget she has a podcast, too, that no one listens to. Author and podcaster Emily Rajnikowska. Emily, uh, M. Rada. Hey, M. Rada, if you're a listener, by the way, Patty

would love to be on your show. Okay? Yeah. It's gross when you reduce her. What do you mean? People are just like, oh, she's in that Robin Thicke video. So let's move on, please. Let's move on.

Oh, okay. Hey, I got to tell you, my notes are horrible. All right, let me take us on a journey for this episode. Okay, so meanwhile, Harry is denied a kiss because Margot has better things to do.

She says, I'd like to dance. And then she said, he didn't buy that. And she's like, well, I'd like to read a dictionary. Anything other than having physical contact with you, Harry. All right. I'm going to. Oh, Harry. Harry, I'm going to give you some advice if you're a listener.

OK, you're a goofy looking motherfucker, but that's OK. No, no, no, no. Hold on. Kid, no, no, no. Hold on. Hold on. Kid, kid, kid, kid. I think he's classically handsome in like a freakishly big kind of way. Harry, in three years, you're going to feel a little tingly thing all over your body. It's pubic hair growing.

Patrick. He's got the body of a 12-year-old. Who's a trickster? Come on, man. In 10 years, you'll get some facial hair. And here's the good news for you. In another 15, you're going to have the time of your life, man. Okay?

You're going to grow into your own right now. He's 55 years old. Come on, man. All right. No, things are not going well between those two, though. Yeah, yeah. You know, here's a note. It's sad that these sea rats are always- I love when you get excited to get to a note. No, no, yeah. You know, here's a note. It's sad that these sea rats are always...

I love when you get excited to get to a note. No, no, no. They're always so intoxicated because they can't see the clear signs of rejection that are before them. They're too intoxicated. Are these signs... Because it's glowingly apparent to any sober person that Margo is disgusted by you, Harry. Yeah. Harry, like, I don't know.

That's a complicated one because he should know, but also Margot does. It is very opaque messaging from Margot. Yeah. Well, for one that's schooled in the art of flirting, I would know. Right. But in the second episode, I think, after we've had two hours, thank you, Peacock, thank you, Bravo, two hours, thank you, Peacock, thank you, Bravo, of them kind of awkwardly being Harry and Margot together.

Right. And when we get to the end, she says, can we... Be cuddle buddies. No, she says, can we just keep doing what we're doing? Right. Which is adding no clarification to the situation whatsoever. Fair enough, mixed messaging. It's masochistic, I would say. All right, fair enough.

She's pulling a Culver. She really is. All right, so can we get to, there's the van rides back, and Culver and, they're like, Culver and, what do you call her, Jemay? That's how we pronounce it?

Jemay Private School. They are sucking face. Oh my God. Very intense kissing. Yeah. So they get back. Is this when Zarina pushes Culver lightly and says slut or something like that? That's later?

That's the next episode. Oh, okay, okay. All right, so Butterball and Private School Girl. I love how they're like, I don't want to cause any drama. So we get a little meanwhile. Meanwhile, Adam tells Margo that she's got to count to three and go in there and tell him because

Adam's from Brooklyn. Adam knows I get it. You think this guy's a total fucking pussy. Go fucking tell him it's straight. You know, I get I get chasing. I just go fucking tell him go out straight, you know? Well, I could chase an ex-boy, just go fucking tell him he's a fucking pussy. Go out and play some stickball, you know? Come on.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. His brother got jumped. Yeah, he gets home, and it's just this scene out of The Sopranos where he's like, why did you kids make me do this? And they're like, do what? And then he just beats. What year are we living in, by the way?

So he tells Margo, yeah, get in there and go give it to him straight, kid. So she, she does. All right, rock.

One more round. But so she goes in there and it doesn't work out well. She ends up turning into a cuddle bunny for a while. Right. And then she returns to Adam and I think he says, you're a complete disappointment. Yeah. All right. Next

day. Next morning. Sheffy wakes up absolutely furious. And Culver's sneaking around like a goddamn spy trying to dodge the Nazis. It's like looking around each door like, what are you, in the movie 1917? What the fuck? No one's coming out with a rifle for you, dude.

You're just trying to hide the fact that you banged Jemay in the shower. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah, they do bang in the shower. Wait, so spies? Yeah, yeah, spies. Trying to get away from Nazis? Yeah, yeah.

