Another Below Deck Podcast - Ellie Takes Over | Below Deck Down Under S4 E9

Episode Date: March 31, 2026

Dylan and Pat are back to break down Wu-Tang Clan, flies, Power Rangers, scud missiles, A Beautiful Mind, Tiger Woods, cream cheese, Champagne, soft-scrambled eggs and more from Bravo's Below Deck Down UnderPATREON: https://www.patreon.com/anotherpodcastnetwork  YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/@badtvpod  INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/badtvpodcast/?hl=en

Ben, as things are kind of going fairly well, says to Joow, I need you to get in here and rotate these dishes. And Ellie, who is, it's important to remember, you know, if this is your first time watching this show, you'd probably go, oh, Ellie's a pretty tough boss on Ben. No, that's not the dynamic, actually. It's the reverse. But when Ben says that, Ellie tells him to shut his little bitch ass up,

and that she's going to actually be doing the dishes. It's insane the way she's talking to. Hello, good morning. Good afternoon. Good evening to you. And good night. I'm Dylan and that's Pat. Hey.

Kalen's behind the glass. Hello. How's that banana milkshake? It's delicious. I gave Kalin a little banana milkshake zen. That's nice of you. Thank you. Doesn't that sound gross?

I didn't hear what I just know that you got him something that you didn't bring for me. And I'm not turning this into a bit, but obviously you, did you guys talk before the show? You know what? Give him one. I don't want one now. No, give him one. Here you go. Here.

What is this? Oh, I don't want this. Yeah. It's like you giving him a buzz ball, you know? I don't want that. I'm not insulted. What are you looking at in your phone? Well, because we watch this episode of Below Deck,

and I'm just going to be honest with you. I haven't said this in a long time. We did this for a while in probably midway through our journey through recapping episodes. I don't think there's a lot here. I'm concerned that I don't think we can make it to the 45 minute mark, which peek behind the curtain. That means a little bit of monetary stuff for us with ads and stuff like that. I'm going to struggle to get there, so I'm going to add some filler.

Yeah, see, for me, of course, you know, we're here to, um, We're here to entertain the masses. We're here to bring a smile to the faces of those in the darkness and or the light. You know? Well, that's why I was looking at my phone. I'm going to bring light to the masses. Okay. Can I finish?

Oh, sure. But we're also here to make guat, you know. To quote Wu Tang, cash rules everything around me. You know, you big Wu Tang. You're a big Wu Tang guy. Oh, 36 chambers. Oh, man, that's a masterpiece. piece.

Are they the ones that do the, I'm going to sew your asshole shut and just keep feeding you and feeding you and feeding you? Is that what they, that? I think that was the movie Centipede. No, no, no, no. Inspired by Wu Tang, I think. But anyways, uh, 45 minutes is a very round, wonderful number for a narrative fulfillment in a below deck recap podcast. So that's usually why we try to hit that mark. But tonight, and I think throughout the, you know, the season in general,

you know, I'm a little concerned. I don't know if we're in a malaise because of the years and years of... It's not that. What is going on? I don't know. We got bugs in here. Dylan, there's a lot of flies.

All right. The doors were open. We did movie night in the studio last night. We had the doors open because we were smoking cigars. I apologize. But Dylan, this is an audio format. They're not seeing the flies. This is only a you thing.

No. Let it go. There's cameras all over the place. Well, Oh my God. You want to hear something crazy? So I'm watching the finale of laws of attraction or attraction, something on Netflix, whatever. Fatal attractions.

Whatever it was. Yeah. Boy, a bunch of producers must have gotten fired for this. During the commitment ceremony, basically the love is blind wedding at the altar, the finale where the two people are either going to break up or stay committed forever or whatever. Right, right. They pick this location where there's a bunch of fucking flies everywhere. I want every single couple, are they got like a million flies, like, planting like seeds of new mosquitoes on their heads.

Did you know flies shit every time they land? Is that right? Mm-hmm. Oh, my God. Boy, are we doing good adding filler so far, Kay? Great. I think we've got three minutes we killed there. But let's talk about the season.