Okay. That was more like Valkyrie. I don't think that was 1917. That was just two friends running for a long time. But one of them fucking dies. Yeah, the guy. They're trying to save that guy out of the plane. He's stabbing him.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was jarring. Oh, so jarring. It's crazy how slow and violent death can be. how slow and violent death can be. And that right there really illuminated just how painful it is. Anyway, he's sneaking around like a spy. And then Jemay lets us know she broke a girl code,

but screw it, and I appreciate it. She said, screw it, I'm a fucking sea rat. She says I'm a sea rat. Now, Harry, the Riz continues you know riz oh yeah riz yeah yeah yeah the riz continues he walks out he sees margo and she's brushing your teeth? And she is visibly annoyed. She's like, yeah. All right. Contact lenses again a day before Scott gets here.

I don't think this is appropriate. Yeah. Okay. All you assholes out there that are throwing hate at Dylan and I. All right. I don't want to see scenes like this. This is a lot of intimacy here. Okay. All right.

And he definitely has in his phone. If you go through Captain Hot Pants phone, under his phone, her name is the girl I'm definitely not having sex with, Johnson. It's his girlfriend. She's going through his phone. Who's this Johnson person? He's like, well, I'm not sure, but I'm not having sex with her.

And she's like, well, I can see that. It says you're not, but who is it? All right. They think they're funnier than they actually are. Yeah. I should read reviews. Adam goes up to Aisha. He's like, count to three.

Get in there. Tell him how you feel. She said, what are you talking about? All right. So Harry recounts. Margo told him she didn't want anything serious. I forget who he tells this to. Oh, I was probably Adam, right?

Yeah. And then the risk continues. Harry, Harry sees Margo through a window. He's like, hey, and he breathes a heart like on it. She's like, oh, man. So Dylan to break it up. Maybe you and I need a minute or two to gather Ugh. Oh, man. So, Dylan, to break it up, maybe you and I need a minute or two to gather ourselves. I think so.

I think this has come at the perfect time. It's one of the most important, I guess, segments of the entire goddamn show. It's time for... The Preference Shade Meeting! All righty, charter number five. Should we get him to do a little ditty? Like some music? Yeah.

We should add that in in post. No, I know. I just feel bad making him throw the music in. You know what I mean? Do you want to add some music to it? I'd rather just do a ditty myself. Oh, yeah. You go.

So can you do a ditty? Didn't like that. Didn't like that. He's workshopping it. You put him on the spot. Go ahead, Kay. Let's not do that on Mike, though. He's workshopping it. You put him on the spot. Go ahead, Kay. Let's not do that on Mike, though. Let's workshop it off Mike,

because that was... Sorry. I'll figure it out. Okay. I believe you can. Okay. Charter number five, a one-day charter with six guests.

Primaries are Becky Madsen and her fiance, Michelle Harrington. They reside in Waukesha, Wisconsin. I believe it's Waukecha. Waukecha, Wisconsin. Becky is a stay-at-home mother, and Michelle owns a chain of grocery stores. They will be joined by their daughters, Megan and Claire, and their sons, Andy and Elliot. Claire's a drinker.

Patrick, let him do the goddamn thing uh this is the first family charter uh for this season's crew so they most likely won't be getting shit-faced unless they're anything like joao's family yeah their one-day charter itinerary request is that they want a barbecue style lunch on the beach for dinner they would like a holiday themed dinner party chef is to put her own holiday spin on the dishes and that can be any of the holidays she chooses no dietary restrictions and that concludes the preference meeting all right can i tell you that was so fantastic it had jokes it had accurate information and i hope that you got this he's over here and i want to get your take on this your temperature he's over here just completely kicked up. He's DMing people. He's not listening at all.

I wasn't DMing anybody. I can see it though. You have it open. You were DMing people. Don't look at my phone. I got what he said. Sorry. He reacted at one point. Well, I'd give it 90 pots thank you um a little embarrassed by

you right now i apologize for my lack of professionalism yeah let's get into the show uh deck team meeting joao addresses the uh the shut the fuck up uh talk yeah yeah yeah i i like this this is very transparent to me as a manager. It could be uncomfortable, but he basically says, hey, I'm sorry I came in here with all the guns a-blazing, you know? But, you know,

you guys want to talk shit about me, why don't we just lay it on the table right now? Yeah. A little intense. Mm-hmm. A little intense. I thought his delivery was, I thought it was okay.

Any of you guys got anything to say? Oh, look at this. Look at this. Our lips are sealed, huh? Well, anyway, I think they all do pipe up a little bit. Well, I kind of thought the other day when you spoke to me, it could have been a little nicer. Okay, duly noted.

Duly noted. Anyway, everybody kisses and makes up, and hopefully that's not the end of the drama on the deck team. No, it won't. They're going to destroy the boat. Before the season's over, the boat will not be a serviceable vessel. What they are doing to this boat. It's unbelievable.

It's twisted metal. We've never seen anything like it. Not in this episode. The next episode, he just walks by a thing and just starts turning it for no reason. Who? Oh, Adam. Adam.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was understanding the physics of that not to get ahead of ourself. Dropping an anchor, which drops from the front of the boat while the boat is cruising along, could cause the boat to have a dead stop and flip around in a 180 type of like... It could literally kill everybody on the boat. I was going to say, if that anchor goes all the way out and lands on the floor of the ocean,

it'll pull the boat in half like a fucking... Like make it a PB&J, but just a one piece and suck it into the fucking ocean. This guy's a liability. You can't have that stuff on the boat. We'll see if he ends up sticking around. This shit's made out of fucking hammered tinfoil

in this vessel. It's a fucking fishing boat. You know, my grandmother used to ball up used aluminum tinfoil. Microwave it? Nah, she says they make planes out of this. Now that I think about it, she's probably lying to me. All right, can I get to Jemay?

Jemay does a pretty bold move here. You can't, because what was she doing with the balls? She said that she'd give it to some department that was built. They build planes out of it. Guys, get in the comments section. Let me know if that's true or not. You don't think she was just chewing on them, do you? Well, she could have been.

My grandmother's the same person that, when I was watching the film Jaws and it went to a commercial, she said they go to commercial because they need to reset the electronic sharp. Well, that's a sweet thing to say. But storing up aluminum balls so you can chew on them when your family's not around, that's weird. Okay, let's move on.

Jemay. Jemay. Best part of the episode, most uncomfortable part of the episode, in my opinion. What's that? Jemay walks behind Zarina. Oh, my God, yeah. Grabs her by the waist. Yeah.

Says, I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings. I love if. I love the inclusion of the word if and zarina recoils yeah and asks for some space and then i believe zarina breaks down the entire film uh 16 candles uh she says yeah there's a jock there's a weird girl there's a pretty cheerleader there's joan kusak in that weird neck brace thing. The only character she didn't mention in this recounting was Long Duck Dong. Dong? Yeah.

What did you do with my automobile, Dong? Yeah. Yeah. Did you ever see 16 Candles? It's a cultural blind spot for me. I'm laughing along, but I am not sure what you're talking about. Well, there's a character. These old people, they did a foreign exchange to let them live with them

because they wanted their landscaping done for free. Can we not? I don't want to talk about the movie anymore. Okay. Jemay is a very, very frustrating type of person. is a very, very frustrating type of person. That being someone with nauseating amounts of confidence, but quiet confidence

because they're so confident in their quiet confidence. She's walking around. She knows she's stunning. She knows she's stunning she knows she looks like a navi you know she's making out with people's guys she's going in the next morning giving hugs just thinking that she's going to run rough shot all over this boat can i she kind of will and she is and she is talent in the reality TV world where I can see her doing a season on Summer House or Winter House. Bravo.

This is not the last we see. Oh, my God. Could you imagine what would happen to Corey if private school girl Jemay walked in? His happy trail would flip upside down the right way. Fucking hate that guy. It wouldn't be three minutes those two kids would be spitting in each other's mouths. Yeah.

Yeah. That'd be their fucking hug. These kids these days. Hi, my name's Corey. I know your name. Hi, my name's Tremay. Sierra's like, oh, look at them getting along. All right, so we move on.

Provisions, a bunch of boring shit, and then the guests arrive. Yes, exactly. So the family arrives. Do we have permission to come aboard, Captain? You're going to get eaten up. You got to have more backbone than that. Come on. You're paying for the vacation.

These people are going to be a breeze. They are very, very sweet. I mean, Aisha's telling her that she can do housekeeping. Mm-hmm. Again, the Sea Rats really, if there's any break in the hierarchical chain, they will crawl above you mighty quickly. They already say horrible things about you in the galley.

Pat, I'm losing my mind. Oh, yeah. Okay, okay. So Margo bonds over being from Wisconsin who gives a shit. We learned where the kids are and their educational trajectory. Oh, yeah. The mom really burns one of the kids. What did she say?