I worry because I worry more about us because. Age of Attraction was the show. We're going to be fine, but I don't, I, I do mirror. your sentiment that something's missing. Kaelin. Kaelan, we've told you so many times. Once the show starts, you can't stand. You have to remain seated the entire time. I mean, how many times? I think he's trying to have we said that. While we think that the show is lacking, I also have to ask myself what more we could ask for. Tonight, we had love. We had conflict. We had incompetence. We had disgusting looking food. We had had everything you could possibly ask for in a below deck episode. I mean, the eggs looked like discharge,

you know? Well, you know, I guess we could talk about what we get there, but one of those eggs, I don't know how this even happened. I think one of those eggs actually had a living chicken come out. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And the chicken was so happy to be alive. He was going to be a chicken McNugget. Uh-huh. And he actually ended up being alive. Yeah. And I was like, imagine. what's going to be written on that goddamn comment card. Two stars. Almost ate a living chicken in my eggs. Yeah.

Almost ate a living chicken who was destined to become a chicken McNugget in my eggs. Not a fan two stars. Before we get into the episode, housekeeping, we've got summer house. We've got... Real Housewives of Rhode Island. We're doing that a Patreon?

I think that one's going to be... Yeah, that's a Patreon. And then we're going to do the Valley Free. Right. Exactly. Okay, so go to patreon.com slash another podcast network. Donate a little or a little more. As much as you can give.

Okay. Yeah. Not as much just within the tears. Here's my pitch on this is why I was looking at my phone. Yeah. Here's the pitch for Patreon. Okay, just this week we dropped another podcast show. Yeah.

Where we talked about a lot of stuff. But basically, I complained that my wife doesn't want to have sex with me anymore. Yeah, yeah. I don't know why. I got a six pack right now. I'm funny. I heard women like humor. I'm a nice guy.

I take her out to nice dinners. I hug her and kiss her all the time. Despite all that, she does not want anything to do with me. So a bunch of our female listeners in the comments section gave a bunch of advice. And one woman, one female listener, dare I say a hero, she said, you know, when I didn't want to have sex with my husband, I said once a week, and I'm not recommending this to anybody. She said, I told this asshole, okay, I don't want anything to do with you. you can have sex with me for five minutes once a week. I think she put a stopwatch on her back or something to keep track of it.

I wouldn't want that because I'd be too focused on the stopwatch and I get nervous up at my head. But anyway, that's the solid kind of stuff we get from our listeners, the little patties. Oh, and then I wanted to say, and then you and I did a wonderful PMZ. That's my show where I talk about anything that I want to. And I want the listeners to see the spectrum. These are the people that pay us big bucks to hear shows like the one I put out. One reviewer, this is the latest review. This is a reviewer that said, hands down one of the best PMZs episodes on record.

Start to finish. Pure Gold, Patrick is unhinged in the absolute best way possible. And then just a few comments down, wow, I experienced the complete opposite. It sounded like an episode of a few bitter men. Now, this is a person that pays us everybody. Right, right. Can you believe that? You know what?

I didn't think we were a bitter. I don't really think that there, see, see, a bitterness implies that there is something to be bitter about, whereas PMZ is wall-to-wall nonsense. I mean, we genuinely do not care about anything that we're talking about on PMZ. I mean, Pat literally wrote an email to Buzzball blaming Kalin for a. message that had previously been sent about blaming buzzball for Patrick blacking out on OZempe and making members of a restaurant uncomfortable. Okay. Bitter.

I mean, we're talking about nonsense. How can you be bitter about a freaking, you know, nonsense? Right. Okay. Let's get into the episode. Kaelan, how many pots would you give it? 50 pots. Seems high.

Yeah. Um, Ben is, Ben is losing it a bit. Losing it now a bit? The food's been dirt from the beginning. And tonight we have a... We served a living chicken. Tonight we have, uh, you know,

uh, are you familiar with the film adaptation of my Morphid Power Rangers, Dr. Ouse? Are you? Yeah. You are. Yeah. Really?

That's teenage mutant ninja turd. No. Oh, it's not. Is it Ouse, Dr. Ouse? Who's the purple guy, Mighty Morp and Power Rangers, the film adaptation? Oh. He's purple, ooze. Oh, Kaelin's looking that up?

Yeah, I think. I don't know what he's doing. By the way, deep dive on PMZ last year. Ivan Oos. 19 Power Rangers have died in mysterious ways. The curse of the Power Rangers did a deep dive on that. Don't ever be a Power Ranger. Walter Emmanuel Jones is still doing good.