She's like, this one's... I almost said it. But the other three are geniuses. Right. But not this one. This one sucks. Every batch has a spoiled one. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, then Adam learned from his mom. I don't know why this happened. Oh, I guess the guests were being nice or something. I don't know. Adam said he's going to be nice to everybody because he learned from his mom to show the janitor the same respect as you show the CEO. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. That's nice, but that's how we should all behave, I guess. But we don't always. We once worked for someone who... Oh, don't do this. They're never going to know who I worked for. It was an A-lister that... Everyone else is a loser in his eyes except for A-listers.

I wouldn't say A-lister. It was a guy I worked for. Everyone's a loser. Yeah. Anyway. But there's a technical kind of hiccup in this aphorism from his mom.

It doesn't necessarily treat them well. So Adam walks around yelling for... He's just very Brooklyn to people. So he's probably like, I don't know. Do you get what I'm saying? Oh, yes.

Like he might face push a janitor and a CEO. Oh, okay. He's consistent is what you're saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I appreciate that. Head down to the bodega, give me a Gatorade. And then he pushes them in the face. And the one guy's like, I run Exxon Mobil.

My mother always taught me. You're fucking fired, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, Captain Lego goes into the galley because he thinks he's going to get his daily free food sampling there. But you're cut off. You're cut off, buddy. The thing that drove me the craziest over this two episode

was Culver talking about how he needs to eat. I don't want to present anger. I don't want to get nasty. I don't think the audience likes that. It has a very stinging energy signature. I can't take it anymore. He can't say anything else about

Sheffy and how I need some corn. None of it. You just have to stop being yourself, which is impossible, which is why I'm pessimistic about it. Well, Dylan, I've been pretty transparent about it. You just have to stop being yourself, which is impossible, which is why I'm pessimistic about it. Well, Dylan, I've been pretty transparent about it. Hey, Culver, you're a douchebag. That's okay. You can grow on me. Case in point, minutes later, he prepares for his daily shift. He decides to customize his work uniform. Bedazzle. Bedazzle. Yeah. Yeah. You know,

I have a memory, very briefly briefly i went to a wedding when i was 10 and uh i went through the whole wedding with your little white uh dress shirt with your tie on and then uh everybody starts dancing because it's the uh the reception i go in the bathroom like i'm in some 80s movie you know and i pull the shirt out i take the tie off a little rail of coke i don't get four steps out of that goddamn bathroom. Some old gray-haired bastard said, tuck your goddamn pants in, young man.

It scared the shit out of me. From that day on, I always had respect for a uniform. Anyway, I don't know if that applies to this whole Culver thing, but anyway, Joao says, go get your fucking shirt on. I'm pretty high right now, so I'm not sure that it did.

I don't remember the last thing you said. That's okay. But that guy sounds like a real putz. I was like, I hope you die. I didn't say that I was 10. But I did. I was like, I hope this old guy dies soon. Yeah.

Sounds like Mrs. Wasserman with my white polo. I mean, she'd always bust me. Got to tuck that in, Ren. Shut up, bitch. And then one time she heard me. And I was in the principal's office and I was crying immediately. So you had some hard ass on you, too. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. She said, why are you crying?

I said, what do you think? You should have said, because I learned you're going to be dying. No, no. All right. We have to. We're losing it. We're losing it. Okay.

Let's get to the cool lunch on the sandbar. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. This is a unique experience. Okay. This is not a place where feral rabid dogs live or hypodermic needles on a goddamn beach, which we saw last season this is a place that is really rad the only thing element that could be added to this to make it

way fucking cooler waterfall sharks oh oh you're oh you're talking about the mission impossible of it all i'm just saying you're on this island and then one of these guys should have just said hey i don't know if you saw that that's a that's a bull shark right there matt yeah and then you're on this island and then one of these guys should have just said hey i don't know if you saw that that's a that's a bull shark right there matt yeah and then you're eating your turkey sandwich you're like holy shit i better hurry up you know what the sandbar lunch the picnic no but what are you talking about in terms of that improving what are you saying you want to be on vacation and have a bull shark feet away from you like oh fuck are you talking about the show and then uh evacuating it when you're paying for this experience you don't think you're in the hands of a bunch of broken people that are

sea rats that might get you killed you're thinking you're working with professionals you see that bull shark over there as you're finishing your fucking tuna wrap yeah and you're like oh they're pointing that out there's's no way it's going to eat me. Oh, right. Okay. The tender is not going to show up in time. How cool is that? Oh, okay.

Got it. So you're into exotic and dangerous vacation. That's my point. Right. Like going to Thailand and ordering cheeseburgers from everyone. Well, fair enough. Or smoking a joint in a shark tank or something or like a shark cage or something yeah yeah i don't know different things make sure that's like make sure there's

glass around it so i could smoke a joint in there you got any pot uh okay so we have to talk about the show we're losing it oh sorry sorry okay all right so a smart move uh uh i guess as far as uh employees go because margo gets swapped out for jamae because initially yeah they had uh zarina and culver and jamae all working on that very very very small island only lives for four hours a day. Yeah, no, no, no. I don't know how that happened, why Kermit would let that happen. But anyway, the problem is solved,

and she sends Margo out there. Really quickly before all that, or in the middle of it all transpiring, Culver has this moment that's just so weaselly and cowardly when he walks into the galley, and he's like, he needs a little salt. Like, you know, he has this weird, like, foot on the first step of the pool kind of thing that he's doing with Serena, and it's just... What it is is I don't think he can factor in

that he's actually hurt her feelings at all, and he's still thinking it's kind of a game. It's fun. I think he knows that he hurt her feelings.'s he's clearly a very very dumb human being i mean he doesn't i listen i haven't seen 16 candles you know people have blind spots but to not know if someone says cupid and you are just in a world of mystery. That's fucking, that's scary. Because that's an inability to have things file into the subconscious mind. He's heard that word 50,000 times, but it's never gotten in there.

So when it's said, he says, what? Are you getting ahead of yourself? Yes, I am. All right, so lunch is served on this beach. Now, Dylan, I forgot what they serve. I guess you're getting ahead of yourself. Yes, I am. All right, so lunch is served on this beach. Now, Dylan, I forgot what they served you. I guess you're in charge of that. But I hate to be judgy because everything looks great here. It's lobster, mac and cheese, steak, and corn. All right.

And also a ketchup bottle on the table. Yeah. All right. Sea rats always fuck it up on some level. Like nothing can ever be perfect. Right. We're on a beach that lives for four hours a day we have what you just said what mac and cheese and some lobster or whatever that's your mac cheese lobster steak

corn squirt a little bit of that uh ketchup in a ramekin i don't even know there's a word for it but you do apparently sea rats don't yeah set a couple of those on the goddamn table and then we got some class there it's so funny like i'm thinking about like a white dinner a white table service and you get this beautiful food and then they come by and they just put the diner ketchup and mustard on the table and you're just like what the face are we on a sketch right now so bizarre are are we at denny, yeah. All right, so there's a panic that ensues over the tender getting breached or beached. It does not get beached, as is customary. Now, I'm sure some of our yachty experts will let Patty have it here.

They make a big deal out of this. First off, all the guests are safely back on the boat. Now we're just talking about picnic tables and shit, and they're having trouble pushing this off. And Joao talks about waves coming in and a tide and what have you or worst case scenario let the water rise hop in the boat and start the engine they could all gotten in the boat and just hung out maybe even smoked a joint you know and then waited for the tide to rise and they could have driven off. The thing about the Mission Impossible kind of stuff in Below Deck is that it just so rarely ever pays off. I think of Ashton.

He's got two legs still. He's got two legs. He's eating 14 eggs a day. He's on Instagram calling people fat, telling them that he could help them not be so fat. And that's kind of the peak of it. You know what I mean? All right.

So we move on to dinner. Halloween dinner, Christmas dinner. I don't know. Lots of dinners. We're not there yet. I apologize. Serena and JWoww. Sorry, JWoww. Chat about how Culver's a dick. lots of times you weren't we're not there yet i apologize serena and jowow sorry jwow

chat about how culver's a dick and then they lay the groundwork for them fucking each other now asia and myself spotted and everybody who watched the show spotted this out last week uh the cement is wet for the coitus between these two now you thought it was disgusting that asia brought up that she was was going to bed with a monster, but it does seem that Joao has turned a corner of sorts. Even Aisha's like, he's doing better.

He's fine. So maybe it's not as big of a crime. Maybe you should be outraged. Yeah. Well, I mean, look, we've all been a dick, and, you know, maybe he's grown. It's been a few years.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I do think him and Zarina are definitely going to bang. Yeah, and I kind of ship them in a weird way. But we were talking about serial killers blaming their bad mothers on their string of murders. To Joao, I think he has a justifiable card to pull out. I was robbed six times in six nights. Shot at people.

I shot myself and shot at people. I mean, the guy's been through some stuff. Still kind of a dick, though, huh? Yeah. I think that's when later and minutes later when he bonds over Adam's brother getting jumped. Yeah. All right. So first we have to get to the dinner.