Oh, okay. So anyways, the chicken came from the ooze that was discharged out of the veggie omelet. We'll get to it. But the reason why I say Ben is losing it a little bit is because it seems as though when he was reprimanding and condemning and, you know, depending on your vantage verbally assaulting Alicia, which I don't think so. Alicia. Alicia. he had the gravitas of a self-important chef who thinks he's important because he was on a couple of seasons of below deck. That is gone now.

Ben seems hapless, hopeless and helpless in the presence of one Balkan biscuit, who I'll go on to next. Unhinged. Okay? I understand that just because you're from a different culture doesn't mean that you have to get on a chemical cocktail to rearrange your emotions. But maybe think about it. I don't know, 12 pots. 12 pots. I want to address quite a few things that you just talked about.

Yeah, please. I think the Balkan Biscuit at some point with Ben and the pots and pans, I think she's triggered. I think she's seeing the scud missiles coming down and she's running trying to dodge them. Right. God, I didn't think about that. Now, we were supposed to have Alicia as a guest today. And I have said booking a C-Rat as a guest on this podcast is literally a coin toss, whether or not they're going to show up. Yeah. Heads or tails.

And I've always amended that to a bent coin. You take a plier to it. You bend it one way so that it's, you know, it's even less likely that it's going to happen. Now, it wasn't her fault. So says the PR at Bravo. And our favorite PR person over Bravo can do whatever she wants. We love her. We love her.

Yes. That was hilarious. You were sorry. Yeah. It's a joke. But many questions came from our barnacles. Well, we can say it. I, you know, we were messaging with Bravo PR.

I noticed a change in the surname. I said, congrats. Somebody got married. She said I got married two years ago. And I said, congratulations. Yeah. Yeah.

It doesn't matter. We're still saying congrats. That's right. Yeah. Well, one of the questions for Alicia, if she had showed up today. We'll get her on. Oh, of course. Unless she gets fired in two episodes.

Right. In which... Which is normally how this works. Yes, right. Was, is she still together with Harrison or boyfriend? Oh, God, I cannot wait. And I said, well, I was going to say, had she been here today, let's reframe that question. Mm-hmm.

Did you dump him immediately after filming or before the first? episode airing. Yeah, yeah. Okay. So anyway, that was addressing Alicia. Okay. I did not like this episode. No.

It just, while it had all the elements that a good episode of below deck was shitty food, love, sea rats, being incompetent, all that stuff, there still was something missing. And I can't put my goddamn fucking finger on it. Caleb, what do you think it was? It's all right. Well, that being said, not a good episode, not a good episode. I'm going to give it a low score 14. No, but what do you think was missing?

No ball of snakes? That's true. Because, yeah, it's a four-day charter. Yeah, four-day charters are way too long and we say it every time. We say it every season. Every time it comes up, we can't do four days, not with sea rats, not with us. By the way, you are 100% right. there is a different Ben here because what happened is I think he's finally settling back into

sea rat status so he came in with the ego yeah he was squashing Alicia different guy and now he's kind of like oh wow I'm back here holy fuckball yeah yeah and he better be careful he'll wind up like and again with his his legs lit on fire and metawaku or wherever the fuck that happened he lost the high ground. And again. Yeah. Let's take a break for it. Amazing word from our sponsor.

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Let's get started. You want us to start us off? Yeah, I'd love to. Okay. Okay. All right. We begin with the Balkan Biscuit. Did you, did you mean to say, can I start us off? Yeah, I did. Okay. Yeah, I was up late last night. By the way, my wife, I was going to complain about my wife, but let's get started. Well, we'll do. She has not let off the, off my back for like three days. I haven't gotten a goddamn break. Can I tell you what my wife did this? What?

Oh, my God. You know what? Let's save it for another APS. That's why you pay us five bucks. Okay. We begin with the Bulk and Biscuit. tracking down. It's unbelievable. They say things and you go, do you understand how mean that is? They go, I didn't mean it to be. How could you have not meant it to be mean?

It was one of the meanest things. Kalen, do you, the same thing happened? Oh, his wife listens to this. Don't feel like you have to. No, we don't want to throw Kaylee.