We've got spider net soup. Yeah. Well, you know, I blame the guests for this one, you know? Yeah. Can I? Please. We've got a pumpkin throwing up. Can I?

Please. We've got a pumpkin throwing up. And we've got stuff for old Turkey. Fried cauliflower, cabbage puree. Yeah. Yeah. 85 pots. 85 pots. Yeah.

So there's a lot in between the courses. Yeah. Culver being dressed as Cupid, which he doesn't know what that is. Zarina notes Culver is a beautiful whore. Yeah, physically beautiful whore. Adam reflects on missing family. And then after the meal, the family goes down at 9.15. Thank you.

You know, Burbank is really going downhill. They've got all these flights coming in. And when you go there, if you miss one, you're fucked. You know, I think it's an overrated airport. And it's so loud, these planes. We're working to see if we can get them to divert their planes. Because it's every 10 goddamn minutes starting at like 7. Yeah, I feel like Albert Brooks and this is 40.

So, guys, what happens next is that angry Adam gets a call from his mom. He didn't answer that text. If I get a text from my mom saying, hey, something happened to your brother, call me. He doesn't. This is hours later when the mother finally called him and said, hey, your brother got jumped by four kids. Yeah.

Thank God he's all right. You got to ask the question, though, right, your brother got jumped by four kids. Yeah. Thank God he's all right. You got to ask the question, though, right, Kalen? Right. We were talking before the episode. Kalen really loves Ploydeck. He's probably way more passionate about it than we are. And Kalen was like, you know what happened to Adam's brother? And I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And he goes, you got to ask. And I said, what? And he goes, you got to ask. And I said, what? And he said, what'd he do? And I said, what are you talking about? And Kalen said, well, you don't just get jumped. I mean, what'd the kid do? It's a good point. I said, Kalen, that is a gross question.

We're talking about a child getting hurt. Yeah. But he probably did something to piss those kids off, you know? I'm not saying he deserved to be jumped by four people, but... Yeah. You know Kalen, though. Mean streets of Studio City. Yes, yes, yes, yes.

Oof. You should have seen him trying to make his way from his mansion to... Coffee Bean? To Hunga. Yeah. To Hunga Village. Yeah. Where you eat at Aroma Cafe.

Yeah. You don't want to throw Yeah. Where you eat at Aroma Cafe. Yeah. You don't want to throw up the wrong sign in that neighborhood. They might get your apple and brie panini wrong. They're like, you know what? Fuck him. Don't put the honey on. All right.

All right. Is this the end of the episode? No, it's not. Sorry, we're a little loopy. I keep projecting that on us. I'm high. I'm loopy. I'm sorry. Margo is really getting the ick for Harry. Breakfast is served. And that's when

Culver doesn't know how to lay out the tender rope properly. And then the boat parks. And Adam doesn't throw how uh to lay out the tender rope properly and then the boat parks and adam doesn't throw that they call them fenders those are those blow-up things that are the just that very little safeguard between the metal of a boat and the in the dock yeah and uh does the boat get another goddamn ding here yes i believe it does yeah a one grand ding um i'm concerned for adam because in the next episode he also fucks up at the tail end. I think the editing is making a case that this young man

is going to be handed his walking paper sooner than later. But we'll see. Oh. Oh. Perhaps the bonding of Joao and Adam over a tough childhood. Hard scrabble. Will make the termination that much harder on our anti-hero, Joao. He loves him.

He wants to groom him into a new Joao. But he can't be trusted. He'll kill everybody if he's on another boat like this. Jumping iTunes Ranger Reviews. Pat, take it away. All right, guys. Thanks for listening. Caitlin, say goodbye

I want to get out of here Patreon Patreon.com another podcast network we're covering first season OG you can hear all the coverage there plus a free show of another podcast show that's where Dylan and I just

this week I'm going to talk a lot of shit about the hospital where my baby boy was born. I can't wait to talk shit about hospitals. I just got a $14,000 bill for a fertility test. It's fucking crazy. Anyway, you can get all that on our Patreon. We'll talk about healthcare. There. Oh, and go in the

review section of this podcast on Apple Podcasts and give us five stars and say how great we are. Kalen? Goodbye? No, do you have anything to plug? Oh, no, just be good to each other.

Be good to each other? Yeah, man, he's plugging peace and love, man. You never asked him that. You put him on the spot there. Sorry. Yeah, don't worry about me. Can we get out of here yeah be be good to each other everybody all right yeah stay frosty stay frosty love you all i'm dylan saying goodbye pat say goodbye later dylan Thank you.