No. I know how much you love your wife. No, they have a loving relationship. We don't want to drive a wedge between those two star cross lovers. Okay. You're like two robins. Dancing in the air.

Well, me and Pat. I mean, I don't know what we are. Yeah. I don't know what we are. I'm a lonely person. The Balkan Biscuits tracks down hot pants Captain Jason. He's just standing around. Storms through, well, I mean, you know, there are M&M's to eat.

Yeah, yeah. She storms through the boat. And she is rattled so much so that as she starts, like, listing all the issues, she has with Ben. I don't think she had time to really focus in and contemplate how to, articulate this properly to hot pants captain jason it's all over the goddamn place right now had she been a man sorry to make this possibly sexist men deal with this kind of stuff differently a good portion of men deal with stuff differently but there are men that are extremely catty and extremely manipulative they embark in behaviors that would be classically described as

you know familian oh well let me tell you how 50% of the population would done with this. A dude, these are alternate recourses to blow off some steam. A dude would have obviously shuffled his iPod in the employee bathroom, right? Okay, that's one. That's when you beat off and you rub your genitals like we used to have the iPod wheel. That's right. Yeah. Like how it wasn't crass? I do like how you weren't crass. It's important to not be crass. Yep, he poached a poach an egg in the toilet. Yeah, there I go. Or... That's when you boof your thumb. You know. while you're doing it. Yep.

Or like a former co-worker of all three of us, walk around the corner in the hallway and punch the wall. And then grunt, like an insane person. Remember that guy, Kail? And we hate that fucking asshole. We don't hate him as much as you do. You have. I couldn't believe it.

I'd be like, where did he go? And then you'd start hearing a thud against the wall. And it was always really like, I just. reminded him to send an email. I don't know why he's punching a wall right now. It would be that. Okay. So yeah, Ellie, I think, you know, not to make fun of PTSD, which is a very serious disorder. But I think there could be like a beautiful mind kind of situation here where you know how he sees equations in the sky? She could be seeing, you know, scuds. As she's, you know, going through the boat, she doesn't really see a guest there. She sees a scud going off.

That's right. You know. By the way, you know that beautiful mind guy? Yeah. Him and his wife went through the front of their fucking car window and flew into a tree. I wonder if he saw numbers at that tree. He was like calculating like three, two, one, and back. Well.

You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it would have been more like more advanced calculations, mass, meaning tree, trees mass, velocity. What a beautiful. way to die. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Doing math calculations for your brain turning into sludge. Okay.

You're on one today, huh? I had a bad couple days. All right. So, she storms through the boat. She goes up to captain, she says, I don't even know what she said. She was crying and hyperventilating. This is, you know, a word for anyone out there. if you're going to approach the head of the company, right?

Which we could say, Jason, is the head of this company, this small little roving company of... Darylicks. And societally vanquished people. Take a few beats before you go and do it, right? Because you don't want to go to your boss in a bout of manic fucking rage. It's just not a good look. I'm telling you, she should have beat off.

Jason was really, really like, what the fuck is going on? But there's food to get going. We've got a dinner to get to. As is tradition, we've got lemon drops for the paying guests. Those lemon drops are movie slurpy, icy blue, which makes all the sense in the world. It's like so nuts what happens on these boats. Hey, can we get some champagne for our room? It was supposed to be in there.

Oh yeah, yeah, no problem. The guy that's bringing it is actually just boofing his thumb right now in his bunk, but it'll be out there a little bit. I mean, it's just nuts. So, Ellie storms back down and Ben says, I don't want to work around you right now. And she says, shut the fuck up and get the fuck over it. Can I say this?

I don't know how she's on this boat after this night. At least she called him by his name, Ben. She didn't call him honey or something. You know what I mean? Yeah, exactly. First dish is crispy pork belly with a warm. Brussels sprout salad and a parmesan crisp. The inclusion of the,

the descriptor warm is an interesting one. I saw that. One to me. You know, it happens when you're out and about in restaurants and whatnot. I would hope it's warm. I certainly would hope. The wedding is tomorrow and they're not wearing white. You know why?

these two have absolutely ravaged one another already. And I didn't even know that you wear white to signify that you are still a virgin. Yeah. Which I think, you know, in this Sodom and Gamora, goddamn pagan country we live in nowadays, I would imagine 98% of people that doesn't apply to. Oh, I wish it was 98. What do you think it is? Zero. No, no.

No. No. No, I'm not saying. Oh. Okay. All right. Um, so, uh, we get grouper with a pistaggio crumble and mashed potatoes. Let me tell you about groupers, because you know, I know about, uh, the fish,

fish, yeah, groupers, they'll fucking eat anything. They're the garbage trucks of the fucking sea. Yeah. You hate sea bugs. These fucking things, anything floating in the ocean, they'll eat fucking use condoms, fucking fingers, fucking tacos. Hey, hey, hey. Hey, well, I, I know you've had a couple of tough days, but I mean, the potty mouth on you

tonight. I mean, it's crazy. Ben, as things are kind of going fairly well, says to Joow, I need you to get in here and rotate these dishes. And Ellie, who is, it's important to remember, you know, if this is your first time watching this show, you'd probably go, oh, Ellie's a pretty tough boss on Ben. No, that's not the dynamic, actually.

It's the reverse. But when Ben says that, Ellie tells him to shut his, little bitch ass up and that she's going to actually be doing the dishes. It's insane the way she's talking to him. And we're a fan of the Balkan Biscuit. We're fans of Ben. We're, you know, we love everybody on the show. If I was Ben, I would have her fired tomorrow. Can I say one of the fun aspects of watching this show, still watching this show, is the dynamic of how the breakdown of communication and how arguments, despite us being human beings, despite us being human, human beings on this planet for what? I don't know how we've been walking around.

40 billion years. I thought 4,000 or something. Well, 4,000 is when Jesus and the dinosaurs were walking around. But because of the ancient empires, you know, they found a second sphinx today. Did they really? Yeah, today or yesterday or something like that. Oh, I was reading about, I was too busy reading about Tiger Woods getting in like his third car accident. I'd be the fourth. Oh, is that right? And they're always really bad. Tiger goes all the way. No fender benders with this guy. Everyone's almost dead every time. Right. Well, I surmised that I think he just,

he insists on buying cars with three tires. That's his problem. It's not that he's addicted to pills. Yeah. Well, and alcohol. Right. Yeah. You know, you can tell when you're in the throes of addiction

when the last time you did something like this, your femur exploded out of your skin. You know, that's a tough thing to look at. So if you continue to do, do that having not learned that lesson. I mean, my God, you've got a problem. Man, he's worth like $1.6 billion, though, so, you know, he's just having a good time. Hire a driver. I'm sure we'll give him the president medal of honor in like three years or something. Get up here, Tiger. He's a great guy. I love him. Not a great driver. Not a great driver. Come on up here.

He drives the hell out of a ball, not out of a car. come on up here. We're going to bestow the highest civilian award to you right now for no reason. Oh, he's drunk, everybody. Don't worry. At least he's on pills, you know, which is way less dangerous. Are you driving today? Yeah.

He's got a little kink because his bones exploded out of his legs. I think he has fun getting into car crashes. At least he's feeling something. I mean, when you bang that many prostitutes, what really gets you off at this point? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, he's a great guy. All right. What were we talking about?

Mikey and Alicia are at war. Oh, that's right. You know, we've been told by a stranger that he is the best guy. I can't stand him. I don't know if I can't stand. All right. Let me say this about him. Let me say this about him.

I'm going to get serious right now. Mikey, I like you, but you're a fuck up. You're a fuck up. A big fuck up. And let me say this. I don't remember what his C-Rat history is. I think we might have covered it. But I'm sure it involved your dad taken off when you were young.

and maybe he was banging the local barber behind your mom's back and that's why you do that to your hair. Local barber. I don't know. His dad was fucking the local barber hairstylist. That's why he does it to his hair. It's like a form of cutting. He hates himself. Got it.

You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. It's like an opus day kind of thing, but for his hair. Yeah. He wants to look at something that reminds him what happened to his horrible childhood every day. Yeah. Anyway, get your shit together.

Yeah. And stop being such a. such a fucking you know he reminds me of these kids that were they were immortalized in very many cartoons

you know these like these just these troublemakers you know there's the Eddie Haskell of it all there's the you know Harold from Hey Arnold

he Arnold he was a big bully but just these people I want to like say it's like a Conroy kind of thing just getting in people's and starting stuff. It's like, just go fucking pull the tampon off the wall and shut up. Go out at night, get blackout drunk, try to kiss Ellie, get shut down, say, oh, this never happens to me.

And we'll all wonder how you could possibly think that. And it just, let's just have fun with it. Yeah, because, you know, him breaking her balls, I mean, despite her kind of being horrible in the gallery. One of the worst. Fair enough. but unlike her working in the galley, she's an exquisite towel.

One of the worst. Well, but she's good at folding towels. She's not really good at much, and we love Alicia. We're excited to talk to her, but she may be one of the worst sea rats we've ever seen. Well, she's better at folding towels than Mikey.

So Mikey, take notes. Take notes. Dessert is a chocolate fondant with a raspberry culee. The guests love it. It looked to me like, hmm. I think that desserts, and confectionery classes are a little big, too big of an ask in a hospice ward.

But it does seem to me like people that were on their last leg got wheeled into a room to make this dessert. Okay. Let's move on to, at some point, Eddie gets thirsty, and because of that, he's evidently forgotten to put champagne and glasses in the room of the Tupin guests. Now, I think everyone who encountered Mark and Clay fell in love with them, as did I. Do not. These people are so lovely. Don't fuck this up.

They're so patient with how bad you all are at your jobs. If they ask for champagne in their room, it's their wedding. Hey, Mikey, you know, I know that you're, I don't know, what are you doing? Shaving your chest while things are going on. He was drinking water. Get the champagne in the fuck. Now, I know Jenna's busy, but at some point, you have to understand that your co-worker is such a colossal fuck-up and useless. Sorry, Mikey, you are.

Yeah. That you just say, you know what? We can't risk being looked upon as even more fuckups than we are. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mikey, go take a shit or something. Exactly. I'll do it. You know, if you're in a U-shaped ambush in the jungles of Vietnam, you have to understand that the guy next to you, he's going through something.

He's panicked. He's not going to help. This is not a teaching moment, right? This is life or death. So you push him in front of you. Exactly. Exactly. You have to find a way to make the situation work for the most people.

And if that means throwing Mikey in front of a fucking hail of bullets, you have to do that. Ben and Ellie have a little chat. And Ben says, very bigly, I want to apologize for the way that I spoke to you. Do you want to say, anything about your side of the street to which Ellie responds. Yeah, I would. Why don't you say what she said? Why don't you fuck off?

Yeah. And that's when I think she heard the bombs. Yeah. Because this was nuts. I mean, we've had a refractory period of probably two hours. And she gets right back up to nine or ten so fucking quickly. After an apology, again, I don't want. want to be, you know, clean white, new balance, HR lady.

But, you know, Ellie's gone in my book after this night. This was unhinged. Now, what's interesting about Ellie, we've had her on the show a number of times. She is sweet as pie, except when you don't put sugar. Evidently. And, but she is one of these types that if she goes too long without addressing in an issue, she gets really hot. And then it blows up.

So I think that's what she needs to work on if I'm her therapist. Daisy has to head in and actually get her out of the kitchen. And she's a roommate. Yeah, Daisy has to say, she pulls rank and says, because Ben could pull rank and go, get out. I'm your boss. But it's not registering. She's on Shutter Island right now.

There's so much blood. Yeah. And to remind the audience how the boat works in the dynamic of leadership, technically the chef is his own department. Yeah, the hierarchy goes captain. Ironically enough, coal shoveling gremlins that we never see. That's the, right?

And then the chef. That's right. So, yeah, Ellie would be toast. So Daisy sets into bed with Ellie. And Ellie's like, I got so mad. And Daisy's like, no, it's okay. It's all right. No, it's definitely not. It's definitely not. At this point, you have to calm people down. It's exactly what Joao was doing with Ben.

Right. These are, it's a coping, kind of helping people. You can't confront them at this out. No, it's a little smear. You got to just smear. Ah, smear. I had mine, is smear just a word for just topping on like a bagel? Well, smear could be used as a verb or a noun. Okay, because mine would be. hummus. I love hummus. I eat the whole container. Okay. That's a lot of carbs. That's what my wife says. I love it. I'm addicted. Really? Oh, love hummus. Yeah, no, you could do a smear of hummus, but if it's, if it's a noun, it's cream cheese. Shemir is cream cheese. Okay. You don't like cream cheese. I don't like cream cheese. You don't like any kind of cream cheese. I bet you like a light whipped. Maybe.

Yeah. That makes sense for you. A light whipped. Whatever cream cheese Philadelphia can pump out with the most fucking chemicals and the lowest amount of calories, that's Pats. Would you do a lock smear? No. It's my favorite smear. I have to tell you.

Just little bits of dead fish in cream cheese. It's disgusting. It's disgusting. If you think about it. It really is. Next morning. Next morning. We get to the dueling convoes with cats.

and heads of department. The J man says, look, this old thing got quite hated. I think you guys have got to have a conversation with each other and smear this over. The next 48 hours. We've got 48 more hours. I mean, it's bananas.

Breakfast is ordered. He should have just said end of charter. Yep. Breakfast is ordered. Veggie omelet is requested. Now, if you are complaining about water seeping out, of an egg dish. And that egg dish is specifically ordered by you.

And that is a veggie omelet. Sorry, you ordered one of the most disgusting things you could possibly order in an omelet bar. I know we're vegetarian probably, but let's do a cheese omelet or let's just do, let's just do eggs. Once we start including vegetables in there, it can leak. What is, what is a soft egg order? A soft scramble. Yeah.

Is a French preparation of eggs. Okay. He said it was, what did he say it was? European. He, yeah, he lost it. He didn't know what it was and it's one of the most, you know how like, and we've talked about it before. Chickens just have it brutal.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, they have it really, really tough because, you know, what is our favorite form of chicken. Chicken McNuggets? It's a chicken McNuggett. Not mine. What's yours? None.

You don't like any chicken? No. You don't like a chicken tender? Not anymore. What do you mean? Not anymore. Asked me the last time I've eaten chicken. No, I don't want to.

You went out to eat with me, what, two weeks ago? Did you see me order a single thing of meat? No. You got nachos? Not with chicken on them. There's no chicken on that? Mm-mm. Wow.

Well, you look good. Thank you. Anyways, soft scramble is one of those things where if you're working in the culinary world, that's one of the first things you have to have down pat, right? Knife skills have to be there. Also, you have to be able to know what to do with eggs. The fact that, I mean, this looked like an egg dish that was served to somebody in coach. You know?

Yeah, that they heat it up in a microwave. Yeah, yeah. You would hate a soft scramble. I know it. A lot of butter, low temperature, just constant stirring, constant stirring, so that it kind of pours out, kind of like almost like a custard.

It's very loose. You know what I mean? Yeah. Also, he put a truffle oil in there. You know, everyone knows how we feel about truffle oil. Yeah. Okay. Cheers.

It's a three-card Monty of the culinary world. All right. So the guests are not happy. It looks like some kind of cum. Some kind of thin cum. Captain Jason has a talk with Ellie. He says, hey, listen, I want to talk to you because the other day you lost it. You snapped.

I thought you were going to kill somebody. So we can't have that again. Good luck. We get to the beach, less of a beach and more of a really scary. a pile of sand in the middle of the ocean that could disappear in a moment's notice. I would never set foot on that island. We've been here. This is one of Jason's favorite spots.

Is it not? Or did he find this? No, we go to a new spot every season. Oh, right, right. Okay, yeah, we're not in Dananda. We're in a, we're near. Gibraltarania. Okay, so we found a new island that disappears.

I think it's cool. Who are you? I don't know. I'm a basic bitch. Maybe that's why my wife doesn't want to fuck me. All right. Take it easy. Take it easy.

Okay. We've got a, we've got rum punches. We've got spicy Tabasco Margaritas, which like, don't make that. Alicia making a spicy Tabasco Margarita. Are you absolutely out of your mind? No, thank you. We've got some sad news, though. Jenna says that love is in the air with Eddie.

Jenna. one episode and you've faltered, you've broken the line. Never, never, never, never listen to what a sea rat says. That's such a good point. I mean, put it on a t-shirt. He doesn't deserve it. And I'm not even saying like he doesn't deserve it because he was like a gross pig. He doesn't deserve it because his game has been so bad.

In a meritocratic environment, we can't reward failure. and I really haven't seen kind of failure on the grounds of womanizing the likes of which Eddie has displayed this season. I mean, it's been really, really bad. We've seen worse in past seasons. And the adage is true. Time heals all wounds. Jenna and Mikey have a little tift. Mikey says when Jenna doesn't want to joke, I want to wind her up even more.

Dumb. I hate annoying bastards. What are you doing? That's where I get back to like reset. Somebody's just poking someone in the head, you know, sitting behind him. It's like, why are you doing that? And famously, I think the fans know that when I was in eighth grade in study hall, Larry Hong punched Harrison Thorne in the face for doing that very same thing.

Now, Jen, I can't punch Mikey in the face. This is a work environment, but because it's a work environment, one could say, Mikey, don't wind people up unnecessarily. What are you in high school? Yes. Crazy. Jesus. Stop.

Tonight's dinner is triggering for Ben because he spent $50,000 on a wedding. with a cheating hooah. His words, not mine. By the way, we've been running a little bit. We've got to get rubs on the Zoom, but have you seen that woman's confessional video that she put out on social media? Ben's?

Ben's. No. Yeah. What did she confess to? Why don't you round out the rest of the episode and I'll pull this up? Did she cop to it? No. No.

No. All right. We'll round out the rest here. All right, so I guess the guests are still at that island that's ready to go away. And this is when Joao and Daisy, they practice up on that altar. And, you know, it's a... Chef Ben, Ben Robinson's ex-fiance. Those of you who are watching Below Deck may have heard of me and not in a positive light at all.

Everything Ben has said about me on the show is, 100% false. I have never and I would never be romantically involved with any of his friends. That's not the kind of person I am. The truth is

I was the one that left the relationship not easily, I may add, because of the way he was treating me. There was a lot of trauma I had to deal with from that relationship and honestly, I just want it to be over.

It's been over two years and I really feel like I've healed. And the internet blowing this up and demonizing me. You know, I mean, hear her out. Hear her out. There's another minute and 30 seconds left in that video. Well, he's gotten a whole season to throw her under the bus. Yeah, I know.

It's a really good point. But my point is when he's throwing her under the bus, I don't care. And when she's talking about him throwing her under the bus, I don't care. I mean, who could possibly care about these two? Yeah. You know? I guess that's true. But listen, we'll break down.

Wolzer brood of the whole thing later on in the season. We'll come back and we'll do the two towers version of that video. Right. Yeah. Okay. Well, anyway, so the wedding, as the wedding's happening, Alicia, she aspires to have the kind of love that Mark and Clay have, you know? I'd say, let's start with not getting jealous when your coworker likes another girl. And then we'll cross the other threshold.

Mm-hmm. Okay. Yeah. And then we have that other dinner here, Del. Yeah. And we should say the wedding between Clay and Mark is actually really cute. You know, Mark is, or no, Clay is a little mush and Mark is a little. Tush.

Little tush, yeah. Dinner is a fillet with panco-crusted baby egg plant, fried to a pulp. It looked like a little bit of a pear. Interesting preparation. And the second course for the wedding, this is their wedding. is cake. So they were served three pieces of fillet and an eggplant. And then they were served cake.

Pineapple upside down cake. If you haven't had that in a while, you're missing out. Me and the, me and the kids made that a couple months ago for Christmas. Yeah. Oh my God. You drizzle all the pineapple juice as it's upside down.

So it's nice and moist and mushy. You know, you know, Jennings? Jenny's. Ice cream. Is that the place over on Burbank Boulevard? They got them all over the place now, but it's very, you know. They have a pineapple upside down ice cream. I've had it.

It's delicious. Unreal. All right. So we get to the guest departing. Alicia leaves a cloth behind, blames it on Mikey. Fair game. That was Alicia that did that? Yeah.

I'm a fan of that. And yeah, we end on a 2B continued. Yes. with, we know he's not going to, Captain Hot Pants is not going to fire Ben and Balkan Biscuit. He just pulls them up there to basically think you guys should talk.

Yeah, he just puts them together. It's a dumb cliffhanger. Anyways, love you guys so much for listening to the show. Tell your friends, tell your family, steal all of the credit cards and go to patreon.com slash another podcast network. We will see you next week. I'm Dylan saying goodbye.

Pat, say goodbye. Bye, guys.